May 31, 2025 • 49 mins
Women have long navigated workspaces that weren't built with us in mind, fueling an inner voice of self-doubt that can hold us back. Dr. Amelia Duran-Stanton, author of "The Lotus Within" and Colonel in the US Army with decades of service, shares strategies for quieting that inner critic while building sustainable confidence as a leader.
- Dr. Duran Stanton explains her book "The Lotus Within" focuses on strategic planning, time management, and prioritization
- True confidence comes from showing up prepared, networking effectively, and knowing who to ask for help
- Building confidence is about training like you fight—preparing thoroughly for high-stakes situations
- Silencing your inner critic requires trusting your training and refocusing on the mission when self-doubt arises
- Women of color should see their identities as differentiators rather than trying to assimilate
- Humility and confidence aren't opposites but complementary forces—"like yin and yang"
- When transitioning careers, focus on outcomes achieved rather than titles held
- Recognize toxic environments using the "boiling frog syndrome" metaphor—periodically assess if you're in a harmful situation
- Daily habits like morning journaling, intentional planning, and celebrating wins help build confidence as a muscle
- Handle setbacks by allowing yourself to feel the emotion, then asking what you learned and what you'd do differently
For our guest full bio and show notes click here
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
In this episode, we dive into a conversation many of
us know all too well.
For too long, women havenavigated workspaces that
weren't built with us in mind,fueling that inner voice of
self-doubt, an inner critic thatcan often hold us back.
Join us as we discussstrategies for how to quiet that
inner critic while alsobuilding and sustaining
(00:21):
confidence as a leader.
Our guest today is Dr AmeliaDuran Stanton, born in the
Philippines and author of theLotus Within, a very practical
guide on how to grow yourpurpose and ignite your passion.
Dr Duran Stanton is a colonelin the US Army and has served
for over 32 years, whichincludes eight years enlisted
(00:42):
with deployments to Kosovo, iraqand Afghanistan and 25 years as
a PA.
She also holds a PhD inpost-secondary and adult
education and a doctor ofscience and PA studies in
orthopedics.
She is certified as a Lean SixSigma Master Black Belt, with
multiple awards and decorations.
(01:02):
She's also mentored, coached,sponsored and taught several
women over the years.
Dr Duran Stanton who, by the way, kindly invited me to call her
Amelia during this interviewfirst coached our best members
during a private session.
She then returned to recordthis episode with us in her
personal capacity and as aprivate sector professional.
(01:23):
Therefore, the author andspeaker views are theirs and do
not reflect the official policyof the Department of the Army,
the Department of Defense or theUS government.
For our guest's full bio andshow notes, which includes a
link to Amelia's book, the LotusWithin, go to wwwvestherco
(01:44):
forward slash podcast.
If you enjoyed the episode,don't forget to share with a
friend, leave us a review andhit the subscribe button.
And if you're looking for alittle bit more support,
consider joining our communityof professional women.
Go to wwwvestherco forwardslash membership.
For those listeners that aretuning in that have not read
(02:08):
your book, do you mind tellingus a little bit about it?
Speaker 2 (02:11):
Sure.
So the Lotus Within it's anacronym, actually, life of
Timeless, unbound Strategies.
So how it came about is I'mtowards the end of my military
career and I wanted to leave alasting legacy, that of my
passion of helping other women,and so I was stationed in
Germany and I was attending acourse, like I told you about
(02:33):
prior to this call is that toteach women strategic planning
and stuff like that.
And instead of asking ortelling them what they need,
they told me what they needed.
And the three things isstrategic planning, time
management and prioritization iswhat the ones that they needed
help with.
So those are the three pillarsof the book.
(02:54):
And then I chose the lotusflower because it grows in mud,
in darkness, wherever you are,so you can bloom wherever you're
planted.
Or you can bloom whereveryou're planted.
You can't say, oh, I don't haveenough money to XXX, but even a
little small change in youreveryday life and prioritizing
yourself is definitely worth it,because we are prone to saying
(03:14):
yes to everything and also wewant to help everybody but we
neglect ourselves.
So that's the baseline ofeverything that's in there and
it's actionable.
It has a workbook, so it's notjust a one and done type thing
it's you go through it thebeginning of the year, the
middle of the year, every month,however you want it, and then
it's also an iJunk if you're ina mentorship, sponsorship,
(03:37):
counseling relationship whereyou can discuss the lessons
throughout it.
Speaker 1 (03:41):
So that's basically what it's all about the lessons
throughout it.
So that's basically what it'sall about.
I love it.
I'm loving it so far Not quitedone yet because we just got it
but I'm loving every second ofit.
And I see a lot of similaritiesfrom the conversation we had
our last session, where thetopic was how do we build
courage and confidence, and I'mjust curious as to how did your
(04:05):
confidence evolve from where youfirst enlisted and went through
training to where you are now?
Speaker 2 (04:12):
I mean, I've always been a go-getter because that's
how I saw the people that I wasliving with.
I had family that was alwayswriting into teaching, involved
in the community.
But in the beginning it'sbasically showing up right
Because you don't think you'reprepared, you don't know if you
have the right skills, thatimposter syndrome.
But the showing up, beingprepared, being respectful and
(04:35):
humble and open to learning, Ithink it's what really helped me
out.
Of course, you're not alwaysgoing to be ready, but I acted
like I was anyway.
So the experience caught up withme in the end and I, over time,
I realized that the confidenceit's not about knowing
everything.
It's mostly networking, trustingyour ability and knowing who to
(04:56):
go to when you need help.
Or when somebody comes to meand say, ma'am, I need help on
something and I don't have theanswer, I need help on something
and I don't have the answer,then I'm authentic in leaning
into my response and owning myunique voice, especially as a
Filipina and also in themilitary and as a woman.
And I use it a lot in mentoringothers.
(05:17):
Because whenever I think I seewhen I was younger I would see
senior leaders and I see who'sthere and I see what's possible
when I see somebody that lookslike me and I think best is
definitely doing the right thingand doing that and also doing
these podcasts, so confidenceevolves and proving that I
belong and I knew that I hadsomething valuable to contribute
(05:38):
.
So that's definitely how I mean.
I'm not fully confident ineverything, but I always make an
effort to show up and try andbe respectful.
Speaker 1 (05:48):
You also talked about how you've learned over time
that confidence comes fromwithin, not by focusing on
external factors, right, anexternal validation.
If you will, can you tell us alittle bit more about what you
meant with that?
Speaker 2 (06:02):
Yeah.
So a lot of it is the externalfactors.
Sometimes it's so important toshow up as the person that you
are supposed to be Right.
So if you, if you're, you thinkyou in the future, you want to
be an executive, don't show updisheveled.
Show up as a professionaldisheveled, show up as a
(06:26):
professional.
And of course, you'll alwayshave that inner critic on
telling you what you are notcapable of.
But you need to lean on thetraining and the preparation
that you've done, because it'smuscle memory.
Like I said the last time, whatwould your leaders do in this
situation?
And follow that advice.
And it's really a high stakeenvironment wherever we are.
(06:47):
And then you need to separateemotion from action.
So respond first, process later.
And confidence really doesn'tmean being fearless, like you
said.
It means courage despite ofbeing fearful of whatever's
about to happen, because you'llgain confidence along the way as
well.
So that inner one is veryimportant because that's how you
(07:11):
see yourself.
You spend the most time withyourself, regardless of who you
live with, who you're workingwith.
24-7 is with yourself.
So that inner confidence isreally important and then it
exudes it on the external side.
Speaker 1 (07:27):
You mentioned, you're a Filipina, enlisting at a very
young age, you know, going intoa male dominated field,
obviously, and then, on top ofit, military.
How did you figure out, or howdid you stay focused and
grounded?
Did you feel welcome right away, or did you feel like, or did
(07:47):
that come with time?
How was your experience?
Speaker 2 (07:52):
It depends, right.
So when I was enlisted, ofcourse the authority figures are
always the ones, because we cansee our rank.
When you show up, you're inuniform, you already know,
because we can see our rank.
When you show up, you're inuniform, you already know.
So it's different when you'rein civilian sector.
When you're a woman, somebodyassumes that you're the
(08:12):
secretary or come get me mycoffee, type thing.
But in the military you canactually see the rank.
So when I was enlisted I couldsense in that way that there's
authority and also hierarchy ofhow I was supposed to behave,
depending on who's in front ofme.
So it fits.
With peers, of course it's morelaid back, but with seniors
(08:33):
we're actually in.
There's regulations where howwe're supposed to stand and
parade, dress and position ofattention and things like that.
So that is based on hard power,right?
So soft power is more.
How do you deal with people?
How do you communicate withother people?
So the way that I've dealt withthat in the civilian setting,
(08:54):
when you don't know whatpeople's ranks are or their
hierarchy, is just be respectfulof whoever it is, even the
janitor or whoever.
Somebody in the boots on theground working, has value.
So don't neglect that it's.
It's not based on your positionor or your authority.
It's how you treat people,because you're there to serve.
(09:14):
When you're in a leadershipposition, you're you're there to
serve.
You're not there to to beserved by others.
You need to figure out how youcan help other people.
So whenever I'm showing upthere's been times when you see
me I'm a woman, I'm Asian, I'malso in the military.
However, when everybody else inthe room is male, it's based on
(09:38):
the respect and also thepreparation that I've done,
regardless of what that meeting,because then the biases and the
doubts dissipate when they hearme talk and I know what I'm
talking about.
So that credibility is rightthere right away.
And I'm honest and I don'tsugarcoat anything.
(10:01):
I'm basically showing up as Iam in the most professional
manner that I can.
So in the long run, if there'sanybody struggling with that,
just emulate somebody that yousee in public that's doing what
you want to be doing.
Read their bio, reach out tothem and figure out how they're
(10:22):
doing it, and I think thatthat's how it needs to be.
Where you see the gap, you needto strengthen it.
Reach out to those people thatare already doing it.
Speaker 1 (10:31):
Did you find it easier, harder, or did it
prepare you for civilian life?
You know, because you're right,I didn't think about that and
we didn't really talk about thatin the best sense.
Okay, yeah, when you are inmilitary, you know, you know the
, the, the order, and you knowthe rules of engagement and and
everything else.
Um, I'm just curious if maybeonce you got out if I've never
(10:59):
been in the military, so I don'tknow like would it be easier to
feel like you can't belong oryou can't get there during that
structure environment, or is orwas it easier in the civilian
life?
Speaker 2 (11:14):
I always say it depends, because I've been an
inspector general, I've been inleadership positions.
Not a specific answer is goodfor everything, but from my
experience of seeing formermilitary that go into the
civilian sector, sometimes theydo have a hard time because
they're used to regimentalthings, of people showing up
when they need to be.
But in the civilian sector it'smore of a oh, I don't need to
(11:35):
go there.
It's not really that there's nocamaraderie, but in the
military, when we move around somuch, your family is whoever is
in that unit.
If you don't get along, youbetter get along, because it's
going to be miserable for thosetwo years.
But in the civilian sector,what's prepared me as well is
there are people that areveterans.
(11:57):
So I seek out those people inthose situations.
In those situations and alsowhen it comes to, um, not doing
anything illegal, immoral,unethical, uh is is being open
to new things.
Because, because we areconstrained in the military the
things that we can and cannot dobut in the civilian sector
(12:17):
there's there's a variety ofthings that you guys are doing
that more than likely we're notable to do.
But in preparation of that istalking to civilians, being
around them, networking withthem.
In fact, I told you about aconference that I went to.
It's for civilian PAs, and themilitaries are integrated in
(12:38):
that.
So because at the end of theday, when you tie a copter
uniform or whatever you'rewearing, you come home, you're a
mom to somebody, you're aparent, you have so many things
in common.
So that finding out the commonground with each other, I think
it's very helpful.
Speaker 1 (12:54):
Yeah, we talk about that a lot at VAS because we
support women professionalsacross industries.
Yes, we're very intentionalabout that because we're like,
look at the end of the day,we're all dealing with the same
shit, regardless of industries.
And you know, we come home andthen we have to, you know, care
for loved ones and care for thehousehold and all of those
(13:16):
things.
So how do we just share storyand different lived experiences
so we can help one another?
Speaker 2 (13:22):
so you're still right on that end.
Speaker 1 (13:25):
So obviously you've worked in very high pressure
environments and you've talked alot about during our best
session and even earlier in thisdiscussion about the inner
critic and learning how tosilence that inner critic.
So just curious as to how youmanaged to do that to silence
(13:46):
the self-doubt in moments whenstakes were high, right and the
margin of error was slim.
Speaker 2 (13:53):
Yes, absolutely.
So when you compare the innercritic, it gets louder when the
stakes are high.
Right, because you can hear itlouder whenever that's happening
when the stakes are high right,because you can hear it louder
whenever that's happening.
But then you have to trust yourtraining again, because if you
trust that training of how wellprepared you are, that inner
critic will silence.
So take a pause, breathe,remind yourself that you're
(14:17):
prepared for whatever thatmoment is.
And in the military, we train aswe fight.
What that means is, if you arein a peacetime situation, you
have to prepare yourself as ifyou are in war, because that's
what we're preparing for in themilitary.
Same thing when, in thecivilian sector, if you're
(14:49):
preparing for an interview,that's high stake.
You have to train as you fight.
So you practice what, thequestions that may come up, the
things, the sharpshooting thatthey may give you.
So be prepared.
And also, when you're in doubt,just refocus on the mission and
whatever you're there for, andrely on your people, regardless
of who they are, on theirstrength.
So that's why you have to builda team.
If you're the only one that'sstrong and everybody like the
(15:10):
weakest link is your gauge ofhow strong you are right.
So if your weakest link is notstrong, you have to build them
up during that peacetime so thatwhen you're ready for that war
effort, whatever thatenvironment high-stake
environment is at work, you'reall ready, not just you.
And also I found strengths inconnecting with other women
(15:33):
leaders that have been insituations that remind us that
self-doubt is common, so itdoesn't have to be in control,
but you need to acknowledge itand also don't surrender to it.
Be prepared and go in there asa team.
Speaker 1 (15:50):
Yeah, definitely.
The preparation is key andtrusting in you know what you've
already done and your abilities.
When it comes to women of color, you know black women,
indigenous women, latinas,filipinas.
We're often told that we haveto already be twice, if not more
(16:14):
, as good as our peers just tohave a seat at the table.
And I have found that in mypersonal experience to be true.
And you know, and we're trainedespecially in the military I
would say to like not, don'tcomplain, it is what it is.
So you just, I would say tolike, don't complain, it is what
it is.
So you just do what you have todo and you prepare and you show
up and all of those things.
And I always want to encourageus to do that, of course work
(16:35):
hard, prepare.
But also, how do we challengethe system that continues to put
more pressure on certain groupsof people?
You know, because I think thatit is our responsibility as
leaders to to like okay, let'ssupport women in their
development to get to theleadership position, but while
(16:57):
also holding systems accountableto see, okay, you know, we also
need to level the play and feeland we need to address the
biases, because oftentimes we'reputting all of these pressure
on, you know, women, women ofcolor, certainly without the
support systems that they needas well.
Speaker 2 (17:19):
Yeah.
So one thing that I've learnedin this space is you're not
alone.
And then the other is sometimeswe're our own enemies, right,
like when you see, like jealousyand things like that curb that
because you're not advancingtogether.
If there's jealousy or if youwant to be in front of somebody
(17:42):
else, you have to march together.
And one thing that I've learnedtoo, in my reading and also
experiencing, is there's thingswhere, if you can't beat them,
join them.
But then in our situation, ifyou can't beat them, create your
own circle.
Because I know I'm sure youknow this this history of when
(18:03):
women were not even allowed toopen their own bank account
without their husband'spermission.
So women got together andcreated their own bank.
So create your own bank,whatever that is.
Collaborate and do somethingtogether.
Don't step aside and be a victimand say, oh, the system is
(18:24):
keeping me down, type thing.
How can you rise up from thesituation that you're in?
By getting help and also takingadvantage of the things that
are already there, like smallbusiness opportunities for women
and women of color, et cetera.
So don't worry, you're at least50 percent owner of these
businesses.
Take advantage of those.
So don't worry, you're at least50 percent owner of these
(18:44):
businesses.
Take advantage of those.
When there's a will, there's away is really true, and don't
think of the system as somethingthat that will not enable you
to get to where you need to be.
As long as you're, you'reasking for help and you know
where you want to be.
Speaker 1 (19:02):
Yeah, for sure.
You know, women are often toldto stay humble and to let their
work speak for itself.
Right, and here you are.
You publish a book, you'veauthored over 100 publications
and you present widely and speakon different topics on multiple
stages, different topics onmultiple stages.
(19:27):
How have you balanced humilitywith the need to assert your
voice and take ownership of yourexpertise in global platforms?
Speaker 2 (19:33):
Yeah, that's a great question.
So the humility part is veryimportant, regardless of what
accomplishments you've achieved,because there's that part of
you that you're never going toknow anything and everything.
So and then the confidencehumility and confidence I don't
think are opposites, they're.
(19:54):
It's like a, it's like yin andyang or a Venn diagram.
They're there, they go together, they're modular, they're
partners.
So I always give credit wherecredit is due.
So whenever I'm doing something, there's always somebody that
has helped me.
Even though I've published a lotof things I've presented,
there's always I mean, even evenwhen you're working, you're
supposed to reference peoplethat have helped you or
(20:16):
reference material.
So those are the things thatcan can give you credibility
when you're utilizing otherpeople in whatever you're doing.
So what that has taught me issharing my voice with others can
be a positive aspect of whatsomebody else will be willing to
(20:37):
do because they see me doing it.
So that's the reason why Idon't want to want to be not in
front, because I need to be upfront, because I am unique in my
, in my certain things that I'veaccomplished and who I am, that
somebody else can say you knowwhat I can do?
Crying in the hotel for her mombefore basic training and found
(21:05):
the courage to just go outthere and do the things that
she'd done.
So I reframed being visible asbeing accessible and I think
that's helped me take up thespace without apologizing for it
.
What?
Speaker 1 (21:18):
are some of the most effective tools for establishing
credibility withoutcompromising your values and
identity.
Speaker 2 (21:24):
Yeah.
So tools in a rhetorical or notreally like a hard way, is just
being consistent with thethings that you're doing.
Be competent, because you can'tcomplain that you didn't get
the job when you knew youweren't competent for that
particular job.
And the connection that youneed to have, because, for the
(21:45):
most part, at my level ofcompetence and the people of my
peers, we know that we are allcompetent and we're consistent,
but do they know you?
Do they know your skill set?
So, if you don't know, have theconnections of people who need
to advocate for you, forwhatever it is to sponsor you,
it's not really going to helpyou, even though you know you
(22:07):
have the skill sets for it.
And I also don't pretend to besomeone.
I'm not.
I'm not a 50% of somebody else,I'm 100% of me and I lead with
transparency.
There are certain things thatI'm not supposed to be allowed
to say yet.
However, during the timeframe,like right now, with a lot of
(22:28):
the turbulence, communication isreally key in being transparent
to things that are happeningthat are affecting people's
lives.
So I think authenticity isbecoming rare, but you need to
be one of those people thatutilizes that, and also I also
let my outcomes speak forthemselves.
So I back that up with opencollaboration.
(22:50):
I always, like you said, Ialways lift somebody up, whether
above me or below me.
And also, like Vest, I've seenthat your story.
You identify your identities as, not liabilities, and in fact,
you use them as yourdifferentiators.
So this is a cohort of peoplethat you want to be associated
with because you lift each otherup.
(23:11):
So that realization has helpedme, I think, to lead from a
place of truth to myself.
And that shows with otherpeople and not assimilation.
That shows with other peopleand not assimilation.
And, of course, with ourbackground, we've taught to be a
(23:34):
chameleon and go out there andbe like everybody else, but
that's not who we are.
We don't need to assimilate.
We can differentiate and betrue to our own selves.
Speaker 1 (23:39):
I want to tie back because I thought this sparked a
very interesting conversationduring our session, and that is
the transition of skills.
Right, and I mean, of courseyou've not.
Even within the military, youknow you had a lot of roles.
Unfortunately, there's a lot ofshame still around
transitioning careers, whetherthey're planned or unplanned
(24:09):
right, like sometimes,unfortunately, we're let go or
there's layoffs or things thatwe can't even control and still
we internalize that need toshift careers and there's some
shame that we process often,unfortunately, and then that
leads to isolation and then itleads to us not reaching out and
(24:31):
not really exploring and beingopen to opportunities.
So just curious as to howyou've handled all of those
different transitions in yourcareer and over your career and
also how you train yourself to,like you know, transition your
skills from role to role Right.
Speaker 2 (24:52):
So I think this is a great question for both military
and civilian, because in themilitary we have a struggle of
having too many acronyms, toomany jargons that don't
translate to the civilian sector.
So how does an infantrymandecide what their skill sets are
when they want to go into thecivilian sector?
And it's also not just thosethat are short-termers in the
(25:15):
military or, like me, with thelong-termers, because regardless
of how long you've served, atsome point you're going to leave
the military.
So you have to be prepared,regardless if that's three years
or 30 years.
So what I think is just thatexample with the infantryman
that wants to do something elsein the civilian sector, knows
(25:37):
how to do a weapon or whatever,or knows how to shoot low crawl
and like how do you translatethat to the civilian sector?
So I would recommend startinglisting the outcomes you've
achieved, from whatever.
Those are not just the titlesyou've held.
What did you achieve?
Ask yourself, what did I solve,who did I serve?
What did I lead?
(25:58):
So make those smart, specific,measurable, attainable, relevant
and time bound and also connectthose skills to the new space
you're stepping into, whateverthat is.
So that infirmary that wants tobecome a business owner, how
does your discipline in being inthe military translate to that
new stepping stone that you needto go to in that space?
(26:23):
So the same way with all of us.
Like, I had a friend that was aclinician for many years and
then I found out that she openedup a bakery.
I was like how the heck did Inot know?
You like baking, so how do youtranslate those skills?
But you know what, when she wasa clinician, she was organized,
she was always on time, she hada skill sets of knowing what
(26:48):
comes first, second, third.
So the recipes came and she hadthe passion.
So I think that's what made hersuccessful in a so different of
a thing that she's doing now.
So I think it's magnificentthat you can just switch however
you know, so you can continuereinventing yourself.
And I know Vess is filled withwomen proving that your
(27:09):
experience is more portable thanyou think.
It can be transferable from oneset to another.
So for me, in my profession asa PA, physician assistant or
physician associate, the beautyof my career is I can switch
around.
So I started out primary careand then I specialized in
orthopedics.
But if I don't want to do thatanymore.
I can go into dermatology, but,like what you're saying, how do
(27:33):
you get those things that youknew before to transfer to other
?
So just figure out what theoutcomes that you had based on
what you achieved.
So your value isn't tied to therole of that particular
industry that you're in now.
So own your narrative on it,because if you don't, someone
else will more than likely orwill define it for you and
(27:53):
you're probably not going tolike it.
So might as well lean forward,write your own narrative on
whatever transition you're goingthrough, or somebody else will.
Speaker 1 (28:03):
One of the questions that a member asked that I want
to bring it into this forumbecause I thought it was very
important is yes, you know,sometimes as women, we want to
fix things right and sosometimes we go into workspaces
and perhaps the culture or thework environment is just toxic,
(28:27):
but we stay in there because welove our team and we want to
protect our team and we want todo the best.
You know, maybe we can changeit from the inside out the best
you know and maybe we can changeit from the inside out.
Remember this member talkingwhen is it?
When?
When is it time to fight andstay there and see if you can
still make change from within,and when is it time to maybe set
(28:47):
step, step back and say andmaybe it's time for me to go and
take my skills and my passionand my value somewhere else?
Speaker 2 (28:56):
Right.
So this is when I mentioned theboiling frog syndrome that
everybody should know about.
So the boiling frog syndromemetaphor is there's a frog and
it's in the water, it's in a potand you incrementally increase
the temperature on it and itwon't jump out, it will just
stay there and pretty much diebecause they're not cognizant,
because the pretty much diebecause they're not cognizant,
because the incremental increaseof the heat they're not feeling
(29:20):
it and they're just not evencognizant of it that it's
happening.
It's killing them and that'swhat I think a toxic environment
does to you is incrementallygets worse and then at the end
of it you're like you look backand like that job killed me, or
you don't even realize it andyou're not in a good place.
We don't use toxic anymore inthe military.
(29:42):
It's unproductive leadership iswhat it's called now.
But what I recommend is, onyour own volition, turn up the
heat every now and then to say,to assess where you're at,
because you're your bestadvocate and also best person to
determine what that environmentis to you and also figure out
(30:05):
if anybody else is not doingwell as well, like an outsider
can provide that feedback aswell.
But one of the things that Ialso learned regarding imposter
syndrome is sometimes you don'tthink you have the skill sets to
move, so you just stay whereyou are.
So that's the other thing ofturning up the heat is don't get
(30:26):
stuck in wherever you are now.
Figure out what new skill sets.
Don't quit your job.
Save money.
Money because that helps youprepare for whatever else you
need to get into, because whenyou're looking for a job and
they find out you don't have ajob, the likelihood of you
getting that job is minimal.
But if they know that you're ina position right now where
(30:47):
you're still working and you'rejust improving your skill sets,
and I think, don't burn bridgeseither, because that environment
, where you, you may have been,um, uh, it may have, uh,
probably still gave you some,some positive, uh,
reinforcements and things thatyou can bring to the next skill
(31:07):
set, uh.
So for us, um, in the military,we move every three years and if
there is certain kinds ofenvironments where we know that
it's not conducive becausesometimes, the way I see it,
sometimes it's not people, it'sthe process, so it's it's.
Or sometimes the, the conflictof personalities.
So the conflict ofpersonalities you can separate.
(31:31):
But if it's a process problemwhere you're not giving the
tools that your workers need toget the job done.
You need to give them that, andif you can't, then you need to
allow them to move on.
And the same thing wheneversomebody was saying well,
so-and-so is always going toschool and increasing their
skill sets Well, wouldn't youwant that?
And then they stay, or they'reusing their skill sets and move
(31:54):
somewhere else.
So those are the things that Ithink in this type of
environment is determinedwhether it's a people issue or
if it's a process issue, becauseyou don't want to quit and say,
oh, I don't like so-and-sobecause they did this.
Well, it's probably becausethey're not given the tools that
they needed to do in order tohelp you.
They just don't realize itbecause there's nobody at the
(32:14):
top helping them.
So figure out what the processis.
Of course, on my bio, you knowI do Lean Six Sigma.
So Lean Six Sigma is gettingrid of the things that are
impeding people in getting theirwork done, and that those are
easy fixes.
So if that's the case, then fixthe process and otherwise, if
(32:35):
it's a people issue, then youneed to do counseling or
documentation, things like that,so that at some point they may
need to leave the organizationand it may be for their
betterment, because sometimespeople don't realize that moving
to another location may be apositive thing for them and for
the group they left.
So I think that's a great wayto go about it.
Speaker 1 (32:57):
Are there any specific habits, tools or daily
practice that have helped yougain this confidence?
Yes, absolutely.
Speaker 2 (33:05):
Oh, I have a lot of them, but I think it's different
per person on how you want toimprove yourself, because I
think, basically, what you'reasking is how do I stay grounded
?
And also, what are my dailyhabits in keeping up with
everything?
I take time for myself is thebottom line, and I think a lot
(33:25):
of women are starting to realizenow that they do need to do
that.
So, yes, morning journaling andalso planning with intention,
like I know, I look at mycalendar, I go by my calendar
for everything.
I even have tiny R of aone-minute reminder from two
weeks from now, saying, hey,don't forget to ask so-and-so
(33:46):
about this, because I'mtask-oriented and people know me
because of that and sometimesthey wonder how come she
remembers all this.
I don't.
I put it on my calendar and thecalendar reminds me hey, ping
so-and-so, cause they're due forwhatever.
So, and then reflecting on thewins, because positive
reinforcement, I think, will letyou continue doing things, uh,
(34:09):
that you think are hard.
So, uh, a habit needs to bedone in three weeks If you're
doing something new, if you'retrying to lose weight, if you're
trying to uh, do somethingdifferent, uh, done in three
weeks.
If you're doing something new.
If you're trying to lose weight, if you're trying to do
something different, give itthree weeks, because more than
likely if you quit a week, twoweeks it's not enough for you to
get into that habit.
So showing up, getting feedbackfrom other people, and also
(34:34):
confidence grows, I think, whenyou remind yourself of how much
you've overcome already.
So that's the way I do that inthe book that you mentioned that
I wrote is reflecting back inyour childhood and figuring out
the milestones, even though youhad some step backs on what went
well, how did you overcome them?
Because those are the lessonsthat you brought you to where
(34:56):
you are.
Overcome them because those arethe lessons that you brought
you to where you are and alsothe intentional self-reflection
that I think is aligned withVest.
So you don't build confidenceby accident.
It's a, it's a daily decisionthat you have to do.
And, um, last time when we wererecording, somebody asked me
what I did and I told them it'sjust a Ross book.
In fact, they still still has aRoss sticker on it.
(35:17):
Oh, amazing, it says engagingheaven today for women.
But it doesn't have to be thisbook.
I'm not advocating that you getthis book that I got for $4.99
at Ross, is stick with something.
And then I have another bookthat I write based on what I see
from that and and and all thelessons.
(35:37):
So five minutes, that's all ittakes, because it's like five,
five sentences on there and it'sdaily, it has a 365 days and,
of course, mental, physical aswell, because a lot of people
are struggling with the physicalaspect of the obesity and
things like that, because you'reyeah're feeding the depression,
things like that.
So I think, self-reflection andtaking care of yourself as
(36:00):
early as you can in the morningrather than waiting until later.
Speaker 1 (36:07):
And it's too late by then.
So true, on the mobility, well,first of all, last time you
also talked about you know,confidence is a muscle.
Oh, that's right as you work it,and doing all of these things
help as you work it.
And doing all of these thingshelp, and definitely the
journaling, reminding yourself,reading books that you know get
you to think, because I thinkthat's another thing we talked
about.
Like journaling is great, butfor some of us, like it's hard
(36:28):
right to get in that mindset.
And so having a book that Ithink it's the one that you
bought at Ross for five dollarswhich you know, having little
reminders like that or littlehelpers like that, that's why we
always like to ask what tools.
You also mentioned another likemilitary acronym.
Speaker 2 (36:47):
So I also mentioned something else, which is the
evidence banks.
That's why I need for you tofill up your bank.
In fact, my tips have been likeyou can have any bank, so fill
it up with confidence, things offeedback of your achievements.
I mean, write them down in thatlittle bank and then read them
every now and then.
So AAR is an after actionreview.
(37:08):
Whenever we have an event, anexercise or whatever we do, um,
uh, it's three.
Part first is what happened.
So we write down facts of whathappened and then, um, what went
well.
So three, what went well.
And then three, what can beimproved.
(37:29):
It's it's not what didn't gowell, it's not what's negative,
it's in a positive zone wherewhat can we improve on.
The next time we do this againso that's the same way with your
daily exercises is when you'reuh in the evening, say how, how
did it go to what happened today?
How, how did it go, what wentwell and what needs to be
improved?
So you're not bringing it tothe next day of making the same
(37:52):
mistakes over and over.
So you're incrementally, um,getting better throughout the
day because you don't.
Insanity is doing the samethings over and over.
So you're incrementally gettingbetter throughout the day
because you don't.
Insanity is doing the samethings over and over and
expecting the same results.
So that's a an Einstein quotethat I always go by.
So, and then the other one isthe my favorite quote is
actually from Eleanor Rooseveltwas nobody can make you feel
(38:16):
inferior without your consent.
And I always think that becausebecause as a child, you're like
oh, mommy doesn't love me, orsomebody didn't give me
attention, or I did this, butyou know what?
You're giving them permissionfor you to feel that way.
So you can't say you made meangry.
You can't say you made me notgrow.
You didn't, it's it's, Iallowed you to do something to
(38:39):
me, so don't allow it.
So nobody can make you feelinferior without your consent.
Speaker 1 (38:44):
How have you handled setbacks and moments of failure
in your life and how do yourecommend other women approach
failures and setbacks?
Speaker 2 (38:55):
This is a very good question, because some people
see somebody successful, that isall you know, a straight line.
But it's really like this andit's quickly going down.
So that's how I see failures.
They allow us to see what elsewe can do right.
(39:17):
So fall five times, get up sixtimes.
One thing that I did learn is Ineed to allow myself to feel it,
because before, whenever I hada setback, I was just like, oh,
just move on.
But then later on, without thatself-reflection of feeling that
failure, it affected me morebecause I didn't allow it to
(39:37):
heal.
Right, it's like when you havea wound, you have to feel it,
you have to let it heal.
Instead of being 80% and movingon, there's still that 20%
that's going to set you back,and then processing it is not a
weakness.
So I asked myself what did Ilearn from this?
It's another AAR thing.
(39:58):
What would I do differentlynext time?
So setbacks have been some ofmy greatest teachers.
So I also lean on trustedcircles.
So I see that best is this typeof community where you can be
real without being judged, andthen failure is not final and
(40:18):
it's just feedback, right.
So this is a thing.
So one thing that I rememberfrom this is in the military we
interview for jobs.
If you didn't get one job,don't take that as a setback.
It's probably, when one doorcloses, probably five windows or
other doors will open, is whatwe tell each other.
Whenever I'm talking to peersand say, hey, I didn't get this
(40:41):
job, like, oh, don't worry aboutit, other things will come up.
And another one that I rememberis I submitted for a course to
be accepted to an orthopedicprogram.
I didn't get in, so I didthings on my own and got better,
and then I tried again.
(41:07):
And then what helped me is itbecame a doctorate program,
because initially, when I wasjust trying to put in for it, it
was a reason why I didn't getaccepted, because now I have a
doctorate from it where if I gotaccepted that first time, it
would have been just acertificate and I would have to
do more to earn that doctorate.
So just don't think of yourfailures as setbacks.
(41:29):
Treat them as feedback.
Speaker 1 (41:31):
What happens when you're the only one in an
organization or the only one inthe room that's advocating for
something, and you know you kindof feel lonely.
And I think you spoke about theimportance of you know building
allies at work.
Can you talk about that?
Speaker 2 (41:48):
Yeah.
So this this one was an examplethat I gave regarding
amplification, because I didread about it when it was a
meeting with President Obama andthere were men, women, and then
there was a man that wasbasically negating whatever the
woman was saying, but the otherwoman beside her amplified her
(42:09):
on the value of what she wassaying, so it basically silenced
whoever was talking regardingwhatever that topic is.
So when you feel and sometimesyou will still be that only
person that's advocating orsaying something, that's not
right.
So just remember what yourinner values are, just remember
(42:31):
the standards.
Don't go below them, because ifyou go below them, then that
becomes the standard.
If you see somebody that's notdoing something right, praise
them in public and admonish orcorrect them in private to tell
them what they can improve orwhatever happened.
For us it's on the spot.
Corrections is what we call it,because when you see somebody
(42:53):
and you know that their hair isnot right, their uniform is not
the right, because we haveregulations to tell us what
we're supposed to look like, andyou just set them aside and say
, hey, you're not supposed towear those type of earrings,
you're not supposed to wear thattype of blah, blah blah, so
that's more of a visible thing.
But then sometimes theirbehavior can also be detrimental
(43:14):
to the meeting, for example,that gentleman that's just not
behaving pretty much in ameeting.
Just set them aside and say,hey, this is what I saw happen,
and then have them have theability to articulate on what
happened and how they can dobetter in the next time and
don't embarrass them.
So that's the main thing that Ithink it's self-respect.
(43:35):
And also, how would you like tobe treated in that same setting
?
So I think that's the mainthing that I think is
self-respect and also, how wouldyou like to be treated in that
same setting?
So I think that's veryimportant.
Speaker 1 (43:41):
We were talking about LinkedIn earlier before we
started recording and I wastagged today.
There's obviously a lot ofthings happening in our world, a
lot of layoffs, both in theprivate sector and in the public
sector and across the board.
How would you coach somebodythat's currently looking,
(44:01):
particularly if they're gettingout of the military and going
into civilian work?
How would you coach somebody tolook for those opportunities?
Speaker 2 (44:09):
Right.
So right now it is happeningbecause there's certain things
that they're doing it in phases.
Right so right now they'reidentifying those that are
voluntarily wanting to retire orwanting to leave and not
continue to serve, but thenthere's a pocket of cohorts that
still wants to continue, butthat's just dependent on if they
(44:31):
can or not.
So that's just like the thingthat I was telling you about
don't quit this job until youget the other job.
And I've seen on LinkedIn,don't quit this job until you
get the other job.
I've seen on LinkedIn it's agreat platform to say, hey, I'm
looking for a job.
Pretty much I'm looking for ajob, these are my connections,
and then join theseorganizations that fit.
(44:53):
I think it's a great time toreinvent yourself pretty much.
Don't think of this as asetback.
Think of this as a challenge toincrease whatever space you
need to be in, whether that beimproving your education and
also figuring out who else youneed to talk, to talk, to clean
(45:14):
up your resume, because, like Isaid, we have a lot of military
jargon on our CVs that need tobe translated into civilian.
And same way with the civilianswhenever you're in a different
market, you need to determinethe wording that needs to be for
that particular market thatyou're interviewing for.
(45:34):
And also confidence, I think,and I've seen that there is
difficulty in this environmentof getting jobs.
But just while you're lookingfor a job, hone in and improve
the skills that you need to havein future jobs as well.
So don't quit grinding andpeddling.
So I think that's veryimportant.
Speaker 1 (45:55):
Yeah, no, I love it and it's part of why we need to
get rid of this shame right Toput ourselves out there on
LinkedIn to network, buildcommunity and um, you know and
we were talking about AI, usingAI earlier, like you can use
with your resume and and withboarding and all of those things
.
So thank you for that.
Speaker 2 (46:16):
So what I learned during that conference that I
told oh, I did tell you this isthat don't be afraid of AI,
because AI is not going toreplace you.
It's just that you are going tobe replaced by somebody who
knows AI, so you better know AIalong the way.
Speaker 1 (46:32):
Well, we always love to close our sessions with
takeaways.
What can listeners and VASmembers can do right after this
call?
Something tangible.
So what is some advice that youhave, whether it's a practice,
a mindset shift that yourecommend best members and
people that are listening tothis podcast do after this call?
Speaker 2 (46:56):
Yeah.
So the one that you alreadymentioned, that I did mention
the last time, is that thatconfidence, um, treating it like
a muscle, uh, it grows with use, so if you don't use it, you
lose it.
So, for example, this week,just choose one thing you've
been avoiding, whether it'sspeaking up, setting a boundary
or asking for what you deserve.
(47:16):
We are notorious for notspeaking up.
Even in my profession, men makemore than women, even though
there's more women in thecivilian sector.
In the military, there's moremen because of the way that it's
happening.
But we make the same.
So we can actually look up myrank and see how much I make.
But in the civilian sector, wecan actually look up my rank and
(47:37):
see how much I make.
But in the civilian sector, it'sthat community of figuring out
what your worth is and figuringout together, because if
somebody takes a lower salarywith this job, it hurts the next
person, it hurts the communitywhen you're not earning what
you're worth.
So take action whenever that isSmall, bold moves, create
(48:04):
momentum for it, and it lookslike Vest gives you the backing
of a powerful community.
So make sure that your nextlevel starts with you.
So show up, even when you'reunsure, and also you're more
ready than you think.
So that's why it's so importantto focus on yourself.
You're more ready than youthink, so that's why it's so
important to focus on yourselfduring this time, so that you
are able to show up for yourself, for your family or wherever
you may be.
Speaker 1 (48:25):
And another thing listeners can do is get your
book, the Lotus Within.
We're going to put the link onour show notes.
And how can people find you?
How can they connect with you,Amelia?
Speaker 2 (48:38):
Yeah, so it's pretty simple.
I'm Filipina and an Army PA, somy hashtag or at sign is PNAI
Army PA Papa.
India.
November.
Alpha Yankee, alpha Romeo.
Mike Yankee, papa Alpha.
Speaker 1 (48:54):
I love it.
You have to bring in themilitary spirit.
Name your phonetics.
I know your phonetics Love it,I love it.
You have to bring in themilitary.
Name your phonetics.
I know your phonetics Love it,love it.
If you enjoyed this episode,share with a friend and don't
forget to leave us a review.
And if you're ready to takeyour career to the next level,
apply to join our community ofprofessional women all eager to
help you get there and staythere.
Go to wwwvestherco and applytoday.
In this episode, we dive into a conversation many of
us know all too well.
For too long, women havenavigated workspaces that
weren't built with us in mind,fueling that inner voice of
self-doubt, an inner critic thatcan often hold us back.
Join us as we discussstrategies for how to quiet that
inner critic while alsobuilding and sustaining
(00:21):
confidence as a leader.
Our guest today is Dr AmeliaDuran Stanton, born in the
Philippines and author of theLotus Within, a very practical
guide on how to grow yourpurpose and ignite your passion.
Dr Duran Stanton is a colonelin the US Army and has served
for over 32 years, whichincludes eight years enlisted
(00:42):
with deployments to Kosovo, iraqand Afghanistan and 25 years as
a PA.
She also holds a PhD inpost-secondary and adult
education and a doctor ofscience and PA studies in
orthopedics.
She is certified as a Lean SixSigma Master Black Belt, with
multiple awards and decorations.
(01:02):
She's also mentored, coached,sponsored and taught several
women over the years.
Dr Duran Stanton who, by the way, kindly invited me to call her
Amelia during this interviewfirst coached our best members
during a private session.
She then returned to recordthis episode with us in her
personal capacity and as aprivate sector professional.
(01:23):
Therefore, the author andspeaker views are theirs and do
not reflect the official policyof the Department of the Army,
the Department of Defense or theUS government.
For our guest's full bio andshow notes, which includes a
link to Amelia's book, the LotusWithin, go to wwwvestherco
(01:44):
forward slash podcast.
If you enjoyed the episode,don't forget to share with a
friend, leave us a review andhit the subscribe button.
And if you're looking for alittle bit more support,
consider joining our communityof professional women.
Go to wwwvestherco forwardslash membership.
For those listeners that aretuning in that have not read
(02:08):
your book, do you mind tellingus a little bit about it?
Speaker 2 (02:11):
Sure.
So the Lotus Within it's anacronym, actually, life of
Timeless, unbound Strategies.
So how it came about is I'mtowards the end of my military
career and I wanted to leave alasting legacy, that of my
passion of helping other women,and so I was stationed in
Germany and I was attending acourse, like I told you about
(02:33):
prior to this call is that toteach women strategic planning
and stuff like that.
And instead of asking ortelling them what they need,
they told me what they needed.
And the three things isstrategic planning, time
management and prioritization iswhat the ones that they needed
help with.
So those are the three pillarsof the book.
(02:54):
And then I chose the lotusflower because it grows in mud,
in darkness, wherever you are,so you can bloom wherever you're
planted.
Or you can bloom whereveryou're planted.
You can't say, oh, I don't haveenough money to XXX, but even a
little small change in youreveryday life and prioritizing
yourself is definitely worth it,because we are prone to saying
(03:14):
yes to everything and also wewant to help everybody but we
neglect ourselves.
So that's the baseline ofeverything that's in there and
it's actionable.
It has a workbook, so it's notjust a one and done type thing
it's you go through it thebeginning of the year, the
middle of the year, every month,however you want it, and then
it's also an iJunk if you're ina mentorship, sponsorship,
(03:37):
counseling relationship whereyou can discuss the lessons
throughout it.
Speaker 1 (03:41):
So that's basically what it's all about the lessons
throughout it.
So that's basically what it'sall about.
I love it.
I'm loving it so far Not quitedone yet because we just got it
but I'm loving every second ofit.
And I see a lot of similaritiesfrom the conversation we had
our last session, where thetopic was how do we build
courage and confidence, and I'mjust curious as to how did your
(04:05):
confidence evolve from where youfirst enlisted and went through
training to where you are now?
Speaker 2 (04:12):
I mean, I've always been a go-getter because that's
how I saw the people that I wasliving with.
I had family that was alwayswriting into teaching, involved
in the community.
But in the beginning it'sbasically showing up right
Because you don't think you'reprepared, you don't know if you
have the right skills, thatimposter syndrome.
But the showing up, beingprepared, being respectful and
(04:35):
humble and open to learning, Ithink it's what really helped me
out.
Of course, you're not alwaysgoing to be ready, but I acted
like I was anyway.
So the experience caught up withme in the end and I, over time,
I realized that the confidenceit's not about knowing
everything.
It's mostly networking, trustingyour ability and knowing who to
(04:56):
go to when you need help.
Or when somebody comes to meand say, ma'am, I need help on
something and I don't have theanswer, I need help on something
and I don't have the answer,then I'm authentic in leaning
into my response and owning myunique voice, especially as a
Filipina and also in themilitary and as a woman.
And I use it a lot in mentoringothers.
(05:17):
Because whenever I think I seewhen I was younger I would see
senior leaders and I see who'sthere and I see what's possible
when I see somebody that lookslike me and I think best is
definitely doing the right thingand doing that and also doing
these podcasts, so confidenceevolves and proving that I
belong and I knew that I hadsomething valuable to contribute
(05:38):
.
So that's definitely how I mean.
I'm not fully confident ineverything, but I always make an
effort to show up and try andbe respectful.
Speaker 1 (05:48):
You also talked about how you've learned over time
that confidence comes fromwithin, not by focusing on
external factors, right, anexternal validation.
If you will, can you tell us alittle bit more about what you
meant with that?
Speaker 2 (06:02):
Yeah.
So a lot of it is the externalfactors.
Sometimes it's so important toshow up as the person that you
are supposed to be Right.
So if you, if you're, you thinkyou in the future, you want to
be an executive, don't show updisheveled.
Show up as a professionaldisheveled, show up as a
(06:26):
professional.
And of course, you'll alwayshave that inner critic on
telling you what you are notcapable of.
But you need to lean on thetraining and the preparation
that you've done, because it'smuscle memory.
Like I said the last time, whatwould your leaders do in this
situation?
And follow that advice.
And it's really a high stakeenvironment wherever we are.
(06:47):
And then you need to separateemotion from action.
So respond first, process later.
And confidence really doesn'tmean being fearless, like you
said.
It means courage despite ofbeing fearful of whatever's
about to happen, because you'llgain confidence along the way as
well.
So that inner one is veryimportant because that's how you
(07:11):
see yourself.
You spend the most time withyourself, regardless of who you
live with, who you're workingwith.
24-7 is with yourself.
So that inner confidence isreally important and then it
exudes it on the external side.
Speaker 1 (07:27):
You mentioned, you're a Filipina, enlisting at a very
young age, you know, going intoa male dominated field,
obviously, and then, on top ofit, military.
How did you figure out, or howdid you stay focused and
grounded?
Did you feel welcome right away, or did you feel like, or did
(07:47):
that come with time?
How was your experience?
Speaker 2 (07:52):
It depends, right.
So when I was enlisted, ofcourse the authority figures are
always the ones, because we cansee our rank.
When you show up, you're inuniform, you already know,
because we can see our rank.
When you show up, you're inuniform, you already know.
So it's different when you'rein civilian sector.
When you're a woman, somebodyassumes that you're the
(08:12):
secretary or come get me mycoffee, type thing.
But in the military you canactually see the rank.
So when I was enlisted I couldsense in that way that there's
authority and also hierarchy ofhow I was supposed to behave,
depending on who's in front ofme.
So it fits.
With peers, of course it's morelaid back, but with seniors
(08:33):
we're actually in.
There's regulations where howwe're supposed to stand and
parade, dress and position ofattention and things like that.
So that is based on hard power,right?
So soft power is more.
How do you deal with people?
How do you communicate withother people?
So the way that I've dealt withthat in the civilian setting,
(08:54):
when you don't know whatpeople's ranks are or their
hierarchy, is just be respectfulof whoever it is, even the
janitor or whoever.
Somebody in the boots on theground working, has value.
So don't neglect that it's.
It's not based on your positionor or your authority.
It's how you treat people,because you're there to serve.
(09:14):
When you're in a leadershipposition, you're you're there to
serve.
You're not there to to beserved by others.
You need to figure out how youcan help other people.
So whenever I'm showing upthere's been times when you see
me I'm a woman, I'm Asian, I'malso in the military.
However, when everybody else inthe room is male, it's based on
(09:38):
the respect and also thepreparation that I've done,
regardless of what that meeting,because then the biases and the
doubts dissipate when they hearme talk and I know what I'm
talking about.
So that credibility is rightthere right away.
And I'm honest and I don'tsugarcoat anything.
(10:01):
I'm basically showing up as Iam in the most professional
manner that I can.
So in the long run, if there'sanybody struggling with that,
just emulate somebody that yousee in public that's doing what
you want to be doing.
Read their bio, reach out tothem and figure out how they're
(10:22):
doing it, and I think thatthat's how it needs to be.
Where you see the gap, you needto strengthen it.
Reach out to those people thatare already doing it.
Speaker 1 (10:31):
Did you find it easier, harder, or did it
prepare you for civilian life?
You know, because you're right,I didn't think about that and
we didn't really talk about thatin the best sense.
Okay, yeah, when you are inmilitary, you know, you know the
, the, the order, and you knowthe rules of engagement and and
everything else.
Um, I'm just curious if maybeonce you got out if I've never
(10:59):
been in the military, so I don'tknow like would it be easier to
feel like you can't belong oryou can't get there during that
structure environment, or is orwas it easier in the civilian
life?
Speaker 2 (11:14):
I always say it depends, because I've been an
inspector general, I've been inleadership positions.
Not a specific answer is goodfor everything, but from my
experience of seeing formermilitary that go into the
civilian sector, sometimes theydo have a hard time because
they're used to regimentalthings, of people showing up
when they need to be.
But in the civilian sector it'smore of a oh, I don't need to
(11:35):
go there.
It's not really that there's nocamaraderie, but in the
military, when we move around somuch, your family is whoever is
in that unit.
If you don't get along, youbetter get along, because it's
going to be miserable for thosetwo years.
But in the civilian sector,what's prepared me as well is
there are people that areveterans.
(11:57):
So I seek out those people inthose situations.
In those situations and alsowhen it comes to, um, not doing
anything illegal, immoral,unethical, uh is is being open
to new things.
Because, because we areconstrained in the military the
things that we can and cannot dobut in the civilian sector
(12:17):
there's there's a variety ofthings that you guys are doing
that more than likely we're notable to do.
But in preparation of that istalking to civilians, being
around them, networking withthem.
In fact, I told you about aconference that I went to.
It's for civilian PAs, and themilitaries are integrated in
(12:38):
that.
So because at the end of theday, when you tie a copter
uniform or whatever you'rewearing, you come home, you're a
mom to somebody, you're aparent, you have so many things
in common.
So that finding out the commonground with each other, I think
it's very helpful.
Speaker 1 (12:54):
Yeah, we talk about that a lot at VAS because we
support women professionalsacross industries.
Yes, we're very intentionalabout that because we're like,
look at the end of the day,we're all dealing with the same
shit, regardless of industries.
And you know, we come home andthen we have to, you know, care
for loved ones and care for thehousehold and all of those
(13:16):
things.
So how do we just share storyand different lived experiences
so we can help one another?
Speaker 2 (13:22):
so you're still right on that end.
Speaker 1 (13:25):
So obviously you've worked in very high pressure
environments and you've talked alot about during our best
session and even earlier in thisdiscussion about the inner
critic and learning how tosilence that inner critic.
So just curious as to how youmanaged to do that to silence
(13:46):
the self-doubt in moments whenstakes were high, right and the
margin of error was slim.
Speaker 2 (13:53):
Yes, absolutely.
So when you compare the innercritic, it gets louder when the
stakes are high.
Right, because you can hear itlouder whenever that's happening
when the stakes are high right,because you can hear it louder
whenever that's happening.
But then you have to trust yourtraining again, because if you
trust that training of how wellprepared you are, that inner
critic will silence.
So take a pause, breathe,remind yourself that you're
(14:17):
prepared for whatever thatmoment is.
And in the military, we train aswe fight.
What that means is, if you arein a peacetime situation, you
have to prepare yourself as ifyou are in war, because that's
what we're preparing for in themilitary.
Same thing when, in thecivilian sector, if you're
(14:49):
preparing for an interview,that's high stake.
You have to train as you fight.
So you practice what, thequestions that may come up, the
things, the sharpshooting thatthey may give you.
So be prepared.
And also, when you're in doubt,just refocus on the mission and
whatever you're there for, andrely on your people, regardless
of who they are, on theirstrength.
So that's why you have to builda team.
If you're the only one that'sstrong and everybody like the
(15:10):
weakest link is your gauge ofhow strong you are right.
So if your weakest link is notstrong, you have to build them
up during that peacetime so thatwhen you're ready for that war
effort, whatever thatenvironment high-stake
environment is at work, you'reall ready, not just you.
And also I found strengths inconnecting with other women
(15:33):
leaders that have been insituations that remind us that
self-doubt is common, so itdoesn't have to be in control,
but you need to acknowledge itand also don't surrender to it.
Be prepared and go in there asa team.
Speaker 1 (15:50):
Yeah, definitely.
The preparation is key andtrusting in you know what you've
already done and your abilities.
When it comes to women of color, you know black women,
indigenous women, latinas,filipinas.
We're often told that we haveto already be twice, if not more
(16:14):
, as good as our peers just tohave a seat at the table.
And I have found that in mypersonal experience to be true.
And you know, and we're trainedespecially in the military I
would say to like not, don'tcomplain, it is what it is.
So you just, I would say tolike, don't complain, it is what
it is.
So you just do what you have todo and you prepare and you show
up and all of those things.
And I always want to encourageus to do that, of course work
(16:35):
hard, prepare.
But also, how do we challengethe system that continues to put
more pressure on certain groupsof people?
You know, because I think thatit is our responsibility as
leaders to to like okay, let'ssupport women in their
development to get to theleadership position, but while
(16:57):
also holding systems accountableto see, okay, you know, we also
need to level the play and feeland we need to address the
biases, because oftentimes we'reputting all of these pressure
on, you know, women, women ofcolor, certainly without the
support systems that they needas well.
Speaker 2 (17:19):
Yeah.
So one thing that I've learnedin this space is you're not
alone.
And then the other is sometimeswe're our own enemies, right,
like when you see, like jealousyand things like that curb that
because you're not advancingtogether.
If there's jealousy or if youwant to be in front of somebody
(17:42):
else, you have to march together.
And one thing that I've learnedtoo, in my reading and also
experiencing, is there's thingswhere, if you can't beat them,
join them.
But then in our situation, ifyou can't beat them, create your
own circle.
Because I know I'm sure youknow this this history of when
(18:03):
women were not even allowed toopen their own bank account
without their husband'spermission.
So women got together andcreated their own bank.
So create your own bank,whatever that is.
Collaborate and do somethingtogether.
Don't step aside and be a victimand say, oh, the system is
(18:24):
keeping me down, type thing.
How can you rise up from thesituation that you're in?
By getting help and also takingadvantage of the things that
are already there, like smallbusiness opportunities for women
and women of color, et cetera.
So don't worry, you're at least50 percent owner of these
businesses.
Take advantage of those.
So don't worry, you're at least50 percent owner of these
(18:44):
businesses.
Take advantage of those.
When there's a will, there's away is really true, and don't
think of the system as somethingthat that will not enable you
to get to where you need to be.
As long as you're, you'reasking for help and you know
where you want to be.
Speaker 1 (19:02):
Yeah, for sure.
You know, women are often toldto stay humble and to let their
work speak for itself.
Right, and here you are.
You publish a book, you'veauthored over 100 publications
and you present widely and speakon different topics on multiple
stages, different topics onmultiple stages.
(19:27):
How have you balanced humilitywith the need to assert your
voice and take ownership of yourexpertise in global platforms?
Speaker 2 (19:33):
Yeah, that's a great question.
So the humility part is veryimportant, regardless of what
accomplishments you've achieved,because there's that part of
you that you're never going toknow anything and everything.
So and then the confidencehumility and confidence I don't
think are opposites, they're.
(19:54):
It's like a, it's like yin andyang or a Venn diagram.
They're there, they go together, they're modular, they're
partners.
So I always give credit wherecredit is due.
So whenever I'm doing something, there's always somebody that
has helped me.
Even though I've published a lotof things I've presented,
there's always I mean, even evenwhen you're working, you're
supposed to reference peoplethat have helped you or
(20:16):
reference material.
So those are the things thatcan can give you credibility
when you're utilizing otherpeople in whatever you're doing.
So what that has taught me issharing my voice with others can
be a positive aspect of whatsomebody else will be willing to
(20:37):
do because they see me doing it.
So that's the reason why Idon't want to want to be not in
front, because I need to be upfront, because I am unique in my
, in my certain things that I'veaccomplished and who I am, that
somebody else can say you knowwhat I can do?
Crying in the hotel for her mombefore basic training and found
(21:05):
the courage to just go outthere and do the things that
she'd done.
So I reframed being visible asbeing accessible and I think
that's helped me take up thespace without apologizing for it
.
What?
Speaker 1 (21:18):
are some of the most effective tools for establishing
credibility withoutcompromising your values and
identity.
Speaker 2 (21:24):
Yeah.
So tools in a rhetorical or notreally like a hard way, is just
being consistent with thethings that you're doing.
Be competent, because you can'tcomplain that you didn't get
the job when you knew youweren't competent for that
particular job.
And the connection that youneed to have, because, for the
(21:45):
most part, at my level ofcompetence and the people of my
peers, we know that we are allcompetent and we're consistent,
but do they know you?
Do they know your skill set?
So, if you don't know, have theconnections of people who need
to advocate for you, forwhatever it is to sponsor you,
it's not really going to helpyou, even though you know you
(22:07):
have the skill sets for it.
And I also don't pretend to besomeone.
I'm not.
I'm not a 50% of somebody else,I'm 100% of me and I lead with
transparency.
There are certain things thatI'm not supposed to be allowed
to say yet.
However, during the timeframe,like right now, with a lot of
(22:28):
the turbulence, communication isreally key in being transparent
to things that are happeningthat are affecting people's
lives.
So I think authenticity isbecoming rare, but you need to
be one of those people thatutilizes that, and also I also
let my outcomes speak forthemselves.
So I back that up with opencollaboration.
(22:50):
I always, like you said, Ialways lift somebody up, whether
above me or below me.
And also, like Vest, I've seenthat your story.
You identify your identities as, not liabilities, and in fact,
you use them as yourdifferentiators.
So this is a cohort of peoplethat you want to be associated
with because you lift each otherup.
(23:11):
So that realization has helpedme, I think, to lead from a
place of truth to myself.
And that shows with otherpeople and not assimilation.
That shows with other peopleand not assimilation.
And, of course, with ourbackground, we've taught to be a
(23:34):
chameleon and go out there andbe like everybody else, but
that's not who we are.
We don't need to assimilate.
We can differentiate and betrue to our own selves.
Speaker 1 (23:39):
I want to tie back because I thought this sparked a
very interesting conversationduring our session, and that is
the transition of skills.
Right, and I mean, of courseyou've not.
Even within the military, youknow you had a lot of roles.
Unfortunately, there's a lot ofshame still around
transitioning careers, whetherthey're planned or unplanned
(24:09):
right, like sometimes,unfortunately, we're let go or
there's layoffs or things thatwe can't even control and still
we internalize that need toshift careers and there's some
shame that we process often,unfortunately, and then that
leads to isolation and then itleads to us not reaching out and
(24:31):
not really exploring and beingopen to opportunities.
So just curious as to howyou've handled all of those
different transitions in yourcareer and over your career and
also how you train yourself to,like you know, transition your
skills from role to role Right.
Speaker 2 (24:52):
So I think this is a great question for both military
and civilian, because in themilitary we have a struggle of
having too many acronyms, toomany jargons that don't
translate to the civilian sector.
So how does an infantrymandecide what their skill sets are
when they want to go into thecivilian sector?
And it's also not just thosethat are short-termers in the
(25:15):
military or, like me, with thelong-termers, because regardless
of how long you've served, atsome point you're going to leave
the military.
So you have to be prepared,regardless if that's three years
or 30 years.
So what I think is just thatexample with the infantryman
that wants to do something elsein the civilian sector, knows
(25:37):
how to do a weapon or whatever,or knows how to shoot low crawl
and like how do you translatethat to the civilian sector?
So I would recommend startinglisting the outcomes you've
achieved, from whatever.
Those are not just the titlesyou've held.
What did you achieve?
Ask yourself, what did I solve,who did I serve?
What did I lead?
(25:58):
So make those smart, specific,measurable, attainable, relevant
and time bound and also connectthose skills to the new space
you're stepping into, whateverthat is.
So that infirmary that wants tobecome a business owner, how
does your discipline in being inthe military translate to that
new stepping stone that you needto go to in that space?
(26:23):
So the same way with all of us.
Like, I had a friend that was aclinician for many years and
then I found out that she openedup a bakery.
I was like how the heck did Inot know?
You like baking, so how do youtranslate those skills?
But you know what, when she wasa clinician, she was organized,
she was always on time, she hada skill sets of knowing what
(26:48):
comes first, second, third.
So the recipes came and she hadthe passion.
So I think that's what made hersuccessful in a so different of
a thing that she's doing now.
So I think it's magnificentthat you can just switch however
you know, so you can continuereinventing yourself.
And I know Vess is filled withwomen proving that your
(27:09):
experience is more portable thanyou think.
It can be transferable from oneset to another.
So for me, in my profession asa PA, physician assistant or
physician associate, the beautyof my career is I can switch
around.
So I started out primary careand then I specialized in
orthopedics.
But if I don't want to do thatanymore.
I can go into dermatology, but,like what you're saying, how do
(27:33):
you get those things that youknew before to transfer to other
?
So just figure out what theoutcomes that you had based on
what you achieved.
So your value isn't tied to therole of that particular
industry that you're in now.
So own your narrative on it,because if you don't, someone
else will more than likely orwill define it for you and
(27:53):
you're probably not going tolike it.
So might as well lean forward,write your own narrative on
whatever transition you're goingthrough, or somebody else will.
Speaker 1 (28:03):
One of the questions that a member asked that I want
to bring it into this forumbecause I thought it was very
important is yes, you know,sometimes as women, we want to
fix things right and sosometimes we go into workspaces
and perhaps the culture or thework environment is just toxic,
(28:27):
but we stay in there because welove our team and we want to
protect our team and we want todo the best.
You know, maybe we can changeit from the inside out the best
you know and maybe we can changeit from the inside out.
Remember this member talkingwhen is it?
When?
When is it time to fight andstay there and see if you can
still make change from within,and when is it time to maybe set
(28:47):
step, step back and say andmaybe it's time for me to go and
take my skills and my passionand my value somewhere else?
Speaker 2 (28:56):
Right.
So this is when I mentioned theboiling frog syndrome that
everybody should know about.
So the boiling frog syndromemetaphor is there's a frog and
it's in the water, it's in a potand you incrementally increase
the temperature on it and itwon't jump out, it will just
stay there and pretty much diebecause they're not cognizant,
because the pretty much diebecause they're not cognizant,
because the incremental increaseof the heat they're not feeling
(29:20):
it and they're just not evencognizant of it that it's
happening.
It's killing them and that'swhat I think a toxic environment
does to you is incrementallygets worse and then at the end
of it you're like you look backand like that job killed me, or
you don't even realize it andyou're not in a good place.
We don't use toxic anymore inthe military.
(29:42):
It's unproductive leadership iswhat it's called now.
But what I recommend is, onyour own volition, turn up the
heat every now and then to say,to assess where you're at,
because you're your bestadvocate and also best person to
determine what that environmentis to you and also figure out
(30:05):
if anybody else is not doingwell as well, like an outsider
can provide that feedback aswell.
But one of the things that Ialso learned regarding imposter
syndrome is sometimes you don'tthink you have the skill sets to
move, so you just stay whereyou are.
So that's the other thing ofturning up the heat is don't get
(30:26):
stuck in wherever you are now.
Figure out what new skill sets.
Don't quit your job.
Save money.
Money because that helps youprepare for whatever else you
need to get into, because whenyou're looking for a job and
they find out you don't have ajob, the likelihood of you
getting that job is minimal.
But if they know that you're ina position right now where
(30:47):
you're still working and you'rejust improving your skill sets,
and I think, don't burn bridgeseither, because that environment
, where you, you may have been,um, uh, it may have, uh,
probably still gave you some,some positive, uh,
reinforcements and things thatyou can bring to the next skill
(31:07):
set, uh.
So for us, um, in the military,we move every three years and if
there is certain kinds ofenvironments where we know that
it's not conducive becausesometimes, the way I see it,
sometimes it's not people, it'sthe process, so it's it's.
Or sometimes the, the conflictof personalities.
So the conflict ofpersonalities you can separate.
(31:31):
But if it's a process problemwhere you're not giving the
tools that your workers need toget the job done.
You need to give them that, andif you can't, then you need to
allow them to move on.
And the same thing wheneversomebody was saying well,
so-and-so is always going toschool and increasing their
skill sets Well, wouldn't youwant that?
And then they stay, or they'reusing their skill sets and move
(31:54):
somewhere else.
So those are the things that Ithink in this type of
environment is determinedwhether it's a people issue or
if it's a process issue, becauseyou don't want to quit and say,
oh, I don't like so-and-sobecause they did this.
Well, it's probably becausethey're not given the tools that
they needed to do in order tohelp you.
They just don't realize itbecause there's nobody at the
(32:14):
top helping them.
So figure out what the processis.
Of course, on my bio, you knowI do Lean Six Sigma.
So Lean Six Sigma is gettingrid of the things that are
impeding people in getting theirwork done, and that those are
easy fixes.
So if that's the case, then fixthe process and otherwise, if
(32:35):
it's a people issue, then youneed to do counseling or
documentation, things like that,so that at some point they may
need to leave the organizationand it may be for their
betterment, because sometimespeople don't realize that moving
to another location may be apositive thing for them and for
the group they left.
So I think that's a great wayto go about it.
Speaker 1 (32:57):
Are there any specific habits, tools or daily
practice that have helped yougain this confidence?
Yes, absolutely.
Speaker 2 (33:05):
Oh, I have a lot of them, but I think it's different
per person on how you want toimprove yourself, because I
think, basically, what you'reasking is how do I stay grounded
?
And also, what are my dailyhabits in keeping up with
everything?
I take time for myself is thebottom line, and I think a lot
(33:25):
of women are starting to realizenow that they do need to do
that.
So, yes, morning journaling andalso planning with intention,
like I know, I look at mycalendar, I go by my calendar
for everything.
I even have tiny R of aone-minute reminder from two
weeks from now, saying, hey,don't forget to ask so-and-so
(33:46):
about this, because I'mtask-oriented and people know me
because of that and sometimesthey wonder how come she
remembers all this.
I don't.
I put it on my calendar and thecalendar reminds me hey, ping
so-and-so, cause they're due forwhatever.
So, and then reflecting on thewins, because positive
reinforcement, I think, will letyou continue doing things, uh,
(34:09):
that you think are hard.
So, uh, a habit needs to bedone in three weeks If you're
doing something new, if you'retrying to lose weight, if you're
trying to uh, do somethingdifferent, uh, done in three
weeks.
If you're doing something new.
If you're trying to lose weight, if you're trying to do
something different, give itthree weeks, because more than
likely if you quit a week, twoweeks it's not enough for you to
get into that habit.
So showing up, getting feedbackfrom other people, and also
(34:34):
confidence grows, I think, whenyou remind yourself of how much
you've overcome already.
So that's the way I do that inthe book that you mentioned that
I wrote is reflecting back inyour childhood and figuring out
the milestones, even though youhad some step backs on what went
well, how did you overcome them?
Because those are the lessonsthat you brought you to where
(34:56):
you are.
Overcome them because those arethe lessons that you brought
you to where you are and alsothe intentional self-reflection
that I think is aligned withVest.
So you don't build confidenceby accident.
It's a, it's a daily decisionthat you have to do.
And, um, last time when we wererecording, somebody asked me
what I did and I told them it'sjust a Ross book.
In fact, they still still has aRoss sticker on it.
(35:17):
Oh, amazing, it says engagingheaven today for women.
But it doesn't have to be thisbook.
I'm not advocating that you getthis book that I got for $4.99
at Ross, is stick with something.
And then I have another bookthat I write based on what I see
from that and and and all thelessons.
(35:37):
So five minutes, that's all ittakes, because it's like five,
five sentences on there and it'sdaily, it has a 365 days and,
of course, mental, physical aswell, because a lot of people
are struggling with the physicalaspect of the obesity and
things like that, because you'reyeah're feeding the depression,
things like that.
So I think, self-reflection andtaking care of yourself as
(36:00):
early as you can in the morningrather than waiting until later.
Speaker 1 (36:07):
And it's too late by then.
So true, on the mobility, well,first of all, last time you
also talked about you know,confidence is a muscle.
Oh, that's right as you work it,and doing all of these things
help as you work it.
And doing all of these thingshelp, and definitely the
journaling, reminding yourself,reading books that you know get
you to think, because I thinkthat's another thing we talked
about.
Like journaling is great, butfor some of us, like it's hard
(36:28):
right to get in that mindset.
And so having a book that Ithink it's the one that you
bought at Ross for five dollarswhich you know, having little
reminders like that or littlehelpers like that, that's why we
always like to ask what tools.
You also mentioned another likemilitary acronym.
Speaker 2 (36:47):
So I also mentioned something else, which is the
evidence banks.
That's why I need for you tofill up your bank.
In fact, my tips have been likeyou can have any bank, so fill
it up with confidence, things offeedback of your achievements.
I mean, write them down in thatlittle bank and then read them
every now and then.
So AAR is an after actionreview.
(37:08):
Whenever we have an event, anexercise or whatever we do, um,
uh, it's three.
Part first is what happened.
So we write down facts of whathappened and then, um, what went
well.
So three, what went well.
And then three, what can beimproved.
(37:29):
It's it's not what didn't gowell, it's not what's negative,
it's in a positive zone wherewhat can we improve on.
The next time we do this againso that's the same way with your
daily exercises is when you'reuh in the evening, say how, how
did it go to what happened today?
How, how did it go, what wentwell and what needs to be
improved?
So you're not bringing it tothe next day of making the same
(37:52):
mistakes over and over.
So you're incrementally, um,getting better throughout the
day because you don't.
Insanity is doing the samethings over and over.
So you're incrementally gettingbetter throughout the day
because you don't.
Insanity is doing the samethings over and over and
expecting the same results.
So that's a an Einstein quotethat I always go by.
So, and then the other one isthe my favorite quote is
actually from Eleanor Rooseveltwas nobody can make you feel
(38:16):
inferior without your consent.
And I always think that becausebecause as a child, you're like
oh, mommy doesn't love me, orsomebody didn't give me
attention, or I did this, butyou know what?
You're giving them permissionfor you to feel that way.
So you can't say you made meangry.
You can't say you made me notgrow.
You didn't, it's it's, Iallowed you to do something to
(38:39):
me, so don't allow it.
So nobody can make you feelinferior without your consent.
Speaker 1 (38:44):
How have you handled setbacks and moments of failure
in your life and how do yourecommend other women approach
failures and setbacks?
Speaker 2 (38:55):
This is a very good question, because some people
see somebody successful, that isall you know, a straight line.
But it's really like this andit's quickly going down.
So that's how I see failures.
They allow us to see what elsewe can do right.
(39:17):
So fall five times, get up sixtimes.
One thing that I did learn is Ineed to allow myself to feel it,
because before, whenever I hada setback, I was just like, oh,
just move on.
But then later on, without thatself-reflection of feeling that
failure, it affected me morebecause I didn't allow it to
(39:37):
heal.
Right, it's like when you havea wound, you have to feel it,
you have to let it heal.
Instead of being 80% and movingon, there's still that 20%
that's going to set you back,and then processing it is not a
weakness.
So I asked myself what did Ilearn from this?
It's another AAR thing.
(39:58):
What would I do differentlynext time?
So setbacks have been some ofmy greatest teachers.
So I also lean on trustedcircles.
So I see that best is this typeof community where you can be
real without being judged, andthen failure is not final and
(40:18):
it's just feedback, right.
So this is a thing.
So one thing that I rememberfrom this is in the military we
interview for jobs.
If you didn't get one job,don't take that as a setback.
It's probably, when one doorcloses, probably five windows or
other doors will open, is whatwe tell each other.
Whenever I'm talking to peersand say, hey, I didn't get this
(40:41):
job, like, oh, don't worry aboutit, other things will come up.
And another one that I rememberis I submitted for a course to
be accepted to an orthopedicprogram.
I didn't get in, so I didthings on my own and got better,
and then I tried again.
(41:07):
And then what helped me is itbecame a doctorate program,
because initially, when I wasjust trying to put in for it, it
was a reason why I didn't getaccepted, because now I have a
doctorate from it where if I gotaccepted that first time, it
would have been just acertificate and I would have to
do more to earn that doctorate.
So just don't think of yourfailures as setbacks.
(41:29):
Treat them as feedback.
Speaker 1 (41:31):
What happens when you're the only one in an
organization or the only one inthe room that's advocating for
something, and you know you kindof feel lonely.
And I think you spoke about theimportance of you know building
allies at work.
Can you talk about that?
Speaker 2 (41:48):
Yeah.
So this this one was an examplethat I gave regarding
amplification, because I didread about it when it was a
meeting with President Obama andthere were men, women, and then
there was a man that wasbasically negating whatever the
woman was saying, but the otherwoman beside her amplified her
(42:09):
on the value of what she wassaying, so it basically silenced
whoever was talking regardingwhatever that topic is.
So when you feel and sometimesyou will still be that only
person that's advocating orsaying something, that's not
right.
So just remember what yourinner values are, just remember
(42:31):
the standards.
Don't go below them, because ifyou go below them, then that
becomes the standard.
If you see somebody that's notdoing something right, praise
them in public and admonish orcorrect them in private to tell
them what they can improve orwhatever happened.
For us it's on the spot.
Corrections is what we call it,because when you see somebody
(42:53):
and you know that their hair isnot right, their uniform is not
the right, because we haveregulations to tell us what
we're supposed to look like, andyou just set them aside and say
, hey, you're not supposed towear those type of earrings,
you're not supposed to wear thattype of blah, blah blah, so
that's more of a visible thing.
But then sometimes theirbehavior can also be detrimental
(43:14):
to the meeting, for example,that gentleman that's just not
behaving pretty much in ameeting.
Just set them aside and say,hey, this is what I saw happen,
and then have them have theability to articulate on what
happened and how they can dobetter in the next time and
don't embarrass them.
So that's the main thing that Ithink it's self-respect.
(43:35):
And also, how would you like tobe treated in that same setting
?
So I think that's the mainthing that I think is
self-respect and also, how wouldyou like to be treated in that
same setting?
So I think that's veryimportant.
Speaker 1 (43:41):
We were talking about LinkedIn earlier before we
started recording and I wastagged today.
There's obviously a lot ofthings happening in our world, a
lot of layoffs, both in theprivate sector and in the public
sector and across the board.
How would you coach somebodythat's currently looking,
(44:01):
particularly if they're gettingout of the military and going
into civilian work?
How would you coach somebody tolook for those opportunities?
Speaker 2 (44:09):
Right.
So right now it is happeningbecause there's certain things
that they're doing it in phases.
Right so right now they'reidentifying those that are
voluntarily wanting to retire orwanting to leave and not
continue to serve, but thenthere's a pocket of cohorts that
still wants to continue, butthat's just dependent on if they
(44:31):
can or not.
So that's just like the thingthat I was telling you about
don't quit this job until youget the other job.
And I've seen on LinkedIn,don't quit this job until you
get the other job.
I've seen on LinkedIn it's agreat platform to say, hey, I'm
looking for a job.
Pretty much I'm looking for ajob, these are my connections,
and then join theseorganizations that fit.
(44:53):
I think it's a great time toreinvent yourself pretty much.
Don't think of this as asetback.
Think of this as a challenge toincrease whatever space you
need to be in, whether that beimproving your education and
also figuring out who else youneed to talk, to talk, to clean
(45:14):
up your resume, because, like Isaid, we have a lot of military
jargon on our CVs that need tobe translated into civilian.
And same way with the civilianswhenever you're in a different
market, you need to determinethe wording that needs to be for
that particular market thatyou're interviewing for.
(45:34):
And also confidence, I think,and I've seen that there is
difficulty in this environmentof getting jobs.
But just while you're lookingfor a job, hone in and improve
the skills that you need to havein future jobs as well.
So don't quit grinding andpeddling.
So I think that's veryimportant.
Speaker 1 (45:55):
Yeah, no, I love it and it's part of why we need to
get rid of this shame right Toput ourselves out there on
LinkedIn to network, buildcommunity and um, you know and
we were talking about AI, usingAI earlier, like you can use
with your resume and and withboarding and all of those things
.
So thank you for that.
Speaker 2 (46:16):
So what I learned during that conference that I
told oh, I did tell you this isthat don't be afraid of AI,
because AI is not going toreplace you.
It's just that you are going tobe replaced by somebody who
knows AI, so you better know AIalong the way.
Speaker 1 (46:32):
Well, we always love to close our sessions with
takeaways.
What can listeners and VASmembers can do right after this
call?
Something tangible.
So what is some advice that youhave, whether it's a practice,
a mindset shift that yourecommend best members and
people that are listening tothis podcast do after this call?
Speaker 2 (46:56):
Yeah.
So the one that you alreadymentioned, that I did mention
the last time, is that thatconfidence, um, treating it like
a muscle, uh, it grows with use, so if you don't use it, you
lose it.
So, for example, this week,just choose one thing you've
been avoiding, whether it'sspeaking up, setting a boundary
or asking for what you deserve.
(47:16):
We are notorious for notspeaking up.
Even in my profession, men makemore than women, even though
there's more women in thecivilian sector.
In the military, there's moremen because of the way that it's
happening.
But we make the same.
So we can actually look up myrank and see how much I make.
But in the civilian sector, wecan actually look up my rank and
(47:37):
see how much I make.
But in the civilian sector, it'sthat community of figuring out
what your worth is and figuringout together, because if
somebody takes a lower salarywith this job, it hurts the next
person, it hurts the communitywhen you're not earning what
you're worth.
So take action whenever that isSmall, bold moves, create
(48:04):
momentum for it, and it lookslike Vest gives you the backing
of a powerful community.
So make sure that your nextlevel starts with you.
So show up, even when you'reunsure, and also you're more
ready than you think.
So that's why it's so importantto focus on yourself.
You're more ready than youthink, so that's why it's so
important to focus on yourselfduring this time, so that you
are able to show up for yourself, for your family or wherever
you may be.
Speaker 1 (48:25):
And another thing listeners can do is get your
book, the Lotus Within.
We're going to put the link onour show notes.
And how can people find you?
How can they connect with you,Amelia?
Speaker 2 (48:38):
Yeah, so it's pretty simple.
I'm Filipina and an Army PA, somy hashtag or at sign is PNAI
Army PA Papa.
India.
November.
Alpha Yankee, alpha Romeo.
Mike Yankee, papa Alpha.
Speaker 1 (48:54):
I love it.
You have to bring in themilitary spirit.
Name your phonetics.
I know your phonetics Love it,I love it.
You have to bring in themilitary.
Name your phonetics.
I know your phonetics Love it,love it.
If you enjoyed this episode,share with a friend and don't
forget to leave us a review.
And if you're ready to takeyour career to the next level,
apply to join our community ofprofessional women all eager to
help you get there and staythere.
Go to wwwvestherco and applytoday.
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