November 25, 2024 • 47 mins
Your personal brand is the sum of how others perceive you—your strengths, the expertise they associate with you, and the way you communicate your skills and personality both in person and online. But why is having a personal brand so important? Throughout your career, one thing is certain: you will need to pivot. Pivots are inevitable, often unexpected. Whether it’s a layoff, taking breaks to care for loved ones, or another curveball, having a strong professional brand already in place gives you the agility to respond and adapt on your terms.
But how do you build one, and how do you communicate it effectively? Join us as we talk to Rena Cook, founder of Vocal Authority about how VEST Members can communicate with confidence, authenticity, and influence. From activists to CEOs, Rena has guided professionals to harness their voices as a powerful tool for leadership and connection. As a speaker, author, and vocal coach, Rena’s approach blends practical insights with actionable strategies you can start using immediately to elevate your presentations and everyday conversations.
If you enjoyed the episode share it with a friend, leave us a review and don't forget to hit the subscribe button. If you are ready to take your career and business to the next level, apply to join our community of professional women, all eager to help you get there and stay there. Check out our VEST Membership and apply today! www.VESTHer.co
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:03):
Hey everyone, this is Erica Lucas, your host and
founding member of Vest, anorganization connecting women
across industries, regions andcareer levels so that together
we can expedite the pipeline ofmore women in positions of power
and influence.
Welcome to another episode ofthe Vestor Podcast, where we
(00:23):
explore the invisible barriersholding women back in the
workplace and share stories ofwomen building power
collectively.
Speaker 2 (00:40):
I want to talk for just a moment about authenticity
.
We hear that a lot.
It's a big word and it's usedeverywhere and we all think I'm
authentic.
Right, I'm not phony, I am notputting on something, I am not.
But what people recognize asauthenticity is when you are
(01:07):
present with your breath, youare present with the other
people, you are curious, you arelistening, you are a part of
the energy of the space.
Then people perceive you asauthentic.
Speaker 3 (01:25):
Your personal brand is the sum of how others
perceive you, your strengths,the expertise people associate
with you and the way in whichyou communicate your skills and
personality, both in person andonline.
But why is having a personalbrand so important Throughout
our career?
One thing is certain we willneed to pivot.
Pivots are inevitable and oftenunexpected, whether it's a
(01:48):
layoff, taking breaks to carefor loved ones.
Having a personal brand alreadyin place gives us the ability
and agility to respond and adapton our own terms.
But how do you build a personalbrand and how do we communicate
it effectively?
Join us as we talk to Rena Cook, founder of Vocal Authority,
about how do we communicate iteffectively.
Join us as we talk to ReenaCook, founder of Vocal Authority
, about how we can communicatewith confidence, authenticity
(02:09):
and influence, from activists toCEOs.
Reena has guided hundreds ofprofessionals on how to use
their voice as a powerful toolfor leadership and connection as
a speaker, author and vocalcoach.
Speaker 1 (02:21):
Reena's approach blends practical insights with
actionable strategies you canstart using immediately to
elevate your presentation andeveryday conversations.
For our guests' full bios andshow notes go to wwwbestherco
forward slash podcast.
If you enjoy the episode, shareit with a friend and don't
(02:42):
forget to leave us a review.
This episode is brought to youby Vest Her Ventures, a peer
network of professional womenand investment fund for
women-led companies in the careeconomy and future of work.
To learn more, go towwwvestherco.
This episode was part of a moreintimate coaching session with
(03:03):
Vest members and has beenrepurposed to accommodate this
episode.
Speaker 2 (03:08):
I started life as a singer, actor, dancer.
I thought that's what I wasgoing to be.
I was going to be a star onBroadway.
My parents were supportive butencouraged me to get a theater
teaching degree so that I wouldhave something to fall back on.
And of course, you know, in myyoung bravado I really won't
(03:30):
need anything to fall back on.
But I did do the teachingdegree and what I discovered in
the student teaching portion isthat I was put on this earth to
teach.
My passion is theater, mypurpose is teaching.
So I taught theater for decades.
(03:52):
I went from high school theaterto college and then I became
obsessed with the human voice.
If the voice is not working,nothing else matters.
So I went to London CenterSchool of Speech and Drama that
Erica mentioned and studiedvoice for a year and came back a
(04:13):
teacher reborn.
And it was then that Irecognized that I needed to
share this theatre voice skillset with a wider audience.
And that's why I created VocalAuthority and started my journey
to reaching out into the worldto see who needed this skill set
(04:35):
and, as a result, thistremendous community of women
empowerment opened up to me.
I didn't know when I startedwhere I was going to find the
energy or the path for my workand it turned out that right now
, in the scope of women'shistory, women are more attuned,
(05:00):
more open, more excited thanthey have ever been.
My goal is to help match thepassion with the ability to
articulate and share thatpassion, so that has become my
driving force in the last decade.
Speaker 3 (05:19):
Tell us about your organization, though, so because
the way I met you.
Your organization, though, socause the way I met you.
I went to an event in Tulsathat was for, uh, women and
politics I think Madison Hornwas part of the party.
Speaker 2 (05:31):
Part of the party um is the Tulsa uh democratic women
party or group, and I wasspeaking that day at that group.
I inadvertently fell into thepolitical space.
I do the voice coaching for anorganization called Sally's List
.
It's a statewide nonprofit thatrecruits, trains and supports
(05:56):
women who are running for publicoffice, and I've been doing
that now for 10 years.
I'm now on the board and so Iwork organizationally and in the
training component for thatorganization.
So I have become active in thepolitical space primarily
(06:18):
because of social justice,equality.
Those issues motivate me and Iwork with people who are
similarly motivated.
Speaker 3 (06:30):
So I want to touch on , you know, what we mentioned.
Both of us mentioned a littlebit.
I do think that many womenaspire to become public speakers
or get better at publicspeaking, but often skip that
essential first step right thatwe talked about, like defining
their personal brand and whattheir core passions are and how
(06:50):
they want to utilize those.
And without a clear sense ofhow they want to show up and why
, you know, it can becomechallenging to show up
consistently and authentically.
So what advice would you offerto women before we even get into
the tacticals of publicspeaking?
What?
Speaker 2 (07:14):
advice would you offer to reflect on their goals
and intention for building thatpersonal brand?
That is such a good question,and I'm currently creating a
presentation about creating yourvocal brand.
But a personal brand, as Ericamentioned, is how I want to show
(07:35):
up in the space, and anexercise which she probably sent
out this week is to list thequalities in yourself that you
are most proud of, and we, aswomen, tend to focus on the
qualities that we are leastproud of.
We lead with those and we areashamed of those when we show up
in the public space.
And to change our focus fromwhat is it about us that holds
(08:02):
us back to what is it about usthat we celebrate.
That is our strong suit.
What do we bring to the table?
What do we bring to a group?
What do we bring to ourfamilies?
And if you're not sure, ask thepeople who know you best and
(08:22):
you can create for yourself alittle survey and you can give
it.
If you're afraid that yourfriends and family won't give
you honest feedback, ask them towrite it out.
How do you see me?
What do you see as my strengths?
What happens when I show up ina room?
(08:43):
What do I offer a group thatmaybe nobody else does, and
that's how you can start todefine who you are.
As I have become more active inthe professional space rather
than the theater space, I havedecided that my personal brand
(09:04):
number one is energy and joy,which is what most people will
say are the qualities that theynotice first about me.
I love what I do and I have agreat deal of energy associated
with that.
I also dress professionally.
I also dress professionally notthat you need to, but I love to
(09:30):
dress.
I am I joke an agingfashionista and I love to dress
up.
So I have claimed my visualbrand as being professional, not
too theatrical, but with alittle bit of theatrical flair.
Sometimes I'll put on a scarfif I have on a black jacket, and
(09:50):
that's my visual brand is toshow up professionally, to be
present.
That's another part of my brand.
I want to be present foreverybody in the group.
I want to be present foreverybody in the group and we
may talk a bit about presence,and I have a whole presentation
about what that means and how wecan find that present space
(10:16):
within us.
We have to dial down ourneuroses that says I'm not
worthy.
I have this quirk, I have thisdialect, I have this lazy eye or
whatever it is that drives younuts.
You have to put that aside andlook at who is present.
It's like right now I amlooking at the faces on my
(10:36):
screen and I am breathing deeplyand making eye contact and
seeing what each person in thegroup needs.
When I am other-focused, I ammore present than when I am
self-focused, if that makes anysense, and part of your brand
(10:58):
should be that you are presentfor the people in the group,
whether it's a family, whetherit's a work situation or an
organization like this, when youcan make your personal brand
reflect that you are present forthem and that they are not
(11:18):
present for you, and then youwill get all those beautiful
things back to you.
Speaker 3 (11:25):
But you first start by giving out um, I want to talk
to you before again we get intotacticals.
One more question about theimportance of identity and doing
this work, so tied to thisprevious question, because I
think that often another thingthat I have seen many women do
(11:47):
when they, you know, try to getinto public speaking is that
they attach their identity toomuch to their title or to the
organization as opposed to doingthe work on, like you know,
again, taking a step back andlike what is the whole picture
Right?
Because, because I mean thelikelihood of us pivoting in our
(12:09):
careers, right, whether it'schanging jobs or moving out the
ladder or loosen the title orbeing laid off or whatever it's,
it's bound to change and we'realso, as humans, right.
So how do we, what do you thinkabout that important, I mean,
that's, that's another thingthat's important, right?
(12:30):
That when we're assessing ourvalues and how we want to show
up and how do we want to beremembered and all of those
things, it's important to do thework, which takes a lot of work
to do, actually, and a lot ofthinking and self-assessment to
think about this outside of justtying it to you know, well, I
work in venture capital, so I'm,you know I'm going to talk
(12:52):
about venture capital every timeI you know like.
You see what I'm saying.
Speaker 2 (12:56):
Absolutely, absolutely.
And I think that when we usethe term public speaking, that
that's scary if we don't do it.
But sharing our truth, orsharing a bit of our expertise,
and learning how to share thatconfidently is more important
(13:18):
than thinking, oh, I am going tobe a public speaker.
What is it that you have toshare?
And every one of us has somepart of our experience, of our
family, of our professional lifewhere we can talk truthfully,
and each one of you hassomething special and unique and
(13:42):
of value that you can andshould be sharing out loud with
your voice to other people.
And what I'm going to talk abouttoday is how we practice to do
that.
It is not enough just to thinkI can talk about these things,
(14:04):
and I am going to ask to beallowed to talk about these
things.
Don't wait for someone to knockon your door and say would you
come and talk to us about that?
Knock on their door and say Ihave this thought, I have this
idea, I have this strategy, Ihave this opinion, I have this
(14:25):
heart full and I would like toshare it with you.
Speaker 3 (14:31):
You gave some thoughts about.
You know how to overcome theself-doubt, and that's focusing
on serving others rather than onyourself.
What's other advice that youhave for those who do feel
self-doubt or have self-imposedlimitations?
Speaker 2 (14:46):
Well, I have a whole course on what I call taming
performance anxiety.
But it is exactly what youdescribed, erica.
It doesn't have to be about Iget nervous in front of people.
It can be about any limitingthought I can't go up for.
That promotion I'm notqualified yet, I can't ask to
(15:10):
share in this environment.
No one will take me seriouslyand those are self-limiting
thoughts that happen under therubric of taming performance
anxiety.
It's really taming any kind ofanxiety, anything that stops us
from being fully ourselves.
I teach a three-part process andif you practice the process,
(15:35):
you will expand your belief inyourself.
The first step is releasinghabitual tension in the body.
Anxiety, thoughts of our owninadequacy hunker down in tight
muscles.
And if we open up the body andyou can do this through yoga,
(16:01):
through dance, through justreleasing and stretching and
moving and shaking to releasethe body, that's step number one
.
Step number two is slow, deepbreathing, which gets into the
strategies that Erica is talkingabout, and if it comes up, I
can teach you a couple of quickbreathing exercises that help
(16:25):
you connect with your groundedand centered person deep in your
core.
And the third is limiting orcontrolling negative mental
messaging.
We're all so good at negativemessaging.
We say horrible things toourselves that we would never
(16:47):
say to another human being.
And the more times we say, evenif we say it to ourselves, they
will think I'm stupid.
They will think I'm foolish.
The more we say that, the moreour body and our brain takes it
on as truth.
So we have to, and I know weall know about positive
(17:08):
affirmations and they don't workbecause we don't do them right.
If you take that negativemessage, they will think I'm
foolish and change it to.
They will see how competent andprepared I am, even if you
don't believe it yet.
You say that over and over whenyou're deep breathing, not when
(17:33):
you're keyed up and excited andyou go oh God, oh God.
They're going to see howprepared I am.
Your body and your brain issaying you lie right.
Your body and your brain issaying you lie right.
But if you say it when you areexhaling that slow, deep breath,
they will see how competent andprepared I am.
(17:55):
They will see how competent andprepared I am and your brain.
The neural pathways in yourbrain are going toward each
other and you've said it enoughtimes till they finally meet and
your body and your brain takethat on as your new truth.
And if you work the processevery day, 10, telling myself I
(18:20):
am worthy, I am adequate, I ammore than adequate, I am amazing
(18:47):
and every single one of you isamazing.
You just have to teach yourselfto believe it.
Speaker 3 (18:57):
You've coached hundreds of women from politics
to corporate America.
Can you share an example ofwomen showing up authentically
and effectively, in an examplewhere maybe the authenticity or
the energy was lacking?
And then what can we learn fromboth things, right.
Speaker 2 (19:20):
Yeah, I had a client.
She came to me, a young woman,30-ish, between 30 and 40
probably, and she said I have toquit my job.
I said, well, why?
What's wrong?
She said, well, public speakingis a component of my work.
We do group presentations andevery time it comes up I get
(19:43):
physically ill.
I have to quit my job.
And I said, well, before youquit, let's work together,
commit to 10 sessions, and then,if you still feel like you need
to quit your job, you have myblessing.
And then, if you still feellike you need to quit your job,
you have my blessing.
Well, we worked 10 sessions onessentially public speaking
(20:07):
technique how to stand, how tobreathe, how to make space in
your mouth, how to use yourwords and we practiced and
practiced and practiced 10sessions.
She goes back to work, they'redividing up their presentation.
Back to work, they're dividingup their presentation.
And one of the members of thegroup said you need to be doing
the whole presentation.
You're clearly the best speaker.
(20:29):
Nothing had changed in her,except she had technique and
skills and began to believe itbecause she practiced it enough.
So that's going from oh my God,I'm shrinking, I'm dying to.
I can do this in 10 sessions.
(20:50):
It's the process, it's not me,I'm not the magic.
It's the process that changedher.
On the other side, the energycan be way wrong, and you've met
those women that are working sohard.
Yeah, you see, their shouldersgo back and their chest come up
(21:12):
and their chin come up and thevoice is so strident that you go
, oh, so strident that you go,oh, please have me back down,
right, I call that the bluff.
It's like I'm not reallyconfident.
I'm not authentically confident, but I'm going to try to
convince you that I am.
(21:32):
Well, that sound sends menrunning out the back door, right
.
So in the work that I do withthem, I help them move that
energy that is here, that is sohard to accept to move down.
Let me move my camera down tomy center, and when I'm finding
(21:55):
power low in my body, I can bejust as authoritative, just as
strong, but I'm not strident,and so people want to gather in
to that power rather than beingpushed out by this aggression.
Speaker 3 (22:14):
I love that.
I may need to take that one,that lesson.
I seem to intimidate a manoften.
Speaker 2 (22:24):
Oh, I can't tell you.
All three of my husbands at onepoint have said don't use that
teacher tone with me.
And I know that I've gotten toostrident.
So I take a breath, I drop myenergy down and I turn on my
curiosity rather than myjudgment.
When I'm not judging and I'mcurious, I can then breathe and
(22:51):
move my power down.
I don't lose anything by doingthat.
I gain in the relationship.
Speaker 3 (22:59):
I love the visualization of moving your
power down Right, like and itjust reminds you, too, of like
breathing deep.
Yes.
Speaker 2 (23:06):
All good things come from here.
I tell my actors and I'm stillin the actor training space as I
work at Oklahoma CityUniversity with the actors there
I tell them that in theircenter, down here, are their
emotions, their memories, theirexperiences, their opinions, and
(23:31):
everything that is true andauthentic comes from deep inside
their center and it is the deepbreath that accesses that.
And that's what I teach notonly to actors, but also to the
women that I coach.
Speaker 3 (23:52):
I love that.
I want to start incorporatingsome of the questions because
there's many on the chat.
I also want to remind membersif you have a question, feel
free to raise your hand so wecan find you and unmute you and
you can ask it or drop it in thechat.
There's one from Courtney.
She says Reena, have younoticed performance anxiety
(24:13):
increase in the post-COVID era?
And I'm going to add somethingto that.
I think isolation, right, likeI do think we're becoming
increasingly isolated.
Speaker 2 (24:26):
Mm-hmm, I think you're absolutely right.
I see it less in mature womenwho had a long track record of
being out with people and hadhoned their skills in that space
.
Younger people, during thoseformative two years that they
were out of well, we were allout of life, out of interacting
(24:51):
with life they have increased inperformance anxiety because
they lost two years ofexperience.
They didn't have the long yearsof experience behind them as
some more mature adults have.
I noticed that with our collegestudents.
(25:11):
Oh my gosh, they don't know howto work.
They don't you know.
I mean, they just have changed.
Covid changed younger people,and not for the better, but
those of us who had years ofbeing alive and working and that
experience, covid didn't takethat away from us.
Speaker 4 (25:32):
That's so helpful and Reena too, just for context.
I am 30 in age and felt veryconfident prior to kind of the
COVID era, in a public speakingkind of scenario and in a
variety of rooms.
That really did feel like astrong suit of mine.
And then it was almost like Iwas in these virtual rooms with
(25:55):
equally as influential of anaudience and just got into this
space of feeling reallycomfortable behind my screen
with my prepared notes.
And then it's the first kind ofopportunity I stepped out and
had a presentation in front of agroup of people post COVID.
(26:16):
It was like it was having thisout of body experience, Like I
couldn't get my breath under meand I just it was the most
bizarre thing.
I started self-diagnosing oflike what in the world has
happened, what is wrong, Because, again, I really had felt
confident in that area and so itwas curious, if you've seen
that and, like I said, I'm 30and have been, I mean, doing
(26:40):
this work since post-grad in2016.
So on the younger side butreally noticed it kind of and
vulnerably speaking, reallynoticed it impact me and I'm
kind of trying to claw back towhere I was as far as my
confidence level and speakingkind of in public situations
(27:02):
prior.
Speaker 2 (27:03):
I totally understand and how frightening that was the
first time you went.
Oh God, I've lost it.
But you know what happens andwhat you're describing is
perfectly natural.
I started in the last couple ofyears weight training and it's
become an obsession, right.
Lifting is my thing.
(27:24):
When I lift every day, themuscles that I have developed
stay in place.
When I stop lifting, themuscles go away.
During COVID we stopped doingour practice and so the skills
that we had learned, they goaway.
(27:45):
If you don't massage them, Ifyou don't keep lifting, the
ground you gain has gone away.
So you essentially, after atwo-year hiatus, have to go back
to the basics and kind ofrelearn those lessons that went
away.
But you'll relearn them fasterthan it took the first time.
(28:07):
Your body will remember.
Just practice, Put yourselfback into those situations, even
if they're painful.
And it's okay to say to anaudience I'm struggling here.
I have something that I want toshare and I'm just back out
(28:27):
after whatever, and I'm a littlenervous today and I just wanted
to share that before we begin.
When you share yourvulnerabilities with the
audience, when you share yourvulnerabilities with the
audience, they don't think lessof you, they think more of you.
They feel bonded to you becauseyou have shared your
vulnerability.
So I often teach that toclients who are making their
(29:02):
first steps into the publicspeaking world.
To just say this is what'sgoing on with me.
Eight years ago I had a big oldspeech right after the election
and I was still devastated andI confessed that right at the
top.
I am really struggling today.
I want to be with you, I wantto share this material, but from
(29:25):
the outset, this is a roughtime for me.
Speaker 3 (29:29):
And it also speaks to authenticity, right, Like
people connect more.
I think that, as women, we'vebeen thought that we need to be
almost perfect to thrive in theworkplace, Right?
Actually, that is very likepeople don't resonate with
perfection.
People resonate with realnessand authenticity and perfection.
(29:52):
You know so yeah.
Speaker 2 (29:56):
I love that.
I want to talk for just amoment about authenticity.
We hear that a lot.
It's a big word and it's usedeverywhere and we all think I'm
authentic.
Right, I'm not phony, I am notputting on something, I am not.
(30:26):
But what people recognize asauthenticity is when you are
present with your breath, youare present with the other
people, you are curious, you arelistening, you are a part of
the energy of the space.
Then people perceive you asauthentic.
If you're bluffing and tryingto prove because of your
insecurity that hey, I belonghere, that's not authentic.
(30:47):
If I shrink into myself, that'snot really who I am either.
Because of whatever's going onwith me and my neuroses today, I
can't be fully present.
But if I let a deep breath dropinto my center and I look in
the eyes of the other peoplethere, I will feel authentic and
(31:11):
the group will perceive me asauthentic.
Speaker 3 (31:15):
First time I've heard that.
That's great.
There are a couple more greatquestions.
I'm going to jump into thoseMonica asks.
As a relatively new consultant,my strategy has been to ask
organizations what the needs orgaps are.
But I'm curious about what youjust said on knocking on their
door to share your ideas withthem.
In your experience, can doingthat lead to a paid gig?
(31:40):
Paid speaking gigs?
I'm guessing.
Absolutely not speaking gigs,not a speaking gig, but like a
consulting gig.
Speaker 2 (31:49):
Yeah, yeah, I knew what you were saying, monica,
absolutely, um, that well,there's two things that occur to
me.
Networking and formingrelationships is the way that
you find your consulting gigs.
If consulting gigs aren'thappening as an outgrowth of
(32:11):
networking and the people thatyou're meeting, then you do that
hard slog work of saying I'dlike to work for AT&T.
Who is the HR director of AT&T?
Do they have a training person?
Is it the HR person or is therein that department someone who
(32:31):
books trainers?
That's the target.
And then you try to phone them,you try to email them, you try
to take them out for coffee CanI come by your office for 15
minutes?
And and then cold calling thecompanies that I want to work
for?
I have material to hand, I havevideos to share, I have a whole
(33:12):
bunch of stuff.
When I go in and cold call, I'mnot just saying, hey, look at
me what I have to give, becauseyou know that they're going to
go.
Ah, maybe not now, right, butif you have things to show and
share that is really going tohelp them, they are much more
likely to want to book you to doa consulting or a training.
Speaker 3 (33:38):
Yes, I love that and I will say I get asked that all
the time.
I think because I do, by natureof the work that we do do a lot
of public speaking andoftentimes people, and sometimes
it is paid.
Sometimes I do do paid speakinggigs.
You know public speakerimmediately as to like, how do I
(34:04):
get paid speaking gigs?
That's why I'm sorry, I assumedthat, Monica, but I love what
you said, Rena, because you know, when you do go out there and
start doing more public speaking, there's a lot of ways in which
you can benefit, right,Networking, building your I mean
relationships, it's everything.
It's how we hire, promote,invest and you know so, the more
you get out there and the morepeople start identifying you
(34:26):
with an expertise or you know asubject matter thing, the better
.
It can also pay and I'm happyto like, I'm an open book when
it comes to that, because I wantwomen to get paid when they
deserve to get paid and whenthey're doing speaking gigs at
conference where they make a lotof money, absolutely.
But I do also want to set therecord straight that that is
(34:49):
very unlikely, right, that's forthe Brene Browns of the world,
for people that can charge a$25,000 speaking gig, or $50,000
, $100,000.
Or $50,000, $100,000,.
There are other ways to buildmomentum and value on why you're
showing up to different spaces.
(35:09):
That doesn't necessarily haveto do with the paid speaking gig
, right, it can lead toopportunities like you just said
, Monica, or kind of where yourmindset was going.
It can lead to investmentopportunities, branding
opportunities to get the name ofyour organization out there,
and you just never know whoyou're going to meet.
Speaker 2 (35:26):
So I appreciate that I can add on to that.
Erica, I range in my speakingfees all the way from nothing to
$10,000.
And I am doing free speechesjust as much as I'm doing the
$5,000 and $10,000 speeches.
And when I started I did a lotof speeches for free.
(35:51):
I reached out to allorganizations who have lunchtime
meetings and they book in youknow, the 10 minute speaker, the
20 minute speaker and I saidcan I come and talk about this
thing that I'm doing?
And?
And so I gave a lot of it away.
I still give a lot of it awayand when I'm approached or I
(36:14):
reach out to an organization whohas money and can pay, I ask
for five $10,000.
And occasionally I actually getit.
Speaker 3 (36:25):
Absolutely, and it's always good to check with other
speakers like to see you know,because I do think that there's
a discrepancy out there with,like you know, women not getting
their fair share.
So I think that there's anopportunity for that discussion.
But also, just look at I lovethat you shared this example,
rina, so thank you.
There is another very importantquestion and I think it's very
(36:47):
real and I'm glad that you askedit.
The question is employers oftenare threatened by the term
personal brand.
How can we navigate around that, even though having a personal
brand helps with visibility forboth the individual and the
organization?
I have actually seen this takeplace and it's been shared with
(37:09):
me from several other women.
Speaker 2 (37:14):
I missed a word there at the beginning.
What is the thing that theworkplace is often adverse to?
Speaker 3 (37:22):
So when women do start doing more public speaking
or being more visible in thecommunity, in the industry,
taking on more of an activeforth-facing role or building
their personal brand, thatsometimes can threaten the
employer feeling like, oh, isshe going to leave or is she
(37:43):
becoming the face of theorganization you know?
So how do you navigate that?
Speaker 2 (37:47):
I think that other people around us becoming
threatened by our good works issomething that we all have to
navigate, that we all have tonavigate.
It's a reality of publicprofessional work life,
(38:08):
particularly if we are in aspace dominated by men.
And so, building therelationship with the boss, the
employer, the person that you'reconcerned about, deepen your
relationship with them.
Be curious about what they'revaluing, be curious about what's
(38:28):
going on with their work, withtheir family, with their hobbies
.
If you have a strong personalrelationship, they are less
likely to be, to be intimidated.
If you feel that they are,reassure them, have that
conversation, and you don't haveto say, of course I'm concerned
(38:49):
that you might be threatened,no, no, leave that out of the
conversation.
But it's like I just want youto know that the work I'm doing
over here, though it's very,very meaningful to me, it does
not take my focus away from mywork here or the work that I am
doing with you, and I justwanted to talk to see if there's
(39:12):
a problem with that or ifyou've been concerned about that
.
I want to reassure you thatthis is where my loyalties lie.
So it's partially, and it's notlike I'm encouraging you to
flatter or to flirt.
It's authentic.
Your desire to have an authenticrelationship with the people
(39:32):
you work with is real.
It's not manipulative, if itcomes from an open heart and so
forming, ensuring therelationship is strong and then
confronting your concerns in anopen and loving way, I think
will help you negotiate andnavigate those waters.
(39:54):
But you always need to have apart of you attuned to that.
What's going on in therelationships here and how am I
navigating that?
And rather than, oh God, peopledon't like me, you know, don't
let that happen.
But how can I stay present andpositive in all of my
(40:16):
relationships so that people arecomfortable with me and feel
empowered in my presence?
Speaker 3 (40:23):
Obviously, online presence.
It's becoming more and moreimportant and if you talk to us
about that, what is publicspeaking in the online space?
Speaker 2 (40:36):
Yeah, well, it's got several layers.
First, I prepare for an onlinemeeting or talk or presentation
in the same way that I preparefor an in-person.
I warm up my body, I warm up myvoice, I get my nerves under
(40:59):
control before I ever come tothe computer, then notice how
I'm sitting.
I want my shoulders and myhands to be seen in the screen.
So I don't, you know, I don'twant to do this so that they
just see the top of my head.
I don't want to cut my head off, I don't want to be too far
(41:20):
away and I don't want to be tooclose, because that's weird.
But I try to center myself inthe space.
When I am wanting to feel likeI'm connected to the group, I
look at the faces on my screen.
When I'm answering a question,I look at my camera so that it
(41:42):
seems to everybody that I'mlooking in their eyes.
So I want to be present.
I sit up straight, I don'trelax into my seat.
I don't play with my phone,even though the phone is such a
strong attraction.
The only thing I do that is abit distracting is I have to
(42:03):
have my coffee or my water andbut and I want my hands to be
seen, you know, because Igesture, I use my hands and they
are part of my communication.
So it's preparation.
Oh, light.
I didn't say about lighting.
In my own space I have a ringlight Today.
(42:26):
I'm just using the beautifulnatural light that's coming in
this space, but the lightingshould be behind your computer
and not behind you.
Glasses that reflect.
You can put them up a littlebit.
You know, I'm kind of takingthe temples and pushing them up
and that takes the reflectiondown a bit.
So those are some littlestrategies that help you be more
(42:51):
present.
Know that when you're on a Zoom, everybody is watching every
move you make, you know.
So you can't afford to lookdisinterested, you can't afford
to pick your nose, you can'tafford to be eating your lunch.
Speaker 3 (43:15):
I know, right, michelle goes darn.
No, no, no, I was just going tosay it's the little things,
right, I recently was honoredenough to be included in an
Oprah deal for the election, youknow, when they did, all the
groups that were supporting theHarris campaign.
I know, and I was one of them.
And one thing that they told meis and they told everyone like
before, after, during, get yourgums out because it looks
(43:37):
terrible.
And I never thought of it likeI don't think I chew gum that
often, but I, but there weresome people and they were like,
anyways, just the thought thatgoes behind, you know, a
production like that, and it waslike the gum chewing, but a lot
of the things you justmentioned.
Speaker 2 (43:54):
So just very interesting.
Yeah, and it's.
It's doubly hard to formrelationships online, to really
feel connected.
So it's like I noticed thatMichelle did a thing and I
commented on it, so so it's likethat's the way that I say to
Michelle I'm seeing you,sweetheart, you know, and and
(44:19):
and that forming relationshipsthrough this medium is much,
much harder, and so it requiresa special attention to make
people feel like you are presentfor all of them.
Speaker 3 (44:34):
What are two or three takeaways that you want VAS
members to leave after thisconversation, to leave with?
Speaker 2 (44:41):
that you want best members to leave after this
conversation, to leave with.
Well, one thing that I did geta chance to talk about, and that
is the taming performanceanxiety process and even if you
don't identify it as tamingperformance anxiety, even if you
identify it as I need to buildmy confidence, that three-step
process physical release, deepbreathing and the mantra I use
(45:06):
for deep breathing is slower,deeper, quieter, calmer and I
just say that to myself and getmy breath deeper and more
grounded and thirdly,controlling negative mental
messaging, the other thing thatI didn't get into.
When you are speaking,breathing at every punctuation
(45:32):
or thought shift is crucial, andif anybody wants to work with
me further on that, or if youwant to have me come back, we
can work on a speech togetherand I can show you how to
breathe, which is the power, andhow to make space in your mouth
, which is your megaphone.
Breath is power, space isvolume, and if you practice that
(45:58):
when you are speaking, youdon't have to think about that.
I never think about breath, Inever think about space, because
I have rehearsed it enough.
My body knows what to do.
I can then focus on theindividuals that I'm speaking to
and form connections, which isthe most important thing when
(46:20):
you are speaking.
Another thing it's not what yousay that matters.
Women will spend hours angstingover what am I going to say.
It doesn't matter.
It matters how you say it andhow you make your audience feel.
(46:40):
Information can be gotten onGoogle.
How you feel can only be gottenfrom you.
Speaker 1 (46:49):
If you enjoyed this episode, share it with a friend
and don't forget to leave us areview.
And if you're ready to takeyour career to the next level,
apply to join our community ofprofessional women all eager to
help you.
Get there and stay there.
Go to wwwbesther.
Get there and stay there.
Go to wwwbestherco and applytoday.
Hey everyone, this is Erica Lucas, your host and
founding member of Vest, anorganization connecting women
across industries, regions andcareer levels so that together
we can expedite the pipeline ofmore women in positions of power
and influence.
Welcome to another episode ofthe Vestor Podcast, where we
(00:23):
explore the invisible barriersholding women back in the
workplace and share stories ofwomen building power
collectively.
Speaker 2 (00:40):
I want to talk for just a moment about authenticity
.
We hear that a lot.
It's a big word and it's usedeverywhere and we all think I'm
authentic.
Right, I'm not phony, I am notputting on something, I am not.
But what people recognize asauthenticity is when you are
(01:07):
present with your breath, youare present with the other
people, you are curious, you arelistening, you are a part of
the energy of the space.
Then people perceive you asauthentic.
Speaker 3 (01:25):
Your personal brand is the sum of how others
perceive you, your strengths,the expertise people associate
with you and the way in whichyou communicate your skills and
personality, both in person andonline.
But why is having a personalbrand so important Throughout
our career?
One thing is certain we willneed to pivot.
Pivots are inevitable and oftenunexpected, whether it's a
(01:48):
layoff, taking breaks to carefor loved ones.
Having a personal brand alreadyin place gives us the ability
and agility to respond and adapton our own terms.
But how do you build a personalbrand and how do we communicate
it effectively?
Join us as we talk to Rena Cook, founder of Vocal Authority,
about how do we communicate iteffectively.
Join us as we talk to ReenaCook, founder of Vocal Authority
, about how we can communicatewith confidence, authenticity
(02:09):
and influence, from activists toCEOs.
Reena has guided hundreds ofprofessionals on how to use
their voice as a powerful toolfor leadership and connection as
a speaker, author and vocalcoach.
Speaker 1 (02:21):
Reena's approach blends practical insights with
actionable strategies you canstart using immediately to
elevate your presentation andeveryday conversations.
For our guests' full bios andshow notes go to wwwbestherco
forward slash podcast.
If you enjoy the episode, shareit with a friend and don't
(02:42):
forget to leave us a review.
This episode is brought to youby Vest Her Ventures, a peer
network of professional womenand investment fund for
women-led companies in the careeconomy and future of work.
To learn more, go towwwvestherco.
This episode was part of a moreintimate coaching session with
(03:03):
Vest members and has beenrepurposed to accommodate this
episode.
Speaker 2 (03:08):
I started life as a singer, actor, dancer.
I thought that's what I wasgoing to be.
I was going to be a star onBroadway.
My parents were supportive butencouraged me to get a theater
teaching degree so that I wouldhave something to fall back on.
And of course, you know, in myyoung bravado I really won't
(03:30):
need anything to fall back on.
But I did do the teachingdegree and what I discovered in
the student teaching portion isthat I was put on this earth to
teach.
My passion is theater, mypurpose is teaching.
So I taught theater for decades.
(03:52):
I went from high school theaterto college and then I became
obsessed with the human voice.
If the voice is not working,nothing else matters.
So I went to London CenterSchool of Speech and Drama that
Erica mentioned and studiedvoice for a year and came back a
(04:13):
teacher reborn.
And it was then that Irecognized that I needed to
share this theatre voice skillset with a wider audience.
And that's why I created VocalAuthority and started my journey
to reaching out into the worldto see who needed this skill set
(04:35):
and, as a result, thistremendous community of women
empowerment opened up to me.
I didn't know when I startedwhere I was going to find the
energy or the path for my workand it turned out that right now
, in the scope of women'shistory, women are more attuned,
(05:00):
more open, more excited thanthey have ever been.
My goal is to help match thepassion with the ability to
articulate and share thatpassion, so that has become my
driving force in the last decade.
Speaker 3 (05:19):
Tell us about your organization, though, so because
the way I met you.
Your organization, though, socause the way I met you.
I went to an event in Tulsathat was for, uh, women and
politics I think Madison Hornwas part of the party.
Speaker 2 (05:31):
Part of the party um is the Tulsa uh democratic women
party or group, and I wasspeaking that day at that group.
I inadvertently fell into thepolitical space.
I do the voice coaching for anorganization called Sally's List
.
It's a statewide nonprofit thatrecruits, trains and supports
(05:56):
women who are running for publicoffice, and I've been doing
that now for 10 years.
I'm now on the board and so Iwork organizationally and in the
training component for thatorganization.
So I have become active in thepolitical space primarily
(06:18):
because of social justice,equality.
Those issues motivate me and Iwork with people who are
similarly motivated.
Speaker 3 (06:30):
So I want to touch on , you know, what we mentioned.
Both of us mentioned a littlebit.
I do think that many womenaspire to become public speakers
or get better at publicspeaking, but often skip that
essential first step right thatwe talked about, like defining
their personal brand and whattheir core passions are and how
(06:50):
they want to utilize those.
And without a clear sense ofhow they want to show up and why
, you know, it can becomechallenging to show up
consistently and authentically.
So what advice would you offerto women before we even get into
the tacticals of publicspeaking?
What?
Speaker 2 (07:14):
advice would you offer to reflect on their goals
and intention for building thatpersonal brand?
That is such a good question,and I'm currently creating a
presentation about creating yourvocal brand.
But a personal brand, as Ericamentioned, is how I want to show
(07:35):
up in the space, and anexercise which she probably sent
out this week is to list thequalities in yourself that you
are most proud of, and we, aswomen, tend to focus on the
qualities that we are leastproud of.
We lead with those and we areashamed of those when we show up
in the public space.
And to change our focus fromwhat is it about us that holds
(08:02):
us back to what is it about usthat we celebrate.
That is our strong suit.
What do we bring to the table?
What do we bring to a group?
What do we bring to ourfamilies?
And if you're not sure, ask thepeople who know you best and
(08:22):
you can create for yourself alittle survey and you can give
it.
If you're afraid that yourfriends and family won't give
you honest feedback, ask them towrite it out.
How do you see me?
What do you see as my strengths?
What happens when I show up ina room?
(08:43):
What do I offer a group thatmaybe nobody else does, and
that's how you can start todefine who you are.
As I have become more active inthe professional space rather
than the theater space, I havedecided that my personal brand
(09:04):
number one is energy and joy,which is what most people will
say are the qualities that theynotice first about me.
I love what I do and I have agreat deal of energy associated
with that.
I also dress professionally.
I also dress professionally notthat you need to, but I love to
(09:30):
dress.
I am I joke an agingfashionista and I love to dress
up.
So I have claimed my visualbrand as being professional, not
too theatrical, but with alittle bit of theatrical flair.
Sometimes I'll put on a scarfif I have on a black jacket, and
(09:50):
that's my visual brand is toshow up professionally, to be
present.
That's another part of my brand.
I want to be present foreverybody in the group.
I want to be present foreverybody in the group and we
may talk a bit about presence,and I have a whole presentation
about what that means and how wecan find that present space
(10:16):
within us.
We have to dial down ourneuroses that says I'm not
worthy.
I have this quirk, I have thisdialect, I have this lazy eye or
whatever it is that drives younuts.
You have to put that aside andlook at who is present.
It's like right now I amlooking at the faces on my
(10:36):
screen and I am breathing deeplyand making eye contact and
seeing what each person in thegroup needs.
When I am other-focused, I ammore present than when I am
self-focused, if that makes anysense, and part of your brand
(10:58):
should be that you are presentfor the people in the group,
whether it's a family, whetherit's a work situation or an
organization like this, when youcan make your personal brand
reflect that you are present forthem and that they are not
(11:18):
present for you, and then youwill get all those beautiful
things back to you.
Speaker 3 (11:25):
But you first start by giving out um, I want to talk
to you before again we get intotacticals.
One more question about theimportance of identity and doing
this work, so tied to thisprevious question, because I
think that often another thingthat I have seen many women do
(11:47):
when they, you know, try to getinto public speaking is that
they attach their identity toomuch to their title or to the
organization as opposed to doingthe work on, like you know,
again, taking a step back andlike what is the whole picture
Right?
Because, because I mean thelikelihood of us pivoting in our
(12:09):
careers, right, whether it'schanging jobs or moving out the
ladder or loosen the title orbeing laid off or whatever it's,
it's bound to change and we'realso, as humans, right.
So how do we, what do you thinkabout that important, I mean,
that's, that's another thingthat's important, right?
(12:30):
That when we're assessing ourvalues and how we want to show
up and how do we want to beremembered and all of those
things, it's important to do thework, which takes a lot of work
to do, actually, and a lot ofthinking and self-assessment to
think about this outside of justtying it to you know, well, I
work in venture capital, so I'm,you know I'm going to talk
(12:52):
about venture capital every timeI you know like.
You see what I'm saying.
Speaker 2 (12:56):
Absolutely, absolutely.
And I think that when we usethe term public speaking, that
that's scary if we don't do it.
But sharing our truth, orsharing a bit of our expertise,
and learning how to share thatconfidently is more important
(13:18):
than thinking, oh, I am going tobe a public speaker.
What is it that you have toshare?
And every one of us has somepart of our experience, of our
family, of our professional lifewhere we can talk truthfully,
and each one of you hassomething special and unique and
(13:42):
of value that you can andshould be sharing out loud with
your voice to other people.
And what I'm going to talk abouttoday is how we practice to do
that.
It is not enough just to thinkI can talk about these things,
(14:04):
and I am going to ask to beallowed to talk about these
things.
Don't wait for someone to knockon your door and say would you
come and talk to us about that?
Knock on their door and say Ihave this thought, I have this
idea, I have this strategy, Ihave this opinion, I have this
(14:25):
heart full and I would like toshare it with you.
Speaker 3 (14:31):
You gave some thoughts about.
You know how to overcome theself-doubt, and that's focusing
on serving others rather than onyourself.
What's other advice that youhave for those who do feel
self-doubt or have self-imposedlimitations?
Speaker 2 (14:46):
Well, I have a whole course on what I call taming
performance anxiety.
But it is exactly what youdescribed, erica.
It doesn't have to be about Iget nervous in front of people.
It can be about any limitingthought I can't go up for.
That promotion I'm notqualified yet, I can't ask to
(15:10):
share in this environment.
No one will take me seriouslyand those are self-limiting
thoughts that happen under therubric of taming performance
anxiety.
It's really taming any kind ofanxiety, anything that stops us
from being fully ourselves.
I teach a three-part process andif you practice the process,
(15:35):
you will expand your belief inyourself.
The first step is releasinghabitual tension in the body.
Anxiety, thoughts of our owninadequacy hunker down in tight
muscles.
And if we open up the body andyou can do this through yoga,
(16:01):
through dance, through justreleasing and stretching and
moving and shaking to releasethe body, that's step number one
.
Step number two is slow, deepbreathing, which gets into the
strategies that Erica is talkingabout, and if it comes up, I
can teach you a couple of quickbreathing exercises that help
(16:25):
you connect with your groundedand centered person deep in your
core.
And the third is limiting orcontrolling negative mental
messaging.
We're all so good at negativemessaging.
We say horrible things toourselves that we would never
(16:47):
say to another human being.
And the more times we say, evenif we say it to ourselves, they
will think I'm stupid.
They will think I'm foolish.
The more we say that, the moreour body and our brain takes it
on as truth.
So we have to, and I know weall know about positive
(17:08):
affirmations and they don't workbecause we don't do them right.
If you take that negativemessage, they will think I'm
foolish and change it to.
They will see how competent andprepared I am, even if you
don't believe it yet.
You say that over and over whenyou're deep breathing, not when
(17:33):
you're keyed up and excited andyou go oh God, oh God.
They're going to see howprepared I am.
Your body and your brain issaying you lie right.
Your body and your brain issaying you lie right.
But if you say it when you areexhaling that slow, deep breath,
they will see how competent andprepared I am.
(17:55):
They will see how competent andprepared I am and your brain.
The neural pathways in yourbrain are going toward each
other and you've said it enoughtimes till they finally meet and
your body and your brain takethat on as your new truth.
And if you work the processevery day, 10, telling myself I
(18:20):
am worthy, I am adequate, I ammore than adequate, I am amazing
(18:47):
and every single one of you isamazing.
You just have to teach yourselfto believe it.
Speaker 3 (18:57):
You've coached hundreds of women from politics
to corporate America.
Can you share an example ofwomen showing up authentically
and effectively, in an examplewhere maybe the authenticity or
the energy was lacking?
And then what can we learn fromboth things, right.
Speaker 2 (19:20):
Yeah, I had a client.
She came to me, a young woman,30-ish, between 30 and 40
probably, and she said I have toquit my job.
I said, well, why?
What's wrong?
She said, well, public speakingis a component of my work.
We do group presentations andevery time it comes up I get
(19:43):
physically ill.
I have to quit my job.
And I said, well, before youquit, let's work together,
commit to 10 sessions, and then,if you still feel like you need
to quit your job, you have myblessing.
And then, if you still feellike you need to quit your job,
you have my blessing.
Well, we worked 10 sessions onessentially public speaking
(20:07):
technique how to stand, how tobreathe, how to make space in
your mouth, how to use yourwords and we practiced and
practiced and practiced 10sessions.
She goes back to work, they'redividing up their presentation.
Back to work, they're dividingup their presentation.
And one of the members of thegroup said you need to be doing
the whole presentation.
You're clearly the best speaker.
(20:29):
Nothing had changed in her,except she had technique and
skills and began to believe itbecause she practiced it enough.
So that's going from oh my God,I'm shrinking, I'm dying to.
I can do this in 10 sessions.
(20:50):
It's the process, it's not me,I'm not the magic.
It's the process that changedher.
On the other side, the energycan be way wrong, and you've met
those women that are working sohard.
Yeah, you see, their shouldersgo back and their chest come up
(21:12):
and their chin come up and thevoice is so strident that you go
, oh, so strident that you go,oh, please have me back down,
right, I call that the bluff.
It's like I'm not reallyconfident.
I'm not authentically confident, but I'm going to try to
convince you that I am.
(21:32):
Well, that sound sends menrunning out the back door, right
.
So in the work that I do withthem, I help them move that
energy that is here, that is sohard to accept to move down.
Let me move my camera down tomy center, and when I'm finding
(21:55):
power low in my body, I can bejust as authoritative, just as
strong, but I'm not strident,and so people want to gather in
to that power rather than beingpushed out by this aggression.
Speaker 3 (22:14):
I love that.
I may need to take that one,that lesson.
I seem to intimidate a manoften.
Speaker 2 (22:24):
Oh, I can't tell you.
All three of my husbands at onepoint have said don't use that
teacher tone with me.
And I know that I've gotten toostrident.
So I take a breath, I drop myenergy down and I turn on my
curiosity rather than myjudgment.
When I'm not judging and I'mcurious, I can then breathe and
(22:51):
move my power down.
I don't lose anything by doingthat.
I gain in the relationship.
Speaker 3 (22:59):
I love the visualization of moving your
power down Right, like and itjust reminds you, too, of like
breathing deep.
Yes.
Speaker 2 (23:06):
All good things come from here.
I tell my actors and I'm stillin the actor training space as I
work at Oklahoma CityUniversity with the actors there
I tell them that in theircenter, down here, are their
emotions, their memories, theirexperiences, their opinions, and
(23:31):
everything that is true andauthentic comes from deep inside
their center and it is the deepbreath that accesses that.
And that's what I teach notonly to actors, but also to the
women that I coach.
Speaker 3 (23:52):
I love that.
I want to start incorporatingsome of the questions because
there's many on the chat.
I also want to remind membersif you have a question, feel
free to raise your hand so wecan find you and unmute you and
you can ask it or drop it in thechat.
There's one from Courtney.
She says Reena, have younoticed performance anxiety
(24:13):
increase in the post-COVID era?
And I'm going to add somethingto that.
I think isolation, right, likeI do think we're becoming
increasingly isolated.
Speaker 2 (24:26):
Mm-hmm, I think you're absolutely right.
I see it less in mature womenwho had a long track record of
being out with people and hadhoned their skills in that space
.
Younger people, during thoseformative two years that they
were out of well, we were allout of life, out of interacting
(24:51):
with life they have increased inperformance anxiety because
they lost two years ofexperience.
They didn't have the long yearsof experience behind them as
some more mature adults have.
I noticed that with our collegestudents.
(25:11):
Oh my gosh, they don't know howto work.
They don't you know.
I mean, they just have changed.
Covid changed younger people,and not for the better, but
those of us who had years ofbeing alive and working and that
experience, covid didn't takethat away from us.
Speaker 4 (25:32):
That's so helpful and Reena too, just for context.
I am 30 in age and felt veryconfident prior to kind of the
COVID era, in a public speakingkind of scenario and in a
variety of rooms.
That really did feel like astrong suit of mine.
And then it was almost like Iwas in these virtual rooms with
(25:55):
equally as influential of anaudience and just got into this
space of feeling reallycomfortable behind my screen
with my prepared notes.
And then it's the first kind ofopportunity I stepped out and
had a presentation in front of agroup of people post COVID.
(26:16):
It was like it was having thisout of body experience, Like I
couldn't get my breath under meand I just it was the most
bizarre thing.
I started self-diagnosing oflike what in the world has
happened, what is wrong, Because, again, I really had felt
confident in that area and so itwas curious, if you've seen
that and, like I said, I'm 30and have been, I mean, doing
(26:40):
this work since post-grad in2016.
So on the younger side butreally noticed it kind of and
vulnerably speaking, reallynoticed it impact me and I'm
kind of trying to claw back towhere I was as far as my
confidence level and speakingkind of in public situations
(27:02):
prior.
Speaker 2 (27:03):
I totally understand and how frightening that was the
first time you went.
Oh God, I've lost it.
But you know what happens andwhat you're describing is
perfectly natural.
I started in the last couple ofyears weight training and it's
become an obsession, right.
Lifting is my thing.
(27:24):
When I lift every day, themuscles that I have developed
stay in place.
When I stop lifting, themuscles go away.
During COVID we stopped doingour practice and so the skills
that we had learned, they goaway.
(27:45):
If you don't massage them, Ifyou don't keep lifting, the
ground you gain has gone away.
So you essentially, after atwo-year hiatus, have to go back
to the basics and kind ofrelearn those lessons that went
away.
But you'll relearn them fasterthan it took the first time.
(28:07):
Your body will remember.
Just practice, Put yourselfback into those situations, even
if they're painful.
And it's okay to say to anaudience I'm struggling here.
I have something that I want toshare and I'm just back out
(28:27):
after whatever, and I'm a littlenervous today and I just wanted
to share that before we begin.
When you share yourvulnerabilities with the
audience, when you share yourvulnerabilities with the
audience, they don't think lessof you, they think more of you.
They feel bonded to you becauseyou have shared your
vulnerability.
So I often teach that toclients who are making their
(29:02):
first steps into the publicspeaking world.
To just say this is what'sgoing on with me.
Eight years ago I had a big oldspeech right after the election
and I was still devastated andI confessed that right at the
top.
I am really struggling today.
I want to be with you, I wantto share this material, but from
(29:25):
the outset, this is a roughtime for me.
Speaker 3 (29:29):
And it also speaks to authenticity, right, Like
people connect more.
I think that, as women, we'vebeen thought that we need to be
almost perfect to thrive in theworkplace, Right?
Actually, that is very likepeople don't resonate with
perfection.
People resonate with realnessand authenticity and perfection.
(29:52):
You know so yeah.
Speaker 2 (29:56):
I love that.
I want to talk for just amoment about authenticity.
We hear that a lot.
It's a big word and it's usedeverywhere and we all think I'm
authentic.
Right, I'm not phony, I am notputting on something, I am not.
(30:26):
But what people recognize asauthenticity is when you are
present with your breath, youare present with the other
people, you are curious, you arelistening, you are a part of
the energy of the space.
Then people perceive you asauthentic.
If you're bluffing and tryingto prove because of your
insecurity that hey, I belonghere, that's not authentic.
(30:47):
If I shrink into myself, that'snot really who I am either.
Because of whatever's going onwith me and my neuroses today, I
can't be fully present.
But if I let a deep breath dropinto my center and I look in
the eyes of the other peoplethere, I will feel authentic and
(31:11):
the group will perceive me asauthentic.
Speaker 3 (31:15):
First time I've heard that.
That's great.
There are a couple more greatquestions.
I'm going to jump into thoseMonica asks.
As a relatively new consultant,my strategy has been to ask
organizations what the needs orgaps are.
But I'm curious about what youjust said on knocking on their
door to share your ideas withthem.
In your experience, can doingthat lead to a paid gig?
(31:40):
Paid speaking gigs?
I'm guessing.
Absolutely not speaking gigs,not a speaking gig, but like a
consulting gig.
Speaker 2 (31:49):
Yeah, yeah, I knew what you were saying, monica,
absolutely, um, that well,there's two things that occur to
me.
Networking and formingrelationships is the way that
you find your consulting gigs.
If consulting gigs aren'thappening as an outgrowth of
(32:11):
networking and the people thatyou're meeting, then you do that
hard slog work of saying I'dlike to work for AT&T.
Who is the HR director of AT&T?
Do they have a training person?
Is it the HR person or is therein that department someone who
(32:31):
books trainers?
That's the target.
And then you try to phone them,you try to email them, you try
to take them out for coffee CanI come by your office for 15
minutes?
And and then cold calling thecompanies that I want to work
for?
I have material to hand, I havevideos to share, I have a whole
(33:12):
bunch of stuff.
When I go in and cold call, I'mnot just saying, hey, look at
me what I have to give, becauseyou know that they're going to
go.
Ah, maybe not now, right, butif you have things to show and
share that is really going tohelp them, they are much more
likely to want to book you to doa consulting or a training.
Speaker 3 (33:38):
Yes, I love that and I will say I get asked that all
the time.
I think because I do, by natureof the work that we do do a lot
of public speaking andoftentimes people, and sometimes
it is paid.
Sometimes I do do paid speakinggigs.
You know public speakerimmediately as to like, how do I
(34:04):
get paid speaking gigs?
That's why I'm sorry, I assumedthat, Monica, but I love what
you said, Rena, because you know, when you do go out there and
start doing more public speaking, there's a lot of ways in which
you can benefit, right,Networking, building your I mean
relationships, it's everything.
It's how we hire, promote,invest and you know so, the more
you get out there and the morepeople start identifying you
(34:26):
with an expertise or you know asubject matter thing, the better
.
It can also pay and I'm happyto like, I'm an open book when
it comes to that, because I wantwomen to get paid when they
deserve to get paid and whenthey're doing speaking gigs at
conference where they make a lotof money, absolutely.
But I do also want to set therecord straight that that is
(34:49):
very unlikely, right, that's forthe Brene Browns of the world,
for people that can charge a$25,000 speaking gig, or $50,000
, $100,000.
Or $50,000, $100,000,.
There are other ways to buildmomentum and value on why you're
showing up to different spaces.
(35:09):
That doesn't necessarily haveto do with the paid speaking gig
, right, it can lead toopportunities like you just said
, Monica, or kind of where yourmindset was going.
It can lead to investmentopportunities, branding
opportunities to get the name ofyour organization out there,
and you just never know whoyou're going to meet.
Speaker 2 (35:26):
So I appreciate that I can add on to that.
Erica, I range in my speakingfees all the way from nothing to
$10,000.
And I am doing free speechesjust as much as I'm doing the
$5,000 and $10,000 speeches.
And when I started I did a lotof speeches for free.
(35:51):
I reached out to allorganizations who have lunchtime
meetings and they book in youknow, the 10 minute speaker, the
20 minute speaker and I saidcan I come and talk about this
thing that I'm doing?
And?
And so I gave a lot of it away.
I still give a lot of it awayand when I'm approached or I
(36:14):
reach out to an organization whohas money and can pay, I ask
for five $10,000.
And occasionally I actually getit.
Speaker 3 (36:25):
Absolutely, and it's always good to check with other
speakers like to see you know,because I do think that there's
a discrepancy out there with,like you know, women not getting
their fair share.
So I think that there's anopportunity for that discussion.
But also, just look at I lovethat you shared this example,
rina, so thank you.
There is another very importantquestion and I think it's very
(36:47):
real and I'm glad that you askedit.
The question is employers oftenare threatened by the term
personal brand.
How can we navigate around that, even though having a personal
brand helps with visibility forboth the individual and the
organization?
I have actually seen this takeplace and it's been shared with
(37:09):
me from several other women.
Speaker 2 (37:14):
I missed a word there at the beginning.
What is the thing that theworkplace is often adverse to?
Speaker 3 (37:22):
So when women do start doing more public speaking
or being more visible in thecommunity, in the industry,
taking on more of an activeforth-facing role or building
their personal brand, thatsometimes can threaten the
employer feeling like, oh, isshe going to leave or is she
(37:43):
becoming the face of theorganization you know?
So how do you navigate that?
Speaker 2 (37:47):
I think that other people around us becoming
threatened by our good works issomething that we all have to
navigate, that we all have tonavigate.
It's a reality of publicprofessional work life,
(38:08):
particularly if we are in aspace dominated by men.
And so, building therelationship with the boss, the
employer, the person that you'reconcerned about, deepen your
relationship with them.
Be curious about what they'revaluing, be curious about what's
(38:28):
going on with their work, withtheir family, with their hobbies
.
If you have a strong personalrelationship, they are less
likely to be, to be intimidated.
If you feel that they are,reassure them, have that
conversation, and you don't haveto say, of course I'm concerned
(38:49):
that you might be threatened,no, no, leave that out of the
conversation.
But it's like I just want youto know that the work I'm doing
over here, though it's very,very meaningful to me, it does
not take my focus away from mywork here or the work that I am
doing with you, and I justwanted to talk to see if there's
(39:12):
a problem with that or ifyou've been concerned about that
.
I want to reassure you thatthis is where my loyalties lie.
So it's partially, and it's notlike I'm encouraging you to
flatter or to flirt.
It's authentic.
Your desire to have an authenticrelationship with the people
(39:32):
you work with is real.
It's not manipulative, if itcomes from an open heart and so
forming, ensuring therelationship is strong and then
confronting your concerns in anopen and loving way, I think
will help you negotiate andnavigate those waters.
(39:54):
But you always need to have apart of you attuned to that.
What's going on in therelationships here and how am I
navigating that?
And rather than, oh God, peopledon't like me, you know, don't
let that happen.
But how can I stay present andpositive in all of my
(40:16):
relationships so that people arecomfortable with me and feel
empowered in my presence?
Speaker 3 (40:23):
Obviously, online presence.
It's becoming more and moreimportant and if you talk to us
about that, what is publicspeaking in the online space?
Speaker 2 (40:36):
Yeah, well, it's got several layers.
First, I prepare for an onlinemeeting or talk or presentation
in the same way that I preparefor an in-person.
I warm up my body, I warm up myvoice, I get my nerves under
(40:59):
control before I ever come tothe computer, then notice how
I'm sitting.
I want my shoulders and myhands to be seen in the screen.
So I don't, you know, I don'twant to do this so that they
just see the top of my head.
I don't want to cut my head off, I don't want to be too far
(41:20):
away and I don't want to be tooclose, because that's weird.
But I try to center myself inthe space.
When I am wanting to feel likeI'm connected to the group, I
look at the faces on my screen.
When I'm answering a question,I look at my camera so that it
(41:42):
seems to everybody that I'mlooking in their eyes.
So I want to be present.
I sit up straight, I don'trelax into my seat.
I don't play with my phone,even though the phone is such a
strong attraction.
The only thing I do that is abit distracting is I have to
(42:03):
have my coffee or my water andbut and I want my hands to be
seen, you know, because Igesture, I use my hands and they
are part of my communication.
So it's preparation.
Oh, light.
I didn't say about lighting.
In my own space I have a ringlight Today.
(42:26):
I'm just using the beautifulnatural light that's coming in
this space, but the lightingshould be behind your computer
and not behind you.
Glasses that reflect.
You can put them up a littlebit.
You know, I'm kind of takingthe temples and pushing them up
and that takes the reflectiondown a bit.
So those are some littlestrategies that help you be more
(42:51):
present.
Know that when you're on a Zoom, everybody is watching every
move you make, you know.
So you can't afford to lookdisinterested, you can't afford
to pick your nose, you can'tafford to be eating your lunch.
Speaker 3 (43:15):
I know, right, michelle goes darn.
No, no, no, I was just going tosay it's the little things,
right, I recently was honoredenough to be included in an
Oprah deal for the election, youknow, when they did, all the
groups that were supporting theHarris campaign.
I know, and I was one of them.
And one thing that they told meis and they told everyone like
before, after, during, get yourgums out because it looks
(43:37):
terrible.
And I never thought of it likeI don't think I chew gum that
often, but I, but there weresome people and they were like,
anyways, just the thought thatgoes behind, you know, a
production like that, and it waslike the gum chewing, but a lot
of the things you justmentioned.
Speaker 2 (43:54):
So just very interesting.
Yeah, and it's.
It's doubly hard to formrelationships online, to really
feel connected.
So it's like I noticed thatMichelle did a thing and I
commented on it, so so it's likethat's the way that I say to
Michelle I'm seeing you,sweetheart, you know, and and
(44:19):
and that forming relationshipsthrough this medium is much,
much harder, and so it requiresa special attention to make
people feel like you are presentfor all of them.
Speaker 3 (44:34):
What are two or three takeaways that you want VAS
members to leave after thisconversation, to leave with?
Speaker 2 (44:41):
that you want best members to leave after this
conversation, to leave with.
Well, one thing that I did geta chance to talk about, and that
is the taming performanceanxiety process and even if you
don't identify it as tamingperformance anxiety, even if you
identify it as I need to buildmy confidence, that three-step
process physical release, deepbreathing and the mantra I use
(45:06):
for deep breathing is slower,deeper, quieter, calmer and I
just say that to myself and getmy breath deeper and more
grounded and thirdly,controlling negative mental
messaging, the other thing thatI didn't get into.
When you are speaking,breathing at every punctuation
(45:32):
or thought shift is crucial, andif anybody wants to work with
me further on that, or if youwant to have me come back, we
can work on a speech togetherand I can show you how to
breathe, which is the power, andhow to make space in your mouth
, which is your megaphone.
Breath is power, space isvolume, and if you practice that
(45:58):
when you are speaking, youdon't have to think about that.
I never think about breath, Inever think about space, because
I have rehearsed it enough.
My body knows what to do.
I can then focus on theindividuals that I'm speaking to
and form connections, which isthe most important thing when
(46:20):
you are speaking.
Another thing it's not what yousay that matters.
Women will spend hours angstingover what am I going to say.
It doesn't matter.
It matters how you say it andhow you make your audience feel.
(46:40):
Information can be gotten onGoogle.
How you feel can only be gottenfrom you.
Speaker 1 (46:49):
If you enjoyed this episode, share it with a friend
and don't forget to leave us areview.
And if you're ready to takeyour career to the next level,
apply to join our community ofprofessional women all eager to
help you.
Get there and stay there.
Go to wwwbesther.
Get there and stay there.
Go to wwwbestherco and applytoday.
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