February 27, 2025 • 59 mins
In this episode, I sit down with my husband Alex Cuevas for our annual conversation about our parenting journey. We discuss the challenges and triumphs of raising our two young toddlers in a one-bedroom apartment, our house-hacking journey to build generational wealth, and how we're working to break generational patterns in our parenting approach. This raw and honest conversation explores parenthood without the traditional "village" and the intentional choices we're making as first-generation Latino parents.
For detailed show notes, visit vivalamami.com/episode113
In This Episode You’ll Hear:
- Our house-hacking journey and building generational wealth
- The challenges of raising children in a small space and maintaining privacy
- Alex reflects on his own upbringing and parallels to our current living situation
- Navigating parenthood without the traditional "village" of extended family support
- Breaking generational patterns and creating a different parenting experience
- Balancing partnership and parenthood
- Managing stress and supporting each other as partners
Resources Mentioned
- Latino Dad Connection
- Luna y Cielo Play Café
- First Podcast Episode with Alex: Episode 51
Coming Up Next
Stay tuned for my bite-sized solo episodes in March and April – all under 30 minutes, because I get it - mami life!
Love this episode? Subscribe wherever you are listening, share this episode with an amiga, and leave a review on Apple podcasts.
Watch this podcast episode on YouTube!
Follow Viva la Mami on Instagram @vivalamami
Join the Viva la Mami newsletter so you won't miss a thing!
Have a suggestion for an episode topic? Click HERE
Have a suggestion for a guest? Click HERE
Visit the Viva la Mami Website
www.vivalamami.com
Have questions or want to connect? Email us at podcast@vivalamami.com
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Hola, hola amiga.
I'm so excited for you all tojoin me today because on today's
episode I sit down with myhusband Alejandro or Alex Cuevas
for our annual check inconversation about our parenting
journey as we wrap up seasonfour.
Yes, you heard that right.
(00:21):
Today is the end of season fourof the Viva La Mami podcast.
if you haven't heard my firstconversation with Alex, I will
share that episode in the shownotes, which is episode 51,
where we had our initialconversation about growing
together as parents.
(00:41):
And I feel like this is almostlike The 2.
0 version of that conversationbecause we have evolved, we have
grown and we have done a lotthis past year.
Parenting and together we'reraising our four year old son
Diego and 21 month old sonMateo.
(01:02):
So we are raising them inChicago as most of you know
through social media and whatI've shared on the podcast and
really this past year hasbrought tremendous change as we
moved from a spacious suburbanhome to a one bedroom apartment
in the city and this wasultimately part of our house
(01:26):
hacking journey.
To build generational wealth.
And in this raw and honestconversation, Alex shares his
perspective on parenting inclose quarters, breaking
generational patterns, andfinding balance between
fatherhood and partnership.
We discuss the challenges ofraising our two little ones
(01:47):
without extended family nearby,and how we're setting healthy
boundaries with our own parents,as well as how we're
intentionally creating adifferent parenting experience
than what we had growing up.
So we had a lot here.
I feel like we kept going in.
So many different directions andhonestly, I did not prepare a
(02:10):
list of questions.
I just wanted to have this to bea conversation and that way you
get to experience our world andthat way you get to know a
little bit more about us and ourrelationship and how we parent.
And I feel like as firstgeneration parents, we're
(02:31):
constantly navigating betweentwo worlds where we want to
honor our cultural roots whilecreating new traditions that
align with our own values.
And like many of you, we'refiguring out how to balance it
all.
between our relationships, ourcareers, parenting, and self
care, all while living in aspace that sometimes feels too
(02:53):
small for our big dreams,literally.
For us, we live in a small spacewhere, yeah, we, we feel like we
deserve to dream big.
And so whether you're a mamatrying to break generational
patterns, someone struggling tobalance cultural expectations
with modern parenting, or simplycurious about different
parenting journeys.
(03:15):
This conversation offersinsights into how we're
navigating these challengestogether.
I also encourage you to inviteyour partner and have them
listen to this conversation,especially if you are in a
partnered relationship.
But before we dive in, I want toremind you that in the show
notes, there are two links.
One where you can suggestdifferent topics, topics like
(03:38):
this one, or any topic that youwant me to talk about.
And I also have another link onproposing a guest, or if you
know of a potential guest thatcould benefit in being on the
show, feel free to share theirinformation as well.
I think that it's so importantto share our stories and for
people to share their expertise.
And that way, Mama, yourmotherhood journey can be better
(04:00):
informed and you get to createthe best version of this
Wonderful, but oftentimeschaotic journey of ours, and I
also want to remind you toplease rate and review the show
It's so important for me toreceive feedback and what you
think of this show so thatpeople like you and I can find
Viva La Mami and that way Latinamoms don't feel in isolation as
(04:23):
it relates to their motherhoodjourney.
So please, Don't forget toreview the show if you're
listening through Apple podcastsOtherwise, you can also rate the
show on Spotify if you listen tous On YouTube, you can also
subscribe and like us and thatway we get to build this
community for you because it isso needed.
(04:44):
And before we jump in, I amexcited to share that for the
upcoming months of March andApril, I'll be releasing solo
episodes all under 30 minutesbecause I know how precious your
time is.
Between juggling work, familyresponsibilities, and trying to
squeeze in a few minutes ofyourself, who has time for hour
(05:05):
long podcasts.
And I know that I've been tryingto keep it under an hour.
But y'all, sometimes myconversations with guests are
amazing.
And I want to give them thespace and time to share their
expertise, their thoughts, theirexperiences and journeys.
However, these upcoming forjoining.
eight solo episodes throughoutthe months of March and You will
(05:30):
be hearing all the advice andcommunity that you need while me
respecting your busy schedulebecause I totally get it.
All right, so enough of thiswhole call to action I know that
I've shared a lot, but I am veryexcited to have Alex on the show
again and Yeah, that way you gotthe inside scoop of what is
(05:50):
going on in our lives How wefeel, how we're managing and
navigating parenthood becauselike I've shared My motherhood
journey wouldn't have startedwithout him because he is a part
of it as well.
All right, mama Well now let'sdive into the final episode of
season 4 with my hubby AlexCuevas/
Jessica (07:18):
hola, Alex.
How are you?
Yo daddy (07:22):
I'm good.
Jessica (07:24):
I'm so glad you are here.
For the second time on the VivaLa Mami podcast, it has been a
full year since the last timethat we recorded, and we were in
a different space.
We were living at my parentshouse for a little bit as we
were getting this placeremodeled.
(07:44):
And so it's wild how.
Much and how many thingshappened within 12 months.
And so I just wanted to saythank you for being here because
I think it's so important forpeople to listen on what we've
been doing, kind of catching upon our lives sort of thing.
(08:05):
And that way, you know, they cankind of be a part of our journey
because obviously.
Having this community and thisplatform, it's all about
motherhood.
But I think that part of myspecific motherhood journey
couldn't be complete, you know,without you.
So, as we were preparing for ourconversation together is, you
(08:30):
know, what is something that, wereally want to touch on?
And I think like the unexpectedthings or the things that we
kind of felt unexpected aboutparenthood.
Um, I think specifically.
When it comes to our experienceas newer parents, because we
(08:51):
have two little ones at the, atthe time of this recording, we
have an almost four year old anda 19 month old.
So, you know, we have two littleones, so we are very new to this
journey, but I know that many ofthe listeners will, resonate.
especially as what we've thoughtabout parenting before and now,
(09:16):
um, as a little bit moreexperienced parents and any, any
surprises that came up that hascome up really
Yo daddy (09:23):
All right.
Jessica (09:25):
Yeah.
So before we delve into theconversation, if you can share a
little bit about you kind ofkeeping us up to date, what
you've been doing.
Yo daddy (09:35):
Okay, well, still learning, still learning as
well.
So trying to navigate thisjourney, parenthood journey with
you, alongside with you.
Um, I mean, Yeah, it's, what canI say?
It's tough.
It's, it's very, very tough.
I mean, especially now in ourcurrent, living situation, our
current house, where we're allcramped up together, getting in
(09:59):
each other's way.
I think that adds an extra layerof, uh, difficulty to our
everyday day to day life,
Jessica (10:07):
Yeah.
And for the listeners who don'tknow about our current living
situation, I mean, I've sharedthis a little bit.
I don't think I've sharedenough.
I think that yes, it's a part ofour journey as parents, you
know, but, um, maybe this can bea full, a full load of content
(10:28):
that I would share.
But for those of you who haven'theard or.
Kind of followed us along.
We moved from a four bedroomhouse, single family house back
in the suburbs and we moved tothe city.
We're currently in Chicago.
Uh, and we currently live in aone bedroom apartment and it's
(10:51):
not a rented apartment.
It's actually a house hackingYeah, it's, it's a whole house.
The term is house hack.
I mean, I think that is justlike a buzzword, but in reality,
this is what our families havedone for many, many generations,
uh, especially for the first genfolks, uh, if you know what it
(11:13):
is, you know, you're basicallyliving in a multifamily
household.
Um, but.
Tenants are not family members.
They are our tenants.
Uh, we decided to buy a buildingas a way to build generational
wealth.
And one of the things that haveallowed us really is for us to,
well, for me, not to work fulltime.
(11:35):
Um, and that way, you know, wecan raise our kids together and
that in itself can be.
A blessing and also, you know,it can be a challenge because,
you know, they're with us.
Yeah, they're with us 24 sevenand, and you, you work from
(11:55):
home.
And so being that we'reliterally cramped up into a one
bedroom space, I mean, it, ithas been a challenge and
currently right now where we'rerecording, I'm at the very far
end.
Um, Um, yeah, like I'm in mylittle room here, my little
recording studio, which is thevery far end of the, of the
apartment.
(12:16):
And you're at the other end.
Yo daddy (12:17):
and
Jessica (12:18):
so yeah, you know, it's, it's definitely been
something that at least I'velike, I'm still adapting.
And, you know, there have beenmoments where I'm like, Oh, how
would life have been like if wewere to still live in that, You
know, four bedroom house andthat, single family home.
(12:39):
Right.
Um, but we were very intentionalin terms of having a different
lifestyle in terms of how canwe.
Make this work at least for ashort amount of time and I know
that many people, especiallywhen they're married or who have
kids, they want to do this, butthey are afraid.
(13:00):
like, they, it's always thatfear, right?
you know, they're not willing totake up on that challenge
because they feel like they havea family because they have a
family, they shouldn't mess uptheir kids in some capacity.
I think that I've definitely,um, have seen that.
Where one parent wants to dosomething different, but the
(13:21):
other one is afraid because itcould affect the kids or what
have you.
And, And, I think for us, likeour kids are so happy here, at
least even though we are kind ofstruggling where, you know, we
want to keep them calm or, youknow, we want to have a little
bit more privacy.
I know that the boys are havinga blast because there's
literally.
(13:41):
Cramped up with
Yo daddy (13:42):
Yeah.
There's no escape from them.
So that's why I think they'rehappy'cause they know we can't
get away from them.
Jessica (13:48):
Yeah.
And so how has like this yearbeen for you?
At least I know that we, youshared about literally being in
a smaller space, but is thissomething that you anticipated
or is this something that, youknow, you're still struggling
with in terms of our currentliving situation?
I guess I never asked that.
Yo daddy (14:09):
Well, now it's out in the open.
Um, well, anticipation andactual, like, reality are two
different things, right?
For me, at least.
Like, I anticipated it beingtough.
You know, this move of our, ofus, of ours being tough, but
actually living through it.
It's ten times more than what Iexpected.
(14:30):
Could I've ever imagined, right?
I mean, I knew that it was goingto be tough.
I knew that it was going to becramped up, especially with two
growing kids, two energetic kidsand always yelling, always
stomping on the ground.
But I mean, yeah, if you wouldhave asked me this question last
year, it would have beencompletely different for me, at
(14:53):
least I would have thought aboutit completely different, but I
mean, I'm happy, you know what Imean?
I think it's always, it's so youalways have to make a sacrifice
to move 10 steps forward.
Right.
So I think that's what I'vealways, what I always tell
myself, at least to keep myselfsane.
Because if you don't have thosecheck ins with yourself, you
(15:15):
might lose it.
At least that's for me.
Because I think that's why I'mso quiet sometimes, you know,
when we're here, because I'mjust telling myself we're gonna
be okay.
We're going to be okay and wewill be okay.
I know that.
So yeah, I mean, it's, it's beentough.
It's been a journey.
Hopefully we'll be somewhereelse a little bit more
(15:36):
comfortable by this time nextyear.
It's
Jessica (15:42):
that could be our challenge, right?
In terms of finding a space thatcan be a little bit more
suitable for us.
It's not that this space isn't,we've made it work.
It's, yeah, but.
You know, being that it is a onebedroom apartment, the, the kids
(16:02):
are the ones in that bedroom.
They're sharing the room.
They have their room.
We, on the other hand,
Yo daddy (16:09):
for a year,
Jessica (16:11):
yeah,
Yo daddy (16:12):
creating back problems for ourselves.
Yeah.
Jessica (16:15):
Yeah.
yeah, We're, we're literallylike my brother in law said,
like we're living the immigrantlife.
That's how many of our familymembers had lived and, and it's,
and that's in a way, it's aprivilege because we made that
decision.
You know, we, we made the choiceof living in this kind of
(16:40):
temporary living situation to,to transition.
Save us money in terms of likenot spending anything on the
cost of living, you know, thathas been something that is very
rare for many families, right?
Like who gets to house hack.
I mean, you only hear this withlike single people or newly
(17:01):
wedded couples who are juststarting their lives together,
but an established family offour, like you don't hear this.
And so Yeah, it's something veryunique and I keep telling you,
Alex, you got to do somethingabout this, you know, kind of
create your own platform abouthow families can also house
hack.
Um, but I'm just putting it outthere for you.
Yo daddy (17:23):
thank you.
But as your audience couldprobably tell, I'm not the type
of person that would create thisfor myself.
So, or like to share, you neverknow, you never know something
in the future.
And once I get a little bit moreknowledge in this field, so
Jessica (17:37):
Oh, yeah.
Yo daddy (17:38):
and actually, yeah, I mean, it's another, you bring up
an extra interesting point.
Like I never actually thoughtabout this, but.
This is actually, I'm actually,we're living how I was brought
up, right?
My parents, my parents were, Iused to live, yeah, I used to
live with my parents where myparents actually still live in
(17:59):
for the past 30 years.
Wow.
It's actually crazy to sayingthat out loud for the past 30
years, they live in a small twobedroom, one bath.
You know, it was a family offour, myself, my sister, my, my
parents, obviously.
And now I can kind of see, I cansee it from the child's point of
view.
When I was a kid, it was fun.
(18:20):
Cause I've always saw, I alwaysgot to hang out with my sister.
You know, my mom was always justlike an arm's reach away.
Anything I needed, she wasalways there.
Right.
And then I can kind of see whatmy dad was always.
Because he didn't have no, no,uh, no, no, no privacy, right?
Anytime he felt angry, he wouldalways just have to put on a
(18:41):
face.
Not to show it, even though hestill shows it, he still showed
it, but what can you do?
Right.
And that's not really understandhim from his point of view, you
know, have it to put on the facefor our two little ones so that
he won't, so that they won't seeus be frustrated.
I try my best.
It still gets out there, right?
That anger still shows.
I'm not like how you, like howyou say, I don't have a poker
(19:04):
face, right?
All my emotions just are out inthe open sometimes.
Yeah.
It's, uh, it's interesting.
it's, interesting what we'regoing through right now.
So,
Jessica (19:15):
Yeah, that, that's an interesting point, and I guess I
never realized that until youliterally just mentioned in
terms of how, yeah, we have toYeah, portar bien in front of
our kids, so that, yeah, wedon't show, like, our emotions,
and, and, and it's really tough,I mean, I've definitely, this,
(19:36):
this has happened a coupletimes, a handful of times, know,
where, you Yeah, where I just,you know, I have all the, the
anger and, and, and I thinkit's, it's not because it's
them, right?
It's because of me, perhaps Ididn't have enough sleep or
(19:57):
perhaps, you know, I haven'tbeen taking care of myself
necessarily, or the way that Iwish I could.
And, and.
Yeah, it does make it verydifficult when you are in a
small space and you don't havethat privacy where you don't,
you can't remove yourselfnecessarily because your kids
are literally behind you.
(20:19):
And I think that this happenseverywhere, but when it comes to
the environment, it can make animpact.
And.
And I think that in itself iskind of unique.
You know, I don't hear of manyfamilies that go through that
struggle.
I mean, I definitely hear itfrom like Diego school, for
(20:41):
example, I know that there's alot of families who live in
small apartments like this one,you know, we are in the city,
everyone experiences, you havinga cramped up space especially
when you have kids.
But yeah, now that I see it fromthat perspective, it's, it's
interesting.
Yeah,
Yo daddy (21:01):
Hopefully we don't, uh, scar our children with this
so but whatever.
They'll be all right.
They'll be all right,
Jessica (21:06):
So, yeah.
And I think, I mean, it happenseverywhere, right?
You know, whether if you are ina big ass home versus like a one
bedroom apartment, I think atthe end of the day, it's
important to like apologize toyour kids if you do end up
acting up in front of them.
And for me at least, and we do,yeah, like we, we definitely do
(21:28):
that.
And, and I think it's importantthat we express emotion in front
of our kids, um, because.
That way they're able tounderstand that we are also
human, that we make mistakes andthen, you know
Yo daddy (21:45):
And that it's, yeah.
That it's important to realizewhen you mess up
Jessica (21:49):
Yeah.
Yeah, absolutely.
so yeah, so our environment isdifferent than last year.
Uh, last year we were in armsreach with our family, with my
family specifically, you know,where if you had to go to the
office, for example, I wasn'talone.
(22:12):
It was my sister working fromhome or my parents were there.
Someone was in the house becausewe were with my parents, you
know, we were staying at myparents
Yo daddy (22:23):
We had backup.
Jessica (22:25):
Yeah, we had backup.
And now this year it's just youand I.
Yo daddy (22:30):
just writing solos.
Yep.
Jessica (22:33):
Yeah.
And, you know, and for context,for my listeners, my family, is
in the suburbs.
So they're 40 minutes to an houraway, including traffic from us.
And my siblings are there withthem as well.
They're in the suburbs withthem.
(22:54):
And yeah, like we have no familyhere except your parents.
Um, but how has that transitionbeen for you?
At least, do you think that, youknow, comparing the first year,
Of you being a dad whereeveryone just talks about how
hard it is, going through thenewborn stage.
(23:16):
How do you compare that to now?
Yo daddy (23:21):
Well, the newborn phase, that was amazing.
That was easy compared to whatwe're doing now.
Cause it's easy with newborns.
I mean, they cry, they're eitherhungry or they're being,
something's bothering them rightnow.
It's like, especially with theiroldest one, you never know what
kind of emotion he's going to befeeling next.
He's happy one time he's mad.
(23:43):
The next one, let's say youconstantly just have to just
have to be prepared for whatstage, you know, the toddler is
going to decide to show, but,um, yeah, I mean, we were at
your parents.
It was, yeah, like how youmentioned, there was a sense of
comfort, at least for me too,knowing that when I did have to
(24:03):
work, that I had, that when,when I was busy, that you
weren't going to be alone,right, that you weren't going to
be struggling with the kids.
And, but at the same time forme, you know, I felt, constantly
watched, right.
Jessica (24:19):
Um.
Yo daddy (24:20):
I mean, if that makes any sense, but like, I just
couldn't be, Myself, I couldn'tdo, you know, if I wanted to,
like, let's say grab somethingto drink, I'm like, you know,
constantly looking around andsee where they're, see where
somebody's at.
If I want it just like
Jessica (24:38):
Silence.
Silence.
Yo daddy (24:53):
I feel comfortable with them.
But at the same time, it's like,all right.
I need, I need a little, youknow, I need a little, I need a
little space, but, um, yeah.
And then moving over here, um,it was completely different, you
know, we got finally what wewanted to raise our kids how we
wanted to, without any inputfrom anybody else.
(25:13):
But going back to the sameexample, like how I use when I
work, when I go to work, when Ihave to go to the office, it's
like, I feel guilty.
I feel guilty.
But obviously, cause you know,I'm leaving you here with two
little, very clingy kids, veryextremely kids, needy, all the
(25:34):
above.
I love them.
Don't get me wrong, but they,I'm sorry.
They suck sometimes.
I'll go ahead and say it, youknow, but, um, and yeah, to be a
little bit selfish.
I feel a big sense of reliefbecause being crammed up in this
small spot for seven days out ofthe week.
(25:59):
And then work time, it feelsnice to get out, but I know you
got it.
I know you're more than capableof handling your own with these
two.
You give them stuff to do.
They love you.
Obviously, but after being gonefor like eight, eight to 10
hours, you know, when I have togo into the office, coming back,
(26:20):
seeing them smile, like once Iwalked into that door, there's
nothing better, there's, there'sno better feeling than that.
Sometimes that's why I wish Ican get that almost every day.
That makes any sense, right?
Jessica (26:33):
Yeah, but you work mostly from home.
And so how has that, how haveyou navigated that?
Because they are attached to us.
And And honestly, like, I'm justsurprised that you haven't
gotten fired yet because, youknow, whenever you have
(26:53):
meetings, one of them cries orone of them is like begging for
you to hold them.
And so, you know, and I thinkmany families who are for the
listeners who resonate, I thinkthat this brings back the
traumas that they've experiencedwhen they were remote working,
(27:14):
uh, during the COVID times, youknow, during quarantine.
And everyone talked about howhard it was, but right now we're
living in a different time,right?
We're in this post COVID worldand you do have the ability to
work from home.
So how does that look like when,you know, your kids, our kids
(27:37):
are here all day, right?
So,
Yo daddy (27:40):
yeah, I mean, well, I'm very fortunate that my job
is pretty flexible with this,um, you know, the, my company,
they are, they kind of, howshould I say, they kind of pride
themselves in being, you know,family company almost whatever,
but, um, yeah, I am fortunate inthat aspect that when, you know,
when they hear, you know, ourkids running around in the
background, I apologize to them.
(28:00):
They're like, Hey, you knowwhat?
It's fine.
We have kids of our own.
So I am fortunate enough to workwith people who are in somewhat
of a similar situation as mine.
I think that helps a lot, but,um, yeah, I mean, I guess to
kind of answer your question,how do I cope or whatever with
working from home and being herewith you guys?
(28:24):
Uh, I don't know, possibly thefact that I'm able to watch
Netflix while I work andwatching YouTube, all these
other things, you know, I, I, Ifind it very, I I'm just that
type of person that I find it,it's pretty easy for me to kind
of, uh, Leave my body if youwill right that might be here
physically, but mentally I'msomewhere else think that helps
(28:48):
me a lot especially like whenI'm watching the show And
especially hearing Diego screamin the background.
Yeah, it annoys me.
You know, I'm just like, what'sgoing on?
I feel like getting up, youknow, to go help I do.
But for them, sometimes when I'mstuck doing something, I mean,
my, my one side of my brain isfocused on Netflix.
(29:08):
And the other one is focused onmy job.
So I mean, I think I'm able tokind of multitask in that.
Multitasking kind of helps meget through my day to day.
Stuff, shenanigans at work, ifyou will.
Jessica (29:23):
Yeah.
So men can multitask because Ihear they can't
Yo daddy (29:29):
Um,
Jessica (29:30):
putting you on the spot.
Yo daddy (29:33):
I guess
Jessica (29:35):
Oh,
Yo daddy (29:37):
Yeah.
I, I
Jessica (29:38):
oof.
You just broke the, the bro codeor whatever.
Yo daddy (29:42):
I think my, my man card is gonna be revoked soon.
So
Jessica (29:47):
Nah.
Oh, man.
Yeah, I mean, it's a good thingthat you're finding a way to
distract yourself, but I wouldsay though, you know, you, I,
I'm very lucky that you are herebecause I would be miserable is
(30:09):
especially with, you know,school pickups and drop offs,
right?
And like Diego goes to schoolfor like two and a half hours a
day.
Like that would have sucked ifMateo would come with all the
time, you know?
And especially right now in thewinter where it takes like
double the amount of time to Getpeople ready and out the door
(30:29):
like, and all while taking thesetwo little ones, like, at least
I'm able to leave my tail withyou and I just take Diego with
me.
Like, that's just one example.
But there have been times when Ihave to go to like doctor's
appointments or even meet upover for coffee for a business
related thing.
Like I know that I'm glad thatyour job is able to allow that,
(30:52):
you know, flexibility where youdon't feel like you're going to
get in trouble.
Obviously you don't take it forgranted where, you know, you're
taking full advantage of thattoo.
But at least I know that I cancount on you and I'm not alone
in this kind of stay at home momstatus, right?
I think we're both stay at homeparents.
(31:15):
We are both co managing thisaspect where, when you said like
how we now have the ability toparent on our own terms.
we have that freedom, I wouldsay, where we're not confined to
like, what others are going tosay, no one else is looking at
(31:35):
us, right?
When we are raising our twolittle ones, I think there's a
huge benefit that we are bothworking together to raise these
two kids.
I think a disadvantage is thatit's just us two.
And so how have you grappledwith not having a village at our
(32:00):
disposal when sometimes we doneed it?
Yo daddy (32:04):
Well that word, that term, the terminology village,
that's something that I neverreally understood because I was
never really exposed to it,right?
Um, it's, growing up it was justalways the four of us, you know?
And obviously, you know?
and I guess to give some contextto your viewers, my family is
(32:25):
very reserved.
Like we don't talk to eachother.
We don't tell each other howwe're feeling.
And we get that a lot from mydad.
Right.
And that's, even thoughthroughout the years I've tried
to be a little bit more open, bea little bit more, should I say
vulnerable, like to just gethelp, if you will, from how I'm
(32:46):
feeling or like to try to healsome stuff or whatever.
But, um, Yeah, it's just, Idon't know.
I guess I just never really,never really expected help, I
guess you can say.
Right.
Um, so I guess that's what me,yeah, it'd be nice if we could
help, you know, like if we wouldwant to go out on a date night,
(33:10):
have somebody that we trust,Hey, can you take care of the
kids?
But obviously we don't havethat.
It doesn't really, mepersonally, it doesn't really
affect me because.
Jessica (33:21):
Hmm.
Yo daddy (33:23):
I mean, at the end of the day, I want, I want our kids
to be with us, even thoughsometimes it's like, all right.
It'd be nice to, you know, pawnthem off to somebody.
Right.
But like for the most part, Ienjoy their presence.
I enjoy us being together as afamily, right?
Cause who can we count on?
Just us, just each other.
(33:44):
And that's the way I look at it.
I mean, again, don't get mewrong.
It'd be nice to have a village,but, um, yeah, we got this.
Hmm.
Jessica (33:54):
man, like, I don't think I've ever, heard this from
you, like, getting yourperspective as to not
necessarily.
needing a village because youdidn't have one.
Yo daddy (34:09):
Well,
Jessica (34:09):
am I, I mean, I'm, I've been with, we've been together
for a long ass time.
Yo daddy (34:16):
oh, yeah.
Jessica (34:20):
guess I've never seen it that way.
Yo daddy (34:22):
Yeah, I mean, I guess when you're put in different
situations like right now, beingface to face with you over a
camera, you know, just thesethings, these thoughts that I
guess just kind of reemerge, orthese feelings that have
reemerged, these experiencesthat have been, you know, kind
of just pushed somewhere else.
Uh, just kind of reemerged.
(34:43):
I don't know.
I don't know how else to say it.
Jessica (34:45):
Hmm.
Yo daddy (34:46):
but yeah.
I mean, uh, yeah, I mean, Imean, our village is, I guess
it's just you and I that
Jessica (34:54):
Yeah.
And that is totally commonnowadays and, and that is
ultimately the American culture,right?
You know, you have a family andit's just up to you to determine
everything for your kid.
And whereas for me, like I grewup with a village, I mean, I
(35:18):
grew up with a multi multigenerational household where it
was.
You know, my grandparents, myaunts, my cousins, my parents,
my siblings, like all, everyonelived under this one building.
And then once we moved out of mygrandparents house, we still
(35:39):
lived in proximity to them andmy grandma took care of us.
And so like my mom had the help,like she had her village and I,
and I think she never had toworry about whether if.
You know, me and my sisters weregoing to be hungry or if she,
because she was a working mom,like she didn't have to worry
(36:02):
about who's going to pick up,drop off the kids.
I mean, once we got older, we,she did have to worry because my
grandma, you know, they, thenshe didn't have the capacity and
then they moved to Mexico.
But at least when I was a littlekid, like a little, little kid,
like Diego's age right now.
You know, I just remember beingsurrounded with so many people
(36:24):
and it wasn't just my parents.
And I guess that's why when I,you know, when my mom started to
work, I was like Diego's age.
Um, I, I don't remembernecessarily missing her because
I knew that I had this.
Back up of like all these peoplein my life, you know, and, and
(36:49):
so that was always somethingthat I always thought that I
would have, you know, when I hadkids and now that I don't, I
mean, I've been struggling alot, I've been struggling a lot
with that because I'm like,shit, like my kids don't have
all these people, The way that Igrew up being with and, and so,
(37:12):
yeah, you know, I'm stillgrappling with that.
I'm still, I mean, that's one ofthe reasons why I went back to
therapy, you know, in a way Ifelt resent in a way I felt like
sadness because my kids aren'twith their tias, they aren't
with their primos, they aren'twith their grandparents.
And then we, I get this pushbackis like, well, you, y'all chose
(37:32):
to move to the city, but Youknow, when it comes to making
sacrifices, kind of going backto what you said, you know, this
was a huge sacrifice that we hadto make.
In order for us to buildgenerational wealth, right.
To do something different.
And we knew, we always knew thatthe suburbs wasn't for us, you
(37:53):
know, we're just two city kidsthat, you know, we just love
being in, in a big city and, andthat suburban lifestyle wasn't
for us.
And so, but yeah, you know,it's, you know, It's been a
journey.
And I think this year was a lot.
It took a lot of reflection, alot of like deep diving, I
(38:13):
guess, to realize, okay, well, Ihave to come, like, I just had
to accept the fact that my kidsaren't necessarily growing up
with a village and in terms oflike having a physical village,
you know, the way that I grewup.
Yeah.
Yo daddy (38:33):
that you, that they're kind of grown up the way I did.
Jessica (38:37):
Yeah,
Yo daddy (38:39):
Yeah, it'll be alright.
That's our job to instillstrength in them, so.
Jessica (38:46):
yeah.
And there's other forms ofhaving a village, you know,
they, you know, we have friends,we have, uh, you know, people at
Diego's school.
Now we, you know, we go to Lunay Cielo and we meet all of these
other parents who are alsonavigating their parenting
journey as well.
I have this community throughViva La Mami and you too, you
(39:09):
know, you formed a community,uh, through, uh, the Latino dad
connection and all of that.
And so I think we're at least,we at least know that we're not
the only ones struggling, youknow, and that we can lean into
like people who understand ourstruggle that get it.
(39:31):
Um, yeah.
Yo daddy (39:34):
Yeah, yeah, I it's always going to be a continuous
struggle.
I mean, right now, once we getout of this stage, this phase
where, you know, our kids areyoung, they're going to, and not
necessarily knowing what's goingon in their environment, then
they're going to graduate tosomething else.
And then after that, somethingelse.
So it's, it's going to beforever, I guess.
(39:57):
The struggles are always goingto be there.
So I guess it's just how weadapt.
That's the question.
That's that we have to askourselves later on.
Jessica (40:07):
Yeah.
Yo daddy (40:08):
Yeah.
Um, yeah, it's just, um, again,I guess I'm not trying to sound
like a broken tape record here,right.
But I guess going back to theterm village, I mean, Yeah, I
guess that's what gives mecomfort is just knowing that we
are their village and we areeach other's village, right?
I mean for the people that mightask since you mentioned that my
(40:29):
parents are close by I knowthere's probably gonna be some
people asking why don't we dropthem off to them or let them
take care of them And we doright but I guess now Sorry,
Hermana, if you are hearing thisor if you will anybody that
knows my family, right?
You know, I think we have cometo a point and just developed a
certain way that we want toraise our kids You Right.
(40:51):
And, and let me know that somepeople out there probably can
relate to this, but like, Idon't want certain things that
my parents are still accustomedto, like how I was brought up, I
won't give any examples,whatever, right.
But like just certain thingsthat kind of trigger me
sometimes a little bit, I kindof just want to stay a little
(41:11):
bit away from that.
Yeah, I'm not going to give anycontext.
I'm not going to give any clues,but there's just certain things
that I have seen how my parentstalk to them and how it's kind
of like, it just brings you backto, you know, my youth and, you
know, some, some triggers that Ihave.
That's why sometimes I kind ofjust feel like, yeah, let's not,
let's, even though, don't get mewrong.
I love it when, when, when, whenthey're with them, right.
(41:33):
My, you know, Diego and Mateo,they love them.
You know, my Diego always asksfor them.
Every time Mateo sees them, hegoes like, you know, come here,
come here.
I love that.
Sometimes, yeah, it's, a littlebit of distance is good.
Jessica (41:50):
Yeah.
Wow.
Yo daddy (41:53):
You
Jessica (41:54):
I didn't know you were going to say that,
Yo daddy (41:57):
you never know, right?
I'm just, I'm
Jessica (41:59):
but I think
Yo daddy (42:00):
I'm just filled with surprises.
Jessica (42:02):
Alex, you, you surprised me like three times
within this 30 minuteconversation so far,
Yo daddy (42:09):
Hey, you know, I still have some surprises after a
hundred years of being together,so.
Jessica (42:14):
right?
No, I, but I want to thank youfor sharing that because yes, I
think a lot of people cantotally resonate with why.
You are setting boundaries.
And I think that is powerful.
And I think it's, it takes a lotof courage, but also a lot of
(42:38):
understanding within oneselfabout the reasons why.
You know, you are settingboundaries, and a lot of people
can't, you know, a lot ofpeople, even though they want
to, whether if it's like kind oflike similar to this example, or
for me, sometimes I do strugglewith setting boundaries.
I think it, this is a reminderfor those that, you know, if, if
(43:01):
you don't.
Want to take your kids to aspecific deal's house and you
think that you're going to beshamed about it or, you know, in
this example, you know, youperhaps don't fully want your
kids to be exposed to the waythat you grew up.
Um, yeah, I think.
(43:21):
It all comes down to, yourvalues and what kind of outcomes
you want for your kids.
And I think we have done apretty good job in terms of,
them having a wonderfulrelationship with your parents,
you know, I love, your parents,they, I mean, they've seen me
(43:42):
grow up the way that my parentshave seen you grow up, I think
it's very important to set thoseboundaries because It's not only
healthy for our kids, but alsofor you too.
And I think you fully respectyour parents, you know, and I
(44:03):
think out of that respect, yeah,well, I don't know if you're
afraid of them because they'renot going to do anything.
I am fully confident thatthey're not going to do anything
to you, but I think in a wayit's also important if you want
to break these cycles, someonehas to do the work, and I think
(44:29):
you are doing the work by, youknow, setting those specific
boundaries.
Yo daddy (44:35):
Thank you for that.
Jessica (44:37):
So I know that we're talking a lot about, maybe we're
going to talk a lot about yourupbringing.
Who knows?
But, and you don't have todisclose anything, obviously,
but what is something you wantfor your kids compared to the
way that you grew up?
Yo daddy (44:57):
Being more open.
Yeah, that was definitely prettyeasy right there.
Yeah, I mean, again, like Imentioned briefly, I was, my
family's still here and don'treally talk.
I want that to be different formy kids.
I want them to have somethinggoing on.
I don't want them to be afraidof me.
I want them to look at me assomebody that?
can guide them, obviously,because I'm their dad.
(45:20):
But, just most important, I justdon't want them to be afraid to
speak to me about anything.
You know, if they're feelingsad, obviously I want to be
there for them.
If they're feeling happy orwhatever, cuéntame, you know,
I'm here.
I always want them to know thatI'll always be here.
That's definitely the biggestthing for me.
I just want to, I want to bethere.
(45:42):
I want them to know, that theycan.
Jessica (45:44):
Yeah, Yeah, And it's, it's awesome how you're breaking
generational curses, right?
That we grew up with.
I
Yo daddy (45:55):
I really am.
It's hard, you know, it's a lot.
A lot of habits hard to break.
Yeah, like how Diego calls meenojón and mess
Jessica (46:03):
think he just says it because he wants it his way.
You know, he also needs tounderstand boundaries.
He needs to understand thatthere are rules, right?
And, and you're not, Threateninghim, you're not hitting him,
you're not parenting the waythat you were, that I was that
many of us were.
And especially as sons anddaughters of immigrants, a lot
(46:27):
of the things that we wereparented were very influential
to like old school way ofthinking, very traditional,
authoritarian way of.
Of thinking.
And I think that it comes to theexpense though, on us to do the
work, right.
(46:47):
And even though it's a lot ofwork that we're doing, because
in a way we're consciously awarelike, okay.
I know that I don't want toparent the way that I was
parented but if somethinghappens, if some little mistakes
or if you will, like happens, wethen put ourselves really like
(47:08):
bad.
Like we, end up regretting whatwe said.
We feel ashamed of what we did.
And, and I think that you shouldgive yourself grace.
I should give myself grace too.
that even though We don't wantto emulate what, what our
parents did.
We're not them, you know
Yo daddy (47:27):
Yeah.
Jessica (47:28):
Yeah.
But I think, a great job and Ithink, yes, it does take a lot
of work for us to unlearn andrelearn the things that we grew
up, but I am glad that you'renot like, Many Latino men who
are still repeating the cycle,and what would you say to a new
(47:53):
dad or to a dad that's kind ofgrappling with this sort of
identity in terms of, oh, I needto be strong and confident?
I should not show emotion infront of my kids.
I should still discipline theway that I was disciplined, but
they're kind of wanting tochange that.
Like, what would you say to thatfather?
Yo daddy (48:15):
I don't know what I would say, But I know what I
would have liked to have heard.
And then I became a dad.
I know that it's important to, Iguess just seek out other people
that are like going to be in thesame situation and people who
have gone through it, Like forme, what really helped me, shout
(48:35):
out to Latino Dad Connection,what really helped me was, you
know, speaking to, you know,like minded men, people who have
gone through the, the being afirst time dad, people who are,
should I say, just open to, tobeing different.
You know, parenting different,like breaking that, what did you
call it?
Breaking that, um,
Jessica (48:56):
Generational
Yo daddy (48:57):
you just said it breaking that, uh, yeah, that
breaking that stuff because,yeah, like you said, I know for
sure that I don't want to be thesame way as, you know, my
parents were with me.
and another thing would be.
it's okay to be vulnerable, youknow, like, cause, and I still,
yeah, I put up a front, right,cause, I mean, it is important
(49:20):
to show your kids strength.
That's one thing for sure.
But it's one thing that's waymore difficult is finding that
balance between strength andBeing okay with being
vulnerable, right?
yeah, just, I guess just alwaysshow up as your authentic self.
That's one thing that I alwayswanted to, I would have liked to
(49:40):
have heard from somebody.
Jessica (49:44):
So we've, I guess in this case, like we are
experienced parents, we've gonethrough the newborn phase twice.
We've learned how to manage.
That transition from like zeroto one and then one to two and
how that impacted ourrelationship, right?
(50:06):
And we had to navigate it as acouple.
So what would you, you know,tell a dad who was like
struggling and, and trying tofind that balance between
fatherhood and partnership?
Yo daddy (50:22):
is just don't forget both of you.
They're both, they're bothindividuals decided to take on
this journey, right?
Don't forget that it's not one'ssole responsibility to take on
all the load, right?
Of parenting.
It's a team.
And secondly, I would say,Always compliment, always make
(50:46):
your partner feel, you know,even if it's just like, Hey, I
love your hair.
Like the way you look, I thinkthat's important, right?
I mean, always just make surethat, that, that, that intimacy
will not go away.
Cause we all know that, youknow, especially as new parents.
That virtually doesn't almostexist, right?
(51:09):
So it's, it's, it's importantto, just to let your partner
know that you're, that they'restill wanted.
Jessica (51:15):
Yeah.
Yeah, I think that's definitelyimportant and I know that I've
struggled a lot when we werewhen we first had Diego not that
I only wanted him right now or Ionly wanted to mother but it was
very hard To get into the flowof like, you know Checking in on
(51:39):
you being You Like intimate withyou Like that that I think many
newer parents struggle, but Ithink to the second time around,
I allowed myself to not evenworry about.
like, the way that I looked,because a lot of women struggle
(52:01):
with like having this new body,right, having this different
identity and how they want toprioritize their kid versus like
their partner.
Uh, and I think that I was in abetter mindset the second time
around than the first timearound.
Yeah.
(52:22):
Yeah.
But I'm glad that you, I mean,yeah, you've always been present
with me.
Yo daddy (52:29):
I, I try.
I mean, I know that sometimeswhen we're over here, I seem
distant, but
Jessica (52:34):
No, you're never distant.
You're never distant.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And kind of speaking aboutrelationship stuff, I actually
got a question from one of myfollowers and the question was,
how do you work on notprojecting internal stress,
whether if it's about work orparenting onto your spouse?
(52:57):
So what would you say to that?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yo daddy (52:59):
I guess for me, like specifically when just talking
about us, I mean, I, I I don'tlike to see you get hurt.
Right.
And I think more so, and it'sprobably not the healthiest way.
Right.
But like, if I'm feeling likedown stress or whatever, for
whatever reason, it may be, Ikeep it inside.
Right.
Because I think more so about.
You like your well being then Ido my own like I said, yes, it's
(53:21):
probably not the healthiest wayBut I prefer to see you happy,
you know I don't want to projectmy I don't want to project my
negativity on to you becauseobviously you have a lot on your
plate Right, and it's probablynot the best advice or like the
best thing to give to youraudience, right?
but Just think about the otherperson, right, Obviously you
(53:43):
love that person.
Just remember that hurtingsomebody's feelings or just
bringing them down.
This is never good, right?
Jessica (53:53):
But it's interesting because for some reason though,
I know when you are understress.
Yo daddy (53:59):
it's cause I saw it.
Jessica (54:00):
Yeah, but I mean, you don't show it necessarily, but I
know kind of like your breathingpatterns.
I know when you're breathingreally hard, Versus like when
you're a little calm and andthat's a natural body response,
(54:21):
right?
When you are under stress and orwhen you're just like very
quiet, although you are quiet,but
Yo daddy (54:32):
No, I'm
Jessica (54:35):
But like when you're very quiet and you're not
looking at me in the eye Youknow, that's usually when I'm
like, Hmm, something's going on.
And, you know, for me, like, Iask questions and I'm like, Is
everything okay?
And I know that I sound like abroke, broken record, but I know
that you're doing this out ofthe kindness of your heart where
you're like, Oh, I don't wannaAdd this extra layer to her and
(55:00):
I get it, but I think that youare also human, right?
You can be hurting and I thinkthat it's important to talk, but
I'm glad that, you know, when Ido ask you, Hey, is everything
okay?
You at least tell me, if it'ssomething that's very impacting
(55:22):
you, then you, that's when youopen up.
And I appreciate you doing thatbecause.
I might have a lot of stuffunder my plate or, there may be
a lot of baggage that I'mcarrying too and you know when
to like respond depending on howyou're feeling and depending on
how I'm feeling.
And I think that has been kindof like the power and the beauty
(55:42):
of our relationship.
For me, kind of going back tothat question in terms of how do
you work on not projectinginternal stress, uh, I mean,
it's very hard for me.
It's like, I, I definitely showmy, like, I am a very emotional
person in terms of justexpressing how I feel and I
(56:03):
prefer to let it out.
And I feel that sometimes you dofeed off of my energy.
So I need to be careful on thatbecause.
I don't want both of us to beangry just because one of us
started.
And, and that's something I needto be more aware of.
(56:24):
And I think it's the way that Igrew up.
my family is very outspoken.
We just express ourselveswhenever the fuck we want, you
know, like we just, we don'tkeep a poker face.
Which is a good thing, but thenit's that intent versus impact,
right?
Like essentially, how are myintentions essentially impacting
(56:48):
others?
And that's, you know, sometimesyou do feed off of that, uh,
whether if it's like negativeenergy or just like, Whoa, like
over the top energy thatsometimes I put out.
And I think I need to, you know,just learn how to.
Keep my cool in certain times.
(57:08):
Yeah, I think we are eachother's yin and yang, right?
Like at the end of the day, weend up balancing each other out.
And I think that has been a veryhelpful and it has been a.
Positive aspect of ourrelationship.
Yo daddy (57:25):
just to be vague.
I mean, I just want to be betterfor you.
I just want to be a bettersupport system for you.
I want to be
Jessica (57:31):
Yeah.
Likewise.
Yeah.
Well, Yeah, thank you again forbeing here, uh, for a second
year.
I think we're gonna keep doingthis every year, especially at
the end of the season I thinkit's really good to, for
listeners to check in on usbecause again, um, if it wasn't
(57:57):
for you, I wouldn't have been amom, you know?
And, and I know that there's alot of single parents too,
right?
Like that being in arelationship shouldn't be a
whole aspect of like parenthood,but.
You know, being that we are in arelationship, I think it's
important to have you here andespecially hearing it from the
(58:18):
male perspective, specificallythe Latino perspective.
And so, yeah, yeah.
Thank you so much for beinghere.
I appreciate it.
Yo daddy (58:28):
Thank you for having me
Hola, hola amiga.
I'm so excited for you all tojoin me today because on today's
episode I sit down with myhusband Alejandro or Alex Cuevas
for our annual check inconversation about our parenting
journey as we wrap up seasonfour.
Yes, you heard that right.
(00:21):
Today is the end of season fourof the Viva La Mami podcast.
if you haven't heard my firstconversation with Alex, I will
share that episode in the shownotes, which is episode 51,
where we had our initialconversation about growing
together as parents.
(00:41):
And I feel like this is almostlike The 2.
0 version of that conversationbecause we have evolved, we have
grown and we have done a lotthis past year.
Parenting and together we'reraising our four year old son
Diego and 21 month old sonMateo.
(01:02):
So we are raising them inChicago as most of you know
through social media and whatI've shared on the podcast and
really this past year hasbrought tremendous change as we
moved from a spacious suburbanhome to a one bedroom apartment
in the city and this wasultimately part of our house
(01:26):
hacking journey.
To build generational wealth.
And in this raw and honestconversation, Alex shares his
perspective on parenting inclose quarters, breaking
generational patterns, andfinding balance between
fatherhood and partnership.
We discuss the challenges ofraising our two little ones
(01:47):
without extended family nearby,and how we're setting healthy
boundaries with our own parents,as well as how we're
intentionally creating adifferent parenting experience
than what we had growing up.
So we had a lot here.
I feel like we kept going in.
So many different directions andhonestly, I did not prepare a
(02:10):
list of questions.
I just wanted to have this to bea conversation and that way you
get to experience our world andthat way you get to know a
little bit more about us and ourrelationship and how we parent.
And I feel like as firstgeneration parents, we're
(02:31):
constantly navigating betweentwo worlds where we want to
honor our cultural roots whilecreating new traditions that
align with our own values.
And like many of you, we'refiguring out how to balance it
all.
between our relationships, ourcareers, parenting, and self
care, all while living in aspace that sometimes feels too
(02:53):
small for our big dreams,literally.
For us, we live in a small spacewhere, yeah, we, we feel like we
deserve to dream big.
And so whether you're a mamatrying to break generational
patterns, someone struggling tobalance cultural expectations
with modern parenting, or simplycurious about different
parenting journeys.
(03:15):
This conversation offersinsights into how we're
navigating these challengestogether.
I also encourage you to inviteyour partner and have them
listen to this conversation,especially if you are in a
partnered relationship.
But before we dive in, I want toremind you that in the show
notes, there are two links.
One where you can suggestdifferent topics, topics like
(03:38):
this one, or any topic that youwant me to talk about.
And I also have another link onproposing a guest, or if you
know of a potential guest thatcould benefit in being on the
show, feel free to share theirinformation as well.
I think that it's so importantto share our stories and for
people to share their expertise.
And that way, Mama, yourmotherhood journey can be better
(04:00):
informed and you get to createthe best version of this
Wonderful, but oftentimeschaotic journey of ours, and I
also want to remind you toplease rate and review the show
It's so important for me toreceive feedback and what you
think of this show so thatpeople like you and I can find
Viva La Mami and that way Latinamoms don't feel in isolation as
(04:23):
it relates to their motherhoodjourney.
So please, Don't forget toreview the show if you're
listening through Apple podcastsOtherwise, you can also rate the
show on Spotify if you listen tous On YouTube, you can also
subscribe and like us and thatway we get to build this
community for you because it isso needed.
(04:44):
And before we jump in, I amexcited to share that for the
upcoming months of March andApril, I'll be releasing solo
episodes all under 30 minutesbecause I know how precious your
time is.
Between juggling work, familyresponsibilities, and trying to
squeeze in a few minutes ofyourself, who has time for hour
(05:05):
long podcasts.
And I know that I've been tryingto keep it under an hour.
But y'all, sometimes myconversations with guests are
amazing.
And I want to give them thespace and time to share their
expertise, their thoughts, theirexperiences and journeys.
However, these upcoming forjoining.
eight solo episodes throughoutthe months of March and You will
(05:30):
be hearing all the advice andcommunity that you need while me
respecting your busy schedulebecause I totally get it.
All right, so enough of thiswhole call to action I know that
I've shared a lot, but I am veryexcited to have Alex on the show
again and Yeah, that way you gotthe inside scoop of what is
(05:50):
going on in our lives How wefeel, how we're managing and
navigating parenthood becauselike I've shared My motherhood
journey wouldn't have startedwithout him because he is a part
of it as well.
All right, mama Well now let'sdive into the final episode of
season 4 with my hubby AlexCuevas/
Jessica (07:18):
hola, Alex.
How are you?
Yo daddy (07:22):
I'm good.
Jessica (07:24):
I'm so glad you are here.
For the second time on the VivaLa Mami podcast, it has been a
full year since the last timethat we recorded, and we were in
a different space.
We were living at my parentshouse for a little bit as we
were getting this placeremodeled.
(07:44):
And so it's wild how.
Much and how many thingshappened within 12 months.
And so I just wanted to saythank you for being here because
I think it's so important forpeople to listen on what we've
been doing, kind of catching upon our lives sort of thing.
(08:05):
And that way, you know, they cankind of be a part of our journey
because obviously.
Having this community and thisplatform, it's all about
motherhood.
But I think that part of myspecific motherhood journey
couldn't be complete, you know,without you.
So, as we were preparing for ourconversation together is, you
(08:30):
know, what is something that, wereally want to touch on?
And I think like the unexpectedthings or the things that we
kind of felt unexpected aboutparenthood.
Um, I think specifically.
When it comes to our experienceas newer parents, because we
(08:51):
have two little ones at the, atthe time of this recording, we
have an almost four year old anda 19 month old.
So, you know, we have two littleones, so we are very new to this
journey, but I know that many ofthe listeners will, resonate.
especially as what we've thoughtabout parenting before and now,
(09:16):
um, as a little bit moreexperienced parents and any, any
surprises that came up that hascome up really
Yo daddy (09:23):
All right.
Jessica (09:25):
Yeah.
So before we delve into theconversation, if you can share a
little bit about you kind ofkeeping us up to date, what
you've been doing.
Yo daddy (09:35):
Okay, well, still learning, still learning as
well.
So trying to navigate thisjourney, parenthood journey with
you, alongside with you.
Um, I mean, Yeah, it's, what canI say?
It's tough.
It's, it's very, very tough.
I mean, especially now in ourcurrent, living situation, our
current house, where we're allcramped up together, getting in
(09:59):
each other's way.
I think that adds an extra layerof, uh, difficulty to our
everyday day to day life,
Jessica (10:07):
Yeah.
And for the listeners who don'tknow about our current living
situation, I mean, I've sharedthis a little bit.
I don't think I've sharedenough.
I think that yes, it's a part ofour journey as parents, you
know, but, um, maybe this can bea full, a full load of content
(10:28):
that I would share.
But for those of you who haven'theard or.
Kind of followed us along.
We moved from a four bedroomhouse, single family house back
in the suburbs and we moved tothe city.
We're currently in Chicago.
Uh, and we currently live in aone bedroom apartment and it's
(10:51):
not a rented apartment.
It's actually a house hackingYeah, it's, it's a whole house.
The term is house hack.
I mean, I think that is justlike a buzzword, but in reality,
this is what our families havedone for many, many generations,
uh, especially for the first genfolks, uh, if you know what it
(11:13):
is, you know, you're basicallyliving in a multifamily
household.
Um, but.
Tenants are not family members.
They are our tenants.
Uh, we decided to buy a buildingas a way to build generational
wealth.
And one of the things that haveallowed us really is for us to,
well, for me, not to work fulltime.
(11:35):
Um, and that way, you know, wecan raise our kids together and
that in itself can be.
A blessing and also, you know,it can be a challenge because,
you know, they're with us.
Yeah, they're with us 24 sevenand, and you, you work from
(11:55):
home.
And so being that we'reliterally cramped up into a one
bedroom space, I mean, it, ithas been a challenge and
currently right now where we'rerecording, I'm at the very far
end.
Um, Um, yeah, like I'm in mylittle room here, my little
recording studio, which is thevery far end of the, of the
apartment.
(12:16):
And you're at the other end.
Yo daddy (12:17):
and
Jessica (12:18):
so yeah, you know, it's, it's definitely been
something that at least I'velike, I'm still adapting.
And, you know, there have beenmoments where I'm like, Oh, how
would life have been like if wewere to still live in that, You
know, four bedroom house andthat, single family home.
(12:39):
Right.
Um, but we were very intentionalin terms of having a different
lifestyle in terms of how canwe.
Make this work at least for ashort amount of time and I know
that many people, especiallywhen they're married or who have
kids, they want to do this, butthey are afraid.
(13:00):
like, they, it's always thatfear, right?
you know, they're not willing totake up on that challenge
because they feel like they havea family because they have a
family, they shouldn't mess uptheir kids in some capacity.
I think that I've definitely,um, have seen that.
Where one parent wants to dosomething different, but the
(13:21):
other one is afraid because itcould affect the kids or what
have you.
And, And, I think for us, likeour kids are so happy here, at
least even though we are kind ofstruggling where, you know, we
want to keep them calm or, youknow, we want to have a little
bit more privacy.
I know that the boys are havinga blast because there's
literally.
(13:41):
Cramped up with
Yo daddy (13:42):
Yeah.
There's no escape from them.
So that's why I think they'rehappy'cause they know we can't
get away from them.
Jessica (13:48):
Yeah.
And so how has like this yearbeen for you?
At least I know that we, youshared about literally being in
a smaller space, but is thissomething that you anticipated
or is this something that, youknow, you're still struggling
with in terms of our currentliving situation?
I guess I never asked that.
Yo daddy (14:09):
Well, now it's out in the open.
Um, well, anticipation andactual, like, reality are two
different things, right?
For me, at least.
Like, I anticipated it beingtough.
You know, this move of our, ofus, of ours being tough, but
actually living through it.
It's ten times more than what Iexpected.
(14:30):
Could I've ever imagined, right?
I mean, I knew that it was goingto be tough.
I knew that it was going to becramped up, especially with two
growing kids, two energetic kidsand always yelling, always
stomping on the ground.
But I mean, yeah, if you wouldhave asked me this question last
year, it would have beencompletely different for me, at
(14:53):
least I would have thought aboutit completely different, but I
mean, I'm happy, you know what Imean?
I think it's always, it's so youalways have to make a sacrifice
to move 10 steps forward.
Right.
So I think that's what I'vealways, what I always tell
myself, at least to keep myselfsane.
Because if you don't have thosecheck ins with yourself, you
(15:15):
might lose it.
At least that's for me.
Because I think that's why I'mso quiet sometimes, you know,
when we're here, because I'mjust telling myself we're gonna
be okay.
We're going to be okay and wewill be okay.
I know that.
So yeah, I mean, it's, it's beentough.
It's been a journey.
Hopefully we'll be somewhereelse a little bit more
(15:36):
comfortable by this time nextyear.
It's
Jessica (15:42):
that could be our challenge, right?
In terms of finding a space thatcan be a little bit more
suitable for us.
It's not that this space isn't,we've made it work.
It's, yeah, but.
You know, being that it is a onebedroom apartment, the, the kids
(16:02):
are the ones in that bedroom.
They're sharing the room.
They have their room.
We, on the other hand,
Yo daddy (16:09):
for a year,
Jessica (16:11):
yeah,
Yo daddy (16:12):
creating back problems for ourselves.
Yeah.
Jessica (16:15):
Yeah.
yeah, We're, we're literallylike my brother in law said,
like we're living the immigrantlife.
That's how many of our familymembers had lived and, and it's,
and that's in a way, it's aprivilege because we made that
decision.
You know, we, we made the choiceof living in this kind of
(16:40):
temporary living situation to,to transition.
Save us money in terms of likenot spending anything on the
cost of living, you know, thathas been something that is very
rare for many families, right?
Like who gets to house hack.
I mean, you only hear this withlike single people or newly
(17:01):
wedded couples who are juststarting their lives together,
but an established family offour, like you don't hear this.
And so Yeah, it's something veryunique and I keep telling you,
Alex, you got to do somethingabout this, you know, kind of
create your own platform abouthow families can also house
hack.
Um, but I'm just putting it outthere for you.
Yo daddy (17:23):
thank you.
But as your audience couldprobably tell, I'm not the type
of person that would create thisfor myself.
So, or like to share, you neverknow, you never know something
in the future.
And once I get a little bit moreknowledge in this field, so
Jessica (17:37):
Oh, yeah.
Yo daddy (17:38):
and actually, yeah, I mean, it's another, you bring up
an extra interesting point.
Like I never actually thoughtabout this, but.
This is actually, I'm actually,we're living how I was brought
up, right?
My parents, my parents were, Iused to live, yeah, I used to
live with my parents where myparents actually still live in
(17:59):
for the past 30 years.
Wow.
It's actually crazy to sayingthat out loud for the past 30
years, they live in a small twobedroom, one bath.
You know, it was a family offour, myself, my sister, my, my
parents, obviously.
And now I can kind of see, I cansee it from the child's point of
view.
When I was a kid, it was fun.
(18:20):
Cause I've always saw, I alwaysgot to hang out with my sister.
You know, my mom was always justlike an arm's reach away.
Anything I needed, she wasalways there.
Right.
And then I can kind of see whatmy dad was always.
Because he didn't have no, no,uh, no, no, no privacy, right?
Anytime he felt angry, he wouldalways just have to put on a
(18:41):
face.
Not to show it, even though hestill shows it, he still showed
it, but what can you do?
Right.
And that's not really understandhim from his point of view, you
know, have it to put on the facefor our two little ones so that
he won't, so that they won't seeus be frustrated.
I try my best.
It still gets out there, right?
That anger still shows.
I'm not like how you, like howyou say, I don't have a poker
(19:04):
face, right?
All my emotions just are out inthe open sometimes.
Yeah.
It's, uh, it's interesting.
it's, interesting what we'regoing through right now.
So,
Jessica (19:15):
Yeah, that, that's an interesting point, and I guess I
never realized that until youliterally just mentioned in
terms of how, yeah, we have toYeah, portar bien in front of
our kids, so that, yeah, wedon't show, like, our emotions,
and, and, and it's really tough,I mean, I've definitely, this,
(19:36):
this has happened a coupletimes, a handful of times, know,
where, you Yeah, where I just,you know, I have all the, the
anger and, and, and I thinkit's, it's not because it's
them, right?
It's because of me, perhaps Ididn't have enough sleep or
(19:57):
perhaps, you know, I haven'tbeen taking care of myself
necessarily, or the way that Iwish I could.
And, and.
Yeah, it does make it verydifficult when you are in a
small space and you don't havethat privacy where you don't,
you can't remove yourselfnecessarily because your kids
are literally behind you.
(20:19):
And I think that this happenseverywhere, but when it comes to
the environment, it can make animpact.
And.
And I think that in itself iskind of unique.
You know, I don't hear of manyfamilies that go through that
struggle.
I mean, I definitely hear itfrom like Diego school, for
(20:41):
example, I know that there's alot of families who live in
small apartments like this one,you know, we are in the city,
everyone experiences, you havinga cramped up space especially
when you have kids.
But yeah, now that I see it fromthat perspective, it's, it's
interesting.
Yeah,
Yo daddy (21:01):
Hopefully we don't, uh, scar our children with this
so but whatever.
They'll be all right.
They'll be all right,
Jessica (21:06):
So, yeah.
And I think, I mean, it happenseverywhere, right?
You know, whether if you are ina big ass home versus like a one
bedroom apartment, I think atthe end of the day, it's
important to like apologize toyour kids if you do end up
acting up in front of them.
And for me at least, and we do,yeah, like we, we definitely do
(21:28):
that.
And, and I think it's importantthat we express emotion in front
of our kids, um, because.
That way they're able tounderstand that we are also
human, that we make mistakes andthen, you know
Yo daddy (21:45):
And that it's, yeah.
That it's important to realizewhen you mess up
Jessica (21:49):
Yeah.
Yeah, absolutely.
so yeah, so our environment isdifferent than last year.
Uh, last year we were in armsreach with our family, with my
family specifically, you know,where if you had to go to the
office, for example, I wasn'talone.
(22:12):
It was my sister working fromhome or my parents were there.
Someone was in the house becausewe were with my parents, you
know, we were staying at myparents
Yo daddy (22:23):
We had backup.
Jessica (22:25):
Yeah, we had backup.
And now this year it's just youand I.
Yo daddy (22:30):
just writing solos.
Yep.
Jessica (22:33):
Yeah.
And, you know, and for context,for my listeners, my family, is
in the suburbs.
So they're 40 minutes to an houraway, including traffic from us.
And my siblings are there withthem as well.
They're in the suburbs withthem.
(22:54):
And yeah, like we have no familyhere except your parents.
Um, but how has that transitionbeen for you?
At least, do you think that, youknow, comparing the first year,
Of you being a dad whereeveryone just talks about how
hard it is, going through thenewborn stage.
(23:16):
How do you compare that to now?
Yo daddy (23:21):
Well, the newborn phase, that was amazing.
That was easy compared to whatwe're doing now.
Cause it's easy with newborns.
I mean, they cry, they're eitherhungry or they're being,
something's bothering them rightnow.
It's like, especially with theiroldest one, you never know what
kind of emotion he's going to befeeling next.
He's happy one time he's mad.
(23:43):
The next one, let's say youconstantly just have to just
have to be prepared for whatstage, you know, the toddler is
going to decide to show, but,um, yeah, I mean, we were at
your parents.
It was, yeah, like how youmentioned, there was a sense of
comfort, at least for me too,knowing that when I did have to
(24:03):
work, that I had, that when,when I was busy, that you
weren't going to be alone,right, that you weren't going to
be struggling with the kids.
And, but at the same time forme, you know, I felt, constantly
watched, right.
Jessica (24:19):
Um.
Yo daddy (24:20):
I mean, if that makes any sense, but like, I just
couldn't be, Myself, I couldn'tdo, you know, if I wanted to,
like, let's say grab somethingto drink, I'm like, you know,
constantly looking around andsee where they're, see where
somebody's at.
If I want it just like
Jessica (24:38):
Silence.
Silence.
Yo daddy (24:53):
I feel comfortable with them.
But at the same time, it's like,all right.
I need, I need a little, youknow, I need a little, I need a
little space, but, um, yeah.
And then moving over here, um,it was completely different, you
know, we got finally what wewanted to raise our kids how we
wanted to, without any inputfrom anybody else.
(25:13):
But going back to the sameexample, like how I use when I
work, when I go to work, when Ihave to go to the office, it's
like, I feel guilty.
I feel guilty.
But obviously, cause you know,I'm leaving you here with two
little, very clingy kids, veryextremely kids, needy, all the
(25:34):
above.
I love them.
Don't get me wrong, but they,I'm sorry.
They suck sometimes.
I'll go ahead and say it, youknow, but, um, and yeah, to be a
little bit selfish.
I feel a big sense of reliefbecause being crammed up in this
small spot for seven days out ofthe week.
(25:59):
And then work time, it feelsnice to get out, but I know you
got it.
I know you're more than capableof handling your own with these
two.
You give them stuff to do.
They love you.
Obviously, but after being gonefor like eight, eight to 10
hours, you know, when I have togo into the office, coming back,
(26:20):
seeing them smile, like once Iwalked into that door, there's
nothing better, there's, there'sno better feeling than that.
Sometimes that's why I wish Ican get that almost every day.
That makes any sense, right?
Jessica (26:33):
Yeah, but you work mostly from home.
And so how has that, how haveyou navigated that?
Because they are attached to us.
And And honestly, like, I'm justsurprised that you haven't
gotten fired yet because, youknow, whenever you have
(26:53):
meetings, one of them cries orone of them is like begging for
you to hold them.
And so, you know, and I thinkmany families who are for the
listeners who resonate, I thinkthat this brings back the
traumas that they've experiencedwhen they were remote working,
(27:14):
uh, during the COVID times, youknow, during quarantine.
And everyone talked about howhard it was, but right now we're
living in a different time,right?
We're in this post COVID worldand you do have the ability to
work from home.
So how does that look like when,you know, your kids, our kids
(27:37):
are here all day, right?
So,
Yo daddy (27:40):
yeah, I mean, well, I'm very fortunate that my job
is pretty flexible with this,um, you know, the, my company,
they are, they kind of, howshould I say, they kind of pride
themselves in being, you know,family company almost whatever,
but, um, yeah, I am fortunate inthat aspect that when, you know,
when they hear, you know, ourkids running around in the
background, I apologize to them.
(28:00):
They're like, Hey, you knowwhat?
It's fine.
We have kids of our own.
So I am fortunate enough to workwith people who are in somewhat
of a similar situation as mine.
I think that helps a lot, but,um, yeah, I mean, I guess to
kind of answer your question,how do I cope or whatever with
working from home and being herewith you guys?
(28:24):
Uh, I don't know, possibly thefact that I'm able to watch
Netflix while I work andwatching YouTube, all these
other things, you know, I, I, Ifind it very, I I'm just that
type of person that I find it,it's pretty easy for me to kind
of, uh, Leave my body if youwill right that might be here
physically, but mentally I'msomewhere else think that helps
(28:48):
me a lot especially like whenI'm watching the show And
especially hearing Diego screamin the background.
Yeah, it annoys me.
You know, I'm just like, what'sgoing on?
I feel like getting up, youknow, to go help I do.
But for them, sometimes when I'mstuck doing something, I mean,
my, my one side of my brain isfocused on Netflix.
(29:08):
And the other one is focused onmy job.
So I mean, I think I'm able tokind of multitask in that.
Multitasking kind of helps meget through my day to day.
Stuff, shenanigans at work, ifyou will.
Jessica (29:23):
Yeah.
So men can multitask because Ihear they can't
Yo daddy (29:29):
Um,
Jessica (29:30):
putting you on the spot.
Yo daddy (29:33):
I guess
Jessica (29:35):
Oh,
Yo daddy (29:37):
Yeah.
I, I
Jessica (29:38):
oof.
You just broke the, the bro codeor whatever.
Yo daddy (29:42):
I think my, my man card is gonna be revoked soon.
So
Jessica (29:47):
Nah.
Oh, man.
Yeah, I mean, it's a good thingthat you're finding a way to
distract yourself, but I wouldsay though, you know, you, I,
I'm very lucky that you are herebecause I would be miserable is
(30:09):
especially with, you know,school pickups and drop offs,
right?
And like Diego goes to schoolfor like two and a half hours a
day.
Like that would have sucked ifMateo would come with all the
time, you know?
And especially right now in thewinter where it takes like
double the amount of time to Getpeople ready and out the door
(30:29):
like, and all while taking thesetwo little ones, like, at least
I'm able to leave my tail withyou and I just take Diego with
me.
Like, that's just one example.
But there have been times when Ihave to go to like doctor's
appointments or even meet upover for coffee for a business
related thing.
Like I know that I'm glad thatyour job is able to allow that,
(30:52):
you know, flexibility where youdon't feel like you're going to
get in trouble.
Obviously you don't take it forgranted where, you know, you're
taking full advantage of thattoo.
But at least I know that I cancount on you and I'm not alone
in this kind of stay at home momstatus, right?
I think we're both stay at homeparents.
(31:15):
We are both co managing thisaspect where, when you said like
how we now have the ability toparent on our own terms.
we have that freedom, I wouldsay, where we're not confined to
like, what others are going tosay, no one else is looking at
(31:35):
us, right?
When we are raising our twolittle ones, I think there's a
huge benefit that we are bothworking together to raise these
two kids.
I think a disadvantage is thatit's just us two.
And so how have you grappledwith not having a village at our
(32:00):
disposal when sometimes we doneed it?
Yo daddy (32:04):
Well that word, that term, the terminology village,
that's something that I neverreally understood because I was
never really exposed to it,right?
Um, it's, growing up it was justalways the four of us, you know?
And obviously, you know?
and I guess to give some contextto your viewers, my family is
(32:25):
very reserved.
Like we don't talk to eachother.
We don't tell each other howwe're feeling.
And we get that a lot from mydad.
Right.
And that's, even thoughthroughout the years I've tried
to be a little bit more open, bea little bit more, should I say
vulnerable, like to just gethelp, if you will, from how I'm
(32:46):
feeling or like to try to healsome stuff or whatever.
But, um, Yeah, it's just, Idon't know.
I guess I just never really,never really expected help, I
guess you can say.
Right.
Um, so I guess that's what me,yeah, it'd be nice if we could
help, you know, like if we wouldwant to go out on a date night,
(33:10):
have somebody that we trust,Hey, can you take care of the
kids?
But obviously we don't havethat.
It doesn't really, mepersonally, it doesn't really
affect me because.
Jessica (33:21):
Hmm.
Yo daddy (33:23):
I mean, at the end of the day, I want, I want our kids
to be with us, even thoughsometimes it's like, all right.
It'd be nice to, you know, pawnthem off to somebody.
Right.
But like for the most part, Ienjoy their presence.
I enjoy us being together as afamily, right?
Cause who can we count on?
Just us, just each other.
(33:44):
And that's the way I look at it.
I mean, again, don't get mewrong.
It'd be nice to have a village,but, um, yeah, we got this.
Hmm.
Jessica (33:54):
man, like, I don't think I've ever, heard this from
you, like, getting yourperspective as to not
necessarily.
needing a village because youdidn't have one.
Yo daddy (34:09):
Well,
Jessica (34:09):
am I, I mean, I'm, I've been with, we've been together
for a long ass time.
Yo daddy (34:16):
oh, yeah.
Jessica (34:20):
guess I've never seen it that way.
Yo daddy (34:22):
Yeah, I mean, I guess when you're put in different
situations like right now, beingface to face with you over a
camera, you know, just thesethings, these thoughts that I
guess just kind of reemerge, orthese feelings that have
reemerged, these experiencesthat have been, you know, kind
of just pushed somewhere else.
Uh, just kind of reemerged.
(34:43):
I don't know.
I don't know how else to say it.
Jessica (34:45):
Hmm.
Yo daddy (34:46):
but yeah.
I mean, uh, yeah, I mean, Imean, our village is, I guess
it's just you and I that
Jessica (34:54):
Yeah.
And that is totally commonnowadays and, and that is
ultimately the American culture,right?
You know, you have a family andit's just up to you to determine
everything for your kid.
And whereas for me, like I grewup with a village, I mean, I
(35:18):
grew up with a multi multigenerational household where it
was.
You know, my grandparents, myaunts, my cousins, my parents,
my siblings, like all, everyonelived under this one building.
And then once we moved out of mygrandparents house, we still
(35:39):
lived in proximity to them andmy grandma took care of us.
And so like my mom had the help,like she had her village and I,
and I think she never had toworry about whether if.
You know, me and my sisters weregoing to be hungry or if she,
because she was a working mom,like she didn't have to worry
(36:02):
about who's going to pick up,drop off the kids.
I mean, once we got older, we,she did have to worry because my
grandma, you know, they, thenshe didn't have the capacity and
then they moved to Mexico.
But at least when I was a littlekid, like a little, little kid,
like Diego's age right now.
You know, I just remember beingsurrounded with so many people
(36:24):
and it wasn't just my parents.
And I guess that's why when I,you know, when my mom started to
work, I was like Diego's age.
Um, I, I don't remembernecessarily missing her because
I knew that I had this.
Back up of like all these peoplein my life, you know, and, and
(36:49):
so that was always somethingthat I always thought that I
would have, you know, when I hadkids and now that I don't, I
mean, I've been struggling alot, I've been struggling a lot
with that because I'm like,shit, like my kids don't have
all these people, The way that Igrew up being with and, and so,
(37:12):
yeah, you know, I'm stillgrappling with that.
I'm still, I mean, that's one ofthe reasons why I went back to
therapy, you know, in a way Ifelt resent in a way I felt like
sadness because my kids aren'twith their tias, they aren't
with their primos, they aren'twith their grandparents.
And then we, I get this pushbackis like, well, you, y'all chose
(37:32):
to move to the city, but Youknow, when it comes to making
sacrifices, kind of going backto what you said, you know, this
was a huge sacrifice that we hadto make.
In order for us to buildgenerational wealth, right.
To do something different.
And we knew, we always knew thatthe suburbs wasn't for us, you
(37:53):
know, we're just two city kidsthat, you know, we just love
being in, in a big city and, andthat suburban lifestyle wasn't
for us.
And so, but yeah, you know,it's, you know, It's been a
journey.
And I think this year was a lot.
It took a lot of reflection, alot of like deep diving, I
(38:13):
guess, to realize, okay, well, Ihave to come, like, I just had
to accept the fact that my kidsaren't necessarily growing up
with a village and in terms oflike having a physical village,
you know, the way that I grewup.
Yeah.
Yo daddy (38:33):
that you, that they're kind of grown up the way I did.
Jessica (38:37):
Yeah,
Yo daddy (38:39):
Yeah, it'll be alright.
That's our job to instillstrength in them, so.
Jessica (38:46):
yeah.
And there's other forms ofhaving a village, you know,
they, you know, we have friends,we have, uh, you know, people at
Diego's school.
Now we, you know, we go to Lunay Cielo and we meet all of these
other parents who are alsonavigating their parenting
journey as well.
I have this community throughViva La Mami and you too, you
(39:09):
know, you formed a community,uh, through, uh, the Latino dad
connection and all of that.
And so I think we're at least,we at least know that we're not
the only ones struggling, youknow, and that we can lean into
like people who understand ourstruggle that get it.
(39:31):
Um, yeah.
Yo daddy (39:34):
Yeah, yeah, I it's always going to be a continuous
struggle.
I mean, right now, once we getout of this stage, this phase
where, you know, our kids areyoung, they're going to, and not
necessarily knowing what's goingon in their environment, then
they're going to graduate tosomething else.
And then after that, somethingelse.
So it's, it's going to beforever, I guess.
(39:57):
The struggles are always goingto be there.
So I guess it's just how weadapt.
That's the question.
That's that we have to askourselves later on.
Jessica (40:07):
Yeah.
Yo daddy (40:08):
Yeah.
Um, yeah, it's just, um, again,I guess I'm not trying to sound
like a broken tape record here,right.
But I guess going back to theterm village, I mean, Yeah, I
guess that's what gives mecomfort is just knowing that we
are their village and we areeach other's village, right?
I mean for the people that mightask since you mentioned that my
(40:29):
parents are close by I knowthere's probably gonna be some
people asking why don't we dropthem off to them or let them
take care of them And we doright but I guess now Sorry,
Hermana, if you are hearing thisor if you will anybody that
knows my family, right?
You know, I think we have cometo a point and just developed a
certain way that we want toraise our kids You Right.
(40:51):
And, and let me know that somepeople out there probably can
relate to this, but like, Idon't want certain things that
my parents are still accustomedto, like how I was brought up, I
won't give any examples,whatever, right.
But like just certain thingsthat kind of trigger me
sometimes a little bit, I kindof just want to stay a little
(41:11):
bit away from that.
Yeah, I'm not going to give anycontext.
I'm not going to give any clues,but there's just certain things
that I have seen how my parentstalk to them and how it's kind
of like, it just brings you backto, you know, my youth and, you
know, some, some triggers that Ihave.
That's why sometimes I kind ofjust feel like, yeah, let's not,
let's, even though, don't get mewrong.
I love it when, when, when, whenthey're with them, right.
(41:33):
My, you know, Diego and Mateo,they love them.
You know, my Diego always asksfor them.
Every time Mateo sees them, hegoes like, you know, come here,
come here.
I love that.
Sometimes, yeah, it's, a littlebit of distance is good.
Jessica (41:50):
Yeah.
Wow.
Yo daddy (41:53):
You
Jessica (41:54):
I didn't know you were going to say that,
Yo daddy (41:57):
you never know, right?
I'm just, I'm
Jessica (41:59):
but I think
Yo daddy (42:00):
I'm just filled with surprises.
Jessica (42:02):
Alex, you, you surprised me like three times
within this 30 minuteconversation so far,
Yo daddy (42:09):
Hey, you know, I still have some surprises after a
hundred years of being together,so.
Jessica (42:14):
right?
No, I, but I want to thank youfor sharing that because yes, I
think a lot of people cantotally resonate with why.
You are setting boundaries.
And I think that is powerful.
And I think it's, it takes a lotof courage, but also a lot of
(42:38):
understanding within oneselfabout the reasons why.
You know, you are settingboundaries, and a lot of people
can't, you know, a lot ofpeople, even though they want
to, whether if it's like kind oflike similar to this example, or
for me, sometimes I do strugglewith setting boundaries.
I think it, this is a reminderfor those that, you know, if, if
(43:01):
you don't.
Want to take your kids to aspecific deal's house and you
think that you're going to beshamed about it or, you know, in
this example, you know, youperhaps don't fully want your
kids to be exposed to the waythat you grew up.
Um, yeah, I think.
(43:21):
It all comes down to, yourvalues and what kind of outcomes
you want for your kids.
And I think we have done apretty good job in terms of,
them having a wonderfulrelationship with your parents,
you know, I love, your parents,they, I mean, they've seen me
(43:42):
grow up the way that my parentshave seen you grow up, I think
it's very important to set thoseboundaries because It's not only
healthy for our kids, but alsofor you too.
And I think you fully respectyour parents, you know, and I
(44:03):
think out of that respect, yeah,well, I don't know if you're
afraid of them because they'renot going to do anything.
I am fully confident thatthey're not going to do anything
to you, but I think in a wayit's also important if you want
to break these cycles, someonehas to do the work, and I think
(44:29):
you are doing the work by, youknow, setting those specific
boundaries.
Yo daddy (44:35):
Thank you for that.
Jessica (44:37):
So I know that we're talking a lot about, maybe we're
going to talk a lot about yourupbringing.
Who knows?
But, and you don't have todisclose anything, obviously,
but what is something you wantfor your kids compared to the
way that you grew up?
Yo daddy (44:57):
Being more open.
Yeah, that was definitely prettyeasy right there.
Yeah, I mean, again, like Imentioned briefly, I was, my
family's still here and don'treally talk.
I want that to be different formy kids.
I want them to have somethinggoing on.
I don't want them to be afraidof me.
I want them to look at me assomebody that?
can guide them, obviously,because I'm their dad.
(45:20):
But, just most important, I justdon't want them to be afraid to
speak to me about anything.
You know, if they're feelingsad, obviously I want to be
there for them.
If they're feeling happy orwhatever, cuéntame, you know,
I'm here.
I always want them to know thatI'll always be here.
That's definitely the biggestthing for me.
I just want to, I want to bethere.
(45:42):
I want them to know, that theycan.
Jessica (45:44):
Yeah, Yeah, And it's, it's awesome how you're breaking
generational curses, right?
That we grew up with.
I
Yo daddy (45:55):
I really am.
It's hard, you know, it's a lot.
A lot of habits hard to break.
Yeah, like how Diego calls meenojón and mess
Jessica (46:03):
think he just says it because he wants it his way.
You know, he also needs tounderstand boundaries.
He needs to understand thatthere are rules, right?
And, and you're not, Threateninghim, you're not hitting him,
you're not parenting the waythat you were, that I was that
many of us were.
And especially as sons anddaughters of immigrants, a lot
(46:27):
of the things that we wereparented were very influential
to like old school way ofthinking, very traditional,
authoritarian way of.
Of thinking.
And I think that it comes to theexpense though, on us to do the
work, right.
(46:47):
And even though it's a lot ofwork that we're doing, because
in a way we're consciously awarelike, okay.
I know that I don't want toparent the way that I was
parented but if somethinghappens, if some little mistakes
or if you will, like happens, wethen put ourselves really like
(47:08):
bad.
Like we, end up regretting whatwe said.
We feel ashamed of what we did.
And, and I think that you shouldgive yourself grace.
I should give myself grace too.
that even though We don't wantto emulate what, what our
parents did.
We're not them, you know
Yo daddy (47:27):
Yeah.
Jessica (47:28):
Yeah.
But I think, a great job and Ithink, yes, it does take a lot
of work for us to unlearn andrelearn the things that we grew
up, but I am glad that you'renot like, Many Latino men who
are still repeating the cycle,and what would you say to a new
(47:53):
dad or to a dad that's kind ofgrappling with this sort of
identity in terms of, oh, I needto be strong and confident?
I should not show emotion infront of my kids.
I should still discipline theway that I was disciplined, but
they're kind of wanting tochange that.
Like, what would you say to thatfather?
Yo daddy (48:15):
I don't know what I would say, But I know what I
would have liked to have heard.
And then I became a dad.
I know that it's important to, Iguess just seek out other people
that are like going to be in thesame situation and people who
have gone through it, Like forme, what really helped me, shout
(48:35):
out to Latino Dad Connection,what really helped me was, you
know, speaking to, you know,like minded men, people who have
gone through the, the being afirst time dad, people who are,
should I say, just open to, tobeing different.
You know, parenting different,like breaking that, what did you
call it?
Breaking that, um,
Jessica (48:56):
Generational
Yo daddy (48:57):
you just said it breaking that, uh, yeah, that
breaking that stuff because,yeah, like you said, I know for
sure that I don't want to be thesame way as, you know, my
parents were with me.
and another thing would be.
it's okay to be vulnerable, youknow, like, cause, and I still,
yeah, I put up a front, right,cause, I mean, it is important
(49:20):
to show your kids strength.
That's one thing for sure.
But it's one thing that's waymore difficult is finding that
balance between strength andBeing okay with being
vulnerable, right?
yeah, just, I guess just alwaysshow up as your authentic self.
That's one thing that I alwayswanted to, I would have liked to
(49:40):
have heard from somebody.
Jessica (49:44):
So we've, I guess in this case, like we are
experienced parents, we've gonethrough the newborn phase twice.
We've learned how to manage.
That transition from like zeroto one and then one to two and
how that impacted ourrelationship, right?
(50:06):
And we had to navigate it as acouple.
So what would you, you know,tell a dad who was like
struggling and, and trying tofind that balance between
fatherhood and partnership?
Yo daddy (50:22):
is just don't forget both of you.
They're both, they're bothindividuals decided to take on
this journey, right?
Don't forget that it's not one'ssole responsibility to take on
all the load, right?
Of parenting.
It's a team.
And secondly, I would say,Always compliment, always make
(50:46):
your partner feel, you know,even if it's just like, Hey, I
love your hair.
Like the way you look, I thinkthat's important, right?
I mean, always just make surethat, that, that, that intimacy
will not go away.
Cause we all know that, youknow, especially as new parents.
That virtually doesn't almostexist, right?
(51:09):
So it's, it's, it's importantto, just to let your partner
know that you're, that they'restill wanted.
Jessica (51:15):
Yeah.
Yeah, I think that's definitelyimportant and I know that I've
struggled a lot when we werewhen we first had Diego not that
I only wanted him right now or Ionly wanted to mother but it was
very hard To get into the flowof like, you know Checking in on
(51:39):
you being You Like intimate withyou Like that that I think many
newer parents struggle, but Ithink to the second time around,
I allowed myself to not evenworry about.
like, the way that I looked,because a lot of women struggle
(52:01):
with like having this new body,right, having this different
identity and how they want toprioritize their kid versus like
their partner.
Uh, and I think that I was in abetter mindset the second time
around than the first timearound.
Yeah.
(52:22):
Yeah.
But I'm glad that you, I mean,yeah, you've always been present
with me.
Yo daddy (52:29):
I, I try.
I mean, I know that sometimeswhen we're over here, I seem
distant, but
Jessica (52:34):
No, you're never distant.
You're never distant.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And kind of speaking aboutrelationship stuff, I actually
got a question from one of myfollowers and the question was,
how do you work on notprojecting internal stress,
whether if it's about work orparenting onto your spouse?
(52:57):
So what would you say to that?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yo daddy (52:59):
I guess for me, like specifically when just talking
about us, I mean, I, I I don'tlike to see you get hurt.
Right.
And I think more so, and it'sprobably not the healthiest way.
Right.
But like, if I'm feeling likedown stress or whatever, for
whatever reason, it may be, Ikeep it inside.
Right.
Because I think more so about.
You like your well being then Ido my own like I said, yes, it's
(53:21):
probably not the healthiest wayBut I prefer to see you happy,
you know I don't want to projectmy I don't want to project my
negativity on to you becauseobviously you have a lot on your
plate Right, and it's probablynot the best advice or like the
best thing to give to youraudience, right?
but Just think about the otherperson, right, Obviously you
(53:43):
love that person.
Just remember that hurtingsomebody's feelings or just
bringing them down.
This is never good, right?
Jessica (53:53):
But it's interesting because for some reason though,
I know when you are understress.
Yo daddy (53:59):
it's cause I saw it.
Jessica (54:00):
Yeah, but I mean, you don't show it necessarily, but I
know kind of like your breathingpatterns.
I know when you're breathingreally hard, Versus like when
you're a little calm and andthat's a natural body response,
(54:21):
right?
When you are under stress and orwhen you're just like very
quiet, although you are quiet,but
Yo daddy (54:32):
No, I'm
Jessica (54:35):
But like when you're very quiet and you're not
looking at me in the eye Youknow, that's usually when I'm
like, Hmm, something's going on.
And, you know, for me, like, Iask questions and I'm like, Is
everything okay?
And I know that I sound like abroke, broken record, but I know
that you're doing this out ofthe kindness of your heart where
you're like, Oh, I don't wannaAdd this extra layer to her and
(55:00):
I get it, but I think that youare also human, right?
You can be hurting and I thinkthat it's important to talk, but
I'm glad that, you know, when Ido ask you, Hey, is everything
okay?
You at least tell me, if it'ssomething that's very impacting
(55:22):
you, then you, that's when youopen up.
And I appreciate you doing thatbecause.
I might have a lot of stuffunder my plate or, there may be
a lot of baggage that I'mcarrying too and you know when
to like respond depending on howyou're feeling and depending on
how I'm feeling.
And I think that has been kindof like the power and the beauty
(55:42):
of our relationship.
For me, kind of going back tothat question in terms of how do
you work on not projectinginternal stress, uh, I mean,
it's very hard for me.
It's like, I, I definitely showmy, like, I am a very emotional
person in terms of justexpressing how I feel and I
(56:03):
prefer to let it out.
And I feel that sometimes you dofeed off of my energy.
So I need to be careful on thatbecause.
I don't want both of us to beangry just because one of us
started.
And, and that's something I needto be more aware of.
(56:24):
And I think it's the way that Igrew up.
my family is very outspoken.
We just express ourselveswhenever the fuck we want, you
know, like we just, we don'tkeep a poker face.
Which is a good thing, but thenit's that intent versus impact,
right?
Like essentially, how are myintentions essentially impacting
(56:48):
others?
And that's, you know, sometimesyou do feed off of that, uh,
whether if it's like negativeenergy or just like, Whoa, like
over the top energy thatsometimes I put out.
And I think I need to, you know,just learn how to.
Keep my cool in certain times.
(57:08):
Yeah, I think we are eachother's yin and yang, right?
Like at the end of the day, weend up balancing each other out.
And I think that has been a veryhelpful and it has been a.
Positive aspect of ourrelationship.
Yo daddy (57:25):
just to be vague.
I mean, I just want to be betterfor you.
I just want to be a bettersupport system for you.
I want to be
Jessica (57:31):
Yeah.
Likewise.
Yeah.
Well, Yeah, thank you again forbeing here, uh, for a second
year.
I think we're gonna keep doingthis every year, especially at
the end of the season I thinkit's really good to, for
listeners to check in on usbecause again, um, if it wasn't
(57:57):
for you, I wouldn't have been amom, you know?
And, and I know that there's alot of single parents too,
right?
Like that being in arelationship shouldn't be a
whole aspect of like parenthood,but.
You know, being that we are in arelationship, I think it's
important to have you here andespecially hearing it from the
(58:18):
male perspective, specificallythe Latino perspective.
And so, yeah, yeah.
Thank you so much for beinghere.
I appreciate it.
Yo daddy (58:28):
Thank you for having me
Popular Podcasts
Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.
24/7 News: The Latest
The latest news in 4 minutes updated every hour, every day.
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.