March 20, 2025 • 17 mins
In this third episode of our special 8-episode Balanced Madrehood series, I tackle a topic that resonates with so many Latina moms: the misconception that taking care of ourselves is somehow selfish.
As Latina moms, we've often been conditioned to believe that self-sacrifice is the ultimate expression of love. Today, I challenge that notion and explore why true self-care isn't just nice to have, it's absolutely essential for those of us balancing multiple roles and responsibilities.
For detailed show notes, visit vivalamami.com/episode116
In This Episode, You'll Hear:
- Why traditional bubble baths and manicures aren't the only forms of self-care (and may not even be the most effective for busy moms)
- My personal journey of redefining what self-care means in my life beyond scheduled activities
- How the cultural concept of "marianismo" creates additional barriers to self-care for Latina moms
- Powerful mindset shifts to break free from the guilt cycle that keeps us from prioritizing our wellbeing
- Practical strategies for implementing self-care in your busy life, even if you only have five minutes
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Jessica (00:01):
Today we're continuing our special series on creating a
more balanced motherhoodexperience.
In our last episode, last week,we talked about reclaiming our
time, and today we're going totackle something equally
important, and that is somehowthe idea that taking care of
ourselves is selfish.
(00:23):
Ro as Ma Ma, we're conditionedto believe that self-sacrifice
is the ultimate expression oflove Ro today I wanna challenge
that and explore why trueself-care isn't just nice to
have.
Because let's face it, we.
Needed.
It's absolutely essential,especially for those of us
(00:46):
balancing multiple roles andresponsibilities.
So I hope you can find a quietmoment if you can't, and I am so
excited to share with you whyself-care is not selfish and how
we can break free from the guiltthat keeps us from prioritizing
our wellbeing.
But before we dive in, I want toremind you that in the show
(01:10):
notes, there are two links.
One, where you can suggestdifferent topics, topics like
these or any topic that you wantme to talk about.
And I also have another link.
on proposing a guest, or if youknow of a potential guest that
could benefit in being on theshow, feel free to share their
information as well.
(01:31):
I think that it's so importantto share our stories and for
people to share their expertise.
And that way, Mama, yourmotherhood journey can be better
informed.
And that way you can create thebest version of this wonderful
And oftentimes chaotic journeyof ours.
And I also want to remind you toplease rate and review the show
(01:55):
it's so important for me toreceive feedback and what you
think of this show so that waypeople can find Viva La Mami and
that way Latina moms Don't feelin isolation as it relates to
their motherhood journey.
So don't forget to rate andreview.
If you are listening throughApple podcasts, otherwise you
(02:17):
can also rate this show onSpotify and know that I'm here
to build this community for you,for us, because it is needed.
All right, let's dive into theepisode./ So as we think about
(03:36):
self-care, we often think abouttaking a bubble bath getting our
nails done.
the physical actions that wetake aside and do, and I think
that is great.
However, That sometimes takes alot of time, especially as busy
moms.
(03:56):
And one of the things that I amsort of relearning my self-care
journey, is that there aredifferent forms of self-care.
through my sessions with mytherapist, she really has helped
me explore what they look like.
And they don't necessarily haveto literally take time away from
(04:16):
you Now, I am not saying thatyou shouldn't go out and get
your nails done, like at thetime of this recording.
I got my nails done.
However, one thing that I dowanna.
Mention is that there are otherways in taking care of
ourselves.
So one example is that initiallyI thought that I literally had
(04:39):
to schedule my day aroundutilizing self-care practices.
And this was, for example,reading a book.
I joined a book club so that Ican go back to reading, because
that was something that I reallyenjoyed before having kids and
so I thought joining a bookclub, shout out to Rise and
Thrive Latinas in Chicago, Ithought that this would be an
(05:02):
amazing opportunity for me tobuild uni with other Latinas,
reading books from Latinaauthors and also be.
Out of the house for a littlebit to discuss what is read
during that given month.
Now, when I'm not meeting withthe group, I am reading the
(05:23):
book, preparing for thesesessions.
I initially thought that thatwas my way of self-care.
I thought that, well, I'm takingtime aside for me to read a book
and that's my self-care.
And even though this was a dailyritual that I had implemented, I
(05:44):
remember having a session withmy therapist and I'm like, I
don't know why I feel like I'mnot doing enough for myself.
And so she is like, Hmm.
Do you think that you're notprioritizing your self-care in
the way that you wish you did?
And I didn't realize that untilliterally I opened up with her
and we were discussing thatthere are different forms of
(06:06):
self-care.
now I am in this learningprocess and this sort of
relearning process of trying tofigure out what is.
True self-care for me.
Now, self-care can be differentfor everyone.
I believe that however youdefine self-care is going to be
your own sort of definition andexperience.
(06:29):
But for me, I definitely don'twanna schedule my self-care
session, if that makes sense.
Now when I think about self-careand how I am sort of reimagining
it, reinventing my self-carejourney self-care is more so how
can I set boundaries to myself?
(06:52):
How can I take better care ofmyself in a way that perhaps I
never paid attention to?
So I'm still there to try tofigure out what that looks like,
to be honest.
But I am here to tell you thatit is okay for you to shift your
thinking about self-care.
It is okay to give yourselfpermission on how you wanna
(07:16):
change your self-care journeyand experience.
And even though a lot of timespeople are defining self-care
for us, it is not all going tobe the same.
So as I am going to talk abouthow we can prioritize our self
(07:36):
care.
Know that I am in this journeywith you as well, but together,
hopefully we can sort of definewhat self-care looks like based
on, on our own experiences,based on our own journeys and
based on what we want out ofthis self-care rediscovery, and
I believe really that it goesmuch deeper and it's more
(07:59):
fundamental.
I wanna be clear that takingcare of yourself isn't
self-indulgent, it's selfpreservation.
And in the intensive season ofMadre Hood, self preservation
isn't optional.
But it is so essential.
So this is one of thefundamental principles we will
(08:20):
be working with in balancedMadre Hood.
When moms join our program, manystart with deep seated belief
that they should handleeverything without support.
But by the end of this coachingprogram, you're going to
understand that self-care isactually the foundation that
makes everything else possible.
(08:40):
For many of us as Latina moms,there are cultural factors that
make self-care even morechallenging.
And like I said, I have yet todefine self-care for myself.
And I think it's because of whatI saw modeled through my mama,
through my abuela, even Buela,who I had the honor of knowing
(09:02):
her in my 35 years of life.
Many of us grew up seeing thejere in our families embody this
concept of Maria Nimo, which Italk about in my coaching
program, balanced motherhood andMaria Nimo is the expectation
that.
Women should be self-sacrificingand nurturing above everything
(09:24):
else.
And so when you add this conceptwith the realities of modern
life, it's no wonder we'refeeling so overwhelmed.
But here's what I want you toremember.
Honoring your cultural valuesdoesn't mean sacrificing our
wellbeing.
By taking care of ourselves,we're actually better able to
(09:45):
nurture the family connectionsthat are so central to our
cultural identity.
And in balance motherhood.
We work specifically onreconciling these cultural
expectations with the realitiesof modern parenting.
let's talk about the big barrierto self care for most mamas, and
(10:07):
that is hashtag the mom, guilt,that nagging feeling that you
should be doing something else.
That voice that says, takingtime for yourself means you're
neglecting someone important,that worry that others will
judge you for prioritizing yourown needs.
(10:27):
Let's just break away from it.
Here are some powerful mindsetshifts that have helped me
imbalanced motherhood that havebeen able to break free from the
guilt cycle.
First, let's recognize thatself-care is not zero sum.
Taking care of yourself doesn'tmean taking away from your
(10:49):
family.
When you nurture your wellbeing,you have more energy, patience,
and presence to bring to yourrelationships.
Second, challenge the MamaMartin narrative.
And there's nothing noble aboutrunning yourself into the
ground.
I know that we saw this throughthe, in our families, but your
(11:11):
worth is not determined by howmuch you sacrifice.
And then finally, pleasepractice self-compassion.
Would you tell your best friend?
She's selfish for taking care ofher health or making time for
things that bring her joy?
I doubt it.
And so these mindset shiftsdon't happen overnight.
(11:32):
And in balanced motherhood, wework on them consistently over
our three months together wherewe're not only going to meet as
a group, but I will be meetingwith you one-on-one, so that way
you can have accountability onhow we can help rewire these
deeply ingrained beliefs that wegrew up knowing and seeing.
(11:56):
And so how do we actuallyimplement self-care in our busy
lives?
Well, here are some strategiesthat I found effective both
personally and with the mamas inour balanced motherhood
community.
First of all, start small and beconsistent.
Five minutes of intentionalself-care daily is more
(12:16):
beneficial than an occasionalspa day.
Can you wake up 10 minutesearlier to enjoy your.
In peace.
Identify your personalself-care, non-negotiables, it
could be getting enough sleep,actively moving daily, or
expressing yourself.
Creatively.
(12:38):
What matters most for you.
If you wait until you find timefor self-care, it likely won't
happen.
But also communicate thisclearly with your partner.
Let them know that yourself-care time is important.
This isn't about askingpermission.
It's about setting thoseexpectations and then they will
(13:00):
know.
When is your time for self-care?
You will then know when is yourtime for self-care, where you
don't necessarily have to writethis down on a planner, And so
find small moments throughoutyour day where self-care doesn't
always require a large block oftime.
Just like how I mentioned in thebeginning of this episode, it
(13:21):
can be as simple as taking threedeep breaths before answering a
stressful email or.
or going to the other room allby yourself, while your kids are
wanting your attention.
It is okay to prioritize yourwellbeing and I cannot stress
this enough, and also build asupportive network.
(13:41):
Connect with other mamas whounderstand the importance of
self care.
And this is one of the mostvaluable aspects of our balanced
motherhood community, havingother jere who get it.
Finally it's so important topractice saying no.
Every time you say yes tosomething that doesn't align
with your priorities, you'resaying no to something else,
(14:03):
which is often your ownwellbeing.
So remember that self-care looksdifferent for everyone.
And what feels nourishing to oneperson might feel draining to
another.
But the key is to identify whattruly replenishes you and how
you wanna define self-care.
(14:23):
I know that some of you arethinking that sounds nice.
Well, let me address the mostcommon objections I often hear.
I don't have time for self-care.
My family needs come first.
I feel selfish focusing onmyself, I tried self-care but
didn't feel any different.
(14:45):
I don't know what self-carelooks like for me, and this is
so common and like I said, I amin a different phase of my life
about what self-care.
Truly means to me, and many ofus have been focused on others'
needs for so long that we'velost touch with our own.
(15:05):
So part of our work in balancedmotherhood is rediscovering what
truly nourishes you, what trulymakes you happy, what.
Will empower you to be the womanthat you want to be.
So as we wrap up today'sepisode, I want to leave you
with this.
Self-care is not selfish.
(15:27):
It's not a luxury.
It's not something to feelguilty about.
It's an essential practice thatenables you to show up fully in
all areas of your life,including Madre Hood.
And I keep saying this, yourwellbeing matters not just for
what you can give to others, butfor its own sake.
(15:47):
You are worthy of care andattention, including your own.
If what we've discussed todayresonates with you and you're
ready to break free from thecycle of self neglect and.
Guilt.
I invite you to join our waitlist for balanced motherhood.
In this three month program, wedive much deeper into creating
sustainable self-care practicesthat honor both your needs and
(16:08):
your cultural values as well.
The program includes monthlygroup coaching, one-on-one
support, and a community oflike-minded Latina moms who
understand your uniquechallenges.
To join the wait list, visitviva la.com/balanced madre hood.
That is balanced with a D at theend dash Madre hood.
(16:30):
And you'll be the first to knowwhen doors open for enrollment.
in next week's episode, we'll betalking about rediscovering your
passions outside of ma hood,which is another crucial aspect
of creating a balancedmotherhood experience.
All right, AMI.
Well, thank you so much forlistening on the next episode.
Today we're continuing our special series on creating a
more balanced motherhoodexperience.
In our last episode, last week,we talked about reclaiming our
time, and today we're going totackle something equally
important, and that is somehowthe idea that taking care of
ourselves is selfish.
(00:23):
Ro as Ma Ma, we're conditionedto believe that self-sacrifice
is the ultimate expression oflove Ro today I wanna challenge
that and explore why trueself-care isn't just nice to
have.
Because let's face it, we.
Needed.
It's absolutely essential,especially for those of us
(00:46):
balancing multiple roles andresponsibilities.
So I hope you can find a quietmoment if you can't, and I am so
excited to share with you whyself-care is not selfish and how
we can break free from the guiltthat keeps us from prioritizing
our wellbeing.
But before we dive in, I want toremind you that in the show
(01:10):
notes, there are two links.
One, where you can suggestdifferent topics, topics like
these or any topic that you wantme to talk about.
And I also have another link.
on proposing a guest, or if youknow of a potential guest that
could benefit in being on theshow, feel free to share their
information as well.
(01:31):
I think that it's so importantto share our stories and for
people to share their expertise.
And that way, Mama, yourmotherhood journey can be better
informed.
And that way you can create thebest version of this wonderful
And oftentimes chaotic journeyof ours.
And I also want to remind you toplease rate and review the show
(01:55):
it's so important for me toreceive feedback and what you
think of this show so that waypeople can find Viva La Mami and
that way Latina moms Don't feelin isolation as it relates to
their motherhood journey.
So don't forget to rate andreview.
If you are listening throughApple podcasts, otherwise you
(02:17):
can also rate this show onSpotify and know that I'm here
to build this community for you,for us, because it is needed.
All right, let's dive into theepisode./ So as we think about
(03:36):
self-care, we often think abouttaking a bubble bath getting our
nails done.
the physical actions that wetake aside and do, and I think
that is great.
However, That sometimes takes alot of time, especially as busy
moms.
(03:56):
And one of the things that I amsort of relearning my self-care
journey, is that there aredifferent forms of self-care.
through my sessions with mytherapist, she really has helped
me explore what they look like.
And they don't necessarily haveto literally take time away from
(04:16):
you Now, I am not saying thatyou shouldn't go out and get
your nails done, like at thetime of this recording.
I got my nails done.
However, one thing that I dowanna.
Mention is that there are otherways in taking care of
ourselves.
So one example is that initiallyI thought that I literally had
(04:39):
to schedule my day aroundutilizing self-care practices.
And this was, for example,reading a book.
I joined a book club so that Ican go back to reading, because
that was something that I reallyenjoyed before having kids and
so I thought joining a bookclub, shout out to Rise and
Thrive Latinas in Chicago, Ithought that this would be an
(05:02):
amazing opportunity for me tobuild uni with other Latinas,
reading books from Latinaauthors and also be.
Out of the house for a littlebit to discuss what is read
during that given month.
Now, when I'm not meeting withthe group, I am reading the
(05:23):
book, preparing for thesesessions.
I initially thought that thatwas my way of self-care.
I thought that, well, I'm takingtime aside for me to read a book
and that's my self-care.
And even though this was a dailyritual that I had implemented, I
(05:44):
remember having a session withmy therapist and I'm like, I
don't know why I feel like I'mnot doing enough for myself.
And so she is like, Hmm.
Do you think that you're notprioritizing your self-care in
the way that you wish you did?
And I didn't realize that untilliterally I opened up with her
and we were discussing thatthere are different forms of
(06:06):
self-care.
now I am in this learningprocess and this sort of
relearning process of trying tofigure out what is.
True self-care for me.
Now, self-care can be differentfor everyone.
I believe that however youdefine self-care is going to be
your own sort of definition andexperience.
(06:29):
But for me, I definitely don'twanna schedule my self-care
session, if that makes sense.
Now when I think about self-careand how I am sort of reimagining
it, reinventing my self-carejourney self-care is more so how
can I set boundaries to myself?
(06:52):
How can I take better care ofmyself in a way that perhaps I
never paid attention to?
So I'm still there to try tofigure out what that looks like,
to be honest.
But I am here to tell you thatit is okay for you to shift your
thinking about self-care.
It is okay to give yourselfpermission on how you wanna
(07:16):
change your self-care journeyand experience.
And even though a lot of timespeople are defining self-care
for us, it is not all going tobe the same.
So as I am going to talk abouthow we can prioritize our self
(07:36):
care.
Know that I am in this journeywith you as well, but together,
hopefully we can sort of definewhat self-care looks like based
on, on our own experiences,based on our own journeys and
based on what we want out ofthis self-care rediscovery, and
I believe really that it goesmuch deeper and it's more
(07:59):
fundamental.
I wanna be clear that takingcare of yourself isn't
self-indulgent, it's selfpreservation.
And in the intensive season ofMadre Hood, self preservation
isn't optional.
But it is so essential.
So this is one of thefundamental principles we will
(08:20):
be working with in balancedMadre Hood.
When moms join our program, manystart with deep seated belief
that they should handleeverything without support.
But by the end of this coachingprogram, you're going to
understand that self-care isactually the foundation that
makes everything else possible.
(08:40):
For many of us as Latina moms,there are cultural factors that
make self-care even morechallenging.
And like I said, I have yet todefine self-care for myself.
And I think it's because of whatI saw modeled through my mama,
through my abuela, even Buela,who I had the honor of knowing
(09:02):
her in my 35 years of life.
Many of us grew up seeing thejere in our families embody this
concept of Maria Nimo, which Italk about in my coaching
program, balanced motherhood andMaria Nimo is the expectation
that.
Women should be self-sacrificingand nurturing above everything
(09:24):
else.
And so when you add this conceptwith the realities of modern
life, it's no wonder we'refeeling so overwhelmed.
But here's what I want you toremember.
Honoring your cultural valuesdoesn't mean sacrificing our
wellbeing.
By taking care of ourselves,we're actually better able to
(09:45):
nurture the family connectionsthat are so central to our
cultural identity.
And in balance motherhood.
We work specifically onreconciling these cultural
expectations with the realitiesof modern parenting.
let's talk about the big barrierto self care for most mamas, and
(10:07):
that is hashtag the mom, guilt,that nagging feeling that you
should be doing something else.
That voice that says, takingtime for yourself means you're
neglecting someone important,that worry that others will
judge you for prioritizing yourown needs.
(10:27):
Let's just break away from it.
Here are some powerful mindsetshifts that have helped me
imbalanced motherhood that havebeen able to break free from the
guilt cycle.
First, let's recognize thatself-care is not zero sum.
Taking care of yourself doesn'tmean taking away from your
(10:49):
family.
When you nurture your wellbeing,you have more energy, patience,
and presence to bring to yourrelationships.
Second, challenge the MamaMartin narrative.
And there's nothing noble aboutrunning yourself into the
ground.
I know that we saw this throughthe, in our families, but your
(11:11):
worth is not determined by howmuch you sacrifice.
And then finally, pleasepractice self-compassion.
Would you tell your best friend?
She's selfish for taking care ofher health or making time for
things that bring her joy?
I doubt it.
And so these mindset shiftsdon't happen overnight.
(11:32):
And in balanced motherhood, wework on them consistently over
our three months together wherewe're not only going to meet as
a group, but I will be meetingwith you one-on-one, so that way
you can have accountability onhow we can help rewire these
deeply ingrained beliefs that wegrew up knowing and seeing.
(11:56):
And so how do we actuallyimplement self-care in our busy
lives?
Well, here are some strategiesthat I found effective both
personally and with the mamas inour balanced motherhood
community.
First of all, start small and beconsistent.
Five minutes of intentionalself-care daily is more
(12:16):
beneficial than an occasionalspa day.
Can you wake up 10 minutesearlier to enjoy your.
In peace.
Identify your personalself-care, non-negotiables, it
could be getting enough sleep,actively moving daily, or
expressing yourself.
Creatively.
(12:38):
What matters most for you.
If you wait until you find timefor self-care, it likely won't
happen.
But also communicate thisclearly with your partner.
Let them know that yourself-care time is important.
This isn't about askingpermission.
It's about setting thoseexpectations and then they will
(13:00):
know.
When is your time for self-care?
You will then know when is yourtime for self-care, where you
don't necessarily have to writethis down on a planner, And so
find small moments throughoutyour day where self-care doesn't
always require a large block oftime.
Just like how I mentioned in thebeginning of this episode, it
(13:21):
can be as simple as taking threedeep breaths before answering a
stressful email or.
or going to the other room allby yourself, while your kids are
wanting your attention.
It is okay to prioritize yourwellbeing and I cannot stress
this enough, and also build asupportive network.
(13:41):
Connect with other mamas whounderstand the importance of
self care.
And this is one of the mostvaluable aspects of our balanced
motherhood community, havingother jere who get it.
Finally it's so important topractice saying no.
Every time you say yes tosomething that doesn't align
with your priorities, you'resaying no to something else,
(14:03):
which is often your ownwellbeing.
So remember that self-care looksdifferent for everyone.
And what feels nourishing to oneperson might feel draining to
another.
But the key is to identify whattruly replenishes you and how
you wanna define self-care.
(14:23):
I know that some of you arethinking that sounds nice.
Well, let me address the mostcommon objections I often hear.
I don't have time for self-care.
My family needs come first.
I feel selfish focusing onmyself, I tried self-care but
didn't feel any different.
(14:45):
I don't know what self-carelooks like for me, and this is
so common and like I said, I amin a different phase of my life
about what self-care.
Truly means to me, and many ofus have been focused on others'
needs for so long that we'velost touch with our own.
(15:05):
So part of our work in balancedmotherhood is rediscovering what
truly nourishes you, what trulymakes you happy, what.
Will empower you to be the womanthat you want to be.
So as we wrap up today'sepisode, I want to leave you
with this.
Self-care is not selfish.
(15:27):
It's not a luxury.
It's not something to feelguilty about.
It's an essential practice thatenables you to show up fully in
all areas of your life,including Madre Hood.
And I keep saying this, yourwellbeing matters not just for
what you can give to others, butfor its own sake.
(15:47):
You are worthy of care andattention, including your own.
If what we've discussed todayresonates with you and you're
ready to break free from thecycle of self neglect and.
Guilt.
I invite you to join our waitlist for balanced motherhood.
In this three month program, wedive much deeper into creating
sustainable self-care practicesthat honor both your needs and
(16:08):
your cultural values as well.
The program includes monthlygroup coaching, one-on-one
support, and a community oflike-minded Latina moms who
understand your uniquechallenges.
To join the wait list, visitviva la.com/balanced madre hood.
That is balanced with a D at theend dash Madre hood.
(16:30):
And you'll be the first to knowwhen doors open for enrollment.
in next week's episode, we'll betalking about rediscovering your
passions outside of ma hood,which is another crucial aspect
of creating a balancedmotherhood experience.
All right, AMI.
Well, thank you so much forlistening on the next episode.
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