April 10, 2025 • 15 mins
In this sixth episode of our special 8-episode Balanced Madrehood series, I share one of the most challenging aspects of modern Latina motherhood: giving ourselves permission to break harmful cultural traditions while still honoring our rich heritage.
As Latina moms, we've inherited beautiful traditions that connect us to our roots - but if we're honest, we've also inherited patterns that don't serve us or our children. From "la chancla" discipline and authoritarian parenting to machismo attitudes and the expectation that moms should sacrifice everything for family, how do we honor where we come from while consciously choosing not to carry forward harmful patterns?
In this episode, I name specific cycles many of us experienced growing up in Latino households and provide practical strategies for breaking these patterns while maintaining cultural connection.
For detailed show notes, visit vivalamami.com/episode119
In this episode, you'll hear:
- The specific harmful patterns many of us experienced (authoritarian parenting, la chancla culture, machismo, martyr mom syndrome, and more)
- Why breaking cycles doesn't make you any less Latina or connected to your roots
- Practical strategies for breaking generational patterns while honoring your heritage
- How to handle resistance from family members who don't understand your different approach
- Why breaking cycles is actually an act of love for your culture, not a rejection of it
Resources mentioned:
- Latinx Parenting
- Join the Balanced Madrehood waitlist: vivalamami.com/balanced-madrehood
- Episodes on how to break generational patterns
- 049. Mindful Parenting and Overcoming Mom Guilt with Emily Daisy Gasca
- 086. Navigating the Mental Load of Bilingual Parenting with Erika Milla from Spanish En Casita
- 101. Managing Mom Rage and Emotional Dysregulation with Jocelyn Flores
- 104. How to Manage Your Energy Without the Mom Guilt with Jessica Lynn Rojas
Love this episode? Subscribe wherever you are listening, share this episode with an amiga, and leave a review on Apple podcasts.
Watch this podcast episode on YouTube!
Follow Viva la Mami on Instagram @vivalamami
Join the Viva la Mami newsletter so you won't miss a thing!
Have a suggestion for an episode topic? Click HERE
Have a suggestion for a guest? Click HERE
Visit the Viva la Mami Website
www.vivalamami.com
Have questions or want to connect? Email us at podcast@vivalamami.com
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:01):
Today we're continuing ourspecial series on creating a
more balanced motherhoodexperience.
In our previous episodes, we'vecovered reclaiming our time
self-care.
Rediscovering our passions andsetting boundaries with our
familia.
Today we're diving intosomething that might feel even
more challenging, and that isgiving ourselves permission to
(00:24):
break from harmful culturaltraditions while still honoring
our rich.
Heritage As Latina moms, we'veinherited beautiful traditions
that connect us to our roots.
But if we're honest, we've alsoinherited some patterns that
don't serve us or our peques.
(00:46):
From la chancla disciplineapproaches and authoritarian
parenting to machismo attitudesand the expectation that moms
should sacrifice everything forfamily, the question becomes how
do we honor where we come fromwhile consciously choosing not
to carry forward the patternsthat cause harm?
(01:08):
How do we break cycles ofgenerational trauma while still
embracing our cultural identity?
In today's episode, we're goingto explore how we can give
ourselves permission to create anew legacy.
Jessica (01:25):
But before we dive in, I want to remind you that in the
show notes, there are two links.
One, where you can suggestdifferent topics, topics like
these or any topic that you wantme to talk about.
And I also have another link.
on proposing a guest, or if youknow of a potential guest that
(01:46):
could benefit in being on theshow, feel free to share their
information as well.
I think that it's so importantto share our stories and for
people to share their expertise.
And that way, Mama, yourmotherhood journey can be better
informed.
And that way you can create thebest version of this wonderful
(02:07):
And oftentimes chaotic journeyof ours.
And I also want to remind you toplease rate and review the show
it's so important for me toreceive feedback and what you
think of this show so that waypeople can find Viva La Mami and
that way Latina moms Don't feelin isolation as it relates to
(02:30):
their motherhood journey.
So don't forget to rate andreview.
If you are listening throughApple podcasts, otherwise you
can also rate this show onSpotify and know that I'm here
to build this community for you,for us, because it is needed.
All right, let's dive into theepisode./ Before we can break
(03:57):
any cycle, we need to name it.
So let's talk about some of theharmful patterns many of us
experienced growing up in Latinohouseholds.
Well, the first one is thatthere's the authoritarian
parenting style where porque yolo digo.
Was the only explanation needed.
(04:20):
Children were expected to obey,without question, and parents
didn't need to explain theirdecisions or consider their
children's feelings.
There's also La Chala cultureand that is using fear-based
discipline tactics rather thanconnection based approaches.
Many of us joke about runningfrom la chancla.
(04:40):
But physical punishment andintimidation create fear rather
than understanding.
And then there's the machismothat harms family dynamics that
creates rigid gender roles anddouble standards for boys and
girls.
Girls are often expected to helpwith household chores while boys
(05:03):
are exempt from that, ordaughters face stricter rules
about dating and socializingthan sons.
There's the martyr mom syndromeas well, and this is where mamas
are expected to sacrificeeverything, their dreams,
health, and identity for theirfamilias and self-care is seen
(05:26):
as selfish for them, and amother's needs always come last.
There's also the no air in yourdirty laundry mentality that
keeps family problems hidden andprevents seeking help for real
issues like mental healthstruggles or relationship
problems.
And finally, some of us alsoexperienced intergenerational
(05:47):
trauma passed down throughthese.
Parenting approaches, and theseare unhealed wounds from our
parents or grandparents and thepeople before them and their
experiences that continue toaffect how we parent today.
And so if you're recognizingsome of these patterns from your
own upbringing, tu no estassola.
(06:09):
In balance, madrehood, nearlyevery mama I work with
identifies at least one of thesecycles they're actively trying
to break.
The first step is simplyacknowledging these patterns
that these patterns exist andhow they've shaped us.
And as a new generation ofLatina moms, We know we want to
(06:31):
parent differently, but we stillfeel guilt or uncertainty about
breaking from tradition.
You might think, who am I to dothings differently than
generations before me or worryif I don't raise my children the
way I was raised?
Will they still connect withtheir culture?
This internal conflict iscompletely normal.
(06:53):
When we choose a different path,we may feel like we're somehow
betraying our familia or ourheritage.
We may fear judgment fromrelatives who see our different
approaches as a criticism of howthey raised us.
There's also the voice of doubtthat whispers, but let me be
clear.
Recognizing harmful patterns andchoosing to break them doesn't
(07:16):
mean rejecting your cultura entotal.
It means you are evolving thebest parts of your heritage
while leaving behind what nolonger serves this generation.
In balanced motherhood, we workextensively on this permission
piece.
Many maas come to the programknowing that they want to parent
(07:37):
differently, but they strugglewith the emotional weight of
breaking tradition through ourwork together, they discover
they don't need anyone else'spermission to create healthier
patterns for their familias.
You already have everything youneed to make these decisions,
your love for your children,combined with understanding of
both your cultural heritage andmodern approaches to parenting,
(08:01):
and this gives you uniquewisdom.
You don't need to parent exactlyas your parents did to honor
where you came from.
So now let's talk aboutpractical strategies for
breaking generational cycleswhile still honoring your
cultural identity.
Well, first of all.
Be intentional about what youpreserve.
(08:23):
Latino culture is rich withbeautiful traditions around
food, language, music,celebrations, family connections
and values like perseverance andhard work make a conscious
effort to emphasize theseelements with your children.
When we're intentional aboutwhat we preserve, we create
(08:43):
space to let go of what doesn'tserve us.
Second, develop awareness aroundtriggers.
We all have moments when weautomatically fall back into
patterns we experienced growingup.
And trust me, this is a learningprocess for me and my husband.
Maybe your child doesn't listenand you find yourself wanting to
(09:06):
yell at them and punish them.
When you notice these reactions,pause.
This awareness creates the spaceto choose a different response.
Third.
Build a system of like-mindedparents.
It's much easier to break cycleswhen you're not doing it alone.
Find other parents, particularlyother Latina moms, who are also
(09:30):
committed to honoring theirculura, while evolving their
parenting approaches, sharestruggles, strategies, and
successes as well.
Fourth, educate yourself onalternative approaches.
Read books, listen to podcasts,or take courses on gentle
parenting.
One of my favorites is LatinxParenting.
(09:51):
Learn more about emotionalintelligence or other
contemporary frameworks thatresonate with you.
Knowledge gives you optionsbeyond what you experience
growing up.
Heck, I've even invited expertguests on the show and I'll make
sure to link those in the EPIsand I will make sure to link
those episodes in the shownotes.
(10:12):
And finally, practiceself-compassion.
Breaking patterns is challengingwork.
You won't do it perfectly.
Trust me, I am not a perfectparent.
I am not here to tell you thatyou should.
There will be days when youreact just like your parents
did.
When this happens, forgiveyourself.
(10:34):
Repair your peque if needed andrecommit to your vision.
In balanced madrehood, we createpersonalized strategies for each
mamá based on her specificfamily background and the
particular cycle she's workingto break.
We pro we provide both thepractical tools, and the
emotional support needed tonavigate this journey.
(10:56):
So let's address the elephant inthe room.
What happens when your familiadoesn't understand or support
your different approach?
It is so common to faceresistance when you're breaking
cycles.
Your papá might feel judged whenyou don't discipline your
children the way he disciplineyou.
Or he might not understand whyyou're raising your son to
(11:17):
express his emotions rather thantoughening him up.
But remember, you don't need todefend or justify your parenting
choices.
A simple, this is how it works.
así es como funciona mi familiacan be simply enough second, try
to be curious rather thandefensive.
Ask older family members aboutwhy certain traditions existed.
(11:41):
Sometimes understanding thecontext helps you honor the
intention even as you change theapproach.
Third, find moments to bridgeunderstanding.
If your mama doesn't understandwhy you don't use physical
discipline, you might say,"mami,I know you use the chancla por
que you wanted me to grow uprespecting rules.
(12:02):
I want the same for my kids.
I'm just using different toolsto get there".
And then finally, hold yourboundaries with love.
As we discussed in our lastepisode, it's okay to kindly but
firmly establish how yourimmediate family will operate
even if it's different from yourextended family's expectations.
(12:23):
In balanced motherhood, we roleplay these challenging family
conversations and developpersonalized scripts that help
you navigate resistance whilemaintaining your commitment to
breaking unhealthy cycles.
So as we wrap up today'sepisode, I want you to know that
breaking generational cyclesdoesn't make you any less Latina
(12:44):
or any less connected to yourCultura.
In fact, it takes tremendouscourage and love to look at
painful patterns and say, thisstops with me.
You aren't rejecting yourcultura when you choose not to
carry forward harmful practices.
You're evolving it.
(13:05):
You're taking the beauty,strength, and wisdom of your
heritage and releasing the partsthat caused harm.
This isn't betrayal, it's simplygrowth.
If today's episode resonatedwith you and you'd like support
in breaking cycles whilehonoring your heritage, I invite
you to join the wait list forbalanced motherhood.
(13:26):
This three month coachingprogram is specifically designed
for Latina moms who arenavigating these complex
cultural dynamics while creatinga healthier legacy for their
peques.
In balanced madrehood.
We work together to identifywhich cycles you want to break.
Develop strategies for handlingfamily resistance and build a
(13:47):
supportive community oflike-minded mamas who understand
your unique challenges.
You don't have to do thisdifficult work alone.
To join the wait list, visitviva la.com/balanced motherhood
that is balanced with a D Madrehood.
where you'll be the first toknow when doors open for
(14:08):
enrollment, and they're gonnaopen real soon.
In next week's episode, we'regoing to explore how to align
your parenting approach withyour core values.
Another key element in creatinga balanced motherhood
experience.
breaking cycles isn't an act oflove.
Breaking cycles is an act oflove.
(14:28):
Love for your Es, love foryourself, and ultimately love
for your cultura as you carryforward its best parts while
healing some of its wounds.
Okay, amiga.
Well thank you so much forlistening.
Hasta la proxima.
Y nos vemos In the next episode.
Today we're continuing ourspecial series on creating a
more balanced motherhoodexperience.
In our previous episodes, we'vecovered reclaiming our time
self-care.
Rediscovering our passions andsetting boundaries with our
familia.
Today we're diving intosomething that might feel even
more challenging, and that isgiving ourselves permission to
(00:24):
break from harmful culturaltraditions while still honoring
our rich.
Heritage As Latina moms, we'veinherited beautiful traditions
that connect us to our roots.
But if we're honest, we've alsoinherited some patterns that
don't serve us or our peques.
(00:46):
From la chancla disciplineapproaches and authoritarian
parenting to machismo attitudesand the expectation that moms
should sacrifice everything forfamily, the question becomes how
do we honor where we come fromwhile consciously choosing not
to carry forward the patternsthat cause harm?
(01:08):
How do we break cycles ofgenerational trauma while still
embracing our cultural identity?
In today's episode, we're goingto explore how we can give
ourselves permission to create anew legacy.
Jessica (01:25):
But before we dive in, I want to remind you that in the
show notes, there are two links.
One, where you can suggestdifferent topics, topics like
these or any topic that you wantme to talk about.
And I also have another link.
on proposing a guest, or if youknow of a potential guest that
(01:46):
could benefit in being on theshow, feel free to share their
information as well.
I think that it's so importantto share our stories and for
people to share their expertise.
And that way, Mama, yourmotherhood journey can be better
informed.
And that way you can create thebest version of this wonderful
(02:07):
And oftentimes chaotic journeyof ours.
And I also want to remind you toplease rate and review the show
it's so important for me toreceive feedback and what you
think of this show so that waypeople can find Viva La Mami and
that way Latina moms Don't feelin isolation as it relates to
(02:30):
their motherhood journey.
So don't forget to rate andreview.
If you are listening throughApple podcasts, otherwise you
can also rate this show onSpotify and know that I'm here
to build this community for you,for us, because it is needed.
All right, let's dive into theepisode./ Before we can break
(03:57):
any cycle, we need to name it.
So let's talk about some of theharmful patterns many of us
experienced growing up in Latinohouseholds.
Well, the first one is thatthere's the authoritarian
parenting style where porque yolo digo.
Was the only explanation needed.
(04:20):
Children were expected to obey,without question, and parents
didn't need to explain theirdecisions or consider their
children's feelings.
There's also La Chala cultureand that is using fear-based
discipline tactics rather thanconnection based approaches.
Many of us joke about runningfrom la chancla.
(04:40):
But physical punishment andintimidation create fear rather
than understanding.
And then there's the machismothat harms family dynamics that
creates rigid gender roles anddouble standards for boys and
girls.
Girls are often expected to helpwith household chores while boys
(05:03):
are exempt from that, ordaughters face stricter rules
about dating and socializingthan sons.
There's the martyr mom syndromeas well, and this is where mamas
are expected to sacrificeeverything, their dreams,
health, and identity for theirfamilias and self-care is seen
(05:26):
as selfish for them, and amother's needs always come last.
There's also the no air in yourdirty laundry mentality that
keeps family problems hidden andprevents seeking help for real
issues like mental healthstruggles or relationship
problems.
And finally, some of us alsoexperienced intergenerational
(05:47):
trauma passed down throughthese.
Parenting approaches, and theseare unhealed wounds from our
parents or grandparents and thepeople before them and their
experiences that continue toaffect how we parent today.
And so if you're recognizingsome of these patterns from your
own upbringing, tu no estassola.
(06:09):
In balance, madrehood, nearlyevery mama I work with
identifies at least one of thesecycles they're actively trying
to break.
The first step is simplyacknowledging these patterns
that these patterns exist andhow they've shaped us.
And as a new generation ofLatina moms, We know we want to
(06:31):
parent differently, but we stillfeel guilt or uncertainty about
breaking from tradition.
You might think, who am I to dothings differently than
generations before me or worryif I don't raise my children the
way I was raised?
Will they still connect withtheir culture?
This internal conflict iscompletely normal.
(06:53):
When we choose a different path,we may feel like we're somehow
betraying our familia or ourheritage.
We may fear judgment fromrelatives who see our different
approaches as a criticism of howthey raised us.
There's also the voice of doubtthat whispers, but let me be
clear.
Recognizing harmful patterns andchoosing to break them doesn't
(07:16):
mean rejecting your cultura entotal.
It means you are evolving thebest parts of your heritage
while leaving behind what nolonger serves this generation.
In balanced motherhood, we workextensively on this permission
piece.
Many maas come to the programknowing that they want to parent
(07:37):
differently, but they strugglewith the emotional weight of
breaking tradition through ourwork together, they discover
they don't need anyone else'spermission to create healthier
patterns for their familias.
You already have everything youneed to make these decisions,
your love for your children,combined with understanding of
both your cultural heritage andmodern approaches to parenting,
(08:01):
and this gives you uniquewisdom.
You don't need to parent exactlyas your parents did to honor
where you came from.
So now let's talk aboutpractical strategies for
breaking generational cycleswhile still honoring your
cultural identity.
Well, first of all.
Be intentional about what youpreserve.
(08:23):
Latino culture is rich withbeautiful traditions around
food, language, music,celebrations, family connections
and values like perseverance andhard work make a conscious
effort to emphasize theseelements with your children.
When we're intentional aboutwhat we preserve, we create
(08:43):
space to let go of what doesn'tserve us.
Second, develop awareness aroundtriggers.
We all have moments when weautomatically fall back into
patterns we experienced growingup.
And trust me, this is a learningprocess for me and my husband.
Maybe your child doesn't listenand you find yourself wanting to
(09:06):
yell at them and punish them.
When you notice these reactions,pause.
This awareness creates the spaceto choose a different response.
Third.
Build a system of like-mindedparents.
It's much easier to break cycleswhen you're not doing it alone.
Find other parents, particularlyother Latina moms, who are also
(09:30):
committed to honoring theirculura, while evolving their
parenting approaches, sharestruggles, strategies, and
successes as well.
Fourth, educate yourself onalternative approaches.
Read books, listen to podcasts,or take courses on gentle
parenting.
One of my favorites is LatinxParenting.
(09:51):
Learn more about emotionalintelligence or other
contemporary frameworks thatresonate with you.
Knowledge gives you optionsbeyond what you experience
growing up.
Heck, I've even invited expertguests on the show and I'll make
sure to link those in the EPIsand I will make sure to link
those episodes in the shownotes.
(10:12):
And finally, practiceself-compassion.
Breaking patterns is challengingwork.
You won't do it perfectly.
Trust me, I am not a perfectparent.
I am not here to tell you thatyou should.
There will be days when youreact just like your parents
did.
When this happens, forgiveyourself.
(10:34):
Repair your peque if needed andrecommit to your vision.
In balanced madrehood, we createpersonalized strategies for each
mamá based on her specificfamily background and the
particular cycle she's workingto break.
We pro we provide both thepractical tools, and the
emotional support needed tonavigate this journey.
(10:56):
So let's address the elephant inthe room.
What happens when your familiadoesn't understand or support
your different approach?
It is so common to faceresistance when you're breaking
cycles.
Your papá might feel judged whenyou don't discipline your
children the way he disciplineyou.
Or he might not understand whyyou're raising your son to
(11:17):
express his emotions rather thantoughening him up.
But remember, you don't need todefend or justify your parenting
choices.
A simple, this is how it works.
así es como funciona mi familiacan be simply enough second, try
to be curious rather thandefensive.
Ask older family members aboutwhy certain traditions existed.
(11:41):
Sometimes understanding thecontext helps you honor the
intention even as you change theapproach.
Third, find moments to bridgeunderstanding.
If your mama doesn't understandwhy you don't use physical
discipline, you might say,"mami,I know you use the chancla por
que you wanted me to grow uprespecting rules.
(12:02):
I want the same for my kids.
I'm just using different toolsto get there".
And then finally, hold yourboundaries with love.
As we discussed in our lastepisode, it's okay to kindly but
firmly establish how yourimmediate family will operate
even if it's different from yourextended family's expectations.
(12:23):
In balanced motherhood, we roleplay these challenging family
conversations and developpersonalized scripts that help
you navigate resistance whilemaintaining your commitment to
breaking unhealthy cycles.
So as we wrap up today'sepisode, I want you to know that
breaking generational cyclesdoesn't make you any less Latina
(12:44):
or any less connected to yourCultura.
In fact, it takes tremendouscourage and love to look at
painful patterns and say, thisstops with me.
You aren't rejecting yourcultura when you choose not to
carry forward harmful practices.
You're evolving it.
(13:05):
You're taking the beauty,strength, and wisdom of your
heritage and releasing the partsthat caused harm.
This isn't betrayal, it's simplygrowth.
If today's episode resonatedwith you and you'd like support
in breaking cycles whilehonoring your heritage, I invite
you to join the wait list forbalanced motherhood.
(13:26):
This three month coachingprogram is specifically designed
for Latina moms who arenavigating these complex
cultural dynamics while creatinga healthier legacy for their
peques.
In balanced madrehood.
We work together to identifywhich cycles you want to break.
Develop strategies for handlingfamily resistance and build a
(13:47):
supportive community oflike-minded mamas who understand
your unique challenges.
You don't have to do thisdifficult work alone.
To join the wait list, visitviva la.com/balanced motherhood
that is balanced with a D Madrehood.
where you'll be the first toknow when doors open for
(14:08):
enrollment, and they're gonnaopen real soon.
In next week's episode, we'regoing to explore how to align
your parenting approach withyour core values.
Another key element in creatinga balanced motherhood
experience.
breaking cycles isn't an act oflove.
Breaking cycles is an act oflove.
(14:28):
Love for your Es, love foryourself, and ultimately love
for your cultura as you carryforward its best parts while
healing some of its wounds.
Okay, amiga.
Well thank you so much forlistening.
Hasta la proxima.
Y nos vemos In the next episode.
Popular Podcasts
Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.
24/7 News: The Latest
The latest news in 4 minutes updated every hour, every day.
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.