You're listening to the Best of VLM episode series featuring the most popular episodes of the Viva la Mami podcast!
In this episode, we welcome Erika Milla, creator of Spanish En Casita, an online community for parents striving to raise bilingual children. As a dedicated mom raising bilingual kids, Erika shares how she's preserving Spanish at home.
In our conversation, we dive into the mental and emotional struggles of bilingual parenting and the ups and downs of dual immersion programs. Erika also opens up about homeschooling her kids and gives tips for other parents on similar journeys. In addition, talk about the importance of community, cultural pride, and staying intentional in raising bilingual children.
For full show notes, visit vivalamami.com/episode123
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- Instagram: instagram.com/spanish.en.casita
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Samson Q2U Microphone (00:00):
Hello.
You are listening to the best ofVLM episode series, which
showcases some of the mostpopular episodes of the Viva.
Mommy podcast.
This episode is one of those.
If you enjoy what you hear, makesure you subscribe and don't
forget to rate the show andwrite a review on apple podcasts
(00:21):
so that other mommies, like youcan find this podcast.
Out, let's get into the episode.
Oh, no.
Mika today we welcome Eddie.
A passionate advocate forbilingualism.
And intentional motherhood.
Erica is a first generationLatina navigating the beautiful
(00:44):
complexities of raising bycultural children.
As a registered nurse,specializing in labor and
delivery, she brings a uniqueperspective to her role as a
dedicated my ma.
Based in California with herPeruvian husband and there are
two young children journey tobilingual parenting is one of
(01:05):
inspiration and resilience.
Through her Instagram platform,Spanish She creates a supportive
community for parents strivingto raise bilingual children.
Erica has created a supportiveonline community to share her
experiences, resources, andtips.
With the focus on makingSpanish, learning fun and
(01:26):
accessible.
She empowers parents to embracetheir children's linguistic
potential.
Join us as Edika discusses themental load of bilingual
parenting shares, practical tipsfor language acquisition, and
offers, encouragement to thosewho may feel overwhelmed.
Whether you're a seasonedbilingual mama, or just starting
(01:48):
your journey.
insights will inspire andempower you.
So without further ado, here'smy conversation with from
Spanish N casita.
Welcome to the podcast.
I am your host, Jessica Cuevas.
I am a mother of two on amission to help redefine the
(02:10):
meaning of motherhood as amodern Latina mom.
Motherhood can be a complexjourney interwoven in two
identities that often make usfeel ni de aqui, ni de alla.
Viva La Mami is committed toproviding you with knowledge,
tools, and support to navigatethe challenges and triumphs of
motherhood.
As Latina moms on the show,we'll be discussing culturally
(02:33):
relevant topics that will helpinform and empower you in
whichever season you are in onyour motherhood journey.
We'll be joined by Latina moms,experts and professionals who
can offer advice, practicaltips, relatable stories, and
honest conversations.
So bring your cafecito as Iinvite you to be a part of this
(02:54):
space As we create Comunidadabout the exciting and
challenging parts of being amami.
Ahora, vámonos.
jessica_1_06-01-2024_0909 (03:06):
Hola, Erica.
How are you?
erika-milla_1_06-01-2024 (03:09):
buenos dias, bien, y tu?
jessica_1_06-01-2024_090934 (03:10):
I love what you're doing on your
platform, raising bilingualkids.
And I love it that you reachedout to me and having this
opportunity to have you on theshow because there's so many
nuggets that you shared aboutThe mental load when it comes to
raising bilingual kids.
And so one of the things that Ireally want you to talk about is
(03:34):
like your experience.
I love that.
We get to create this communityof other parents who are being
intentional and raisingbilingual kids, but there can be
a lot of like, mental load.
There's so much emotional tollin this, especially for us that
are trying to reclaim ourcultura.
We feel like there is a bigresponsibility.
(03:56):
so before we delve into theconversation, I'd love for you
to introduce yourself to ourlisteners.
So tell us a little bit moreabout yourself,
erika-milla_1_06-01-2024_ (04:03):
sure, so I'm Erika, um, I'm 34, I live
in California, born and raised,uh, specifically in the IE.
I am the oldest daughter offour.
I have three younger brothers.
Um, so I was just mom numbertwo.
Um, my parents are both Mexicanimmigrants.
(04:26):
My mom is from Guadalajara,Jalisco.
And my dad is from Nueva Italia,Michoacan.
They both came to the US, um,like in their teens, I would
say.
Um, my dad, Pretty much went upto sixth grade in Mexico and
came here and just has beenworking ever since.
And my mom actually finishedhigh school here.
(04:47):
Um, and she was actuallyvaledictorian of her high
school.
She assimilated pretty quickly,learned the language, is super
smart.
And then she had me.
So then she went, you know,straight into the workforce as
well.
And they've both been workingtheir butts off ever since to
basically feed the You know, usfour.
(05:08):
So we grew up here inCalifornia, like just a typical
Mexican American home, you know,where mommy and puppy were both
working all the time, all thetime.
My dad would be gone by the timewe would wake up in the morning.
Same as my mom, um, son up tosundown.
And.
Um, when we were younger, ourparents spoke to us in Spanish,
(05:34):
so they only spoke to us inSpanish at home.
Um, and then once we startedschool, obviously when I went to
kindergarten, that's when mymom, you know, reached out for
help to find us a nanny.
Basically to help her since shehad to work so much.
And that's when kind ofeverything shifted a little bit
(05:56):
because, um, we brought in thisolder Mexican, strong, loud lady
from Ciudad Mexico that likejust set us straight, you know?
So she was kind of like my, anextension of my mom.
She was the mom that she reallyneeded.
(06:17):
And the mom that my dad reallynever had, he was raised by a
single mother.
And, you know, he just didn'treally have that relationship
with his own mother and neverhad a father.
So anyway, this lady comes intoour house.
Um, to take care of me and mybrothers while my mom and dad
are at work, and she only spokeSpanish.
And she would be the kind, shewas very like, firm, like, En
(06:39):
esta casa nomas hablamosespanol, no te entiendo.
Like, what are you, what are yousaying?
And she would get mad if wespoke any English.
So, she kept, um, You know, thatSpanish going in our home
growing up.
Um, and she was just, I didn'tknow at the time, but she was
just such an essential, likepiece of my childhood.
(07:02):
She brought love and laughterand like that abuelita, you
know, just comfort.
Like to our home, she broughtcultura because my parents were
so young when they had me, mymom was 19, you know, she was
still growing up herself.
And so this older lady was theone that really.
(07:22):
Taught her how to cook all theseauthentic Mexican meals.
And, you know, she kept us upwith the novelas and everything
going on in Mexico.
And she was like religious abouther Biblia, like she was, she
just brought so much of that.
Like OG Mexican culture into ourhome.
(07:44):
And I'm so grateful for that.
Um, it was, it made all thedifference in like my
upbringing.
So, um, we, once we went toschool, obviously.
It's a monolingual Englishschool, you know, dual immersion
didn't really exist back in theday.
So once we went to school, it'sthe Spanish just kind of starts
(08:07):
being put on the back burner andstarts, you know, being your
second language, really, becauseyou only speak it when you come
home with your nana.
And that's it.
Everything else, community is inEnglish, school is in English,
and then, My parents had toassimilate too because of their
jobs, so they were practicingtheir English all the time.
They started speaking to us inEnglish and it just sort of
(08:29):
shifted from there.
We kind of started losing a lotof it or just not practicing it,
um, as much.
Especially then once we were outof the house, you know, once I
moved out and met my husband andeverything, I was no longer, you
know, talking to my Nana everyday, having cafecito and pan in
the morning with her, havingthose conversations.
So, yeah, it really, um, Changed
jessica_1_06-01-2024_09 (08:53):
Mm-Hmm.
Yeah.
And I think that's a similarexperience for many folks,
especially with, you know, thatthe first, second generation
kind of generation where we'rein this, in-between worlds and.
You know, as little ones, wedon't get to say what kind of
(09:15):
upbringing we want, or we don'tget to say, like, what kind of
school we will be going to orwhat, and really, we are kind of
forced into assimilation, we areforced into being with group of
people that maybe perhaps theydon't understand our upbringing,
and it's really hard to navigatethat.
And then it isn't until webecome adults.
(09:37):
And really as parents, I don'tthink that I didn't get to fully
embrace my culture until I gotpregnant.
And I don't know what that shiftwas, but it was like, something
was telling me, like, I want mykids to be proud of who they
are.
I don't want to just like ignoreour culture, you know, our
(09:59):
language and everything.
And part of that is based on.
How we grew up, whether if itwas a positive experience or a
negative experience, you know,so like your nanny, like, it's
awesome that you were immersedin the culture in the language.
And she was very intentional,even though we sometimes think
of like people being rigid andlike, Oh, I guess out of
(10:23):
respect, though, you know, wegot to speak Spanish, but there
is a reason why, I grew up withmy grandma and it was also.
tambien.
And, um, and so, yeah, Iremember just like only
respecting the elders, you know,we had to speak Spanish even
till this day.
My grandma still says like, Ohno, you know, yo no entiendo And
we're like, Oh crap.
Like we have to call it, like wehave to switch now, you know?
(10:46):
And, and yeah, that's just likepart of our culture really.
Um, so that was really cool howshe made a big influence.
And.
Now that you are a mom, can youtell us a little bit more about
your bilingual and multiculturalparenting journey?
Like what really inspired you toraise bilingual kids?
erika-milla_1_06-01-2024_ (11:07):
Yeah, so, um, I've been with my
husband for 15 years now.
We met shortly, we met so young,shortly after high school.
So, I really say he's like mycollege sweetheart.
We didn't go to collegetogether, but, We dated
throughout our whole, you know,college years.
Um, we dated for 10 years beforewe got married.
(11:28):
So, um, I, I'm actually aregistered nurse.
I am a labor and delivery nurse.
And he's in business.
He went to school for businessmarketing.
Um, and he, I guess, what reallyattracted me to him at first was
that he was born in Peru.
Um, so he's Peruvian and spokeSpanish and had a very similar
(11:51):
upbringing to the one that Ihad.
Um, just, he wasn't born here.
He came here when he was eightyears old.
him and his family migrated herewhen he was eight.
And.
Kind of dealt with, you know,kind of had a very similar
childhood in the sense that hewent straight into English
school You know, he was in ESL.
I was in ESL my whole life, tooHis parents knew less English
(12:15):
actually than mine As mine camehere when they were younger, his
came here when they were, youknow, full on adults So at home
for him, it was, you know,purely Spanish Um, and So, yeah,
after we got married and decidedto have kids, it just, like you
said, all of a sudden, you know,once you become a mom, it's like
(12:38):
your, your mindset shifts andall of a sudden, all of these
things about like, Your culture,tus raíces, your language, like,
you know, everything that youvalued, you know, in your
childhood, all of a sudden youfeel this responsibility to pass
it on to your little ones.
And for fear, too, of losing it.
(13:01):
You're like, I can't, it can'tdie with me.
You know, I can't be the lastone because then that's it.
It seems so permanent and sojust like, A waste, you know, if
you don't pass it on to yourkids.
And so we made that decisionearly on that we, uh, well, we
came up with like our littlefamily language plan, whatever
(13:24):
you want to call it, and decidedto just speak strictly to our
kids in Spanish at home.
Um, we didn't really put a timelimit, like, okay, we're going
to speak it until they go toschool or whatever.
We didn't put any time limit onit.
We just said, We're just gonnaspeak Spanish in our home.
That's how we were raised.
That's how Spanish stuck, like,stuck with us.
(13:44):
That's what worked for us.
So we're gonna, you know, that'swhat we're gonna do.
And I think it's an, we have aslight advantage because,
because both of us speakSpanish, that doesn't happen a
lot, you know, and because heis, he's a Peruano.
It's also really good for mykids to hear both Spanish
(14:06):
accents.
It is very different.
When my husband speaks to hismom sometimes, I'm like, Qué?
Like, slow down.
Like, Mochan las palabras?
I don't know.
They like, cut them short, andthey speak really fast, and it's
like, completely different.
So I'm like, oh man, like, if mykids ever go to Peru, they're
gonna be so lost.
(14:28):
So, It's good for him to youknow, speak it to them in his
way and they There's also somany different words, by the
way, like just in dating him Somany things have like, so I feel
like I'm teaching my kids threelanguages sometimes because I'm
like, Oh, how do you say corn inEspanol, Elena?
And it's like, elote and choclo.
(14:49):
So they got to know corn, elote,choclo.
And there's a lot, a lot ofwords that are just so
different.
And I have to, you know, bemindful of teaching them those
Peruvian words as well.
Um, so that's why we decided to,both of us to speak Spanish to
(15:09):
our kids.
My husband and I have alwaysspoken to each other in English.
So that part.
We, we couldn't let go.
Like, we couldn't just strictlyspeak Spanish to each other.
And that's okay.
I'm okay with that.
You know, at the end of the day,I do want my kids to be
bilingual and value bothlanguages.
And this is the, and my daughterjust started asking me.
(15:31):
She's six right now.
jessica_1_06-01-2024_0909 (15:33):
Okay.
erika-milla_1_06-01-2024_0709 (15:34):
I didn't even add my children into
my bio.
My God.
So, I have a six year olddaughter.
And then an almost 4-year-oldson.
So my 6-year-old daughter, Dale,she's a little older, um, just
started asking me, mommy,
jessica_1_06-01-2024_090934 (15:55):
Mm
erika-milla_1_06-01-2024_07 (15:57):
and I really, and I, I had to like,
think about it for a second andI just basically told her, you
know.
Mi Adrián, my son.
Y con papi hablo inglés,idiomas.
(16:18):
And that's all, I just left itat that, you
jessica_1_06-01-2024_0909 (16:20):
Yeah.
erika-milla_1_06-01-2024_07 (16:21):
Um, so, it, that helps I think too
because even though they can'tunderstand us very well yet,
which is great.
She's starting to now.
She's starting to now, but, um.
It, they still subconsciouslypick up on so many little words.
(16:42):
I don't know what it is aboutEnglish.
It is like glue.
I, I have not, I hardly readthem English books.
I, I never speak to them inEnglish.
How can they have a conversationwith me?
I don't know.
It's so
jessica_1_06-01-20 (16:56):
Interesting.
Mm-Hmm?
erika-milla_1_06-01-2024_0709 (16:57):
I was talking to, um, this girl on
Instagram.
Oh my gosh.
Her name is Kat.
She's, um, like a linguist andshe just, she told me something
about how English just for somereason, like in, in their
research, there's somethingabout English that just takes
over.
Like, it just
jessica_1_06-01-2024_090934 (17:16):
Mm.
erika-milla_1_06-01-2024_ (17:17):
Like, so I don't know what it is.
It's just, you know what I mean?
It, it,
jessica_1_06-01-2024_090934 (17:21):
It it's super colonizing that even.
The language,
erika-milla_1_06-01-2024 (17:27):
right, it just wipes everything else
jessica_1_06-01-2024_09093 (17:29):
yep, yep, yep, yep.
Oh my gosh.
So, um, and you homeschool yourkids or, um, are they in school?
How are they kind of immersed inthe language still through
education?
Because now they're like schoolaged, right?
erika-milla_1_06-01-2024 (17:46):
right, right.
So, I homeschooled my daughterfor pre K.
Um, so, because, you know, Thereare no pre, you know, dual
immersion pre k programs, and ifthey're, they, there are,
they're so expensive and it'sjust, you know, unattainable, or
they're not close by, they'rejust really hard to find, and I
(18:10):
wasn't ready yet at that age tojust, like, immerse her into a
monolingual English, like,environment.
Um, Not just because shecouldn't do it, just because I
wanted, you know, as much timeas I could with her to really,
like, ingrain that Spanish intoher.
So, I made the decision to scaleback.
(18:31):
I was working full time.
Um, I've been a nurse for nineyears now.
And I was working full time upuntil then.
I scaled down to be part time sothat I could be home and, like,
intentionally.
Um, homeschool her for pre k andI did that bilingually in
English and Spanish.
(18:52):
Um, primarily in Spanish becausethat's her dominant language.
But I started introducingEnglish then.
That way when she went to schoolit wouldn't be such a, like,
shock to her, you know.
And I decided to, well, againstmy will, I really wanted to keep
homeschooling her.
Um, but it's different.
(19:13):
You know, it's, nobody in myfamily has ever done it.
Nobody really does it.
The, the normal thing is to sendyour child to school, right?
And I felt like I, at the time,I didn't have the support I
needed to really, like, followmy heart and go in that
direction.
Um, specifically with myhusband.
(19:34):
He was just very, like, on thefence about it.
jessica_1_06-01-2024_09 (19:37):
Mm-Hmm.
erika-milla_1_06-01- (19:38):
understand it.
He wanted to try public schooland see how it went.
And so since I didn't reallyhave his support, you know, I
just said, okay, like let's tryit.
We'll put her in a dualimmersion program and we'll see
how it goes.
So she, Monday is actually herlast day of kindergarten.
(20:00):
And while she loved Going toschool and, you know, making
friends, socializing, and she,she loved it.
She liked school, but for us asa family, it was very difficult.
It was such a hard transitionfor us because, because of my
(20:23):
career.
Um, Being part time as a nursemeans I work two days a week
right and the rest of the days II dedicate to being home with my
kids.
So it's kind of the best of bothworlds I almost feel like a stay
at home mommy, but I still Ialways say like I do nursing on
the side Because really I'm moreof a mom, you know than a nurse
(20:44):
so going to school Put us inthat box that we've never been
in before of like The nine tofive, Monday through Friday.
She had a hard time.
Oh my God.
Waking up every day was a fight.
Picking her up from school everyday was a fight because.
It's so long.
(21:05):
School is so long forkindergartners.
You know, it changed her.
She, she used to nap.
She stopped napping.
She was just overtired.
Her behavior changed a lot, alot, a lot, because her whole
life, I'm, you know, she couldwake up at the time her body
wanted to wake up.
(21:25):
She didn't have anywhere to berushing to every single day.
That was really rough for her.
Um, and then You know, there's alot of, I, I would never bash,
you know, public school or dualimmersion programs, but there's
a lot of holes that I found.
In the dual immersion, you know,world that I didn't know about
(21:48):
before.
And one, one of the biggest onesfor us was, I feel like, well,
first of all, there's not thatmany programs.
So it was really hard for her,us to just get into this one.
And we had no choice in whatkind of program it is.
And hers was a 1910.
And, um, now looking back, Idon't really feel like a 90 10
(22:09):
is tailored to Spanish speakers,fluent Spanish speakers.
It is tailored to monolingualEnglish speakers trying to learn
Spanish.
So her going into that, like,yeah, well, it was great.
It was in Spanish.
She learned to start reading inSpanish, all that stuff.
But it was like very basic.
(22:32):
Whenever I asked her, you know,español?
And most of the time, theteacher is speaking in English
because she's tailoring to allof the kids who mainly speak
English that don't understand.
And so that, that defeated thepurpose for me.
(22:55):
You know, that, that really mademe, like, think, like, how much
is she really getting from itthen, you know?
If the teacher's giving theminstruction in English and
Spanish, it's supposed to be 90percent Spanish, right?
She's still giving theminstruction in English, still,
like, speaking to the kids inEnglish.
(23:16):
And, My daughter is one of two,two in her class of 24 that
speak fluent Spanish.
That's it.
That's it.
And I don't, and we live in avery like, um, Latino community,
you know, we,
jessica_1_06-01-2024_09093 (23:35):
Huh?
erika-milla_1_06-01-2024_070 (23:36):
so that was kind of surprising to
me and I don't know if it's justThe kids don't speak it, like
maybe they understand it, andthey don't speak it as much.
But whenever I go pick up mydaughter from school, her, all
the kids are speaking English.
I have hardly ever heard any ofthe kids speak Spanish.
Um, and when I ask her, youknow, Con quién And then she's
(23:59):
like, oh, no más so and so.
Y todos los demás nomás hablaninglés.
So she's speaking English allday with these kids.
And then still getting, youknow, her teachers teaching her
the subjects in Spanish, butlike all the directions and all
that stuff, like she's gettingin English.
So it's not really as likeSpanish dominant as you would
(24:22):
think.
So that was like a little eyeopener for me.
Um, and then, uh, you can kindof look at the plan as far as
like, you know, when they startintroducing English and things
like that.
And unfortunately a lot of theseprograms don't have the funding
and, resources of the teachersto implement them like the way
(24:47):
that they should be implementedas far as providing, you know,
the same opportunities in bothlanguages.
And you'll see that like oneyear they'll teach them one
subject completely in Englishfor the whole entire year.
Where it should really be both,but there is just not enough
(25:08):
time, not enough money, notenough teachers.
And so that's, that's a reallybig hole, you know, in that
system.
And also they, at the end of theday, it really feels like
Spanish is for flunzies.
jessica_1_06-01-2024_09 (25:24):
Mm-Hmm.
erika-milla_1_06-01-2024_0 (25:26):
It's you, they don't, you don't get
tested on it.
You know, at the end of the day,the testing is all in English.
That's what really matters.
To them.
That's what's really valued tothem.
jessica_1_06-01-2024_090 (25:36):
Right, like how fluent will they get at
the end of the day, there isstill a lot of work to get done,
you know, and it's so true.
Like there is no assessmentabout, you know, the students
fluency in Spanish because thegoal is to bridge these
languages together and notseparate them.
But it's still almost like thatis the intention, you know, and
(26:00):
a lot of work needs to get done.
And, and we're based in Chicago.
I would say that the duallanguage, programs here are not
as progressive as the ones inCalifornia, for example.
but we're getting there.
And we're taking our three yearold, Diego, to pre K 3.
And, um, even though he's notofficially in the dual language
(26:24):
program yet, technically theystart in pre K 4.
But in order to get into pre K4, you need to first start in
pre K 3 to be guaranteed a spot.
Otherwise, you can apply for preK 4, but it gets very
competitive.
So, it's just a system.
In its own, you know, just likethere's a lot of gatekeeping.
(26:45):
It's almost like collegeadmissions.
And I come from a collegeadmissions background on a
professional level where I'mlike, Oh my gosh, this is just
as intense as if like you'reapplying to Harvard.
Yeah.
Yeah.
erika-milla_1_06-01-2024_0 (26:56):
like we were on a lottery.
My hope, my daughter's future isbased on a lottery.
jessica_1_06-01-2024_09093 (27:02):
it's
erika-milla_1_06-01-2024_070 (27:03):
if we don't get in, what, like
that's it?
She just goes to English school?
She doesn't even speak a word ofEnglish.
It's terrifying.
jessica_1_06-01-2024_090934 (27:10):
It is, it is.
And how, they're puttingpriority on monolingual students
and let's face it, like theseare affluent, white, children
for the most part.
And I'm glad that their parentsare exposing them to the Spanish
language, but a lot of timeswhat I hear, it's like many of
these parents don't bring thelanguage in the home.
(27:32):
You know, it's like up to the.
teacher and their responsibilityto get the students to learn the
language, you know, and that'sthe only kind of like, immersion
that they get.
And, and I don't see that fair,you know, for us, we want to
cultivate and keep, you know,and embrace our own language
because we are the byproductsof, In our generation, we're the
(27:54):
byproducts of like growing up,either thinking that Spanish was
a deficit or out of survival, wecouldn't speak the language
because we had to assimilate.
And so for us, we're beingintentional.
We want to be, true to ourculture and our language.
You know, you have this othersub group and.
(28:15):
They want to take over.
So it's it's very hard and it'svery complex and I'm not saying
it's like a competitionnecessarily.
I think the system itself istrying to make us compete
against each other.
It's very complex.
And I'm glad that you aboutthis, um, because there's a lot
of questions, especially forparents who want to put their
(28:36):
kids in a dual immersion programor dual language program.
There, there should be goodquestions to ask, these schools
before putting them in beforeknowing.
And I think.
That in itself should be apodcast episode.
erika-milla_1_06-01-2024_070 (28:51):
It should.
jessica_1_06-01-2024_09 (28:52):
Because I'm gonna get through it.
Like, we're just starting andfor you having this experience,
it's just telling that, youknow, there's just a lot of work
to get done.
And I think that as parents, ifwe really want to be intentional
in raising bilingual children,and if we're not getting that in
our local school systems, um,you know, there are.
Many ways, whether if it'sputting them in afterschool
(29:14):
programs or homeschooling them,if you have that capacity.
Um, so I'm glad that this isworking out for you.
And I'm really excited to hearmore about your experience and
your daughters as well.
erika-milla_1_06-01-2024_0 (29:25):
I'm, I'm, I'm nervous, but I'm
excited.
I know, like in my heart, thatwas always What I wanted to do
and that was always myintention, you know, and I gave
my husband the benefit of thedoubt.
We tried it.
It, it didn't, it was just astressful year for our family.
It created a lot of stress.
It literally like turned ourhouse upside down.
(29:46):
It was so different for us.
Um, and so we want to go backto, I'm, I always say like
people chase the fast life andI'm trying to chase that slow
life.
jessica_1_06-01-2024_090934 (29:55):
Um,
erika-milla_1_06-01-2024_0 (29:57):
like slowing down.
I don't like.
Being in a rush with my kidseverywhere.
I don't like to be overbooked.
I like to protect my peace andyou know do things in small
doses and slow down and read abook to my kids, you know, in
peace and do a craft with themand paint and all of the little
(30:22):
things that, you know, kidsneed.
jessica_1_06-01-2024_090934 (30:26):
Oh, that's awesome.
you share so many tips andresources on your platform and
you've really built this strongbilingual community, which is
awesome.
I love what you share andeverything.
But you definitely haveexpressed about this mental load
of bilingual parenting.
And even when you're, you weretalking about your experience
(30:47):
and putting your daughter in theschool system and navigating
that, I'm pretty sure thatBrought up a lot of just like
emotional toll on you, you know,to try to figure out okay If
this is a good fit or not andeven thinking about like dual
language schools, too, right?
There's so much like mental loadthat we carry As moms
(31:11):
specifically because this is youknow a podcast for moms pero um
Yeah, in your experience raisingyour kids bilingual, can you
tell us a little bit more howthe mental load is brought up to
you?
And also, like, what are someexamples of the mental load in
(31:34):
bilingual parenting?
erika-milla_1_06-01-202 (31:35):
there's a huge huge mental load aspect
of this because It's almost italmost feels like or it almost
feels like doing two jobs atonce, you know You think of
monolingual moms You Just havingto worry about, not just, it's a
lot, having to worry aboutparenting and being a mom and
(31:57):
navigating that.
We have to worry about parentingas well and all of the mommy
things and add in, you know,teaching your child an entire
new language and culture at thesame time.
And Most of the time, a lot ofus don't have support or a lot
(32:19):
of us don't have the resourcesor the time to go searching for
resources.
That's a huge one for me.
Um, because, When I was a newmom, I did everything.
I mean, until this day, I kindof still feel like I do
everything on my own.
Um, that's, I feel like that'sjust like the eldest daughter
(32:39):
thing.
I don't know.
Maybe it's our pride or like,like we got it, we can do it,
you know?
But then until you're like at apoint of a mental breakdown.
Um, but I, I didn't reach out topeople because I felt like No
one could really relate, youknow, no one could really relate
to my specific situation.
(33:02):
I personally don't have anyclose friends that are
bilingual.
Um, I don't have any, obviouslyI'm the oldest, so I don't have
any nieces, nephews.
Like, I was the first one to bea mom in my family.
I'm the first one to doeverything.
I was the first one to graduatecollege Like I just have always
(33:23):
done everything on my own andI've always just sort of figured
it out and it's It came with alot of like tears, a lot of like
mental breakdowns.
And I don't think it has to bethat way necessarily.
Um, I feel like I wish I wouldhave reached out to people a lot
(33:44):
sooner than I did.
Um, I just wasn't, I guess I wasjust too busy.
My kids were little, now they'rebigger, you know, so now I'm
finally like trying to get outthere and find other people to
connect with, um, to talk about,you know, shared experiences.
But yeah, it's just every littlething that, you do with your
(34:08):
children, if you're raising thembilingually, is very
intentional.
Like, a lot of people don't haveto worry about, necessarily,
what school they're gonna go to.
Or what books we're gonna read.
Like, you just grab a book andyou read it.
No, like, I gotta look at, youknow, the Spanish, and it, like,
what level of Spanish is it?
And then I have, I'm in chargeof pretty much everything.
(34:30):
Like, you It's all on me.
It's even though dad speaksSpanish too, he's at work, you
know, and I'm at home moreteaching everything to them.
So it's really up to me how muchSpanish they're going to learn,
how good their Spanish is, whento introduce English.
Like, and I'm not a teacher, youknow, and so that you kind of
(34:52):
get this like imposter syndromekind of thing.
because you're trying to teachthem something and you're like,
but I'm not a teacher and I'mnot a native Spanish speaker.
Like is my Spanish good enough,you know, to teach them or will
they ever get to a level betterthan mine?
Um, and then I just kind of haveto check myself, you know, when
(35:16):
I do that and check myself andbe like, you know what I'm doing
better than a lot of people cansay, I'm doing the best that I
can.
I'm.
I work at it every single day.
I never claim to have perfectSpanish, but I have vastly
improved since my daughter wasborn.
(35:37):
I mean, just reading every dayhas made a huge difference.
Um, Something I started doing tojust recently is reading to
challenge myself.
So I've always read likechildren's books in Spanish, you
know, and at the beginning, myGod, you should have heard me,
you should have heard me readthese children's books and like
(35:57):
Google translate a lot of wordsbecause it's not stuff that we
bring up in everydayconversation.
You know, they're not words thatyou use at home, and you've
never heard of them.
jessica_1_06-01-2024_09093 (36:09):
Yes, and even, you know, depending on
where your family comes from,like my parents are both from
the same rancho and it's arancho.
So there's a lot of slang, youknow, rancho language that's not
really like formal Spanish.
And so there's so many wordsthat even to this day, I'm like
not even familiar with, youknow, and I'm learning through
(36:31):
books and these are children'sbooks,
erika-milla_1_06-01-2024 (36:33):
right, right, and it humbles you.
It really humbles you becauseyou're like, you gotta learn,
like, I didn't have a formaleducation in Spanish, which is
something that I really want toattain someday, you know, but
the, los acentos.
And, like, all that, you startlearning how to, like, read it,
you know, as it's written withthe accents, and I had to teach
(36:56):
myself all of that.
Um, now that my daughter is six,we started, well, I started
challenging myself more, insteadof just normal picture books, we
picked up chapter books.
And so I'm slowly learning, youknow, proper Spanish or like
advancing my Spanish as I teachmy children as well.
(37:16):
So it's really been beneficialto me, surprisingly.
Um, I've really enjoyed thatpart.
And I, I'm looking forward tohomeschooling her and having the
opportunity to spend more timeon it, you know, every day with
them as well.
So I'm excited for what ourSpanish will look like together,
(37:37):
you know, in the future.
I'm reading like, I'm readingMatilda to her right now.
It's just like simple, likechapter book, but it's
challenging, you know, for meand good for her to listen and
take in.
jessica_1_06-01-2024_09093 (37:50):
Yes.
Yes.
Oh, that's, that is awesome.
And you know, there's so muchtruth that you mentioned and
really I resonate so much withyou in terms of the mental load
and researching, right?
And trying to figure out evenlike books, you know, kind of
going off of that, like in thisconversation, like picking out
books that are appropriate andthat are translated well,
(38:14):
because not all.
Spanish books are created equaland even bilingual books too,
like they're not created equaland you have to figure out,
okay, is this like a legittranslated, you know, version or
is it someone that.
Is just a translator but doesn'treally know the Spanish language
that is a little bit moreuniversal and it's it's so hard
and and yeah, I feel like, wecarry on this additional weight
(38:39):
of this aspect where many peopledon't talk about it and I'm glad
that you are amplifying this.
I know that.
Diandra Morse, I don't know ifyou follow her bilingual
playdate, like she's amazingalso.
And she shares a lot about themental load.
And I'm glad that both you andher are sharing this because so
(39:00):
much of this resonates, to thebilingual community, especially
moms who are being intentionaland parents overall who are
being intentional and raisingbilingual kids.
But as moms, And you hear a lotabout the invisible load, the
mental load, of parenting.
But when it comes to raisingbilingual kids, there's this
added layer that we do so much.
(39:22):
And I feel like my brainsometimes is overstimulated
because of this, just trying tomake sure.
That, for example, I'm beingintentional about like, what
kind of people I should bemeeting with and play groups,
you know, making sure that.
My kids are also talking toother kids who speak Spanish.
And so, yeah, like little thingslike that, it's, it does add a
(39:45):
lot of load.
And so what would you recommendfor mommies who are grappling
between the mental load ofraising bilingual kids, like
what are some kind ofrecommendations that you have to
not overstress themselves?
And you've mentioned feeling,this imposter syndrome.
(40:07):
What would you say to that
erika-milla_1_06-01-2024_070 (40:09):
So I would say, number one, don't
wait as long as I did to find acommunity.
Um, I wish I would have donethat a lot sooner, um, because
as much as we sometimes feellike we're in our own little
bubble and we're the only ones,you know, we're not, we're not.
There's so many other women.
that share, you know, the sameexperiences and are raising
(40:32):
your, their kids in a similarway than you are.
So that would be number one, is,is just reach out and find a
community, surround yourselfwith other mommies who are doing
the same thing, speaking totheir kids in Spanish.
And if you can't do that, if youdon't find that, then Surround
yourself with people who areokay with the way that you are
(40:55):
choosing to raise your kids.
Somebody who respects yourbilingual and bicultural
journey, and is completely,completely makes you feel okay
with speaking Spanish aroundthem, even though they don't
understand the language.
They respect it.
They show support for it.
Surround yourself with thosekinds of people that aren't
(41:15):
going to make you, you know,talk to your kids in English
because you don't want to makeanybody feel uncomfortable, you
know, just be around peoplethat.
Let you be your authentic selfand support your kids in
whatever language that is.
Like, we have great, um, I havea best friend and her husband,
they have two girls, they onlyspeak English and our kids are
(41:38):
best of friends, even though,you know, my daughter can hardly
form sentences and in English,but, um, they also, like my
friend and her husband, They'll,like, learn Spanish words and
say it to them, and, you know,they just try, they make that
effort.
So that, that really helps, and,I guess another thing is, don't
(42:00):
hold back from who you reallyare and what you value don't
hide your true authentic selffor the comfort of others.
Don't just assimilate to, to notbe like, You know, the elephant
in the room, be proud of whatyou're doing and know that it's
(42:22):
important.
Always go back to your why,whenever you feel that way,
like, why am I doing this?
Why is this important to me?
And I caught myself, I talkedabout this on my page.
I caught myself, you know, incertain situations, speaking to
my daughter in English.
And that, and she picks, theypick up on that.
(42:43):
They're like, why are you doingthat?
Why are you being weird?
You know?
Yeah.
Why am I being weird?
Because of the societal pressureof, I know English too.
You know, not just Spanish.
I know English too and I need tospeak it to prove it.
You have nothing to prove toanybody.
You do what works for you andfor your family and know that
(43:06):
you are giving them this hugeadvantage and gift in life, you
know.
jessica_1_06-01-2024_09093 (43:12):
yes, yes.
Oh, I love it.
So many great tips that youshare here and, and I'm glad
that we can at least startknowing and identifying that
there are people who are raisingbilingual kids and that we share
this commonality and we buildthis community, right?
I love that.
(43:33):
I can go to your page or evenreach out to you personally if,
something were to happen right.
And so I think it's definitelyStarting off with finding the
right people that understandyou, who respect your decision.
I think for us, I often feelthat my little ones are kind of
on their own.
You know, there was this familyparty where my three year old
(43:57):
just didn't want to play withhis cousins and they are a
little older.
So there's like, you know, addedlayers to this where they're a
little older.
But they all speak English.
Like every one of my family, allthe kids speak English.
And it is so hard because I feellike it makes me feel guilty.
It makes me feel like, am Idoing something wrong here?
Like he's not interacting withhis own cousins and, but then we
(44:22):
have, you know, my niece andnephew, at least, um, from my
sister, like they they're very,like.
English dominant, but nowthey're also immersing
themselves in speaking Spanishand they're doing an effort.
So I think it just depends onevery child really and how they
feel comfortable in justinteracting with someone that
perhaps doesn't speak the samelanguage.
But Yeah, it is so hard.
(44:44):
It's so hard.
And there's this level of guiltbut then I'm reminded of like
people like you and other peoplethat, you know, are a part of my
community and my mommy tribe andraising bilingual kids.
I'm like, no, like I know thatI'm not the only one.
And this is when I can be withall of y'all, you know, to, to
(45:05):
relate and create thiscommonality and community really
of, of other bilingual parents.
So yes, I'm loving all of this.
erika-milla_1_06-01-2024_0709 (45:14):
I feel like there's like a, um,
this double standard that wehave because like, for example,
when I hear somebody that comesfrom a foreign country, They
speak English, and they speak itwith an accent, but they speak
it great, you know, theycommunicate great, and I, I
always commend them, and I go,oh my gosh, your English is so
(45:34):
good, you know, you, you'redoing such a great job, but then
when our kids have an accent inEnglish, or when their English
isn't perfect, It's like there'sa spotlight on it all of a
sudden, and it's not appreciatedor seen in the same way as an
(45:56):
adult who's learning a secondlanguage.
It's like your child should haveperfect English and have perfect
Spanish.
And it's like, You know, that'snot real life.
That's not how language learningworks, you know.
Especially when you're doinglike, when you're doing it
sequentially, when they're notlearning both languages at the
same time.
We learned, you know, strictlySpanish, and now we're going
(46:17):
into English.
She's gonna have an Englishaccent, you know, until it gets
better, and that's okay, andthat's normal.
That doesn't mean like, we'renot doing a good job in teaching
them English.
It's just, you know, We're notthere yet.
It's a process, I feel like wehave to let go of that, like
(46:38):
perfectionism and.
Stop taking, you know, thosethings personal, and stop just
kind of feeling that guilt oflike, should I have taught them
more English so that theirEnglish would be better by now
when they speak to other kids?
Or what do other parents thinkof my kids English?
(46:59):
Or what do other kids think?
Are they going to get made funof?
You know, there's so many thingsto worry about.
And we just, we, we can't let itget to us and let it like, just
derail our plan.
You know, just stick to the planand eventually we'll get there,
you know?
jessica_1_06-01-2024_090934 (47:19):
and I often feel like sometimes even
in our community that we getthat shame.
And I think it's because of theolder generation, right?
In a way they had to assimilate,they perhaps raised these like
no sabo kids and and which weare a part of that generation.
And depending on how we grew upand depending on, the level of
(47:45):
just like being comfortable in.
Being surrounded by the Spanishlanguage, like we then get to
choose whether if you want tocontinue on with raising,
English dominant kids versus,bilingual or Spanish dominant
kids.
And I think it's all broughtback to the way that we were
raised and for the moms who.
(48:05):
don't feel comfortable in theirSpanish or who don't, who grew
up like no Sabo, if you will.
How do we like relearn thelanguage all while raising
bilingual kids?
How can we feel a littlecomfortable in that?
Um, any tips that you canprovide?
erika-milla_1_06-01-2024_0709 (48:24):
I would say just learn the
language with them and, and lookat it from that perspective as,
as like, we are learning Spanishtogether.
You know, not just like I'mteaching my, my kids Spanish
because then that puts this hugeresponsibility on you to be the
expert, to be the Spanishteacher.
(48:45):
And.
You know, if you're not, if yourSpanish isn't what you would
like it to be, and there's somuch room for improvement, then
I think shifting your mindsetto, we are learning Spanish
together as a family can makesuch a huge difference because
then it takes away a lot of thatpressure of having to be
perfect, um, and it changes it,switches it over to perfect.
(49:07):
We're practicing our Spanishevery day and we are getting
better at it together.
Whether that's reading everysingle day, you know, switching,
like we, all of our televisionis in Spanish, all of our music
is in Spanish.
I'm very intentional even aboutmusic.
You know, I have a playlist forkids, um, just there's so many
(49:30):
little things that you can do tolearn along with them.
And I think it's totally okayand we need to normalize that,
like normalize the fact that wegrew up here, we grew up in the
U.
S.
We are never gonna be to thatnative level that people expect
us to be or that in our head wehave to be.
(49:51):
We're, we're never, that's notour life.
That's not, you know, an, areachable goal for us.
Unless we really go into likehigher ed in Spanish or
something, you know, but we justhave to stop comparing ourselves
to people that live in Mexicoand grew up in Mexico and, you
know, spoke it all their lives.
(50:12):
We don't have the sameexperience and we can't be held
to that same standard.
So it's okay to, um, You know,start teaching yourself to read
in Spanish, whether it'schildren's books, audio books,
listening to podcasts inSpanish, um, just listening to
even television.
Do you know how many new wordsI've learned from watching
(50:32):
Bluey?
jessica_1_06-01-2024_09093 (50:35):
Yes.
erika-milla_1_06-01-2024_0 (50:36):
I'll sit and watch, you know, and we
have movie night every Friday.
It's always in Spanish.
Yeah.
Um, it's always in Spanish andyou, man, we learned so much
from that.
It's incredible because.
It's not words you grew uphearing and that's okay.
Like we learned, I'm trying topost that more on my page, like
(50:58):
a word of the day, you know,because I swear I learn a word
every single day or my kids askme something and I'm like, I
don't know.
Let me, and I, I made thatnormal.
They asked me, they were like,mom, can you look up how to say
this word?
Like, and I'm like, let me see.
So
jessica_1_06-01-2024 (51:17):
Preguntale a tu reloj, como se dice en
ingles?
Because, you know, when he'sasking me, how do you say this
in Spanish?
I'm like, you know,honestamente, no se.
He's like, pues, preguntale a tureloj, like Siri.
But Siri is like, castellanoSpanish.
And I'm like, we technicallydon't use this Spanish, but
let's learn together.
erika-milla_1_06-01-2024 (51:34):
funny.
That's another thing, huh?
Like, that's crazy.
When you're watching Spanish TVand some of it isn't, like,
Spanish.
Like, Spain Spanish.
And it's so different.
Oh my gosh.
There's just so much to learn.
And books, you know, like,you're like reading it, all of a
sudden it says, Vosotros.
And you're like, So
jessica_1_06-01-2024_090934 (51:54):
so different.
but that's the beauty of it.
right?
That you still get to connect,Spanish can connect you with so
many people around the world.
It's not just like Mexico,because our parents are from
Mexico, but like, even for youas a, having a Peruvian husband,
like that is awesome.
And, it's just having thisunderstanding that Spanish.
(52:16):
Even though it is universal, itis so different depending on,
where it comes from.
And, but still like kids canconnect with it and kids can
relate to it and theyunderstand, and it's just
awesome.
It's beautiful.
And thank you so much forsharing all of these tips.
I really appreciate it.
And, uh, I'll see you in thenext one.
And I have one final questionfor you in which I did not
(52:39):
prepare you for it, but I ask myguests on the show, how are you
redefining motherhood?
erika-milla_1_06-01-2024_0709 (52:46):
I am redefining motherhood by not
being afraid to be the first oneto do things differently in my
family.
Um, I am, you know, in ourculture, I feel like a lot of
our upbringing was always,Porque yo dije.
(53:10):
You know, why?
Porque yo dije.
Or, why do we do this?
And, and you could never reallyget a clear cut answer.
It was just, this is the waythings have always been done.
And I want to be like the, er, Iwant to be the one to just stop
that.
And, show my kids that it's okayto do things differently, to do
(53:35):
your own research, to do whatfeels right, you know, in your
gut.
And whether that makes you likethe black sheep of your family,
like you say, that's how Itotally feel that way.
Um, because you know, you're thefirst one to do it this way.
You're the first one tohomeschool, to teach your kids
only Spanish, to, you know, somany firsts.
(53:56):
Um, it kind of singles you out.
From, you know, the way thingshave always been done in your
family, but I want to, it givesme peace knowing that I'm
parenting, you know, consciouslyin the way that I want, and I'm
making the best informeddecisions for my children.
(54:17):
And I'm not just blindly guidingor leading them, you know, in
the way that I was led or in theway that my family was led.
You know, what approve of, I amjust, this is my own motherhood
journey.
Not anybody else's.
(54:38):
And I want to have peace lateron in life, knowing that I did
my best that I could ineverything.
Um, and I didn't just do thingsbecause I was told that that's
the way they were supposed tobe.
I always.
Say, like, go with your gut as amom, because 99 percent of the
time, you're right.
(54:58):
I say that as a nurse, too,because anytime something's off
with your baby, like, mom knows.
Mom knows better than anybody.
And so I just, I'm redefining itthat way as far as picking The
great parts of my upbringing andmy childhood and just all of the
(55:19):
things that I loved and gettingrid of all of the things that
don't serve me, that affectedme, that hurt me, that I didn't
like.
That I don't want to instillinto my own children.
jessica_1_06-01-2024_09093 (55:34):
Yes.
Love it.
Love it.
Thank you so much for sharingthis.
And yeah, there's a lot oftraumas that we grew up with.
Um, and now It's up to us tochange that right to break those
cycles, and I'm glad that youare being very intentional in
(55:56):
your parenting, specificallyyour bilingual parenting as
well.
I love what you're doing.
Can you share to my listenerswhere they can find you and
connect with you?
erika-milla_1_06-01-2024_ (56:07):
Yeah.
So my, I'm only on Instagramcause that's all I can handle.
Uh, it's a Spanish dot in dotCasita.
So Spanish and Casita, which isessentially what we do.
Um, I try to, you know, postregular regularly on there.
I share books and things that Ido with my kids and, you know, I
share a lot about it.
(56:27):
The bilingual, um, mental loadand just mommyhood things, just
Latina mom things, funny things,small, uh, businesses, Latina
owned small businesses, justanything that brings me joy and
that I can, you know, relate toother people with,
jessica_1_06-01-2024_09093 (56:48):
Yes.
Thank you.
I'll make sure to share that inthe show notes as well.
That way people can follow youif they haven't heard from you
yet.
I think you're raising Thankswonderful children who are able
to connect with their culture,their language, and who will be
more empathetic because that'swhat we need in this world right
(57:09):
now.
erika-milla_1_06-01-2024 (57:10):
right, right.
And thank you so much for havingme.
I've been enjoying your podcastso much.
I think it's the very firstpodcast I've ever really related
to.
So I've been like bingelistening to it.
jessica_1_06-01-2024_090934 (57:22):
Oh,
erika-milla_1_06-01-2024_07 (57:23):
And it's been, it's been really good
for like my, it's my, my mentalhealth right now, I'm really
working on like self caring.
So you've been helping me withthat because any like little
downtime I have, I'll put it onand listen, and I just think
it's so important that you'regiving this platform to everyday
regular moms and experts andjust talking about all the hard
(57:46):
things that need to be talkedabout.
Make people feel seen and heardand just you know I'm always
like inspired at the end ofevery episode because I learned
something or like, oh likethat's so awesome Like me too,
you know, I've never felt thatway in a podcast before so
you're doing great.
(58:07):
I love what you're doing
jessica_1_06-01-2024_0909 (58:08):
Thank you.
I appreciate it, Erika.
Thank you so much.
erika-milla_1_06-01-20 (58:11):
welcome.
Thank you for having me
Mujer, thank you so much fortaking the time out of your busy
schedule to listen to the VivaLa Mami podcast.
If you enjoyed today's episode,will you do me a favor and
follow the podcast and leave arating and review?
Hitting that follow button andreviewing my show will allow
(58:32):
other mamis like you find thispodcast.
Your review will also tell me ifyou enjoy the show, so I would
truly appreciate your thoughts.
Don't forget, please share thispodcast con tus amigas.
Also, make sure to follow me atViva La Mami on Instagram or
visit VivaLaMami.
com.
Please note the informationshared in this podcast is for
(58:54):
educational purposes only andshould not be taken as
professional advice.
Okay, mujer, thank you forjoining y nos vemos in the next
episode.
Hello.
You are listening to the best ofVLM episode series, which
showcases some of the mostpopular episodes of the Viva.
Mommy podcast.
This episode is one of those.
If you enjoy what you hear, makesure you subscribe and don't
forget to rate the show andwrite a review on apple podcasts
(00:21):
so that other mommies, like youcan find this podcast.
Out, let's get into the episode.
Oh, no.
Mika today we welcome Eddie.
A passionate advocate forbilingualism.
And intentional motherhood.
Erica is a first generationLatina navigating the beautiful
(00:44):
complexities of raising bycultural children.
As a registered nurse,specializing in labor and
delivery, she brings a uniqueperspective to her role as a
dedicated my ma.
Based in California with herPeruvian husband and there are
two young children journey tobilingual parenting is one of
(01:05):
inspiration and resilience.
Through her Instagram platform,Spanish She creates a supportive
community for parents strivingto raise bilingual children.
Erica has created a supportiveonline community to share her
experiences, resources, andtips.
With the focus on makingSpanish, learning fun and
(01:26):
accessible.
She empowers parents to embracetheir children's linguistic
potential.
Join us as Edika discusses themental load of bilingual
parenting shares, practical tipsfor language acquisition, and
offers, encouragement to thosewho may feel overwhelmed.
Whether you're a seasonedbilingual mama, or just starting
(01:48):
your journey.
insights will inspire andempower you.
So without further ado, here'smy conversation with from
Spanish N casita.
Welcome to the podcast.
I am your host, Jessica Cuevas.
I am a mother of two on amission to help redefine the
(02:10):
meaning of motherhood as amodern Latina mom.
Motherhood can be a complexjourney interwoven in two
identities that often make usfeel ni de aqui, ni de alla.
Viva La Mami is committed toproviding you with knowledge,
tools, and support to navigatethe challenges and triumphs of
motherhood.
As Latina moms on the show,we'll be discussing culturally
(02:33):
relevant topics that will helpinform and empower you in
whichever season you are in onyour motherhood journey.
We'll be joined by Latina moms,experts and professionals who
can offer advice, practicaltips, relatable stories, and
honest conversations.
So bring your cafecito as Iinvite you to be a part of this
(02:54):
space As we create Comunidadabout the exciting and
challenging parts of being amami.
Ahora, vámonos.
jessica_1_06-01-2024_0909 (03:06):
Hola, Erica.
How are you?
erika-milla_1_06-01-2024 (03:09):
buenos dias, bien, y tu?
jessica_1_06-01-2024_090934 (03:10):
I love what you're doing on your
platform, raising bilingualkids.
And I love it that you reachedout to me and having this
opportunity to have you on theshow because there's so many
nuggets that you shared aboutThe mental load when it comes to
raising bilingual kids.
And so one of the things that Ireally want you to talk about is
(03:34):
like your experience.
I love that.
We get to create this communityof other parents who are being
intentional and raisingbilingual kids, but there can be
a lot of like, mental load.
There's so much emotional tollin this, especially for us that
are trying to reclaim ourcultura.
We feel like there is a bigresponsibility.
(03:56):
so before we delve into theconversation, I'd love for you
to introduce yourself to ourlisteners.
So tell us a little bit moreabout yourself,
erika-milla_1_06-01-2024_ (04:03):
sure, so I'm Erika, um, I'm 34, I live
in California, born and raised,uh, specifically in the IE.
I am the oldest daughter offour.
I have three younger brothers.
Um, so I was just mom numbertwo.
Um, my parents are both Mexicanimmigrants.
(04:26):
My mom is from Guadalajara,Jalisco.
And my dad is from Nueva Italia,Michoacan.
They both came to the US, um,like in their teens, I would
say.
Um, my dad, Pretty much went upto sixth grade in Mexico and
came here and just has beenworking ever since.
And my mom actually finishedhigh school here.
(04:47):
Um, and she was actuallyvaledictorian of her high
school.
She assimilated pretty quickly,learned the language, is super
smart.
And then she had me.
So then she went, you know,straight into the workforce as
well.
And they've both been workingtheir butts off ever since to
basically feed the You know, usfour.
(05:08):
So we grew up here inCalifornia, like just a typical
Mexican American home, you know,where mommy and puppy were both
working all the time, all thetime.
My dad would be gone by the timewe would wake up in the morning.
Same as my mom, um, son up tosundown.
And.
Um, when we were younger, ourparents spoke to us in Spanish,
(05:34):
so they only spoke to us inSpanish at home.
Um, and then once we startedschool, obviously when I went to
kindergarten, that's when mymom, you know, reached out for
help to find us a nanny.
Basically to help her since shehad to work so much.
And that's when kind ofeverything shifted a little bit
(05:56):
because, um, we brought in thisolder Mexican, strong, loud lady
from Ciudad Mexico that likejust set us straight, you know?
So she was kind of like my, anextension of my mom.
She was the mom that she reallyneeded.
(06:17):
And the mom that my dad reallynever had, he was raised by a
single mother.
And, you know, he just didn'treally have that relationship
with his own mother and neverhad a father.
So anyway, this lady comes intoour house.
Um, to take care of me and mybrothers while my mom and dad
are at work, and she only spokeSpanish.
And she would be the kind, shewas very like, firm, like, En
(06:39):
esta casa nomas hablamosespanol, no te entiendo.
Like, what are you, what are yousaying?
And she would get mad if wespoke any English.
So, she kept, um, You know, thatSpanish going in our home
growing up.
Um, and she was just, I didn'tknow at the time, but she was
just such an essential, likepiece of my childhood.
(07:02):
She brought love and laughterand like that abuelita, you
know, just comfort.
Like to our home, she broughtcultura because my parents were
so young when they had me, mymom was 19, you know, she was
still growing up herself.
And so this older lady was theone that really.
(07:22):
Taught her how to cook all theseauthentic Mexican meals.
And, you know, she kept us upwith the novelas and everything
going on in Mexico.
And she was like religious abouther Biblia, like she was, she
just brought so much of that.
Like OG Mexican culture into ourhome.
(07:44):
And I'm so grateful for that.
Um, it was, it made all thedifference in like my
upbringing.
So, um, we, once we went toschool, obviously.
It's a monolingual Englishschool, you know, dual immersion
didn't really exist back in theday.
So once we went to school, it'sthe Spanish just kind of starts
(08:07):
being put on the back burner andstarts, you know, being your
second language, really, becauseyou only speak it when you come
home with your nana.
And that's it.
Everything else, community is inEnglish, school is in English,
and then, My parents had toassimilate too because of their
jobs, so they were practicingtheir English all the time.
They started speaking to us inEnglish and it just sort of
(08:29):
shifted from there.
We kind of started losing a lotof it or just not practicing it,
um, as much.
Especially then once we were outof the house, you know, once I
moved out and met my husband andeverything, I was no longer, you
know, talking to my Nana everyday, having cafecito and pan in
the morning with her, havingthose conversations.
So, yeah, it really, um, Changed
jessica_1_06-01-2024_09 (08:53):
Mm-Hmm.
Yeah.
And I think that's a similarexperience for many folks,
especially with, you know, thatthe first, second generation
kind of generation where we'rein this, in-between worlds and.
You know, as little ones, wedon't get to say what kind of
(09:15):
upbringing we want, or we don'tget to say, like, what kind of
school we will be going to orwhat, and really, we are kind of
forced into assimilation, we areforced into being with group of
people that maybe perhaps theydon't understand our upbringing,
and it's really hard to navigatethat.
And then it isn't until webecome adults.
(09:37):
And really as parents, I don'tthink that I didn't get to fully
embrace my culture until I gotpregnant.
And I don't know what that shiftwas, but it was like, something
was telling me, like, I want mykids to be proud of who they
are.
I don't want to just like ignoreour culture, you know, our
(09:59):
language and everything.
And part of that is based on.
How we grew up, whether if itwas a positive experience or a
negative experience, you know,so like your nanny, like, it's
awesome that you were immersedin the culture in the language.
And she was very intentional,even though we sometimes think
of like people being rigid andlike, Oh, I guess out of
(10:23):
respect, though, you know, wegot to speak Spanish, but there
is a reason why, I grew up withmy grandma and it was also.
tambien.
And, um, and so, yeah, Iremember just like only
respecting the elders, you know,we had to speak Spanish even
till this day.
My grandma still says like, Ohno, you know, yo no entiendo And
we're like, Oh crap.
Like we have to call it, like wehave to switch now, you know?
(10:46):
And, and yeah, that's just likepart of our culture really.
Um, so that was really cool howshe made a big influence.
And.
Now that you are a mom, can youtell us a little bit more about
your bilingual and multiculturalparenting journey?
Like what really inspired you toraise bilingual kids?
erika-milla_1_06-01-2024_ (11:07):
Yeah, so, um, I've been with my
husband for 15 years now.
We met shortly, we met so young,shortly after high school.
So, I really say he's like mycollege sweetheart.
We didn't go to collegetogether, but, We dated
throughout our whole, you know,college years.
Um, we dated for 10 years beforewe got married.
(11:28):
So, um, I, I'm actually aregistered nurse.
I am a labor and delivery nurse.
And he's in business.
He went to school for businessmarketing.
Um, and he, I guess, what reallyattracted me to him at first was
that he was born in Peru.
Um, so he's Peruvian and spokeSpanish and had a very similar
(11:51):
upbringing to the one that Ihad.
Um, just, he wasn't born here.
He came here when he was eightyears old.
him and his family migrated herewhen he was eight.
And.
Kind of dealt with, you know,kind of had a very similar
childhood in the sense that hewent straight into English
school You know, he was in ESL.
I was in ESL my whole life, tooHis parents knew less English
(12:15):
actually than mine As mine camehere when they were younger, his
came here when they were, youknow, full on adults So at home
for him, it was, you know,purely Spanish Um, and So, yeah,
after we got married and decidedto have kids, it just, like you
said, all of a sudden, you know,once you become a mom, it's like
(12:38):
your, your mindset shifts andall of a sudden, all of these
things about like, Your culture,tus raíces, your language, like,
you know, everything that youvalued, you know, in your
childhood, all of a sudden youfeel this responsibility to pass
it on to your little ones.
And for fear, too, of losing it.
(13:01):
You're like, I can't, it can'tdie with me.
You know, I can't be the lastone because then that's it.
It seems so permanent and sojust like, A waste, you know, if
you don't pass it on to yourkids.
And so we made that decisionearly on that we, uh, well, we
came up with like our littlefamily language plan, whatever
(13:24):
you want to call it, and decidedto just speak strictly to our
kids in Spanish at home.
Um, we didn't really put a timelimit, like, okay, we're going
to speak it until they go toschool or whatever.
We didn't put any time limit onit.
We just said, We're just gonnaspeak Spanish in our home.
That's how we were raised.
That's how Spanish stuck, like,stuck with us.
(13:44):
That's what worked for us.
So we're gonna, you know, that'swhat we're gonna do.
And I think it's an, we have aslight advantage because,
because both of us speakSpanish, that doesn't happen a
lot, you know, and because heis, he's a Peruano.
It's also really good for mykids to hear both Spanish
(14:06):
accents.
It is very different.
When my husband speaks to hismom sometimes, I'm like, Qué?
Like, slow down.
Like, Mochan las palabras?
I don't know.
They like, cut them short, andthey speak really fast, and it's
like, completely different.
So I'm like, oh man, like, if mykids ever go to Peru, they're
gonna be so lost.
(14:28):
So, It's good for him to youknow, speak it to them in his
way and they There's also somany different words, by the
way, like just in dating him Somany things have like, so I feel
like I'm teaching my kids threelanguages sometimes because I'm
like, Oh, how do you say corn inEspanol, Elena?
And it's like, elote and choclo.
(14:49):
So they got to know corn, elote,choclo.
And there's a lot, a lot ofwords that are just so
different.
And I have to, you know, bemindful of teaching them those
Peruvian words as well.
Um, so that's why we decided to,both of us to speak Spanish to
(15:09):
our kids.
My husband and I have alwaysspoken to each other in English.
So that part.
We, we couldn't let go.
Like, we couldn't just strictlyspeak Spanish to each other.
And that's okay.
I'm okay with that.
You know, at the end of the day,I do want my kids to be
bilingual and value bothlanguages.
And this is the, and my daughterjust started asking me.
(15:31):
She's six right now.
jessica_1_06-01-2024_0909 (15:33):
Okay.
erika-milla_1_06-01-2024_0709 (15:34):
I didn't even add my children into
my bio.
My God.
So, I have a six year olddaughter.
And then an almost 4-year-oldson.
So my 6-year-old daughter, Dale,she's a little older, um, just
started asking me, mommy,
jessica_1_06-01-2024_090934 (15:55):
Mm
erika-milla_1_06-01-2024_07 (15:57):
and I really, and I, I had to like,
think about it for a second andI just basically told her, you
know.
Mi Adrián, my son.
Y con papi hablo inglés,idiomas.
(16:18):
And that's all, I just left itat that, you
jessica_1_06-01-2024_0909 (16:20):
Yeah.
erika-milla_1_06-01-2024_07 (16:21):
Um, so, it, that helps I think too
because even though they can'tunderstand us very well yet,
which is great.
She's starting to now.
She's starting to now, but, um.
It, they still subconsciouslypick up on so many little words.
(16:42):
I don't know what it is aboutEnglish.
It is like glue.
I, I have not, I hardly readthem English books.
I, I never speak to them inEnglish.
How can they have a conversationwith me?
I don't know.
It's so
jessica_1_06-01-20 (16:56):
Interesting.
Mm-Hmm?
erika-milla_1_06-01-2024_0709 (16:57):
I was talking to, um, this girl on
Instagram.
Oh my gosh.
Her name is Kat.
She's, um, like a linguist andshe just, she told me something
about how English just for somereason, like in, in their
research, there's somethingabout English that just takes
over.
Like, it just
jessica_1_06-01-2024_090934 (17:16):
Mm.
erika-milla_1_06-01-2024_ (17:17):
Like, so I don't know what it is.
It's just, you know what I mean?
It, it,
jessica_1_06-01-2024_090934 (17:21):
It it's super colonizing that even.
The language,
erika-milla_1_06-01-2024 (17:27):
right, it just wipes everything else
jessica_1_06-01-2024_09093 (17:29):
yep, yep, yep, yep.
Oh my gosh.
So, um, and you homeschool yourkids or, um, are they in school?
How are they kind of immersed inthe language still through
education?
Because now they're like schoolaged, right?
erika-milla_1_06-01-2024 (17:46):
right, right.
So, I homeschooled my daughterfor pre K.
Um, so, because, you know, Thereare no pre, you know, dual
immersion pre k programs, and ifthey're, they, there are,
they're so expensive and it'sjust, you know, unattainable, or
they're not close by, they'rejust really hard to find, and I
(18:10):
wasn't ready yet at that age tojust, like, immerse her into a
monolingual English, like,environment.
Um, Not just because shecouldn't do it, just because I
wanted, you know, as much timeas I could with her to really,
like, ingrain that Spanish intoher.
So, I made the decision to scaleback.
(18:31):
I was working full time.
Um, I've been a nurse for nineyears now.
And I was working full time upuntil then.
I scaled down to be part time sothat I could be home and, like,
intentionally.
Um, homeschool her for pre k andI did that bilingually in
English and Spanish.
(18:52):
Um, primarily in Spanish becausethat's her dominant language.
But I started introducingEnglish then.
That way when she went to schoolit wouldn't be such a, like,
shock to her, you know.
And I decided to, well, againstmy will, I really wanted to keep
homeschooling her.
Um, but it's different.
(19:13):
You know, it's, nobody in myfamily has ever done it.
Nobody really does it.
The, the normal thing is to sendyour child to school, right?
And I felt like I, at the time,I didn't have the support I
needed to really, like, followmy heart and go in that
direction.
Um, specifically with myhusband.
(19:34):
He was just very, like, on thefence about it.
jessica_1_06-01-2024_09 (19:37):
Mm-Hmm.
erika-milla_1_06-01- (19:38):
understand it.
He wanted to try public schooland see how it went.
And so since I didn't reallyhave his support, you know, I
just said, okay, like let's tryit.
We'll put her in a dualimmersion program and we'll see
how it goes.
So she, Monday is actually herlast day of kindergarten.
(20:00):
And while she loved Going toschool and, you know, making
friends, socializing, and she,she loved it.
She liked school, but for us asa family, it was very difficult.
It was such a hard transitionfor us because, because of my
(20:23):
career.
Um, Being part time as a nursemeans I work two days a week
right and the rest of the days II dedicate to being home with my
kids.
So it's kind of the best of bothworlds I almost feel like a stay
at home mommy, but I still Ialways say like I do nursing on
the side Because really I'm moreof a mom, you know than a nurse
(20:44):
so going to school Put us inthat box that we've never been
in before of like The nine tofive, Monday through Friday.
She had a hard time.
Oh my God.
Waking up every day was a fight.
Picking her up from school everyday was a fight because.
It's so long.
(21:05):
School is so long forkindergartners.
You know, it changed her.
She, she used to nap.
She stopped napping.
She was just overtired.
Her behavior changed a lot, alot, a lot, because her whole
life, I'm, you know, she couldwake up at the time her body
wanted to wake up.
(21:25):
She didn't have anywhere to berushing to every single day.
That was really rough for her.
Um, and then You know, there's alot of, I, I would never bash,
you know, public school or dualimmersion programs, but there's
a lot of holes that I found.
In the dual immersion, you know,world that I didn't know about
(21:48):
before.
And one, one of the biggest onesfor us was, I feel like, well,
first of all, there's not thatmany programs.
So it was really hard for her,us to just get into this one.
And we had no choice in whatkind of program it is.
And hers was a 1910.
And, um, now looking back, Idon't really feel like a 90 10
(22:09):
is tailored to Spanish speakers,fluent Spanish speakers.
It is tailored to monolingualEnglish speakers trying to learn
Spanish.
So her going into that, like,yeah, well, it was great.
It was in Spanish.
She learned to start reading inSpanish, all that stuff.
But it was like very basic.
(22:32):
Whenever I asked her, you know,español?
And most of the time, theteacher is speaking in English
because she's tailoring to allof the kids who mainly speak
English that don't understand.
And so that, that defeated thepurpose for me.
(22:55):
You know, that, that really mademe, like, think, like, how much
is she really getting from itthen, you know?
If the teacher's giving theminstruction in English and
Spanish, it's supposed to be 90percent Spanish, right?
She's still giving theminstruction in English, still,
like, speaking to the kids inEnglish.
(23:16):
And, My daughter is one of two,two in her class of 24 that
speak fluent Spanish.
That's it.
That's it.
And I don't, and we live in avery like, um, Latino community,
you know, we,
jessica_1_06-01-2024_09093 (23:35):
Huh?
erika-milla_1_06-01-2024_070 (23:36):
so that was kind of surprising to
me and I don't know if it's justThe kids don't speak it, like
maybe they understand it, andthey don't speak it as much.
But whenever I go pick up mydaughter from school, her, all
the kids are speaking English.
I have hardly ever heard any ofthe kids speak Spanish.
Um, and when I ask her, youknow, Con quién And then she's
(23:59):
like, oh, no más so and so.
Y todos los demás nomás hablaninglés.
So she's speaking English allday with these kids.
And then still getting, youknow, her teachers teaching her
the subjects in Spanish, butlike all the directions and all
that stuff, like she's gettingin English.
So it's not really as likeSpanish dominant as you would
(24:22):
think.
So that was like a little eyeopener for me.
Um, and then, uh, you can kindof look at the plan as far as
like, you know, when they startintroducing English and things
like that.
And unfortunately a lot of theseprograms don't have the funding
and, resources of the teachersto implement them like the way
(24:47):
that they should be implementedas far as providing, you know,
the same opportunities in bothlanguages.
And you'll see that like oneyear they'll teach them one
subject completely in Englishfor the whole entire year.
Where it should really be both,but there is just not enough
(25:08):
time, not enough money, notenough teachers.
And so that's, that's a reallybig hole, you know, in that
system.
And also they, at the end of theday, it really feels like
Spanish is for flunzies.
jessica_1_06-01-2024_09 (25:24):
Mm-Hmm.
erika-milla_1_06-01-2024_0 (25:26):
It's you, they don't, you don't get
tested on it.
You know, at the end of the day,the testing is all in English.
That's what really matters.
To them.
That's what's really valued tothem.
jessica_1_06-01-2024_090 (25:36):
Right, like how fluent will they get at
the end of the day, there isstill a lot of work to get done,
you know, and it's so true.
Like there is no assessmentabout, you know, the students
fluency in Spanish because thegoal is to bridge these
languages together and notseparate them.
But it's still almost like thatis the intention, you know, and
(26:00):
a lot of work needs to get done.
And, and we're based in Chicago.
I would say that the duallanguage, programs here are not
as progressive as the ones inCalifornia, for example.
but we're getting there.
And we're taking our three yearold, Diego, to pre K 3.
And, um, even though he's notofficially in the dual language
(26:24):
program yet, technically theystart in pre K 4.
But in order to get into pre K4, you need to first start in
pre K 3 to be guaranteed a spot.
Otherwise, you can apply for preK 4, but it gets very
competitive.
So, it's just a system.
In its own, you know, just likethere's a lot of gatekeeping.
(26:45):
It's almost like collegeadmissions.
And I come from a collegeadmissions background on a
professional level where I'mlike, Oh my gosh, this is just
as intense as if like you'reapplying to Harvard.
Yeah.
Yeah.
erika-milla_1_06-01-2024_0 (26:56):
like we were on a lottery.
My hope, my daughter's future isbased on a lottery.
jessica_1_06-01-2024_09093 (27:02):
it's
erika-milla_1_06-01-2024_070 (27:03):
if we don't get in, what, like
that's it?
She just goes to English school?
She doesn't even speak a word ofEnglish.
It's terrifying.
jessica_1_06-01-2024_090934 (27:10):
It is, it is.
And how, they're puttingpriority on monolingual students
and let's face it, like theseare affluent, white, children
for the most part.
And I'm glad that their parentsare exposing them to the Spanish
language, but a lot of timeswhat I hear, it's like many of
these parents don't bring thelanguage in the home.
(27:32):
You know, it's like up to the.
teacher and their responsibilityto get the students to learn the
language, you know, and that'sthe only kind of like, immersion
that they get.
And, and I don't see that fair,you know, for us, we want to
cultivate and keep, you know,and embrace our own language
because we are the byproductsof, In our generation, we're the
(27:54):
byproducts of like growing up,either thinking that Spanish was
a deficit or out of survival, wecouldn't speak the language
because we had to assimilate.
And so for us, we're beingintentional.
We want to be, true to ourculture and our language.
You know, you have this othersub group and.
(28:15):
They want to take over.
So it's it's very hard and it'svery complex and I'm not saying
it's like a competitionnecessarily.
I think the system itself istrying to make us compete
against each other.
It's very complex.
And I'm glad that you aboutthis, um, because there's a lot
of questions, especially forparents who want to put their
(28:36):
kids in a dual immersion programor dual language program.
There, there should be goodquestions to ask, these schools
before putting them in beforeknowing.
And I think.
That in itself should be apodcast episode.
erika-milla_1_06-01-2024_070 (28:51):
It should.
jessica_1_06-01-2024_09 (28:52):
Because I'm gonna get through it.
Like, we're just starting andfor you having this experience,
it's just telling that, youknow, there's just a lot of work
to get done.
And I think that as parents, ifwe really want to be intentional
in raising bilingual children,and if we're not getting that in
our local school systems, um,you know, there are.
Many ways, whether if it'sputting them in afterschool
(29:14):
programs or homeschooling them,if you have that capacity.
Um, so I'm glad that this isworking out for you.
And I'm really excited to hearmore about your experience and
your daughters as well.
erika-milla_1_06-01-2024_0 (29:25):
I'm, I'm, I'm nervous, but I'm
excited.
I know, like in my heart, thatwas always What I wanted to do
and that was always myintention, you know, and I gave
my husband the benefit of thedoubt.
We tried it.
It, it didn't, it was just astressful year for our family.
It created a lot of stress.
It literally like turned ourhouse upside down.
(29:46):
It was so different for us.
Um, and so we want to go backto, I'm, I always say like
people chase the fast life andI'm trying to chase that slow
life.
jessica_1_06-01-2024_090934 (29:55):
Um,
erika-milla_1_06-01-2024_0 (29:57):
like slowing down.
I don't like.
Being in a rush with my kidseverywhere.
I don't like to be overbooked.
I like to protect my peace andyou know do things in small
doses and slow down and read abook to my kids, you know, in
peace and do a craft with themand paint and all of the little
(30:22):
things that, you know, kidsneed.
jessica_1_06-01-2024_090934 (30:26):
Oh, that's awesome.
you share so many tips andresources on your platform and
you've really built this strongbilingual community, which is
awesome.
I love what you share andeverything.
But you definitely haveexpressed about this mental load
of bilingual parenting.
And even when you're, you weretalking about your experience
(30:47):
and putting your daughter in theschool system and navigating
that, I'm pretty sure thatBrought up a lot of just like
emotional toll on you, you know,to try to figure out okay If
this is a good fit or not andeven thinking about like dual
language schools, too, right?
There's so much like mental loadthat we carry As moms
(31:11):
specifically because this is youknow a podcast for moms pero um
Yeah, in your experience raisingyour kids bilingual, can you
tell us a little bit more howthe mental load is brought up to
you?
And also, like, what are someexamples of the mental load in
(31:34):
bilingual parenting?
erika-milla_1_06-01-202 (31:35):
there's a huge huge mental load aspect
of this because It's almost italmost feels like or it almost
feels like doing two jobs atonce, you know You think of
monolingual moms You Just havingto worry about, not just, it's a
lot, having to worry aboutparenting and being a mom and
(31:57):
navigating that.
We have to worry about parentingas well and all of the mommy
things and add in, you know,teaching your child an entire
new language and culture at thesame time.
And Most of the time, a lot ofus don't have support or a lot
(32:19):
of us don't have the resourcesor the time to go searching for
resources.
That's a huge one for me.
Um, because, When I was a newmom, I did everything.
I mean, until this day, I kindof still feel like I do
everything on my own.
Um, that's, I feel like that'sjust like the eldest daughter
(32:39):
thing.
I don't know.
Maybe it's our pride or like,like we got it, we can do it,
you know?
But then until you're like at apoint of a mental breakdown.
Um, but I, I didn't reach out topeople because I felt like No
one could really relate, youknow, no one could really relate
to my specific situation.
(33:02):
I personally don't have anyclose friends that are
bilingual.
Um, I don't have any, obviouslyI'm the oldest, so I don't have
any nieces, nephews.
Like, I was the first one to bea mom in my family.
I'm the first one to doeverything.
I was the first one to graduatecollege Like I just have always
(33:23):
done everything on my own andI've always just sort of figured
it out and it's It came with alot of like tears, a lot of like
mental breakdowns.
And I don't think it has to bethat way necessarily.
Um, I feel like I wish I wouldhave reached out to people a lot
(33:44):
sooner than I did.
Um, I just wasn't, I guess I wasjust too busy.
My kids were little, now they'rebigger, you know, so now I'm
finally like trying to get outthere and find other people to
connect with, um, to talk about,you know, shared experiences.
But yeah, it's just every littlething that, you do with your
(34:08):
children, if you're raising thembilingually, is very
intentional.
Like, a lot of people don't haveto worry about, necessarily,
what school they're gonna go to.
Or what books we're gonna read.
Like, you just grab a book andyou read it.
No, like, I gotta look at, youknow, the Spanish, and it, like,
what level of Spanish is it?
And then I have, I'm in chargeof pretty much everything.
(34:30):
Like, you It's all on me.
It's even though dad speaksSpanish too, he's at work, you
know, and I'm at home moreteaching everything to them.
So it's really up to me how muchSpanish they're going to learn,
how good their Spanish is, whento introduce English.
Like, and I'm not a teacher, youknow, and so that you kind of
(34:52):
get this like imposter syndromekind of thing.
because you're trying to teachthem something and you're like,
but I'm not a teacher and I'mnot a native Spanish speaker.
Like is my Spanish good enough,you know, to teach them or will
they ever get to a level betterthan mine?
Um, and then I just kind of haveto check myself, you know, when
(35:16):
I do that and check myself andbe like, you know what I'm doing
better than a lot of people cansay, I'm doing the best that I
can.
I'm.
I work at it every single day.
I never claim to have perfectSpanish, but I have vastly
improved since my daughter wasborn.
(35:37):
I mean, just reading every dayhas made a huge difference.
Um, Something I started doing tojust recently is reading to
challenge myself.
So I've always read likechildren's books in Spanish, you
know, and at the beginning, myGod, you should have heard me,
you should have heard me readthese children's books and like
(35:57):
Google translate a lot of wordsbecause it's not stuff that we
bring up in everydayconversation.
You know, they're not words thatyou use at home, and you've
never heard of them.
jessica_1_06-01-2024_09093 (36:09):
Yes, and even, you know, depending on
where your family comes from,like my parents are both from
the same rancho and it's arancho.
So there's a lot of slang, youknow, rancho language that's not
really like formal Spanish.
And so there's so many wordsthat even to this day, I'm like
not even familiar with, youknow, and I'm learning through
(36:31):
books and these are children'sbooks,
erika-milla_1_06-01-2024 (36:33):
right, right, and it humbles you.
It really humbles you becauseyou're like, you gotta learn,
like, I didn't have a formaleducation in Spanish, which is
something that I really want toattain someday, you know, but
the, los acentos.
And, like, all that, you startlearning how to, like, read it,
you know, as it's written withthe accents, and I had to teach
(36:56):
myself all of that.
Um, now that my daughter is six,we started, well, I started
challenging myself more, insteadof just normal picture books, we
picked up chapter books.
And so I'm slowly learning, youknow, proper Spanish or like
advancing my Spanish as I teachmy children as well.
(37:16):
So it's really been beneficialto me, surprisingly.
Um, I've really enjoyed thatpart.
And I, I'm looking forward tohomeschooling her and having the
opportunity to spend more timeon it, you know, every day with
them as well.
So I'm excited for what ourSpanish will look like together,
(37:37):
you know, in the future.
I'm reading like, I'm readingMatilda to her right now.
It's just like simple, likechapter book, but it's
challenging, you know, for meand good for her to listen and
take in.
jessica_1_06-01-2024_09093 (37:50):
Yes.
Yes.
Oh, that's, that is awesome.
And you know, there's so muchtruth that you mentioned and
really I resonate so much withyou in terms of the mental load
and researching, right?
And trying to figure out evenlike books, you know, kind of
going off of that, like in thisconversation, like picking out
books that are appropriate andthat are translated well,
(38:14):
because not all.
Spanish books are created equaland even bilingual books too,
like they're not created equaland you have to figure out,
okay, is this like a legittranslated, you know, version or
is it someone that.
Is just a translator but doesn'treally know the Spanish language
that is a little bit moreuniversal and it's it's so hard
and and yeah, I feel like, wecarry on this additional weight
(38:39):
of this aspect where many peopledon't talk about it and I'm glad
that you are amplifying this.
I know that.
Diandra Morse, I don't know ifyou follow her bilingual
playdate, like she's amazingalso.
And she shares a lot about themental load.
And I'm glad that both you andher are sharing this because so
(39:00):
much of this resonates, to thebilingual community, especially
moms who are being intentionaland parents overall who are
being intentional and raisingbilingual kids.
But as moms, And you hear a lotabout the invisible load, the
mental load, of parenting.
But when it comes to raisingbilingual kids, there's this
added layer that we do so much.
(39:22):
And I feel like my brainsometimes is overstimulated
because of this, just trying tomake sure.
That, for example, I'm beingintentional about like, what
kind of people I should bemeeting with and play groups,
you know, making sure that.
My kids are also talking toother kids who speak Spanish.
And so, yeah, like little thingslike that, it's, it does add a
(39:45):
lot of load.
And so what would you recommendfor mommies who are grappling
between the mental load ofraising bilingual kids, like
what are some kind ofrecommendations that you have to
not overstress themselves?
And you've mentioned feeling,this imposter syndrome.
(40:07):
What would you say to that
erika-milla_1_06-01-2024_070 (40:09):
So I would say, number one, don't
wait as long as I did to find acommunity.
Um, I wish I would have donethat a lot sooner, um, because
as much as we sometimes feellike we're in our own little
bubble and we're the only ones,you know, we're not, we're not.
There's so many other women.
that share, you know, the sameexperiences and are raising
(40:32):
your, their kids in a similarway than you are.
So that would be number one, is,is just reach out and find a
community, surround yourselfwith other mommies who are doing
the same thing, speaking totheir kids in Spanish.
And if you can't do that, if youdon't find that, then Surround
yourself with people who areokay with the way that you are
(40:55):
choosing to raise your kids.
Somebody who respects yourbilingual and bicultural
journey, and is completely,completely makes you feel okay
with speaking Spanish aroundthem, even though they don't
understand the language.
They respect it.
They show support for it.
Surround yourself with thosekinds of people that aren't
(41:15):
going to make you, you know,talk to your kids in English
because you don't want to makeanybody feel uncomfortable, you
know, just be around peoplethat.
Let you be your authentic selfand support your kids in
whatever language that is.
Like, we have great, um, I havea best friend and her husband,
they have two girls, they onlyspeak English and our kids are
(41:38):
best of friends, even though,you know, my daughter can hardly
form sentences and in English,but, um, they also, like my
friend and her husband, They'll,like, learn Spanish words and
say it to them, and, you know,they just try, they make that
effort.
So that, that really helps, and,I guess another thing is, don't
(42:00):
hold back from who you reallyare and what you value don't
hide your true authentic selffor the comfort of others.
Don't just assimilate to, to notbe like, You know, the elephant
in the room, be proud of whatyou're doing and know that it's
(42:22):
important.
Always go back to your why,whenever you feel that way,
like, why am I doing this?
Why is this important to me?
And I caught myself, I talkedabout this on my page.
I caught myself, you know, incertain situations, speaking to
my daughter in English.
And that, and she picks, theypick up on that.
(42:43):
They're like, why are you doingthat?
Why are you being weird?
You know?
Yeah.
Why am I being weird?
Because of the societal pressureof, I know English too.
You know, not just Spanish.
I know English too and I need tospeak it to prove it.
You have nothing to prove toanybody.
You do what works for you andfor your family and know that
(43:06):
you are giving them this hugeadvantage and gift in life, you
know.
jessica_1_06-01-2024_09093 (43:12):
yes, yes.
Oh, I love it.
So many great tips that youshare here and, and I'm glad
that we can at least startknowing and identifying that
there are people who are raisingbilingual kids and that we share
this commonality and we buildthis community, right?
I love that.
(43:33):
I can go to your page or evenreach out to you personally if,
something were to happen right.
And so I think it's definitelyStarting off with finding the
right people that understandyou, who respect your decision.
I think for us, I often feelthat my little ones are kind of
on their own.
You know, there was this familyparty where my three year old
(43:57):
just didn't want to play withhis cousins and they are a
little older.
So there's like, you know, addedlayers to this where they're a
little older.
But they all speak English.
Like every one of my family, allthe kids speak English.
And it is so hard because I feellike it makes me feel guilty.
It makes me feel like, am Idoing something wrong here?
Like he's not interacting withhis own cousins and, but then we
(44:22):
have, you know, my niece andnephew, at least, um, from my
sister, like they they're very,like.
English dominant, but nowthey're also immersing
themselves in speaking Spanishand they're doing an effort.
So I think it just depends onevery child really and how they
feel comfortable in justinteracting with someone that
perhaps doesn't speak the samelanguage.
But Yeah, it is so hard.
(44:44):
It's so hard.
And there's this level of guiltbut then I'm reminded of like
people like you and other peoplethat, you know, are a part of my
community and my mommy tribe andraising bilingual kids.
I'm like, no, like I know thatI'm not the only one.
And this is when I can be withall of y'all, you know, to, to
(45:05):
relate and create thiscommonality and community really
of, of other bilingual parents.
So yes, I'm loving all of this.
erika-milla_1_06-01-2024_0709 (45:14):
I feel like there's like a, um,
this double standard that wehave because like, for example,
when I hear somebody that comesfrom a foreign country, They
speak English, and they speak itwith an accent, but they speak
it great, you know, theycommunicate great, and I, I
always commend them, and I go,oh my gosh, your English is so
(45:34):
good, you know, you, you'redoing such a great job, but then
when our kids have an accent inEnglish, or when their English
isn't perfect, It's like there'sa spotlight on it all of a
sudden, and it's not appreciatedor seen in the same way as an
(45:56):
adult who's learning a secondlanguage.
It's like your child should haveperfect English and have perfect
Spanish.
And it's like, You know, that'snot real life.
That's not how language learningworks, you know.
Especially when you're doinglike, when you're doing it
sequentially, when they're notlearning both languages at the
same time.
We learned, you know, strictlySpanish, and now we're going
(46:17):
into English.
She's gonna have an Englishaccent, you know, until it gets
better, and that's okay, andthat's normal.
That doesn't mean like, we'renot doing a good job in teaching
them English.
It's just, you know, We're notthere yet.
It's a process, I feel like wehave to let go of that, like
(46:38):
perfectionism and.
Stop taking, you know, thosethings personal, and stop just
kind of feeling that guilt oflike, should I have taught them
more English so that theirEnglish would be better by now
when they speak to other kids?
Or what do other parents thinkof my kids English?
(46:59):
Or what do other kids think?
Are they going to get made funof?
You know, there's so many thingsto worry about.
And we just, we, we can't let itget to us and let it like, just
derail our plan.
You know, just stick to the planand eventually we'll get there,
you know?
jessica_1_06-01-2024_090934 (47:19):
and I often feel like sometimes even
in our community that we getthat shame.
And I think it's because of theolder generation, right?
In a way they had to assimilate,they perhaps raised these like
no sabo kids and and which weare a part of that generation.
And depending on how we grew upand depending on, the level of
(47:45):
just like being comfortable in.
Being surrounded by the Spanishlanguage, like we then get to
choose whether if you want tocontinue on with raising,
English dominant kids versus,bilingual or Spanish dominant
kids.
And I think it's all broughtback to the way that we were
raised and for the moms who.
(48:05):
don't feel comfortable in theirSpanish or who don't, who grew
up like no Sabo, if you will.
How do we like relearn thelanguage all while raising
bilingual kids?
How can we feel a littlecomfortable in that?
Um, any tips that you canprovide?
erika-milla_1_06-01-2024_0709 (48:24):
I would say just learn the
language with them and, and lookat it from that perspective as,
as like, we are learning Spanishtogether.
You know, not just like I'mteaching my, my kids Spanish
because then that puts this hugeresponsibility on you to be the
expert, to be the Spanishteacher.
(48:45):
And.
You know, if you're not, if yourSpanish isn't what you would
like it to be, and there's somuch room for improvement, then
I think shifting your mindsetto, we are learning Spanish
together as a family can makesuch a huge difference because
then it takes away a lot of thatpressure of having to be
perfect, um, and it changes it,switches it over to perfect.
(49:07):
We're practicing our Spanishevery day and we are getting
better at it together.
Whether that's reading everysingle day, you know, switching,
like we, all of our televisionis in Spanish, all of our music
is in Spanish.
I'm very intentional even aboutmusic.
You know, I have a playlist forkids, um, just there's so many
(49:30):
little things that you can do tolearn along with them.
And I think it's totally okayand we need to normalize that,
like normalize the fact that wegrew up here, we grew up in the
U.
S.
We are never gonna be to thatnative level that people expect
us to be or that in our head wehave to be.
(49:51):
We're, we're never, that's notour life.
That's not, you know, an, areachable goal for us.
Unless we really go into likehigher ed in Spanish or
something, you know, but we justhave to stop comparing ourselves
to people that live in Mexicoand grew up in Mexico and, you
know, spoke it all their lives.
(50:12):
We don't have the sameexperience and we can't be held
to that same standard.
So it's okay to, um, You know,start teaching yourself to read
in Spanish, whether it'schildren's books, audio books,
listening to podcasts inSpanish, um, just listening to
even television.
Do you know how many new wordsI've learned from watching
(50:32):
Bluey?
jessica_1_06-01-2024_09093 (50:35):
Yes.
erika-milla_1_06-01-2024_0 (50:36):
I'll sit and watch, you know, and we
have movie night every Friday.
It's always in Spanish.
Yeah.
Um, it's always in Spanish andyou, man, we learned so much
from that.
It's incredible because.
It's not words you grew uphearing and that's okay.
Like we learned, I'm trying topost that more on my page, like
(50:58):
a word of the day, you know,because I swear I learn a word
every single day or my kids askme something and I'm like, I
don't know.
Let me, and I, I made thatnormal.
They asked me, they were like,mom, can you look up how to say
this word?
Like, and I'm like, let me see.
So
jessica_1_06-01-2024 (51:17):
Preguntale a tu reloj, como se dice en
ingles?
Because, you know, when he'sasking me, how do you say this
in Spanish?
I'm like, you know,honestamente, no se.
He's like, pues, preguntale a tureloj, like Siri.
But Siri is like, castellanoSpanish.
And I'm like, we technicallydon't use this Spanish, but
let's learn together.
erika-milla_1_06-01-2024 (51:34):
funny.
That's another thing, huh?
Like, that's crazy.
When you're watching Spanish TVand some of it isn't, like,
Spanish.
Like, Spain Spanish.
And it's so different.
Oh my gosh.
There's just so much to learn.
And books, you know, like,you're like reading it, all of a
sudden it says, Vosotros.
And you're like, So
jessica_1_06-01-2024_090934 (51:54):
so different.
but that's the beauty of it.
right?
That you still get to connect,Spanish can connect you with so
many people around the world.
It's not just like Mexico,because our parents are from
Mexico, but like, even for youas a, having a Peruvian husband,
like that is awesome.
And, it's just having thisunderstanding that Spanish.
(52:16):
Even though it is universal, itis so different depending on,
where it comes from.
And, but still like kids canconnect with it and kids can
relate to it and theyunderstand, and it's just
awesome.
It's beautiful.
And thank you so much forsharing all of these tips.
I really appreciate it.
And, uh, I'll see you in thenext one.
And I have one final questionfor you in which I did not
(52:39):
prepare you for it, but I ask myguests on the show, how are you
redefining motherhood?
erika-milla_1_06-01-2024_0709 (52:46):
I am redefining motherhood by not
being afraid to be the first oneto do things differently in my
family.
Um, I am, you know, in ourculture, I feel like a lot of
our upbringing was always,Porque yo dije.
(53:10):
You know, why?
Porque yo dije.
Or, why do we do this?
And, and you could never reallyget a clear cut answer.
It was just, this is the waythings have always been done.
And I want to be like the, er, Iwant to be the one to just stop
that.
And, show my kids that it's okayto do things differently, to do
(53:35):
your own research, to do whatfeels right, you know, in your
gut.
And whether that makes you likethe black sheep of your family,
like you say, that's how Itotally feel that way.
Um, because you know, you're thefirst one to do it this way.
You're the first one tohomeschool, to teach your kids
only Spanish, to, you know, somany firsts.
(53:56):
Um, it kind of singles you out.
From, you know, the way thingshave always been done in your
family, but I want to, it givesme peace knowing that I'm
parenting, you know, consciouslyin the way that I want, and I'm
making the best informeddecisions for my children.
(54:17):
And I'm not just blindly guidingor leading them, you know, in
the way that I was led or in theway that my family was led.
You know, what approve of, I amjust, this is my own motherhood
journey.
Not anybody else's.
(54:38):
And I want to have peace lateron in life, knowing that I did
my best that I could ineverything.
Um, and I didn't just do thingsbecause I was told that that's
the way they were supposed tobe.
I always.
Say, like, go with your gut as amom, because 99 percent of the
time, you're right.
(54:58):
I say that as a nurse, too,because anytime something's off
with your baby, like, mom knows.
Mom knows better than anybody.
And so I just, I'm redefining itthat way as far as picking The
great parts of my upbringing andmy childhood and just all of the
(55:19):
things that I loved and gettingrid of all of the things that
don't serve me, that affectedme, that hurt me, that I didn't
like.
That I don't want to instillinto my own children.
jessica_1_06-01-2024_09093 (55:34):
Yes.
Love it.
Love it.
Thank you so much for sharingthis.
And yeah, there's a lot oftraumas that we grew up with.
Um, and now It's up to us tochange that right to break those
cycles, and I'm glad that youare being very intentional in
(55:56):
your parenting, specificallyyour bilingual parenting as
well.
I love what you're doing.
Can you share to my listenerswhere they can find you and
connect with you?
erika-milla_1_06-01-2024_ (56:07):
Yeah.
So my, I'm only on Instagramcause that's all I can handle.
Uh, it's a Spanish dot in dotCasita.
So Spanish and Casita, which isessentially what we do.
Um, I try to, you know, postregular regularly on there.
I share books and things that Ido with my kids and, you know, I
share a lot about it.
(56:27):
The bilingual, um, mental loadand just mommyhood things, just
Latina mom things, funny things,small, uh, businesses, Latina
owned small businesses, justanything that brings me joy and
that I can, you know, relate toother people with,
jessica_1_06-01-2024_09093 (56:48):
Yes.
Thank you.
I'll make sure to share that inthe show notes as well.
That way people can follow youif they haven't heard from you
yet.
I think you're raising Thankswonderful children who are able
to connect with their culture,their language, and who will be
more empathetic because that'swhat we need in this world right
(57:09):
now.
erika-milla_1_06-01-2024 (57:10):
right, right.
And thank you so much for havingme.
I've been enjoying your podcastso much.
I think it's the very firstpodcast I've ever really related
to.
So I've been like bingelistening to it.
jessica_1_06-01-2024_090934 (57:22):
Oh,
erika-milla_1_06-01-2024_07 (57:23):
And it's been, it's been really good
for like my, it's my, my mentalhealth right now, I'm really
working on like self caring.
So you've been helping me withthat because any like little
downtime I have, I'll put it onand listen, and I just think
it's so important that you'regiving this platform to everyday
regular moms and experts andjust talking about all the hard
(57:46):
things that need to be talkedabout.
Make people feel seen and heardand just you know I'm always
like inspired at the end ofevery episode because I learned
something or like, oh likethat's so awesome Like me too,
you know, I've never felt thatway in a podcast before so
you're doing great.
(58:07):
I love what you're doing
jessica_1_06-01-2024_0909 (58:08):
Thank you.
I appreciate it, Erika.
Thank you so much.
erika-milla_1_06-01-20 (58:11):
welcome.
Thank you for having me
Mujer, thank you so much fortaking the time out of your busy
schedule to listen to the VivaLa Mami podcast.
If you enjoyed today's episode,will you do me a favor and
follow the podcast and leave arating and review?
Hitting that follow button andreviewing my show will allow
(58:32):
other mamis like you find thispodcast.
Your review will also tell me ifyou enjoy the show, so I would
truly appreciate your thoughts.
Don't forget, please share thispodcast con tus amigas.
Also, make sure to follow me atViva La Mami on Instagram or
visit VivaLaMami.
com.
Please note the informationshared in this podcast is for
(58:54):
educational purposes only andshould not be taken as
professional advice.
Okay, mujer, thank you forjoining y nos vemos in the next
episode.
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