He's Better off.....

Do you yourself struggle in what to say when talking to a a friend or a loved one who has loss their spouse. Well I know I have and now I am on the other side of those words being spoken. I honestly can say that I feel each word that is spoken is meant for me and even if it might be awkward it's OK I can show grace and even forgiveness. It is better to say something than the silence!!!! We have enough silence here in the home now that our spouse is gone. IT IS AWFUL So speak from your heart let God lead you and your words will be what they need during this time. I love each of you who are here by my side, praying, texting, sending precious gifts. Your love and words do matter and I am so glad you have the courage to reach out to me.

1. Acknowledge the Awkwardness

• “I get it—it’s hard to know what to say. You don’t want to say the wrong thing, so sometimes people say nothing at all. But let me gently say this: silence can hurt more than the words you fumble through.”

2. Is It Wrong When People Say the ‘Wrong’ Thing?

• “No, not always. Sometimes people say things that don’t make sense, or that land wrong—but often they’re just trying to help, trying to fill the silence. I believe we can show grace and forgiveness, because most of the time, they just don’t know what to say.”

• “Grief doesn’t come with a handbook—and neither does comforting someone who’s grieving.”

3. Things That Can Hurt (Even If Unintended):

• “He’s in a better place.”

• “At least you had X years together.”

• “You’re strong—you’ll get through this.”

• “Everything happens for a reason.”

(Explain gently why these can feel dismissive or minimizing.)

4. What Actually Helps:

• “I’m so sorry for your loss.”

• “I don’t know what to say, but I’m here for you.”

• “Tell me about him.”

• “I’m thinking of you today. Just wanted you to know.”

• “I miss him too.”

• “You’re not alone.”

• A simple hug or text that says, “No words, just love.”

5. Why Saying Something Matters:

• “You don’t hurt me by talking about him. In fact, it blesses me. It means he mattered to you, too.”

• “What hurts is when no one says anything—like he didn’t exist, like my grief is invisible.”

• “Don’t let fear of saying the wrong thing keep you from saying something kind and real.”

A couple of resources to share when wanting to know what to say when someone is grieving.

“What to Say to Someone Who is Grieving” by the Grief and Loss Center provides meaningful responses and suggestions for supporting a grieving person.

• “Helping Someone Who’s Grieving” from HelpGuide.org offers insights into understanding the grieving process and practical tips on how to provide support.

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