May 27, 2024 • 25 mins
How I Escaped the Grasp of Addiction | Episode 128
Chapter Markers
0:00 Recovery and Resilience
11:22 From Brokenness to Purpose
When Jessica Renner speaks, it's not just a story unfolding; it's a life revolutionizing before our ears. Her tale is one of true metamorphosis—a 25-year battle with addiction that morphed into a beacon of hope for countless souls seeking light in their darkest times. As the executive director at Lake Cumberland Recovery, Jessica doesn't just recount her own past; she offers up her experiences as a roadmap for resilience, showing us that the path to a fulfilling life beyond addiction, though steeped in hard work and courage, is indeed navigable.
This episode is a pilgrimage through the heart of human strength, where we trace Jessica's steps from her tumultuous roots in middle school, through the crucible of loss and sobriety, to the unexpected doors that flung open, leading her to a rewarding career in peer support. Here, in the echoes of her voice, lies not just an interview but an expedition into the very core of what it means to reclaim one's life post-addiction. Jessica's unwavering spirit and the profound guidance she received illuminate the podcast with stories of starting over amidst old ghosts, finding purpose in the wake of tragedy, and the relentless pursuit of meaning after struggle.
Voices for Voices® is the #1 ranked podcast where people turn to for expert mental health, recovery and career advancement intelligence.
Our Voices for Voices® podcast is all about teaching you insanely actionable techniques to help you prosper, grow yourself worth and personal brand.
So, if you are a high achiever or someone who wants more out of life, whether mentally, physically or spiritually, make sure you subscribe to our podcast right now!
As you can see, the Voices for Voices® podcast publishes episodes that focus on case studies, real life examples, actionable tips and "in the trenches" reports and interviews from subscribers like you.
If that sounds like something that could help you grow personally or professionally, then make sure to join me by subscribing!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to the Voices for Voices TV show and podcast.
Voices for Voices is the numberone ranked podcast and TV show
where people turn to for expertmental health recovery and
career advancement intelligence.
Our show is all about teachingyou insanely actionable
(00:21):
techniques to help you prosper,grow your self-worth and your
personal brand.
So if you are a high achieveror someone who wants more out of
life, whether mentally,physically or spiritually, make
sure you subscribe to our TVshow and podcast right now.
(00:42):
Our TV show and podcast rightnow.
So, as you can see, our showpublishes episodes that focus on
case studies, real lifeexamples, actionable tips and,
in the trenches, reports andinterviews from subscribers just
like you.
So if that sounds likesomething that could help you
(01:04):
grow personally orprofessionally, then please join
us by subscribing.
Thank you.
So we're very excited for thisepisode, as we are with all of
ours our guests.
We've been playing tag back andforth, trying to get a hold of
(01:27):
each other to have a filmingdate, and so this episode is a
year at least in the making andI think, with how things tend to
work, I think that the timingof this particular show and this
(01:48):
interview is really just linesup with how things are meant to
happen at certain times.
So I'll get into the intro ofour guest today.
So our guest today is going tobe joining us from Mount Vernon,
(02:08):
kentucky.
She is the executive directorat Lake Cumberland Recovery and
I'm going to just do a readingof one of her latest posts to
just give you a flavor of howwe're going to be speaking about
the conversation today.
(02:31):
So quote what nine years can doin your life if you let go and
let God.
I had no idea how my life wasgoing to work or how I would get
myself out of the mess.
I created A self-made hell.
I had nothing to my name.
I'll never forget hitting myknees in the Liberty Place
(02:54):
Recovery Center, begging God toplease help me.
I didn't want to die with aneedle in my arm.
I remember saying God, pleasedo something with me.
I remember waking up the nextmorning with gratitude for life.
I had a fire burning inside ofme.
(03:15):
I had no idea what or how thisrecovery thing worked, but I
just kept getting up and puttingin the work.
I promised God if he opened adoor I would walk through it.
He has opened more doors than Icould count and he continues to
blow my mind.
Sometimes I can't even believemy life today is actually my
(03:41):
life.
If you're struggling withaddiction and don't know how to
get out, please call me and I'llleave her phone number out.
She wants to add that in theshow.
She can, but just for privacyas we get started.
There is a way out.
You have to start somewhere,get busy living.
(04:02):
So joining us from Mount Vernon, kentucky, is Jessica Renner.
Thank you for joining us today.
Speaker 2 (04:10):
Thank you for having me.
That made me tear up.
I hadn't read that since Iposted it.
Speaker 1 (04:15):
Yeah, it was lovely.
I was trying to do a little bitof research and a bio and I saw
the photo with you and the nineand that really, I see,
resonated with the post and foranybody that's going through any
type of recovery, whether it'snine days, nine hours, nine
(04:38):
years it's an active thing thatwe have to work every day to
make those decisions to continueon one path or another.
So I think that's somethingthat's helpful for viewers and
listeners to understand that,while there are great things
(04:58):
happening, that it wasn't easygetting to where you're at and
it's not going to continue to be.
It's not going to be easy going, going forward.
So would you like to maybestart with your, your story and,
as you're hitting, hitting yourrock bottom, and then we can
(05:19):
transition and close out withwhere we're at today?
Speaker 2 (05:23):
absolutely so.
I was at 25 years, active drugaddiction.
I started very young my firstinteraction with law enforcement
.
I was in middle school, playedbasketball.
I come to school drunk.
So early on I had no idea thatI had a disease.
It was just that's the friendsI hung out with.
(05:46):
A lot of my graduating classstruggled with addiction.
Looking back now, I grew uppoor.
We had everything we needed,not everything we wanted.
I grew up with.
I had a good family, but my momand dad divorced when I was nine
or ten years old and it kind ofshifted me on a path.
My stepdad was very physicallyand mentally abusive.
(06:09):
So at school I allowed people Iput the mask on right to see
that they had no idea what I wasgoing through at home.
So I remember the first timeever staying in a family life
center with my mother and I wasscared.
And two, it was hard because Icouldn't talk about it.
(06:31):
I felt like I couldn't go toschool and be.
What was really going on.
So I started using it at a veryyoung age.
It really didn't get out ofcontrol until I was probably in
my 20s and I can tell you allthese crazy stories.
Everybody knows where it'sgoing to take you, where it's
going to lead you, but to me, itled me to homelessness.
(06:54):
I had all my bridges.
My family couldn't let me in mycommunity.
I'd been on the newspaper andthe news.
Um, my community, I'd been onthe newspaper and the news.
Um, I had literally ran througheverything and everybody.
Um.
So when you heard my name, youthought, oh no, you know.
So I ended up pregnant.
(07:16):
I had two beautiful children.
Uh, two children I couldn'ttake care of.
Um I, I ended up losing custodyof my children.
And when I went on a crime spree, I had many felonies.
And, honestly, when I would getarrested and people would talk
to me and they would tell meJessica, you're going to die
(07:39):
with a needle in your arm,you're never going to have a
good job.
So I had all these negativethings people would say about me
.
So every time that I would getarrested and I would get some
sobriety time, I think maybe Ican, but I would remember all
those thoughts.
You're never going to be new.
This is your life.
And when I got arrested thislast time, I was on a crime
(08:02):
spree and Officer Leitermilkhe's the officer that rescued me
, right.
And when I say that I willnever forget.
Last night I was put togethersomething I'm working on now and
I actually shot him a messagebecause I want him at this event
.
I will never forget the thingsthat he said to me getting
(08:24):
rescued that day.
He was kind.
He told me that I could dosomething with my life.
Did I believe him?
Not really, but it was just theway that he dealt with me.
He didn't beat me down.
He didn't negatively tell methat this was going to be the
rest of my life.
He told me that I could dosomething different if I chose
(08:44):
to was going to be the rest ofmy life.
He told me that I could dosomething different if I chose
to.
And at that time in my life itwas really hard to look at
anything different because I hadall these charges.
So I stayed incarcerated thattime for over about a year and
they sent me to Liberty PlaceRecovery Center.
But when I walked into LibertyPlace Recovery Center the
clothes that I had on my backwasn't mine I had on.
(09:05):
Some girls from jail gave meclothes.
I had on the jail slippers andI was broken.
Did I think I could recover?
Absolutely not.
I didn't think a person.
How do you rebuild somethingwhen you have absolutely nothing
?
So I have no really real workexperience.
(09:27):
Social services said I wouldnever get my kids back.
So you know that that was.
That was really rough to hear.
And I had nothing to my nameand I I owed the court system
$14,000.
I owed everybody else.
So I went in and three months inI'm talking about that in that
post that you read I hit myknees and I cried out to God.
(09:49):
I grew up in church.
I was angry at God when I gotsober because I thought that he
was going to make it likemagically disappear, right, and
that's not how God worked in mystory.
He gave me a shovel and and Iwas and I was going to have to
put in work and after threemonths I hit my knees and I woke
(10:11):
up with a whole differentattitude.
And I think three major thingsthat helped me is I had to stop
regretting the past.
So the past is not where we'regoing and I am reminded of my
past and that's not who I am.
But I stopped regretting.
The past is not where we'regoing and I I am reminded of my
past and that's not who I am.
But I stopped regretting thepast and I had to stop worrying
about the future, becausepsychologists say, 85% of the
(10:33):
things you worry about in thefuture never happen, right.
So, and then I had to realizehappiness is within.
So I can't't, I can't put myhappiness in your hands because
you're gonna fail, right?
So all my life I was puttinghappiness within drugs, within a
boyfriend, um.
(10:54):
So when I started doing thosethree things, my life started to
change, um, and, and I just hadit.
You know, every morning I wokeup and I'd be like gosh, today,
today's going to be a great day.
And so they told me a gratefulalcoholic would never use, and I
really didn't know what thatmeant.
But I had to change my wholemindset about everything.
So, instead of getting up, youknow, like this morning, I got
(11:16):
up and it was raining and I waslike it's going to be a great
day, even though I trained itright.
So I started things started tochange and, um, so I started,
things started to change and thefirst thing I done was I got a
sponsor.
I got a spiritual advisor aswell.
Um, so I really started takingsuggestions, and that's another
thing a lot of us in recoveryhas done Our best.
(11:37):
Thinking gets us where we're at, but I had never really
listened to someone else map outmy life.
So when I got started, I needsomeone else.
I need just tell me what I needto do, right?
So I had a sponsor and shewrote me down some things, and
so when I got out, I hadoverdosed at work in my
(12:00):
community.
So it was well known I'm verywell known in my hometown, so it
was you.
You know everybody's like don'tgo back to your hometown.
That's where it all started.
So I was going to rebuild mylife in Richmond, right?
Um?
So when I graduated the program, I put in all these
applications.
But you've got to realize mywork history is not.
My resume is shoddy, it doesn'tlook so, um, I started praying,
(12:25):
I started putting god's handsand I was doing everything this
lady was telling me to do.
And, uh, this lady that I usedto work for before called me up
out of nowhere and she's likejessica, I hear you're sober now
and I was like I am, and she'slike well, you can come and work
at denny's for me, but that'sback in my hometown, right.
And it was two dollars and 25cents an hour and you couldn't
(12:46):
tell me nothing.
I went back and I come back tothe community that I was broken.
It was very hard because Iwaited on people.
You know people would talkabout me as I mean.
It was just.
It was rough Small communitiesare hard but I held my head up
and I kept fighting.
I didn't want to work intreatment.
(13:07):
I didn't feel like that.
My self-worth was still nothingAfter a year out and a year
sober and I remember the firsttime I said no, and I want to
bring this.
When I got out of treatment Ihad to report back to Jim Right.
So I didn't know what was goingto happen.
And this is, and the lady toldme she would give me a job if
(13:30):
everything worked out.
I was sober and when I walkinto the jail, this girl was
getting out and she hands mesome stuff Immediately.
I put it and I take it backwith me.
So I'm sitting in that jailcell and I'd had a year sober
and all the things that has toldme.
I didn't know what my outcomewas because I hadn't been to
court, and I sit in that jailcell with this, this, a box and
(13:53):
strips, and one voice is tellingme don't do it.
The other voice is like what doyou got to lose your argument.
So at that time I decided I wasnot going to use and that's the
first time I'd said no insobriety, and and I really think
that was very powerful because,um that the next day they drug
(14:14):
tested me and released me right.
So after I get out I go to workat Denny's and, uh, my kids died
overdose and so I'm with mykids and I don't have custody
back up in me yet.
I'm waiting, I'm doingeverything this lady's telling
me to do, like I have to rebuildmy life, I have to get a stable
home car, and that doesn'thappen overnight.
(14:35):
And I was at the trampolinepark with my kids and I get the
phone call and that momentreally affected me.
We went to the hospital he infact, was deceased and I watched
my kids at 11 and 12 years old,help plan their father's and
(14:58):
sitting in that funeral home andI had a year sober.
I really, you know I was making$2 an hour.
I was trying to rebuild my lifeand I sit in the funeral home
and listening to the funeraldirector talk to my kids and I
know I was probably giving a 75effort at that time in my life
and that is the day that Idecided I was going to give a
(15:20):
recovery 110 every day,regardless, regardless of how I
feel.
The days that I don't want togo to a meeting, I'm going to
get up and go.
The days that someone calls meand says Jessica, I need you to
come down here.
My brother's overdosed, even ifit's midnight, I'm going.
So I gave.
That day in that funeral home, Iseen how selfish and
(15:42):
self-centered I had truly been.
I watched my kids turn into twototally different kids.
Um, I watched my kids thinkthat their father loved drugs
more than they loved him.
Uh, and, and also, they feltthe same way about me for a long
time.
So that that moment really, um,it really changed my life.
(16:06):
Um, it put me on a path thatreally lit a fire in me.
Um, and then I said I didn'twant to work in recovery and and
this is how God works, god'sall through my story Um, I was
managing.
I finally moved up to managementat Denny's and the owners came
in and they said we're closingthis whole building, permanently
(16:28):
closed, and I truly that daythought my life was over.
I went home crying and I waslike you know, I'm never going
to find another job.
And God sends a total stranger.
This lady calls me.
This is when peer supportwasn't really cool.
Nobody really knew what peersupport was.
This was years ago and she'slike I would love for you to
come down here and interview forthis peer support job.
(16:51):
And I was like what do they do?
So I went down and at that timein my life I was praying for
purpose, like God.
Why do you really have me inthis?
Why did you create me to behere and to go through
everything that I went through?
And I'm going to tell you howit works.
Listen.
(17:12):
I went into that group room andI sit down with a whole group
of individuals just like me thatwas struggling, just like I was
, that were DOC clients, andthat day he showed me when I was
up there in that group.
He showed me when I was upthere in that group.
He showed me Jessica, yourpurpose is to serve others.
And it all started there.
(17:33):
Then, four months later,another strange lady messaged me
and she's like I want you toapply for this job.
Every job that I have got inrecovery, I've never applied for
someone has reached out to me.
Speaker 1 (17:45):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (17:47):
And then I started working at a treatment center
and I fell in love.
I fell in love with brokenpeople because I was broken.
I was on this healing journeyand I was watching.
How can I serve other brokenpeople and sit with them and and
(18:09):
tell them, like how to?
When people tell you no, thatyou have to go again, right, you
can't give up.
You have to keep on until youfind your reason.
So I stayed there for years andthen I started.
(18:30):
The owner of Lake CumberlandRecovery reached out to me for a
year and a half and he was likeI want you to come and help me.
I didn't even really know whatI was going to do, but when
you're, when you're in god's,will you kind of go with it.
So I went down and, like,cumberland recovery really
changed my life, their morals,their values.
Um, so now I'm actually the vpof operations at lake cumberland
(18:55):
.
Um, we're growing, we have awomen's center, men's center,
and 15 years, 15 or 16 years ago, I got, I went to treatment and
I got out of treatment.
I was about 34 days sober and Iwent to this lawyer's office
and I was like listen, I havethis dream, I want this facility
and he was like Jessica, you're34 days over.
(19:17):
I was like, yeah, I know.
So the funny thing is, at LakeCumberland we're opening up a
facility in my hometown calledPromises of Grace I actually
named it.
So God's just doing some amazingthings.
I've got to build a workprogram at Lake Cumberland
Recovery.
So what that means is, uh.
So I was trying to figure outwhere people fall through the
(19:38):
cracks, like where was thestruggle for me?
And the struggle was when Icame home I didn't have a car to
get to work, right, so I had tofind transportation.
So we had built a program thatwould take you to and from work.
So it's really cool how Godworks.
Um, I got my kids back, uh, backwhen they were 11 and 12 years
(20:00):
old.
I got custody of them back.
Today I am a very reliablefriend, I am a good co-worker
and today I feel that God isjust.
I still do.
I started an AA meeting, Istarted a jail program, probably
six years ago.
So I we dress up at Christmasas like Santa Claus and elves,
(20:26):
so I go in and take all theinmates noodles and cookies and
we give them resources.
So if you get out and wantsomething different.
So I go into the jail everyWednesday in my hometown.
I can go to Jackson County Jailanytime as well.
So I'm just really now a hopedealer.
(20:47):
So it's been a blessing to seewhat God's done in just nine
short years of my life.
And has it been easy?
Absolutely not.
It's been a struggle.
You know, I work a couple ofjobs, but I couldn't imagine
(21:09):
going back to where I was at allat all.
It's, it's, it's truly amazingwhen you let go and you let God
and, um, you know, I think a lotof people like I still seek
therapy because I want to bebetter than I was yesterday.
Um, you know, I deal with thehigh stress volume every day,
(21:35):
but there is nothing in thisworld like working in a
treatment center and watchingthe light come on in someone
else's eyes and being able toguide them and help them find
employment and help them findwork their court cases and help
them, you know, hook them upwith Goodwill to get them a car.
Speaker 1 (22:00):
It's just truly been a blessing.
Wow, it's so inspiring to hearliterally from the trenches of
here's what I started at here's,where I was at here, are the
(22:23):
different steps and the eventsthat happened.
To be where you're at today, tobe opening the center, is your
dream, as we were talking offcamera at the beginning, picking
paint colors and those things,and how you think.
Once you see the progressthat's happened, you're like,
(22:45):
wow, this is actually happening.
That is, I think, the truedefinition of a dream that if
you would, you know those manyyears ago, thought differently,
thought it wasn't possible,thought about you know the
negative thoughts which are soeasy, and I think that's one
(23:08):
thing, that's.
It's interesting because I don'tsay like doing nothing, but
listening to those negativethoughts is usually like kind of
the easiest thing to do andI've been there where it's like
all right, well, I don't have todo this, so I just won't.
But once you make thatcommitment and have that
(23:30):
acceptance, then that reallysets life really on a trajectory
and to and to have thatunderstanding that us as
individuals and humans, that wethere's only so much we can
really do on our on our own, soto bring in that spiritual side
of help, giving that boost, likeI said, opening those doors,
(23:53):
that you get a call in a year ortwo years and and things come
up and it's like wow, there wereactually things happening in
the background that I had noidea were happening until I
actually got that call, and thatcould be days, that could be
years, but you got those callsand those were those little
(24:15):
nuggets that you needed to keepputting that positive
reinforcement together.
If you don't mind, would youstick around for a second
episode?
Speaker 2 (24:31):
Absolutely.
I'm going to go get my chargerso I can charge up my computer.
Speaker 1 (24:34):
Absolutely Great.
Speaker 2 (24:36):
Absolutely.
Thank you guys, so much.
Speaker 1 (24:38):
Yeah, absolutely.
Thanks to Jessica Renner.
She is now the executivedirector at Lake Cumberland
Recovery in Mount Vernon,kentucky.
This is part one of the series.
We're going to do part two, sonext week you can tune in to
catch the second part of ourconversation with Jessica.
(25:02):
So until next time, I am JustinAllen Hayes, founder and
executive director of Voices forVoices, and until next time,
please be a voice for you orsomebody in need.
Welcome to the Voices for Voices TV show and podcast.
Voices for Voices is the numberone ranked podcast and TV show
where people turn to for expertmental health recovery and
career advancement intelligence.
Our show is all about teachingyou insanely actionable
(00:21):
techniques to help you prosper,grow your self-worth and your
personal brand.
So if you are a high achieveror someone who wants more out of
life, whether mentally,physically or spiritually, make
sure you subscribe to our TVshow and podcast right now.
(00:42):
Our TV show and podcast rightnow.
So, as you can see, our showpublishes episodes that focus on
case studies, real lifeexamples, actionable tips and,
in the trenches, reports andinterviews from subscribers just
like you.
So if that sounds likesomething that could help you
(01:04):
grow personally orprofessionally, then please join
us by subscribing.
Thank you.
So we're very excited for thisepisode, as we are with all of
ours our guests.
We've been playing tag back andforth, trying to get a hold of
(01:27):
each other to have a filmingdate, and so this episode is a
year at least in the making andI think, with how things tend to
work, I think that the timingof this particular show and this
(01:48):
interview is really just linesup with how things are meant to
happen at certain times.
So I'll get into the intro ofour guest today.
So our guest today is going tobe joining us from Mount Vernon,
(02:08):
kentucky.
She is the executive directorat Lake Cumberland Recovery and
I'm going to just do a readingof one of her latest posts to
just give you a flavor of howwe're going to be speaking about
the conversation today.
(02:31):
So quote what nine years can doin your life if you let go and
let God.
I had no idea how my life wasgoing to work or how I would get
myself out of the mess.
I created A self-made hell.
I had nothing to my name.
I'll never forget hitting myknees in the Liberty Place
(02:54):
Recovery Center, begging God toplease help me.
I didn't want to die with aneedle in my arm.
I remember saying God, pleasedo something with me.
I remember waking up the nextmorning with gratitude for life.
I had a fire burning inside ofme.
(03:15):
I had no idea what or how thisrecovery thing worked, but I
just kept getting up and puttingin the work.
I promised God if he opened adoor I would walk through it.
He has opened more doors than Icould count and he continues to
blow my mind.
Sometimes I can't even believemy life today is actually my
(03:41):
life.
If you're struggling withaddiction and don't know how to
get out, please call me and I'llleave her phone number out.
She wants to add that in theshow.
She can, but just for privacyas we get started.
There is a way out.
You have to start somewhere,get busy living.
(04:02):
So joining us from Mount Vernon, kentucky, is Jessica Renner.
Thank you for joining us today.
Speaker 2 (04:10):
Thank you for having me.
That made me tear up.
I hadn't read that since Iposted it.
Speaker 1 (04:15):
Yeah, it was lovely.
I was trying to do a little bitof research and a bio and I saw
the photo with you and the nineand that really, I see,
resonated with the post and foranybody that's going through any
type of recovery, whether it'snine days, nine hours, nine
(04:38):
years it's an active thing thatwe have to work every day to
make those decisions to continueon one path or another.
So I think that's somethingthat's helpful for viewers and
listeners to understand that,while there are great things
(04:58):
happening, that it wasn't easygetting to where you're at and
it's not going to continue to be.
It's not going to be easy going, going forward.
So would you like to maybestart with your, your story and,
as you're hitting, hitting yourrock bottom, and then we can
(05:19):
transition and close out withwhere we're at today?
Speaker 2 (05:23):
absolutely so.
I was at 25 years, active drugaddiction.
I started very young my firstinteraction with law enforcement
.
I was in middle school, playedbasketball.
I come to school drunk.
So early on I had no idea thatI had a disease.
It was just that's the friendsI hung out with.
(05:46):
A lot of my graduating classstruggled with addiction.
Looking back now, I grew uppoor.
We had everything we needed,not everything we wanted.
I grew up with.
I had a good family, but my momand dad divorced when I was nine
or ten years old and it kind ofshifted me on a path.
My stepdad was very physicallyand mentally abusive.
(06:09):
So at school I allowed people Iput the mask on right to see
that they had no idea what I wasgoing through at home.
So I remember the first timeever staying in a family life
center with my mother and I wasscared.
And two, it was hard because Icouldn't talk about it.
(06:31):
I felt like I couldn't go toschool and be.
What was really going on.
So I started using it at a veryyoung age.
It really didn't get out ofcontrol until I was probably in
my 20s and I can tell you allthese crazy stories.
Everybody knows where it'sgoing to take you, where it's
going to lead you, but to me, itled me to homelessness.
(06:54):
I had all my bridges.
My family couldn't let me in mycommunity.
I'd been on the newspaper andthe news.
Um, my community, I'd been onthe newspaper and the news.
Um, I had literally ran througheverything and everybody.
Um.
So when you heard my name, youthought, oh no, you know.
So I ended up pregnant.
(07:16):
I had two beautiful children.
Uh, two children I couldn'ttake care of.
Um I, I ended up losing custodyof my children.
And when I went on a crime spree, I had many felonies.
And, honestly, when I would getarrested and people would talk
to me and they would tell meJessica, you're going to die
(07:39):
with a needle in your arm,you're never going to have a
good job.
So I had all these negativethings people would say about me
.
So every time that I would getarrested and I would get some
sobriety time, I think maybe Ican, but I would remember all
those thoughts.
You're never going to be new.
This is your life.
And when I got arrested thislast time, I was on a crime
(08:02):
spree and Officer Leitermilkhe's the officer that rescued me
, right.
And when I say that I willnever forget.
Last night I was put togethersomething I'm working on now and
I actually shot him a messagebecause I want him at this event
.
I will never forget the thingsthat he said to me getting
(08:24):
rescued that day.
He was kind.
He told me that I could dosomething with my life.
Did I believe him?
Not really, but it was just theway that he dealt with me.
He didn't beat me down.
He didn't negatively tell methat this was going to be the
rest of my life.
He told me that I could dosomething different if I chose
(08:44):
to was going to be the rest ofmy life.
He told me that I could dosomething different if I chose
to.
And at that time in my life itwas really hard to look at
anything different because I hadall these charges.
So I stayed incarcerated thattime for over about a year and
they sent me to Liberty PlaceRecovery Center.
But when I walked into LibertyPlace Recovery Center the
clothes that I had on my backwasn't mine I had on.
(09:05):
Some girls from jail gave meclothes.
I had on the jail slippers andI was broken.
Did I think I could recover?
Absolutely not.
I didn't think a person.
How do you rebuild somethingwhen you have absolutely nothing
?
So I have no really real workexperience.
(09:27):
Social services said I wouldnever get my kids back.
So you know that that was.
That was really rough to hear.
And I had nothing to my nameand I I owed the court system
$14,000.
I owed everybody else.
So I went in and three months inI'm talking about that in that
post that you read I hit myknees and I cried out to God.
(09:49):
I grew up in church.
I was angry at God when I gotsober because I thought that he
was going to make it likemagically disappear, right, and
that's not how God worked in mystory.
He gave me a shovel and and Iwas and I was going to have to
put in work and after threemonths I hit my knees and I woke
(10:11):
up with a whole differentattitude.
And I think three major thingsthat helped me is I had to stop
regretting the past.
So the past is not where we'regoing and I am reminded of my
past and that's not who I am.
But I stopped regretting.
The past is not where we'regoing and I I am reminded of my
past and that's not who I am.
But I stopped regretting thepast and I had to stop worrying
about the future, becausepsychologists say, 85% of the
(10:33):
things you worry about in thefuture never happen, right.
So, and then I had to realizehappiness is within.
So I can't't, I can't put myhappiness in your hands because
you're gonna fail, right?
So all my life I was puttinghappiness within drugs, within a
boyfriend, um.
(10:54):
So when I started doing thosethree things, my life started to
change, um, and, and I just hadit.
You know, every morning I wokeup and I'd be like gosh, today,
today's going to be a great day.
And so they told me a gratefulalcoholic would never use, and I
really didn't know what thatmeant.
But I had to change my wholemindset about everything.
So, instead of getting up, youknow, like this morning, I got
(11:16):
up and it was raining and I waslike it's going to be a great
day, even though I trained itright.
So I started things started tochange and, um, so I started,
things started to change and thefirst thing I done was I got a
sponsor.
I got a spiritual advisor aswell.
Um, so I really started takingsuggestions, and that's another
thing a lot of us in recoveryhas done Our best.
(11:37):
Thinking gets us where we're at, but I had never really
listened to someone else map outmy life.
So when I got started, I needsomeone else.
I need just tell me what I needto do, right?
So I had a sponsor and shewrote me down some things, and
so when I got out, I hadoverdosed at work in my
(12:00):
community.
So it was well known I'm verywell known in my hometown, so it
was you.
You know everybody's like don'tgo back to your hometown.
That's where it all started.
So I was going to rebuild mylife in Richmond, right?
Um?
So when I graduated the program, I put in all these
applications.
But you've got to realize mywork history is not.
My resume is shoddy, it doesn'tlook so, um, I started praying,
(12:25):
I started putting god's handsand I was doing everything this
lady was telling me to do.
And, uh, this lady that I usedto work for before called me up
out of nowhere and she's likejessica, I hear you're sober now
and I was like I am, and she'slike well, you can come and work
at denny's for me, but that'sback in my hometown, right.
And it was two dollars and 25cents an hour and you couldn't
(12:46):
tell me nothing.
I went back and I come back tothe community that I was broken.
It was very hard because Iwaited on people.
You know people would talkabout me as I mean.
It was just.
It was rough Small communitiesare hard but I held my head up
and I kept fighting.
I didn't want to work intreatment.
(13:07):
I didn't feel like that.
My self-worth was still nothingAfter a year out and a year
sober and I remember the firsttime I said no, and I want to
bring this.
When I got out of treatment Ihad to report back to Jim Right.
So I didn't know what was goingto happen.
And this is, and the lady toldme she would give me a job if
(13:30):
everything worked out.
I was sober and when I walkinto the jail, this girl was
getting out and she hands mesome stuff Immediately.
I put it and I take it backwith me.
So I'm sitting in that jailcell and I'd had a year sober
and all the things that has toldme.
I didn't know what my outcomewas because I hadn't been to
court, and I sit in that jailcell with this, this, a box and
(13:53):
strips, and one voice is tellingme don't do it.
The other voice is like what doyou got to lose your argument.
So at that time I decided I wasnot going to use and that's the
first time I'd said no insobriety, and and I really think
that was very powerful because,um that the next day they drug
(14:14):
tested me and released me right.
So after I get out I go to workat Denny's and, uh, my kids died
overdose and so I'm with mykids and I don't have custody
back up in me yet.
I'm waiting, I'm doingeverything this lady's telling
me to do, like I have to rebuildmy life, I have to get a stable
home car, and that doesn'thappen overnight.
(14:35):
And I was at the trampolinepark with my kids and I get the
phone call and that momentreally affected me.
We went to the hospital he infact, was deceased and I watched
my kids at 11 and 12 years old,help plan their father's and
(14:58):
sitting in that funeral home andI had a year sober.
I really, you know I was making$2 an hour.
I was trying to rebuild my lifeand I sit in the funeral home
and listening to the funeraldirector talk to my kids and I
know I was probably giving a 75effort at that time in my life
and that is the day that Idecided I was going to give a
(15:20):
recovery 110 every day,regardless, regardless of how I
feel.
The days that I don't want togo to a meeting, I'm going to
get up and go.
The days that someone calls meand says Jessica, I need you to
come down here.
My brother's overdosed, even ifit's midnight, I'm going.
So I gave.
That day in that funeral home, Iseen how selfish and
(15:42):
self-centered I had truly been.
I watched my kids turn into twototally different kids.
Um, I watched my kids thinkthat their father loved drugs
more than they loved him.
Uh, and, and also, they feltthe same way about me for a long
time.
So that that moment really, um,it really changed my life.
(16:06):
Um, it put me on a path thatreally lit a fire in me.
Um, and then I said I didn'twant to work in recovery and and
this is how God works, god'sall through my story Um, I was
managing.
I finally moved up to managementat Denny's and the owners came
in and they said we're closingthis whole building, permanently
(16:28):
closed, and I truly that daythought my life was over.
I went home crying and I waslike you know, I'm never going
to find another job.
And God sends a total stranger.
This lady calls me.
This is when peer supportwasn't really cool.
Nobody really knew what peersupport was.
This was years ago and she'slike I would love for you to
come down here and interview forthis peer support job.
(16:51):
And I was like what do they do?
So I went down and at that timein my life I was praying for
purpose, like God.
Why do you really have me inthis?
Why did you create me to behere and to go through
everything that I went through?
And I'm going to tell you howit works.
Listen.
(17:12):
I went into that group room andI sit down with a whole group
of individuals just like me thatwas struggling, just like I was
, that were DOC clients, andthat day he showed me when I was
up there in that group.
He showed me when I was upthere in that group.
He showed me Jessica, yourpurpose is to serve others.
And it all started there.
(17:33):
Then, four months later,another strange lady messaged me
and she's like I want you toapply for this job.
Every job that I have got inrecovery, I've never applied for
someone has reached out to me.
Speaker 1 (17:45):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (17:47):
And then I started working at a treatment center
and I fell in love.
I fell in love with brokenpeople because I was broken.
I was on this healing journeyand I was watching.
How can I serve other brokenpeople and sit with them and and
(18:09):
tell them, like how to?
When people tell you no, thatyou have to go again, right, you
can't give up.
You have to keep on until youfind your reason.
So I stayed there for years andthen I started.
(18:30):
The owner of Lake CumberlandRecovery reached out to me for a
year and a half and he was likeI want you to come and help me.
I didn't even really know whatI was going to do, but when
you're, when you're in god's,will you kind of go with it.
So I went down and, like,cumberland recovery really
changed my life, their morals,their values.
Um, so now I'm actually the vpof operations at lake cumberland
(18:55):
.
Um, we're growing, we have awomen's center, men's center,
and 15 years, 15 or 16 years ago, I got, I went to treatment and
I got out of treatment.
I was about 34 days sober and Iwent to this lawyer's office
and I was like listen, I havethis dream, I want this facility
and he was like Jessica, you're34 days over.
(19:17):
I was like, yeah, I know.
So the funny thing is, at LakeCumberland we're opening up a
facility in my hometown calledPromises of Grace I actually
named it.
So God's just doing some amazingthings.
I've got to build a workprogram at Lake Cumberland
Recovery.
So what that means is, uh.
So I was trying to figure outwhere people fall through the
(19:38):
cracks, like where was thestruggle for me?
And the struggle was when Icame home I didn't have a car to
get to work, right, so I had tofind transportation.
So we had built a program thatwould take you to and from work.
So it's really cool how Godworks.
Um, I got my kids back, uh, backwhen they were 11 and 12 years
(20:00):
old.
I got custody of them back.
Today I am a very reliablefriend, I am a good co-worker
and today I feel that God isjust.
I still do.
I started an AA meeting, Istarted a jail program, probably
six years ago.
So I we dress up at Christmasas like Santa Claus and elves,
(20:26):
so I go in and take all theinmates noodles and cookies and
we give them resources.
So if you get out and wantsomething different.
So I go into the jail everyWednesday in my hometown.
I can go to Jackson County Jailanytime as well.
So I'm just really now a hopedealer.
(20:47):
So it's been a blessing to seewhat God's done in just nine
short years of my life.
And has it been easy?
Absolutely not.
It's been a struggle.
You know, I work a couple ofjobs, but I couldn't imagine
(21:09):
going back to where I was at allat all.
It's, it's, it's truly amazingwhen you let go and you let God
and, um, you know, I think a lotof people like I still seek
therapy because I want to bebetter than I was yesterday.
Um, you know, I deal with thehigh stress volume every day,
(21:35):
but there is nothing in thisworld like working in a
treatment center and watchingthe light come on in someone
else's eyes and being able toguide them and help them find
employment and help them findwork their court cases and help
them, you know, hook them upwith Goodwill to get them a car.
Speaker 1 (22:00):
It's just truly been a blessing.
Wow, it's so inspiring to hearliterally from the trenches of
here's what I started at here's,where I was at here, are the
(22:23):
different steps and the eventsthat happened.
To be where you're at today, tobe opening the center, is your
dream, as we were talking offcamera at the beginning, picking
paint colors and those things,and how you think.
Once you see the progressthat's happened, you're like,
(22:45):
wow, this is actually happening.
That is, I think, the truedefinition of a dream that if
you would, you know those manyyears ago, thought differently,
thought it wasn't possible,thought about you know the
negative thoughts which are soeasy, and I think that's one
(23:08):
thing, that's.
It's interesting because I don'tsay like doing nothing, but
listening to those negativethoughts is usually like kind of
the easiest thing to do andI've been there where it's like
all right, well, I don't have todo this, so I just won't.
But once you make thatcommitment and have that
(23:30):
acceptance, then that reallysets life really on a trajectory
and to and to have thatunderstanding that us as
individuals and humans, that wethere's only so much we can
really do on our on our own, soto bring in that spiritual side
of help, giving that boost, likeI said, opening those doors,
(23:53):
that you get a call in a year ortwo years and and things come
up and it's like wow, there wereactually things happening in
the background that I had noidea were happening until I
actually got that call, and thatcould be days, that could be
years, but you got those callsand those were those little
(24:15):
nuggets that you needed to keepputting that positive
reinforcement together.
If you don't mind, would youstick around for a second
episode?
Speaker 2 (24:31):
Absolutely.
I'm going to go get my chargerso I can charge up my computer.
Speaker 1 (24:34):
Absolutely Great.
Speaker 2 (24:36):
Absolutely.
Thank you guys, so much.
Speaker 1 (24:38):
Yeah, absolutely.
Thanks to Jessica Renner.
She is now the executivedirector at Lake Cumberland
Recovery in Mount Vernon,kentucky.
This is part one of the series.
We're going to do part two, sonext week you can tune in to
catch the second part of ourconversation with Jessica.
(25:02):
So until next time, I am JustinAllen Hayes, founder and
executive director of Voices forVoices, and until next time,
please be a voice for you orsomebody in need.
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