April 2, 2025 • 20 mins
What if everything you believe about fear is wrong? Dr. Douglas James Cottrell delivers a paradigm-shifting perspective on the nature of fear itself, challenging listeners to reconsider an emotion that plagues countless lives. "Fear doesn't exist," he declares boldly, explaining that what we call fear is actually a condition we create through anticipating future events that haven't happened yet.
Throughout this eye-opening episode, Dr. Cottrell and co-host Les Hubert tackle the growing anxiety epidemic with refreshing practicality. Rather than offering generic platitudes about "overcoming fear," they explore how changing the conditions that trigger fear can eliminate it altogether. Faced with worries about break-ins? Install better locks. Concerned about financial problems? Consult professionals who can help resolve them. This action-oriented approach cuts through the mental rehearsal of worst-case scenarios that keeps so many trapped in anxiety.
The conversation delves deeper into the psychology of letting others determine your emotional state. "You don't have control over your reputation, but you do have control over your character," Dr. Cottrell reminds us, offering powerful techniques for maintaining inner peace even when facing criticism or negativity. Their discussion extends to building resilience through community support, learning from life's challenging lessons, and the importance of "rebooting" your mind when fear threatens to take control. Throughout, Dr. Cottrell shares personal anecdotes that illuminate these principles in action, including how his father's Navy experiences shaped a fearless approach to life's storms.
Whether you're struggling with personal anxieties or watching loved ones battle fear, this episode provides transformative insights and practical tools for reclaiming emotional freedom. Subscribe now and join this exploration of how changing your relationship with fear can fundamentally alter your experience of life. Your questions are welcomed for future episodes—because waking up to your own power over fear might be the most important step toward living consciously in our chaotic world.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Announcer (00:00):
Welcome to Wake Up with Dr Douglas James Cottrell,
your source for helpfulinformation, advice and tips to
live your life in a mindful wayin this increasingly chaotic
world.
For over four decades, DrDouglas has been teaching people
how to develop their intuitionand live their lives in a
conscious way.
His news and views of the worldtomorrow, today, are always
(00:21):
informative and revealing.
And now here's your host, DrDouglas James Cottrell.
Douglas James Cottrell (00:30):
Welcome to the Wake Up, the broadcast
where curiosity leads to deeperunderstanding.
I'm your host, douglas JamesCottrell, and my good friend and
co-host Les Hubert is here withme, along with editor Jack
Bailick, as we delve into thefascinating realms of life,
metaphysics, spirituality andthe pressing questions that
shape our world.
Good morning, Les.
(00:51):
What's on the menu today?
Les Hubert (00:54):
What's on the menu, Doug, is fear.
There seems to be a greatamount of it out there.
I even have clients have toldme that some of their kids are
trying to take medicationbecause the fear is just getting
out of control.
They're wondering what's goingon, they don't know how to
handle it and they're veryconcerned.
So how do we handle fear?
Can we heal it?
Can we walk away from it?
What do we do?
Douglas James Cottrell (01:18):
Well, a long time ago, I came to this
revelation.
Fear does not exist.
There is no such thing as fear.
So that's a startling statementto make.
But fear really doesn't exist.
It's contemplation, worry,anticipation of something that
hasn't yet happened.
So whatever you're afraid ofisn't fear.
(01:40):
Fear does not exist.
So it's the things that makeyou worried or afraid or out of
sorts that test your willingnessto proceed in life.
So the idea that, first of all,fear doesn't exist and here's a
test (01:56):
Les, reach out and give me a hand of fear right now.
Can't do it, so it's nottangible.
Therefore it's not real.
So there are conditions whichfear is.
The same as happiness doesn'texist.
It's a condition, and so thattakes us to, well, okay, if fear
(02:19):
doesn't exist, fear might be acondition.
What's a condition?
And so a condition is somethingyou manufacture yourself, my
friends.
Wake up.
You are bringing this onyourself.
You are putting things in yourmind that don't exist.
You are anticipating somethingthat has not happened.
(02:40):
You are wondering and worryingabout what is going to happen,
but the future isn't here yet.
So how do you know that's goingto happen?
The chances are, when thefuture date comes, it's going to
be in a moment and you'll findout what the decision is, the
problem, the circumstance, theconfrontation, and it's over in
(03:03):
a minute.
But all those days and hoursand minutes that you were going
over this problem in your mind,creating a condition that led
you to this fear, condition thatdoesn't exist, that is the
culprit.
And so we say to ourselves youknow what?
What about fear?
I don't want to fear something.
Change the condition.
(03:24):
What do you mean?
Well, if you're afraid ofsomebody breaking in your house,
put locks on your doors, putbars on your windows, and you've
changed the condition.
No more need to fear, butpeople do.
So, the point being is that it'sin your mind, it's in your life
, it's your condition, it's inyour environment.
And what do you need to do?
(03:46):
Well, number one, changesomething.
So move out of theneighborhood, if it's a spooky
neighborhood.
I f it's a bar or a room or arestaurant where things don't
look well, leave.
ell you have debts to pay andyou're worried about the IRS
coming after you, go talk to alawyer and handle it.
Nip it in the bud, get thelawyer, the consultant or
yourself call up and say (04:07):
do I owe you any money?
They're going to say no.
Oh my God, after all that worryand fear, they're going to come
and take all your assets away,you don't owe them money.
What happened?
Well, fear blinded you.
Your mind is out of control.
Your mind is rapidly gallopingaway down the road of condition
(04:31):
and it's all a fantasy.
Now, make no mistake.
We have emotions and I know howto feel fear and terror.
I've been terrorized in my life.
I've felt grief, I've felt loss, I've felt abandonment, I've
been chastised, I've had peopleturn against me.
I know what it's like.
Those are all nasty feelings.
(04:53):
As I keep accepting them, Ikeep getting worse and worse
feelings.
But what if I didn't care, Ididn't try to people please, and
say (05:03):
that's your opinion.
What happens?
Well, it's like taking a littlepin in the side of a balloon,
right, it goes, pop and it'sgone.
No, it doesn't exist.
So understanding this is notpsychology.
This is just simpleunderstanding that, in order to
overcome fear, it's to, first ofall, to understand what it is
(05:24):
or is not.
And if you can give me a handof fear, okay.
If you gave me a live handgrenade and pulled a pin, that's
fear.
I understand that, but I'mgoing to throw it away.
No more fear.
And so you can do this in life.
And attempting to come to thatwisdom, that self-assurance,
that confidence in yourself isto know that if you're in a
(05:48):
something, a situation, a placeor a circumstance or group of
people that you're notcomfortable with, leave.
Don't be worried that, oh,where'd they go or what's the
matter with them.
Or you know that they're goingto be concerned about you?
Chances are they're not.
They're just going to carry onwith their dinner, have another
drink and say, I don't know whatgot into them, they left, okay,
(06:08):
so what's next?
Y ou know?
So getting to control yourself,your thinking and balance your
emotions by simply beingdisinterested in what other
people think about you.
.
We all worry what other peopleare saying about us.
Chances are they're not sayinganything, but in our mind
(06:29):
they're all chattering andtelling rumors and slander about
us.
That does happen, that's forsure.
But when somebody tells a lieabout you or they slander your
name, remember two things.
One, they're showing you theirspiritual poverty, their
immaturity, their emotionalimmaturity and, most importantly
, you don't have any controlover your reputation, anyway.
(06:50):
They they can say what theywant and you going and fighting
and saying"you're you're wrong,they're not going to change.
You can't change somebody'smind.
They have mental reservations.
They can say oh yes, you'reright, absolutely, you walk
away, what What a jerk they were.
So don't try, don't bother.
Just remember (07:06):
remember you have one thing that they cannot
take away and that is yourcharacter.
And all the prophets, all thesaints, all the people that have
gotten anywhere in the worldwith great and wonderful things
and inventions, all tookcriticism, rejection and they
were sometimes humiliated andsometimes even destroyed.
(07:28):
But their idea, their invention, always was something
successful for the world when itwas accepted and proven by
people who were not narcissisticfor whatever reason, attempting
to shut down somebody's idea.
Perhaps they were jealous of it, etc.
, etc.
So that's a little bit strayingfrom the question of what fear
(07:50):
is, but it comes back to youhaving good character in
yourself.
First thing, don't run away.
You're in a crowd of people.
Somebody comes up and starts"you're this and you're that,
whatever.
You just sit there.
You don't get emotionallytriggered.
Another way to master fear isdon't to be triggered into
emotion that you're notexperiencing, weren't
(08:10):
experiencing before, and you sitthere calmly and you say "Okay,
I'm sorry, you feel that way,but that's not the truth.
Oh, you mean it isn't?
"Nope, not at all.
Oh, okay, and they go away.
But you are in control, you'remasterminding the moment.
You're keeping the emotions onyourself, in control.
(08:32):
You're not allowing somethingelse to trigger you, to come
into your mind and produce fear,anxiety, worry, even hatred.
And so, as you sit back and yousay, okay, number one, doesn't
matter what people say about me,doesn't matter what people
think about me, next week, nextmonth, they won't be thinking
(08:52):
about me.
A matter of fact, an hour fromnow, they won't be thinking
about me either.
Oh, but you will.
If you accept their laundry,dirty laundry, you will have
that churning around in yourmind for all evening long, if
not all day and all weekend.
So stop it.
You press the button and saywait a minute, that doesn't
exist.
(09:12):
So, getting to fear, getting toanything of negative, derogatory
thoughts towards yourself, youdon't have to accept them.
Wake up.
Don't accept them.
Say "no, you're wrong.
What are they going to do?
As long as you don't engagethem and start the argument,
(09:33):
because they're looking for anargument, you see.
You say "no, you're wrong.
Well, you could be right.
You're right, okay, fine, youcould be right".
And so, as you do thispracticing, you get to the point
of saying mind is the builder,mind is the way.
Famous quote from many uh,soothsayers, philosophers, wise
men (09:55):
Mind is the builder.
What is the mind?
Not accepting what's insomebody else's
Douglas James Cottrell (10:01):
Oh, all, .
,Kick it out.
Two, you have your owncharacter.
You could say well, you know,when I got up this morning I
thought I was a pretty goodperson.
I'm going to go back in thatbed tonight and I'm going to say
to myself what a day, wow, Isurvived, and what's next.
And so, if you can get thinkingalong that way, it takes a
(10:24):
little ambition, takes a littleself-talking to.
You know, it's okay to talk toyourself.
You know, work things out,that's fine, you're not cuckoo.
And you talk to yourself there,there, like a parent to a child
, it's okay.
You know we did all right.
Yeah, yeah, we said something weshouldn't have said .
Maybe I'll call so-and-so upand and I'll apologize, or well,
I'll just let it go and seewhat happens.
(10:45):
Chances are nothing is going tocome about it.
And so, as you start to look at, how do I stop fear from
getting in my mind?
Well, don't accept it.
Number two, don't believe whatsomebody else says, just because
they say it with authority.
"You are a bad person.
You did this, I saw you do that, oh my gosh.
Well, no, the answer is (11:05):
really ?
Maybe you got me mixed up withsomebody else.
Whatever you say, you could beright, could be wrong, and you
walk away.
You don't let anybody triggeryou out of your peaceful mind or
peaceful heart.
If you can keep your peace atall times, you're way ahead of
(11:26):
everybody else.
And so when you sit down and sayI'm afraid, yes, you are.
Go talk to somebody.
Not somebody that's going tochastise you or tell you yeah,
you're wrong or you deserve it.
Go to talk to somebody who'llsay, hey, I've been there too.
Yeah, that happened to me.
I'm still .
, Get some advice from peoplewho've had that experience.
Do not go for from for peoplewho did not have the experience
(11:47):
because they don't know whatthey're talking about.
Right.
They they might give you somegood pointers, but they don't
know because they haven't hadthe experience.
So you talk to people who'vehad the experience, you tell
them, you lay it out and you saythis.
.
.
is what should I do.
They'll tell you things and youeither can accept it or not.
You can do it or not, it's upto you.
But most importantly, you.
.
.
know let's take the computerproblems.
(12:08):
You know, when our computersare going a little wacky cell
phones whatever what's the firstthing we do?
To self-correct, we turn it off.
Reboot, reboot.
And that's how you have to do,my friends.
When you're afraid, turn it off, reboot.
Don't let those emotions gocrazy.
Go have a, a nice warm drink ofhot chocolate or something else
(12:32):
that settles you down and say,okay, well, hey, we've been here
before.
You know, teenage suicides andthings with younger people
happen because they don't havethe experience.
They don't have previousdisappointments, previous hurts
emotionally.
You know, been in love, fallenout of love.
They don't have that experience, and so the weak ones perish.
(12:55):
The stronger ones endure, likeus.
We've all had those things.
So when somebody is on the edge,suicidal or whatnot, you go to
them and you say look, it's upto you, whatever you want to do,
you have free will and freechoice.
But I implore you, hang inthere, because next year, next
month, next time you're going torealize thank God, I didn't,
(13:17):
because you know more.
And so when you're vulnerableand you're not strong, then the
emotions, the conditionsovertake you.
And to be bullied is one of theworst things that can happen to
anybody, young or old.
Being bullied is part of life.
You need a support group, youneed a community, you need an
(13:39):
organization that know you andwhen you say, boy, did I ever
screw up today?
I blah, blah, blah and they say, well, I did that too.
You know, like shame on you,you shouldn't have.
And you go, yeah, I know.
And somebody says are you evergoing to do that again?
And you say absolutely not.
Say, good.
That was an excellent lesson.
(13:59):
That's going to save you in thefuture.
But if you have a support groupand you talk things out and you
talk to people where thesethings have happened they don't
admonish you, they don'tbelittle you, they don't tell
you to self-correct, they don'tgive you silly advice.
Then you're talking to somebodywho can pat you on the back and
say, well, yeah, you got abruise, you'll get over it, but
(14:21):
not in the sense of yeah, you'llget over it.
It's like you'll get over itand this is how you're going to
have to get over it.
And so when that happens, it'slike somebody gave give you a
hand grenade.
You're paralyzed with fear.
It's going to blow up in yourface.
But if you look at it and say Idon't want this and you throw
(14:44):
it away, nothing is going tohappen.
And so part of the secret ofhandling fear is handling the
conditions that bring on thefear.
If you get rid of theconditions, bye-bye fear.
Doesn't exist.
Wake up, my friends.
It doesn't exist.
But you've got to come to thaton your own point of view, your
own reckoning.
I know you're saying to me: sure, yeah, you don't know what (14:58):
undefined
you're talking about.
Maybe, maybe.
Or maybe you're saying, Douglas, you and Les are absolutely
right.
Yeah, that happened to me too.
Whatever you're saying, it's upto you.
Wake up.
You have to solve thissituation.
You have to handle it.
Not me, not Les.
The way we handle these thingsis the way we handle them.
Different from you.
(15:18):
Remember, there's 144 differentpatterns of people out there in
the world.
You are one of those patterns.
That means there's 143different ways of handling any
situation in life.
The way you handle it is (15:29):
don't let the conditions build.
Don't let the conditions becomeso immense that you become
buried into this quagmire ofself-pity, of failure, of giving
up.
Break out, wake up, get thoseelbows going, get out of town.
(15:54):
Hey, you want to see whatyou're trying to stop me.
You want to see what I can do?
Watch me.
Many times Les, you've probablyheard stories where people have
been told that'll never work.
You're crazy.
And what did the person do?
They dug in their heels andthey made it happen.
And then, after it was invented, they come back to the same
people who said it'll never workand say what do you think of
that?
And they say that was lucky.
Les Hubert (16:15):
You know, when I was a little boy, I remember my
grandparents were petrified,especially my grandmother.
She was petrified of lightningand we would go up to visit them
every weekend and it was alightning storm going on, a
thunderstorm.
And my father walks in with meand grabbed my hand and he sees
my grandmother clutching herrosaries and he's going, okay,
and he grabs me by the hand andhe goes and we stand in the
midst of this wonderfulthunderstorm.
(16:37):
Not dangerously so.
We weren't standing under atree.
And I'm looking, he goes, seethis, he said.
Don't be afraid of this.
He said, as long as you knowwhat you're doing, do not be
afraid.
He couldn't stand that kind offear and he was always calm and
cool.
And I said dad, how do you dothis?
And he said well, when you werein the Navy and you survived
typhoons in mid-ocean, he saidyou'll learn how to control your
(16:59):
fear.
But I always was inspired bythat.
He just didn't let fear botherhim.
He said you know, you just knowhow to handle it.
You stay cool and calm andconnect.
And I was like, wow, andinstead of clutching you know
and sitting there and shiveringin fear, I was always inspired
by that.
Douglas James Cottrell (17:12):
Well, your uncle -- did you say your
dad or your uncle ?
My dad, yeah.
Yeah, your dad was wise becausehe had the experiences of going
through those typhoons.
But I'll bet you, when he waslike 17 or 18 or 19 years old on
a big ship and the waves wereover the bow, he was hanging
onto that pole wherever he was,terrified.
And after the storm was over itwas like, hey, it wasn't so bad.
(17:36):
And the next one got easier,the next one.
So that brings out a good pointwhere I've seen people who are
afraid of spiders.
The way they became afraid ofspiders was that their mommy or
grandmother was afraid ofspiders.
And so when a spider was likeah, and so a child didn't know
what to help.
.
.
Well, a spider must be scary.
Ah, and they grew up with thesame phobia or fear.
(17:57):
So the reverse is true.
But your dad was very wise insaying when you live through
some tough times, this isnothing.
And that, my friends, is howyou live your life, because you
will go through many lifelessons.
Every 10 years there'll be amajor life lesson, and every
week there's a lesson.
And the more you go through,the more you get to be numb from
(18:19):
being taken aside and fearful,distracted and people being able
to push your buttons.
That's how propaganda works,you know.
They tell you (18:27):
look out, they're coming for your children
, they're going to get you.
All this stuff is going to behappening.
While they're sitting at ananchor desk on the other side of
the TV.
How do they know that?
They don't.
So you have to discern whatpeople say to you.
That's part of wisdom.
And again, as you get older,and people, humans, as you know
humans, you begin to understandlike, okay, yes, chocolate's
(18:51):
going to kill me, it's going togive me a heart attack.
A couple of years go by, no,chocolate's good to have, it's
an nutritious food.
It's coffee you have to lookout for.
A couple of years ago.
But no, coffee is good.
It stimulates you, gets yourcaffeine.
Cigarettes are terrible.
They're going to kill you.
Well, two or three cigarettes aday is okay for some people.
Wine look out, that's going tokill you.
(19:12):
Heart attacks, you know.
Well, wait a minute.
A glass of wine every day isgood for your health.
Those are real stories I'veheard in my lifetime.
So wake up everybody.
Listen to Les and I as wecontinue to explore these
amazing questions you have.
Please send them in.
We'd love to hear them.
We'll address them on air.
Look at the email address orthe website that you'll see in
(19:34):
the banner and remember we'rehere for you.
I'm your host, Douglas Cottrell.
Until next time.
Announcer (19:42):
Thank you very much for listening to Wake Up.
If you enjoyed this episode, besure to subscribe so you'll be
notified when a new episode isposted, and we'd greatly
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we're producing.
For more about Dr Douglas'sself-development classes, books
(20:03):
and other related products,please visit his website
douglasjamescottrell.
com.
Until next time, we wish youall of God's blessings: health,
wealth and peace of mind.
Welcome to Wake Up with Dr Douglas James Cottrell,
your source for helpfulinformation, advice and tips to
live your life in a mindful wayin this increasingly chaotic
world.
For over four decades, DrDouglas has been teaching people
how to develop their intuitionand live their lives in a
conscious way.
His news and views of the worldtomorrow, today, are always
(00:21):
informative and revealing.
And now here's your host, DrDouglas James Cottrell.
Douglas James Cottrell (00:30):
Welcome to the Wake Up, the broadcast
where curiosity leads to deeperunderstanding.
I'm your host, douglas JamesCottrell, and my good friend and
co-host Les Hubert is here withme, along with editor Jack
Bailick, as we delve into thefascinating realms of life,
metaphysics, spirituality andthe pressing questions that
shape our world.
Good morning, Les.
(00:51):
What's on the menu today?
Les Hubert (00:54):
What's on the menu, Doug, is fear.
There seems to be a greatamount of it out there.
I even have clients have toldme that some of their kids are
trying to take medicationbecause the fear is just getting
out of control.
They're wondering what's goingon, they don't know how to
handle it and they're veryconcerned.
So how do we handle fear?
Can we heal it?
Can we walk away from it?
What do we do?
Douglas James Cottrell (01:18):
Well, a long time ago, I came to this
revelation.
Fear does not exist.
There is no such thing as fear.
So that's a startling statementto make.
But fear really doesn't exist.
It's contemplation, worry,anticipation of something that
hasn't yet happened.
So whatever you're afraid ofisn't fear.
(01:40):
Fear does not exist.
So it's the things that makeyou worried or afraid or out of
sorts that test your willingnessto proceed in life.
So the idea that, first of all,fear doesn't exist and here's a
test (01:56):
Les, reach out and give me a hand of fear right now.
Can't do it, so it's nottangible.
Therefore it's not real.
So there are conditions whichfear is.
The same as happiness doesn'texist.
It's a condition, and so thattakes us to, well, okay, if fear
(02:19):
doesn't exist, fear might be acondition.
What's a condition?
And so a condition is somethingyou manufacture yourself, my
friends.
Wake up.
You are bringing this onyourself.
You are putting things in yourmind that don't exist.
You are anticipating somethingthat has not happened.
(02:40):
You are wondering and worryingabout what is going to happen,
but the future isn't here yet.
So how do you know that's goingto happen?
The chances are, when thefuture date comes, it's going to
be in a moment and you'll findout what the decision is, the
problem, the circumstance, theconfrontation, and it's over in
(03:03):
a minute.
But all those days and hoursand minutes that you were going
over this problem in your mind,creating a condition that led
you to this fear, condition thatdoesn't exist, that is the
culprit.
And so we say to ourselves youknow what?
What about fear?
I don't want to fear something.
Change the condition.
(03:24):
What do you mean?
Well, if you're afraid ofsomebody breaking in your house,
put locks on your doors, putbars on your windows, and you've
changed the condition.
No more need to fear, butpeople do.
So, the point being is that it'sin your mind, it's in your life
, it's your condition, it's inyour environment.
And what do you need to do?
(03:46):
Well, number one, changesomething.
So move out of theneighborhood, if it's a spooky
neighborhood.
I f it's a bar or a room or arestaurant where things don't
look well, leave.
ell you have debts to pay andyou're worried about the IRS
coming after you, go talk to alawyer and handle it.
Nip it in the bud, get thelawyer, the consultant or
yourself call up and say (04:07):
do I owe you any money?
They're going to say no.
Oh my God, after all that worryand fear, they're going to come
and take all your assets away,you don't owe them money.
What happened?
Well, fear blinded you.
Your mind is out of control.
Your mind is rapidly gallopingaway down the road of condition
(04:31):
and it's all a fantasy.
Now, make no mistake.
We have emotions and I know howto feel fear and terror.
I've been terrorized in my life.
I've felt grief, I've felt loss, I've felt abandonment, I've
been chastised, I've had peopleturn against me.
I know what it's like.
Those are all nasty feelings.
(04:53):
As I keep accepting them, Ikeep getting worse and worse
feelings.
But what if I didn't care, Ididn't try to people please, and
say (05:03):
that's your opinion.
What happens?
Well, it's like taking a littlepin in the side of a balloon,
right, it goes, pop and it'sgone.
No, it doesn't exist.
So understanding this is notpsychology.
This is just simpleunderstanding that, in order to
overcome fear, it's to, first ofall, to understand what it is
(05:24):
or is not.
And if you can give me a handof fear, okay.
If you gave me a live handgrenade and pulled a pin, that's
fear.
I understand that, but I'mgoing to throw it away.
No more fear.
And so you can do this in life.
And attempting to come to thatwisdom, that self-assurance,
that confidence in yourself isto know that if you're in a
(05:48):
something, a situation, a placeor a circumstance or group of
people that you're notcomfortable with, leave.
Don't be worried that, oh,where'd they go or what's the
matter with them.
Or you know that they're goingto be concerned about you?
Chances are they're not.
They're just going to carry onwith their dinner, have another
drink and say, I don't know whatgot into them, they left, okay,
(06:08):
so what's next?
Y ou know?
So getting to control yourself,your thinking and balance your
emotions by simply beingdisinterested in what other
people think about you.
.
We all worry what other peopleare saying about us.
Chances are they're not sayinganything, but in our mind
(06:29):
they're all chattering andtelling rumors and slander about
us.
That does happen, that's forsure.
But when somebody tells a lieabout you or they slander your
name, remember two things.
One, they're showing you theirspiritual poverty, their
immaturity, their emotionalimmaturity and, most importantly
, you don't have any controlover your reputation, anyway.
(06:50):
They they can say what theywant and you going and fighting
and saying"you're you're wrong,they're not going to change.
You can't change somebody'smind.
They have mental reservations.
They can say oh yes, you'reright, absolutely, you walk
away, what What a jerk they were.
So don't try, don't bother.
Just remember (07:06):
remember you have one thing that they cannot
take away and that is yourcharacter.
And all the prophets, all thesaints, all the people that have
gotten anywhere in the worldwith great and wonderful things
and inventions, all tookcriticism, rejection and they
were sometimes humiliated andsometimes even destroyed.
(07:28):
But their idea, their invention, always was something
successful for the world when itwas accepted and proven by
people who were not narcissisticfor whatever reason, attempting
to shut down somebody's idea.
Perhaps they were jealous of it, etc.
, etc.
So that's a little bit strayingfrom the question of what fear
(07:50):
is, but it comes back to youhaving good character in
yourself.
First thing, don't run away.
You're in a crowd of people.
Somebody comes up and starts"you're this and you're that,
whatever.
You just sit there.
You don't get emotionallytriggered.
Another way to master fear isdon't to be triggered into
emotion that you're notexperiencing, weren't
(08:10):
experiencing before, and you sitthere calmly and you say "Okay,
I'm sorry, you feel that way,but that's not the truth.
Oh, you mean it isn't?
"Nope, not at all.
Oh, okay, and they go away.
But you are in control, you'remasterminding the moment.
You're keeping the emotions onyourself, in control.
(08:32):
You're not allowing somethingelse to trigger you, to come
into your mind and produce fear,anxiety, worry, even hatred.
And so, as you sit back and yousay, okay, number one, doesn't
matter what people say about me,doesn't matter what people
think about me, next week, nextmonth, they won't be thinking
(08:52):
about me.
A matter of fact, an hour fromnow, they won't be thinking
about me either.
Oh, but you will.
If you accept their laundry,dirty laundry, you will have
that churning around in yourmind for all evening long, if
not all day and all weekend.
So stop it.
You press the button and saywait a minute, that doesn't
exist.
(09:12):
So, getting to fear, getting toanything of negative, derogatory
thoughts towards yourself, youdon't have to accept them.
Wake up.
Don't accept them.
Say "no, you're wrong.
What are they going to do?
As long as you don't engagethem and start the argument,
(09:33):
because they're looking for anargument, you see.
You say "no, you're wrong.
Well, you could be right.
You're right, okay, fine, youcould be right".
And so, as you do thispracticing, you get to the point
of saying mind is the builder,mind is the way.
Famous quote from many uh,soothsayers, philosophers, wise
men (09:55):
Mind is the builder.
What is the mind?
Not accepting what's insomebody else's
Douglas James Cottrell (10:01):
Oh, all, .
,Kick it out.
Two, you have your owncharacter.
You could say well, you know,when I got up this morning I
thought I was a pretty goodperson.
I'm going to go back in thatbed tonight and I'm going to say
to myself what a day, wow, Isurvived, and what's next.
And so, if you can get thinkingalong that way, it takes a
(10:24):
little ambition, takes a littleself-talking to.
You know, it's okay to talk toyourself.
You know, work things out,that's fine, you're not cuckoo.
And you talk to yourself there,there, like a parent to a child
, it's okay.
You know we did all right.
Yeah, yeah, we said something weshouldn't have said .
Maybe I'll call so-and-so upand and I'll apologize, or well,
I'll just let it go and seewhat happens.
(10:45):
Chances are nothing is going tocome about it.
And so, as you start to look at, how do I stop fear from
getting in my mind?
Well, don't accept it.
Number two, don't believe whatsomebody else says, just because
they say it with authority.
"You are a bad person.
You did this, I saw you do that, oh my gosh.
Well, no, the answer is (11:05):
really ?
Maybe you got me mixed up withsomebody else.
Whatever you say, you could beright, could be wrong, and you
walk away.
You don't let anybody triggeryou out of your peaceful mind or
peaceful heart.
If you can keep your peace atall times, you're way ahead of
(11:26):
everybody else.
And so when you sit down and sayI'm afraid, yes, you are.
Go talk to somebody.
Not somebody that's going tochastise you or tell you yeah,
you're wrong or you deserve it.
Go to talk to somebody who'llsay, hey, I've been there too.
Yeah, that happened to me.
I'm still .
, Get some advice from peoplewho've had that experience.
Do not go for from for peoplewho did not have the experience
(11:47):
because they don't know whatthey're talking about.
Right.
They they might give you somegood pointers, but they don't
know because they haven't hadthe experience.
So you talk to people who'vehad the experience, you tell
them, you lay it out and you saythis.
.
.
is what should I do.
They'll tell you things and youeither can accept it or not.
You can do it or not, it's upto you.
But most importantly, you.
.
.
know let's take the computerproblems.
(12:08):
You know, when our computersare going a little wacky cell
phones whatever what's the firstthing we do?
To self-correct, we turn it off.
Reboot, reboot.
And that's how you have to do,my friends.
When you're afraid, turn it off, reboot.
Don't let those emotions gocrazy.
Go have a, a nice warm drink ofhot chocolate or something else
(12:32):
that settles you down and say,okay, well, hey, we've been here
before.
You know, teenage suicides andthings with younger people
happen because they don't havethe experience.
They don't have previousdisappointments, previous hurts
emotionally.
You know, been in love, fallenout of love.
They don't have that experience, and so the weak ones perish.
(12:55):
The stronger ones endure, likeus.
We've all had those things.
So when somebody is on the edge,suicidal or whatnot, you go to
them and you say look, it's upto you, whatever you want to do,
you have free will and freechoice.
But I implore you, hang inthere, because next year, next
month, next time you're going torealize thank God, I didn't,
(13:17):
because you know more.
And so when you're vulnerableand you're not strong, then the
emotions, the conditionsovertake you.
And to be bullied is one of theworst things that can happen to
anybody, young or old.
Being bullied is part of life.
You need a support group, youneed a community, you need an
(13:39):
organization that know you andwhen you say, boy, did I ever
screw up today?
I blah, blah, blah and they say, well, I did that too.
You know, like shame on you,you shouldn't have.
And you go, yeah, I know.
And somebody says are you evergoing to do that again?
And you say absolutely not.
Say, good.
That was an excellent lesson.
(13:59):
That's going to save you in thefuture.
But if you have a support groupand you talk things out and you
talk to people where thesethings have happened they don't
admonish you, they don'tbelittle you, they don't tell
you to self-correct, they don'tgive you silly advice.
Then you're talking to somebodywho can pat you on the back and
say, well, yeah, you got abruise, you'll get over it, but
(14:21):
not in the sense of yeah, you'llget over it.
It's like you'll get over itand this is how you're going to
have to get over it.
And so when that happens, it'slike somebody gave give you a
hand grenade.
You're paralyzed with fear.
It's going to blow up in yourface.
But if you look at it and say Idon't want this and you throw
(14:44):
it away, nothing is going tohappen.
And so part of the secret ofhandling fear is handling the
conditions that bring on thefear.
If you get rid of theconditions, bye-bye fear.
Doesn't exist.
Wake up, my friends.
It doesn't exist.
But you've got to come to thaton your own point of view, your
own reckoning.
I know you're saying to me: sure, yeah, you don't know what (14:58):
undefined
you're talking about.
Maybe, maybe.
Or maybe you're saying, Douglas, you and Les are absolutely
right.
Yeah, that happened to me too.
Whatever you're saying, it's upto you.
Wake up.
You have to solve thissituation.
You have to handle it.
Not me, not Les.
The way we handle these thingsis the way we handle them.
Different from you.
(15:18):
Remember, there's 144 differentpatterns of people out there in
the world.
You are one of those patterns.
That means there's 143different ways of handling any
situation in life.
The way you handle it is (15:29):
don't let the conditions build.
Don't let the conditions becomeso immense that you become
buried into this quagmire ofself-pity, of failure, of giving
up.
Break out, wake up, get thoseelbows going, get out of town.
(15:54):
Hey, you want to see whatyou're trying to stop me.
You want to see what I can do?
Watch me.
Many times Les, you've probablyheard stories where people have
been told that'll never work.
You're crazy.
And what did the person do?
They dug in their heels andthey made it happen.
And then, after it was invented, they come back to the same
people who said it'll never workand say what do you think of
that?
And they say that was lucky.
Les Hubert (16:15):
You know, when I was a little boy, I remember my
grandparents were petrified,especially my grandmother.
She was petrified of lightningand we would go up to visit them
every weekend and it was alightning storm going on, a
thunderstorm.
And my father walks in with meand grabbed my hand and he sees
my grandmother clutching herrosaries and he's going, okay,
and he grabs me by the hand andhe goes and we stand in the
midst of this wonderfulthunderstorm.
(16:37):
Not dangerously so.
We weren't standing under atree.
And I'm looking, he goes, seethis, he said.
Don't be afraid of this.
He said, as long as you knowwhat you're doing, do not be
afraid.
He couldn't stand that kind offear and he was always calm and
cool.
And I said dad, how do you dothis?
And he said well, when you werein the Navy and you survived
typhoons in mid-ocean, he saidyou'll learn how to control your
(16:59):
fear.
But I always was inspired bythat.
He just didn't let fear botherhim.
He said you know, you just knowhow to handle it.
You stay cool and calm andconnect.
And I was like, wow, andinstead of clutching you know
and sitting there and shiveringin fear, I was always inspired
by that.
Douglas James Cottrell (17:12):
Well, your uncle -- did you say your
dad or your uncle ?
My dad, yeah.
Yeah, your dad was wise becausehe had the experiences of going
through those typhoons.
But I'll bet you, when he waslike 17 or 18 or 19 years old on
a big ship and the waves wereover the bow, he was hanging
onto that pole wherever he was,terrified.
And after the storm was over itwas like, hey, it wasn't so bad.
(17:36):
And the next one got easier,the next one.
So that brings out a good pointwhere I've seen people who are
afraid of spiders.
The way they became afraid ofspiders was that their mommy or
grandmother was afraid ofspiders.
And so when a spider was likeah, and so a child didn't know
what to help.
.
.
Well, a spider must be scary.
Ah, and they grew up with thesame phobia or fear.
(17:57):
So the reverse is true.
But your dad was very wise insaying when you live through
some tough times, this isnothing.
And that, my friends, is howyou live your life, because you
will go through many lifelessons.
Every 10 years there'll be amajor life lesson, and every
week there's a lesson.
And the more you go through,the more you get to be numb from
(18:19):
being taken aside and fearful,distracted and people being able
to push your buttons.
That's how propaganda works,you know.
They tell you (18:27):
look out, they're coming for your children
, they're going to get you.
All this stuff is going to behappening.
While they're sitting at ananchor desk on the other side of
the TV.
How do they know that?
They don't.
So you have to discern whatpeople say to you.
That's part of wisdom.
And again, as you get older,and people, humans, as you know
humans, you begin to understandlike, okay, yes, chocolate's
(18:51):
going to kill me, it's going togive me a heart attack.
A couple of years go by, no,chocolate's good to have, it's
an nutritious food.
It's coffee you have to lookout for.
A couple of years ago.
But no, coffee is good.
It stimulates you, gets yourcaffeine.
Cigarettes are terrible.
They're going to kill you.
Well, two or three cigarettes aday is okay for some people.
Wine look out, that's going tokill you.
(19:12):
Heart attacks, you know.
Well, wait a minute.
A glass of wine every day isgood for your health.
Those are real stories I'veheard in my lifetime.
So wake up everybody.
Listen to Les and I as wecontinue to explore these
amazing questions you have.
Please send them in.
We'd love to hear them.
We'll address them on air.
Look at the email address orthe website that you'll see in
(19:34):
the banner and remember we'rehere for you.
I'm your host, Douglas Cottrell.
Until next time.
Announcer (19:42):
Thank you very much for listening to Wake Up.
If you enjoyed this episode, besure to subscribe so you'll be
notified when a new episode isposted, and we'd greatly
appreciate your review of ourshow on iTunes or wherever you
get your podcasts to let othersknow about the great content
we're producing.
For more about Dr Douglas'sself-development classes, books
(20:03):
and other related products,please visit his website
douglasjamescottrell.
com.
Until next time, we wish youall of God's blessings: health,
wealth and peace of mind.
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