May 26, 2025 • 33 mins
We all carry wounds from childhood – from difficult teachers and parents to schoolyard bullies – but how do we heal them and move forward? Dr. Douglas Cottrell tackles this profound question with compassion and clarity, offering a transformative perspective that allows us to reframe our early experiences.
Rather than dwelling on how our childhoods "should have been," Dr. Cottrell invites us to acknowledge that we survived these formative years – a significant achievement in itself. This shift in perspective creates space for understanding and forgiveness, both for others and ourselves. As he eloquently puts it, "The secret to life is, every time you get knocked down, you get up."
The conversation explores how childhood memories remain extraordinarily vivid decades later, and how understanding the context of these experiences – recognizing parents' limitations, economic struggles, or emotional upheavals – can help us process them from a more compassionate adult perspective. Dr. Cottrell shares fascinating insights about intergenerational patterns, noting how "the parents treat the children the same as they were treated," and offers practical wisdom for breaking these cycles.
A particularly illuminating segment examines life's 10-year cycles, each bringing unique challenges and lessons. From the explorative first decade to the reflective seventies and beyond, understanding these natural phases helps us set appropriate expectations and navigate life's journey with greater awareness. Dr. Cottrell advises having "one goal for every 10 years" to maintain direction and purpose.
Whether you're working through your own childhood wounds or seeking to create a healthier environment for the next generation, this thoughtful exploration offers valuable insights for becoming "the captain of your own ship" regardless of your past experiences. Join us for a conversation that might just change how you view your life story.
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Episode Transcript
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Announcer (00:00):
Welcome to Wake Up with Dr Douglas James Cottrell,
your source for helpfulinformation, advice and tips to
live your life in a mindful wayin this increasingly chaotic
world.
For over four decades, DrDouglas has been teaching people
how to develop their intuitionand live their lives in a
conscious way.
His news and views of the worldtomorrow, today, are always
(00:21):
informative and revealing.
And now here's your host, DrDouglas James Cottrell.
Douglas James Cottrell (00:30):
Welcome to the Wake Up, a broadcast
where curiosity leads to deeperunderstanding.
I'm your host, Douglas JamesCottrell, and my good friend and
co-host, Les Hubert, is herewith me as we delve into the
fascinating realms of life,metaphysics, spirituality and
the pressing questions thatshape our world.
Good to see you again, Les.
What's up tonight?
Les Hubert (00:52):
Doug, we've got an interesting one for you tonight:
childhood traumas and how todeal with them.
Not many of us have had anidyllic childhood.
We have the tough teachers, thetough parents, we have the
schoolyard bullies.
How do we come to forgive thesepeople for their shortcomings?
Douglas James Cottrell (01:10):
Well, let's look at it and say, "I
survived, I made it throughchildhood.
" And if we look at it that way,instead of like, my childhood
ought to have been a differentway than it was, we can somewhat
see okay, we survived.
It's a rite of passage,basically, when you're going
(01:32):
through life, that particularpart of your life which is, you
know, you're grappling with lifeitself, you're trying to figure
out all the different thingsthat are happening and remember
we're learning at warp speed.
I mean, we have people in ourfamilies that we have to deal
with, and sometimes familieshave economic situations, they
have emotional upheavals.
(01:53):
Mom and Dad might not begetting along so well.
Maybe, just maybe, baby camealong at the most inopportune
time and that added to thestresses and the difficulties.
Maybe mommy was a single, momwas a teenager, daddy was a
teenager, maybe we didn't havethe fundamental idealistic thing
of a euphoric family.
(02:14):
So one needs to look backinstead of me, me, me, focusing
on, you know, the person, thelife that you lived, from a
perspective that you'reinterpreting and remembering it
as you were a child.
Not from the perspective of now, much later in life, and
looking back as a teenager oryoung adult or middle-aged
(02:36):
person.
You know the appearance of whathappened in those childhood
years from an older perspective,like, okay, yeah, mommy was a
teenager and you know, I was asurprise.
Okay, now I understand whythere were hardships and
difficulties and trauma in mylife as a child.
(02:56):
So it's a perspective lookingback, to look forward.
And so the first thing to cometo is say, okay, I had some
pretty tough times, because weremember as if it was yesterday
when something happened to us,when somebody was screaming at
us or sitting on top of us orbeating us up, or even some
(03:17):
childhood memories inkindergarten are very vivid
today, 60, 70 years later.
I can still remember seeingmyself in kindergarten.
I can remember when theybrought us in one door, when we
came for the half day tokindergarten and then they
decided to let us out anotherdoor and where all the mummies
and were sitting in the firstdoor and nobody came out, we
(03:40):
were all let go out the seconddoor.
I can remember I walked homeall by myself.
I was five years old.
I remember, oh, look, nobody'shere to pick me up.
Oh, I guess I'll go home.
Wow, what a disaster that was.
You know, I mean for everybody.
But stupid things happen,foolish things happen,
(04:01):
unfortunate things happen.
So first thing to sit down andsay okay, why am I really angry?
Or why am I so disappointed, orwhy do I have this same habit
or this same expectation or thislack of confidence in myself,
or I'm so afraid that when Ihear a door slam, that just
(04:21):
sends a shudder through me.
What is it?
Now again, a lot of peoplespend money on therapy, a lot of
people talk to their friends, alot of people have support
groups, they have spiritualstudy groups.
And all these different thingshelp.
But number one is to say Isurvived.
And if you see it as a survivalmechanism, that is to say going
through childhood, and somehowyou did okay, then you can say
(04:46):
all right, the rest is gravy.
Now I went through my teenageyears.
Oh my God, you know.
And sometimes the teenagebehaviors reflect upon the
behaviors and lessons that onehad when they were, you know,
five and seven years old.
So it becomes a perspective.
So how do we forgive ourparents?
How do we forgive those nastyexperiences in the schoolyard?
(05:10):
How do we look back about thetime we were bullied or we got
beat up or we were robbed byother kids, somebody stole our
lunch or they stole our lunchmoney.
Well, number one, this is life,this is how we are.
Humans, affecting humans.
Humans as we know humans.
So the sooner you get it in yourlittle teeny, tiny head that,
(05:33):
yeah, childhood is a tough time.
You don't know what's happening, you're just learning the ropes
, so to speak.
And so, if you see it that way,you can forgive yourself when
you make mistakes.
Maybe you went over and yousnitched somebody's chocolate
bar out of their lunch basket.
Maybe you looked over theirshoulder and got the answers to
a questions on a test, or maybeyou just didn't like somebody
(05:56):
because you were so jealous ofthem that you went and did
something bad to them.
Maybe you told stories on them,and all those things wrapped up
in one, you know, is like okay,got it.
Yep, I was in the school ofhard knocks, and I was only four
years old, I was only six yearsold, I was only eight years old
(06:18):
.
And so when you see it that way, then you say well, wait a
minute, have things changed?
No, you're still in the schoolof hard knocks, in your 30s and
your 40s, you know.
Every 10 years the lessons getgreater or more, let's say,
important, but more directlyaffecting you.
You can't oh well, he's onlyfive years old, he didn't mean
(06:40):
it, you know, break the window,you know he ought not to have
done it.
But the point is that as youget older, life gets more
serious.
But, more importantly, you'renot so easily forgiven.
Because now, after age seven,the age of reason as it used to
be.
Remember back in the days whenyou reached about the age of
reason, you went to work.
(07:00):
You went to work in slave shops, in child factories and things
like that.
Thank God that doesn't happenanymore.
But back in the day that's whatit was.
You were seven years old, youwent to work.
You had to, because everybodyhad to pull their weight,
because everybody was so poor.
Not everybody, everybody, butyou know what I mean.
The average working classfamily.
(07:20):
Sure.
So you survived this time.
And as you look at that, thenyou can say, hey, I did, okay.
Matter of fact, the peoplethat come from the most
difficult lifetimes, the oneswith the most hardships, g uess
what?
Some of them are the mostsuccessful people in the world.
That's true.
(07:40):
B ob Hope came from a family inNew York, the last of nine
children and poor as poor couldbe, and there in his later life
he was the toast of presidents.
He was a celebrity par none.
He was hobnobbing with the richand famous in America and all
(08:01):
over the world.
Just goes to show you, you cancome from humble, difficult
beginnings and you can rise onyour own wit and merit,
determination and, I guess,experiences of those things that
happen to a very high level insociety.
So is it true I wasunderprivileged, I couldn't get
anywhere?
(08:22):
Well, you were underprivileged,that's all you were.
Now, what have you done sinceyou're 10 or 14 or 18 or 20?
Were you a person who said,well, I don't like this, I'm
going to be somebody, I'm goingto be that person over there,
that successful entrepreneur, orthat celebrity.
(08:47):
You see, you have a choice allthe way along, Les, and this is
the point.
You can give up, at any time inyour life.
Whether you're 5 or 12 or 15 or20 or 25.
You can give up, and thenyou're just like a cork on the
waters.
You're just enduring your life.
However, you can become thecaptain of your own ship and
say, "I had enough, I'm going tobe this.
(09:09):
" Whether you want to be, let'ssay, a car mechanic, you want to
be a model, you want to be awedding planner, you want to be
an astronaut, you have theability to choose what you
ultimately want to become, andthe sooner you make that choice,
the much better off you are.
Les Hubert (09:31):
Do you think that we should have a curriculum in
schools called, kind of like,Life 101, to help people with
this, as they go through life,to find out what's going to be
the preview of comingattractions, so to speak?
Douglas James Cottre (09:42):
Absolutely .
Schools these days should bemore like the Japanese schools.
They don't have any tests upuntil, I don't know, senior
grammar school.
They have more serious times inschool.
They play and then they have arest time.
Because, to be a child, you'rethinking, you're in an
(10:03):
environment where all thisinformation is coming to you, no
matter where you are in schoolor not, or at home or wherever
you are.
You're constantly processinginformation.
So you need to have this timeto rest and to play and to
explore, to show respect and tobe respected.
How many times have we heard,"oh, he's only five years old,
(10:27):
he doesn't know what he'stalking about.
Oh, she's only seven years old.
You know, she wants to playwith dresses and do makeup and
be a model.
She's just, you know, being alittle girl, you know, what does
she know?
" Well, those are the thingsthat should be nurtured and
encouraged.
If somebody wants to play withmodel airplanes, say, hey, he
might be an aeronauticalengineer in the future.
(10:49):
Let's feed what his interestsare.
" because it's not what a setcurriculum is of information,
testing, did you pass or fail?
Right.
I can remember kids in gradethree who couldn't write because
they were dyslexic.
For the rest of their life, they couldn't spell, they
couldn't write and they thoughtthere was something mentally
(11:11):
wrong with them, that they werefailures.
Turned out to be people whoinvented things and rose to the
point of managers in largecompanies.
Because they were able to thinkwith both sides of their brain.
They were able to do thingsbeyond an ordinary .
So the idea should we have acurriculum?
Yeah, should we have somebodythat says listen, mommy and
(11:32):
daddy are not as smart as youare.
You're smarter than yourparents.
And that's true in a lot ofcases.
And if you look at evolution,the children are always more
evolved than the parents,because they're the newest
generation, if you will.
So you say to a child likemommy and daddy aren't as smart
as you.
Oh yeah, mommy's really smart.
No, no, they're not.
They know about life, butyou're smarter.
(11:55):
Or a favorite line of mine is,to say you know, mommy and daddy
never went to school to learnhow to be mommy and daddy.
There's no such thing.
Right.
They just kind of did it,they're kind of on the job
training.
And so when they were puttingyou in bed at eight o'clock at
night because somebody in a booksaid that children should go to
(12:17):
bed at eight o'clock and youlaid in your bed and you could
hear the other kids outsideplaying for a couple of hours
and you got really angry thatyou were banished to your bed
and you were incarcerated inyour bedroom and it was a
terrible, terrible time.
That's because they didn't knowany better.
And then you can startexploring why people say, ah,
(12:38):
now I know my mother was alwaysjealous of me.
Oh, my mother told me I wasnever pretty, no man was ever
going to want me, because shewas trying to protect me from
running around and becoming ateenage mother.
And I say that's right.
But look what she put in yourmind: that you're unattractive,
unworthy and you shouldn't havea future husband or family.
(13:00):
And now here you are at 25,really angry at mummy and
grandmummy and maybe a few auntsin the family who were telling
you the same nonsense.
Oh, I get it.
Why were they doing that?
Because they didn't want you tobecome a teenage mommy.
Ding.
And the person can then beginthe process of forgiving the
elder ladies in the family.
(13:21):
Now the same as men and boys.
To fathers out there, let yourson win.
You know, when you're wrestlinghim and you got him on the
ground and he's on to-- let himwin, and that'll build his
self-esteem.
Like he's pinned daddy down onthe floor.
Right.
He was only five years of age.
So a lot of 101 teaching andexplaining what happened to you
(13:45):
as a child, now looking back asan adult, not remembering the
event as a child, and relivingthe emotional experience which
is attached.
Memory and emotion are alwaysattached.
You can go back and you cansee: ah, dad just got fired, he
(14:07):
lost his best friend in the waror something happened.
Now I understand why dad wasconstantly drinking and
depressed for a long, long time.
Because life beat him up.
Ding.
Then you can begin the processof understanding reason and then
forgiveness, and thenreflecting back on yourself.
(14:27):
And you say, well, look at me,I got a good job.
Look at me, dad put a roof overmy head, mom and dad provided
groceries for me and clothes.
Why am I so angry at them thatI didn't get to go to the prom?
Or I didn't get a car when Iwas 16 or like all the other
kids, blah, blah, blah.
(14:47):
So having that in school wouldbe a good start to sort of
explain things.
Have, sort of, you know, theseself-help groups and these
conversations.
But really it should go back tosociety and say, okay, we need
to have classes on how to bemommy and daddy, because you see
, the parents treat the childrenthe same as they were treated.
(15:10):
So if they were abused, theabused child becomes the abusive
parent that abuses the child.
I know that sounds ridiculous,but in my experience and I'm not
a psychiatrist or psychologistor anything that knows a lot
about that.
It seems to be a pattern thatrepeats.
So, yes, there should be somecurriculum in school that says:
(15:34):
this is how you become a humanbeing.
Number one (15:37):
you are a winner.
You are born, you are able andcapable, and the world is a
level playing field.
How much willpower can I teachyou?
How much encouragement can Iget you to be willful, to be
(16:00):
self-determining, to bedependent on yourself, to have
self-esteem.
Not to be egotistical, but tohave a good, solid ego so that
you'll be able to take-- guesswhat else is coming-- more
knocks and more put downs andmore difficulties.
If you go back and you ask justabout any famous successful
(16:22):
person, they will tell you lifeis difficult and the secret to
life is, every time you getknocked down, you get up, shake
it off and say, okay, I won't dothat again.
I won't trust those people thatpretended to be my friends and
then robbed me blind.
I'll know better next time.
Instead of giving up and sayingwhat's the use, people are just
(16:43):
going to steal from me.
No, they're not.
You made a mistake or you werea victim or something happened
that can be amended, changed oraltered next time.
So, yeah, there should besomething in school that says
this is how you becomesuccessful.
Number one do not give up.
(17:03):
If you want to get to the endof the ride and you're on a
roller coaster, if you stay onthe ride, you'll get to the end,
no matter how many ups anddowns and backs and forths to go
.
But if you get off midterm,you're never going to make it to
the end of the ride.
So yo u teach people how toendure, to say I survived.
How many times did I make amistake?
(17:26):
10 times, 12 times?
Does it matter, as long as Imade the one time that I became
successful.
And always I can encourage ouraudience, Les, as we talk about
these times on our Wake Uppodcast.
That's why we chose, the nameWake Up.
It's kind of like okay, what amI missing?
What am I doing wrong?
What is the same thing I'mdoing over and over again?
(17:48):
Because, as we know, we'redoing the same thing over and
over again and expecting adifferent result is the
definition for insanity.
So let's go down that otherfield and say okay, what's the
one thing I'm avoiding?
What's the one thing-- I get toa certain point and I go back
and I follow my old habits.
What is that one thing?
Usually it's the thing youleast want to do.
(18:13):
It's the thing you avoid doing,and that might simply be going
to somebody and saying you oweme money, I want my money.
Or it might be going tosomebody and saying you promised
to do this and you're not doingit.
You have to live up to yourobligation to me.
In other words, you make peoplefollow through on their
obligations and by you avoidingit, you're letting them off the
(18:33):
hook.
You're going to fail.
So, being aware of those thingsand those weaknesses in your
character-- however they gotthere doesn't matter.
You're aware of them.
Wake up and then you canaddress them.
Again, almost guarantee thisfor everybody.
The least likely thing youwanted to do, the thing you're
avoiding, get on it right away.
(18:54):
Nobody's going to do it for you, because you have to have this
thing called duty, and if it'syour duty-- your responsibility,
you can give to somebody else,but your duty you cannot.
So should we have this taughtin school?
Absolutely.
We'd put an awful lot ofself-help authors out of
business! Motivational thinkers,we wouldn't need them anymore.
(19:16):
We'd have a community ofsuccessful free thinkers.
What would that be like?
Oh my gosh, wonderful actually.
Les Hubert (19:27):
That's like the famous Buddhist saying that
comes to mind is you know, ifyou truly loved yourself, you
can really hurt no one.
One of the questions I have isthat, again from our listeners,
is that there seems to be somekind of a quandary between
grandparents and parents.
I remember as a kid, you know,I love my grandfather dearly and
he was a good man, but hesometimes he could be a little
upset with me because I would berambunctious, and I remember
(19:49):
one day he basically spanked mybottom.
I was about five years old, sixyears old, and I went to my mom
and I said, mom, you know,grandpa spanked me and she goes
well, you're luckier than I wasbecause he used to beat me with
a belt.
And I'm going-- so why-- andlater on I'm thinking, why is it
he was so much easier on me andtough on my mom?
Is it because they've learned?
Or is it because I wasn't hisbirth child, I was his
(20:10):
grandchild?
Douglas James Cottrell (20:12):
Nah, he was just older.
He couldn't swing the beltanymore.
It was too heavy.
Yes, he learned, and he learnedby regret.
You know again, there's acertain philosophy that says if
you're going to admonish yourchildren, go count to 10
someplace else.
(20:32):
Never, ever, when you're angry,discipline your children,
because you'll overdo it.
You know, like it doesn't hurtenough.
You shouldn't have broke thatwindow, whack, whack.
You shouldn't.
It cost $10.
Instead of saying listen, Irealized it was an accident.
You shouldn't have beenthrowing the baseball around the
front of the house.
Look what happened to thewindow.
Don't do that next time.
(20:52):
And, by the way, we're going totake money out of your
allowance or you're going tohave to go and pay for that
somehow.
Go figure it out.
So why do grandparents, you know, lessen the punishment?
The corporal punishment we'retalking about, never mind the
mental and emotional punishments, which can be more severe than
corporal punishment.
(21:13):
The idea is that grandparentsusually don't get angry, so they
usually are more tolerant.
And then, of course, theyalways remember the golden rule:
I'm going home for supper, Idon't have to stay here with the
kids, I've had enough.
The golden rule forgrandparents is they're your
(21:36):
kids.
Nice for a visit.
Adios.
But in answering the questionmore seriously is grandparents
learn.
They know through regret andguilt their own guilt that they
have done things that they oughtnot to have done.
In other words, on the jobtraining.
They learned that on thatparticular day or instance they
(21:57):
went too far, they made agigantic mistake.
And sometimes you know, whenthe parents do that to their
children, the children nevertalk to them anymore, they leave
, they run away, never come back.
And so that's a severesituation.
It's a possibility, but thatcomes from not just that one
instance, but a lot of things, alot of experiences.
(22:17):
So you know, just likeeverything else, Les, to answer
your question, the moreexperience you get, the better
you get at delivering theexperiences or better at
parenting.
It's unfortunate that thesethings happen, but if you have
built in, you know, likeeverybody in the family, right.
The kids are little and you say, hey family meeting.
(22:41):
What's that all about?
Well, we're going to buy a car.
Wow.
Mommy and daddy have decided tobuy a car.
Not daddy, not mommy, but mommyand daddy have decided that we
need a car for us, the family.
Oh boy, what would you like?
I'd like a pink car, daddy, I'dlike a truck.
Wow, hmm, that soundsinteresting.
(23:02):
Yeah, I'd like one of thoseones with the curly, flippy,
floppy thing on the top.
What's that like?
Oh, he's got a toy like that.
Oh, I see.
So you get the family togetherand you have this discussion and
the parents know exactly whatthey're going to afford, buy,
whatever, but they include thekids so that it's not a big
surprise.
It's like okay, we're going tohave this vehicle and we're
(23:25):
going to take you to schoolwhatever.
And so you embellish thatthought and, as parents, you
include the kids in all themajor family decisions.
Like it's time that we got anew house.
This one's all worn out.
Matter of fact, I'd like thatnew house to be in those tall
buildings where there's lots oflittle houses inside.
(23:47):
You know they have apartmentsthere and I think we need one of
those.
Not, we can't afford the houseanymore.
We have to move to a small,dumpy apartment.
It's like how you present it tothe children.
Kids are not stupid, they'repretty smart.
And so they get to theapartment, which is a whole lot
smaller than the house, and saywell, this is your room, and I
know it's half the size of whatyou used to have, but we have
(24:09):
this wonderful new place and wehave to go up and down in the
elevator now and, oh my gosh, wedon't have the backyard, but we
got this wonderful park nearby.
As you nurture the children,realizing they're intelligent,
what are you doing?
You're taking the trauma awayfrom them of transition, of the
(24:29):
difficulties in life thatotherwise you would be, as a
parent, you know, kind ofthoughtless.
Okay, we're moving, we're goingto move across town and you're
going to have to go to a newschool and you'll get some new
friends, never mind about yourold ones.
No, you don't want to forgetabout your old friends.
They're dear and near.
So you may be plan the school,changing the apartments at the
(24:52):
summertime or between holidays,and you keep the lines of
communication open up betweenyour children and your old
friends.
But it takes a little planning.
So when grandpa comes by andhe's a little cranky, mommy
shouldn't say well, you got offa lot easier than I did.
Your grandfather was a brute,he beat me with a belt.
(25:14):
She should say, just a minute,come along with us.
Papa, why did you spank Les?
Well, because he spilled hismilk.
Well, I know, but maybe weshould have just realized he
made a mistake, don't you thinkso, Papa?
And now mommy's sticking up forLes.
Not Papa's a-- Grandpa's abrute that beat me.
(25:35):
I'm never, never going toforget for the rest of my life.
So again, those childhoodtraumas, parents need to pay
attention.
It's not like, oh, don't worryabout it, you'll be okay.
Oh, that person's a bully atschool.
No, you go to school, you takethe kid with you and you say,
hey, mr Principal, My son wasbullied here.
So if nothing happens, whichusually is the case, at least
(25:59):
the child sees that mommy ordaddy's sticking up for them at
school.
Put yourself in the child'sposition and not try to discount
it with-- you know you don'twant to engage it.
It's going to take too muchtime.
You know the two kids arefighting.
Oh, just stop it.
You know.
Find out why are you fighting.
Take some time.
That's how you prevent possibletrauma.
(26:20):
But I mean, you know, did youever go to grandpa later on and
say remember when I was sixyears old and you spank?
I never forgot that.
Let's see what he says.
Les Hubert (26:32):
You touched upon cycles of every 10 years, that
the lessons kind of repeatthemselves.
Can you touch upon that?
Douglas James Cottrell (26:38):
Yeah, I mean you don't have to be any
kind of astrologer, numerologistor thinker of any start, just
like from age one to 10.
10 year cycle.
Then from 10 to 20, 20 to 30,30 to 40, 40 to 50.
So that 10 year cycle, you know, in the first 10 years you're
learning about how to be a kid.
You're migrating from 10 to 20and how to be a teenager and
(27:02):
puberty and things that go onwith driving and high school.
And then from 20 to 30, you'redealing with relationships.
You know people, friends, maybegetting a career started, maybe
higher education.
And then about 30, you start tothink about either family or
buying a house or getting a moreimportant job or getting rich.
(27:24):
And then about 40, you reallyreally start thinking about
finances and how to be richerand getting out of debt and
maybe traveling and saying Ihaven't done anything for a
while.
And then from 50 to 60, youkind of coast.
You know 50s is not so bad.
You go on the cruises, you goon vacations and then you have
to deal with people who you know, who have passed away.
(27:45):
Some of your friends are sick.
You're dealing with some of thetrauma of financial disasters
or difficulties with people youknow, more serious ones.
And maybe you get to be agrandparent in your 60s.
It's kind of an easier time,but now you've got more disease
and difficulties and stiffnessand disappointments.
(28:06):
Maybe your spouse passes awayand you're starting to think of
retirement.
Oh my God, how am I going tomake a living?
And then by 70s you start tothink, well, how much time have
I got left.
You know, and what didn't I do?
And you start having regretsand you try to make up and maybe
have a new time in life and youstart thinking about God and
spirituality, because you knowthe big step's just around the
(28:28):
corner.
And maybe how long have you gotwhen you're in your 80s?
One more year, one more yearevery 81, I got one more year at
82.
And then by the time you're 90,you kind of say, what was I
worried about?
You know, hey, I'm out of heresoon, so it hurts so much.
You know my back hurts, etc.
And so you have your grandkidscoming along in your 60s or so
(28:51):
or 70s and they give you joy andwonderful things.
You start to retire at thattime and so that's a whole new
life.
And then maybe you go to ahospital or someplace a nursing
home in your 60s or 70s, andthat's a whole other new life.
So I'm just trying to throw outthese things off the top of my
head to say that every 10 yearsthere's a major lesson and a
(29:12):
major experience in life.
And certainly when you're 30years of age and you look back
when you're 9 or 10, the thingsthat were really, really
important to you back then, youdon't even think about anymore.
Bicycle or tricycle?
You don't even know where it is.
When you were a teenage yearsand maybe you had a girlfriend
or you had your first car.
(29:32):
By the time you're 40 or 50,you don't even remember that.
But at the time the 10-yearperiod is most important.
So if you plan out 10 years andlook at them as cycles-- and I
just briefly touched upon thesethings-- then you can see that
every 10 years has a majorlesson, privilege, life to live.
(29:53):
It also has challenges, thingsto learn and experiences to have
.
And if you can juggle those, ifyou can come to understanding,
then you can plan your life alittle bit.
And you should plan your life.
One thing in life you shouldbecome expert at: you should
have one goal for every 10 years.
(30:14):
And if you have something likethat, you'll know where you're
going, instead of being 45 yearsof age and saying, I don't like
where I am, I don't like myrelationship, I should have a
better vehicle, I should havetraveled more, I should have
more money in my 401k or Ishould have something instead of
(30:35):
like what have I got?
Bunch of debts, bunch of stuffon my credit card that I don't
even know why I bought it.
So I know I'm just skimming thesurface here, my friends.
Wherever you are, listening tothe Wake Up, do a little more
research and you will be wise ifyou can pick one path in life
(30:56):
that you become expert at.
Find out what people want orneed and then figure out a how
to to supply it or give it tothem, and you'll be rich.
And then you learn to love itand you'll have a wonderful
career.
But if you try three or four orfive things, how many
directions can you go in at onetime?
Only one, but if you keepchanging directions, you're just
(31:19):
going in a big circle.
So those 10-year cycles, Les.
If you kind of look at it thatway and, believe me, you have to
be wise in your early years tosay like this is how life really
is, instead, that's not goingto happen to me, that's never
going to happen to me.
Well, it will.
Life is so predictable.
(31:40):
But you need to get older tolook back to see, yep, those old
fellows that told me that wasgoing to happen, they were
absolutely right and I thought Iknew it all.
Oh my gosh.
So the wisest person of alllooks to people and plans their
life in sort of a general wayand then tries to be the most
successful they can at any oneparticular path in life.
(32:03):
You can always change paths.
You want to be an astronaut andyou'll get to be 25 years old
and you go like, oh my God, Ikeep getting air sickness or I'm
afraid of heights.
Well, I guess let's be anaeronautical engineer and not
necessarily a pilot or anastronaut.
So anyway, Les, go ahead.
Les Hubert (32:23):
Well, thank you, Doug, for a great podcast.
Shout out to Joan and Eddie foryour support for the show.
Thank you very much.
And for the people out therelistening to the Wake Up, if you
want to support our show,please go to
DouglasJamesCottrell.
com.
You can click on that big bluebanner to subscribe and we will
be seeing you in the future.
Again, thank you, Doug, for agreat podcast.
Douglas James Cottrell (32:41):
It's a pleasure, good to be with you.
Announcer (32:43):
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For more about Dr Douglas'self-development classes, books
(33:05):
and other related products,please visit his website
douglasjamescottrell.
com.
Until next time, we wish youall of God's blessings health,
wealth and peace of mind.
Welcome to Wake Up with Dr Douglas James Cottrell,
your source for helpfulinformation, advice and tips to
live your life in a mindful wayin this increasingly chaotic
world.
For over four decades, DrDouglas has been teaching people
how to develop their intuitionand live their lives in a
conscious way.
His news and views of the worldtomorrow, today, are always
(00:21):
informative and revealing.
And now here's your host, DrDouglas James Cottrell.
Douglas James Cottrell (00:30):
Welcome to the Wake Up, a broadcast
where curiosity leads to deeperunderstanding.
I'm your host, Douglas JamesCottrell, and my good friend and
co-host, Les Hubert, is herewith me as we delve into the
fascinating realms of life,metaphysics, spirituality and
the pressing questions thatshape our world.
Good to see you again, Les.
What's up tonight?
Les Hubert (00:52):
Doug, we've got an interesting one for you tonight:
childhood traumas and how todeal with them.
Not many of us have had anidyllic childhood.
We have the tough teachers, thetough parents, we have the
schoolyard bullies.
How do we come to forgive thesepeople for their shortcomings?
Douglas James Cottrell (01:10):
Well, let's look at it and say, "I
survived, I made it throughchildhood.
" And if we look at it that way,instead of like, my childhood
ought to have been a differentway than it was, we can somewhat
see okay, we survived.
It's a rite of passage,basically, when you're going
(01:32):
through life, that particularpart of your life which is, you
know, you're grappling with lifeitself, you're trying to figure
out all the different thingsthat are happening and remember
we're learning at warp speed.
I mean, we have people in ourfamilies that we have to deal
with, and sometimes familieshave economic situations, they
have emotional upheavals.
(01:53):
Mom and Dad might not begetting along so well.
Maybe, just maybe, baby camealong at the most inopportune
time and that added to thestresses and the difficulties.
Maybe mommy was a single, momwas a teenager, daddy was a
teenager, maybe we didn't havethe fundamental idealistic thing
of a euphoric family.
(02:14):
So one needs to look backinstead of me, me, me, focusing
on, you know, the person, thelife that you lived, from a
perspective that you'reinterpreting and remembering it
as you were a child.
Not from the perspective of now, much later in life, and
looking back as a teenager oryoung adult or middle-aged
(02:36):
person.
You know the appearance of whathappened in those childhood
years from an older perspective,like, okay, yeah, mommy was a
teenager and you know, I was asurprise.
Okay, now I understand whythere were hardships and
difficulties and trauma in mylife as a child.
(02:56):
So it's a perspective lookingback, to look forward.
And so the first thing to cometo is say, okay, I had some
pretty tough times, because weremember as if it was yesterday
when something happened to us,when somebody was screaming at
us or sitting on top of us orbeating us up, or even some
(03:17):
childhood memories inkindergarten are very vivid
today, 60, 70 years later.
I can still remember seeingmyself in kindergarten.
I can remember when theybrought us in one door, when we
came for the half day tokindergarten and then they
decided to let us out anotherdoor and where all the mummies
and were sitting in the firstdoor and nobody came out, we
(03:40):
were all let go out the seconddoor.
I can remember I walked homeall by myself.
I was five years old.
I remember, oh, look, nobody'shere to pick me up.
Oh, I guess I'll go home.
Wow, what a disaster that was.
You know, I mean for everybody.
But stupid things happen,foolish things happen,
(04:01):
unfortunate things happen.
So first thing to sit down andsay okay, why am I really angry?
Or why am I so disappointed, orwhy do I have this same habit
or this same expectation or thislack of confidence in myself,
or I'm so afraid that when Ihear a door slam, that just
(04:21):
sends a shudder through me.
What is it?
Now again, a lot of peoplespend money on therapy, a lot of
people talk to their friends, alot of people have support
groups, they have spiritualstudy groups.
And all these different thingshelp.
But number one is to say Isurvived.
And if you see it as a survivalmechanism, that is to say going
through childhood, and somehowyou did okay, then you can say
(04:46):
all right, the rest is gravy.
Now I went through my teenageyears.
Oh my God, you know.
And sometimes the teenagebehaviors reflect upon the
behaviors and lessons that onehad when they were, you know,
five and seven years old.
So it becomes a perspective.
So how do we forgive ourparents?
How do we forgive those nastyexperiences in the schoolyard?
(05:10):
How do we look back about thetime we were bullied or we got
beat up or we were robbed byother kids, somebody stole our
lunch or they stole our lunchmoney.
Well, number one, this is life,this is how we are.
Humans, affecting humans.
Humans as we know humans.
So the sooner you get it in yourlittle teeny, tiny head that,
(05:33):
yeah, childhood is a tough time.
You don't know what's happening, you're just learning the ropes
, so to speak.
And so, if you see it that way,you can forgive yourself when
you make mistakes.
Maybe you went over and yousnitched somebody's chocolate
bar out of their lunch basket.
Maybe you looked over theirshoulder and got the answers to
a questions on a test, or maybeyou just didn't like somebody
(05:56):
because you were so jealous ofthem that you went and did
something bad to them.
Maybe you told stories on them,and all those things wrapped up
in one, you know, is like okay,got it.
Yep, I was in the school ofhard knocks, and I was only four
years old, I was only six yearsold, I was only eight years old
(06:18):
.
And so when you see it that way, then you say well, wait a
minute, have things changed?
No, you're still in the schoolof hard knocks, in your 30s and
your 40s, you know.
Every 10 years the lessons getgreater or more, let's say,
important, but more directlyaffecting you.
You can't oh well, he's onlyfive years old, he didn't mean
(06:40):
it, you know, break the window,you know he ought not to have
done it.
But the point is that as youget older, life gets more
serious.
But, more importantly, you'renot so easily forgiven.
Because now, after age seven,the age of reason as it used to
be.
Remember back in the days whenyou reached about the age of
reason, you went to work.
(07:00):
You went to work in slave shops, in child factories and things
like that.
Thank God that doesn't happenanymore.
But back in the day that's whatit was.
You were seven years old, youwent to work.
You had to, because everybodyhad to pull their weight,
because everybody was so poor.
Not everybody, everybody, butyou know what I mean.
The average working classfamily.
(07:20):
Sure.
So you survived this time.
And as you look at that, thenyou can say, hey, I did, okay.
Matter of fact, the peoplethat come from the most
difficult lifetimes, the oneswith the most hardships, g uess
what?
Some of them are the mostsuccessful people in the world.
That's true.
(07:40):
B ob Hope came from a family inNew York, the last of nine
children and poor as poor couldbe, and there in his later life
he was the toast of presidents.
He was a celebrity par none.
He was hobnobbing with the richand famous in America and all
(08:01):
over the world.
Just goes to show you, you cancome from humble, difficult
beginnings and you can rise onyour own wit and merit,
determination and, I guess,experiences of those things that
happen to a very high level insociety.
So is it true I wasunderprivileged, I couldn't get
anywhere?
(08:22):
Well, you were underprivileged,that's all you were.
Now, what have you done sinceyou're 10 or 14 or 18 or 20?
Were you a person who said,well, I don't like this, I'm
going to be somebody, I'm goingto be that person over there,
that successful entrepreneur, orthat celebrity.
(08:47):
You see, you have a choice allthe way along, Les, and this is
the point.
You can give up, at any time inyour life.
Whether you're 5 or 12 or 15 or20 or 25.
You can give up, and thenyou're just like a cork on the
waters.
You're just enduring your life.
However, you can become thecaptain of your own ship and
say, "I had enough, I'm going tobe this.
(09:09):
" Whether you want to be, let'ssay, a car mechanic, you want to
be a model, you want to be awedding planner, you want to be
an astronaut, you have theability to choose what you
ultimately want to become, andthe sooner you make that choice,
the much better off you are.
Les Hubert (09:31):
Do you think that we should have a curriculum in
schools called, kind of like,Life 101, to help people with
this, as they go through life,to find out what's going to be
the preview of comingattractions, so to speak?
Douglas James Cottre (09:42):
Absolutely .
Schools these days should bemore like the Japanese schools.
They don't have any tests upuntil, I don't know, senior
grammar school.
They have more serious times inschool.
They play and then they have arest time.
Because, to be a child, you'rethinking, you're in an
(10:03):
environment where all thisinformation is coming to you, no
matter where you are in schoolor not, or at home or wherever
you are.
You're constantly processinginformation.
So you need to have this timeto rest and to play and to
explore, to show respect and tobe respected.
How many times have we heard,"oh, he's only five years old,
(10:27):
he doesn't know what he'stalking about.
Oh, she's only seven years old.
You know, she wants to playwith dresses and do makeup and
be a model.
She's just, you know, being alittle girl, you know, what does
she know?
" Well, those are the thingsthat should be nurtured and
encouraged.
If somebody wants to play withmodel airplanes, say, hey, he
might be an aeronauticalengineer in the future.
(10:49):
Let's feed what his interestsare.
" because it's not what a setcurriculum is of information,
testing, did you pass or fail?
Right.
I can remember kids in gradethree who couldn't write because
they were dyslexic.
For the rest of their life, they couldn't spell, they
couldn't write and they thoughtthere was something mentally
(11:11):
wrong with them, that they werefailures.
Turned out to be people whoinvented things and rose to the
point of managers in largecompanies.
Because they were able to thinkwith both sides of their brain.
They were able to do thingsbeyond an ordinary .
So the idea should we have acurriculum?
Yeah, should we have somebodythat says listen, mommy and
(11:32):
daddy are not as smart as youare.
You're smarter than yourparents.
And that's true in a lot ofcases.
And if you look at evolution,the children are always more
evolved than the parents,because they're the newest
generation, if you will.
So you say to a child likemommy and daddy aren't as smart
as you.
Oh yeah, mommy's really smart.
No, no, they're not.
They know about life, butyou're smarter.
(11:55):
Or a favorite line of mine is,to say you know, mommy and daddy
never went to school to learnhow to be mommy and daddy.
There's no such thing.
Right.
They just kind of did it,they're kind of on the job
training.
And so when they were puttingyou in bed at eight o'clock at
night because somebody in a booksaid that children should go to
(12:17):
bed at eight o'clock and youlaid in your bed and you could
hear the other kids outsideplaying for a couple of hours
and you got really angry thatyou were banished to your bed
and you were incarcerated inyour bedroom and it was a
terrible, terrible time.
That's because they didn't knowany better.
And then you can startexploring why people say, ah,
(12:38):
now I know my mother was alwaysjealous of me.
Oh, my mother told me I wasnever pretty, no man was ever
going to want me, because shewas trying to protect me from
running around and becoming ateenage mother.
And I say that's right.
But look what she put in yourmind: that you're unattractive,
unworthy and you shouldn't havea future husband or family.
(13:00):
And now here you are at 25,really angry at mummy and
grandmummy and maybe a few auntsin the family who were telling
you the same nonsense.
Oh, I get it.
Why were they doing that?
Because they didn't want you tobecome a teenage mommy.
Ding.
And the person can then beginthe process of forgiving the
elder ladies in the family.
(13:21):
Now the same as men and boys.
To fathers out there, let yourson win.
You know, when you're wrestlinghim and you got him on the
ground and he's on to-- let himwin, and that'll build his
self-esteem.
Like he's pinned daddy down onthe floor.
Right.
He was only five years of age.
So a lot of 101 teaching andexplaining what happened to you
(13:45):
as a child, now looking back asan adult, not remembering the
event as a child, and relivingthe emotional experience which
is attached.
Memory and emotion are alwaysattached.
You can go back and you cansee: ah, dad just got fired, he
(14:07):
lost his best friend in the waror something happened.
Now I understand why dad wasconstantly drinking and
depressed for a long, long time.
Because life beat him up.
Ding.
Then you can begin the processof understanding reason and then
forgiveness, and thenreflecting back on yourself.
(14:27):
And you say, well, look at me,I got a good job.
Look at me, dad put a roof overmy head, mom and dad provided
groceries for me and clothes.
Why am I so angry at them thatI didn't get to go to the prom?
Or I didn't get a car when Iwas 16 or like all the other
kids, blah, blah, blah.
(14:47):
So having that in school wouldbe a good start to sort of
explain things.
Have, sort of, you know, theseself-help groups and these
conversations.
But really it should go back tosociety and say, okay, we need
to have classes on how to bemommy and daddy, because you see
, the parents treat the childrenthe same as they were treated.
(15:10):
So if they were abused, theabused child becomes the abusive
parent that abuses the child.
I know that sounds ridiculous,but in my experience and I'm not
a psychiatrist or psychologistor anything that knows a lot
about that.
It seems to be a pattern thatrepeats.
So, yes, there should be somecurriculum in school that says:
(15:34):
this is how you become a humanbeing.
Number one (15:37):
you are a winner.
You are born, you are able andcapable, and the world is a
level playing field.
How much willpower can I teachyou?
How much encouragement can Iget you to be willful, to be
(16:00):
self-determining, to bedependent on yourself, to have
self-esteem.
Not to be egotistical, but tohave a good, solid ego so that
you'll be able to take-- guesswhat else is coming-- more
knocks and more put downs andmore difficulties.
If you go back and you ask justabout any famous successful
(16:22):
person, they will tell you lifeis difficult and the secret to
life is, every time you getknocked down, you get up, shake
it off and say, okay, I won't dothat again.
I won't trust those people thatpretended to be my friends and
then robbed me blind.
I'll know better next time.
Instead of giving up and sayingwhat's the use, people are just
(16:43):
going to steal from me.
No, they're not.
You made a mistake or you werea victim or something happened
that can be amended, changed oraltered next time.
So, yeah, there should besomething in school that says
this is how you becomesuccessful.
Number one do not give up.
(17:03):
If you want to get to the endof the ride and you're on a
roller coaster, if you stay onthe ride, you'll get to the end,
no matter how many ups anddowns and backs and forths to go
.
But if you get off midterm,you're never going to make it to
the end of the ride.
So yo u teach people how toendure, to say I survived.
How many times did I make amistake?
(17:26):
10 times, 12 times?
Does it matter, as long as Imade the one time that I became
successful.
And always I can encourage ouraudience, Les, as we talk about
these times on our Wake Uppodcast.
That's why we chose, the nameWake Up.
It's kind of like okay, what amI missing?
What am I doing wrong?
What is the same thing I'mdoing over and over again?
(17:48):
Because, as we know, we'redoing the same thing over and
over again and expecting adifferent result is the
definition for insanity.
So let's go down that otherfield and say okay, what's the
one thing I'm avoiding?
What's the one thing-- I get toa certain point and I go back
and I follow my old habits.
What is that one thing?
Usually it's the thing youleast want to do.
(18:13):
It's the thing you avoid doing,and that might simply be going
to somebody and saying you oweme money, I want my money.
Or it might be going tosomebody and saying you promised
to do this and you're not doingit.
You have to live up to yourobligation to me.
In other words, you make peoplefollow through on their
obligations and by you avoidingit, you're letting them off the
(18:33):
hook.
You're going to fail.
So, being aware of those thingsand those weaknesses in your
character-- however they gotthere doesn't matter.
You're aware of them.
Wake up and then you canaddress them.
Again, almost guarantee thisfor everybody.
The least likely thing youwanted to do, the thing you're
avoiding, get on it right away.
(18:54):
Nobody's going to do it for you, because you have to have this
thing called duty, and if it'syour duty-- your responsibility,
you can give to somebody else,but your duty you cannot.
So should we have this taughtin school?
Absolutely.
We'd put an awful lot ofself-help authors out of
business! Motivational thinkers,we wouldn't need them anymore.
(19:16):
We'd have a community ofsuccessful free thinkers.
What would that be like?
Oh my gosh, wonderful actually.
Les Hubert (19:27):
That's like the famous Buddhist saying that
comes to mind is you know, ifyou truly loved yourself, you
can really hurt no one.
One of the questions I have isthat, again from our listeners,
is that there seems to be somekind of a quandary between
grandparents and parents.
I remember as a kid, you know,I love my grandfather dearly and
he was a good man, but hesometimes he could be a little
upset with me because I would berambunctious, and I remember
(19:49):
one day he basically spanked mybottom.
I was about five years old, sixyears old, and I went to my mom
and I said, mom, you know,grandpa spanked me and she goes
well, you're luckier than I wasbecause he used to beat me with
a belt.
And I'm going-- so why-- andlater on I'm thinking, why is it
he was so much easier on me andtough on my mom?
Is it because they've learned?
Or is it because I wasn't hisbirth child, I was his
(20:10):
grandchild?
Douglas James Cottrell (20:12):
Nah, he was just older.
He couldn't swing the beltanymore.
It was too heavy.
Yes, he learned, and he learnedby regret.
You know again, there's acertain philosophy that says if
you're going to admonish yourchildren, go count to 10
someplace else.
(20:32):
Never, ever, when you're angry,discipline your children,
because you'll overdo it.
You know, like it doesn't hurtenough.
You shouldn't have broke thatwindow, whack, whack.
You shouldn't.
It cost $10.
Instead of saying listen, Irealized it was an accident.
You shouldn't have beenthrowing the baseball around the
front of the house.
Look what happened to thewindow.
Don't do that next time.
(20:52):
And, by the way, we're going totake money out of your
allowance or you're going tohave to go and pay for that
somehow.
Go figure it out.
So why do grandparents, you know, lessen the punishment?
The corporal punishment we'retalking about, never mind the
mental and emotional punishments, which can be more severe than
corporal punishment.
(21:13):
The idea is that grandparentsusually don't get angry, so they
usually are more tolerant.
And then, of course, theyalways remember the golden rule:
I'm going home for supper, Idon't have to stay here with the
kids, I've had enough.
The golden rule forgrandparents is they're your
(21:36):
kids.
Nice for a visit.
Adios.
But in answering the questionmore seriously is grandparents
learn.
They know through regret andguilt their own guilt that they
have done things that they oughtnot to have done.
In other words, on the jobtraining.
They learned that on thatparticular day or instance they
(21:57):
went too far, they made agigantic mistake.
And sometimes you know, whenthe parents do that to their
children, the children nevertalk to them anymore, they leave
, they run away, never come back.
And so that's a severesituation.
It's a possibility, but thatcomes from not just that one
instance, but a lot of things, alot of experiences.
(22:17):
So you know, just likeeverything else, Les, to answer
your question, the moreexperience you get, the better
you get at delivering theexperiences or better at
parenting.
It's unfortunate that thesethings happen, but if you have
built in, you know, likeeverybody in the family, right.
The kids are little and you say, hey family meeting.
(22:41):
What's that all about?
Well, we're going to buy a car.
Wow.
Mommy and daddy have decided tobuy a car.
Not daddy, not mommy, but mommyand daddy have decided that we
need a car for us, the family.
Oh boy, what would you like?
I'd like a pink car, daddy, I'dlike a truck.
Wow, hmm, that soundsinteresting.
(23:02):
Yeah, I'd like one of thoseones with the curly, flippy,
floppy thing on the top.
What's that like?
Oh, he's got a toy like that.
Oh, I see.
So you get the family togetherand you have this discussion and
the parents know exactly whatthey're going to afford, buy,
whatever, but they include thekids so that it's not a big
surprise.
It's like okay, we're going tohave this vehicle and we're
(23:25):
going to take you to schoolwhatever.
And so you embellish thatthought and, as parents, you
include the kids in all themajor family decisions.
Like it's time that we got anew house.
This one's all worn out.
Matter of fact, I'd like thatnew house to be in those tall
buildings where there's lots oflittle houses inside.
(23:47):
You know they have apartmentsthere and I think we need one of
those.
Not, we can't afford the houseanymore.
We have to move to a small,dumpy apartment.
It's like how you present it tothe children.
Kids are not stupid, they'repretty smart.
And so they get to theapartment, which is a whole lot
smaller than the house, and saywell, this is your room, and I
know it's half the size of whatyou used to have, but we have
(24:09):
this wonderful new place and wehave to go up and down in the
elevator now and, oh my gosh, wedon't have the backyard, but we
got this wonderful park nearby.
As you nurture the children,realizing they're intelligent,
what are you doing?
You're taking the trauma awayfrom them of transition, of the
(24:29):
difficulties in life thatotherwise you would be, as a
parent, you know, kind ofthoughtless.
Okay, we're moving, we're goingto move across town and you're
going to have to go to a newschool and you'll get some new
friends, never mind about yourold ones.
No, you don't want to forgetabout your old friends.
They're dear and near.
So you may be plan the school,changing the apartments at the
(24:52):
summertime or between holidays,and you keep the lines of
communication open up betweenyour children and your old
friends.
But it takes a little planning.
So when grandpa comes by andhe's a little cranky, mommy
shouldn't say well, you got offa lot easier than I did.
Your grandfather was a brute,he beat me with a belt.
(25:14):
She should say, just a minute,come along with us.
Papa, why did you spank Les?
Well, because he spilled hismilk.
Well, I know, but maybe weshould have just realized he
made a mistake, don't you thinkso, Papa?
And now mommy's sticking up forLes.
Not Papa's a-- Grandpa's abrute that beat me.
(25:35):
I'm never, never going toforget for the rest of my life.
So again, those childhoodtraumas, parents need to pay
attention.
It's not like, oh, don't worryabout it, you'll be okay.
Oh, that person's a bully atschool.
No, you go to school, you takethe kid with you and you say,
hey, mr Principal, My son wasbullied here.
So if nothing happens, whichusually is the case, at least
(25:59):
the child sees that mommy ordaddy's sticking up for them at
school.
Put yourself in the child'sposition and not try to discount
it with-- you know you don'twant to engage it.
It's going to take too muchtime.
You know the two kids arefighting.
Oh, just stop it.
You know.
Find out why are you fighting.
Take some time.
That's how you prevent possibletrauma.
(26:20):
But I mean, you know, did youever go to grandpa later on and
say remember when I was sixyears old and you spank?
I never forgot that.
Let's see what he says.
Les Hubert (26:32):
You touched upon cycles of every 10 years, that
the lessons kind of repeatthemselves.
Can you touch upon that?
Douglas James Cottrell (26:38):
Yeah, I mean you don't have to be any
kind of astrologer, numerologistor thinker of any start, just
like from age one to 10.
10 year cycle.
Then from 10 to 20, 20 to 30,30 to 40, 40 to 50.
So that 10 year cycle, you know, in the first 10 years you're
learning about how to be a kid.
You're migrating from 10 to 20and how to be a teenager and
(27:02):
puberty and things that go onwith driving and high school.
And then from 20 to 30, you'redealing with relationships.
You know people, friends, maybegetting a career started, maybe
higher education.
And then about 30, you start tothink about either family or
buying a house or getting a moreimportant job or getting rich.
(27:24):
And then about 40, you reallyreally start thinking about
finances and how to be richerand getting out of debt and
maybe traveling and saying Ihaven't done anything for a
while.
And then from 50 to 60, youkind of coast.
You know 50s is not so bad.
You go on the cruises, you goon vacations and then you have
to deal with people who you know, who have passed away.
(27:45):
Some of your friends are sick.
You're dealing with some of thetrauma of financial disasters
or difficulties with people youknow, more serious ones.
And maybe you get to be agrandparent in your 60s.
It's kind of an easier time,but now you've got more disease
and difficulties and stiffnessand disappointments.
(28:06):
Maybe your spouse passes awayand you're starting to think of
retirement.
Oh my God, how am I going tomake a living?
And then by 70s you start tothink, well, how much time have
I got left.
You know, and what didn't I do?
And you start having regretsand you try to make up and maybe
have a new time in life and youstart thinking about God and
spirituality, because you knowthe big step's just around the
(28:28):
corner.
And maybe how long have you gotwhen you're in your 80s?
One more year, one more yearevery 81, I got one more year at
82.
And then by the time you're 90,you kind of say, what was I
worried about?
You know, hey, I'm out of heresoon, so it hurts so much.
You know my back hurts, etc.
And so you have your grandkidscoming along in your 60s or so
(28:51):
or 70s and they give you joy andwonderful things.
You start to retire at thattime and so that's a whole new
life.
And then maybe you go to ahospital or someplace a nursing
home in your 60s or 70s, andthat's a whole other new life.
So I'm just trying to throw outthese things off the top of my
head to say that every 10 yearsthere's a major lesson and a
(29:12):
major experience in life.
And certainly when you're 30years of age and you look back
when you're 9 or 10, the thingsthat were really, really
important to you back then, youdon't even think about anymore.
Bicycle or tricycle?
You don't even know where it is.
When you were a teenage yearsand maybe you had a girlfriend
or you had your first car.
(29:32):
By the time you're 40 or 50,you don't even remember that.
But at the time the 10-yearperiod is most important.
So if you plan out 10 years andlook at them as cycles-- and I
just briefly touched upon thesethings-- then you can see that
every 10 years has a majorlesson, privilege, life to live.
(29:53):
It also has challenges, thingsto learn and experiences to have
.
And if you can juggle those, ifyou can come to understanding,
then you can plan your life alittle bit.
And you should plan your life.
One thing in life you shouldbecome expert at: you should
have one goal for every 10 years.
(30:14):
And if you have something likethat, you'll know where you're
going, instead of being 45 yearsof age and saying, I don't like
where I am, I don't like myrelationship, I should have a
better vehicle, I should havetraveled more, I should have
more money in my 401k or Ishould have something instead of
(30:35):
like what have I got?
Bunch of debts, bunch of stuffon my credit card that I don't
even know why I bought it.
So I know I'm just skimming thesurface here, my friends.
Wherever you are, listening tothe Wake Up, do a little more
research and you will be wise ifyou can pick one path in life
(30:56):
that you become expert at.
Find out what people want orneed and then figure out a how
to to supply it or give it tothem, and you'll be rich.
And then you learn to love itand you'll have a wonderful
career.
But if you try three or four orfive things, how many
directions can you go in at onetime?
Only one, but if you keepchanging directions, you're just
(31:19):
going in a big circle.
So those 10-year cycles, Les.
If you kind of look at it thatway and, believe me, you have to
be wise in your early years tosay like this is how life really
is, instead, that's not goingto happen to me, that's never
going to happen to me.
Well, it will.
Life is so predictable.
(31:40):
But you need to get older tolook back to see, yep, those old
fellows that told me that wasgoing to happen, they were
absolutely right and I thought Iknew it all.
Oh my gosh.
So the wisest person of alllooks to people and plans their
life in sort of a general wayand then tries to be the most
successful they can at any oneparticular path in life.
(32:03):
You can always change paths.
You want to be an astronaut andyou'll get to be 25 years old
and you go like, oh my God, Ikeep getting air sickness or I'm
afraid of heights.
Well, I guess let's be anaeronautical engineer and not
necessarily a pilot or anastronaut.
So anyway, Les, go ahead.
Les Hubert (32:23):
Well, thank you, Doug, for a great podcast.
Shout out to Joan and Eddie foryour support for the show.
Thank you very much.
And for the people out therelistening to the Wake Up, if you
want to support our show,please go to
DouglasJamesCottrell.
com.
You can click on that big bluebanner to subscribe and we will
be seeing you in the future.
Again, thank you, Doug, for agreat podcast.
Douglas James Cottrell (32:41):
It's a pleasure, good to be with you.
Announcer (32:43):
Thank you very much for listening to Wake Up.
If you enjoyed this episode, besure to subscribe so you'll be
notified when a new episode isposted, and we'd greatly
appreciate your review of ourshow on iTunes or wherever you
get your podcasts to let othersknow about the great content
we're producing.
For more about Dr Douglas'self-development classes, books
(33:05):
and other related products,please visit his website
douglasjamescottrell.
com.
Until next time, we wish youall of God's blessings health,
wealth and peace of mind.
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