February 14, 2025 • 16 mins
On this episode, Nellie emphasizes the importance of not placing limits on women, especially mothers, and discusses the impact of negative comments and judgments. She highlights the significance of surrounding oneself with supportive people and the need to ask supportive questions rather than making judgments. She also addresses the concept of under-stimulation in individuals with ADHD and autism. Nellie advocates for creating protocols to respond to negative comments, such as affirming one's busy life rather than agreeing with the judgment.
#nellieunhinged
We will touch on:
- Surrounding Yourself with Positive Influences
- Trusting and Supporting Others
- Dealing with External Judgments
- Empowering Yourself with Confidence
Let's Take Some Action:
- Come up with a protocol or pre-planned response to use when someone makes a judgment about you being "too busy" or having "too much going on".
- Reflect on any past situations where someone has placed a judgment on you, and think about how you could have responded in a kind but firm manner.
This episode is sponsored by Kristen Rourke with Busy Mom Bod. Check her out on social media and her amazing programs!!
Busy Mom Bod: https://stan.store/busymombod
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Unknown (00:01):
You love unhinged Nelly. So she is coming out to
play with so much love, so muchlove. And this message is so
important, because if I had $1for every time someone has tried
to place a limit on myself, andI'm only just one human so I'm
sure you have stories that youcan share with with the world, I
(00:22):
would be a billionaire like theI call this other people's
wealthy Achilles heel thatthey're trying to place on you.
And we can. We can have so manypeople come into our mind and
create so much noise that wethen start to believe what
they're telling us. And so thisis why who you surround yourself
(00:46):
with is so, so important. And soI want to give you some
examples, just to make sure thatnot only you're making sure that
you're not saying this to otherpeople, and equally, if people
are saying this to you, I wantto give you some support and
encouragement and protocols oflike, how you can protect your
(01:06):
wealthy bubble. So this is likea both, and so we get to be
careful of saying things toother women, too busy moms,
you're too busy. I didn't inviteyou because I know you're too
busy, or I know that you're toobusy, but and then you go into
the the statement, or aren't youtired, or you've got a lot of
(01:26):
kids, or you've got a lot goingon, and it's, it's the energy
around these types ofstatements, where it's like
passive aggressive, and alsovery much undermining that
person versus you saying, so areyou doing? What's exciting you,
what's draining you, what? Whatdo you need support with? Right?
(01:50):
Like actually asking questionsversus placing judgments on
people. They may not be too busyfor them, like a lot of people,
especially if you have ADHD,they have a lot of energy. They
have to exude a lot of energy,or they're under stimulated.
People talk about overstimulation, which I is a real
(02:12):
thing, trust me, I know, butthere's also a thing called
under stimulation. And if, ifcertain types of people, like
ADHD ers and and people withautism, if they don't have
enough things going on, thenthey're under stimulated, and
then it's a recipe for disaster,right? And so we get to trust
(02:35):
other people that we love, thatthey are an adult, they know
their capacity, they know theirwants, their needs, their
desires, they know their workethic. And so instead of us
placing judgments on people, ifyou are concerned about someone,
ask curiosity based questions.
Ask open ended questions. Extenda helping hand that those things
(02:58):
are awesome. Those things areamazing. Those things come from
such a place of love versusplacing your own judgment on
somebody that you just truly,genuinely don't know if that's
how they feel. And the reasonwhy this is so important is if
someone's not rock solid intheir mindset, then that's when,
that's when all of these energyleaks start to happen for
(03:23):
somebody because their theirmindset is not strong enough. Am
I too busy? I think I am. Do Ihave too many kids? Do I have
too many projects going on? Am Iposting too much on social media
like I'll never forget over 10years ago is when I started
doing video on this veryplatform. And what's so powerful
about this is people would likemake back handed comments to me.
(03:48):
They're like, I see you onvideo. Like you're doing a lot
of video. And it wasn't like,we're proud of you. It like,
again, people, your energyspeaks volumes versus what you
say. Like it's important tomatch your energy with what
you're saying, but a lot oftimes when people are
communicating, it's not. And soyour energy overrides
(04:11):
everything. No matter whatyou're saying, your energy
overrides it. And so I rememberover a decade, decade ago,
multiple people would like tryto poke fun at me for being on
video and I'm here just wantingto change lives. Is that so bad?
Right? Maybe I post too much forsome people, but I love to take
(04:34):
the the approach of when I amposting and it's coming from
such a place of love, no matterhow much I'm posting, the person
that loves me, that loves tohear from me is not going to say
that type of thing. I'm going togo focus my energy on that type
of person, because that's that'sthe whole reason why I'm here on
(04:54):
social media anyways, okay, sowe get to pay attention. Into
judgments that were placing onother people and equally. Now
we'll go into the second half ofthis episode, which is placing
when people are placingjudgments on us. What are our
protocols? You don't have to bethe girl that just smiles and
(05:14):
nods like, yeah, I am too busy.
What if you one of my favoriteprotocols is when somebody says,
I'm too busy, in a in a negativeway, and it has negative energy
around it, I go, I'm living mybest life, like I am not too
busy. I'm living a full,abundant life, like I push back
(05:35):
and I do it with love, but I'mnot going to just sit there and
be a punching bag withsomebody's judgment, even if
it's fun and playful, if I allowthat into my energy force field,
it's too risky for it to seepinto my subconscious. Of like,
Are you too busy? Do you havetoo much going on? Should you
slow down? And I just, I love tocheck in with myself, like, and
(06:00):
there are times where I'm like,Okay, I need, I need a break,
right? But it's coming from aninternal decision versus an
external judgment. And that iskey. Breaks are awesome. Breaks
are important. Breaks areeverything. And so when people
are trying to place judgments onyou, I want you to think about
what has people said to you inthe past? Are you too busy? Do
(06:23):
you have too many kids? You'realways leaving early, you you
get here late, and like, therecan still be truth in those
things. But we want to createprotocols, because if not, if we
have no protocols, when themoment happens and we're just
kind of like a deer inheadlights, and we don't know
what to do, then they just smileand are like, this feels awful.
(06:44):
When can I leave? I don't lovethis, right? And so we don't
want that, because then it'salmost like you need like an
energy shower after becauseyou're just like, Oh man, I
just, I sat there and I didn'tsay anything. I don't love that,
right? So when you can have aprotocol before the moment
(07:05):
happens, a lot like inhealthcare, they can be in high
stress situations and activate aprotocol, and it's muscle
memory, right? So think aboutthe things that people have
placed judgments on you in thepast that you don't love, you're
too busy, you you know, you'vegot a lot going on, or you're
(07:27):
always on video, or you'reposting too much, or anything
somebody has said to you thatyou're like, that was kind of
shitty. Like, I say thatlaughing, because I'm just like,
it's so real. You know, you haveat least one thing that has been
this wealthy Achilles heel fromother people that could be
blocking you for more wealth,and it's not anything that you
(07:51):
have said to yourself, but thenwe start to take on those
feelings and beliefs andemotions if we don't have a
protocol in Place. Okay, so I'mhere to be your protocol fairy
godmother, and you get to thinkabout this. Okay, so if it's
you're too busy, you could saysomething, like, I do, like, I'm
never too busy for the mostimportant people. Or I'm living
(08:13):
my best life. It's so full. I'mso amazing. Like, it's so
amazing. I'm so happy, right? Alot of people will tell me, I
post too much on social media,and I have just chosen to be
like I just post what feels goodto me, and I trust that the
right people are loving it,which happens every single time,
right? And so I don't have to bethe girl that just smiles and
(08:35):
nods right and just takes it,nor do you. So think about the
response that you would love tosay that is still kind and
thoughtful but firm, right? Wedon't, we don't want to stoop to
their level and be like,arrogant, bitchy, mean, because
that's all low energy. But wecan be in the middle where we're
(08:57):
like, kind, loving and firm, andwe, like, have some umph, right?
Like, I love some umph. And thebeautiful part about this is you
feel so good after. You feel sogood after, versus the like, the
ickiness after, where you justsmiled and nod, and now you have
to, like, get your energy backup. You feel like a fucking
(09:19):
badass after you speak up foryourself. It is so thrilling. I
had avery specific situation happen
in September where I was in aparking lot and I went down the
wrong way of the parking lot.
Granted, I'm not in busy rushhour traffic. I'm in a parking
(09:40):
I'm in a parking lot. This manstops me, if you've heard this
story before, he throws up hisarms, he rolls down his window.
He tries to, like, go like thisto me. And so I go ahead and
roll down my window, and hestarted to, like, lay into me
that I was in the wrong side.
And he told me, okay, this. Wasa, not only a judgment that he
was placing on me, but he he wasthen trying to tell me what to
(10:04):
do, okay? And I owned bymistake. I was like, I went down
the wrong way. That's why Imoved over. Okay? But he was
like, you need, you need to moveright now into the other lane.
And I said, I'm going to sithere for a second and I'll, I'll
move my vehicle when I feelcomfortable. And I smiled and
said, I hope you have a greatday. So I was so fur, I was
still kind, but I wasn't apushover and I wasn't people
(10:26):
pleaser. And this is a big blockfor so many people. They think
that they either have to bequiet or just be the yes person
that just smiles and nods and belike, Yeah, everything's fine.
Okay. You want me to move rightnow, even though I don't want to
move right now, I don't feelcomfortable right now. Yeah,
like, let me not pay attentionto my needs and let me just, you
(10:46):
know, let let me have you bossme around. Because what do I
know right when women can standmore in their power and speak up
for themselves and do it from aloving, kind, firm place. This
is where everything you desirelives. When you are in your
power, you feel like you can doanything. And I wasn't prepared
(11:08):
for that situation, but I'vebeen doing this work for so long
that I was able to activate thatand do it, and I felt so proud
of myself after, like, I felt soproud because me, even a year
ago, would have been the girlthat was like, oh, okay, of
course, like, let me go, and Iwould have felt so bad after, so
(11:31):
bad after. And this is where wehave some work to do, right?
Because your big goals anddreams are going to require a
more powerful you, a moredetermined, you a more strong
boundary type of human. And thatcan happen with people that you
(11:56):
know and people that you don'tknow, but you get to speak up
for you like that's really thebiggest thing I want you to take
away from this podcast episode,is you get to speak up for you.
You don't have to be a doormat.
You don't have to be the yesperson to every single person.
What do you desire? How do youwant to feel? And we get to
(12:19):
speak up. And you don't have todo it and be perfect. You can do
it in your voice be trembling.
But we get to do this more andmore and more, and we can start
with, what do you actually wantfor dinner and speaking up
there, right like so it's notjust judgments that are that
this is connected to, but it'syou genuinely proactively
speaking up for yourself soreactively speaking up for
(12:41):
yourself and proactivelyspeaking up for yourself. And
when we can do that, yourconfidence skyrockets. Like is a
cute shirt and makeup great forconfidence, for sure, lashes,
fantastic. But none of that canhide the internal stuff, right?
You can have the best shirt onand still be the doormat, and
you're just like, really, I'msmiling and I'm hiding so bad
(13:05):
right now, right? And so I justdon't want that for you. I want
the I want you to have theinternal power and the external
power and have them meettogether, and this is what
creates you to be unstoppable.
So with that being said, one ofmy favorite wealthy friends,
Kristen Roark sponsored thisepisode today. She is the busy
mom BOD, and she is on a missionto help busy women feel amazing
(13:30):
in their bodies. And I love thisbecause so many people place
wealthy Achilles heels on us asbusy moms that we can't work
out, that we can't have, youknow, an amazing body after
babies, and Kristen's on amission to prove that wrong and
help you do it from an easeflow, fun standpoint, so you can
feel good, and it's a lifestyleshift, and not just like a quick
(13:50):
diet. So check out KristenRoark. You will not be
disappointed. She's one of mydear, dear friends and amazing
clients. And friend, I alreadysaid friends, but she's one of
my amazing friends. So go checkher out. Say hi, get on her
email list. You will not regretit. So go create one protocol of
how you're going to speak up foryourself in reactive energy and
(14:10):
even proactive energy. And I'mso proud of you. You've got
this. I know if I can do it, youcan do it too. This is coming
from the biggest people pleaserever, ever. So hopefully this
will give you inspiration tospeak up for yourself. Okay, I
love you. Bye.
You love unhinged Nelly. So she is coming out to
play with so much love, so muchlove. And this message is so
important, because if I had $1for every time someone has tried
to place a limit on myself, andI'm only just one human so I'm
sure you have stories that youcan share with with the world, I
(00:22):
would be a billionaire like theI call this other people's
wealthy Achilles heel thatthey're trying to place on you.
And we can. We can have so manypeople come into our mind and
create so much noise that wethen start to believe what
they're telling us. And so thisis why who you surround yourself
(00:46):
with is so, so important. And soI want to give you some
examples, just to make sure thatnot only you're making sure that
you're not saying this to otherpeople, and equally, if people
are saying this to you, I wantto give you some support and
encouragement and protocols oflike, how you can protect your
(01:06):
wealthy bubble. So this is likea both, and so we get to be
careful of saying things toother women, too busy moms,
you're too busy. I didn't inviteyou because I know you're too
busy, or I know that you're toobusy, but and then you go into
the the statement, or aren't youtired, or you've got a lot of
(01:26):
kids, or you've got a lot goingon, and it's, it's the energy
around these types ofstatements, where it's like
passive aggressive, and alsovery much undermining that
person versus you saying, so areyou doing? What's exciting you,
what's draining you, what? Whatdo you need support with? Right?
(01:50):
Like actually asking questionsversus placing judgments on
people. They may not be too busyfor them, like a lot of people,
especially if you have ADHD,they have a lot of energy. They
have to exude a lot of energy,or they're under stimulated.
People talk about overstimulation, which I is a real
(02:12):
thing, trust me, I know, butthere's also a thing called
under stimulation. And if, ifcertain types of people, like
ADHD ers and and people withautism, if they don't have
enough things going on, thenthey're under stimulated, and
then it's a recipe for disaster,right? And so we get to trust
(02:35):
other people that we love, thatthey are an adult, they know
their capacity, they know theirwants, their needs, their
desires, they know their workethic. And so instead of us
placing judgments on people, ifyou are concerned about someone,
ask curiosity based questions.
Ask open ended questions. Extenda helping hand that those things
(02:58):
are awesome. Those things areamazing. Those things come from
such a place of love versusplacing your own judgment on
somebody that you just truly,genuinely don't know if that's
how they feel. And the reasonwhy this is so important is if
someone's not rock solid intheir mindset, then that's when,
that's when all of these energyleaks start to happen for
(03:23):
somebody because their theirmindset is not strong enough. Am
I too busy? I think I am. Do Ihave too many kids? Do I have
too many projects going on? Am Iposting too much on social media
like I'll never forget over 10years ago is when I started
doing video on this veryplatform. And what's so powerful
about this is people would likemake back handed comments to me.
(03:48):
They're like, I see you onvideo. Like you're doing a lot
of video. And it wasn't like,we're proud of you. It like,
again, people, your energyspeaks volumes versus what you
say. Like it's important tomatch your energy with what
you're saying, but a lot oftimes when people are
communicating, it's not. And soyour energy overrides
(04:11):
everything. No matter whatyou're saying, your energy
overrides it. And so I rememberover a decade, decade ago,
multiple people would like tryto poke fun at me for being on
video and I'm here just wantingto change lives. Is that so bad?
Right? Maybe I post too much forsome people, but I love to take
(04:34):
the the approach of when I amposting and it's coming from
such a place of love, no matterhow much I'm posting, the person
that loves me, that loves tohear from me is not going to say
that type of thing. I'm going togo focus my energy on that type
of person, because that's that'sthe whole reason why I'm here on
(04:54):
social media anyways, okay, sowe get to pay attention. Into
judgments that were placing onother people and equally. Now
we'll go into the second half ofthis episode, which is placing
when people are placingjudgments on us. What are our
protocols? You don't have to bethe girl that just smiles and
(05:14):
nods like, yeah, I am too busy.
What if you one of my favoriteprotocols is when somebody says,
I'm too busy, in a in a negativeway, and it has negative energy
around it, I go, I'm living mybest life, like I am not too
busy. I'm living a full,abundant life, like I push back
(05:35):
and I do it with love, but I'mnot going to just sit there and
be a punching bag withsomebody's judgment, even if
it's fun and playful, if I allowthat into my energy force field,
it's too risky for it to seepinto my subconscious. Of like,
Are you too busy? Do you havetoo much going on? Should you
slow down? And I just, I love tocheck in with myself, like, and
(06:00):
there are times where I'm like,Okay, I need, I need a break,
right? But it's coming from aninternal decision versus an
external judgment. And that iskey. Breaks are awesome. Breaks
are important. Breaks areeverything. And so when people
are trying to place judgments onyou, I want you to think about
what has people said to you inthe past? Are you too busy? Do
(06:23):
you have too many kids? You'realways leaving early, you you
get here late, and like, therecan still be truth in those
things. But we want to createprotocols, because if not, if we
have no protocols, when themoment happens and we're just
kind of like a deer inheadlights, and we don't know
what to do, then they just smileand are like, this feels awful.
(06:44):
When can I leave? I don't lovethis, right? And so we don't
want that, because then it'salmost like you need like an
energy shower after becauseyou're just like, Oh man, I
just, I sat there and I didn'tsay anything. I don't love that,
right? So when you can have aprotocol before the moment
(07:05):
happens, a lot like inhealthcare, they can be in high
stress situations and activate aprotocol, and it's muscle
memory, right? So think aboutthe things that people have
placed judgments on you in thepast that you don't love, you're
too busy, you you know, you'vegot a lot going on, or you're
(07:27):
always on video, or you'reposting too much, or anything
somebody has said to you thatyou're like, that was kind of
shitty. Like, I say thatlaughing, because I'm just like,
it's so real. You know, you haveat least one thing that has been
this wealthy Achilles heel fromother people that could be
blocking you for more wealth,and it's not anything that you
(07:51):
have said to yourself, but thenwe start to take on those
feelings and beliefs andemotions if we don't have a
protocol in Place. Okay, so I'mhere to be your protocol fairy
godmother, and you get to thinkabout this. Okay, so if it's
you're too busy, you could saysomething, like, I do, like, I'm
never too busy for the mostimportant people. Or I'm living
(08:13):
my best life. It's so full. I'mso amazing. Like, it's so
amazing. I'm so happy, right? Alot of people will tell me, I
post too much on social media,and I have just chosen to be
like I just post what feels goodto me, and I trust that the
right people are loving it,which happens every single time,
right? And so I don't have to bethe girl that just smiles and
(08:35):
nods right and just takes it,nor do you. So think about the
response that you would love tosay that is still kind and
thoughtful but firm, right? Wedon't, we don't want to stoop to
their level and be like,arrogant, bitchy, mean, because
that's all low energy. But wecan be in the middle where we're
(08:57):
like, kind, loving and firm, andwe, like, have some umph, right?
Like, I love some umph. And thebeautiful part about this is you
feel so good after. You feel sogood after, versus the like, the
ickiness after, where you justsmiled and nod, and now you have
to, like, get your energy backup. You feel like a fucking
(09:19):
badass after you speak up foryourself. It is so thrilling. I
had avery specific situation happen
in September where I was in aparking lot and I went down the
wrong way of the parking lot.
Granted, I'm not in busy rushhour traffic. I'm in a parking
(09:40):
I'm in a parking lot. This manstops me, if you've heard this
story before, he throws up hisarms, he rolls down his window.
He tries to, like, go like thisto me. And so I go ahead and
roll down my window, and hestarted to, like, lay into me
that I was in the wrong side.
And he told me, okay, this. Wasa, not only a judgment that he
was placing on me, but he he wasthen trying to tell me what to
(10:04):
do, okay? And I owned bymistake. I was like, I went down
the wrong way. That's why Imoved over. Okay? But he was
like, you need, you need to moveright now into the other lane.
And I said, I'm going to sithere for a second and I'll, I'll
move my vehicle when I feelcomfortable. And I smiled and
said, I hope you have a greatday. So I was so fur, I was
still kind, but I wasn't apushover and I wasn't people
(10:26):
pleaser. And this is a big blockfor so many people. They think
that they either have to bequiet or just be the yes person
that just smiles and nods and belike, Yeah, everything's fine.
Okay. You want me to move rightnow, even though I don't want to
move right now, I don't feelcomfortable right now. Yeah,
like, let me not pay attentionto my needs and let me just, you
(10:46):
know, let let me have you bossme around. Because what do I
know right when women can standmore in their power and speak up
for themselves and do it from aloving, kind, firm place. This
is where everything you desirelives. When you are in your
power, you feel like you can doanything. And I wasn't prepared
(11:08):
for that situation, but I'vebeen doing this work for so long
that I was able to activate thatand do it, and I felt so proud
of myself after, like, I felt soproud because me, even a year
ago, would have been the girlthat was like, oh, okay, of
course, like, let me go, and Iwould have felt so bad after, so
(11:31):
bad after. And this is where wehave some work to do, right?
Because your big goals anddreams are going to require a
more powerful you, a moredetermined, you a more strong
boundary type of human. And thatcan happen with people that you
(11:56):
know and people that you don'tknow, but you get to speak up
for you like that's really thebiggest thing I want you to take
away from this podcast episode,is you get to speak up for you.
You don't have to be a doormat.
You don't have to be the yesperson to every single person.
What do you desire? How do youwant to feel? And we get to
(12:19):
speak up. And you don't have todo it and be perfect. You can do
it in your voice be trembling.
But we get to do this more andmore and more, and we can start
with, what do you actually wantfor dinner and speaking up
there, right like so it's notjust judgments that are that
this is connected to, but it'syou genuinely proactively
speaking up for yourself soreactively speaking up for
(12:41):
yourself and proactivelyspeaking up for yourself. And
when we can do that, yourconfidence skyrockets. Like is a
cute shirt and makeup great forconfidence, for sure, lashes,
fantastic. But none of that canhide the internal stuff, right?
You can have the best shirt onand still be the doormat, and
you're just like, really, I'msmiling and I'm hiding so bad
(13:05):
right now, right? And so I justdon't want that for you. I want
the I want you to have theinternal power and the external
power and have them meettogether, and this is what
creates you to be unstoppable.
So with that being said, one ofmy favorite wealthy friends,
Kristen Roark sponsored thisepisode today. She is the busy
mom BOD, and she is on a missionto help busy women feel amazing
(13:30):
in their bodies. And I love thisbecause so many people place
wealthy Achilles heels on us asbusy moms that we can't work
out, that we can't have, youknow, an amazing body after
babies, and Kristen's on amission to prove that wrong and
help you do it from an easeflow, fun standpoint, so you can
feel good, and it's a lifestyleshift, and not just like a quick
(13:50):
diet. So check out KristenRoark. You will not be
disappointed. She's one of mydear, dear friends and amazing
clients. And friend, I alreadysaid friends, but she's one of
my amazing friends. So go checkher out. Say hi, get on her
email list. You will not regretit. So go create one protocol of
how you're going to speak up foryourself in reactive energy and
(14:10):
even proactive energy. And I'mso proud of you. You've got
this. I know if I can do it, youcan do it too. This is coming
from the biggest people pleaserever, ever. So hopefully this
will give you inspiration tospeak up for yourself. Okay, I
love you. Bye.
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In 1997, actress Kristin Davis’ life was forever changed when she took on the role of Charlotte York in Sex and the City. As we watched Carrie, Samantha, Miranda and Charlotte navigate relationships in NYC, the show helped push once unacceptable conversation topics out of the shadows and altered the narrative around women and sex. We all saw ourselves in them as they searched for fulfillment in life, sex and friendships. Now, Kristin Davis wants to connect with you, the fans, and share untold stories and all the behind the scenes. Together, with Kristin and special guests, what will begin with Sex and the City will evolve into talks about themes that are still so relevant today. "Are you a Charlotte?" is much more than just rewatching this beloved show, it brings the past and the present together as we talk with heart, humor and of course some optimism.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com