December 1, 2023 • 35 mins
What if you could leverage the power of your authenticity to create a personal brand that attracts the right opportunities and connections?In this episode I show you how to build a personal brand. It is full of insights and practical tips specifically produced for black women navigating the professional and entrepreneurial space.
We'll unlock the door to maintaining authenticity in our businesses, sharing personal stories and examples that testify to the power of staying true to oneself. We're not just scratching the surface; we are going deep. Your brand is an extension of your values, and as black women, it's essential we stay true to the Diva within. You're not alone on this journey, and the work is just beginning.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey y'all.
Hey, it's your girl, dr Mary LBoy, the reposition specialist.
You are listening to the WalkDeva Walk podcast.
This podcast is for you, thewoman, specifically the black
woman, who's had enough.
Enough of saying no to yourkids because you can't afford it
.
How about robbing Peter to payPaul, working two or three jobs
(00:25):
just to make ends meet?
Enough of running from yourGod-given purpose and enough of
just being sick and tired ofbeing sick and tired.
On this journey.
With the Walk Deva Walk podcast, I will help you overcome your
past, face your present and walkinto your God-given, purposed
(00:46):
future, so you can support yourfamily the way that you desire,
live in abundance and overflow.
Live birth to that God-givenpurpose, giving birth to your
dreams and desires.
How about travel and experiencethe world in ways that you and
your family will never forget?
(01:07):
Have joy and peace so you canlive.
Are you ready?
Let's walk.
Hey Deva, hey, you know I wassitting here thinking about the
women that I help and theirbrand, and I've realized that a
(01:28):
lot of you all don't even knowthat you actually have a brand.
Your brand is really who youare and how you show up.
So my question is are youshowing up as who you want to be
, who you really are, or are youfaking the funk?
(01:52):
Do you have imposter syndrome?
Are you trying to copy somebody?
You know that's that old sayingit's all right to copy cat, as
long as you copy the right cat.
Why would I want to be a copyof any cat?
Why wouldn't I want to be myauthentic self?
And so you know, a girlfriendand I were actually having a
(02:16):
conversation about this exactthing two days ago, about how we
see people online and they'reshowing up with bonnets in their
heads and pajamas on and like,and they're trying to teach you
something or get you to buysomething that has nothing to do
(02:38):
with that.
Now, that could be okay if whatthey're building like who was
it?
Tracy Roman, who had the bonnetchronicles?
Well, that was what she wasbuilding.
It was the bonnet chronicles.
So she showed up all the timein a bonnet.
But when you go to the grocerystore and you got on pajama
(03:03):
pants and house slippers and abonnet in your head, like is
anybody really going to take youseriously?
You don't even know who you aregoing to meet.
I remember a story about agentleman that actually went to
the grocery store.
They were in the meet-out andanother gentleman came over and
(03:26):
they were just talking and thegentleman one of the gentlemen
was actually the founder ofCrocs.
And this conversation happenedand a relationship was developed
because the other gentlemanshowed up and he didn't have the
(03:51):
freshest, necessarily, haircut,the latest branded jeans, the
flyest shirt, the coolest sneaks, but he just showed up and I
want to tell you, ladies, thatyour brand is not the hair you
weave into your head, it's notthe nails that you're getting
(04:13):
done, it's not the car that youare driving, it's not the house
that you are living in.
That's not your brand.
And social media will have youthinking that you have to have
all of that, to have any type ofbrand, that you have to wear
(04:35):
all of the latest gear, that youhave to have the most expensive
human hair, that you have tohave on the latest J's or Loo
Boo's or Chanel's or MichaelKors.
The outfit has to be alltogether and you got to drive
(04:59):
the latest car, like that is nota brand, it is not because,
number one, none of that isgoing to bring value to who you
are.
You have to know who you areand be willing to show up as
your authentic self, now, weknow that.
(05:23):
Okay, as your authentic self,right?
So would you wear a ball dressto work?
Right, there are clothes thatare specific for specific
situations.
You wear a bathing suit to thebeach.
You wear a ball gown to anelegant event and, based on your
(05:46):
job that you have, you wear abusiness suit if that's what
they require.
Or you could wear jeans and ashirt if that's what you, if
that is what they require.
Have you ever thought about I'mgoing to take a sip of water
here, because y'all, we're goingto get into this.
Oh my, I hope you ready,because I'm going to debunk,
(06:10):
okay, the myth that you have toshow up branded from head to toe
.
And when I say branded, I'm nottalking about a brand, I'm
talking about branded, the name,brand hair.
(06:31):
You know all the makeup, themac and the luminous and all the
other makeup that's out therethat you have to have on, the
freshest gear and the latestshoes.
You showing up branded.
But does that?
Is that really your brand?
(06:51):
See, a brand is who you areauthentically.
If you are a jeans and t-shirttype of girl, then show up in
jeans and t-shirt.
Now, they'll have your t-shirtwrinkled right and holes are in
it and looking all worn andtethered, right?
(07:13):
You don't need jeans that arenot designer faded but they are
old faded, and you're showing upwith shoes that have no heels
and all of that kind of stuff,right, I'm talking about showing
up to be and attract theattention of who you need to
(07:39):
attract.
So I'm gonna break this down,okay, into three parts.
First part is your corporatebrand.
If you will, you work a nine tofive, right?
Your nine to five requires youto, and nowadays, be business
(08:00):
casual.
Business casual that doesn'tmean that you have to show up
again, just all thrown together,like you rolled out a bed and
said, oh, I'm just gonna throwthis on and go to work.
Yeah, you might be businesscasual, but if you're ever
(08:21):
looking to climb the corporateladder and be noticed, you want
to be noticed for the rightthings.
And again, they're not lookingat your hair and your nails, but
they're looking at are you puttogether?
You ever seen somebody,literally a woman, with a nice
pair of jeans, a nice t-shirtand some stilettos or some nice
(08:46):
wedges or even a pair of boots,and her hair is just done right,
and she doesn't even have tohave a makeup.
She may not be one that wearsmakeup, but she's put together
and you look at her and like,wow, she looked really nice,
that's a brand, right?
(09:08):
You don't have to wear thethree-piece suits, right, the
two pieces, all the jewelry andeverything to show up and show
people who you are, first thatyou're noticed.
It's just small things that youcan do to highlight who you are
(09:34):
, naturally, right.
It's funny because I iron myt-shirts, and I mean just the
regular t-shirts.
We coach football, right, myhusband coach football and they
used to team mom and of coursewe have all of the Raleigh and
roster shirts and the supportivegear.
(09:55):
And most people will just belike, oh, I'm gonna grab a
t-shirt on and go out to thegame.
I have.
I pull my t-shirt if there's awrinkle in it.
It's ironed.
And my husband used to look atme and say, why are you ironing
(10:15):
that t-shirt?
Cause he would go out, wrinkleand tell you all he would.
Why are you ironing thatt-shirt?
We're just going to the game,okay, and I don't wear wrinkle
clothes.
That's just not who I am.
I don't care what piece ofclothing that it is, whether
(10:36):
it's a t-shirt, a pair of pants,some shorts, leggings, whatever
, it doesn't matter.
I don't wear wrinkled clothes.
That's a part of my brand.
And you may not think a brandthat way, like not wearing
wrinkle clothes is a part of thebrand.
(10:57):
Yep, not wearing wrinkleclothes is a part of my brand.
That is just not who I am andI'm not trying to be anybody
else.
And when a lot of people think abrand they look at and try to
mimic or become somebody thatthey're not, who wants to do
that?
(11:17):
Nobody wants to become anybodythat they are not.
Like that's just totallyridiculous.
Cause you got to work too hardand edit, then you got to
pretend like you're comfortablein that, right.
And so if I were to put on awrinkle t-shirt and I'm going to
(11:39):
hang out, my whole mind wouldbe on my t-shirt wrinkle.
I'd be doing like this and I'dbe doing this and I would just
feel so uncomfortable becauseI'm not trying to impress
anybody.
People probably don't even carethat my t-shirt is wrinkle, but
I do because it's a part of whoI am and that's my brand.
(12:02):
So when you show up in theworkplace, I'm going to start
with the workplace.
When you show up in theworkplace, show up and let them
know that you mean business,that you care about how you look
and that you carry your brand,whatever that is.
(12:24):
If you are a, I don't care.
If they do have or say it'sbusiness casual.
I'm a suit type of girl.
I'm going to dress up.
I'm going to wear my stilettos.
I have a couple of friends likethat.
I'm telling you I love them.
I be looking at them sideways,but they love their stilettos,
right and so.
(12:45):
But that's who they are.
So in corporate, they're goingto dress up and other people may
look at them crazy.
Like they said, it's dress down, we can wear jeans or whatever.
Why do you keep coming in herewith this suit, on this skirt
set, on this silk, on this linenon and stilettos and you face
(13:08):
laid and hair fried, dyed andlaid to the side and nails on
fleek, as they say?
They probably don't say fleekthem a lot, no, but nails on
fleek, right, and everybody elsewalking around with jeans and a
T-shirt or slacks, in a shirtor whatever.
And the response to that is whyyou worried about it.
(13:29):
This is what I like.
I like to dress up.
Therefore, I'm going to dressup.
I'm going to show up the way Ilike to show up respectfully I
want to add that in there toorespectfully.
Okay, I'm going to show up theway I'm supposed, that I like to
(13:49):
show up at work.
This is an option for me andthis is who I am.
So don't be scared in thecorporate world to show up as
yourself, but put togetheralright, and I promise you, if
you want to climb the corporateladder, they're going to notice
(14:10):
you.
They're going to say, oh Mary'salways put together.
No, I may not end, becausethat's not me, that used to be
me a while ago and your brandsometimes changes as you get
older and grow.
Because when I tell you I usedto love a heel and now if I
(14:30):
don't ever have to put on one, Iwon't, okay, but that's me,
that's who I am.
So your style and everythingmay change, but they will notice
that you always show up, youare always put together, you're
clean, whatever you have on.
(14:51):
If it's jeans, they're nicejeans.
If it's a t-shirt, it's a nicet-shirt.
It is ironed right, it is alltogether.
You know they like huh.
Her hair is always done, and Idon't mean done necessarily.
Like done can be a ponytail,but it's a neat ponytail.
(15:13):
It's combed back, you got alittle scrunchie on it and it's
together with what you have on.
So know who you are and what youlike and not try to copy what
you see on social media.
Don't try to copy what you seeon social media.
Be who you are, because you arealways going to be with you and
(15:36):
nobody wants to beuncomfortable being with
themselves, right?
So now I'm going to take you tothe business world.
Now, this is the funniest placeto be, because and I'm going to
hang out in social media for alittle while because that's
(15:59):
where a lot of people see theysee the fashions, they see the
influencers.
You know the entrepreneurs thatsupposedly making a gazillion
dollars.
They see them in the 25,000square foot home and, you know,
in the 12 cars in the drivewayand wearing all of the latest
(16:21):
everything.
They're filming themselvesgoing shopping with all the bags
.
You know they filmingthemselves.
Just, you know, walking downthe street strutting and
switching that like all of thatright.
And so here you are, wanting tobe in this entrepreneurial space
.
You have ideas, you haveproducts that you want to launch
(16:46):
.
You have services that you wantto give.
You want to be in your wealthyplace.
You want to make seven figures.
You even want to get to eightfigures.
But you're looking at them like, if I have to do that, I don't
think I'm ever going to getthere.
And then you're like, well, letme try, because it seems like
(17:09):
they the one that got 65 millionfollowers and this is how they
show up.
So you try it and you put on allthe makeup, you get all the
hair, you have 10 inch nails,you have wet and spent money.
(17:33):
It's not even an investment.
You have spent money on all thelatest gear and you know I
can't even tell you all what allthe latest is, because I don't
keep up with it.
That is not my brand.
I don't care about name brands,right.
(17:56):
If I like it, I buy it.
It doesn't matter who it's by,right, I believe in quality, but
I'm not into all the differentname brands.
I can't even tell you the namebrands, right.
But you go and spend money onall of the latest name brands
(18:18):
the Tom Ford's, the Ann Clyde's,the Chanel's, all the people
and then you put it all ontrying to be somebody that
you're not, because you thinkthat's what it takes to make the
money that you want to make andyou find that you're miserable,
(18:42):
that you can't even reallystand looking at yourself in the
mirror because you're lookingat a complete stranger.
You then are now trying toconvince somebody else that this
is the way, and you don'tbelieve in it.
(19:04):
So now you are pontificatingthe truth, right?
You're telling a lie, right?
And you sit in this space forso long that it becomes a lie
that you live and you findyourself you can't get out of it
(19:26):
, or you think you can't get outof it, and so you end up
sitting in this space thinkingthat you're building a brand,
thinking that your brand is allof this external pieces that
you're putting on your body, andyour brand is actually who you
(19:47):
are inside, and who you areinside then comes out on the
outside, and so this isn't you.
You're not wearing the bootyshorts.
That's not who you are.
You're not wearing the skintight dresses that come up to
(20:08):
your hoo-ha and if you bend over, it's all shown to the world.
That's not who you are.
You're not putting on andwearing four inch and six inch
heels every single day trying towalk, and when you walk, people
even know that you don't evenwear shoes like that because you
look real crazy, like y'allhave seen it.
(20:31):
Y'all have seen the women thatgot on four inch, six inch heels
walking and you like, oh,they're feet killing them.
They're about to tip over,because it's not even who they
are.
That's why they don't know howto walk in it.
Ladies, what I'm telling you isknow who you are on the inside
(20:56):
and be comfortable with that.
If you want to wear your hairpurple, green and orange all at
one time and that's who you areFor real, it's not a gimmick,
it's not something that you aretrying to just draw people in,
(21:16):
but it's really who you are,that's what you like Then wear
it, because I promise you, whenyou wear your inside on the
outside, the right people thatare supposed to notice you are
going to notice you.
The people that are supposed todo business with you are going
(21:39):
to do business with you.
The people that you aresupposed to partner with you
will partner with.
I am with me 24 seven.
I can't be nobody else but me.
I say this all the time and Ikeep repeating it because I know
(22:01):
that you all need to hear it,that you have to be you, because
there's only one you Right, andI'll use makeup.
I am not a huge makeup wear.
I do not wear makeup every dayof the week, 365 days of the
(22:26):
year.
I don't, I like it sometimesand sometimes I don't want to
put it on.
But whether I wear makeup ornot, I'm still in my brand, my
natural look, with a littlemascara, lipstick and my brows
(22:48):
etched in.
And that's only because I'mgetting old and I think I'm
losing hair up there y'all.
So I got to put a little extraon there because I can't be
browless now.
All right, so that's menaturally and it's my brand.
It look good and at any givenday.
If I was walking down the streetand I saw somebody and they
(23:11):
were like wow, mary, it'swonderful meeting you and I want
to know if you can come talk tothese group of women for me
that I have over here right nowin the next five minutes, if you
have it, I'll be like sure, Isure can, because I'm always who
I am, so I'm always in brand.
(23:33):
So when you are doing business,you have to make sure that,
because you just never know whenopportunity knocks.
You know, one of the things Istart doing is traveling with my
passport, even if I'm travelingin the US, right, and you
(23:57):
probably was like, well, whydoes that matter?
Why you just don't travel withyour ID license?
Because I want to be ready.
If I meet somebody and say, andthey say, mary, I want to get
you on my private jet and we'regoing to fly over to Dubai for a
couple of days, because I wantto be like yep, got it, check,
(24:20):
I'm ready.
I'm ready I can be out of townand meet somebody at a
conference, meet somebody in astore.
Anything can happen where anopportunity arises.
And if I need to go out thecountry, I don't have time to
fly back to Atlanta to get apassport and it's over now.
(24:42):
The opportunity has been missed.
So I have a saying you stayready, so you don't have to get
ready.
And if you always keep that inyour mind, let me stay ready, so
I don't have to get ready.
So when you are out and aboutand you doing business and
opportunities and things come up, think about what is it that
(25:04):
you need?
But what you wear should not bea question, because you should
always be who you are 24, seven,and they know who you are.
There's a young lady that Ifollow and she's awesome when it
(25:24):
comes to techie stuff and AIand all of that, and she always
wears a baseball cap.
She wears her hair really longand she always wears a baseball
cap and a t-shirt.
That's who she is.
You're not going to see her ina maxi dress and some heels and
(25:46):
earrings and all of that, juston the regular.
Now, if she was invited to anevent that required that type of
attire, of course she wouldoblige because she would address
according to the atmosphere tothe event.
But naturally that's whatyou're going to see her in
because that's what she'scomfortable with and that is her
(26:08):
brand.
So who are you inside?
Who are you through and through?
What is who you bring out inbusiness, and you will never
have anybody question it.
So you don't y'all.
Let me, let me, let me listen.
I got to sit up and look aty'all square in the eye.
(26:30):
You do not have to be anybodythat you are not.
You don't have to mimic anybody.
You don't have to try topretend to be anybody.
You don't have to go out hereand spend hundreds and thousands
of dollars because somebodytold you that that's who you are
(26:52):
supposed to be.
No, it's not.
You are who you are.
Be who you are, and if you arenot sure who you are, then
that's something else that weneed to address.
Be authentically you and youwill always be all right.
(27:15):
You will always be all right.
That's your brand who you areon the inside.
So we talked about corporate, wetalked about business.
Now let's talk aboutrelationships.
Okay, you know, one of thereasons why I started Walk
(27:42):
Women's Network and God justgave me the passion for black
women is, I believe, that wehave lost our value.
We have adopted this conceptthat we have to show everything
(28:05):
that we have in order to get aman to notice us.
He's going to notice you, buthe's going to notice you for all
the wrong reasons and you'regoing to get caught up in your
(28:26):
feelings because you thoughtthat he was noticing you for who
you are, and that's not whohe's noticing you for.
You've put on a costume, becausethat's what it is.
You've put on a costume inorder to try to impress somebody
and get this man to notice you,and it's not even a costume
(28:51):
that you can even keep up with.
Like.
You've gone out here and again.
You've bought all the hair.
You have all the bundles inyour head?
Okay, you have, and I lovey'all.
I do, I love y'all creatorstyle, as my husband would say.
You have caterpillars on youreyes, okay.
(29:16):
You have the whole entire Macdepartment on your face Right,
and then you have spent $2,000on an outfit and shoes to go out
to a club to meet somebody thatyou're trying to pull a husband
(29:39):
Girl ain't nobody loving youlike that, because it's even now
who you are.
You can't even keep it up.
As we used to say back in theday.
You faking the funk, okay, youare faking the funk, all right,
and eventually you're going tobe exhausted trying to keep it
(30:01):
up, you're going to be broketrying to keep it up, you're
going to be depressed becauseit's not who you are trying to
keep it up, don't men?
The men that are looking forwives are looking for someone
that when they see them, I'mtelling y'all.
(30:22):
They say, well, my motherapproved that it don't matter, I
have a son, my son runs them byme all the time.
Most men want their mother'sapproval of who they are taking
(30:43):
in and getting serious with andpotentially will make their wife
, and they don't want nobodythat they're going to take to
their mama house and their bootyout.
They're their coochie out.
All you see are nipples Likethey don't want that.
(31:12):
And I don't know why we thinkthey do your stomach out.
I mean, you have.
I don't, just don't understand.
And why do you feel you need todo that?
In order to be noticed?
You know, you know who the realman notices.
The woman that's sitting at theclub go to the bike, nothing
(31:32):
wrong with that.
The woman that's sitting at theclub with a nice dress on, even
if it's fitted, ain't nothingwrong with fitting right.
That is not showing her who-ha,right who when she bend over.
(31:55):
You don't see the world.
That looks classy.
Okay, that's what they want.
That's what they want, becausewhat happens is if somebody
stayed with you long enough theother way, then they're going to
start looking at you like whyare you wearing that going out?
(32:15):
Why you and they're looking atyou and questioning you.
Now you're saying I was likethis when you met me.
What are you talking about?
I thought this is what you likeand that's what I liked.
That's what you thought I likedthen.
But that ain't wifey material.
I don't want my woman.
(32:35):
That I'm calling my woman.
You weren't my woman then, soit looked good to me.
But now you, my woman, I wantmy woman looking like that.
So you grab ahold of your values, ladies, your brand, who you
are, and if you know that's notwho you are, deal with the issue
(32:58):
of why you are doing that, sothen you can really become who
you are inside, internally.
Address those issues so yourbrand can shine up, your brand,
your brand, it's who you are onthe inside being worn on the
outside.
Divas, let's get it.
(33:20):
I love y'all.
Ain't nothing you can do aboutit.
Come on, let's be who weauthentically are.
Oh, my goodness, till next time, be blessed, live on purpose
and let's walk All right.
Divas, what an episode.
(33:42):
Did I hit you in the head withone of those bricks?
Did you go out?
Did you have the duck and cover?
I know you went running aroundthe house checking for cameras,
looking under the bed, lookingout the window to see if I was
watching, because I was all inyour business.
I was on your street and inyour lane.
(34:04):
It's okay, though.
It lets you know that you'renot alone.
I hope that something that youheard resonated with you and, as
a result, you are starting toreposition your mind so you can
have the life that you want tolive.
Now, that's not all I have foryou guys.
(34:24):
Not just what was in thepodcast, but now I want to give
you a gift.
Go to wwwstopdrowningandwincom.
Wwwstopdrowningandwincom.
To receive the seven stepsevery Black woman must take this
year to break free and live herdreams once and for all.
(34:49):
You will also have anopportunity to connect with our
community Again.
You are not alone.
The work is just beginning.
Are you ready?
Let's walk.
Hey y'all.
Hey, it's your girl, dr Mary LBoy, the reposition specialist.
You are listening to the WalkDeva Walk podcast.
This podcast is for you, thewoman, specifically the black
woman, who's had enough.
Enough of saying no to yourkids because you can't afford it
.
How about robbing Peter to payPaul, working two or three jobs
(00:25):
just to make ends meet?
Enough of running from yourGod-given purpose and enough of
just being sick and tired ofbeing sick and tired.
On this journey.
With the Walk Deva Walk podcast, I will help you overcome your
past, face your present and walkinto your God-given, purposed
(00:46):
future, so you can support yourfamily the way that you desire,
live in abundance and overflow.
Live birth to that God-givenpurpose, giving birth to your
dreams and desires.
How about travel and experiencethe world in ways that you and
your family will never forget?
(01:07):
Have joy and peace so you canlive.
Are you ready?
Let's walk.
Hey Deva, hey, you know I wassitting here thinking about the
women that I help and theirbrand, and I've realized that a
(01:28):
lot of you all don't even knowthat you actually have a brand.
Your brand is really who youare and how you show up.
So my question is are youshowing up as who you want to be
, who you really are, or are youfaking the funk?
(01:52):
Do you have imposter syndrome?
Are you trying to copy somebody?
You know that's that old sayingit's all right to copy cat, as
long as you copy the right cat.
Why would I want to be a copyof any cat?
Why wouldn't I want to be myauthentic self?
And so you know, a girlfriendand I were actually having a
(02:16):
conversation about this exactthing two days ago, about how we
see people online and they'reshowing up with bonnets in their
heads and pajamas on and like,and they're trying to teach you
something or get you to buysomething that has nothing to do
(02:38):
with that.
Now, that could be okay if whatthey're building like who was
it?
Tracy Roman, who had the bonnetchronicles?
Well, that was what she wasbuilding.
It was the bonnet chronicles.
So she showed up all the timein a bonnet.
But when you go to the grocerystore and you got on pajama
(03:03):
pants and house slippers and abonnet in your head, like is
anybody really going to take youseriously?
You don't even know who you aregoing to meet.
I remember a story about agentleman that actually went to
the grocery store.
They were in the meet-out andanother gentleman came over and
(03:26):
they were just talking and thegentleman one of the gentlemen
was actually the founder ofCrocs.
And this conversation happenedand a relationship was developed
because the other gentlemanshowed up and he didn't have the
(03:51):
freshest, necessarily, haircut,the latest branded jeans, the
flyest shirt, the coolest sneaks, but he just showed up and I
want to tell you, ladies, thatyour brand is not the hair you
weave into your head, it's notthe nails that you're getting
(04:13):
done, it's not the car that youare driving, it's not the house
that you are living in.
That's not your brand.
And social media will have youthinking that you have to have
all of that, to have any type ofbrand, that you have to wear
(04:35):
all of the latest gear, that youhave to have the most expensive
human hair, that you have tohave on the latest J's or Loo
Boo's or Chanel's or MichaelKors.
The outfit has to be alltogether and you got to drive
(04:59):
the latest car, like that is nota brand, it is not because,
number one, none of that isgoing to bring value to who you
are.
You have to know who you areand be willing to show up as
your authentic self, now, weknow that.
(05:23):
Okay, as your authentic self,right?
So would you wear a ball dressto work?
Right, there are clothes thatare specific for specific
situations.
You wear a bathing suit to thebeach.
You wear a ball gown to anelegant event and, based on your
(05:46):
job that you have, you wear abusiness suit if that's what
they require.
Or you could wear jeans and ashirt if that's what you, if
that is what they require.
Have you ever thought about I'mgoing to take a sip of water
here, because y'all, we're goingto get into this.
Oh my, I hope you ready,because I'm going to debunk,
(06:10):
okay, the myth that you have toshow up branded from head to toe
.
And when I say branded, I'm nottalking about a brand, I'm
talking about branded, the name,brand hair.
(06:31):
You know all the makeup, themac and the luminous and all the
other makeup that's out therethat you have to have on, the
freshest gear and the latestshoes.
You showing up branded.
But does that?
Is that really your brand?
(06:51):
See, a brand is who you areauthentically.
If you are a jeans and t-shirttype of girl, then show up in
jeans and t-shirt.
Now, they'll have your t-shirtwrinkled right and holes are in
it and looking all worn andtethered, right?
(07:13):
You don't need jeans that arenot designer faded but they are
old faded, and you're showing upwith shoes that have no heels
and all of that kind of stuff,right, I'm talking about showing
up to be and attract theattention of who you need to
(07:39):
attract.
So I'm gonna break this down,okay, into three parts.
First part is your corporatebrand.
If you will, you work a nine tofive, right?
Your nine to five requires youto, and nowadays, be business
(08:00):
casual.
Business casual that doesn'tmean that you have to show up
again, just all thrown together,like you rolled out a bed and
said, oh, I'm just gonna throwthis on and go to work.
Yeah, you might be businesscasual, but if you're ever
(08:21):
looking to climb the corporateladder and be noticed, you want
to be noticed for the rightthings.
And again, they're not lookingat your hair and your nails, but
they're looking at are you puttogether?
You ever seen somebody,literally a woman, with a nice
pair of jeans, a nice t-shirtand some stilettos or some nice
(08:46):
wedges or even a pair of boots,and her hair is just done right,
and she doesn't even have tohave a makeup.
She may not be one that wearsmakeup, but she's put together
and you look at her and like,wow, she looked really nice,
that's a brand, right?
(09:08):
You don't have to wear thethree-piece suits, right, the
two pieces, all the jewelry andeverything to show up and show
people who you are, first thatyou're noticed.
It's just small things that youcan do to highlight who you are
(09:34):
, naturally, right.
It's funny because I iron myt-shirts, and I mean just the
regular t-shirts.
We coach football, right, myhusband coach football and they
used to team mom and of coursewe have all of the Raleigh and
roster shirts and the supportivegear.
(09:55):
And most people will just belike, oh, I'm gonna grab a
t-shirt on and go out to thegame.
I have.
I pull my t-shirt if there's awrinkle in it.
It's ironed.
And my husband used to look atme and say, why are you ironing
(10:15):
that t-shirt?
Cause he would go out, wrinkleand tell you all he would.
Why are you ironing thatt-shirt?
We're just going to the game,okay, and I don't wear wrinkle
clothes.
That's just not who I am.
I don't care what piece ofclothing that it is, whether
(10:36):
it's a t-shirt, a pair of pants,some shorts, leggings, whatever
, it doesn't matter.
I don't wear wrinkled clothes.
That's a part of my brand.
And you may not think a brandthat way, like not wearing
wrinkle clothes is a part of thebrand.
(10:57):
Yep, not wearing wrinkleclothes is a part of my brand.
That is just not who I am andI'm not trying to be anybody
else.
And when a lot of people think abrand they look at and try to
mimic or become somebody thatthey're not, who wants to do
that?
(11:17):
Nobody wants to become anybodythat they are not.
Like that's just totallyridiculous.
Cause you got to work too hardand edit, then you got to
pretend like you're comfortablein that, right.
And so if I were to put on awrinkle t-shirt and I'm going to
(11:39):
hang out, my whole mind wouldbe on my t-shirt wrinkle.
I'd be doing like this and I'dbe doing this and I would just
feel so uncomfortable becauseI'm not trying to impress
anybody.
People probably don't even carethat my t-shirt is wrinkle, but
I do because it's a part of whoI am and that's my brand.
(12:02):
So when you show up in theworkplace, I'm going to start
with the workplace.
When you show up in theworkplace, show up and let them
know that you mean business,that you care about how you look
and that you carry your brand,whatever that is.
(12:24):
If you are a, I don't care.
If they do have or say it'sbusiness casual.
I'm a suit type of girl.
I'm going to dress up.
I'm going to wear my stilettos.
I have a couple of friends likethat.
I'm telling you I love them.
I be looking at them sideways,but they love their stilettos,
right and so.
(12:45):
But that's who they are.
So in corporate, they're goingto dress up and other people may
look at them crazy.
Like they said, it's dress down, we can wear jeans or whatever.
Why do you keep coming in herewith this suit, on this skirt
set, on this silk, on this linenon and stilettos and you face
(13:08):
laid and hair fried, dyed andlaid to the side and nails on
fleek, as they say?
They probably don't say fleekthem a lot, no, but nails on
fleek, right, and everybody elsewalking around with jeans and a
T-shirt or slacks, in a shirtor whatever.
And the response to that is whyyou worried about it.
(13:29):
This is what I like.
I like to dress up.
Therefore, I'm going to dressup.
I'm going to show up the way Ilike to show up respectfully I
want to add that in there toorespectfully.
Okay, I'm going to show up theway I'm supposed, that I like to
(13:49):
show up at work.
This is an option for me andthis is who I am.
So don't be scared in thecorporate world to show up as
yourself, but put togetheralright, and I promise you, if
you want to climb the corporateladder, they're going to notice
(14:10):
you.
They're going to say, oh Mary'salways put together.
No, I may not end, becausethat's not me, that used to be
me a while ago and your brandsometimes changes as you get
older and grow.
Because when I tell you I usedto love a heel and now if I
(14:30):
don't ever have to put on one, Iwon't, okay, but that's me,
that's who I am.
So your style and everythingmay change, but they will notice
that you always show up, youare always put together, you're
clean, whatever you have on.
(14:51):
If it's jeans, they're nicejeans.
If it's a t-shirt, it's a nicet-shirt.
It is ironed right, it is alltogether.
You know they like huh.
Her hair is always done, and Idon't mean done necessarily.
Like done can be a ponytail,but it's a neat ponytail.
(15:13):
It's combed back, you got alittle scrunchie on it and it's
together with what you have on.
So know who you are and what youlike and not try to copy what
you see on social media.
Don't try to copy what you seeon social media.
Be who you are, because you arealways going to be with you and
(15:36):
nobody wants to beuncomfortable being with
themselves, right?
So now I'm going to take you tothe business world.
Now, this is the funniest placeto be, because and I'm going to
hang out in social media for alittle while because that's
(15:59):
where a lot of people see theysee the fashions, they see the
influencers.
You know the entrepreneurs thatsupposedly making a gazillion
dollars.
They see them in the 25,000square foot home and, you know,
in the 12 cars in the drivewayand wearing all of the latest
(16:21):
everything.
They're filming themselvesgoing shopping with all the bags
.
You know they filmingthemselves.
Just, you know, walking downthe street strutting and
switching that like all of thatright.
And so here you are, wanting tobe in this entrepreneurial space
.
You have ideas, you haveproducts that you want to launch
(16:46):
.
You have services that you wantto give.
You want to be in your wealthyplace.
You want to make seven figures.
You even want to get to eightfigures.
But you're looking at them like, if I have to do that, I don't
think I'm ever going to getthere.
And then you're like, well, letme try, because it seems like
(17:09):
they the one that got 65 millionfollowers and this is how they
show up.
So you try it and you put on allthe makeup, you get all the
hair, you have 10 inch nails,you have wet and spent money.
(17:33):
It's not even an investment.
You have spent money on all thelatest gear and you know I
can't even tell you all what allthe latest is, because I don't
keep up with it.
That is not my brand.
I don't care about name brands,right.
(17:56):
If I like it, I buy it.
It doesn't matter who it's by,right, I believe in quality, but
I'm not into all the differentname brands.
I can't even tell you the namebrands, right.
But you go and spend money onall of the latest name brands
(18:18):
the Tom Ford's, the Ann Clyde's,the Chanel's, all the people
and then you put it all ontrying to be somebody that
you're not, because you thinkthat's what it takes to make the
money that you want to make andyou find that you're miserable,
(18:42):
that you can't even reallystand looking at yourself in the
mirror because you're lookingat a complete stranger.
You then are now trying toconvince somebody else that this
is the way, and you don'tbelieve in it.
(19:04):
So now you are pontificatingthe truth, right?
You're telling a lie, right?
And you sit in this space forso long that it becomes a lie
that you live and you findyourself you can't get out of it
(19:26):
, or you think you can't get outof it, and so you end up
sitting in this space thinkingthat you're building a brand,
thinking that your brand is allof this external pieces that
you're putting on your body, andyour brand is actually who you
(19:47):
are inside, and who you areinside then comes out on the
outside, and so this isn't you.
You're not wearing the bootyshorts.
That's not who you are.
You're not wearing the skintight dresses that come up to
(20:08):
your hoo-ha and if you bend over, it's all shown to the world.
That's not who you are.
You're not putting on andwearing four inch and six inch
heels every single day trying towalk, and when you walk, people
even know that you don't evenwear shoes like that because you
look real crazy, like y'allhave seen it.
(20:31):
Y'all have seen the women thatgot on four inch, six inch heels
walking and you like, oh,they're feet killing them.
They're about to tip over,because it's not even who they
are.
That's why they don't know howto walk in it.
Ladies, what I'm telling you isknow who you are on the inside
(20:56):
and be comfortable with that.
If you want to wear your hairpurple, green and orange all at
one time and that's who you areFor real, it's not a gimmick,
it's not something that you aretrying to just draw people in,
(21:16):
but it's really who you are,that's what you like Then wear
it, because I promise you, whenyou wear your inside on the
outside, the right people thatare supposed to notice you are
going to notice you.
The people that are supposed todo business with you are going
(21:39):
to do business with you.
The people that you aresupposed to partner with you
will partner with.
I am with me 24 seven.
I can't be nobody else but me.
I say this all the time and Ikeep repeating it because I know
(22:01):
that you all need to hear it,that you have to be you, because
there's only one you Right, andI'll use makeup.
I am not a huge makeup wear.
I do not wear makeup every dayof the week, 365 days of the
(22:26):
year.
I don't, I like it sometimesand sometimes I don't want to
put it on.
But whether I wear makeup ornot, I'm still in my brand, my
natural look, with a littlemascara, lipstick and my brows
(22:48):
etched in.
And that's only because I'mgetting old and I think I'm
losing hair up there y'all.
So I got to put a little extraon there because I can't be
browless now.
All right, so that's menaturally and it's my brand.
It look good and at any givenday.
If I was walking down the streetand I saw somebody and they
(23:11):
were like wow, mary, it'swonderful meeting you and I want
to know if you can come talk tothese group of women for me
that I have over here right nowin the next five minutes, if you
have it, I'll be like sure, Isure can, because I'm always who
I am, so I'm always in brand.
(23:33):
So when you are doing business,you have to make sure that,
because you just never know whenopportunity knocks.
You know, one of the things Istart doing is traveling with my
passport, even if I'm travelingin the US, right, and you
(23:57):
probably was like, well, whydoes that matter?
Why you just don't travel withyour ID license?
Because I want to be ready.
If I meet somebody and say, andthey say, mary, I want to get
you on my private jet and we'regoing to fly over to Dubai for a
couple of days, because I wantto be like yep, got it, check,
(24:20):
I'm ready.
I'm ready I can be out of townand meet somebody at a
conference, meet somebody in astore.
Anything can happen where anopportunity arises.
And if I need to go out thecountry, I don't have time to
fly back to Atlanta to get apassport and it's over now.
(24:42):
The opportunity has been missed.
So I have a saying you stayready, so you don't have to get
ready.
And if you always keep that inyour mind, let me stay ready, so
I don't have to get ready.
So when you are out and aboutand you doing business and
opportunities and things come up, think about what is it that
(25:04):
you need?
But what you wear should not bea question, because you should
always be who you are 24, seven,and they know who you are.
There's a young lady that Ifollow and she's awesome when it
(25:24):
comes to techie stuff and AIand all of that, and she always
wears a baseball cap.
She wears her hair really longand she always wears a baseball
cap and a t-shirt.
That's who she is.
You're not going to see her ina maxi dress and some heels and
(25:46):
earrings and all of that, juston the regular.
Now, if she was invited to anevent that required that type of
attire, of course she wouldoblige because she would address
according to the atmosphere tothe event.
But naturally that's whatyou're going to see her in
because that's what she'scomfortable with and that is her
(26:08):
brand.
So who are you inside?
Who are you through and through?
What is who you bring out inbusiness, and you will never
have anybody question it.
So you don't y'all.
Let me, let me, let me listen.
I got to sit up and look aty'all square in the eye.
(26:30):
You do not have to be anybodythat you are not.
You don't have to mimic anybody.
You don't have to try topretend to be anybody.
You don't have to go out hereand spend hundreds and thousands
of dollars because somebodytold you that that's who you are
(26:52):
supposed to be.
No, it's not.
You are who you are.
Be who you are, and if you arenot sure who you are, then
that's something else that weneed to address.
Be authentically you and youwill always be all right.
(27:15):
You will always be all right.
That's your brand who you areon the inside.
So we talked about corporate, wetalked about business.
Now let's talk aboutrelationships.
Okay, you know, one of thereasons why I started Walk
(27:42):
Women's Network and God justgave me the passion for black
women is, I believe, that wehave lost our value.
We have adopted this conceptthat we have to show everything
(28:05):
that we have in order to get aman to notice us.
He's going to notice you, buthe's going to notice you for all
the wrong reasons and you'regoing to get caught up in your
(28:26):
feelings because you thoughtthat he was noticing you for who
you are, and that's not whohe's noticing you for.
You've put on a costume, becausethat's what it is.
You've put on a costume inorder to try to impress somebody
and get this man to notice you,and it's not even a costume
(28:51):
that you can even keep up with.
Like.
You've gone out here and again.
You've bought all the hair.
You have all the bundles inyour head?
Okay, you have, and I lovey'all.
I do, I love y'all creatorstyle, as my husband would say.
You have caterpillars on youreyes, okay.
(29:16):
You have the whole entire Macdepartment on your face Right,
and then you have spent $2,000on an outfit and shoes to go out
to a club to meet somebody thatyou're trying to pull a husband
(29:39):
Girl ain't nobody loving youlike that, because it's even now
who you are.
You can't even keep it up.
As we used to say back in theday.
You faking the funk, okay, youare faking the funk, all right,
and eventually you're going tobe exhausted trying to keep it
(30:01):
up, you're going to be broketrying to keep it up, you're
going to be depressed becauseit's not who you are trying to
keep it up, don't men?
The men that are looking forwives are looking for someone
that when they see them, I'mtelling y'all.
(30:22):
They say, well, my motherapproved that it don't matter, I
have a son, my son runs them byme all the time.
Most men want their mother'sapproval of who they are taking
(30:43):
in and getting serious with andpotentially will make their wife
, and they don't want nobodythat they're going to take to
their mama house and their bootyout.
They're their coochie out.
All you see are nipples Likethey don't want that.
(31:12):
And I don't know why we thinkthey do your stomach out.
I mean, you have.
I don't, just don't understand.
And why do you feel you need todo that?
In order to be noticed?
You know, you know who the realman notices.
The woman that's sitting at theclub go to the bike, nothing
(31:32):
wrong with that.
The woman that's sitting at theclub with a nice dress on, even
if it's fitted, ain't nothingwrong with fitting right.
That is not showing her who-ha,right who when she bend over.
(31:55):
You don't see the world.
That looks classy.
Okay, that's what they want.
That's what they want, becausewhat happens is if somebody
stayed with you long enough theother way, then they're going to
start looking at you like whyare you wearing that going out?
(32:15):
Why you and they're looking atyou and questioning you.
Now you're saying I was likethis when you met me.
What are you talking about?
I thought this is what you likeand that's what I liked.
That's what you thought I likedthen.
But that ain't wifey material.
I don't want my woman.
(32:35):
That I'm calling my woman.
You weren't my woman then, soit looked good to me.
But now you, my woman, I wantmy woman looking like that.
So you grab ahold of your values, ladies, your brand, who you
are, and if you know that's notwho you are, deal with the issue
(32:58):
of why you are doing that, sothen you can really become who
you are inside, internally.
Address those issues so yourbrand can shine up, your brand,
your brand, it's who you are onthe inside being worn on the
outside.
Divas, let's get it.
(33:20):
I love y'all.
Ain't nothing you can do aboutit.
Come on, let's be who weauthentically are.
Oh, my goodness, till next time, be blessed, live on purpose
and let's walk All right.
Divas, what an episode.
(33:42):
Did I hit you in the head withone of those bricks?
Did you go out?
Did you have the duck and cover?
I know you went running aroundthe house checking for cameras,
looking under the bed, lookingout the window to see if I was
watching, because I was all inyour business.
I was on your street and inyour lane.
(34:04):
It's okay, though.
It lets you know that you'renot alone.
I hope that something that youheard resonated with you and, as
a result, you are starting toreposition your mind so you can
have the life that you want tolive.
Now, that's not all I have foryou guys.
(34:24):
Not just what was in thepodcast, but now I want to give
you a gift.
Go to wwwstopdrowningandwincom.
Wwwstopdrowningandwincom.
To receive the seven stepsevery Black woman must take this
year to break free and live herdreams once and for all.
(34:49):
You will also have anopportunity to connect with our
community Again.
You are not alone.
The work is just beginning.
Are you ready?
Let's walk.
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