December 29, 2023 • 26 mins
Ever felt that your family's money mindset was holding you back from financial freedom? That's what we're tackling today, as I, Dr. Mary L Boyde, share my own journey and the obstacles I faced from family members that discouraged the pursuit of wealth, to a mindset of wanting fast money without all the sweat. We're taking a hard look at money planning and legacy for families. Do you find yourself constantly giving money to family and friends, sacrificing your own financial goals? This is your wake-up call to prioritize your financial stability and future planning over succumbing to others' demands.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey y'all.
Hey, it's your girl, dr Mary LBoy, the reposition specialist.
You are listening to the WalkDeva Walk podcast.
This podcast is for you, thewoman, specifically the black
woman, who's had enough.
Enough of saying no to yourkids because you can't afford it
.
How about robbing Peter to payPaul, working two or three jobs
(00:25):
just to make ends meet?
Enough of running from yourGod-given purpose and enough of
just being sick and tired ofbeing sick and tired.
On this journey.
With the Walk Deva Walk podcast, I will help you overcome your
past, face your present and walkinto your God-given, purposed
(00:46):
future, so you can support yourfamily the way that you desire,
live in abundance and overflow.
Live birth to that God-givenpurpose, giving birth to your
dreams and desires.
How about travel and experiencethe world in ways that you and
your family will never forget?
(01:07):
Have joy and peace so you canlive.
Are you ready?
Let's walk.
Hey Deva, hey Listen.
I came into the studio today toreally have a different
conversation than I'm about tohave now.
I came in and I was going to dosome business conversations,
(01:30):
but then I started to thinkabout the money and the mindset
behind the money.
When I thought about that, Icame to a conclusion your auntie
is the problem.
I know you was like how my auntis the problem.
It's your aunt and all thatrepresents in the family, from
(01:53):
your mama to your sister, toyour cousin, to your auntie, to
your uncle.
Why aren't you making the moneythat you want?
Why aren't you making the moneythat you deserve to make?
It's because of the raggedymindset and I'm just going to be
frank and honest.
It's the raggedy mindset thatis in the family that has been
(02:15):
passed down generation aftergeneration.
When it comes to money, wantingit, deserving it and going
after it, everybody talk aboutchasing the bag.
You won't even want to chasethe bag when I think about it
and I think about my own familyand me being in business and
(02:37):
having conversations with myfamily about business, it's like
talking to a brick wall, and Iknow that you feel the same way.
You have an idea.
You know you want more.
You know you deserve more.
You know you want to make moremoney doing whatever it is
running a business, doing a sidehustle, making more money in
(02:58):
your career, it doesn't evenmatter.
Then you have the conversationswith the auntie or that
represents the aunt, the cousin,the mom, the sister, the
brother, and they tell you well,what you doing that for, that's
not going to work.
You know how many people trystuff like that.
(03:18):
You don't even have a collegeeducation.
You barely made it through highschool.
You just need to settle forwhat you got and make do Like,
really, is that what life issupposed to be like?
You know the uncles who hangout on a corner all evening and
(03:41):
all weekend long that don't wantanything, don't want nothing,
don't want to be better, don'twant to do better.
It is challenging.
You know, in my business and oneof my businesses where I teach
on money and finances, I had aconversation with one of my
members and we were talkingabout some things and what she
(04:05):
wanted to do and what businessshe wanted to start.
And I asked her about herfamily and has she spoken to
anybody in her family to cometogether to have a conversation
with the family about you know,what we got to do better and
(04:25):
here are some things that we cando to do better.
And she said you don't want,mary, my family is where I was
two and a half, three years agobefore I met you, and I said
what you mean and she said, theysay they want money and they
try to go after the quick moneylike things that may not be oh
(04:52):
so legal, right, or things thatdon't have any substance or
longevity, but they really,really, really want money to
just fall out the sky.
And just you know, I used tohave funny story.
I used to when I was littlewhen I say little I mean like
five, six, seven years old and Iused to say the song Twinkle,
(05:15):
twinkle Little Star, do you allremember that?
And I would say Twinkle,twinkle Little Star, how I
wonder what you are.
Up above the clouds, up abovethe world, so high like a
diamond in the sky.
Twinkle, twinkle Little Star,how I wonder what you are.
And then you make a wish, and mywish was that I would get up in
the morning, look under the bedand there was a suitcase full
(05:38):
of money.
Now I said I was six and sevenyears old.
Right, I was smart enough thento say but I needed to be in
small bills that I could spendwithout drawing attention, right
, can you imagine that?
And literally every morningwhen I got up I looked under my
(06:00):
bed because I just knew themoney would just appear.
And that's how some of y'allfamily is, and that's why you
are where you are now when itcomes to money, because they're
wishing upon a star.
They're looking under the bed.
They're looking for thesuitcase to appear that's full
of money some million dollars inthe suitcase.
(06:21):
So they know that they havearrived, but they ain't really
trying to put no work into it.
They just, like God, rainedmanna down from the sky.
That's what they want.
They want manna to just mannaof money, to just rain down from
the heavens and they can berich and wealthy and spend it
and do all the things that theywant to do.
(06:45):
Yeah, it don't work like thaty'all, and because of that and
because of that mindset in myown family, sometimes you've got
to distance yourself.
You can't always go to thecookout and the birthday party
and the family gathering becausethey ain't talking about
(07:06):
nothing.
I heard a woman say one timeshe was working on building her
business and people wereinviting her to different events
and the family head of washaving a think of fourth of July
cookout and she looked and saidare y'all talking about money
at this cookout?
If you ain't talking aboutmoney, I ain't coming, because
(07:28):
she understood where her goalswere and what she needed and the
life that she wanted to live.
And you don't have time at thisseason to be dealing with
family that's not going throughor wanting and desiring the same
things.
Y'all sitting around and allyou're doing is talking about
(07:49):
folk, talking about your folk,your own family, what you used
to do back in the day, what usedto happen.
Look at Uncle Earl over therein the corner drunk.
You got the other crew playingspades on the table.
You got like all of these andlisten to me, ladies, I am not
(08:11):
saying that there's anythingwrong with that.
Family is family and yetthere's always time to come
together as a family and justenjoy each other and have fun,
but not all the time and notnecessarily when you are wanting
more and you, like I need to upmy money game.
(08:33):
I'm working this nine to fivejob.
I'm robbing Peter to pay Paul.
I'm trying to make ends meet.
I feel like I'm broke as a jokeand stuck like Chuck in a
pickup truck.
Okay, you feel all the thingsyou are stressed about not being
able to afford things for yourchild like for real and all
(08:58):
you're doing is hanging out withfamily and even some friends
and they ain't talking aboutnothing.
You all aren't talking aboutanything that's going to bring
value, that's going to increaseyour bank account, that's going
to allow you to buy the thingsthat you want to buy Like
(09:20):
nothing.
And so we want our family right.
We love our family and we wantto see our family win.
When you have that mindset, Ihad a conversation with a friend
and she was talking about oh,when I make it right, I'm going
to take care of my brothers andmy aunts and just all the people
(09:45):
, right?
And the question is, are youreally Like so they're going to
get to sit around and do nothingand spend your money that you
don't work hard for Blood, sweat, tears, sleepless nights,
arguments with the husband, likeall the things Bank account on
(10:09):
sub zero and that's then in yourbusiness to make what it is
that you want to make.
And you going to just, yeah,just give it away?
I don't think so.
That is not the answer.
Then it's like oh, they'll comework for me.
Why are they really going towork?
Or are you going to be arguingwith them all the time for not
(10:32):
working and they still coming toyou?
Sis, can I get five grand?
Sis?
I need $2,000 for this.
Sis, can you buy me a car?
I need a car.
My car broke down.
Sis, my mortgages do this Mine.
I don't got it.
My rent is due.
Like, is that the life that youwant with your family?
(10:54):
Absolutely not.
So sometimes you got to playthe cut off game.
You heard me right Straight,cut them off.
As I say, you got to cut it.
You got to cut it right Becauseyou have decided to shift your
mindset when it comes to whatyou want and the money that you
(11:16):
want and the life you deserve.
So remember I was telling youabout when she said my family is
at the place where I was threeyears ago.
They're still at that place.
When she had a real realization,I said well, what made you
(11:36):
decide to not be that person?
Because she came to us as thatperson that was just looking at
quick money.
All I want is the money.
I really don't want to learnwhat to do with it.
I don't want to know how tomanage it.
I don't want to know how tosave it.
I don't want to know how toinvest it.
All I know is I want money.
(11:57):
But she said, Mary, fromlistening to you, everything
that you have been teaching us.
I said, huh, I want that lifetoo.
That's what she said.
She said, huh, I want that lifetoo.
I want to live a legacylifestyle.
(12:17):
I want to be able to travel theworld and not have to worry
about anything.
I want to fly first class.
Every time I get on a flight.
I want to stay in four and fivestar hotels and not have to do
the Motel 6.
I want to be able to set myselfup to where, when I pass away,
(12:40):
my family don't have to do aGoFundMe to bury me.
Y'all, can I tell y'all I hatethat.
Oh my God, them GoFundMefunerals.
I'm like are you kidding meright now?
We even did the regular oldterm life insurance for $20, $25
(13:01):
a month, a $10, $15,000 lifeinsurance policy, just so you
can be buried and your familydon't have to worry about it.
Nobody said you had to leavethem hundreds of thousands of
dollars or millions of dollars,but at least leave them to where
if, when, not if when you die,because we all going to die one
(13:22):
day.
When you die, they don't haveto scrounge and scrimp and
scrape to bury you.
And here's the other kickerabout that.
Then you got a in blackfamilies.
I'm telling you, y'all know I'mright.
You got to wait three weeks tobury somebody because all the
family trying to get their moneyup to travel to the place of
(13:45):
the burial I forbid, all yourfamily is me example.
I'm in Atlanta.
90% of my family is still inthe DMV.
So if I died tomorrow, lordknows, I know that's not going
(14:07):
to happen.
I told y'all.
I asked God, I need a 115 yearsat least.
Right, no-transcript, like, I'mcovered, I have what I need.
But who come into my family?
Like, when I think about myfamily, I don't even have to use
me.
I could use my brother.
(14:28):
My brother passed in 20.
We're in 23, 2021.
He passed suddenly in 2021.
And he was in Atlanta when Imoved to Atlanta.
I moved with him.
Again, 90% of our family is athome.
So here we go.
(14:51):
Now we're still in the middle ofthe pandemic, right, oh, we're
going to ship the body home,because all the family at home.
Mind you, he was married andhad three children.
They're here, of course, inAtlanta, but all of his family
is in DC.
(15:11):
So are we going to ship thebody and he get buried home?
Okay, how are we going to dothat, and it is so unfortunate
that my brother did not have aninsurance policy and he was a
brilliant man but he didn't haveone and so then it was no,
(15:32):
that's going to cost too much.
So now we're going to bury himin Atlanta.
Now who's coming?
Because nobody had no money tofly down and everybody stressed
about driving nine, 10 hoursfrom DC to Atlanta to get there.
(15:55):
So you know, the only directfamily my brother had at his
funeral was me Y'all.
That's sad, and we had tostream it online.
Now, yeah, we were in themiddle of a pandemic, but, come
on, like y'all got a place tostay, y'all driving down
(16:18):
together, and the funeral homesat that time was only letting
the handful of people in, andthe handful of people was family
.
So that's what that looked likeand that's what a lot of y'all
families look like, and it's sad.
(16:40):
And here you are, you like ugh,I want more, I want different, I
want better, I want.
But you look at your family andyou like don't.
None of them had this mindset.
I can't do it with any of them.
Like, not one.
(17:01):
Uncle Joe still go to thecorner and hang out every
weekend.
Aunt Susie still sitting in thekitchen on the phone talking to
Aunt Mabel and Susan not Mabeltalking about talking about Aunt
Lucy, like that's all is aboutmoney and family.
(17:26):
I mean, it will take you thereand it saddens you I know it
does, because you like, how am Isupposed to not denounce my
family?
Right, but how am I supposed togo and get what I want to get
from for the life that I want tolive?
(17:48):
And I'm around all this, andthen how do I separate myself
from it?
Because as soon as I do, herecome your cousin Pearl talking
about oh, you think you all ofthat.
Now you think you better thananybody else.
You ain't better than nobody.
(18:09):
You think you all of that?
Oh, here we go.
I remember when.
I remember when you used to dothis and do that.
I remember when, like so whatthat was then.
And I have had an awakening andI now know, especially like your
(18:32):
mom and you, want your child'slife to be better than yours,
but it's sure enough can't bebetter than yours dealing with
the family that you have.
And so there's a hard decisionthat you have to make Do you
(18:52):
love them from afar to be ableto achieve the life that you
want to live, to make the moneythat you want to make, to save
and invest and have assets andbe able to travel and see the
(19:15):
world Like it's a tough decision.
It's a tough decision, but it'sabsolutely a decision that you
have to make.
Family will always be family.
Family will always be there.
They'll come around, but it'syour life and you only have one
(19:39):
life on this side of Earth tolive.
Now there's an afterlife oh,it's so good.
There's that second Earth yeah,real good.
But on this side, where you areright now, you only got one of
them, and don't you want to bean example to your children?
Well, they can look at mama andbe like my mom is awesome.
(20:03):
My son says that.
I have one son.
And you know how, when you talkto your kids and half the time
you don't think they listen toit, but you see a post that they
make on social media and theyreference something that you
told them, advice you had giventhem at one point, or something
(20:23):
that they've seen in you, andyou like, oh, you sit back for a
minute and you like he waslistening.
Maybe it's just me.
I have done that on manyoccasions.
I have sat back and said he waslistening.
See, our kids are watching us.
(20:46):
It's not all about what you say, but it's about what you do,
how you show up and the lifethat not only that you are
building for them, but buildingfor yourself, because they want
to see you happy.
They want to see you when theywant to see you doing the things
(21:08):
that you enjoy in life, thesame way you want that for them.
So, divas, you have a decisionto make and I need you to make
this decision, not just now, butright now.
Not wait till tomorrow, nottalk it over with some people,
(21:29):
not sitting right it down, notpray on it, okay, because you
know, y'all know I love God.
My faith is first and foremostand I ain't ashamed about it,
but half of y'all been prayingfor stuff that God done give you
answers about, like listeningto this podcast, listening to
what I'm saying and moving on it, and you still talking about.
(21:53):
I got to pray about it.
He done told you you have to beobedient and it has to be
complete and immediate obedience.
Make the decision.
Look at your life, look at whereyou want to go down deep in
your heart.
Where do you want to be.
(22:14):
Can you see yourself in thesame place for the next 20 years
doing the same thing, makingthe same amount of money and not
being able to live the lifethat you want to live?
Is that what you want?
And if your family is tied tothis and that's who you're using
(22:38):
as an example I'd say stop.
Just stop it right now.
Choose you.
You have to choose you first.
So make a decision.
Money and family sometimes mix,but not all the time.
(22:58):
Where are you and your familyin the equation when it comes to
family wealth, making money,building something outside of
what it is that you're doing now, so you can have what it is
(23:19):
that you want that you don'thave now.
It's time to release y'all.
It is time to release.
I ain't say break up with her,but it's time for you to seclude
yourself for a moment, for aseason in time, to get to where
you want to be, and then you cango to the cookout in your Range
(23:44):
Rover autobiography long wheelbase, wearing your whatever
outfit you got on with your lubeor whoever shoes that you want
to wear, you know, looking likea million bucks, right, because
you got it and you have time.
So, divas, make a decision Moneyand family, money or family.
(24:14):
Just money or just family.
There's many equations.
You got to pick which ones foryou Money and family but you're
first it's you money and thenfamily.
That's the way it has to go,because this your life.
You only got one life to liveand it's time for you to live it
(24:36):
.
My time's up, divas.
Oh, go, do it.
I tell you, be blessed, live onpurpose and let's walk.
All right, divas, what anepisode.
Did I hit you in the head withone of those bricks.
Did you go out?
Did you have the ducking cover?
(24:57):
I know you weren't runningaround the house checking for
cameras, looking under the bed,looking out the window to see if
I was watching, because I wasall in your business.
I was on your street and inyour lane.
It's okay, though.
It lets you know that you'renot alone.
I hope that something that youheard resonated with you and, as
(25:22):
a result, you are starting toreposition your mind so you can
have the life that you want tolive Now.
That's not all I have for youguys, not just what was in the
podcast, but now I want to giveyou a gift Go to
wwwstopdrowningandwincom.
(25:42):
Wwwstopdrowningandwincom Toreceive the seven steps every
Black woman must take this yearto break free and live her
dreams once and for all.
You will also have anopportunity to connect with our
community Again.
(26:03):
You are not alone.
The work is just beginning.
Are you ready?
Let's walk.
Hey y'all.
Hey, it's your girl, dr Mary LBoy, the reposition specialist.
You are listening to the WalkDeva Walk podcast.
This podcast is for you, thewoman, specifically the black
woman, who's had enough.
Enough of saying no to yourkids because you can't afford it
.
How about robbing Peter to payPaul, working two or three jobs
(00:25):
just to make ends meet?
Enough of running from yourGod-given purpose and enough of
just being sick and tired ofbeing sick and tired.
On this journey.
With the Walk Deva Walk podcast, I will help you overcome your
past, face your present and walkinto your God-given, purposed
(00:46):
future, so you can support yourfamily the way that you desire,
live in abundance and overflow.
Live birth to that God-givenpurpose, giving birth to your
dreams and desires.
How about travel and experiencethe world in ways that you and
your family will never forget?
(01:07):
Have joy and peace so you canlive.
Are you ready?
Let's walk.
Hey Deva, hey Listen.
I came into the studio today toreally have a different
conversation than I'm about tohave now.
I came in and I was going to dosome business conversations,
(01:30):
but then I started to thinkabout the money and the mindset
behind the money.
When I thought about that, Icame to a conclusion your auntie
is the problem.
I know you was like how my auntis the problem.
It's your aunt and all thatrepresents in the family, from
(01:53):
your mama to your sister, toyour cousin, to your auntie, to
your uncle.
Why aren't you making the moneythat you want?
Why aren't you making the moneythat you deserve to make?
It's because of the raggedymindset and I'm just going to be
frank and honest.
It's the raggedy mindset thatis in the family that has been
(02:15):
passed down generation aftergeneration.
When it comes to money, wantingit, deserving it and going
after it, everybody talk aboutchasing the bag.
You won't even want to chasethe bag when I think about it
and I think about my own familyand me being in business and
(02:37):
having conversations with myfamily about business, it's like
talking to a brick wall, and Iknow that you feel the same way.
You have an idea.
You know you want more.
You know you deserve more.
You know you want to make moremoney doing whatever it is
running a business, doing a sidehustle, making more money in
(02:58):
your career, it doesn't evenmatter.
Then you have the conversationswith the auntie or that
represents the aunt, the cousin,the mom, the sister, the
brother, and they tell you well,what you doing that for, that's
not going to work.
You know how many people trystuff like that.
(03:18):
You don't even have a collegeeducation.
You barely made it through highschool.
You just need to settle forwhat you got and make do Like,
really, is that what life issupposed to be like?
You know the uncles who hangout on a corner all evening and
(03:41):
all weekend long that don't wantanything, don't want nothing,
don't want to be better, don'twant to do better.
It is challenging.
You know, in my business and oneof my businesses where I teach
on money and finances, I had aconversation with one of my
members and we were talkingabout some things and what she
(04:05):
wanted to do and what businessshe wanted to start.
And I asked her about herfamily and has she spoken to
anybody in her family to cometogether to have a conversation
with the family about you know,what we got to do better and
(04:25):
here are some things that we cando to do better.
And she said you don't want,mary, my family is where I was
two and a half, three years agobefore I met you, and I said
what you mean and she said, theysay they want money and they
try to go after the quick moneylike things that may not be oh
(04:52):
so legal, right, or things thatdon't have any substance or
longevity, but they really,really, really want money to
just fall out the sky.
And just you know, I used tohave funny story.
I used to when I was littlewhen I say little I mean like
five, six, seven years old and Iused to say the song Twinkle,
(05:15):
twinkle Little Star, do you allremember that?
And I would say Twinkle,twinkle Little Star, how I
wonder what you are.
Up above the clouds, up abovethe world, so high like a
diamond in the sky.
Twinkle, twinkle Little Star,how I wonder what you are.
And then you make a wish, and mywish was that I would get up in
the morning, look under the bedand there was a suitcase full
(05:38):
of money.
Now I said I was six and sevenyears old.
Right, I was smart enough thento say but I needed to be in
small bills that I could spendwithout drawing attention, right
, can you imagine that?
And literally every morningwhen I got up I looked under my
(06:00):
bed because I just knew themoney would just appear.
And that's how some of y'allfamily is, and that's why you
are where you are now when itcomes to money, because they're
wishing upon a star.
They're looking under the bed.
They're looking for thesuitcase to appear that's full
of money some million dollars inthe suitcase.
(06:21):
So they know that they havearrived, but they ain't really
trying to put no work into it.
They just, like God, rainedmanna down from the sky.
That's what they want.
They want manna to just mannaof money, to just rain down from
the heavens and they can berich and wealthy and spend it
and do all the things that theywant to do.
(06:45):
Yeah, it don't work like thaty'all, and because of that and
because of that mindset in myown family, sometimes you've got
to distance yourself.
You can't always go to thecookout and the birthday party
and the family gathering becausethey ain't talking about
(07:06):
nothing.
I heard a woman say one timeshe was working on building her
business and people wereinviting her to different events
and the family head of washaving a think of fourth of July
cookout and she looked and saidare y'all talking about money
at this cookout?
If you ain't talking aboutmoney, I ain't coming, because
(07:28):
she understood where her goalswere and what she needed and the
life that she wanted to live.
And you don't have time at thisseason to be dealing with
family that's not going throughor wanting and desiring the same
things.
Y'all sitting around and allyou're doing is talking about
(07:49):
folk, talking about your folk,your own family, what you used
to do back in the day, what usedto happen.
Look at Uncle Earl over therein the corner drunk.
You got the other crew playingspades on the table.
You got like all of these andlisten to me, ladies, I am not
(08:11):
saying that there's anythingwrong with that.
Family is family and yetthere's always time to come
together as a family and justenjoy each other and have fun,
but not all the time and notnecessarily when you are wanting
more and you, like I need to upmy money game.
(08:33):
I'm working this nine to fivejob.
I'm robbing Peter to pay Paul.
I'm trying to make ends meet.
I feel like I'm broke as a jokeand stuck like Chuck in a
pickup truck.
Okay, you feel all the thingsyou are stressed about not being
able to afford things for yourchild like for real and all
(08:58):
you're doing is hanging out withfamily and even some friends
and they ain't talking aboutnothing.
You all aren't talking aboutanything that's going to bring
value, that's going to increaseyour bank account, that's going
to allow you to buy the thingsthat you want to buy Like
(09:20):
nothing.
And so we want our family right.
We love our family and we wantto see our family win.
When you have that mindset, Ihad a conversation with a friend
and she was talking about oh,when I make it right, I'm going
to take care of my brothers andmy aunts and just all the people
(09:45):
, right?
And the question is, are youreally Like so they're going to
get to sit around and do nothingand spend your money that you
don't work hard for Blood, sweat, tears, sleepless nights,
arguments with the husband, likeall the things Bank account on
(10:09):
sub zero and that's then in yourbusiness to make what it is
that you want to make.
And you going to just, yeah,just give it away?
I don't think so.
That is not the answer.
Then it's like oh, they'll comework for me.
Why are they really going towork?
Or are you going to be arguingwith them all the time for not
(10:32):
working and they still coming toyou?
Sis, can I get five grand?
Sis?
I need $2,000 for this.
Sis, can you buy me a car?
I need a car.
My car broke down.
Sis, my mortgages do this Mine.
I don't got it.
My rent is due.
Like, is that the life that youwant with your family?
(10:54):
Absolutely not.
So sometimes you got to playthe cut off game.
You heard me right Straight,cut them off.
As I say, you got to cut it.
You got to cut it right Becauseyou have decided to shift your
mindset when it comes to whatyou want and the money that you
(11:16):
want and the life you deserve.
So remember I was telling youabout when she said my family is
at the place where I was threeyears ago.
They're still at that place.
When she had a real realization,I said well, what made you
(11:36):
decide to not be that person?
Because she came to us as thatperson that was just looking at
quick money.
All I want is the money.
I really don't want to learnwhat to do with it.
I don't want to know how tomanage it.
I don't want to know how tosave it.
I don't want to know how toinvest it.
All I know is I want money.
(11:57):
But she said, Mary, fromlistening to you, everything
that you have been teaching us.
I said, huh, I want that lifetoo.
That's what she said.
She said, huh, I want that lifetoo.
I want to live a legacylifestyle.
(12:17):
I want to be able to travel theworld and not have to worry
about anything.
I want to fly first class.
Every time I get on a flight.
I want to stay in four and fivestar hotels and not have to do
the Motel 6.
I want to be able to set myselfup to where, when I pass away,
(12:40):
my family don't have to do aGoFundMe to bury me.
Y'all, can I tell y'all I hatethat.
Oh my God, them GoFundMefunerals.
I'm like are you kidding meright now?
We even did the regular oldterm life insurance for $20, $25
(13:01):
a month, a $10, $15,000 lifeinsurance policy, just so you
can be buried and your familydon't have to worry about it.
Nobody said you had to leavethem hundreds of thousands of
dollars or millions of dollars,but at least leave them to where
if, when, not if when you die,because we all going to die one
(13:22):
day.
When you die, they don't haveto scrounge and scrimp and
scrape to bury you.
And here's the other kickerabout that.
Then you got a in blackfamilies.
I'm telling you, y'all know I'mright.
You got to wait three weeks tobury somebody because all the
family trying to get their moneyup to travel to the place of
(13:45):
the burial I forbid, all yourfamily is me example.
I'm in Atlanta.
90% of my family is still inthe DMV.
So if I died tomorrow, lordknows, I know that's not going
(14:07):
to happen.
I told y'all.
I asked God, I need a 115 yearsat least.
Right, no-transcript, like, I'mcovered, I have what I need.
But who come into my family?
Like, when I think about myfamily, I don't even have to use
me.
I could use my brother.
(14:28):
My brother passed in 20.
We're in 23, 2021.
He passed suddenly in 2021.
And he was in Atlanta when Imoved to Atlanta.
I moved with him.
Again, 90% of our family is athome.
So here we go.
(14:51):
Now we're still in the middle ofthe pandemic, right, oh, we're
going to ship the body home,because all the family at home.
Mind you, he was married andhad three children.
They're here, of course, inAtlanta, but all of his family
is in DC.
(15:11):
So are we going to ship thebody and he get buried home?
Okay, how are we going to dothat, and it is so unfortunate
that my brother did not have aninsurance policy and he was a
brilliant man but he didn't haveone and so then it was no,
(15:32):
that's going to cost too much.
So now we're going to bury himin Atlanta.
Now who's coming?
Because nobody had no money tofly down and everybody stressed
about driving nine, 10 hoursfrom DC to Atlanta to get there.
(15:55):
So you know, the only directfamily my brother had at his
funeral was me Y'all.
That's sad, and we had tostream it online.
Now, yeah, we were in themiddle of a pandemic, but, come
on, like y'all got a place tostay, y'all driving down
(16:18):
together, and the funeral homesat that time was only letting
the handful of people in, andthe handful of people was family
.
So that's what that looked likeand that's what a lot of y'all
families look like, and it's sad.
(16:40):
And here you are, you like ugh,I want more, I want different, I
want better, I want.
But you look at your family andyou like don't.
None of them had this mindset.
I can't do it with any of them.
Like, not one.
(17:01):
Uncle Joe still go to thecorner and hang out every
weekend.
Aunt Susie still sitting in thekitchen on the phone talking to
Aunt Mabel and Susan not Mabeltalking about talking about Aunt
Lucy, like that's all is aboutmoney and family.
(17:26):
I mean, it will take you thereand it saddens you I know it
does, because you like, how am Isupposed to not denounce my
family?
Right, but how am I supposed togo and get what I want to get
from for the life that I want tolive?
(17:48):
And I'm around all this, andthen how do I separate myself
from it?
Because as soon as I do, herecome your cousin Pearl talking
about oh, you think you all ofthat.
Now you think you better thananybody else.
You ain't better than nobody.
(18:09):
You think you all of that?
Oh, here we go.
I remember when.
I remember when you used to dothis and do that.
I remember when, like so whatthat was then.
And I have had an awakening andI now know, especially like your
(18:32):
mom and you, want your child'slife to be better than yours,
but it's sure enough can't bebetter than yours dealing with
the family that you have.
And so there's a hard decisionthat you have to make Do you
(18:52):
love them from afar to be ableto achieve the life that you
want to live, to make the moneythat you want to make, to save
and invest and have assets andbe able to travel and see the
(19:15):
world Like it's a tough decision.
It's a tough decision, but it'sabsolutely a decision that you
have to make.
Family will always be family.
Family will always be there.
They'll come around, but it'syour life and you only have one
(19:39):
life on this side of Earth tolive.
Now there's an afterlife oh,it's so good.
There's that second Earth yeah,real good.
But on this side, where you areright now, you only got one of
them, and don't you want to bean example to your children?
Well, they can look at mama andbe like my mom is awesome.
(20:03):
My son says that.
I have one son.
And you know how, when you talkto your kids and half the time
you don't think they listen toit, but you see a post that they
make on social media and theyreference something that you
told them, advice you had giventhem at one point, or something
(20:23):
that they've seen in you, andyou like, oh, you sit back for a
minute and you like he waslistening.
Maybe it's just me.
I have done that on manyoccasions.
I have sat back and said he waslistening.
See, our kids are watching us.
(20:46):
It's not all about what you say, but it's about what you do,
how you show up and the lifethat not only that you are
building for them, but buildingfor yourself, because they want
to see you happy.
They want to see you when theywant to see you doing the things
(21:08):
that you enjoy in life, thesame way you want that for them.
So, divas, you have a decisionto make and I need you to make
this decision, not just now, butright now.
Not wait till tomorrow, nottalk it over with some people,
(21:29):
not sitting right it down, notpray on it, okay, because you
know, y'all know I love God.
My faith is first and foremostand I ain't ashamed about it,
but half of y'all been prayingfor stuff that God done give you
answers about, like listeningto this podcast, listening to
what I'm saying and moving on it, and you still talking about.
(21:53):
I got to pray about it.
He done told you you have to beobedient and it has to be
complete and immediate obedience.
Make the decision.
Look at your life, look at whereyou want to go down deep in
your heart.
Where do you want to be.
(22:14):
Can you see yourself in thesame place for the next 20 years
doing the same thing, makingthe same amount of money and not
being able to live the lifethat you want to live?
Is that what you want?
And if your family is tied tothis and that's who you're using
(22:38):
as an example I'd say stop.
Just stop it right now.
Choose you.
You have to choose you first.
So make a decision.
Money and family sometimes mix,but not all the time.
(22:58):
Where are you and your familyin the equation when it comes to
family wealth, making money,building something outside of
what it is that you're doing now, so you can have what it is
(23:19):
that you want that you don'thave now.
It's time to release y'all.
It is time to release.
I ain't say break up with her,but it's time for you to seclude
yourself for a moment, for aseason in time, to get to where
you want to be, and then you cango to the cookout in your Range
(23:44):
Rover autobiography long wheelbase, wearing your whatever
outfit you got on with your lubeor whoever shoes that you want
to wear, you know, looking likea million bucks, right, because
you got it and you have time.
So, divas, make a decision Moneyand family, money or family.
(24:14):
Just money or just family.
There's many equations.
You got to pick which ones foryou Money and family but you're
first it's you money and thenfamily.
That's the way it has to go,because this your life.
You only got one life to liveand it's time for you to live it
(24:36):
.
My time's up, divas.
Oh, go, do it.
I tell you, be blessed, live onpurpose and let's walk.
All right, divas, what anepisode.
Did I hit you in the head withone of those bricks.
Did you go out?
Did you have the ducking cover?
(24:57):
I know you weren't runningaround the house checking for
cameras, looking under the bed,looking out the window to see if
I was watching, because I wasall in your business.
I was on your street and inyour lane.
It's okay, though.
It lets you know that you'renot alone.
I hope that something that youheard resonated with you and, as
(25:22):
a result, you are starting toreposition your mind so you can
have the life that you want tolive Now.
That's not all I have for youguys, not just what was in the
podcast, but now I want to giveyou a gift Go to
wwwstopdrowningandwincom.
(25:42):
Wwwstopdrowningandwincom Toreceive the seven steps every
Black woman must take this yearto break free and live her
dreams once and for all.
You will also have anopportunity to connect with our
community Again.
(26:03):
You are not alone.
The work is just beginning.
Are you ready?
Let's walk.
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