January 12, 2024 • 19 mins
Navigating the stereotypes, competition, and insecurities in the world of Black women is trying. However, I need to tackle these challenges head-on in this episode so we can shift our views, see each other as allies, and practice the power of sisterhood. The impact of our words to others and in our own negative self-talk we will talk about. It's time to encourage, uplift, and support – not tear each other down. Listen into my world as I share my experiences of loneliness and betrayal, and why a strong sisterhood was essential. There's also the Walk Women's Network, a platform that gives every Black woman the tools to live out her dreams. The essence of this episode? Unity and support. Let's be the change we want to see. Together, we can rewrite the narrative.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey y'all.
Hey, it's your girl, dr Mary LBoy, the reposition specialist.
You are listening to the WalkDeva Walk podcast.
This podcast is for you, thewoman, specifically the black
woman, who's had enough.
Enough of saying no to yourkids because you can't afford it
.
How about robbing Peter to payPaul, working two or three jobs
(00:25):
just to make ends meet?
Enough of running from yourGod-given purpose and enough of
just being sick and tired ofbeing sick and tired On this
journey.
With the Walk Deva Walk podcast, I will help you overcome your
past, face your present and walkinto your God-given, purposed
(00:46):
future, so you can support yourfamily the way that you desire,
live in abundance and overflow.
Live birth to that God-givenpurpose, giving birth to your
dreams and desires.
How about travel and experiencethe world in ways that you and
your family will never forget?
(01:07):
Have joy and peace so you canlive.
Are you ready?
Let's walk.
Hey, deva.
Hey, I just wanted to come tellyou that I got you.
I got your back.
Anything that you're doing,anything that you're desiring, I
(01:28):
got your back.
Mary, why are you saying that?
Because we walk around with thethought process that the next
woman is out to get us, thatshe's smiling in our face,
walking around with a machete inher back pocket.
Stereotypically, we're toldthat black women are like crabs
(01:51):
in a barrel.
We can't get along and we can'tdo nothing, right?
Well, I'm here to tell you thatthat's a lie and it's all trash
.
I got your back and so does she.
Who is that?
She, that woman that's aroundyou.
Everybody is not out to get you.
Everybody is not out to see youfail.
(02:15):
Everybody is not trying to pullyou down and drag you across
the floor.
Okay, that's not what it'sabout.
It's not about competition, butit's about a sisterhood, and I
am here to say we have asisterhood.
Listen, there are many thingsthat they can say about black
(02:41):
women.
Yeah, can we be kind of cattysometimes?
Yeah, can we be kind of pettysometimes?
Yeah, we can.
So when push comes to shove andwe need to show up for one
another, we do.
You don't have to be incompetition with anybody because
(03:02):
you are you.
You are you in your own right,you are fearfully and
wonderfully made, and ain'tnobody like you.
So we have to stop walkingaround like everybody is against
us.
Ain't girl?
Ain't nobody against you?
And if they are, what can theydo?
(03:24):
Nothing.
What God has for you is for you.
It's a sisterhood, not acompetition.
You know the world will have youthinking like in business.
They'll tell you who's yourcompetitor.
And it's funny because whenpeople ask me that, I say I
(03:46):
don't have one and I kind of getthe side eye, the side look,
and it's like you don't have acompetitor.
Nah, I don't have a competitor,there's only one of me.
Ain't nobody going to do itlike me, right?
They don't talk like me, theydon't act like me, they don't
look like me, none of the above.
So I don't have competition.
(04:07):
What I do have are people inthe same industry.
That's inspiring to do maybesome of the same things, people
that I may look up to, butthey're not my competition.
And once we get out of thatheadspace that we are fighting
(04:29):
against somebody else, we'll gofurther.
That stereotype that is placedon us will then start to fade
away.
But we put ourselves in thatsituation because we walk around
with a chip on our shoulder, wethe ones walking around with
(04:50):
the machete in our back pocket,right, and that's why you think
somebody else got it out for you.
We haven't dealt with our owninsecurity issues, because
that's what it all boils down to, that we think somebody is
competing against us becausethere are issues of insecurities
that we have and that wehaven't dealt with.
(05:11):
So we haven't dealt with ourown insecurities, so we're
looking at everybody elsethrough our own lens.
That don't work, because you'llnever get ahead like that.
One of the things I hate to hearpeople say is I'm self-made.
That raises the hairs on theback of my neck.
(05:33):
I'm telling you because, how?
How are you self-made?
Did you buy your own product orservice, right?
Did you not have a team?
Did you do everything on yourown, like you were the CEO, cfo,
coo, marketing manager, itperson, customer service,
(05:57):
distributor, manufacturer, youdid it all.
So you are self-made.
That's not true.
You're not.
It takes a team, right.
And so because sometimes we walkaround with this mentality like
we're self-made, right thatsomebody is always out to get us
(06:20):
, somebody is trying to takewhat we have, nobody wants to
see us win, and we say it.
And you know, I stronglybelieve that life and death is
in the power of the term.
That's what my words say.
I don't know about your word,but that's what my words say.
Okay, and when we keep speakingthese things they can't help
(06:44):
but to come into existence.
And so, if you stop thinkinglike you, there's a competition
between two people and the world.
They really pit us against eachother.
They pit us against each otherin the way that we look, the way
(07:04):
that we dress, the size we arethis side-by-side comparison and
then you start to side-eye theother person for whatever the
reason, and they try to make usfeel less than who we are.
They want us to devalueourselves.
I mean, it's a lot, I know it'sa lot, but you have to shift
(07:28):
your mindset to say, wait, wait,now I don't have no competition
.
That's my sister.
I want her to win just as muchas I want to win, and she wants
to see me win just as much asshe want to win.
And because we're on this samejourney, maybe there's some
(07:48):
things we can do together.
Maybe there's some partnerships, maybe there's some
collaborations right, there'ssome.
You have to have a sisterhood,a group of women around you
that's going to support you,that's going to lift you up,
because life gets hard sometimesand for a lot of y'all you feel
(08:12):
like life is hard all the timeand you're trying to do it all
on your own and do it byyourself and you can't.
I remember being there feelinglonely because people all around
me always I felt like they werejust, they just didn't like me
(08:36):
and I didn't understand why.
Growing up, and the girls aroundthe neighborhood I was friendly
with everybody but alwayswanted to fight and talk about
me.
I was smart, I was cute Okay,yes, I was, but I didn't treat
(08:56):
anybody wrong, disrespect them.
I was that girl that was like,wanted to be everybody's friend
but for whatever the reason, itdidn't happen that way.
And then, as I got older, Ifelt like I felt the way that
I'm sure you're feeling now,like this person's against me
(09:19):
and this person is talking aboutme.
I remember I did this girl thatwas supposed to be my friend,
that I worked with, and somebodytold me that she was talking
about me behind my back and Isaid, nah, not her.
And it was like, yeah, so mebeing who I am, I didn't ask her
(09:42):
about it, I tested the waters,so I'm going to just use some
names.
So I told Lisa Now, let's say,jean was the girl that I was
friends with and she was the onethat was talking about me from
behind my back.
So I told Lisa Lisa, listen,I'm going to tell Jean this,
(10:10):
this, this, this, this about you, and I'm going to tell her
don't say nothing, it's betweenthe two of us and I am going to
see.
As a matter of fact, I justsaid something.
I didn't tell her exactly whatI was going to say, and I said
and I want you to let me know ifshe comes back and say
(10:31):
something to you.
And so I did, and unfortunately, she went back and told Lisa
that I was talking about her andexactly what I said.
So I knew exactly who I wasdealing with.
And so I get it that sometimesthere are some people that have
(10:58):
their own issues and their owninsecurities and, for whatever
the reason, they don't want tosee you win.
They don't want to see yousucceed, because they see what
they want to be in you.
They see you making moves andthey wish they had the heart and
(11:20):
the drive to make the moveslike you do.
They wish they had thewherewithal to do some of the
things that you do.
They wish they were asintelligent or smart or skillful
as you are and because of that,they pretend to be your friend
(11:42):
while they're walking aroundwith a machete in their back
pocket waiting to strike and cutyou down.
But it's revealed.
It will be revealed who theyare and what they are doing.
But that's not everybody and Ihad to learn that.
Yeah, she did it.
But I can't treat everybody asif they're Jean, because they're
(12:06):
not, because I could be missingout on a partnership, a great
relationship with somebody thatis my ace bookoon, she my ride
or die, they my bestie, and Iwouldn't want to do that.
That it could be something thatturned into a great business
(12:28):
venture, a business partnership,a best friend, like Laverne and
Shirley, right Like that.
And I knew my yearning and mydesire was to have people that I
could trust and a circle ofwomen that I could call friend,
(12:55):
not somebody I just know, notjust a coworker, not just an
associate, but friend.
And I know that can be hard andI know that past relationships
and past hurts can make you putup walls that will stop you from
(13:22):
getting close to that woman,that sister.
But I challenge you, diva, toput yourself in an environment,
even if you have to sit back andjust observe for a moment.
Put yourself in an environmentaround other women, right,
(13:47):
like-minded at least they seemlike-minded.
You don't know them like.
You don't know them like that.
Right, and just watch, and youwill see that everybody is not
Jean.
So everybody is not your momthat hurts you, everybody is not
(14:16):
your sister that hurt you,everybody is not your aunt that
hurt you, everybody is not thecoworker that backstabbed you
that you trusted.
Yeah, everybody is not that.
And so once you start to grab ahold of that, you will
(14:40):
understand that I really don'thave competition and there is a
sisterhood out there for me.
There are women, thousands ofwomen that I can count on, that
I can call on, that will push me, that will tell me the painful
(15:03):
truth, and that they're not outto get me and they're not trying
to compete against me.
Even if we are doing the samething, even if we're working in
the same company or working inthe same department or even
going for the same promotion onthe job, you're just like let
(15:26):
the best man win, right, but shegonna still love you no matter
what and you're gonna still loveher no matter what.
That's a sisterhood, and don'tyou want that Cause you can't do
it by yourself.
Been there, tried it.
(15:46):
I don't like it.
Never liked how it felt.
Never liked how it felt, neverunderstood, being misunderstood
or all the things.
And once you find your tribe,you find your sisterhood.
(16:08):
It's like what competition?
Ugh, it's so good and it'sgonna take you a long, long way.
You'll be amazed at how yoursisterhood helps drive you to
your next, helps to increaseyour confidence.
(16:30):
You have a shoulder to cry onwhen you need it, arms to hug
you when you need it, lips tokiss you on the cheek and say
it's all right, I love you.
I love you.
I love you To sit and just bequiet with you when you need it.
(16:52):
You're yearning for that.
I know you are and there is aplace for you.
Now I understand why God had mecreate Walk Women's Network.
He had me, too, walk in thisassignment and gather you to let
(17:19):
you know that you are not alone.
Sis, I got your back.
I got your back, and any womanthat's connected to me got your
back too.
I love you and ain't nothingyou can do about it.
(17:41):
Let's change the narrative.
Let's get the sisterhoodtogether.
Let go of the competition.
You'll see things change.
I love you and ain't nothingyou can do about it.
Be blessed, live on purpose andlet's walk.
(18:04):
It lets you know that you'renot alone.
(18:35):
I hope that something that youheard resonated with you and, as
a result, you are starting toreposition your mind so you can
have the life that you want tolive Now.
That's not all I have for youguys, not just what was in the
podcast, but now I want to giveyou a gift.
Go to wwwstopdrowningandwincomTo receive the seven steps every
(19:09):
Black woman must take this yearto break free and live her
dreams once and for all.
You will also have anopportunity to connect with our
community Again.
You are not alone.
The work is just beginning.
Are you ready?
Let's walk.
Hey y'all.
Hey, it's your girl, dr Mary LBoy, the reposition specialist.
You are listening to the WalkDeva Walk podcast.
This podcast is for you, thewoman, specifically the black
woman, who's had enough.
Enough of saying no to yourkids because you can't afford it
.
How about robbing Peter to payPaul, working two or three jobs
(00:25):
just to make ends meet?
Enough of running from yourGod-given purpose and enough of
just being sick and tired ofbeing sick and tired On this
journey.
With the Walk Deva Walk podcast, I will help you overcome your
past, face your present and walkinto your God-given, purposed
(00:46):
future, so you can support yourfamily the way that you desire,
live in abundance and overflow.
Live birth to that God-givenpurpose, giving birth to your
dreams and desires.
How about travel and experiencethe world in ways that you and
your family will never forget?
(01:07):
Have joy and peace so you canlive.
Are you ready?
Let's walk.
Hey, deva.
Hey, I just wanted to come tellyou that I got you.
I got your back.
Anything that you're doing,anything that you're desiring, I
(01:28):
got your back.
Mary, why are you saying that?
Because we walk around with thethought process that the next
woman is out to get us, thatshe's smiling in our face,
walking around with a machete inher back pocket.
Stereotypically, we're toldthat black women are like crabs
(01:51):
in a barrel.
We can't get along and we can'tdo nothing, right?
Well, I'm here to tell you thatthat's a lie and it's all trash
.
I got your back and so does she.
Who is that?
She, that woman that's aroundyou.
Everybody is not out to get you.
Everybody is not out to see youfail.
(02:15):
Everybody is not trying to pullyou down and drag you across
the floor.
Okay, that's not what it'sabout.
It's not about competition, butit's about a sisterhood, and I
am here to say we have asisterhood.
Listen, there are many thingsthat they can say about black
(02:41):
women.
Yeah, can we be kind of cattysometimes?
Yeah, can we be kind of pettysometimes?
Yeah, we can.
So when push comes to shove andwe need to show up for one
another, we do.
You don't have to be incompetition with anybody because
(03:02):
you are you.
You are you in your own right,you are fearfully and
wonderfully made, and ain'tnobody like you.
So we have to stop walkingaround like everybody is against
us.
Ain't girl?
Ain't nobody against you?
And if they are, what can theydo?
(03:24):
Nothing.
What God has for you is for you.
It's a sisterhood, not acompetition.
You know the world will have youthinking like in business.
They'll tell you who's yourcompetitor.
And it's funny because whenpeople ask me that, I say I
(03:46):
don't have one and I kind of getthe side eye, the side look,
and it's like you don't have acompetitor.
Nah, I don't have a competitor,there's only one of me.
Ain't nobody going to do itlike me, right?
They don't talk like me, theydon't act like me, they don't
look like me, none of the above.
So I don't have competition.
(04:07):
What I do have are people inthe same industry.
That's inspiring to do maybesome of the same things, people
that I may look up to, butthey're not my competition.
And once we get out of thatheadspace that we are fighting
(04:29):
against somebody else, we'll gofurther.
That stereotype that is placedon us will then start to fade
away.
But we put ourselves in thatsituation because we walk around
with a chip on our shoulder, wethe ones walking around with
(04:50):
the machete in our back pocket,right, and that's why you think
somebody else got it out for you.
We haven't dealt with our owninsecurity issues, because
that's what it all boils down to, that we think somebody is
competing against us becausethere are issues of insecurities
that we have and that wehaven't dealt with.
(05:11):
So we haven't dealt with ourown insecurities, so we're
looking at everybody elsethrough our own lens.
That don't work, because you'llnever get ahead like that.
One of the things I hate to hearpeople say is I'm self-made.
That raises the hairs on theback of my neck.
(05:33):
I'm telling you because, how?
How are you self-made?
Did you buy your own product orservice, right?
Did you not have a team?
Did you do everything on yourown, like you were the CEO, cfo,
coo, marketing manager, itperson, customer service,
(05:57):
distributor, manufacturer, youdid it all.
So you are self-made.
That's not true.
You're not.
It takes a team, right.
And so because sometimes we walkaround with this mentality like
we're self-made, right thatsomebody is always out to get us
(06:20):
, somebody is trying to takewhat we have, nobody wants to
see us win, and we say it.
And you know, I stronglybelieve that life and death is
in the power of the term.
That's what my words say.
I don't know about your word,but that's what my words say.
Okay, and when we keep speakingthese things they can't help
(06:44):
but to come into existence.
And so, if you stop thinkinglike you, there's a competition
between two people and the world.
They really pit us against eachother.
They pit us against each otherin the way that we look, the way
(07:04):
that we dress, the size we arethis side-by-side comparison and
then you start to side-eye theother person for whatever the
reason, and they try to make usfeel less than who we are.
They want us to devalueourselves.
I mean, it's a lot, I know it'sa lot, but you have to shift
(07:28):
your mindset to say, wait, wait,now I don't have no competition
.
That's my sister.
I want her to win just as muchas I want to win, and she wants
to see me win just as much asshe want to win.
And because we're on this samejourney, maybe there's some
(07:48):
things we can do together.
Maybe there's some partnerships, maybe there's some
collaborations right, there'ssome.
You have to have a sisterhood,a group of women around you
that's going to support you,that's going to lift you up,
because life gets hard sometimesand for a lot of y'all you feel
(08:12):
like life is hard all the timeand you're trying to do it all
on your own and do it byyourself and you can't.
I remember being there feelinglonely because people all around
me always I felt like they werejust, they just didn't like me
(08:36):
and I didn't understand why.
Growing up, and the girls aroundthe neighborhood I was friendly
with everybody but alwayswanted to fight and talk about
me.
I was smart, I was cute Okay,yes, I was, but I didn't treat
(08:56):
anybody wrong, disrespect them.
I was that girl that was like,wanted to be everybody's friend
but for whatever the reason, itdidn't happen that way.
And then, as I got older, Ifelt like I felt the way that
I'm sure you're feeling now,like this person's against me
(09:19):
and this person is talking aboutme.
I remember I did this girl thatwas supposed to be my friend,
that I worked with, and somebodytold me that she was talking
about me behind my back and Isaid, nah, not her.
And it was like, yeah, so mebeing who I am, I didn't ask her
(09:42):
about it, I tested the waters,so I'm going to just use some
names.
So I told Lisa Now, let's say,jean was the girl that I was
friends with and she was the onethat was talking about me from
behind my back.
So I told Lisa Lisa, listen,I'm going to tell Jean this,
(10:10):
this, this, this, this about you, and I'm going to tell her
don't say nothing, it's betweenthe two of us and I am going to
see.
As a matter of fact, I justsaid something.
I didn't tell her exactly whatI was going to say, and I said
and I want you to let me know ifshe comes back and say
(10:31):
something to you.
And so I did, and unfortunately, she went back and told Lisa
that I was talking about her andexactly what I said.
So I knew exactly who I wasdealing with.
And so I get it that sometimesthere are some people that have
(10:58):
their own issues and their owninsecurities and, for whatever
the reason, they don't want tosee you win.
They don't want to see yousucceed, because they see what
they want to be in you.
They see you making moves andthey wish they had the heart and
(11:20):
the drive to make the moveslike you do.
They wish they had thewherewithal to do some of the
things that you do.
They wish they were asintelligent or smart or skillful
as you are and because of that,they pretend to be your friend
(11:42):
while they're walking aroundwith a machete in their back
pocket waiting to strike and cutyou down.
But it's revealed.
It will be revealed who theyare and what they are doing.
But that's not everybody and Ihad to learn that.
Yeah, she did it.
But I can't treat everybody asif they're Jean, because they're
(12:06):
not, because I could be missingout on a partnership, a great
relationship with somebody thatis my ace bookoon, she my ride
or die, they my bestie, and Iwouldn't want to do that.
That it could be something thatturned into a great business
(12:28):
venture, a business partnership,a best friend, like Laverne and
Shirley, right Like that.
And I knew my yearning and mydesire was to have people that I
could trust and a circle ofwomen that I could call friend,
(12:55):
not somebody I just know, notjust a coworker, not just an
associate, but friend.
And I know that can be hard andI know that past relationships
and past hurts can make you putup walls that will stop you from
(13:22):
getting close to that woman,that sister.
But I challenge you, diva, toput yourself in an environment,
even if you have to sit back andjust observe for a moment.
Put yourself in an environmentaround other women, right,
(13:47):
like-minded at least they seemlike-minded.
You don't know them like.
You don't know them like that.
Right, and just watch, and youwill see that everybody is not
Jean.
So everybody is not your momthat hurts you, everybody is not
(14:16):
your sister that hurt you,everybody is not your aunt that
hurt you, everybody is not thecoworker that backstabbed you
that you trusted.
Yeah, everybody is not that.
And so once you start to grab ahold of that, you will
(14:40):
understand that I really don'thave competition and there is a
sisterhood out there for me.
There are women, thousands ofwomen that I can count on, that
I can call on, that will push me, that will tell me the painful
(15:03):
truth, and that they're not outto get me and they're not trying
to compete against me.
Even if we are doing the samething, even if we're working in
the same company or working inthe same department or even
going for the same promotion onthe job, you're just like let
(15:26):
the best man win, right, but shegonna still love you no matter
what and you're gonna still loveher no matter what.
That's a sisterhood, and don'tyou want that Cause you can't do
it by yourself.
Been there, tried it.
(15:46):
I don't like it.
Never liked how it felt.
Never liked how it felt, neverunderstood, being misunderstood
or all the things.
And once you find your tribe,you find your sisterhood.
(16:08):
It's like what competition?
Ugh, it's so good and it'sgonna take you a long, long way.
You'll be amazed at how yoursisterhood helps drive you to
your next, helps to increaseyour confidence.
(16:30):
You have a shoulder to cry onwhen you need it, arms to hug
you when you need it, lips tokiss you on the cheek and say
it's all right, I love you.
I love you.
I love you To sit and just bequiet with you when you need it.
(16:52):
You're yearning for that.
I know you are and there is aplace for you.
Now I understand why God had mecreate Walk Women's Network.
He had me, too, walk in thisassignment and gather you to let
(17:19):
you know that you are not alone.
Sis, I got your back.
I got your back, and any womanthat's connected to me got your
back too.
I love you and ain't nothingyou can do about it.
(17:41):
Let's change the narrative.
Let's get the sisterhoodtogether.
Let go of the competition.
You'll see things change.
I love you and ain't nothingyou can do about it.
Be blessed, live on purpose andlet's walk.
(18:04):
It lets you know that you'renot alone.
(18:35):
I hope that something that youheard resonated with you and, as
a result, you are starting toreposition your mind so you can
have the life that you want tolive Now.
That's not all I have for youguys, not just what was in the
podcast, but now I want to giveyou a gift.
Go to wwwstopdrowningandwincomTo receive the seven steps every
(19:09):
Black woman must take this yearto break free and live her
dreams once and for all.
You will also have anopportunity to connect with our
community Again.
You are not alone.
The work is just beginning.
Are you ready?
Let's walk.
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Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.
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