February 2, 2024 • 12 mins
It’s time for another deep discussion. In this episode we're talking about the importance of a strong bond with our children on the path to realizing our dreams. This episode is filled with my personal experience and emphasizes the key role of open communication and trust in nurturing a relationship with our kids. We'll also talk about understanding our children at different stages of their lives and creating an environment where they feel safe to express their thoughts. Are you ready to take control of your life? Let's reflect on our actions and mindset together and explore the seven steps every Black woman needs to achieve her dreams. This is a road you don't have to walk alone.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey y'all.
Hey, it's your girl, dr Mary LBoy, the reposition specialist.
You are listening to the WalkDeva Walk podcast.
This podcast is for you, thewoman, specifically the black
woman, who's had enough.
Enough of saying no to yourkids because you can't afford it
.
How about robbing Peter to payPaul, working two or three jobs
(00:25):
just to make ends meet?
Enough of running from yourGod-given purpose and enough of
just being sick and tired ofbeing sick and tired.
On this journey.
With the Walk Deva Walk podcast, I will help you overcome your
past, face your present and walkinto your God-given, purposed
(00:46):
future, so you can support yourfamily the way that you desire,
live in abundance and overflow.
Live birth to that God-givenpurpose, giving birth to your
dreams and desires.
How about travel and experiencethe world in ways that you and
your family will never forget?
(01:07):
Have joy and peace so you canlive.
Are you ready?
Let's walk.
Hey Deva, hey, you know I wantto talk to you today about your
relationship with your children.
You really need a realrelationship with your children,
and I thought about thisbecause a lot of what we do is
(01:31):
for our children.
They are number one.
Why, if anybody asks why you doanything and you have kids,
it's because of your kids andit's for your kids.
I know that was my why.
My son was my everything and Iknew the type of relationship
that I wanted with him.
(01:53):
Growing up with my mom oldschool mom we didn't talk about
everything and I couldn't talkabout everything with her, and I
wish I was able to.
So I had said when I hadchildren I was going to be able
to not be his friend, that I'mnot talking about being a friend
(02:15):
and not a parent.
I'm talking about having thattype of relationship with your
child where they feel like theycan come to you about any and
everything and they actually do.
It's funny because I built thisrelationship with my son and
early on I started telling himthe worst thing that you can
(02:38):
break is my trust.
The worst thing that you canbreak is my trust.
As long as you don't lie to meand you tell me the truth,
everything else will be okay.
I can't promise you you're notgoing to get in trouble.
I can't promise you you're notgoing to get punished.
(02:59):
I can't promise you you're notgoing to get a spanking.
Yeah, I believe in spanking.
Okay, I'll give you a promisethat I couldn't even promise you
that you wouldn't get aspanking, but I promise you that
our relationship will beamazing and there isn't anything
that we won't be able to workthrough.
(03:19):
And so, in building thatrelationship, I made sure that
my son wasn't scared to tell methings, and that's the one of
the things that I think a lot ofparents miss out on.
We grew up in the days of dowhat I said, because I told you
to do it and don't talk back,which they shouldn't talk back,
(03:42):
but don't ask no questions Likejust do it and you have nothing
and I don't.
I didn't believe that it had tobe that cut and dry.
Yes, if I tell you to dosomething, you need to do it,
but I believed in telling mychild why.
(04:02):
It's not that I had to explainit to him, but why shouldn't I
tell him why?
And beyond because I said so,right, like that doesn't foster
a good relationship with yourchild.
So if I had to tell my son todo something or to respond, he
(04:28):
should respond a certain way.
Then I would tell him well,this is why and I still do it to
this day, and he's 28 years oldwhen I have to give him advice
I don't need.
I don't just give him advicebecause, like, I know what I'm
talking about, so you just needto listen to what I say.
I give him the reasons.
(04:49):
This is why you should do itlike this.
This is the outcome that youshould have.
If you do it like this, it'sgoing to save you a lot of
trouble and issues.
If you do it the other way, andthen if he does it anyway, it's
on him.
And then he comes back and saywell, ma, you told me, yeah, I
(05:11):
should have listened, yeah, youshould have, but you didn't.
And that's okay, we'll getthrough that too.
And so ever since he was alittle boy, I'm telling you, he
told me everything.
He told me about the girls.
He told me, and even if some ofit wasn't voluntary, if I asked
the question, he was honestwith me.
(05:33):
I mean completely honest withme.
Sometimes I'm like, okay, youtoo honest with me.
That was TMI, I didn't need toknow that much of it.
But it is so important that therelationship that we have with
our children isn't built from.
(05:55):
I'm scared of my mom and Ican't tell her nothing because
she always fussing and she isalways trying to control
everything and she never listensto me.
And so then they retried andyou start to find out stuff
(06:17):
about your children that younever thought that they would be
doing, stuff that they would do, that you never thought that
they would do, or, oh, I didn'tknow he did that or she did that
, or he was interested in thisor she was interested in that,
like you start to lose thatrelationship and it's a
(06:41):
relationships.
Relationships are two-waystreets.
They're not one wayMother-daughter, mother-son
relationship.
They are, they're two-waystreets and so it's not one way.
You have to respect your childto the level that, in the age
(07:04):
range that they are becausethere's different levels to it
Like, no, I'm not knocking onyour door at you know, seven
years old, okay, knocking onyour door, asking permission to
come in and all that and we notdoing that, right.
But as they get older, you knowthey teenagers.
(07:27):
What's wrong with knocking on adoor before you answer?
Nothing, a level of respect,right.
What's wrong with I call my sonpumpkin Pumpkin, do me a favor,
can you do?
Da, da, da, da, da.
And I guess I said can you Now?
Is he going to do it anyway?
(07:48):
Yeah, but that's better than godo this Boy.
I need you to do that, like thedemand.
Relationships aren't built thatway, and so I want relationships
between children and their momsto become closer, because that
(08:12):
also affects your goals.
Like what you're doing it for,you're not just doing it for you
, you're doing it for them.
But if you feel like they'reungrateful, you feel like
they're unworthy, you have allthis animosity between one
another and life goes on andyears go on and families are
(08:37):
torn apart and parents and theirchildren aren't talking to each
other for something thathappened 15 years ago, like why
it's for nothing.
You only have one set ofparents hopefully, right, and I
know you can have foster parents.
(08:59):
You can have people that youcall mom and they were a level
of parent for you, but you onlyhave one birth mother, and so
your kids only have one birthmother, and it is so important
to foster that relationship.
To this day, I text my son hey,I'm traveling.
(09:21):
I'm on a plane, I'm about toland.
I've made it to the hotel, okay.
I'm on my way home.
He texts me and we don't livetogether.
He has his own place.
When he's out, he'll shoot me atext.
Hey, mom, I'm home now, okay,that's the type of relationship
(09:42):
that you want with your children, and it just makes everything
else that you go through to getto where you're trying to get to
so much more worth it.
It's just, it's just.
It's so much better when youcan do it with them because
you're doing it for them.
So, divas, I challenge youreview, take a look at the
(10:07):
relationships that you arebuilding with your children.
Are they one sided?
Is it all about you?
Because you're the mama andthat's what you grew up with?
Well, just because that is whatyou grew up with doesn't mean
that's the type of mother youhad to be.
So I want you to think aboutthat for a moment, do you?
(10:30):
What type of relationship doyou want with your children?
And if you currently don't havethe type of relationship you
desire, then change it.
That's all I got to say today.
Change it.
I love y'all.
Be blessed, live on purpose andlet's walk All right.
(10:51):
Divas, what an episode.
Did I hit you in the head withone of those bricks?
Did you go out?
Did you have the ducking cover?
I know you weren't runningaround the house checking for
cameras, looking under the bed,looking out the window to see if
I was watching, because I wasall in your business.
(11:12):
I was on your street and inyour lane.
It's okay, though.
It lets you know that you'renot alone.
I hope that something that youheard resonated with you and, as
a result, you are starting toreposition your mind so you can
have the life that you want tolive.
(11:33):
Now, that's not all I have foryou, guys.
Not just what was in thepodcast, but now I want to give
you a gift.
Go to wwwstopdrowningandwincom.
Wwwstopdrowningandwincom Toreceive the seven steps every
(11:54):
Black woman must take this yearto break free and live her
dreams once and for all.
You will also have anopportunity to connect with our
community Again.
You are not alone.
The work is just beginning.
Are you ready?
Let's walk.
Hey y'all.
Hey, it's your girl, dr Mary LBoy, the reposition specialist.
You are listening to the WalkDeva Walk podcast.
This podcast is for you, thewoman, specifically the black
woman, who's had enough.
Enough of saying no to yourkids because you can't afford it
.
How about robbing Peter to payPaul, working two or three jobs
(00:25):
just to make ends meet?
Enough of running from yourGod-given purpose and enough of
just being sick and tired ofbeing sick and tired.
On this journey.
With the Walk Deva Walk podcast, I will help you overcome your
past, face your present and walkinto your God-given, purposed
(00:46):
future, so you can support yourfamily the way that you desire,
live in abundance and overflow.
Live birth to that God-givenpurpose, giving birth to your
dreams and desires.
How about travel and experiencethe world in ways that you and
your family will never forget?
(01:07):
Have joy and peace so you canlive.
Are you ready?
Let's walk.
Hey Deva, hey, you know I wantto talk to you today about your
relationship with your children.
You really need a realrelationship with your children,
and I thought about thisbecause a lot of what we do is
(01:31):
for our children.
They are number one.
Why, if anybody asks why you doanything and you have kids,
it's because of your kids andit's for your kids.
I know that was my why.
My son was my everything and Iknew the type of relationship
that I wanted with him.
(01:53):
Growing up with my mom oldschool mom we didn't talk about
everything and I couldn't talkabout everything with her, and I
wish I was able to.
So I had said when I hadchildren I was going to be able
to not be his friend, that I'mnot talking about being a friend
(02:15):
and not a parent.
I'm talking about having thattype of relationship with your
child where they feel like theycan come to you about any and
everything and they actually do.
It's funny because I built thisrelationship with my son and
early on I started telling himthe worst thing that you can
(02:38):
break is my trust.
The worst thing that you canbreak is my trust.
As long as you don't lie to meand you tell me the truth,
everything else will be okay.
I can't promise you you're notgoing to get in trouble.
I can't promise you you're notgoing to get punished.
(02:59):
I can't promise you you're notgoing to get a spanking.
Yeah, I believe in spanking.
Okay, I'll give you a promisethat I couldn't even promise you
that you wouldn't get aspanking, but I promise you that
our relationship will beamazing and there isn't anything
that we won't be able to workthrough.
(03:19):
And so, in building thatrelationship, I made sure that
my son wasn't scared to tell methings, and that's the one of
the things that I think a lot ofparents miss out on.
We grew up in the days of dowhat I said, because I told you
to do it and don't talk back,which they shouldn't talk back,
(03:42):
but don't ask no questions Likejust do it and you have nothing
and I don't.
I didn't believe that it had tobe that cut and dry.
Yes, if I tell you to dosomething, you need to do it,
but I believed in telling mychild why.
(04:02):
It's not that I had to explainit to him, but why shouldn't I
tell him why?
And beyond because I said so,right, like that doesn't foster
a good relationship with yourchild.
So if I had to tell my son todo something or to respond, he
(04:28):
should respond a certain way.
Then I would tell him well,this is why and I still do it to
this day, and he's 28 years oldwhen I have to give him advice
I don't need.
I don't just give him advicebecause, like, I know what I'm
talking about, so you just needto listen to what I say.
I give him the reasons.
(04:49):
This is why you should do itlike this.
This is the outcome that youshould have.
If you do it like this, it'sgoing to save you a lot of
trouble and issues.
If you do it the other way, andthen if he does it anyway, it's
on him.
And then he comes back and saywell, ma, you told me, yeah, I
(05:11):
should have listened, yeah, youshould have, but you didn't.
And that's okay, we'll getthrough that too.
And so ever since he was alittle boy, I'm telling you, he
told me everything.
He told me about the girls.
He told me, and even if some ofit wasn't voluntary, if I asked
the question, he was honestwith me.
(05:33):
I mean completely honest withme.
Sometimes I'm like, okay, youtoo honest with me.
That was TMI, I didn't need toknow that much of it.
But it is so important that therelationship that we have with
our children isn't built from.
(05:55):
I'm scared of my mom and Ican't tell her nothing because
she always fussing and she isalways trying to control
everything and she never listensto me.
And so then they retried andyou start to find out stuff
(06:17):
about your children that younever thought that they would be
doing, stuff that they would do, that you never thought that
they would do, or, oh, I didn'tknow he did that or she did that
, or he was interested in thisor she was interested in that,
like you start to lose thatrelationship and it's a
(06:41):
relationships.
Relationships are two-waystreets.
They're not one wayMother-daughter, mother-son
relationship.
They are, they're two-waystreets and so it's not one way.
You have to respect your childto the level that, in the age
(07:04):
range that they are becausethere's different levels to it
Like, no, I'm not knocking onyour door at you know, seven
years old, okay, knocking onyour door, asking permission to
come in and all that and we notdoing that, right.
But as they get older, you knowthey teenagers.
(07:27):
What's wrong with knocking on adoor before you answer?
Nothing, a level of respect,right.
What's wrong with I call my sonpumpkin Pumpkin, do me a favor,
can you do?
Da, da, da, da, da.
And I guess I said can you Now?
Is he going to do it anyway?
(07:48):
Yeah, but that's better than godo this Boy.
I need you to do that, like thedemand.
Relationships aren't built thatway, and so I want relationships
between children and their momsto become closer, because that
(08:12):
also affects your goals.
Like what you're doing it for,you're not just doing it for you
, you're doing it for them.
But if you feel like they'reungrateful, you feel like
they're unworthy, you have allthis animosity between one
another and life goes on andyears go on and families are
(08:37):
torn apart and parents and theirchildren aren't talking to each
other for something thathappened 15 years ago, like why
it's for nothing.
You only have one set ofparents hopefully, right, and I
know you can have foster parents.
(08:59):
You can have people that youcall mom and they were a level
of parent for you, but you onlyhave one birth mother, and so
your kids only have one birthmother, and it is so important
to foster that relationship.
To this day, I text my son hey,I'm traveling.
(09:21):
I'm on a plane, I'm about toland.
I've made it to the hotel, okay.
I'm on my way home.
He texts me and we don't livetogether.
He has his own place.
When he's out, he'll shoot me atext.
Hey, mom, I'm home now, okay,that's the type of relationship
(09:42):
that you want with your children, and it just makes everything
else that you go through to getto where you're trying to get to
so much more worth it.
It's just, it's just.
It's so much better when youcan do it with them because
you're doing it for them.
So, divas, I challenge youreview, take a look at the
(10:07):
relationships that you arebuilding with your children.
Are they one sided?
Is it all about you?
Because you're the mama andthat's what you grew up with?
Well, just because that is whatyou grew up with doesn't mean
that's the type of mother youhad to be.
So I want you to think aboutthat for a moment, do you?
(10:30):
What type of relationship doyou want with your children?
And if you currently don't havethe type of relationship you
desire, then change it.
That's all I got to say today.
Change it.
I love y'all.
Be blessed, live on purpose andlet's walk All right.
(10:51):
Divas, what an episode.
Did I hit you in the head withone of those bricks?
Did you go out?
Did you have the ducking cover?
I know you weren't runningaround the house checking for
cameras, looking under the bed,looking out the window to see if
I was watching, because I wasall in your business.
(11:12):
I was on your street and inyour lane.
It's okay, though.
It lets you know that you'renot alone.
I hope that something that youheard resonated with you and, as
a result, you are starting toreposition your mind so you can
have the life that you want tolive.
(11:33):
Now, that's not all I have foryou, guys.
Not just what was in thepodcast, but now I want to give
you a gift.
Go to wwwstopdrowningandwincom.
Wwwstopdrowningandwincom Toreceive the seven steps every
(11:54):
Black woman must take this yearto break free and live her
dreams once and for all.
You will also have anopportunity to connect with our
community Again.
You are not alone.
The work is just beginning.
Are you ready?
Let's walk.
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