War and Peace in just 7 years (WAPIN7)

War and Peace in just 7 years (WAPIN7)

"My Dad Wrote a Porno but Russia, no porno, and dad is Leo Tolstoy" Join us as we discover what makes WAP one of the greatest books of all time - if you’ve never read War and Peace, you’ve pretended to have read it, or you have read it (but only partially understood it) – this is the podcast for you. Subscribe now to this all new comedy podcast, new episodes every Thursday #WAPIN7


July 29, 2021 37 min

We wanted it to be on. We waited for it to be on. Now it's actually on, and it might be better if it was off.

Can we change our minds?

Last week we were left desperately hanging from the literary cliff, and this week we're boldly letting go. Join us as we descend through the soup-thick fog in search of answers... Who is dead? Who is alive? Have we completely lost? Did Daddy ever make it to Disneyland? And most importantly of...

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Where once there was fog, or maybe dense mist, but probably definitely fog, now there lies smoke. 

Like an incredibly dense super-fog, the smoke hides all it touches... 

Has the averagely tall Napoleon's dastardly plan paid off? Is everyone dead? Will the Russians find their way out of this hyper-fog-mist-smoke-hybrid? 

We'd be lying if we said it wasn't on. 

It really, really, really is.

We're really, really, really sur...

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July 15, 2021 35 min

The fog was thick. Thick as a thick, thick bowl of fog soup.?

Everywhere young Nicky Rostov turned he saw the dense white of the horrible thick fog. It was like being inside a pie made entirely of milk.?

?"Hello!" he shouted "It's me Nicky Rostov is anyone there?" The thick, milky fog consumed his words like a pack of pigeons around an unlucky chip.

"I'm here to fight the French... I'm not scared" h...

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July 8, 2021 34 min

Yeah we're doing this again...

We're sorry, OK! 

We were so sure it was on before and so we said it was "on" but then it wasn't "on" and then this episode happened and at the end we were both like, "oh boy, it really is on now!"

To be honest we don't know if it's on. 

We hope it's on. 

We're so sorry if it turns out that next week it isn't actually on.


patreon.com/wapin7 - Suppor...

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July 1, 2021 34 min

Diary - I've simply got to tell you! Something incredible has happened. Are you ready??? I actually MET the emperor today, the real Russian emperor, and it was A-MAZ-ING!!! 

Here's what happened... I was standing around on the road feeling MAD about not getting to do any fighting when suddenly everything slowed down. Everyone was quiet, and it was like the air was ON FIRE.

That's when I saw him. He was Majestic. Amazing. ...

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Oompa loompa doompety doo
We've got a perfect chapter for you
Oompa loompa doompety doris
This one is sort of all about Boris

What do you get when you want a sweet job?
Stories of Emperor's dropping their stuff
Who is the short man shifty as hell?
Standing and staring, run but don't yell!

We don't like the look of it


patreon.com/wapin7 - Support the podcast!

wapin7.com/rate 🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟- Le...

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June 17, 2021 35 min

These days we think nothing of receiving a sick gif from great grandma Bing, or a wicked TikTok from second uncle Pepe. There's no limit to the number of dope memes pinging live into our notification zones, hot and fresh from friends far and wide. 

Back in 1805 though, Tikhon was the closest you came to TikTok, and if you wanted to see Count Rostov doing that funny dance, you had to knock on his door.

But that doesn't mean th...

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June 10, 2021 30 min

Might Mary maybe marry? 

And Anatole... an angel awaits?

Naysayer Nasty Nick needs "NO!"

Tikhon turnip turtle train... 

OK, enough of the amazing alliteration. There's mystery aplenty in this week's episode: someone has a tail, there's irrefutable proof of a superpower and Mary's fate is finally fettled, sorry, settled!

Mary, is it a 'YES!' or a 'NO!" 

You won't believe the answer.


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June 3, 2021 30 min

Dearest Listener,

You are cordially invited to the 1805 FATHER OF THE YEAR awards, recognising some of the most incredible, selfless and thoughtful fathering from the past twelve months. 

Taking place at the famous Sad Mansion, this year's gala will be an unforgettable event - with catering from the renowned McTurtle Food Corp™, music from the triple platinum Gravy Boaters, plus of course the incredibly moving stories from our Fa...

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We're back at Sad Mansion and there really is snow way out. It's time to arrange another wedding, so let's really dial up the sad-ometer! 

Nasty Nick is back and he is positively piste! His angry sneezes are seconds away from causing an avalanche of misery. Will he succeed in making everyone in the house cry? Will he pull off the biggest prank of the entire book? Will Marry smile? Will Vasili inch closer to Space Mountai...

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May 20, 2021 32 min

You know the feeling - your bags are packed, you've triple checked the passports, your pockets are stuffed with travel ham. This is going to be the best holiday ever. 

But as your horse drawn taxi clatters toward the airport a terrible sensation creeps up your spine.

What have you forgotten?

You took the bear to the bear sitter, check. Household gas and electricity supply doesn't exist yet, it can't be that. Snuff boxes? T...

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Sick and tired of having grapes shot at you all day? Fed up of cheese rolls and barefooted handsome psychopaths? Are you longing for your old life of decadence? A life of seemingly endless and interchangeable social gatherings? A life full of turtle-based snacks and unforgettable anecdotes from the freshest diplomatists that Russia has to offer? 

Are your hands really massive and red? 

Do you need a wife? DO YOU WANT A WIFE?!

If you a...

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This week we're giving Tolstoy a well earned rest - while he enjoys a Turkish pipe and a nice hot bath, we're diving head first into the blue, blood-warm waters of William Golding's Lord of the Flies.

Lauded alongside War and Peace as one of the greatest books of all time, Lord of the Flies finally answers the age old question 'should society be exclusively run by small children?'

A bunch of boys crash land on a d...

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April 15, 2021 56 min

You've finished Book 2 of War and Peace! Take a bow. The crowd are chanting your name! 

"YOU ARE SO DIPLOMAT <YOUR NAME>!" They scream and cry.

Flowers fall from the sky. You wipe a single tear from your cheek and take a triumphant bite of delicious ham. 

If you've been with us from the start, or are but a simple traveller on the literary podcast highway looking for a refresh of Book 2 of the greatest book ever, ...

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Hi Will, 

I've just been going through the official WAPIN7 End of Book Checklist, and I'm pleased to say today's episode really has got it all:

✅ Intense dramatic tension
✅ New horse x 1
✅ Andy Pandy mic droppin' all over the shop
✅ Incredible literary prose
✅ Multiple descriptions of HANDS
✅ Unbelievable displays of military incompetence 
✅ Minor arguments about shoes and logs
✅ AT LEAST ONE naked man

Anyway, just wanted to ...

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April 1, 2021 33 min



quickly and without warning; unexpectedly

Will was perfectly summarising a chapter of War and Peace when suddenly Steve interjected and told him off for saying “‘suddenly” too much. Will, like the hapless General, turned purple with rage and was about to defend his honour when SUDDENLY -

Be honest, you’re extremely intrigued to find out what happens next.


tolstoy@wapin7.com - Email us or send us something!

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March 25, 2021 32 min

Goodbye, Darren, my old friend
You were a horsey to the end
You softly galloped on your sweet hooves
The bravest friend that we could ever lose
I have a vision, of you nibbling on some hay
In the sky
Within the barn of silence.

Read the full eulogy: https://wapin7.com/episode/42-it-has-continued


tolstoy@wapin7.com - Email us or send us something!
wapin7.com/rate 🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟- Leave a rating or review...

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March 18, 2021 31 min

You'd be forgiven for thinking the beginning of the book was the beginning - oh how naive you are! 41 chapters in and now it's really time to get things started.

The horses are primed, the ham supplies are looking good and the cannon balls have been mopped to perfection.

One thing we hadn't thought of was the requirement of an extremely well dressed Accountant...

Now that he's here, calculator in hand, there's real...

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March 11, 2021 28 min

Do you want to be SUCCESSFUL? 


Do you want to be heroically KILLED BY GRAPE SHOT?

If the answer to any of these questions is 'YES I DO', 'PERHAPS' or 'NOT REALLY' then WAPIN7's Climbing The Success Pyramid is the hot new motivational book for YOU.

Learn why the most successful people only ever wear denim, how epigrams can make you look smart, and how your ...

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March 4, 2021 30 min

You know the saying, "War and Peace go together like birds of a feather". 

Birds have lots of feathers, you see, and a bird would not actually be legally called a bird if it had no feathers... Which is a lot like war and peace when you think about it. I mean, when you really think about it. 

Can you ever truly have peace without having some war? Does war inevitably always lead to peace? Is there a bird that exists in the wild...

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