March 27, 2025 • 33 mins
How do we find moments of light after unthinkable loss? Alison Chick joins us to share how her life transformed when her son Alex died in a motorcycle accident just days after his high school graduation. Her raw honesty about that devastating day—from the moment she saw a traffic advisory near their home to the unbearable hospital visit—captures the shattering reality of losing a child.
Yet within this heartbreak, Alison reveals the unexpected ways she's found connection and meaning. She tells us about the "Alex winks"—those inexplicable moments when coincidences feel like something more. Like discovering that one of the women who stopped to comfort Alex after his accident had a meaningful encounter with Alison's husband years earlier. Or finding a heart-shaped petal in her memorial garden on a difficult Mother's Day.
What strikes deepest is Alison's grace-filled approach to grief. Six years later, she still keeps Alex's room largely as he left it, including his last load of laundry. Her philosophy—"Maybe someday, but not today"—offers permission to process loss without timelines or judgment. This same compassion extends to how she honors Alex's kind spirit through "pay it forward" cards, performing random acts of kindness in her son's memory.
For fellow grieving parents, Alison's wisdom is both simple and profound: "If you want to talk about your child, talk about your child." And for everyone: "Give grace. Just give everybody grace." Including yourself.
This conversation reminds us that grief evolves but doesn't disappear, and that finding peace comes not from "moving on" but from carrying our loved ones with us as we continue living. As Alison puts it, success in grief can be as simple as putting your feet on the floor each morning—a powerful reminder for anyone navigating life after loss.
"Dream Bird" by Jonny Easton
Thank you for listening to Warrior Moms podcast. It is an honor to share about our beloved children gone too soon, and we hope by telling of our loss, it may help someone in their grief journey. Please note that we are not medical professionals and encourage those listening to seek help from mental health professionals.
We'd love to hear from our followers!
Website: https://www.warriormoms.me/
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With love,
Warrior Moms Amy & Michele
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 2 (00:00):
Hello and welcome back to Warrior Moms I am
Michelle Davis and I am AmyDurham and we are so glad to
have y'all back with us, andwe're also very excited to have
our friend Allison Chick to talkabout her son, alex.
It's just, it's a terrible.
I'm glad you're here, but I'mnot glad you're here, as we
(00:20):
always say.
Right, allison?
Why don't you go ahead andintroduce yourself and let
everybody know who you are?
Speaker 3 (00:27):
I'm Allison Chick, Alex's mom, and I'm born and
raised in.
Speaker 2 (00:41):
Georgia.
Speaker 1 (00:41):
Raised our family in Georgia Go dogs.
She says, yes, I don't know.
Well, tell us, tell us aboutAlex.
Speaker 3 (00:49):
Alex was an old soul, very kind, smart, very smart.
Just did things for people.
I remember one time I had totake him to excuse me to.
He was at Milton and so I wentto drop him off in the line and
I said Alex.
I said that young girl has hadcrutches and carrying bags on
each side and he was like, oh,mom, she'll be fine and I was
(01:12):
like, okay.
So I went about my day.
Well, I got to work and I gotan email from a teacher that he
had gone and taken the bags andwalked her all the way to her
classroom.
My gosh yeah, my gosh yeah.
Speaker 2 (01:26):
Thoughtful, because most teenage boys don't think
that no yeah.
Speaker 1 (01:31):
You're like oh, mom, you know she's fine, and then
that would truly be it.
Speaker 2 (01:36):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (01:36):
Yeah, yeah.
So he was thoughtful Just wouldgo to my parents' house if my
mom needed anything help withanything, and so yeah, so take
us back to that terrible day.
So Alex graduated from Milton ona Tuesday I think it was May
1st 2019.
And then we had his graduationparty that Saturday with family
(02:00):
and friends, and it was alsoMemorial Day weekend, so we had
the party Saturday and thenSunday we were off work and he
was out of school.
He had gotten a motorcycle as agraduation gift.
He had begged took the safetycourse for it, and I just was
like, oh, but Cliff and I talkedabout it and so we were going
(02:22):
to get him a motorcycle for hisgraduation.
We went and looked at thedifferent bikes and there's the
fast crotch rocket ones.
I was not doing that, cliff andI picked the one that we thought
was going to be good as far asyou know, getting him out of the
way, but not super fast, yeah,so we had given him that for his
graduation, and so Cliff andAlex were working in our barn to
(02:44):
make it louder.
So I always thought, withmotorcycles, like the muffler
you'll hear, like on the Harleys, they're really loud, yeah, but
that's so, that's a safety, soit's so people can hear them.
Speaker 1 (02:56):
Didn't know that either.
Speaker 3 (02:57):
Yeah, because I went down there and I was like, oh my
gosh, you have to make it likeso loud and he's like, mom, it's
, it's for the safety, so peoplecan hear the motorcycle.
And I was like, so he came upcause he was going over to his
girlfriend's for a barbecue andCliff and I were going to run to
the grocery to get stuff tocook on the grill and he was
going into shower and so we saidour goodbyes and Cliff and I
(03:19):
went to the sorry, to the store,and when we got back he had
already left Mercedes and soCliff had started the grill and
I sat on the front porch swingand I was just doing Facebook
and I stopped because Miltonpolice had put a traffic
advisory at 140 in Ranchette andI was like motorcycle accident.
(03:43):
And so my heart, oh my heavens,immediately, immediately, yeah,
which it's only like not even ahalf a mile from where we live.
So I immediately go to 360because we have that on our
phone.
And Alex was just pinged rightthere.
So I ran inside and said I needyou to look at my phone because
I need to make sure I'm notseeing things.
(04:04):
So he said tell Seth, we'll beback.
We're just running up the road.
So I told Seth we'll be rightback, we just have to run an
errand.
So by the time we were makingour way up 140, traffic was
stopping and we weren't gettinganywhere.
So there's Sweet Apple and thenRanchette's just a little
farther up.
So when we get to Sweet Applethey were directing traffic to
(04:25):
go down Sweet Apple and Cliffjust got out of line and went up
there and we both just ran upto the cop that was there and
just was begging.
You know, please tell us whatcolor the bike is.
Who is it?
Who is it?
Another police officer camedown and said y'all need to get
(04:46):
in the truck and get to NorthFulton.
And we're like what's?
You know what's the name?
And he was like you need to getto North Fulton, so we get back
in Cliff's truck.
And I mean he just drove like abat out of hell.
We got to North Fulton hospitaland went in and I just felt like
everybody was already staringat us and I was begging them.
(05:09):
My son was brought in byambulance with a motorcycle
accident and so they just kindof stood there.
It was like we were frozen intime and at one point they said
well, we need you to come inthis room.
And so they took us into, likeI mean, it was a little bitty
room, like back in the ER orlike on the office, it was kind
of like off to the side.
(05:31):
So we went in there and we werejust sitting there waiting and
waiting and then two nurses camein and wanted to know who we
were and stuff like that.
And I vaguely remember themsaying like I said I need to see
him, I want to go back and seeAlex, and they said we don't,
that's not a good idea.
And I said why not?
And that's where they said youknow, we couldn't save him.
(05:54):
He's gone.
At that point I just rememberfalling to the floor and
screaming and I said I don't, Ididn't believe him, I don't know
why.
I just remember falling to thefloor and screaming and I said I
don't, I didn't believe him, Idon't know why.
I just did not believe him.
I wanted to see him.
And they said that's, that'snot a good idea.
And so Cliff then said okay,then I'll go back.
(06:18):
And they said, oh, so theyallowed Cliff to go back and
then he was, they were gone.
It felt like forever, becausenow I'm in the room by myself
and Cliff came back and I couldjust tell by the look on his
face and I just yeah, horrific.
Speaker 2 (06:38):
So that's a moment that you will never get out of
your head.
Your memory will that?
That look that Cliff had andeverything is a moment that is
stuck of your head.
Your memory will that look thatCliff had and everything is a
moment that is stuck in yourhead Not stuck, but it's there
forever, it's just yeah, it'sengraved in my mind.
There you go.
That's the word I'm looking for.
Speaker 3 (06:56):
So then the next thing was okay, like Cliff
wanted to know how it happened,I wasn't leaving the hospital.
So I told him you know, go,because I'm not leaving until I
have to have proof or whatever.
So I started calling family andmy sisters and my mom and my
dad, and just then the wholeemergency room was just, I mean,
(07:19):
packed.
Speaker 1 (07:20):
And Cliff went back to the scene, or where did he?
Speaker 3 (07:23):
go.
Yeah, he went back to the scene.
We sent a.
Go.
Yeah, he went back to the scene.
We sent a family friend to goget Seth.
How old was Seth?
So there's five years, so hewas 13.
He was 13.
The next thing I knew is Idon't know how long we stayed
there.
I didn't want to leave Somepoint.
My dad and my mom, they werelike you know, we got to go.
So we had to leave At somepoint.
(07:43):
My dad and my mom, they werelike you know, we got to go, so
we had to leave.
So we went, you know, to mymom's, because that's where
everybody was going at thatpoint, and so you know, then
it's the next days of planning,you know, the funeral.
Speaker 2 (07:56):
That's so sad.
Like he had just planned hisgraduation.
He had just had his graduationparty and now you're planning a
funeral Like that.
Was that that sped up so fast?
Speaker 3 (08:06):
Yeah, people that had come into town basically turned
back around.
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (08:12):
So yeah.
Speaker 3 (08:13):
My gosh.
Speaker 2 (08:14):
Allison, I remember that.
I remember that because our son, Chase, graduated the same year
, but from Cambridge, and youknow my Alec passed away three
weeks before your Alex did.
So we're like right there onthat same timeline and it was
just so raw and just soeverything you know, because we
were.
I just remember him coming homeand telling me about, you know,
(08:36):
a boy from Milton, and it wasjust a hurt for you at that time
.
Speaker 1 (08:41):
I mean, we can't say it enough.
But it's just, it's a pain thatdoes not have a word for.
Speaker 3 (08:47):
No, no, it's.
It's somewhere we read, orsomebody put it on the Facebook
page of it being like a rock,you know in your pocket and you
know I've learned just tonavigate life differently.
It's still hard to believe thatwe're coming up on.
Is it six?
It'll be six years in May.
Speaker 1 (09:05):
Yeah, and sometimes it feels like it really is a
lifetime ago.
And then other times it's likewhew, it was just yesterday.
Speaker 3 (09:14):
Yeah, yeah.
We later learned with theaccident that in Arnold Mill if
you're familiar with 140, itkind of curves.
And so when he was headedtowards Alpharetta, a landscape
truck had turned in front of himand there was nowhere for him
to go.
It's a small world becausethere were two moms that had
(09:36):
stopped.
They didn't see the accidenthappen, but there was two moms
that stopped and were with him.
Wow, yeah, wow, does that bringyou some comfort?
Yeah, I call them my angels.
Yeah, and one is a, you know, areally close friend with
another warrior mom, and so itwas just around the funeral with
(09:57):
Rayanne, oh my God.
So it was just, and at thefuneral they kept saying you
know, alex is a warrior for theLord.
And they went to the WoodlandsCamp, which is the Christian
camp.
And he loved the woodlands,hiking and rock climbing and
kayaking, all that stuff thatyou know dirt bike riding.
He had ridden dirt bikes sincehe was, I mean, old enough to
(10:17):
walk and I think that's why wethought that the bike was okay,
Right, but yeah.
Speaker 2 (10:22):
Allison, and it was okay, it was okay, Right, but
yeah, allison, and it was okay,it was okay.
Yeah, and I know that that'ssomething that you've toyed with
.
Probably have we not gotten inthe bike, you know, and that is
that whole what if world, thatwe could do that all day.
But it was okay to get him thatbike because he did everything,
you know, and this is just oneof those terrible, terrible
things that just happen for noreason, no reason, yeah.
Speaker 3 (10:48):
He would have bought it himself.
Speaker 2 (10:50):
He would have saved the money.
Speaker 3 (10:51):
And he was very surprised when he was not
expecting it at all.
Speaker 2 (10:55):
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3 (10:57):
He knew that that's probably the one thing that his
mom was not going to allow.
Speaker 1 (11:01):
Yeah, oh, my gosh was not going to allow.
Yeah, oh, my gosh.
Well, tell us about your cardsthat you have created and pass
out in honor of Alex.
The pay it forward card.
Speaker 3 (11:13):
Yeah, so I saw that on.
I don't believe this particularmom is in Georgia, but I saw it
somewhere where she had madepay it forward cards in honor of
her son and I had gone onmessage or an aster.
You know, do you mind if I kindof steal your idea?
But so we just have like alittle message, you know, to do
(11:34):
a random act of kindness inhonor of Alex, and you know, if
I'm in McDonald's and I justit's on my heart, then I'll pay
for the guy or female behind meand then ask the cashier to give
them the card so they know itwas done in Alex's honor.
Speaker 1 (11:49):
I remember getting a card and I immediately used it.
I went to Starbucks.
Yeah, I just thought that wasthe neatest you know in such a
sad, horrific time.
But to be able to.
You know, it's like this secretlittle kindness that you're
doing and that feels like thestories that you tell about him,
like he's not, you know,gregarious with you know oh,
(12:11):
look at all the things I do buthe was just this gentle, kind
person he was.
Speaker 2 (12:18):
He was, and you always use the quote stay humble
and kind when you talk.
Now, what is that?
Tell us?
Speaker 3 (12:23):
about that.
It just it's a song by TimMcGraw that just that is relics.
That song, you know when peoplewould play it and I would share
it, probably every Monday for awhile on Facebook and then
people would hear it on theradio and I would get texts of
you know, we're thinking of youand it just the humble and kind
(12:47):
you know.
So just spreading kindness inthis world and yes, and I see
your purple nails.
Yeah, so Alex's favorite colorwas purple and I think we
learned that from just some oflike his pictures.
He always had purple.
So yeah, if it's one thing Ican put out there that has
(13:07):
brought me peace is to look forsigns and not force.
Think them, but it's just outof nowhere.
They send their little winks.
You know God's in control, butI call them Alex winks.
Speaker 1 (13:25):
So yeah, love that, and in your backyard you've
created kind of a space for youto have that quiet time.
Speaker 3 (13:35):
Yeah, Just where I pull up and it's just a garden
where you know I have an angel,and I did like a river and
painted the rocks purple andplant purple flowers.
I think it was one of my firstMother's Day, which was you know
it's tough, if not everyMother's Day.
But I was out there and I justsaid, you know, I just, alex, I
(13:59):
just need a sign it's Mother'sDay.
I want to know you're near.
And so nothing came crashingfrom the sky.
There was some, you know,lightning strike, but then there
was like blades of grass comingup through the rocks and I just
was pulling out the grass and Iwish I could see, but there's a
(14:19):
petal in the shape of a heartright next to some grass and I
was like okay, yeah, yeah, yeah,that was his.
I'm here, mom.
I mean that is so cool, becauseI don't believe in coincidences
.
So, yeah, that's what brings me.
Peace is just those littlewinks.
Speaker 1 (14:38):
You know something I remember that I was just
searching for.
You know, could these signsactually be signs or are they?
You know, is it just like whatyou said?
You're forcing them in some way?
And I went down this wholerabbit hole of like going, you
know, do mathematicians talkabout?
Like who who's trying todisprove it?
You know, and I stumbled uponan essay from Albert Einstein
(15:01):
that talked about like he went,sought to you know, prove that
there are in fact coincidences.
And he got as close as he couldmathematically, and the finding
was that you can't provecoincidences mathematically.
Finding was that you can'tprove coincidences
mathematically.
Speaker 3 (15:21):
And so his quote is that coincidences are the way
God remains anonymous.
Wow, I love that.
Speaker 1 (15:29):
I know he couldn't prove that mathematically that
coincidences do actually occur,that coincidences do actually
occur, and so his finding, orhis quote that goes with the
findings, is that coincidencesare the way God remains
anonymous.
I love it, I love it, love that, yeah, yeah.
So you had that, god wink, hadyou had them.
(15:51):
You know, leading up to you,know that that first Mother's
Day.
Speaker 3 (15:56):
I don't um, I don't know, cause there's a fog.
Brain is real.
Speaker 2 (16:02):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (16:03):
Like as we were, you know, talking, I was trying to
remember the name of Rayanne'sfriend, and it was Aaron, and it
just popped in yeah, aaron andMally, um.
And that, yeah, they, um, theywere my angels, because as a mom
I couldn't get there.
Yes, so, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (16:22):
And I love that, the earth angels, because we have
these people that just do thesethings that just seem
extraordinary.
You know that are just a gift,that they didn't know really
even what they were giving usand they did it anyway.
Speaker 3 (16:37):
So can I tell you about Mally.
So with Mally, my husband, wehave German Shepherds, we have
one and still a Yorkie.
But this was when Bella's momwas still here with us and so my
husband has a shop up HickoryFlat and there's a gas station
next door, and so PrincessBella's mom would be kind of out
(16:58):
, not going anywhere, and Mallyand her daughter were going.
In Long story short, they foundout that Mally's daughter had
been mauled by a big dog, so herfear of dogs was immense.
Well, cliff saw it and he toldthem no, no, no, she's good,
she's good.
So that was the first time thatMally's daughter had ever pet a
(17:20):
big dog since that Right, oh mygosh, that was probably maybe
fog ring, but maybe two yearsbefore the accident.
Mally is one of the moms thatwas there for Alex.
Oh, my.
Speaker 2 (17:33):
God, wow, you can't make that up.
Speaker 1 (17:37):
And I mean that is such a busy, busy area, I mean
it's I just the timing of allthat is unbelievable.
Speaker 2 (17:45):
And the ability to connect it, the gift of the
connection.
Speaker 3 (17:49):
Yeah, I have a lot of connections as far as the W
moms.
So, kathy, her husband, dave,was Alex's bus driver.
Yeah, so they were.
They came to the viewing and Ididn't know who they were, but
he had introduced me, introducedhimself to me, as you know.
Alex's bus driver.
So it's just yeah, it's what isthat?
Speaker 2 (18:11):
It's a seven degrees to Kevin Bacon, it's seven
degrees to Kevin Bacon.
Speaker 3 (18:20):
But yeah, so to know that you know.
Cliff kind of soothed Mally'sdaughter in the fear of big dogs
and I don't know if thatconquered her fear or not, but
at that moment it was good.
Yeah, right For her to pet, youknow, princess, and then fast
forward that Mally then wasthere To comfort Alex.
Speaker 1 (18:41):
To be there with Alex .
Speaker 3 (18:42):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (18:43):
Oh gosh, that is beautiful.
What is it that you miss mostabout Alex?
I know.
Speaker 3 (18:50):
He was a lot of things, but he was a prankster
he was, yeah.
So, growing up, like my dad andI have this thing of being the
biggest jokester, the master ofjokes, right.
And so then when Alex got oldenough, he then started to want
to be the master of the joke.
That is so cute.
(19:10):
But just his smile and just hisheart.
I mean he'd be out once he gotto drive and go off.
He always would come back andbring me Reese's Pieces.
Just didn't ask him, he justwould do it.
It's just his heart and hissmile.
He just had an infectious smile.
Speaker 1 (19:28):
My goodness, I'm so sorry, but I'm so glad to hear
these.
Just I mean, like I said, theseintersections, but these just
moments in your life that giveyou some peace.
You know that you have thatwhen we think about all of us.
You know, joining warrior moms.
What does that brought?
Speaker 3 (19:46):
you.
Speaker 1 (19:47):
How has?
Speaker 3 (19:48):
that helped, Just knowing that I'm in a room with
moms that get it that understandand um, and that what I've
learned is in watching y'all,that you can still laugh and
it's okay.
Speaker 1 (20:04):
Yeah, yeah, um, I think that was one of the first
things you and I had talkedabout was that you feel guilty,
that there was that sadness andyou're just, you know, unsure
about.
You know, we all feel that atsome point, you know, because in
those early days you're, ofcourse, you're shattered, you're
absolutely shattered, and sothere's an inability to even
(20:24):
feel joy, you know, right for agood long while.
Speaker 3 (20:27):
Yeah, and I think sometimes it's when you and
people in your close friends,families, even acquaintances,
sometimes they will say thingsand inside you just want to.
You know, I wanted to punchsome people but really, in all,
they don't know, they don't,they don't have a clue, and so
you have to give people grace.
(20:48):
Yeah, I would always hear ohwell, alex wouldn't want you to
be sad.
Yeah, how do you know what Alexwould want?
Alex wouldn't want you to besad.
Yeah, how do you know what Alexwould want?
You know another one is well,don't you have another son?
You know Alex and Seth wereclose, they were typical
brothers, they had a love-haterelationship.
Yeah, but you would want to saywell, which child would you
(21:10):
choose?
Speaker 1 (21:11):
Yeah, right.
Speaker 3 (21:15):
I mean, it's just yeah, it's, but it is true, it
is true, but what I learned wasthey have to say something and
they love you, yeah, and so withthat you have to give them
grace, and I learned that earlyon, but just really with the
warrior moms.
It's just learning lessons andand what little things y'all
have done to get peace.
And you know, I hate to saymove forward because I still
(21:38):
haven't grasped that.
Speaker 2 (21:39):
No, yeah, but continuing to live, maybe, yeah,
yeah.
So what is something that hashelped you the most Like?
I know you have your purplegarden and like coming to
Warrior Moms, but what issomething that has really helped
you to?
Speaker 3 (21:54):
find peace, just trying to be kind to other
people, like Alex would likeliving, so he would be proud.
You know um of me, um me too,just just to be kind.
Yeah, you're not gonna.
You know some people are goingto make you mad.
It doesn't take madness away oremotional way, but just try to
be kind to everybody.
(22:15):
It's really brought me the most.
Don't sweat the small stuff.
It's like you know things couldbe worse, so things that I
would get so like went out ofshape.
It's like now.
It's like yeah, so yeah, a lotof lessons, and that makes me
more at peace, you know, withnot getting so upset over little
(22:36):
things.
What were those?
Speaker 1 (22:38):
dark days like.
What are the dark days like?
Speaker 3 (22:41):
Not wanting to go anywhere.
I find a lot of peace inside myhouse, so I like being at home,
but I like getting out too.
But I'm trying to figure out away back there.
It's just where I have Alex'sroom.
We still have his room.
Speaker 2 (22:57):
That's where I've kept all his you know things,
and so sometimes still just howhe left it, or have you gone in
there and, like, tidied it up?
Speaker 3 (23:05):
I, you know, I'll mop and sweep in there and I've
taken.
Well, I took a picture of hisbed, cause we just put like the
what do they call it?
The memorial of all his Biblesand his books.
Oh, that's one thing I want totell you was so I take a picture
(23:25):
, I take everything off, I cleanit up and then I put it right.
There is in his bathroom.
His slides are still there fromwhere he came out of them to
get in the shower that day.
I have not touched them and Istill have his last load of
laundry.
That is one thing I just justcan't.
I can't bring myself to do it.
Speaker 1 (23:46):
I know I have.
I have that too.
There's Carter's got a lacrossebag that I just won't touch and
it's, you know, it's stinkierand stinkier and and it just
doesn't matter and and I I thinkthat's got to sound really
strange to people that haven'twalked this path with us.
Speaker 3 (24:05):
Yeah, but it would be the last time I would be able
to do.
You know, his laundry.
And I just, I can't yet.
Maybe one day, right, but yeah,not today.
Yeah, and that's what I have totell myself.
Is what would people think if Ihad six-year-old laundry?
Speaker 2 (24:22):
My underwear sure is dirty.
Speaker 1 (24:25):
No.
Speaker 3 (24:27):
But not today, and I'm okay with that.
Speaker 1 (24:30):
I love that phrase, alison Gosh.
We have never talked about thator thought about it have we
Maybe someday, but not today.
Gosh, I love that.
That is.
I just have full chills.
Speaker 3 (24:43):
I think that gives such grace to yourself, yeah you
have to give yourself grace,cause if I believe, if you don't
, like I might be under thecovers today, putting y'all off
day after day, but I had a lotof support, you know, with
family and friends, and you haveto let people be there for you
too.
The company I work for, youknow my my leadership has been
(25:05):
huge support.
They take the cards and do therandom act of kindness and
friend.
Yeah, so it just keeps going.
So just choose what you can do.
Today you were going to saysomething about the Bible, so it
was interesting.
So of course, during the, youknow, there was an investigation
into the accident and stuffthat's probably too hard for me
(25:28):
to discuss today.
But the one thing that theythought and I don't know if it
was because he was a teenager ona motorcycle in Milton or what
have you, but they searched hisbackpack that he had and maybe
they, I think, that they werelooking for something Uh-huh.
Speaker 1 (25:46):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (25:49):
But they found his Bible.
Speaker 1 (25:51):
Oh his.
Speaker 3 (25:52):
Bible they found was his Bible.
Speaker 2 (25:54):
Oh my gosh.
Speaker 1 (25:56):
A warrior for Christ.
Oh, my, that's beautiful.
Yeah, so that phrase not today.
What's what's a small success?
That you see gosh in that firstyear or two or three, that you
couldn't do that.
Now you're like gosh, okay, Ihave a small success, like for
(26:16):
me.
I know I couldn't go get my hairdone.
I went one time and I cried thewhole entire time.
I think it was sitting stilland that small talk, and I just
I absolutely couldn't do it.
I think it was sitting stillthat and and that small talk,
and I just I absolutely couldn'tdo it.
Speaker 3 (26:30):
I think it was five years maybe before I went and
had it professionally done so inthe beginning, probably just
venturing out of the house andstarting to go like to go back
to work, cause I found that aslong as Cliff was staying at
home after it happened, then I'mgoing to stay home and then I I
can't speak for Cliff, but Ithink it kind of was the same.
(26:51):
So one of us had to, and heowns his own business, so he
could have stayed home tilltoday.
But but yeah, it was just that,that step to.
To making to go back to workthat is huge, isn't it?
Yeah?
Yeah, to making to go back towork that is huge, isn't it?
Yeah?
But now I was, you know, I didhave a lot of support at work
and and still to this day do.
(27:12):
But I was talking with a momnot too long ago that just lost
her son in September and she wasmajorly you know in the
beginning, right Struggling.
And I said as long as if yougot up today and put your feet
on the floor, and I said, aslong as if you got up today and
put your feet on the floor, thenyou succeeded.
Yes, that's it.
If you feel okay with that,then you succeeded.
(27:35):
Yes, so sometimes you're notgoing to get out of bed, you're
not going to take a shower,you're not going to brush your
teeth, you're not going to eat,and that's okay.
Speaker 1 (27:44):
That's right, yeah, because I mean our love is so
deep and it's going to justknock us to the ground on many
days and we have to take care ofthat, right.
Speaker 3 (27:53):
And it still knocks me to the ground sometimes.
Yes, absolutely Alex's friendsgetting married and some, you
know, just moving forward, right, and so I don't begrudge that
one bit.
But so, yeah, there are goingto be things that you have to
face and yeah, absolutely mygoodness.
Speaker 1 (28:10):
How is Seth through all of this and how have you
guys navigated that?
Speaker 3 (28:14):
I think Seth is doing really well.
I will say we had some verybumpy road.
Speaker 1 (28:22):
Yeah, 13 is a tough age, no matter what yeah.
Speaker 3 (28:27):
So his confidant.
You know they probably were intheir room, like I can't believe
she's making it.
You know it was his best friendand Seth is.
He's a guy, so he's not goingto go too far into his emotions.
Earlier, at 13, 14, I think, hetried to navigate it on his own
(28:49):
and it was like immediately,both Seth and I were in therapy
immediately and she said it'skind of like Seth was sitting on
a ball in the pool and he'sjust he's navigating it, but at
some point that ball is going tocome out.
Oh wow, and it did, and wefaced it head on.
(29:10):
And he's doing, he's doingreally good.
Now, yeah, he'll talk aboutSeth or Alex a little bit, but
but that's okay.
Speaker 1 (29:17):
Right, exactly, we all take our our own journey
right and find how we carry ourchildren, our brother, our
sister, with us.
You know, yeah, because I toldSeth.
Speaker 3 (29:29):
I said you know, yes, we both lost Alex.
I lost a son and you lost abrother.
I still have my sisters, so Idon't know what that grief is.
Right Doesn't mean that I'm nothere for you.
So it's like I was sayingaround Christmas time grief is
like a fingerprint or asnowflake.
No, grief is the same.
And there's, you know, myhusband, cliff Hill.
(29:51):
He grieves differently than Ido, and that I had to learn
early on.
It was like I was trying whyisn't he doing this and why
isn't he doing that?
And it's because we're twodifferent people and we grieve
differently.
And so Seth is going to grievedifferently, absolutely.
So yeah, and we grievedifferently.
Speaker 1 (30:07):
And so Seth is going to grieve differently,
absolutely so yeah, and you justhave to accept that that is how
it is and kind of love themthrough it all, right, yeah,
give them grace, and you tooGive them grace, my gosh.
Well, allison, what final kindof advice You've given us.
So many little gems, my gosh.
Is there any other kind ofpiece of advice that you would
(30:28):
tell and maybe it's not even toa grieving mom, maybe it's to
the family and friends you know?
You said some people don't knowwhat to say, any of those areas
.
Or you think there's an advicethat you would like to give a
grieving mom or to somebody elselistening that hasn't lost a
child but wants to help?
Speaker 3 (30:45):
Okay.
So to grieving moms, I will saythat if you want to talk about
your child, talk about yourchild because they're your child
.
Don't not because you thinkit's going to make others feel
uncomfortable.
It might, but it's your rightto talk about your child and
they will always be your child.
And to the people that havebeen there for me, I just I
(31:06):
don't know.
I just I have felt the love andthe support, and still do to
this day.
But I would just say my biggestthing is give grace.
Just give everybody grace.
Speaker 1 (31:17):
Yes, I love that.
Speaker 2 (31:20):
Alison, you're such a jewel.
Thank you for being here.
Speaker 1 (31:23):
Thank you for being here.
Now I've got it.
Now I see you as this masterprankster.
I have a new task.
Speaker 2 (31:32):
Michelle just accepted the challenge.
Speaker 1 (31:35):
I was like we have a new thing to add to our group.
We haven't tapped into that, ohmy gosh.
Well, thank you for being here.
I know it's hard but it's someaningful and I hope you feel
just that you get a little bitsome peace in sharing Alex who
(31:55):
he was and what happened andjust his kindness.
Speaker 3 (32:00):
Like you, said yeah, and I think I speak for all the
moms.
If it's we can help just onemom, then yeah, I love it.
Speaker 1 (32:08):
Well, I know I'm going to carry not today with me
, that's for sure.
Speaker 3 (32:12):
Yeah, not today.
Speaker 2 (32:14):
Heck, yeah, that's my new motto.
One day, but not today.
Speaker 1 (32:18):
Not today, oh my gosh .
Well, thank you and listeners,if you want to find out more
about all of us Warrior Moms,allison is one of the Warrior
Moms that has authored a chapterabout Alex and her strategies,
and so that will be in ourWarrior Mom book that comes out
in August, and you can go towwwwarriormomsme to get links to
(32:43):
the podcast to find out moreabout the Warrior warrior moms
and more about our book.
Speaker 2 (32:48):
Yes, please go, and you can also send us a note on
there, a recommendation, or youcan sign up to be on the podcast
.
Yay, all right, thank youeveryone.
Thank you, allison and Michellefor being here.
Yes, thank you.
Bye, ta-ta.
Hello and welcome back to Warrior Moms I am
Michelle Davis and I am AmyDurham and we are so glad to
have y'all back with us, andwe're also very excited to have
our friend Allison Chick to talkabout her son, alex.
It's just, it's a terrible.
I'm glad you're here, but I'mnot glad you're here, as we
(00:20):
always say.
Right, allison?
Why don't you go ahead andintroduce yourself and let
everybody know who you are?
Speaker 3 (00:27):
I'm Allison Chick, Alex's mom, and I'm born and
raised in.
Speaker 2 (00:41):
Georgia.
Speaker 1 (00:41):
Raised our family in Georgia Go dogs.
She says, yes, I don't know.
Well, tell us, tell us aboutAlex.
Speaker 3 (00:49):
Alex was an old soul, very kind, smart, very smart.
Just did things for people.
I remember one time I had totake him to excuse me to.
He was at Milton and so I wentto drop him off in the line and
I said Alex.
I said that young girl has hadcrutches and carrying bags on
each side and he was like, oh,mom, she'll be fine and I was
(01:12):
like, okay.
So I went about my day.
Well, I got to work and I gotan email from a teacher that he
had gone and taken the bags andwalked her all the way to her
classroom.
My gosh yeah, my gosh yeah.
Speaker 2 (01:26):
Thoughtful, because most teenage boys don't think
that no yeah.
Speaker 1 (01:31):
You're like oh, mom, you know she's fine, and then
that would truly be it.
Speaker 2 (01:36):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (01:36):
Yeah, yeah.
So he was thoughtful Just wouldgo to my parents' house if my
mom needed anything help withanything, and so yeah, so take
us back to that terrible day.
So Alex graduated from Milton ona Tuesday I think it was May
1st 2019.
And then we had his graduationparty that Saturday with family
(02:00):
and friends, and it was alsoMemorial Day weekend, so we had
the party Saturday and thenSunday we were off work and he
was out of school.
He had gotten a motorcycle as agraduation gift.
He had begged took the safetycourse for it, and I just was
like, oh, but Cliff and I talkedabout it and so we were going
(02:22):
to get him a motorcycle for hisgraduation.
We went and looked at thedifferent bikes and there's the
fast crotch rocket ones.
I was not doing that, cliff andI picked the one that we thought
was going to be good as far asyou know, getting him out of the
way, but not super fast, yeah,so we had given him that for his
graduation, and so Cliff andAlex were working in our barn to
(02:44):
make it louder.
So I always thought, withmotorcycles, like the muffler
you'll hear, like on the Harleys, they're really loud, yeah, but
that's so, that's a safety, soit's so people can hear them.
Speaker 1 (02:56):
Didn't know that either.
Speaker 3 (02:57):
Yeah, because I went down there and I was like, oh my
gosh, you have to make it likeso loud and he's like, mom, it's
, it's for the safety, so peoplecan hear the motorcycle.
And I was like, so he came upcause he was going over to his
girlfriend's for a barbecue andCliff and I were going to run to
the grocery to get stuff tocook on the grill and he was
going into shower and so we saidour goodbyes and Cliff and I
(03:19):
went to the sorry, to the store,and when we got back he had
already left Mercedes and soCliff had started the grill and
I sat on the front porch swingand I was just doing Facebook
and I stopped because Miltonpolice had put a traffic
advisory at 140 in Ranchette andI was like motorcycle accident.
(03:43):
And so my heart, oh my heavens,immediately, immediately, yeah,
which it's only like not even ahalf a mile from where we live.
So I immediately go to 360because we have that on our
phone.
And Alex was just pinged rightthere.
So I ran inside and said I needyou to look at my phone because
I need to make sure I'm notseeing things.
(04:04):
So he said tell Seth, we'll beback.
We're just running up the road.
So I told Seth we'll be rightback, we just have to run an
errand.
So by the time we were makingour way up 140, traffic was
stopping and we weren't gettinganywhere.
So there's Sweet Apple and thenRanchette's just a little
farther up.
So when we get to Sweet Applethey were directing traffic to
(04:25):
go down Sweet Apple and Cliffjust got out of line and went up
there and we both just ran upto the cop that was there and
just was begging.
You know, please tell us whatcolor the bike is.
Who is it?
Who is it?
Another police officer camedown and said y'all need to get
(04:46):
in the truck and get to NorthFulton.
And we're like what's?
You know what's the name?
And he was like you need to getto North Fulton, so we get back
in Cliff's truck.
And I mean he just drove like abat out of hell.
We got to North Fulton hospitaland went in and I just felt like
everybody was already staringat us and I was begging them.
(05:09):
My son was brought in byambulance with a motorcycle
accident and so they just kindof stood there.
It was like we were frozen intime and at one point they said
well, we need you to come inthis room.
And so they took us into, likeI mean, it was a little bitty
room, like back in the ER orlike on the office, it was kind
of like off to the side.
(05:31):
So we went in there and we werejust sitting there waiting and
waiting and then two nurses camein and wanted to know who we
were and stuff like that.
And I vaguely remember themsaying like I said I need to see
him, I want to go back and seeAlex, and they said we don't,
that's not a good idea.
And I said why not?
And that's where they said youknow, we couldn't save him.
(05:54):
He's gone.
At that point I just rememberfalling to the floor and
screaming and I said I don't, Ididn't believe him, I don't know
why.
I just remember falling to thefloor and screaming and I said I
don't, I didn't believe him, Idon't know why.
I just did not believe him.
I wanted to see him.
And they said that's, that'snot a good idea.
And so Cliff then said okay,then I'll go back.
(06:18):
And they said, oh, so theyallowed Cliff to go back and
then he was, they were gone.
It felt like forever, becausenow I'm in the room by myself
and Cliff came back and I couldjust tell by the look on his
face and I just yeah, horrific.
Speaker 2 (06:38):
So that's a moment that you will never get out of
your head.
Your memory will that?
That look that Cliff had andeverything is a moment that is
stuck of your head.
Your memory will that look thatCliff had and everything is a
moment that is stuck in yourhead Not stuck, but it's there
forever, it's just yeah, it'sengraved in my mind.
There you go.
That's the word I'm looking for.
Speaker 3 (06:56):
So then the next thing was okay, like Cliff
wanted to know how it happened,I wasn't leaving the hospital.
So I told him you know, go,because I'm not leaving until I
have to have proof or whatever.
So I started calling family andmy sisters and my mom and my
dad, and just then the wholeemergency room was just, I mean,
(07:19):
packed.
Speaker 1 (07:20):
And Cliff went back to the scene, or where did he?
Speaker 3 (07:23):
go.
Yeah, he went back to the scene.
We sent a.
Go.
Yeah, he went back to the scene.
We sent a family friend to goget Seth.
How old was Seth?
So there's five years, so hewas 13.
He was 13.
The next thing I knew is Idon't know how long we stayed
there.
I didn't want to leave Somepoint.
My dad and my mom, they werelike you know, we got to go.
So we had to leave At somepoint.
(07:43):
My dad and my mom, they werelike you know, we got to go, so
we had to leave.
So we went, you know, to mymom's, because that's where
everybody was going at thatpoint, and so you know, then
it's the next days of planning,you know, the funeral.
Speaker 2 (07:56):
That's so sad.
Like he had just planned hisgraduation.
He had just had his graduationparty and now you're planning a
funeral Like that.
Was that that sped up so fast?
Speaker 3 (08:06):
Yeah, people that had come into town basically turned
back around.
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (08:12):
So yeah.
Speaker 3 (08:13):
My gosh.
Speaker 2 (08:14):
Allison, I remember that.
I remember that because our son, Chase, graduated the same year
, but from Cambridge, and youknow my Alec passed away three
weeks before your Alex did.
So we're like right there onthat same timeline and it was
just so raw and just soeverything you know, because we
were.
I just remember him coming homeand telling me about, you know,
(08:36):
a boy from Milton, and it wasjust a hurt for you at that time
.
Speaker 1 (08:41):
I mean, we can't say it enough.
But it's just, it's a pain thatdoes not have a word for.
Speaker 3 (08:47):
No, no, it's.
It's somewhere we read, orsomebody put it on the Facebook
page of it being like a rock,you know in your pocket and you
know I've learned just tonavigate life differently.
It's still hard to believe thatwe're coming up on.
Is it six?
It'll be six years in May.
Speaker 1 (09:05):
Yeah, and sometimes it feels like it really is a
lifetime ago.
And then other times it's likewhew, it was just yesterday.
Speaker 3 (09:14):
Yeah, yeah.
We later learned with theaccident that in Arnold Mill if
you're familiar with 140, itkind of curves.
And so when he was headedtowards Alpharetta, a landscape
truck had turned in front of himand there was nowhere for him
to go.
It's a small world becausethere were two moms that had
(09:36):
stopped.
They didn't see the accidenthappen, but there was two moms
that stopped and were with him.
Wow, yeah, wow, does that bringyou some comfort?
Yeah, I call them my angels.
Yeah, and one is a, you know, areally close friend with
another warrior mom, and so itwas just around the funeral with
(09:57):
Rayanne, oh my God.
So it was just, and at thefuneral they kept saying you
know, alex is a warrior for theLord.
And they went to the WoodlandsCamp, which is the Christian
camp.
And he loved the woodlands,hiking and rock climbing and
kayaking, all that stuff thatyou know dirt bike riding.
He had ridden dirt bikes sincehe was, I mean, old enough to
(10:17):
walk and I think that's why wethought that the bike was okay,
Right, but yeah.
Speaker 2 (10:22):
Allison, and it was okay, it was okay, Right, but
yeah, allison, and it was okay,it was okay.
Yeah, and I know that that'ssomething that you've toyed with
.
Probably have we not gotten inthe bike, you know, and that is
that whole what if world, thatwe could do that all day.
But it was okay to get him thatbike because he did everything,
you know, and this is just oneof those terrible, terrible
things that just happen for noreason, no reason, yeah.
Speaker 3 (10:48):
He would have bought it himself.
Speaker 2 (10:50):
He would have saved the money.
Speaker 3 (10:51):
And he was very surprised when he was not
expecting it at all.
Speaker 2 (10:55):
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3 (10:57):
He knew that that's probably the one thing that his
mom was not going to allow.
Speaker 1 (11:01):
Yeah, oh, my gosh was not going to allow.
Yeah, oh, my gosh.
Well, tell us about your cardsthat you have created and pass
out in honor of Alex.
The pay it forward card.
Speaker 3 (11:13):
Yeah, so I saw that on.
I don't believe this particularmom is in Georgia, but I saw it
somewhere where she had madepay it forward cards in honor of
her son and I had gone onmessage or an aster.
You know, do you mind if I kindof steal your idea?
But so we just have like alittle message, you know, to do
(11:34):
a random act of kindness inhonor of Alex, and you know, if
I'm in McDonald's and I justit's on my heart, then I'll pay
for the guy or female behind meand then ask the cashier to give
them the card so they know itwas done in Alex's honor.
Speaker 1 (11:49):
I remember getting a card and I immediately used it.
I went to Starbucks.
Yeah, I just thought that wasthe neatest you know in such a
sad, horrific time.
But to be able to.
You know, it's like this secretlittle kindness that you're
doing and that feels like thestories that you tell about him,
like he's not, you know,gregarious with you know oh,
(12:11):
look at all the things I do buthe was just this gentle, kind
person he was.
Speaker 2 (12:18):
He was, and you always use the quote stay humble
and kind when you talk.
Now, what is that?
Tell us?
Speaker 3 (12:23):
about that.
It just it's a song by TimMcGraw that just that is relics.
That song, you know when peoplewould play it and I would share
it, probably every Monday for awhile on Facebook and then
people would hear it on theradio and I would get texts of
you know, we're thinking of youand it just the humble and kind
(12:47):
you know.
So just spreading kindness inthis world and yes, and I see
your purple nails.
Yeah, so Alex's favorite colorwas purple and I think we
learned that from just some oflike his pictures.
He always had purple.
So yeah, if it's one thing Ican put out there that has
(13:07):
brought me peace is to look forsigns and not force.
Think them, but it's just outof nowhere.
They send their little winks.
You know God's in control, butI call them Alex winks.
Speaker 1 (13:25):
So yeah, love that, and in your backyard you've
created kind of a space for youto have that quiet time.
Speaker 3 (13:35):
Yeah, Just where I pull up and it's just a garden
where you know I have an angel,and I did like a river and
painted the rocks purple andplant purple flowers.
I think it was one of my firstMother's Day, which was you know
it's tough, if not everyMother's Day.
But I was out there and I justsaid, you know, I just, alex, I
(13:59):
just need a sign it's Mother'sDay.
I want to know you're near.
And so nothing came crashingfrom the sky.
There was some, you know,lightning strike, but then there
was like blades of grass comingup through the rocks and I just
was pulling out the grass and Iwish I could see, but there's a
(14:19):
petal in the shape of a heartright next to some grass and I
was like okay, yeah, yeah, yeah,that was his.
I'm here, mom.
I mean that is so cool, becauseI don't believe in coincidences
.
So, yeah, that's what brings me.
Peace is just those littlewinks.
Speaker 1 (14:38):
You know something I remember that I was just
searching for.
You know, could these signsactually be signs or are they?
You know, is it just like whatyou said?
You're forcing them in some way?
And I went down this wholerabbit hole of like going, you
know, do mathematicians talkabout?
Like who who's trying todisprove it?
You know, and I stumbled uponan essay from Albert Einstein
(15:01):
that talked about like he went,sought to you know, prove that
there are in fact coincidences.
And he got as close as he couldmathematically, and the finding
was that you can't provecoincidences mathematically.
Finding was that you can'tprove coincidences
mathematically.
Speaker 3 (15:21):
And so his quote is that coincidences are the way
God remains anonymous.
Wow, I love that.
Speaker 1 (15:29):
I know he couldn't prove that mathematically that
coincidences do actually occur,that coincidences do actually
occur, and so his finding, orhis quote that goes with the
findings, is that coincidencesare the way God remains
anonymous.
I love it, I love it, love that, yeah, yeah.
So you had that, god wink, hadyou had them.
(15:51):
You know, leading up to you,know that that first Mother's
Day.
Speaker 3 (15:56):
I don't um, I don't know, cause there's a fog.
Brain is real.
Speaker 2 (16:02):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (16:03):
Like as we were, you know, talking, I was trying to
remember the name of Rayanne'sfriend, and it was Aaron, and it
just popped in yeah, aaron andMally, um.
And that, yeah, they, um, theywere my angels, because as a mom
I couldn't get there.
Yes, so, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (16:22):
And I love that, the earth angels, because we have
these people that just do thesethings that just seem
extraordinary.
You know that are just a gift,that they didn't know really
even what they were giving usand they did it anyway.
Speaker 3 (16:37):
So can I tell you about Mally.
So with Mally, my husband, wehave German Shepherds, we have
one and still a Yorkie.
But this was when Bella's momwas still here with us and so my
husband has a shop up HickoryFlat and there's a gas station
next door, and so PrincessBella's mom would be kind of out
(16:58):
, not going anywhere, and Mallyand her daughter were going.
In Long story short, they foundout that Mally's daughter had
been mauled by a big dog, so herfear of dogs was immense.
Well, cliff saw it and he toldthem no, no, no, she's good,
she's good.
So that was the first time thatMally's daughter had ever pet a
(17:20):
big dog since that Right, oh mygosh, that was probably maybe
fog ring, but maybe two yearsbefore the accident.
Mally is one of the moms thatwas there for Alex.
Oh, my.
Speaker 2 (17:33):
God, wow, you can't make that up.
Speaker 1 (17:37):
And I mean that is such a busy, busy area, I mean
it's I just the timing of allthat is unbelievable.
Speaker 2 (17:45):
And the ability to connect it, the gift of the
connection.
Speaker 3 (17:49):
Yeah, I have a lot of connections as far as the W
moms.
So, kathy, her husband, dave,was Alex's bus driver.
Yeah, so they were.
They came to the viewing and Ididn't know who they were, but
he had introduced me, introducedhimself to me, as you know.
Alex's bus driver.
So it's just yeah, it's what isthat?
Speaker 2 (18:11):
It's a seven degrees to Kevin Bacon, it's seven
degrees to Kevin Bacon.
Speaker 3 (18:20):
But yeah, so to know that you know.
Cliff kind of soothed Mally'sdaughter in the fear of big dogs
and I don't know if thatconquered her fear or not, but
at that moment it was good.
Yeah, right For her to pet, youknow, princess, and then fast
forward that Mally then wasthere To comfort Alex.
Speaker 1 (18:41):
To be there with Alex .
Speaker 3 (18:42):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (18:43):
Oh gosh, that is beautiful.
What is it that you miss mostabout Alex?
I know.
Speaker 3 (18:50):
He was a lot of things, but he was a prankster
he was, yeah.
So, growing up, like my dad andI have this thing of being the
biggest jokester, the master ofjokes, right.
And so then when Alex got oldenough, he then started to want
to be the master of the joke.
That is so cute.
(19:10):
But just his smile and just hisheart.
I mean he'd be out once he gotto drive and go off.
He always would come back andbring me Reese's Pieces.
Just didn't ask him, he justwould do it.
It's just his heart and hissmile.
He just had an infectious smile.
Speaker 1 (19:28):
My goodness, I'm so sorry, but I'm so glad to hear
these.
Just I mean, like I said, theseintersections, but these just
moments in your life that giveyou some peace.
You know that you have thatwhen we think about all of us.
You know, joining warrior moms.
What does that brought?
Speaker 3 (19:46):
you.
Speaker 1 (19:47):
How has?
Speaker 3 (19:48):
that helped, Just knowing that I'm in a room with
moms that get it that understandand um, and that what I've
learned is in watching y'all,that you can still laugh and
it's okay.
Speaker 1 (20:04):
Yeah, yeah, um, I think that was one of the first
things you and I had talkedabout was that you feel guilty,
that there was that sadness andyou're just, you know, unsure
about.
You know, we all feel that atsome point, you know, because in
those early days you're, ofcourse, you're shattered, you're
absolutely shattered, and sothere's an inability to even
(20:24):
feel joy, you know, right for agood long while.
Speaker 3 (20:27):
Yeah, and I think sometimes it's when you and
people in your close friends,families, even acquaintances,
sometimes they will say thingsand inside you just want to.
You know, I wanted to punchsome people but really, in all,
they don't know, they don't,they don't have a clue, and so
you have to give people grace.
(20:48):
Yeah, I would always hear ohwell, alex wouldn't want you to
be sad.
Yeah, how do you know what Alexwould want?
Alex wouldn't want you to besad.
Yeah, how do you know what Alexwould want?
You know another one is well,don't you have another son?
You know Alex and Seth wereclose, they were typical
brothers, they had a love-haterelationship.
Yeah, but you would want to saywell, which child would you
(21:10):
choose?
Speaker 1 (21:11):
Yeah, right.
Speaker 3 (21:15):
I mean, it's just yeah, it's, but it is true, it
is true, but what I learned wasthey have to say something and
they love you, yeah, and so withthat you have to give them
grace, and I learned that earlyon, but just really with the
warrior moms.
It's just learning lessons andand what little things y'all
have done to get peace.
And you know, I hate to saymove forward because I still
(21:38):
haven't grasped that.
Speaker 2 (21:39):
No, yeah, but continuing to live, maybe, yeah,
yeah.
So what is something that hashelped you the most Like?
I know you have your purplegarden and like coming to
Warrior Moms, but what issomething that has really helped
you to?
Speaker 3 (21:54):
find peace, just trying to be kind to other
people, like Alex would likeliving, so he would be proud.
You know um of me, um me too,just just to be kind.
Yeah, you're not gonna.
You know some people are goingto make you mad.
It doesn't take madness away oremotional way, but just try to
be kind to everybody.
(22:15):
It's really brought me the most.
Don't sweat the small stuff.
It's like you know things couldbe worse, so things that I
would get so like went out ofshape.
It's like now.
It's like yeah, so yeah, a lotof lessons, and that makes me
more at peace, you know, withnot getting so upset over little
(22:36):
things.
What were those?
Speaker 1 (22:38):
dark days like.
What are the dark days like?
Speaker 3 (22:41):
Not wanting to go anywhere.
I find a lot of peace inside myhouse, so I like being at home,
but I like getting out too.
But I'm trying to figure out away back there.
It's just where I have Alex'sroom.
We still have his room.
Speaker 2 (22:57):
That's where I've kept all his you know things,
and so sometimes still just howhe left it, or have you gone in
there and, like, tidied it up?
Speaker 3 (23:05):
I, you know, I'll mop and sweep in there and I've
taken.
Well, I took a picture of hisbed, cause we just put like the
what do they call it?
The memorial of all his Biblesand his books.
Oh, that's one thing I want totell you was so I take a picture
(23:25):
, I take everything off, I cleanit up and then I put it right.
There is in his bathroom.
His slides are still there fromwhere he came out of them to
get in the shower that day.
I have not touched them and Istill have his last load of
laundry.
That is one thing I just justcan't.
I can't bring myself to do it.
Speaker 1 (23:46):
I know I have.
I have that too.
There's Carter's got a lacrossebag that I just won't touch and
it's, you know, it's stinkierand stinkier and and it just
doesn't matter and and I I thinkthat's got to sound really
strange to people that haven'twalked this path with us.
Speaker 3 (24:05):
Yeah, but it would be the last time I would be able
to do.
You know, his laundry.
And I just, I can't yet.
Maybe one day, right, but yeah,not today.
Yeah, and that's what I have totell myself.
Is what would people think if Ihad six-year-old laundry?
Speaker 2 (24:22):
My underwear sure is dirty.
Speaker 1 (24:25):
No.
Speaker 3 (24:27):
But not today, and I'm okay with that.
Speaker 1 (24:30):
I love that phrase, alison Gosh.
We have never talked about thator thought about it have we
Maybe someday, but not today.
Gosh, I love that.
That is.
I just have full chills.
Speaker 3 (24:43):
I think that gives such grace to yourself, yeah you
have to give yourself grace,cause if I believe, if you don't
, like I might be under thecovers today, putting y'all off
day after day, but I had a lotof support, you know, with
family and friends, and you haveto let people be there for you
too.
The company I work for, youknow my my leadership has been
(25:05):
huge support.
They take the cards and do therandom act of kindness and
friend.
Yeah, so it just keeps going.
So just choose what you can do.
Today you were going to saysomething about the Bible, so it
was interesting.
So of course, during the, youknow, there was an investigation
into the accident and stuffthat's probably too hard for me
(25:28):
to discuss today.
But the one thing that theythought and I don't know if it
was because he was a teenager ona motorcycle in Milton or what
have you, but they searched hisbackpack that he had and maybe
they, I think, that they werelooking for something Uh-huh.
Speaker 1 (25:46):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (25:49):
But they found his Bible.
Speaker 1 (25:51):
Oh his.
Speaker 3 (25:52):
Bible they found was his Bible.
Speaker 2 (25:54):
Oh my gosh.
Speaker 1 (25:56):
A warrior for Christ.
Oh, my, that's beautiful.
Yeah, so that phrase not today.
What's what's a small success?
That you see gosh in that firstyear or two or three, that you
couldn't do that.
Now you're like gosh, okay, Ihave a small success, like for
(26:16):
me.
I know I couldn't go get my hairdone.
I went one time and I cried thewhole entire time.
I think it was sitting stilland that small talk, and I just
I absolutely couldn't do it.
I think it was sitting stillthat and and that small talk,
and I just I absolutely couldn'tdo it.
Speaker 3 (26:30):
I think it was five years maybe before I went and
had it professionally done so inthe beginning, probably just
venturing out of the house andstarting to go like to go back
to work, cause I found that aslong as Cliff was staying at
home after it happened, then I'mgoing to stay home and then I I
can't speak for Cliff, but Ithink it kind of was the same.
(26:51):
So one of us had to, and heowns his own business, so he
could have stayed home tilltoday.
But but yeah, it was just that,that step to.
To making to go back to workthat is huge, isn't it?
Yeah?
Yeah, to making to go back towork that is huge, isn't it?
Yeah?
But now I was, you know, I didhave a lot of support at work
and and still to this day do.
(27:12):
But I was talking with a momnot too long ago that just lost
her son in September and she wasmajorly you know in the
beginning, right Struggling.
And I said as long as if yougot up today and put your feet
on the floor, and I said, aslong as if you got up today and
put your feet on the floor, thenyou succeeded.
Yes, that's it.
If you feel okay with that,then you succeeded.
(27:35):
Yes, so sometimes you're notgoing to get out of bed, you're
not going to take a shower,you're not going to brush your
teeth, you're not going to eat,and that's okay.
Speaker 1 (27:44):
That's right, yeah, because I mean our love is so
deep and it's going to justknock us to the ground on many
days and we have to take care ofthat, right.
Speaker 3 (27:53):
And it still knocks me to the ground sometimes.
Yes, absolutely Alex's friendsgetting married and some, you
know, just moving forward, right, and so I don't begrudge that
one bit.
But so, yeah, there are goingto be things that you have to
face and yeah, absolutely mygoodness.
Speaker 1 (28:10):
How is Seth through all of this and how have you
guys navigated that?
Speaker 3 (28:14):
I think Seth is doing really well.
I will say we had some verybumpy road.
Speaker 1 (28:22):
Yeah, 13 is a tough age, no matter what yeah.
Speaker 3 (28:27):
So his confidant.
You know they probably were intheir room, like I can't believe
she's making it.
You know it was his best friendand Seth is.
He's a guy, so he's not goingto go too far into his emotions.
Earlier, at 13, 14, I think, hetried to navigate it on his own
(28:49):
and it was like immediately,both Seth and I were in therapy
immediately and she said it'skind of like Seth was sitting on
a ball in the pool and he'sjust he's navigating it, but at
some point that ball is going tocome out.
Oh wow, and it did, and wefaced it head on.
(29:10):
And he's doing, he's doingreally good.
Now, yeah, he'll talk aboutSeth or Alex a little bit, but
but that's okay.
Speaker 1 (29:17):
Right, exactly, we all take our our own journey
right and find how we carry ourchildren, our brother, our
sister, with us.
You know, yeah, because I toldSeth.
Speaker 3 (29:29):
I said you know, yes, we both lost Alex.
I lost a son and you lost abrother.
I still have my sisters, so Idon't know what that grief is.
Right Doesn't mean that I'm nothere for you.
So it's like I was sayingaround Christmas time grief is
like a fingerprint or asnowflake.
No, grief is the same.
And there's, you know, myhusband, cliff Hill.
(29:51):
He grieves differently than Ido, and that I had to learn
early on.
It was like I was trying whyisn't he doing this and why
isn't he doing that?
And it's because we're twodifferent people and we grieve
differently.
And so Seth is going to grievedifferently, absolutely.
So yeah, and we grievedifferently.
Speaker 1 (30:07):
And so Seth is going to grieve differently,
absolutely so yeah, and you justhave to accept that that is how
it is and kind of love themthrough it all, right, yeah,
give them grace, and you tooGive them grace, my gosh.
Well, allison, what final kindof advice You've given us.
So many little gems, my gosh.
Is there any other kind ofpiece of advice that you would
(30:28):
tell and maybe it's not even toa grieving mom, maybe it's to
the family and friends you know?
You said some people don't knowwhat to say, any of those areas
.
Or you think there's an advicethat you would like to give a
grieving mom or to somebody elselistening that hasn't lost a
child but wants to help?
Speaker 3 (30:45):
Okay.
So to grieving moms, I will saythat if you want to talk about
your child, talk about yourchild because they're your child
.
Don't not because you thinkit's going to make others feel
uncomfortable.
It might, but it's your rightto talk about your child and
they will always be your child.
And to the people that havebeen there for me, I just I
(31:06):
don't know.
I just I have felt the love andthe support, and still do to
this day.
But I would just say my biggestthing is give grace.
Just give everybody grace.
Speaker 1 (31:17):
Yes, I love that.
Speaker 2 (31:20):
Alison, you're such a jewel.
Thank you for being here.
Speaker 1 (31:23):
Thank you for being here.
Now I've got it.
Now I see you as this masterprankster.
I have a new task.
Speaker 2 (31:32):
Michelle just accepted the challenge.
Speaker 1 (31:35):
I was like we have a new thing to add to our group.
We haven't tapped into that, ohmy gosh.
Well, thank you for being here.
I know it's hard but it's someaningful and I hope you feel
just that you get a little bitsome peace in sharing Alex who
(31:55):
he was and what happened andjust his kindness.
Speaker 3 (32:00):
Like you, said yeah, and I think I speak for all the
moms.
If it's we can help just onemom, then yeah, I love it.
Speaker 1 (32:08):
Well, I know I'm going to carry not today with me
, that's for sure.
Speaker 3 (32:12):
Yeah, not today.
Speaker 2 (32:14):
Heck, yeah, that's my new motto.
One day, but not today.
Speaker 1 (32:18):
Not today, oh my gosh .
Well, thank you and listeners,if you want to find out more
about all of us Warrior Moms,allison is one of the Warrior
Moms that has authored a chapterabout Alex and her strategies,
and so that will be in ourWarrior Mom book that comes out
in August, and you can go towwwwarriormomsme to get links to
(32:43):
the podcast to find out moreabout the Warrior warrior moms
and more about our book.
Speaker 2 (32:48):
Yes, please go, and you can also send us a note on
there, a recommendation, or youcan sign up to be on the podcast
.
Yay, all right, thank youeveryone.
Thank you, allison and Michellefor being here.
Yes, thank you.
Bye, ta-ta.
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