December 2, 2025 • 62 mins
You can feel the moment the room exhales: someone asks a mother her child’s name, and everyone leans in to listen. That’s the heart of this conversation with the Purple Table—women who arrived at a grief retreat braced for tears and left with something larger than sorrow: connection, language, and practices they could carry home.
We talk candidly about the fear of showing up, the second-guessing in the car, and the relief of being with people who understand without explanation. A veteran Warrior Mom table leader Robyn shares how modeling joy years after loss can offer real hope to moms still in the raw months. Newer mothers describe the thaw of finally telling their children’s stories in full. The group unpacks the Monday and week after the retreat—emotional hangovers, quiet peace, and the surprising power of purpose—like one mom, Jolyn, who launched a local support circle where five women stayed talking for hours. It’s grief, but it’s also momentum.
Holidays raise the stakes, so we dig into simple, repeatable rituals: a place setting with notes for the missing child, luminaries with photos, memory trees filled with donated ornaments, and the right to take a break mid-tradition and return when you can breathe again. We sit with hard truths—families don’t always know how to help—and offer clear permission: there are no rules. Do what helps. Ask for what you need. Keep some traditions for surviving kids who crave stability, or build new ones that make space for tears and gratitude to coexist.
By the end, you’ll hear a shared credo: turn pain into purpose when you can, rest when you can’t, and let community carry what’s too heavy for one set of hands. If you’re navigating child loss—or love someone who is—this conversation offers practical tools, warm company, and proof that being “a badass” in grief can simply mean showing up for yourself and each other. If this resonates, share it with a friend, subscribe for more real talk, and leave a review so other grieving parents can find us.
"Dream Bird" by Jonny Easton
Thank you for listening to Warrior Moms podcast. It is an honor to share about our beloved children gone too soon, and we hope by telling of our loss, it may help someone in their grief journey. Please note that we are not medical professionals and encourage those listening to seek help from mental health professionals.
We'd love to hear from our followers!
Website: https://www.warriormoms.me/
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With love,
Warrior Moms Amy & Michele
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_07 (00:15):
Hello and welcome back to Warrior Moms.
I am Michelle Davis.
And I am Amy Durham.
And we are so grateful to have awhole group of women here today
with us, Michelle.
No.
We um met them all at theretreat that we had about a
month ago, I guess.
(00:36):
And I'm just so grateful thatthey chose to be on here with us
today.
Um and just share a little bitabout um what the what the
retreat was like, what it's liketo connect with other women that
are in the same storm.
Might have different boats,might be further away from
shore, but we're all in thesame, we're all in this shitty
(00:57):
storm all together, that is.
First and foremost, we're gonnahave Robin No, who is we all
know, um Robin No Willis, I'msorry, who is one of our
original moms, and she wasactually the uh table lead of
the purple table at the retreat.
So Robin, I want to turn it overto you for a little bit.
SPEAKER_04 (01:19):
Alrighty.
Um, like she said, I'm Robin NoWillis, uh, and I lost my
children, Sean and Morgan, in atragic house fire on October
5th, 2019.
Um, I am chapter one of ourbook, uh Grieve Like a Mother,
Survive Like a Warrior.
So they always like to put me inthis first start, no pressure
(01:43):
kind of situation.
SPEAKER_07 (01:44):
Yeah, you're you're good at under pressure, aren't
you?
I love it.
SPEAKER_04 (01:47):
Y'all, y'all sure make me be.
Um so yeah, I was the tableleader for our purple table and
got to know all these women.
And some of these women evenhoused with me.
So I got to know some of themeven a little more than just
sitting at the table with them.
Um it started with getting theiremails and saying, hey,
(02:09):
introduce yourself.
So that's where we started.
And now we have a text threadand we don't text every day, but
we check on each other prettyregularly.
And it's pretty amazing that wefound a connection that none of
us want to have, but that we allknow, understand each other.
SPEAKER_07 (02:27):
How was it, Robin, for you?
Like, okay, there's how manywere at your table?
SPEAKER_04 (02:33):
Um I was supposed to have eight.
We ended up having seven.
SPEAKER_07 (02:37):
Okay.
So seven in addition to you.
And how was it?
You they were all strangers.
unknown (02:43):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_04 (02:43):
Did that feel like well, not everybody was a
stranger.
I knew Rebecca on Facebook, butI had never met Rebecca in
person.
But everybody else, yes, it wasit was the first time seeing any
of their faces, but it was thefirst time even talking to the
majority of them.
So it was definitelynerve-wracking.
Um, I know where I try to be inmy own grief, but knowing how to
(03:08):
be there for other people isreally hard sometimes because
you I don't want to say you'regonna say anything wrong because
I mean, we all know what yeah,you you just we all understand
it.
SPEAKER_07 (03:22):
Even walking in this boat, you still worry about
saying the wrong thing.
SPEAKER_04 (03:27):
Yeah.
And so, you know, just wantingto be there for them and helping
them the best way that I knewhow and let this retreat just
touch their heart and let themfeel the impact of everything.
Um definitely took some prayingand some prayers to make sure
that I felt like I was in theright spot to do that.
But I'm I I hope that I did agood job and that we all did a
(03:47):
good job and they left feelingbetter than when they walked
through the door.
SPEAKER_05 (03:51):
So absolutely.
And that was, you know, when Amyand I were sitting down and
planning this, that was such,you know, an integral part of
the retreat was, you know, yes,we would have speakers, yes, we
would have activities andthings, but um, the war your
moms being at each table wasjust going to be incredibly key,
(04:13):
I think.
And so let's start with um you,Tesley, and um what was your
experience?
So just walk us through walkingup to the barn, walking into
that first place, just how didit feel for you?
SPEAKER_01 (04:29):
So I think one of the things that I just I
remember about I didn't want toleave my house to even go there
because it just wasn't a placethat I wanted to be.
I know that sounds bad, but it'slike you know, you just don't
want to be a part of this thisclub.
Um so walking in, I was verynervous.
(04:51):
Um, but I met you guys, I metAmy first, and she was such a
light to me.
Um, and then I met Robin, and itwas really good for me.
I feel like even though it'sbeen five years since I lost my
son, um I haven't really dealtwith the grief.
(05:11):
I haven't really sat in it, um,and that's a really long time to
just not.
But I know my mom, I have a Ihave a son who was like a year
and a half at the time, andshe's like, You have to stop
crying for your son.
You have to be a mom.
So it was like from that dayuntil this retreat, I realized
(05:34):
that I had put all of myfeelings kind of down, just
pushed it down, and just notreally sat and dealt with it.
So this retreat was very heavy,very overwhelming.
It was almost like I was justreliving it in the very
beginning.
Um, so it was really heavy, butit was much needed.
(05:55):
I feel so much better now thatI've realized what I need to do.
SPEAKER_05 (06:00):
Jolynn, where do you where do you range on um what
Chesley said?
Like, does that resonate?
Do you um did you have similarfeelings, different ones?
SPEAKER_07 (06:12):
How many times did you turn around and go back
home?
Yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (06:17):
Um, okay, so um I lost my rose on December uh 21st
of 2024.
That's not even been a year yet.
Um, and I had heard your guys'podcast, and it really, really
helped.
Um, and then I heard about theretreat.
And for me, it was about asix-hour drive coming from
Kentucky, and I was reallyexcited to go.
(06:39):
And then once I got my stuffpacked up and in the car, I was
like, I don't think I can dothis.
I shouldn't leave my family.
And my husband, he's like, No,you have to go.
He's like, You need to go.
So I got in the car and I drovein the whole way.
I was really nervous and I waslike, I don't know anybody, I
don't know where I'm going.
Um, I got there late, everybodywas already kind of doing their
(07:01):
thing.
Um it was very nerve-wracking,but I needed it so much.
Um I felt seen, I feltunderstood, I felt heard.
Nobody asked me about Rose hereat Thanksgiving.
(07:25):
We didn't even have an emptychair for her.
But I got to talk about her allweekend.
Yeah.
And it did, it made me feelbetter, it made me want to help
people.
Um, and I brought back what youguys have said um and tried to
help people here, and honestly,it makes me feel better.
Like I'm still sad and I'm stillheartbroken, and everything
(07:47):
still sucks.
But like I do feel like when I'mtaking what I learned at the
retreat um and feeling thetogetherness with all of you,
that bringing it back here anddoing that for some of the same,
the some of some of the women Iknow here, it does, it does help
and it makes me feel better.
SPEAKER_07 (08:03):
And you had your very first meeting in Kentucky
uh two weeks ago.
Yes.
SPEAKER_02 (08:10):
Two or three.
Um I had five women show up.
Um it was only supposed to lastabout an hour.
Um, I think it was 8:30.
Uh we started at 5:30 and it was8:30 when everybody was like,
oh, I should go.
Um of course it was sad.
(08:30):
Um, but what something Amy hadtold me before uh when I spoke
to her on the phone, she's like,if you keep it positive and talk
about the good things, it'llstay that way.
But if you go sad, it's gonnastay sad.
Um, so I tried to keep itpositive.
Um, and I think everybody reallyliked it.
Now me and those women have atext thread and we check up on
(08:51):
each other, and then we have ournext meeting uh in two weeks
from now.
SPEAKER_05 (08:55):
That is so wow.
I like that is absolutelyincredible.
Good job.
I know that had to be hard inand of itself.
Um, so Lindsay, let's let'sthink about um the role I think
that um Robin played in helping.
(09:16):
And you certainly can add on tohow you felt as well coming in.
Um and then let's move intotalking about just how that was
helpful to have someone who'swalked this path at your table.
SPEAKER_00 (09:32):
Just like the other ladies, I did not want to come.
Um, I think I did not pack until15 minutes before I was supposed
to walk out the door.
Um, I don't my drive's not thatfar.
I was only about 30 minutesaway.
Um, but the whole way there, Ijust wanted to turn around and
come back home.
Um very new.
So my son passed on January 20thof 2025.
(09:59):
So Robin was the best personthat could have been at our
table for me.
Um because I hear about people'skids that have passed, and no
offense to anyone.
Um, but a lot of times they'reolder than 12.
12's a hard age, middle school.
I'd give anything to have hadhigh school.
(10:21):
So meeting her and having twochildren that were younger than
my child.
It was it she was perfect.
Um she was very joyful, whichgave me hope that I'll get
there.
Um and now I'm losing my trainof thought.
SPEAKER_05 (10:42):
It's all good.
Um well, and just I think, youknow, thinking about having
somebody who's been on thisroad, you know, you said it so
perfectly that it helped one,having Robin who had two
children but that could share inher grief of that, and then
(11:02):
having a child that was younglike your child.
I think that's so beneficial tofind other people.
Like, yes, we've all lostchildren, um, but having an
extra connection, I think, is soimportant.
Um, Rebecca, thinking aboutthat, we had affinity groups
(11:25):
where you know you have yourtable group, and I'd love to
hear from you how um yourthoughts about walking in and
the table, but then alsothinking about um, you know,
meeting with groups of peoplelike just what Lindsay said, who
are similar um either in age ofyour child or in um
(11:45):
circumstance.
SPEAKER_06 (11:48):
So, like the previous ladies, I um I delayed,
I procrastinated, I didn't wantto come.
Um, I wanted to meet Robinbecause Robin and I had kind of
been um chatting back and forth,but as far as actually coming
somewhere and talking to a bunchof women who are gonna be
(12:10):
grieving, I was not comfortablewith that.
Um I wasn't sure how it wasgonna be.
And in my mind, it was worstcase scenarios and a lot of um
crying, and I I cry every day,but I just didn't want to cry.
I didn't I didn't want to cryanymore.
(12:31):
I I wanted to have a moment, um,but I was like everything said I
had to go, everybody said I hadto go, and so I procrastinated,
but I was I was late, um, verylate, and um walked in and
everybody was kind of in PJs andcomfortable, and they were very
(12:54):
welcoming, and it was a relaxingatmosphere, and they again they
they asked me about my Emily,and that was where it was like a
little bit of a thaw um from myheart um to be able to you know
(13:14):
talk about her because you knowthere aren't a lot of people
that that ask, or if they doask, they're really not uh
they're listening, but they'renot.
Um they don't want to hear itbecause it hurts, it's painful
for them.
And and I get that, but like Ihave a need, I have a desire, I
(13:35):
have a want to talk about her,and so that um it was nice to
have all those women that wereinterested and asking the
questions and wanting to knowabout her, and so that was that
was really nice.
And then walking in um to thebarn, it was a beautiful place,
(13:55):
absolutely stunning.
Um, and it I'm not a womanthat's very intimidated by
things, but I was kind ofintimidated by a big crowd of
women being there, and we're allabout to go through this journey
yet again, um, in a waytogether.
Can you hear but um open-minded,walked in, and you know, they
(14:20):
you guys started talking and wesplit into those groups, and it
was relieving um because I againlike others have said, felt
seen, felt heard, feltunderstood, felt like a blanket
(14:43):
of women there that althoughwe're not walking in that exact
woman's shoes, I can look at herand she can look at me, and we
have this moment of the of I seeyou.
This is hard, and I see you, andI see past your pain, and I see
(15:08):
past the hurt, I I genuinely seewho you are as a mother, as a
person, as your grief, and itwas just it was more than I
thought it would be.
SPEAKER_07 (15:28):
I love that it's more as in more emotional or
just more more better, yeah.
SPEAKER_06 (15:39):
Like better, more emotional or more just overall
goodness, overall goodness,because even though we all were
grieving at the same time, eventhough we all had tears in our
eyes and we are sufferingthrough the suck of it, we were
(16:00):
together, and it wasn't a win aroom full of women just crying
all the time.
SPEAKER_07 (16:05):
No, it's just kind of what you think when you think
about oh when we go to a bunchof women that have lost their
children, oh everybody's justgonna be crying the whole time,
and I think that's what it'slike.
SPEAKER_06 (16:13):
But we were also smiling because we were talking
about our children as if theywere still there with us, and
yeah, we had to talk about thebad parts of it, but we were
also talking about the goodparts of them, and I got to
learn about some of the bestparts of these ladies' children,
(16:33):
and I would have loved to havemet them, and I would have loved
to have been friends beforethis, and I'm glad that I get to
be friends after.
SPEAKER_07 (16:44):
Yes, Susie.
I'm gonna put this question onto you now.
What did you think about thetable and the retreat and the
just say what's on your heart?
SPEAKER_03 (16:57):
Well, um, I didn't want to come either, and I live
in Dayton, Ohio, so I flew.
So I had a lot of time tocontemplate everything as I'm
traveling and sitting in anairport and sitting on the
plane, and then someone therethat was coming to the retreat
picked me up at the airport, andso we had a chance.
(17:20):
I had not met this person inperson, so I had the ability to
um develop a unique friendshipon the way there um from the
airport, and when I walked inthe barn and met Robin, um I
couldn't really speak, and Robinjust warmly um assured me it was
(17:41):
gonna be okay and was just very,very kind and and then shared
her story.
So we just had this time, justthe two of us talking before uh
we got to sit down and get toknow everybody.
And um there was a lot of thingsthat I'll I'll probably never
forget about that weekend, andthere were things that were
(18:02):
surprises that were really hardthat I felt like I was
swallowing extra hard.
Um walking outside that Fridaynight and seeing the luminaries,
I had no idea what the pictureswere gonna be for, and I kept
stalling when they kept sendingme emails to send a picture,
send a picture, and I didn'twant to do it.
I I just didn't want to sendthat picture.
(18:24):
And and then when I saw um theluminaries, um, the lady that
picked me up at the airport, herson's luminary was right beside
mine.
And I there was no one thatwould have known to do that.
So that was a little hug um thatI felt like that I had.
(18:45):
And so um there was lots ofthings, you know, throughout the
weekend that were reallydifficult, you know, hearing all
the stories, but then there wasmoments that I felt were a
little lighter and a littlesofter, and you know, the
breakup of putting a plant in apot and um a hayride and those
(19:07):
kinds of things, and then allthe sweet touches, the
takeaways, you know, the pictureof everyone.
I've shared that with otherpeople because when you look at
65 women um all together, that'spretty astonishing of all those
moms coming together for thatvery reason.
And I don't think I I mean uhyet mine's just a little over a
(19:30):
year.
It was November 8th of 2024 forme, and so to be together with
that amount of ladies that arehurting from child loss was just
incredible in in a a sad way,but yes, uh also a comforting
way to be able to connect withone another.
SPEAKER_05 (19:53):
Absolutely.
Um I my um connection kicked meoff.
SPEAKER_07 (19:59):
So, Amy, tell me where we are in our We are,
yeah, we just so yeah, so wejust finished talking about all
of the tables.
Um you know, just the tabletime.
Yeah.
So you know, and everybody kindof has the same consensus that
yes, I I wanted to go, but Ididn't really want to go.
You know, because I know thatmost of you uh I I know that um
(20:24):
I know you all wanted to bethere, but you part of you
wanted to be there, but youdidn't want to go there.
Does that make sense?
Like you don't want to go justlike everywhere for me,
especially the last what sixyears after I've lost Alec,
which he's only been gone sixand a half years, but it I don't
want to go, but I want to bethere, or I don't want to be
(20:46):
there, but I don't want to go.
Does that make sense?
Yeah, for sure.
Committing to it, but onceyou're there, you're it is it's
it's rewarding in itself.
So um I think that's good.
SPEAKER_04 (21:00):
I still go through that with our warrior mom's get
togethers, and I always want tosee all your faces and I always
want to hug all your necks, butbecause I am an hour away from
most of our gatherings, I Istill go through the uh I don't
want to put forth the effort togo sometimes.
But then but then I'm there andI'm like, I'm so stupid.
Why did I not just why did Ifind myself on this?
(21:23):
Like this is what I needed.
And I mean, like you said, yeah.
So even over six years later, Imean we still still do that.
So still do it, and I still needit.
SPEAKER_07 (21:32):
So whether we want to admit it or not, right?
SPEAKER_05 (21:37):
Yeah, I uh it just and it hits us in so many
different ways.
And um, you know, I'm almost 10years out, and I just three
weeks ago, you know, was afterthe retreat, and um a lot of the
book signings were done.
Um, and Amy and I could havejust kind of a big, you know,
(21:59):
space to get back to our livesafter the book being um done
editing.
Um, but having that space all ofa sudden was really, really hard
for me.
I mean, I crashed so hard forthree weeks.
Um I I mean I slept more thanI've slept since probably year
four.
Um, and then we had a WarriorBombs night, and I thought, oh
(22:22):
my gosh, I just I can't I can'tgo.
And then like Robin, I justfound like y'all did, you know,
you you put one foot in front ofthe other, and somehow you know
within you you need to be thereto see other faces and just you
know, I didn't say anything.
I didn't tell anyone I was sadover the last three weeks.
(22:45):
Um, but just standing next toeach other, there's just such
strength in each of you when Ilook at your faces tonight.
I mean, and hear your voices.
Um, just the love that we carryfor our kids and the missing um
takes just a strength that is isalmost supernatural, not human.
SPEAKER_07 (23:10):
I have another question.
Okay, so we went through this,I'm just gonna call it a
wonderful weekend.
I mean, there was there wasthings happened in that barn
that no one can explain.
Jesus was there in the midst ofall of it, and I I I felt all, I
mean, you can't explain whathappened in that barn, at least
for my end, what I saw and whatI witnessed and what I felt.
(23:30):
It was like Rebecca said,everything and more than what I
ever imagined it could be.
And I know Michelle feels thesame way, but okay, so y'all go
home and on Monday.
What happened on Monday?
How did Monday feel versus theMonday before that?
Susie, I'm gonna start with you.
SPEAKER_03 (23:50):
Well, I was exhausted and it took me days
honestly to process everythingand just to kind of reflect and
work through some of that.
I wanted to talk about it.
I wanted to tell other peopleabout the experience and I
wanted to share, and that's justmy way of processing and moving
(24:11):
forward.
And when you find someone, aswe've all learned, you know,
there's listening and thenthere's listening.
And when you can find someonethat's willing to really listen
and understand or care tounderstand, then uh that feels
like a safe place to be able toshare.
So it was just a lot of thinkingand emotional kind of
(24:32):
decompressing just from thestories.
I think for me, sitting in theaffinity group groups, um, there
were some similar stories fromgroup one to group two, an
overlap of things.
And that was a lot to take on.
Um that you know, secondary umcompassion that we all have for
(24:55):
one another.
You know, they were large groupsand just one right after the
other.
It was just a lot to to thinkthrough, and you feel hurt for
everyone else as well.
SPEAKER_07 (25:08):
Yeah.
Rebecca, what about you?
How did this the the Mondayafter the retreat?
What or the week after?
How did you feel?
What are the thoughts?
I think she's frozen.
I think she's frozen.
Lindsay, how about you?
(25:29):
I'm gonna skip to you.
SPEAKER_00 (25:31):
Uh I was also extremely exhausted.
Um well, I feel like we'reexhausted all the time, but when
you have a big weekend like thatof talking, expressing,
listening, it's a lot.
Um, I have a really good supportgroup, um, close friends and
that wanted to know all about itand let me just sit and talk
(25:53):
about everything we did, how Ifelt, if it was good, if I'd go
back, if I'd recommend it tosomeone, and all the answers are
yes, yes, and yes.
Um so it was it was nice to havesome a group to come back to to
continue on the conversations ofwhat we did there.
Um yeah.
SPEAKER_07 (26:14):
Yeah, I love that.
I love that.
Jolyn?
SPEAKER_02 (26:20):
Um honestly, when I got back, I felt, I know
everybody's saying they werereally tired.
Um I I had that six-hour driveback and time to think about
stuff, and I kind of feltrejuvenated.
Um there was an accident thathad happened in about an hour
from us where three um teenagerspassed away in a car accident.
(26:40):
And all I could think about washelping those mothers.
Um I did email the funeral homeletters and let the funeral home
know, like, hey, can you putthis in their bag?
Just saying that I was having ameeting with my information.
I never heard from them.
And to think about it, like mebeing in that spot, would I even
look at the letter?
Probably not.
I don't know.
(27:01):
I just felt like I wanted tohelp somebody.
Um and then that's what made merealize that I wanted to start
having these meetings.
Um because it does, it's likewhen I'm helping somebody, it
makes me it does make me feelbetter.
It helps you too.
It does.
SPEAKER_07 (27:19):
Um meet each other.
SPEAKER_02 (27:21):
And I would say for that week after I actually felt
a lot better.
Um, you know, it only lastedabout a week, which is
unfortunate.
Um, but I I think I did feel alot better uh after coming back
from the retreat.
SPEAKER_07 (27:37):
Good Chesley, Chesley.
Hey Demi, thank you for joiningus.
Sorry I was late.
It is it is a okay.
It is a-okay so we're just kindof talking about the retreat and
what um the first like right nowwe're kind of talking about when
(27:59):
you got when you got home afterthe retreat the next week.
How how did the retreat help yougo into the next week or not?
SPEAKER_09 (28:08):
Oh okay, um, yes, it definitely helped, but I've I
feel like I came home like I wasI felt like I was had left a a
dream or something, like I washad to wake up because it was
just so peaceful and I mean Ijust couldn't wait to get there
(28:28):
every day.
I d and it I just I didn'treally I can't say I felt
lonely, but I didn't, you know,everyone was asking me about it,
and of course I told, you know,plenty of people about it, but I
didn't really feel like I wantedto go really deep talking about
it with anybody because I feltlike I had just been with, you
(28:48):
know, a hundred people thatunderstood and I was, you know,
I was good.
Um and it like you know, you allsaid it did not last too long,
but it's still very much with meand a part of me now.
And it was honestly the mostamazing thing I've done in five
years, really, really and truly.
(29:10):
And I know you all may think itwas simple and it was just you
know getting together and youknow, talking and eating and
doing a little craft, and Istill have my plant, it's alive.
Um, but it was so much more.
It was just it was it was justever it was nothing like what I
expected.
Like everyone else, I almostdidn't come.
SPEAKER_07 (29:30):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_09 (29:31):
You know?
SPEAKER_07 (29:32):
Yeah.
Well, I'm glad that you all did.
I know that I had to skip you aminute ago because I I think you
had gone something washappening.
SPEAKER_01 (29:40):
So do you want to answer the I think I was um I
did my microphone and I forgotto put it back on.
I love it, I love it, I love it.
So um Monday for me was reallyheavy.
I had to go to work at likenormal.
Um, and I was just really Ididn't want to go to work, but I
(30:01):
did, and I'm glad I did.
I work at a children's hospitalin Atlanta, so um, I think
getting back to my purpose, um,taking care of babies that you
know.
where I lost my son when he wasright right after he was born.
So I think I needed to be whereI needed to be.
(30:24):
I ended up leaving early onTuesday.
They my team was like, you needto go, you know, give yourself
because I was just it was justit was all real and just very
overwhelming.
So um but being at work reallyreally helps me.
Oh that's good.
SPEAKER_08 (30:44):
That's great.
SPEAKER_05 (30:47):
And Rebecca I think you're back with us.
SPEAKER_06 (30:50):
Yay I am sorry about that.
I lost nervous there for asecond.
And then it went SOS on me.
SPEAKER_05 (30:58):
Well I did too my my computer kicked me out it's just
how it happens.
SPEAKER_06 (31:04):
Yeah so Amy's just asking what was that next week
like for you it just felt verysacred um sharing those moments
with those ladies and I I felt asense of peace coming out of
(31:26):
there and and like I saidunderstanding and being seen and
being felt and being heard umthat that you don't get from
your friends and family becauseeven though they understand they
don't um as much as they trythey don't um so it was um I
(31:49):
didn't talk a lot about it toother people um but I felt I
felt very peaceful about thatweekend in in a way that I
haven't in a while.
So it was it was surreal.
(32:11):
It was very surreal and I tooksome time after everybody had
left the barn and just went andsat in in the swing because
there was that cold swing in thebarn and just kind of sat there
for a little bit and just had amoment with my with my Emily
luminary and just um took sometime to really take it in over
(32:37):
what I had experienced over thatweekend and and the women and
thinking about them and prayingfor them.
And it was just it was a reallygood moment for me.
SPEAKER_05 (32:53):
I love that you took that space Rebecca that is
something I think that all of uscould be reminded of I know um
you know we we talk about thatwhere we often we like I know at
least for myself I just staybusy busy busy um and stay
busier than anybody I know butthat's so important I think is
(33:18):
to to do exactly what you justdid is just sit with Emily you
know just have that time andspace and think about these new
friends that we have um and I Ijust think that's beautiful.
I love that um so we just wentthrough one of the holidays of
the season y'all um thinkingabout the retreat and Robin your
(33:43):
warrior mom leader um your newfriends that you made um what
are some things that havecarried you I mean we know it's
painful it's awful um has therebeen anything that's that you've
learned in the last little bitthat have helped you through the
some of these heavy days do youhave can you hear me there you
(34:19):
are there we go yes okay it justit just reconnected me it had uh
it logged me out so I didn'thear the question oh Michelle
just when you think about goingthrough you know one of the
first holidays here atThanksgiving and after the
(34:39):
retreat um you know were therewas there anything that you
learned from there that's helpedcarry you or things that um you
know that you longed for that wehad within that space um just
just walk us through how thisThanksgiving season was for you
(35:00):
well for me um like many of youyou guys had Thanksgiving with
your kids before I never hadthat I never got any any
Thanksgiving any Christmas um soI think just in general um just
wondering what it would be likewith him here um and then I have
(35:23):
a six year old now who askedabout his brother and um we
actually had a moment the othernight he asked if he could see
pictures and I showed him whichhe's seen them before but he's
six so he's kinda he's kind ofunderstanding really what's
happening and um so he and thisis not your question but I just
(35:46):
have to share it.
SPEAKER_01 (35:47):
So we were laying in bed and he's like I want to see
I want to see Caden and so Ishowed him and I was scrolling
over and one picture um his lipswere kind of dark um and he's
like you know why why is thatand I said well you know he
Bubba's not alive in thatpicture and he just broke down I
mean just started bawling cryingso there I'm crying um because
(36:13):
it's just not fair you know umhaving to do this and he misses
his brother he was only a yearand a half but he I don't know
if he were if he remembers thatfar you know that young but um
it just sucks like like Joannesaid it just sucks um just not
(36:33):
knowing what he would be like Ithink that's the the big thing.
SPEAKER_05 (36:40):
Oh gosh for sure.
Jolyn you talked about that whenwe were um logging on and kind
of talking about what we mighttalk about.
SPEAKER_02 (36:48):
Will you just share what you said about um you know
really trying to you know carryboth sadness and joy and just
the struggles of that um yeah soum with you guys and then other
uh bereaved moms it's likecarrying grief with gratitude
how are we gonna do that likelet's let's do both and since
(37:12):
this has happened honestly I'vetried to be really intentional
um with things I've even hadother bereaved moms um that are
several several years in andthey're like you're really
intentional with the things thatyou do and I I don't want to
feel like this forever like thissucks a lot and I I hate it and
I want to feel better.
I have a husband and I have anine year old son so even with
(37:36):
trying to be intentional withthose things and with the things
that you know you guys havetaught us and that I have
learned along the way um Ididn't want to do Thanksgiving.
I didn't want to do it at all.
I did it for my son I did it formy mom and my family that lives
here I went through the motionsI still cooked the food we went
(37:58):
up and we ate um but you know itsucked and I didn't want to do
any of it.
I just kind of did it foreverybody else around me.
SPEAKER_07 (38:08):
I love it I always used to say that I existed I
existed in the moment.
I was there existing in themoment but eventually the the
feeling of being in the momentwill come back one day.
I don't I can't tell you whichTuesday it'll happen but it
it'll come back.
SPEAKER_04 (38:27):
I was just telling Barton Isabel sorry Barton
Isabel about just feeling likeexistence especially that first
year of just existing throughthe year.
And I found one of the old poststhat I wrote at one point um
because I've always been superhonest in my grief throughout
everything.
And part of it said that you canstill be thankful and still be
(38:51):
sad.
Just like on Thanksgiving youcan still be full but still eat
dessert.
So you are very much capable ofboth.
It's just it's it's hard when inthose moments the sadness
definitely feels like itoutweighs the thankfulness that
you have right now.
SPEAKER_05 (39:11):
I don't know if this would help at all but it's
something that my dad started umthat very first Thanksgiving is
um you know he he did leave aspace at the table um and had a
place setting for Carter um andthen he had each of us write
whether it was just a heart inour name or if it was a little
(39:35):
note and then we just piled themup on the plate.
And you know I'm 10 years in andwe still have a plate um you
know and we've gathered littleum you know whether it's a
candle or little angels thosetype of things but I I mean one
of the things I'd I just youknow I encourage all of us
(39:55):
including myself is to talkabout your loved ones even if
you're gonna cry you know putput a a place setting there and
even just bust in and say can II just I want to I want to
address that I'm sad and andjust want to say I miss Carter
but I'm thankful for him.
And part of that's that's okayand and that that crying
(40:18):
together creates community justlike what we did.
And our loved ones are sadmissing them too and it it all
of a sudden creates a new a newspace for just all of us.
SPEAKER_07 (40:31):
Well and something that I've learned too over time
is my family's not the onethat's going to set the place at
the table.
Whereas I'm gonna have to takethe initiative and do that if I
want that done.
And I used to kind of get upsetthat nobody's doing anything but
it's not who they are you knowand it's not that they've
(40:53):
forgotten him or anything.
But yeah I mean every family'sdifferent and if they're not
doing something and you wantsomething done then do it.
It's it's that's not against therules the rules that are no
rules.
SPEAKER_00 (41:08):
So it's I just think people don't really know what to
do and they don't want to stepon toes either.
A thousand percent yeah thousandpercent Lindsay how was y'all's
first Thanksgiving we traveledto Louisiana which is what we
normally do.
We did not do it last yearbecause my oldest was in the um
third round of football playoffsfor high school and being a
(41:30):
senior year we skipped out onthat and I realized that we
didn't take a family picturelast year.
So I made everybody do it thisyear even though we're missing
one because I would want it ifsomething else were to happen.
Yeah.
Um so I don't know I I actuallyas we were sitting here I was
trying to think like what we didand I like y'all said I was in
(41:53):
the moment but I don't reallyremember it all I was there we
conversated I smiled I laughedmy other three kids I've asked
them if they wanted to changeanything for this year and
they're like absolutely not theywant everything the same because
I think they've had so muchchange already this year that
they don't want anything else tobe different.
So even though it kind of sucksfor me I like I still want to do
(42:16):
all the magical stuff for themand it to be the same.
SPEAKER_07 (42:20):
I find even different traditions other
people don't but I do I feellike we still we're we still do
exactly what we did before Alecpassed.
SPEAKER_00 (42:30):
And that's what that's what we're doing so also
even with Christmas comingthat's everything's gonna be the
same.
SPEAKER_04 (42:39):
Robin what advice do you have heading into this um
you know Christmas season um uhum it's hard because my first
year was just very verydifferent than everybody's
(43:00):
because I literally had losteverything and didn't have to be
strong for anybody else anddidn't have to follow any of
these traditions and just kindof said screw it I'm running
away and I'm doing what I wantso um it's hard a little bit for
me to give advice in that realm.
So but the next year when I hada boyfriend and a his daughter
(43:25):
and which is now my husband andmy bonus daughter but starting
starting those traditions overand seeing the joy through a
child's eyes again um was a hardand wonderful moment all at the
same time for me.
So getting to start some ofthose traditions again um in a
completely different light wasgood.
But I would still have to takemy moment sometimes and even
(43:50):
though Isabel never met Sean andMorgan, she could just tell
sometimes and so she would knowand Bart would know like okay
we're gonna keep doing this butMiss Robin needs to go take a
break for a minute.
So um even when it's your ownkids, you know, if mom needs a
break for a minute just you knowI know you don't want to let
your other children down butsometimes you just have to take
(44:11):
a second for yourself and letdad or sister or brother or
whoever help out in the momentand then and then come back and
be be your better self afteryou've taken a moment for
yourself.
SPEAKER_07 (44:26):
So and I love one of the things that you've done and
we've talked about it before andI'm I'm sure they all know too
but it's your Christmas treewhere you had you asked for you
didn't have them you didn't makethem do it but you asked for
people to send ornaments thatreminded you or reminded them of
Sean and Morgan and you builttheir own tree with their own
ornaments that and I know othermoms I can't remember who it is
(44:49):
but they have trees at the ummight be brandy that puts a tree
at the at the grave site andhave friends will go of Kohl's
and go and decorate theChristmas tree with an ornament
and she always loved seeing theornaments that would show up and
write a story with it orwhatever.
So I I've always thought thatwas a great tradition that you
see and that took me a year too.
SPEAKER_04 (45:11):
That one didn't start right away um it was when
I finally started to figuremyself out and find some joy
again that I did.
I had an extra Christmas treeand just decided to randomly put
out on social media to friendsand family if anybody wanted to
make or donate an ornament inmemory of Sean and Morgan that
(45:33):
we would love it.
And I I thought I would get ahandful of ornaments and we have
over 200 ornaments on our treenow and we had to upgrade the
tree and Bart bought a rotatingChristmas tree stand so that no
ornaments get stuck in the backand you can see them all and
it's one of my favorite treesand we still get ornaments.
I still ask every year and Idon't expect people to
(45:55):
necessarily still send ornamentsbut I love that they do um and I
love that we still get ornamentsevery year from people old and
new that just want to givesomething for Sean and Morgan.
So sometimes you just have toput it out there and you have to
ask and you have to see whathappens and it may be not
exactly what you hoped for andit may blow your mind what will
(46:19):
come out of just a small ask ofsomebody.
SPEAKER_09 (46:22):
So don't be scared to ask Demi how was your week
after your Thanksgiving in thisum well I I kind of done just
the things that I always do andbeen you know kind of just by
myself really but I decorated myhouse and I do put a tree at the
(46:46):
cemetery and a tree at the umaccident site which I've never
thought about reaching out forornaments.
That would be kind of cool um Idid that and I just do it by
myself I have a you know anotherson but I don't know it's just
he doesn't really like to talkabout it.
(47:06):
He'll go by and look at the treeand just make sure the lights
are still on and stuff likethat.
But I just kind of do thosethings on my own and um but I
did enjoy family time and um allthe things and you know just
going places just makingyourself do it you know like
(47:26):
somebody said I I did themotions I did the dressing I did
the gravy I did the cranberrysauce and I mean you know just
all the things but um it's justa sad kind of time you think
about all the things that theywould have said or done or not
done or I don't know it's justit's been kind of emotional for
(47:50):
some reason this year.
SPEAKER_05 (47:53):
Yeah it just hits us at different reasons different
years.
It's weird I mean I've been reallike checked out kind of this
year and I I mean I'm doingthings though I'm you know
involved in you know a reallygood Bible study and um I'm
reading the um the devotionalthat we um received and you know
(48:14):
just reading everything I canand just trying to keep my mind
right I don't want to be a Idon't want to be a Debbie Downer
and yeah that's how you feellike I don't want people to look
at me and be like oh but thenagain I I am all I think that
(48:35):
we're all thankful that we'reall here together but not
thankful at all really yeahexactly I take that back I think
just as we um finish up if wecan just go around and and we'll
call your names but um just umyou know looking at each other
on the screen what are you knowyou've all come together this
(48:59):
purple table with Robin as yourboy your mom um what are it
could be a takeaway it couldjust be some you know gratitude
for each other um just you knowas we go around just just talk
about the women that are justhere on the screen and um
anything you want to say to themas we wrap up.
SPEAKER_01 (49:20):
So um Chesley you want to go first yeah sure um
I'm thankful to have meteveryone just to know that
there's that I'm not alone andthat there's people even though
my grief is different from yourgrief but we all lost a kid in
in retrospect of it so I thinkjust knowing that I'm not alone
(49:44):
and that I have man we lost youfor a smidge.
Jolyn why don't you jump in ohsorry there you're back okay
finish your thought last thingwe said was just um that we've
(50:07):
all experienced this togetheryeah basically I'm just I'm I'm
grateful to have met everyone umjust so that um know that I'm
not alone and that I have youknow people that check on me and
think about you know the harddays and and all so I'm just I'm
grateful that I've met everyoneJill in um pretty much the same
(50:34):
thing um just meeting everybodyum knowing that we're in it
together um you know the theGreek message still goes around
and and we're all you knowchecking on each other you know
Robin's like thinking of you umI don't know if I want to say
(50:58):
knowing that there's a light atthe end of the tunnel um but to
see the other moms and then whatthey've been through and how
they're doing and how they'vehandled their grief um I guess
brings me some hope.
SPEAKER_02 (51:12):
And I hope that it brings other women here hope
that we'll we can find joyagain.
Love it.
SPEAKER_00 (51:22):
Lindsay I'm also thankful for our little table of
complete strangers um and wehave a whole new support team
within each other that actuallycompletely understands um even
though our children aredifferent ages um it's it hurts
the same it all it all hurts thesame um and I look forward to
(51:45):
following you ladies throughoutthis journey and finding our joy
um no matter how long it takes.
SPEAKER_05 (51:52):
That's right.
SPEAKER_06 (51:53):
Rebecca um yeah I think the key word everybody's
using is thankful um and and thegratitude um that goes with all
of it you know we're allembracing the suck um and we're
(52:14):
all like um just just beinghonest we're embracing the suck
and that's about all we can dowe get up every morning we put
our pants on and we wonder atthe end of the day how we got
those pants on honestly I meanthere are days where some days
mine are the ones from the daybefore and the day before that.
(52:35):
But to know that it's okay umand and like that's what I've
told myself um I've tried totell myself without talking to
you guys before I talk to youguys like my journey through
grief is okay it's not gonnalook the same as everybody else
it's not gonna be the same aseverybody else and it's okay and
(52:59):
that's what I've I've toldmyself but then I came into this
group and I was able to not justsay it to myself but to say it
to other people and have themsay it back of like yeah you're
right we're okay not being okaylike and that's just where we're
at and that's okay that's okaythat that's where we're at and
(53:25):
so um you know being here andthat's what I call it I'm I'm
just here that's what I saypeople ask me how are you and I
say well I'm just here and andwhat that looks like for me is
you know I'm present and I'mwatching and I'm looking and
(53:48):
some days it's just body andsome days it's all of me and
again you know all of thesewomen understand that not just
mentally but physically and totheir core and it's like it's
like holding your best friend'shand um and that's comforting
(54:11):
and it's it's nice.
It's nice.
SPEAKER_03 (54:17):
Susie you're next I think a big takeaway for me from
all of it was um seeing thestrength of every one of those
moms come.
You know sometimes it just it'sall we can do to muster to get
through getting up and getting ashower and getting our clothes
(54:38):
on and going to work or whateverit is that we're required to do.
And you know some days it wasjust literally for me putting
literally telling myself takeanother step take another step
and it you know it felt like umI always said it was like living
in a black and white movie inslow motion that I wasn't in but
(54:59):
everybody else was in the movie.
Like today it's the Monday movieand I'm not in the Monday movie.
It just happens to be playingbut I'm watching everybody else
live out the Monday movie.
So when we were all sittingthere and all in a room together
we were all in the same movieand that was kind of the
metaphor in my mind and just thestrength that it took to get
(55:24):
there to sit there to listen tobe present there that was
incredible strength.
And then the friendships and therelationships that were
developed that were bigger andbetter than what I ever had
anticipated.
You know I showed at thebeginning that I met somebody
(55:45):
that we had been texting and shelives in Atlanta and she was a
key person of how I'd found outabout all this because I would
have never heard about it livingin Dayton, Ohio.
But when I look back and I seeall the the pieces come together
of how the events wereorchestrated for me but also for
(56:05):
everyone else of their story ofhow they found out about it it's
not an accident you know to beable to connect to one again and
then the gratefulness of allthose pieces of being able to
have that just um friendshipthat took place with complete
strangers.
SPEAKER_09 (56:27):
Which beautiful Demi Hey well um I just have to say
that I'm really you knowthankful to be part of this
group and I I do really justlight up when I see the emails
and the random text and I ahundred percent feel like that
it was meant for all of us tomeet and it was totally
(56:50):
orchestrated by God.
I mean I just I just feel thatthat otherwise we wouldn't have
all came together like we didand um I look forward to meeting
some of you all again hopefullydown the road um but it is like
a unique friendship and it wasjust nice to hear people say
random things like somebody Idon't know if it was in our
(57:13):
group or a breakout group thatsaid they could not listen to
music for a while and I'm likeoh my gosh I can't either you
know just to know that you'renot so insane that you know
there's the little things andthere were so many of those
moments that were like you knowyou feel like that but um you
know I I thank you so much forkeeping us together and and
(57:34):
engaged and I'll you know lookforward to doing better next
time and like brushing my hairor something to work your home
day and I'm brushing your hairthere's no need to brush your
hair.
SPEAKER_04 (57:47):
I'm just woman it oh it's great and Robin final
thoughts from you to your purplegroup oh gosh um well everybody
knows that one of my sayings andone of my mottos is that when my
kids look down from heaven Iwant them to say my mom is a
badass.
So um I am thankful that God andAmy and Michelle and our group
(58:13):
uh gave me the opportunity tomeet all of y'all and um get to
know not just y'all but yourangels and your stories and the
friendships that grew from it.
And I hope that my story canhelp y'all and that finding ways
to turn our pain into purpose isjust something that we can all
(58:37):
learn to strive for and dobetter at and that when all of
our kids look down from heaventhey will say my mom is a
badass.
SPEAKER_07 (58:44):
Oh heck yeah oh heck yeah um and speaking of I know
that there are I know that umSheila McConnell and Cindy
Lockhart are starting a groupout in the Oconee area Lake
Oconey Eatonton area so be onthe lookout for all of that.
SPEAKER_05 (59:03):
I know Jolan has one up in Kentucky and then and I
know that there are severalothers that are going to be I
know one is going to be startingin um Beauford area um so I know
that there's you know coming theafter the first of the year
things are really going to be umand that's that's been my dream
(59:23):
for all of you women out therethat have lost a child is for
there to be little pods of bombsjust together talking saying you
two I'm not crazy Demi I youdon't know how many times I've
said that to Michelle about justrandom things you know and I was
like oh God thank God that'sgrief that's not me losing my
(59:43):
mind my marbles yet but it's youknow and we need that we need
those people to make us feelnormal in the this world of
unnormal and that's just the wayit is and that's absolutely yeah
so that's that's my well wecannot thank y'all enough for
being vulnerable tonight and umsharing a little bit about your
(01:00:06):
takeaways and what was hard andjust your continued um I love
what Rebecca said living youknow embracing The suck and that
was it, that was right.
Um, and we're we're just sothankful.
So um, thanks for being thefirst table, Robin, and yeah,
(01:00:26):
pushing us forward.
I love it.
Sure.
SPEAKER_04 (01:00:29):
Love it.
I'll always here to be theguinea pig for you guys.
SPEAKER_05 (01:00:34):
Oh, and just sending you a hug over the over the
screen.
SPEAKER_07 (01:00:40):
Yes, six virtual hugs.
Virtual hugs.
And I just want to thank all ofour listeners out there for
listening once again.
Um, and these are you know, sixmore badass women right here on
the on the podcast today.
So we want to be grateful foreveryone.
Until next time.
SPEAKER_06 (01:00:59):
Thank you guys.
SPEAKER_07 (01:00:59):
Until next time.
Don't hang out, guys.
Don't hang up, don't hang up.
Okay.
We gotta make sure it alldownloads, Michelle.
Or if y'all do hang out, don'tclose out of the um, don't close
out of this.
Michelle, we're still recording.
I um yes, I see that.
SPEAKER_05 (01:01:23):
Interesting.
SPEAKER_07 (01:01:25):
We're still technically challenged.
SPEAKER_05 (01:01:29):
Um I already have I don't have a stop, Amy, on my
screen.
I bet because it kicked me out.
Well, I think I think we canjust say goodbye, and I'm gonna
(01:01:54):
keep all my screens open andyeah what happens for everybody,
and then we'll let her keeprecording.
SPEAKER_01 (01:02:02):
Okay, bye guys.
SPEAKER_07 (01:02:05):
All right, bye guys.
Thank you.
Bye, have a good night.
SPEAKER_01 (01:02:09):
Y'all too.
Hello and welcome back to Warrior Moms.
I am Michelle Davis.
And I am Amy Durham.
And we are so grateful to have awhole group of women here today
with us, Michelle.
No.
We um met them all at theretreat that we had about a
month ago, I guess.
(00:36):
And I'm just so grateful thatthey chose to be on here with us
today.
Um and just share a little bitabout um what the what the
retreat was like, what it's liketo connect with other women that
are in the same storm.
Might have different boats,might be further away from
shore, but we're all in thesame, we're all in this shitty
(00:57):
storm all together, that is.
First and foremost, we're gonnahave Robin No, who is we all
know, um Robin No Willis, I'msorry, who is one of our
original moms, and she wasactually the uh table lead of
the purple table at the retreat.
So Robin, I want to turn it overto you for a little bit.
SPEAKER_04 (01:19):
Alrighty.
Um, like she said, I'm Robin NoWillis, uh, and I lost my
children, Sean and Morgan, in atragic house fire on October
5th, 2019.
Um, I am chapter one of ourbook, uh Grieve Like a Mother,
Survive Like a Warrior.
So they always like to put me inthis first start, no pressure
(01:43):
kind of situation.
SPEAKER_07 (01:44):
Yeah, you're you're good at under pressure, aren't
you?
I love it.
SPEAKER_04 (01:47):
Y'all, y'all sure make me be.
Um so yeah, I was the tableleader for our purple table and
got to know all these women.
And some of these women evenhoused with me.
So I got to know some of themeven a little more than just
sitting at the table with them.
Um it started with getting theiremails and saying, hey,
(02:09):
introduce yourself.
So that's where we started.
And now we have a text threadand we don't text every day, but
we check on each other prettyregularly.
And it's pretty amazing that wefound a connection that none of
us want to have, but that we allknow, understand each other.
SPEAKER_07 (02:27):
How was it, Robin, for you?
Like, okay, there's how manywere at your table?
SPEAKER_04 (02:33):
Um I was supposed to have eight.
We ended up having seven.
SPEAKER_07 (02:37):
Okay.
So seven in addition to you.
And how was it?
You they were all strangers.
unknown (02:43):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_04 (02:43):
Did that feel like well, not everybody was a
stranger.
I knew Rebecca on Facebook, butI had never met Rebecca in
person.
But everybody else, yes, it wasit was the first time seeing any
of their faces, but it was thefirst time even talking to the
majority of them.
So it was definitelynerve-wracking.
Um, I know where I try to be inmy own grief, but knowing how to
(03:08):
be there for other people isreally hard sometimes because
you I don't want to say you'regonna say anything wrong because
I mean, we all know what yeah,you you just we all understand
it.
SPEAKER_07 (03:22):
Even walking in this boat, you still worry about
saying the wrong thing.
SPEAKER_04 (03:27):
Yeah.
And so, you know, just wantingto be there for them and helping
them the best way that I knewhow and let this retreat just
touch their heart and let themfeel the impact of everything.
Um definitely took some prayingand some prayers to make sure
that I felt like I was in theright spot to do that.
But I'm I I hope that I did agood job and that we all did a
(03:47):
good job and they left feelingbetter than when they walked
through the door.
SPEAKER_05 (03:51):
So absolutely.
And that was, you know, when Amyand I were sitting down and
planning this, that was such,you know, an integral part of
the retreat was, you know, yes,we would have speakers, yes, we
would have activities andthings, but um, the war your
moms being at each table wasjust going to be incredibly key,
(04:13):
I think.
And so let's start with um you,Tesley, and um what was your
experience?
So just walk us through walkingup to the barn, walking into
that first place, just how didit feel for you?
SPEAKER_01 (04:29):
So I think one of the things that I just I
remember about I didn't want toleave my house to even go there
because it just wasn't a placethat I wanted to be.
I know that sounds bad, but it'slike you know, you just don't
want to be a part of this thisclub.
Um so walking in, I was verynervous.
(04:51):
Um, but I met you guys, I metAmy first, and she was such a
light to me.
Um, and then I met Robin, and itwas really good for me.
I feel like even though it'sbeen five years since I lost my
son, um I haven't really dealtwith the grief.
(05:11):
I haven't really sat in it, um,and that's a really long time to
just not.
But I know my mom, I have a Ihave a son who was like a year
and a half at the time, andshe's like, You have to stop
crying for your son.
You have to be a mom.
So it was like from that dayuntil this retreat, I realized
(05:34):
that I had put all of myfeelings kind of down, just
pushed it down, and just notreally sat and dealt with it.
So this retreat was very heavy,very overwhelming.
It was almost like I was justreliving it in the very
beginning.
Um, so it was really heavy, butit was much needed.
(05:55):
I feel so much better now thatI've realized what I need to do.
SPEAKER_05 (06:00):
Jolynn, where do you where do you range on um what
Chesley said?
Like, does that resonate?
Do you um did you have similarfeelings, different ones?
SPEAKER_07 (06:12):
How many times did you turn around and go back
home?
Yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (06:17):
Um, okay, so um I lost my rose on December uh 21st
of 2024.
That's not even been a year yet.
Um, and I had heard your guys'podcast, and it really, really
helped.
Um, and then I heard about theretreat.
And for me, it was about asix-hour drive coming from
Kentucky, and I was reallyexcited to go.
(06:39):
And then once I got my stuffpacked up and in the car, I was
like, I don't think I can dothis.
I shouldn't leave my family.
And my husband, he's like, No,you have to go.
He's like, You need to go.
So I got in the car and I drovein the whole way.
I was really nervous and I waslike, I don't know anybody, I
don't know where I'm going.
Um, I got there late, everybodywas already kind of doing their
(07:01):
thing.
Um it was very nerve-wracking,but I needed it so much.
Um I felt seen, I feltunderstood, I felt heard.
Nobody asked me about Rose hereat Thanksgiving.
(07:25):
We didn't even have an emptychair for her.
But I got to talk about her allweekend.
Yeah.
And it did, it made me feelbetter, it made me want to help
people.
Um, and I brought back what youguys have said um and tried to
help people here, and honestly,it makes me feel better.
Like I'm still sad and I'm stillheartbroken, and everything
(07:47):
still sucks.
But like I do feel like when I'mtaking what I learned at the
retreat um and feeling thetogetherness with all of you,
that bringing it back here anddoing that for some of the same,
the some of some of the women Iknow here, it does, it does help
and it makes me feel better.
SPEAKER_07 (08:03):
And you had your very first meeting in Kentucky
uh two weeks ago.
Yes.
SPEAKER_02 (08:10):
Two or three.
Um I had five women show up.
Um it was only supposed to lastabout an hour.
Um, I think it was 8:30.
Uh we started at 5:30 and it was8:30 when everybody was like,
oh, I should go.
Um of course it was sad.
(08:30):
Um, but what something Amy hadtold me before uh when I spoke
to her on the phone, she's like,if you keep it positive and talk
about the good things, it'llstay that way.
But if you go sad, it's gonnastay sad.
Um, so I tried to keep itpositive.
Um, and I think everybody reallyliked it.
Now me and those women have atext thread and we check up on
(08:51):
each other, and then we have ournext meeting uh in two weeks
from now.
SPEAKER_05 (08:55):
That is so wow.
I like that is absolutelyincredible.
Good job.
I know that had to be hard inand of itself.
Um, so Lindsay, let's let'sthink about um the role I think
that um Robin played in helping.
(09:16):
And you certainly can add on tohow you felt as well coming in.
Um and then let's move intotalking about just how that was
helpful to have someone who'swalked this path at your table.
SPEAKER_00 (09:32):
Just like the other ladies, I did not want to come.
Um, I think I did not pack until15 minutes before I was supposed
to walk out the door.
Um, I don't my drive's not thatfar.
I was only about 30 minutesaway.
Um, but the whole way there, Ijust wanted to turn around and
come back home.
Um very new.
So my son passed on January 20thof 2025.
(09:59):
So Robin was the best personthat could have been at our
table for me.
Um because I hear about people'skids that have passed, and no
offense to anyone.
Um, but a lot of times they'reolder than 12.
12's a hard age, middle school.
I'd give anything to have hadhigh school.
(10:21):
So meeting her and having twochildren that were younger than
my child.
It was it she was perfect.
Um she was very joyful, whichgave me hope that I'll get
there.
Um and now I'm losing my trainof thought.
SPEAKER_05 (10:42):
It's all good.
Um well, and just I think, youknow, thinking about having
somebody who's been on thisroad, you know, you said it so
perfectly that it helped one,having Robin who had two
children but that could share inher grief of that, and then
(11:02):
having a child that was younglike your child.
I think that's so beneficial tofind other people.
Like, yes, we've all lostchildren, um, but having an
extra connection, I think, is soimportant.
Um, Rebecca, thinking aboutthat, we had affinity groups
(11:25):
where you know you have yourtable group, and I'd love to
hear from you how um yourthoughts about walking in and
the table, but then alsothinking about um, you know,
meeting with groups of peoplelike just what Lindsay said, who
are similar um either in age ofyour child or in um
(11:45):
circumstance.
SPEAKER_06 (11:48):
So, like the previous ladies, I um I delayed,
I procrastinated, I didn't wantto come.
Um, I wanted to meet Robinbecause Robin and I had kind of
been um chatting back and forth,but as far as actually coming
somewhere and talking to a bunchof women who are gonna be
(12:10):
grieving, I was not comfortablewith that.
Um I wasn't sure how it wasgonna be.
And in my mind, it was worstcase scenarios and a lot of um
crying, and I I cry every day,but I just didn't want to cry.
I didn't I didn't want to cryanymore.
(12:31):
I I wanted to have a moment, um,but I was like everything said I
had to go, everybody said I hadto go, and so I procrastinated,
but I was I was late, um, verylate, and um walked in and
everybody was kind of in PJs andcomfortable, and they were very
(12:54):
welcoming, and it was a relaxingatmosphere, and they again they
they asked me about my Emily,and that was where it was like a
little bit of a thaw um from myheart um to be able to you know
(13:14):
talk about her because you knowthere aren't a lot of people
that that ask, or if they doask, they're really not uh
they're listening, but they'renot.
Um they don't want to hear itbecause it hurts, it's painful
for them.
And and I get that, but like Ihave a need, I have a desire, I
(13:35):
have a want to talk about her,and so that um it was nice to
have all those women that wereinterested and asking the
questions and wanting to knowabout her, and so that was that
was really nice.
And then walking in um to thebarn, it was a beautiful place,
(13:55):
absolutely stunning.
Um, and it I'm not a womanthat's very intimidated by
things, but I was kind ofintimidated by a big crowd of
women being there, and we're allabout to go through this journey
yet again, um, in a waytogether.
Can you hear but um open-minded,walked in, and you know, they
(14:20):
you guys started talking and wesplit into those groups, and it
was relieving um because I againlike others have said, felt
seen, felt heard, feltunderstood, felt like a blanket
(14:43):
of women there that althoughwe're not walking in that exact
woman's shoes, I can look at herand she can look at me, and we
have this moment of the of I seeyou.
This is hard, and I see you, andI see past your pain, and I see
(15:08):
past the hurt, I I genuinely seewho you are as a mother, as a
person, as your grief, and itwas just it was more than I
thought it would be.
SPEAKER_07 (15:28):
I love that it's more as in more emotional or
just more more better, yeah.
SPEAKER_06 (15:39):
Like better, more emotional or more just overall
goodness, overall goodness,because even though we all were
grieving at the same time, eventhough we all had tears in our
eyes and we are sufferingthrough the suck of it, we were
(16:00):
together, and it wasn't a win aroom full of women just crying
all the time.
SPEAKER_07 (16:05):
No, it's just kind of what you think when you think
about oh when we go to a bunchof women that have lost their
children, oh everybody's justgonna be crying the whole time,
and I think that's what it'slike.
SPEAKER_06 (16:13):
But we were also smiling because we were talking
about our children as if theywere still there with us, and
yeah, we had to talk about thebad parts of it, but we were
also talking about the goodparts of them, and I got to
learn about some of the bestparts of these ladies' children,
(16:33):
and I would have loved to havemet them, and I would have loved
to have been friends beforethis, and I'm glad that I get to
be friends after.
SPEAKER_07 (16:44):
Yes, Susie.
I'm gonna put this question onto you now.
What did you think about thetable and the retreat and the
just say what's on your heart?
SPEAKER_03 (16:57):
Well, um, I didn't want to come either, and I live
in Dayton, Ohio, so I flew.
So I had a lot of time tocontemplate everything as I'm
traveling and sitting in anairport and sitting on the
plane, and then someone therethat was coming to the retreat
picked me up at the airport, andso we had a chance.
(17:20):
I had not met this person inperson, so I had the ability to
um develop a unique friendshipon the way there um from the
airport, and when I walked inthe barn and met Robin, um I
couldn't really speak, and Robinjust warmly um assured me it was
(17:41):
gonna be okay and was just very,very kind and and then shared
her story.
So we just had this time, justthe two of us talking before uh
we got to sit down and get toknow everybody.
And um there was a lot of thingsthat I'll I'll probably never
forget about that weekend, andthere were things that were
(18:02):
surprises that were really hardthat I felt like I was
swallowing extra hard.
Um walking outside that Fridaynight and seeing the luminaries,
I had no idea what the pictureswere gonna be for, and I kept
stalling when they kept sendingme emails to send a picture,
send a picture, and I didn'twant to do it.
I I just didn't want to sendthat picture.
(18:24):
And and then when I saw um theluminaries, um, the lady that
picked me up at the airport, herson's luminary was right beside
mine.
And I there was no one thatwould have known to do that.
So that was a little hug um thatI felt like that I had.
(18:45):
And so um there was lots ofthings, you know, throughout the
weekend that were reallydifficult, you know, hearing all
the stories, but then there wasmoments that I felt were a
little lighter and a littlesofter, and you know, the
breakup of putting a plant in apot and um a hayride and those
(19:07):
kinds of things, and then allthe sweet touches, the
takeaways, you know, the pictureof everyone.
I've shared that with otherpeople because when you look at
65 women um all together, that'spretty astonishing of all those
moms coming together for thatvery reason.
And I don't think I I mean uhyet mine's just a little over a
(19:30):
year.
It was November 8th of 2024 forme, and so to be together with
that amount of ladies that arehurting from child loss was just
incredible in in a a sad way,but yes, uh also a comforting
way to be able to connect withone another.
SPEAKER_05 (19:53):
Absolutely.
Um I my um connection kicked meoff.
SPEAKER_07 (19:59):
So, Amy, tell me where we are in our We are,
yeah, we just so yeah, so wejust finished talking about all
of the tables.
Um you know, just the tabletime.
Yeah.
So you know, and everybody kindof has the same consensus that
yes, I I wanted to go, but Ididn't really want to go.
You know, because I know thatmost of you uh I I know that um
(20:24):
I know you all wanted to bethere, but you part of you
wanted to be there, but youdidn't want to go there.
Does that make sense?
Like you don't want to go justlike everywhere for me,
especially the last what sixyears after I've lost Alec,
which he's only been gone sixand a half years, but it I don't
want to go, but I want to bethere, or I don't want to be
(20:46):
there, but I don't want to go.
Does that make sense?
Yeah, for sure.
Committing to it, but onceyou're there, you're it is it's
it's rewarding in itself.
So um I think that's good.
SPEAKER_04 (21:00):
I still go through that with our warrior mom's get
togethers, and I always want tosee all your faces and I always
want to hug all your necks, butbecause I am an hour away from
most of our gatherings, I Istill go through the uh I don't
want to put forth the effort togo sometimes.
But then but then I'm there andI'm like, I'm so stupid.
Why did I not just why did Ifind myself on this?
(21:23):
Like this is what I needed.
And I mean, like you said, yeah.
So even over six years later, Imean we still still do that.
So still do it, and I still needit.
SPEAKER_07 (21:32):
So whether we want to admit it or not, right?
SPEAKER_05 (21:37):
Yeah, I uh it just and it hits us in so many
different ways.
And um, you know, I'm almost 10years out, and I just three
weeks ago, you know, was afterthe retreat, and um a lot of the
book signings were done.
Um, and Amy and I could havejust kind of a big, you know,
(21:59):
space to get back to our livesafter the book being um done
editing.
Um, but having that space all ofa sudden was really, really hard
for me.
I mean, I crashed so hard forthree weeks.
Um I I mean I slept more thanI've slept since probably year
four.
Um, and then we had a WarriorBombs night, and I thought, oh
(22:22):
my gosh, I just I can't I can'tgo.
And then like Robin, I justfound like y'all did, you know,
you you put one foot in front ofthe other, and somehow you know
within you you need to be thereto see other faces and just you
know, I didn't say anything.
I didn't tell anyone I was sadover the last three weeks.
(22:45):
Um, but just standing next toeach other, there's just such
strength in each of you when Ilook at your faces tonight.
I mean, and hear your voices.
Um, just the love that we carryfor our kids and the missing um
takes just a strength that is isalmost supernatural, not human.
SPEAKER_07 (23:10):
I have another question.
Okay, so we went through this,I'm just gonna call it a
wonderful weekend.
I mean, there was there wasthings happened in that barn
that no one can explain.
Jesus was there in the midst ofall of it, and I I I felt all, I
mean, you can't explain whathappened in that barn, at least
for my end, what I saw and whatI witnessed and what I felt.
(23:30):
It was like Rebecca said,everything and more than what I
ever imagined it could be.
And I know Michelle feels thesame way, but okay, so y'all go
home and on Monday.
What happened on Monday?
How did Monday feel versus theMonday before that?
Susie, I'm gonna start with you.
SPEAKER_03 (23:50):
Well, I was exhausted and it took me days
honestly to process everythingand just to kind of reflect and
work through some of that.
I wanted to talk about it.
I wanted to tell other peopleabout the experience and I
wanted to share, and that's justmy way of processing and moving
(24:11):
forward.
And when you find someone, aswe've all learned, you know,
there's listening and thenthere's listening.
And when you can find someonethat's willing to really listen
and understand or care tounderstand, then uh that feels
like a safe place to be able toshare.
So it was just a lot of thinkingand emotional kind of
(24:32):
decompressing just from thestories.
I think for me, sitting in theaffinity group groups, um, there
were some similar stories fromgroup one to group two, an
overlap of things.
And that was a lot to take on.
Um that you know, secondary umcompassion that we all have for
(24:55):
one another.
You know, they were large groupsand just one right after the
other.
It was just a lot to to thinkthrough, and you feel hurt for
everyone else as well.
SPEAKER_07 (25:08):
Yeah.
Rebecca, what about you?
How did this the the Mondayafter the retreat?
What or the week after?
How did you feel?
What are the thoughts?
I think she's frozen.
I think she's frozen.
Lindsay, how about you?
(25:29):
I'm gonna skip to you.
SPEAKER_00 (25:31):
Uh I was also extremely exhausted.
Um well, I feel like we'reexhausted all the time, but when
you have a big weekend like thatof talking, expressing,
listening, it's a lot.
Um, I have a really good supportgroup, um, close friends and
that wanted to know all about itand let me just sit and talk
(25:53):
about everything we did, how Ifelt, if it was good, if I'd go
back, if I'd recommend it tosomeone, and all the answers are
yes, yes, and yes.
Um so it was it was nice to havesome a group to come back to to
continue on the conversations ofwhat we did there.
Um yeah.
SPEAKER_07 (26:14):
Yeah, I love that.
I love that.
Jolyn?
SPEAKER_02 (26:20):
Um honestly, when I got back, I felt, I know
everybody's saying they werereally tired.
Um I I had that six-hour driveback and time to think about
stuff, and I kind of feltrejuvenated.
Um there was an accident thathad happened in about an hour
from us where three um teenagerspassed away in a car accident.
(26:40):
And all I could think about washelping those mothers.
Um I did email the funeral homeletters and let the funeral home
know, like, hey, can you putthis in their bag?
Just saying that I was having ameeting with my information.
I never heard from them.
And to think about it, like mebeing in that spot, would I even
look at the letter?
Probably not.
I don't know.
(27:01):
I just felt like I wanted tohelp somebody.
Um and then that's what made merealize that I wanted to start
having these meetings.
Um because it does, it's likewhen I'm helping somebody, it
makes me it does make me feelbetter.
It helps you too.
It does.
SPEAKER_07 (27:19):
Um meet each other.
SPEAKER_02 (27:21):
And I would say for that week after I actually felt
a lot better.
Um, you know, it only lastedabout a week, which is
unfortunate.
Um, but I I think I did feel alot better uh after coming back
from the retreat.
SPEAKER_07 (27:37):
Good Chesley, Chesley.
Hey Demi, thank you for joiningus.
Sorry I was late.
It is it is a okay.
It is a-okay so we're just kindof talking about the retreat and
what um the first like right nowwe're kind of talking about when
(27:59):
you got when you got home afterthe retreat the next week.
How how did the retreat help yougo into the next week or not?
SPEAKER_09 (28:08):
Oh okay, um, yes, it definitely helped, but I've I
feel like I came home like I wasI felt like I was had left a a
dream or something, like I washad to wake up because it was
just so peaceful and I mean Ijust couldn't wait to get there
(28:28):
every day.
I d and it I just I didn'treally I can't say I felt
lonely, but I didn't, you know,everyone was asking me about it,
and of course I told, you know,plenty of people about it, but I
didn't really feel like I wantedto go really deep talking about
it with anybody because I feltlike I had just been with, you
(28:48):
know, a hundred people thatunderstood and I was, you know,
I was good.
Um and it like you know, you allsaid it did not last too long,
but it's still very much with meand a part of me now.
And it was honestly the mostamazing thing I've done in five
years, really, really and truly.
(29:10):
And I know you all may think itwas simple and it was just you
know getting together and youknow, talking and eating and
doing a little craft, and Istill have my plant, it's alive.
Um, but it was so much more.
It was just it was it was justever it was nothing like what I
expected.
Like everyone else, I almostdidn't come.
SPEAKER_07 (29:30):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_09 (29:31):
You know?
SPEAKER_07 (29:32):
Yeah.
Well, I'm glad that you all did.
I know that I had to skip you aminute ago because I I think you
had gone something washappening.
SPEAKER_01 (29:40):
So do you want to answer the I think I was um I
did my microphone and I forgotto put it back on.
I love it, I love it, I love it.
So um Monday for me was reallyheavy.
I had to go to work at likenormal.
Um, and I was just really Ididn't want to go to work, but I
(30:01):
did, and I'm glad I did.
I work at a children's hospitalin Atlanta, so um, I think
getting back to my purpose, um,taking care of babies that you
know.
where I lost my son when he wasright right after he was born.
So I think I needed to be whereI needed to be.
(30:24):
I ended up leaving early onTuesday.
They my team was like, you needto go, you know, give yourself
because I was just it was justit was all real and just very
overwhelming.
So um but being at work reallyreally helps me.
Oh that's good.
SPEAKER_08 (30:44):
That's great.
SPEAKER_05 (30:47):
And Rebecca I think you're back with us.
SPEAKER_06 (30:50):
Yay I am sorry about that.
I lost nervous there for asecond.
And then it went SOS on me.
SPEAKER_05 (30:58):
Well I did too my my computer kicked me out it's just
how it happens.
SPEAKER_06 (31:04):
Yeah so Amy's just asking what was that next week
like for you it just felt verysacred um sharing those moments
with those ladies and I I felt asense of peace coming out of
(31:26):
there and and like I saidunderstanding and being seen and
being felt and being heard umthat that you don't get from
your friends and family becauseeven though they understand they
don't um as much as they trythey don't um so it was um I
(31:49):
didn't talk a lot about it toother people um but I felt I
felt very peaceful about thatweekend in in a way that I
haven't in a while.
So it was it was surreal.
(32:11):
It was very surreal and I tooksome time after everybody had
left the barn and just went andsat in in the swing because
there was that cold swing in thebarn and just kind of sat there
for a little bit and just had amoment with my with my Emily
luminary and just um took sometime to really take it in over
(32:37):
what I had experienced over thatweekend and and the women and
thinking about them and prayingfor them.
And it was just it was a reallygood moment for me.
SPEAKER_05 (32:53):
I love that you took that space Rebecca that is
something I think that all of uscould be reminded of I know um
you know we we talk about thatwhere we often we like I know at
least for myself I just staybusy busy busy um and stay
busier than anybody I know butthat's so important I think is
(33:18):
to to do exactly what you justdid is just sit with Emily you
know just have that time andspace and think about these new
friends that we have um and I Ijust think that's beautiful.
I love that um so we just wentthrough one of the holidays of
the season y'all um thinkingabout the retreat and Robin your
(33:43):
warrior mom leader um your newfriends that you made um what
are some things that havecarried you I mean we know it's
painful it's awful um has therebeen anything that's that you've
learned in the last little bitthat have helped you through the
some of these heavy days do youhave can you hear me there you
(34:19):
are there we go yes okay it justit just reconnected me it had uh
it logged me out so I didn'thear the question oh Michelle
just when you think about goingthrough you know one of the
first holidays here atThanksgiving and after the
(34:39):
retreat um you know were therewas there anything that you
learned from there that's helpedcarry you or things that um you
know that you longed for that wehad within that space um just
just walk us through how thisThanksgiving season was for you
(35:00):
well for me um like many of youyou guys had Thanksgiving with
your kids before I never hadthat I never got any any
Thanksgiving any Christmas um soI think just in general um just
wondering what it would be likewith him here um and then I have
(35:23):
a six year old now who askedabout his brother and um we
actually had a moment the othernight he asked if he could see
pictures and I showed him whichhe's seen them before but he's
six so he's kinda he's kind ofunderstanding really what's
happening and um so he and thisis not your question but I just
(35:46):
have to share it.
SPEAKER_01 (35:47):
So we were laying in bed and he's like I want to see
I want to see Caden and so Ishowed him and I was scrolling
over and one picture um his lipswere kind of dark um and he's
like you know why why is thatand I said well you know he
Bubba's not alive in thatpicture and he just broke down I
mean just started bawling cryingso there I'm crying um because
(36:13):
it's just not fair you know umhaving to do this and he misses
his brother he was only a yearand a half but he I don't know
if he were if he remembers thatfar you know that young but um
it just sucks like like Joannesaid it just sucks um just not
(36:33):
knowing what he would be like Ithink that's the the big thing.
SPEAKER_05 (36:40):
Oh gosh for sure.
Jolyn you talked about that whenwe were um logging on and kind
of talking about what we mighttalk about.
SPEAKER_02 (36:48):
Will you just share what you said about um you know
really trying to you know carryboth sadness and joy and just
the struggles of that um yeah soum with you guys and then other
uh bereaved moms it's likecarrying grief with gratitude
how are we gonna do that likelet's let's do both and since
(37:12):
this has happened honestly I'vetried to be really intentional
um with things I've even hadother bereaved moms um that are
several several years in andthey're like you're really
intentional with the things thatyou do and I I don't want to
feel like this forever like thissucks a lot and I I hate it and
I want to feel better.
I have a husband and I have anine year old son so even with
(37:36):
trying to be intentional withthose things and with the things
that you know you guys havetaught us and that I have
learned along the way um Ididn't want to do Thanksgiving.
I didn't want to do it at all.
I did it for my son I did it formy mom and my family that lives
here I went through the motionsI still cooked the food we went
(37:58):
up and we ate um but you know itsucked and I didn't want to do
any of it.
I just kind of did it foreverybody else around me.
SPEAKER_07 (38:08):
I love it I always used to say that I existed I
existed in the moment.
I was there existing in themoment but eventually the the
feeling of being in the momentwill come back one day.
I don't I can't tell you whichTuesday it'll happen but it
it'll come back.
SPEAKER_04 (38:27):
I was just telling Barton Isabel sorry Barton
Isabel about just feeling likeexistence especially that first
year of just existing throughthe year.
And I found one of the old poststhat I wrote at one point um
because I've always been superhonest in my grief throughout
everything.
And part of it said that you canstill be thankful and still be
(38:51):
sad.
Just like on Thanksgiving youcan still be full but still eat
dessert.
So you are very much capable ofboth.
It's just it's it's hard when inthose moments the sadness
definitely feels like itoutweighs the thankfulness that
you have right now.
SPEAKER_05 (39:11):
I don't know if this would help at all but it's
something that my dad started umthat very first Thanksgiving is
um you know he he did leave aspace at the table um and had a
place setting for Carter um andthen he had each of us write
whether it was just a heart inour name or if it was a little
(39:35):
note and then we just piled themup on the plate.
And you know I'm 10 years in andwe still have a plate um you
know and we've gathered littleum you know whether it's a
candle or little angels thosetype of things but I I mean one
of the things I'd I just youknow I encourage all of us
(39:55):
including myself is to talkabout your loved ones even if
you're gonna cry you know putput a a place setting there and
even just bust in and say can II just I want to I want to
address that I'm sad and andjust want to say I miss Carter
but I'm thankful for him.
And part of that's that's okayand and that that crying
(40:18):
together creates community justlike what we did.
And our loved ones are sadmissing them too and it it all
of a sudden creates a new a newspace for just all of us.
SPEAKER_07 (40:31):
Well and something that I've learned too over time
is my family's not the onethat's going to set the place at
the table.
Whereas I'm gonna have to takethe initiative and do that if I
want that done.
And I used to kind of get upsetthat nobody's doing anything but
it's not who they are you knowand it's not that they've
(40:53):
forgotten him or anything.
But yeah I mean every family'sdifferent and if they're not
doing something and you wantsomething done then do it.
It's it's that's not against therules the rules that are no
rules.
SPEAKER_00 (41:08):
So it's I just think people don't really know what to
do and they don't want to stepon toes either.
A thousand percent yeah thousandpercent Lindsay how was y'all's
first Thanksgiving we traveledto Louisiana which is what we
normally do.
We did not do it last yearbecause my oldest was in the um
third round of football playoffsfor high school and being a
(41:30):
senior year we skipped out onthat and I realized that we
didn't take a family picturelast year.
So I made everybody do it thisyear even though we're missing
one because I would want it ifsomething else were to happen.
Yeah.
Um so I don't know I I actuallyas we were sitting here I was
trying to think like what we didand I like y'all said I was in
(41:53):
the moment but I don't reallyremember it all I was there we
conversated I smiled I laughedmy other three kids I've asked
them if they wanted to changeanything for this year and
they're like absolutely not theywant everything the same because
I think they've had so muchchange already this year that
they don't want anything else tobe different.
So even though it kind of sucksfor me I like I still want to do
(42:16):
all the magical stuff for themand it to be the same.
SPEAKER_07 (42:20):
I find even different traditions other
people don't but I do I feellike we still we're we still do
exactly what we did before Alecpassed.
SPEAKER_00 (42:30):
And that's what that's what we're doing so also
even with Christmas comingthat's everything's gonna be the
same.
SPEAKER_04 (42:39):
Robin what advice do you have heading into this um
you know Christmas season um uhum it's hard because my first
year was just very verydifferent than everybody's
(43:00):
because I literally had losteverything and didn't have to be
strong for anybody else anddidn't have to follow any of
these traditions and just kindof said screw it I'm running
away and I'm doing what I wantso um it's hard a little bit for
me to give advice in that realm.
So but the next year when I hada boyfriend and a his daughter
(43:25):
and which is now my husband andmy bonus daughter but starting
starting those traditions overand seeing the joy through a
child's eyes again um was a hardand wonderful moment all at the
same time for me.
So getting to start some ofthose traditions again um in a
completely different light wasgood.
But I would still have to takemy moment sometimes and even
(43:50):
though Isabel never met Sean andMorgan, she could just tell
sometimes and so she would knowand Bart would know like okay
we're gonna keep doing this butMiss Robin needs to go take a
break for a minute.
So um even when it's your ownkids, you know, if mom needs a
break for a minute just you knowI know you don't want to let
your other children down butsometimes you just have to take
(44:11):
a second for yourself and letdad or sister or brother or
whoever help out in the momentand then and then come back and
be be your better self afteryou've taken a moment for
yourself.
SPEAKER_07 (44:26):
So and I love one of the things that you've done and
we've talked about it before andI'm I'm sure they all know too
but it's your Christmas treewhere you had you asked for you
didn't have them you didn't makethem do it but you asked for
people to send ornaments thatreminded you or reminded them of
Sean and Morgan and you builttheir own tree with their own
ornaments that and I know othermoms I can't remember who it is
(44:49):
but they have trees at the ummight be brandy that puts a tree
at the at the grave site andhave friends will go of Kohl's
and go and decorate theChristmas tree with an ornament
and she always loved seeing theornaments that would show up and
write a story with it orwhatever.
So I I've always thought thatwas a great tradition that you
see and that took me a year too.
SPEAKER_04 (45:11):
That one didn't start right away um it was when
I finally started to figuremyself out and find some joy
again that I did.
I had an extra Christmas treeand just decided to randomly put
out on social media to friendsand family if anybody wanted to
make or donate an ornament inmemory of Sean and Morgan that
(45:33):
we would love it.
And I I thought I would get ahandful of ornaments and we have
over 200 ornaments on our treenow and we had to upgrade the
tree and Bart bought a rotatingChristmas tree stand so that no
ornaments get stuck in the backand you can see them all and
it's one of my favorite treesand we still get ornaments.
I still ask every year and Idon't expect people to
(45:55):
necessarily still send ornamentsbut I love that they do um and I
love that we still get ornamentsevery year from people old and
new that just want to givesomething for Sean and Morgan.
So sometimes you just have toput it out there and you have to
ask and you have to see whathappens and it may be not
exactly what you hoped for andit may blow your mind what will
(46:19):
come out of just a small ask ofsomebody.
SPEAKER_09 (46:22):
So don't be scared to ask Demi how was your week
after your Thanksgiving in thisum well I I kind of done just
the things that I always do andbeen you know kind of just by
myself really but I decorated myhouse and I do put a tree at the
(46:46):
cemetery and a tree at the umaccident site which I've never
thought about reaching out forornaments.
That would be kind of cool um Idid that and I just do it by
myself I have a you know anotherson but I don't know it's just
he doesn't really like to talkabout it.
(47:06):
He'll go by and look at the treeand just make sure the lights
are still on and stuff likethat.
But I just kind of do thosethings on my own and um but I
did enjoy family time and um allthe things and you know just
going places just makingyourself do it you know like
(47:26):
somebody said I I did themotions I did the dressing I did
the gravy I did the cranberrysauce and I mean you know just
all the things but um it's justa sad kind of time you think
about all the things that theywould have said or done or not
done or I don't know it's justit's been kind of emotional for
(47:50):
some reason this year.
SPEAKER_05 (47:53):
Yeah it just hits us at different reasons different
years.
It's weird I mean I've been reallike checked out kind of this
year and I I mean I'm doingthings though I'm you know
involved in you know a reallygood Bible study and um I'm
reading the um the devotionalthat we um received and you know
(48:14):
just reading everything I canand just trying to keep my mind
right I don't want to be a Idon't want to be a Debbie Downer
and yeah that's how you feellike I don't want people to look
at me and be like oh but thenagain I I am all I think that
(48:35):
we're all thankful that we'reall here together but not
thankful at all really yeahexactly I take that back I think
just as we um finish up if wecan just go around and and we'll
call your names but um just umyou know looking at each other
on the screen what are you knowyou've all come together this
(48:59):
purple table with Robin as yourboy your mom um what are it
could be a takeaway it couldjust be some you know gratitude
for each other um just you knowas we go around just just talk
about the women that are justhere on the screen and um
anything you want to say to themas we wrap up.
SPEAKER_01 (49:20):
So um Chesley you want to go first yeah sure um
I'm thankful to have meteveryone just to know that
there's that I'm not alone andthat there's people even though
my grief is different from yourgrief but we all lost a kid in
in retrospect of it so I thinkjust knowing that I'm not alone
(49:44):
and that I have man we lost youfor a smidge.
Jolyn why don't you jump in ohsorry there you're back okay
finish your thought last thingwe said was just um that we've
(50:07):
all experienced this togetheryeah basically I'm just I'm I'm
grateful to have met everyone umjust so that um know that I'm
not alone and that I have youknow people that check on me and
think about you know the harddays and and all so I'm just I'm
grateful that I've met everyoneJill in um pretty much the same
(50:34):
thing um just meeting everybodyum knowing that we're in it
together um you know the theGreek message still goes around
and and we're all you knowchecking on each other you know
Robin's like thinking of you umI don't know if I want to say
(50:58):
knowing that there's a light atthe end of the tunnel um but to
see the other moms and then whatthey've been through and how
they're doing and how they'vehandled their grief um I guess
brings me some hope.
SPEAKER_02 (51:12):
And I hope that it brings other women here hope
that we'll we can find joyagain.
Love it.
SPEAKER_00 (51:22):
Lindsay I'm also thankful for our little table of
complete strangers um and wehave a whole new support team
within each other that actuallycompletely understands um even
though our children aredifferent ages um it's it hurts
the same it all it all hurts thesame um and I look forward to
(51:45):
following you ladies throughoutthis journey and finding our joy
um no matter how long it takes.
SPEAKER_05 (51:52):
That's right.
SPEAKER_06 (51:53):
Rebecca um yeah I think the key word everybody's
using is thankful um and and thegratitude um that goes with all
of it you know we're allembracing the suck um and we're
(52:14):
all like um just just beinghonest we're embracing the suck
and that's about all we can dowe get up every morning we put
our pants on and we wonder atthe end of the day how we got
those pants on honestly I meanthere are days where some days
mine are the ones from the daybefore and the day before that.
(52:35):
But to know that it's okay umand and like that's what I've
told myself um I've tried totell myself without talking to
you guys before I talk to youguys like my journey through
grief is okay it's not gonnalook the same as everybody else
it's not gonna be the same aseverybody else and it's okay and
(52:59):
that's what I've I've toldmyself but then I came into this
group and I was able to not justsay it to myself but to say it
to other people and have themsay it back of like yeah you're
right we're okay not being okaylike and that's just where we're
at and that's okay that's okaythat that's where we're at and
(53:25):
so um you know being here andthat's what I call it I'm I'm
just here that's what I saypeople ask me how are you and I
say well I'm just here and andwhat that looks like for me is
you know I'm present and I'mwatching and I'm looking and
(53:48):
some days it's just body andsome days it's all of me and
again you know all of thesewomen understand that not just
mentally but physically and totheir core and it's like it's
like holding your best friend'shand um and that's comforting
(54:11):
and it's it's nice.
It's nice.
SPEAKER_03 (54:17):
Susie you're next I think a big takeaway for me from
all of it was um seeing thestrength of every one of those
moms come.
You know sometimes it just it'sall we can do to muster to get
through getting up and getting ashower and getting our clothes
(54:38):
on and going to work or whateverit is that we're required to do.
And you know some days it wasjust literally for me putting
literally telling myself takeanother step take another step
and it you know it felt like umI always said it was like living
in a black and white movie inslow motion that I wasn't in but
(54:59):
everybody else was in the movie.
Like today it's the Monday movieand I'm not in the Monday movie.
It just happens to be playingbut I'm watching everybody else
live out the Monday movie.
So when we were all sittingthere and all in a room together
we were all in the same movieand that was kind of the
metaphor in my mind and just thestrength that it took to get
(55:24):
there to sit there to listen tobe present there that was
incredible strength.
And then the friendships and therelationships that were
developed that were bigger andbetter than what I ever had
anticipated.
You know I showed at thebeginning that I met somebody
(55:45):
that we had been texting and shelives in Atlanta and she was a
key person of how I'd found outabout all this because I would
have never heard about it livingin Dayton, Ohio.
But when I look back and I seeall the the pieces come together
of how the events wereorchestrated for me but also for
(56:05):
everyone else of their story ofhow they found out about it it's
not an accident you know to beable to connect to one again and
then the gratefulness of allthose pieces of being able to
have that just um friendshipthat took place with complete
strangers.
SPEAKER_09 (56:27):
Which beautiful Demi Hey well um I just have to say
that I'm really you knowthankful to be part of this
group and I I do really justlight up when I see the emails
and the random text and I ahundred percent feel like that
it was meant for all of us tomeet and it was totally
(56:50):
orchestrated by God.
I mean I just I just feel thatthat otherwise we wouldn't have
all came together like we didand um I look forward to meeting
some of you all again hopefullydown the road um but it is like
a unique friendship and it wasjust nice to hear people say
random things like somebody Idon't know if it was in our
(57:13):
group or a breakout group thatsaid they could not listen to
music for a while and I'm likeoh my gosh I can't either you
know just to know that you'renot so insane that you know
there's the little things andthere were so many of those
moments that were like you knowyou feel like that but um you
know I I thank you so much forkeeping us together and and
(57:34):
engaged and I'll you know lookforward to doing better next
time and like brushing my hairor something to work your home
day and I'm brushing your hairthere's no need to brush your
hair.
SPEAKER_04 (57:47):
I'm just woman it oh it's great and Robin final
thoughts from you to your purplegroup oh gosh um well everybody
knows that one of my sayings andone of my mottos is that when my
kids look down from heaven Iwant them to say my mom is a
badass.
So um I am thankful that God andAmy and Michelle and our group
(58:13):
uh gave me the opportunity tomeet all of y'all and um get to
know not just y'all but yourangels and your stories and the
friendships that grew from it.
And I hope that my story canhelp y'all and that finding ways
to turn our pain into purpose isjust something that we can all
(58:37):
learn to strive for and dobetter at and that when all of
our kids look down from heaventhey will say my mom is a
badass.
SPEAKER_07 (58:44):
Oh heck yeah oh heck yeah um and speaking of I know
that there are I know that umSheila McConnell and Cindy
Lockhart are starting a groupout in the Oconee area Lake
Oconey Eatonton area so be onthe lookout for all of that.
SPEAKER_05 (59:03):
I know Jolan has one up in Kentucky and then and I
know that there are severalothers that are going to be I
know one is going to be startingin um Beauford area um so I know
that there's you know coming theafter the first of the year
things are really going to be umand that's that's been my dream
(59:23):
for all of you women out therethat have lost a child is for
there to be little pods of bombsjust together talking saying you
two I'm not crazy Demi I youdon't know how many times I've
said that to Michelle about justrandom things you know and I was
like oh God thank God that'sgrief that's not me losing my
(59:43):
mind my marbles yet but it's youknow and we need that we need
those people to make us feelnormal in the this world of
unnormal and that's just the wayit is and that's absolutely yeah
so that's that's my well wecannot thank y'all enough for
being vulnerable tonight and umsharing a little bit about your
(01:00:06):
takeaways and what was hard andjust your continued um I love
what Rebecca said living youknow embracing The suck and that
was it, that was right.
Um, and we're we're just sothankful.
So um, thanks for being thefirst table, Robin, and yeah,
(01:00:26):
pushing us forward.
I love it.
Sure.
SPEAKER_04 (01:00:29):
Love it.
I'll always here to be theguinea pig for you guys.
SPEAKER_05 (01:00:34):
Oh, and just sending you a hug over the over the
screen.
SPEAKER_07 (01:00:40):
Yes, six virtual hugs.
Virtual hugs.
And I just want to thank all ofour listeners out there for
listening once again.
Um, and these are you know, sixmore badass women right here on
the on the podcast today.
So we want to be grateful foreveryone.
Until next time.
SPEAKER_06 (01:00:59):
Thank you guys.
SPEAKER_07 (01:00:59):
Until next time.
Don't hang out, guys.
Don't hang up, don't hang up.
Okay.
We gotta make sure it alldownloads, Michelle.
Or if y'all do hang out, don'tclose out of the um, don't close
out of this.
Michelle, we're still recording.
I um yes, I see that.
SPEAKER_05 (01:01:23):
Interesting.
SPEAKER_07 (01:01:25):
We're still technically challenged.
SPEAKER_05 (01:01:29):
Um I already have I don't have a stop, Amy, on my
screen.
I bet because it kicked me out.
Well, I think I think we canjust say goodbye, and I'm gonna
(01:01:54):
keep all my screens open andyeah what happens for everybody,
and then we'll let her keeprecording.
SPEAKER_01 (01:02:02):
Okay, bye guys.
SPEAKER_07 (01:02:05):
All right, bye guys.
Thank you.
Bye, have a good night.
SPEAKER_01 (01:02:09):
Y'all too.
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