May 23, 2025 • 50 mins
Rebecca Buddin opens her heart about the passing of her vibrant 9-year-old daughter Emily to a horse-related accident in July 2024, sharing the raw reality of grief while demonstrating extraordinary resilience.
Emily was the quintessential horse girl – determined, passionate, and sporting her beloved purple cowgirl hat earned with her first rodeo winnings. Rebecca takes us through the beautiful memories of Emily's fierce love for barrel racing, from the moment at age four when she asked if spare change could buy her a horse, to becoming a competitive young rider whose spirit touched everyone around her.
The conversation shifts powerfully when Rebecca reveals how her younger daughter Harper, just seven at the time, declared "We're not quitting riding" after Emily's passing. This moment sparked Rebecca's profound realization: "If I tell her she can't quit, but I do, what am I showing her?" It's this question that propels her forward each day, even through tears and heartache.
Through the Purple Cowgirl Foundation, she's ensuring Emily becomes the famous barrel racer she dreamed of being, just not in the way they planned, while creating safety resources for the equestrian community and support for families facing similar losses.
Ready for a powerful reminder about living purposefully through unimaginable pain? Listen as Rebecca shows us what it means to take Harper's wise advice after grieving her best friend and sister: "You can take a minute," then keep moving forward with love and intention. Follow the Purple Cowgirl Foundation on Facebook to learn more about their safety awareness initiatives and support for grieving families.
"Dream Bird" by Jonny Easton
Thank you for listening to Warrior Moms podcast. It is an honor to share about our beloved children gone too soon, and we hope by telling of our loss, it may help someone in their grief journey. Please note that we are not medical professionals and encourage those listening to seek help from mental health professionals.
We'd love to hear from our followers!
Website: https://www.warriormoms.me/
Facebook: Warrior Moms-The Club No One Wants to Be In
Instagram: WarriorMoms.SurvivingChildLoss
With love,
Warrior Moms Amy & Michele
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hello and welcome back to Warrior Moms.
I am Michelle Davis.
Speaker 2 (00:04):
And I am Amy Durham and we are so grateful to have a
new mom here that we havechatted with her briefly I was
about to make up a new wordthere.
We have chatted with herbriefly I have before today and
we're going to learn about hersweet daughter, emily day.
(00:27):
And then, um, and we're goingto learn about her sweet
daughter emily.
Um, the mom's name is rebeccaand we have actually met her
through a web of the internet.
Basically, um, you know it's.
It's amazing how some of us,the you know misery needs
company, as they say, um, andthen sometimes you just find
your people in the weirdestplaces that you would never
expect.
We hate that we have found thisconnection, but I know that our
(00:53):
dear friend Robin, who's beenon a couple of times with us,
and Rebecca have kind ofbefriended each other through
the worldwide web of the world.
So, rebecca, we'd love to hearfrom you, hear about your
daughter Emily and just tell usa little bit about her please.
Speaker 3 (01:16):
As you said, my name is Rebecca Budden and my
daughter, emily, passed away inJuly of 2024.
Um, we're approaching the year,um, which every day is
difficult, obviously, um, onceyou lose a child, there's
(01:39):
nothing.
There's nothing easy about that, um, and you know, you get
warned that every first is goingto be tragic, and it is.
And they say just wait for yeartwo.
So I'm I'm not looking forwardto that, but, um, emily, so
(01:59):
Emily, uh, I, I say she'sforever mine.
She passed away due to a horserelated accident and it was just
, you know, seemingly anordinary day that we had, and
(02:26):
just again, one of those thingsthat you never expect to happen.
Speaker 2 (02:31):
So, you said it was a horse-related accident.
Was she a big horse girl?
Tell us about that, absolutely.
Speaker 3 (02:43):
So vibrant, vivacious , determined in all aspects of
riding horses, and she is abarrel racer.
So if you know anything aboutbarrel racing, that is a sport
that requires a lot ofdedication, blood, sweat, tears,
(03:07):
and the girl was one of themost dedicated nine-year-olds I
have ever met.
She blew my socks off all thetime about how deep she wanted
(03:28):
to go with it.
I remember her at two justloving horses and being the
embodiment of like the 1940smovie where it sticks her hand
out and all the animals come andget on her arms.
Speaker 2 (03:45):
Yes, she was a real life Disney movie.
Speaker 1 (03:49):
That was, yeah, the little Snow White, right yeah.
Speaker 3 (03:55):
And I'll never forget .
She was about four years oldand we were walking out of the
Publix and you know, sometimesthe boys like to push the cart
out because they like to escape,and so one of the boys was
pushing the carts out and I hadchange in my hand and she loved
change.
So I go to give her the changeand she looks up at me with the
(04:15):
change and she goes mommy, willthis buy me a horse?
So you can buy me a horse.
So, um, at four, she knew shewanted a horse and so we started
horse lessons in canton, wherewe lived.
Um, with a friend of ours hername is kelly mcnamara and so
(04:39):
she, she, was our, our horselady and we went in there and
she taught Emily how to tack ahorse, which, at four and five,
that is really hard to do.
But again, I tell you, thisgirl was determined to do it all
by herself.
So she, you know, she startedthere and started riding, and
(05:02):
from there the passion was just,it emanated through her body
and her writing.
And from there the passion wasjust, it, emanated through her
body and her bones.
You, you, couldn't get her tostop Um, which, again, I wish
more people had that veracity,um, just for life itself.
But, um, she did, she had, shehad the passion.
(05:25):
And then we, we found a farmhere in Resaca, georgia, and
from there we we got her alittle horse and then got her a
step up horse, and then, um, shehad started on um, really a
bigger horse um at the time thatshe passed away.
(05:46):
So she was competing locally Isay locally, within a 50 mile
radius.
She had been competing, and sowe were within the local GJRA,
which is the Georgia JuniorRadio Association, and she was,
you know, doing poles andbarrels and that was just a big
(06:11):
passion for her and she's.
She also has a little sister,so they're about a little over
18 months apart, and so littlesister, um saw the passion, one
of the passion, and it was, itwas kind of, we called our, I
called us the blonde trio.
We all have blonde hair and weare inseparable and so we're
(06:36):
going to do this together.
Emily decided we're, we'regoing to barrel race together,
and so oh my gosh and I had todo it.
Little sister has to do it, sowe were.
We were doing those thingstogether.
Speaker 1 (06:50):
I um, I grew up in South Dakota and so growing up
with you know, horses and um,cows and so forth is pretty
commonplace and, um, we had, mydad had bought a barrel racing
horse that had been retired, um,just for my youngest sister, um
, and you know it was basicallyjust, you know, supposed to be
(07:13):
kind of like a little pasturehorse that you know you'd feed
and talk to and so forth.
And I mean to tell you thefirst time that I got on it, I
mean a barrel horse.
If listeners aren't sure whatthat means, I mean it is fast
sprints, I mean turn on a dime,wow, I mean so I'm picturing
(07:35):
your little one at four and fiveand then, you know, all the way
to nine, I mean just a fiercelittle one that Emily.
Speaker 3 (07:44):
Yes definitely, definitely, and you could see
legs and hair just flying whenshe was running around those
barrels and then when she'd weara hat.
So most of the time she wore ahelmet, but our deal was she
wanted a cowgirl hat.
She wanted to be like the biggirls and big girls were cowgirl
(08:09):
hats in the rodeo.
So she, she was going to get acowgirl hat and I said, okay,
you earn your first check and Iwill take you to get a cowgirl
hat.
And by golly, if she didn't gothat very next weekend and blow
it out so that she could get.
Speaker 2 (08:26):
All she wanted was the hat.
Speaker 3 (08:29):
So we go to.
We go to the store it's Takethe Reins in Chatsworth.
We go up to Take the Reins inChatsworth and she's looking at
the hats and they have an arrayof, you know, meek and mild and
pretty, just regular cowgirlhats whites and tans and yeah.
(08:50):
And just you know the commoncolors, the neutral colors.
Girl sees the purple one, andpurple was her favorite color,
and so she says oh no, Purplewas her favorite color.
And so she says oh no, I'mgetting that one, it was
probably on clearance, becausenobody else wanted it right?
Speaker 2 (09:10):
Oh no, it's not on clearance.
Speaker 1 (09:15):
It's the fancy fondangled one.
Speaker 3 (09:17):
I bet I wish it was on clearance, but no, she was
like I'm getting the purple one.
And I was like, are you sureit's not going to match every
shirt that you have?
Are you sure?
Like, are you sure you don'twant to do a neutral?
I think you'd look really greatin like the gray.
No, absolutely not.
You said I could get, and Isaid, yes, ma'am, I sure did.
(09:41):
And so, oh my gosh.
Speaker 2 (09:45):
Did she get to wear it?
Did she get to wear it in arodeo?
Speaker 3 (09:49):
She did.
She did.
There were special occasions, acouple rodeos that she did
locally.
We have the Phillips Rodeothat's here in June, and so that
was one of the ones that shegot to wear and occasionally for
the GJRA I'd let her wear it,but mostly I really liked the
(10:10):
helmet.
Just it made me feel a littlebit safer to have her wear the
helmet, but when she was at therodeo it was.
It was that argument of butmama, the big girls, were
wearing my hat, and so it wasjust one of those.
You know you pray and you hopenothing happens, and you know um
(10:33):
it just a helmet um wouldn'thave saved her from the accident
, so it wasn't something that ahelmet would have changed.
Speaker 1 (10:49):
The outcome yeah.
Speaker 3 (10:52):
But again now, my other daughter.
She's waiting on her cowgirlhat.
She's won a lot of money, butshe's bougie.
She's bougie, just like hersister.
She's just like her sister andshe picked out the brightest,
(11:15):
pinkest hat.
Unfortunately, that hat has beenon back order for like a year
and a half now on back order forlike a year and a half now.
So I know I'm sad about my, but, no, no, I really do want her
(11:35):
to have a hat, but she does knowthat, um, we're we're really
going to focus on helmet, um,and helmet safety especially.
You know, because that's that'skind of what we do now with.
We do a safety series now andwe're just promoting a lot of
safety awareness, and so she'sstill gonna get to get her hat.
She's actually changed it.
(11:55):
She wants cornflower blue.
Oh cute, oh yeah, yeah.
So we'll see, we'll see she,she like her sister.
Um, they, they have their ownfashion sense and a um, a way in
their mind that this is howlife is and this is how it's
going to go.
So again, same kind of strong,willed determination.
Speaker 1 (12:20):
Yeah, has that um, you know that you know spirit
with your other daughter.
Has that helped in this pastyear with losing your sister
(12:47):
about?
Speaker 3 (12:48):
how we were going to manage going back to writing and
how we were going to navigatethat.
And her name is Harper.
Harper is very strong-willedand she's very matter-of-fact
about things and she's currentlyeight, but she was seven before
she she's currently eight, butshe was seven before, and at
seven years old, she had alreadydecided what she was going to
(13:10):
do.
So she let me know that we'renot going to quit writing.
And that was a we and it was avery to me, because I was like
I'm not sure and she was like no, we're not, we are not quitting
riding.
So Emily would want us to stillride, so we're going to ride.
(13:35):
And she was like, if you need aminute, that's okay.
Speaker 1 (13:44):
She needs to be all of our spiritual leaders right
there yes, now.
Speaker 2 (13:54):
But now, how did you deal with that?
Because here you are and you'retorn.
You know it's one foot in thepast and one foot in the future,
and it's.
It's a hard position for a moma lot of times, because you just
want to crawl in the bed, butyet you want to honor her and
you want to honor Harper.
So do you remember how youdealt with?
Speaker 3 (14:19):
that, yeah, yeah, I do, I, you know.
Speaker 1 (14:55):
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3 (14:56):
I do.
I you know my childhood was alittle bit difficult and just
teenage years, all of that is issomething that was difficult to
navigate and it was always athought in my head of like I
don't have a choice.
I don't have a choice to notget up and be on me, and I have
to get up and I have to get onthe horse, and if that means
that I cry the entire time I'mriding, then I'm going to cry
(15:17):
the entire time I'm riding.
But I've got this little girlwho this is what she wants to do
, and if I tell her she can'tquit, but I do, what am I
showing her?
Speaker 1 (15:33):
And so.
I just have chills.
I did too.
Speaker 2 (15:38):
I mean it's just.
I know I'm interruptingeverything, but like you were to
be in your first year and tohear those words, I mean that is
a remarkable strength and Imean you are the true.
That's what I was tellingMichelle when we were after you
(15:59):
and I had spoken a few weeks agoor whenever that was and was.
You are the true definition ofa warrior, I said, and I know
how you and robin have the sametenacity and it's like, and
she's a freaking rock star.
I mean she in my eyes.
Yes, like I said, the tenacityof it.
So, anyway, I just want you toknow that it's to be in that
(16:22):
first year and to be able to saythis and know this and live
this.
It's.
Speaker 1 (16:29):
And it's really, it's really uncommon, you know, and
I just Be proud of yourself.
Yeah, be proud of yourself andand we know that those tears
come, you know, and of courseyou're sad and all the time
right.
Speaker 2 (16:46):
And there's a question am I doing?
Speaker 1 (16:47):
this right.
Speaker 2 (16:48):
You are.
Speaker 3 (16:50):
You know, everyone asks I'm sure you know this,
it's the same question everybodyasks you how are you doing?
So I've just got thiscatchphrase and I'm actually
working on a book because peoplethink I can write and they're
silly, but I'm going to dowhatever.
(17:11):
I guess I'm going to do it, butmy phrase is I'm just here and
that's just where I'm at.
I'm physically and mentally, Iam just here at.
(17:34):
I'm physically and mentally, Iam just here.
And if you know, you know, ifyou have been through grief,
then you understand thatphysically and mentally, that is
all you.
You're a warm body.
Yeah, that is enough.
And so, and it's okay to not beokay and to still get up and
fix that breakfast and go to theevents and smile and cry and be
(18:02):
just here, because that'sthat's where you're at and um,
you know, that was always myword in the first couple of
years.
Speaker 2 (18:12):
Really, was I exist?
Yeah, I'm just existing in thisday to day thing we call life.
Speaker 3 (18:19):
And and I don't want to negate that there are moments
that are happy and there aremoments that are good, and still
, in those moments, you havethat guilt of wait, wait,
something's missing.
I shouldn't be happy, Ishouldn't, I shouldn't be
smiling because the world isgoing to look at me and be like
(18:43):
well, wait, why are you?
Why are you?
And so I wrote on that a littlebit.
You know, america Ferreira didthat whole Barbie monologue.
That's super powerful and superamazing.
And I wrote on.
You know, grief is like that andhow you.
(19:03):
You're supposed to be happy,but if you're too happy, then
you're not missing your children.
So don't always think thatyou've forgotten.
And if you've forgotten, thenyou're bad, because how could
you forget your child?
And it's just.
It's that judgment from peoplewho haven't been through grief
(19:23):
and don't understand that thisjourney is a.
We're just here and we are justexisting.
At the same time, though, justexisting.
At the same time, though, weare present in our families, and
we are more present now than wewere ever present before,
(19:45):
because we are missing.
We have this giant hole that weare trying to fill and trying
to stuff, and there is nothingthat we can stuff in there.
There is nothing that is goingto fill that up.
We're going to make sure thatour other children or our
(20:05):
spouses or our people know thatwe're still here for them,
because that's what we've got.
It's all we've got, and I'vealso told people.
You know, I'm just at thispoint.
I'm also living a life thatgets me to where I get to see
(20:27):
her again.
Speaker 1 (20:29):
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, I, I still.
I just want to go back to whatyou said about um.
You know that that when we losea child, that that we're more
present than before, and I justwant you to know that is not
common.
It's just like what Amy said,like that is really you, that is
(20:52):
you tapping into some,something in your very core,
tapping into who Emily was, whoHarper is, who you are.
I mean, that is, you know, it'snot like I'm, you know, some
grief expert other than I'velived the journey and watched
all of us other warrior moms andI just hope you know that that
(21:15):
is really, really special andyour just your words.
And you know, I love thatyou've taken that Barbie mantra
and found a way to use that withgrief.
I mean, yes, that connects.
That connects so stronglybecause the world does have a
(21:36):
comment about how we should bedoing this and um, and I think
the yeah, they worry about.
Speaker 2 (21:44):
What are they thinking If I'm laughing?
What are they thinking?
Do they think that I forgot?
Like you said, it doesn'tmatter what they're thinking,
because they have never been me.
Speaker 3 (21:54):
They're lucky, they're the lucky ones, like
you're the lucky one, and youknow they say that the whole
time.
They're like I just can'timagine.
I just know you can't, andthat's okay, and that is okay
that you can't.
I'm so, I'm so happy for you.
But you know you hear it when,when they walk away from you and
(22:17):
they're like oh my gosh, didyou?
And and I just I take that onas I'm happy for you, like I'm
happy that you get to walk awayand you get to say all those
things and you aren't walkingaway with that same heartache
and that same hole and feelingthe same way, like I am truly
(22:42):
happy, Also jealous, yeah, but Iwouldn't wish this.
Speaker 2 (22:51):
No.
Speaker 3 (22:51):
This is not a club that I'm like yeah, go on the
water's.
Speaker 2 (22:57):
Your initiation is too high.
Speaker 1 (22:59):
Yeah, and I mean just in meeting you and getting to
hear you talk about just yourgrief and Emily and Harper and I
love Harper's too I'll give youa minute.
That is so fierce.
I'm going to embrace that in mylife.
(23:21):
I'm going to give myself aminute and then on I go.
But you to me, you, just you,I'm a teacher and I just I mean
you are this.
It's like this is born in youto be this teacher.
I mean you're, you're havingthese conversations with these
people at the ballpark or at a,at the horse, you know rodeos
(23:44):
and um, and you're, you'reteaching them.
You're teaching them aboutgrief and that it, yeah, and
it's about strength and it'salso about crying and it's both
of those and um, I just I, it'sjust, it's beautiful and I hate
it for you and I, you know Ihate it for Harper and but I'm
(24:05):
so grateful, um, it's how strongyou are.
Speaker 2 (24:10):
It's a choice.
Yeah, it's not.
It's not just a gift that youhave to keep going.
You do make that choice tocontinue and to take a minute
and then get back on the horse,literally get back on the horse.
Speaker 3 (24:25):
There's been those days, yep, and one of our first
outings after was the fair, wasthe fair, um, and that was oh,
(24:45):
um, that was one of the hardestoutings, um you know, it's that
very first one of like love.
We love the fair and we go onall the rides and we do it
together, um, me, my, myself andmy three kids.
Um, that has been our family,like that has been from the time
the girls were born, or Emilywas born.
(25:05):
Um, she, like I said she wasnine, from that time it was my
son and my daughter, and thenthe third one came along and it
was it was just all of us and um, and going to Dollywood and
going, we, we would travel up toMissouri to see family, um, and
(25:45):
it would just be me and thekids, and that's what we did.
And so they wanted to go to thefair and so it was like, okay,
I'm going to do this.
So I said, and I warned them, Idid say, okay, we're going to
go to the fair, we're going todo this.
So I said, and I warned them, Idid say, okay, we're going to go
to the fair, we're going to dothis.
Mommy's going to cry the entiretime, yeah, but we're going to
(26:06):
do this.
And I cried the entire time andI, you know, I thought about it
and I was like you know, Iwonder what people think.
And I was like you know what.
If they care, they'll ask, andif they don't, that's fine too.
Um and people looked but nobodyasked and it was sad and
(26:32):
bittersweet and my kids stilllaughed and they still enjoyed
it and they still talked abouttheir sister as if she was there
.
And we have an annual picturethat we take at at the fair and
I was going to scratch it and Iwas like you know what?
(26:53):
Nope, we're going to do it Likewe're going.
We're going to not act likethis is normal, because it's not
, but we're also going to putsome normalcy on it.
This is what we do, this is whowe are, and so, therefore,
(27:14):
we're going to continue in ourtraditions and we can still
remember how much fun we hadwith Emily and talk about the
funny stuff that she did andwhat rides she loved, and in
that way, she's still with us inall of the things, and so I
(27:36):
never wanted to forget and Inever want them to forget, and I
think and I can't speak for you, but for me the the hardest and
I'm going to cry on this onehardest part is thinking that
you're the only one that's goingto remember her.
(28:01):
Yeah, and because, like theflowers come and the food comes
and but the flowers die, eithergets eaten or thrown away, and
the people will be there for acertain amount of time and it
could be days or weeks or monthsor even, you know, maybe years,
(28:23):
but at the end of the timethose things go away.
At some point those people moveon with their lives and you
don't really get to.
You still have to remember,like graduations that are going
(28:46):
to get to be attended and schoolyear that doesn't get to start,
and the kids, and so I was.
Just I decided from the verybeginning two things One, I was
never going to let my otherchildren feel like they weren't
(29:07):
a priority over the loss oftheir sister.
And two, I was never going tolet her be forgotten, and so
(29:27):
she's honored, but she's stillin our home, but my other kids
are still seeing that they'repriority.
Speaker 1 (29:40):
That's beautiful, and we hear moms often that will
come to Warrior Moms meetingsand they'll talk about how, you
know, they've stopped smilingand they can't.
You know, they can't focus ontheir other children, and while
that's normal too, you know, weknow that we all grieve in
(30:02):
different ways.
I mean, just what a gift togive your children right away,
like to go to that fair and thento tell them I'm going to cry
and that's okay, and yet we'regoing to take this picture and
that is really a gift.
And they won't necessarily knowthat now, but they will for
(30:24):
sure someday.
As we sit and just look at youI'm looking at you in your
purple hat, with your sweetEmily's picture on it and her
purple cowboy hat and yourpurple shirt.
Tell us, tell us about this,yeah, the significance of that.
Speaker 3 (30:41):
So, as I had told you earlier, you know she, she
loves the color purple and shegot a purple cowgirl hat.
So that girl would have wornthat hat every single day if
she'd have been allowed to.
Um, she tried multiple timessneaking it to school and for
(31:03):
any kind of character dress,that day she was wearing the hat
boots.
She actually um, she actuallygot spurs banned from her school
because they found out it was aweapon oh my gosh yeah
(31:26):
purple.
Purple is her color, um, herroom is purple, her hat and any
kind of wardrobe that she pickedout would have to be purple.
She, that was just that girl'scolor.
So, um, with that, after herpassing, um, and after the fog,
(31:51):
I just thought that, um, shewanted to be a famous barrel
racer and my job as her mom wasto support her and to do
whatever I could to make thathappen.
And I'm still going to do that,and she's still going to be a
(32:14):
famous barrel racer, just not inthe way that we had planned,
not what it looked like.
So decided that starting afoundation in her honor to help
other families, um, that aredealing with the same kind of
(32:36):
tragedy that we went through oflosing a child to a horse
related accident, um, would bethe best way to honor her.
She, like I said, she wasCinderella, snow white, aurora,
all of those loving type ofpeople, and she, just she really
(33:02):
had a gift of giving and wantedto give to people, and she, she
ended up, um, she was an organdonor.
So, funny enough, that was byher choice, Um, so she saw my
driver's license one time andsaw that it said organ donor,
(33:23):
and asked me.
And so my duty to explain it toher is you know, when people
pass, they are able to helpother people.
When I get a driver's license,I'm going to be an organ donor
too.
Wow.
So when she passed away,Lifelink contacted and asked and
we agreed, so she was able tohelp other people after she
(33:49):
passed away as well.
Spirit and giving heart is justone of those things that I felt
like we could continue to do,even after and you know, this is
such a dark, catastrophic,desolate time.
(34:15):
People that haven't gonethrough it can sit and try to be
comforting, but they can'treally, and so I just thought
that there's another mom outthere one day that's going to be
in this position where theylose their baby to a
(34:36):
horse-related accident, and if Ican help them with paying a
bill, being somebody they couldtalk to, and also with mental
health for their family, thenthat's what we should do, and so
(34:57):
we've just really startedgetting into it, um, this this
month, and so we're waiting forit to grow bigger and bigger,
but we are, we are looking into,um, you know, making this
something that touches all 50states, because there's people
(35:19):
that ride horses in all 50states and, unfortunately, there
are people joining our clubevery day.
Speaker 1 (35:27):
Yeah, if people want to find out more about Emily's
foundation, how can they findout more about it?
Speaker 3 (35:37):
Right now we have a Facebook page.
It's the Purple CowgirlFoundation.
We're on Facebook.
We're looking at getting awebsite set up.
We're hosting clinics.
We have our first clinic herein Resaca on June 8th at 1
o'clock.
So we do safety awareness.
(35:59):
We've been doing videos aboutevery week on TikTok and
Facebook just highlightingsafety awareness around cattle
and horses.
You know how to tie your horsecorrectly to um solid objects,
how to um put your saddle onwhat you should check for gate
(36:23):
safety, and that's my fiance andI.
That's what we have been doingHim mostly.
He does the hard work.
He's been in the rodeo industryfor 30 years.
Many, many accolades.
(36:44):
Very not to brag, but I'm goingto brag.
He is very talented.
I called him and Emily justhorse whispers.
I don't know how they did it,they just could do it.
And I get on and I feel likeknow how they did it, they just
could do it.
And I get on and I feel likeI'm just blah.
(37:05):
But other people look at me andgo oh my gosh, you're a horse
whisperer.
And I'm like no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Speaker 1 (37:10):
You got to see these ones.
Speaker 3 (37:12):
Look over there so he really does those videos and
I'm just like the sidekickthat's over here cheering him on
like you.
You did it good job.
Let me put the mic on you.
I'm the fan over here.
Yeah, just fan girling andstuff.
But, um, you know, we, we dothose together and he, he has
(37:36):
our itinerary for like 30 plusepisodes.
So I mean it's pretty amazing.
He's amazing.
Speaker 1 (37:51):
That's incredible, and incredible to do that in
Emily's honor and so needed andhelpful.
And I mean that is that is likeyou said.
She will be a famous barrelracer one way or the other and
you're going to make sure shestill gets to be that, so bless
you for doing that.
Speaker 3 (38:11):
Chokes me up too, I'm just leaking it's, I do it, I
know it happens sometimesthere's literally like holes.
I'm like I'm just leaking.
It's fine, don't?
Yeah, they're watching.
They like look at you.
Oh what set her off?
And I'm like I, I don't evenneed to go into it with you,
(38:34):
like, I like, and you guys know,it could be the simplest of
things.
You could just be looking outand then you start leaking and
it's just like, yeah, that thatbreeze just got me today, it
reminded me of something and youjust don't know, but I have
(38:54):
embraced the leaking.
Speaker 1 (38:57):
Yeah, it's.
I like to say that, you know,we live now in the and, and,
like Amy said, one foot in thepast, one foot in the present,
one in heaven, one on earth, allthe things.
And we live in that right whenwe can experience grief and we
can experience joy, experiencegrief and we can experience joy
(39:24):
and um.
You know, I, I think you'redoing Emily so proud and that
purple has um.
You know, it resonates strengthand um and beauty and
fierceness and all the thingsthat that Emily was.
So that's incredible.
Yes, oh, amy, you had something.
Sorry, interrupted.
Speaker 2 (39:42):
I was just going to say before I spoke, like I'm
gonna put you on the spot here,but what did you do for Mother's
Day?
Oh, that was a conversationthat we had.
Speaker 3 (39:53):
So we did a video and you know, normally I start the
videos out, but I decided thatwe should put the kids on the
spot.
So the kids, the kids did thevideo and and we hung out with
(40:18):
some um, it was a very hard day,but again, it was just you
don't?
I say I don't get to have, Idon't get to have hard days that
keep me in bed, Um, because ifI go do that, then I'm going to
(40:45):
stay there and I can't staythere.
I can't.
I can have a moment, but Ican't stay there.
And that's what I've alwaystold my kids Um, when they're
having meltdowns, Okay, Go havea moment, but you can't stay
there, Like you, you, you can'tstay there.
You can go and you can screamand you can whatever in your
(41:08):
room and you can have yourmoment.
And when you're done, then we'regoing to come out and we're
going to talk about it and we'regoing to work on it, and then
we're going to be good, Likewe're going to talk about it and
we're going to work on it, andthen we're going to be good,
Like we're going to, we're goingto be okay and and that's where
I'm at with it of like um, Idon't feel like I.
(41:30):
I took a moment to just sit andquit.
It was more like, okay, I'mgoing to sit here and then I'm
going to get up, but then I gotto get up and that's just.
(41:51):
That's just every day.
You got to sit and you got toget up.
Speaker 2 (41:55):
So you recorded a video.
We, I we did yes, so um all ofit.
Speaker 3 (42:07):
Yep, so it was.
It was one of our safetyawareness videos, and so we just
asked the kids questions ofwhat, what does it look like, um
, um, to be a mom, or what's oneword that you can describe
(42:39):
about your mom.
And we had, um, some of ourfriends.
She went and, of course, mademe cry because she was like.
She said something along thelines of we asked her what's
your favorite thing about yourmom?
(43:00):
Or something like that andshe's sweet, she's nice and she
loves and she is deserving oflove.
Speaker 1 (43:11):
And I was just like oh, I can't with you, an
eight-year-old to say that yeah.
Speaker 2 (43:22):
Did you take your minute?
Speaker 3 (43:22):
and get back out there.
I did, I did, and then my sonended it with um.
It was like, what's the bestthing about your mom?
And um, he was like, or what?
What's something that your momcan do that nobody else can do?
And I was like, oh gosh.
Speaker 1 (43:45):
Yeah, what's he going to say?
Speaker 3 (43:48):
He's 15.
Speaker 1 (43:49):
So yeah, I'm a high school teacher, I know that age.
Speaker 3 (43:55):
I'm in the school system too, so I'm like, oh,
okay, well, we can cut anddelete this one.
And he said and so this is whatreally got me.
And I was like, okay, I reallyneeded a moment on this one.
He says she can lose a childand still be a good mom.
Speaker 1 (44:18):
Oh my heavens.
Speaker 3 (44:20):
And I was like wow, he nailed it.
Speaker 2 (44:26):
But you don't think they are, but they're watching
every day.
What do you want?
Speaker 3 (44:32):
Do you?
You you're asking for a car.
Is that what your husband is?
Speaker 1 (44:37):
You've got it.
You've got it.
Oh my gosh, I mean, if hehasn't put to words exactly what
you're doing that's amazing.
Speaker 3 (44:51):
I don't know about that, but I was super proud of I
am not was.
I am super proud of all my kids.
So I have two that are mine andtwo that are my bonuses.
I say that, so I've got, thoseare mine.
And then my kids' friends aremine.
(45:24):
They all call me mom and someof them joke around and call me
dad, because I do a lot of dadstuff.
Yeah, cute, yeah, yeah.
(46:05):
So, but, um, I'd have to saythat I really admire my kids all
four of them because they justshow me, um, every day that they
are strong and they they losttoo, and especially my Harper.
You know that was her bestfriend.
They, I call them litter mates,because I mean they were like
this.
I mean I never, I always heardthat two sisters would hate each
other and they could never bebest friends.
But these two, they werebesties, my sisters too.
They were so good together.
(46:27):
But they are the bravest littlepeople, Bravest broke little
people that I know.
I call them my broke bestfriends because, but they are
the bravest little people that Iknow.
Speaker 1 (46:48):
I love it.
Well, let's, before we end,let's ask the same questions.
But about Emily.
So what?
What are you know?
Three words that you would sayto describe her that we, you
want us all to remember abouther.
Oh gosh, you can use more words, it's okay.
Speaker 2 (47:11):
We don't count.
She's not a math teacher,that's right.
That's right.
Speaker 3 (47:17):
I took algebra one this year.
Everybody got A's Nice, Good,good.
So I would have to say vibrant,tenacious and compassionate.
Speaker 2 (47:39):
I love it.
Speaker 1 (47:41):
What are?
Speaker 2 (47:41):
some words that you would give to a newly breathed
mom.
Speaker 1 (47:47):
Like a piece of advice.
Speaker 2 (47:48):
A piece of advice.
Speaker 3 (47:54):
Be patient with yourself.
It's okay to not be okay, andyourself, it's okay to not be
okay.
And oh, it doesn't get easierand it doesn't get better, it
(48:23):
just gets different, and howeveryour different looks, that's
okay too.
Speaker 1 (48:32):
Yes.
Speaker 3 (48:35):
We all do it differently and there's not a
book as much as people haveshoved the books at you will
shove the books at you.
There's not a book that you canfollow that says this is going
to make it repairable.
It's not repairable.
Speaker 1 (48:58):
Nope, and it comes from great love.
You know we say that.
You know, of course you'regoing to, you're going to grieve
deeply because that love is sodeeply and there, just there
isn't a word.
That is that we have.
That really represents how sadand painful it is to lose a
little one.
Um, and we're just so sorry,but, um, what a beautiful
(49:23):
conversation we've had.
And um, I've learned just somuch.
And um, I'm going to take awaya lot with this and and um, and
remember, remember Emily, um,and and take a little bit of
Harper spirit with me too, thatfierceness of your girls.
Speaker 2 (49:43):
You get one minute, right yeah.
Speaker 3 (49:45):
She's fierce.
You can yeah, you can take aminute.
You can take a minute.
Speaker 1 (49:50):
That is precious.
It is so precious, oh my gosh.
Well, rebecca, so beautiful totalk to you and I look forward
to talking to you again.
Remind us again.
So, facebook page, tell usagain the name the Purple
Cowgirl Foundation, perfect, andwe will link that on the
(50:12):
podcast, and our website isvoyermomsme, and the podcast
link will be there as well as,um, just information about you.
Speaker 3 (50:27):
Yes, thank you, thank you so much, thank you so much.
Thank you.
Hello and welcome back to Warrior Moms.
I am Michelle Davis.
Speaker 2 (00:04):
And I am Amy Durham and we are so grateful to have a
new mom here that we havechatted with her briefly I was
about to make up a new wordthere.
We have chatted with herbriefly I have before today and
we're going to learn about hersweet daughter, emily day.
(00:27):
And then, um, and we're goingto learn about her sweet
daughter emily.
Um, the mom's name is rebeccaand we have actually met her
through a web of the internet.
Basically, um, you know it's.
It's amazing how some of us,the you know misery needs
company, as they say, um, andthen sometimes you just find
your people in the weirdestplaces that you would never
expect.
We hate that we have found thisconnection, but I know that our
(00:53):
dear friend Robin, who's beenon a couple of times with us,
and Rebecca have kind ofbefriended each other through
the worldwide web of the world.
So, rebecca, we'd love to hearfrom you, hear about your
daughter Emily and just tell usa little bit about her please.
Speaker 3 (01:16):
As you said, my name is Rebecca Budden and my
daughter, emily, passed away inJuly of 2024.
Um, we're approaching the year,um, which every day is
difficult, obviously, um, onceyou lose a child, there's
(01:39):
nothing.
There's nothing easy about that, um, and you know, you get
warned that every first is goingto be tragic, and it is.
And they say just wait for yeartwo.
So I'm I'm not looking forwardto that, but, um, emily, so
(01:59):
Emily, uh, I, I say she'sforever mine.
She passed away due to a horserelated accident and it was just
, you know, seemingly anordinary day that we had, and
(02:26):
just again, one of those thingsthat you never expect to happen.
Speaker 2 (02:31):
So, you said it was a horse-related accident.
Was she a big horse girl?
Tell us about that, absolutely.
Speaker 3 (02:43):
So vibrant, vivacious , determined in all aspects of
riding horses, and she is abarrel racer.
So if you know anything aboutbarrel racing, that is a sport
that requires a lot ofdedication, blood, sweat, tears,
(03:07):
and the girl was one of themost dedicated nine-year-olds I
have ever met.
She blew my socks off all thetime about how deep she wanted
(03:28):
to go with it.
I remember her at two justloving horses and being the
embodiment of like the 1940smovie where it sticks her hand
out and all the animals come andget on her arms.
Speaker 2 (03:45):
Yes, she was a real life Disney movie.
Speaker 1 (03:49):
That was, yeah, the little Snow White, right yeah.
Speaker 3 (03:55):
And I'll never forget .
She was about four years oldand we were walking out of the
Publix and you know, sometimesthe boys like to push the cart
out because they like to escape,and so one of the boys was
pushing the carts out and I hadchange in my hand and she loved
change.
So I go to give her the changeand she looks up at me with the
(04:15):
change and she goes mommy, willthis buy me a horse?
So you can buy me a horse.
So, um, at four, she knew shewanted a horse and so we started
horse lessons in canton, wherewe lived.
Um, with a friend of ours hername is kelly mcnamara and so
(04:39):
she, she, was our, our horselady and we went in there and
she taught Emily how to tack ahorse, which, at four and five,
that is really hard to do.
But again, I tell you, thisgirl was determined to do it all
by herself.
So she, you know, she startedthere and started riding, and
(05:02):
from there the passion was just,it emanated through her body
and her writing.
And from there the passion wasjust, it, emanated through her
body and her bones.
You, you, couldn't get her tostop Um, which, again, I wish
more people had that veracity,um, just for life itself.
But, um, she did, she had, shehad the passion.
(05:25):
And then we, we found a farmhere in Resaca, georgia, and
from there we we got her alittle horse and then got her a
step up horse, and then, um, shehad started on um, really a
bigger horse um at the time thatshe passed away.
(05:46):
So she was competing locally Isay locally, within a 50 mile
radius.
She had been competing, and sowe were within the local GJRA,
which is the Georgia JuniorRadio Association, and she was,
you know, doing poles andbarrels and that was just a big
(06:11):
passion for her and she's.
She also has a little sister,so they're about a little over
18 months apart, and so littlesister, um saw the passion, one
of the passion, and it was, itwas kind of, we called our, I
called us the blonde trio.
We all have blonde hair and weare inseparable and so we're
(06:36):
going to do this together.
Emily decided we're, we'regoing to barrel race together,
and so oh my gosh and I had todo it.
Little sister has to do it, sowe were.
We were doing those thingstogether.
Speaker 1 (06:50):
I um, I grew up in South Dakota and so growing up
with you know, horses and um,cows and so forth is pretty
commonplace and, um, we had, mydad had bought a barrel racing
horse that had been retired, um,just for my youngest sister, um
, and you know it was basicallyjust, you know, supposed to be
(07:13):
kind of like a little pasturehorse that you know you'd feed
and talk to and so forth.
And I mean to tell you thefirst time that I got on it, I
mean a barrel horse.
If listeners aren't sure whatthat means, I mean it is fast
sprints, I mean turn on a dime,wow, I mean so I'm picturing
(07:35):
your little one at four and fiveand then, you know, all the way
to nine, I mean just a fiercelittle one that Emily.
Speaker 3 (07:44):
Yes definitely, definitely, and you could see
legs and hair just flying whenshe was running around those
barrels and then when she'd weara hat.
So most of the time she wore ahelmet, but our deal was she
wanted a cowgirl hat.
She wanted to be like the biggirls and big girls were cowgirl
(08:09):
hats in the rodeo.
So she, she was going to get acowgirl hat and I said, okay,
you earn your first check and Iwill take you to get a cowgirl
hat.
And by golly, if she didn't gothat very next weekend and blow
it out so that she could get.
Speaker 2 (08:26):
All she wanted was the hat.
Speaker 3 (08:29):
So we go to.
We go to the store it's Takethe Reins in Chatsworth.
We go up to Take the Reins inChatsworth and she's looking at
the hats and they have an arrayof, you know, meek and mild and
pretty, just regular cowgirlhats whites and tans and yeah.
(08:50):
And just you know the commoncolors, the neutral colors.
Girl sees the purple one, andpurple was her favorite color,
and so she says oh no, Purplewas her favorite color.
And so she says oh no, I'mgetting that one, it was
probably on clearance, becausenobody else wanted it right?
Speaker 2 (09:10):
Oh no, it's not on clearance.
Speaker 1 (09:15):
It's the fancy fondangled one.
Speaker 3 (09:17):
I bet I wish it was on clearance, but no, she was
like I'm getting the purple one.
And I was like, are you sureit's not going to match every
shirt that you have?
Are you sure?
Like, are you sure you don'twant to do a neutral?
I think you'd look really greatin like the gray.
No, absolutely not.
You said I could get, and Isaid, yes, ma'am, I sure did.
(09:41):
And so, oh my gosh.
Speaker 2 (09:45):
Did she get to wear it?
Did she get to wear it in arodeo?
Speaker 3 (09:49):
She did.
She did.
There were special occasions, acouple rodeos that she did
locally.
We have the Phillips Rodeothat's here in June, and so that
was one of the ones that shegot to wear and occasionally for
the GJRA I'd let her wear it,but mostly I really liked the
(10:10):
helmet.
Just it made me feel a littlebit safer to have her wear the
helmet, but when she was at therodeo it was.
It was that argument of butmama, the big girls, were
wearing my hat, and so it wasjust one of those.
You know you pray and you hopenothing happens, and you know um
(10:33):
it just a helmet um wouldn'thave saved her from the accident
, so it wasn't something that ahelmet would have changed.
Speaker 1 (10:49):
The outcome yeah.
Speaker 3 (10:52):
But again now, my other daughter.
She's waiting on her cowgirlhat.
She's won a lot of money, butshe's bougie.
She's bougie, just like hersister.
She's just like her sister andshe picked out the brightest,
(11:15):
pinkest hat.
Unfortunately, that hat has beenon back order for like a year
and a half now on back order forlike a year and a half now.
So I know I'm sad about my, but, no, no, I really do want her
(11:35):
to have a hat, but she does knowthat, um, we're we're really
going to focus on helmet, um,and helmet safety especially.
You know, because that's that'skind of what we do now with.
We do a safety series now andwe're just promoting a lot of
safety awareness, and so she'sstill gonna get to get her hat.
She's actually changed it.
(11:55):
She wants cornflower blue.
Oh cute, oh yeah, yeah.
So we'll see, we'll see she,she like her sister.
Um, they, they have their ownfashion sense and a um, a way in
their mind that this is howlife is and this is how it's
going to go.
So again, same kind of strong,willed determination.
Speaker 1 (12:20):
Yeah, has that um, you know that you know spirit
with your other daughter.
Has that helped in this pastyear with losing your sister
(12:47):
about?
Speaker 3 (12:48):
how we were going to manage going back to writing and
how we were going to navigatethat.
And her name is Harper.
Harper is very strong-willedand she's very matter-of-fact
about things and she's currentlyeight, but she was seven before
she she's currently eight, butshe was seven before, and at
seven years old, she had alreadydecided what she was going to
(13:10):
do.
So she let me know that we'renot going to quit writing.
And that was a we and it was avery to me, because I was like
I'm not sure and she was like no, we're not, we are not quitting
riding.
So Emily would want us to stillride, so we're going to ride.
(13:35):
And she was like, if you need aminute, that's okay.
Speaker 1 (13:44):
She needs to be all of our spiritual leaders right
there yes, now.
Speaker 2 (13:54):
But now, how did you deal with that?
Because here you are and you'retorn.
You know it's one foot in thepast and one foot in the future,
and it's.
It's a hard position for a moma lot of times, because you just
want to crawl in the bed, butyet you want to honor her and
you want to honor Harper.
So do you remember how youdealt with?
Speaker 3 (14:19):
that, yeah, yeah, I do, I, you know.
Speaker 1 (14:55):
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3 (14:56):
I do.
I you know my childhood was alittle bit difficult and just
teenage years, all of that is issomething that was difficult to
navigate and it was always athought in my head of like I
don't have a choice.
I don't have a choice to notget up and be on me, and I have
to get up and I have to get onthe horse, and if that means
that I cry the entire time I'mriding, then I'm going to cry
(15:17):
the entire time I'm riding.
But I've got this little girlwho this is what she wants to do
, and if I tell her she can'tquit, but I do, what am I
showing her?
Speaker 1 (15:33):
And so.
I just have chills.
I did too.
Speaker 2 (15:38):
I mean it's just.
I know I'm interruptingeverything, but like you were to
be in your first year and tohear those words, I mean that is
a remarkable strength and Imean you are the true.
That's what I was tellingMichelle when we were after you
(15:59):
and I had spoken a few weeks agoor whenever that was and was.
You are the true definition ofa warrior, I said, and I know
how you and robin have the sametenacity and it's like, and
she's a freaking rock star.
I mean she in my eyes.
Yes, like I said, the tenacityof it.
So, anyway, I just want you toknow that it's to be in that
(16:22):
first year and to be able to saythis and know this and live
this.
It's.
Speaker 1 (16:29):
And it's really, it's really uncommon, you know, and
I just Be proud of yourself.
Yeah, be proud of yourself andand we know that those tears
come, you know, and of courseyou're sad and all the time
right.
Speaker 2 (16:46):
And there's a question am I doing?
Speaker 1 (16:47):
this right.
Speaker 2 (16:48):
You are.
Speaker 3 (16:50):
You know, everyone asks I'm sure you know this,
it's the same question everybodyasks you how are you doing?
So I've just got thiscatchphrase and I'm actually
working on a book because peoplethink I can write and they're
silly, but I'm going to dowhatever.
(17:11):
I guess I'm going to do it, butmy phrase is I'm just here and
that's just where I'm at.
I'm physically and mentally, Iam just here at.
(17:34):
I'm physically and mentally, Iam just here.
And if you know, you know, ifyou have been through grief,
then you understand thatphysically and mentally, that is
all you.
You're a warm body.
Yeah, that is enough.
And so, and it's okay to not beokay and to still get up and
fix that breakfast and go to theevents and smile and cry and be
(18:02):
just here, because that'sthat's where you're at and um,
you know, that was always myword in the first couple of
years.
Speaker 2 (18:12):
Really, was I exist?
Yeah, I'm just existing in thisday to day thing we call life.
Speaker 3 (18:19):
And and I don't want to negate that there are moments
that are happy and there aremoments that are good, and still
, in those moments, you havethat guilt of wait, wait,
something's missing.
I shouldn't be happy, Ishouldn't, I shouldn't be
smiling because the world isgoing to look at me and be like
(18:43):
well, wait, why are you?
Why are you?
And so I wrote on that a littlebit.
You know, america Ferreira didthat whole Barbie monologue.
That's super powerful and superamazing.
And I wrote on.
You know, grief is like that andhow you.
(19:03):
You're supposed to be happy,but if you're too happy, then
you're not missing your children.
So don't always think thatyou've forgotten.
And if you've forgotten, thenyou're bad, because how could
you forget your child?
And it's just.
It's that judgment from peoplewho haven't been through grief
(19:23):
and don't understand that thisjourney is a.
We're just here and we are justexisting.
At the same time, though, justexisting.
At the same time, though, weare present in our families, and
we are more present now than wewere ever present before,
(19:45):
because we are missing.
We have this giant hole that weare trying to fill and trying
to stuff, and there is nothingthat we can stuff in there.
There is nothing that is goingto fill that up.
We're going to make sure thatour other children or our
(20:05):
spouses or our people know thatwe're still here for them,
because that's what we've got.
It's all we've got, and I'vealso told people.
You know, I'm just at thispoint.
I'm also living a life thatgets me to where I get to see
(20:27):
her again.
Speaker 1 (20:29):
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, I, I still.
I just want to go back to whatyou said about um.
You know that that when we losea child, that that we're more
present than before, and I justwant you to know that is not
common.
It's just like what Amy said,like that is really you, that is
(20:52):
you tapping into some,something in your very core,
tapping into who Emily was, whoHarper is, who you are.
I mean, that is, you know, it'snot like I'm, you know, some
grief expert other than I'velived the journey and watched
all of us other warrior moms andI just hope you know that that
(21:15):
is really, really special andyour just your words.
And you know, I love thatyou've taken that Barbie mantra
and found a way to use that withgrief.
I mean, yes, that connects.
That connects so stronglybecause the world does have a
(21:36):
comment about how we should bedoing this and um, and I think
the yeah, they worry about.
Speaker 2 (21:44):
What are they thinking If I'm laughing?
What are they thinking?
Do they think that I forgot?
Like you said, it doesn'tmatter what they're thinking,
because they have never been me.
Speaker 3 (21:54):
They're lucky, they're the lucky ones, like
you're the lucky one, and youknow they say that the whole
time.
They're like I just can'timagine.
I just know you can't, andthat's okay, and that is okay
that you can't.
I'm so, I'm so happy for you.
But you know you hear it when,when they walk away from you and
(22:17):
they're like oh my gosh, didyou?
And and I just I take that onas I'm happy for you, like I'm
happy that you get to walk awayand you get to say all those
things and you aren't walkingaway with that same heartache
and that same hole and feelingthe same way, like I am truly
(22:42):
happy, Also jealous, yeah, but Iwouldn't wish this.
Speaker 2 (22:51):
No.
Speaker 3 (22:51):
This is not a club that I'm like yeah, go on the
water's.
Speaker 2 (22:57):
Your initiation is too high.
Speaker 1 (22:59):
Yeah, and I mean just in meeting you and getting to
hear you talk about just yourgrief and Emily and Harper and I
love Harper's too I'll give youa minute.
That is so fierce.
I'm going to embrace that in mylife.
(23:21):
I'm going to give myself aminute and then on I go.
But you to me, you, just you,I'm a teacher and I just I mean
you are this.
It's like this is born in youto be this teacher.
I mean you're, you're havingthese conversations with these
people at the ballpark or at a,at the horse, you know rodeos
(23:44):
and um, and you're, you'reteaching them.
You're teaching them aboutgrief and that it, yeah, and
it's about strength and it'salso about crying and it's both
of those and um, I just I, it'sjust, it's beautiful and I hate
it for you and I, you know Ihate it for Harper and but I'm
(24:05):
so grateful, um, it's how strongyou are.
Speaker 2 (24:10):
It's a choice.
Yeah, it's not.
It's not just a gift that youhave to keep going.
You do make that choice tocontinue and to take a minute
and then get back on the horse,literally get back on the horse.
Speaker 3 (24:25):
There's been those days, yep, and one of our first
outings after was the fair, wasthe fair, um, and that was oh,
(24:45):
um, that was one of the hardestoutings, um you know, it's that
very first one of like love.
We love the fair and we go onall the rides and we do it
together, um, me, my, myself andmy three kids.
Um, that has been our family,like that has been from the time
the girls were born, or Emilywas born.
(25:05):
Um, she, like I said she wasnine, from that time it was my
son and my daughter, and thenthe third one came along and it
was it was just all of us and um, and going to Dollywood and
going, we, we would travel up toMissouri to see family, um, and
(25:45):
it would just be me and thekids, and that's what we did.
And so they wanted to go to thefair and so it was like, okay,
I'm going to do this.
So I said, and I warned them, Idid say, okay, we're going to
go to the fair, we're going todo this.
So I said, and I warned them, Idid say, okay, we're going to go
to the fair, we're going to dothis.
Mommy's going to cry the entiretime, yeah, but we're going to
(26:06):
do this.
And I cried the entire time andI, you know, I thought about it
and I was like you know, Iwonder what people think.
And I was like you know what.
If they care, they'll ask, andif they don't, that's fine too.
Um and people looked but nobodyasked and it was sad and
(26:32):
bittersweet and my kids stilllaughed and they still enjoyed
it and they still talked abouttheir sister as if she was there
.
And we have an annual picturethat we take at at the fair and
I was going to scratch it and Iwas like you know what?
(26:53):
Nope, we're going to do it Likewe're going.
We're going to not act likethis is normal, because it's not
, but we're also going to putsome normalcy on it.
This is what we do, this is whowe are, and so, therefore,
(27:14):
we're going to continue in ourtraditions and we can still
remember how much fun we hadwith Emily and talk about the
funny stuff that she did andwhat rides she loved, and in
that way, she's still with us inall of the things, and so I
(27:36):
never wanted to forget and Inever want them to forget, and I
think and I can't speak for you, but for me the the hardest and
I'm going to cry on this onehardest part is thinking that
you're the only one that's goingto remember her.
(28:01):
Yeah, and because, like theflowers come and the food comes
and but the flowers die, eithergets eaten or thrown away, and
the people will be there for acertain amount of time and it
could be days or weeks or monthsor even, you know, maybe years,
(28:23):
but at the end of the timethose things go away.
At some point those people moveon with their lives and you
don't really get to.
You still have to remember,like graduations that are going
(28:46):
to get to be attended and schoolyear that doesn't get to start,
and the kids, and so I was.
Just I decided from the verybeginning two things One, I was
never going to let my otherchildren feel like they weren't
(29:07):
a priority over the loss oftheir sister.
And two, I was never going tolet her be forgotten, and so
(29:27):
she's honored, but she's stillin our home, but my other kids
are still seeing that they'repriority.
Speaker 1 (29:40):
That's beautiful, and we hear moms often that will
come to Warrior Moms meetingsand they'll talk about how, you
know, they've stopped smilingand they can't.
You know, they can't focus ontheir other children, and while
that's normal too, you know, weknow that we all grieve in
(30:02):
different ways.
I mean, just what a gift togive your children right away,
like to go to that fair and thento tell them I'm going to cry
and that's okay, and yet we'regoing to take this picture and
that is really a gift.
And they won't necessarily knowthat now, but they will for
(30:24):
sure someday.
As we sit and just look at youI'm looking at you in your
purple hat, with your sweetEmily's picture on it and her
purple cowboy hat and yourpurple shirt.
Tell us, tell us about this,yeah, the significance of that.
Speaker 3 (30:41):
So, as I had told you earlier, you know she, she
loves the color purple and shegot a purple cowgirl hat.
So that girl would have wornthat hat every single day if
she'd have been allowed to.
Um, she tried multiple timessneaking it to school and for
(31:03):
any kind of character dress,that day she was wearing the hat
boots.
She actually um, she actuallygot spurs banned from her school
because they found out it was aweapon oh my gosh yeah
(31:26):
purple.
Purple is her color, um, herroom is purple, her hat and any
kind of wardrobe that she pickedout would have to be purple.
She, that was just that girl'scolor.
So, um, with that, after herpassing, um, and after the fog,
(31:51):
I just thought that, um, shewanted to be a famous barrel
racer and my job as her mom wasto support her and to do
whatever I could to make thathappen.
And I'm still going to do that,and she's still going to be a
(32:14):
famous barrel racer, just not inthe way that we had planned,
not what it looked like.
So decided that starting afoundation in her honor to help
other families, um, that aredealing with the same kind of
(32:36):
tragedy that we went through oflosing a child to a horse
related accident, um, would bethe best way to honor her.
She, like I said, she wasCinderella, snow white, aurora,
all of those loving type ofpeople, and she, just she really
(33:02):
had a gift of giving and wantedto give to people, and she, she
ended up, um, she was an organdonor.
So, funny enough, that was byher choice, Um, so she saw my
driver's license one time andsaw that it said organ donor,
(33:23):
and asked me.
And so my duty to explain it toher is you know, when people
pass, they are able to helpother people.
When I get a driver's license,I'm going to be an organ donor
too.
Wow.
So when she passed away,Lifelink contacted and asked and
we agreed, so she was able tohelp other people after she
(33:49):
passed away as well.
Spirit and giving heart is justone of those things that I felt
like we could continue to do,even after and you know, this is
such a dark, catastrophic,desolate time.
(34:15):
People that haven't gonethrough it can sit and try to be
comforting, but they can'treally, and so I just thought
that there's another mom outthere one day that's going to be
in this position where theylose their baby to a
(34:36):
horse-related accident, and if Ican help them with paying a
bill, being somebody they couldtalk to, and also with mental
health for their family, thenthat's what we should do, and so
(34:57):
we've just really startedgetting into it, um, this this
month, and so we're waiting forit to grow bigger and bigger,
but we are, we are looking into,um, you know, making this
something that touches all 50states, because there's people
(35:19):
that ride horses in all 50states and, unfortunately, there
are people joining our clubevery day.
Speaker 1 (35:27):
Yeah, if people want to find out more about Emily's
foundation, how can they findout more about it?
Speaker 3 (35:37):
Right now we have a Facebook page.
It's the Purple CowgirlFoundation.
We're on Facebook.
We're looking at getting awebsite set up.
We're hosting clinics.
We have our first clinic herein Resaca on June 8th at 1
o'clock.
So we do safety awareness.
(35:59):
We've been doing videos aboutevery week on TikTok and
Facebook just highlightingsafety awareness around cattle
and horses.
You know how to tie your horsecorrectly to um solid objects,
how to um put your saddle onwhat you should check for gate
(36:23):
safety, and that's my fiance andI.
That's what we have been doingHim mostly.
He does the hard work.
He's been in the rodeo industryfor 30 years.
Many, many accolades.
(36:44):
Very not to brag, but I'm goingto brag.
He is very talented.
I called him and Emily justhorse whispers.
I don't know how they did it,they just could do it.
And I get on and I feel likeknow how they did it, they just
could do it.
And I get on and I feel likeI'm just blah.
(37:05):
But other people look at me andgo oh my gosh, you're a horse
whisperer.
And I'm like no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Speaker 1 (37:10):
You got to see these ones.
Speaker 3 (37:12):
Look over there so he really does those videos and
I'm just like the sidekickthat's over here cheering him on
like you.
You did it good job.
Let me put the mic on you.
I'm the fan over here.
Yeah, just fan girling andstuff.
But, um, you know, we, we dothose together and he, he has
(37:36):
our itinerary for like 30 plusepisodes.
So I mean it's pretty amazing.
He's amazing.
Speaker 1 (37:51):
That's incredible, and incredible to do that in
Emily's honor and so needed andhelpful.
And I mean that is that is likeyou said.
She will be a famous barrelracer one way or the other and
you're going to make sure shestill gets to be that, so bless
you for doing that.
Speaker 3 (38:11):
Chokes me up too, I'm just leaking it's, I do it, I
know it happens sometimesthere's literally like holes.
I'm like I'm just leaking.
It's fine, don't?
Yeah, they're watching.
They like look at you.
Oh what set her off?
And I'm like I, I don't evenneed to go into it with you,
(38:34):
like, I like, and you guys know,it could be the simplest of
things.
You could just be looking outand then you start leaking and
it's just like, yeah, that thatbreeze just got me today, it
reminded me of something and youjust don't know, but I have
(38:54):
embraced the leaking.
Speaker 1 (38:57):
Yeah, it's.
I like to say that, you know,we live now in the and, and,
like Amy said, one foot in thepast, one foot in the present,
one in heaven, one on earth, allthe things.
And we live in that right whenwe can experience grief and we
can experience joy, experiencegrief and we can experience joy
(39:24):
and um.
You know, I, I think you'redoing Emily so proud and that
purple has um.
You know, it resonates strengthand um and beauty and
fierceness and all the thingsthat that Emily was.
So that's incredible.
Yes, oh, amy, you had something.
Sorry, interrupted.
Speaker 2 (39:42):
I was just going to say before I spoke, like I'm
gonna put you on the spot here,but what did you do for Mother's
Day?
Oh, that was a conversationthat we had.
Speaker 3 (39:53):
So we did a video and you know, normally I start the
videos out, but I decided thatwe should put the kids on the
spot.
So the kids, the kids did thevideo and and we hung out with
(40:18):
some um, it was a very hard day,but again, it was just you
don't?
I say I don't get to have, Idon't get to have hard days that
keep me in bed, Um, because ifI go do that, then I'm going to
(40:45):
stay there and I can't staythere.
I can't.
I can have a moment, but Ican't stay there.
And that's what I've alwaystold my kids Um, when they're
having meltdowns, Okay, Go havea moment, but you can't stay
there, Like you, you, you can'tstay there.
You can go and you can screamand you can whatever in your
(41:08):
room and you can have yourmoment.
And when you're done, then we'regoing to come out and we're
going to talk about it and we'regoing to work on it, and then
we're going to be good, Likewe're going to talk about it and
we're going to work on it, andthen we're going to be good,
Like we're going to, we're goingto be okay and and that's where
I'm at with it of like um, Idon't feel like I.
(41:30):
I took a moment to just sit andquit.
It was more like, okay, I'mgoing to sit here and then I'm
going to get up, but then I gotto get up and that's just.
(41:51):
That's just every day.
You got to sit and you got toget up.
Speaker 2 (41:55):
So you recorded a video.
We, I we did yes, so um all ofit.
Speaker 3 (42:07):
Yep, so it was.
It was one of our safetyawareness videos, and so we just
asked the kids questions ofwhat, what does it look like, um
, um, to be a mom, or what's oneword that you can describe
(42:39):
about your mom.
And we had, um, some of ourfriends.
She went and, of course, mademe cry because she was like.
She said something along thelines of we asked her what's
your favorite thing about yourmom?
(43:00):
Or something like that andshe's sweet, she's nice and she
loves and she is deserving oflove.
Speaker 1 (43:11):
And I was just like oh, I can't with you, an
eight-year-old to say that yeah.
Speaker 2 (43:22):
Did you take your minute?
Speaker 3 (43:22):
and get back out there.
I did, I did, and then my sonended it with um.
It was like, what's the bestthing about your mom?
And um, he was like, or what?
What's something that your momcan do that nobody else can do?
And I was like, oh gosh.
Speaker 1 (43:45):
Yeah, what's he going to say?
Speaker 3 (43:48):
He's 15.
Speaker 1 (43:49):
So yeah, I'm a high school teacher, I know that age.
Speaker 3 (43:55):
I'm in the school system too, so I'm like, oh,
okay, well, we can cut anddelete this one.
And he said and so this is whatreally got me.
And I was like, okay, I reallyneeded a moment on this one.
He says she can lose a childand still be a good mom.
Speaker 1 (44:18):
Oh my heavens.
Speaker 3 (44:20):
And I was like wow, he nailed it.
Speaker 2 (44:26):
But you don't think they are, but they're watching
every day.
What do you want?
Speaker 3 (44:32):
Do you?
You you're asking for a car.
Is that what your husband is?
Speaker 1 (44:37):
You've got it.
You've got it.
Oh my gosh, I mean, if hehasn't put to words exactly what
you're doing that's amazing.
Speaker 3 (44:51):
I don't know about that, but I was super proud of I
am not was.
I am super proud of all my kids.
So I have two that are mine andtwo that are my bonuses.
I say that, so I've got, thoseare mine.
And then my kids' friends aremine.
(45:24):
They all call me mom and someof them joke around and call me
dad, because I do a lot of dadstuff.
Yeah, cute, yeah, yeah.
(46:05):
So, but, um, I'd have to saythat I really admire my kids all
four of them because they justshow me, um, every day that they
are strong and they they losttoo, and especially my Harper.
You know that was her bestfriend.
They, I call them litter mates,because I mean they were like
this.
I mean I never, I always heardthat two sisters would hate each
other and they could never bebest friends.
But these two, they werebesties, my sisters too.
They were so good together.
(46:27):
But they are the bravest littlepeople, Bravest broke little
people that I know.
I call them my broke bestfriends because, but they are
the bravest little people that Iknow.
Speaker 1 (46:48):
I love it.
Well, let's, before we end,let's ask the same questions.
But about Emily.
So what?
What are you know?
Three words that you would sayto describe her that we, you
want us all to remember abouther.
Oh gosh, you can use more words, it's okay.
Speaker 2 (47:11):
We don't count.
She's not a math teacher,that's right.
That's right.
Speaker 3 (47:17):
I took algebra one this year.
Everybody got A's Nice, Good,good.
So I would have to say vibrant,tenacious and compassionate.
Speaker 2 (47:39):
I love it.
Speaker 1 (47:41):
What are?
Speaker 2 (47:41):
some words that you would give to a newly breathed
mom.
Speaker 1 (47:47):
Like a piece of advice.
Speaker 2 (47:48):
A piece of advice.
Speaker 3 (47:54):
Be patient with yourself.
It's okay to not be okay, andyourself, it's okay to not be
okay.
And oh, it doesn't get easierand it doesn't get better, it
(48:23):
just gets different, and howeveryour different looks, that's
okay too.
Speaker 1 (48:32):
Yes.
Speaker 3 (48:35):
We all do it differently and there's not a
book as much as people haveshoved the books at you will
shove the books at you.
There's not a book that you canfollow that says this is going
to make it repairable.
It's not repairable.
Speaker 1 (48:58):
Nope, and it comes from great love.
You know we say that.
You know, of course you'regoing to, you're going to grieve
deeply because that love is sodeeply and there, just there
isn't a word.
That is that we have.
That really represents how sadand painful it is to lose a
little one.
Um, and we're just so sorry,but, um, what a beautiful
(49:23):
conversation we've had.
And um, I've learned just somuch.
And um, I'm going to take awaya lot with this and and um, and
remember, remember Emily, um,and and take a little bit of
Harper spirit with me too, thatfierceness of your girls.
Speaker 2 (49:43):
You get one minute, right yeah.
Speaker 3 (49:45):
She's fierce.
You can yeah, you can take aminute.
You can take a minute.
Speaker 1 (49:50):
That is precious.
It is so precious, oh my gosh.
Well, rebecca, so beautiful totalk to you and I look forward
to talking to you again.
Remind us again.
So, facebook page, tell usagain the name the Purple
Cowgirl Foundation, perfect, andwe will link that on the
(50:12):
podcast, and our website isvoyermomsme, and the podcast
link will be there as well as,um, just information about you.
Speaker 3 (50:27):
Yes, thank you, thank you so much, thank you so much.
Thank you.
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