Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_01 (00:08):
Hi, welcome back to
Warrior Moms.
It's been a minute.
A thousand minutes.
We have not talked to y'allonline since May.
We've had a lot of stuff goingon in our life.
We have been very busy planningour first ever Warrior Moms
retreat.
And when we are right nowactually in Eton, Georgia at
(00:31):
Marcat Farms with about 50 newmoms that are warriors now.
Incredible.
Our hearts are filled.
We have new friends.
We have together.
We're going to keep going.
We've laughed together.
Yes.
We danced together last night.
(00:54):
Incredible.
So what are we doing here today?
Well, we are going to have a lotof questions and answer session
with our lawyer moms.
We have some of our original,what I call our original warrior
moms that are that were thetable leaders at the retreat for
all of the new moms.
And we're going to askquestions.
(01:15):
We're going to have them ask usquestions.
So who asked the first question?
Thank you so much.
Debbie Stevens.
Debbie Stevens.
I don't agree with this long,but um if we wanted to start
(01:37):
something like this or similarin our area, demographic on,
would you all help us gather thenames?
I'm going to answer just thefirst part and then our founders
are going to answer that one.
So just say Thank you.
But just to please, we when youall get your feedback form from
(01:58):
us and so forth, there will be aform for you to fill out if you
would like our help in umstarting up a lawyer mom's
group.
We have our two founders, wehave Christy and Christine.
So Christy Howard, ChristineMcHenry.
And we would love to do a Zoommeeting with you so that we can
(02:22):
talk through how do you do it?
Where do you put theinformation?
What's it feel like?
All of those things.
I'm going to turn it over tothem because they're the ones to
start it.
Yep.
So thanks for the question.
And we would love for some ofyou to start things in your in
your region.
We're in the we typically meetin the Alpharetta-ish area.
(02:43):
So if anyone here wants to startcoming to ours, we typically
meet the third Thursday of themonth.
We can connect to you onFacebook.
We have a Facebook group and Ipost the event every month to
let you know where it is.
But to answer your question, thebest is a Zoom.
We've learned that we've beendoing it for about nine years
(03:04):
now, Christine.
So we've learned a lot over theyears.
So I would encourage you to takesome of that knowledge from us
about what works, what doesn't,some tough situations we've
encountered that you have tomanage Ruth.
There's a lot.
So we we would love for you tosign up for a Zoom call and to
(03:25):
be able to connect with you thatway.
Well, and you know, the biggestthing is that grief does not
grief does not discriminategeographically.
I mean, there's you know,anywhere you go, anywhere you
live, if you reach out in yourcommunity, you're gonna find
(03:46):
somebody who knows somebody whohas lost a child.
So it's just, you know, reachingout of your comfort zone to
contact those people and gettogether.
And then from there, it justkind of grows, you know, word
about social media, post aboutit, reach out to even if you go
(04:09):
to some of the localcompassionate friends meetings,
you know, kind of get contactsfrom there and then reach out
separately.
That's what I think helps us.
I just want to add thing, andjust remember we're two or more
gathered, so it can start small,even if it's just a couple of
few get together, and God willtake care of it.
(04:32):
People come to us from fromalways states and form once once
it's out there, they will come.
And y'all started with how manymoms that very first meeting in
a restaurant.
There's probably eight of usmaybe that first night.
About seven of us the firstnight, and just barely from
(04:53):
social media from this Facebookposter here that that people
started reaching out to to usand to others that were there.
And then we decided to set acertain a I think it helps have
a consistent date where peopleknow we're meeting the third
Thursday of the month so theycan they can plan on that.
(05:15):
Now we meet at a home, but youcould start at a restaurant or
at a coffee shop or church.
Yep.
So we have nine years.
All right.
Next question.
Last question.
SPEAKER_00 (05:33):
Did you envision
that this would become such an
important tool for moms thatreally, really need my thoughts?
SPEAKER_01 (05:45):
Yeah, so how could
you have ever imagined that this
would be such they'll alwaysgive me the no pressure of
situations here?
Um I obviously wasn't there whenthey started it from the
beginning, but I have been therefor almost six years with them
(06:08):
now.
And I had no idea showing up atsomebody's house would turn into
this, um, to having people fromdifferent states here, to hoping
to be able to do things in otherstates to help people.
Um and I'll be honest, I justhad no idea that the sadness of
the griefs that I would gothrough would turn into somebody
(06:29):
else's survival guide to be ableto help others and hopefully to
be able to uh give hope tosomebody who is new in their
situation, or even to give hopeto somebody who is further into
their grief than mine, but seeslike somebody newer that's able
to smile and try to find joy andtry to to do things to help
(06:51):
others and you know just to beable to help one person is is a
blessing to be able to help moreis beyond that.
So no, I never thought that thisis what we would do.
That's perfect.
Next question.
Oh, come on, girl.
(07:11):
You got a second part?
SPEAKER_00 (07:13):
All right, okay, so
you started the break and then
you broke this magnificent.
SPEAKER_01 (07:29):
The sound went out
on the mic.
Can you hear me now?
She said, Who who wants to takethat one?
Will you repeating it again justso we can't?
SPEAKER_00 (07:41):
Okay, one more time.
Here we go.
So you girls wrote thismagnificent book.
SPEAKER_01 (07:47):
Um answered so many
things from me personally.
Um but what what was the fear indoing that?
What was your challenges?
Tell us about that and what partof your fate play in this?
Jenny?
(08:11):
Up to your up to your mouth uphere.
So I'll have to call that one.
Okay, so when this started,someone meant it may have been
Christine, said, Let's write abook.
unknown (08:26):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (08:27):
So we're like, okay,
well, hey, let's write a book.
Um, we found that a lot of thebooks were not based on mom's
experiences.
So we wanted to tell like thedown dirty of you what it's
really like to hopefully haveother moms get that it's not the
package of brief is page one,two, three, four, five.
(08:48):
So we wanted everyone to getthere.
So we started on writingchapters, um, and we started
very basic.
They were very little short uhchapters.
And then as we grew 20th year,we started off with 23 moms, and
it's 14 that were able to, youknow, get through it.
(09:09):
It's a hard, it was hard, sohard.
Because going through editing,numerous, numerous edits, um,
reading, rewrites, Rayann.
We had retreats writing atChristine's house when we had
them at um Ray Ann's house.
We just wrote and wrote andwrote.
So it was hard.
It was blood, sweat, maybe notblood, sweat and tears.
(09:34):
Yeah, some of us probably felldown and maybe request some
blood.
I don't know.
But uh probably me, if I had toguess.
And Michelle has a master's increative writing and is our
guide then.
She is the one that led usthrough it, got us through it,
went through the um process ofhow it should be, you know,
organized in the chapter, soit's easier to read, I think,
(09:57):
um, because you know what you'reexpecting.
And then we went through theprocess of having divided
publishers.
So you have to go out and youhave to do exactly what each
publisher does not want the sameinformation.
So we have to do that.
But I just think it's it was thelove for our children, is what
did it.
And I put the models.
I was terrified.
(10:18):
You know, like, oh my gosh, whatcan I tell somebody?
What can I actually do to helpsomebody?
And hopefully I didn't.
SPEAKER_02 (10:28):
Okay, I'm Rebecca
and my daughter was inboard.
And my question, piggybackingoff of the book, is is there a
two?
Is there a second one?
Because what about not just umnew moms coming in?
Because I'm not necessarily anew mom, we did the podcast
together, but any moms comingin.
(10:49):
What about what we have to offerfor our story as well?
Can we do it too?
Can we do it three?
Can we can we continue thisjourney?
SPEAKER_01 (10:57):
I'm bringing this
microphone straight over to this
show to the spirit of theorganization and all that kind
of stuff.
Yeah, I think we need to giveher a breath, give her a beat
for sure.
But yes, I will have to say Iactually don't need a beat.
I am kind of the energizer foryou can just.
(11:40):
But you know, my husband alwayswonders, you know, are the other
men doing uh how are themarriages doing, you know,
because men tend to agreedifferent than witness.
Um so so my husband did write abook.
I called the Dreamer's Guide toLife.
(12:02):
Uh it's a that was a long timeto get it from there.
And it's kind of his perspectiveum when we lost our daughter.
So what began like a quiet time,musing, meeting with people, he
wrote down what he was healing,asking the questions to God, you
know, how could he got help?
(12:23):
And um it just became a book, alittle book.
So um it's available to youthrough Amazon.
I'm sorry.
Bana, this is not about us, thisis about God's work through us
and all of us, husbands,everybody.
(12:43):
So please plug away.
And one one other yes, no,that's what I was gonna say.
And when we send out thefeedback form, we will send out
table names and contactinformation, book information,
(13:06):
all of the all of the goodstuff.
And one of the things that wedid in the podcast is we um did
a sibling series, so a lot ofthe siblings have asked, please,
please, can we have a book?
Our publishers have asked, isthere a warrior dad that's
coming out?
Um that's an interview with umJeff Durham.
(13:27):
He um was on our podcast.
It I mean, Amy and I learned somuch just from that.
If a man writes a chapter, it'llbe short.
Well, and what's what's amazingis the um the podcast tool that
(13:48):
we use creates a transcript.
And that was um a couple of usum you know created our first
format of the chapter from thetranscript.
So um even if the dads don'tnecessarily write it, we will
ask the questions and we'll havethe transcript and you go from
there, and that could be how wehelp y'all as well.
So we'll see.
All right, next question.
SPEAKER_02 (14:10):
Okay, here and I'm
taking back in again.
That's neat.
SPEAKER_01 (14:13):
Because it sparked
an idea.
What about a warrior dad'sretreat?
SPEAKER_02 (14:20):
How do we support
how do we support a warrior dad?
SPEAKER_01 (14:27):
What yeah.
What we have found is that mendo, as we all know, men do
grieve differently than women.
So it is one of those things,Mr.
Mike.
(14:53):
No, I mean, it is not a badidea, but we've even heard about
warrior dad groups or couplesgroups or something like that.
And I know that, I mean, a lotof us and our husbands, they
just I don't know how you arewith your husbands, they just
grieve differently.
And I know that there's beenopportunities that we've done
that we've tried to create that.
(15:13):
That does not mean that there'sother men out there that
wouldn't do it, but I know thatI'm talking about about my
husband, he's in the room.
So, but it's just they might dosmall groups and stuff like
that, but they just we learnedthat they just kind of grieve
differently.
I was gonna ask with me beingdivorced from the person I
(15:36):
caused my grief.
Oh, excuse me.
Somebody who wasn't there buthas been with us and loves us.
Emily, do you want to take thisone?
(15:57):
And then we can give it toRobin, too.
So my husband did not know myson there, and we were just been
married for five years, and myson died 12 years, 13 years ago.
Um, but he just surrounds mewith love and supports me, and
he didn't know him, but when Icry, he helps me.
Um, when I want to talk abouthim, he listens.
(16:17):
And Susan, that's amazing.
And I'm very, very lucky.
Um, Bart is basically the verysame way.
Um, but one of the favoritethings that Bart tells me, and
um, that Bart posts on Facebookwhen he talks about them is he
usually ends with, I can't waitto meet y'all in heaven someday.
(16:43):
Right, next question.
More of a statement.
I'm Cindy Lockhart, and my sonwas Adam.
He died at the hands of a drugdealer when he was 42.
So six years ago, um, we losthim, and he left behind young
adult children.
(17:05):
And one of the things that myhusband does, it's not a big
group of man, but he's a fishguy up here at like a punk.
And when he hears of other menin the area who have lost
children or why anybody, notjust wise, but are going through
something.
He invites him out to fish.
(17:27):
And he said there is moreministry that goes on in this
boat than fishing.
Although they do come back witha bunch of pitch.
So there's other things that Imean, things that we can do.
Um, and you know, um it might bethat you know, your husband or
someone grabs another gun says,Hey, let's go to the football
(17:48):
game.
Hey, let's do this, hey, let'sdo that.
They are more that well one orsomething.
Yeah, they are definitely likethat.
Right.
Yeah.
So he does a lot of that thatkind of thing.
I'm not doing his born, I'mgonna say that's how he's found.
And it's down that's helped hima lot too.
You know, we'll come back withthings that you know that he's
(18:11):
going to someone else.
So there are other things thatwe do.
They will not give me a bitreflected that much.
Well, and one of the audience,new warrior moms, just pointed,
um, we are currently in, um,like Amy said, at Briar Patch
Farms, and we're inside of abarn, and up to the left of the
(18:33):
panel of Warrior Moms is a boatthat hangs from the ceiling with
scripture on it that's Matthew4.14 and says, Follow me, and I
will make you fishers of men.
So what a cool connection as youwere speaking.
Thanks for sharing that.
Okay, next question.
Somebody has Lily Gilmore.
(18:54):
Hello?
How I've had such an amazingtime.
I've been I have such an amazingtime.
How do I get to I would like tobe one of these women to help uh
at your next event?
Okay, can you hear me?
(19:15):
My name is Lisa, and I lost myson, Keaton, in 2020.
And uh I joined this wonderfulgroup, this wonderful group of
ladies, and went to several oftheir meetings, and then I think
it was a God thing.
He just spoke to me and he'slike, you know, you you belong
with these women, but there'salso other women in your
(19:36):
community that you know that youcan reach out to, also.
So I went to Amy and Michelleand Christine and all these
ladies, and I said, you know,how do you guys feel about this?
I would like to start a WarriorMom's group in Deloniga.
And they were so supportive, uh,you know, and so I I made it my
(19:57):
New Year's resolution that Iwould start the January 1st,
yeah, three years ago.
And now I have had to take somebreaks while we were working on
the book and some time off, butthe women understand.
Um, I stood at my front door andcried when 16 moms came.
And uh just the first meeting,and I only had a two-bedroom,
(20:20):
one-bath cabin at the time tomeet in, so I've had it expand.
But yes, uh, they're stillcoming and they're bringing
friends and other moms, andsometimes we meet in a
restaurant.
Um, but I mean, I think it'sjust a God thing that He gave
me.
He planted that seed that I gotfrom these women to take it back
(20:40):
to my hometown and you knowserve others, and that's what I
think how this can grow and itcan go into that direction
because I still love to gettogether with these women every
chance I get, but I'm alsohelping other moms.
And yeah, so we'll have moreinformation on all of that
later, too.
I think that hi.
SPEAKER_02 (21:06):
Um, my name is Liz
Coins, and uh I want to thank
all of you.
I'm I'm a good stepmom.
Um, so thank you for includingme um this weekend.
SPEAKER_01 (21:18):
My group leaders are
Corby and Laura, and I
absolutely adore them and lovethem so much.
Um they started a group, mystepson passed away a year ago.
He he's like a son to me.
I have two boys of my own.
I'm using them.
(21:39):
Was like it's I it's horrible.
Um, and I thank you for allowingme to be here and including me.
I thank you for starting thegroup.
Um I wanted to say that theyopened it up to husbands and
(22:00):
wives to go.
And my husband, it he went thefirst time, it it was good, but
it was like, you know, if wherethere are more women than there
are men, then he felt like, youknow, so he he didn't go back,
and then if I went back, he feltthat it was okay, so you see the
(22:21):
dynamic very quickly.
Um when this retreat came about,I signed up because I thought,
well, then that'll take the youknow, we're just so no, this is
just ladies only.
Um, I'd like to say when thathappened, um, yo, my husband is
getting on an airplane rightnow, heading to LSU.
(22:44):
He bought a plane ticket therejust on faith, and he um reached
out to the Singhakai chapterguys, and they're gonna have him
speak tomorrow night.
And y'all, he wouldn't have donethat.
He just it this is because ofyou guys doing what you're
doing, it inspired other people.
(23:05):
And I, because I came with this,he was like, I he said, even if
I go there just to be, and so Iwant to thank you for that.
Um, and I want to circle back,Jenny, something that you had
said about the stages of grief.
And I uh one of the books I readwas a guy named Um, I can't
(23:28):
remember the name of it rightnow, but I I remember this part.
Um, Neil, he was a brainsurgeon, and he when he looked
up on when the stages of griefwere created, it was from a
study that a woman did basedupon, yes, based upon like a
specific group of like cancerpatients who were told they've
(23:52):
got this amount of time left.
And she wrote, based on that,and then all these things came
from that afterwards, and it waslike, Where this isn't okay.
So I just wanted to say thankyou because of that with the um
getting to what my question ormy statement is this.
We are in a uh a barn, we areout on a farm, we are with
(24:15):
people who are absolutelyincredible.
People have made food food forus for breakfast, lunch, dinner,
they have served tables, theyhave done so much.
How do you find the communitysupport to do?
I mean, this is absolutelyincredible, and there's so much
(24:37):
love.
So thank you for letting me evenbe here.
And and how do you find the thesupport?
I'm gonna say one word.
Thank you, Jesus, God, ourfather above us, he loves us, he
(24:59):
loves people, and he createscommunity for us if we're just
open to it.
And just ask.
Yeah, it's asking for what youneed.
And you know what?
I keep going back to Amy andMike in this whole barn.
Mike says, Jesus, use it as itis, use me.
(25:19):
Our intentions here are good,ladies.
Mike's intentions are good,Amy's intentions are good.
Our intentions are good, and wejust want we're sad, y'all.
We're sad, but we're happy.
We're happy we have each other,and we're thankful we have each
other, and just opening up, justopening yourself up and telling
(25:42):
your story, and I think that'swhat the whole weekend's been
about.
And I'm supposed to let themanswer.
Four questions.
So four questions left becausewe have Allison and we have Pam,
Rayanne, and Courtney.
Somebody who hasn't okay.
I was just curious, what what doyou find is the best way to
reach out to other women whohave shared a loss that maybe
(26:05):
you don't know them directly,like know of them or know them
to a friend.
Um, I'm reading.
My um son died in 2017.
He was hazed to death joining afraternity um in college.
Um, we miss them all the time.
(26:27):
But um I think the biggestthing, honestly, through social
media, I mean, I met Christineno, Christine, right after.
Um, kind of accidentally, it wasour community had connected me
with her just through you knowmessaging on um Facebook.
And that's how we kind ofstarted.
And then I also in our communitylanded up meeting other moms.
(26:50):
And a lot of times it was justthrough texting.
I found that, and I think that'sa big one, is reaching out to
moms that you find outsomething's happened to their
son or daughter.
And I say, like, you don't needto call me, and I won't call
you, but if you want to textwith me or message me, I'm here
at any time.
And I find that's easier.
It was easier for me.
(27:10):
Um, it's almost like you'regetting a lot of your feelings
out and you're talkinganonymously a little bit, but at
the same time, they'reunderstanding what you're going
through.
And so I just in our communityhave landed up meeting so many
more people.
And I just think social media isa big thing.
People will reach out to me.
Um, our Linda was in our group.
(27:31):
Um, uh somebody, a mutual friendhad reached out to me when her
daughter died, and I justreached out to her.
He's like, please, will youconnect with her?
Can you find out about thiswarrior mom's group or give her
the information?
So a lot of it's just throughthat, and then reaching out,
giving your information and likeplease reach back out to me, and
I'm here for you at any time,kind of thing.
unknown (27:51):
I think that's cool.
SPEAKER_01 (27:53):
Three more questions
now.
Who's got one more?
Listen, I was told when I was akid I should have been a news
reporter because I could or aninterviewer because I could ask
all the questions.
SPEAKER_02 (28:09):
Um sorry, not sorry.
So um again, I lost my Emily umover a year into this process
and coming out of the fog.
Everybody knows about the fog.
You get that first year of goodfog, and then you come out of
it, and then you snap out of it,everything is crushing.
SPEAKER_01 (28:28):
It's crutching.
SPEAKER_02 (28:30):
So I was like Olaf.
I loved warm hugs, I felt warmhugs.
Um, and after Italy, um, Icannot feel those.
And and I I know you know how Ifeel about that.
Like you cannot feel those youwant, but you don't want.
Like you want to touch people,you want to to give them
(28:50):
comfort, but more more thananything, they want to give you
comfort, right?
And they come up and they hugyou, and you're just kind of
like a stone.
So that place where your heartconnects with people.
Um, and I I'm gonna be usingvery hotter reference, the
muggles, the the the people thathaven't experienced grief, those
(29:12):
people that don't understandthat, um, that want to comfort
you and you want to help them.
SPEAKER_01 (29:18):
How do you get back
into that warmth feeling?
Because I can I can feel thatwarmth feeling here, but we can
relate.
I can look at you and I see yourpain, you can see my pain.
We can talk like we've got it,like you know it.
But those other people, it'sawkward and they they're they're
sorry and so many sorries.
(29:40):
So, how do you get back to whereyou're you're feeling like
you're connected with the peoplewho don't have grief?
Wonderful.
Um, yeah, I'm Allison and um welost Alex in 2019.
(30:00):
Um, and I am a hugger.
Um my biggest thing is just Iwill end our text with type hug.
Um I think the biggest thing isthat you have to give yourself
grace.
That's my that's my word isgrace.
Because grief uh is like asnowflake.
(30:21):
No grief is the same.
So just give yourself grace.
It's just as simple as that.
But one day it comes, but youhave to allow yourself to get
there.
unknown (30:37):
Right.
SPEAKER_01 (30:40):
I like I personally
feel like there's a big divide
between my friends who get it,like we do, and the ones that
don't.
And they I mean for them, it'sfortunate that they don't.
They never will until God forbidthey join our group.
So you just kind of have to,they they mean well, they're
(31:04):
they're well-wishing, but ifthey're you know, some of their
placated responses and oh, howyou doing?
You oh you I'm not good, but youknow.
Hey ladies, come on, back there,back here.
(31:26):
Okay, so uh I've been to warriormom several times, and um the
one thing that uh I enjoy somuch is when I come out, I'm
always smiling, I'm alwayslaughing.
Um I don't do that at home.
(31:48):
So I wonder, number one, arey'all able to do that at home,
the the joy that you guys havewhen we're together?
And how how did you get to that?
What what helped you to get tothat?
Pam, I'm coming for you, babe.
Love you, ma'am.
(32:09):
Oh yeah.
My son was Trevor.
He died three years ago.
We created a spawn time, and allof his friends added, oh,
Trevor's favorite songs.
So 24 hours of Trevor's music.
(32:30):
So I just crank it up at homewhen I'm cleaning, cooking,
working out the gym, I listen toTrevor music all day.
So that's what I'm right.
Last one is for Courtney.
You got a good one for her.
Hi, my name is Melissa.
(32:51):
I lost my daughter, Michaela, in2024.
Um she was sitting in thepassenger seat on I-75.
Um, I'm just curious forCourtney, what it's like having
a rainbow baby.
Does it help to heal your heartor does it also help amplify the
greed?
SPEAKER_03 (33:13):
Yes.
SPEAKER_01 (33:17):
She was at Orange
Table, so um Miller is my angel
baby, passed away when he wastwo in 2021.
Um, 2023, we were blessed withour Earthside baby Brewer.
And to answer your question,it's a daily struggle because
it's Brewer did Brewer knowsMiller in heaven.
(33:39):
We talk about Miller all thetime.
We also try to balance that.
Um, Brewer is the best thingthat's happened to me since.
Um he's sassy, he's the same asMiller, then he's different.
So it ebbs and it flows, and II'm so grateful to have him.
So very good question, but yeah.
(34:06):
All right, wow, that was reallyincredible.
We could keep going, couldn'twe?
There's just so much wealth andknowledge and heart and love on
this stage.
Um, and I know they if if wecould sit here all day, they
would pour right into you,trying to gift the hard days,
the terrible days, all of that.
Um, but before we um finish up,the first two questions we'll
(34:29):
get to say your names and yourchild's name, your angels.
Almost within uh accident.
Thank you.
Hi, my name is Debbie Poche, andmy child uh is Brett Pochet.
SPEAKER_00 (34:50):
Thank you.
SPEAKER_01 (34:51):
Well, ladies, thank
you for joining us on our
warrior moms podcast.
Let's give a round of applauseto our warrior moments.
My partner in front of the lastyear.
I can't do this without anyone.
Oh, okay.
Um, well, thank you for joiningus um on our warrior moms
(35:14):
podcast.
And you can find us atwww.voyearmoms.me.
You can get our new book onAmazon.
Um, and hopefully it sounds likewe might want to have more
retreats.
So um stay tuned online forthat.
So thank you again for joiningus.
(35:34):
We have loved today.