Discovering Success Secrets, Self-Fulfillment, and Embracing Neurodiversity – Blake Bauman Offers Insights for a Happier Life #7

In this week's episode, Solomon talks with success coach Blake Baumann. They talk about everything from neurodiversity to speeding to how to succeed. If any part of this episode was helpful or entertaining please make sure to share it with people you care about because it could change their life! Don't forget to follow us on Instagram @waxonwaxoffpodcast

Check out Blake Baumann

Website - https://www.aspie-r.com/

Instagram - @aspier2019

Episode Transcript

(00:05):
Welcome to wax on wax off the podcast.
For a teenager gets wisdom and insight for pioneers and
innovators studies come before in search of how to win in every
facet of life and change the world.
I'm your host, all Nicole. And let's get into today's
episode. For today's episode, before we
get into today's episode, I wanted to talk a little bit
about paying the price and what that means is through this,

(00:30):
Election of conversations with successful people, people who
are there personally, successfulsuccessful in their finances,
successful, in whatever facet ofLife, they're successfully.
I hope that it's number one, valuable to you and number two,
that it's entertaining to you. So I want to talk about a couple
things first is pay the price. So what that means is I am

(00:50):
giving you these conversations and in return.
Hopefully, if you enjoy them youwill share with your friends
because I think not only can It change your life.
But it could change the people around you and their lives.
Something else I wanted to talk about is Getting feedback.
So there's I'm on social media. So if you want to DM me,

(01:13):
anything, if you want to commentanything, preferably a DM would
be better. And if you want to be like, hey,
I have this suggestions for thisor hey.
I think this would be a really cool episode or you're like hey
I think I would be a great idea for an episode eme and we can
talk about it and I'd love to hear your feedback also
something that we're doing next episode.

(01:35):
So get your book out, get ready.Is it's called book club.
And what book club is is pretty much just me with you guys and
we're going to do a book club orgoing to do it once a month to
read one book a month, I read this month, the power to change.
Sorry I didn't tell you guys bye.

(01:55):
Craig groeschel and next month so right now it is June next
month in July. So get your book ready, we're
going to read Atomic habits. So if you To read Atomic habits,
that will be ready. I talk about it in this episode.
Yeah, so getting into this episode, today's guest is my

(02:18):
life coach, he is neuro-diverse,he is amazing.
He is the reason why I am where I am today.
Yeah, give it up for Blake Baumann.
Okay, I want to start off askingthe question.
What do you do and why do you doit?

(02:38):
Sure. So, I'm a life and success
coach. And what I do Solomon is I
specialize in working with neurodiversity.
And so, whether teens or adults,and what neuro diversity is
essentially is it means that ourbrains are just wired
differently than what the neurotypical, or the mass
population is, and some examplesof what neuro diversity is, is

(03:00):
like, Autism, ADHD. Add dyslexia and there's,
there's a ton of other but thoseare kind of the key ones.
And essentially what I do with them is I work with them to tap
into their strengths, I believe everybody has like a genius
inside of them and so they couldshow them how to tap into that
genius. Then you can unleash it and then

(03:22):
they can live what we would callan extraordinary life 100%.
Yeah. And you for those of you who
don't know, a Blake is my life coach and He has helped me so
much like so. So so much in growing in my my
confidence growing in my goal, setting growing in so many
different things and that's I want to kind of talk about like

(03:43):
what you've done for me and and what tips people can use at
home. But first I wanted to really ask
you like, what is your story? And how did you, how did you get
to this point where you're like,I have enough inside of me.
My cup is full enough that I canpour out into other people.
Yeah, so, I will say it, stems back to my late teens, early

(04:05):
20s, and I was different. And so, you know, I was quiet, I
was shy, I didn't have a lot of confidence except in sports, you
know, it's funny. You put a ball in my hand,
whether it basketball, baseball,golf tennis.
I could play and I had a lot of confidence, but outside of
sports had zero confidence. And what I found is that, you

(04:28):
know, I had a hard time communicating dating with people
and people had a hard time understanding me.
I was very literal. So if somebody told me to like
break a leg, I would say, why doyou want me to hurt myself?
It was just so literal. And so, people had a hard time
understanding and what happened later in life is I figured out

(04:49):
that I was autistic and I didn'tknow at the time and so I was
very blessed to have a mom. That was a principal and
educator so she kept me very structured, but once I got out
of that structure, And all hell broke loose.
I think you know living on my own trying to figure out how to
take care of myself, trying to work a job and thrive in a job.
And what I really found out is that I had a hard time

(05:11):
communicating with people. And so I went on a journey
Solomon and the journey was I read over 1,000 books?
I went to several seminars. And what I figured out is people
weren't going to learn how to communicate with me.
So I had to learn how to communicate with them.
And I started mastering communication and I started
learning how people communicate uh, Kate and I could speak to
them in their communication style and that really launched

(05:34):
me. And then later in life, I had
kids and so I have four of them.Three of them are neuro-diverse.
So I have two that are autistic one that's ADHD dyslexic.
And my fourth could be autistic,but when we were seeking help
for them, basically what people told us is that, you know,
autism was a disability and I just kind of accept that because

(05:56):
yeah, totally. Yeah, so I made it in said, you
know, It's not a disability, it's more of a difference
ability. We're just wired differently,
right? And I said, we have strengths
and if we could tap into those strengths then we can Thrive so
I set out on a journey. So my son was 15 at the time.
He got it. My older son.
Now he's 24 and I said okay the school is not going to help you

(06:19):
the you know the outside world looks at you as you broken.
I'm not going to accept that foryou so we set standards, we set
up a plan together, we set a goal and he went on to you know,
People said, oh, he's never going to drive because this
anxiety is too high. He's never going to have a job.
Well, he drove, he has a job. He lives on his own, he went

(06:39):
through school and then actuallyall my kids are young adults
now. So my youngest is 18.
He's going into the Marines, my 21 year old.
She's finishing her last day of school, but she's been living on
her own, working a full-time job.
And then, my 22 year old has a full-time job and is living on
her own and thriving. And so, you know what I think?

(07:00):
Where's the big for me is I hatewhen people say you can't or you
can't do this or you can't do that or you just have to accept
the bare minimum and that just doesn't work with me.
And so that helping my kids is actually what launched me into
helping others because I see everybody else.
I've been told they're broken their entire life when they're
not they just they had been shown how to think and and use

(07:26):
thirst gifts because if I can say this is one example Solomon.
Is that when you think about theworld, let's think about its to
computer systems. You got a Mac and you got a PC
and so, what we would call the normal people, which I don't
think there's really a normal person, but let's just say the
normal or the neurotypicals. Yeah.
It's your PC's and they far outnumber the number of

(07:48):
neuro-diverse, which are your max well, what happens is?
People try to program. Let's just say you're trying to
program your Mac computer with PC software.
It's not going to work very well.
No, you're going to have a lot of issues, some things may work,
but something's wrong. And you're going to say, oh,
that computers broken, know about computers, not broken.
You just fed it the wrong software.
So if we can work with people who are no diverse in the way

(08:10):
that they understand and processinformation, then all of a
sudden, you can connect, you canunleash their strengths and then
they can Thrive. And if you look at the Brilliant
Minds of the world, most of whomare diverse.
And so most people don't know, Bill Gates, Steve Jobs,
Einstein, you know, a lot of your scientist.
You know, they were all neurodiverse but they were also

(08:32):
the odd people to and you know your oddness can be your
strength and so but that's that's my story.
That's why I got any coaching and working with individuals.
It's because I don't accept broken and I believe everybody
has a genius. And we got unleash that genius
as someone who like if I like, let's say for me, I feel that I

(08:53):
am at the place where I feel full enough where I can pour out
to other people and I want to say something, You can't pour
out into people. I mean, actually that's not
true. I would say that if you're
pouring onto people it will fillyou up but you also have to have
something in the tank as well. How do you see someone who has a
need to First? How do you see that need?
And then how do you meet that need or help them to find a way

(09:16):
to meet that? Need themselves.
Sure. So I believe that there are six
core needs, right? And the sick Court needs are you
know, number one is certainly people want to feel safe.
They want to feel secure. They want to feel like they know
what's going on. The second need is uncertainty
so variety. So we like surprises we like

(09:36):
that Adrenaline Rush. The third need is the need for
significant. So to fill important to feel
valued, the fourth need is for connection to feel loved and
connected to people. The fifth need is growth so that
we're always learning and the six need is contribution or
getting, right? And so all of our needs fall
into one of those six categories.
Yeah and so if you can figure out what Re is your main need or

(10:00):
made to needs two categories andall of a sudden, you can put
together the pieces that are needed for that category.
So let's just say somebody needsto feel certain, right?
And these are people and that typically have anxiety.
They typically don't want to go do things or they're a lot of
times, they're introverted but they want to feel safe.

(10:22):
Yeah. So one of the ways you help them
fill that need as you help them.Build a plan, you helped them
prepare for Or what's going to happen next.
So for example my eldest who's 24 is certainly is a big thing
for help right about his anxietyand so anytime we were going to
go to like an event. I would explain to them in

(10:42):
advance. Hey, this is what we're going to
do. Here's the process, we're going
to go through and here's your role that you play in that and
that brought, you know, that in take away all exoti but that
took away the majority and brought a sense of security to
that individual. Yeah, right.
And so, Finding out what need isit drives?
You is super important. So for example, you know, I know

(11:04):
one of the the needs that drivesyou is contribution, right?
And so one of the things we worked on is hey, how can you
contribute to people of your agethat is Meaningful and can help
them and Wallah, you got your wax on wax off podcast, going
where you're bringing in people with experience in areas that
young adults and teenagers and even adults, May struggle to

(11:27):
help give them It's and that's filling that need for
contribution for yourself. Yeah.
Wow, that that's super helpful for me and my own personal life
but I think that would be helpful for the listeners as
well. You talked about how you had
communication issues and you struggle communicating with
people because you had that PC software where everyone else is

(11:48):
a Mac. How did you learn how to
communicate? And for people I honestly like
even if they're not in our device neuro-diverse, I think
people might My age struggle with communication because
everything is virtual. So easier to like, you can ask
hard questions over text. You don't feel a thing.
You asked us, someone a hard question and person.

(12:08):
That's, that's rough. So, I first, I want to ask,
like, for you. How did you learn how to
communicate and then four peoplenow, who are my age or maybe who
are adults, and struggle with communicate, can it
communication? What can they do?
Absolutely. So that's the best phenomenal
question. So for me, what I figured out is
I figured out At, like I said that, I was speaking kind of a

(12:31):
foreign language to other people.
You know how I communicate it just didn't make sense to them.
And so what I did is I read, like I said, over 1,000 books, I
went to seminars, I went into this, I was I did everything
from face reading to, you know, how to flirt with girls to, you
know, just body language and things of that nature and I read

(12:53):
them all. And they all had an underlying
theme to them and essentially what it was Is the key is to
build rapport with the person you're talking to, well, the way
to build rapport with the personyou're talking to is to know
that people like people like themselves.
And so, what that really means is that if you want somebody to
have Rapport or have that connection, you need to start

(13:16):
communicating in the way that they communicate.
And here's, here's a stat through listener.
So communication is broke down into three different areas.
And most people are just astonished to find out that the
We use is only seven percent of communication, you know, to
analogy is 28% and then body language is 55%.

(13:36):
So when you think about the textmessages or the staffs or the
Instagram, Direct messages or things of that nature, you're
talking about 7% of communication and that can be
mistaken because how we enter eyetality.
Yeah. Exactly.
So how we interpret information is based on how we're feeling as
well. And so if we're reading a text
message that says, Hey I'm I'm going to be able to make it see

(13:59):
you next time. You know, if we're taking that
as not understanding that that person saying in a maybe a
joking or a positive way, we're taking that as a rejection.
And when we take it, as a rejection, all of a sudden, we
start feeling bad about ourselves.
We start hating that other person.
So what do you think we're goingto reply?
We're not going to reply nine, right?

(14:21):
We're going to, we're going to give them a piece of our mind
because for whatever reason, if it's a screen, we have a lot of
Courage behind a screen but it You don't have the same curves
that make sense with keyboard Warriors.
Yeah, keyboard Warriors. I love that.
I love that. And so when it comes down to
communicating with people in person, you know, the key is is

(14:41):
to make sure that we are talkingwith our tonality.
So if we want to. So if we want the conversation
to go in a positive way, we wantto have an enthusiastic tonality
to us. We want to make sure our body
language is open. If we have a closed body
language when we have arms crossed, And that's actually
signaling to the other person that we don't care what they're

(15:01):
saying or that were scared of them.
Hmm. You know, when that person
subconsciously is getting your body language, then they change
how they communicate with you, as well, right?
And so, the key is in, this is, these are Master communication
skills and I'm talking about, Simon our Solomon.
So, with that going on, you know, it's going to be important

(15:26):
for your listeners to know that this takes Time to develop, but
it still weighs. It is a skill and one of the
ways, the simplest way is calledmatching and Mary.
And what that means is when you have two people looking at each
other is basically copying that other person's body language
because remember 55% of communications body language.
And so when you're copying theirbody language that is giving

(15:49):
them the signal that. Hey this person's like me and
they're safe, right? And that's part of the new
tonality with making sure you'reenthusiastic.
Eric, you know, that's the next biggest chunk.
And then the words, you say, arethose last chunk of it but
matching and mirroring. So if somebody crosses their
arms, it's okay for you to crossyour arms.
If somebody you're sitting down,they lean back in their chair.

(16:11):
So if you lean back in your chair and and this is just
sitting signals that you're connecting that way.
I guess a question that's kind of popping into my head.
Is you're saying people like people that are like themselves
and if we're doing things we're doing, The matching mirroring
we're doing, doing all the things that you just said.

(16:33):
Are we not being our self? Or can we find a way to also be
ourself with also having like using those those tips like you
told us, Absolutely. So when I'm not telling you to
be the other person, I'm tellingyou to match the other person's
body language to build rapport God.
And when you when you're in report then obviously your

(16:57):
conversation is going and there's going to be people that
you don't want to connect with and that's okay.
You don't have to connect with them.
I'm just I'm giving you you know, the tips on how to connect
with anybody. Yeah, but I'm not telling you
not to be yourself. I'm just telling totally to get
in. Into a similar body language.
So that takes what that does is.So our Reptilian Brain, our

(17:19):
Reptilian Brain is millions of years old.
And basically, it's what causes us to fight flight or freeze,
right? And so, when we first meet a
person and I'm going to tell youdo this all the time, but when
we first meet a person we're doing the 5 Second judgment, so
we're trying to figure out if this person is safe.
If this person is somebody, I don't even want to be around if

(17:39):
this person is going to reject me.
And the best way to overcome that.
Five seconds is to match the body language of that other
person so that you're telling that other person.
Hey, you're safe because you're like them and that brings down
what their defenses. Once your defenses are down.
That's where you can be authentic with that person.
That's where you can have your, your, your conversations

(18:01):
authentically and that's where your state, your true self.
Yeah. So, does that make sense?
Totally. What you're saying is like, it's
like you can use the matching mirroring, you can use the body
language to To get in report. And once you're on report, then
you open up your be yourself. It's just about getting that
first like getting in with them.Kind of deal.

(18:22):
That's exactly right. So you want them to feel safe so
that they can be their authenticself with you as well.
Yeah, it's yeah. That's amazing.
Wow, you're a very knowledgeableperson just by like the first
one ever like 10 15 minutes thatwere into the podcast, you're
spitting off like insane amount of facts.
You talk about the you read a thousand books.
And like, whoever knows how longUm, how did you get to that this

(18:46):
level of knowledge? How did you get to this level of
just knowing all these facts andbeing this smart?
Well, I appreciate you saying I'm smart.
I just you know, I'm a person that loves to learn but the way
I became this way is I had a lotof problems you know.
I had a lot of challenges I you know maybe 20s I'll just be very

(19:07):
honest with you. I ended up in a very bad
relationship that caused me to get my girl.
Friend pregnant, and I had two kids.
By the time I was 24 and at 24, you're not ready to be a dad but
let alone a single that. And so I was actually a single
father had custody of my kids and I had to figure out what I
was going to do with my life at that time and I, you know, I had

(19:32):
problems. And what I learn Solomon was
probably the biggest lesson of my life.
I learned that problems is the gift wrap of gifts every problem
is actually a gift and when you can start shifting, your focus
on, It being a problem versus it, actually being a gift for

(19:53):
you, then all of a sudden you can start moving forward.
So most people, they look at life as happening to them.
Like, you know, you know, my carbroke down.
I can't believe this happened tome again.
Well, I look at life as happening for you.
So, when life is happening for you, then everything that
happens in your life is pushing you further towards your

(20:13):
purpose. It's pushing you further towards
unleashing, your Genius inside of you.
And so, I had a show Chef when Iwas 24 and at that time, I said,
you know, life is always happening to me.
No, life actually happened for me.
So how could this be good for me?
Well, it cost me to read a thousand books.
It caused me to figure out how to take care of my kids which

(20:36):
caused me to exponentially, increase my income, you know,
having issues with communicationcause me to learn how to
communicate better and in different ways which actually
opened my world to coaching. Yeah, it Labs me to Packed with
people. So I really, you know, there's
there's an exercise that says, hey look at your energy,
vampires that drain from you, look at the energy Bucket

(20:58):
Fillers that fill you up. Well, I have a ton of Bucket
Fillers. I don't really have anybody that
drains me because I connect withthem.
Yeah, and I understand them and so, for me of how I gathered all
this information is through problems, and what happens is
problems, never go away. What happens is you actually
become bigger than your problemsand when you come bigger than
your problems and they're all gifts.

(21:20):
And so, when you can see something that happens to you,
you can say, hey okay, how is this happening for me?
Why is this a gift for me? And once you start asking that
question, you view it differently?
Yeah. It's amazing because that takes
you from more of a depressed state to more, actually, an
enthusiastic State. Yeah, I think so, it gets you

(21:41):
out of victimhood and get you into Victory mindset.
And that is that's big, especially on the mental health
side of the life. Yeah.
Um, I want to talk men, it'll health and I want to talk.
So there's anxiety, there's depression, there's people who,
just like don't feel good. They wake up in the morning,
there's Active Energy, I feel like that sometimes what?

(22:02):
What advice do you have for these people?
What what what what tips do you have?
Because you're so knowledgeable?What can we do?
Why do you think we have this mental health epidemic?
Absolutely. So I mean, covid-19 park, it was
always there but covid kind of set.
The blaze is more of the acid set The Blaze on fire for

(22:22):
everybody, but I will tell you, you know, in this is probably
not a great answer for your listeners because you know y'all
are all young and technology is The big thing right makes
everybody's life easier, but I will tell you, technology has
played a major role in why people feel anxiety but people
feel depressed, you know, when you think about technology and

(22:42):
you think about, you know, what it does is you live in an
instant gratification world. Now how to represent, you can
order something on Amazon and will be here today, you can have
food delivered, fast food delivered, right to your
doorstep by like doordash or ubereats.
You don't have to wait on anything.
And you get it instantly and then when you're online and say

(23:05):
you're getting, you know, your snaps group going and or your
Instagram likes and things of that nature.
Your rewiring your mind to find excitement and enjoyment from
likes, right? And so if you're not getting
those likes and all of a sudden,you start becoming a depressed
but you're also not communicating and being with
people. One of the needs, I talked about

(23:26):
the six human needs connection is Big.
We have to connect with people and we have to do it physically.
We Just do it online. And so when you think about
that, you know, communication now is text messages, emails,
direct private messages, things of that nature.
We're not really communicating in person anymore.
Yeah either aspect of that is when you're on technology like

(23:47):
Tick-Tock you can get stuck in that thing for 45 hours and you
have no movement and so if you're not moving then you know,
movement is crucial to life, movement is crucial to energy.
And so when you're Doing any of that?
Then all of a sudden, your health is taking a toll, which
is lowering your energy, which is increasing your anxiety, and

(24:09):
then you have fomo, you know, the fear of missing out.
So you feel like if you're not online, then you're missing
something. Or if you're not posting
something you're missing out on something and that brings in a
lot of negativity into the worldand that really brings in your
depression and anxiety and then our body language.
So there's a study that a Harvard Professor did on body

(24:30):
language and basically Uh, she called it power poses.
And so want to power poses, releases a couple of chemicals
that releases this no cortisol, which is xiety your your fight
or flight and then it releases, you know, testosterone which is
more of your feel good, you're brave.
And so when we get into positions, where we're

(24:51):
constantly like online where we're sitting down, we're
looking down at our phone or looking down our computer, we
get hunched over. What we're doing is, we're
releasing more cortisol in our system.
Just causing that anxiety, whichis causing that stress, which
then leads to health issues, which leads to depression and
we're not releasing the testosterone.
And so, the more movement we have, the more open body

(25:13):
language. We have, we changed those.
So of course all reduces testosterone increases, right?
And so if you want kind of what I would say is the solution to
all of this, I'm going to tell you the number one thing is
exercise. You know, when you exercise and
you move it does something called neurogenesis.
So our brain cells get damaged through stress, while repairs

(25:37):
are brain cells. Then you have, you know, the
chemicals like serotonin and oxytocin oxy tone in which Ox
time, which basically are you feel good?
And when you feel really good and then dopamine is released as
well, where that's your inspirational transmitter and it
increases your metabolism rate where you have more energy.

(25:58):
Yeah. So movement and exercise and
exercise doesn't have Like running all day.
It could be just getting out in nature and Hiking.
Yeah, could be, you know, vitamin D is a great thing to.
So we're always indoors and online.
We are missing out on vitamin, D.
Vitamin D, is something that is there to help us, you know, feel

(26:18):
good about ourselves and feel good.
So if you're not getting at least 15-20 minutes of sunshine
a day, you're missing out on that and that's going to help
you to not feel good. The other aspect is your
mindset, you know. No.
Are you focusing on the things that are going wrong?
You focusing on the things that you're missing out, or are you
focusing on the things that are going right?
Are you focusing on the things that are bringing?

(26:41):
You Joy? Are you seeing things as
victories versus problems, right?
And so, when you kind of combineall those plus, the language we
use. So your generation is very bad
at this. I hear all the time.
I'm stupid, I'm dumb. You know, I can't do that.
And when you repeat that enough,Times.

(27:02):
It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Yeah. And so the key is to make sure
we're saying things like I am strong.
I am confident I am can do this.It's possible for me and, and
have that because that then becomes yourself feeling
prophecy and I mean, there's a ton of things, I'll stop there,

(27:22):
but there's a ton of things you can do.
But those are some of the key things with movement being the
number one thing to do. Yeah.
When you talked about, About thelike people talking negatively
about themselves? That's interesting.
And I think that that kind of comes with social media, right?
Because it's a, it's like a pickme.

(27:43):
Pick me. Like they call people like that.
Pick me. Sometimes is because you're like
because if you go on social media or like whatever you're
like, oh I'm having the worst day or whatever you're saying
that number one, you're speakingthat over yourself.
So your day is probably going toget a little bit worse but also
you're trying to get validation from other people and I don't
know. I just I think that if you are
Around people. If you were actually like,

(28:03):
hanging out with your friends oryou're going on said FaceTiming,
instead of snapping instead of texting, I think that you
wouldn't need that like you would maybe you would but maybe
you wouldn't, maybe it would. It would make your day just a
little bit better. I struggle with motivation.
I wake up in the morning. Sometimes my energy is out and I
think there are a lot of people who are like that they wake up.
It's just like, today's not my day.

(28:24):
I woke up on the side of the bedwrong side of the bed.
Um, what can people like me do too?
Turn that frown upside down and make the day a better day.
Yeah so I will say the number one thing right off the bat and
and most people don't like this answer.
It's moving exercise because again you can wake up feeling
bad but after you exercise because of all those chemicals

(28:46):
that are released, you're going to feel much better.
Yeah, so that's just one way. Another way is to listen to like
a motivational podcast to listento Just music that motivates you
as well best jams and start. Moving, you know, that's that's
another way. My favorite way is getting

(29:07):
around motivated people. You know, there's nothing like
getting around people that have the energy because they will
bring your energy up and so if you're not feeling the best
whether it's a phone call to somebody that can inspire you.
So for me I have a buddy that isthe most motivational person I
know. And so it's barbecue between but

(29:28):
there are days where I wake up and I just today, I just don't
feel good and I'll text him and say, hey AJ, can I give you a
call? Real quick.
Sure Talked. Oh, within two minutes, he's
already got me, fired up. Yeah, ready to go.
And so getting around people, I having friends like that is
going to be really big, another exercise is journaling.

(29:50):
So I found that if I journal every morning when I first wake
up and talk about the things I'mgrateful for, they are the
victories. I've had the prior day that
inspires me and then making goals for the day.
So like, I try to make five whenI called micro victories.
So these aren't things that are massive or big, it could be as
simple as you know. Today, I'm going to work on

(30:14):
Social media and and trying to get a social media posts ready
to go for a program. I may be launching it could be
I'm going to just walk for five minutes.
I'm not going to not going to walk more in five minutes.
I'm just gonna walk for five minutes and it could be
something as simple as I'm goingto tell my kids how much I love
them or I'm going to call a buddy that I know who needs to

(30:34):
be inspired because sometimes when we don't feel inspired, if
we can Inspire somebody else inspires us and so how can I
Inspire three people today? Yeah.
Yeah. And so those are some of the
things that I'll do and then there's a thing called a mantra
or an incantation and these are just words, you repeat over to
yourself with intensity and so it could be like every day in

(30:56):
every way. I'm getting happier and happier
every day in every way, I'm moremotivated and more motivated.
And it's something you do with physical intensity.
And so, the quickest way to change your state is through
your physiology. So exercise, that's why I always
go there but another way is think about the times your
Motivated and think about the times, you're most confident,
what is your body language? Like a jolly man hunched over.

(31:19):
It's probably shoulders back. It's probably Hamburg and
quicker with my hands. I'm talking quicker, start doing
that and then within minutes, you're going to feel that
motivation going on. And so those are just some of
the ways that people can do thatare pretty easy.
Yeah. Totally for me.
I you've got me on power poses. So I wake up in the morning I

(31:39):
opened my window and I look at how like we live in the Tree.
So it's just like, it's beautiful trees, beautiful
Woods. I go look at the woods and I
power pose and I just say today is going to be a good day.
Here's what I'm going to do, andthen I go and do it.
Something that's been really helpful for me, is reading I
find because sometimes my thoughts are all over the place.
I'm thinking, well, I have to dothis and this, and this, and

(32:00):
this, and then I'm so paralyzed by what I have to do that.
I don't end up doing anything and reading for me.
I'll wake up in the morning and I read nonfiction.
So something that's going to either motivate me or teach me
something. And I find it almost impossible
to actually be focusing on reading and be thinking going

(32:21):
all over the place. And I reading his huge for me
that's like one of my most important things and reading is
huge for you as well. So for people, I I think amongst
people my age and honestly, a lot of adults, I know, they're
not reading. Why should we read and then,

(32:41):
what tips do you have for for reading?
And, and for reading better, reading more efficiently and and
honestly do you have any book recommendations for people?
Yeah. Great.
Great question. So with reading the reason you
should read is because the authors are sharing information
that can actually show a cut your SS.

(33:03):
And so I'm a big believer that if somebody's already done, what
I want, if I can copy their strategy and I can learn their
strategy, then what it does is it takes that trial and error
out and it can take years off what it takes to become
successful. And so, with reading your
absolutely being able to get with that author, even though

(33:23):
the author is not there in the room with you.
It's almost like having a mastermind with that person.
You get to know them. And so, part of what I read is,
I read books. That our self-help books but
also read like autobiographies. So you can get in the mind of
say a Benjamin Franklin or Abraham Lincoln Great's from the
past or Steve Jobs or Bill Gatesor Jeff Bezos from the future,

(33:45):
or it could be like a Mother Teresa and it depends on what
area of life. You're really trying to strive
to become better in and by reading.
Even if it's just ten Pages a day it didn't have to be a whole
chapter. Don't have to be a whole book a
day but just take 10 pages a day.
So, what it's doing is it's taking your mind and it's
shifting your focus. And when your focus goes, your

(34:07):
energy flows. And so if you can shift your
focus to having that mindset, that a, this person actually
went through problems that I had.
So, I just watched the movie are, which is the Michael Jordan
story, how you got signed with Nike wide watch.
I'd read the book Shoe dogs by the CEO of Nike and I forget his

(34:30):
name right off the top of my head, but He was selling shoes
called Blue ribbons out of his trunk and he was selling like 10
pair day. Then he went through all these
problems to try to get things made and manufactured he had
deals falling through. He had problems outside of what
we can even imagine, but his perseverance that he showed and

(34:52):
how he recruited athletes. You know, that showed me how I
could recruit clients that showed me how I could persevere
through certain issues, that I was going through at the time,
but I would have known that. Unless I got into the book and
let it, and if you're not a reader, it make audiobooks.
And so you can listen and I you,you know, one of the things that
you can do is you can turn your car into a Learning Studio.

(35:14):
Mmm, simply with your phone, everything's blue to through
your systems. Now, you can turn on an audio
book and listen. So if you live in a big city
where you're going to be stuck in traffic for an hour, that's
an hour worth of audio books that you can listen to and gain
that Insight or podcast or something of that nature.
And so that's that's the main reason of why I would read is

(35:35):
because you get to be connected to that author.
And you get to see the problems.They went through or the
challenges, they went through how they did it and it can
shortcut your success. Now, as far as tips on reading,
you know, you can take speed reading courses for sure.
I've taken one and it helped me go from like reading.

(35:57):
I think I was reading right around 100 words, a minute to
like 500 Words. A minute.
And but you also don't have to get the full book.
They make these short versions of books to that just kind of
give you the cliff notes where there's companies out there that
say, okay, here are the most important things out of the
chapter that you want to learn and they pull it and they put it
in a book. So book that could have been 200

(36:18):
pages is now 30 pages and Eddie Viking read a 30-page book,
right? Yeah, anybody.
And you're getting all the highlights of it as well.
Yeah, what I typically do, when I read a book is I go to the
last page, See if there's like any bullet points on the last
page of the chapter. That says eight.
Here's the most important things, and I'll read those and

(36:39):
then I'll decide that. Hey, do I need to really read
the rest of the chapter to get this or do I understand what the
author saying? If I don't understand?
I read the chapter but I do understand the skip to the next
chapter and you know ultimately I have an intention when I'm
reading a book, I'm trying to figure out.
What am I going to pull out of this?
That will help me. So let's just say I'm reading a
book on finances. I want to let's just say I want

(37:00):
to be a billionaire. And so I go and I grab Warren
Buffett book and part of his book, he has bullet points and
each chapter and I read them. And if I like I said, he says,
you know, first thing you need to do is you need to start
saving and pay off your debt, you need to do this.
And so I write those notes down and and I don't need to read the
chapter to understand that and so it helped me go through his

(37:21):
book. Really, really quickly.
Yeah, then there's other books that I just love what the author
has to say and and so I'll read all the way through it because
it's just fascinating. Yeah.
What book recommendations for readers, they can read, They're
not like super like low level reading their the average reader

(37:43):
will book recommendations. Do you have for nonfiction for
like I don't know things that you can like self self help
books. Yeah, so there's actually one
I'm reading today. It's one that I've read before
but I wanted to redo it and it kind of goes in that the topic
of it's called The Power of I ama spy Joel Osteen.
Mmmmm. And basically, it talks about
the words that we follow after, I am become a self-fulfilling

(38:06):
prophecy as I mentioned earlier.So, that's an actual easy read
and it has a lot of good quality, you know, affirmations
in there to say, gives you good stories on how people change
their lives, by changing their words.
It really depends on what your person is struggling with.
So if they're, they're wanting to master social media, if

(38:27):
they're wanting to start a job or get it gained, start their
own company and things. That nature, you know, those are
those are books that you are very niched and specialized
totally remodeled. I'm a huge, you know, Tony
Robbins fan. And so he has a couple of books
that gives you a lot of good self-help strategies.

(38:51):
And I'm looking at my bookshelf right now, you know, depending
on what you're really going for.So there's some woowoo stuff you
can get into like the law of attraction.
Attraction and basically it law of attraction is actually been
scientifically proven to be true.
But that is where, you know, your thoughts attract what
you're looking for and, you know, there's science behind

(39:15):
that. And so there's, you know, myself
like the science of Mind by Ernest Holmes, there's
biographies or autobiographies by like Abraham Lincoln You
know, honestly. I'm having where there's just so
much. I probably can't give you one or
two. Totally, I'm sure there's books
that you've read that your listeners would find out.

(39:36):
Um, so what are some of the books that you've read that you
found value? And I found value, I'm reading,
actually, I'm finishing this book right now, it's called the
power to change and he pretty much goes through you.
And like, if you have stuff in your life, do you want to
change? Or if you have stuff in your
life that you want to start the,you never started.
He talks about how you can set those goals, how you can set

(39:56):
those habits, how you can. Figure out what success is to
you and how you can get it. Another one is, it's called
flow, it's flowed. The psychology of, I forgot what
it's called the psychology of something, but it talks about
flow statement. Flow state is, is kind of what
I'm doing right now. Or when I'm recording a podcast
and nothing about anything else,I'm thinking about me and you

(40:19):
talking together and it's about finding what is your Flow State?
And if you can making that your profession, he talks about Flow
State and how You can try and make everything a flow State and
turn it into a game which is really cool.
Yeah, that's all that comes to mind right now but there are so
many great books out there and something that I'm going to
start doing on the podcast is when I finish a book, never once

(40:41):
going to motivate me for reading, I'm going to do an
episode kind of like a book report kind of do what you said,
those 30 pages that Cliff note and you can just listen to, and
be like, this is what I learned.This is what you can take away
from it and this is what you cando.
So for the people who don't wantto read and they don't like to
read, you can listen to those episodes and get those like
Notes of the book. Yeah.
And I actually just throw my glasses, I can see my bookshelf,

(41:03):
real clearly. There's a couple books that I
would definitely recommend for anybody with the communication
side. So tell Carnegie How to Win
Friends and Influence. People is the mushrooms a good
book. Oh my God, part of that.
So yeah. So that is that is a must read.
Another one that I would say, isa great book, is by dr.
Joe dispenza, it's, you know, breaking the habit of being

(41:25):
yourself. Hmm.
And what It talks about is how we can rewire our brains, how we
can escape, you know, victimhoodand get into Victory mindset.
But also he does get into the Law of Attraction, the science
behind and how our brain basically you know when we write
down a goal what happens is we have this thing called the

(41:45):
reticular activating system in our mind and what that is is
that's the filter that filters all the information that's
coming again and we program it to see our goals and all of a
sudden to cease all the steps totrack that goal.
To gain that goal. So for example, I'm sure some of
your listeners have had, this were maybe they bought a shirt
that and I think anybody else had and all of a sudden they see

(42:06):
five people with that same shirt.
And that's because our reticularactivating system is now focused
on that shirt and now can see other things that we have and so
dr. Joe, you know, spends that
that's an Incredible Book. There's another book that I
would highly recommend as well that and I'm looking on my shelf

(42:26):
for it. It's called Think and Grow Rich,
by Napoleon Hill, even when towing Hill, did on thinking
Grow Rich? Is he went and his time frame
and interviewed the most successful people and he found
the eight or nine habits and skills that they had that made

(42:48):
them ultra-successful hmm. And so, you know, if you want to
short cut your success, that's an incredible book to read it's
harder because it was written back in the 40s.
Yes. But they've updated it and it's
sold over. I think close to a billion
copies worldwide. But it's just an incredible book
if you want to really become successful.

(43:09):
Yeah. That's what they did with Dale
Carnegie's book. They did the communication in
the Modern Age of the virtual age, or something like that.
If you read that one. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That was good. I wanted to talk about a little
bit about like calisthenics and how you can kind of like figure
out how different people like connect and how you can, you can

(43:32):
communicate that kind of goes into communication, how they
receive things and how you can kind of get on their good side
and also like understanding yourself and like, wow, I do
process things a certain way. So like what are the different
types of calisthenics? So, there's a science study
called neuro linguistic programming.
And basically it's the, it's howour mind thinks.

(43:53):
So in the language of thanks in and so forth.
And there's typically three key,you know, modalities of how we
think. We have a visual modality, we
have an audio modality and we have a kinesthetic modality and
basically, this is how we process information and we learn
and how we communicate. And so somebody who's a visual

(44:13):
modality, basically they're going to learn better and they
think in pictures. So they're going to learn better
by seeing visual aspects and communicating with visual.
But they're going to use words that are visual words, like, I
see what you're saying or is that clear to you?
And when you can, typically theyspeak a little bit quicker as
well, and when they think they look up left or upright, and

(44:36):
they're processing. So if they're looking up left,
that means they're, you know, recalling information that
they're looking up, right? That means they're creating
information so you can almost tell if they're lying to you,
just by how their eyes are shifting, but that gives you a
clue to how the processing information.
So, if you want to build rapportto them, M, you need to speak in
visual terms and so you needed to describe what you're trying

(44:58):
to accomplish. So if y'all want to go and play,
I'm just going to make somethingup, say a role-playing game like
D&D and trying to get them to gowith and you want to describe
what they're going to be doing and what they're going to see
while they're there. So that's kind of that visual
modality. Then you have the audio modality
and the audio modality is somebody.

(45:18):
You typically speaks very rare thematic and they like to see
Step-by-step instructions, they like to use language.
Like you hear what I'm saying ordoes that ring a bell?
Kind of those hearing sounds andusually when they're processing
they look left and right. They don't look up they don't
look down. So they look left and right as
they're processing information and so if you have somebody like

(45:41):
that, you don't want to speak too quick but you don't want to
speak too slow. You want to speak at their
Rhythm attic pace and you want to try to use the words that
they're using, so that you can. But if you're going to give them
instructions, you're going to tell them something.
You want to go step by step withthem and then the final one is
kinesthetic and kinesthetic people are people that
internalize. These are people that when

(46:03):
they're thinking, they typicallylook down.
So their eyes shut down over whole head will go down there
processing information. That way the really filling it
throughout their body when they learn they have to do things
Hands-On. So you can't really show them.
You can't really tell them, you have to get them actually doing
it and so too. Here like in Aesthetics.

(46:24):
They'll say, hey, do you feel understood or do?
Does that make sense to you? They're using kind of sensory
type words when they're, they'respeaking to you.
So I'm a kinesthetic and I have to be cautious because
kinesthetics typically speak slower and more deliberate and
it's because they're processing so much information that they're

(46:45):
wanting to find the right thingsto say and so they typically go
slow. So when you think about
communication, if you have a visual person that's Speaks
really fast and you have a kinesthetic that face really
slow. How much Rapport do you think
those two are going to have right off the bat?
It's going to be a little rough for sure.
Gonna be a little rough because you're going to think.
Oh they're slow and stupid. They're going to think you're
fast and area. Mmm and so y'all aren't going to

(47:08):
connect. So one of the keys is is to
recognize kind of what that person is what they're like.
And that's why I said tonality body language you know what
tonality is not just how you're saying it but its speed, you're
saying it in is the volume your Get in.
So you want to try to match thatperson and so they're speaking
slower. You want to slow down a little
bit? You don't have to go ultra-slow.

(47:30):
You just want to slow down a little bit.
Yeah but they're speaking faster.
You want to speak up and speak faster a little bit and that way
you have the best chance of connecting because there's
nothing like somebody who speaksreally fast and somebody speaks
really slow. You're the person.
Speaking fast is ready to say something else.
Why the person who's speaking slow is just trying to get off
their first words. Yeah, when you speak, when you

(47:50):
overstep somebody speaking, they're going.
I feel disrespected and they're not going to feel connected at
all with you. Hmm.
I wonder what I am. I'm trying to think I feel like
because I when I talk and I'm like thinking about what I'm
going to say, I'm going like this and I'm looking up.
So I think I might be the first one but I'm really know.

(48:11):
Yeah. You think definitely a visual?
Yeah but it's also an audio is ahuge thing for me and hearing
stuff I that might just because I'm like a musician and I but I
also feel the music Like like, it's like, like, I don't know.
I'm like, I like can see it in my brain like I'm like, I just
can see it happening. Like, what I'm playing drums, I

(48:31):
see what I'm going to do and then I just do it.
And it's like, it's what's happening or what I do is has
already happened in my mind. I'm like playing at this really
interesting. Yeah, you're very strong Visual
and like I said, you think in pictures and so you can really
see the music already happening.So when your drumming away, you
know, you already see it. And, you know, when you think
you look up Really badly and andthen you typically speak a

(48:56):
little bit faster and you know, pictures mean a lot to you.
So you can show and see pictures, that's why you know
books versus audiobooks probablybe more to you is because you
can see the words on the page. Yeah.
And and versus hearing the words, even though you can
listen to podcast and things of that nature and get from it, but

(49:16):
overall, your and we're all accommodation.
So don't let me say that you're one or the other.
Combination. That your primary one is
definitely a visual. Yeah, totally.
Wow. Yeah.
Because even with my goal setting and setting goals and
defining my successes. I am most definitely, I like
close my eyes, and I'll think about like, how great is it

(49:39):
going to be when I accomplished that?
And I'm like, in that moment, I can like feel things.
But I'm not actually there, but it's like I am there and it's
really interesting and dreams are like that for me to like
dreams are very Visual and I canlike see things I met.
Memorized them. That's really interesting.
How do you define success? So, for me, success is really

(50:00):
living life on purpose. And what I mean by that is
having an attention where you'redeliberately thinking acting and
feeling the way you want to. And what that does is that
empowers you. So success isn't all about
money, it's not all about being the, the goodest, you know, the
strongest, the fastest or anything of that nature.

(50:21):
It's about living the life you want to live.
And thanking the way you want tothank.
And so when you do that, you're free, right?
You have ultimate Freedom, nobody can tell you what to do,
nobody can make you feel a certain way, nobody can get you
to do anything, but I can get you to say anything, you have
complete control. And so, for me, that is what
ultimate success is about. Is, you know, you know, people

(50:44):
typically fall into the victim mentality.
And we talked about this earlier, but life is happening
to them. You made me feel this way.
You broke my pencil, So made me feel this way.
Well, you know, in that silly example of breaking a pencil,
you have a choice in how you want to feel, you can feel
angry, you can feel sad, you canfeel wrong or you can feel

(51:06):
nothing, you can feel happy, yousay, okay.
Great. You broke my pencil.
I know how strong you are now. You're strong enough to break a
pencil you, but now you gotta buy me a new pencil.
So I know I get a brand new pencil and get one with stars on
it or something of that. Yeah, totally.
It's a silly example, but it goes to anything, right?
In life. And so, for example, I'll give
you a real. Life example, is two Christmases

(51:28):
ago. We were out Christmas shopping
and somebody backed into my wife's car.
She was upset, I was going to use a different word, but upset
is the good work. And she goes, why aren't you
mad? And I said because the person
left a note, which was great most people don't leave notes,
they gave us their insurance information.

(51:49):
They give us phone number to call, we'll call them.
You know, it's just The scratch.It's not like a damaged the
entire car. I'm sure that person feels
really bad but she was processing it.
Well, now, I got to take it to the auto shop.
I got to take it and get it done.
This is going to be an inconvenience.
I'm going to get a rental car. I'm going to do all this.
And so after a couple of days ofus talking, she called the lady

(52:10):
and said, hey we're not going togo, it's just a scratch we're
good with it. The lady was so grateful that we
talk to now my wife would call to the first day.
Angry, we probably would have made that lady's life a lot
easier at I'm and get an early gift of.
Hey, it was just a mistake. She did the right thing, she
left us a note. And and so again, it's how you

(52:31):
look at things and for me, I gotto choose how I thought how I
feel and what I reacted when I did.
And when you get to that point, you're free, you know, you're
free. Nobody can make you feel a
certain way, and if people can make you feel a certain way,
right now, then you're still in victimhood mentality.
If people can't make you feel that way, now you're in victim
mentality, And that's what I think ultimate success is while.

(52:57):
I mean, yeah, like that's that if you would have asked me what
mine is? I'm gonna change my definition
of its success to that because that's what my dad my dad always
used to say this when I was a kid and I'll get frustrated or
I'd be mad or whatever, he wouldalways say you have three
options acceptance enjoyment or enthusiasm and I was like, I

(53:20):
always get so mad and I was like, no, I could be mad about
This I can hate this and he'd belike, no, no, that's the only
three options and it was frustrating as a kid.
But now like living out of thosethree points is like
life-changing. That's kind of what you were
talking about his acceptance. You can accept it and be like,
okay, you can enjoy it and you be like, this is an enjoyable
experience, or you can be, like,I'm enthusiastic that this

(53:41):
happened, and I'm excited for more.
And I think that, that is vital to a happy life, because I think
a lot of people are stuck in their head and they're like, oh
I'm I'm just, I'm bummed. I doubt I'm not, I'm not feeling
good, I'm in, they're focusing on that and they're like,
there's nothing I can do to change this.
I'm stuck in it. No you can accept it.
But let's move on. You can accept it.

(54:02):
Let's enjoy. You can accept it.
Let's be enthusiastic about something else and you can
switch it up. Yeah.
Totally. What is like the main strategy
for goal setting to achieve our dreams?
Yeah, so one of the things that's important is when you
think about dreams, you know if you just think about it, it's a
dream. You start talking about it and

(54:24):
envisioning it. It's a possibility, but when you
write down and take action towards it, it actually becomes
real. So when you think about your
dreams, the first thing I would tell you to do is write them
down. I mean, don't keep them up here.
Actually write them down and an exercise that I do quite often
is I'll write down, you know what my dreams are, but I'll

(54:45):
write it down from a perspectiveof already achieving it.
So, what it's like, when, you know, I have a billion dollars,
That's not my dream, but let's just say, that was my dream.
What would I do that money? How would I spend that money?
Who would I help with that money?
You know, how did I gain that money?
And I would write it down as already.
Done it in already given it awayand already, you know, used it.

(55:08):
And so when you write it down, then you want to read it once in
the morning and once in the evening right before bed and
right, when you wake up because you want to have it, it's the
last thing you think of in the first thing, you think of in the
mornings because we talked aboutthat, we tacular activating
system and Want that to go on high alert, it's looking for the
opportunities that you can take to make those things come true.

(55:30):
The second thing I would do is, you know, I'm a big believer in.
Like I said the whooshed up a lot of traction is I would
create a vision board. I would create something that
you can hang and see all the time and whether you take a
picture and put it on your phoneas a screensaver.
So, you're saving as your screensaver or whether you have
a poster board on your wall but taking like things out.
Like, for example, I am Here's how it works.

(55:54):
I have a picture San Diego, all my dream board and because I've
never been to San Diego, I wanted to go.
And so we were supposed to go and covid happen so we didn't
get to go and now trying to finda time to go just seemed too
convenient. Well, guess what?
My son joined the Marines. His boot camp is in San Diego
with so many graduates. They're going to have a
graduation ceremony, or we're going to San Diego.

(56:15):
Now before the graduation ceremony was, never planned that
way. But now we're going and if
something dream board and this is, this is All the law that the
law of attraction is so crazy onhow it can work.
There is a picture of a water slide that goes underneath the
ocean and comes out and to me that represented a vacation and
so not knowing where they're placed was even at my wife and I

(56:38):
booked a cruise to the Caribbeanand we went, and we landed at
this reported at this one place and it was the city of Atlantis
and lo and behold, there's the waterslide in the background.
So we walked over and we went onit and it goes down through an
aquarium. It's cool.
Cool as heck, that's awesome. But again this wasn't for you,
plan per se to see it, but that's how the Law of Attraction

(57:00):
actually works. So when you have a vision board
and then you're like, you said, you're imagining it already
happening and you're seeing it at already success.
That's what you do with a visionboard and you know, then the
most important thing I would tell you schedule success.
So you don't intentionally have success on your calendar.
And I can tell you any list, Of yours right now, whether they're

(57:24):
successful or not this year, by looking at the calendar.
If they don't intentionally schedule things for Success on
the calendar, the chances of them, achieving it go way down
dramatically down. Yeah.
And so there was a study back and I, it was something back in
the 1950s, and I don't remember if it's Harvard or Yale, but

(57:45):
they basically took the class, the graduating class and they
asked how many actually had written plan That's four goals.
And only 3% had written plans for goals so they followed up
with that class 10, 20, 30 yearslater.
And that 3%. Now, this is financially their

(58:06):
measurement of financial successthat 3% had more money than the
97 percent combined and they drill the down to because they
had goals. They had action stuff that they
were working on. So what I would tell your
listeners is if they have a goal, you know, imagine That
dream, it is already true. Then come backwards with it.

(58:26):
Okay, what needs to happen in, you know, June to achieve this
goal, what needs to happen in July, August September and have
baby steps that step them towardsuccess but have that scheduled.
So for example, if I was somebody who wanted to master
communication, you know, I wouldright now hey how I communicate
with people and how people are receptive and we're building

(58:49):
Rapport, and I got all these newfriends and things like that.
Then I would have okay, from here, June, what should I do?
Well, the first thing I would dois read a book.
Second thing might be attend a seminar Third Day, might be get
a coach for thing, might be whatever, go to a social group
and start meeting people. If thing might be this but just

(59:09):
have certain what I would call Micro actions and there that you
can take on a consistent basis. And when you do that successful
find you totally. Wow.
And I mean, I've even Used. I've used that in my own life
and I ever to ever I made a vision board.
It's Paper I have it on my wall and it as soon as I wake up I

(59:31):
look over and it's right there. And every morning I look up and
I see this is what I want, this is where I want to live.
This is who I want to marry. This is what I want to do and
all of that stuff and it does itmotivates you.
And I think it's vision. Boards are super helpful for
people who aren't like me where they can just Envision that in
their head. It's like what I do in my head
is like out physically and there's something doing things

(59:51):
and making it. Tangible and seeing it feeling
it writing it. And I mean, there's I they did
some study that says when you write something down you're more
likely to do it. And and that's like or your
you're going to memorize it. Like, when you write notes,
physically versus typing on yourphone, like Church notes, I
remember, when I take notes in church, I write it down instead

(01:00:12):
of typing because when I would type it down, I would remember
it. And I think there's something
about tangible that super important and super huge and
it's key to success. Yeah, absolutely.
Absolutely. And I would say there's an X
Factor and The X Factor would beis if you have a goal in
somebody's already achieved thatgoal.
If you can get around that person or people they will help

(01:00:36):
you get to that goal really quickly.
So finding a mentor will help you achieve what you want to
achieve so much quicker than trying to do it yourself.
How do you know who should be a mentor?
Like what are your like, what would you say are your like
whatever top five or something? Of like this is a good Mentor.
Yeah, so for me it's going to benumber one.

(01:00:58):
Did they achieve what I want to achieve the?
Number two, comes down to values.
So there's person people who achieve what you want to
achieve, but they may have done in a way that is not in set line
with your values, right? Yeah.
So it could have been like a multi-level marketing if you
want to become. I go money because that's what
most people are after. So, let's just say you want to
become a millionaire and you find somebody who's a

(01:01:21):
millionaire, but they did it. Through a multi-level marketing
where they scammed a lot of people, you know, the Wolf of
Wall Street guy and things of that nature that doesn't match
up to your value. So you have to know what your
values are. So find somebody that matches up
with your values. Number three is Besides values,
are they giving you an educationto help you?

(01:01:44):
You know, are they, are they going to be there for you?
So for example, Jay's been mentioned him, he's been a
mentor to me. I used to work with him a long
time ago and he owns several businesses and essentially when
I call him, he answers and he treats me like, I'm still like a
son essentially and so he gives me the time of day.

(01:02:07):
He gives me input. Now, he doesn't do it.
It for me and I think that's crucially important.
You don't want somebody to do itfor you even though that sounds
like, that would be easy. You're not learning anything.
And usually, you know, if you think about people who do things
for you, they're going to want something to return sooner than
later. So you want to have a good
trade-off of get positive energygoing so that would be kind of

(01:02:28):
number three. Number four would be just
Overall, how well do you get along with them?
You know, is it somebody that you can understand?
Because if they're speaking likeI have a friend of mine that he
speaks in five syllable words, he has like four master's degree
a doctorate degree and I tell myson Mark you're going to have to

(01:02:50):
go to three syllable so I can understand the five syllable
words. Yeah.
And so you have to have somebodythat you can understand as well
totally and they have to be ableto put it out in a way for you
to Be able to take that information and move forward
with actions. And so, I mean, those are the
key things that I look for is, you know, have they achieved it

(01:03:14):
the values? Do they line up the access to
them? And then are they speaking my
language? And then, you know, did they do
it the right way? Totally.
Yeah. Craig groeschel has the quote he
says show me your friends and I'll show you your future and
that is like that has been my biggest thing.
I'm like, well who Am I surrounding myself, whether it's
mentors, whether it's friends and I've had to distant some

(01:03:39):
people because they have not completely cut them off, I still
love them and we're still friends and we hang out and all
that. But I had to put like, figure
out who's in my inner circle, who am I going to Value?
Who is, who is the the people that are going to be in that
inner circle, that there I'm going to pour out into.
They're going to pour into me, we're going to do life together
and then there are the other people who you, you just pour

(01:04:00):
into because they don't really have the Off to pour into you.
Maybe they can every now and then but it's about like setting
those circles. And I view relationships as like
Circle Inner Circle, then you have this one, then you have
this one, then you have the people.
You don't really know yet. And and viewing it like that has
helped me with relationships andhas helped me kind of show the
value that I put on people because he used to put value on

(01:04:23):
everyone. That was something that I
struggled with was everyone was extremely important and I had to
please everyone and I was such apeople pleaser And it just it
stressed me out and I wish I could have told my younger self.
That another way of putting whatCraig groeschel said is that you
become the average of the five, closest people you're hanging
around with and people-pleasing is something that, you know,

(01:04:45):
when you talk about motivation, people-pleasing can take candy
motivate you because all of a sudden you're not really doing
it for yourself. You're doing it for somebody
else and you're looking externally to try to get your
bucket filled versus feeling internally, which is when you
can fill it in. Really it's self-sustaining when
it's externally you're going to burn out and it's not

(01:05:06):
self-sustaining. Yeah, and that's something else.
I've learned is like talking about relationships is that you
you can't make a person, a goal,you can't make a relationship
with someone a goal. Because if you do that, then you
take the humanity out of them. And then it is just to go.
And then the relationship is going to fail, and that's

(01:05:28):
someone on The Big Goal Setter. I'm like, I'm Do this.
This, this, this, this I'm a super regimented person because
that's when I feel the most in control and I would try and
make, I'm gonna, I'm scheduling 325.
I'm gonna hang out with this person.
It wasn't like that and I had tolike kind of loosen up in that
way. If you could tell yourself at 16

(01:05:48):
17 18, 19, 20, whatever one thing, what would you tell
yourself? Wow, that's a, that's a good
question. So if I could go back to 16 and
tell myself, I would say that a lot of the things that I worry
about really weren't that important and that, you know,
the best thing I could do is to learn how to connect with

(01:06:09):
people, because when you connectto people, you can actually open
up the entire world to yourself and my life.
Transformed 24. When I started learning how to
connect with people, all of a sudden I got jobs that I wasn't
Not really necessarily the most qualified for but I knew how to
connect with the people interviewing me and you going to
connect and with other people, what I will tell you is your

(01:06:34):
income is directly in line with your communication skills.
And so if you want to be somebody who has plenty of
money, your communication needs to be higher and that
communication and connection go hand-in-hand.
And so I would tell myself to really focus on communication
and Not worry about the little things even though at the time

(01:06:55):
little things seem like big things but to see problems as a
gift, you know, as way of life happening for you, not to you.
So problems are just really likelighthouses that are pointing
the direction that you need to go.
And and so really, it's pretty much that simple Solomon is, I

(01:07:20):
wouldn't want to go anywhere else with that.
I would talk about communicationand connection and I would talk
about my way of looking at life being for me versus happening to
me. Totally, I guess it's kind of
goes hand-in-hand with that question.
What is your biggest life adviceif you could go out saying one

(01:07:42):
thing? What we have sir, I would say
show up, you know. I know that sounds probably
overly simple, I believe 99% of success is just showing up.
You know, most of the time we get scared, we don't show up.
We don't make the phone call, wedon't ask the girl out, we don't
ask the boys out, we don't go tothe dance.
We don't, you know, ask for a job, we don't do things because

(01:08:06):
we're so scared. We feel like we're going to get
rejected and what I have found is that if you just show up
things happen for you, And so, just getting yourself to take
that that uncomfortable, the courageous action of just
showing up will transform your entire life?
You know, if that's the only thing you took away from this

(01:08:26):
whole podcast is to just show up, it'll transform your life.
And because what happens is a lot of times when we show up,
Most of our fear does never never happens, the good stuff
happens. And here's the great thing is,
most people like don't show up. So if you're the one showing up,

(01:08:46):
you're going to be the one going, the extra mile, you're
going to be the one that is getting all the opportunities
and so that is that as my life advice that anybody's just show
up, well, well like thank you so, so much for being on the
podcast. It means a lot.
I think this conversation was someaningful and amazing and and,

(01:09:09):
Yeah. Bye everyone.