April 1, 2024 • 47 mins
Ever find yourself waxing nostalgic about the mixtapes of your youth while swiping left in search of love? Join me, Crystal Kolb , and my Co-Host Michael Gillespie (LOL) as we chuckle over our former dating escapades and get real about searching for that special someone in our 40s. With heart and humor, we dissect the evolution of romantic expectations, the digital dating revolution, and the fine art of navigating middle-aged love.
Crystal and I don't shy away from the nitty-gritty, whether it's the delicate dance of going Dutch or the ever-present conundrum of when to introduce your kids to a new partner. We unravel the complexities of connecting with someone new while balancing the responsibilities that come with life's fourth decade. It's an honest reflection on the importance of communication, the instinctual wisdom we've gathered along the way, and the challenge of not letting past relationships define our future love stories.
As we wrap up, we leave you with a heartfelt tip and a laugh – don't let the emotional luggage from your past crowd your journey forward. We've all got it, but it's about carrying it with the finesse of someone who's lived and learned. So, pour yourself a glass of whatever soothes your soul, and tune in for an episode that will leave you feeling seen, heard, and maybe even a little inspired to make your next swipe count.
Get $10 off of Dr. Squatch soap right now!
Use the code WDYM
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Intro by Kobeofei via Fiverr
Season 2 Artwork: Ishida1694 via Instagram
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:10):
you're listening to the WDYM, the what do you mean?
Podcast.
Now everyone gather around andlisten to one of Hamilton's best
podcasts.
No, no research to back this up.
Your host, michael Gillespie.
Speaker 2 (00:29):
And welcome to another episode of the WDYM.
As Kobe said, I'm your host,michael Gillespie.
Hope everybody's good.
Everybody's doing good.
Hope everybody's doing well.
Today's episode is a veryspecial episode.
First and foremost, right, Ihave a guest from the yesteryear
that I've known like prettymuch all my life.
(00:50):
We have a topic that we cangive advice for, so the what do
you mean?
Can actually apply to everybody.
So, without further ado, let'sintroduce Crystal Cole.
Speaker 1 (01:07):
Hello, hello, hello.
Speaker 2 (01:08):
How's it?
First off, how are you doing?
I'm awesome.
How are you?
I'm doing great, doing great.
Now, I've talked about thisbefore in a podcast at the
beginning of the year of tryingto get her on the podcast, and
that was in January.
But now we're in March and Ifinally got her on the podcast.
So, hey, you know it's part ofthe effort of trying.
(01:29):
So, first and foremost, we gota main topic for today.
Secondly, but secondly, we havethat, I guess, say, a breakdown
of of the topic.
We'll get that, we'll get therein a second, but first we got
to introduce Crystal and how weknow each other.
And so, without further ado,crystal, you're on the mic.
Hello.
Speaker 3 (01:49):
Thanks for having me first off.
Oh no, absolutely Thank you.
Sorry it's taking so long, it'sokay.
Speaker 2 (01:53):
You know, sometimes you got to wait for things.
You know, and I don't mind this.
And and knowing you and theenergy you bring to life and
everything to life andeverything, this is going to be
a fun episode.
At least I think it is.
I'll have to edit, or I'll edit40 minutes of it out.
I'll say hey, welcome to theshow, goodbye.
Speaker 3 (02:09):
That's all.
That's a wrap.
That's a wrap.
No, thank you for somethingLike honestly, I'm just I'm
happy to be here and thanks forthe time thank you and I love it
.
I think, I think you're awesomeoh, thank you as always.
Oh, yeah, man no, I Iappreciate good entertainment
right, I mean, you do a good jobyeah, and I appreciate it.
Speaker 2 (02:32):
Yeah, thank you.
So, first off, she's lying andthat's not true no, no, no, no.
So yeah, we go back all the wayto middle school, slash junior
high school, I guess that's whatthey call it now.
Middle school, they're highschool and from high school we
go our own separate ways andcome back together and all that
stuff.
So we've come back together in2024 and I'm hoping that this
(02:56):
year is good for both of us.
Hopefully my podcast can growand hope you know everything
goes good with you.
Speaker 3 (03:02):
Yeah, no good things coming.
24 is going gonna be a goodyear absolutely, absolutely so.
Speaker 2 (03:08):
The topic of the day, the topic that we both came up
with, is it is a rough one, andthis is, this is something that
that a lot of people face.
Yeah, yeah, um, you know, whenwe start the relationship and
you know start, you know tryingto find somebody, you know
you're in the 20s and everythingit's, it's easier, yeah, and
the thing and the thing that,like I would like to include
(03:29):
into that, we had a lot ofadvantage.
In my opinion, we had a lot ofadvantages in our 20s,
absolutely, absolutely one onething, one thing I'd have to say
life's not beat you up by thatpoint, oh yeah yeah, it ain't
whooped you yet you'reoptimistic, you're like
Speaker 3 (03:44):
yes, yeah like she's fine no, she's cute.
Speaker 2 (03:46):
Now it's like you know I'm 40.
I forget this one leg.
It's okay come here.
Speaker 3 (03:50):
Honestly, it's uh, it's it's interesting, um, now
that I'm like where I'm at nowin my life, like I'm a little
bit wiser right.
Not that much, but um, you knowit's funny.
I look back at the girl like,oh honey, I just want to shake
her a little bit like what didyou?
Speaker 2 (04:07):
do so.
The topic of today is dating inthe 40s.
Yeah, and there's so manythings that are different from
yesteryear, a couple years ago,to dating now.
Now, some of the things that Iremember long, long, long time
ago.
Long, long, long, long time ago, there was some advantages that
we had in our twenties.
(04:27):
One of the advantages that wealways had that we don't have
now was the power of the mix CD.
Speaker 3 (04:33):
Oh my gosh, are you kidding me?
I still have some, you knowlook, I go back, way back to mix
.
You went that far back.
Speaker 2 (04:40):
I was going to say CD , but you're're gonna go that
far, but I still have some tapes.
Speaker 3 (04:43):
Oh yeah, oh, you mean vh wait, wait, cassette tapes
yeah, absolutely I still havesome I'm talking sixth grade
like listen, I do, well, do youhave something to play it on?
No, that's the problem, I mean.
But I do have them.
I have like a little box I keepand, um, actually mom helped me
keep it.
She had a couple items.
So I have just, yeah, some funold school tape, right, like get
(05:10):
the pencils out, because itjust ate, you know.
Speaker 2 (05:11):
Yes, yeah, yeah, it's awful, you had to wind it in
the middle.
Yeah, I remember that.
Let me remind you, that's awfulVR.
So the power of the mix CD.
That's one of the things that Ilike about the mix CD.
Like if I gave you 12 songsfrom my heart, I am letting you
know listen, that's real dealthat is real deal, that ain't?
no, yeah, that's like hey, ifyou, if I gave you the mix CD
(05:33):
and you lose it or you scratchit, that's letting me know
something right there.
That's one of the things thatback then, that we don't have
now iTunes, everything's iTunes,spotify, all that good stuff,
and we don't have now, man, it'sso true iTunes, everything's
iTunes, spotify, all that goodstuff.
Speaker 3 (05:47):
And we don't have that no more.
Speaker 2 (05:48):
That's one of the things that we.
It's a different day, right itis, it is.
So we've come up with a list of13, 13, what do you call it?
Like?
Tips, yeah, tips on dating inthe 40s.
Speaker 3 (06:00):
Dating hacks.
Follow us for more hacks.
There you go Also.
Speaker 2 (06:03):
yes, by the way, always, always, always, you got
to plug yourself.
Hit me up on email at the WDYMpodcast at gmailcom.
Again, that is the WDYM podcastat gmailcom.
Hit me up, write me a letter,write me an email saying hey, I
listened to the show and I lovedit or whatever, absolutely All
right.
Awesome.
So whatever, absolutely allright.
(06:33):
So let's go into the first one.
What's the first one?
Let's take a look.
Here you go first.
Oh you, okay.
So this article was made bybridescom as of september 13
2023, by michelle vartan.
She has 13 expert approved tipsfor dating in your 40s.
Number one, of course chooseyour partner wisely.
I don't think you have to tellpeople to do that, right?
I mean, there's a question.
Speaker 3 (06:49):
Maybe that's the reason there's problems out in
the world Right.
Maybe, some are out therereally confused.
Speaker 2 (06:55):
It is.
I mean, let's read what shesays.
We've all heard the staggeringstatistic indicating that half
of the marriage is all indivorce, but the real data
doesn't support the claim.
According to the data from theCensus Bureau, divorce in
America has been falling since2021.
Per every 1,000 marriages,there's only 6.9 divorces.
In 2011, there is 9.7.
(07:15):
The good news is that, due tomore young adults delaying
marriage to gain more lifeexperience, financial stability
or a stronger sense of self,before saying I do, all 40
somethings have had time to workon the dating field.
Have more players looking toget hitched?
If that's the case, don't enterinto a serious relationship
hastily.
Warrens campbell.
Marrying in your 40s,especially if it's the first
(07:37):
time, means you have fewer yearsto tell death to be part I mean
, look, there's a lot to be saidabout that I agree yeah, I feel
like it's a whole differentrole now because you know
there's there's young adults,that crystal at 23 versus, you
know, just the average kid at 23.
You got just kids that are, justlike it will, way more ahead of
(07:58):
the game than oh yeah I was Imean one of the things that kids
have today that we didn't havetoday Cell phone, absolutely,
you know, I mean we had it.
Speaker 3 (08:09):
Look, yeah, we were.
We were dialing up for 20minutes Like oh, it's taking so
long, exactly.
Speaker 2 (08:14):
And by the time the Internet started catching on,
like AOL Messenger I think thatwas called we had to dial in and
all that stuff.
Now it's on your cell phonewith a quick swipe right, swipe
left to find numerous peoplethat are compatible to you
according to the algorithm.
Speaker 3 (08:35):
And I guess that's human nature.
It's no different than ifyou're at Kroger's and you see
somebody like ooh you walk pastpeople right.
No big deal, so that's theswipe whatever it is.
No, no big deal, so that's theswipe whatever, whatever it is,
I don't do it but, yeah, um, youknow, then you get, you come
across the ones that are.
You're like Ooh hello.
And then so it's different,absolutely.
Speaker 2 (08:59):
It's weird.
We had to talk to somebody.
Yeah, hey, how you doing.
Yeah, I saw you about to wear,you know.
I thought we'd go out for a cupof coffee or something.
Speaker 3 (09:05):
Exactly.
It's not like how it is now.
We're like oh, I don't know youRight, let me meet you here at
Dunkin' Donuts on whatever day.
And then you walk in like whereis he at?
Speaker 2 (09:18):
Well, oh, he's been here for 20 minutes.
Me all the time yeah it's.
Speaker 3 (09:22):
It's a whole different.
It's a it's way different worldnow I constantly tell my kids
like guys, guys, I'm trying tolike give advice on stuff that
like I've lived it yet I wasn'ta young adult you know, I'm just
here I am now like living whatI know, now you know, so it's a
whole different thing right.
Speaker 2 (09:37):
So that's the thing.
Like you have to choose yourperson wisely all right number
two.
Speaker 3 (09:44):
So make sure you're both ready to date.
Unlike dating.
In your 20s, you've likely hada major relationship, whether it
was a spouse or a long-termpartner, and the person you're
dating probably has too.
Make sure that both you andyour date have processed these
relationships and are ready tomove forward.
Campbell advises.
Speaker 2 (10:05):
Oh, campbell's one of the advisors.
Sure, I'm just making sure that?
Speaker 3 (10:10):
yeah, anyways, um, how can you tell if, uh, you or
your, your date, is living inthe past?
One red flag is talking abouttheir past partner and
despairing terms.
If they are unable to discussit in objective terms or clearly
see each others or eachperson's role in and what went
wrong, it may be a warning signabsolutely absolutely um.
(10:33):
They aren't over the otherperson more than likely and are
still holding on to a grud um oror are at risk for repeating
patterns in the new relationship.
Um campbell suggests we'regonna oh yeah, however uh, yeah,
so yeah, I, I absolutely agreewith this.
Um whole.
Yes, absolutely there's, andthere is something to be said
(10:54):
about that, because there's ahealthy discussion regarding,
you know, when you're older,right we know like you have kids
, you've obviously had a pastrelationship.
Right, I'm coming into this as amature adult that's had
experience myself.
There is a healthy, you knowway of discussing past
relationships versus being justlike just angry about it.
Speaker 1 (11:15):
Right.
Speaker 3 (11:15):
And you know there is definitely that I've come
across quite a bit of thisactually, unfortunately.
Right Well not even like in thedating terms, but just in
regular conversation with people.
There's a lot of people that,yeah, you've got to keep your
guard not really guard up, butjust be.
Speaker 2 (11:35):
Like a slow reveal.
Speaker 3 (11:36):
Yeah, yeah you know, like you've just got to take
your time, and I think that's athing too, like people just jump
into things real quickly,because I think a lot of us are
out there, are really justwanting to be, you know, settled
in life right we're at the agewhere now it's like I'm not a
spring chicken here you know, atthe same time, don't jump at it
, because red flags aren't pinkyou know what I mean.
Speaker 2 (11:56):
Don't make that you know that's a good one, yeah, so
, yeah, I think that you know isalso, when it comes to that,
you just you just can't makesure that that person is ready.
And it goes back to when youfirst start dating somebody,
like like first 30 days, yourfirst 60 days.
There should be like a slowprogression of they should not
(12:17):
like hey, by the way, I was amurderer and I'm coming to kill
you, Right, Absolutely.
So that's that's very importantto say.
Let's see Number three waitbefore introducing your partner
to your kids absolutely.
Speaker 3 (12:28):
Look that that should be number one I'm sorry, as as
a mother, that my kids are nowold enough to have more of a
social life than I do at thispoint.
But, um, and they're awesome.
God love them, but they, yeah,absolutely.
I think that it's so important.
There's a lot of um, a lotriding on that, absolutely do
you think at 40 should youexpect?
Speaker 2 (12:50):
should that be an expectation?
Speaker 3 (12:51):
I mean, look, look, it's different for everyone,
right?
So I, I, my first was, I was 23when I had my first, you know,
my.
My oldest is 19 now, um, andhe's more mature than I ever
could be and then I got my 16.
Speaker 1 (13:03):
Who?
Speaker 3 (13:03):
knows all of everything.
So if I have questions in lifeI go to him directly, right?
No, but they both.
You know it's a whole differentdynamic depending on what age
you're at.
You know, like I think itdepends on you know I have some
friends that have young kidsstill that are in elementary,
you know, at this age.
So it just depends on whatstage in life you're at right,
(13:27):
you know, like my kids are, likethey're, they're like literally
like mobbed.
Seriously, just get like youneed, you need to go on dates
yeah, I gotta wash my hair, youknow I gotta find something to
do.
I'm not doing that but they'realways like they're, they're,
you know they they're, they'regood kids, they they're wanting.
You know me to be happy.
Like you know, we all supporteach other, right and that's
what it should be.
Speaker 2 (13:47):
I mean, especially when you have kids that are like
mid.
You know, I guess, what they'relike.
Mom, you're annoying me now.
Speaker 3 (13:52):
Oh wow, I was kidding , but yeah, no, I mean there is
a, but there is a maturity levelI think that you need to take
in consideration right when yourkids are really young.
It is hard to to date.
I think you know, depending on,like I don't know, I would say,
you know puberty age, maybelike 13, 14, 15.
Maybe it's a little bit moreunderstandable but, like young,
young kids it's reallyimpressionable.
(14:13):
Oh yeah, because you don't wantto introduce some like well, for
, oh, fourth date, and you knowthat six months like, or fourth,
you know, attempt, I guess youknow.
So there's there is a thingwith that, though yeah, I think
that's that's very vital,absolutely doing that.
Speaker 2 (14:28):
Dating the next one and this one might be.
This is one that I that I findthat's troubling.
Practice patience when it comesto you know, this is g show.
I can't.
This is.
We call it cheese.
When I talk, say cheese, youwant me to say it?
I'll just say it, say it, oh it, we're adults here we are
adults, but I'm going to havekids Anyway.
(14:48):
So spell it out, then Practicepatience when it comes to sex
Intimacy.
Speaker 3 (14:54):
You could have just said intimacy.
Speaker 2 (14:56):
Well, I've said sex Okay.
Well, you did.
You just went there.
Well, hand, okay, thank you.
Okay, in the heat of the moment, sometimes it will.
It will take all your willpowerto say no, yeah, but it's well
worth it to wait.
Especially for mature adults,it takes time to know someone
and talking is the glue thatholds the people together let me
(15:17):
just put this.
Speaker 3 (15:18):
I'm sorry I have to go right, because I think there
is something to be said aboutthis like when you're in your
20s.
Yeah, you're very spontaneousin life.
Like you just got energy right.
Like I, I, I, I get tired ofputting on my left sock.
Speaker 1 (15:30):
Like you know what I mean.
Speaker 3 (15:30):
Like I it's, it's a whole different feel when you
are a 20 year old and you'rejust like just full of like
optimism and you're just like,yes, he's cute, he's smart, he's
whatever, uh, you know.
So, yeah, like it's it.
Speaker 2 (15:48):
I I think there's something to be said about
taking your time, absolutelyright, absolutely so what's a
good ballpark figure?
I?
Speaker 3 (15:52):
feel like well, I think you know I don't like to
put titles or or timelines onthings I think it depends on
where you're at mentally.
Mentally, you know where areyou at in your connection, right
?
Speaker 1 (16:03):
Right.
Speaker 3 (16:04):
I feel like just follow your instincts, Like if.
Well, I shouldn't say that,because you know, instincts can
sometimes be swayed by.
Speaker 2 (16:12):
Yeah by the hot guy in Kroger's that you just said.
Speaker 3 (16:14):
Yeah, so I get that, but at the end of the day, you
know, I like to try to step backfor a minute, crystal, because,
you know, just having arational mindset, I guess you
know I, I've, I've, I've livedlife enough to where I've made
mistakes and I've learned fromthem.
Well, I'd like to think I haveum you know, I feel like at this
(16:36):
point in my life I amdefinitely it's beneficial for
sure to take your time, becauseI mean, at this point, it's not
necessarily kids that areinvolved with you.
You know, I'm not introducingyoung children to this person.
This is like, essentially, likeI'm an empty nester at this
point.
Speaker 1 (16:51):
I guess.
Speaker 3 (16:52):
Desperately trying to get me out there, but at the
end of the day I feel like itdoes.
It helps to take your time Wait.
Speaker 2 (17:01):
I'm going to say 90 days, yeah, 90 days yeah your
time wait, I'm gonna say 90 daysyeah 90 days.
Yeah, well, I mean okay, threemonths.
Speaker 3 (17:05):
Yeah, I want three months if you want to actually
put a number out there,absolutely 90 days is good, at
least.
Speaker 2 (17:09):
At least that means nothing, I mean just, I mean I
mind you, it depends on who, whoyou are.
Speaker 3 (17:15):
Some people have, I might even do one 20.
I mean, you know, I may wait ayear or two.
Speaker 2 (17:21):
No, no, no, no, no, I'm not going too far, that's
going too far, no I mean, I justfeel like.
Speaker 3 (17:24):
I feel like there is it's a responsible thing to sit
back, you know, assess yoursituation where you're at in
mindset and, and you know, justyou, just you know, just take
your time with it absolutely,because there's a lot of tender
is a thing, right?
Yes, and ladies out there, II'm sure you can agree, tender
(17:45):
is a real thing.
There is such a thing as a guy,even in the age of 40,
something that is patheticallyjust like no strings attached.
Now, mind you, there's ladiestoo, I'm sure, but as a girl I
can't really speak on that.
I'm not dating women's right.
So like like I can tell you thatis.
It is real, it's.
It's a struggle, ghosting even,like all of it.
Speaker 2 (18:01):
Let's go there Again.
Look that's.
That is a young people thing,ghosting catfish.
Speaker 3 (18:06):
It is, but it's not really Sadly.
Look, you are a married man.
Speaker 2 (18:10):
Yeah, so I can't on this.
Speaker 3 (18:21):
Let me just speak for all of us.
All right, let me sit back.
I'm gonna put myself on mutefirst off.
My motto is um, the dating poolin your 40s is not a pool, it's
like a sewer a bunch of turdsjust floating around.
I ain't gonna lie like I am nota big fan of online dating.
I'm not.
I'm not a big fan of meetingstrangers and in a local,
whatever I I I am, I am a personthat, like I am okay with
meeting somebody at kroger's orin the parking lot, like
wherever.
Like I'm not a fan of goingonline.
Some people can speak on it andsay, hey, it worked for me and
happy for you, like good job,like thank God for you, like
(18:43):
awesome, give some other peopleout there inspiration, but for
me, nope.
Speaker 2 (18:47):
Yeah, that's it, I mean it just feels like, and
it's like you could come up, youcould, you could Google what's
a good response on to make, on afirst impression, instead of
just being a human being.
Speaker 3 (18:59):
Yeah, like my dating profiles.
I ain't gonna lie to you.
Like I've, I have some outthere and a lot of them is just
been just out of boredom andjust kind of entertaining myself
, just giggles.
Like my profiles have been justabsolute cheese it's like
people.
Speaker 1 (19:18):
I literally put like I, I'm a, I'm an avid like hot
dog eating contest.
Speaker 3 (19:19):
Oh my god, just stupid, just stupid stuff.
But like I want people tounderstand my personality, like
I'm not, like I'm not takingthis serious, like if you link
up with me somehow and we hit itoff like and can just, like you
know, shoot this, can we say?
Speaker 1 (19:31):
yeah, shoot with each other easily and smoothly.
Speaker 3 (19:34):
Like maybe there's like, hey, hey, this guy's cool,
I'll talk to him, but for themost part it doesn't happen.
You know, like, because you getall the cheesy, like hey you're
, you're nice.
Like just stupid, just stupidstuff.
Yeah, stupid like, and I just Idon't take it serious but, um,
I don't know, who knows, whoknows, you know, I could be
married next year from a guy whoI met on facebook messenger or
(19:55):
not messenger, but you know,facebook dating app or who knows
what.
But yeah, for the most part it'suh, I, I don't, I don't have,
uh, I don't have a good I don'ttake it serious, so here's
another question, just outsideof the box.
Speaker 2 (20:08):
Yeah, where do you meet people at now?
Speaker 3 (20:12):
if you want to date somebody, this is the thing.
Like I I I'm asking the samequestion.
You know like where, where doyou meet somebody?
If you want to, generally justwant to date somebody, this is a
thing like I, I, I'm asking thesame question.
Speaker 2 (20:17):
You know, like where, where do you meet somebody?
If you want to, generally justwant to see somebody, like, oh,
this person is a human, greatit's it's aggravating yeah, let
me just tell you because I am.
Speaker 3 (20:26):
I mean, look, I'm I at this point in my life I'm not
, I'm not, I'm not hyper focusedon this like I I'm at a point
in my life where I I'm startinga career now with this company.
It's, it's going awesome thankgod for that.
But you know, I'm I'm reallyfocused on that and um, right
now, dating is not like theforefront of everything right
now, you know, I've kind of putit on the side burner.
Um, I, I want to be my 100crystal before I, you know,
(20:50):
attempt that.
But if I was there, um rightnow, you know, I really don't
know what to say.
Like, I don't know.
Speaker 2 (20:58):
I don't know, I don't know that's.
That's a genuine question.
Speaker 1 (21:00):
My Nana always said don't force things right when
you're looking for it like it'snot gonna it's not, it's not
gonna happen, Right Like I meanit may of.
Speaker 3 (21:16):
Like you know, you can't fit a square peg into a
circle hole.
I think that things you know.
When you at least expect it,something falls in your lap like
a feather, right?
So like that's.
I try to constantly have amindset of like I don't want to
expect, I don't wantexpectations, like I just want
things to just fall in the way.
Yeah, I want it and I don'twant it to be the spoil like, oh
it's so easy.
No, I mean, you gotta put yourwork out but at the same time.
I don't know.
I feel like when you haveexpectations and you're looking
for it, that's when it's notgoing to happen, or that's when
(21:38):
you meet the wrong people.
Speaker 2 (21:39):
That's actually a good take on it.
I like that, I do.
I think that's a good take thatis good, I like that.
Yeah, thanks, no problem nextone navigate gender stereotypes.
Today, the dating landscape canpresent confusing expectations
around gender roles.
It's likely you and yourpartner will have different
ideas and philosophies,especially when you're
(21:59):
financially independent and youused to be single.
Who picks up the check?
How often do you want the dooropen for you, or do you want to
open it yourself?
Not being on the same page canlead to awkwardness and
resentment.
Open, honest communicationbetween two loving and solemnly
committed partners is requiredto make all types of roles,
divisions and relationships work, says Wattfish.
(22:22):
Talk to your partner about howthey view gender roles and how
their expectations are.
If you have a differentviewpoint, you can decide if
it's a deal breaker or if youboth can be flexible and find a
compromise.
Speaker 3 (22:36):
So that's a good one.
Speaker 2 (22:38):
This one to me is speaking to men, as far as men
being the gentlemen of it, youknow, yeah, something like that,
but more like opening car doorsyeah Pain.
Speaker 3 (22:49):
Well, that's.
Speaker 2 (22:50):
See, that's where I think we don't do that no more
as men I mean there is somethingto be said.
Right.
Speaker 3 (22:56):
About that, no more as me there is something to be
said.
Right about that, yeah, right,but there are also on the female
perspective here, um, there arewomen that are just like hey,
I'm, I'm powerful, like I'm here, you know, like I don't need a
man, hold, I'm totally capableyou know, like.
So then you have, like, you know, I think, I think it brought
honestly like birds of a featherright.
Right, you are attracted to acertain personality type.
You got the, the women that arejust like hey, I'm strong, I'm
(23:20):
just like, this is me right andmen that like that those are the
people are going to link up,obviously and then you got the,
the women that like to bespoiled, a little bit like a
door opened and this, and thatyou know um I think that you
know, it all kind of comestogether in a way, um, but I
don't know.
I think that that is interestingthough, because, um, it is a
thing about going dutch.
Speaker 2 (23:40):
Yeah, you know do you believe in it?
Speaker 3 (23:42):
um, absolutely absolutely I, I do, I don't, I
do I do I feel like when I go ona date with a man, I want him
to know.
I look, this is what I bring tothe table I'm independent now,
if I'm not at the time, saves,you know I'm doing jobs or
whatever the case was going, andI meet somebody.
I typically, you know, I'm notusually dating at that point but
(24:04):
, um, if I was, you know I wouldbe upfront about it, like, look
, if we go out, you know I'mjust giving you a heads up, like
this is my situation right um,and if that was a problem, then
there you go, but if not, thenyou know.
Then I guess being a gentlemanand taking over is cool but, for
me personally.
I like to just put it out therelike hey, I don't expect.
This is like.
This is not a pressure thing.
(24:25):
Um, this is more of a, you know, like it's, it's chillax like I
don't expect you to.
I'm not gonna buy like a the 58steak you know, know and be
like.
Look at you buy me like fivemore, you know, glasses of wine.
Speaker 2 (24:39):
Right, you know like I don't expect that, so yeah,
See, my mentality is that if Iam courting you, that means I
need to show you my best stuffup front.
Speaker 3 (24:51):
It's because you're Mike.
Speaker 2 (24:52):
Well, I mean, that's just how my mentality is.
Speaker 3 (24:58):
Like if I, if you caught my eye, I'm like, oh my
god, see, and Desi is smart forswooping you out because there's
not many of you out.
Speaker 2 (25:02):
I'm telling you there's not many look she's a
smart girl.
I think I might use this forthe sound clip for the episode
don't let your head get in yourway, don't do that, we're not
talking about that.
I promise you, I pinky promisebut no, honestly, I just feel
like if a man is courting awoman, that I need to show you
everything.
I mean it's like look, I couldpay for our meals, if you know,
(25:23):
if you say you're not expectingsomeone to eat two steaks on a
dinner, you know?
So if you're going to, ifyou're, if I'm courting you, I
need to show you that, hey, I'ma gentleman, I'm open your door.
Speaker 3 (25:37):
I'm gonna walk on the driver's side of the sidewalk.
You know things like that.
Speaker 2 (25:39):
Yeah, those are lost arts, right of dating, and I
just think that, like again,this is a generational thing,
like it absolutely like Iremember, like my, that's how I
guess my dad showed me that partof all the cornball things
cornball things he could show me, that was one of them that's
and that's.
Speaker 3 (25:52):
I think that's really sweet, though and that, and you
know what the thing it?
He did a good job becausebecause here you are One of the
very few things he did.
Speaker 2 (25:59):
that was correct.
Speaker 3 (26:01):
Well, but but he did that and that was a pretty big.
That was a pretty big part.
Right, I think I think it'simportant that you have that.
That's I mean, that's a valuethat a lot of people don't have.
Speaker 2 (26:10):
Right, I think that's between the 40-year-old people
and the 20-year-old people.
We've lost that gentlemandating and courting and all that
stuff.
Speaker 3 (26:19):
See, he planted that seed.
If you had a boy, you know, youhave girls.
Speaker 2 (26:24):
Yep, Ha, ha, ha ha.
What is that?
I am just saying ha ha.
Speaker 3 (26:28):
But if you had a boy, guess what?
That little boy would probablygrow up to be a gentleman just
like you.
Speaker 2 (26:32):
Yeah, well, there were some things that I had to
learn on the fly because, well,anyway.
Speaker 3 (26:37):
Anyway, we're not talking about that right now.
Speaker 2 (26:40):
The next one Trust your instincts.
Most relationships mistakeshappen because a person does not
trust their instincts early onand sticks around thinking it
will change, Says Du Vassell.
That's one of the experts.
By your 40s you experience manyhuman encounters, so trust your
gut, she says.
Plus, by trusting yourselfyou'll be able to look beyond
(27:01):
the type and move forward basedon the feelings and mutual
values.
True cornerstones of successrelationships types are the
people chasing something thatthey think is good for them.
Do you want to put those kindsof limits?
Speaker 3 (27:18):
on love, putting things in boxes.
Trust your instincts.
Yes, look, I understand thisright here Because, honestly, I
feel like by the time we are 40,we think in our minds like, oh,
this is going to work, this isgoing to work, this won't, this
will.
And people are very selectiveand this is where it comes.
You know the whole baggagething.
Look very selective and this iswhere it comes.
(27:39):
You know the whole baggagething.
Look if he may be hot but he'sgot five baby mamas.
You're creating your own drama.
Baby like selection.
Once again she said what wasthat?
The first select your, youryour person, wisely, right?
Speaker 2 (27:48):
yeah, the first one, yeah, so yeah, this is a thing
absolutely I, I, I struggle withinstincts because, again, like
my game or my chess game, wasput everything out there.
So therefore I guess I'm makingmyself vulnerable, yeah, so
therefore I always feel like myinstincts.
Speaker 3 (28:06):
You're not out of the game, you don't count.
Speaker 2 (28:07):
Well, I'm just saying that's how it was.
Yeah, that's how it was for me.
Speaker 3 (28:12):
As a 40-year-old single woman, you know this is
where it is difficult to kind ofum identify a couple things.
It's it's it's hard to not goon instincts um when, when
you're first like ooh la la,like oh, he's sweet he's so nice
, he's this and that, and then,as you get to know them, you
start realizing, like the redflags, that you try not to make
(28:32):
pink once again.
Right, um, you know that's sogood.
Speaker 2 (28:35):
Yeah, I love that.
Yeah, I really love that.
Speaker 3 (28:37):
Well, I mean and honestly it's a thing, though
like it's rose color, I alwayslike to say rose colored glass,
crystal.
I make everything pretty, youknow, to fit a box of what I
need it to be girl, you aredropping bombs, that is awesome.
Well, I'm just saying it's athing.
I think that, like when peopleare just wanting something so
badly, you know they, they givepeople that should not have that
(28:57):
leeway, they, they give themthose, those getaway out of jail
, free cards right and like theyshouldn't, don't, don't, don't
downplay you know, like you are,you are important.
To like your happiness is numberone force for like, first and
foremost.
And I think that, um, I've I'velearned hard lessons in my life
by by allowing people to do oh,but he oh of my life, by by
(29:19):
allowing people to do oh, but heoh.
But this is just him, and thisis just this and this?
No, no, it's not if this doesnot fit well with your
perspective and what yourbeliefs are then, then that's a
problem.
You cannot fit a square peginto a circle hole that's all
there's to it.
Speaker 2 (29:29):
Look at the crystal coke dropping bombs, oh my god,
I mean I'm old as dirt now oh,here we go if you're older than
I'm always there too.
You were really old.
Oh, here we go if you're old asdirt.
Speaker 3 (29:38):
I'm old as dirt too.
Speaker 2 (29:38):
You were really old.
That's funny.
You're older than me.
Don't forget that I don't know.
The next topic manage yoursocial media expectations.
This is another thing that'snew to us.
Social media is a seamless partof everyday life for most 20
and 30 year olds, but forsomeone from the older
generation, their connection toFacebook, instagram, twitter
(29:59):
could be more than a mixed bag.
Your social habits can rangefrom a 45 year old who is
plugged in as a teenager to a 48year old who's never been on
Instagram.
Once things are established,ask your date for posting a
photo of the two of you together.
He advises against making a bigdeal out of trying to post too
soon, as it makes the otherperson uncomfortable yeah, I
(30:20):
mean, look, this is the thingit's, and it's crazy because you
know, females, we, we do getexcited I wouldn't just say
females.
Speaker 3 (30:27):
We're all like that, yeah, yeah you'd be excited,
right like, and it's innocentenough to me to think about you
know, but but I, I'munderstanding now of this.
This is, this is a real thing.
I think that, like you know, Idon't know, I just, yeah, there
is a timeline and there needs tobe a conversation to be had.
That is something you shoulddiscuss.
Speaker 2 (30:47):
Because it's a real thing now.
Absolutely yeah.
The thing about social media isthat everybody's connected.
People see your posts and allthat.
Even if you're not friends withyou know people see your post
and all that.
Speaker 3 (30:57):
Even if you have friends with you, know your ex
or, whatever the case may be yousomewhere along the line, there
is something common you know.
You mean like there's someonecome that is gonna take that
screenshot and they're gonnasend it, right.
Speaker 2 (31:08):
Hey, girl, did you see?
Speaker 3 (31:09):
and then all of a sudden, you wake up.
Speaker 2 (31:12):
Yeah, I'm not saying.
Speaker 1 (31:14):
This happened to me but I know that like this
happens.
Speaker 3 (31:17):
Yeah, with friends, I'm just like man right that,
yeah, it's a thing.
Speaker 2 (31:22):
Yeah, that is definitely.
That is definitely something tobe mindful of when it comes to
dating in your 40s.
Next one Accepting schedulingconflicts.
Many people over 40 have manyresponsibilities.
That requires more planning.
Tuesday night dates thatstretch into the wee hours may
not work for a regular personworking nine to five, but you
(31:42):
are also no longer able to justskip morning classes after the
first date.
Parents have a balanced childcare responsibilities.
It could get tricky because itmeans a lot less time for dating
and less and less alone time.
Don't try to read between thelines.
If your date has a rescheduleor call in early, it's often
because there are personalresponsibilities.
Speaker 3 (32:01):
So be understanding and you're likely to receive
some kind of understanding fromthem so this is the fun, tricky
part right I feel like there aresome men, um, that may have you
know and and this, this issomething I can touch on
actually, um, that has you mean,look, I was 23 when I was
having my first.
I was 26 when, you know, therewas a three-year difference.
(32:22):
And then there are some peoplethere are some friends of mine
that didn't have children untilthey were like well, and they're
30.
You know, I mean, good for you,you've got the energy to go on
with yourself, However thank God, you know it was perfect timing
for me.
But you know I do have somefriends that are dating, that
have a person of interest ascollege-age children whereas
(32:42):
they have elementary.
Speaker 2 (32:44):
Right.
Speaker 3 (32:44):
That's a whole different dynamic there.
Speaker 2 (32:46):
Right.
Speaker 3 (32:46):
You know, that woman could be very like, aggravated
by the fact that you've had toreschedule for the past three
dates because the kid had atoothache.
This happened, the baby mamadidn't come through.
You know, there's so manydifferent things, so many
different scenarios.
It's a thing, it is.
I think it can be tricky.
Speaker 2 (33:03):
Do you think that's a determining factor when it
comes to dating in the 40s?
Speaker 3 (33:08):
I think you know, like, here's the thing Like I've
raised my babies are they'remore grown than I am half the
time at this point in my life,right, I am half the time at
this point in my life, rightit's.
It's interesting to think about, like being somebody who's like
oh my god, he fits all the boxlike just checks all the boxes.
Speaker 1 (33:24):
Oh, but he's got a five-year-old five-year-old
twins my luck.
Speaker 3 (33:25):
You know, like what do you do?
You know it's.
It's difficult because, like I,am at the point in my life
where I'm like I, my babies areeverything they have been for so
long.
How do you, mom, or how do youlive after momming for so long,
the excitement of of findinglove, like at this age and and
my kids just be like, okay, ma,you're annoying me get out of my
face and the thought of findingsomebody who we can, like you
know, find our own like swing oflife and and our own routines
(33:47):
is is happy, right like thatgets me excited.
However, it's, it's, it's ahummus, it's, it's interesting
because they're, you know, atthis age, it's, it's, it is,
it's definitely a thing like um.
You finally fall in love withtom, who has got.
You know that those twin girlsare five years old and guess
what?
Baby mama is a nightmare.
It's good.
What do you do exactly?
Speaker 2 (34:07):
you got to make a decision there and, like you
said before, um, when it comesto the dating pool, it even
shrinks even more when you putthose parameters around it,
right, right?
Speaker 3 (34:16):
Yeah, yeah, I actually I will give you just a
brief, just a real quick, justsynopsis of what I went through
recently with a little blind ofa blind gathering.
I don't like to put date, Ihate titles.
Speaker 2 (34:27):
I hate titles.
Speaker 3 (34:29):
It was more of like hey, yeah, we'll meet Cool,
let's meet up, let's hang outjust for a little bit.
Found out during that littlemeeting, after speaking for a
couple months actually why thishas not been brought to my
attention before now is beyondme and still questions.
I just ugh ugh.
But found out that he hadliterally five different baby
mamas.
Wow, and I was like okay,that's cool, awesome.
(34:52):
So it was nice meeting you.
Look at that.
Speaker 2 (34:55):
Watch my hair now.
Oh my God, yeah.
Speaker 3 (34:59):
You know it, it was nice meeting you.
Look at that girl, watch myhair now.
Yeah, you know it's, um, it's,it's a thing, though there's a
lot, I mean, and it's expectedto be baggage.
But, man, I think men, women,when you guys have a little bit
of an intricately different, youknow, lifestyle or situation,
um, definitely let people knowup front.
Yeah, yeah, I think I thinkthat's important too, absolutely
, absolutely so next one neverapologize for being.
Speaker 2 (35:21):
You May have had a fair of trial and error, but
needed to be considered baggage.
If the past follies come up ona date, focus on the growth and
learning that come out.
That come out of it, instead ofbeating yourself up.
Women in particular now there'sa quote, so this ain't me.
Women in particular apologizefor what they perceive are
(35:41):
shortcomings or to discountthemselves.
You have lived a full life.
No need to apologize.
Own your mistakes and talkabout them as life lessons, and
that's 100% true.
They're trophies, absolutely.
I got through that.
I got through it and I'mtougher, I'm stronger, I got
through that?
Speaker 3 (35:55):
Yeah, I got through it.
Yeah, and I'm tougher, I'mstronger, I'm wiser, I know.
I wear that like as almost likea chip of like hey, like I got
through it, I'm strong.
Speaker 2 (36:02):
Right, and that's the thing that needs to be thought
about when you're dating withsomebody Like this person has
gone through so much andtherefore you know.
Speaker 1 (36:11):
And that's the thing Like we are at the age we are at
right, like so it's to beexpected, and and for someone to
look down on that, or you know,or judge, like then it's time
to go, yeah, okay I don't needyou in my life, goodbye.
Speaker 3 (36:23):
But exactly, but um lifting each other up like hey,
that sucked yeah I've been, Ican relate to you but here we
are, both like getting you know,got through it.
It's awesome.
I think that's a that'ssomething that, yeah, exactly
that should be.
Think that's something thatyeah, exactly.
Speaker 2 (36:39):
That's something that we never should have Never
apologize for being who you are,because that's what built you
to the person you are today.
Right, exactly that's good.
Next one Avoid makingassumptions.
It's easy to see things throughthe lens of your past
experiences, more than you everknow have in your 20s and 30s.
If you ever had negative datingexperiences, you might assume
(37:00):
that person you're dating sharesimilar traits and behaviors as
someone in your past.
Yes, if it doesn't work toassume, it doesn't work to
assume everyone you date is thesame before your first date, try
your best to open, be open andnon-judgmental.
By doing this you'll giveyou'll give your date a chance
to surprise you, creating a morepositive experience from the
(37:21):
start.
Not only that, but you're givingyourself an opportunity to not
screw it up, yeah, and not blameit on a past experience.
Speaker 3 (37:29):
Let's just put it out there it is called baggage.
Speaker 2 (37:31):
Yes.
Speaker 3 (37:31):
That is baggage, but there is a healthy way of
carrying it right Right.
Absolutely.
I feel like there, yeah, don't,and that's the thing, right,
like it really is I feel, likeum people, um just just oh this,
oh he reminds me so much of ofof my ex and this and that and
just immediately, just that,just throws everything off right
away, you're already likegiving him no chance and and
(37:55):
possibly giving yourself nochance of being happy exactly,
man man bingo, man man.
Speaker 2 (38:01):
That is great.
That is some great stuff rightthere.
Speaker 3 (38:03):
I gotta gotta play the I mean, come on, damn that's
crazy look at you.
Speaker 2 (38:17):
I got the sound effects ready.
Speaker 3 (38:19):
I felt kind of cool just now.
Speaker 2 (38:21):
Alright, I think it's the last one.
Keep the first date light.
Conversations on a first dateshould be about getting to know
each other, finding commonground and determining
compatibility.
But if you're fed up with beingsingle and you feel a
connection, you may be temptedto overshare about past negative
dating experiences.
Ray cautions not to fall intothe TMI trap.
(38:44):
It's natural to have momentswhere you wonder if you're doing
something wrong and you'd liketo reassure.
You'd like to reassurance fromyour date, but that's not what
you're there for.
If you lack self-esteem orunhappy with yourself and your
situation, it's not attractiveto someone you're newly dating.
Instead, be the person you wantto attract.
Smile, be the best version ofyourself and have fun getting to
(39:06):
know your date.
Draw them out, focus on themand enjoy as things develop
organically.
So keep your first date light.
What is some things you like tokeep light on a date?
Speaker 3 (39:20):
this is something okay.
So this is interesting becauseonce again we're going to bring
out the factor that their socialmedia right more than likely um
a woman has before she's metthis person, depending on how
they've been connected, whetherit's through friends, whether
it's through a dating app.
Whatever they've already donethe research really look we've
already done we are.
We work for the f FBI easily ona daily basis.
(39:40):
We could easily.
Speaker 2 (39:41):
The internet sleuth.
Speaker 3 (39:42):
Give me a test, I will pass it with flying colors.
We are good for that.
But by the time I get there,you know I I'm coming into this
state knowing at least a good 10factors on who you are.
Wow, I mean protect yourself,you have to.
I'm not going to go into thisblindly Right, come into Chester
or Lester, who knows?
(40:03):
No, no, no, I'm going to do myresearch.
I'm going to make sure thatthis is going to be not wasted
my time, because my time isprecious to me at this point.
Speaker 2 (40:09):
Absolutely.
Speaker 3 (40:10):
Absolutely, absolutely, absolutely.
I've got grown kids, I've gotthings to do, I've got things to
do Like don't waste my time, Iwon't waste yours, you know?
Yeah, so, but there issomething to be said about and I
look, I will throw myself outthere right now, and I feel like
there has been times where I'mlike, oh, my gosh, like I
connect with him, yay.
And then it becomes, you know,because there is something to be
(40:37):
said about spinning, justgiving too much information,
like we're not there yet whatare you doing?
well, you know but I think that,like when, once you find common
ground with people, it'sthere's an excitement of filling
up, like almost like acomfortability right so there
needs to be you know.
You need to gauge what you'resharing.
I'm guilty for that.
I am one to be, like you know oh, I understand this and I went
(40:59):
through this too and blah, blah,blah, blah, blah.
You know, like you just got tokind of take your time, don't
get too excited and put it allout there on a plate, for you
know, for them to have all atonce to swallow, right, like you
want to.
You know, just make it, keep itlight.
It's absolutely great, right.
Speaker 2 (41:17):
I'm kind of floored that you said you do your
research by checking out theirsocial media.
Speaker 3 (41:21):
Okay, look, anybody who says that they have it check
their.
I want to see their browserhistory.
Speaker 2 (41:26):
Wow, I already know better.
Okay, see, this is.
Speaker 3 (41:29):
I mean, you're dumb if you don't like, if you have
opportunity like it's, it's,it's not a world now that you
can trust everybody honestlyit's, it's a different world,
right like I don't know, I mean,and we have that ability to do
so yeah you're right.
Speaker 1 (41:42):
Protect yourself.
I I got craigslist killers outthere people I'm kidding.
Speaker 3 (41:46):
I'm kidding, but I'm not yeah, you have.
Speaker 2 (41:49):
We have a point, you have a valid point.
Uh, I just feel like you know,I don't.
I'm kind of on the fence aboutthat, because I, whether like,
for example, I'll use me, forexample, my Facebook, my
Instagram, are two differentthings.
Like, I'm super nerdy onInstagram and I'm just me.
Speaker 3 (42:05):
So you feel like you have like different demeanors
sometimes.
Speaker 2 (42:08):
Well, you know, different personalities.
Speaker 1 (42:10):
You know I'm a nerd.
Speaker 2 (42:11):
Yeah, I'm an absolute nerd.
Absolutely, I always have.
Yeah, I like I use my instagramfrom all my nerdy stuff.
I feel like there is adifferent kind of feel for each
platform, though right yeah,that's what I do absolutely like
my, my ex and twitter's for mypolitical ideas oh, good lord,
I'm glad I'm not friends withyou.
Don't worry about that, I'mkidding that my facebook is me
(42:34):
and then my Instagram is for mynerdy stuff.
Look MySpace.
Everything awesome died with.
Speaker 1 (42:40):
MySpace guys Wow.
Speaker 3 (42:41):
God Look.
And when it died, a little partof me died too.
Yes, I put so much effort intothat.
Speaker 2 (42:45):
I mean, we had the music, the background.
Speaker 3 (42:48):
I had.
It was like it was bling, itwas glitter.
Speaker 2 (42:50):
Top eight.
Speaker 1 (42:56):
Remember that glitter top eight.
Speaker 2 (42:56):
I remember that music I had absolutely top eight.
That was a big deal too.
I had to think about it hard,yeah I did.
Speaker 3 (42:59):
I took some time with that man.
Speaker 2 (43:00):
They didn't like it used to be.
It's matt is myspace.
Even still, I don't know outthere I was talking.
Speaker 3 (43:04):
Who was I talking to?
I was talking to somebody theother day like, yeah, like
so-and-so, said that they wereable to log in.
Still, I tried, uh, years ago,and, and, and yeah I don't even
remember my password.
I honestly don't even think Ihave the email anymore.
No, I don't think so either.
It was my Yahoo from like Idon't know, freshman year.
Like AOL just now, like youknow, it was dialing yeah.
Speaker 2 (43:26):
I remember that.
Speaker 3 (43:29):
Dad was like Crystal, are you up?
Go back to bed.
Speaker 2 (43:31):
you know, yeah, oh my God, that was the time back
then.
And if someone picks up thephone, yeah, oh, I'm on the
phone, I'm on the I gotta make acall.
I want asl messenger.
I messed up my connection, man.
Yeah, it was a struggle.
Yes, the second part of thelast part of it is for what
people can do to meet people cansomebody tell me that?
(43:54):
Well, yeah, listen to this.
They actually listed websitesand all that stuff.
So number one, of course, isMatchcom.
Speaker 3 (44:02):
No, Okay, first off no.
Speaker 2 (44:04):
No, not for me.
No, not for me Okay.
Speaker 3 (44:07):
Here's my thing I'm going to let the universe play.
Speaker 2 (44:09):
That's right.
Speaker 1 (44:10):
I'm just letting it happen, you're just letting it
fall Right.
Speaker 3 (44:12):
Where's the feather at?
I'm looking for it still.
Okay, don't look for it though.
That's the point.
Speaker 2 (44:16):
Don't look for it, okay.
I mean, that's fair.
Speaker 3 (44:18):
I feel like, like be open to it you know, but I feel
like when you're like, when it'sright, that's true, so don't do
matchcom.
Speaker 2 (44:39):
Or then don't do silversinglescom either, or the
city.
Speaker 3 (44:44):
people just don't know.
Farmerscom.
Speaker 2 (44:47):
Farmerscom.
That's another thing.
Speaker 3 (44:48):
I feel like that's right where I need to be.
Speaker 2 (44:51):
And they also list eHarmony as one of the other
places to go.
So if you're 40 and over andyou're looking for love, where
do we go from here?
You just according to Chris,you just let it fall in your
hands.
Speaker 3 (45:04):
Don't go to Not necessarily Look.
I'm not saying don't, go outand get what you want.
Be that person, be bold and bebold.
Do what you gotta do, but atthe end of the day, don't.
When you put expectations onpeople, that's when it just
automatically is going to justbe a negative.
Speaker 2 (45:17):
I feel like yeah, and then this is let nature take
its place this is the freeflowing crystal code that I know
.
Speaker 3 (45:24):
Just let's let it this is the crystal that's had
my first like work week in awhile.
That's been wild and my brain'shalf but successful, but
successful.
Speaker 2 (45:33):
It's been wild and my brain's half, but successful,
but successful, but successful.
Speaker 3 (45:35):
It's been fun, though , that's good though it's been
so much fun.
Good, good, good, catching upTalking about dating.
I hate dating.
Speaker 2 (45:42):
I hate this whole topic.
That we can do.
I hate this topic, but, guys,it's been fun talking about it
with you.
It's always good.
It's always good to talk andput that out there.
Speaker 3 (45:48):
Yeah, married man 20 years.
Speaker 2 (45:51):
That has no idea what's going on.
I'm still stuck in the oldschool, but that'll never change
.
That'll never change.
But any, let me say any lastthings you want to say before we
head out.
Speaker 3 (46:03):
No, no, I just we're pretty much done, we're wrapping
this up.
Speaker 2 (46:07):
Yeah, we're wrapping this up now, no problem.
Speaker 3 (46:10):
The best, as usual.
Good you were my bestie backthen.
You're still here now, to thisday.
I talk to you every other day,yeah.
Speaker 2 (46:16):
Every other.
So let me, let me, let me, letme, let me end this on a side
note for talking to talking toCrystal Cole.
But how to talk to her?
You send her a message, stop no.
Speaker 3 (46:35):
When you send her, won't get a reply till two to
three days later.
Look, it's like I don't evenremember what we were talking
about.
Okay, first off, um, just comeout there, just you know what.
I'm not gonna put anything out,it's just, it's fine.
Okay, life I I.
Speaker 2 (46:44):
I completely get that .
Speaker 3 (46:45):
I understand, because we're 40 at the end of the day,
I can go a year withoutspeaking to you.
And when I come back and speakto you, guess what?
Speaker 2 (46:52):
it's just like yesterday there you go, I a beat
that's when you know you foundyour tribe that is a friendship
right there that can withstandthe test of time.
So we're going to end theepisode right there.
I said that's a very successfulepisode.
I think it was great.
I am so glad you came to thestudio today.
Speaker 3 (47:12):
I am like a blabbermouth.
Don't worry about that.
Are we still online?
Yeah, we're still.
I think it was great.
I am so glad you came to thestudio today.
Speaker 2 (47:19):
I am like a blabbermouth I'm trying to edit
that.
Don't worry about that.
Don't worry about that.
Speaker 3 (47:22):
Are we still online?
Yeah, we're still on.
Oh my, yeah, I haven't canceledit.
Speaker 2 (47:25):
Yet Just kidding guys .
It was awesome, it was great,it's all good.
So, with that being said, we'regoing to end thank you for guys
tuning in.
Speaker 1 (47:37):
I'll see you guys next time I'm out.
Girl Scout peace, see ya.
you're listening to the WDYM, the what do you mean?
Podcast.
Now everyone gather around andlisten to one of Hamilton's best
podcasts.
No, no research to back this up.
Your host, michael Gillespie.
Speaker 2 (00:29):
And welcome to another episode of the WDYM.
As Kobe said, I'm your host,michael Gillespie.
Hope everybody's good.
Everybody's doing good.
Hope everybody's doing well.
Today's episode is a veryspecial episode.
First and foremost, right, Ihave a guest from the yesteryear
that I've known like prettymuch all my life.
(00:50):
We have a topic that we cangive advice for, so the what do
you mean?
Can actually apply to everybody.
So, without further ado, let'sintroduce Crystal Cole.
Speaker 1 (01:07):
Hello, hello, hello.
Speaker 2 (01:08):
How's it?
First off, how are you doing?
I'm awesome.
How are you?
I'm doing great, doing great.
Now, I've talked about thisbefore in a podcast at the
beginning of the year of tryingto get her on the podcast, and
that was in January.
But now we're in March and Ifinally got her on the podcast.
So, hey, you know it's part ofthe effort of trying.
(01:29):
So, first and foremost, we gota main topic for today.
Secondly, but secondly, we havethat, I guess, say, a breakdown
of of the topic.
We'll get that, we'll get therein a second, but first we got
to introduce Crystal and how weknow each other.
And so, without further ado,crystal, you're on the mic.
Hello.
Speaker 3 (01:49):
Thanks for having me first off.
Oh no, absolutely Thank you.
Sorry it's taking so long, it'sokay.
Speaker 2 (01:53):
You know, sometimes you got to wait for things.
You know, and I don't mind this.
And and knowing you and theenergy you bring to life and
everything to life andeverything, this is going to be
a fun episode.
At least I think it is.
I'll have to edit, or I'll edit40 minutes of it out.
I'll say hey, welcome to theshow, goodbye.
Speaker 3 (02:09):
That's all.
That's a wrap.
That's a wrap.
No, thank you for somethingLike honestly, I'm just I'm
happy to be here and thanks forthe time thank you and I love it
.
I think, I think you're awesomeoh, thank you as always.
Oh, yeah, man no, I Iappreciate good entertainment
right, I mean, you do a good jobyeah, and I appreciate it.
Speaker 2 (02:32):
Yeah, thank you.
So, first off, she's lying andthat's not true no, no, no, no.
So yeah, we go back all the wayto middle school, slash junior
high school, I guess that's whatthey call it now.
Middle school, they're highschool and from high school we
go our own separate ways andcome back together and all that
stuff.
So we've come back together in2024 and I'm hoping that this
(02:56):
year is good for both of us.
Hopefully my podcast can growand hope you know everything
goes good with you.
Speaker 3 (03:02):
Yeah, no good things coming.
24 is going gonna be a goodyear absolutely, absolutely so.
Speaker 2 (03:08):
The topic of the day, the topic that we both came up
with, is it is a rough one, andthis is, this is something that
that a lot of people face.
Yeah, yeah, um, you know, whenwe start the relationship and
you know start, you know tryingto find somebody, you know
you're in the 20s and everythingit's, it's easier, yeah, and
the thing and the thing that,like I would like to include
(03:29):
into that, we had a lot ofadvantage.
In my opinion, we had a lot ofadvantages in our 20s,
absolutely, absolutely one onething, one thing I'd have to say
life's not beat you up by thatpoint, oh yeah yeah, it ain't
whooped you yet you'reoptimistic, you're like
Speaker 3 (03:44):
yes, yeah like she's fine no, she's cute.
Speaker 2 (03:46):
Now it's like you know I'm 40.
I forget this one leg.
It's okay come here.
Speaker 3 (03:50):
Honestly, it's uh, it's it's interesting, um, now
that I'm like where I'm at nowin my life, like I'm a little
bit wiser right.
Not that much, but um, you knowit's funny.
I look back at the girl like,oh honey, I just want to shake
her a little bit like what didyou?
Speaker 2 (04:07):
do so.
The topic of today is dating inthe 40s.
Yeah, and there's so manythings that are different from
yesteryear, a couple years ago,to dating now.
Now, some of the things that Iremember long, long, long time
ago.
Long, long, long, long time ago, there was some advantages that
we had in our twenties.
(04:27):
One of the advantages that wealways had that we don't have
now was the power of the mix CD.
Speaker 3 (04:33):
Oh my gosh, are you kidding me?
I still have some, you knowlook, I go back, way back to mix
.
You went that far back.
Speaker 2 (04:40):
I was going to say CD , but you're're gonna go that
far, but I still have some tapes.
Speaker 3 (04:43):
Oh yeah, oh, you mean vh wait, wait, cassette tapes
yeah, absolutely I still havesome I'm talking sixth grade
like listen, I do, well, do youhave something to play it on?
No, that's the problem, I mean.
But I do have them.
I have like a little box I keepand, um, actually mom helped me
keep it.
She had a couple items.
So I have just, yeah, some funold school tape, right, like get
(05:10):
the pencils out, because itjust ate, you know.
Speaker 2 (05:11):
Yes, yeah, yeah, it's awful, you had to wind it in
the middle.
Yeah, I remember that.
Let me remind you, that's awfulVR.
So the power of the mix CD.
That's one of the things that Ilike about the mix CD.
Like if I gave you 12 songsfrom my heart, I am letting you
know listen, that's real dealthat is real deal, that ain't?
no, yeah, that's like hey, ifyou, if I gave you the mix CD
(05:33):
and you lose it or you scratchit, that's letting me know
something right there.
That's one of the things thatback then, that we don't have
now iTunes, everything's iTunes,spotify, all that good stuff,
and we don't have now, man, it'sso true iTunes, everything's
iTunes, spotify, all that goodstuff.
Speaker 3 (05:47):
And we don't have that no more.
Speaker 2 (05:48):
That's one of the things that we.
It's a different day, right itis, it is.
So we've come up with a list of13, 13, what do you call it?
Like?
Tips, yeah, tips on dating inthe 40s.
Speaker 3 (06:00):
Dating hacks.
Follow us for more hacks.
There you go Also.
Speaker 2 (06:03):
yes, by the way, always, always, always, you got
to plug yourself.
Hit me up on email at the WDYMpodcast at gmailcom.
Again, that is the WDYM podcastat gmailcom.
Hit me up, write me a letter,write me an email saying hey, I
listened to the show and I lovedit or whatever, absolutely All
right.
Awesome.
So whatever, absolutely allright.
(06:33):
So let's go into the first one.
What's the first one?
Let's take a look.
Here you go first.
Oh you, okay.
So this article was made bybridescom as of september 13
2023, by michelle vartan.
She has 13 expert approved tipsfor dating in your 40s.
Number one, of course chooseyour partner wisely.
I don't think you have to tellpeople to do that, right?
I mean, there's a question.
Speaker 3 (06:49):
Maybe that's the reason there's problems out in
the world Right.
Maybe, some are out therereally confused.
Speaker 2 (06:55):
It is.
I mean, let's read what shesays.
We've all heard the staggeringstatistic indicating that half
of the marriage is all indivorce, but the real data
doesn't support the claim.
According to the data from theCensus Bureau, divorce in
America has been falling since2021.
Per every 1,000 marriages,there's only 6.9 divorces.
In 2011, there is 9.7.
(07:15):
The good news is that, due tomore young adults delaying
marriage to gain more lifeexperience, financial stability
or a stronger sense of self,before saying I do, all 40
somethings have had time to workon the dating field.
Have more players looking toget hitched?
If that's the case, don't enterinto a serious relationship
hastily.
Warrens campbell.
Marrying in your 40s,especially if it's the first
(07:37):
time, means you have fewer yearsto tell death to be part I mean
, look, there's a lot to be saidabout that I agree yeah, I feel
like it's a whole differentrole now because you know
there's there's young adults,that crystal at 23 versus, you
know, just the average kid at 23.
You got just kids that are, justlike it will, way more ahead of
(07:58):
the game than oh yeah I was Imean one of the things that kids
have today that we didn't havetoday Cell phone, absolutely,
you know, I mean we had it.
Speaker 3 (08:09):
Look, yeah, we were.
We were dialing up for 20minutes Like oh, it's taking so
long, exactly.
Speaker 2 (08:14):
And by the time the Internet started catching on,
like AOL Messenger I think thatwas called we had to dial in and
all that stuff.
Now it's on your cell phonewith a quick swipe right, swipe
left to find numerous peoplethat are compatible to you
according to the algorithm.
Speaker 3 (08:35):
And I guess that's human nature.
It's no different than ifyou're at Kroger's and you see
somebody like ooh you walk pastpeople right.
No big deal, so that's theswipe whatever it is.
No, no big deal, so that's theswipe whatever, whatever it is,
I don't do it but, yeah, um, youknow, then you get, you come
across the ones that are.
You're like Ooh hello.
And then so it's different,absolutely.
Speaker 2 (08:59):
It's weird.
We had to talk to somebody.
Yeah, hey, how you doing.
Yeah, I saw you about to wear,you know.
I thought we'd go out for a cupof coffee or something.
Speaker 3 (09:05):
Exactly.
It's not like how it is now.
We're like oh, I don't know youRight, let me meet you here at
Dunkin' Donuts on whatever day.
And then you walk in like whereis he at?
Speaker 2 (09:18):
Well, oh, he's been here for 20 minutes.
Me all the time yeah it's.
Speaker 3 (09:22):
It's a whole different.
It's a it's way different worldnow I constantly tell my kids
like guys, guys, I'm trying tolike give advice on stuff that
like I've lived it yet I wasn'ta young adult you know, I'm just
here I am now like living whatI know, now you know, so it's a
whole different thing right.
Speaker 2 (09:37):
So that's the thing.
Like you have to choose yourperson wisely all right number
two.
Speaker 3 (09:44):
So make sure you're both ready to date.
Unlike dating.
In your 20s, you've likely hada major relationship, whether it
was a spouse or a long-termpartner, and the person you're
dating probably has too.
Make sure that both you andyour date have processed these
relationships and are ready tomove forward.
Campbell advises.
Speaker 2 (10:05):
Oh, campbell's one of the advisors.
Sure, I'm just making sure that?
Speaker 3 (10:10):
yeah, anyways, um, how can you tell if, uh, you or
your, your date, is living inthe past?
One red flag is talking abouttheir past partner and
despairing terms.
If they are unable to discussit in objective terms or clearly
see each others or eachperson's role in and what went
wrong, it may be a warning signabsolutely absolutely um.
(10:33):
They aren't over the otherperson more than likely and are
still holding on to a grud um oror are at risk for repeating
patterns in the new relationship.
Um campbell suggests we'regonna oh yeah, however uh, yeah,
so yeah, I, I absolutely agreewith this.
Um whole.
Yes, absolutely there's, andthere is something to be said
(10:54):
about that, because there's ahealthy discussion regarding,
you know, when you're older,right we know like you have kids
, you've obviously had a pastrelationship.
Right, I'm coming into this as amature adult that's had
experience myself.
There is a healthy, you knowway of discussing past
relationships versus being justlike just angry about it.
Speaker 1 (11:15):
Right.
Speaker 3 (11:15):
And you know there is definitely that I've come
across quite a bit of thisactually, unfortunately.
Right Well not even like in thedating terms, but just in
regular conversation with people.
There's a lot of people that,yeah, you've got to keep your
guard not really guard up, butjust be.
Speaker 2 (11:35):
Like a slow reveal.
Speaker 3 (11:36):
Yeah, yeah you know, like you've just got to take
your time, and I think that's athing too, like people just jump
into things real quickly,because I think a lot of us are
out there, are really justwanting to be, you know, settled
in life right we're at the agewhere now it's like I'm not a
spring chicken here you know, atthe same time, don't jump at it
, because red flags aren't pinkyou know what I mean.
Speaker 2 (11:56):
Don't make that you know that's a good one, yeah, so
, yeah, I think that you know isalso, when it comes to that,
you just you just can't makesure that that person is ready.
And it goes back to when youfirst start dating somebody,
like like first 30 days, yourfirst 60 days.
There should be like a slowprogression of they should not
(12:17):
like hey, by the way, I was amurderer and I'm coming to kill
you, Right, Absolutely.
So that's that's very importantto say.
Let's see Number three waitbefore introducing your partner
to your kids absolutely.
Speaker 3 (12:28):
Look that that should be number one I'm sorry, as as
a mother, that my kids are nowold enough to have more of a
social life than I do at thispoint.
But, um, and they're awesome.
God love them, but they, yeah,absolutely.
I think that it's so important.
There's a lot of um, a lotriding on that, absolutely do
you think at 40 should youexpect?
Speaker 2 (12:50):
should that be an expectation?
Speaker 3 (12:51):
I mean, look, look, it's different for everyone,
right?
So I, I, my first was, I was 23when I had my first, you know,
my.
My oldest is 19 now, um, andhe's more mature than I ever
could be and then I got my 16.
Speaker 1 (13:03):
Who?
Speaker 3 (13:03):
knows all of everything.
So if I have questions in lifeI go to him directly, right?
No, but they both.
You know it's a whole differentdynamic depending on what age
you're at.
You know, like I think itdepends on you know I have some
friends that have young kidsstill that are in elementary,
you know, at this age.
So it just depends on whatstage in life you're at right,
(13:27):
you know, like my kids are, likethey're, they're like literally
like mobbed.
Seriously, just get like youneed, you need to go on dates
yeah, I gotta wash my hair, youknow I gotta find something to
do.
I'm not doing that but they'realways like they're, they're,
you know they they're, they'regood kids, they they're wanting.
You know me to be happy.
Like you know, we all supporteach other, right and that's
what it should be.
Speaker 2 (13:47):
I mean, especially when you have kids that are like
mid.
You know, I guess, what they'relike.
Mom, you're annoying me now.
Speaker 3 (13:52):
Oh wow, I was kidding , but yeah, no, I mean there is
a, but there is a maturity levelI think that you need to take
in consideration right when yourkids are really young.
It is hard to to date.
I think you know, depending on,like I don't know, I would say,
you know puberty age, maybelike 13, 14, 15.
Maybe it's a little bit moreunderstandable but, like young,
young kids it's reallyimpressionable.
(14:13):
Oh yeah, because you don't wantto introduce some like well, for
, oh, fourth date, and you knowthat six months like, or fourth,
you know, attempt, I guess youknow.
So there's there is a thingwith that, though yeah, I think
that's that's very vital,absolutely doing that.
Speaker 2 (14:28):
Dating the next one and this one might be.
This is one that I that I findthat's troubling.
Practice patience when it comesto you know, this is g show.
I can't.
This is.
We call it cheese.
When I talk, say cheese, youwant me to say it?
I'll just say it, say it, oh it, we're adults here we are
adults, but I'm going to havekids Anyway.
(14:48):
So spell it out, then Practicepatience when it comes to sex
Intimacy.
Speaker 3 (14:54):
You could have just said intimacy.
Speaker 2 (14:56):
Well, I've said sex Okay.
Well, you did.
You just went there.
Well, hand, okay, thank you.
Okay, in the heat of the moment, sometimes it will.
It will take all your willpowerto say no, yeah, but it's well
worth it to wait.
Especially for mature adults,it takes time to know someone
and talking is the glue thatholds the people together let me
(15:17):
just put this.
Speaker 3 (15:18):
I'm sorry I have to go right, because I think there
is something to be said aboutthis like when you're in your
20s.
Yeah, you're very spontaneousin life.
Like you just got energy right.
Like I, I, I, I get tired ofputting on my left sock.
Speaker 1 (15:30):
Like you know what I mean.
Speaker 3 (15:30):
Like I it's, it's a whole different feel when you
are a 20 year old and you'rejust like just full of like
optimism and you're just like,yes, he's cute, he's smart, he's
whatever, uh, you know.
So, yeah, like it's it.
Speaker 2 (15:48):
I I think there's something to be said about
taking your time, absolutelyright, absolutely so what's a
good ballpark figure?
I?
Speaker 3 (15:52):
feel like well, I think you know I don't like to
put titles or or timelines onthings I think it depends on
where you're at mentally.
Mentally, you know where areyou at in your connection, right
?
Speaker 1 (16:03):
Right.
Speaker 3 (16:04):
I feel like just follow your instincts, Like if.
Well, I shouldn't say that,because you know, instincts can
sometimes be swayed by.
Speaker 2 (16:12):
Yeah by the hot guy in Kroger's that you just said.
Speaker 3 (16:14):
Yeah, so I get that, but at the end of the day, you
know, I like to try to step backfor a minute, crystal, because,
you know, just having arational mindset, I guess you
know I, I've, I've, I've livedlife enough to where I've made
mistakes and I've learned fromthem.
Well, I'd like to think I haveum you know, I feel like at this
(16:36):
point in my life I amdefinitely it's beneficial for
sure to take your time, becauseI mean, at this point, it's not
necessarily kids that areinvolved with you.
You know, I'm not introducingyoung children to this person.
This is like, essentially, likeI'm an empty nester at this
point.
Speaker 1 (16:51):
I guess.
Speaker 3 (16:52):
Desperately trying to get me out there, but at the
end of the day I feel like itdoes.
It helps to take your time Wait.
Speaker 2 (17:01):
I'm going to say 90 days, yeah, 90 days yeah your
time wait, I'm gonna say 90 daysyeah 90 days.
Yeah, well, I mean okay, threemonths.
Speaker 3 (17:05):
Yeah, I want three months if you want to actually
put a number out there,absolutely 90 days is good, at
least.
Speaker 2 (17:09):
At least that means nothing, I mean just, I mean I
mind you, it depends on who, whoyou are.
Speaker 3 (17:15):
Some people have, I might even do one 20.
I mean, you know, I may wait ayear or two.
Speaker 2 (17:21):
No, no, no, no, no, I'm not going too far, that's
going too far, no I mean, I justfeel like.
Speaker 3 (17:24):
I feel like there is it's a responsible thing to sit
back, you know, assess yoursituation where you're at in
mindset and, and you know, justyou, just you know, just take
your time with it absolutely,because there's a lot of tender
is a thing, right?
Yes, and ladies out there, II'm sure you can agree, tender
(17:45):
is a real thing.
There is such a thing as a guy,even in the age of 40,
something that is patheticallyjust like no strings attached.
Now, mind you, there's ladiestoo, I'm sure, but as a girl I
can't really speak on that.
I'm not dating women's right.
So like like I can tell you thatis.
It is real, it's.
It's a struggle, ghosting even,like all of it.
Speaker 2 (18:01):
Let's go there Again.
Look that's.
That is a young people thing,ghosting catfish.
Speaker 3 (18:06):
It is, but it's not really Sadly.
Look, you are a married man.
Speaker 2 (18:10):
Yeah, so I can't on this.
Speaker 3 (18:21):
Let me just speak for all of us.
All right, let me sit back.
I'm gonna put myself on mutefirst off.
My motto is um, the dating poolin your 40s is not a pool, it's
like a sewer a bunch of turdsjust floating around.
I ain't gonna lie like I am nota big fan of online dating.
I'm not.
I'm not a big fan of meetingstrangers and in a local,
whatever I I I am, I am a personthat, like I am okay with
meeting somebody at kroger's orin the parking lot, like
wherever.
Like I'm not a fan of goingonline.
Some people can speak on it andsay, hey, it worked for me and
happy for you, like good job,like thank God for you, like
(18:43):
awesome, give some other peopleout there inspiration, but for
me, nope.
Speaker 2 (18:47):
Yeah, that's it, I mean it just feels like, and
it's like you could come up, youcould, you could Google what's
a good response on to make, on afirst impression, instead of
just being a human being.
Speaker 3 (18:59):
Yeah, like my dating profiles.
I ain't gonna lie to you.
Like I've, I have some outthere and a lot of them is just
been just out of boredom andjust kind of entertaining myself
, just giggles.
Like my profiles have been justabsolute cheese it's like
people.
Speaker 1 (19:18):
I literally put like I, I'm a, I'm an avid like hot
dog eating contest.
Speaker 3 (19:19):
Oh my god, just stupid, just stupid stuff.
But like I want people tounderstand my personality, like
I'm not, like I'm not takingthis serious, like if you link
up with me somehow and we hit itoff like and can just, like you
know, shoot this, can we say?
Speaker 1 (19:31):
yeah, shoot with each other easily and smoothly.
Speaker 3 (19:34):
Like maybe there's like, hey, hey, this guy's cool,
I'll talk to him, but for themost part it doesn't happen.
You know, like, because you getall the cheesy, like hey you're
, you're nice.
Like just stupid, just stupidstuff.
Yeah, stupid like, and I just Idon't take it serious but, um,
I don't know, who knows, whoknows, you know, I could be
married next year from a guy whoI met on facebook messenger or
(19:55):
not messenger, but you know,facebook dating app or who knows
what.
But yeah, for the most part it'suh, I, I don't, I don't have,
uh, I don't have a good I don'ttake it serious, so here's
another question, just outsideof the box.
Speaker 2 (20:08):
Yeah, where do you meet people at now?
Speaker 3 (20:12):
if you want to date somebody, this is the thing.
Like I I I'm asking the samequestion.
You know like where, where doyou meet somebody?
If you want to, generally justwant to date somebody, this is a
thing like I, I, I'm asking thesame question.
Speaker 2 (20:17):
You know, like where, where do you meet somebody?
If you want to, generally justwant to see somebody, like, oh,
this person is a human, greatit's it's aggravating yeah, let
me just tell you because I am.
Speaker 3 (20:26):
I mean, look, I'm I at this point in my life I'm not
, I'm not, I'm not hyper focusedon this like I I'm at a point
in my life where I I'm startinga career now with this company.
It's, it's going awesome thankgod for that.
But you know, I'm I'm reallyfocused on that and um, right
now, dating is not like theforefront of everything right
now, you know, I've kind of putit on the side burner.
Um, I, I want to be my 100crystal before I, you know,
(20:50):
attempt that.
But if I was there, um rightnow, you know, I really don't
know what to say.
Like, I don't know.
Speaker 2 (20:58):
I don't know, I don't know that's.
That's a genuine question.
Speaker 1 (21:00):
My Nana always said don't force things right when
you're looking for it like it'snot gonna it's not, it's not
gonna happen, Right Like I meanit may of.
Speaker 3 (21:16):
Like you know, you can't fit a square peg into a
circle hole.
I think that things you know.
When you at least expect it,something falls in your lap like
a feather, right?
So like that's.
I try to constantly have amindset of like I don't want to
expect, I don't wantexpectations, like I just want
things to just fall in the way.
Yeah, I want it and I don'twant it to be the spoil like, oh
it's so easy.
No, I mean, you gotta put yourwork out but at the same time.
I don't know.
I feel like when you haveexpectations and you're looking
for it, that's when it's notgoing to happen, or that's when
(21:38):
you meet the wrong people.
Speaker 2 (21:39):
That's actually a good take on it.
I like that, I do.
I think that's a good take thatis good, I like that.
Yeah, thanks, no problem nextone navigate gender stereotypes.
Today, the dating landscape canpresent confusing expectations
around gender roles.
It's likely you and yourpartner will have different
ideas and philosophies,especially when you're
(21:59):
financially independent and youused to be single.
Who picks up the check?
How often do you want the dooropen for you, or do you want to
open it yourself?
Not being on the same page canlead to awkwardness and
resentment.
Open, honest communicationbetween two loving and solemnly
committed partners is requiredto make all types of roles,
divisions and relationships work, says Wattfish.
(22:22):
Talk to your partner about howthey view gender roles and how
their expectations are.
If you have a differentviewpoint, you can decide if
it's a deal breaker or if youboth can be flexible and find a
compromise.
Speaker 3 (22:36):
So that's a good one.
Speaker 2 (22:38):
This one to me is speaking to men, as far as men
being the gentlemen of it, youknow, yeah, something like that,
but more like opening car doorsyeah Pain.
Speaker 3 (22:49):
Well, that's.
Speaker 2 (22:50):
See, that's where I think we don't do that no more
as men I mean there is somethingto be said.
Right.
Speaker 3 (22:56):
About that, no more as me there is something to be
said.
Right about that, yeah, right,but there are also on the female
perspective here, um, there arewomen that are just like hey,
I'm, I'm powerful, like I'm here, you know, like I don't need a
man, hold, I'm totally capableyou know, like.
So then you have, like, you know, I think, I think it brought
honestly like birds of a featherright.
Right, you are attracted to acertain personality type.
You got the, the women that arejust like hey, I'm strong, I'm
(23:20):
just like, this is me right andmen that like that those are the
people are going to link up,obviously and then you got the,
the women that like to bespoiled, a little bit like a
door opened and this, and thatyou know um I think that you
know, it all kind of comestogether in a way, um, but I
don't know.
I think that that is interestingthough, because, um, it is a
thing about going dutch.
Speaker 2 (23:40):
Yeah, you know do you believe in it?
Speaker 3 (23:42):
um, absolutely absolutely I, I do, I don't, I
do I do I feel like when I go ona date with a man, I want him
to know.
I look, this is what I bring tothe table I'm independent now,
if I'm not at the time, saves,you know I'm doing jobs or
whatever the case was going, andI meet somebody.
I typically, you know, I'm notusually dating at that point but
(24:04):
, um, if I was, you know I wouldbe upfront about it, like, look
, if we go out, you know I'mjust giving you a heads up, like
this is my situation right um,and if that was a problem, then
there you go, but if not, thenyou know.
Then I guess being a gentlemanand taking over is cool but, for
me personally.
I like to just put it out therelike hey, I don't expect.
This is like.
This is not a pressure thing.
(24:25):
Um, this is more of a, you know, like it's, it's chillax like I
don't expect you to.
I'm not gonna buy like a the 58steak you know, know and be
like.
Look at you buy me like fivemore, you know, glasses of wine.
Speaker 2 (24:39):
Right, you know like I don't expect that, so yeah,
See, my mentality is that if Iam courting you, that means I
need to show you my best stuffup front.
Speaker 3 (24:51):
It's because you're Mike.
Speaker 2 (24:52):
Well, I mean, that's just how my mentality is.
Speaker 3 (24:58):
Like if I, if you caught my eye, I'm like, oh my
god, see, and Desi is smart forswooping you out because there's
not many of you out.
Speaker 2 (25:02):
I'm telling you there's not many look she's a
smart girl.
I think I might use this forthe sound clip for the episode
don't let your head get in yourway, don't do that, we're not
talking about that.
I promise you, I pinky promisebut no, honestly, I just feel
like if a man is courting awoman, that I need to show you
everything.
I mean it's like look, I couldpay for our meals, if you know,
(25:23):
if you say you're not expectingsomeone to eat two steaks on a
dinner, you know?
So if you're going to, ifyou're, if I'm courting you, I
need to show you that, hey, I'ma gentleman, I'm open your door.
Speaker 3 (25:37):
I'm gonna walk on the driver's side of the sidewalk.
You know things like that.
Speaker 2 (25:39):
Yeah, those are lost arts, right of dating, and I
just think that, like again,this is a generational thing,
like it absolutely like Iremember, like my, that's how I
guess my dad showed me that partof all the cornball things
cornball things he could show me, that was one of them that's
and that's.
Speaker 3 (25:52):
I think that's really sweet, though and that, and you
know what the thing it?
He did a good job becausebecause here you are One of the
very few things he did.
Speaker 2 (25:59):
that was correct.
Speaker 3 (26:01):
Well, but but he did that and that was a pretty big.
That was a pretty big part.
Right, I think I think it'simportant that you have that.
That's I mean, that's a valuethat a lot of people don't have.
Speaker 2 (26:10):
Right, I think that's between the 40-year-old people
and the 20-year-old people.
We've lost that gentlemandating and courting and all that
stuff.
Speaker 3 (26:19):
See, he planted that seed.
If you had a boy, you know, youhave girls.
Speaker 2 (26:24):
Yep, Ha, ha, ha ha.
What is that?
I am just saying ha ha.
Speaker 3 (26:28):
But if you had a boy, guess what?
That little boy would probablygrow up to be a gentleman just
like you.
Speaker 2 (26:32):
Yeah, well, there were some things that I had to
learn on the fly because, well,anyway.
Speaker 3 (26:37):
Anyway, we're not talking about that right now.
Speaker 2 (26:40):
The next one Trust your instincts.
Most relationships mistakeshappen because a person does not
trust their instincts early onand sticks around thinking it
will change, Says Du Vassell.
That's one of the experts.
By your 40s you experience manyhuman encounters, so trust your
gut, she says.
Plus, by trusting yourselfyou'll be able to look beyond
(27:01):
the type and move forward basedon the feelings and mutual
values.
True cornerstones of successrelationships types are the
people chasing something thatthey think is good for them.
Do you want to put those kindsof limits?
Speaker 3 (27:18):
on love, putting things in boxes.
Trust your instincts.
Yes, look, I understand thisright here Because, honestly, I
feel like by the time we are 40,we think in our minds like, oh,
this is going to work, this isgoing to work, this won't, this
will.
And people are very selectiveand this is where it comes.
You know the whole baggagething.
Look very selective and this iswhere it comes.
(27:39):
You know the whole baggagething.
Look if he may be hot but he'sgot five baby mamas.
You're creating your own drama.
Baby like selection.
Once again she said what wasthat?
The first select your, youryour person, wisely, right?
Speaker 2 (27:48):
yeah, the first one, yeah, so yeah, this is a thing
absolutely I, I, I struggle withinstincts because, again, like
my game or my chess game, wasput everything out there.
So therefore I guess I'm makingmyself vulnerable, yeah, so
therefore I always feel like myinstincts.
Speaker 3 (28:06):
You're not out of the game, you don't count.
Speaker 2 (28:07):
Well, I'm just saying that's how it was.
Yeah, that's how it was for me.
Speaker 3 (28:12):
As a 40-year-old single woman, you know this is
where it is difficult to kind ofum identify a couple things.
It's it's it's hard to not goon instincts um when, when
you're first like ooh la la,like oh, he's sweet he's so nice
, he's this and that, and then,as you get to know them, you
start realizing, like the redflags, that you try not to make
(28:32):
pink once again.
Right, um, you know that's sogood.
Speaker 2 (28:35):
Yeah, I love that.
Yeah, I really love that.
Speaker 3 (28:37):
Well, I mean and honestly it's a thing, though
like it's rose color, I alwayslike to say rose colored glass,
crystal.
I make everything pretty, youknow, to fit a box of what I
need it to be girl, you aredropping bombs, that is awesome.
Well, I'm just saying it's athing.
I think that, like when peopleare just wanting something so
badly, you know they, they givepeople that should not have that
(28:57):
leeway, they, they give themthose, those getaway out of jail
, free cards right and like theyshouldn't, don't, don't, don't
downplay you know, like you are,you are important.
To like your happiness is numberone force for like, first and
foremost.
And I think that, um, I've I'velearned hard lessons in my life
by by allowing people to do oh,but he oh of my life, by by
(29:19):
allowing people to do oh, but heoh.
But this is just him, and thisis just this and this?
No, no, it's not if this doesnot fit well with your
perspective and what yourbeliefs are then, then that's a
problem.
You cannot fit a square peginto a circle hole that's all
there's to it.
Speaker 2 (29:29):
Look at the crystal coke dropping bombs, oh my god,
I mean I'm old as dirt now oh,here we go if you're older than
I'm always there too.
You were really old.
Oh, here we go if you're old asdirt.
Speaker 3 (29:38):
I'm old as dirt too.
Speaker 2 (29:38):
You were really old.
That's funny.
You're older than me.
Don't forget that I don't know.
The next topic manage yoursocial media expectations.
This is another thing that'snew to us.
Social media is a seamless partof everyday life for most 20
and 30 year olds, but forsomeone from the older
generation, their connection toFacebook, instagram, twitter
(29:59):
could be more than a mixed bag.
Your social habits can rangefrom a 45 year old who is
plugged in as a teenager to a 48year old who's never been on
Instagram.
Once things are established,ask your date for posting a
photo of the two of you together.
He advises against making a bigdeal out of trying to post too
soon, as it makes the otherperson uncomfortable yeah, I
(30:20):
mean, look, this is the thingit's, and it's crazy because you
know, females, we, we do getexcited I wouldn't just say
females.
Speaker 3 (30:27):
We're all like that, yeah, yeah you'd be excited,
right like, and it's innocentenough to me to think about you
know, but but I, I'munderstanding now of this.
This is, this is a real thing.
I think that, like you know, Idon't know, I just, yeah, there
is a timeline and there needs tobe a conversation to be had.
That is something you shoulddiscuss.
Speaker 2 (30:47):
Because it's a real thing now.
Absolutely yeah.
The thing about social media isthat everybody's connected.
People see your posts and allthat.
Even if you're not friends withyou know people see your post
and all that.
Speaker 3 (30:57):
Even if you have friends with you, know your ex
or, whatever the case may be yousomewhere along the line, there
is something common you know.
You mean like there's someonecome that is gonna take that
screenshot and they're gonnasend it, right.
Speaker 2 (31:08):
Hey, girl, did you see?
Speaker 3 (31:09):
and then all of a sudden, you wake up.
Speaker 2 (31:12):
Yeah, I'm not saying.
Speaker 1 (31:14):
This happened to me but I know that like this
happens.
Speaker 3 (31:17):
Yeah, with friends, I'm just like man right that,
yeah, it's a thing.
Speaker 2 (31:22):
Yeah, that is definitely.
That is definitely something tobe mindful of when it comes to
dating in your 40s.
Next one Accepting schedulingconflicts.
Many people over 40 have manyresponsibilities.
That requires more planning.
Tuesday night dates thatstretch into the wee hours may
not work for a regular personworking nine to five, but you
(31:42):
are also no longer able to justskip morning classes after the
first date.
Parents have a balanced childcare responsibilities.
It could get tricky because itmeans a lot less time for dating
and less and less alone time.
Don't try to read between thelines.
If your date has a rescheduleor call in early, it's often
because there are personalresponsibilities.
Speaker 3 (32:01):
So be understanding and you're likely to receive
some kind of understanding fromthem so this is the fun, tricky
part right I feel like there aresome men, um, that may have you
know and and this, this issomething I can touch on
actually, um, that has you mean,look, I was 23 when I was
having my first.
I was 26 when, you know, therewas a three-year difference.
(32:22):
And then there are some peoplethere are some friends of mine
that didn't have children untilthey were like well, and they're
30.
You know, I mean, good for you,you've got the energy to go on
with yourself, However thank God, you know it was perfect timing
for me.
But you know I do have somefriends that are dating, that
have a person of interest ascollege-age children whereas
(32:42):
they have elementary.
Speaker 2 (32:44):
Right.
Speaker 3 (32:44):
That's a whole different dynamic there.
Speaker 2 (32:46):
Right.
Speaker 3 (32:46):
You know, that woman could be very like, aggravated
by the fact that you've had toreschedule for the past three
dates because the kid had atoothache.
This happened, the baby mamadidn't come through.
You know, there's so manydifferent things, so many
different scenarios.
It's a thing, it is.
I think it can be tricky.
Speaker 2 (33:03):
Do you think that's a determining factor when it
comes to dating in the 40s?
Speaker 3 (33:08):
I think you know, like, here's the thing Like I've
raised my babies are they'remore grown than I am half the
time at this point in my life,right, I am half the time at
this point in my life, rightit's.
It's interesting to think about, like being somebody who's like
oh my god, he fits all the boxlike just checks all the boxes.
Speaker 1 (33:24):
Oh, but he's got a five-year-old five-year-old
twins my luck.
Speaker 3 (33:25):
You know, like what do you do?
You know it's.
It's difficult because, like I,am at the point in my life
where I'm like I, my babies areeverything they have been for so
long.
How do you, mom, or how do youlive after momming for so long,
the excitement of of findinglove, like at this age and and
my kids just be like, okay, ma,you're annoying me get out of my
face and the thought of findingsomebody who we can, like you
know, find our own like swing oflife and and our own routines
(33:47):
is is happy, right like thatgets me excited.
However, it's, it's, it's ahummus, it's, it's interesting
because they're, you know, atthis age, it's, it's, it is,
it's definitely a thing like um.
You finally fall in love withtom, who has got.
You know that those twin girlsare five years old and guess
what?
Baby mama is a nightmare.
It's good.
What do you do exactly?
Speaker 2 (34:07):
you got to make a decision there and, like you
said before, um, when it comesto the dating pool, it even
shrinks even more when you putthose parameters around it,
right, right?
Speaker 3 (34:16):
Yeah, yeah, I actually I will give you just a
brief, just a real quick, justsynopsis of what I went through
recently with a little blind ofa blind gathering.
I don't like to put date, Ihate titles.
Speaker 2 (34:27):
I hate titles.
Speaker 3 (34:29):
It was more of like hey, yeah, we'll meet Cool,
let's meet up, let's hang outjust for a little bit.
Found out during that littlemeeting, after speaking for a
couple months actually why thishas not been brought to my
attention before now is beyondme and still questions.
I just ugh ugh.
But found out that he hadliterally five different baby
mamas.
Wow, and I was like okay,that's cool, awesome.
(34:52):
So it was nice meeting you.
Look at that.
Speaker 2 (34:55):
Watch my hair now.
Oh my God, yeah.
Speaker 3 (34:59):
You know it, it was nice meeting you.
Look at that girl, watch myhair now.
Yeah, you know it's, um, it's,it's a thing, though there's a
lot, I mean, and it's expectedto be baggage.
But, man, I think men, women,when you guys have a little bit
of an intricately different, youknow, lifestyle or situation,
um, definitely let people knowup front.
Yeah, yeah, I think I thinkthat's important too, absolutely
, absolutely so next one neverapologize for being.
Speaker 2 (35:21):
You May have had a fair of trial and error, but
needed to be considered baggage.
If the past follies come up ona date, focus on the growth and
learning that come out.
That come out of it, instead ofbeating yourself up.
Women in particular now there'sa quote, so this ain't me.
Women in particular apologizefor what they perceive are
(35:41):
shortcomings or to discountthemselves.
You have lived a full life.
No need to apologize.
Own your mistakes and talkabout them as life lessons, and
that's 100% true.
They're trophies, absolutely.
I got through that.
I got through it and I'mtougher, I'm stronger, I got
through that?
Speaker 3 (35:55):
Yeah, I got through it.
Yeah, and I'm tougher, I'mstronger, I'm wiser, I know.
I wear that like as almost likea chip of like hey, like I got
through it, I'm strong.
Speaker 2 (36:02):
Right, and that's the thing that needs to be thought
about when you're dating withsomebody Like this person has
gone through so much andtherefore you know.
Speaker 1 (36:11):
And that's the thing Like we are at the age we are at
right, like so it's to beexpected, and and for someone to
look down on that, or you know,or judge, like then it's time
to go, yeah, okay I don't needyou in my life, goodbye.
Speaker 3 (36:23):
But exactly, but um lifting each other up like hey,
that sucked yeah I've been, Ican relate to you but here we
are, both like getting you know,got through it.
It's awesome.
I think that's a that'ssomething that, yeah, exactly
that should be.
Think that's something thatyeah, exactly.
Speaker 2 (36:39):
That's something that we never should have Never
apologize for being who you are,because that's what built you
to the person you are today.
Right, exactly that's good.
Next one Avoid makingassumptions.
It's easy to see things throughthe lens of your past
experiences, more than you everknow have in your 20s and 30s.
If you ever had negative datingexperiences, you might assume
(37:00):
that person you're dating sharesimilar traits and behaviors as
someone in your past.
Yes, if it doesn't work toassume, it doesn't work to
assume everyone you date is thesame before your first date, try
your best to open, be open andnon-judgmental.
By doing this you'll giveyou'll give your date a chance
to surprise you, creating a morepositive experience from the
(37:21):
start.
Not only that, but you're givingyourself an opportunity to not
screw it up, yeah, and not blameit on a past experience.
Speaker 3 (37:29):
Let's just put it out there it is called baggage.
Speaker 2 (37:31):
Yes.
Speaker 3 (37:31):
That is baggage, but there is a healthy way of
carrying it right Right.
Absolutely.
I feel like there, yeah, don't,and that's the thing, right,
like it really is I feel, likeum people, um just just oh this,
oh he reminds me so much of ofof my ex and this and that and
just immediately, just that,just throws everything off right
away, you're already likegiving him no chance and and
(37:55):
possibly giving yourself nochance of being happy exactly,
man man bingo, man man.
Speaker 2 (38:01):
That is great.
That is some great stuff rightthere.
Speaker 3 (38:03):
I gotta gotta play the I mean, come on, damn that's
crazy look at you.
Speaker 2 (38:17):
I got the sound effects ready.
Speaker 3 (38:19):
I felt kind of cool just now.
Speaker 2 (38:21):
Alright, I think it's the last one.
Keep the first date light.
Conversations on a first dateshould be about getting to know
each other, finding commonground and determining
compatibility.
But if you're fed up with beingsingle and you feel a
connection, you may be temptedto overshare about past negative
dating experiences.
Ray cautions not to fall intothe TMI trap.
(38:44):
It's natural to have momentswhere you wonder if you're doing
something wrong and you'd liketo reassure.
You'd like to reassurance fromyour date, but that's not what
you're there for.
If you lack self-esteem orunhappy with yourself and your
situation, it's not attractiveto someone you're newly dating.
Instead, be the person you wantto attract.
Smile, be the best version ofyourself and have fun getting to
(39:06):
know your date.
Draw them out, focus on themand enjoy as things develop
organically.
So keep your first date light.
What is some things you like tokeep light on a date?
Speaker 3 (39:20):
this is something okay.
So this is interesting becauseonce again we're going to bring
out the factor that their socialmedia right more than likely um
a woman has before she's metthis person, depending on how
they've been connected, whetherit's through friends, whether
it's through a dating app.
Whatever they've already donethe research really look we've
already done we are.
We work for the f FBI easily ona daily basis.
(39:40):
We could easily.
Speaker 2 (39:41):
The internet sleuth.
Speaker 3 (39:42):
Give me a test, I will pass it with flying colors.
We are good for that.
But by the time I get there,you know I I'm coming into this
state knowing at least a good 10factors on who you are.
Wow, I mean protect yourself,you have to.
I'm not going to go into thisblindly Right, come into Chester
or Lester, who knows?
(40:03):
No, no, no, I'm going to do myresearch.
I'm going to make sure thatthis is going to be not wasted
my time, because my time isprecious to me at this point.
Speaker 2 (40:09):
Absolutely.
Speaker 3 (40:10):
Absolutely, absolutely, absolutely.
I've got grown kids, I've gotthings to do, I've got things to
do Like don't waste my time, Iwon't waste yours, you know?
Yeah, so, but there issomething to be said about and I
look, I will throw myself outthere right now, and I feel like
there has been times where I'mlike, oh, my gosh, like I
connect with him, yay.
And then it becomes, you know,because there is something to be
(40:37):
said about spinning, justgiving too much information,
like we're not there yet whatare you doing?
well, you know but I think that,like when, once you find common
ground with people, it'sthere's an excitement of filling
up, like almost like acomfortability right so there
needs to be you know.
You need to gauge what you'resharing.
I'm guilty for that.
I am one to be, like you know oh, I understand this and I went
(40:59):
through this too and blah, blah,blah, blah, blah.
You know, like you just got tokind of take your time, don't
get too excited and put it allout there on a plate, for you
know, for them to have all atonce to swallow, right, like you
want to.
You know, just make it, keep itlight.
It's absolutely great, right.
Speaker 2 (41:17):
I'm kind of floored that you said you do your
research by checking out theirsocial media.
Speaker 3 (41:21):
Okay, look, anybody who says that they have it check
their.
I want to see their browserhistory.
Speaker 2 (41:26):
Wow, I already know better.
Okay, see, this is.
Speaker 3 (41:29):
I mean, you're dumb if you don't like, if you have
opportunity like it's, it's,it's not a world now that you
can trust everybody honestlyit's, it's a different world,
right like I don't know, I mean,and we have that ability to do
so yeah you're right.
Speaker 1 (41:42):
Protect yourself.
I I got craigslist killers outthere people I'm kidding.
Speaker 3 (41:46):
I'm kidding, but I'm not yeah, you have.
Speaker 2 (41:49):
We have a point, you have a valid point.
Uh, I just feel like you know,I don't.
I'm kind of on the fence aboutthat, because I, whether like,
for example, I'll use me, forexample, my Facebook, my
Instagram, are two differentthings.
Like, I'm super nerdy onInstagram and I'm just me.
Speaker 3 (42:05):
So you feel like you have like different demeanors
sometimes.
Speaker 2 (42:08):
Well, you know, different personalities.
Speaker 1 (42:10):
You know I'm a nerd.
Speaker 2 (42:11):
Yeah, I'm an absolute nerd.
Absolutely, I always have.
Yeah, I like I use my instagramfrom all my nerdy stuff.
I feel like there is adifferent kind of feel for each
platform, though right yeah,that's what I do absolutely like
my, my ex and twitter's for mypolitical ideas oh, good lord,
I'm glad I'm not friends withyou.
Don't worry about that, I'mkidding that my facebook is me
(42:34):
and then my Instagram is for mynerdy stuff.
Look MySpace.
Everything awesome died with.
Speaker 1 (42:40):
MySpace guys Wow.
Speaker 3 (42:41):
God Look.
And when it died, a little partof me died too.
Yes, I put so much effort intothat.
Speaker 2 (42:45):
I mean, we had the music, the background.
Speaker 3 (42:48):
I had.
It was like it was bling, itwas glitter.
Speaker 2 (42:50):
Top eight.
Speaker 1 (42:56):
Remember that glitter top eight.
Speaker 2 (42:56):
I remember that music I had absolutely top eight.
That was a big deal too.
I had to think about it hard,yeah I did.
Speaker 3 (42:59):
I took some time with that man.
Speaker 2 (43:00):
They didn't like it used to be.
It's matt is myspace.
Even still, I don't know outthere I was talking.
Speaker 3 (43:04):
Who was I talking to?
I was talking to somebody theother day like, yeah, like
so-and-so, said that they wereable to log in.
Still, I tried, uh, years ago,and, and, and yeah I don't even
remember my password.
I honestly don't even think Ihave the email anymore.
No, I don't think so either.
It was my Yahoo from like Idon't know, freshman year.
Like AOL just now, like youknow, it was dialing yeah.
Speaker 2 (43:26):
I remember that.
Speaker 3 (43:29):
Dad was like Crystal, are you up?
Go back to bed.
Speaker 2 (43:31):
you know, yeah, oh my God, that was the time back
then.
And if someone picks up thephone, yeah, oh, I'm on the
phone, I'm on the I gotta make acall.
I want asl messenger.
I messed up my connection, man.
Yeah, it was a struggle.
Yes, the second part of thelast part of it is for what
people can do to meet people cansomebody tell me that?
(43:54):
Well, yeah, listen to this.
They actually listed websitesand all that stuff.
So number one, of course, isMatchcom.
Speaker 3 (44:02):
No, Okay, first off no.
Speaker 2 (44:04):
No, not for me.
No, not for me Okay.
Speaker 3 (44:07):
Here's my thing I'm going to let the universe play.
Speaker 2 (44:09):
That's right.
Speaker 1 (44:10):
I'm just letting it happen, you're just letting it
fall Right.
Speaker 3 (44:12):
Where's the feather at?
I'm looking for it still.
Okay, don't look for it though.
That's the point.
Speaker 2 (44:16):
Don't look for it, okay.
I mean, that's fair.
Speaker 3 (44:18):
I feel like, like be open to it you know, but I feel
like when you're like, when it'sright, that's true, so don't do
matchcom.
Speaker 2 (44:39):
Or then don't do silversinglescom either, or the
city.
Speaker 3 (44:44):
people just don't know.
Farmerscom.
Speaker 2 (44:47):
Farmerscom.
That's another thing.
Speaker 3 (44:48):
I feel like that's right where I need to be.
Speaker 2 (44:51):
And they also list eHarmony as one of the other
places to go.
So if you're 40 and over andyou're looking for love, where
do we go from here?
You just according to Chris,you just let it fall in your
hands.
Speaker 3 (45:04):
Don't go to Not necessarily Look.
I'm not saying don't, go outand get what you want.
Be that person, be bold and bebold.
Do what you gotta do, but atthe end of the day, don't.
When you put expectations onpeople, that's when it just
automatically is going to justbe a negative.
Speaker 2 (45:17):
I feel like yeah, and then this is let nature take
its place this is the freeflowing crystal code that I know
.
Speaker 3 (45:24):
Just let's let it this is the crystal that's had
my first like work week in awhile.
That's been wild and my brain'shalf but successful, but
successful.
Speaker 2 (45:33):
It's been wild and my brain's half, but successful,
but successful, but successful.
Speaker 3 (45:35):
It's been fun, though , that's good though it's been
so much fun.
Good, good, good, catching upTalking about dating.
I hate dating.
Speaker 2 (45:42):
I hate this whole topic.
That we can do.
I hate this topic, but, guys,it's been fun talking about it
with you.
It's always good.
It's always good to talk andput that out there.
Speaker 3 (45:48):
Yeah, married man 20 years.
Speaker 2 (45:51):
That has no idea what's going on.
I'm still stuck in the oldschool, but that'll never change
.
That'll never change.
But any, let me say any lastthings you want to say before we
head out.
Speaker 3 (46:03):
No, no, I just we're pretty much done, we're wrapping
this up.
Speaker 2 (46:07):
Yeah, we're wrapping this up now, no problem.
Speaker 3 (46:10):
The best, as usual.
Good you were my bestie backthen.
You're still here now, to thisday.
I talk to you every other day,yeah.
Speaker 2 (46:16):
Every other.
So let me, let me, let me, letme, let me end this on a side
note for talking to talking toCrystal Cole.
But how to talk to her?
You send her a message, stop no.
Speaker 3 (46:35):
When you send her, won't get a reply till two to
three days later.
Look, it's like I don't evenremember what we were talking
about.
Okay, first off, um, just comeout there, just you know what.
I'm not gonna put anything out,it's just, it's fine.
Okay, life I I.
Speaker 2 (46:44):
I completely get that .
Speaker 3 (46:45):
I understand, because we're 40 at the end of the day,
I can go a year withoutspeaking to you.
And when I come back and speakto you, guess what?
Speaker 2 (46:52):
it's just like yesterday there you go, I a beat
that's when you know you foundyour tribe that is a friendship
right there that can withstandthe test of time.
So we're going to end theepisode right there.
I said that's a very successfulepisode.
I think it was great.
I am so glad you came to thestudio today.
Speaker 3 (47:12):
I am like a blabbermouth.
Don't worry about that.
Are we still online?
Yeah, we're still.
I think it was great.
I am so glad you came to thestudio today.
Speaker 2 (47:19):
I am like a blabbermouth I'm trying to edit
that.
Don't worry about that.
Don't worry about that.
Speaker 3 (47:22):
Are we still online?
Yeah, we're still on.
Oh my, yeah, I haven't canceledit.
Speaker 2 (47:25):
Yet Just kidding guys .
It was awesome, it was great,it's all good.
So, with that being said, we'regoing to end thank you for guys
tuning in.
Speaker 1 (47:37):
I'll see you guys next time I'm out.
Girl Scout peace, see ya.
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