August 16, 2023 • 18 mins
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Are you taking a break or are you distracting yourself from dealing with the things you need to face?
It can be difficult to discern one from the other, especially when we are in the think of it all. But it is worth asking yourself. It is worth stepping aside from your daily habits and routines to gain perspective and evaluate your use of time.
Yes, take a break. You know I am a big fan of taking a break. But just make sure you are not fooling yourself into believing you are just taking a break with 2 hours of social drinking every day after work or 2 hours of doom scrolling on your phone every evening.
As always, thank you for listening to We All Have Something. If you wish to connect with Rick beyond the podcast:
Website: www.CoachRickSchwartz.com
YouTube: @RickSchwartz
Threads: @Coach_Rick_Schwartz
Instagram: @Coach_Rick_Schwartz
Facebook Page: @CoachRickSchwartz
Threads: @Coach_Rick_Schwartz
***If you are having any thoughts of self harm and need someone to reach out to please call: 1-800-273- TALK (8255)
Or use the new 988 number for calling or texting for support.
Episode Music "Inspiration Corporate" by Sandra Inspiration Music
Music rights purchased through AudioJungle.
Nothing in this podcast should be taken as therapy, medical or mental health care. Topics discussed on this podcast reflect the personal experiences of the host and guests of We All Have Something and are not intended to, nor should they, replace the services of medical care, mental health care or therapy.
If you are having thoughts of self harm or ending your life, please call or text 988 - Help is available 24/7.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to another episode of we All have Something
a listener supported podcast,and if you want to become a
supporter of this podcast,there's a link right down below
in the episode notes.
You'll get a personalized emailof thanks for me, along with a
couple of cool stickers.
You can stick wherever you wantto put cool stickers, and then
also I'll mention your name onthe air, if you give me
permission to do so.
That said, no one to mentionthis episode, but that's okay,
(00:22):
because I've got a handful ofsupporters who have been with us
now all season long making thispodcast happen, and I just want
to say thank you If you're oneof my many supporters out there
listening right now.
You are rock stars, you areawesome and I appreciate you
probably more than you know.
Now, this episode let's jumpright in because I've got a very
(00:43):
busy week.
I'm not going to have a lot oftime to edit, so I'm not going
to get too crazy with thisepisode.
Hopefully you not go too long,and I know now, just as I said,
that I hear the voice of my headdoing yeah, but you ramble.
So get ready, buckle up,because here we go.
I'm Rick Schwartz, life coach,public speaker and all around
curious guy.
My curiosity, my life and thelives of the many people I have
(01:04):
worked with have taught me timeand time again that there are
challenges to overcome andsuccesses to celebrate.
You're listening to we All haveSomething a podcast about the
human experience, a podcastabout celebrating our authentic
self.
So let's get started.
A little over a week ago, I wason a podcast called Apex
(01:26):
Masculinity.
Now this is a podcast whereNick, the host, has really spent
a lot of time trying to workwith and help men through all
the challenges of masculinity.
And I know I'll tell you rightnow, I know the majority of my
listeners are female, and sojust bear with me here, ladies,
because there are a lot ofchallenges men are facing,
especially young men in today'ssociety, where they are being
(01:48):
sold a bill of goods that is notgood on what they should be or
how they can be or be all thisstuff, and then they realize
that's not how society works andit is not a welcoming thing for
them, and so there's a lot ofchallenges and confusion and it
just it's a lot, and Nick wasnice enough to have me on and we
(02:08):
talked a lot about all thethings he dives into.
Now I know with Oula my work isand he knows he knows I'm an
Oula coach we talk about sevenkey areas of life and that's
fitness, finance, family field,faith, friends and fun.
He distills it down and kind ofbrings a couple together.
So he has five areas.
We talk about those.
One of the questions he asked mehas created an offline
(02:29):
conversation in a couple ofdirect messages I've received
where he asked me.
He's like what can guys doabout distractions?
Like what, what can they do?
And my response and I'mparaphrasing here I don't I
don't remember exactly how Isaid it, but essentially the
distractions, the things thatstand in our way.
And this is true not just formen, this is true for all humans
(02:51):
.
Right now especially, we have somany distractions available to
us so easily because it's in ourpocket, it's in our hand all
the time.
We come home from a stressfulday and some of us are already
on our phones in the car tryingto forget and not think about
the stressful things thathappened.
So we're scrolling on our phonein our car.
(03:14):
Some people wait till they gethome, some people wait till they
get to the bar and they sitthere at the bar and they drink
and scroll through their phones.
Now, I'm not saying scrollingthrough your phone is a bad
thing.
I'm not saying going to the barand having a drink is a bad
thing, going home and having adrink not a bad thing, going
home and having a snack not abad thing, going home playing
video games not a bad thing.
(03:34):
And the reason I'm sharing this?
Because the distractions arereal, the stress, distractions
are impactful.
What happens to us is we getthat hit of dopamine from the
video game or from the drinkthat we have, or from the food
that we eat or whatever it mightbe.
And it feels good and it feelslike we're dealing with and
we've solved and soothed thestress, the challenges, the
(03:57):
problems that we're facing.
The reality is, all you aredoing is pushing pause.
Now for the older generationout there, myself included, we
used to have cassette players.
There was stop and there waspause.
Stop retracted all of theplaying equipment to read that
cassette.
That little tape in there, themagnetic reader, would be
(04:19):
retracted and no longer betouching the cassette.
If you push pause.
It still left everything therein place to play that cassette,
but it just stopped everythingfrom moving in the moment when
you lean into a distraction.
You are just pushing pause.
Everything is still there.
All the problems, all thechallenges, all the emotions
(04:42):
it's all still there.
You just pushed pause andyou've been able to distract
yourself with this temporarysensation of everything's good.
I've had a couple of drinks.
I'm good.
I'm going to go play my videogame for a couple of hours.
I'm going to go scroll onsocial media and look at cats
being silly and have a good time.
That makes me laugh, so that'sa good thing.
I am not saying any of thosethings are bad, as long as you
(05:06):
recognize that is not solvingwhat you're trying to escape
from.
It's not solving what you'retrying to be distracted from.
Is it family stress?
Is it work stress?
Is it friendship stress?
Is it financial stress?
Do you feel disconnected fromyour faith and your spirituality
?
Looking towards distractions tonot have to think about those
(05:27):
things is not helping.
Now asterisk little side notehere.
Yes, if you've hit overwhelm,if you've hit burnout, give
yourself a break.
Taking a break is different thandistracting yourself.
Well, my break, rick, is I wantto sit on the couch and look at
funny cat videos because itmakes me laugh.
Excellent, take that break.
(05:47):
Take that break, laugh at thosesilly cats, have a drink while
you're at it, play some videogames afterwards I don't care.
But don't come home everysingle day or go to the bar
every single day, or go to yourfriend's house every single day
and do the same things over andover again to soothe and or
pause dealing with those things.
(06:08):
Once you've taken a break whichyou know.
You know if you've listened tothis podcast.
You've seen my stories on myruns you know for a fact, you
know I'm a big fan of taking abreak I'll be the first to say
take a break, give yourselfpermission to take a break.
Taking a break is not quitting.
Now.
(06:29):
These are all things I havesaid and I stand by that.
Taking a break and givingyourself permission to take a
break is very important, butmake sure your break is not just
a repeated distraction.
You do every single day toavoid having to deal with the
hard stuff, the challengingstuff, the things that are
driving you mad, getting youanxious, causing you to feel
(06:49):
sick to your stomach as youdrive to work or have to drive
to the family member's house orwhatever it might be.
It came up in this podcast aboutmen, because a lot of men just
find ways to distract themselvesbecause no one ever gave them
the tools to work through and ordeal with stuff.
Or our society has painted apicture that if you're going to
therapy, you're weak, or if youhave a coach, you're weak.
(07:10):
If you've asked for help,you're weak.
If you have emotions aroundsomething, you're weak.
One other thing that wasbrought up in this interview
during this time with Nick inhis podcast was this whole
concept of alpha males and howalpha males make all this noise
and they're loud and they're I'man alpha and they're proving it
in every picture, every postand everything they say, and
they'll even go so far as to saythat they're alpha and you're
(07:32):
beta.
The reality of being an alphaand let me tell you, I'll tell
you right now, our society hastaken the concept of a alpha
leader in a social dynamic ofother wildlife, non-human
animals, and completely,completely skewed it beyond what
it really means and how itworks.
I will tell you this in asimplistic just distill it down
(07:55):
real easy.
When you're observing wildlife,when you're observing animals
where hierarchy is important,where there is somebody in
charge, whether it's matriarchalor some other form, you know,
like elephants is matriarchal.
You know, if you're looking atsay, like I said in the podcast
with Nick if you're looking attwo lion, male lions, you're
(08:16):
going to have one male lionhanging out in the shade,
casually laying down like catsdo, surveying his area, and you
might have another male off inthe distance, kind of wandering
up, posturing, roaring, tryingto look vicious, trying to make
some noise, trying to pick onsome lower level lions in the
pride.
You can see this in otherspecies as well.
(08:38):
Just using lions as an example,the one that's alpha is the one
that is confident, that knowsI've got this under control.
This is my territory and thisis my pride and I don't think
that guy over there making amuch noise there's nothing to
worry about.
Where the guy who's over theretrying to tell others hey, I'm
in charge, I'm the big deal, getout of my way, I'm alpha that's
the one who is not and isconcerned and lacks
(09:02):
self-confidence and needs toshow and tell everyone else what
he is.
Our society, unfortunately, hascreated a situation where we
start to believe that's what weneed to do.
We need to be loud andobnoxious and tell everybody
we're in charge and we're a bigdeal, and we don't deal with the
fact that we don't feel thatway.
You know, I hear a lot ofpeople talk about imposter
syndrome.
You know, I got that job, Ididn't feel qualified and I feel
(09:25):
like an imposter.
And so we start to BS our way.
We feel we have to act acertain way and, yes, there is a
certain degree to step into therole that you want to have.
There's a certain degree of bethat person you want to be.
Sometimes you have to do things.
You have to do things, you haveto do actions to get the rest
of it to follow into place.
I get that.
(09:46):
But this idea that we have tofictionalize ourselves, we have
to become a character that's noteven us, and then, all of a
sudden, we find ourselves havingto create that every day, we
find ourselves having to makebelieve who we really are to the
point where we lose ourauthenticity.
We lose who we are in this ideathat I need to be a certain way
to be accepted, I need to be acertain way to be the person
(10:07):
everyone thinks I am, or I needto be a certain way so I can
accept myself.
Are you being a certain way soyou can accept yourself?
Do you know somebody who'sdoing that?
It all goes back to theoriginal thing I was talking
about is that once we get homeor we get in a space where it's
just us, we need to distractourselves.
It's all too much Too muchstress, too much inauthenticity,
(10:28):
too much pretending to besomething we aren't, too much of
dealing with everything elseand we feel we can't confront it
.
We don't have the tools to doit.
No one showed us how.
We never learned how Then askfor help, step up and say this
is no longer how I want to livemy life.
This is not comfortable.
Just going from sleep to work,to my phone, to a PlayStation,
(10:53):
to a bar, to my glass of wine,back to sleep, to wake up and do
it all over again.
We sometimes share of themidlife crisis.
We sometimes share of peoplejust blowing everything up in
their life because they'redissatisfied with who they are.
That is the extreme.
Now, sometimes a midlife crisiscan be something as simple as
just getting a new haircut right, growing a mustache when the
guy never had one before, orwhatever it might be.
(11:14):
A lot of times we get to thepoint where we don't recognize
ourselves or our life anymore.
So we feel we need something todisrupt it.
Therefore, we create thatdisruption and sometimes yeah,
sometimes it's needed.
Sometimes you just need toshake everything up.
I get it.
I get it.
But there are a lot of peoplewho, when they get to that point
where they have created asituation where they have put
(11:36):
themselves in a corner, wherethey feel they no longer even
know who they are, they feeljust to find their own identity
they have to blow everything up.
They look back and go.
I wish I wouldn't have donethat.
That is an extreme and that isthat volcano being capped for a
very long time and suddenly boom.
If you can take the time torecognize I don't like where I
(11:56):
am and I don't know how to getout of this.
Ask for help, start looking forCoaches, start looking for
spiritual leaders, start lookingfor other people doing what it
is you think you might want todo, or just start Asking the
question of hey, I'm feelingreally lost and miserable and I
don't know how I got here.
I need to find someone to helpme work through.
(12:18):
This Could be therapy, could betherapy, god love.
Therapy.
Could be a coach.
Yay, coaches, I love me.
Some coaches, I've got a coach.
I coach people.
I meet with coaches every otherweek.
Coaches are awesome, but it'snot for everybody.
But what we do need to do is weneed to be thoughtful about how
(12:40):
we are existing right now inthis life.
How are you showing up for you?
Why are you Showing up the wayyou are?
What is that?
Is it?
And it might be a great thing,and even if even if you're like
listening to this going, rick,none of this, none of this
applies to me.
My life is all unicorns andrainbows.
I don't know what you'retalking about.
(13:00):
I would still ask you why areyou showing up that way?
What is it that got you there?
And not to question it in thesense of I don't believe you, I
think you're faking it so muchas why not be consciously aware
of that?
Why not lean into that?
Why not share that?
Why not celebrate that?
And if you are someone wheresome of these things I mentioned
today in this episode they doresonate with you, it does feel
(13:22):
like I'm talking about you ormaybe somebody you know.
Then again, ask yourself whyare you there?
How did you get there?
And and wouldn't it be cool ifyou had a life that you could
celebrate.
Maybe it's not all unicorns andrainbows, maybe it's just like
one rainbow and a and a whitegoat Not a unicorn, I don't care
.
I'm just saying what if, though, you had a life worth
(13:43):
celebrating, one where, yeah,there's ups and downs, but it's
really awesome experience?
I would encourage you toExperiment with where are you
right now in life versus when doyou want to be.
Experiment with asking yourselfthat question.
I should say, let me clarifyexperiment with asking yourself
that question when am I rightnow versus where I want to be?
(14:04):
I was challenged by my coachlast week to Look at that, look
at where I am in my life versuswhere I want to be, and what
does it look like in that whereI want to be World?
And it was a really funexercise because, like I can, I
generally look around, go, yeah,life was good, I'm happy,
things are firing all cylindersand I know I'm still growing and
learning.
But that's the cool part of itis experience in the process.
(14:26):
But then to be challenged with,okay, but what would it look
like If you were further alongin that process?
I go, oh, hmm, let me thinkabout that.
So I challenge you.
I challenge you, no matter whereyou feel like you are, ask
yourself when am I in my liferight now versus where do I want
to be?
And what does that look like Ifit's, if it's a real hard like
(14:48):
oh dude, the gap is like theGrand Canyon, the gap between
where I am Versus where I wantto be.
It's like.
It's like California coast ofJapan, like the whole Pacific's
between us, it can feeloverwhelming.
But don't lose sight of whereyou want to be.
Don't lose sight of the factthat you can bridge that gap.
(15:08):
You can lessen that distance.
You can start taking action andthere's gonna be setback, sure,
but get rid of the distractions.
To tie it back to the beginningof this, get rid of the
distractions.
Start being your authentic selfand if you don't know who that
is, start finding someone whocan help you unearth that and
dig through that.
It's gonna be so important, sovaluable.
(15:29):
To goodness gracious, I'vealready gotten, like I said.
So the whole idea behind this,this episode, is that I've been
getting some messages, directmessages, offline, about that
episode on apex masculinity withNick and it's resonated with
some people very much.
And the other side of it waswell, you're saying don't, don't
go out for drinks and don'tplay video games and don't
scroll on my phone.
(15:49):
But you also say take breaks,and I wanted to create an
episode that really defined ofthe difference between Leaning
into and constantly playing inthe world of distractions versus
taking a break.
But you can see, as you know,this episode went a little bit
further than that, and that'sokay.
It's the organic way thisepisode is supposed to play out.
So with that we are going towrap it up.
(16:12):
I, you know, I appreciate youbeing here and thank you again
to my supporters.
You all are making such a bigdifference for this podcast.
I'm at the point now where I'msaving a little bit of money
instead of losing money on this,and I'm going to buy a better
mic and I can't wait for that.
That might be for next season.
We'll see how soon I can get tothat.
But either way, no matter what,you know, I truly hope you
found value in this episode.
(16:33):
As always.
Please share this.
If you know somebody who canget something out of this,
whether it's the first part, themiddle part, whatever it may be
, share this episode.
It's the sharing that showsyou're caring right.
It's the ripple effect.
You know I talk about it allthe time.
How do we make a difference inthis world?
How do we make a difference?
We create a ripple and we getto see the first couple of
(16:54):
ripples sometimes, but then it'sthe fourth, fifth, sixth and so
on.
We don't always see, and that'sokay.
That is okay.
That's the goal, right To makea difference period, whether I
see it or not.
So share these episodes, and Iappreciate everyone who's
already been doing that, and Iappreciate those who've left
reviews or stars.
Wherever you listen to yourpodcast, if there's a way you
could leave a review, it makes abig difference.
(17:14):
When people are scrollingthrough looking for a podcast
that might resonate with them,they see your review like okay,
a lot of people said this iscool.
I guess I'll check it out too.
Of course, if you haven'talready subscribe, wherever you
listen to your podcast, to thispodcast, we all have something
that's available all over theplace.
And then you can find me, ofcourse, on social media.
Been really enjoying the slowgrowth of threads.
It's even fun conversationsover there.
(17:35):
If you haven't been on threadsyet, you should check it out.
You can find me, though,anywhere on social media.
Just search for search for,excuse me, coachrickschwarz, and
of course, you can always go tomy website for more information
, coachrickschwarzcom.
You can sign up for a discoverycall there, free 30-minute Zoom
, where we can discuss what'sgoing on in your life and I'll
share with you what my coachingis.
And if you and I both agree,yeah, that's a good deal, I want
you as my coach and I'm like,yeah, good deal, I think you'd
(17:57):
be a great client for mycoaching and we'll go on from
there and if not, cool 30-minuteconversation about what's going
on, if I can offer any insiderassistance to you in that 30
minutes, then that's what it isabout.
So, again, go to my website,coachrickschwarzcom, for more
information about my coaching,how to sign up for a discovery
call and all the links to mysocial media.
Thanks again for listening.
I really do appreciate it all.
Good one everybody.
Welcome to another episode of we All have Something
a listener supported podcast,and if you want to become a
supporter of this podcast,there's a link right down below
in the episode notes.
You'll get a personalized emailof thanks for me, along with a
couple of cool stickers.
You can stick wherever you wantto put cool stickers, and then
also I'll mention your name onthe air, if you give me
permission to do so.
That said, no one to mentionthis episode, but that's okay,
(00:22):
because I've got a handful ofsupporters who have been with us
now all season long making thispodcast happen, and I just want
to say thank you If you're oneof my many supporters out there
listening right now.
You are rock stars, you areawesome and I appreciate you
probably more than you know.
Now, this episode let's jumpright in because I've got a very
(00:43):
busy week.
I'm not going to have a lot oftime to edit, so I'm not going
to get too crazy with thisepisode.
Hopefully you not go too long,and I know now, just as I said,
that I hear the voice of my headdoing yeah, but you ramble.
So get ready, buckle up,because here we go.
I'm Rick Schwartz, life coach,public speaker and all around
curious guy.
My curiosity, my life and thelives of the many people I have
(01:04):
worked with have taught me timeand time again that there are
challenges to overcome andsuccesses to celebrate.
You're listening to we All haveSomething a podcast about the
human experience, a podcastabout celebrating our authentic
self.
So let's get started.
A little over a week ago, I wason a podcast called Apex
(01:26):
Masculinity.
Now this is a podcast whereNick, the host, has really spent
a lot of time trying to workwith and help men through all
the challenges of masculinity.
And I know I'll tell you rightnow, I know the majority of my
listeners are female, and sojust bear with me here, ladies,
because there are a lot ofchallenges men are facing,
especially young men in today'ssociety, where they are being
(01:48):
sold a bill of goods that is notgood on what they should be or
how they can be or be all thisstuff, and then they realize
that's not how society works andit is not a welcoming thing for
them, and so there's a lot ofchallenges and confusion and it
just it's a lot, and Nick wasnice enough to have me on and we
(02:08):
talked a lot about all thethings he dives into.
Now I know with Oula my work isand he knows he knows I'm an
Oula coach we talk about sevenkey areas of life and that's
fitness, finance, family field,faith, friends and fun.
He distills it down and kind ofbrings a couple together.
So he has five areas.
We talk about those.
One of the questions he asked mehas created an offline
(02:29):
conversation in a couple ofdirect messages I've received
where he asked me.
He's like what can guys doabout distractions?
Like what, what can they do?
And my response and I'mparaphrasing here I don't I
don't remember exactly how Isaid it, but essentially the
distractions, the things thatstand in our way.
And this is true not just formen, this is true for all humans
(02:51):
.
Right now especially, we have somany distractions available to
us so easily because it's in ourpocket, it's in our hand all
the time.
We come home from a stressfulday and some of us are already
on our phones in the car tryingto forget and not think about
the stressful things thathappened.
So we're scrolling on our phonein our car.
(03:14):
Some people wait till they gethome, some people wait till they
get to the bar and they sitthere at the bar and they drink
and scroll through their phones.
Now, I'm not saying scrollingthrough your phone is a bad
thing.
I'm not saying going to the barand having a drink is a bad
thing, going home and having adrink not a bad thing, going
home and having a snack not abad thing, going home playing
video games not a bad thing.
(03:34):
And the reason I'm sharing this?
Because the distractions arereal, the stress, distractions
are impactful.
What happens to us is we getthat hit of dopamine from the
video game or from the drinkthat we have, or from the food
that we eat or whatever it mightbe.
And it feels good and it feelslike we're dealing with and
we've solved and soothed thestress, the challenges, the
(03:57):
problems that we're facing.
The reality is, all you aredoing is pushing pause.
Now for the older generationout there, myself included, we
used to have cassette players.
There was stop and there waspause.
Stop retracted all of theplaying equipment to read that
cassette.
That little tape in there, themagnetic reader, would be
(04:19):
retracted and no longer betouching the cassette.
If you push pause.
It still left everything therein place to play that cassette,
but it just stopped everythingfrom moving in the moment when
you lean into a distraction.
You are just pushing pause.
Everything is still there.
All the problems, all thechallenges, all the emotions
(04:42):
it's all still there.
You just pushed pause andyou've been able to distract
yourself with this temporarysensation of everything's good.
I've had a couple of drinks.
I'm good.
I'm going to go play my videogame for a couple of hours.
I'm going to go scroll onsocial media and look at cats
being silly and have a good time.
That makes me laugh, so that'sa good thing.
I am not saying any of thosethings are bad, as long as you
(05:06):
recognize that is not solvingwhat you're trying to escape
from.
It's not solving what you'retrying to be distracted from.
Is it family stress?
Is it work stress?
Is it friendship stress?
Is it financial stress?
Do you feel disconnected fromyour faith and your spirituality
?
Looking towards distractions tonot have to think about those
(05:27):
things is not helping.
Now asterisk little side notehere.
Yes, if you've hit overwhelm,if you've hit burnout, give
yourself a break.
Taking a break is different thandistracting yourself.
Well, my break, rick, is I wantto sit on the couch and look at
funny cat videos because itmakes me laugh.
Excellent, take that break.
(05:47):
Take that break, laugh at thosesilly cats, have a drink while
you're at it, play some videogames afterwards I don't care.
But don't come home everysingle day or go to the bar
every single day, or go to yourfriend's house every single day
and do the same things over andover again to soothe and or
pause dealing with those things.
(06:08):
Once you've taken a break whichyou know.
You know if you've listened tothis podcast.
You've seen my stories on myruns you know for a fact, you
know I'm a big fan of taking abreak I'll be the first to say
take a break, give yourselfpermission to take a break.
Taking a break is not quitting.
Now.
(06:29):
These are all things I havesaid and I stand by that.
Taking a break and givingyourself permission to take a
break is very important, butmake sure your break is not just
a repeated distraction.
You do every single day toavoid having to deal with the
hard stuff, the challengingstuff, the things that are
driving you mad, getting youanxious, causing you to feel
(06:49):
sick to your stomach as youdrive to work or have to drive
to the family member's house orwhatever it might be.
It came up in this podcast aboutmen, because a lot of men just
find ways to distract themselvesbecause no one ever gave them
the tools to work through and ordeal with stuff.
Or our society has painted apicture that if you're going to
therapy, you're weak, or if youhave a coach, you're weak.
(07:10):
If you've asked for help,you're weak.
If you have emotions aroundsomething, you're weak.
One other thing that wasbrought up in this interview
during this time with Nick inhis podcast was this whole
concept of alpha males and howalpha males make all this noise
and they're loud and they're I'man alpha and they're proving it
in every picture, every postand everything they say, and
they'll even go so far as to saythat they're alpha and you're
(07:32):
beta.
The reality of being an alphaand let me tell you, I'll tell
you right now, our society hastaken the concept of a alpha
leader in a social dynamic ofother wildlife, non-human
animals, and completely,completely skewed it beyond what
it really means and how itworks.
I will tell you this in asimplistic just distill it down
(07:55):
real easy.
When you're observing wildlife,when you're observing animals
where hierarchy is important,where there is somebody in
charge, whether it's matriarchalor some other form, you know,
like elephants is matriarchal.
You know, if you're looking atsay, like I said in the podcast
with Nick if you're looking attwo lion, male lions, you're
(08:16):
going to have one male lionhanging out in the shade,
casually laying down like catsdo, surveying his area, and you
might have another male off inthe distance, kind of wandering
up, posturing, roaring, tryingto look vicious, trying to make
some noise, trying to pick onsome lower level lions in the
pride.
You can see this in otherspecies as well.
(08:38):
Just using lions as an example,the one that's alpha is the one
that is confident, that knowsI've got this under control.
This is my territory and thisis my pride and I don't think
that guy over there making amuch noise there's nothing to
worry about.
Where the guy who's over theretrying to tell others hey, I'm
in charge, I'm the big deal, getout of my way, I'm alpha that's
the one who is not and isconcerned and lacks
(09:02):
self-confidence and needs toshow and tell everyone else what
he is.
Our society, unfortunately, hascreated a situation where we
start to believe that's what weneed to do.
We need to be loud andobnoxious and tell everybody
we're in charge and we're a bigdeal, and we don't deal with the
fact that we don't feel thatway.
You know, I hear a lot ofpeople talk about imposter
syndrome.
You know, I got that job, Ididn't feel qualified and I feel
(09:25):
like an imposter.
And so we start to BS our way.
We feel we have to act acertain way and, yes, there is a
certain degree to step into therole that you want to have.
There's a certain degree of bethat person you want to be.
Sometimes you have to do things.
You have to do things, you haveto do actions to get the rest
of it to follow into place.
I get that.
(09:46):
But this idea that we have tofictionalize ourselves, we have
to become a character that's noteven us, and then, all of a
sudden, we find ourselves havingto create that every day, we
find ourselves having to makebelieve who we really are to the
point where we lose ourauthenticity.
We lose who we are in this ideathat I need to be a certain way
to be accepted, I need to be acertain way to be the person
(10:07):
everyone thinks I am, or I needto be a certain way so I can
accept myself.
Are you being a certain way soyou can accept yourself?
Do you know somebody who'sdoing that?
It all goes back to theoriginal thing I was talking
about is that once we get homeor we get in a space where it's
just us, we need to distractourselves.
It's all too much Too muchstress, too much inauthenticity,
(10:28):
too much pretending to besomething we aren't, too much of
dealing with everything elseand we feel we can't confront it
.
We don't have the tools to doit.
No one showed us how.
We never learned how Then askfor help, step up and say this
is no longer how I want to livemy life.
This is not comfortable.
Just going from sleep to work,to my phone, to a PlayStation,
(10:53):
to a bar, to my glass of wine,back to sleep, to wake up and do
it all over again.
We sometimes share of themidlife crisis.
We sometimes share of peoplejust blowing everything up in
their life because they'redissatisfied with who they are.
That is the extreme.
Now, sometimes a midlife crisiscan be something as simple as
just getting a new haircut right, growing a mustache when the
guy never had one before, orwhatever it might be.
(11:14):
A lot of times we get to thepoint where we don't recognize
ourselves or our life anymore.
So we feel we need something todisrupt it.
Therefore, we create thatdisruption and sometimes yeah,
sometimes it's needed.
Sometimes you just need toshake everything up.
I get it.
I get it.
But there are a lot of peoplewho, when they get to that point
where they have created asituation where they have put
(11:36):
themselves in a corner, wherethey feel they no longer even
know who they are, they feeljust to find their own identity
they have to blow everything up.
They look back and go.
I wish I wouldn't have donethat.
That is an extreme and that isthat volcano being capped for a
very long time and suddenly boom.
If you can take the time torecognize I don't like where I
(11:56):
am and I don't know how to getout of this.
Ask for help, start looking forCoaches, start looking for
spiritual leaders, start lookingfor other people doing what it
is you think you might want todo, or just start Asking the
question of hey, I'm feelingreally lost and miserable and I
don't know how I got here.
I need to find someone to helpme work through.
(12:18):
This Could be therapy, could betherapy, god love.
Therapy.
Could be a coach.
Yay, coaches, I love me.
Some coaches, I've got a coach.
I coach people.
I meet with coaches every otherweek.
Coaches are awesome, but it'snot for everybody.
But what we do need to do is weneed to be thoughtful about how
(12:40):
we are existing right now inthis life.
How are you showing up for you?
Why are you Showing up the wayyou are?
What is that?
Is it?
And it might be a great thing,and even if even if you're like
listening to this going, rick,none of this, none of this
applies to me.
My life is all unicorns andrainbows.
I don't know what you'retalking about.
(13:00):
I would still ask you why areyou showing up that way?
What is it that got you there?
And not to question it in thesense of I don't believe you, I
think you're faking it so muchas why not be consciously aware
of that?
Why not lean into that?
Why not share that?
Why not celebrate that?
And if you are someone wheresome of these things I mentioned
today in this episode they doresonate with you, it does feel
(13:22):
like I'm talking about you ormaybe somebody you know.
Then again, ask yourself whyare you there?
How did you get there?
And and wouldn't it be cool ifyou had a life that you could
celebrate.
Maybe it's not all unicorns andrainbows, maybe it's just like
one rainbow and a and a whitegoat Not a unicorn, I don't care
.
I'm just saying what if, though, you had a life worth
(13:43):
celebrating, one where, yeah,there's ups and downs, but it's
really awesome experience?
I would encourage you toExperiment with where are you
right now in life versus when doyou want to be.
Experiment with asking yourselfthat question.
I should say, let me clarifyexperiment with asking yourself
that question when am I rightnow versus where I want to be?
(14:04):
I was challenged by my coachlast week to Look at that, look
at where I am in my life versuswhere I want to be, and what
does it look like in that whereI want to be World?
And it was a really funexercise because, like I can, I
generally look around, go, yeah,life was good, I'm happy,
things are firing all cylindersand I know I'm still growing and
learning.
But that's the cool part of itis experience in the process.
(14:26):
But then to be challenged with,okay, but what would it look
like If you were further alongin that process?
I go, oh, hmm, let me thinkabout that.
So I challenge you.
I challenge you, no matter whereyou feel like you are, ask
yourself when am I in my liferight now versus where do I want
to be?
And what does that look like Ifit's, if it's a real hard like
(14:48):
oh dude, the gap is like theGrand Canyon, the gap between
where I am Versus where I wantto be.
It's like.
It's like California coast ofJapan, like the whole Pacific's
between us, it can feeloverwhelming.
But don't lose sight of whereyou want to be.
Don't lose sight of the factthat you can bridge that gap.
(15:08):
You can lessen that distance.
You can start taking action andthere's gonna be setback, sure,
but get rid of the distractions.
To tie it back to the beginningof this, get rid of the
distractions.
Start being your authentic selfand if you don't know who that
is, start finding someone whocan help you unearth that and
dig through that.
It's gonna be so important, sovaluable.
(15:29):
To goodness gracious, I'vealready gotten, like I said.
So the whole idea behind this,this episode, is that I've been
getting some messages, directmessages, offline, about that
episode on apex masculinity withNick and it's resonated with
some people very much.
And the other side of it waswell, you're saying don't, don't
go out for drinks and don'tplay video games and don't
scroll on my phone.
(15:49):
But you also say take breaks,and I wanted to create an
episode that really defined ofthe difference between Leaning
into and constantly playing inthe world of distractions versus
taking a break.
But you can see, as you know,this episode went a little bit
further than that, and that'sokay.
It's the organic way thisepisode is supposed to play out.
So with that we are going towrap it up.
(16:12):
I, you know, I appreciate youbeing here and thank you again
to my supporters.
You all are making such a bigdifference for this podcast.
I'm at the point now where I'msaving a little bit of money
instead of losing money on this,and I'm going to buy a better
mic and I can't wait for that.
That might be for next season.
We'll see how soon I can get tothat.
But either way, no matter what,you know, I truly hope you
found value in this episode.
(16:33):
As always.
Please share this.
If you know somebody who canget something out of this,
whether it's the first part, themiddle part, whatever it may be
, share this episode.
It's the sharing that showsyou're caring right.
It's the ripple effect.
You know I talk about it allthe time.
How do we make a difference inthis world?
How do we make a difference?
We create a ripple and we getto see the first couple of
(16:54):
ripples sometimes, but then it'sthe fourth, fifth, sixth and so
on.
We don't always see, and that'sokay.
That is okay.
That's the goal, right To makea difference period, whether I
see it or not.
So share these episodes, and Iappreciate everyone who's
already been doing that, and Iappreciate those who've left
reviews or stars.
Wherever you listen to yourpodcast, if there's a way you
could leave a review, it makes abig difference.
(17:14):
When people are scrollingthrough looking for a podcast
that might resonate with them,they see your review like okay,
a lot of people said this iscool.
I guess I'll check it out too.
Of course, if you haven'talready subscribe, wherever you
listen to your podcast, to thispodcast, we all have something
that's available all over theplace.
And then you can find me, ofcourse, on social media.
Been really enjoying the slowgrowth of threads.
It's even fun conversationsover there.
(17:35):
If you haven't been on threadsyet, you should check it out.
You can find me, though,anywhere on social media.
Just search for search for,excuse me, coachrickschwarz, and
of course, you can always go tomy website for more information
, coachrickschwarzcom.
You can sign up for a discoverycall there, free 30-minute Zoom
, where we can discuss what'sgoing on in your life and I'll
share with you what my coachingis.
And if you and I both agree,yeah, that's a good deal, I want
you as my coach and I'm like,yeah, good deal, I think you'd
(17:57):
be a great client for mycoaching and we'll go on from
there and if not, cool 30-minuteconversation about what's going
on, if I can offer any insiderassistance to you in that 30
minutes, then that's what it isabout.
So, again, go to my website,coachrickschwarzcom, for more
information about my coaching,how to sign up for a discovery
call and all the links to mysocial media.
Thanks again for listening.
I really do appreciate it all.
Good one everybody.
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