October 22, 2025 • 37 mins
🎧 You Don’t Owe Your Loyalty to the Wrong Room
We Are Women, Unapologetically — Season 2, Episode 3
Guest: Rachel Spekman, Founder of Made for More Coaching
If the room no longer fits, you’ve outgrown it.
And you don’t owe your loyalty to the wrong room.
In this episode, Jessica Cumming sits down with Rachel Spekman, founder of Made for More Coaching, for an honest conversation about alignment, identity, and what it really means to pivot with purpose. Together, they unpack how to leave rooms that no longer reflect your growth—without guilt or apology.
🎧 Listen now — and explore The Courage to Pause™, open this week for women ready to realign before their next big move.
The difference between growth and familiarity — and why comfort can become a cage
How to audit your own alignment using Rachel’s “internal résumé audit”
Why loyalty can hold high-achievers back from the rooms meant for them
What it really looks like to build a new identity after burnout or misalignment
How stillness creates precision, not pause
0:00 – 3:37 | Welcome + Rachel’s Career Story
Rachel shares her early career in education, the shift from teaching to after-school programs, and how her natural gift for leadership led her into entrepreneurship.
3:38 – 7:58 | Forced Transitions and The Universe’s Nudge
When tenure wasn’t renewed, Rachel reframed the experience as redirection. She shares how a moment in the ocean became her turning point.
8:06 – 10:35 | The Internal Résumé Audit
Rachel explains her “internal audit” method—how to measure time spent vs. happiness level in your daily work to find alignment.
10:36 – 12:15 | Resistance, Loyalty, and Letting Go
They discuss why 99% of people resist change and how permission begins with ourselves, not external validation.
12:16 – 16:50 | The Board of Advisors + The Role of Identity
Jessica and Rachel talk about creating your personal “Board of Advisors,” letting go of identity attachments, and finding grounded support during reinvention.
16:51 – 20:28 | Permission and the Power of Discomfort
Rachel’s take on the false comfort of “false pauses” and her reminder: change happens when we’re uncomfortable.
20:29 – 25:17 | Therapy, Self-Awareness, and the Classroom Within
Rachel reframes therapy as a “classroom in yourself” and shares how discomfort and stillness can become powerful teachers.
25:18 – 27:23 | Death by a Thousand Cuts
The subtle signals of stagnation: when work that once felt meaningful starts to feel misaligned.
27:24 – 30:33 | Designing a Dream Day
Practical ways to regain clarity and control by designing your ideal day—and comparing it to the one you’re living.
30:34 – 33:40 | The Hurry Culture + Breaking Up with the Instant Life
A grounded conversation about pace, presence, and intentional living.
33:41 – 37:33 | The Power of Presence and Permission
Rachel’s final reflections on being fully present, living intentionally, and her book recommendation How to Break Up With Your Phone.
“Change happens when we’re uncomfortable. The more uncomfortable we get, the more we realize nobody’s going to make this change except for me.”
— Rachel Spekman
Rachel Spekman is the founder of Made for More Coaching, helping high-performing professionals trade high-paid, soul-sucking careers for values-aligned work that still pays. With an MBA, startup leadership background, and clinical therapy experience, Rachel bridges clarity and courage to help people align their purpose and profession.
Connect: rachelspekman.com | madeformorecoach.com
How to Break Up with Your Phone by Catherine Price
Clarity in 10™ Reset — your free 10-minute clarity tool
The Courage to Pause™ is open now.
If your energy has been telling you “this isn’t it,” this is your reset.
Because clarity doesn’t come from chaos, it comes from courage.
→ Enroll in The Courage to Pause™
If this conversation sparked something for you, share it with another woman who’s been quietly outgrowing her own room.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Welcome to We Are Women Unapologetically, the podcast
that talks about the good, bad, ugly and awesome careers, life,
transitions, confidence, and everything in between.
Because shift happens, but you don't have to do it alone.
Hello and welcome to We Are Women.
Unapologetically, I Am Your host, Jessica Cumming.
(00:22):
And today I am honored to be joined by Rachel Speckman.
Rachel is the founder of Made for More Coaching, which helps
high performing professionals trade high paid soul sucking
careers for soul aligned work that still brings great income.
Her work focuses on the premise that you can work a job for high
pay and be miserable, or you canapply your gifts and talents in
(00:45):
a way that makes you great moneyand love what you do by aligning
your career with your values andpurpose.
Rachel, thank you so much for joining me today.
Thank you. I was really intrigued by your
story when we first connected because it sounds like you have
had some different career transitions along the way.
Tell me about. Your journey I started my career
(01:09):
in Boston and thought I was going to change the world
through education and through teaching.
We all do want to change the world in our own way, and we're
all trying to figure out how to do that and how to make an
income and be around the right people to do just that.
That was how I started, and I did that for about 7 years.
I was a classroom teacher. I thought I was heading into the
(01:30):
principalship world. I thought I wanted to be a
Superintendent and I learned quickly that classroom
management was just not for me. I love the one-on-one work with
the kids but I did not like the politics of schools.
I ended up transitioning to working with kids in an after
school program setting. This after school program is
(01:52):
actually a startup and I was working fundraising, scaling
mentorship programs and partnering with the city of
Boston where I live and I loved it.
I was like oh I can do what I like with the kids and also
learn this whole project management skill.
Started doing an MBA part time and then I was introduced to the
word entrepreneurship and innovation.
(02:13):
And I started working with startups because I realized, oh,
I love helping things get off the ground.
Did that prevent another seven years or so?
And at the tail end of that, I didn't know it was the tail end,
but I went on, I was helping allthe companies get off the ground
and trying to launch my own family.
I ran into a a very challenging,painful fertility journey and it
(02:40):
took me about three years. I have two children now and when
I my son is 7, my oldest and my daughter's 3.
And when I had my first my son, I went back to work.
And at that point I realized this used to fill me up and it
doesn't anymore. And I had what I call the dark
(03:05):
nights of the soul. I was the director of business
ventures at a corporation then. And I said, I'm in the wrong
room. I started working with a coach.
Long story short, I ended up leaving the senior director
title to go to sofa work school full time and now a private
practice therapist. Fast forward five years.
(03:26):
That was the beginning of the pandemic and I launched a
coaching company because a lot of people I met throughout my
journey, But you seem so much happier.
How did you do this? And and it really started
organically. That's a.
Great. Intro to all of this because
working with kids to working with adult, that in itself is a
(03:47):
huge change. When you were working in the
school system, what age were youteaching then?
I started teaching high school and I had my masters in K to 8
special. Did you work with special
education kids through your whole time there too?
That's definitely even more of achallenge.
It's not just high school. There's that added layer of
(04:09):
complexity there. When you decided to make this
shift, was there something specific that happened that
said, I know you said politics, but was there something specific
that happened or how did you decide to just say, this isn't
for me anymore? I went from charter school where
it was very intense hours and I thought this was too much for me
(04:35):
and I transitioned to a more traditional suburban public
school district. Then I got yelled at for staying
too late and working too hard there.
I just could not find the right environment for me.
I'm I don't think of myself as aGod oriented person and I wanted
to just do the work but not haveto deal with the things around
(04:55):
the work. You made the decision to
transfer to an after school program.
What was that like? Yeah.
My tenure was not renewed at theschool system that I was in.
So you were forced out? It was a forced choice.
OK. And I work with people on this
(05:15):
all the time now where you can call it the universe, you can
call it whatever somebody else makes the decision for you, but
you weren't really that happy tobegin with.
So. And that is what happened to me.
I remember going on vacation when the 10 year was not renewed
and I was swimming in the ocean and I thought, I have no idea
what this next chapter is, but Iremember being in the ocean.
(05:39):
I'm a water person and being like, I'm going to roll with it
like the waves of this ocean. I came back from that trip and a
friend of mine said this really awesome organization is hiring
and I think you'd be a really good fit.
And I was hired as the program manager and then became the
senior program manager. It was a great fit for several
years because I got to still do that core work that I love
(06:05):
doing, which is working with thekids.
But then I got to expand my skill sets so much.
How much in between time did youhave to really think about?
What do I want to do next? Two weeks.
So yours was pretty quick, but you had already mentioned that a
(06:26):
lot of times this happens to people and they're already
unhappy. It sounds like towards the end
of your time in the school system, you weren't exactly as
happy as when you started off either.
I don't want to put words into your mouth, but it almost sounds
like you did more of a not necessarily parallel transition,
(06:46):
but one that you were able to utilize the skills that you
would gain from the school system and just build upon it
for a new skill sake. That's right.
That's very connected to what I help people with now, which is
if you're unhappy, we have to think about what is unhappy
within you and where are you happiest and how do we
(07:07):
capitalize on the places where you're the most happy.
The reason I asked you the question about how long did you
take is because there are studies that say that people
that take 30 days or more duringa transition are 40% more likely
to be aligned with their next role.
(07:28):
I'm very strategic about puttingmyself out there.
And I said I want to work with kids, I don't want to work in a
school system. Does anybody know of any roles?
And I had several different people reach out to me for
different opportunities, and this was the one that felt like
the most germane. It was definitely a lower salary
than I was making. It was a calculated risk in that
(07:51):
way because I do believe that sometimes your salary is going
to change for you to acquire more skills or step more into
the right room to actually catapult forward, and that's
exactly what happened to me. I want to go back to what you
just said about strategically put yourself out there and what
you wanted to be doing. If anyone is sitting there
(08:14):
thinking right now, I know I need to make this change.
I'm afraid to say it out loud. I haven't put myself out there
yet because of this. What advice would you give them?
First, I would say surround yourself with positive people
because change is very hard and to make a change for anybody,
(08:38):
you want to have a safety net. You want to be really thoughtful
about it. There are a lot of unknowns.
The second thing I would say is start to get very curious.
I call it an internal resume audit.
Think about your day. Write down the core tasks that
you're doing. Write down what percent of time
(09:01):
you're doing them, and then right next to that, what percent
happiness you are when you're doing those tasks.
Then you can start to see what'sin alignment and what is not in
alignment. And if you're doing, I'll just
use podcasting 70% of the day, but you hate recording and you
hate the tech side of it, then you can clearly tell there's
(09:23):
something off. Once you have that data then you
can start to say, wait, I think I'm going to be doing more of
this thing. I often say that your thoughts
and your gut feeling it's givingyou data.
I was talking with a client and when you're looking at different
(09:43):
job descriptions, a lot of timeswomen are like, I only have done
this in 30% of my role, but thisrole that I'm looking at, it's
everything that I want to be doing.
The transition to that is, how do you highlight that 30% that
you're already doing in order tomake it 100% of the job you want
(10:04):
to be doing? I call it reverse engineering
your job search or your career search, go find the top five
jobs that you've recently applied to and just pull out
your favorite bullets. And then you start to describe
and create your dream job again.That's intentionality.
(10:25):
When you go get a car, you're not just like, let me just drive
every car. No, you have your list of the
things that you want. How do you be really intentional
about the things that you're cultivating towards you?
It's funny, it reminded me of last year when my boyfriend and
I went to look for a new vehicle.
He would say I drove every car in the lot.
(10:45):
I will tell you that is not the case.
It is interesting that you're taking that perspective because
as I'm sitting here having this conversation with you, I'm
thinking how many jobs did I notnecessarily have originally, but
jobs were created based on my skill set, based on what I could
do and the need in the company that they didn't necessarily
(11:07):
know was there. I'm thinking of you're creating
this dream job, but in a way, there's manifestation behind
that as well. Have you met people that are
resistant to try to go through this exercise 90?
9% of people are resistant. It's very common to be
resistant. I'm not allowed to explore.
I'm already making a good income.
(11:28):
This company help me with my master or so they help me
through this transition. So there's this loyalty piece.
Often early on, it's actually giving ourselves permission,
even if it's just to double check where we are.
If it's working for the parts that aren't working, how do we
do tune UPS while you're somewhere that might be working
for you? We can all get into the hamster
(11:50):
wheel of this, what we do with your partner, with whatever the
our commute, right? And this is like, oh wait, let
me do a little tune up for myself.
These are the parts that I really like and these are the
parts that I don't like. It sounds very simplistic, but
it's actually hard work. That means I have to let go of
something I'm currently doing and I have to create a new
(12:11):
identity based on the thing thatI want to be doing more of.
You just said two really great things there.
The 1st is I need to let go of something that I've been doing
for me. What I talked to a lot of people
about is why? Why are you even doing it?
Sometimes there, especially in jobs, we hold on to things
(12:34):
because we feel an obligation. We feel a sense of loyalty.
We feel as though this is what we should be doing.
And in this season of the podcast, we are talking more
about the personal side of it, too.
Those same questions apply. Why are we holding on to things
that we don't necessarily need to be holding on to?
(12:57):
I was talking to somebody yesterday who's quite senior at
their company. They don't want to be doing what
they're doing anymore and there is a lot of what are people
going to think, how is it going to be perceived?
And I went through the exact same experience I had when I
left the startup world and the senior director role and became
(13:18):
an intern. The ego goes on a journey and I
had people say are you OK, Are you well?
But people really advising me against it and I come back to
you're going to put your head onyour pillow tonight, I'm going
to put my head on my pillow tonight.
And yes, of course our reputations matter.
(13:40):
We want to have strong relationships with people.
But if it's not filling us up, what are we doing it for?
That's huge. And the fact that you just said
people reached out to you when you decided to make this
decision and ask if you're OK ties back into something I
talked about in Season 1. And that's when people in your
(14:02):
life don't get it. I encourage everybody I work
with and everyone who's listening to have a board of
advisors. I have my own board of advisors
and I encourage people to createtheir own board of advisors.
This could be two to three people that I say are on Team
Rachel, not Team Rachel at this company, not Team Rachel when
(14:26):
the weather's easy breezy, but that really see who you are,
believe in you and honor your struggles.
They don't have to be S people, but they get you.
And then that's your top tier when it comes to vulnerability
and where you're heading professionally.
(14:47):
I'll give you an example. I didn't share with my family,
my parents and my brother that Iwas going to social work school
until I had given my job notice,until I had accepted, by the
way. And then I got a nice
scholarship to go to school too.Because you never know what's
going to happen when you put yourself out there until I had
(15:07):
made a four year financial plan with a financial planner.
At the end of the day, if you'reexcited about what you're doing
and you have some strategy and some legs to it, what are people
going to say? No, you shouldn't be that
excited. It is your one wild and precious
life and you're going to have hiccups too.
So definitely be really mindful about who you're cultivating and
(15:28):
when you have those hiccups. Yeah, I have my own personal
board of advisors and I have hadone for a few years now.
My people, they're not always yes people, but they are people
that I can come with. I can be real, I can be raw, I
can be vulnerable. And I know that they are going
to support me, but they're also going to give me honest
feedback. Those are the type of people you
(15:50):
want as close as possible to youin your corner.
I didn't even realize we had that in common.
And we didn't talk about that when we have our first
discussion. But I'm glad you brought that
up. And the other thing you talked
about was identity. Do you have thoughts on someone
trying to find their identity ifthey are in between roles or
(16:11):
even if they've jumped into a new role but they're not sure
who they are in that role yet? I sometimes liken it to you're
on a trapeze and you're going tojump on to the next one, but
there's a moment where you're free falling in between the two
or you're just suspended in the air and most people will never
let go because they're too afraid.
(16:32):
But then you're not actually getting to the other side.
My kids do circuit stuff, so I've literally observed it's an
actor. But it's really cool because you
are watching people push their bodies and they're like, I trust
myself enough to grab this next thing or I'm going to fall into
a safety net. I mean, it's a metaphor for a
reason, right? To answer your question, people
(16:53):
who want to make an adjacent move, who want to start their
own business, who want to do fractional work required a skill
set, then a beginner's mindset in many ways.
Well, I'm senior in this position, but I'm a beginner in
building a business. We have to have that beginner's
(17:15):
mindset, which can be very hard to do.
I'm having it myself in many ways, certain ways.
I've never posted on LinkedIn. It's what I call expansion work
and not contraction work. So that's a somatic piece.
Again, for anyone who's listening, thinking about what
do you actually get excited versus what do you say I have to
(17:35):
do this? So those are some of the pieces
that I'm thinking about. As a therapist, I focus on
identity transformation, which is letting go of something,
shedding skin to create a new identity.
You had talked earlier about tents, driving different cars.
When I say it took me a year anda half to decide I was going to
(17:56):
become a therapist, I tried on several different things, joined
a hotline where I could volunteer to be a therapist.
I was thinking about becoming a rabbi and I joined and I tried
on leading a fertility support group.
These were all no more than an hour to two hours of my time.
(18:16):
But I got to try these things onto see which ones did I like,
which ones felt natural, which ones didn't?
And for anyone who's listening and who's stuck, that's what I'm
saying. The expansion work is like, let
me try this on. Oh, I don't like this.
OK, well, don't go get a degree in it.
Don't get a job in it. I'm so glad I tried on becoming
(18:37):
a rabbi. I realized I I would be back to
the school politics that I don'tlike and I was truly about to
apply because that was but now Iactually get to do some of that
work with this hat on. I thought about becoming a
psychologist, which is a five year degree and I went to one of
those classes and I said, this is great.
(18:57):
And I actually think I could become a social worker for half
the time, half the price. So I tried that on as well.
There are so many ways we can start to get on stock.
It's giving ourselves permission.
A lot of times we wait for otherpeople to give us permission and
we just need to take it. We need to give it to ourselves.
Nobody else is going to show up with a permission slip, but we
(19:22):
have to be able and willing to give ourselves permission.
And the season one last episode,I do have a permission slip that
people can download and print out as a reminder to give
themselves permission to go after the things that they want.
They have permission to not staystuck.
A lot of times people don't givethemselves enough credit for
(19:43):
what they actually know and how much they know about different.
Roles. See what?
You like, see what you don't like and this is something that
people can do before they are ready to make a move.
That's the beauty of networking is really figuring out what you
like and don't like and what does it cost you.
(20:03):
Right. Maybe someone will say no, but
what does it really cost at the end of the day?
I love your permission slip. I had to download it myself.
Change happens. The more uncomfortable and the
more uncomfortable we get, the more we realize nobody's going
to make this change except for me.
And I am very uncomfortable. I'm in the wrong room, I'm doing
(20:24):
the wrong thing, I'm spending mytime the wrong way.
Rachel, if you don't mind, I'd like to shift our conversation a
little bit because I know that you brought this up earlier and
I know it's a topic that a lot of women struggle with and that
is infertility. Can you tell us a little bit
about your story? I wouldn't be here without my
(20:45):
fertility journey because they got me so uncomfortable.
And I started working deeply with a therapist, deeply with an
acupuncturist. It brought me to my knees as far
as who I thought I was, my senseof control, my community, like
watching all my friends get pregnant one after the next and
(21:08):
getting OK with my body through IVF and all kinds of things that
the toll it was taking on my marriage, just all of that.
I had a loss. I had another the whole journey
and then to keep putting on thishappy face at work when there
was so much going on privately with me.
(21:28):
When I finally did get back to work, I would sit down with the
company and I say, so tell me how you're doing.
And they would say, I'm stressed, but let's work on our
financials, let's work on my operations.
And I realized I cared so much more about how they were doing
as a person because people had been tending to how I was doing
as a person. I could talk to them about their
(21:48):
financials, but it didn't interest me in the same way.
And that was a big like, holy shit moment.
Like, well, what do I do? Because I'm basically trained
through my MBA and my title was director of business ventures to
help businesses succeed. Of course I want their business
to succeed. I want to get to know them and
(22:10):
understand their pain. And that was really the blessing
that I realized, oh, I must sit with people in their pain.
I think that's what therapist too transform people's pain into
meaning. Therapy is something I truly
believe every single person should go through, but only when
(22:31):
they're ready. Because if you try to go through
it when you're not ready, if youdon't truly understand the
benefits, you're not going to get the benefits of it.
I'm sure that you have had experiences with people that may
have been resistant to therapy or maybe just play the part.
(22:54):
I have friends that have played the part.
They went because they were supposed to.
They went because they had to. What would you tell someone
listening that either number oneis thinking about therapy but
don't really understand what it is or how it can benefit them?
OK, I say to anybody in my very first session, I don't care if
(23:18):
you've had 100 therapists. I don't care if this is your
first session. Therapy is a classroom in
yourself. If you don't want a classroom in
yourself, that's fine. The second thing I say, and
they're both equally important, I think from my perspective, is
at the end, the goal of therapy to figure out what is working
(23:39):
well and how do you turn the volume up.
That means relationships that are working well, activities in
your life that are going well, self talk that's going well and
what is not going well and how do you turn it down and what is
the resistance and some of the constraints that you have you.
Said this earlier, right? Change is uncomfortable and that
(24:02):
is something that we need to be willing to change because we all
know that we go through different places in our lives
and the moment that we stop changing, the moment we stop
growing, that's when we become stagnant.
My question to you is, when yourcareer was transitioning quickly
versus that year and a half where you weren't exactly sure
(24:23):
you were in that unknown, where do you feel as though you grew
the most? I want to answer that, but I
want to give a more contemporaryanswer to that if that's OK.
Yeah, I call going to social work school, my largest adult
calculated risk. Besides having children and
getting married, I just three months ago left full time work
to do my own private practice and I've never not worked with a
(24:47):
team. I was getting stagnant where I
was, even in the software work field.
I didn't like that somebody elsewas telling me how to manage my
day, what clients to see. I said no, I want to have more
autonomy than that. And now I have more autonomy and
more challenges in other ways around billing, community, all
kinds of things. I had made the big change, and
(25:07):
I'm so glad I had. And I call myself like a kid in
a candy shop at social work school.
I want to take every class. I want to teach social work.
I could still get stagnant thereas well.
And I tried to leave two different times where I was.
I just knew I wanted to run my own shop, which I've never done
before. I would be happy to talk about
that year and a half, but I think that there's this push
(25:29):
pull that happens when we're uncomfortable.
And that's the tension, I think.Yeah, the comfort, it pulls us
back quite often. And Season 2, I talk about it as
that false pause where we think we are moving forward, we think
we are making changes, but in reality, we are jumping back
into the same things that are familiar.
(25:49):
So we're not actually growing orchanging the pattern, right?
Exactly. It is a pattern.
It's a motion without the direction.
It's just going to that same cycle over and over.
Do you remember a couple of the different signs that made you
think I'm starting to get stagnant?
(26:11):
Because I think that this is something that probably happens
over time, and people don't evenrealize that it's happening.
Yeah. And that I call this death by
1000 cuts. Sometimes we'll have like
trauma. We'll be laid off, we'll have a
toxic boss. We'll have a big change in
leadership. There are generally 3 CS that
make work meaningful. Community contribution and
(26:32):
challenge. And I could see that I was
developing a community where I was.
I wanted a different community. The challenge just felt like I
was solving somebody else's problems instead of the problems
that I wanted to solve. And the contribution was that I
(26:54):
wasn't contributing in ways thatfelt meaningful for me.
My definition of contribution atand is changing.
I think there were specific moments where I would walk into
a room and I, this room used to feel so good a year ago, but now
it feels a little different and what do I do?
And it's just another pattern. There's a lot of things to it
(27:15):
that felt really hard to be like, wait, this is changing.
And I think with the pandemic, alot of people are like, am I
extroverted? Am I introverted?
What fills me up? You know, so there were a lot of
those questions that I was working on.
If anyone is out there right nowthat's like, Oh my gosh, that
kind of sounds like me. I think I'm a little stagnant.
Think I'm ready look at doing something about it.
(27:36):
I know that you had talked earlier about trying on
different roles, trying to see what they may or may not enjoy,
but is there any other piece of advice that you would give those
people out there? Well, I'll just tell you this
new offering that I have, which it's called the High Stakes
(27:57):
Career Audit. It's a 90 minute one time deep
dive into what's going on because some people are like, I
don't want ongoing coaching, butI know I need something.
Whether that's something you book with me or somebody like
me, I think that can really likejust zoom you out unless we can
all get so into the weeds of it.You can look at your own house
and see all the piles and then somebody comes over and you're
(28:18):
like, your house is so gorgeous.You're so tapped into the
day-to-day, so those are some ofmy thoughts around that.
Someone is sitting there thinking, OK that sounds great
but I'm not ready to talk to somebody.
But I realized this is happening.
You could write down your favorite moment, your best days
at work, and then put it in ChatGPT and say show me the
(28:40):
themes of this. What are some of the skills that
I most enjoy using? What are some of the values that
show up for me? Then you at least have that data
point for yourself based on yourown history.
And then second is design your dream day.
I mean, you wake up at what time?
What do you do first? What do you do second?
(29:01):
Are you by yourself? Do you have a slow cup of
coffee? Do you have a rush cup of
coffee? How similar is your current day
to that day? And how can you make one or two
changes to start moving you towards what might be more of
your dream day, hour to hour? I wonder how many people would
initially right down, they wouldstart their day very similar to
(29:24):
how they're doing it now, even though they don't like it.
And again, that's that false pause, but it's comfortable.
It's what they know. Getting up, having your cup of
coffee as you're already working, not taking 20 or 30
minutes to meditate or read a book or do some self learning,
(29:45):
something that energizes you. And for everyone else, it's
different. So I'm curious, how has your
daily routine changed since you started your own practice?
So one of the biggest challengeswhere I was previously that I
had a very long commute and I was sitting in traffic for like
an hour each direction I start my day.
(30:08):
Not rushing as much, literally just a slower pace, like in bed,
cuddling with my kids if they jump into my bed and bringing
that warm energy into my day. And then I can work out.
And then I do my mindfulness andthose kinds of things.
I live in Boston. There's so much traffic.
And I will just say a prayer of thanks, like thank you that I'm
(30:29):
not in this traffic right now. I think hit the nail on the head
with that one. We are seeing a lot of people
that are wanting to look at moreremote jobs, more hybrid jobs,
and it's only been intensified since the pandemic.
The American culture has been the Curry culture.
(30:50):
When you go to other countries, you don't necessarily see that.
But we are becoming more of a world of instant instant
messaging, instant coffee, whichI don't think I should ever get
on board with that one. And instant gratification.
We are wanting everything right now.
(31:13):
Hurry, hurry, hurry. But the reality is, once you
actually take that step back, that's when you truly have time
to think about what's important,enjoy life instead of just
letting it pass you by. So it sounds like you're seeing
a lot more of that as well. It's a different appreciation, I
(31:36):
think. Would you agree?
Oh, very much. I joke a lot.
I'm used to a what are you doing, not how are you doing
lifestyle. One of the things we talked
about in a lot of different businesses or even sports, it's
the mentality of what have you done for me lately?
And we do forget about all of the things that we've probably
(31:58):
done before, but for whatever reason, those are quickly
forgotten. Rachel, this conversation, we
have gone from the professional,we have touched on the personal.
Is there anything else that you specifically want to look at
talking to our listeners about from either side?
(32:19):
Because we know that your personal life impacts your
professional and vice versa. OK, I'm a fan of a good book.
I want to leave with a book recommendation.
OK. It is called How to Break Up
with Your Phone, and I've never recommended this on a podcast
(32:43):
before, but I think it's very aligned what we're just talking
about, the hurrying instant gratification, and it kind of
brings in a lot of our elements together from this dialogue
around what's the intentionality, what's your
relationship? With the phone.
Are you using it to avoid things, to distract yourself?
I've been trying to implement these practices since I read the
(33:05):
book, which was just four days ago.
It's a 28 day plan for breaking up with your phone.
So yesterday it was a Jewish holiday.
I had the day off and I took my son to the zoo.
I did not take my phone out whenhe was playing.
I just watched him play and I was watching all the other kids
play. There's always professional
things to do. And I had a wonderful mentor who
(33:26):
said if you're engaged in your work, there's always more to do.
And how do you also be engaged in the actual moment or the
dialogue or the discussion that you're in?
So that's something I want to say just like that.
The ethos of that book is like, how do you break up with the
things that aren't serving you and how do you engage with the
things that are serving you more?
(33:48):
I'm so glad that you brought that up because I have noticed
lately I am intentionally tryingto do things that make my life
less instant or as hurry for I guess maybe two weeks now
because they usually say it takes about two weeks to create
a habit. I haven't had my Apple Watch on.
(34:09):
I probably will put it back on because I'd love to be able to
track my workouts with it, but turning the notifications off so
that way when a text message comes in, I'm not automatically
looking at my watch, feeling like I have to respond in a
moment. Another thing is I track the
amount of time every week that Iam on my phone.
(34:31):
So I recently took a trip to Wisconsin and I went to where I
grew up as a teenager. I hadn't been to that particular
location. Probably.
I've only probably been there once in last 12 years, and I
spent two nights there with people that I went to high
school with and my cousin and just had a really great time.
(34:53):
I remember coming back and my boyfriend saying, well, you
didn't take any pictures. He's like, you haven't seen some
of these people in 25 years, butyou didn't take any pictures.
I was like, no, I didn't. For some people, that's almost
unfathomable because you think you always have your phone out,
you're always doing these things.
But I truly lived in that momentand now I need to read the book.
(35:16):
But it's already a practice thatI have started is trying to put
my phone away a little bit more.But at the end of the day, I
look at my phone, I see what I have missed throughout the day
because I try to not really be on it a whole lot during the
day. And he's the opposite.
When he's done for the day, he'slike, OK, I want to put it down
and put it away. We were sitting outside the
other night and he looked at me and he said can you do me a
(35:39):
favor? He said can you put your phone
down and just be present with meand I without hesitation put it
down. I think that sometimes we are so
afraid to sit with someone else,to face them, to have
conversations or just sit with ourselves that we would rather
(36:01):
be doing anything or everything.And the phone can be a huge
distraction for that. It's almost like it's become a
defense mechanism for some people.
Wholeheartedly agree with you onthat.
Put it down, set a timer. Even if people were forced to
(36:22):
put their phone down, they startto break out in hives or
something. It's uncomfortable.
It's uncomfortable and the book does such a good job of talking
about how uncomfortable it is. I guess you wrote a follow up
book called How to Have Fun because people don't know what
to do with themselves when they're not on their phone.
It's about engaging in the moment that you're in.
I haven't read the second book yet, but I just thought I would
(36:43):
wrap up with that. Yeah, no, I'm glad you did.
Rachel, thank you so much for joining me today.
I truly appreciate you, your work, our conversation, and your
willingness to open up to the audience.
Thank you so much for that. Last thing I will ask you is
that if our listeners want to look at getting in contact with
(37:04):
you, how should they go about doing that?
Yeah, my website is Rachel Speckman SPE kman.com or made
for more coach.com. To all of our listeners, if this
resonated with you and you feel as though you know someone that
can really benefit from this conversation today, I do
encourage you to share it with them.
(37:25):
If you're looking for 10 minutesof clarity on your own, download
The Clarity in 10. It will be in the show notes
until next week. Stay fierce, stay bold, but most
importantly, stay unapologetically you.
Welcome to We Are Women Unapologetically, the podcast
that talks about the good, bad, ugly and awesome careers, life,
transitions, confidence, and everything in between.
Because shift happens, but you don't have to do it alone.
Hello and welcome to We Are Women.
Unapologetically, I Am Your host, Jessica Cumming.
(00:22):
And today I am honored to be joined by Rachel Speckman.
Rachel is the founder of Made for More Coaching, which helps
high performing professionals trade high paid soul sucking
careers for soul aligned work that still brings great income.
Her work focuses on the premise that you can work a job for high
pay and be miserable, or you canapply your gifts and talents in
(00:45):
a way that makes you great moneyand love what you do by aligning
your career with your values andpurpose.
Rachel, thank you so much for joining me today.
Thank you. I was really intrigued by your
story when we first connected because it sounds like you have
had some different career transitions along the way.
Tell me about. Your journey I started my career
(01:09):
in Boston and thought I was going to change the world
through education and through teaching.
We all do want to change the world in our own way, and we're
all trying to figure out how to do that and how to make an
income and be around the right people to do just that.
That was how I started, and I did that for about 7 years.
I was a classroom teacher. I thought I was heading into the
(01:30):
principalship world. I thought I wanted to be a
Superintendent and I learned quickly that classroom
management was just not for me. I love the one-on-one work with
the kids but I did not like the politics of schools.
I ended up transitioning to working with kids in an after
school program setting. This after school program is
(01:52):
actually a startup and I was working fundraising, scaling
mentorship programs and partnering with the city of
Boston where I live and I loved it.
I was like oh I can do what I like with the kids and also
learn this whole project management skill.
Started doing an MBA part time and then I was introduced to the
word entrepreneurship and innovation.
(02:13):
And I started working with startups because I realized, oh,
I love helping things get off the ground.
Did that prevent another seven years or so?
And at the tail end of that, I didn't know it was the tail end,
but I went on, I was helping allthe companies get off the ground
and trying to launch my own family.
I ran into a a very challenging,painful fertility journey and it
(02:40):
took me about three years. I have two children now and when
I my son is 7, my oldest and my daughter's 3.
And when I had my first my son, I went back to work.
And at that point I realized this used to fill me up and it
doesn't anymore. And I had what I call the dark
(03:05):
nights of the soul. I was the director of business
ventures at a corporation then. And I said, I'm in the wrong
room. I started working with a coach.
Long story short, I ended up leaving the senior director
title to go to sofa work school full time and now a private
practice therapist. Fast forward five years.
(03:26):
That was the beginning of the pandemic and I launched a
coaching company because a lot of people I met throughout my
journey, But you seem so much happier.
How did you do this? And and it really started
organically. That's a.
Great. Intro to all of this because
working with kids to working with adult, that in itself is a
(03:47):
huge change. When you were working in the
school system, what age were youteaching then?
I started teaching high school and I had my masters in K to 8
special. Did you work with special
education kids through your whole time there too?
That's definitely even more of achallenge.
It's not just high school. There's that added layer of
(04:09):
complexity there. When you decided to make this
shift, was there something specific that happened that
said, I know you said politics, but was there something specific
that happened or how did you decide to just say, this isn't
for me anymore? I went from charter school where
it was very intense hours and I thought this was too much for me
(04:35):
and I transitioned to a more traditional suburban public
school district. Then I got yelled at for staying
too late and working too hard there.
I just could not find the right environment for me.
I'm I don't think of myself as aGod oriented person and I wanted
to just do the work but not haveto deal with the things around
(04:55):
the work. You made the decision to
transfer to an after school program.
What was that like? Yeah.
My tenure was not renewed at theschool system that I was in.
So you were forced out? It was a forced choice.
OK. And I work with people on this
(05:15):
all the time now where you can call it the universe, you can
call it whatever somebody else makes the decision for you, but
you weren't really that happy tobegin with.
So. And that is what happened to me.
I remember going on vacation when the 10 year was not renewed
and I was swimming in the ocean and I thought, I have no idea
what this next chapter is, but Iremember being in the ocean.
(05:39):
I'm a water person and being like, I'm going to roll with it
like the waves of this ocean. I came back from that trip and a
friend of mine said this really awesome organization is hiring
and I think you'd be a really good fit.
And I was hired as the program manager and then became the
senior program manager. It was a great fit for several
years because I got to still do that core work that I love
(06:05):
doing, which is working with thekids.
But then I got to expand my skill sets so much.
How much in between time did youhave to really think about?
What do I want to do next? Two weeks.
So yours was pretty quick, but you had already mentioned that a
(06:26):
lot of times this happens to people and they're already
unhappy. It sounds like towards the end
of your time in the school system, you weren't exactly as
happy as when you started off either.
I don't want to put words into your mouth, but it almost sounds
like you did more of a not necessarily parallel transition,
(06:46):
but one that you were able to utilize the skills that you
would gain from the school system and just build upon it
for a new skill sake. That's right.
That's very connected to what I help people with now, which is
if you're unhappy, we have to think about what is unhappy
within you and where are you happiest and how do we
(07:07):
capitalize on the places where you're the most happy.
The reason I asked you the question about how long did you
take is because there are studies that say that people
that take 30 days or more duringa transition are 40% more likely
to be aligned with their next role.
(07:28):
I'm very strategic about puttingmyself out there.
And I said I want to work with kids, I don't want to work in a
school system. Does anybody know of any roles?
And I had several different people reach out to me for
different opportunities, and this was the one that felt like
the most germane. It was definitely a lower salary
than I was making. It was a calculated risk in that
(07:51):
way because I do believe that sometimes your salary is going
to change for you to acquire more skills or step more into
the right room to actually catapult forward, and that's
exactly what happened to me. I want to go back to what you
just said about strategically put yourself out there and what
you wanted to be doing. If anyone is sitting there
(08:14):
thinking right now, I know I need to make this change.
I'm afraid to say it out loud. I haven't put myself out there
yet because of this. What advice would you give them?
First, I would say surround yourself with positive people
because change is very hard and to make a change for anybody,
(08:38):
you want to have a safety net. You want to be really thoughtful
about it. There are a lot of unknowns.
The second thing I would say is start to get very curious.
I call it an internal resume audit.
Think about your day. Write down the core tasks that
you're doing. Write down what percent of time
(09:01):
you're doing them, and then right next to that, what percent
happiness you are when you're doing those tasks.
Then you can start to see what'sin alignment and what is not in
alignment. And if you're doing, I'll just
use podcasting 70% of the day, but you hate recording and you
hate the tech side of it, then you can clearly tell there's
(09:23):
something off. Once you have that data then you
can start to say, wait, I think I'm going to be doing more of
this thing. I often say that your thoughts
and your gut feeling it's givingyou data.
I was talking with a client and when you're looking at different
(09:43):
job descriptions, a lot of timeswomen are like, I only have done
this in 30% of my role, but thisrole that I'm looking at, it's
everything that I want to be doing.
The transition to that is, how do you highlight that 30% that
you're already doing in order tomake it 100% of the job you want
(10:04):
to be doing? I call it reverse engineering
your job search or your career search, go find the top five
jobs that you've recently applied to and just pull out
your favorite bullets. And then you start to describe
and create your dream job again.That's intentionality.
(10:25):
When you go get a car, you're not just like, let me just drive
every car. No, you have your list of the
things that you want. How do you be really intentional
about the things that you're cultivating towards you?
It's funny, it reminded me of last year when my boyfriend and
I went to look for a new vehicle.
He would say I drove every car in the lot.
(10:45):
I will tell you that is not the case.
It is interesting that you're taking that perspective because
as I'm sitting here having this conversation with you, I'm
thinking how many jobs did I notnecessarily have originally, but
jobs were created based on my skill set, based on what I could
do and the need in the company that they didn't necessarily
(11:07):
know was there. I'm thinking of you're creating
this dream job, but in a way, there's manifestation behind
that as well. Have you met people that are
resistant to try to go through this exercise 90?
9% of people are resistant. It's very common to be
resistant. I'm not allowed to explore.
I'm already making a good income.
(11:28):
This company help me with my master or so they help me
through this transition. So there's this loyalty piece.
Often early on, it's actually giving ourselves permission,
even if it's just to double check where we are.
If it's working for the parts that aren't working, how do we
do tune UPS while you're somewhere that might be working
for you? We can all get into the hamster
(11:50):
wheel of this, what we do with your partner, with whatever the
our commute, right? And this is like, oh wait, let
me do a little tune up for myself.
These are the parts that I really like and these are the
parts that I don't like. It sounds very simplistic, but
it's actually hard work. That means I have to let go of
something I'm currently doing and I have to create a new
(12:11):
identity based on the thing thatI want to be doing more of.
You just said two really great things there.
The 1st is I need to let go of something that I've been doing
for me. What I talked to a lot of people
about is why? Why are you even doing it?
Sometimes there, especially in jobs, we hold on to things
(12:34):
because we feel an obligation. We feel a sense of loyalty.
We feel as though this is what we should be doing.
And in this season of the podcast, we are talking more
about the personal side of it, too.
Those same questions apply. Why are we holding on to things
that we don't necessarily need to be holding on to?
(12:57):
I was talking to somebody yesterday who's quite senior at
their company. They don't want to be doing what
they're doing anymore and there is a lot of what are people
going to think, how is it going to be perceived?
And I went through the exact same experience I had when I
left the startup world and the senior director role and became
(13:18):
an intern. The ego goes on a journey and I
had people say are you OK, Are you well?
But people really advising me against it and I come back to
you're going to put your head onyour pillow tonight, I'm going
to put my head on my pillow tonight.
And yes, of course our reputations matter.
(13:40):
We want to have strong relationships with people.
But if it's not filling us up, what are we doing it for?
That's huge. And the fact that you just said
people reached out to you when you decided to make this
decision and ask if you're OK ties back into something I
talked about in Season 1. And that's when people in your
(14:02):
life don't get it. I encourage everybody I work
with and everyone who's listening to have a board of
advisors. I have my own board of advisors
and I encourage people to createtheir own board of advisors.
This could be two to three people that I say are on Team
Rachel, not Team Rachel at this company, not Team Rachel when
(14:26):
the weather's easy breezy, but that really see who you are,
believe in you and honor your struggles.
They don't have to be S people, but they get you.
And then that's your top tier when it comes to vulnerability
and where you're heading professionally.
(14:47):
I'll give you an example. I didn't share with my family,
my parents and my brother that Iwas going to social work school
until I had given my job notice,until I had accepted, by the
way. And then I got a nice
scholarship to go to school too.Because you never know what's
going to happen when you put yourself out there until I had
(15:07):
made a four year financial plan with a financial planner.
At the end of the day, if you'reexcited about what you're doing
and you have some strategy and some legs to it, what are people
going to say? No, you shouldn't be that
excited. It is your one wild and precious
life and you're going to have hiccups too.
So definitely be really mindful about who you're cultivating and
(15:28):
when you have those hiccups. Yeah, I have my own personal
board of advisors and I have hadone for a few years now.
My people, they're not always yes people, but they are people
that I can come with. I can be real, I can be raw, I
can be vulnerable. And I know that they are going
to support me, but they're also going to give me honest
feedback. Those are the type of people you
(15:50):
want as close as possible to youin your corner.
I didn't even realize we had that in common.
And we didn't talk about that when we have our first
discussion. But I'm glad you brought that
up. And the other thing you talked
about was identity. Do you have thoughts on someone
trying to find their identity ifthey are in between roles or
(16:11):
even if they've jumped into a new role but they're not sure
who they are in that role yet? I sometimes liken it to you're
on a trapeze and you're going tojump on to the next one, but
there's a moment where you're free falling in between the two
or you're just suspended in the air and most people will never
let go because they're too afraid.
(16:32):
But then you're not actually getting to the other side.
My kids do circuit stuff, so I've literally observed it's an
actor. But it's really cool because you
are watching people push their bodies and they're like, I trust
myself enough to grab this next thing or I'm going to fall into
a safety net. I mean, it's a metaphor for a
reason, right? To answer your question, people
(16:53):
who want to make an adjacent move, who want to start their
own business, who want to do fractional work required a skill
set, then a beginner's mindset in many ways.
Well, I'm senior in this position, but I'm a beginner in
building a business. We have to have that beginner's
(17:15):
mindset, which can be very hard to do.
I'm having it myself in many ways, certain ways.
I've never posted on LinkedIn. It's what I call expansion work
and not contraction work. So that's a somatic piece.
Again, for anyone who's listening, thinking about what
do you actually get excited versus what do you say I have to
(17:35):
do this? So those are some of the pieces
that I'm thinking about. As a therapist, I focus on
identity transformation, which is letting go of something,
shedding skin to create a new identity.
You had talked earlier about tents, driving different cars.
When I say it took me a year anda half to decide I was going to
(17:56):
become a therapist, I tried on several different things, joined
a hotline where I could volunteer to be a therapist.
I was thinking about becoming a rabbi and I joined and I tried
on leading a fertility support group.
These were all no more than an hour to two hours of my time.
(18:16):
But I got to try these things onto see which ones did I like,
which ones felt natural, which ones didn't?
And for anyone who's listening and who's stuck, that's what I'm
saying. The expansion work is like, let
me try this on. Oh, I don't like this.
OK, well, don't go get a degree in it.
Don't get a job in it. I'm so glad I tried on becoming
(18:37):
a rabbi. I realized I I would be back to
the school politics that I don'tlike and I was truly about to
apply because that was but now Iactually get to do some of that
work with this hat on. I thought about becoming a
psychologist, which is a five year degree and I went to one of
those classes and I said, this is great.
(18:57):
And I actually think I could become a social worker for half
the time, half the price. So I tried that on as well.
There are so many ways we can start to get on stock.
It's giving ourselves permission.
A lot of times we wait for otherpeople to give us permission and
we just need to take it. We need to give it to ourselves.
Nobody else is going to show up with a permission slip, but we
(19:22):
have to be able and willing to give ourselves permission.
And the season one last episode,I do have a permission slip that
people can download and print out as a reminder to give
themselves permission to go after the things that they want.
They have permission to not staystuck.
A lot of times people don't givethemselves enough credit for
(19:43):
what they actually know and how much they know about different.
Roles. See what?
You like, see what you don't like and this is something that
people can do before they are ready to make a move.
That's the beauty of networking is really figuring out what you
like and don't like and what does it cost you.
(20:03):
Right. Maybe someone will say no, but
what does it really cost at the end of the day?
I love your permission slip. I had to download it myself.
Change happens. The more uncomfortable and the
more uncomfortable we get, the more we realize nobody's going
to make this change except for me.
And I am very uncomfortable. I'm in the wrong room, I'm doing
(20:24):
the wrong thing, I'm spending mytime the wrong way.
Rachel, if you don't mind, I'd like to shift our conversation a
little bit because I know that you brought this up earlier and
I know it's a topic that a lot of women struggle with and that
is infertility. Can you tell us a little bit
about your story? I wouldn't be here without my
(20:45):
fertility journey because they got me so uncomfortable.
And I started working deeply with a therapist, deeply with an
acupuncturist. It brought me to my knees as far
as who I thought I was, my senseof control, my community, like
watching all my friends get pregnant one after the next and
(21:08):
getting OK with my body through IVF and all kinds of things that
the toll it was taking on my marriage, just all of that.
I had a loss. I had another the whole journey
and then to keep putting on thishappy face at work when there
was so much going on privately with me.
(21:28):
When I finally did get back to work, I would sit down with the
company and I say, so tell me how you're doing.
And they would say, I'm stressed, but let's work on our
financials, let's work on my operations.
And I realized I cared so much more about how they were doing
as a person because people had been tending to how I was doing
as a person. I could talk to them about their
(21:48):
financials, but it didn't interest me in the same way.
And that was a big like, holy shit moment.
Like, well, what do I do? Because I'm basically trained
through my MBA and my title was director of business ventures to
help businesses succeed. Of course I want their business
to succeed. I want to get to know them and
(22:10):
understand their pain. And that was really the blessing
that I realized, oh, I must sit with people in their pain.
I think that's what therapist too transform people's pain into
meaning. Therapy is something I truly
believe every single person should go through, but only when
(22:31):
they're ready. Because if you try to go through
it when you're not ready, if youdon't truly understand the
benefits, you're not going to get the benefits of it.
I'm sure that you have had experiences with people that may
have been resistant to therapy or maybe just play the part.
(22:54):
I have friends that have played the part.
They went because they were supposed to.
They went because they had to. What would you tell someone
listening that either number oneis thinking about therapy but
don't really understand what it is or how it can benefit them?
OK, I say to anybody in my very first session, I don't care if
(23:18):
you've had 100 therapists. I don't care if this is your
first session. Therapy is a classroom in
yourself. If you don't want a classroom in
yourself, that's fine. The second thing I say, and
they're both equally important, I think from my perspective, is
at the end, the goal of therapy to figure out what is working
(23:39):
well and how do you turn the volume up.
That means relationships that are working well, activities in
your life that are going well, self talk that's going well and
what is not going well and how do you turn it down and what is
the resistance and some of the constraints that you have you.
Said this earlier, right? Change is uncomfortable and that
(24:02):
is something that we need to be willing to change because we all
know that we go through different places in our lives
and the moment that we stop changing, the moment we stop
growing, that's when we become stagnant.
My question to you is, when yourcareer was transitioning quickly
versus that year and a half where you weren't exactly sure
(24:23):
you were in that unknown, where do you feel as though you grew
the most? I want to answer that, but I
want to give a more contemporaryanswer to that if that's OK.
Yeah, I call going to social work school, my largest adult
calculated risk. Besides having children and
getting married, I just three months ago left full time work
to do my own private practice and I've never not worked with a
(24:47):
team. I was getting stagnant where I
was, even in the software work field.
I didn't like that somebody elsewas telling me how to manage my
day, what clients to see. I said no, I want to have more
autonomy than that. And now I have more autonomy and
more challenges in other ways around billing, community, all
kinds of things. I had made the big change, and
(25:07):
I'm so glad I had. And I call myself like a kid in
a candy shop at social work school.
I want to take every class. I want to teach social work.
I could still get stagnant thereas well.
And I tried to leave two different times where I was.
I just knew I wanted to run my own shop, which I've never done
before. I would be happy to talk about
that year and a half, but I think that there's this push
(25:29):
pull that happens when we're uncomfortable.
And that's the tension, I think.Yeah, the comfort, it pulls us
back quite often. And Season 2, I talk about it as
that false pause where we think we are moving forward, we think
we are making changes, but in reality, we are jumping back
into the same things that are familiar.
(25:49):
So we're not actually growing orchanging the pattern, right?
Exactly. It is a pattern.
It's a motion without the direction.
It's just going to that same cycle over and over.
Do you remember a couple of the different signs that made you
think I'm starting to get stagnant?
(26:11):
Because I think that this is something that probably happens
over time, and people don't evenrealize that it's happening.
Yeah. And that I call this death by
1000 cuts. Sometimes we'll have like
trauma. We'll be laid off, we'll have a
toxic boss. We'll have a big change in
leadership. There are generally 3 CS that
make work meaningful. Community contribution and
(26:32):
challenge. And I could see that I was
developing a community where I was.
I wanted a different community. The challenge just felt like I
was solving somebody else's problems instead of the problems
that I wanted to solve. And the contribution was that I
(26:54):
wasn't contributing in ways thatfelt meaningful for me.
My definition of contribution atand is changing.
I think there were specific moments where I would walk into
a room and I, this room used to feel so good a year ago, but now
it feels a little different and what do I do?
And it's just another pattern. There's a lot of things to it
(27:15):
that felt really hard to be like, wait, this is changing.
And I think with the pandemic, alot of people are like, am I
extroverted? Am I introverted?
What fills me up? You know, so there were a lot of
those questions that I was working on.
If anyone is out there right nowthat's like, Oh my gosh, that
kind of sounds like me. I think I'm a little stagnant.
Think I'm ready look at doing something about it.
(27:36):
I know that you had talked earlier about trying on
different roles, trying to see what they may or may not enjoy,
but is there any other piece of advice that you would give those
people out there? Well, I'll just tell you this
new offering that I have, which it's called the High Stakes
(27:57):
Career Audit. It's a 90 minute one time deep
dive into what's going on because some people are like, I
don't want ongoing coaching, butI know I need something.
Whether that's something you book with me or somebody like
me, I think that can really likejust zoom you out unless we can
all get so into the weeds of it.You can look at your own house
and see all the piles and then somebody comes over and you're
(28:18):
like, your house is so gorgeous.You're so tapped into the
day-to-day, so those are some ofmy thoughts around that.
Someone is sitting there thinking, OK that sounds great
but I'm not ready to talk to somebody.
But I realized this is happening.
You could write down your favorite moment, your best days
at work, and then put it in ChatGPT and say show me the
(28:40):
themes of this. What are some of the skills that
I most enjoy using? What are some of the values that
show up for me? Then you at least have that data
point for yourself based on yourown history.
And then second is design your dream day.
I mean, you wake up at what time?
What do you do first? What do you do second?
(29:01):
Are you by yourself? Do you have a slow cup of
coffee? Do you have a rush cup of
coffee? How similar is your current day
to that day? And how can you make one or two
changes to start moving you towards what might be more of
your dream day, hour to hour? I wonder how many people would
initially right down, they wouldstart their day very similar to
(29:24):
how they're doing it now, even though they don't like it.
And again, that's that false pause, but it's comfortable.
It's what they know. Getting up, having your cup of
coffee as you're already working, not taking 20 or 30
minutes to meditate or read a book or do some self learning,
(29:45):
something that energizes you. And for everyone else, it's
different. So I'm curious, how has your
daily routine changed since you started your own practice?
So one of the biggest challengeswhere I was previously that I
had a very long commute and I was sitting in traffic for like
an hour each direction I start my day.
(30:08):
Not rushing as much, literally just a slower pace, like in bed,
cuddling with my kids if they jump into my bed and bringing
that warm energy into my day. And then I can work out.
And then I do my mindfulness andthose kinds of things.
I live in Boston. There's so much traffic.
And I will just say a prayer of thanks, like thank you that I'm
(30:29):
not in this traffic right now. I think hit the nail on the head
with that one. We are seeing a lot of people
that are wanting to look at moreremote jobs, more hybrid jobs,
and it's only been intensified since the pandemic.
The American culture has been the Curry culture.
(30:50):
When you go to other countries, you don't necessarily see that.
But we are becoming more of a world of instant instant
messaging, instant coffee, whichI don't think I should ever get
on board with that one. And instant gratification.
We are wanting everything right now.
(31:13):
Hurry, hurry, hurry. But the reality is, once you
actually take that step back, that's when you truly have time
to think about what's important,enjoy life instead of just
letting it pass you by. So it sounds like you're seeing
a lot more of that as well. It's a different appreciation, I
(31:36):
think. Would you agree?
Oh, very much. I joke a lot.
I'm used to a what are you doing, not how are you doing
lifestyle. One of the things we talked
about in a lot of different businesses or even sports, it's
the mentality of what have you done for me lately?
And we do forget about all of the things that we've probably
(31:58):
done before, but for whatever reason, those are quickly
forgotten. Rachel, this conversation, we
have gone from the professional,we have touched on the personal.
Is there anything else that you specifically want to look at
talking to our listeners about from either side?
(32:19):
Because we know that your personal life impacts your
professional and vice versa. OK, I'm a fan of a good book.
I want to leave with a book recommendation.
OK. It is called How to Break Up
with Your Phone, and I've never recommended this on a podcast
(32:43):
before, but I think it's very aligned what we're just talking
about, the hurrying instant gratification, and it kind of
brings in a lot of our elements together from this dialogue
around what's the intentionality, what's your
relationship? With the phone.
Are you using it to avoid things, to distract yourself?
I've been trying to implement these practices since I read the
(33:05):
book, which was just four days ago.
It's a 28 day plan for breaking up with your phone.
So yesterday it was a Jewish holiday.
I had the day off and I took my son to the zoo.
I did not take my phone out whenhe was playing.
I just watched him play and I was watching all the other kids
play. There's always professional
things to do. And I had a wonderful mentor who
(33:26):
said if you're engaged in your work, there's always more to do.
And how do you also be engaged in the actual moment or the
dialogue or the discussion that you're in?
So that's something I want to say just like that.
The ethos of that book is like, how do you break up with the
things that aren't serving you and how do you engage with the
things that are serving you more?
(33:48):
I'm so glad that you brought that up because I have noticed
lately I am intentionally tryingto do things that make my life
less instant or as hurry for I guess maybe two weeks now
because they usually say it takes about two weeks to create
a habit. I haven't had my Apple Watch on.
(34:09):
I probably will put it back on because I'd love to be able to
track my workouts with it, but turning the notifications off so
that way when a text message comes in, I'm not automatically
looking at my watch, feeling like I have to respond in a
moment. Another thing is I track the
amount of time every week that Iam on my phone.
(34:31):
So I recently took a trip to Wisconsin and I went to where I
grew up as a teenager. I hadn't been to that particular
location. Probably.
I've only probably been there once in last 12 years, and I
spent two nights there with people that I went to high
school with and my cousin and just had a really great time.
(34:53):
I remember coming back and my boyfriend saying, well, you
didn't take any pictures. He's like, you haven't seen some
of these people in 25 years, butyou didn't take any pictures.
I was like, no, I didn't. For some people, that's almost
unfathomable because you think you always have your phone out,
you're always doing these things.
But I truly lived in that momentand now I need to read the book.
(35:16):
But it's already a practice thatI have started is trying to put
my phone away a little bit more.But at the end of the day, I
look at my phone, I see what I have missed throughout the day
because I try to not really be on it a whole lot during the
day. And he's the opposite.
When he's done for the day, he'slike, OK, I want to put it down
and put it away. We were sitting outside the
other night and he looked at me and he said can you do me a
(35:39):
favor? He said can you put your phone
down and just be present with meand I without hesitation put it
down. I think that sometimes we are so
afraid to sit with someone else,to face them, to have
conversations or just sit with ourselves that we would rather
(36:01):
be doing anything or everything.And the phone can be a huge
distraction for that. It's almost like it's become a
defense mechanism for some people.
Wholeheartedly agree with you onthat.
Put it down, set a timer. Even if people were forced to
(36:22):
put their phone down, they startto break out in hives or
something. It's uncomfortable.
It's uncomfortable and the book does such a good job of talking
about how uncomfortable it is. I guess you wrote a follow up
book called How to Have Fun because people don't know what
to do with themselves when they're not on their phone.
It's about engaging in the moment that you're in.
I haven't read the second book yet, but I just thought I would
(36:43):
wrap up with that. Yeah, no, I'm glad you did.
Rachel, thank you so much for joining me today.
I truly appreciate you, your work, our conversation, and your
willingness to open up to the audience.
Thank you so much for that. Last thing I will ask you is
that if our listeners want to look at getting in contact with
(37:04):
you, how should they go about doing that?
Yeah, my website is Rachel Speckman SPE kman.com or made
for more coach.com. To all of our listeners, if this
resonated with you and you feel as though you know someone that
can really benefit from this conversation today, I do
encourage you to share it with them.
(37:25):
If you're looking for 10 minutesof clarity on your own, download
The Clarity in 10. It will be in the show notes
until next week. Stay fierce, stay bold, but most
importantly, stay unapologetically you.
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