December 14, 2023 • 27 mins
Do you feel a twinge of stress creeping up on you as the holidays approach? We've got your back! Our conversation today is all about managing holiday stress and evolving family dynamics. We share personal experiences and practical tips on how to re-energize old traditions and manifest new ones that reflect the values of your modern family. We also delve into the power of forgiveness and maintaining peace with challenging family members, and discuss the importance of prioritizing faith-based traditions over secular ones that may add unnecessary stress.
But that's not all! We also acknowledge the often ignored aspect of grief during holidays. Hear us discuss the challenges of spending the season without a loved one, and how you can honor their legacy by creating space for their memories. Amidst it all, we highlight the significance of expressing gratitude, not just during Thanksgiving but throughout the entire holiday season. We also share some intriguing research on how giving thanks can improve mental health. Wrapping up, we spotlight the essence of Christmas and the importance of focusing on its true meaning, rather than getting entangled in materialism. So, get ready to transform your holiday season with our faith-based activity suggestions that can bring your family closer to God.
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Episode Transcript
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Danny Ray (00:00):
All right, welcome back to part two.
So we are going to look at howdo we navigate de-stress bring
less anxiety during theChristmas season.
If you haven't checked out partone, check out part one, but
this is part two.
We're going to go through fivethings and for the first time,
we are going to be on a timer.
So we are going to do roughlyfive minutes with each one.
(00:21):
Here we go.
Kimberly (00:23):
All right, so this is number six.
We are talking about breathinglife into old traditions and
creating new ones, so sometimesthings feel stressful just
because we feel like we have todo them, because this is a way
that we've always done it.
This is tradition, but it can bereally beneficial and life
(00:45):
giving if we spend a momentcontemplating why do we do that?
One Like is it worth it?
Is this what we should be doing?
Is it what we forget should?
Is this what we want to do?
Is this what's best for ourfamily?
So old traditions that a couplehas in their history is
(01:06):
definitely special and important, but sometimes we have to kind
of revisit those and breathe newlife.
Danny Ray (01:14):
Yeah, there's an old illustration that talks about.
You know the ends of the.
I think it's the ends of abread being cut off.
Okay, like a loaf of bread,yeah.
And you know, the daughter wastrying to talk to the mom, to
talk to the grandma, and foundout that years and years and
years before they had an oventhat was too small so they had
(01:38):
to cut off the ends.
You know, so that was thereason.
But here's, years later, hey,why did we cut off?
I don't know.
Kimberly (01:44):
That's what we have always done, you know so.
They always cut off the ends ofthe loaf of bread brand new
like fresh from the oven, andoriginally they were only doing
it because it wouldn't fit inthe oven.
But then they kept doing itover and over and they just
thought, oh well, we have to doit this way, we have to cut the
ends.
Danny Ray (01:58):
And then they wasted it Right.
Nobody really knew why, but soit might be worth revisiting.
Why are we doing?
Kimberly (02:05):
these things.
Danny Ray (02:06):
What are the things that are important to you, what
matters in?
Go after those things.
Kimberly (02:10):
And also making you know, like remembering why you
have maybe certain ornaments onthe tree right.
Like we have some that arecrazy and weird, that our kids
have made.
I mean, oh, they're superspecial.
That's what I meant.
Danny Ray (02:31):
Wow, tell us how you really feel, babe.
Kimberly (02:34):
Ah, kids don't listen.
So one of our favorite ones,though, to look at every year
that we take a moment and itmight not even be a moment
together, but separately we lookat the ornament that you used
to have my engagement ring in it.
Danny Ray (02:50):
Okay, that's the one I was thinking about.
I was like we should write thisdown and see which one we're
actually thinking of.
Okay, good, Okay, that is theone I was thinking about.
We're on the same page.
Kimberly (02:58):
Yeah, that ornament.
It looks like a Christmasornament but it opens up and
that's where the ring was whenyou proposed to me and a
gazillion years ago, and thatjust brings joy to our hearts
and I think that would be sad ifwe missed December 30th 421.
Oh, it was when you proposedyes.
Danny Ray (03:19):
Do you want the year?
No, that's okay.
I wonder if you could give theyear Nope probably not so anyway
.
Kimberly (03:25):
So rekindling joy and excitement through either the
old traditions or the new ones,right?
Danny Ray (03:32):
So it's decorating, yeah, like last time we shared
that new tradition we startedduring the pandemic.
But maybe this year you figureout, you know what.
We're gonna create somethingthat's new.
Maybe it's going to look atChristmas lights together.
Maybe that's something you'vedone for years and you're like
you know what.
Maybe we're going to stop one,yeah, yeah, we fight every time
we do this.
(03:52):
There's no pressure for familyto do it, and if there's one
that maybe needs to stop so thatyou could be closer together,
that might be worth stopping.
Kimberly (04:05):
Yes.
Danny Ray (04:06):
Yeah, reflecting on what really matters and what's
the importance of these things.
Kimberly (04:12):
Yeah, as relationships evolve.
Sorry, evolve as they changeright.
Danny Ray (04:18):
Evolve.
Kimberly (04:18):
Evolve as relationships do that, but also
as families grow and kids enterthe picture or don't enter the
picture.
Whatever life looks like foryou that way, it's, so should
our traditions right, thoseshould change and evolve as well
.
So it doesn't have to be theexact same every year,
especially if it's not lifegiving but it's just sucking the
(04:41):
joy out of it and kind ofbringing more stress to your
Christmas season.
Then I definitely encourage youto ask why?
Why are we doing this?
Danny Ray (04:52):
Yeah, I mean we really have a division in our
culture, but I think for us,even in our family, of what are
the secular traditions thatwe're just doing because
everybody else is doing them,and what are the sacred ones
that really matter to us tobuild our faith, to draw us
close to who God is, to his love, to remind us of the grace he
(05:16):
has in our lives.
So that might be a helpfulthing to have a conversation
about.
Or what are the seculartraditions, the things that we
love and we have fun doing butaren't essential, aren't what
really matters during thisseason?
And what are those sacredthings that really matter as a
family?
Yes, all right, with that said,speaking of family, yes, Family
(05:40):
dynamics can be challengingduring the holidays.
So this is number seven Familydynamics.
Sorry, number seven.
Kimberly (05:44):
Yes, family dynamics can be challenging during the
holidays.
For sure Not ours, oh yeah notours, and each year it can bring
new struggles or issues thatsometimes you don't even see
coming.
But we have to look at thebiblical principles.
(06:06):
How do we deal with that?
We talked a little bit aboutforgiveness the Bible talks
about as far as it depends onyou make peace, and I think
that's a really good one If it'sa family member that you can
make peace with you are calledto do that Now.
we only have control of our sideof things.
Danny Ray (06:24):
Right.
How we forgive, how we want toshow grace, make peace Right.
Kimberly (06:30):
That's that parts up to us.
That is within our control, sowe are called to do so.
Now, how the person responds tothat the family member responds
is not within our control, andso that's okay If it doesn't
work out the way we were hopingor expecting or wanted it to
work out.
Danny Ray (06:47):
But remember, their response doesn't dictate your
response because they have anegative reaction, or they
respond in a unforgiving orungrateful or whatever that
looks like or they bite you onthe cheek I wish we didn't know
anybody that that had happenedto.
Kimberly (07:05):
But yeah, that's not the case.
Danny Ray (07:07):
Family gets crazy right, thanks, family.
At least in my family there'sfamily physical fights that have
broken out.
You know different things thathave happened over the years.
But how do we bring peace?
How do we respond?
We're in control of that sideof it, not how the other person
responds.
One of the things that I lovethe Bible is just real and
(07:30):
authentic, with relationshipsand Colossians 313.
It reminds us to bear with eachother and forgive, just as the
Lord has forgave us.
It doesn't say that forgivenessis going to be easy, that the
other person's going to be easy.
It's like bear with them.
It's going to be difficult Bearwith them.
(07:51):
I love that even early on inthe church there was tension and
got addressed that directly,Not saying oh, there'll never be
tension, but no, when you havetension, bear with.
Kimberly (08:07):
Yeah, so bearing with and forgiveness are definitely
crucial to dealing with family,in particular during the
holidays.
But I want to, you know, I loveto bring up a caveat, or at
least in addition to, because Ican't take away from what God
says, that's for sure.
(08:28):
But in addition to that, it maystill require boundaries, right
?
So you are?
Danny Ray (08:37):
Probably always requires boundaries, always
require boundaries.
Kimberly (08:40):
Yeah, so forgiveness, definitely something.
If this sounds new to you,please do some research and
please, you know, read moreabout this.
But because this might be newinformation for some of you.
But forgiveness doesn't meanthat we just allow a person to
continuously hurt us and walkall over us.
Danny Ray (09:03):
Yeah, those boundaries are kind of important
.
Kimberly (09:05):
Hmm, yeah.
Danny Ray (09:07):
So family dynamics they're.
It's just part of navigatingthis season is we have to be
intentional about.
You know what?
We want to create greatboundaries.
We want to be people that bearwith one another.
We want to be people that arequick to forgive, quick to love
in the midst of difficult familydynamics.
Kimberly (09:27):
Okay, man.
Let's go to the next one,Number eight, coping with loss
during the holidays.
You know, holidays, Christmasthere's so much pressure
sometimes to make sure that it'samazing and beautiful and just
fabulous, and you know what,Sometimes we don't feel like
that and it's a really hard yearand a hard Christmas.
(09:50):
And there's a new.
at least it was new to me a newsong that I heard on the radio
just yesterday that Christmashits different and it's okay
that it hits differently.
Maybe this year for you, maybeyou've lost a loved one or
somebody is, you know, is sickand you're afraid of losing them
(10:14):
, or you know all of thosethings or somebody that's just
disconnected from the family andthere's a part of you that
really misses them and it'shurtful and all of those things,
and it's okay to acknowledgethat.
In fact, it's more than okay ifyou just try to shove that down
and pretend it's not happening,and pretend you don't, you
(10:37):
aren't experiencing this griefor this loss.
It's just going to explode atsome point.
Danny Ray (10:45):
There's no better way to put that.
So I think one of the keys isyou know, all of us will
experience loss at differenttimes, especially if it's a loss
of a loved one.
The first season of anything,whether it's Thanksgiving,
whether it's Christmas, whetherit's a birthday, whether it's a
family tradition during thesummer, you always went to the
lake together.
Whatever that tradition is, isdifficult that first season, and
(11:11):
not that it's not difficult.
Second, third, fourth tenth yeah, yeah, yeah, but that first
season is one of those hardestto navigate, but I think one of
the keys is that you honor thelegacy as you take time to, to
process and remember.
I think, this idea of justtrying to avoid instead of like,
(11:34):
hey, let's create maybesomething new to honor the
legacy, maybe it's a memory thatyou share as a family together
or talk about, but not to avoid,but to engage.
Kimberly (11:47):
Yeah, and that it's going to make me tear up, but it
might mean having a place atthe table when you set the table
, and even though that person'snot there.
You're honoring that legacy andjust acknowledging instead of
oh well, we'll just keep going,because that's what we have to
(12:07):
do, and that's what the worldexpects of us, or that's what
our family expects.
And no, it's okay to sharestories about.
Danny Ray (12:18):
Creating space for those memories and being
intentional about that canreally be life giving.
It sounds like in some ways, oh, it would take away or bring
people down, but oftentimes, inthe middle of sadness, there's a
lot of laughter, becausethere's great memories that you
share with, with a loved one,and that could bring tears but
(12:41):
also lots of laughter.
Every memory in those moments.
Kimberly (12:44):
Yeah, that's a good point, and if somebody you know
is experiencing loss andgrieving, it's okay to ask how
they're doing and it's not likeall of a sudden they're going to
go.
Oh yeah, I forgot I was missingthis person in my life.
You're not going to bring upsadness that they weren't
(13:07):
experiencing.
It's already there.
You might give them space wherethey are able to answer that,
but it's also okay if they'relike I'm fine and they don't
want to talk about it, right?
Danny Ray (13:20):
However, they respond is how but giving them space is
really a gift to them.
Kimberly (13:25):
Yeah, yeah, Giving them that opportunity if they
want to share.
Yeah, it's not.
If they start crying, it's notbecause you just all of a sudden
surprise them with thisopportunity to think about it.
No, the tears have probablyalready been there just waiting
for the opportunity.
And I heard recently aboutgrief, and I'll probably say
(13:46):
this over and over because itreally resonates for me that
grief is love with no place togo.
I just love that.
For me, it's a visual pictureof it's, somebody that you love,
that you can't express thatlove the same way that you did
(14:09):
before, so it's just, yeah,something definitely to
acknowledge.
Danny Ray (14:14):
I think that's a good way to end this section.
There's so much more we couldsay on number eight there, but
we're going to move to numbernine and this is kind of a
continuation of Thanksgiving, ofhaving gratitude during this
season.
It's so easy for us to just godown a rabbit hole of being
(14:37):
frustrated and busy and stressedand I've got to do this, I've
got to get to this Christmasparty and we've got to get this
gift and just go, go, go, go go.
And we forget that, wow, we havethe ability and we have friends
to go to a party with.
We have work, that we're goingto an office party.
We have family.
Kimberly (14:59):
It's easy to not be grateful.
This is speaking to me, yeah,oh sorry, no, no, no.
This is good.
This is good yeah.
Danny Ray (15:05):
But being grateful during Christmas is, I think,
just essential to recognize howgreat a gift God has given us
and given us, giving us his sonand just literally giving us
everything.
And so we replicate that, wereflect that, we try to emulate
(15:29):
that in our lives, of beinggrateful and grateful to give
and just grateful for everythingthat God has given to us.
Kimberly (15:39):
Yeah, it's easier during Thanksgiving season.
I think I see a lot of peoplepost on social media right, like
things that they're thankfulfor, and I love that.
I think that's an amazing way tofocus.
But then we kind of go oh, thatwas November, and now it's time
to move on to December, and butwhat if we continued it?
(16:01):
What if we were, you know,really to keep thinking at the
end of the day, wow God, thankyou for these three things.
And not that this isnecessarily new research, but
research that is more recent,and the findings are continuing
to be the same that it isdefinitely for our mental health
(16:26):
.
Our mental health will improvethe more grateful we are, and,
specifically, this recent studywas about expressing gratitude,
and when we are intentionallyexpressing gratitude to God or
to each other, that verbalizingit creates that more positive
(16:50):
outlook.
Danny Ray (16:52):
So when we say verbalize, like literally out
loud you're saying the thingsthat you are grateful for,
whether that's to a person or toGod, just to say I am thankful
out loud for these things and ithelps change your perspective
and you could look up there's anarticle from Berkeley on the
(17:15):
science of gratitude but,there's other ones that are.
You know this research of howit changes our brain when we
continually are grateful.
Specifically, it talks aboutbeing thankful out loud every
day for six things, and when youdo that over time, you become a
(17:36):
more grateful person and youbegin to see the things that you
could be thankful for every day, that you might not recognize
if you didn't put that intopractice in your life.
Kimberly (17:47):
And it's a great tool to fight depression or ward off
depression before we get thereto that point, right?
So it's so easy to startthinking about all the negatives
in our life, but the reality isthat if we are being
consciously thankful andgrateful and practicing that in
(18:10):
our daily life, it makes it alot harder to find ourselves in
this downward spiral.
Danny Ray (18:17):
Yeah, and one of the things if in terms of being
grateful, is when we askourselves what does God want me
to do?
What's His will for my life?
And first, thessalonians.
It says this be joyful, always,pray continually, give thanks.
Here it is Give thanks in allcircumstances, not in some, in
(18:41):
all circumstances.
Why?
For this is God's will for youand Christ Jesus.
So again, rejoice always, praycontinually, give thanks in all
circumstances.
Why?
Because this is God's will foryou and Christ Jesus.
So when we want to know hey,god, what do you want me to do?
What's your plan for me?
This is it Be thankful in allcircumstances, not for
(19:04):
everything.
Somebody dies.
We don't go.
Thank you God.
It's in the circumstance.
I'm going to learn to bethankful.
God, even though this isn't theway I saw things going, I know
that you're a good God and Itrust that you have a plan.
I'm thankful that you're a Godthat knows me, a God that sees
me, a God that loves me.
(19:25):
There's things that we could bethankful for in the most
difficult of circumstances.
Kimberly (19:31):
Amen, I need to hear that.
So the next one, our final oneyeah, number 10, is staying
close to Jesus during theChristmas season, and it means
being intentional, it meanshaving a spiritual connection
(19:57):
and looking for ways to fosterthat, and so we have some ideas
here.
Some churches are great aboutcelebrating Advent and they
might even provide you with anAdvent devotional or something,
but essentially it's somethingyou can do on your own and
(20:17):
looking at an Advent devotionalthat guides you through
Scripture and reflection andprayer, there's a lot of
devotionals on this.
Danny Ray (20:25):
If you go on to what's the one we use all the
time, I was going to sayBiblecom.
Kimberly (20:31):
No, no, no, it's an app that we use all the time.
Bible Gateway.
Danny Ray (20:37):
Is it Bible Gateway you version?
Kimberly (20:39):
You version Okay.
Hey, they're all good Okay.
Danny Ray (20:43):
Yeah, but any of those will have devotionals
where it'll take you through theentire Christmas season or you
could catch up and do two a dayif you want, as we were closer
to the Christmas season, or toChristmas today.
Kimberly (20:56):
Right.
Danny Ray (20:57):
So one of the things that a lot of people have around
their house but sometimes wejust put things up but we don't
take time to reflect is anativity scene.
Kimberly (21:08):
Yes.
Danny Ray (21:09):
And we could talk about most nativity scenes are
not accurate at all.
According to the biblicalaccount.
Kimberly (21:16):
Yeah, drives me bonkers.
Danny Ray (21:17):
That's a whole different thing, but you could
still take time to reflect onGod bringing Himself in.
You know, jesus is fully God,fully man.
So here is God as a baby inreflecting on why would God go
(21:38):
that route?
He could have shown up in anyway we could possibly conceive,
but what he thought would bebest is to be born of a version
in a little town in Bethlehem.
Why, of all the times, all theplaces, would he do that?
Just taking time to reflect onthat.
Kimberly (21:57):
Maybe the most humble way.
He could do that right?
Yeah, and so when you'replacing your nativity scene?
I've done this only a couple oftimes when the kids were little
.
I guess I didn't make it apriority, or however you want to
put that you had a lot ofthings on your plate at that
(22:19):
time.
Which we all do, right.
So this is not another thingfor you to do, but if you have a
nativity scene and if you feellike this would be helpful for
your family to focus on Jesusduring this season of Christmas,
then some families withholdbaby Jesus from the nativity
(22:39):
scene until Christmas morningand there's an anticipation that
I know some families experiencein that and they're just
waiting.
Okay, when is baby Jesus goingto be there and born in that
manger?
And, yeah, just a fun way.
(23:00):
I think that, especially maybewith younger kids and a family
where they can really feel thatanticipation of Jesus' birth,
yeah, I think one of the thingsthat I would encourage you with
is a prayer walk.
Danny Ray (23:16):
It's just taking time and it could be walking to the
mailbox.
You know a five-minute walk.
It could be walking around theblock you know a 10-minute walk,
whatever that looks like.
But just taking time as youwalk to pray, ideally out loud,
Like it might not make sense inthe neighborhood you're in, you
might seem a little crazy, butput in your headphones it just
(23:39):
acts like you're on the phonewith somebody.
You just happened to be on thephone with God.
There you go, That'll work.
And.
But praying out loud keeps youfocused and I think, with all
the distractions, sometimespraying out loud changes your
ability to stay on task and topray for those things around you
.
Another thing you could do isjust to be silent.
(24:02):
I like to do this in front ofthe Christmas tree and just sit
in front of the Christmas treeand think about the season, the
seasons, the years that havepassed, and reflect on the
different Christmas moments thatwe've had, either as a couple
or individually or as a family,and just think about those
moments.
I think the key when we'retalking about these things isn't
(24:26):
one more thing for you to do,but what's something, maybe that
you already do or that you'vealready done in the past that
has brought you closer to Jesus,and how can you go back to that
moment?
and really try to embracesomething that you know has
worked in the past.
That might be a journal, right.
(24:47):
Maybe you've kept a journal inthe past and you haven't done
that recently, but when you didthat, it really helped you to
draw close to Jesus.
So do that.
What are those things that helpyou?
Kimberly (24:59):
Yeah, amen, and do more of those right, that it's
helpful, not because you thinkyou should do it Right.
I think those are some greatideas.
I think, yeah, I'm reallyliking that idea of the prayer
walk, thinking about that formyself.
And then I think one last onethat I would add is just a
(25:23):
Christmas Eve service at church,right, maybe for you it's
important to have thecandlelight service and just
remembering how Jesus' birth islight coming into the world and
you know, but don't do itbecause you feel like you have
to or you should.
(25:44):
Is it going to bring yourfamily closer to God by doing it
?
So that's, yeah, christmas Eveservice of some sort that brings
you closer to God is anothergreat idea.
Danny Ray (25:59):
Yeah, the last thing I'll share that way is out of
John, chapter one, verse five,speaking of Jesus being the
light of the world, says thelight shines in the darkness and
the darkness has not overcomeit.
Kimberly (26:15):
Yes.
Danny Ray (26:16):
Is.
There's a lot of darkness inour world, but praise God that
Jesus has come and he is thelight of the world.
Amen, all right.
Well, that's all of them.
We hope that this helps you andhave a Merry Christmas.
Kimberly (26:31):
Merry Christmas.
Thanks for listening.
All right, welcome back to part two.
So we are going to look at howdo we navigate de-stress bring
less anxiety during theChristmas season.
If you haven't checked out partone, check out part one, but
this is part two.
We're going to go through fivethings and for the first time,
we are going to be on a timer.
So we are going to do roughlyfive minutes with each one.
(00:21):
Here we go.
Kimberly (00:23):
All right, so this is number six.
We are talking about breathinglife into old traditions and
creating new ones, so sometimesthings feel stressful just
because we feel like we have todo them, because this is a way
that we've always done it.
This is tradition, but it can bereally beneficial and life
(00:45):
giving if we spend a momentcontemplating why do we do that?
One Like is it worth it?
Is this what we should be doing?
Is it what we forget should?
Is this what we want to do?
Is this what's best for ourfamily?
So old traditions that a couplehas in their history is
(01:06):
definitely special and important, but sometimes we have to kind
of revisit those and breathe newlife.
Danny Ray (01:14):
Yeah, there's an old illustration that talks about.
You know the ends of the.
I think it's the ends of abread being cut off.
Okay, like a loaf of bread,yeah.
And you know, the daughter wastrying to talk to the mom, to
talk to the grandma, and foundout that years and years and
years before they had an oventhat was too small so they had
(01:38):
to cut off the ends.
You know, so that was thereason.
But here's, years later, hey,why did we cut off?
I don't know.
Kimberly (01:44):
That's what we have always done, you know so.
They always cut off the ends ofthe loaf of bread brand new
like fresh from the oven, andoriginally they were only doing
it because it wouldn't fit inthe oven.
But then they kept doing itover and over and they just
thought, oh well, we have to doit this way, we have to cut the
ends.
Danny Ray (01:58):
And then they wasted it Right.
Nobody really knew why, but soit might be worth revisiting.
Why are we doing?
Kimberly (02:05):
these things.
Danny Ray (02:06):
What are the things that are important to you, what
matters in?
Go after those things.
Kimberly (02:10):
And also making you know, like remembering why you
have maybe certain ornaments onthe tree right.
Like we have some that arecrazy and weird, that our kids
have made.
I mean, oh, they're superspecial.
That's what I meant.
Danny Ray (02:31):
Wow, tell us how you really feel, babe.
Kimberly (02:34):
Ah, kids don't listen.
So one of our favorite ones,though, to look at every year
that we take a moment and itmight not even be a moment
together, but separately we lookat the ornament that you used
to have my engagement ring in it.
Danny Ray (02:50):
Okay, that's the one I was thinking about.
I was like we should write thisdown and see which one we're
actually thinking of.
Okay, good, Okay, that is theone I was thinking about.
We're on the same page.
Kimberly (02:58):
Yeah, that ornament.
It looks like a Christmasornament but it opens up and
that's where the ring was whenyou proposed to me and a
gazillion years ago, and thatjust brings joy to our hearts
and I think that would be sad ifwe missed December 30th 421.
Oh, it was when you proposedyes.
Danny Ray (03:19):
Do you want the year?
No, that's okay.
I wonder if you could give theyear Nope probably not so anyway
.
Kimberly (03:25):
So rekindling joy and excitement through either the
old traditions or the new ones,right?
Danny Ray (03:32):
So it's decorating, yeah, like last time we shared
that new tradition we startedduring the pandemic.
But maybe this year you figureout, you know what.
We're gonna create somethingthat's new.
Maybe it's going to look atChristmas lights together.
Maybe that's something you'vedone for years and you're like
you know what.
Maybe we're going to stop one,yeah, yeah, we fight every time
we do this.
(03:52):
There's no pressure for familyto do it, and if there's one
that maybe needs to stop so thatyou could be closer together,
that might be worth stopping.
Kimberly (04:05):
Yes.
Danny Ray (04:06):
Yeah, reflecting on what really matters and what's
the importance of these things.
Kimberly (04:12):
Yeah, as relationships evolve.
Sorry, evolve as they changeright.
Danny Ray (04:18):
Evolve.
Kimberly (04:18):
Evolve as relationships do that, but also
as families grow and kids enterthe picture or don't enter the
picture.
Whatever life looks like foryou that way, it's, so should
our traditions right, thoseshould change and evolve as well
.
So it doesn't have to be theexact same every year,
especially if it's not lifegiving but it's just sucking the
(04:41):
joy out of it and kind ofbringing more stress to your
Christmas season.
Then I definitely encourage youto ask why?
Why are we doing this?
Danny Ray (04:52):
Yeah, I mean we really have a division in our
culture, but I think for us,even in our family, of what are
the secular traditions thatwe're just doing because
everybody else is doing them,and what are the sacred ones
that really matter to us tobuild our faith, to draw us
close to who God is, to his love, to remind us of the grace he
(05:16):
has in our lives.
So that might be a helpfulthing to have a conversation
about.
Or what are the seculartraditions, the things that we
love and we have fun doing butaren't essential, aren't what
really matters during thisseason?
And what are those sacredthings that really matter as a
family?
Yes, all right, with that said,speaking of family, yes, Family
(05:40):
dynamics can be challengingduring the holidays.
So this is number seven Familydynamics.
Sorry, number seven.
Kimberly (05:44):
Yes, family dynamics can be challenging during the
holidays.
For sure Not ours, oh yeah notours, and each year it can bring
new struggles or issues thatsometimes you don't even see
coming.
But we have to look at thebiblical principles.
(06:06):
How do we deal with that?
We talked a little bit aboutforgiveness the Bible talks
about as far as it depends onyou make peace, and I think
that's a really good one If it'sa family member that you can
make peace with you are calledto do that Now.
we only have control of our sideof things.
Danny Ray (06:24):
Right.
How we forgive, how we want toshow grace, make peace Right.
Kimberly (06:30):
That's that parts up to us.
That is within our control, sowe are called to do so.
Now, how the person responds tothat the family member responds
is not within our control, andso that's okay If it doesn't
work out the way we were hopingor expecting or wanted it to
work out.
Danny Ray (06:47):
But remember, their response doesn't dictate your
response because they have anegative reaction, or they
respond in a unforgiving orungrateful or whatever that
looks like or they bite you onthe cheek I wish we didn't know
anybody that that had happenedto.
Kimberly (07:05):
But yeah, that's not the case.
Danny Ray (07:07):
Family gets crazy right, thanks, family.
At least in my family there'sfamily physical fights that have
broken out.
You know different things thathave happened over the years.
But how do we bring peace?
How do we respond?
We're in control of that sideof it, not how the other person
responds.
One of the things that I lovethe Bible is just real and
(07:30):
authentic, with relationshipsand Colossians 313.
It reminds us to bear with eachother and forgive, just as the
Lord has forgave us.
It doesn't say that forgivenessis going to be easy, that the
other person's going to be easy.
It's like bear with them.
It's going to be difficult Bearwith them.
(07:51):
I love that even early on inthe church there was tension and
got addressed that directly,Not saying oh, there'll never be
tension, but no, when you havetension, bear with.
Kimberly (08:07):
Yeah, so bearing with and forgiveness are definitely
crucial to dealing with family,in particular during the
holidays.
But I want to, you know, I loveto bring up a caveat, or at
least in addition to, because Ican't take away from what God
says, that's for sure.
(08:28):
But in addition to that, it maystill require boundaries, right
?
So you are?
Danny Ray (08:37):
Probably always requires boundaries, always
require boundaries.
Kimberly (08:40):
Yeah, so forgiveness, definitely something.
If this sounds new to you,please do some research and
please, you know, read moreabout this.
But because this might be newinformation for some of you.
But forgiveness doesn't meanthat we just allow a person to
continuously hurt us and walkall over us.
Danny Ray (09:03):
Yeah, those boundaries are kind of important
.
Kimberly (09:05):
Hmm, yeah.
Danny Ray (09:07):
So family dynamics they're.
It's just part of navigatingthis season is we have to be
intentional about.
You know what?
We want to create greatboundaries.
We want to be people that bearwith one another.
We want to be people that arequick to forgive, quick to love
in the midst of difficult familydynamics.
Kimberly (09:27):
Okay, man.
Let's go to the next one,Number eight, coping with loss
during the holidays.
You know, holidays, Christmasthere's so much pressure
sometimes to make sure that it'samazing and beautiful and just
fabulous, and you know what,Sometimes we don't feel like
that and it's a really hard yearand a hard Christmas.
(09:50):
And there's a new.
at least it was new to me a newsong that I heard on the radio
just yesterday that Christmashits different and it's okay
that it hits differently.
Maybe this year for you, maybeyou've lost a loved one or
somebody is, you know, is sickand you're afraid of losing them
(10:14):
, or you know all of thosethings or somebody that's just
disconnected from the family andthere's a part of you that
really misses them and it'shurtful and all of those things,
and it's okay to acknowledgethat.
In fact, it's more than okay ifyou just try to shove that down
and pretend it's not happening,and pretend you don't, you
(10:37):
aren't experiencing this griefor this loss.
It's just going to explode atsome point.
Danny Ray (10:45):
There's no better way to put that.
So I think one of the keys isyou know, all of us will
experience loss at differenttimes, especially if it's a loss
of a loved one.
The first season of anything,whether it's Thanksgiving,
whether it's Christmas, whetherit's a birthday, whether it's a
family tradition during thesummer, you always went to the
lake together.
Whatever that tradition is, isdifficult that first season, and
(11:11):
not that it's not difficult.
Second, third, fourth tenth yeah, yeah, yeah, but that first
season is one of those hardestto navigate, but I think one of
the keys is that you honor thelegacy as you take time to, to
process and remember.
I think, this idea of justtrying to avoid instead of like,
(11:34):
hey, let's create maybesomething new to honor the
legacy, maybe it's a memory thatyou share as a family together
or talk about, but not to avoid,but to engage.
Kimberly (11:47):
Yeah, and that it's going to make me tear up, but it
might mean having a place atthe table when you set the table
, and even though that person'snot there.
You're honoring that legacy andjust acknowledging instead of
oh well, we'll just keep going,because that's what we have to
(12:07):
do, and that's what the worldexpects of us, or that's what
our family expects.
And no, it's okay to sharestories about.
Danny Ray (12:18):
Creating space for those memories and being
intentional about that canreally be life giving.
It sounds like in some ways, oh, it would take away or bring
people down, but oftentimes, inthe middle of sadness, there's a
lot of laughter, becausethere's great memories that you
share with, with a loved one,and that could bring tears but
(12:41):
also lots of laughter.
Every memory in those moments.
Kimberly (12:44):
Yeah, that's a good point, and if somebody you know
is experiencing loss andgrieving, it's okay to ask how
they're doing and it's not likeall of a sudden they're going to
go.
Oh yeah, I forgot I was missingthis person in my life.
You're not going to bring upsadness that they weren't
(13:07):
experiencing.
It's already there.
You might give them space wherethey are able to answer that,
but it's also okay if they'relike I'm fine and they don't
want to talk about it, right?
Danny Ray (13:20):
However, they respond is how but giving them space is
really a gift to them.
Kimberly (13:25):
Yeah, yeah, Giving them that opportunity if they
want to share.
Yeah, it's not.
If they start crying, it's notbecause you just all of a sudden
surprise them with thisopportunity to think about it.
No, the tears have probablyalready been there just waiting
for the opportunity.
And I heard recently aboutgrief, and I'll probably say
(13:46):
this over and over because itreally resonates for me that
grief is love with no place togo.
I just love that.
For me, it's a visual pictureof it's, somebody that you love,
that you can't express thatlove the same way that you did
(14:09):
before, so it's just, yeah,something definitely to
acknowledge.
Danny Ray (14:14):
I think that's a good way to end this section.
There's so much more we couldsay on number eight there, but
we're going to move to numbernine and this is kind of a
continuation of Thanksgiving, ofhaving gratitude during this
season.
It's so easy for us to just godown a rabbit hole of being
(14:37):
frustrated and busy and stressedand I've got to do this, I've
got to get to this Christmasparty and we've got to get this
gift and just go, go, go, go go.
And we forget that, wow, we havethe ability and we have friends
to go to a party with.
We have work, that we're goingto an office party.
We have family.
Kimberly (14:59):
It's easy to not be grateful.
This is speaking to me, yeah,oh sorry, no, no, no.
This is good.
This is good yeah.
Danny Ray (15:05):
But being grateful during Christmas is, I think,
just essential to recognize howgreat a gift God has given us
and given us, giving us his sonand just literally giving us
everything.
And so we replicate that, wereflect that, we try to emulate
(15:29):
that in our lives, of beinggrateful and grateful to give
and just grateful for everythingthat God has given to us.
Kimberly (15:39):
Yeah, it's easier during Thanksgiving season.
I think I see a lot of peoplepost on social media right, like
things that they're thankfulfor, and I love that.
I think that's an amazing way tofocus.
But then we kind of go oh, thatwas November, and now it's time
to move on to December, and butwhat if we continued it?
(16:01):
What if we were, you know,really to keep thinking at the
end of the day, wow God, thankyou for these three things.
And not that this isnecessarily new research, but
research that is more recent,and the findings are continuing
to be the same that it isdefinitely for our mental health
(16:26):
.
Our mental health will improvethe more grateful we are, and,
specifically, this recent studywas about expressing gratitude,
and when we are intentionallyexpressing gratitude to God or
to each other, that verbalizingit creates that more positive
(16:50):
outlook.
Danny Ray (16:52):
So when we say verbalize, like literally out
loud you're saying the thingsthat you are grateful for,
whether that's to a person or toGod, just to say I am thankful
out loud for these things and ithelps change your perspective
and you could look up there's anarticle from Berkeley on the
(17:15):
science of gratitude but,there's other ones that are.
You know this research of howit changes our brain when we
continually are grateful.
Specifically, it talks aboutbeing thankful out loud every
day for six things, and when youdo that over time, you become a
(17:36):
more grateful person and youbegin to see the things that you
could be thankful for every day, that you might not recognize
if you didn't put that intopractice in your life.
Kimberly (17:47):
And it's a great tool to fight depression or ward off
depression before we get thereto that point, right?
So it's so easy to startthinking about all the negatives
in our life, but the reality isthat if we are being
consciously thankful andgrateful and practicing that in
(18:10):
our daily life, it makes it alot harder to find ourselves in
this downward spiral.
Danny Ray (18:17):
Yeah, and one of the things if in terms of being
grateful, is when we askourselves what does God want me
to do?
What's His will for my life?
And first, thessalonians.
It says this be joyful, always,pray continually, give thanks.
Here it is Give thanks in allcircumstances, not in some, in
(18:41):
all circumstances.
Why?
For this is God's will for youand Christ Jesus.
So again, rejoice always, praycontinually, give thanks in all
circumstances.
Why?
Because this is God's will foryou and Christ Jesus.
So when we want to know hey,god, what do you want me to do?
What's your plan for me?
This is it Be thankful in allcircumstances, not for
(19:04):
everything.
Somebody dies.
We don't go.
Thank you God.
It's in the circumstance.
I'm going to learn to bethankful.
God, even though this isn't theway I saw things going, I know
that you're a good God and Itrust that you have a plan.
I'm thankful that you're a Godthat knows me, a God that sees
me, a God that loves me.
(19:25):
There's things that we could bethankful for in the most
difficult of circumstances.
Kimberly (19:31):
Amen, I need to hear that.
So the next one, our final oneyeah, number 10, is staying
close to Jesus during theChristmas season, and it means
being intentional, it meanshaving a spiritual connection
(19:57):
and looking for ways to fosterthat, and so we have some ideas
here.
Some churches are great aboutcelebrating Advent and they
might even provide you with anAdvent devotional or something,
but essentially it's somethingyou can do on your own and
(20:17):
looking at an Advent devotionalthat guides you through
Scripture and reflection andprayer, there's a lot of
devotionals on this.
Danny Ray (20:25):
If you go on to what's the one we use all the
time, I was going to sayBiblecom.
Kimberly (20:31):
No, no, no, it's an app that we use all the time.
Bible Gateway.
Danny Ray (20:37):
Is it Bible Gateway you version?
Kimberly (20:39):
You version Okay.
Hey, they're all good Okay.
Danny Ray (20:43):
Yeah, but any of those will have devotionals
where it'll take you through theentire Christmas season or you
could catch up and do two a dayif you want, as we were closer
to the Christmas season, or toChristmas today.
Kimberly (20:56):
Right.
Danny Ray (20:57):
So one of the things that a lot of people have around
their house but sometimes wejust put things up but we don't
take time to reflect is anativity scene.
Kimberly (21:08):
Yes.
Danny Ray (21:09):
And we could talk about most nativity scenes are
not accurate at all.
According to the biblicalaccount.
Kimberly (21:16):
Yeah, drives me bonkers.
Danny Ray (21:17):
That's a whole different thing, but you could
still take time to reflect onGod bringing Himself in.
You know, jesus is fully God,fully man.
So here is God as a baby inreflecting on why would God go
(21:38):
that route?
He could have shown up in anyway we could possibly conceive,
but what he thought would bebest is to be born of a version
in a little town in Bethlehem.
Why, of all the times, all theplaces, would he do that?
Just taking time to reflect onthat.
Kimberly (21:57):
Maybe the most humble way.
He could do that right?
Yeah, and so when you'replacing your nativity scene?
I've done this only a couple oftimes when the kids were little
.
I guess I didn't make it apriority, or however you want to
put that you had a lot ofthings on your plate at that
(22:19):
time.
Which we all do, right.
So this is not another thingfor you to do, but if you have a
nativity scene and if you feellike this would be helpful for
your family to focus on Jesusduring this season of Christmas,
then some families withholdbaby Jesus from the nativity
(22:39):
scene until Christmas morningand there's an anticipation that
I know some families experiencein that and they're just
waiting.
Okay, when is baby Jesus goingto be there and born in that
manger?
And, yeah, just a fun way.
(23:00):
I think that, especially maybewith younger kids and a family
where they can really feel thatanticipation of Jesus' birth,
yeah, I think one of the thingsthat I would encourage you with
is a prayer walk.
Danny Ray (23:16):
It's just taking time and it could be walking to the
mailbox.
You know a five-minute walk.
It could be walking around theblock you know a 10-minute walk,
whatever that looks like.
But just taking time as youwalk to pray, ideally out loud,
Like it might not make sense inthe neighborhood you're in, you
might seem a little crazy, butput in your headphones it just
(23:39):
acts like you're on the phonewith somebody.
You just happened to be on thephone with God.
There you go, That'll work.
And.
But praying out loud keeps youfocused and I think, with all
the distractions, sometimespraying out loud changes your
ability to stay on task and topray for those things around you
.
Another thing you could do isjust to be silent.
(24:02):
I like to do this in front ofthe Christmas tree and just sit
in front of the Christmas treeand think about the season, the
seasons, the years that havepassed, and reflect on the
different Christmas moments thatwe've had, either as a couple
or individually or as a family,and just think about those
moments.
I think the key when we'retalking about these things isn't
(24:26):
one more thing for you to do,but what's something, maybe that
you already do or that you'vealready done in the past that
has brought you closer to Jesus,and how can you go back to that
moment?
and really try to embracesomething that you know has
worked in the past.
That might be a journal, right.
(24:47):
Maybe you've kept a journal inthe past and you haven't done
that recently, but when you didthat, it really helped you to
draw close to Jesus.
So do that.
What are those things that helpyou?
Kimberly (24:59):
Yeah, amen, and do more of those right, that it's
helpful, not because you thinkyou should do it Right.
I think those are some greatideas.
I think, yeah, I'm reallyliking that idea of the prayer
walk, thinking about that formyself.
And then I think one last onethat I would add is just a
(25:23):
Christmas Eve service at church,right, maybe for you it's
important to have thecandlelight service and just
remembering how Jesus' birth islight coming into the world and
you know, but don't do itbecause you feel like you have
to or you should.
(25:44):
Is it going to bring yourfamily closer to God by doing it
?
So that's, yeah, christmas Eveservice of some sort that brings
you closer to God is anothergreat idea.
Danny Ray (25:59):
Yeah, the last thing I'll share that way is out of
John, chapter one, verse five,speaking of Jesus being the
light of the world, says thelight shines in the darkness and
the darkness has not overcomeit.
Kimberly (26:15):
Yes.
Danny Ray (26:16):
Is.
There's a lot of darkness inour world, but praise God that
Jesus has come and he is thelight of the world.
Amen, all right.
Well, that's all of them.
We hope that this helps you andhave a Merry Christmas.
Kimberly (26:31):
Merry Christmas.
Thanks for listening.
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