December 13, 2023 • 33 mins
Struggling to keep the joy and peace in your Christmas celebrations amidst all the bustle? We promise to help you navigate the holiday season with tips that will manage stress and expectations. This episode takes you through a journey of 10 significant ideas. We lay emphasis on financial planning, contentment, and joyful giving, not out of obligation, to keep Jesus at the heart of Christmas.
With the holiday hustle in tow, effective communication and quality time often take a backseat in relationships. Let's break down how you can use inclusive language, understand your partner's perspective and choose the right time and place for discussions. Listen in as our guests, Emily and Danny Ray, share their insightful experiences on creating meaningful Christmas traditions. They offer valuable advice on being intentional, setting boundaries, and not comparing your celebrations with others. Make your holiday season memorable and special by tuning in to our episode!
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Danny Ray (00:01):
Okay, so we realize that there's only 12 days left
till Christmas, but stress ishigh and so we have.
We have 10 ideas, so we'regoing to break this into two
parts.
How many?
Two?
Yeah, two parts.
So there's 10 ideas.
We're going to share five thistime and we're going to keep
ourselves on the clock.
We've never done this before,but we want to make sure that we
(00:23):
do around five minutes for eachone of these ideas Could be
three, could be seven, but rightaround five, first time we're
ever setting a clock, but we'regoing to make this happen.
So the first idea.
So these are just to bring someclarity.
These are ideas that we thinkcouples struggle with during the
Christmas season, and thesewill help bring anxiety down,
(00:45):
help to keep you on the samepage and really to help you to
focus on why we celebrateChristmas, which is Jesus, and
to keep him at the center of itall.
So, here we go.
The first one is financialstress.
Kimberly (01:01):
What Financial stress?
Danny Ray (01:03):
Yeah, I've hit the timer.
Kimberly (01:05):
We are on, okay.
Danny Ray (01:06):
So how can you help, babe?
What do you think if people arestruggling with financial
stress, the tensions, it makessense, right.
Kimberly (01:13):
We have gifts that we give.
We have baking to do that costmoney.
We have gatherings, all theparties, all the things right.
So it makes sense that it's allof a sudden a lot more on your
plate than it was all year, Notto mention whatever your normal
stressors are.
We've just completely added tothem.
Danny Ray (01:36):
Does Amazon deliver anywhere else?
But here it seems like dingding, ding, ding ding, oh come
on.
Kimberly (01:41):
I haven't even started Christmas shopping, so I know
it's not me this year.
Oh, wow, yeah, that's anotherthing.
Yeah, financial stresses.
So I think biblically we'restill called to remember to
steward our money well.
So for us, what we finallyfigured out years ago was that
(02:05):
we needed a fund, a savingsaccount, where we put money
aside all year so that we canand it's just little amounts, I
promise you that get put asideall year long and then, ideally
by October, november, we go ohokay, the Christmas fund is
there.
Danny Ray (02:24):
It's funded Right, yeah, so that's just learning to
go like hey.
Christmas sneaks up every year.
Kimberly (02:31):
What if we start?
Danny Ray (02:32):
planning for that, like it's going to be here next
year too, so let's startplanning.
Kimberly (02:36):
It should just be in this adulting handbook I don't
know if one exists, but it sureseems like.
Or they should just teach kidsthat in high school.
Hey, as soon as you're adulting, this is one of the things you
have to do is start settingaside money monthly for
Christmas, because, yeah, it'sgoing to pop up every single
year same time and I don't knowwhy it shocked us for so long,
(02:56):
but it did so.
Danny Ray (02:59):
Remembering to be a good steward of our finances,
our resources, which meanstrusting God with those things,
I think that's one of the thingswith trusting God with your
finances is, I think, sometimesnot everybody, but couples we've
talked to.
There's a different mentalitythat you have during Christmas.
(03:19):
It's like, hey, I'm a goodsteward all year long and then
at this time it's just likelet's put things on the credit
card, let's max out, let's dothe you know, let's go outside
of our means instead of goinglike you know what we could get
creative with gifts this year.
We could make gifts, we could,you know, and we've done all
sorts of things to try to keepin budget.
But the key is is that whateveras a couple, you have decided,
(03:46):
so that you stay on the samepage, that you don't just go
okay, I'm going to go wild onthe spending and then that
frustrates your spouse.
So we want to stay on the samepage and communicate those
things really well.
Kimberly (03:59):
What makes me think of the word contentment, which we
don't usually ever think about.
In terms of Christmas, we'rethinking pretty much the
opposite.
We're thinking, oh well, I needto make a list of all the
things that I want and that Iwant to give, and contentment's
probably one of the farthestthings from our minds.
(04:20):
And yet we're called to becontent in all circumstances.
So yeah, just learning to becontent, even in the financial
stressors of Christmas time.
Danny Ray (04:38):
Yeah, in first Timothy, 6, 6, it says but
godliness with contentment isgreat gain, and so this idea of
like we want to be godly people,reflect his love, his light,
share his joy during this season, but we also want to have
contentment as being satisfiedwith what we have knowing that
(04:59):
God has given us everything weneed for today, that he's in
control, that he has a purpose,that he has a plan, and we're
going to trust him.
Today.
It's going to relieve thatworry and that anxiety about
tomorrow, and this is what firstTimothy says is godliness with
contentment is great gain.
So we'll experience just just ajoy, I think, and a contentment
(05:26):
as we just focus on whatmatters of loving God and loving
others well during this season.
Kimberly (05:33):
And going a different direction with this, but still
talking about the financialstresses and just how to
conceptualize finances duringthis time.
I like this.
This is not forgetting aboutbeing generous, but not from a
oh, I have to give more and youknow, and, like you said, not
(05:57):
being debt.
That's not what I'm talkingabout.
But God loves a cheerful giverand I think about that a lot
with tithing.
I don't think I've ever thoughtabout it with Christmas.
To be honest, that's not mylove language.
It seems more of a chore if I'mhonest and like, okay, we write
(06:20):
down the list of all the peoplewe have to buy for and then I
don't feel like I'm great atchoosing the right gifts for
people.
Danny Ray (06:30):
You do a fantastic job.
I know you don't feel like youdo a great job.
You think that the rule?
Kimberly (06:36):
I appreciate that, but that's only because I ask you
what do you want and you tell mewhat you want, and that works
for me.
But anyway, so just rememberingthat God wants us to do it
cheerfully, not out of debt, butyeah, giving because we want to
, because we care about thisperson and, ultimately, when we
(06:57):
look at giving, god has given usHis Son and we remember that
during this season, it's likehe's given us everything, and so
the gifts that we give are asmall reflection of the great
gift he's given us and His Son.
And that the finances we getaren't ours to begin with.
Right yeah, that we want tohold those loosely and give
(07:17):
freely, yep.
Danny Ray (07:19):
Okay.
Well, we stuck to under sevenminutes with that one.
Let's go on to number two, andthis is expectation management.
We talk a lot aboutexpectations because we really
feel like when you, as a couple,talk about what your
expectations are, it's going tochange the outcome in a really
(07:40):
healthy way.
Kimberly (07:41):
Yeah, absolutely yeah, I talk about this a lot.
Unrealistic expectations canlead to disappointment.
It is definitely crucial thatwe talk about our expectations
and it really is moment bymoment.
I mean, there are alreadyexpectations in the normal 11
(08:02):
months out of the year, but thenwe add in Christmas and now we
have additional expectations.
Right, You've got lots of extraparties and gifts and like we
talked about.
So it's communicating with eachother.
Hey, doing a rundown really atthe beginning of the day and
going what do we have today,what do you have today?
(08:24):
Okay, well, are we going tomeet there at the kids program?
Are we going to like what'syour expectation, what do you
think is going to happen?
But talking about itpreemptively avoids the conflict
.
Danny Ray (08:40):
Yeah, and even today, right, our expectation we were
going to meet at 8.20.
And so five minutes before Isaid or I text you, and I said
8.20 question mark and, forwhatever reason, you responded
back no, it's okay, I'm all no.
Kimberly (09:02):
What's that mean?
The?
Danny Ray (09:04):
expectations 8.20,.
No, it's okay.
Like, is it okay?
Kimberly (09:09):
Yeah, there was definitely misunderstanding in
how I read the text previous tothat and I thought you were
saying you needed more time.
So it can happen even with bestintentions forgiveness right.
Danny Ray (09:22):
Yeah best intentions and we want to be quick to
forgive when the expectationsare off.
Yeah, so yeah, that's one ofthe key things.
Kimberly (09:33):
Right so.
Danny Ray (09:38):
So with forgiveness really quickly on.
Forgiveness is being quick toforgive.
We talk a lot about reset, thereset button is when you have an
expectation that isn't met, youdon't just want to be
frustrated with that.
You want to talk to your spouse, your loved one, and just go.
Hey, this is what myexpectation was, right or wrong?
(09:59):
I thought we were supposed tomeet at eight, 20.
What happened?
Oh, this happened.
I was a miscommun.
Okay, I was working on not justbeing frustrated but going like
, okay, I want to forgive much,as God has forgiven me much.
I want to forgive you much.
Kimberly (10:14):
And embracing our imperfections.
Right, we made a mistake.
I made a mistake in how I readthat text and just realizing
that that can happen to anybodyand it's not that big, I think.
Danny Ray (10:27):
sometimes we think life's like this perfect
Pinterest board or something.
Kimberly (10:30):
Please, but it's more messy, it's a little bit.
It's a lot more like thePinterest fails.
Danny Ray (10:36):
Oh, there we go, I like that Right, but we've got
to figure out in the mess how dowe care for one another and not
have this perfect expectationof the other person.
Kimberly (10:48):
Absolutely, and that takes if we're going to manage
expectations it takes surrendersurrendering to God, not leaning
on our own understanding.
So the verse in Proverbs 3, 5through 6 says Trust in the Lord
with all your heart and leannot on your own understanding.
In all your ways, submit to himand he will make your path
(11:10):
straight.
And that includes ourexpectations, surrendering that
and trusting his plans.
And I'll be the first to say,specifically in the last couple
of weeks, that it has been superhard to watch a family member
make choices that they know theyshouldn't and choices that are
(11:32):
hurting themselves and hurtingothers.
And with that I have tosurrender my expectations to God
and trust his plan.
Danny Ray (11:42):
I think, with surrender I think there's this
idea sometimes or withforgiveness falls into the same
category for me, as we go, okay,I forgive you, okay, god, I
surrender, and then five minuteslater we're doing the same
thing.
That's part of the plan.
It's part of the process isforgiveness is a process.
(12:02):
It's not an event.
I have forgiven you.
It is done, it's over with.
Sometimes those feelings riseback up and you have to address
it and work through the processof forgiveness all over again,
or with surrender.
God I surrender everything toyou right now and five minutes
later you're back doing the sameexact things.
It's like, okay, no, we need toget on our knees again and say,
(12:25):
God, would you help me tocompletely surrender, and you
could fill in the blank on whatthat might be for you.
And that's a humbling thing attimes to surrender, but that's
part of just as we're looking atexpectations surrenders.
A part of that is we want to.
When we look at expectations,we want to expect that our
(12:50):
partners going to be in thisprocess of surrendering, of
being humble before the Lord, ofcontinuing in the faith of like
, no matter what happens, iswe're on this faith journey
together, together, yeah, yeah,for sure.
Kimberly (13:06):
So surrendering our expectations to God, being
humble in that and realizing youknow both of you make mistakes,
and then also having faith,remembering that his perspective
is higher, his plans are betterthan ours.
And number three we want totalk about jumping into number
(13:29):
three.
I like it.
Communication breakdowns andcommunication is obviously a
huge part, a key in anyrelationship.
Danny Ray (13:38):
Thankfully we've never had any communication.
Kimberly (13:41):
Not even this morning, pretty sure, we just admitted
to the one this morning.
But obviously with gettingbusier during the Christmas
season, then there's moreopportunity for communication to
break down right.
The busier you are, the morestresses there are.
The financial stress, thestressors on your time, all
(14:04):
contribute to the potential fora breakdown in communication.
Danny Ray (14:10):
Jen.
So as you're looking at this,you want to look at how can you
build each other up daily right.
When you're building each otherup, when you're saying words
that are empowering, that areencouraging, that are speaking
life, that are speaking joy.
It's going to help you to havejust great communication.
But this is a difficult one, isevery day, you know you have to
(14:33):
work on the communication and Ialmost think you need double
effort during this season.
I wish that wasn't the case,but for us at least, I'll say
for us.
We're constantly working on howcan we have better communication
during this season.
Kimberly (14:50):
And a huge part of that with communication and, yes
, we've talked about this before, but it is imperative, so it's
not going anywhere.
But communication is not justthe speaking part, it is
definitely the active listeningpart, right?
So when you are speaking, ifyou're telling me, hey, this is
(15:10):
the plan, or this is what'sgoing on, or this is where I'm
going right now, If I'm, orespecially if you're sharing
with me how you feel aboutsomething, or you didn't like
something, or heard aboutsomething, or you did like
something that I did or didn'tdo or whatever.
So my job, then if you'rebringing that to me, I have to
(15:34):
be safe for you to share thatwith, so not have this huge
reaction to it and to validateyour feeling.
It's not wrong Just because yousay, hey, I was hurt when you
said this the other day or thismorning or whatever, and it's
(15:55):
tempting for the other person tojust go well, that's not what I
meant, or you shouldn't feelthat way.
Danny Ray (16:01):
Right, it's getting defensive instead of being that
active listener.
Yeah.
Kimberly (16:05):
And that's really invalidating the feelings, right
?
If I did that to you, well, youshouldn't feel that way.
Who am I to say how you shouldfeel or shouldn't feel?
Your emotions are your emotionsand they're not.
Nobody's emotions are wrong.
They're having a reason forresponding the way they are and
or feeling the way they are andyeah.
(16:25):
So being an active listenermeans, okay, I need to hear them
and and validate it and go oh,okay, I'm sorry that it's that
you feel that way.
Danny Ray (16:38):
Yeah.
Kimberly (16:38):
I'll bet that hurts and and then, after validating
it, if given the opportunity tosay really that wasn't my intent
, but that doesn't mean that itdidn't happen.
I did hurt you and I'm sorry.
Yeah.
Danny Ray (16:54):
Right, so really quickly on just communication,
effective, effectivecommunication and we've talked a
lot about this, but I just wantto give you like a quick
rundown or a recap.
Yeah, so we talked about open,honest communication and you
just talked about activelistening.
Yeah, you also want the righttime in the right place right.
(17:14):
Finding a good place.
It's a healthy.
You know, sometimes being in apublic place might not be the
best place.
Sometimes it might be.
You have to figure out what'sthe right time in the place to
have this conversation.
What you talked about ofstaying calm, right?
Yeah, staying like hearing theother person and not just being
like, oh, they're about to stopand I'm going to jump in and say
something, right, right, usingthat we language, right, so it's
(17:38):
not saying the other person,you did this, you did that,
saying I am hurt when thishappens.
Yeah, we need to work on thistogether.
You know that type of languagethat's not focused just you.
You, you did this and justblaming, focusing on the issue,
(18:00):
not the person.
Right?
A lot of times there's your,you're frustrated, but you take
that out on the other personinstead of going okay, this is
what we're dealing with.
For us this morning, it was atime issue.
Yeah.
So I don't have to say youstatements of you never show up
on time.
Yeah, you know.
Kimberly (18:18):
That won't go well.
Danny Ray (18:19):
No, it's just saying hey, I thought we were going to
meet at this time and talk aboutthe issue Right, and the other
one is seeking to understand howcan you?
understand this other person andwhat they're going through, not
just trying to understand yourown needs and your own wants,
and then finding and we talkabout this a lot, but I'm
(18:41):
staying on the same page findingthat common ground of where can
you come to an agreement andnot just going oh, we're just
going to agree, to disagree,which might you might have to
come to that conclusion, butthere might be common ground
where you can move forward.
Another one is takingresponsibility.
(19:03):
Is it's really easy to blameshift?
You go all the way back to theGarden of Eden and that's the
very first thing that happens.
Kimberly (19:12):
God, she did it.
She took the apple.
Danny Ray (19:14):
Right, it's, you immediately have blame.
Yeah, but we want to takeresponsibility for what our
involvement is in the argumentor in the fight.
Is it takes two to tango?
What's your responsibility?
Own it.
Ask for forgiveness and work onreconciliation.
And if all of this you've triedand you guys keep coming up
(19:40):
against the wall and hitting thewall, this is where we would
say find help.
You know whether that'sprofessional help, pastoral help
, a friend that's going to helpsomebody that could help you to
navigate, but don't give up,that was a long way.
Kimberly (19:56):
Nice, so number four.
Danny Ray (19:59):
Getting into communication, but yeah, so
those are number four.
Kimberly (20:03):
Number four All right, so lack of quality time real
shocker during the holidays.
That adds to the stress, right?
So, as a couple, there are somany more things that we're
obligated to do, or actuallythat's a huge part of it where
we need to decide.
Are we?
Are we doing this because we'reobligated?
(20:23):
Are we doing this because wewant to?
I definitely encourage couplesto really you know every
invitation that comes acrosstheir desk, or their email or
their whatever Think about it,talk about it together.
Do we really want to do this?
Is this you know?
Are we just doing it because,oh, there's an assumption that
we have to, or an expectation?
Danny Ray (20:45):
And some of them you do have to.
Kimberly (20:47):
Yeah.
Danny Ray (20:47):
Like family parties or something.
Kimberly (20:49):
Yeah.
Danny Ray (20:49):
You might not want to go, but technically you don't
have to.
But it is part of the season, asyou might end up doing things
that you don't necessarily wantto do.
But how do you make the most ofthat?
And I think this is where beingintentional about quality time
with each other and quality timeat a party.
(21:09):
One of our secrets for ourmarriage that works for us is,
when we're at a party is tocheck in on each other, is not
just to show up and be like seeyou in five hours.
Love you, babe.
Kimberly (21:22):
Yeah, I think you tried that somewhere in our
first year of marriage and thatdidn't go so well.
Danny Ray (21:27):
Right, and but it's.
It's one of those things whereit's like, oh, he's in an
awkward conversation that's beengoing on for a long time.
I just see him nodding.
He hasn't said a word in 30minutes.
I'm going to go save him or atleast check in and say hey,
what's going on?
You doing okay, you want somecoffee, you know so.
Kimberly (21:50):
Yeah, I'm laughing because I don't think I rescued
you from one of those recently,but I can't win them all.
Danny Ray (21:56):
Our daughter did.
She did rescue you yeah.
Kimberly (21:59):
Yeah, that was good, I did send her in for the rescue.
Danny Ray (22:02):
So I guess now you're just sending people out
indirectly yeah.
So apparently you don't need torescue.
You could send in little elves,the team.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Kimberly (22:11):
Send in the team, but I like it.
So, speaking of team, we can'tbe a team if we don't prioritize
each other, right.
So we have to be like you said,be intentional about making
time for each other, especiallyduring the holiday season.
The Christmas season and partof the quality time means
(22:35):
resting right and it doesn'tmean, oh, because it's Christmas
time, we don't have to take aSabbath.
That like there's no, there'sno precedence for that.
Jesus, he took rest right.
Danny Ray (22:48):
He found moments that he was like no, I need to go
over here and he had a superbusy schedule I think we forget,
like you know, when he wasdoing ministry it was day and
night, you know, and he stillGot to meet with these people
over here.
Kimberly (23:01):
Oh, let me take the boat over here.
I got to meet with these peopleand, yeah, it was a.
If we put it in a day runner, aday daily planner, google
Calendar, it would have beenreally busy, right.
Danny Ray (23:11):
What's a day runner, babe?
Kimberly (23:11):
I don't know sorry, that was really old school that
don't exist anymore.
I'm not sure that it exists,but Okay well, so yeah, jesus,
he took the boat and he saidpeace out everybody.
I need some time to go be withthe father and he actually put
them on the boat and he stayedbehind.
Danny Ray (23:31):
Oh, and he said, okay , I thought there was another
time where he got it, but maybenot.
Kimberly (23:35):
No, I will submit to you.
On that I'm sure you're right.
But also times where he climbeda mountain right, he was like
I'm going to be alone with thefather, Right?
So that's still a priority forus too.
Yeah.
Danny Ray (23:50):
Just to spend time on our own reflecting on what
Christmas means not just hearingabout it, but just reflecting
and thinking about what's itmean.
To that God would send his sonright.
To die in our place, you know,and really thinking about the
incarnation, that moment whereyou know a virgin you know that
(24:12):
was predicted hundreds of yearsbefore would be pregnant with by
the Holy Spirit, with a child,you know, and that child would
be a manual, the one who wouldsave us.
And so the immensity of thatand just being still and
remembering that and maybe evendoing that as a couple or as a
family, and just rememberingthose times.
(24:33):
And I think what's hard in ourculture we have so many
distractions.
Times of silence are reallyhard, times to be still are
really hard.
But in Psalm 4610, it says bestill and know that I am God
Right.
We have to be still long enoughto recognize God's presence all
around us, and I think it's inthat stillness that we're really
(24:56):
able to prioritize, you know,and go.
Oh, these are the things thatare important.
Spending time with my spouse isimmensely important during this
season for us to do all thethings we're talking about well,
so I'm going to spend time withGod and then, that's going to
remind me to prioritize ourrelationship and connect with
one another.
Kimberly (25:16):
I love that.
Yeah, yeah, for sure.
The quality time.
I am thinking back to when wehad little kids, right, and
that's definitely I have toacknowledge that that's a harder
season to find time as a couple.
And yet, maybe even moreimportant, if that's even
(25:37):
possible, that as a couple, ifyou can sit down, grab some time
together, sit on the couch,watch maybe you can't get
through a whole Christmas movie,but you know something, or
something funny, a comedian, Idon't know something that brings
you both joy and just to commit, or to commit to that time, to
(26:01):
be intentional, have some hotcocoa, maybe you put the kids to
bed and you're like okay, Iknow we're both exhausted, but
can we just be exhaustedtogether and snuggle together?
Snuggling sounds good, ofcourse you like that.
Danny Ray (26:16):
All right, let's jump into the last one for today.
We're going to look atcomparison with others.
Yeah, you know, nobody's evercompared themselves to their
neighbor.
That's ridiculous.
Kimberly (26:29):
Right.
Our pastor even put up on thescreen last week on Sunday.
He said here's my neighbor'shouse and it was so decked out
with lights it was incredible.
Danny Ray (26:42):
Did you see that yeah ?
Kimberly (26:45):
And then he's like not to be outdone and he shows a
picture of his and it'scompletely empty.
They just haven't had.
Danny Ray (26:52):
I mean that one looked like it was something out
of a movie.
Kimberly (26:55):
It did.
Danny Ray (26:55):
Literally.
This is my neighbor and itseemed like hundreds of
thousands of lights and thismassive house and the yard's
completely done.
The house went on forever.
Yeah, yeah, price, see it fromspace.
Kimberly (27:10):
But I love that he made fun of himself in that.
But I think there's also justthe example that we don't have
to compete with neighbors, wedon't have to compare and be
like.
You know, maybe they'd made achoice I don't know Pastor
didn't talk details on that butmaybe they made a choice, a
conscious choice, to say, hey,we're not gonna get up on a
(27:34):
ladder this year, we're notgonna worry about lights on the
outside of our house, and maybethere's just a lot going on, and
that's okay.
Like there's no rule book thatsays you have to have lights on
your house or you're notcelebrating Christmas, that's
not the comparison I think itgoes so deep in our culture with
all the social media apps thatare out there today it's just
(27:56):
like oh, look at what they'redoing.
Danny Ray (27:59):
Oh look at what they're doing and it always
feels like we're doing less thaneverybody else.
Kimberly (28:03):
Yeah, yeah, which can't be true, because if we're
all feeling like that, but ifwe're all feeling like we're
doing less than the other person, like, then it's a competition
and that's not life.
That's not or it's not apeaceful life, right?
Danny Ray (28:18):
And this isn't unique to me, but comparison is the
thief of joy, right Is when westart looking left and we start
looking right and we're like, oh, they're doing so much over
here, oh, their family is somuch better.
Oh, their celebrations look somuch more fun, right, it just
steals the joy of us celebratingtogether in our own way,
(28:39):
whatever that looks like foryour family, right?
Kimberly (28:41):
Yeah.
Danny Ray (28:43):
And that being content right, we want to have
our own rhythms, our ownstrategies for how we create
celebrations together.
And whatever your journey is asa family, and however you
celebrate is, don't compare whatyou're doing and think
everybody else is so much better.
Your traditions, yourcelebrations are yours, so make
(29:07):
the most of those.
I know for us, we created a newway, a new celebration during
or a new tradition during thepandemic.
On the pandemic yeah.
On there.
We, for the first time, weren'tgoing to family Anywhere.
And so and I know everybody wasdifferent during that season but
(29:31):
for a variety of health reasons, we, not our- personal family
Christmas Eve.
Kimberly (29:37):
yeah, christmas Eve meant not going to visit anybody
.
Danny Ray (29:40):
Yeah.
Kimberly (29:41):
And so we thought a lot of people can relate to that
during the pandemic.
Danny Ray (29:43):
During that, each family member created a room in
the house where they could dowhatever they wanted for the
rest of the family.
So one family member createdsome really fun interactive
games.
Another one dressed up andgrabbed something to make it
look like a pipe and darkened aroom and did poetry.
Kimberly (30:07):
Oh yeah.
Danny Ray (30:08):
Yeah, you know, read poetry.
Kimberly (30:10):
And one of my favorites was both of our sons
joining together and making funof you.
Not making fun, but in a verypositive and funny way.
Danny Ray (30:21):
No, they definitely were making fun, okay, okay.
Kimberly (30:25):
But they were pretending to be you doing magic
at a show.
I mean, we've seen your showsthrough the years, a lot of time
and those are our dogs.
Danny Ray (30:34):
That's always fun.
Hopefully that comes, but youknow I've got nothing to say
with that.
So another one that we did thatwas fun was we created our own
escape room at the house.
My daughter and I created that,so that became a really fun
(30:58):
tradition for us.
But the point isn't ourtraditions, it's yours.
What's God created uniquely foryou and for your family during
this season?
Make the most of that, beintentional about that and don't
look left and right and itdoesn't.
Yeah, yeah.
Kimberly (31:18):
It doesn't have.
Like, don't even look at ournew tradition and think, oh,
that'd be fun, we have to dothat.
No, your tradition could be hey, we're gonna it's nap time with
our little ones and we're allgoing to sleep under the
Christmas tree and like it's, itdoesn't have to be this big
thing.
The moments that, well, we'velearned anyway, the, the moments
(31:38):
that your kids love andremember and talk about, are
often not the ones that you'vethought, oh, we're making this
big moment for our kids, andit's usually the little things
that you don't even you know,don't remember, or those are the
things that they value becauseit was time, usually because of
that, because it was time spenttogether.
(32:00):
So, yeah, don't compare to tothis tradition that we're
talking about or anybody else'straditions.
Danny Ray (32:08):
Yeah, Make your own.
And so these are five of the 10that we wanted to give to you,
so we will jump into part twonext week, but we we really hope
that these ideas help you tojust navigate the the Christmas
season and just know that you'renot alone in the struggle.
(32:28):
It is difficult during thisseason, but make the most of it
by being intentional.
Thank you so much.
That's right.
Kimberly (32:35):
I'm Emily and Danny Ray with.
We do whatever it takes.
Okay, so we realize that there's only 12 days left
till Christmas, but stress ishigh and so we have.
We have 10 ideas, so we'regoing to break this into two
parts.
How many?
Two?
Yeah, two parts.
So there's 10 ideas.
We're going to share five thistime and we're going to keep
ourselves on the clock.
We've never done this before,but we want to make sure that we
(00:23):
do around five minutes for eachone of these ideas Could be
three, could be seven, but rightaround five, first time we're
ever setting a clock, but we'regoing to make this happen.
So the first idea.
So these are just to bring someclarity.
These are ideas that we thinkcouples struggle with during the
Christmas season, and thesewill help bring anxiety down,
(00:45):
help to keep you on the samepage and really to help you to
focus on why we celebrateChristmas, which is Jesus, and
to keep him at the center of itall.
So, here we go.
The first one is financialstress.
Kimberly (01:01):
What Financial stress?
Danny Ray (01:03):
Yeah, I've hit the timer.
Kimberly (01:05):
We are on, okay.
Danny Ray (01:06):
So how can you help, babe?
What do you think if people arestruggling with financial
stress, the tensions, it makessense, right.
Kimberly (01:13):
We have gifts that we give.
We have baking to do that costmoney.
We have gatherings, all theparties, all the things right.
So it makes sense that it's allof a sudden a lot more on your
plate than it was all year, Notto mention whatever your normal
stressors are.
We've just completely added tothem.
Danny Ray (01:36):
Does Amazon deliver anywhere else?
But here it seems like dingding, ding, ding ding, oh come
on.
Kimberly (01:41):
I haven't even started Christmas shopping, so I know
it's not me this year.
Oh, wow, yeah, that's anotherthing.
Yeah, financial stresses.
So I think biblically we'restill called to remember to
steward our money well.
So for us, what we finallyfigured out years ago was that
(02:05):
we needed a fund, a savingsaccount, where we put money
aside all year so that we canand it's just little amounts, I
promise you that get put asideall year long and then, ideally
by October, november, we go ohokay, the Christmas fund is
there.
Danny Ray (02:24):
It's funded Right, yeah, so that's just learning to
go like hey.
Christmas sneaks up every year.
Kimberly (02:31):
What if we start?
Danny Ray (02:32):
planning for that, like it's going to be here next
year too, so let's startplanning.
Kimberly (02:36):
It should just be in this adulting handbook I don't
know if one exists, but it sureseems like.
Or they should just teach kidsthat in high school.
Hey, as soon as you're adulting, this is one of the things you
have to do is start settingaside money monthly for
Christmas, because, yeah, it'sgoing to pop up every single
year same time and I don't knowwhy it shocked us for so long,
(02:56):
but it did so.
Danny Ray (02:59):
Remembering to be a good steward of our finances,
our resources, which meanstrusting God with those things,
I think that's one of the thingswith trusting God with your
finances is, I think, sometimesnot everybody, but couples we've
talked to.
There's a different mentalitythat you have during Christmas.
(03:19):
It's like, hey, I'm a goodsteward all year long and then
at this time it's just likelet's put things on the credit
card, let's max out, let's dothe you know, let's go outside
of our means instead of goinglike you know what we could get
creative with gifts this year.
We could make gifts, we could,you know, and we've done all
sorts of things to try to keepin budget.
But the key is is that whateveras a couple, you have decided,
(03:46):
so that you stay on the samepage, that you don't just go
okay, I'm going to go wild onthe spending and then that
frustrates your spouse.
So we want to stay on the samepage and communicate those
things really well.
Kimberly (03:59):
What makes me think of the word contentment, which we
don't usually ever think about.
In terms of Christmas, we'rethinking pretty much the
opposite.
We're thinking, oh well, I needto make a list of all the
things that I want and that Iwant to give, and contentment's
probably one of the farthestthings from our minds.
(04:20):
And yet we're called to becontent in all circumstances.
So yeah, just learning to becontent, even in the financial
stressors of Christmas time.
Danny Ray (04:38):
Yeah, in first Timothy, 6, 6, it says but
godliness with contentment isgreat gain, and so this idea of
like we want to be godly people,reflect his love, his light,
share his joy during this season, but we also want to have
contentment as being satisfiedwith what we have knowing that
(04:59):
God has given us everything weneed for today, that he's in
control, that he has a purpose,that he has a plan, and we're
going to trust him.
Today.
It's going to relieve thatworry and that anxiety about
tomorrow, and this is what firstTimothy says is godliness with
contentment is great gain.
So we'll experience just just ajoy, I think, and a contentment
(05:26):
as we just focus on whatmatters of loving God and loving
others well during this season.
Kimberly (05:33):
And going a different direction with this, but still
talking about the financialstresses and just how to
conceptualize finances duringthis time.
I like this.
This is not forgetting aboutbeing generous, but not from a
oh, I have to give more and youknow, and, like you said, not
(05:57):
being debt.
That's not what I'm talkingabout.
But God loves a cheerful giverand I think about that a lot
with tithing.
I don't think I've ever thoughtabout it with Christmas.
To be honest, that's not mylove language.
It seems more of a chore if I'mhonest and like, okay, we write
(06:20):
down the list of all the peoplewe have to buy for and then I
don't feel like I'm great atchoosing the right gifts for
people.
Danny Ray (06:30):
You do a fantastic job.
I know you don't feel like youdo a great job.
You think that the rule?
Kimberly (06:36):
I appreciate that, but that's only because I ask you
what do you want and you tell mewhat you want, and that works
for me.
But anyway, so just rememberingthat God wants us to do it
cheerfully, not out of debt, butyeah, giving because we want to
, because we care about thisperson and, ultimately, when we
(06:57):
look at giving, god has given usHis Son and we remember that
during this season, it's likehe's given us everything, and so
the gifts that we give are asmall reflection of the great
gift he's given us and His Son.
And that the finances we getaren't ours to begin with.
Right yeah, that we want tohold those loosely and give
(07:17):
freely, yep.
Danny Ray (07:19):
Okay.
Well, we stuck to under sevenminutes with that one.
Let's go on to number two, andthis is expectation management.
We talk a lot aboutexpectations because we really
feel like when you, as a couple,talk about what your
expectations are, it's going tochange the outcome in a really
(07:40):
healthy way.
Kimberly (07:41):
Yeah, absolutely yeah, I talk about this a lot.
Unrealistic expectations canlead to disappointment.
It is definitely crucial thatwe talk about our expectations
and it really is moment bymoment.
I mean, there are alreadyexpectations in the normal 11
(08:02):
months out of the year, but thenwe add in Christmas and now we
have additional expectations.
Right, You've got lots of extraparties and gifts and like we
talked about.
So it's communicating with eachother.
Hey, doing a rundown really atthe beginning of the day and
going what do we have today,what do you have today?
(08:24):
Okay, well, are we going tomeet there at the kids program?
Are we going to like what'syour expectation, what do you
think is going to happen?
But talking about itpreemptively avoids the conflict
.
Danny Ray (08:40):
Yeah, and even today, right, our expectation we were
going to meet at 8.20.
And so five minutes before Isaid or I text you, and I said
8.20 question mark and, forwhatever reason, you responded
back no, it's okay, I'm all no.
Kimberly (09:02):
What's that mean?
The?
Danny Ray (09:04):
expectations 8.20,.
No, it's okay.
Like, is it okay?
Kimberly (09:09):
Yeah, there was definitely misunderstanding in
how I read the text previous tothat and I thought you were
saying you needed more time.
So it can happen even with bestintentions forgiveness right.
Danny Ray (09:22):
Yeah best intentions and we want to be quick to
forgive when the expectationsare off.
Yeah, so yeah, that's one ofthe key things.
Kimberly (09:33):
Right so.
Danny Ray (09:38):
So with forgiveness really quickly on.
Forgiveness is being quick toforgive.
We talk a lot about reset, thereset button is when you have an
expectation that isn't met, youdon't just want to be
frustrated with that.
You want to talk to your spouse, your loved one, and just go.
Hey, this is what myexpectation was, right or wrong?
(09:59):
I thought we were supposed tomeet at eight, 20.
What happened?
Oh, this happened.
I was a miscommun.
Okay, I was working on not justbeing frustrated but going like
, okay, I want to forgive much,as God has forgiven me much.
I want to forgive you much.
Kimberly (10:14):
And embracing our imperfections.
Right, we made a mistake.
I made a mistake in how I readthat text and just realizing
that that can happen to anybodyand it's not that big, I think.
Danny Ray (10:27):
sometimes we think life's like this perfect
Pinterest board or something.
Kimberly (10:30):
Please, but it's more messy, it's a little bit.
It's a lot more like thePinterest fails.
Danny Ray (10:36):
Oh, there we go, I like that Right, but we've got
to figure out in the mess how dowe care for one another and not
have this perfect expectationof the other person.
Kimberly (10:48):
Absolutely, and that takes if we're going to manage
expectations it takes surrendersurrendering to God, not leaning
on our own understanding.
So the verse in Proverbs 3, 5through 6 says Trust in the Lord
with all your heart and leannot on your own understanding.
In all your ways, submit to himand he will make your path
(11:10):
straight.
And that includes ourexpectations, surrendering that
and trusting his plans.
And I'll be the first to say,specifically in the last couple
of weeks, that it has been superhard to watch a family member
make choices that they know theyshouldn't and choices that are
(11:32):
hurting themselves and hurtingothers.
And with that I have tosurrender my expectations to God
and trust his plan.
Danny Ray (11:42):
I think, with surrender I think there's this
idea sometimes or withforgiveness falls into the same
category for me, as we go, okay,I forgive you, okay, god, I
surrender, and then five minuteslater we're doing the same
thing.
That's part of the plan.
It's part of the process isforgiveness is a process.
(12:02):
It's not an event.
I have forgiven you.
It is done, it's over with.
Sometimes those feelings riseback up and you have to address
it and work through the processof forgiveness all over again,
or with surrender.
God I surrender everything toyou right now and five minutes
later you're back doing the sameexact things.
It's like, okay, no, we need toget on our knees again and say,
(12:25):
God, would you help me tocompletely surrender, and you
could fill in the blank on whatthat might be for you.
And that's a humbling thing attimes to surrender, but that's
part of just as we're looking atexpectations surrenders.
A part of that is we want to.
When we look at expectations,we want to expect that our
(12:50):
partners going to be in thisprocess of surrendering, of
being humble before the Lord, ofcontinuing in the faith of like
, no matter what happens, iswe're on this faith journey
together, together, yeah, yeah,for sure.
Kimberly (13:06):
So surrendering our expectations to God, being
humble in that and realizing youknow both of you make mistakes,
and then also having faith,remembering that his perspective
is higher, his plans are betterthan ours.
And number three we want totalk about jumping into number
(13:29):
three.
I like it.
Communication breakdowns andcommunication is obviously a
huge part, a key in anyrelationship.
Danny Ray (13:38):
Thankfully we've never had any communication.
Kimberly (13:41):
Not even this morning, pretty sure, we just admitted
to the one this morning.
But obviously with gettingbusier during the Christmas
season, then there's moreopportunity for communication to
break down right.
The busier you are, the morestresses there are.
The financial stress, thestressors on your time, all
(14:04):
contribute to the potential fora breakdown in communication.
Danny Ray (14:10):
Jen.
So as you're looking at this,you want to look at how can you
build each other up daily right.
When you're building each otherup, when you're saying words
that are empowering, that areencouraging, that are speaking
life, that are speaking joy.
It's going to help you to havejust great communication.
But this is a difficult one, isevery day, you know you have to
(14:33):
work on the communication and Ialmost think you need double
effort during this season.
I wish that wasn't the case,but for us at least, I'll say
for us.
We're constantly working on howcan we have better communication
during this season.
Kimberly (14:50):
And a huge part of that with communication and, yes
, we've talked about this before, but it is imperative, so it's
not going anywhere.
But communication is not justthe speaking part, it is
definitely the active listeningpart, right?
So when you are speaking, ifyou're telling me, hey, this is
(15:10):
the plan, or this is what'sgoing on, or this is where I'm
going right now, If I'm, orespecially if you're sharing
with me how you feel aboutsomething, or you didn't like
something, or heard aboutsomething, or you did like
something that I did or didn'tdo or whatever.
So my job, then if you'rebringing that to me, I have to
(15:34):
be safe for you to share thatwith, so not have this huge
reaction to it and to validateyour feeling.
It's not wrong Just because yousay, hey, I was hurt when you
said this the other day or thismorning or whatever, and it's
(15:55):
tempting for the other person tojust go well, that's not what I
meant, or you shouldn't feelthat way.
Danny Ray (16:01):
Right, it's getting defensive instead of being that
active listener.
Yeah.
Kimberly (16:05):
And that's really invalidating the feelings, right
?
If I did that to you, well, youshouldn't feel that way.
Who am I to say how you shouldfeel or shouldn't feel?
Your emotions are your emotionsand they're not.
Nobody's emotions are wrong.
They're having a reason forresponding the way they are and
or feeling the way they are andyeah.
(16:25):
So being an active listenermeans, okay, I need to hear them
and and validate it and go oh,okay, I'm sorry that it's that
you feel that way.
Danny Ray (16:38):
Yeah.
Kimberly (16:38):
I'll bet that hurts and and then, after validating
it, if given the opportunity tosay really that wasn't my intent
, but that doesn't mean that itdidn't happen.
I did hurt you and I'm sorry.
Yeah.
Danny Ray (16:54):
Right, so really quickly on just communication,
effective, effectivecommunication and we've talked a
lot about this, but I just wantto give you like a quick
rundown or a recap.
Yeah, so we talked about open,honest communication and you
just talked about activelistening.
Yeah, you also want the righttime in the right place right.
(17:14):
Finding a good place.
It's a healthy.
You know, sometimes being in apublic place might not be the
best place.
Sometimes it might be.
You have to figure out what'sthe right time in the place to
have this conversation.
What you talked about ofstaying calm, right?
Yeah, staying like hearing theother person and not just being
like, oh, they're about to stopand I'm going to jump in and say
something, right, right, usingthat we language, right, so it's
(17:38):
not saying the other person,you did this, you did that,
saying I am hurt when thishappens.
Yeah, we need to work on thistogether.
You know that type of languagethat's not focused just you.
You, you did this and justblaming, focusing on the issue,
(18:00):
not the person.
Right?
A lot of times there's your,you're frustrated, but you take
that out on the other personinstead of going okay, this is
what we're dealing with.
For us this morning, it was atime issue.
Yeah.
So I don't have to say youstatements of you never show up
on time.
Yeah, you know.
Kimberly (18:18):
That won't go well.
Danny Ray (18:19):
No, it's just saying hey, I thought we were going to
meet at this time and talk aboutthe issue Right, and the other
one is seeking to understand howcan you?
understand this other person andwhat they're going through, not
just trying to understand yourown needs and your own wants,
and then finding and we talkabout this a lot, but I'm
(18:41):
staying on the same page findingthat common ground of where can
you come to an agreement andnot just going oh, we're just
going to agree, to disagree,which might you might have to
come to that conclusion, butthere might be common ground
where you can move forward.
Another one is takingresponsibility.
(19:03):
Is it's really easy to blameshift?
You go all the way back to theGarden of Eden and that's the
very first thing that happens.
Kimberly (19:12):
God, she did it.
She took the apple.
Danny Ray (19:14):
Right, it's, you immediately have blame.
Yeah, but we want to takeresponsibility for what our
involvement is in the argumentor in the fight.
Is it takes two to tango?
What's your responsibility?
Own it.
Ask for forgiveness and work onreconciliation.
And if all of this you've triedand you guys keep coming up
(19:40):
against the wall and hitting thewall, this is where we would
say find help.
You know whether that'sprofessional help, pastoral help
, a friend that's going to helpsomebody that could help you to
navigate, but don't give up,that was a long way.
Kimberly (19:56):
Nice, so number four.
Danny Ray (19:59):
Getting into communication, but yeah, so
those are number four.
Kimberly (20:03):
Number four All right, so lack of quality time real
shocker during the holidays.
That adds to the stress, right?
So, as a couple, there are somany more things that we're
obligated to do, or actuallythat's a huge part of it where
we need to decide.
Are we?
Are we doing this because we'reobligated?
(20:23):
Are we doing this because wewant to?
I definitely encourage couplesto really you know every
invitation that comes acrosstheir desk, or their email or
their whatever Think about it,talk about it together.
Do we really want to do this?
Is this you know?
Are we just doing it because,oh, there's an assumption that
we have to, or an expectation?
Danny Ray (20:45):
And some of them you do have to.
Kimberly (20:47):
Yeah.
Danny Ray (20:47):
Like family parties or something.
Kimberly (20:49):
Yeah.
Danny Ray (20:49):
You might not want to go, but technically you don't
have to.
But it is part of the season, asyou might end up doing things
that you don't necessarily wantto do.
But how do you make the most ofthat?
And I think this is where beingintentional about quality time
with each other and quality timeat a party.
(21:09):
One of our secrets for ourmarriage that works for us is,
when we're at a party is tocheck in on each other, is not
just to show up and be like seeyou in five hours.
Love you, babe.
Kimberly (21:22):
Yeah, I think you tried that somewhere in our
first year of marriage and thatdidn't go so well.
Danny Ray (21:27):
Right, and but it's.
It's one of those things whereit's like, oh, he's in an
awkward conversation that's beengoing on for a long time.
I just see him nodding.
He hasn't said a word in 30minutes.
I'm going to go save him or atleast check in and say hey,
what's going on?
You doing okay, you want somecoffee, you know so.
Kimberly (21:50):
Yeah, I'm laughing because I don't think I rescued
you from one of those recently,but I can't win them all.
Danny Ray (21:56):
Our daughter did.
She did rescue you yeah.
Kimberly (21:59):
Yeah, that was good, I did send her in for the rescue.
Danny Ray (22:02):
So I guess now you're just sending people out
indirectly yeah.
So apparently you don't need torescue.
You could send in little elves,the team.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Kimberly (22:11):
Send in the team, but I like it.
So, speaking of team, we can'tbe a team if we don't prioritize
each other, right.
So we have to be like you said,be intentional about making
time for each other, especiallyduring the holiday season.
The Christmas season and partof the quality time means
(22:35):
resting right and it doesn'tmean, oh, because it's Christmas
time, we don't have to take aSabbath.
That like there's no, there'sno precedence for that.
Jesus, he took rest right.
Danny Ray (22:48):
He found moments that he was like no, I need to go
over here and he had a superbusy schedule I think we forget,
like you know, when he wasdoing ministry it was day and
night, you know, and he stillGot to meet with these people
over here.
Kimberly (23:01):
Oh, let me take the boat over here.
I got to meet with these peopleand, yeah, it was a.
If we put it in a day runner, aday daily planner, google
Calendar, it would have beenreally busy, right.
Danny Ray (23:11):
What's a day runner, babe?
Kimberly (23:11):
I don't know sorry, that was really old school that
don't exist anymore.
I'm not sure that it exists,but Okay well, so yeah, jesus,
he took the boat and he saidpeace out everybody.
I need some time to go be withthe father and he actually put
them on the boat and he stayedbehind.
Danny Ray (23:31):
Oh, and he said, okay , I thought there was another
time where he got it, but maybenot.
Kimberly (23:35):
No, I will submit to you.
On that I'm sure you're right.
But also times where he climbeda mountain right, he was like
I'm going to be alone with thefather, Right?
So that's still a priority forus too.
Yeah.
Danny Ray (23:50):
Just to spend time on our own reflecting on what
Christmas means not just hearingabout it, but just reflecting
and thinking about what's itmean.
To that God would send his sonright.
To die in our place, you know,and really thinking about the
incarnation, that moment whereyou know a virgin you know that
(24:12):
was predicted hundreds of yearsbefore would be pregnant with by
the Holy Spirit, with a child,you know, and that child would
be a manual, the one who wouldsave us.
And so the immensity of thatand just being still and
remembering that and maybe evendoing that as a couple or as a
family, and just rememberingthose times.
(24:33):
And I think what's hard in ourculture we have so many
distractions.
Times of silence are reallyhard, times to be still are
really hard.
But in Psalm 4610, it says bestill and know that I am God
Right.
We have to be still long enoughto recognize God's presence all
around us, and I think it's inthat stillness that we're really
(24:56):
able to prioritize, you know,and go.
Oh, these are the things thatare important.
Spending time with my spouse isimmensely important during this
season for us to do all thethings we're talking about well,
so I'm going to spend time withGod and then, that's going to
remind me to prioritize ourrelationship and connect with
one another.
Kimberly (25:16):
I love that.
Yeah, yeah, for sure.
The quality time.
I am thinking back to when wehad little kids, right, and
that's definitely I have toacknowledge that that's a harder
season to find time as a couple.
And yet, maybe even moreimportant, if that's even
(25:37):
possible, that as a couple, ifyou can sit down, grab some time
together, sit on the couch,watch maybe you can't get
through a whole Christmas movie,but you know something, or
something funny, a comedian, Idon't know something that brings
you both joy and just to commit, or to commit to that time, to
(26:01):
be intentional, have some hotcocoa, maybe you put the kids to
bed and you're like okay, Iknow we're both exhausted, but
can we just be exhaustedtogether and snuggle together?
Snuggling sounds good, ofcourse you like that.
Danny Ray (26:16):
All right, let's jump into the last one for today.
We're going to look atcomparison with others.
Yeah, you know, nobody's evercompared themselves to their
neighbor.
That's ridiculous.
Kimberly (26:29):
Right.
Our pastor even put up on thescreen last week on Sunday.
He said here's my neighbor'shouse and it was so decked out
with lights it was incredible.
Danny Ray (26:42):
Did you see that yeah ?
Kimberly (26:45):
And then he's like not to be outdone and he shows a
picture of his and it'scompletely empty.
They just haven't had.
Danny Ray (26:52):
I mean that one looked like it was something out
of a movie.
Kimberly (26:55):
It did.
Danny Ray (26:55):
Literally.
This is my neighbor and itseemed like hundreds of
thousands of lights and thismassive house and the yard's
completely done.
The house went on forever.
Yeah, yeah, price, see it fromspace.
Kimberly (27:10):
But I love that he made fun of himself in that.
But I think there's also justthe example that we don't have
to compete with neighbors, wedon't have to compare and be
like.
You know, maybe they'd made achoice I don't know Pastor
didn't talk details on that butmaybe they made a choice, a
conscious choice, to say, hey,we're not gonna get up on a
(27:34):
ladder this year, we're notgonna worry about lights on the
outside of our house, and maybethere's just a lot going on, and
that's okay.
Like there's no rule book thatsays you have to have lights on
your house or you're notcelebrating Christmas, that's
not the comparison I think itgoes so deep in our culture with
all the social media apps thatare out there today it's just
(27:56):
like oh, look at what they'redoing.
Danny Ray (27:59):
Oh look at what they're doing and it always
feels like we're doing less thaneverybody else.
Kimberly (28:03):
Yeah, yeah, which can't be true, because if we're
all feeling like that, but ifwe're all feeling like we're
doing less than the other person, like, then it's a competition
and that's not life.
That's not or it's not apeaceful life, right?
Danny Ray (28:18):
And this isn't unique to me, but comparison is the
thief of joy, right Is when westart looking left and we start
looking right and we're like, oh, they're doing so much over
here, oh, their family is somuch better.
Oh, their celebrations look somuch more fun, right, it just
steals the joy of us celebratingtogether in our own way,
(28:39):
whatever that looks like foryour family, right?
Kimberly (28:41):
Yeah.
Danny Ray (28:43):
And that being content right, we want to have
our own rhythms, our ownstrategies for how we create
celebrations together.
And whatever your journey is asa family, and however you
celebrate is, don't compare whatyou're doing and think
everybody else is so much better.
Your traditions, yourcelebrations are yours, so make
(29:07):
the most of those.
I know for us, we created a newway, a new celebration during
or a new tradition during thepandemic.
On the pandemic yeah.
On there.
We, for the first time, weren'tgoing to family Anywhere.
And so and I know everybody wasdifferent during that season but
(29:31):
for a variety of health reasons, we, not our- personal family
Christmas Eve.
Kimberly (29:37):
yeah, christmas Eve meant not going to visit anybody
.
Danny Ray (29:40):
Yeah.
Kimberly (29:41):
And so we thought a lot of people can relate to that
during the pandemic.
Danny Ray (29:43):
During that, each family member created a room in
the house where they could dowhatever they wanted for the
rest of the family.
So one family member createdsome really fun interactive
games.
Another one dressed up andgrabbed something to make it
look like a pipe and darkened aroom and did poetry.
Kimberly (30:07):
Oh yeah.
Danny Ray (30:08):
Yeah, you know, read poetry.
Kimberly (30:10):
And one of my favorites was both of our sons
joining together and making funof you.
Not making fun, but in a verypositive and funny way.
Danny Ray (30:21):
No, they definitely were making fun, okay, okay.
Kimberly (30:25):
But they were pretending to be you doing magic
at a show.
I mean, we've seen your showsthrough the years, a lot of time
and those are our dogs.
Danny Ray (30:34):
That's always fun.
Hopefully that comes, but youknow I've got nothing to say
with that.
So another one that we did thatwas fun was we created our own
escape room at the house.
My daughter and I created that,so that became a really fun
(30:58):
tradition for us.
But the point isn't ourtraditions, it's yours.
What's God created uniquely foryou and for your family during
this season?
Make the most of that, beintentional about that and don't
look left and right and itdoesn't.
Yeah, yeah.
Kimberly (31:18):
It doesn't have.
Like, don't even look at ournew tradition and think, oh,
that'd be fun, we have to dothat.
No, your tradition could be hey, we're gonna it's nap time with
our little ones and we're allgoing to sleep under the
Christmas tree and like it's, itdoesn't have to be this big
thing.
The moments that, well, we'velearned anyway, the, the moments
(31:38):
that your kids love andremember and talk about, are
often not the ones that you'vethought, oh, we're making this
big moment for our kids, andit's usually the little things
that you don't even you know,don't remember, or those are the
things that they value becauseit was time, usually because of
that, because it was time spenttogether.
(32:00):
So, yeah, don't compare to tothis tradition that we're
talking about or anybody else'straditions.
Danny Ray (32:08):
Yeah, Make your own.
And so these are five of the 10that we wanted to give to you,
so we will jump into part twonext week, but we we really hope
that these ideas help you tojust navigate the the Christmas
season and just know that you'renot alone in the struggle.
(32:28):
It is difficult during thisseason, but make the most of it
by being intentional.
Thank you so much.
That's right.
Kimberly (32:35):
I'm Emily and Danny Ray with.
We do whatever it takes.
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