March 20, 2024 • 31 mins
Celebrate a milestone with us as we mark our 51st episode by engaging in some of the most transformative questions that can solidify and direct the dreams shared within a marriage. Our conversation unveils how setting aside "dream days" is a crucial strategy for fostering mutual understanding and triumph in each other's aspirations. However, it's not all smooth sailing—I confess to being a "dream crusher" on occasion, but the journey is about evolving together, learning the shifting ways we experience love and support, and ensuring that our partnership's roots grow deeper with every challenge we face.
This episode isn't just about us sharing our stories; it's enriched by the wisdom of experts who guide us through the nuances of mental health struggles, such as body dysmorphia and eating disorders, that can cast shadows over a relationship. They offer their expertise on the importance of validation, not just through words but also through seeking professional help. Additionally, we open up about tackling life's hurdles hand-in-hand, from financial distress to parenting quandaries, because overcoming these challenges is not a solo endeavor but a testament to the resilience of a united front.
As we wind down the episode, our focus shifts to the legacy we're crafting through our union. It's not just about navigating the daily grind but about cultivating a marriage that echoes through generations, guided by faith and the values we hold dear. By sharing personal anecdotes and reflections, we hope to inspire you to build a marriage that's not only about facing the present together but also about leaving an indelible, positive mark on your children and community. Join us as we explore the power of a partnership that transcends the ordinary, aiming for a legacy as lasting as love itself.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Danny Ray (00:00):
Well, I cannot believe.
This is episode 51.
Kimberly (00:03):
51.
Danny Ray (00:04):
It's almost like a full deck of cards.
Kimberly (00:06):
Oh, you're going to be so excited with the next one.
You love 52.
52 is my favorite number, loveit.
Danny Ray (00:12):
So, if you're tuning in for the first time, this
whole thing is all about we dowhatever it takes to create a
great marriage and that's wherewe're at.
We want to help you to create agreat marriage and today we are
looking at.
I want to say seven questions,but we agreed before we started
we're not going to give a numberbecause we have so many
(00:34):
questions.
Kimberly (00:34):
There might be six, there might be eight, but we're
going to shoot for seven.
Danny Ray (00:38):
Yeah, there's just so many questions that I feel like
have helped us to have ahealthy marriage, and I feel
like there's some of thesequestions will really change the
trajectory of marriages ormaybe help to solidify some
things that you're wrestlingthrough.
Sure and yeah.
Kimberly (00:58):
It certainly helps us to dive deeper right when we
have these conversations thatare about dreams and hopes and
just questions to ask each other.
It brings kind of surface leveltalk into a deeper realm.
Danny Ray (01:15):
Yeah, I think with questions too, like when you and
we'll jump into these questionsin a second that we really
believe will help you to havegreat conversations with one
another but a question alwaysputs you in a state of humility.
When you're authentic aboutasking a question, of saying,
hey, you know, I'm wondering,how do you do this?
(01:39):
Right?
Kimberly (01:40):
Or and so I think there's humility in the
answering of the question.
Right, there's humbleness andthat Okay, if you're honest,
like you said, yeah, yeah.
So let's dive right in Questionnumber one that we'd encourage
you to ask each other, what areyour deepest dreams and
aspirations?
And I would say kind of to giveyou an idea of the direction of
(02:03):
that.
Maybe as a couple, as a family,for your careers, those kinds
of things could be topics whereyou answer the question what are
your deepest dreams andaspirations?
Danny Ray (02:14):
Yeah, one of the things that we do and I don't
want to say we do it every year,but we try to do it where we'll
set aside a day as a dream dayand if you listen to this
podcast at all, you know that Iam a huge dreamer ideas, and Kim
is fondly known as the dreamcrusher.
Yes, my dream crusher, I love mydream crusher, right, because
(02:37):
I'm just like all over the placelike what about this, and what
about this, and what about this?
And she's all.
Let me tell you that is thedumbest idea.
Kimberly (02:45):
I've never said that.
I think I'd give you a look andyou're like, oh, there's that,
look again.
That's the look of that's adumb idea.
Okay, but I've never said it.
Oh, wow, so you admit to it.
No, no, no, no.
Danny Ray (02:57):
That's the look of dumbness I've seen dumb, and
then that idea came up.
Kimberly (03:01):
And now you have to be very gentle.
If you are the person who's notthe dreamer and it's not to say
that I mean you're the first toadmit that many of your dreams
have come true, that we've putinto action.
Yeah, action, Thank you, yeah,yeah.
Danny Ray (03:22):
Come to expression.
Yeah, and I'm super thankfulfor that.
I think God has given me thiscreative mind to dream up and
the entrepreneurial spirit to beable to develop those ideas
into reality.
But your support in that ishuge and I think that's why,
like a conversation like this isreally important is not just
(03:43):
one person dreaming in the otherperson not supporting, but
that's true, yeah.
That other person supportingthat dream, and so that's
something you do together, or atleast it's supported together.
Yeah, and with the dreamcrushing, I would say we've
really learned to have a healthyconversation about dreaming and
(04:04):
about aspirations together,where oftentimes the ideas I'll
come with cost a lot of money.
Kimberly (04:12):
Yeah, thank you.
I wouldn't have to crushanything if it didn't cost a
zillion dollars?
No, you kill free stuff.
No, I doubt it.
Danny Ray (04:22):
So, but I've learned to approach that instead of like
I've got, this idea is like hey, that's terrifying.
This is an idea.
I'm not expecting to do thistomorrow, yep.
Kimberly (04:33):
I'm not expecting you to say yes here and that calms
my nervous system, that is allright when you come to me with
it.
I'm dreaming about everything inme is on fire, like, oh my gosh
, what's going to happen next?
What's this crazy dream?
And so, yes, your approachmatters, but I think for some of
our couples out there you know,maybe they haven't even had the
(04:56):
discussion together Maybe youknow, and it forces me you being
the dreamer forces me to dreamwith you, because you ask me
what my dreams are too, andthat's not something I would
normally even ask myself.
Danny Ray (05:13):
That's not how my brain operates, but it's been
four or five years.
We've seen a lot of the dreamsthat you've had for a long time
come to expression.
Kimberly (05:20):
Yeah, it's not just about you dreaming and I'm
crashing different season of nolonger empty nesters.
Danny Ray (05:25):
But what are we babe?
Kimberly (05:27):
We're bird launchers.
Yeah, that's a side note, sorry.
Danny Ray (05:32):
We digress.
Yeah, all right, so my birdlaunching wife.
What is number two?
Kimberly (05:37):
Number two how do you feel loved and supported?
Danny Ray (05:40):
And that's a good one .
Kimberly (05:41):
Right and this can change, so it's not you know.
Oh yeah, we've asked that onceor we've talked about this when
we first got married and I knowthat they like this or like that
, yeah, but our tastes andpreferences change, so it's
worth asking again how do youfeel loved and supported, maybe
specifically in this season oflife, whatever that looks like
(06:03):
for you?
Danny Ray (06:05):
So I'm going to ask you how do you Kimberly just to
give them like an example- howdo you feel?
Kimberly (06:11):
Really, you're just going to throw me right out
there, all right.
Danny Ray (06:14):
Well, I think it could help.
You know, I think it could feellike this kind of I don't know
how to answer that.
Kimberly (06:20):
But I think you and I would both agree that using the
love languages, that's animportant by Jerry Chapman.
Danny Ray (06:28):
Thank you, you can look it up on Amazon.
It's one of the toprelationship books ever.
Yeah, yeah, the five lovelanguages.
Thank you, yeah.
Kimberly (06:37):
And in that book they describe five different love
languages that are typically themost popular, most common ways
that we feel loved.
And so to go through those kindof quickly, words of
affirmation, quality time, actsof service, physical time, I
call that one acts of slavery.
Danny Ray (06:58):
Yes, I am fully aware .
Kimberly (07:00):
So there it is.
That one is mine, and that'swhy he's saying that Acts of
service.
Danny Ray (07:05):
Slavery.
Kimberly (07:06):
Yeah, slavery, that's what you call it.
Yes, but the honest truth isthere is nothing sexier than you
vacuuming or cleaning the houseor doing something that's an
act of service.
I'll take it either way.
Oh wow, so love languages.
The one that I didn't get toquite finish was receiving gifts
(07:28):
is another way that people feelloved, and then I've had some
people share with me recentlythat they would like to see
another one added to the book.
It is not in the book and thereis no pressure to add this, but
it is possible that food isanother love language.
Some people are yeah well, it'snot mine, but people.
(07:50):
I've had some people talkingabout it.
Anything to do with food forthem is a love language, whether
it's brought to them, whetherthey're preparing it, they're
giving it to somebody, they'remaking something for someone,
food dropped off at work or yeah.
So just an interestingpossibility that maybe food.
Maybe we'll hear more peoplesay that I don't know.
Danny Ray (08:12):
Interesting.
Kimberly (08:13):
Yeah, I think that's been supported.
Probably looks like one ofthose five love languages, but
it's not just about knowing yourown love language, but
understanding and fulfillingyour partner's love language
right.
Danny Ray (08:31):
I think that, yeah, that's the easy mistake to make
is if your love language isaccess service, so it's like, oh
, I'm going to clean that, I'mspeaking specifically for you.
Oh, I'm going to clean thehouse for him.
I'm going to wash his car forhim.
I'm going to do this, and ifthat, doesn't speak.
Kimberly (08:45):
Love to you, you appreciate it.
And these days you would say,okay, I see that and I know that
that's.
But initially I'd say when wefirst got married, there's no
way you would have been like ohyeah, that makes me feel loved.
Danny Ray (08:57):
No, no, no that isn't my specific love language of.
It's.
Not that I don't appreciate,I'm not thankful.
It's just that's not how Iexperience love and I think
that's the mistake we can makein a relationship is we do the
love language that we feel lovedfor the other person and then
we can get frustrated or upset,Like why don't they see that I'm
(09:21):
trying to show them?
Kimberly (09:22):
love.
Yeah, yeah, 100%.
Danny Ray (09:23):
But you have to figure out what's their love
language, what makes them take,what's going to express love to
them the best, and then do that.
Kimberly (09:31):
Right, and how do we do that?
We have a conversation about it.
So, yeah, great job.
All right, it's question numberthree.
Danny Ray (09:37):
I wanted to give this question because this is a
question that we've askedourselves a lot over the years
and I feel like it's one of thequestions that I ask other
people all the time is how'syour walk with God going?
And I think this question is Ilove that God talks about.
(09:58):
From the very beginning, theywere walking in the garden with
God.
There's this idea ofconversation and walking and
it's not a sprint.
It's a long journey and youwalk in that journey with God.
But I like asking other peoplethat question, like asking you
that.
And it's not to put you downlike, oh, I haven't seen you.
(10:21):
It's really to inspire us tore-evaluate where we are in our
relationship with God and askingthat question of how's your
walk with God going?
Kimberly (10:35):
Yeah, and a response to that might look like how
close you feel to God at themoment.
Yeah, now, theologically Iwould argue, and I think you
would too, that God never moves.
So the closeness factor doesn'treally but there is.
We are emotional feeling beings.
Danny Ray (10:56):
He doesn't move away from us.
Yes, I feel like I'm doing agreat job, he's closer, and if
I'm not doing a great job, he'sfurther away.
Kimberly (11:05):
Right.
Our worth is not contingent onwhat we're doing that way.
Danny Ray (11:09):
This idea that we have to earn his approval or
whatever is really not based onthe scriptures at all.
He's a God of grace and a Godof love and gives his love.
Is just who he is Right.
Kimberly (11:23):
But answering the question how's your walk with
God?
Danny Ray (11:27):
Yeah.
Kimberly (11:27):
Sometimes it's really real.
Sometimes it could be like,well, I'm angry at him.
Yeah, let's say they're goingthrough this devastating loss in
their family and yeah, theymight be really mad.
They might need that space toshare that with their spouse and
say it is really hard to eventalk to God right now.
Or yeah, there could be anynumber of responses.
(11:51):
Those are just a couple ofideas.
Danny Ray (11:53):
My challenge, as I've asked this question a lot to
you, but also to other people,is I think sometimes it's a
really difficult question to toanswer and will answer
everything around it.
I'm like, oh, I haven't beengoing to church a lot.
Kimberly (12:12):
Yeah.
Danny Ray (12:12):
Okay, oh, you know, I forgot my Bible and I haven't
been getting into that.
Those are things you do, but,like, your relationship with God
isn't based on like, oh, I wentto church or I read my Bible.
Kimberly (12:26):
There's many times in that year.
Danny Ray (12:27):
Yeah, you know, and so really trying to evaluate
that both for yourself but alsoto ask your spouse, like where
they're at and like I feelreally close, I've been getting
into God's word and I feel likeI'm hearing from them in there
or vice versa I'm angry at them,like all those are a connection
to God and how you'reexperiencing them at any given
(12:51):
moment.
But yeah, talking about all thethings around it actually
dodges the question.
Kimberly (12:58):
Good point, good point , so All right, great job.
Danny Ray (13:02):
Question number three oh, that was great.
Kimberly (13:04):
Sorry, number four yes , what are your fears and
insecurities?
Danny Ray (13:09):
Oh, I hope you're not asking me that.
Yeah, you want me to publiclyask that?
Like you, put me on the spot,you can do what you have to do.
Kimberly (13:17):
No.
So this definitely givesopportunity to be vulnerable
probably, yeah, maybe, one ofthe most vulnerable of these
questions, I'm not sure but itdoes allow us the possibility of
being more intimate with eachother emotionally, especially
the more vulnerable we can bewith this.
(13:37):
So by sharing your fears, yourinsecurities with each other,
you're inviting the other personinto your deepest parts of
yourself.
Right, it's that probablynobody else.
You might not share that withanybody else.
Danny Ray (13:54):
And then you're how you have doing that, though, and
especially like from just a.
You know, I know, in therapyyou're asking some of those
questions and getting that, andsome couples are kind of hearing
that for the first time.
But what's that look like?
When we ask each other thosequestions, what's the risk and
the reward that we can receive?
Kimberly (14:14):
Yeah, great question.
Well, we're definitely gives usopportunity for that emotional
connection that we wouldn'totherwise get right.
So if you say I'm scared aboutsuch and such in maybe as a
(14:35):
performer on stage, and youshare something like that with
me, it's also important what Ido with that right, my response
to that fear, but theopportunity, the value in that
is that now I can validate thator just listen and be there to
go oh, that would be hard, thatmust feel really scary, that you
(14:58):
feel like that, and I can becurious with that and ask more
questions Like how long have youbeen going through that?
Danny Ray (15:04):
Yeah, yeah.
Kimberly (15:05):
And have you ever felt like that before?
Like, is this something comingup that's been triggered?
Or is it just a fear for youknow, for right now, or
something that is scary aboutthe future?
Right, it allows for deeperquestions, which allows for
deeper connection between thetwo of us, as long as we're not
invalidating that and going, ohwell, that's a stupid fear or
(15:26):
that's a right, yeah, yeah yeah,and another one actually that
could really easily happen is,you know, insecurities that we
have, maybe about our physicalbody.
Right, it might be an insecuritythat you share with your spouse
and that could be reallyvulnerable to share that right
(15:47):
that I'm not feeling reallygreat about my body right now
and the response to that needsto be from a caring and
empathetic standpoint ratherthan dismissive right Like, oh
you look fine Is not going to bea great response, right.
Danny Ray (16:09):
So let me try to ask this question within this
question.
Kimberly (16:14):
Okay.
Danny Ray (16:17):
So you're saying that's not like a healthy
response, to be dismissive, butwhat do you do when the person
gives, maybe, the right answerLike you look beautiful, you
look great.
Kimberly (16:29):
What can I?
Danny Ray (16:29):
do to help.
You know I'm here for you, butthere's a withdrawal that
happens because of their owninsecurities.
So, even though the otherspouse might be trying to say
all the right things ofvalidating and hearing and
understanding and I'm here foryou and how can I help, but
there's a withdrawal because oftheir own fears and insecurities
(16:52):
about how they look and feel.
Kimberly (16:54):
I have to say I find it hard for somebody to believe
somebody would draw at thatpoint.
So I'm trying to figure out.
If this is a discussion we'verecently had and you're saying
that I did that or not.
I think, if you respond, withthose, those types of answers,
and you're validating and you'resaying I get that.
Danny Ray (17:14):
that's yucky to feel that way to let me be more
specific, because you're sayingyou don't, you can't see that
happening.
I'll give you specifics where Ithink you can see somebody
genuinely has like anorexia orthe some sort of eating disorder
, where they associate evenhealthy things that other people
(17:34):
might say as like, that theyeither have to really hear it
because, even though what theyview isn't true, they believe
that it is yeah, so that's adysmorphia, so that's really
more of a of a mental healthissue, and a dangerous one.
Kimberly (17:51):
Obviously, with with something like anorexia or
bulimia can really, in worsecases, cause the loss of life.
So that would be a separatething.
But really, again, the cautionwould be don't be dismissive.
Like I look fine is not goingto be super encouraging for
(18:13):
anybody.
But for them to look them inthe eyes and say, hey, I'm, I'm
concerned about that, I hear youthat you don't see yourself the
beautiful way that I see you,and I think there's something.
I think we need some help herebecause this is not I'm worried
about losing you right andallows the other person to even
(18:36):
express their fears and concernsthat way for the person that's
feeling that way.
Danny Ray (18:41):
Is there an exercise or something that they might be
able to do that would be helpful?
You know writing downscriptures, writing down things
about themselves, or are therethings that you found absolutely
?
Kimberly (18:54):
for for all of us, you know, when those insecurities
pop up, it's typically we'rebelieving a lie, right,
something that the world is toldus or the enemy has told us and
or something in our upbringinghas told us.
And so finding the truthfinding, you know, scripture to
remind us of the truth, isabsolutely powerful and a good
(19:17):
exercise.
But I would still put thecaveat there that if we're
talking somebody dealing withwith a mental health and
physical health issue like that,I'd really really encourage
them to seek professional help,because that's not something
that just goes away on its ownand it's not something that
somebody can just kind of lovethem into a new way of life.
(19:39):
Yeah, so that that does needsome, but yeah, great questions
for sure, right, so let's hitthat.
Danny Ray (19:45):
Next question is this number five number five number
five.
Give it to us all right.
Kimberly (19:50):
How do you envision overcoming the challenges
together?
So that's a really interestingone, because obviously every
marriage faces its you know fairshare of challenges and they
can be financial struggles,health issues, conflicts,
difficulties communicating witheach other.
(20:12):
They can be gosh things withwith kids, that maybe
differences and how we raise,want to raise the kids, all of
those things.
So, or or loss of a child anyof those things could be
absolutely really treacherousfor the, for the marriage.
So discussing how you want toovercome those things obviously
(20:40):
like it will build strength foryou both, right, if you're.
I think the key to this one ishow do we do it as a team?
How do we?
Because you're going to have away of dealing with whatever
struggles we have and I'm goingto have a way of dealing with
struggles that we have yeah notgoing to come, and that's for
most marriages, so we're goingto automatically want to
(21:07):
approach it differently.
Danny Ray (21:08):
Yeah, so which is healthy, like we approach?
Things very differently.
Kimberly (21:13):
It's not always easy, but not always easy.
We now can value it.
Danny Ray (21:17):
Yes, but like when the kids come and they have a
question for us, it's not likewe go, hey, here's the right
answer.
It's like you'll give an answerand then I'm like, well, what
about this?
You're like, well, I don't knowabout that, and we kind of go
back and forth.
Kimberly (21:29):
It's true I remember my parents doing that too and be
like, oh wow, they both soundso right and they both sound so
definitive, Like this is theright way to do it.
But it did give me my own ideasto go.
Ok, I'm going to take intoconsideration both mom's opinion
, dad's opinion and, kind ofform, my own.
Danny Ray (21:46):
I think we're able to do that because we've had these
questions.
Kimberly (21:51):
We've answered these questions and talked about it
way before.
Danny Ray (21:55):
We do that in front of the kids, Because it's not me
dismissing your idea, it's notme saying I think your idea is
horrible.
It's like hey, I see thingsdifferently than mom, what about
this?
And then you're like, well, Idon't know about.
And so we know that we loveeach other, that we appreciate
(22:15):
each other's differences.
But I think that happens byhaving this conversation of
going like hey, when it comes tochallenges, how are we going to
overcome those what's that looklike?
Do we always have to be inagreement?
Do we need to be in agreement?
Kimberly (22:31):
publicly Do we?
Danny Ray (22:33):
I know for you having an argument in front of the
kids.
You're like I don't care, I'mgoing to, we're for me.
That felt more embarrassingearly on.
And so we had to talk aboutthat and go like, hey, I'm not
OK having this conversationpublicly.
I'd like to have this privately.
And so those things withlearning your strengths and your
(22:57):
weaknesses your preferenceswhen it comes to challenges and
how to deal with those.
Kimberly (23:03):
Yeah, for sure.
And bottom line be a team, Stayon the same page.
Danny Ray (23:08):
So this next question .
I want to ask this, and I thinkit's kind of a fun question to
really be able to pour into theother person and to be able to
encourage them.
But the question is this how doyou receive gratitude and
appreciation in your daily life,and how can I do that?
(23:28):
More so, when you think aboutgratitude, the things that
you're thankful for, how do youbest receive that?
I could tell you, oh, I loveyour car.
That doesn't do anything.
My what?
Your car Right.
Kimberly (23:47):
OK, no, I don't care.
Danny Ray (23:50):
But so I'll take something that you do care about
.
Ok, I love the clothes you haveon, right?
Kimberly (23:58):
now OK, yeah.
Danny Ray (23:59):
So they're both objects, you have one for you.
It's meaningful, but there'ssome people that they love their
car.
Kimberly (24:08):
Oh, absolutely.
Danny Ray (24:09):
And they put time and energy in it yeah, yeah, yeah.
And so saying like, hey, Iappreciate the time you've spent
on, your car looks great today.
But how do you receivegratitude, thankfulness, and how
can I show you appreciation forwhat you do?
(24:29):
Is that through words ofaffirmation?
Can I show you appreciationthrough a gift?
Can?
I show you appreciation throughtaking you out, kind of a reward
.
So I think the idea of having aconversation about how do you
receive things best or how wouldyou like to like, I know for
(24:50):
you.
When you were working Mary Kayyears ago and they gave you like
your first ribbon, you werelike this is the greatest thing
ever.
I'm like if only I would haveknown that you just gave a
ribbon to be shown appreciationYep.
That would have helped me out alot early on.
Kimberly (25:08):
Yep, yep, I did not grow up earning any ribbons
maybe one or two, and so, yeah,a ribbon as an adult for doing
hard work was like whoa, I gotrecognized, I got acknowledged
yeah for me.
And yeah, the ribbon.
I think I'm in a differentstage of life.
(25:29):
A ribbon's not quite good to itfor me now, but definitely you
affirming me and encouraging me.
The words, I think, are how.
But what we've noticed recentlyis that you're really great at
affirming me and saying thankyou for, hey, thanks for keeping
a house that's relatively clean.
(25:50):
It's picked up at least all thetime may not be clean, but it's
picked up all the time, andthat's something you acknowledge
from being on the road andtraveling so much, and that it's
nice for you to come home to,and so you're always grateful
for that, which I reallyappreciate that and that makes
me want to continue to keep thehouse up that way.
But when I turn around and Itry and affirm you and say it's
(26:16):
interesting, there's some thingsthat I think that are fine if I
say, hey, thanks for being onthe road and working so hard and
doing that event that you didand whatever state you were at
last week, and I tell you thatI'm grateful for it.
I think you're fine with that.
Danny Ray (26:34):
Right it may not do no, I do appreciate that.
Kimberly (26:37):
Okay, okay, but then when I try to say, like, look
into your eyes and get a littlemushy and tell you some of the
things, I appreciate that that'sa little harder to receive.
Am I right in that or no?
Danny Ray (26:50):
No, I would agree with that.
I know you think those thingsabout me and you value me, but I
think maybe harder to receivethat yeah yeah, interesting.
Kimberly (27:01):
So it just makes me think that I wonder if those of
us who well, specifically you inthis incident are, you're good
at giving that to other people,affirming other people and being
grateful for them.
Danny Ray (27:15):
So you're saying I need to work on receiving that
better?
Kimberly (27:18):
I'm just wondering if that in turn makes it difficult
to hear it, to receive it, Idon't know just a theory.
Danny Ray (27:29):
I will have to do it.
I will ponder that.
Okay, you ponder too this lastquestion.
We wanna save it for last,these aren't like in order, but
we just felt like this is areally important question to ask
in terms of our marriage.
So I will let you wrap this upwith the final question being
(27:49):
All right.
Kimberly (27:51):
What are your priorities as a couple?
You want that one or you want adifferent question?
Danny Ray (27:58):
You know what?
I wanna see where you're gonnalay in this thing.
You know we have-.
Kimberly (28:03):
Oh, you just threw that out there and I had to
choose between the last two thatwe have here.
All right, all right.
So we're gonna go with yeah,what are your priorities as a
couple?
And essentially, obviously inour culture today, in our
everyday life, there's a lot ofrunning around rushing around,
get to this, do that, take kidshere, get to church all those
(28:26):
things right, and we can losesight really easily of what
truly matters.
So identifying our prioritiesas a couple really helps be
intentional about nurturing thatemotional connection, that
physical connection.
Danny Ray (28:44):
Yeah, just to give like an idea from the show.
We haven't talked too muchabout the show, even though,
like this is in the context of ashow, for me is as a-.
Kimberly (28:56):
Which is a magic show, just for random new listeners.
Danny Ray (28:59):
So as a performer, right, I could go in and I could
do some comedy stuff.
I could do just some funentertainment, whatever that
might be.
But if they've hired me in fora magic show, right, that might
be my top priority as if theysee magic right and when we look
(29:21):
at our marriages we have to go.
What are our top priorities?
And for us, our top priority isthat we're going to love each
other.
We're going to do whatever ittakes to create that great
marriage so that the otherperson feels loved and cherished
and honored in the context ofour marriage.
(29:44):
Now at work they might not feelthat, in friendships they might
fall apart.
But the home front we're gonnado whatever it takes to really
make sure that our priority iscreating a great marriage.
Kimberly (29:55):
Yeah, and I'd say maybe, in addition to that,
another priority has been tohave a marriage that our kids
could look at and go okay, thisis what how I should be as a man
, this is how I should be as awoman if I get married some days
.
Danny Ray (30:15):
so Right, so to have the we call it the legacy-driven
marriage is that we wanna have.
We're looking at the legacy.
We wanna live having that endin mind and not just going like
we all have things that we needto get done today, right, but we
also wanna have thatforethought of like, hey, when
(30:37):
this all ends at some point,what are we leaving behind?
And stuff is one thing, but topour into your kids and let them
see.
Kimberly (30:47):
In a way that you're an example, yeah, yeah.
Or if you don't have kids.
Danny Ray (30:51):
Just being that example to your family, to your
coworkers to whoever's aroundyou.
That wow, that marriage.
Kimberly (30:59):
That's a reflection of God in their marriage.
Danny Ray (31:01):
Yeah, it's a reflection of who God is, that
he's the center.
Kimberly (31:05):
Yeah, yeah, awesome.
Danny Ray (31:07):
All right.
With that said, we hope thesequestions help you and encourage
you, and help you to drawcloser to one another and that
you do whatever it takes tocreate a great marriage.
Kimberly (31:17):
That's right, we'll see you next time.
Well, I cannot believe.
This is episode 51.
Kimberly (00:03):
51.
Danny Ray (00:04):
It's almost like a full deck of cards.
Kimberly (00:06):
Oh, you're going to be so excited with the next one.
You love 52.
52 is my favorite number, loveit.
Danny Ray (00:12):
So, if you're tuning in for the first time, this
whole thing is all about we dowhatever it takes to create a
great marriage and that's wherewe're at.
We want to help you to create agreat marriage and today we are
looking at.
I want to say seven questions,but we agreed before we started
we're not going to give a numberbecause we have so many
(00:34):
questions.
Kimberly (00:34):
There might be six, there might be eight, but we're
going to shoot for seven.
Danny Ray (00:38):
Yeah, there's just so many questions that I feel like
have helped us to have ahealthy marriage, and I feel
like there's some of thesequestions will really change the
trajectory of marriages ormaybe help to solidify some
things that you're wrestlingthrough.
Sure and yeah.
Kimberly (00:58):
It certainly helps us to dive deeper right when we
have these conversations thatare about dreams and hopes and
just questions to ask each other.
It brings kind of surface leveltalk into a deeper realm.
Danny Ray (01:15):
Yeah, I think with questions too, like when you and
we'll jump into these questionsin a second that we really
believe will help you to havegreat conversations with one
another but a question alwaysputs you in a state of humility.
When you're authentic aboutasking a question, of saying,
hey, you know, I'm wondering,how do you do this?
(01:39):
Right?
Kimberly (01:40):
Or and so I think there's humility in the
answering of the question.
Right, there's humbleness andthat Okay, if you're honest,
like you said, yeah, yeah.
So let's dive right in Questionnumber one that we'd encourage
you to ask each other, what areyour deepest dreams and
aspirations?
And I would say kind of to giveyou an idea of the direction of
(02:03):
that.
Maybe as a couple, as a family,for your careers, those kinds
of things could be topics whereyou answer the question what are
your deepest dreams andaspirations?
Danny Ray (02:14):
Yeah, one of the things that we do and I don't
want to say we do it every year,but we try to do it where we'll
set aside a day as a dream dayand if you listen to this
podcast at all, you know that Iam a huge dreamer ideas, and Kim
is fondly known as the dreamcrusher.
Yes, my dream crusher, I love mydream crusher, right, because
(02:37):
I'm just like all over the placelike what about this, and what
about this, and what about this?
And she's all.
Let me tell you that is thedumbest idea.
Kimberly (02:45):
I've never said that.
I think I'd give you a look andyou're like, oh, there's that,
look again.
That's the look of that's adumb idea.
Okay, but I've never said it.
Oh, wow, so you admit to it.
No, no, no, no.
Danny Ray (02:57):
That's the look of dumbness I've seen dumb, and
then that idea came up.
Kimberly (03:01):
And now you have to be very gentle.
If you are the person who's notthe dreamer and it's not to say
that I mean you're the first toadmit that many of your dreams
have come true, that we've putinto action.
Yeah, action, Thank you, yeah,yeah.
Danny Ray (03:22):
Come to expression.
Yeah, and I'm super thankfulfor that.
I think God has given me thiscreative mind to dream up and
the entrepreneurial spirit to beable to develop those ideas
into reality.
But your support in that ishuge and I think that's why,
like a conversation like this isreally important is not just
(03:43):
one person dreaming in the otherperson not supporting, but
that's true, yeah.
That other person supportingthat dream, and so that's
something you do together, or atleast it's supported together.
Yeah, and with the dreamcrushing, I would say we've
really learned to have a healthyconversation about dreaming and
(04:04):
about aspirations together,where oftentimes the ideas I'll
come with cost a lot of money.
Kimberly (04:12):
Yeah, thank you.
I wouldn't have to crushanything if it didn't cost a
zillion dollars?
No, you kill free stuff.
No, I doubt it.
Danny Ray (04:22):
So, but I've learned to approach that instead of like
I've got, this idea is like hey, that's terrifying.
This is an idea.
I'm not expecting to do thistomorrow, yep.
Kimberly (04:33):
I'm not expecting you to say yes here and that calms
my nervous system, that is allright when you come to me with
it.
I'm dreaming about everything inme is on fire, like, oh my gosh
, what's going to happen next?
What's this crazy dream?
And so, yes, your approachmatters, but I think for some of
our couples out there you know,maybe they haven't even had the
(04:56):
discussion together Maybe youknow, and it forces me you being
the dreamer forces me to dreamwith you, because you ask me
what my dreams are too, andthat's not something I would
normally even ask myself.
Danny Ray (05:13):
That's not how my brain operates, but it's been
four or five years.
We've seen a lot of the dreamsthat you've had for a long time
come to expression.
Kimberly (05:20):
Yeah, it's not just about you dreaming and I'm
crashing different season of nolonger empty nesters.
Danny Ray (05:25):
But what are we babe?
Kimberly (05:27):
We're bird launchers.
Yeah, that's a side note, sorry.
Danny Ray (05:32):
We digress.
Yeah, all right, so my birdlaunching wife.
What is number two?
Kimberly (05:37):
Number two how do you feel loved and supported?
Danny Ray (05:40):
And that's a good one .
Kimberly (05:41):
Right and this can change, so it's not you know.
Oh yeah, we've asked that onceor we've talked about this when
we first got married and I knowthat they like this or like that
, yeah, but our tastes andpreferences change, so it's
worth asking again how do youfeel loved and supported, maybe
specifically in this season oflife, whatever that looks like
(06:03):
for you?
Danny Ray (06:05):
So I'm going to ask you how do you Kimberly just to
give them like an example- howdo you feel?
Kimberly (06:11):
Really, you're just going to throw me right out
there, all right.
Danny Ray (06:14):
Well, I think it could help.
You know, I think it could feellike this kind of I don't know
how to answer that.
Kimberly (06:20):
But I think you and I would both agree that using the
love languages, that's animportant by Jerry Chapman.
Danny Ray (06:28):
Thank you, you can look it up on Amazon.
It's one of the toprelationship books ever.
Yeah, yeah, the five lovelanguages.
Thank you, yeah.
Kimberly (06:37):
And in that book they describe five different love
languages that are typically themost popular, most common ways
that we feel loved.
And so to go through those kindof quickly, words of
affirmation, quality time, actsof service, physical time, I
call that one acts of slavery.
Danny Ray (06:58):
Yes, I am fully aware .
Kimberly (07:00):
So there it is.
That one is mine, and that'swhy he's saying that Acts of
service.
Danny Ray (07:05):
Slavery.
Kimberly (07:06):
Yeah, slavery, that's what you call it.
Yes, but the honest truth isthere is nothing sexier than you
vacuuming or cleaning the houseor doing something that's an
act of service.
I'll take it either way.
Oh wow, so love languages.
The one that I didn't get toquite finish was receiving gifts
(07:28):
is another way that people feelloved, and then I've had some
people share with me recentlythat they would like to see
another one added to the book.
It is not in the book and thereis no pressure to add this, but
it is possible that food isanother love language.
Some people are yeah well, it'snot mine, but people.
(07:50):
I've had some people talkingabout it.
Anything to do with food forthem is a love language, whether
it's brought to them, whetherthey're preparing it, they're
giving it to somebody, they'remaking something for someone,
food dropped off at work or yeah.
So just an interestingpossibility that maybe food.
Maybe we'll hear more peoplesay that I don't know.
Danny Ray (08:12):
Interesting.
Kimberly (08:13):
Yeah, I think that's been supported.
Probably looks like one ofthose five love languages, but
it's not just about knowing yourown love language, but
understanding and fulfillingyour partner's love language
right.
Danny Ray (08:31):
I think that, yeah, that's the easy mistake to make
is if your love language isaccess service, so it's like, oh
, I'm going to clean that, I'mspeaking specifically for you.
Oh, I'm going to clean thehouse for him.
I'm going to wash his car forhim.
I'm going to do this, and ifthat, doesn't speak.
Kimberly (08:45):
Love to you, you appreciate it.
And these days you would say,okay, I see that and I know that
that's.
But initially I'd say when wefirst got married, there's no
way you would have been like ohyeah, that makes me feel loved.
Danny Ray (08:57):
No, no, no that isn't my specific love language of.
It's.
Not that I don't appreciate,I'm not thankful.
It's just that's not how Iexperience love and I think
that's the mistake we can makein a relationship is we do the
love language that we feel lovedfor the other person and then
we can get frustrated or upset,Like why don't they see that I'm
(09:21):
trying to show them?
Kimberly (09:22):
love.
Yeah, yeah, 100%.
Danny Ray (09:23):
But you have to figure out what's their love
language, what makes them take,what's going to express love to
them the best, and then do that.
Kimberly (09:31):
Right, and how do we do that?
We have a conversation about it.
So, yeah, great job.
All right, it's question numberthree.
Danny Ray (09:37):
I wanted to give this question because this is a
question that we've askedourselves a lot over the years
and I feel like it's one of thequestions that I ask other
people all the time is how'syour walk with God going?
And I think this question is Ilove that God talks about.
(09:58):
From the very beginning, theywere walking in the garden with
God.
There's this idea ofconversation and walking and
it's not a sprint.
It's a long journey and youwalk in that journey with God.
But I like asking other peoplethat question, like asking you
that.
And it's not to put you downlike, oh, I haven't seen you.
(10:21):
It's really to inspire us tore-evaluate where we are in our
relationship with God and askingthat question of how's your
walk with God going?
Kimberly (10:35):
Yeah, and a response to that might look like how
close you feel to God at themoment.
Yeah, now, theologically Iwould argue, and I think you
would too, that God never moves.
So the closeness factor doesn'treally but there is.
We are emotional feeling beings.
Danny Ray (10:56):
He doesn't move away from us.
Yes, I feel like I'm doing agreat job, he's closer, and if
I'm not doing a great job, he'sfurther away.
Kimberly (11:05):
Right.
Our worth is not contingent onwhat we're doing that way.
Danny Ray (11:09):
This idea that we have to earn his approval or
whatever is really not based onthe scriptures at all.
He's a God of grace and a Godof love and gives his love.
Is just who he is Right.
Kimberly (11:23):
But answering the question how's your walk with
God?
Danny Ray (11:27):
Yeah.
Kimberly (11:27):
Sometimes it's really real.
Sometimes it could be like,well, I'm angry at him.
Yeah, let's say they're goingthrough this devastating loss in
their family and yeah, theymight be really mad.
They might need that space toshare that with their spouse and
say it is really hard to eventalk to God right now.
Or yeah, there could be anynumber of responses.
(11:51):
Those are just a couple ofideas.
Danny Ray (11:53):
My challenge, as I've asked this question a lot to
you, but also to other people,is I think sometimes it's a
really difficult question to toanswer and will answer
everything around it.
I'm like, oh, I haven't beengoing to church a lot.
Kimberly (12:12):
Yeah.
Danny Ray (12:12):
Okay, oh, you know, I forgot my Bible and I haven't
been getting into that.
Those are things you do, but,like, your relationship with God
isn't based on like, oh, I wentto church or I read my Bible.
Kimberly (12:26):
There's many times in that year.
Danny Ray (12:27):
Yeah, you know, and so really trying to evaluate
that both for yourself but alsoto ask your spouse, like where
they're at and like I feelreally close, I've been getting
into God's word and I feel likeI'm hearing from them in there
or vice versa I'm angry at them,like all those are a connection
to God and how you'reexperiencing them at any given
(12:51):
moment.
But yeah, talking about all thethings around it actually
dodges the question.
Kimberly (12:58):
Good point, good point , so All right, great job.
Danny Ray (13:02):
Question number three oh, that was great.
Kimberly (13:04):
Sorry, number four yes , what are your fears and
insecurities?
Danny Ray (13:09):
Oh, I hope you're not asking me that.
Yeah, you want me to publiclyask that?
Like you, put me on the spot,you can do what you have to do.
Kimberly (13:17):
No.
So this definitely givesopportunity to be vulnerable
probably, yeah, maybe, one ofthe most vulnerable of these
questions, I'm not sure but itdoes allow us the possibility of
being more intimate with eachother emotionally, especially
the more vulnerable we can bewith this.
(13:37):
So by sharing your fears, yourinsecurities with each other,
you're inviting the other personinto your deepest parts of
yourself.
Right, it's that probablynobody else.
You might not share that withanybody else.
Danny Ray (13:54):
And then you're how you have doing that, though, and
especially like from just a.
You know, I know, in therapyyou're asking some of those
questions and getting that, andsome couples are kind of hearing
that for the first time.
But what's that look like?
When we ask each other thosequestions, what's the risk and
the reward that we can receive?
Kimberly (14:14):
Yeah, great question.
Well, we're definitely gives usopportunity for that emotional
connection that we wouldn'totherwise get right.
So if you say I'm scared aboutsuch and such in maybe as a
(14:35):
performer on stage, and youshare something like that with
me, it's also important what Ido with that right, my response
to that fear, but theopportunity, the value in that
is that now I can validate thator just listen and be there to
go oh, that would be hard, thatmust feel really scary, that you
(14:58):
feel like that, and I can becurious with that and ask more
questions Like how long have youbeen going through that?
Danny Ray (15:04):
Yeah, yeah.
Kimberly (15:05):
And have you ever felt like that before?
Like, is this something comingup that's been triggered?
Or is it just a fear for youknow, for right now, or
something that is scary aboutthe future?
Right, it allows for deeperquestions, which allows for
deeper connection between thetwo of us, as long as we're not
invalidating that and going, ohwell, that's a stupid fear or
(15:26):
that's a right, yeah, yeah yeah,and another one actually that
could really easily happen is,you know, insecurities that we
have, maybe about our physicalbody.
Right, it might be an insecuritythat you share with your spouse
and that could be reallyvulnerable to share that right
(15:47):
that I'm not feeling reallygreat about my body right now
and the response to that needsto be from a caring and
empathetic standpoint ratherthan dismissive right Like, oh
you look fine Is not going to bea great response, right.
Danny Ray (16:09):
So let me try to ask this question within this
question.
Kimberly (16:14):
Okay.
Danny Ray (16:17):
So you're saying that's not like a healthy
response, to be dismissive, butwhat do you do when the person
gives, maybe, the right answerLike you look beautiful, you
look great.
Kimberly (16:29):
What can I?
Danny Ray (16:29):
do to help.
You know I'm here for you, butthere's a withdrawal that
happens because of their owninsecurities.
So, even though the otherspouse might be trying to say
all the right things ofvalidating and hearing and
understanding and I'm here foryou and how can I help, but
there's a withdrawal because oftheir own fears and insecurities
(16:52):
about how they look and feel.
Kimberly (16:54):
I have to say I find it hard for somebody to believe
somebody would draw at thatpoint.
So I'm trying to figure out.
If this is a discussion we'verecently had and you're saying
that I did that or not.
I think, if you respond, withthose, those types of answers,
and you're validating and you'resaying I get that.
Danny Ray (17:14):
that's yucky to feel that way to let me be more
specific, because you're sayingyou don't, you can't see that
happening.
I'll give you specifics where Ithink you can see somebody
genuinely has like anorexia orthe some sort of eating disorder
, where they associate evenhealthy things that other people
(17:34):
might say as like, that theyeither have to really hear it
because, even though what theyview isn't true, they believe
that it is yeah, so that's adysmorphia, so that's really
more of a of a mental healthissue, and a dangerous one.
Kimberly (17:51):
Obviously, with with something like anorexia or
bulimia can really, in worsecases, cause the loss of life.
So that would be a separatething.
But really, again, the cautionwould be don't be dismissive.
Like I look fine is not goingto be super encouraging for
(18:13):
anybody.
But for them to look them inthe eyes and say, hey, I'm, I'm
concerned about that, I hear youthat you don't see yourself the
beautiful way that I see you,and I think there's something.
I think we need some help herebecause this is not I'm worried
about losing you right andallows the other person to even
(18:36):
express their fears and concernsthat way for the person that's
feeling that way.
Danny Ray (18:41):
Is there an exercise or something that they might be
able to do that would be helpful?
You know writing downscriptures, writing down things
about themselves, or are therethings that you found absolutely
?
Kimberly (18:54):
for for all of us, you know, when those insecurities
pop up, it's typically we'rebelieving a lie, right,
something that the world is toldus or the enemy has told us and
or something in our upbringinghas told us.
And so finding the truthfinding, you know, scripture to
remind us of the truth, isabsolutely powerful and a good
(19:17):
exercise.
But I would still put thecaveat there that if we're
talking somebody dealing withwith a mental health and
physical health issue like that,I'd really really encourage
them to seek professional help,because that's not something
that just goes away on its ownand it's not something that
somebody can just kind of lovethem into a new way of life.
(19:39):
Yeah, so that that does needsome, but yeah, great questions
for sure, right, so let's hitthat.
Danny Ray (19:45):
Next question is this number five number five number
five.
Give it to us all right.
Kimberly (19:50):
How do you envision overcoming the challenges
together?
So that's a really interestingone, because obviously every
marriage faces its you know fairshare of challenges and they
can be financial struggles,health issues, conflicts,
difficulties communicating witheach other.
(20:12):
They can be gosh things withwith kids, that maybe
differences and how we raise,want to raise the kids, all of
those things.
So, or or loss of a child anyof those things could be
absolutely really treacherousfor the, for the marriage.
So discussing how you want toovercome those things obviously
(20:40):
like it will build strength foryou both, right, if you're.
I think the key to this one ishow do we do it as a team?
How do we?
Because you're going to have away of dealing with whatever
struggles we have and I'm goingto have a way of dealing with
struggles that we have yeah notgoing to come, and that's for
most marriages, so we're goingto automatically want to
(21:07):
approach it differently.
Danny Ray (21:08):
Yeah, so which is healthy, like we approach?
Things very differently.
Kimberly (21:13):
It's not always easy, but not always easy.
We now can value it.
Danny Ray (21:17):
Yes, but like when the kids come and they have a
question for us, it's not likewe go, hey, here's the right
answer.
It's like you'll give an answerand then I'm like, well, what
about this?
You're like, well, I don't knowabout that, and we kind of go
back and forth.
Kimberly (21:29):
It's true I remember my parents doing that too and be
like, oh wow, they both soundso right and they both sound so
definitive, Like this is theright way to do it.
But it did give me my own ideasto go.
Ok, I'm going to take intoconsideration both mom's opinion
, dad's opinion and, kind ofform, my own.
Danny Ray (21:46):
I think we're able to do that because we've had these
questions.
Kimberly (21:51):
We've answered these questions and talked about it
way before.
Danny Ray (21:55):
We do that in front of the kids, Because it's not me
dismissing your idea, it's notme saying I think your idea is
horrible.
It's like hey, I see thingsdifferently than mom, what about
this?
And then you're like, well, Idon't know about.
And so we know that we loveeach other, that we appreciate
(22:15):
each other's differences.
But I think that happens byhaving this conversation of
going like hey, when it comes tochallenges, how are we going to
overcome those what's that looklike?
Do we always have to be inagreement?
Do we need to be in agreement?
Kimberly (22:31):
publicly Do we?
Danny Ray (22:33):
I know for you having an argument in front of the
kids.
You're like I don't care, I'mgoing to, we're for me.
That felt more embarrassingearly on.
And so we had to talk aboutthat and go like, hey, I'm not
OK having this conversationpublicly.
I'd like to have this privately.
And so those things withlearning your strengths and your
(22:57):
weaknesses your preferenceswhen it comes to challenges and
how to deal with those.
Kimberly (23:03):
Yeah, for sure.
And bottom line be a team, Stayon the same page.
Danny Ray (23:08):
So this next question .
I want to ask this, and I thinkit's kind of a fun question to
really be able to pour into theother person and to be able to
encourage them.
But the question is this how doyou receive gratitude and
appreciation in your daily life,and how can I do that?
(23:28):
More so, when you think aboutgratitude, the things that
you're thankful for, how do youbest receive that?
I could tell you, oh, I loveyour car.
That doesn't do anything.
My what?
Your car Right.
Kimberly (23:47):
OK, no, I don't care.
Danny Ray (23:50):
But so I'll take something that you do care about
.
Ok, I love the clothes you haveon, right?
Kimberly (23:58):
now OK, yeah.
Danny Ray (23:59):
So they're both objects, you have one for you.
It's meaningful, but there'ssome people that they love their
car.
Kimberly (24:08):
Oh, absolutely.
Danny Ray (24:09):
And they put time and energy in it yeah, yeah, yeah.
And so saying like, hey, Iappreciate the time you've spent
on, your car looks great today.
But how do you receivegratitude, thankfulness, and how
can I show you appreciation forwhat you do?
(24:29):
Is that through words ofaffirmation?
Can I show you appreciationthrough a gift?
Can?
I show you appreciation throughtaking you out, kind of a reward
.
So I think the idea of having aconversation about how do you
receive things best or how wouldyou like to like, I know for
(24:50):
you.
When you were working Mary Kayyears ago and they gave you like
your first ribbon, you werelike this is the greatest thing
ever.
I'm like if only I would haveknown that you just gave a
ribbon to be shown appreciationYep.
That would have helped me out alot early on.
Kimberly (25:08):
Yep, yep, I did not grow up earning any ribbons
maybe one or two, and so, yeah,a ribbon as an adult for doing
hard work was like whoa, I gotrecognized, I got acknowledged
yeah for me.
And yeah, the ribbon.
I think I'm in a differentstage of life.
(25:29):
A ribbon's not quite good to itfor me now, but definitely you
affirming me and encouraging me.
The words, I think, are how.
But what we've noticed recentlyis that you're really great at
affirming me and saying thankyou for, hey, thanks for keeping
a house that's relatively clean.
(25:50):
It's picked up at least all thetime may not be clean, but it's
picked up all the time, andthat's something you acknowledge
from being on the road andtraveling so much, and that it's
nice for you to come home to,and so you're always grateful
for that, which I reallyappreciate that and that makes
me want to continue to keep thehouse up that way.
But when I turn around and Itry and affirm you and say it's
(26:16):
interesting, there's some thingsthat I think that are fine if I
say, hey, thanks for being onthe road and working so hard and
doing that event that you didand whatever state you were at
last week, and I tell you thatI'm grateful for it.
I think you're fine with that.
Danny Ray (26:34):
Right it may not do no, I do appreciate that.
Kimberly (26:37):
Okay, okay, but then when I try to say, like, look
into your eyes and get a littlemushy and tell you some of the
things, I appreciate that that'sa little harder to receive.
Am I right in that or no?
Danny Ray (26:50):
No, I would agree with that.
I know you think those thingsabout me and you value me, but I
think maybe harder to receivethat yeah yeah, interesting.
Kimberly (27:01):
So it just makes me think that I wonder if those of
us who well, specifically you inthis incident are, you're good
at giving that to other people,affirming other people and being
grateful for them.
Danny Ray (27:15):
So you're saying I need to work on receiving that
better?
Kimberly (27:18):
I'm just wondering if that in turn makes it difficult
to hear it, to receive it, Idon't know just a theory.
Danny Ray (27:29):
I will have to do it.
I will ponder that.
Okay, you ponder too this lastquestion.
We wanna save it for last,these aren't like in order, but
we just felt like this is areally important question to ask
in terms of our marriage.
So I will let you wrap this upwith the final question being
(27:49):
All right.
Kimberly (27:51):
What are your priorities as a couple?
You want that one or you want adifferent question?
Danny Ray (27:58):
You know what?
I wanna see where you're gonnalay in this thing.
You know we have-.
Kimberly (28:03):
Oh, you just threw that out there and I had to
choose between the last two thatwe have here.
All right, all right.
So we're gonna go with yeah,what are your priorities as a
couple?
And essentially, obviously inour culture today, in our
everyday life, there's a lot ofrunning around rushing around,
get to this, do that, take kidshere, get to church all those
(28:26):
things right, and we can losesight really easily of what
truly matters.
So identifying our prioritiesas a couple really helps be
intentional about nurturing thatemotional connection, that
physical connection.
Danny Ray (28:44):
Yeah, just to give like an idea from the show.
We haven't talked too muchabout the show, even though,
like this is in the context of ashow, for me is as a-.
Kimberly (28:56):
Which is a magic show, just for random new listeners.
Danny Ray (28:59):
So as a performer, right, I could go in and I could
do some comedy stuff.
I could do just some funentertainment, whatever that
might be.
But if they've hired me in fora magic show, right, that might
be my top priority as if theysee magic right and when we look
(29:21):
at our marriages we have to go.
What are our top priorities?
And for us, our top priority isthat we're going to love each
other.
We're going to do whatever ittakes to create that great
marriage so that the otherperson feels loved and cherished
and honored in the context ofour marriage.
(29:44):
Now at work they might not feelthat, in friendships they might
fall apart.
But the home front we're gonnado whatever it takes to really
make sure that our priority iscreating a great marriage.
Kimberly (29:55):
Yeah, and I'd say maybe, in addition to that,
another priority has been tohave a marriage that our kids
could look at and go okay, thisis what how I should be as a man
, this is how I should be as awoman if I get married some days
.
Danny Ray (30:15):
so Right, so to have the we call it the legacy-driven
marriage is that we wanna have.
We're looking at the legacy.
We wanna live having that endin mind and not just going like
we all have things that we needto get done today, right, but we
also wanna have thatforethought of like, hey, when
(30:37):
this all ends at some point,what are we leaving behind?
And stuff is one thing, but topour into your kids and let them
see.
Kimberly (30:47):
In a way that you're an example, yeah, yeah.
Or if you don't have kids.
Danny Ray (30:51):
Just being that example to your family, to your
coworkers to whoever's aroundyou.
That wow, that marriage.
Kimberly (30:59):
That's a reflection of God in their marriage.
Danny Ray (31:01):
Yeah, it's a reflection of who God is, that
he's the center.
Kimberly (31:05):
Yeah, yeah, awesome.
Danny Ray (31:07):
All right.
With that said, we hope thesequestions help you and encourage
you, and help you to drawcloser to one another and that
you do whatever it takes tocreate a great marriage.
Kimberly (31:17):
That's right, we'll see you next time.
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