April 24, 2024 • 22 mins
Discover the untapped strength within your marriage as we embark on a journey through the rich landscape of marriage metaphors, set to transform the way you view your partnership. Imagine erecting a structure of love and commitment brick by brick, where the mortar of shared values and spirituality cements a bond that can withstand any tempest. Season Four launches with a promise to guide you in crafting a marital unity as enduring as the greatest edifices, where every stone placed is a testament to love, trust, and a shared vision.
This season, we don't just chatter about love; we reveal its foundational significance in every aspect of marriage. Picture the two of you as architects, drawing up blueprints for a life built on profound connection and clear communication. As we delve into the metaphorical world of marital bonds, we invite you to apply these insights to your own relationship, encouraging growth and unity in a partnership that mirrors the steadfast love depicted in the Bible. Join us for an invigorating exploration that pledges to leave you with a fortified perspective on the journey of marriage.
This season, we don't just chatter about love; we reveal its foundational significance in every aspect of marriage. Picture the two of you as architects, drawing up blueprints for a life built on profound connection and clear communication. As we delve into the metaphorical world of marital bonds, we invite you to apply these insights to your own relationship, encouraging growth and unity in a partnership that mirrors the steadfast love depicted in the Bible. Join us for an invigorating exploration that pledges to leave you with a fortified perspective on the journey of marriage.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Danny Ray (00:00):
Season four.
Honestly, this is crazy.
Kimberly (00:03):
Yeah, season four, here we go.
Danny Ray (00:06):
We are excited, we are thankful for everybody
tuning in.
It's been, yeah, an incrediblejourney for us personally, but
this season we are excited tojust look at this idea of
marriage metaphors.
Kimberly (00:22):
Yeah, we went back in our archives and looked at the
podcast and what reallyresonated with our listeners.
Danny Ray (00:30):
Our third most listened to podcast is one from
season two, I believe episode 35.
It's empowering marriagesthrough visual metaphors, and so
we thought what if we build awhole season around marriage
metaphors?
Kimberly (00:48):
Which seems appropriate.
Visual metaphors from amagician, you know, yeah, it
does make sense.
Danny Ray (00:55):
So grab a seat, buckle up wherever you are, get
ready, because this season we'regoing to be looking at marriage
metaphors and creating thesevisual things to help you do
whatever it takes to create agreat marriage, and that's what
this podcast is all about ishelping others to just take that
stride.
(01:15):
Take that step, be somebody wholoves their spouse well, gives
grace well, and so we have allsorts of ideas for this season,
but it starts out with thefoundation.
Kimberly (01:29):
Yeah, our marriage, like so many others, is built on
a foundation of shared values,trust, love and our relationship
with the Lord.
Those are our basic foundationsand, just like constructing a
sturdy building or a house,building a strong marriage
(01:50):
requires a solid foundation.
So we want to talk about kindof the building blocks that go
on top of so if you've got yourfoundation poured, your slab is
poured, it's strong and okay,great.
And then we want to put thequote unquote building blocks on
it.
Danny Ray (02:09):
For the record, kim did build quite a few houses
back in the day down in Mexico.
She would go down there andthat foundation even when it was
, you know like you talked aboutit being on hills, sometimes
you know just some unsturdy, butthat foundation becomes
everything to make sure that youhave a sturdy, and so if you
(02:30):
don't have that foundation right, you know everything else can
easily crumble.
Kimberly (02:36):
Yeah, Like a house of cards.
Ooh, ooh, another metaphorwe're just sliding right in
there.
Okay, okay, sorry that onemight come up in there.
Okay, okay, sorry.
Danny Ray (02:45):
That one might come up again.
Okay, but I'm foreshadow,foreshadow, there you go.
Kimberly (02:51):
So yeah, but if we were to build this house, this
metaphoric house, we?
What about the Lego metaphor?
If we're building with Legos?
Can you speak to that?
Danny Ray (03:06):
Yeah, so I talked about this a little bit last
time and that's kind of whatgave us the ideas.
We're like, oh, we've beenusing these ideas of metaphors,
but let me just give you thiswith Legos.
If somebody's given a bunch ofLegos, right, and just said go
ahead and build what that wasdesigned for, without any
picture, without any- Withoutany instructions, no image.
Kimberly (03:29):
I would be terrible.
I would not know what to.
I would build a box, maybe,because that's about all I
could-.
Danny Ray (03:36):
Oh, a box Like a box just like a square of.
Kimberly (03:39):
Legos right and just- .
Danny Ray (03:42):
I'm sure you could get more creative than that,
come on, you know me, probablynot.
Kimberly (03:48):
Probably not.
If there's a flower in there,maybe I'd stick the flower in
the top.
I don't know.
Danny Ray (03:53):
Yeah, but when you have that image and even better
instructions hey, here's stepone, Instructions Right.
Then I can do it.
Yes, I think you could do itanyhow, but that's just me, but
I think of just different versesthat help us to understand the
(04:16):
layout for marriage.
You look at the very beginningof Genesis and it talks about
the two becoming one of Genesis,and it talks about the two
becoming one.
And this idea of oneness, Ithink, is foundational for us in
our marriages that we have um aconnection, a deep connection
(04:39):
with that other person, thatwe're not two separate um people
just doing whatever we want butwe're coming together as as one
and, yes, even though we haveour differences together, we
want to have oneness in what wedo.
Kimberly (04:52):
Well, we came from very, very different backgrounds
and our experiences were very,very different, but we found a
shared vision for our life andfor our marriage.
But it was intentional and itwas is right.
We did get tools in our toolbox, so to speak, to get to have
(05:19):
instructions.
We did go and seek instructionsI guess is how I would put that
.
We got a hold of whatevermarriage instruction manuals we
could get a hold of and said,okay, like this is going to be
what we're going to build, thisis what we're going to work
towards.
Danny Ray (05:38):
Yeah, and so we always want to, you know,
continually go back to thescriptures and see.
You know, what does you know?
Like the verse I shared?
It comes out of Genesis 2.24,just to give you the exact quote
Therefore, a man shall leavehis father and his mother and
hold fast to his wife, and theyshall become one flesh.
Kimberly (06:04):
Hold me fast baby, sorry, did I throw you Leave
your parents.
But that's a little bit of asore subject.
Danny Ray (06:11):
It took a little bit for you to get there.
There you go, leaving yourfather and mother and cleaving
right.
Kimberly (06:17):
Yes, and hold tight to each other, hold tight, hold
fast.
Danny Ray (06:21):
But there is so much wisdom in these verses Hold fast
, but there is, you know, somuch wisdom in these verses In
Ephesians 5, 31 and 32, it talksabout this profound mystery of
Christ's love for the church,but it's mirrored in the oneness
of marriage.
Right Is that?
It's designed to reflect ourmarriages, reflect God's love
(06:42):
for his church.
You know, he's called the bride, you know, and so we have these
interesting metaphors that aregiven in the scriptures for how
Christ looks at the church.
But it's reflective of amarriage and in our marriages we
want to have that oneness, thatconnection.
That that's one of those thingsthat's foundational.
So this is one of the things.
(07:06):
When we look at foundations,what are the things that are
foundational for your marriage?
What are the things where youwant to be strong in set
boundaries up?
make sure that you guys are setup for success and we would say
the foundation is in Christ.
He's the bedrock of everythingthat we do.
(07:27):
We realize not everybodylistening to this podcast is a
follower of Christ but havingthat as the center point, we
never have to depend on theother to go like you have to
supply all of my needs and allof my hopes and all of my dreams
right Is we know that God isthe provider of all things.
Kimberly (07:47):
And we rely on the creator right.
Yeah, relying on him, yeah.
Danny Ray (07:50):
Being dependent on him is a completely different
scenario than putting thatburden onto your spouse.
Kimberly (07:56):
Well, and it only makes sense when we're talking
about a blueprint or instructionmanual.
Wait, you're jumping intoblueprint oh, no, no, no, sorry.
Danny Ray (08:04):
Not yet.
Kimberly (08:04):
Okay, we'll go there in a second right, but the
instruction manual.
Like we said for the Legos, wecan build something way more
incredible with the instructions.
Danny Ray (08:13):
Yeah, yeah.
Kimberly (08:14):
Same thing with why the foundation, why the marriage
in Christ is so important.
Because that's the instructionmanual, right?
He gives us the design and theinstruction.
Danny Ray (08:28):
What would you say in a nutshell are other things
that are foundational for themarriage.
Kimberly (08:37):
Foundational just in general.
I mean, we talked about the ourown.
What we value as a couple is apart of the foundation.
Um, trust is obviously a a hugefoundation yeah um, if, if,
yeah, if you can't trust your,your spouse, then that's an
issue for sure.
Um for sure then then you'vegot nothing right right, but a
(09:02):
broken foundation.
So then you have to rebuildthat and kind of start from the,
the very, very bottom I thinkone of the the key uh
foundations for any marriage.
Danny Ray (09:15):
An easy place to start is just go look and see
what are the vows you made toeach other right.
What are you committing to?
Uh, you know to to have andhold from this day forward for
better okay I can do that forworse for rich, hey, when things
are going well, and businessesare growing and things are
exploding, and they got a newcar, hey, check out the new
(09:38):
house.
But when it's like, oh, we'rebankrupt.
Kimberly (09:41):
No money, we're selling the house.
Danny Ray (09:43):
And you know so for richer, for poorer what about
when we look at sickness and inhealth, right you?
Know, and so all of thosethings that you vowed to each
other become foundational.
Now, the next one metaphor thatyou talked about that has to do
like with kind of laying thisfoundation is you would never
(10:04):
build a house at least not inthis day and age.
Most people want to build ahouse without some sort of
blueprint, right?
Hey, this is the direction thatwe're going in.
Kimberly (10:15):
It's the vision for the final product, right?
What it's going to look like?
Yeah.
Danny Ray (10:19):
And we want to have that in our marriages as well,
as we want to have like, hey,what's the direction?
And I think it's a a goodquestion to ask your spouse is
like, where do you, where do yousee us in a year?
Like, how are we growing in ourfaith?
How are we growing closer toone another?
How are we growingprofessionally?
How are we growing emotionally?
(10:42):
Do you feel more connected tome?
How can we get away more?
How can we create space foreach other more?
All these different things thathelp lay out, like that
blueprint of like, hey, what'snext?
Where do we need to be?
What's the best way to moveforward?
Kimberly (11:00):
Where do we need to be?
What's the best way to moveforward?
Yeah, I'm looking for thatverse, and maybe you know this
one offhand, but it's likewithout vision, the people will
perish right.
Yeah, it's a proverb and I hadit here and I just can't find it
in this moment, of course.
Danny Ray (11:19):
It's Proverbs 29, 18, .
Where there is no vision, thepeople perish.
Kimberly (11:25):
Yeah, and, and I, I'm sure we did not fully
understand that at the beginningof our marriage, but now it
makes so much sense that evenour vision, even our marriage,
needs a vision, needs adirection, or you're just
surviving day to day, right?
(11:45):
Instead of thriving and havinga place to go, a direction for
it, so yeah, and I think thatcould start small.
Danny Ray (11:56):
You know, you don't have to have this 25-page laid
out, you don't have to have this25 page laid out.
It could be hey, this year wewant to do four big dates and,
you know, 10 small dates.
The big dates will do this tobuild our relationship and
(12:19):
strengthen our foundation and tocontinue to move us forward and
on, the smaller dates will justbe connection points on a
weekly, biweekly basis, you know.
I realize everybody's indifferent situations.
On the possibility of dating,we always recommend once a week,
but for some couples we've metwith that's really difficult to
(12:41):
carve out.
That time we always talk about,uh, it doesn't have to be.
You go out like we're fans ofstaycations, we're fans of you
know, even if the kids are um,you can't find a babysitter.
Put a movie on for the kids, goup to the bedroom, make a
picnic and just carve out timeto be with each other.
(13:01):
Sometimes we have to getcreative with those ideas and
not just go well, we don't havetime and use that as the excuse.
Kimberly (13:10):
Absolutely so.
Creating that blueprint allowscouples, allows us to set goals,
make decisions, navigatechallenges with a clear
direction in mind, right so,even when the waves come up, boy
, I feel like everything's ametaphor right now Even when
you're in a storm of life, if wehave a vision, we know that we
(13:33):
can stick to.
Okay this.
We've already I don't know madethe decision that, no matter
how hard things get we're, we'regoing to work to be on the same
page at the end of every singleday.
Danny Ray (13:47):
And another thing we're not going to give up and
right, there's um, when I, whenI think of something like that,
I think of, uh, thatillustration where it talks
about, you know, um, having somepeople move rocks and they're
like, hey, we just need to moverocks over there put them in a
pile, um, and people are, youknow, doing it, but they don't
(14:08):
really care.
But when you give them visionof, saying um, there's a flood
coming tonight.
if we don't build this dam,people in this community um are
going to lose their homes and bedisplaced.
All of a sudden, people have avision and because of that
vision, it changes how they work.
Kimberly (14:29):
Yeah, yeah that there's urgency to it, there's
necessity, there's understandingof the reasoning for it.
Same thing in our marriage.
We need that.
We need to understand that ifwe don't put the time and effort
in, then we're just movingrocks, like you said, from one
side to the other and justsurviving.
Danny Ray (14:50):
Yeah, so the last illustration that we want to use
in terms of like setting thisfoundation is construction.
So marriage is like thisongoing construction project.
Kimberly (15:04):
Yes, I like that.
Danny Ray (15:07):
Continuous effort, and this is the key part team
effort, team effort.
You know, marriage is a teamsport.
It's a team of two workingtogether constantly.
Kimberly (15:21):
Because if you're over there just trying, trying,
trying, and you're working hardon your relationship with God
and you're working hard at workand you're working hard at being
a great dad, but we're notconnecting, we're not doing any
of that together in addition tothen it's not a team, right,
You're just working hard on yourown and I'm working hard on my
(15:43):
own, and then that's not.
Um, it's not the most effectiveplan for a marriage, right?
Yeah, Uh you're going to pushback on that.
I see the wheels turning.
Danny Ray (15:56):
The wheels are turning for other reasons.
So, if, so, if you came to meand you were like I am so
thankful that you washed my car,I'm so thankful you cleaned the
house, I'm so thankful you madedinner, and we could just name
(16:18):
like thing after Thank you forpainting the house, thank you
for working so hard, thank youfor working so hard, thank you
for, you know, bringing homemoney to put food on the table,
to be able to do the things thatwe want to do.
But then you said but do youlove me?
Yeah, I was like.
well, right, if I if.
(16:39):
I do all of these things, butthere's not.
Kimberly (16:42):
You still don't feel love yeah.
Danny Ray (16:45):
It's like you're you're building all the wrong
things for all the wrong reasons.
Kimberly (16:52):
And just moving rocks yeah.
Danny Ray (16:55):
Is is love.
Yeah, is love right Is if we'renot loving each other well, as
the foundation.
And there's this image of atriangle where God's at the top
husband is on the right-handside corner of that triangle and
(17:16):
the wife is on the left-handside.
And the closer you get to Godin that illustration right, the
closer you get to each other.
And I think we could go throughthe motions of doing things for
each other, but foundational toeverything is love, and so I
don't want to miss out on thoseopportunities to love you and
(17:41):
that might include doingsomething for you, but, but at
the yeah, at the heart of itwould be, since we were bringing
up other verses or vows.
Kimberly (17:53):
You know, at a wedding you would be talking
about 1 Corinthians 13, right,which really is our blueprint,
our map for and our instructionson how to love each other.
So if we're going to go there,we have to include that right.
Danny Ray (18:07):
That's the literal manual for how to love Right
where it says love is patient,love is kind, does not envy,
does not boast, does not proud,does not dishonor, it's not
self-seeking.
So it keeps no record of wrongs.
Kimberly (18:22):
So, all these different things, it's the
perfect manual, perfectinstruction, perfect blueprint.
Danny Ray (18:28):
Yeah, check it out.
1 Corinthians 13, love alwaysprotects, always trusts, always
hopes, always perseveres.
Kimberly (18:37):
And then One of our favorite ways of reading that I
just have to interject that is,put your own name in there,
right, and can you really saythat?
Can I say Kimberly is your love, always patient, always kind,
right, and that reads verydifferently and very personally
if you interject your own namein there yeah, and it starts out
(19:00):
kind of to make that point ofdoing all these sayings, but if
you ask me, do you love me?
Danny Ray (19:06):
and I'm like uh, you know, like right right it says
uh, if I speak in the tongues ofmen or of angels, but do not
have love, I'm only a resoundinggong, a clanging cymbal.
Kimberly (19:21):
So annoying noise right.
Danny Ray (19:24):
Um, if we don't have that love for him, we could say,
hey, we go to church, hey, Ihelp out in the nursery, hey, I
do this at church, hey, I giveall this money.
Um, and God says, but do youlove me?
And our answer is well, duh.
And so it applies both in ourrelationship with God as well as
in our relationship with eachother, and that love is
(19:48):
foundational to everything we'regoing to talk about in this
season, and I want to leave usand I'll let you if you have
anything that you want to say toleave us with as well.
But when we talk aboutfoundation, I think of Jesus at
the end of the Sermon on theMount, after he gives all of
these incredible things for howto live how to think how to walk
(20:13):
in this life in a way thatloves others, blesses others, um
, to love our enemies.
That that whole um, he, he getstoward the end and he says this
says therefore, everyone whohears these words of mine and
puts them into practice is likea wise man who built his house
(20:34):
on the rock Built his house onthe rock.
We can talk all day on thispodcast about things that we've
done or failed to do at times,but the bottom line is we're not
here just trying to talk toourselves.
Our hope is that you and that wewill put these things into
(20:56):
practice, that I want to be abetter husband, to love my wife
the best I possibly can, andwhoever's listening out there.
We hope that you will put thesethings into practice, even if
you just take one from somethingyou remember today and go you
know what I'm really going towork at this to be able to love
(21:18):
my spouse better.
Kimberly (21:20):
Yeah, love that.
Well.
That wraps up our first episodeof Season four, season four.
Danny Ray (21:27):
Yeah, so marriage metaphors there's going to be
more coming.
Yeah, really excited about thepossibilities that this season
holds.
Please share with your friends,tell them about it, send them a
link and that's it.
Kimberly (21:41):
Yeah, keep doing whatever it takes.
Season four.
Honestly, this is crazy.
Kimberly (00:03):
Yeah, season four, here we go.
Danny Ray (00:06):
We are excited, we are thankful for everybody
tuning in.
It's been, yeah, an incrediblejourney for us personally, but
this season we are excited tojust look at this idea of
marriage metaphors.
Kimberly (00:22):
Yeah, we went back in our archives and looked at the
podcast and what reallyresonated with our listeners.
Danny Ray (00:30):
Our third most listened to podcast is one from
season two, I believe episode 35.
It's empowering marriagesthrough visual metaphors, and so
we thought what if we build awhole season around marriage
metaphors?
Kimberly (00:48):
Which seems appropriate.
Visual metaphors from amagician, you know, yeah, it
does make sense.
Danny Ray (00:55):
So grab a seat, buckle up wherever you are, get
ready, because this season we'regoing to be looking at marriage
metaphors and creating thesevisual things to help you do
whatever it takes to create agreat marriage, and that's what
this podcast is all about ishelping others to just take that
stride.
(01:15):
Take that step, be somebody wholoves their spouse well, gives
grace well, and so we have allsorts of ideas for this season,
but it starts out with thefoundation.
Kimberly (01:29):
Yeah, our marriage, like so many others, is built on
a foundation of shared values,trust, love and our relationship
with the Lord.
Those are our basic foundationsand, just like constructing a
sturdy building or a house,building a strong marriage
(01:50):
requires a solid foundation.
So we want to talk about kindof the building blocks that go
on top of so if you've got yourfoundation poured, your slab is
poured, it's strong and okay,great.
And then we want to put thequote unquote building blocks on
it.
Danny Ray (02:09):
For the record, kim did build quite a few houses
back in the day down in Mexico.
She would go down there andthat foundation even when it was
, you know like you talked aboutit being on hills, sometimes
you know just some unsturdy, butthat foundation becomes
everything to make sure that youhave a sturdy, and so if you
(02:30):
don't have that foundation right, you know everything else can
easily crumble.
Kimberly (02:36):
Yeah, Like a house of cards.
Ooh, ooh, another metaphorwe're just sliding right in
there.
Okay, okay, sorry that onemight come up in there.
Okay, okay, sorry.
Danny Ray (02:45):
That one might come up again.
Okay, but I'm foreshadow,foreshadow, there you go.
Kimberly (02:51):
So yeah, but if we were to build this house, this
metaphoric house, we?
What about the Lego metaphor?
If we're building with Legos?
Can you speak to that?
Danny Ray (03:06):
Yeah, so I talked about this a little bit last
time and that's kind of whatgave us the ideas.
We're like, oh, we've beenusing these ideas of metaphors,
but let me just give you thiswith Legos.
If somebody's given a bunch ofLegos, right, and just said go
ahead and build what that wasdesigned for, without any
picture, without any- Withoutany instructions, no image.
Kimberly (03:29):
I would be terrible.
I would not know what to.
I would build a box, maybe,because that's about all I
could-.
Danny Ray (03:36):
Oh, a box Like a box just like a square of.
Kimberly (03:39):
Legos right and just- .
Danny Ray (03:42):
I'm sure you could get more creative than that,
come on, you know me, probablynot.
Kimberly (03:48):
Probably not.
If there's a flower in there,maybe I'd stick the flower in
the top.
I don't know.
Danny Ray (03:53):
Yeah, but when you have that image and even better
instructions hey, here's stepone, Instructions Right.
Then I can do it.
Yes, I think you could do itanyhow, but that's just me, but
I think of just different versesthat help us to understand the
(04:16):
layout for marriage.
You look at the very beginningof Genesis and it talks about
the two becoming one of Genesis,and it talks about the two
becoming one.
And this idea of oneness, Ithink, is foundational for us in
our marriages that we have um aconnection, a deep connection
(04:39):
with that other person, thatwe're not two separate um people
just doing whatever we want butwe're coming together as as one
and, yes, even though we haveour differences together, we
want to have oneness in what wedo.
Kimberly (04:52):
Well, we came from very, very different backgrounds
and our experiences were very,very different, but we found a
shared vision for our life andfor our marriage.
But it was intentional and itwas is right.
We did get tools in our toolbox, so to speak, to get to have
(05:19):
instructions.
We did go and seek instructionsI guess is how I would put that
.
We got a hold of whatevermarriage instruction manuals we
could get a hold of and said,okay, like this is going to be
what we're going to build, thisis what we're going to work
towards.
Danny Ray (05:38):
Yeah, and so we always want to, you know,
continually go back to thescriptures and see.
You know, what does you know?
Like the verse I shared?
It comes out of Genesis 2.24,just to give you the exact quote
Therefore, a man shall leavehis father and his mother and
hold fast to his wife, and theyshall become one flesh.
Kimberly (06:04):
Hold me fast baby, sorry, did I throw you Leave
your parents.
But that's a little bit of asore subject.
Danny Ray (06:11):
It took a little bit for you to get there.
There you go, leaving yourfather and mother and cleaving
right.
Kimberly (06:17):
Yes, and hold tight to each other, hold tight, hold
fast.
Danny Ray (06:21):
But there is so much wisdom in these verses Hold fast
, but there is, you know, somuch wisdom in these verses In
Ephesians 5, 31 and 32, it talksabout this profound mystery of
Christ's love for the church,but it's mirrored in the oneness
of marriage.
Right Is that?
It's designed to reflect ourmarriages, reflect God's love
(06:42):
for his church.
You know, he's called the bride, you know, and so we have these
interesting metaphors that aregiven in the scriptures for how
Christ looks at the church.
But it's reflective of amarriage and in our marriages we
want to have that oneness, thatconnection.
That that's one of those thingsthat's foundational.
So this is one of the things.
(07:06):
When we look at foundations,what are the things that are
foundational for your marriage?
What are the things where youwant to be strong in set
boundaries up?
make sure that you guys are setup for success and we would say
the foundation is in Christ.
He's the bedrock of everythingthat we do.
(07:27):
We realize not everybodylistening to this podcast is a
follower of Christ but havingthat as the center point, we
never have to depend on theother to go like you have to
supply all of my needs and allof my hopes and all of my dreams
right Is we know that God isthe provider of all things.
Kimberly (07:47):
And we rely on the creator right.
Yeah, relying on him, yeah.
Danny Ray (07:50):
Being dependent on him is a completely different
scenario than putting thatburden onto your spouse.
Kimberly (07:56):
Well, and it only makes sense when we're talking
about a blueprint or instructionmanual.
Wait, you're jumping intoblueprint oh, no, no, no, sorry.
Danny Ray (08:04):
Not yet.
Kimberly (08:04):
Okay, we'll go there in a second right, but the
instruction manual.
Like we said for the Legos, wecan build something way more
incredible with the instructions.
Danny Ray (08:13):
Yeah, yeah.
Kimberly (08:14):
Same thing with why the foundation, why the marriage
in Christ is so important.
Because that's the instructionmanual, right?
He gives us the design and theinstruction.
Danny Ray (08:28):
What would you say in a nutshell are other things
that are foundational for themarriage.
Kimberly (08:37):
Foundational just in general.
I mean, we talked about the ourown.
What we value as a couple is apart of the foundation.
Um, trust is obviously a a hugefoundation yeah um, if, if,
yeah, if you can't trust your,your spouse, then that's an
issue for sure.
Um for sure then then you'vegot nothing right right, but a
(09:02):
broken foundation.
So then you have to rebuildthat and kind of start from the,
the very, very bottom I thinkone of the the key uh
foundations for any marriage.
Danny Ray (09:15):
An easy place to start is just go look and see
what are the vows you made toeach other right.
What are you committing to?
Uh, you know to to have andhold from this day forward for
better okay I can do that forworse for rich, hey, when things
are going well, and businessesare growing and things are
exploding, and they got a newcar, hey, check out the new
(09:38):
house.
But when it's like, oh, we'rebankrupt.
Kimberly (09:41):
No money, we're selling the house.
Danny Ray (09:43):
And you know so for richer, for poorer what about
when we look at sickness and inhealth, right you?
Know, and so all of thosethings that you vowed to each
other become foundational.
Now, the next one metaphor thatyou talked about that has to do
like with kind of laying thisfoundation is you would never
(10:04):
build a house at least not inthis day and age.
Most people want to build ahouse without some sort of
blueprint, right?
Hey, this is the direction thatwe're going in.
Kimberly (10:15):
It's the vision for the final product, right?
What it's going to look like?
Yeah.
Danny Ray (10:19):
And we want to have that in our marriages as well,
as we want to have like, hey,what's the direction?
And I think it's a a goodquestion to ask your spouse is
like, where do you, where do yousee us in a year?
Like, how are we growing in ourfaith?
How are we growing closer toone another?
How are we growingprofessionally?
How are we growing emotionally?
(10:42):
Do you feel more connected tome?
How can we get away more?
How can we create space foreach other more?
All these different things thathelp lay out, like that
blueprint of like, hey, what'snext?
Where do we need to be?
What's the best way to moveforward?
Kimberly (11:00):
Where do we need to be?
What's the best way to moveforward?
Yeah, I'm looking for thatverse, and maybe you know this
one offhand, but it's likewithout vision, the people will
perish right.
Yeah, it's a proverb and I hadit here and I just can't find it
in this moment, of course.
Danny Ray (11:19):
It's Proverbs 29, 18, .
Where there is no vision, thepeople perish.
Kimberly (11:25):
Yeah, and, and I, I'm sure we did not fully
understand that at the beginningof our marriage, but now it
makes so much sense that evenour vision, even our marriage,
needs a vision, needs adirection, or you're just
surviving day to day, right?
(11:45):
Instead of thriving and havinga place to go, a direction for
it, so yeah, and I think thatcould start small.
Danny Ray (11:56):
You know, you don't have to have this 25-page laid
out, you don't have to have this25 page laid out.
It could be hey, this year wewant to do four big dates and,
you know, 10 small dates.
The big dates will do this tobuild our relationship and
(12:19):
strengthen our foundation and tocontinue to move us forward and
on, the smaller dates will justbe connection points on a
weekly, biweekly basis, you know.
I realize everybody's indifferent situations.
On the possibility of dating,we always recommend once a week,
but for some couples we've metwith that's really difficult to
(12:41):
carve out.
That time we always talk about,uh, it doesn't have to be.
You go out like we're fans ofstaycations, we're fans of you
know, even if the kids are um,you can't find a babysitter.
Put a movie on for the kids, goup to the bedroom, make a
picnic and just carve out timeto be with each other.
(13:01):
Sometimes we have to getcreative with those ideas and
not just go well, we don't havetime and use that as the excuse.
Kimberly (13:10):
Absolutely so.
Creating that blueprint allowscouples, allows us to set goals,
make decisions, navigatechallenges with a clear
direction in mind, right so,even when the waves come up, boy
, I feel like everything's ametaphor right now Even when
you're in a storm of life, if wehave a vision, we know that we
(13:33):
can stick to.
Okay this.
We've already I don't know madethe decision that, no matter
how hard things get we're, we'regoing to work to be on the same
page at the end of every singleday.
Danny Ray (13:47):
And another thing we're not going to give up and
right, there's um, when I, whenI think of something like that,
I think of, uh, thatillustration where it talks
about, you know, um, having somepeople move rocks and they're
like, hey, we just need to moverocks over there put them in a
pile, um, and people are, youknow, doing it, but they don't
(14:08):
really care.
But when you give them visionof, saying um, there's a flood
coming tonight.
if we don't build this dam,people in this community um are
going to lose their homes and bedisplaced.
All of a sudden, people have avision and because of that
vision, it changes how they work.
Kimberly (14:29):
Yeah, yeah that there's urgency to it, there's
necessity, there's understandingof the reasoning for it.
Same thing in our marriage.
We need that.
We need to understand that ifwe don't put the time and effort
in, then we're just movingrocks, like you said, from one
side to the other and justsurviving.
Danny Ray (14:50):
Yeah, so the last illustration that we want to use
in terms of like setting thisfoundation is construction.
So marriage is like thisongoing construction project.
Kimberly (15:04):
Yes, I like that.
Danny Ray (15:07):
Continuous effort, and this is the key part team
effort, team effort.
You know, marriage is a teamsport.
It's a team of two workingtogether constantly.
Kimberly (15:21):
Because if you're over there just trying, trying,
trying, and you're working hardon your relationship with God
and you're working hard at workand you're working hard at being
a great dad, but we're notconnecting, we're not doing any
of that together in addition tothen it's not a team, right,
You're just working hard on yourown and I'm working hard on my
(15:43):
own, and then that's not.
Um, it's not the most effectiveplan for a marriage, right?
Yeah, Uh you're going to pushback on that.
I see the wheels turning.
Danny Ray (15:56):
The wheels are turning for other reasons.
So, if, so, if you came to meand you were like I am so
thankful that you washed my car,I'm so thankful you cleaned the
house, I'm so thankful you madedinner, and we could just name
(16:18):
like thing after Thank you forpainting the house, thank you
for working so hard, thank youfor working so hard, thank you
for, you know, bringing homemoney to put food on the table,
to be able to do the things thatwe want to do.
But then you said but do youlove me?
Yeah, I was like.
well, right, if I if.
(16:39):
I do all of these things, butthere's not.
Kimberly (16:42):
You still don't feel love yeah.
Danny Ray (16:45):
It's like you're you're building all the wrong
things for all the wrong reasons.
Kimberly (16:52):
And just moving rocks yeah.
Danny Ray (16:55):
Is is love.
Yeah, is love right Is if we'renot loving each other well, as
the foundation.
And there's this image of atriangle where God's at the top
husband is on the right-handside corner of that triangle and
(17:16):
the wife is on the left-handside.
And the closer you get to Godin that illustration right, the
closer you get to each other.
And I think we could go throughthe motions of doing things for
each other, but foundational toeverything is love, and so I
don't want to miss out on thoseopportunities to love you and
(17:41):
that might include doingsomething for you, but, but at
the yeah, at the heart of itwould be, since we were bringing
up other verses or vows.
Kimberly (17:53):
You know, at a wedding you would be talking
about 1 Corinthians 13, right,which really is our blueprint,
our map for and our instructionson how to love each other.
So if we're going to go there,we have to include that right.
Danny Ray (18:07):
That's the literal manual for how to love Right
where it says love is patient,love is kind, does not envy,
does not boast, does not proud,does not dishonor, it's not
self-seeking.
So it keeps no record of wrongs.
Kimberly (18:22):
So, all these different things, it's the
perfect manual, perfectinstruction, perfect blueprint.
Danny Ray (18:28):
Yeah, check it out.
1 Corinthians 13, love alwaysprotects, always trusts, always
hopes, always perseveres.
Kimberly (18:37):
And then One of our favorite ways of reading that I
just have to interject that is,put your own name in there,
right, and can you really saythat?
Can I say Kimberly is your love, always patient, always kind,
right, and that reads verydifferently and very personally
if you interject your own namein there yeah, and it starts out
(19:00):
kind of to make that point ofdoing all these sayings, but if
you ask me, do you love me?
Danny Ray (19:06):
and I'm like uh, you know, like right right it says
uh, if I speak in the tongues ofmen or of angels, but do not
have love, I'm only a resoundinggong, a clanging cymbal.
Kimberly (19:21):
So annoying noise right.
Danny Ray (19:24):
Um, if we don't have that love for him, we could say,
hey, we go to church, hey, Ihelp out in the nursery, hey, I
do this at church, hey, I giveall this money.
Um, and God says, but do youlove me?
And our answer is well, duh.
And so it applies both in ourrelationship with God as well as
in our relationship with eachother, and that love is
(19:48):
foundational to everything we'regoing to talk about in this
season, and I want to leave usand I'll let you if you have
anything that you want to say toleave us with as well.
But when we talk aboutfoundation, I think of Jesus at
the end of the Sermon on theMount, after he gives all of
these incredible things for howto live how to think how to walk
(20:13):
in this life in a way thatloves others, blesses others, um
, to love our enemies.
That that whole um, he, he getstoward the end and he says this
says therefore, everyone whohears these words of mine and
puts them into practice is likea wise man who built his house
(20:34):
on the rock Built his house onthe rock.
We can talk all day on thispodcast about things that we've
done or failed to do at times,but the bottom line is we're not
here just trying to talk toourselves.
Our hope is that you and that wewill put these things into
(20:56):
practice, that I want to be abetter husband, to love my wife
the best I possibly can, andwhoever's listening out there.
We hope that you will put thesethings into practice, even if
you just take one from somethingyou remember today and go you
know what I'm really going towork at this to be able to love
(21:18):
my spouse better.
Kimberly (21:20):
Yeah, love that.
Well.
That wraps up our first episodeof Season four, season four.
Danny Ray (21:27):
Yeah, so marriage metaphors there's going to be
more coming.
Yeah, really excited about thepossibilities that this season
holds.
Please share with your friends,tell them about it, send them a
link and that's it.
Kimberly (21:41):
Yeah, keep doing whatever it takes.
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