August 28, 2025 • 21 mins
After a season-long pause, Danny and Kimberly return with fresh energy for Season 5 of We Do Whatever It Takes—and they’re bringing something explosive: Grace Grenades. In this kickoff episode, they unpack the idea of grace as an intentional, disruptive, and powerful choice that diffuses resentment and resets the atmosphere in marriage.
With plenty of laughs (including the “pants don’t shrink” story and Danny’s impromptu hit song), heartfelt honesty about family struggles, and a grounding in Scripture (John 1:16, John 8:11), they show how grace is both abundant and transformative when paired with truth.
You’ll hear practical ways to stop destructive patterns, stories of real-life slip-ups, and a challenge to surprise your spouse this week with one unexpected act of grace. Because grace doesn’t change anything until you choose to pull the pin and drop it into your marriage.
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Episode Transcript
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Music (00:00):
Welcome
Danny Ray (00:03):
back to We Do Whatever It Takes.
I say that slowly, dramaticallywith feeling, yes, it has been
a while.
It's
Kimberly (00:14):
been a while.
And I'm so excited to be back,though.
We want to, we have new ideasand thoughts for marriage.
And I'm just so excited toshare that with season five,
right?
Danny Ray (00:26):
Season five.
So this has been a fun projectfor us.
And we've just said all along,you know what, if this isn't
fun, if this isn't where we wantto be, we want to make sure
that we just pause.
And so there were some roughseasons as a family navigating
(00:46):
some things, not necessarily inour marriage personally, but
just family, some health issueswith Kim's mom, some other stuff
going on.
And we just...
Kimberly (01:00):
for you.
That definitely, when you'renot here, I can't really do a
podcast for the two of us.
And then another odd thing isthat I'm sure nobody's ever
thought of.
Do you know that it makes itreally hard to do a marriage
podcast when we're in a fight?
Danny Ray (01:16):
What?
Kimberly (01:17):
Imagine that.
Imagine that.
I really, I know for a factthat happened at least a couple
times that we tried to come outhere to the little studio and
try and get give some advice andfound ourselves probably under
attack and found ourselves justnot able to really talk about
(01:38):
marriage in that moment.
Danny Ray (01:40):
Yeah.
So we, all excuses out there,John, who knows the reality as
we are back.
We're really excited aboutseason five.
And so this is what we're goingto be talking about is Grace
Grenades is going to be like theoverall thing is-
Kimberly (02:00):
Sounds explosive.
Danny Ray (02:01):
It is explosive.
And this specific episode isgoing to be called Pull the Pin
Together.
So this idea of a gracegrenade, it's an intentional act
of love or forgiveness thatblows off the walls on
resentment, diffuses conflict,and just resets the atmosphere.
Kimberly (02:24):
Oh, I just love this idea so much.
We're talking about choosing tothrow grace into your marriage
in a way that's disruptive,surprising, and powerful.
Now, I'm not usually a fan ofthe word disruptive necessarily.
Understandable.
But we're talking about gracenot being quiet or weak, but
(02:49):
we're talking about something,it is explosive and
transformative.
Danny Ray (02:55):
Yeah, it is powerful.
It has to be intentional.
And And it will just take awaythe resentment, the bitterness,
and the pride that can happen.
But here's the thing, is wehave to choose to pull that pin,
right?
The moment we just, you know,we could talk about grace all
(03:15):
day long, but at some point inour marriage, we could be
holding a grenade that has allthe potential in the world to
impact our marriage.
But until we pull that pin anddrop grace into the situations
we find ourselves in, it's notgoing to have the power to
transform our marriage.
Kimberly (03:35):
So it's almost like having...
So maybe an argument isstarting between us, and maybe
we're both holding grenades, andthere's a moment where you have
to decide, am I going to throwthe typical grenade of...
Danny Ray (03:51):
Of pain and destruction and hurt and...
Kimberly (03:54):
Yeah, mean words and really keep
Danny Ray (03:57):
this
Kimberly (03:59):
conflict...
I don't know.
Do we
Danny Ray (04:03):
need
Kimberly (04:12):
to talk about it later?
And boy, I'll bet it willreally kind of take some people
(04:35):
by surprise, right?
If you're expecting, like we'retalking about blowing up a
pattern too.
Yeah,
Danny Ray (04:42):
so it's how we respond, right?
It's easy to get into patternswhere we respond.
Immediately, somebody sayssomething that, well, I'll give
you an example.
Last week, I was at the MagicCastle.
Kimberly (04:56):
Yes, you were performing all
Danny Ray (04:58):
week.
Performing in the parlor ofPrestidigitation.
Say
Kimberly (05:01):
that three times
Danny Ray (05:03):
fast.
Yeah.
It was pretty fantastic.
Loved it.
And I had a brand new suit formy son's
Kimberly (05:09):
wedding.
Oh, no.
We're going to talk about this?
Oh, come on.
It's not my finest moment.
I'm
Danny Ray (05:14):
sorry.
So brand new suit for my son'swedding.
He got married in June.
It's now August.
And so, you know, a couplemonths have passed.
And the first night at theMagic Castle, I'm like, whoo,
these pants are tight.
and so you know i call up kimafter um after the show and i'm
(05:35):
like hey babe these um thesepants are like really tight and
she says
Kimberly (05:41):
wait in all fairness what are you supposed to say to
that but she says
Danny Ray (05:48):
well pants don't shrink
Kimberly (05:55):
oh not the best i was trying so hard to say this kind
thing and it did not come out sogreat
Danny Ray (06:04):
she followed that statement
Kimberly (06:05):
oh no it gets worse
Danny Ray (06:08):
well you know our bodies are changing oh
Kimberly (06:12):
yeah but you thought I was giving you the puberty talk
or something I'm
Danny Ray (06:18):
like our bodies are changing thank you I did not
know that so I found out youknow pants don't shrink I made a
song for her called pants don'tshrink
Kimberly (06:29):
he did it hilarious it should be a top hit out there
Music (06:32):
those pants they scream a different tune pants don't
shrink it's just science and alittle bit still you know our
bodies are changing it's trueBut I love every curve, every
(06:53):
inch of you.
You tug, you stretch, you do alittle hop.
But
Kimberly (07:00):
you digress.
Danny Ray (07:02):
But it would be easy for me to get frustrated in that
situation.
I'm
Kimberly (07:08):
very proud of you.
You didn't.
I think you knew my heart.
My intentions were good.
Danny Ray (07:13):
Yeah, of course.
And I think that's the wholething with Grace, especially
with our spouses.
We're with them 24-7.
We have life together withthem, and they could say
something that you know canhappen out of them being tired
or them being hurt by somethingelse, and it gets taken out on
(07:35):
you.
And to be able to throw graceinto those situations is a game
changer.
Kimberly (07:41):
Yeah.
Yeah, for sure.
So we, of course, want toground this with Scripture.
And John 1, 16 says, From hisfullness, we have all received
grace upon grace.
Danny Ray (07:57):
This scripture, I feel like it's been in my head
for about the last five monthsor so when I started to think
about this idea of gracegrenades.
I was reading this passage andjust this grace upon grace upon
grace upon grace, like it'snever ending.
And so I actually took time tomake a painting that just kind
(08:18):
of came into my brain of like,what if I paint Side note, I
started painting.
That's just a random fact.
In November, so less than ayear, I started painting mainly
watercolors.
But this was my first acrylicpainting.
Maybe I'll throw that.
Yeah, if we can throw a pictureup somehow.
We'll see if we can throw apicture up.
(08:39):
If we can, it'll be in there.
Check it out.
But this is a painting calledGrace Upon Grace.
And the idea is that God justpours out his grace on us every
day.
It's fresh and new.
But one of the opportunitiesthat we have with that grace is
not just to hold on to it, butto give it away.
Kimberly (08:58):
That means God doesn't just give us enough grace to
scrape by.
He's giving it to us out of theoverflow, right?
Yeah.
Danny Ray (09:07):
And so as it overflows, it overflows into the
lives of those around us,especially in the context of our
marriage.
We want to just give grace upongrace to have that grace
grenade that just is explosiveand transcendent.
because we choose to go aboveand beyond.
Kimberly (09:25):
It also makes me think of John 8, 11, when Jesus tells
the woman caught in adultery,neither do I condemn you.
Now go and leave your life ofsin.
Danny Ray (09:35):
Yeah, so it's this both and.
There's grace combined withtruth, which Jesus perfectly
embodies, right?
It's not letting our spouse getaway with uh with abusive
behavior hurtful things that areconstant or even take it out of
(09:58):
there if we went into like thefinancial realm if your spouse
um has amazon packages arrivingtwo to three times a day
Kimberly (10:06):
what are you
Danny Ray (10:06):
saying oh wait that's my spouse uh she uses amazon
like it's
Kimberly (10:14):
the grocery store or the store it is the store
Danny Ray (10:16):
oh my goodness okay so we might need to work this
one out personally but thereality is uh if uh your spouse
is overspending hmm that justjumped no uh right is is not
just uh throwing a grace grenadeinto that and overlooking that
(10:37):
in you know finances now you getinto a place where you can't
pay bills because yeah
Kimberly (10:43):
the truth is that could be an abuse of finances
yeah and
Danny Ray (10:47):
so we don't want to just um give grace in situations
to excuse the behavior.
There's accountability, yetthere's grace.
There's neither do I condemnyou, yet leave your life of sin.
So there's a massive amount ofgrace in Jesus doing that for
this woman, yet he calls her toaction.
(11:09):
And I think in ourrelationship, we want to throw
as much grace into the situationthat we can and have grace as
our default.
But at times, I think we needto back up and go, wait, what
can we do so this doesn't happenagain?
Kimberly (11:28):
Yeah, yeah.
To your point, grace is alwayspaired with truth, right?
So without truth, grace isn'tgrace.
It's chaos.
Right?
If we're just going, well,here's a grace grenade, here's a
grace grenade, and I'm justoverlooking abusive behavior.
That's not what God calls us totolerate What
Danny Ray (11:46):
about in counseling?
Obviously, you're seeing
Kimberly (11:51):
a
Danny Ray (11:57):
lot of different—
Kimberly (12:15):
But, yeah, we talk about that in therapy.
Now I'm starting to use theactual words, grace grenade.
We didn't have that before youcame up with that more recently.
But, yeah, we talk aboutthrowing a different kind of
grenade.
And...
But it's, there's also thatcaveat, though, that it has to
(12:39):
always be with truth.
So grace doesn't mean being adoormat.
It doesn't mean toleratingabuse or destructive patterns.
So I do feel like that needs tobe absolutely clear.
Danny Ray (13:04):
Mm-hmm.
Kimberly (13:34):
It's you always do this or you never listen to me.
Or I can throw the othergrenade, the grace grenade and
go, hey, I'm not feeling heardright now.
I want to, I don't want to bein a fight.
I don't want to startsomething.
Can we pause?
Can we try again?
Can we start over?
Danny Ray (13:53):
Yeah.
Side note on car fights is Ifeel like one of the things that
I had the experience of takingmy mom on a trip.
This was years ago.
And I just told her, Mom, Iwant to make you feel safe
because she had been in a caraccident recently.
So if I'm going too fast, ifI'm too close to other cars,
(14:16):
just let me know.
And when I did that for my momand realized like, oh, wait a
minute, what if I did that foryou?
Others?
Ooh, yes.
And I feel like that became agame changer for car rides is
what would make you feel safe?
What would make you feel best?
Yeah.
Instead of my, you know, Istopped.
(14:38):
I'm fine.
But you don't feel safe, eventhough I stopped in plenty of
time, in my opinion.
Kimberly (14:43):
Yes.
Driving is always about makingthe other person feel safe.
Danny Ray (14:47):
Well, I think it's also a height issue.
I think you're three foot two.
You can't see over the steeringwheel.
So you're like, oh,
Kimberly (14:55):
they're coming.
I might be challenged in thatway.
She's five
Danny Ray (15:02):
foot two and a
Kimberly (15:02):
quarter.
Five foot three.
Five
Danny Ray (15:05):
foot three and a quarter.
Let's recheck that.
Kimberly (15:08):
Stop.
All right.
Moving on.
Moving on.
But it does require safety.
So going back to that, we haveto feel safe in the marriage, in
the relationship, just like inthe car, in the scenario you
were talking about.
So what else?
Do you have like a magicprinciple for us?
No.
Since I'm giving a therapy one?
(15:29):
No.
Danny Ray (15:30):
All right.
Let's talk about, we could talkabout mystery misdirection
right okay when you usemisdirection you're focusing on
the right things at the righttime you have that ability to
create that moment of surpriseyou know where people's
perspective or that what theythink was going to happen
doesn't and now they're likewhoa right
Kimberly (15:50):
that's totally like the grace grenade
Danny Ray (15:52):
they have that magic moment right and that's like a
grace grenade is like they'reyeah
Kimberly (15:57):
you change it it's not what we were expecting
Danny Ray (15:59):
right
Kimberly (16:01):
oh
Danny Ray (16:01):
yeah and that's that's a huge part is like
flipping that Instead of doingthe same script, the same
scenario every time is like, howcan I flip that in and add a
grace grenade instead of all theother things that we could do
to hurt
Kimberly (16:17):
the marriage?
It doesn't actually do anythingon its own.
Danny Ray (17:05):
into your daily conversations, breakfast,
hanging out with each other atnight, making a phone call,
whatever the points ofconnection are, if you imagine
that you have this grace grenadein your hand, like ready, no
matter what she does, no matterwhat he does, I have the power
(17:25):
to bring grace into thissituation, that's going to be a
game changer.
So if they say something thatoffends, hurts, disappoints,
takes the wind out of your sail.
Is that the right expression?
Yeah, you got it.
Wow.
Music (17:39):
I know.
Danny Ray (17:41):
All right.
Impressive.
Is you're holding that gracegrenade to go, you know what?
I could give grace no matterwhat happens.
I'm ready with this.
And I think that becomes thegame changer in not just holding
that, but like ready to pullthe pin if there's something
that hurts you for whateverreason.
Kimberly (18:02):
Yeah.
I like that kind of visual forthose of us who are visual and
can do this but picturing thethose two grenades and I'm not
going to react with anger rightif I'm going to I might feel
hurt but it's a choice if I'mgoing to react out of anger and
we'll talk about that in anotheranother podcast about how anger
(18:25):
we can break that cyclespecifically but one pin or one
grenade is basically labeledanger and and I could definitely
throw that or I can stand thereand pull the pin on grace and
try the approach differently.
Yeah,
Danny Ray (18:45):
grace only changes things if you choose to pull
that pin and release it intoyour marriage, into that
conversation, into that moment.
Kimberly (18:53):
Yeah, dropping it into the argument, drop it into the
cold silence, drop it into thatmoment when you feel distant and
don't even want to reach out,right?
All those things that, boy,that would changed so many
conversations for people.
So, um, the, the climate, theatmosphere of the, the marriage,
if, if we can just drop thosegrace.
Danny Ray (19:15):
So here's, here's my challenge.
Kimberly (19:20):
Oh, he loves to give a challenge.
Danny Ray (19:22):
Yes.
Surprise your spouse with oneunexpected act of grace.
Like be thinking aboutopportunities every day.
There's opportunities to getgrace.
Uh, Don't announce it.
Just pull the pin, drop it,bring forgiveness, show
affection, give a back rub, afoot rub.
(19:46):
I know you love a foot rub,right?
It's just going, you know what?
It's been a long day or hey,you said this, but instead of
responding in a hurtful way, I'dlike to massage your feet.
I'd like to show you love.
I'd like to remind you that nomatter what you do, you say,
what you do.
It's never going to separateus.
(20:07):
We're going to stay on the samepage.
We're going to make it throughthis.
I want to hear you and know youand love you for who you are
and where you are right now.
Love that.
Kimberly (20:18):
It will change your marriage.
So that is your weekly orthat's your this week's
challenge, right?
For a grace grenade.
And then tell us how it goes.
We'd love to hear the stories.
So yeah, let us know.
Well,
Danny Ray (20:34):
that is it this is um danny ray
Kimberly (20:37):
and kimberly
Danny Ray (20:38):
with we do
Kimberly (20:39):
whatever it takes
Welcome
Danny Ray (00:03):
back to We Do Whatever It Takes.
I say that slowly, dramaticallywith feeling, yes, it has been
a while.
It's
Kimberly (00:14):
been a while.
And I'm so excited to be back,though.
We want to, we have new ideasand thoughts for marriage.
And I'm just so excited toshare that with season five,
right?
Danny Ray (00:26):
Season five.
So this has been a fun projectfor us.
And we've just said all along,you know what, if this isn't
fun, if this isn't where we wantto be, we want to make sure
that we just pause.
And so there were some roughseasons as a family navigating
(00:46):
some things, not necessarily inour marriage personally, but
just family, some health issueswith Kim's mom, some other stuff
going on.
And we just...
Kimberly (01:00):
for you.
That definitely, when you'renot here, I can't really do a
podcast for the two of us.
And then another odd thing isthat I'm sure nobody's ever
thought of.
Do you know that it makes itreally hard to do a marriage
podcast when we're in a fight?
Danny Ray (01:16):
What?
Kimberly (01:17):
Imagine that.
Imagine that.
I really, I know for a factthat happened at least a couple
times that we tried to come outhere to the little studio and
try and get give some advice andfound ourselves probably under
attack and found ourselves justnot able to really talk about
(01:38):
marriage in that moment.
Danny Ray (01:40):
Yeah.
So we, all excuses out there,John, who knows the reality as
we are back.
We're really excited aboutseason five.
And so this is what we're goingto be talking about is Grace
Grenades is going to be like theoverall thing is-
Kimberly (02:00):
Sounds explosive.
Danny Ray (02:01):
It is explosive.
And this specific episode isgoing to be called Pull the Pin
Together.
So this idea of a gracegrenade, it's an intentional act
of love or forgiveness thatblows off the walls on
resentment, diffuses conflict,and just resets the atmosphere.
Kimberly (02:24):
Oh, I just love this idea so much.
We're talking about choosing tothrow grace into your marriage
in a way that's disruptive,surprising, and powerful.
Now, I'm not usually a fan ofthe word disruptive necessarily.
Understandable.
But we're talking about gracenot being quiet or weak, but
(02:49):
we're talking about something,it is explosive and
transformative.
Danny Ray (02:55):
Yeah, it is powerful.
It has to be intentional.
And And it will just take awaythe resentment, the bitterness,
and the pride that can happen.
But here's the thing, is wehave to choose to pull that pin,
right?
The moment we just, you know,we could talk about grace all
(03:15):
day long, but at some point inour marriage, we could be
holding a grenade that has allthe potential in the world to
impact our marriage.
But until we pull that pin anddrop grace into the situations
we find ourselves in, it's notgoing to have the power to
transform our marriage.
Kimberly (03:35):
So it's almost like having...
So maybe an argument isstarting between us, and maybe
we're both holding grenades, andthere's a moment where you have
to decide, am I going to throwthe typical grenade of...
Danny Ray (03:51):
Of pain and destruction and hurt and...
Kimberly (03:54):
Yeah, mean words and really keep
Danny Ray (03:57):
this
Kimberly (03:59):
conflict...
I don't know.
Do we
Danny Ray (04:03):
need
Kimberly (04:12):
to talk about it later?
And boy, I'll bet it willreally kind of take some people
(04:35):
by surprise, right?
If you're expecting, like we'retalking about blowing up a
pattern too.
Yeah,
Danny Ray (04:42):
so it's how we respond, right?
It's easy to get into patternswhere we respond.
Immediately, somebody sayssomething that, well, I'll give
you an example.
Last week, I was at the MagicCastle.
Kimberly (04:56):
Yes, you were performing all
Danny Ray (04:58):
week.
Performing in the parlor ofPrestidigitation.
Say
Kimberly (05:01):
that three times
Danny Ray (05:03):
fast.
Yeah.
It was pretty fantastic.
Loved it.
And I had a brand new suit formy son's
Kimberly (05:09):
wedding.
Oh, no.
We're going to talk about this?
Oh, come on.
It's not my finest moment.
I'm
Danny Ray (05:14):
sorry.
So brand new suit for my son'swedding.
He got married in June.
It's now August.
And so, you know, a couplemonths have passed.
And the first night at theMagic Castle, I'm like, whoo,
these pants are tight.
and so you know i call up kimafter um after the show and i'm
(05:35):
like hey babe these um thesepants are like really tight and
she says
Kimberly (05:41):
wait in all fairness what are you supposed to say to
that but she says
Danny Ray (05:48):
well pants don't shrink
Kimberly (05:55):
oh not the best i was trying so hard to say this kind
thing and it did not come out sogreat
Danny Ray (06:04):
she followed that statement
Kimberly (06:05):
oh no it gets worse
Danny Ray (06:08):
well you know our bodies are changing oh
Kimberly (06:12):
yeah but you thought I was giving you the puberty talk
or something I'm
Danny Ray (06:18):
like our bodies are changing thank you I did not
know that so I found out youknow pants don't shrink I made a
song for her called pants don'tshrink
Kimberly (06:29):
he did it hilarious it should be a top hit out there
Music (06:32):
those pants they scream a different tune pants don't
shrink it's just science and alittle bit still you know our
bodies are changing it's trueBut I love every curve, every
(06:53):
inch of you.
You tug, you stretch, you do alittle hop.
But
Kimberly (07:00):
you digress.
Danny Ray (07:02):
But it would be easy for me to get frustrated in that
situation.
I'm
Kimberly (07:08):
very proud of you.
You didn't.
I think you knew my heart.
My intentions were good.
Danny Ray (07:13):
Yeah, of course.
And I think that's the wholething with Grace, especially
with our spouses.
We're with them 24-7.
We have life together withthem, and they could say
something that you know canhappen out of them being tired
or them being hurt by somethingelse, and it gets taken out on
(07:35):
you.
And to be able to throw graceinto those situations is a game
changer.
Kimberly (07:41):
Yeah.
Yeah, for sure.
So we, of course, want toground this with Scripture.
And John 1, 16 says, From hisfullness, we have all received
grace upon grace.
Danny Ray (07:57):
This scripture, I feel like it's been in my head
for about the last five monthsor so when I started to think
about this idea of gracegrenades.
I was reading this passage andjust this grace upon grace upon
grace upon grace, like it'snever ending.
And so I actually took time tomake a painting that just kind
(08:18):
of came into my brain of like,what if I paint Side note, I
started painting.
That's just a random fact.
In November, so less than ayear, I started painting mainly
watercolors.
But this was my first acrylicpainting.
Maybe I'll throw that.
Yeah, if we can throw a pictureup somehow.
We'll see if we can throw apicture up.
(08:39):
If we can, it'll be in there.
Check it out.
But this is a painting calledGrace Upon Grace.
And the idea is that God justpours out his grace on us every
day.
It's fresh and new.
But one of the opportunitiesthat we have with that grace is
not just to hold on to it, butto give it away.
Kimberly (08:58):
That means God doesn't just give us enough grace to
scrape by.
He's giving it to us out of theoverflow, right?
Yeah.
Danny Ray (09:07):
And so as it overflows, it overflows into the
lives of those around us,especially in the context of our
marriage.
We want to just give grace upongrace to have that grace
grenade that just is explosiveand transcendent.
because we choose to go aboveand beyond.
Kimberly (09:25):
It also makes me think of John 8, 11, when Jesus tells
the woman caught in adultery,neither do I condemn you.
Now go and leave your life ofsin.
Danny Ray (09:35):
Yeah, so it's this both and.
There's grace combined withtruth, which Jesus perfectly
embodies, right?
It's not letting our spouse getaway with uh with abusive
behavior hurtful things that areconstant or even take it out of
(09:58):
there if we went into like thefinancial realm if your spouse
um has amazon packages arrivingtwo to three times a day
Kimberly (10:06):
what are you
Danny Ray (10:06):
saying oh wait that's my spouse uh she uses amazon
like it's
Kimberly (10:14):
the grocery store or the store it is the store
Danny Ray (10:16):
oh my goodness okay so we might need to work this
one out personally but thereality is uh if uh your spouse
is overspending hmm that justjumped no uh right is is not
just uh throwing a grace grenadeinto that and overlooking that
(10:37):
in you know finances now you getinto a place where you can't
pay bills because yeah
Kimberly (10:43):
the truth is that could be an abuse of finances
yeah and
Danny Ray (10:47):
so we don't want to just um give grace in situations
to excuse the behavior.
There's accountability, yetthere's grace.
There's neither do I condemnyou, yet leave your life of sin.
So there's a massive amount ofgrace in Jesus doing that for
this woman, yet he calls her toaction.
(11:09):
And I think in ourrelationship, we want to throw
as much grace into the situationthat we can and have grace as
our default.
But at times, I think we needto back up and go, wait, what
can we do so this doesn't happenagain?
Kimberly (11:28):
Yeah, yeah.
To your point, grace is alwayspaired with truth, right?
So without truth, grace isn'tgrace.
It's chaos.
Right?
If we're just going, well,here's a grace grenade, here's a
grace grenade, and I'm justoverlooking abusive behavior.
That's not what God calls us totolerate What
Danny Ray (11:46):
about in counseling?
Obviously, you're seeing
Kimberly (11:51):
a
Danny Ray (11:57):
lot of different—
Kimberly (12:15):
But, yeah, we talk about that in therapy.
Now I'm starting to use theactual words, grace grenade.
We didn't have that before youcame up with that more recently.
But, yeah, we talk aboutthrowing a different kind of
grenade.
And...
But it's, there's also thatcaveat, though, that it has to
(12:39):
always be with truth.
So grace doesn't mean being adoormat.
It doesn't mean toleratingabuse or destructive patterns.
So I do feel like that needs tobe absolutely clear.
Danny Ray (13:04):
Mm-hmm.
Kimberly (13:34):
It's you always do this or you never listen to me.
Or I can throw the othergrenade, the grace grenade and
go, hey, I'm not feeling heardright now.
I want to, I don't want to bein a fight.
I don't want to startsomething.
Can we pause?
Can we try again?
Can we start over?
Danny Ray (13:53):
Yeah.
Side note on car fights is Ifeel like one of the things that
I had the experience of takingmy mom on a trip.
This was years ago.
And I just told her, Mom, Iwant to make you feel safe
because she had been in a caraccident recently.
So if I'm going too fast, ifI'm too close to other cars,
(14:16):
just let me know.
And when I did that for my momand realized like, oh, wait a
minute, what if I did that foryou?
Others?
Ooh, yes.
And I feel like that became agame changer for car rides is
what would make you feel safe?
What would make you feel best?
Yeah.
Instead of my, you know, Istopped.
(14:38):
I'm fine.
But you don't feel safe, eventhough I stopped in plenty of
time, in my opinion.
Kimberly (14:43):
Yes.
Driving is always about makingthe other person feel safe.
Danny Ray (14:47):
Well, I think it's also a height issue.
I think you're three foot two.
You can't see over the steeringwheel.
So you're like, oh,
Kimberly (14:55):
they're coming.
I might be challenged in thatway.
She's five
Danny Ray (15:02):
foot two and a
Kimberly (15:02):
quarter.
Five foot three.
Five
Danny Ray (15:05):
foot three and a quarter.
Let's recheck that.
Kimberly (15:08):
Stop.
All right.
Moving on.
Moving on.
But it does require safety.
So going back to that, we haveto feel safe in the marriage, in
the relationship, just like inthe car, in the scenario you
were talking about.
So what else?
Do you have like a magicprinciple for us?
No.
Since I'm giving a therapy one?
(15:29):
No.
Danny Ray (15:30):
All right.
Let's talk about, we could talkabout mystery misdirection
right okay when you usemisdirection you're focusing on
the right things at the righttime you have that ability to
create that moment of surpriseyou know where people's
perspective or that what theythink was going to happen
doesn't and now they're likewhoa right
Kimberly (15:50):
that's totally like the grace grenade
Danny Ray (15:52):
they have that magic moment right and that's like a
grace grenade is like they'reyeah
Kimberly (15:57):
you change it it's not what we were expecting
Danny Ray (15:59):
right
Kimberly (16:01):
oh
Danny Ray (16:01):
yeah and that's that's a huge part is like
flipping that Instead of doingthe same script, the same
scenario every time is like, howcan I flip that in and add a
grace grenade instead of all theother things that we could do
to hurt
Kimberly (16:17):
the marriage?
It doesn't actually do anythingon its own.
Danny Ray (17:05):
into your daily conversations, breakfast,
hanging out with each other atnight, making a phone call,
whatever the points ofconnection are, if you imagine
that you have this grace grenadein your hand, like ready, no
matter what she does, no matterwhat he does, I have the power
(17:25):
to bring grace into thissituation, that's going to be a
game changer.
So if they say something thatoffends, hurts, disappoints,
takes the wind out of your sail.
Is that the right expression?
Yeah, you got it.
Wow.
Music (17:39):
I know.
Danny Ray (17:41):
All right.
Impressive.
Is you're holding that gracegrenade to go, you know what?
I could give grace no matterwhat happens.
I'm ready with this.
And I think that becomes thegame changer in not just holding
that, but like ready to pullthe pin if there's something
that hurts you for whateverreason.
Kimberly (18:02):
Yeah.
I like that kind of visual forthose of us who are visual and
can do this but picturing thethose two grenades and I'm not
going to react with anger rightif I'm going to I might feel
hurt but it's a choice if I'mgoing to react out of anger and
we'll talk about that in anotheranother podcast about how anger
(18:25):
we can break that cyclespecifically but one pin or one
grenade is basically labeledanger and and I could definitely
throw that or I can stand thereand pull the pin on grace and
try the approach differently.
Yeah,
Danny Ray (18:45):
grace only changes things if you choose to pull
that pin and release it intoyour marriage, into that
conversation, into that moment.
Kimberly (18:53):
Yeah, dropping it into the argument, drop it into the
cold silence, drop it into thatmoment when you feel distant and
don't even want to reach out,right?
All those things that, boy,that would changed so many
conversations for people.
So, um, the, the climate, theatmosphere of the, the marriage,
if, if we can just drop thosegrace.
Danny Ray (19:15):
So here's, here's my challenge.
Kimberly (19:20):
Oh, he loves to give a challenge.
Danny Ray (19:22):
Yes.
Surprise your spouse with oneunexpected act of grace.
Like be thinking aboutopportunities every day.
There's opportunities to getgrace.
Uh, Don't announce it.
Just pull the pin, drop it,bring forgiveness, show
affection, give a back rub, afoot rub.
(19:46):
I know you love a foot rub,right?
It's just going, you know what?
It's been a long day or hey,you said this, but instead of
responding in a hurtful way, I'dlike to massage your feet.
I'd like to show you love.
I'd like to remind you that nomatter what you do, you say,
what you do.
It's never going to separateus.
(20:07):
We're going to stay on the samepage.
We're going to make it throughthis.
I want to hear you and know youand love you for who you are
and where you are right now.
Love that.
Kimberly (20:18):
It will change your marriage.
So that is your weekly orthat's your this week's
challenge, right?
For a grace grenade.
And then tell us how it goes.
We'd love to hear the stories.
So yeah, let us know.
Well,
Danny Ray (20:34):
that is it this is um danny ray
Kimberly (20:37):
and kimberly
Danny Ray (20:38):
with we do
Kimberly (20:39):
whatever it takes
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