September 4, 2025 • 16 mins
In this episode of We Do Whatever It Takes, Danny Ray and Kimberly dive into the power of Grace Grenades—intentional acts of love and forgiveness that defuse conflict and reset the atmosphere in your marriage.
Theme: You can choose to escalate a fight or disarm it. Grace doesn’t fuel the fire—it smothers it.
Scripture: Proverbs 15:1 — “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”
Counseling Insight: How small sparks can turn into wildfires—and how choosing grace instead can stop battles before they begin.
Magic Connection: Just like in magic, tension builds toward an explosion… but grace makes the fight vanish instead.
Challenge: The next time a fight is brewing, stop and drop grace. Practice responding with words that bring closeness instead of criticism.
This week, discover how grace disarms conflict and creates intimacy—turning your marriage into a place of peace rather than battle.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Danny (00:00):
Welcome back to We Do Whatever It Takes.
My name's Danny Ray.
I'm a pastor, magician, andhusband, friend, I don't know,
something like that.
Father.
We've been married for 29years, and just thankful to be
able to do this podcast, and wehope that it encourages you and
(00:20):
helps you to become who God'sdesigned you to be in your
relationships.
Kimberly (00:26):
And not that we are experts at all, and definitely
not a perfect marriage here butwe feel like we've learned a lot
along the way and uh oh by theway i'm kimberly now i feel like
i'm at an aa meeting
Danny (00:43):
tell me about your aa meetings
Kimberly (00:46):
and i am yeah mother wife and also an associate
marriage and family therapistand i love doing what i do and
get to meet with individuals butalso couples and uh help with
marriages So last week weintroduced the idea of grace
grenades.
Boom.
Boom.
(01:06):
A grace grenade is anintentional act of love or
forgiveness that blows up wallsof resentment, diffuses
conflict, and resets theatmosphere.
Danny (01:20):
I like the way you emphasize
Kimberly (01:21):
diffuses.
I love it.
It just is.
Yeah, I'm just loving thisidea.
Danny (01:26):
So today we're going to be talking about with grace
grenades, can you take a fightand you could either detonate it
or you could disarm it.
Kimberly (01:36):
Ooh.
So it's kind of, we talked lasttime about having, almost
having two grenades, right?
One that we could, if wedetonate it and we throw that
out there, we could keep thefight going like we normally do.
But
Danny (01:50):
you're saying we normally keep fights going?
Do we have a fight going onright now?
Kimberly (01:53):
I'm saying the royal we.
We in general, everybody we.
It's a pattern we Right.
But this idea that we'reintroducing now is this concept
that you can disarm thatgrenade.
You do not have to throw it andkeep the fight going or blow
the fight up.
You can disarm that fight andthrow a grenade full of grace,
(02:18):
if you will.
Danny (02:18):
Yeah.
So that brings love, kindness,hope, grace into any argument or
any situation or any struggleyou're in.
There's always the opportunity.
to throw grace.
There's a proverb that says...
Kimberly (02:34):
Proverbs 51.1.
15.1.
Oh my goodness.
15.1.
Thank you for that.
A gentle answer turns awaywrath, but a harsh word stirs up
anger.
Boy, I should just have knownProverbs 15.1.
This is such a good one.
People are like,
Danny (02:52):
there's extra
Kimberly (02:53):
Proverbs?
Yeah, yeah.
I wrote more.
No, no, no, no.
That'd be terrible.
But this is one of those versesthat plays out in marriage
every single day.
For sure.
When tensions rise, we eitherlight the fuse or...
We
Danny (03:07):
could drop that grace grenade that just snuffs it out
that brings hope and grace andlove into that situation.
Kimberly (03:15):
Because grace grenades don't fuel the fire, they
smother it.
Danny (03:18):
Love it.
So can you give us a counselingexample?
When you're in the office,people are often stuck or
dealing with really heatedsituations.
Can And you talk about what youdo in those situations to
diffuse or to help them to addgrace to that situation.
Kimberly (03:37):
Sure.
In counseling, I see coupleswho let that spark turn into a
wildfire, if you will.
So somebody says something andthe other person goes, ouch.
And instead of saying ouch,they just kind of light that or
maybe they pull the pin on theirgrenade and they just throw it
right back.
(03:58):
Not
Danny (03:59):
a grace grenade.
Kimberly (03:59):
No.
not a grace grenade, a grenadeof fire.
I don't know.
Danny (04:04):
Yeah.
And in those situations, itbecomes impossible to step back.
It's like you've already fueledthe fire.
You launched it.
So you feel like, oh, I need towin.
And we've said this before, butif one of you wins a fight, you
both lose.
The idea is like there's 100%that you're both putting into
(04:25):
this relationship.
And when you're not doing that,it's going to hinder Yeah,
yeah.
Kimberly (04:32):
A sharp word, a defensive response.
Those are the things that aregoing to get us on the
battlefield, if you will, right?
That we're going to just, all
Danny (04:47):
right, this fight is on, and we're going to both arm
ourselves.
I was hurt by this situation,but I want to bring grace into
it.
Kimberly (05:29):
Disarm the conflict and say, actually, I don't want
to fight with you.
I think I'm just missing you.
Or I think that I, you know,that there's something
underneath this.
Danny (05:41):
Yeah, we've talked about all kinds of things that lead to
those arguments.
But one of those is ourexpectation.
Hypothetically, not that thishas ever happened.
Hypothetically, Kimberly says,I'll be home at 615.
620 rolls around.
No.
No, you know, text, no phonecalls, 630 rolls around.
(06:09):
i have the opportunity when shecalls hypothetically at seven
(06:34):
o'clock and says hey i blew it iforgot is i could respond with
like you always right whichisn't going to go well or you
know what uh you give me so muchgrace i just want to give you
grace and let's let's move onlet's have um fun i will um heat
up dinner when you get home youknow whatever that is to
diffuse that situation
Kimberly (06:54):
yeah and that has actually happened so i will
confess that um But yeah, andhow about, so I give a
counseling.
What about a magic principleconnection?
Anything that's...
Danny (07:08):
I think when you look at any type of magic, right,
there's always a moment oftension that you're building to.
You're trying to create thattension that brings either
laughter because you've createdthe right tension or could
create for a great magic moment.
But you have to...
(07:28):
You have to look at what's the,it's kind of like a music
instrument, if you will, with notension on guitar strings.
Oh, that's a good, yeah.
You can't make music.
And so there's a certain amountof tension that's healthy in
our relationships.
You know, like it's to talkabout our differences in
(07:49):
finances that might not be justa conversation that has no
tension to it, but it doesn'thave to be my way or the high
Yeah,
Kimberly (08:01):
yeah.
fixing a shelf something likethat it doesn't matter it's
(08:34):
still how do we approach thathow do we do we want to make it
a big conflict or is it anopportunity to connect and try
and make the best of somethingwhere there is tension
Danny (08:46):
one of the things we say that way is if we we go you know
what I want to give grace inthis situation but what might be
better is to explain and thisis giving grace is well by
instead of blowing up is isexplaining like hey this is
important to me and that's oneof the the that's a key phrase
(09:08):
for us yeah we use is if it'simportant we say it this is
important to me and try toexplain why so like the the one
with um time for for me growingup we were late going to
everything as an adult
Kimberly (09:23):
hang on real quick a little late or what kind of late
okay just checking
Danny (09:28):
yeah my my My family still, you know, we call it
Farley time, which is my mom'smaiden name, right?
So that time is what it is.
But as part of ourrelationship, something that's
important to me is that we arein control of being on time.
Because
Kimberly (09:49):
as a kid, you weren't.
Danny (09:50):
You didn't have any control over that.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's like the layerunderneath to go.
Why does this bother me?
This is what's important.
Yeah, which is amazing when youcan do that.
It does
Kimberly (10:19):
help
Danny (10:22):
us to connect when we're honest with each other and when
we're vulnerable with eachother.
And that is a way of givinggrace to each other
Kimberly (10:31):
yeah because then I feel like I know you deeper when
you say something like that andexpress that then it's not just
about you maybe even feel myfeeling could have been that
you're trying to control me youwant me to be on time it has to
be on your schedule blah blahblah right all those kinds of
thoughts but when you share itwhat's underneath and what's
(10:53):
happened you know in childhoodthen I go oh well I don't want
to make you feel that way
Danny (10:59):
Yeah.
And, and.
Kimberly (11:29):
the reality is is that it takes more strength to to do
that to be vulnerable but alsoto be the one that drops grace
rather than dropping the insultsor the the anger the hurt right
it's not weakness it's actuallythe strongest move in the room
to share your thoughts andfeelings or to to drop that
(11:54):
grace grenade
Danny (11:55):
yeah it is it's part of what we want you to experience
is grace changes the outcome ofeverything.
It'll change the way youinteract with coworkers, with
family, with kids, witheverybody.
We talked about this last week,is if you imagine you're
(12:15):
holding a grace grenade as youenter into different
conversations and you think, howcould I add love, grace, hope
into this situation instead ofjust responding and reacting and
in ways that might be out ofcharacter for you or not as
(12:37):
thoughtful and kind as showingsomebody grace.
Kimberly (12:42):
And the reality is that when we practice this
often, like as we get better atdropping grace grenades, then
our marriage becomes a place ofpeace instead of constant
battle, or it feels like aconstant battle sometimes.
Danny (12:55):
And that peace, the intimacy we talked about Those
all lead to a thriving marriageand a marriage that is
consistently in step with whoGod is and Him pouring out that
grace, that grace upon grace wetalked about.
And then we're able to do that,and we're not doing what
(13:16):
Proverbs says of just respondingin anger, but we're giving a
gentle answer, and that turnsaway wrath.
Turns away wrath, yeah.
And it's the harsh words thatwe use that stir up that anger.
Speaker 02 (13:29):
Ooh.
Kimberly (13:29):
For sure.
So are you ready to give ourgrace grenade challenge?
Danny
Danny (13:34):
loves a challenge.
The next time you feel like afight is brewing or maybe you're
in the middle of it, stop andthink about where can I add
grace to this situation?
Kimberly (13:50):
Come on.
It kind of reminds me, I don'tknow about anybody else
listening, but we were alwaystaught stop, drop and roll.
It kind of makes me think, stopand And yeah,
Danny (14:07):
stop and drop grace.
It changes the outcome and ithelps you to learn.
(14:33):
Side note on all this is themore you do it, the better
you're going to get at it.
Kimberly (14:38):
True.
It takes practice just like
Danny (14:40):
anything else.
Give it a shot with somethingsmall and then you'll have the
ability to do that with biggerand bigger things.
Kimberly (14:48):
Yeah.
So it's your challenge isremembering this week that you
have a choice.
We can't control the otherperson.
I can't, you know, I can hopethat you're going to drop some
graces on me but that doesn'tthat's not a guarantee I'll be
dropping grace on you well we'vehad a lot of practice but not
everybody does right so ifeverybody is is starting out at
(15:10):
this and we want grace to um ah
Danny (15:16):
To help them move forward, to help them change
their marriage, to help themlive out who they're designed to
be.
Yep.
Kimberly (15:25):
So you just have to start with that one thing and
start with yourself, right?
I can't control you.
I have to control me and go,okay, I have a choice right now
to drop Grace or not.
Danny (15:36):
Well, that is episode two of We Do Whatever It Takes.
Welcome back to We Do Whatever It Takes.
My name's Danny Ray.
I'm a pastor, magician, andhusband, friend, I don't know,
something like that.
Father.
We've been married for 29years, and just thankful to be
able to do this podcast, and wehope that it encourages you and
(00:20):
helps you to become who God'sdesigned you to be in your
relationships.
Kimberly (00:26):
And not that we are experts at all, and definitely
not a perfect marriage here butwe feel like we've learned a lot
along the way and uh oh by theway i'm kimberly now i feel like
i'm at an aa meeting
Danny (00:43):
tell me about your aa meetings
Kimberly (00:46):
and i am yeah mother wife and also an associate
marriage and family therapistand i love doing what i do and
get to meet with individuals butalso couples and uh help with
marriages So last week weintroduced the idea of grace
grenades.
Boom.
Boom.
(01:06):
A grace grenade is anintentional act of love or
forgiveness that blows up wallsof resentment, diffuses
conflict, and resets theatmosphere.
Danny (01:20):
I like the way you emphasize
Kimberly (01:21):
diffuses.
I love it.
It just is.
Yeah, I'm just loving thisidea.
Danny (01:26):
So today we're going to be talking about with grace
grenades, can you take a fightand you could either detonate it
or you could disarm it.
Kimberly (01:36):
Ooh.
So it's kind of, we talked lasttime about having, almost
having two grenades, right?
One that we could, if wedetonate it and we throw that
out there, we could keep thefight going like we normally do.
But
Danny (01:50):
you're saying we normally keep fights going?
Do we have a fight going onright now?
Kimberly (01:53):
I'm saying the royal we.
We in general, everybody we.
It's a pattern we Right.
But this idea that we'reintroducing now is this concept
that you can disarm thatgrenade.
You do not have to throw it andkeep the fight going or blow
the fight up.
You can disarm that fight andthrow a grenade full of grace,
(02:18):
if you will.
Danny (02:18):
Yeah.
So that brings love, kindness,hope, grace into any argument or
any situation or any struggleyou're in.
There's always the opportunity.
to throw grace.
There's a proverb that says...
Kimberly (02:34):
Proverbs 51.1.
15.1.
Oh my goodness.
15.1.
Thank you for that.
A gentle answer turns awaywrath, but a harsh word stirs up
anger.
Boy, I should just have knownProverbs 15.1.
This is such a good one.
People are like,
Danny (02:52):
there's extra
Kimberly (02:53):
Proverbs?
Yeah, yeah.
I wrote more.
No, no, no, no.
That'd be terrible.
But this is one of those versesthat plays out in marriage
every single day.
For sure.
When tensions rise, we eitherlight the fuse or...
We
Danny (03:07):
could drop that grace grenade that just snuffs it out
that brings hope and grace andlove into that situation.
Kimberly (03:15):
Because grace grenades don't fuel the fire, they
smother it.
Danny (03:18):
Love it.
So can you give us a counselingexample?
When you're in the office,people are often stuck or
dealing with really heatedsituations.
Can And you talk about what youdo in those situations to
diffuse or to help them to addgrace to that situation.
Kimberly (03:37):
Sure.
In counseling, I see coupleswho let that spark turn into a
wildfire, if you will.
So somebody says something andthe other person goes, ouch.
And instead of saying ouch,they just kind of light that or
maybe they pull the pin on theirgrenade and they just throw it
right back.
(03:58):
Not
Danny (03:59):
a grace grenade.
Kimberly (03:59):
No.
not a grace grenade, a grenadeof fire.
I don't know.
Danny (04:04):
Yeah.
And in those situations, itbecomes impossible to step back.
It's like you've already fueledthe fire.
You launched it.
So you feel like, oh, I need towin.
And we've said this before, butif one of you wins a fight, you
both lose.
The idea is like there's 100%that you're both putting into
(04:25):
this relationship.
And when you're not doing that,it's going to hinder Yeah,
yeah.
Kimberly (04:32):
A sharp word, a defensive response.
Those are the things that aregoing to get us on the
battlefield, if you will, right?
That we're going to just, all
Danny (04:47):
right, this fight is on, and we're going to both arm
ourselves.
I was hurt by this situation,but I want to bring grace into
it.
Kimberly (05:29):
Disarm the conflict and say, actually, I don't want
to fight with you.
I think I'm just missing you.
Or I think that I, you know,that there's something
underneath this.
Danny (05:41):
Yeah, we've talked about all kinds of things that lead to
those arguments.
But one of those is ourexpectation.
Hypothetically, not that thishas ever happened.
Hypothetically, Kimberly says,I'll be home at 615.
620 rolls around.
No.
No, you know, text, no phonecalls, 630 rolls around.
(06:09):
i have the opportunity when shecalls hypothetically at seven
(06:34):
o'clock and says hey i blew it iforgot is i could respond with
like you always right whichisn't going to go well or you
know what uh you give me so muchgrace i just want to give you
grace and let's let's move onlet's have um fun i will um heat
up dinner when you get home youknow whatever that is to
diffuse that situation
Kimberly (06:54):
yeah and that has actually happened so i will
confess that um But yeah, andhow about, so I give a
counseling.
What about a magic principleconnection?
Anything that's...
Danny (07:08):
I think when you look at any type of magic, right,
there's always a moment oftension that you're building to.
You're trying to create thattension that brings either
laughter because you've createdthe right tension or could
create for a great magic moment.
But you have to...
(07:28):
You have to look at what's the,it's kind of like a music
instrument, if you will, with notension on guitar strings.
Oh, that's a good, yeah.
You can't make music.
And so there's a certain amountof tension that's healthy in
our relationships.
You know, like it's to talkabout our differences in
(07:49):
finances that might not be justa conversation that has no
tension to it, but it doesn'thave to be my way or the high
Yeah,
Kimberly (08:01):
yeah.
fixing a shelf something likethat it doesn't matter it's
(08:34):
still how do we approach thathow do we do we want to make it
a big conflict or is it anopportunity to connect and try
and make the best of somethingwhere there is tension
Danny (08:46):
one of the things we say that way is if we we go you know
what I want to give grace inthis situation but what might be
better is to explain and thisis giving grace is well by
instead of blowing up is isexplaining like hey this is
important to me and that's oneof the the that's a key phrase
(09:08):
for us yeah we use is if it'simportant we say it this is
important to me and try toexplain why so like the the one
with um time for for me growingup we were late going to
everything as an adult
Kimberly (09:23):
hang on real quick a little late or what kind of late
okay just checking
Danny (09:28):
yeah my my My family still, you know, we call it
Farley time, which is my mom'smaiden name, right?
So that time is what it is.
But as part of ourrelationship, something that's
important to me is that we arein control of being on time.
Because
Kimberly (09:49):
as a kid, you weren't.
Danny (09:50):
You didn't have any control over that.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's like the layerunderneath to go.
Why does this bother me?
This is what's important.
Yeah, which is amazing when youcan do that.
It does
Kimberly (10:19):
help
Danny (10:22):
us to connect when we're honest with each other and when
we're vulnerable with eachother.
And that is a way of givinggrace to each other
Kimberly (10:31):
yeah because then I feel like I know you deeper when
you say something like that andexpress that then it's not just
about you maybe even feel myfeeling could have been that
you're trying to control me youwant me to be on time it has to
be on your schedule blah blahblah right all those kinds of
thoughts but when you share itwhat's underneath and what's
(10:53):
happened you know in childhoodthen I go oh well I don't want
to make you feel that way
Danny (10:59):
Yeah.
And, and.
Kimberly (11:29):
the reality is is that it takes more strength to to do
that to be vulnerable but alsoto be the one that drops grace
rather than dropping the insultsor the the anger the hurt right
it's not weakness it's actuallythe strongest move in the room
to share your thoughts andfeelings or to to drop that
(11:54):
grace grenade
Danny (11:55):
yeah it is it's part of what we want you to experience
is grace changes the outcome ofeverything.
It'll change the way youinteract with coworkers, with
family, with kids, witheverybody.
We talked about this last week,is if you imagine you're
(12:15):
holding a grace grenade as youenter into different
conversations and you think, howcould I add love, grace, hope
into this situation instead ofjust responding and reacting and
in ways that might be out ofcharacter for you or not as
(12:37):
thoughtful and kind as showingsomebody grace.
Kimberly (12:42):
And the reality is that when we practice this
often, like as we get better atdropping grace grenades, then
our marriage becomes a place ofpeace instead of constant
battle, or it feels like aconstant battle sometimes.
Danny (12:55):
And that peace, the intimacy we talked about Those
all lead to a thriving marriageand a marriage that is
consistently in step with whoGod is and Him pouring out that
grace, that grace upon grace wetalked about.
And then we're able to do that,and we're not doing what
(13:16):
Proverbs says of just respondingin anger, but we're giving a
gentle answer, and that turnsaway wrath.
Turns away wrath, yeah.
And it's the harsh words thatwe use that stir up that anger.
Speaker 02 (13:29):
Ooh.
Kimberly (13:29):
For sure.
So are you ready to give ourgrace grenade challenge?
Danny
Danny (13:34):
loves a challenge.
The next time you feel like afight is brewing or maybe you're
in the middle of it, stop andthink about where can I add
grace to this situation?
Kimberly (13:50):
Come on.
It kind of reminds me, I don'tknow about anybody else
listening, but we were alwaystaught stop, drop and roll.
It kind of makes me think, stopand And yeah,
Danny (14:07):
stop and drop grace.
It changes the outcome and ithelps you to learn.
(14:33):
Side note on all this is themore you do it, the better
you're going to get at it.
Kimberly (14:38):
True.
It takes practice just like
Danny (14:40):
anything else.
Give it a shot with somethingsmall and then you'll have the
ability to do that with biggerand bigger things.
Kimberly (14:48):
Yeah.
So it's your challenge isremembering this week that you
have a choice.
We can't control the otherperson.
I can't, you know, I can hopethat you're going to drop some
graces on me but that doesn'tthat's not a guarantee I'll be
dropping grace on you well we'vehad a lot of practice but not
everybody does right so ifeverybody is is starting out at
(15:10):
this and we want grace to um ah
Danny (15:16):
To help them move forward, to help them change
their marriage, to help themlive out who they're designed to
be.
Yep.
Kimberly (15:25):
So you just have to start with that one thing and
start with yourself, right?
I can't control you.
I have to control me and go,okay, I have a choice right now
to drop Grace or not.
Danny (15:36):
Well, that is episode two of We Do Whatever It Takes.
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