September 11, 2025 • 19 mins
In this episode of We Do Whatever It Takes, Danny and Kimberly unpack what it means to practice forgiveness right in the middle of conflict.
Last week we explored how Grace Grenades can disarm fights before they explode. This week, we’re looking at what happens when the hurt runs deeper—and how forgiveness can break the cycle of anger. Using Colossians 3:13 and the Cycle of Anger model, Danny and Kimberly walk through practical ways to pause, disrupt negative thoughts, and choose grace instead of reaction.
You’ll hear real-life examples, a counseling perspective, and a challenge to build your own “anger pause” practice so you can turn moments of tension into moments of connection.
Grace begins when you choose to interrupt the cycle—not after you explode.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Danny (00:00):
Welcome back to We Do Whatever It Takes.
This is a weekly marriagepodcast packed with tips and
tricks to help you increaseconnection in your relationship
with your spouse.
Kimberly (00:15):
We're here to help you break down the walls, laugh
through the mess, and give youpractical ways to make your
marriage stronger every singleweek.
Danny (00:24):
I'm Danny Ray.
I'm a magician and a pastor.
Kimberly (00:27):
I'm Kimberly, and I am a mom a wife uh non-hobbyist no
i am an associate marriage andfamily therapist and you are
tuning into season five episodethree which we are calling
forgiveness on the front lineswe're still talking about grace
(00:49):
yep still talking about graceand uh a reminder is that a
grace grenade that we've beentalking about right is an
intentional act of love orforgiveness that blows up walls
of resentment, diffusesconflict, and resets the
atmosphere.
Danny (01:06):
So last week, we were looking at this idea of grace
grenades and how it diffusesbattles, diffuses fights.
And this week, when we gethurt, whether that's just with
an unkind word or with somethingthat's deeper that involves
(01:27):
maybe action of how somebodymight have hurt us, or maybe
it's just being unseen, anynumber of ways we could be hurt
in our marriage.
We want to show you how do youbreak through the cycle of
anger, which is often our firstresponse as we get angry and
frustrated.
And that comes out in ways thatdon't glorify God, don't
(01:51):
connect us deeper to each other,and don't involve grace.
And we want to show how can webring grace in those moments of
frustration and anger.
Kimberly (02:02):
Yeah.
So essentially with the cycleof anger, it's kind of the how,
how to, because listeners andincluding us, we want to know
how do you do this gracegrenade?
And it really has to do withstopping the cycle of anger when
you're starting to feel angryand knowing when you feel
(02:23):
triggered.
And so we'll go into thattoday, but we want to root this
in scripture.
So today's scripture isColossians 3.13, which is, bear
with each other and forgive oneanother.
If any of you has a grievanceagainst someone, forgive as the
Lord forgave you.
Oh, like even as I read thatagain, I'm just like, it's so
(02:47):
good.
It is so good.
And it's there for a reason,right?
Danny (02:51):
Yeah.
And forgiveness is thispowerful thing that God has done
for us, and we get toexperience that forgiveness in
our relationships as we learn toforgive.
did one another.
For me, so I became a believerat 17 years old and really
started to follow Christ andread his word and really tried
to like apply what is Godsaying.
(03:13):
But as a child, I was veryangry.
Like I was dealing with angerall the time, anger at siblings,
angry at myself, angry atparents, angry at friends at
times, not as much at friends,but it did happen.
But I I would definitely say itdefined a lot of my early life.
Kimberly (03:33):
That's so hard to picture, but I get it.
I think I forget that, to behonest.
Danny (03:40):
When I was 19, the day I was asking my lovely bride here
to marry me, that was the lasttime that I would say I was
fully enraged, just sofrustrated with a family member.
I was so excited about askingyou that day to marry me, and
And I was up, I tried to get tobed early, but ended up driving
(04:06):
somebody around in the middle ofthe night, trying to find
something, but ultimately I wasbeing lied to and manipulated
and super frustrating.
And then I had to go, that'snot a reflection of that person.
That's a reflection of me.
That person can't make meangry.
That person can't make me doanything.
(04:26):
I had to really go before Godand go, I never ever ever want
to get that angry again and Godstarted to change my heart and
to reveal like that's what'sgoing on inside of me other
people you know it's like youget cut off on the road and you
could blame somebody for cuttingyou off but you look at the
(04:48):
road rage and people that youknow get out of their cars and
beat the snot out of somebody orworse kill somebody that's not
a reflection of oh that persongot cut off if you live in LA
it's a Daily occurrence, right?
And so we have to figure outhow do we deal with our own
emotions and our own anger.
So for me, that drew me to myknees going, God, this isn't the
(05:11):
person I want to be.
And literally by His grace, Ithink He has changed that in my
heart.
And it's been a lot of years ofputting that into practice of
not allowing myself to get angryat things that just Yeah,
perspective
Kimberly (05:33):
is a good thing to keep in mind, right?
Yeah.
If you told me that I wouldstruggle with anger when I first
became a mom, I never wouldhave believed that.
I wouldn't have either.
(05:59):
It's choosing a different pathmid-conflict.
Danny (06:03):
How do you do that?
Like mid-conflict?
What do you call it?
Your hippocampus, yourhippothoma, your hippojoma?
Kimberly (06:11):
You've blown your top is the basic information we need
there.
But to help us, we want to lookat the cycle of anger, right?
So we basically have fourstages of that.
And if If we can, I will putthis on our podcast as a visual,
(06:33):
but you could certainly justGoogle cycle of anger PDF and
you would find it.
So, but essentially we have atriggering event.
So maybe your spouse forgetssomething or says something
careless.
Okay.
Okay.
And then do you
Danny (06:46):
want me to give you something?
I'll trigger you,
Kimberly (06:50):
right?
Wow.
So willing and ready to dothat.
As much as I appreciate that.
Let's just, let's just go witha generic.
Can you
Danny (06:59):
Give me a generic.
What might a triggering eventbe for someone, not necessarily
you?
Kimberly (07:07):
So maybe the forgetting.
I kind of like the forgettingsomething.
So spouse forgets what?
Danny (07:17):
Fill up the car with gas.
Kimberly (07:18):
Okay.
Okay.
There we go.
To fill up the car with gas.
And what happens next to me isjust fascinating.
There's a negative thought thathappens.
There's a belief.
So let's say you're the onethat didn't fill up the car with
gas and that, that that wasyour responsibility or you had
said that you would do it.
Right.
(07:39):
So let's
Danny (07:39):
go with gas.
Okay.
Kimberly (07:41):
And let's say you forgot.
I have a negative thought.
This is what happens to all ofus.
And the negative thought couldbe, he doesn't care.
He just doesn't care about me.
Doesn't care about my safety.
Doesn't care about my time.
He didn't fill it up.
That equals he does.
care about me.
So when we can look at thenegative thought and be aware of
(08:06):
it, that is the ideal point inthe anger cycle, in the cycle of
anger to go, oh, is that true?
Right?
And test that.
Where's the evidence of that?
Is that true?
My thought that he doesn't careabout me?
No, there's a ton of evidencein our marriage that he does
care about me.
So that's just a negativethought.
(08:28):
And isn't helpful.
So that's an opportunity for usto change it.
But continuing in this cycle ofanger, so let's say I didn't
change that negative thought.
I'm just believing, oh, hedoesn't care about me.
Next stage is my body goes intoan automatic response.
Maybe my heart's racing, myface goes flush, and fists
(08:52):
clench, and I'm just angry, butmy body is going, just having
this auto response.
Danny (08:59):
So, Something happens that triggers that event.
Kimberly (09:02):
Yep.
Danny (09:02):
You have all these negative thoughts.
Kimberly (09:05):
Or even one negative thought.
Danny (09:08):
Okay.
And then that has a physicalreaction.
So it goes from a thought tothe physical.
Kimberly (09:14):
Yes.
Yes.
And that's kind of like wherethe anger is happening.
So now it's in my body.
And then that causes areaction, a behavioral response.
This is what I do.
So maybe I snap or I argue or Ishut down.
These are all responses,behavioral responses that we do.
But these are choices.
(09:35):
So really, we can break thecycle anywhere within those
things.
So like the three steps thathappen after the triggering
event.
So I can change my negativethoughts.
Maybe I don't catch it there,though.
Maybe I go, oh, I'm so, youknow, he doesn't care about me.
And then I feel it in my bodyand my heart's racing.
(09:57):
And like I said, my face isflying.
And fists are going, like, I'mclenching my fists and that kind
of stuff.
So I go, oh, but if I'm moreaware of my body, then I could
go, oh, this is like a flagwaving.
This is like a smoke detectorgoing off and going, hmm,
something's happening here,Kimberly, and you need to pay
(10:18):
attention.
And so that's anotheropportunity that if I'm paying
attention to that, I can stillchoose to have a better
behavioral response.
I don't have to.
And yeah, I
Danny (10:31):
think this might be a good one for you to, if you're
listening with your spouse,you're going to have a
conversation with your spouseabout this, is to figure out
what's more like you to do thewhole fight or flight.
Or, you know, in this wordingthat you said, I think you said
you snap.
Kimberly (10:50):
Yeah, argue or shut down.
Yeah,
Danny (10:52):
yeah.
Right, is, is I know mytendency is just to shut down
and just, I'm not saying I'mgoing to shut down.
saying anything and just kindof stew on that and be
frustrated.
But when we're able to identifywhat is the behavioral
response, if we could back it upand go, wait, my body's
(11:16):
responding.
Wait, I had this thought.
Wait, they said something.
How do I reframe thistriggering moment to not go into
the negative thoughts, the bodyresponse, the behavioral
response?
Kimberly (11:29):
Exactly.
Exactly.
You got it.
So we're talking about pausing,like just making that
intentional, taking thatintentional moment really to
pause and kind of checking inwith yourself going, what am I
believing in this scenario?
(11:49):
What am I telling myself?
And trying to catch it early sothat we can pull the pin on the
grace grenade
Danny (11:59):
Right.
That I don't have to attackyou.
(12:24):
this in one of the chapters itsays your marriage is more about
grace than being right or wrongif you're going to create magic
together you need to have agrace filled life together grace
is undeserved grace isunshuffle unshuffling the chaos
(12:48):
grace is contagious grace is theglue that holds marriages
together grace is an ocean ofyes that chooses to never give
up grace is an uncontrolledAmen.
Amen.
giving that grace in thecontext of our marriage.
Kimberly (13:32):
Yeah.
I actually have a story of atime where you definitely
dropped a grace grenade.
Danny (13:39):
Oh, wow.
Kimberly (13:39):
Okay.
I like it.
Danny (13:40):
I didn't know this was coming.
Yeah, there's a positive onefor you.
Kimberly (13:45):
Points in my favor.
And really, this is somemorable.
It was early on in the firstyear or two of marriage.
Okay.
And it was...
Was that
Danny (13:54):
the last time for the record?
Or was that
Kimberly (13:56):
the last time?
No, no.
You have definitely showngrace.
through the years for sure thiswas just so significant because
it was the first time that youwere breaking our normal pattern
and our normal like oh you werelate i'm mad and you don't care
about me and just this wholekind of cycle that we were in
(14:18):
and you you broke it by throwinga grace grenade and so i was
running late for some reasonthis may have actually been pre
cell phones.
I'm not sure, but I, yeah, ifwe had them, it was very
limited.
The
Danny (14:36):
like hundred minute plan where you would talk for 59
seconds.
Cause if you went to a minute,it charged you for two.
Yeah.
Kimberly (14:44):
Back in those days.
Danny (14:45):
And
Kimberly (14:45):
we had nothing.
Yeah.
Very little money and, and allof that at that time for sure.
So I'm not totally rememberingthat the circumstances, but for
some reason I was running lateand to come home to you and knew
i would be um in trouble's notthe right word but that's how it
(15:06):
feels to me when i've donesomething wrong uh and i and i
had like i i was legitimatelylate to coming home now i don't
remember in all honesty whetherthat was something that you i
know that now how much thatbothers you i don't know if i
knew that yet okay then um but iknew you'd be bothered by it
(15:28):
like that was
Danny (15:28):
You had
Kimberly (15:32):
to be really late.
I don't know.
(15:58):
You're late, but I've alreadyforgiven you.
I've already worked through theprocess.
I've already talked to God andyou're already forgiven.
I had no idea what to do withthat, right?
Like I had to put away my guns,my metaphoric guns, just to be
clear, had to put like take offmy armor and like there's
(16:23):
nothing to defend against that.
There was nothing that I couldsay or needed to say.
I apologize.
And and but you'd also kind ofalready forgiven it and and you
were ready to move past it.
It was a yeah, a life changingmarriage changing moment for for
us for sure,
Danny (16:43):
which is what happens with with marriages is when we
choose to forgive ahead of time.
We don't need the other personto say sorry.
We don't need the other personto, you know, go through all of
the whatever steps at times wecan.
just choose to say, I forgiveyou because this is what God has
done for me, right?
(17:03):
Is that He's forgiven us much.
Way before we ever asked, itsays, why we are still sinners,
Christ forgave us.
Not when we got our acttogether, not when we figured it
out, not when we came to Himand said, hey, I blew it.
Way before that, He forgave us,so we learned to forgive each
other in similar ways.
And that's the ultimate, youknow, when you look at God's
(17:27):
love toward us, it's theultimate example of of the grace
grenade um that changed theworld
Kimberly (17:32):
amen what do i say after that so here's the truth
anger follows a predictable pathunless somebody chooses
differently right so this weekand we'll give you the challenge
in a minute because you knowdanny loves a challenge um but
we want to work on pausing whenyou're finding yourself in this
(17:56):
cycle of anger
Danny (17:57):
yeah
Kimberly (17:58):
change Changing the thought and giving yourself
permission to throw that gracegrenade.
And when you do that,forgiveness isn't one-sided.
It becomes the culture of yourmarriage.
You're changing the entireatmosphere of it.
Danny (18:13):
Love that.
Okay, so here's the weeklychallenge, the grace grenade
challenge, if you will.
Here we go.
I'm going to keep it as simpleas possible.
I want you to notice a trigger.
That's it.
You know, you could stop.
You can name it if you need to.
But if you notice it, that'llgive you the possibility to
(18:36):
reframe that moment.
Look at what is really going oninside of you.
Stop blaming your spouse andgo, you know what?
I notice I'm being triggered.
I want to give my best to mywife or to my spouse.
And I'm going to do that bychoosing to give grace over the
anger right in this moment.
(18:57):
So So my challenge is to noticea trigger.
Kimberly (19:01):
Yeah, love that.
And practice it and tell us howit felt.
Pausing might just be the mostpowerful button in your marriage
to hit pause and notice thattrigger.
Danny (19:13):
So this is Danny Ray and Kimberly with We Do Whatever It
Takes.
Welcome back to We Do Whatever It Takes.
This is a weekly marriagepodcast packed with tips and
tricks to help you increaseconnection in your relationship
with your spouse.
Kimberly (00:15):
We're here to help you break down the walls, laugh
through the mess, and give youpractical ways to make your
marriage stronger every singleweek.
Danny (00:24):
I'm Danny Ray.
I'm a magician and a pastor.
Kimberly (00:27):
I'm Kimberly, and I am a mom a wife uh non-hobbyist no
i am an associate marriage andfamily therapist and you are
tuning into season five episodethree which we are calling
forgiveness on the front lineswe're still talking about grace
(00:49):
yep still talking about graceand uh a reminder is that a
grace grenade that we've beentalking about right is an
intentional act of love orforgiveness that blows up walls
of resentment, diffusesconflict, and resets the
atmosphere.
Danny (01:06):
So last week, we were looking at this idea of grace
grenades and how it diffusesbattles, diffuses fights.
And this week, when we gethurt, whether that's just with
an unkind word or with somethingthat's deeper that involves
(01:27):
maybe action of how somebodymight have hurt us, or maybe
it's just being unseen, anynumber of ways we could be hurt
in our marriage.
We want to show you how do youbreak through the cycle of
anger, which is often our firstresponse as we get angry and
frustrated.
And that comes out in ways thatdon't glorify God, don't
(01:51):
connect us deeper to each other,and don't involve grace.
And we want to show how can webring grace in those moments of
frustration and anger.
Kimberly (02:02):
Yeah.
So essentially with the cycleof anger, it's kind of the how,
how to, because listeners andincluding us, we want to know
how do you do this gracegrenade?
And it really has to do withstopping the cycle of anger when
you're starting to feel angryand knowing when you feel
(02:23):
triggered.
And so we'll go into thattoday, but we want to root this
in scripture.
So today's scripture isColossians 3.13, which is, bear
with each other and forgive oneanother.
If any of you has a grievanceagainst someone, forgive as the
Lord forgave you.
Oh, like even as I read thatagain, I'm just like, it's so
(02:47):
good.
It is so good.
And it's there for a reason,right?
Danny (02:51):
Yeah.
And forgiveness is thispowerful thing that God has done
for us, and we get toexperience that forgiveness in
our relationships as we learn toforgive.
did one another.
For me, so I became a believerat 17 years old and really
started to follow Christ andread his word and really tried
to like apply what is Godsaying.
(03:13):
But as a child, I was veryangry.
Like I was dealing with angerall the time, anger at siblings,
angry at myself, angry atparents, angry at friends at
times, not as much at friends,but it did happen.
But I I would definitely say itdefined a lot of my early life.
Kimberly (03:33):
That's so hard to picture, but I get it.
I think I forget that, to behonest.
Danny (03:40):
When I was 19, the day I was asking my lovely bride here
to marry me, that was the lasttime that I would say I was
fully enraged, just sofrustrated with a family member.
I was so excited about askingyou that day to marry me, and
And I was up, I tried to get tobed early, but ended up driving
(04:06):
somebody around in the middle ofthe night, trying to find
something, but ultimately I wasbeing lied to and manipulated
and super frustrating.
And then I had to go, that'snot a reflection of that person.
That's a reflection of me.
That person can't make meangry.
That person can't make me doanything.
(04:26):
I had to really go before Godand go, I never ever ever want
to get that angry again and Godstarted to change my heart and
to reveal like that's what'sgoing on inside of me other
people you know it's like youget cut off on the road and you
could blame somebody for cuttingyou off but you look at the
(04:48):
road rage and people that youknow get out of their cars and
beat the snot out of somebody orworse kill somebody that's not
a reflection of oh that persongot cut off if you live in LA
it's a Daily occurrence, right?
And so we have to figure outhow do we deal with our own
emotions and our own anger.
So for me, that drew me to myknees going, God, this isn't the
(05:11):
person I want to be.
And literally by His grace, Ithink He has changed that in my
heart.
And it's been a lot of years ofputting that into practice of
not allowing myself to get angryat things that just Yeah,
perspective
Kimberly (05:33):
is a good thing to keep in mind, right?
Yeah.
If you told me that I wouldstruggle with anger when I first
became a mom, I never wouldhave believed that.
I wouldn't have either.
(05:59):
It's choosing a different pathmid-conflict.
Danny (06:03):
How do you do that?
Like mid-conflict?
What do you call it?
Your hippocampus, yourhippothoma, your hippojoma?
Kimberly (06:11):
You've blown your top is the basic information we need
there.
But to help us, we want to lookat the cycle of anger, right?
So we basically have fourstages of that.
And if If we can, I will putthis on our podcast as a visual,
(06:33):
but you could certainly justGoogle cycle of anger PDF and
you would find it.
So, but essentially we have atriggering event.
So maybe your spouse forgetssomething or says something
careless.
Okay.
Okay.
And then do you
Danny (06:46):
want me to give you something?
I'll trigger you,
Kimberly (06:50):
right?
Wow.
So willing and ready to dothat.
As much as I appreciate that.
Let's just, let's just go witha generic.
Can you
Danny (06:59):
Give me a generic.
What might a triggering eventbe for someone, not necessarily
you?
Kimberly (07:07):
So maybe the forgetting.
I kind of like the forgettingsomething.
So spouse forgets what?
Danny (07:17):
Fill up the car with gas.
Kimberly (07:18):
Okay.
Okay.
There we go.
To fill up the car with gas.
And what happens next to me isjust fascinating.
There's a negative thought thathappens.
There's a belief.
So let's say you're the onethat didn't fill up the car with
gas and that, that that wasyour responsibility or you had
said that you would do it.
Right.
(07:39):
So let's
Danny (07:39):
go with gas.
Okay.
Kimberly (07:41):
And let's say you forgot.
I have a negative thought.
This is what happens to all ofus.
And the negative thought couldbe, he doesn't care.
He just doesn't care about me.
Doesn't care about my safety.
Doesn't care about my time.
He didn't fill it up.
That equals he does.
care about me.
So when we can look at thenegative thought and be aware of
(08:06):
it, that is the ideal point inthe anger cycle, in the cycle of
anger to go, oh, is that true?
Right?
And test that.
Where's the evidence of that?
Is that true?
My thought that he doesn't careabout me?
No, there's a ton of evidencein our marriage that he does
care about me.
So that's just a negativethought.
(08:28):
And isn't helpful.
So that's an opportunity for usto change it.
But continuing in this cycle ofanger, so let's say I didn't
change that negative thought.
I'm just believing, oh, hedoesn't care about me.
Next stage is my body goes intoan automatic response.
Maybe my heart's racing, myface goes flush, and fists
(08:52):
clench, and I'm just angry, butmy body is going, just having
this auto response.
Danny (08:59):
So, Something happens that triggers that event.
Kimberly (09:02):
Yep.
Danny (09:02):
You have all these negative thoughts.
Kimberly (09:05):
Or even one negative thought.
Danny (09:08):
Okay.
And then that has a physicalreaction.
So it goes from a thought tothe physical.
Kimberly (09:14):
Yes.
Yes.
And that's kind of like wherethe anger is happening.
So now it's in my body.
And then that causes areaction, a behavioral response.
This is what I do.
So maybe I snap or I argue or Ishut down.
These are all responses,behavioral responses that we do.
But these are choices.
(09:35):
So really, we can break thecycle anywhere within those
things.
So like the three steps thathappen after the triggering
event.
So I can change my negativethoughts.
Maybe I don't catch it there,though.
Maybe I go, oh, I'm so, youknow, he doesn't care about me.
And then I feel it in my bodyand my heart's racing.
(09:57):
And like I said, my face isflying.
And fists are going, like, I'mclenching my fists and that kind
of stuff.
So I go, oh, but if I'm moreaware of my body, then I could
go, oh, this is like a flagwaving.
This is like a smoke detectorgoing off and going, hmm,
something's happening here,Kimberly, and you need to pay
(10:18):
attention.
And so that's anotheropportunity that if I'm paying
attention to that, I can stillchoose to have a better
behavioral response.
I don't have to.
And yeah, I
Danny (10:31):
think this might be a good one for you to, if you're
listening with your spouse,you're going to have a
conversation with your spouseabout this, is to figure out
what's more like you to do thewhole fight or flight.
Or, you know, in this wordingthat you said, I think you said
you snap.
Kimberly (10:50):
Yeah, argue or shut down.
Yeah,
Danny (10:52):
yeah.
Right, is, is I know mytendency is just to shut down
and just, I'm not saying I'mgoing to shut down.
saying anything and just kindof stew on that and be
frustrated.
But when we're able to identifywhat is the behavioral
response, if we could back it upand go, wait, my body's
(11:16):
responding.
Wait, I had this thought.
Wait, they said something.
How do I reframe thistriggering moment to not go into
the negative thoughts, the bodyresponse, the behavioral
response?
Kimberly (11:29):
Exactly.
Exactly.
You got it.
So we're talking about pausing,like just making that
intentional, taking thatintentional moment really to
pause and kind of checking inwith yourself going, what am I
believing in this scenario?
(11:49):
What am I telling myself?
And trying to catch it early sothat we can pull the pin on the
grace grenade
Danny (11:59):
Right.
That I don't have to attackyou.
(12:24):
this in one of the chapters itsays your marriage is more about
grace than being right or wrongif you're going to create magic
together you need to have agrace filled life together grace
is undeserved grace isunshuffle unshuffling the chaos
(12:48):
grace is contagious grace is theglue that holds marriages
together grace is an ocean ofyes that chooses to never give
up grace is an uncontrolledAmen.
Amen.
giving that grace in thecontext of our marriage.
Kimberly (13:32):
Yeah.
I actually have a story of atime where you definitely
dropped a grace grenade.
Danny (13:39):
Oh, wow.
Kimberly (13:39):
Okay.
I like it.
Danny (13:40):
I didn't know this was coming.
Yeah, there's a positive onefor you.
Kimberly (13:45):
Points in my favor.
And really, this is somemorable.
It was early on in the firstyear or two of marriage.
Okay.
And it was...
Was that
Danny (13:54):
the last time for the record?
Or was that
Kimberly (13:56):
the last time?
No, no.
You have definitely showngrace.
through the years for sure thiswas just so significant because
it was the first time that youwere breaking our normal pattern
and our normal like oh you werelate i'm mad and you don't care
about me and just this wholekind of cycle that we were in
(14:18):
and you you broke it by throwinga grace grenade and so i was
running late for some reasonthis may have actually been pre
cell phones.
I'm not sure, but I, yeah, ifwe had them, it was very
limited.
The
Danny (14:36):
like hundred minute plan where you would talk for 59
seconds.
Cause if you went to a minute,it charged you for two.
Yeah.
Kimberly (14:44):
Back in those days.
Danny (14:45):
And
Kimberly (14:45):
we had nothing.
Yeah.
Very little money and, and allof that at that time for sure.
So I'm not totally rememberingthat the circumstances, but for
some reason I was running lateand to come home to you and knew
i would be um in trouble's notthe right word but that's how it
(15:06):
feels to me when i've donesomething wrong uh and i and i
had like i i was legitimatelylate to coming home now i don't
remember in all honesty whetherthat was something that you i
know that now how much thatbothers you i don't know if i
knew that yet okay then um but iknew you'd be bothered by it
(15:28):
like that was
Danny (15:28):
You had
Kimberly (15:32):
to be really late.
I don't know.
(15:58):
You're late, but I've alreadyforgiven you.
I've already worked through theprocess.
I've already talked to God andyou're already forgiven.
I had no idea what to do withthat, right?
Like I had to put away my guns,my metaphoric guns, just to be
clear, had to put like take offmy armor and like there's
(16:23):
nothing to defend against that.
There was nothing that I couldsay or needed to say.
I apologize.
And and but you'd also kind ofalready forgiven it and and you
were ready to move past it.
It was a yeah, a life changingmarriage changing moment for for
us for sure,
Danny (16:43):
which is what happens with with marriages is when we
choose to forgive ahead of time.
We don't need the other personto say sorry.
We don't need the other personto, you know, go through all of
the whatever steps at times wecan.
just choose to say, I forgiveyou because this is what God has
done for me, right?
(17:03):
Is that He's forgiven us much.
Way before we ever asked, itsays, why we are still sinners,
Christ forgave us.
Not when we got our acttogether, not when we figured it
out, not when we came to Himand said, hey, I blew it.
Way before that, He forgave us,so we learned to forgive each
other in similar ways.
And that's the ultimate, youknow, when you look at God's
(17:27):
love toward us, it's theultimate example of of the grace
grenade um that changed theworld
Kimberly (17:32):
amen what do i say after that so here's the truth
anger follows a predictable pathunless somebody chooses
differently right so this weekand we'll give you the challenge
in a minute because you knowdanny loves a challenge um but
we want to work on pausing whenyou're finding yourself in this
(17:56):
cycle of anger
Danny (17:57):
yeah
Kimberly (17:58):
change Changing the thought and giving yourself
permission to throw that gracegrenade.
And when you do that,forgiveness isn't one-sided.
It becomes the culture of yourmarriage.
You're changing the entireatmosphere of it.
Danny (18:13):
Love that.
Okay, so here's the weeklychallenge, the grace grenade
challenge, if you will.
Here we go.
I'm going to keep it as simpleas possible.
I want you to notice a trigger.
That's it.
You know, you could stop.
You can name it if you need to.
But if you notice it, that'llgive you the possibility to
(18:36):
reframe that moment.
Look at what is really going oninside of you.
Stop blaming your spouse andgo, you know what?
I notice I'm being triggered.
I want to give my best to mywife or to my spouse.
And I'm going to do that bychoosing to give grace over the
anger right in this moment.
(18:57):
So So my challenge is to noticea trigger.
Kimberly (19:01):
Yeah, love that.
And practice it and tell us howit felt.
Pausing might just be the mostpowerful button in your marriage
to hit pause and notice thattrigger.
Danny (19:13):
So this is Danny Ray and Kimberly with We Do Whatever It
Takes.
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