October 23, 2025 • 32 mins
In this special first-ever interview on We Do Whatever It Takes, Danny and Kimberly sit down with longtime friends Joe and Tracy Castañeda to talk about the real, everyday ways grace shows up in marriage. From high school sweethearts to nearly three decades of marriage and ministry, the Castañedas share candidly about the ups and downs of life together, long-distance dating before cell phones, learning to extend “undeserved kindness” in the middle of parenting chaos, and the courage it takes to break out of ruts.
The conversation also explores the vision behind their ministry OnePlusOneMarriage.com, a community helping couples move from “just surviving” to genuinely thriving. You’ll hear practical wisdom on intentional date nights, vulnerable conversations about intimacy, and why small acts of grace can ripple out to impact not only marriages but also the next generation.
Whether you’re in a season of routine or ready for renewal, this episode will inspire you to slow down, choose kindness, and take one intentional step toward a healthier, more grace-filled marriage.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
1 (00:00):
Welcome back to We Do Whatever It Takes.
I'm Danny Ray.
I'm Kimberly.
We've been talking about gracethis season.
And today we're excited to hearwhat it looks like in someone
else's marriage.
This is a couple we lovedearly, and we're excited to
have them on the podcast.
This is the first time everwe're having somebody
interviewed on the podcast.
(00:20):
This is the Castanadas.
Tell us about them.
Welcome, Joe and TracyCastaneda, all the way from
Michigan.
Yes.
We're going to ask you guysabout Grace in your marriage.
And but first, can you guysgive our listeners just a little
bit of background on who youare, how long you've been
married, and how do you feelabout being married?
2 (00:42):
Um, no, but thanks for asking.
Okay.
3 (00:45):
Next question.
2 (00:46):
Um it's awesome to be with you guys.
Thanks for having us on theshow.
Uh, we love your podcast.
It's it's my travel podcast.
So I'm not current, but I loveto listen to it, especially when
I'm flying.
And literally more than once,I've been laughing in the seat,
and I look at the person next tome.
I'm like, you need to hearthis.
Um but we're we're excited tobe uh with you.
(01:08):
We love marriage, it's one ofour favorite things, and we've
been married 29 years now.
4 (01:13):
Yeah, and actually um high school sweethearts, but dated
for quite a while before gettingmarried.
So we had quite a while.
Eight years on it.
Wow recommended.
1 (01:29):
What's the recommended, you know, um length of time to be
dating?
What's the recommended?
2 (01:36):
Well, I I think what we recommend is don't date in high
school.
Like I think it reallycomplicates your relationships
with your peers.
And students could embrace theidea of just being connected and
having fun and enjoying thosefriendship pieces.
I think that was a major partof our dating component.
Uh after high school, uh, youknow, I think there's a lot of
(01:59):
factors.
We went to different colleges.
Um we weren't even in the same,we weren't in the same time
zone.
4 (02:06):
In fact, I was telling my youngest, our youngest daughter,
who's in actually in Peru rightnow, and we were talking about
when Joe and I dated and how wewrote letters.
And she just, I mean, shook herhead like I I wouldn't survive.
Like we didn't have texting,you know.
We we did phone calls, youknow, the cord on the phone in
(02:28):
college, outside into thehallway, the you know, 50-foot
cord.
And we know it one calls phonebills.
Um, you know, when you had topay for pay for your cell phone,
but we had to pay for thecalls.
2 (02:41):
Those darn rich college kids who had the cordless phone.
I was so jealous of them.
Oh wow.
1 (02:50):
With the 30-foot antenna, you know.
Oh, I love that.
And so you've got one daughterin Peru and you've got other
kids.
4 (03:01):
Yes, one daughter at home and a son who's married and lives
about 30 minutes away.
1 (03:06):
So that's awesome.
Well, thank you guys so muchfor coming on here.
Yeah, go ahead, Joe.
2 (03:12):
Well, I was just gonna say we keep uh toying with the empty
nest and it just doesn't quiteget there.
We're we were close and thenuh, but we'll be there soon, we
hope.
4 (03:21):
We sell lots of the confetti and then to put the confetti
back in the cannon.
1 (03:30):
That's pretty funny.
Much harder to put back in.
Yeah, yeah, that's funny.
We've been in this seriestalking about grace, and we
wanted to ask you when uh, youknow, Joe, you're a pastor,
Tracy.
You've been involved inministry for a long time.
Uh you've invested a lot indifferent communities.
And when people hear that wordgrace, that you know, different
(03:51):
images might conjure up whatwhen you think of grace, just
for you personally, what's thatlook like?
4 (03:59):
Oh, I mean, the first thing that comes to mind is I need a
lot of it.
1 (04:04):
Whatever it is, you need a lot.
4 (04:07):
Yeah.
And I've I've always thoughtlike to me, Joe gives grace in
such an easy way.
Um or he he makes me feel likehe's giving grace in in an easy
way.
Uh I feel like I'm more of a aneye roller and a oh my
(04:27):
goodness, and we have to learnit, and it's hard.
And but when I my experience ofgrace in being married to Joe
is that he gives a lot.
And um, you know, not out ofany, not making me feel guilty
or bad or anything like that.
1 (04:44):
Can you give an example of what that uh might look like?
I I know what the eye rollinglooks like, uh not that part.
4 (04:53):
Um, you know, we we it's relationship, it's messy
sometimes.
Um we get frustrated overthings.
So um it doesn't even have tobe frustration over something in
marriage.
It could be when I getfrustrated with one of the kids
and I um, you know, get upsetabout it.
And Joe's just gentle to belike, you know what, it's all
(05:16):
right, and and comes alongsideme in a gracious way, rather
than like, you know, you need toget your stuff together and not
act like that.
Which, you know, maybe heshould say that sometimes, but
just that kindness of grace tocome alongside.
1 (05:30):
I don't think that would go well, at least not for me.
4 (05:32):
Probably not in that moment.
1 (05:35):
Joe, how about for you when when you think about grace?
What do you think of?
2 (05:40):
Yeah, it's funny because I think I think the same thing.
I feel like Tracy gives itliberally.
And um it's you know,theologically, I remember being
taught in in seminary about thedifference between grace and
mercy.
But my favorite definition isjust undeserved kindness.
(06:00):
Um that that grace is justkindness that's given to you
because, and and there's noreason to it.
And so obviously, when youthink of God giving grace, it's
it's all this goodness that Godgives us that we could never
earn.
But I feel like that's inmarriage, it's such a powerful
thing when your spouse justgives you kindness just because,
(06:21):
um, and not because you earnedit, not because you got the gold
star that day uh on therefrigerator.
Um, I don't have many goldstars on the refrigerator.
I don't know.
Yeah, we we took down thechart, it was empty for too
long.
1 (06:36):
So smart thinking.
2 (06:38):
And yet all this kindness comes in, and that undeserved,
unmerited kindness, that to meis the essence of grace.
It's um, you know, it's it'slittle things, it's it's the
little cup of coffee before workthat you just weren't
expecting.
And it's uh, you know, and itgoes from there.
And but I just think thatunmerited, undeserved kindness
just resonates.
1 (07:00):
Uh, the two of you have a ministry called OnePlus One.
Could you tell us a little bitabout that?
And then maybe how you've usedgrace to um connect with people
in in the context of OnePlusOne.
2 (07:14):
Well, OnePlus OneMarriage.com is the site, and it is an
online community of people whowant to grow their marriages.
Um, I know uh Danny andKimberly, you have such a heart
for people and for couples.
And and one of the things wehave seen is how it seems like
there's a lot of marriages thatare just doing okay.
(07:36):
They're not thriving.
Um maybe a little more thansurviving, but they're not in,
they're not in chaos or they'renot in like danger mode.
And so we want to create aministry where people can
connect about their marriages inthis community.
And I think in it, what you endup finding is how couples can
give grace to each other.
(07:56):
Um, you get ideas of uh like adate night idea that involves uh
a husband going out of his wayfor his wife, and another
husband picks up on that.
And it's cool how those ideasspur on uh connection, spur on
oneness.
But so much of those, so manyof those ideas just flow out of
grace.
They just flow out ofundeserved, unmerited kindness.
(08:19):
Um, my wife wrote a blog um awhile back and it was about uh
sexual grace.
It really was just about how tohow to participate in sex
together as couples and from awife's perspective, um, how to
give this grace to your husband.
Um and it's such a cool thingbecause then other couples are
engaging with these ideas andthen putting them into practice
(08:42):
in their marriages.
And uh and it's a super coolcommunity to see how how that
starts to ripple out.
1 (08:49):
Yeah, and I think is that something we could find on
OnePlus One or is that somewhereelse that blog?
2 (08:55):
Yeah, it's uh it's on the OnePlus OneMarriage.com site.
Um it's a membership site, andand once you join, uh you can
search keywords and all thosethings to access uh any of those
pieces.
Okay.
1 (09:07):
Cool.
Tracy, you were gonna saysomething, sorry.
4 (09:10):
Well, uh, I think what happens too in the site is you
just have awareness.
You know, a lot of times we goalong in our life or people go
along in marriage, and I'm notinvesting anything into it
because I'm just you know, likethe lather, rinse, repeat life.
Kids, work, um hobbies,activities, you know, whatever,
(09:35):
whatever the things are arehappening day in and day out,
and all of a sudden you're like,wow, it's been a year, it's
been five years, it's beenhowever long.
And I haven't done anything onpurpose for my marriage.
And I think when we start doingthings on purpose, that's when
we have an awareness about graceand an opportunity then to
(09:57):
extend grace on a consistentbasis, and that makes a huge
difference.
1 (10:02):
So I'm hearing from you guys kind of a bottom line is being
willing to be intentional andaware and to extend grace and
kindness that you have to do,it's not these big grandiose
things that you're talkingabout.
(10:22):
You're talking about just kindof waking up one day and going,
uh, I'm gonna be intentional.
I'm gonna see are there waysthat I can extend grace by being
kind today to my spouse thatmaybe I didn't do yesterday, or
like maybe the lather rinserepeat is just kind of being
snippy with each other, and it'sjust the norm and and or and
(10:48):
sometimes it's worse than that,and it's name-calling, and you
know, but maybe that's the normand in a relationship that's not
healthy, but it's kind of whatthe the pattern that the couple
may have gotten into.
But you're saying you can wakeup tomorrow and go just choose
to extend grace in the form ofof kindness.
2 (11:09):
It's that it is that intention, and it happens in all
relationships.
Like, um, you know, when youhave a coworker that's super
annoying, but you have to getalong in a project, you you just
choose it.
But I think sometimes it getsharder to choose it in the
marriage relationship because ofthe proximity to this person of
in every part of life.
(11:31):
And so the familiarity of it,um, it it just causes maybe some
of that more pent-up tension.
And and if I lose it at work, Imight lose my job, but I can
come home and and maybe uhshorten the grace and feel like
she has to stay in this becausewe're committed to each other.
Um, but I think that intentionis is so so powerful.
1 (11:56):
Yeah.
Uh would you share your vision?
I and maybe how you you got tothis point in your marriage that
the the vision you guys havefor one plus one marriage um dot
com is just incredible.
But how do you get to thatspace in your marriage from
(12:16):
dating for 250 years?
Uh give or take.
Eight, eight, seven, sevenyears.
Um to the point where you'reyou're at a point now where you
intentionally want to help amillion marriages, is my
understanding.
Uh talk to me about that.
2 (12:38):
From day one, we kind of had marriage figured out.
So I I don't I guess I don't Iguess I don't understand the
question.
1 (12:44):
No, stop right there.
That is the funniest thing I'veever, ever heard.
Day one, we had marriagefigured out.
2 (12:51):
Yeah, it was it was pretty easy to do.
4 (12:53):
I mean, that's maybe what you think on day one, but you know,
day one comes or day two comes,it'll fall over.
2 (13:01):
You know, it's in our when we share our story, it's always
about the 10-year mark for us.
And it seems like when we haveconnected with other couples,
there's a similarity in thateight, nine, ten, eleven year
mark where you you realizeyou're in this rhythm of being
together, but but there's notthe joy, there's not the um
(13:24):
adventure, there's not theintentionality like we're
talking about.
Um, and for us, the one plusone marriage.com uh happened out
of that.
Um it it started, you know, 20years ago when we hit that
10-year mark and things werefine.
We weren't fighting, we weren'tour marriage wasn't in a bad
(13:46):
space, but we we weren'tthriving.
We didn't, you know, I don'tthink either of us would have
said, Man, we love beingmarried.
It's like, yeah, we're we'remarried, we we like it.
4 (13:54):
It's the kids were young at that time too, you know, um
what, like six, four, and one,you know, like little that's a
busy time, yeah.
So ministry was full.
2 (14:08):
And I and I think that was a point at which we realized if we
didn't intentionally invest, umit nothing was going to change.
We were just stuck in thatcycle of just an okay marriage.
And so out of that, we began tohave conversations.
We actually taught a class.
Um, uh I was a youth pastor atthe time, and our our senior
(14:29):
pastor had asked if I wouldteach a parenting class, if we
would teach a parenting class.
And we decided, you know what,let's let's talk marriage
mostly.
And and we decided to kind oflaunch into our story.
And honestly, we thought mostof the people in the room who
were older than we were wouldkind of be like, yeah, duh, you
(14:50):
know, sorry, it took you 10years to figure it out.
And instead, what we found wasa whole room of people who were
blown away by our transparency,and then they're they were in
the same spot, and some of themhad been married 20 years and
were in the same spot.
And so then we started talkingabout, especially about sexual
intimacy in marriage and thechallenges we were facing at the
(15:11):
10-year mark, and we struck anerve, and um, and we just
realized uh what we wereexperiencing wasn't unusual, it
was the norm for a lot ofpeople.
And so I think that's how uhour our passion for marriage
started to grow was to realize,hey, there's something happening
here that we want to figureout, and then we want to help
(15:33):
lead others on that journey.
And uh through all the years ofyouth ministry, we have done a
lot of marriage ministry, andand now moving into the
oneplusone marriage.com is kindof our full-time uh work in this
next season.
Um, we're we're excited aboutthat because it uh it really
flows out of what we discoveredkind of at that 10-year mark.
1 (15:57):
And I mentioned the million.
What's the the vision that wayin terms of uh what you want to
do with one plus one?
4 (16:06):
Well, I'll say my my piece of it um as I think about our
years in youth ministry and theimpact we love to have on
teenagers is that if a millionmarriages were impacted in a
positive way, it would impact amillion teenagers.
Even even if those people don'tmillions of teenagers, um
whether it's their own kids oryou know, their nieces and
(16:28):
nephews or their grandchildrenor whatever.
So so that means a lot to me.
That um side of the impact is apiece of it.
2 (16:36):
Yeah, I was in a pastor's meeting just today, the the day
we recorded this, and um one ofthe pastors said uh the biggest
problem in our community is thisthe marriages.
And he works with children inanother context.
And he said, if we could figureout how to help marriages, um,
we could solve so many problems.
(16:57):
And you know, I was justsitting there thinking, uh
agreed, and let let's let's goafter a million marriages.
Um it's an obscene goal tothink of impacting a million
marriages, but when you when youthrow those things before the
Lord, it maybe it's not bigenough.
And uh maybe that's ourlaunching point is one million
(17:18):
marriages, but that's ourheartbeat is to help these
marriages because we've beenaround teenagers for so long and
seen so many broken homes andthe and the ripple effect on
teenagers.
And if God would give us theability to influence the the
husbands and wives, then maybewe can influence the teenagers
uh in that path.
1 (17:37):
Yeah.
So that means that in everyhousehold, every couple that's
married, well, or even notmarried, they're affecting
whoever whatever kids are in thehousehold, is what you're
saying.
Exactly.
Right.
So that and then those kidshave their own troubles or
whatever, watching becauseeither it's a healthy marriage
or healthy relationship thatthey're watching, and oh,
(17:58):
they're resolving conflict.
I can learn to do this.
5 (18:01):
Yeah.
1 (18:01):
Or they're watching their their parents do avoiding like
the conflict or you know, notworking it out or yelling and
screaming and having a reallypoor way of working through
conflict, or yeah, or not doingit.
Um, so and then that's what youguys see in youth ministry.
You've been seeing the effectsof that.
These these kids have no safeplace to go because the marriage
(18:24):
really is that huge.
I was gonna say anchor,obviously, our anchors in
Christ, but it's still there'sstill a community aspect to that
anchor being in Christ and thebody of Christ and the
connection.
Yeah.
Uh what would you say?
I I'm sure there's somebodylistening that is nodding their
head going, like, we agree withyou.
(18:46):
We're at that point where we welove each other, we're we're
good, you know, like um kids aregood, you know, like there's
nothing wrong.
We're no, we're not reallydating, you know, but we we, you
know, we'll sit down, watch ashow, but there's no
intentionality.
Like, what would you say tothat couple to help them take
(19:07):
either a small step or what itlooks like to get to a place
where you genuinely like andenjoy and you're thriving in
your marriage?
2 (19:17):
I one of the first things is for couples to recognize that
they're in that space.
And it's amazing how we've hadconversations with couples who
we can tell and we're listeningto them, we're like they're in
that space, but it takes them alittle bit to recognize we're in
this rut.
But and when they do, I I thinkour first call to them is that
(19:40):
you have to, just like we'vebeen saying, intentionally do
something to get out of it.
Um often we, and I think weespecially hear this from wives
who say, well, when the kids areout of the house, dot, dot,
dot.
Yeah, the number like it'll getbetter.
Yeah, that that's the magic.
And and of course, we've seenso many, we've had we've had
(20:01):
friends and we've seen so manypeople that when the kids leave,
the marriage dissolves becausethe kids were holding the
relationship together.
And and you got to flip thatscript by choosing something
different.
And so um one of our bigthings, uh, we love date night.
We think date night is kind ofat the heart of so much
connection in marriage.
(20:21):
And so we challenge uh coupleswho are tackling this idea for
the first time to startintentionally figuring out date
night.
Um, that's one of our favoritesites.
Uh one of the favorite aspectsof our OnePlus OneMarriage.com
site is the date night areawhere ideas come in and we're
generating ways to take yourspouse out some creative,
(20:42):
intentional things.
Because just like marriage,your date night gets stuck in
these ruts.
Like we had this, you know, westarted dating them, kind of did
the same thing.
It it's movies, you know, graba dinner, grab dinner out, go to
the movies, come home.
Like we start hitting thisrhythm.
And so how do you shake thatup?
Uh, but it just requiresintention.
And that at the heart of it iswe have to get after this.
(21:04):
And that's where we think, youknow, great podcasts.
Um, this uh we, you know, we dowhatever it takes podcast.
You listen to it and you getinspired.
You do, you get inspired to dosomething different.
Hopefully, people come to theone plus one site and they they
hear an idea, they seeinteractions with other couples,
and it inspires them to go,yeah, I I want more.
(21:25):
And and to value therelationship they have.
4 (21:29):
But the inspiration is only like the tip of it because it
takes an act of courage.
Usually when we're in the rutspace, we're both kind of in it,
whether we're both aware of itor not.
And somebody has to have an actof courage to say, I want more,
or I'm feeling this.
(21:51):
It's it's really what happenedfor us is Joe just you know
stepped out in courage and said,I'm struggling in in the sexual
area of our relationship, andhere's why.
And as he shared that, I I hadno idea, and I felt I felt bad
and almost hurt a little bit,had to process that.
(22:14):
But without that act of courageof being willing to um be
vulnerable enough to say whatwas really going on, what you
was really feeling, then we wewouldn't be here like this today
for sure.
I don't know how long you wouldstay in that rut, how long we
would have stayed in that rutand not even been aware of it
(22:37):
without one of us taking thatact of courage.
1 (22:41):
I love that.
That act of courage.
I was thinking before you evensaid that, like, whose job is it
to get out of the rut, right?
Like, well, is it somebody'sjob specifically?
But you're saying no, it'swhoever's kind of got the
courage in that moment to say,hey, I think this is going on
for me in the marriage, and I Ithink it could be better if I'm
(23:04):
honest with you and shared thatthis is happening or this isn't
happening, or I feel left out attimes, or I feel like I want to
be closer to you, but I don'tknow how, or right, whatever it
is that that we feel like wewant improvements.
4 (23:17):
And I think that's so good how you're saying it too.
Like I I feel this, this is myexperience of what's happening.
It's not about blame oraccusing the other person of
what's happening or nothappening, really, really owning
how I'm experiencing what'sgoing on.
1 (23:38):
Uh, one of the things I I love about yeah, just that whole
thing of being vulnerable isit's a key to relationships, is
that vulnerability and thatcourage.
I you know, one of the thingswe'll tell people is like you're
not in high school anymore.
You can be the first to say,like, hey, I I want this.
(23:59):
You don't have to wait and go,Oh, I was just waiting for them,
you know, like to say like Ilike you.
Um no, like anything.
It could be to say sorry, like,oh, you know, they should come
to me for you know, that it'slike you're not a high school,
you don't have to wait, justgive grace, do it now, be
intentional.
It's going to benefit yourmarriage.
(24:20):
Yeah, one of the things thatyou said that I would love to
hear one from each of you of adate night.
Um, and then uh yeah, so if youhave an idea of a quick idea on
a date night, because I I knowyou you have a lot of them, but
what's one that you wouldrecommend, Joe, and then one
you'd recommend, Tracy?
2 (24:38):
Hey, uh, Danny, on what you just said a second ago, um,
yeah, it was interesting becausein the conversation Tracy's
alluding to, I sat on it for along time.
Uh and and I was I wasterrified.
I was like, how do you havethis conversation about sex and
the the frustration I wasfeeling?
And and it was crazy how oncethe conversation started, uh
(25:01):
grace is the perfect word todescribe what what exchange took
place.
And um, because I think I hadprocessed a little bit, I I
presented, I tried to presentthat feeling that not not not in
the blame.
But then Tracy's response tothat was so gracious.
And and then we started tounderstand the complexity of
that sexual relationship.
(25:23):
Um, and Tracy's like, well,here's what's happening in my
world and and in my mind, andand like, oh, okay.
And then, you know, you findout doing the dishes is like the
sexiest thing you can do.
And right, yeah, I'll do theI'll come home and do the dishes
midday.
I don't care, I'll do thedishes, right?
The house vacuum, I'll vacuumthe house while I'm doing the
(25:43):
dishes.
Just send pictures, please.
1 (25:45):
That's what I asked Danny for.
Send pictures of you vacuuming.
2 (25:51):
But uh but the the courage it takes to do that, uh what what
I found was it was grace wasreturned.
And when you're both committedto the Lord and committed to
each other, there's a pool ofgrace to draw from.
And and then of course, I wishI'd had the conversation sooner,
and I wish we had started, butthat that was our path.
So I appreciate what you weresaying there, Danny.
1 (26:12):
Yeah, no, I would say with that is a lot of people, it it's
an uncomfortable conversationto have, to have a um a sexual
intimacy of things that you wishwere happening or aren't
happening or used to happen.
And and our thing for thoseconversations is we just want to
normalize it for couples, is wetalk about sex and struggles
(26:36):
that way and good things and badthings um all the time.
And we would encourage ifyou're listening to try to have
that conversation and you couldstart small, but there's no
exception, it's vulnerable, youknow.
And so you have to havecourage, like Tracy said.
2 (26:53):
And that to us is the power of date night, is it creates
more opportunities forconversations.
And so maybe your first coupleof date nights, you're not ready
to go there yet.
But the rhythm of date night,and we would find, you know,
sometimes we'd be walking thepark for our date night, and we
could have profoundconversations and we were by
ourselves, we're out walking,and it opened up pathways for
(27:15):
that.
And so full circle back to datenight.
Look at that.
Yeah, you know what?
1 (27:20):
It makes me think though, that with date night, I I'm
picturing some couples justokay, so we're doing it, and
they're checking a box, butyours sounds different than
that.
The call to action here soundsmore like again, back to being
intentional.
5 (27:36):
Intentional, yeah.
1 (27:37):
But what are they being intentional about on their date
night?
4 (27:42):
And it can vary.
Okay, uh you know, if I want tohave a deep emotional
conversation every time we goout, like Joe's gonna be in for
that now and then, but notalways, you know.
So how about we have some funsometimes and we learn something
sometimes, and like that kindof variety, and it's really
(28:05):
about getting to know each otherand connecting and um just
having opportunity to converse.
I remember our first I'll callit our first date night, but it
was like during this that seasonat the 10-year mark where we
decided we're committed to doingthis date night.
We went um to get shoes, youknow, at the we're sitting at
(28:28):
the shoe store, Joe's tryingshoes on.
We had a conversation and likewe finished the conversation.
It took like three minutes.
And I was like, what are wegonna talk about now?
Like, usually I would have beenchasing the kids around while
he's trying on the shoes and youknow, all these interruptions.
And so now I have this time andthere's no interruption to this
(28:49):
conversation.
It's like, oh, I need toremember who you are and who we
are, and that's a greatopportunity to do that.
1 (28:58):
Ah, so we're looking for connection with each other that
we wouldn't get when we're athome, and especially with
littles or animals or whatever'srunning around your house.
By the way, if you've heardsnorting in the background, we
don't have a pig, we do have adog in here.
I'm like, she just sounds like afish.
I'm just like, well, that that'sgonna be in the background.
(29:19):
That's not me to promise.
Are there any resources?
Um, obviously, one plus one uh,you know, marriage.com is a
massive resource for people.
Are there other things thatyou'd recommend or anything that
you want to share about oneplusone as we wrap things up?
2 (29:41):
In in terms of resources, um uh I when you start thinking
about intention, uh I mean, youcan go online and just look up
date night ideas in my area.
Um, like I I think it's lessabout the the thing and more
about the purpose behind it.
Um You know, you asked one ofone of my favorites, uh, one of
(30:02):
our what our favorites are,Danny, and one of mine is I I
love when we just get in the carand we just pick a direction.
Hey, we're going thisdirection, and then we see
something interesting.
Um, and we're in northwestMichigan, so we might drive a
ways before we see somethinginteresting.
Yeah.
1 (30:19):
Some someday you'll have to tell us what even interesting
is, but okay.
2 (30:24):
Uh, you know, but uh a road you haven't been on before.
Uh you know, out here we havethousands of lakes, and to go to
a lake we haven't been to, uh,there's just things like that.
That again, it's not so muchabout what it is we're doing,
but it's about that connectionthat happens.
Um, sometimes Tracy pulls up uhsilly questions to ask or or
(30:46):
trivia.
And I and I think again, it'sall about that connection.
And so resources I think areplentiful for date night kinds
of things.
Um, I love what we do in theOnePlus One community because we
just we spur each other on, wewe're tossing ideas back and
forth, but but connection justhappens when you choose that
intentionally.
The activity won't createconnection.
(31:08):
Um, it's it's choosing itregardless of the activity.
1 (31:12):
I love that.
Yeah, the questions be yeah,and and using resources like one
plus one um to get ideas onwhat to talk about, not just
what to do for the date night.
Yeah, I love that.
You guys are amazing.
Yeah, Joe and Tracy, thank youso much for being on.
We we love you, we're thankfulfor you.
And and if you didn't hear, goto oneplus1marriage.com, check
(31:37):
out the resources.
We're excited for we were partof that community, so say hi to
us on there.
And that is it for we dowhatever it takes.
Thank you so much.
2 (31:46):
Yeah, thanks for having us on the show.
We love your podcast.
Welcome back to We Do Whatever It Takes.
I'm Danny Ray.
I'm Kimberly.
We've been talking about gracethis season.
And today we're excited to hearwhat it looks like in someone
else's marriage.
This is a couple we lovedearly, and we're excited to
have them on the podcast.
This is the first time everwe're having somebody
interviewed on the podcast.
(00:20):
This is the Castanadas.
Tell us about them.
Welcome, Joe and TracyCastaneda, all the way from
Michigan.
Yes.
We're going to ask you guysabout Grace in your marriage.
And but first, can you guysgive our listeners just a little
bit of background on who youare, how long you've been
married, and how do you feelabout being married?
2 (00:42):
Um, no, but thanks for asking.
Okay.
3 (00:45):
Next question.
2 (00:46):
Um it's awesome to be with you guys.
Thanks for having us on theshow.
Uh, we love your podcast.
It's it's my travel podcast.
So I'm not current, but I loveto listen to it, especially when
I'm flying.
And literally more than once,I've been laughing in the seat,
and I look at the person next tome.
I'm like, you need to hearthis.
Um but we're we're excited tobe uh with you.
(01:08):
We love marriage, it's one ofour favorite things, and we've
been married 29 years now.
4 (01:13):
Yeah, and actually um high school sweethearts, but dated
for quite a while before gettingmarried.
So we had quite a while.
Eight years on it.
Wow recommended.
1 (01:29):
What's the recommended, you know, um length of time to be
dating?
What's the recommended?
2 (01:36):
Well, I I think what we recommend is don't date in high
school.
Like I think it reallycomplicates your relationships
with your peers.
And students could embrace theidea of just being connected and
having fun and enjoying thosefriendship pieces.
I think that was a major partof our dating component.
Uh after high school, uh, youknow, I think there's a lot of
(01:59):
factors.
We went to different colleges.
Um we weren't even in the same,we weren't in the same time
zone.
4 (02:06):
In fact, I was telling my youngest, our youngest daughter,
who's in actually in Peru rightnow, and we were talking about
when Joe and I dated and how wewrote letters.
And she just, I mean, shook herhead like I I wouldn't survive.
Like we didn't have texting,you know.
We we did phone calls, youknow, the cord on the phone in
(02:28):
college, outside into thehallway, the you know, 50-foot
cord.
And we know it one calls phonebills.
Um, you know, when you had topay for pay for your cell phone,
but we had to pay for thecalls.
2 (02:41):
Those darn rich college kids who had the cordless phone.
I was so jealous of them.
Oh wow.
1 (02:50):
With the 30-foot antenna, you know.
Oh, I love that.
And so you've got one daughterin Peru and you've got other
kids.
4 (03:01):
Yes, one daughter at home and a son who's married and lives
about 30 minutes away.
1 (03:06):
So that's awesome.
Well, thank you guys so muchfor coming on here.
Yeah, go ahead, Joe.
2 (03:12):
Well, I was just gonna say we keep uh toying with the empty
nest and it just doesn't quiteget there.
We're we were close and thenuh, but we'll be there soon, we
hope.
4 (03:21):
We sell lots of the confetti and then to put the confetti
back in the cannon.
1 (03:30):
That's pretty funny.
Much harder to put back in.
Yeah, yeah, that's funny.
We've been in this seriestalking about grace, and we
wanted to ask you when uh, youknow, Joe, you're a pastor,
Tracy.
You've been involved inministry for a long time.
Uh you've invested a lot indifferent communities.
And when people hear that wordgrace, that you know, different
(03:51):
images might conjure up whatwhen you think of grace, just
for you personally, what's thatlook like?
4 (03:59):
Oh, I mean, the first thing that comes to mind is I need a
lot of it.
1 (04:04):
Whatever it is, you need a lot.
4 (04:07):
Yeah.
And I've I've always thoughtlike to me, Joe gives grace in
such an easy way.
Um or he he makes me feel likehe's giving grace in in an easy
way.
Uh I feel like I'm more of a aneye roller and a oh my
(04:27):
goodness, and we have to learnit, and it's hard.
And but when I my experience ofgrace in being married to Joe
is that he gives a lot.
And um, you know, not out ofany, not making me feel guilty
or bad or anything like that.
1 (04:44):
Can you give an example of what that uh might look like?
I I know what the eye rollinglooks like, uh not that part.
4 (04:53):
Um, you know, we we it's relationship, it's messy
sometimes.
Um we get frustrated overthings.
So um it doesn't even have tobe frustration over something in
marriage.
It could be when I getfrustrated with one of the kids
and I um, you know, get upsetabout it.
And Joe's just gentle to belike, you know what, it's all
(05:16):
right, and and comes alongsideme in a gracious way, rather
than like, you know, you need toget your stuff together and not
act like that.
Which, you know, maybe heshould say that sometimes, but
just that kindness of grace tocome alongside.
1 (05:30):
I don't think that would go well, at least not for me.
4 (05:32):
Probably not in that moment.
1 (05:35):
Joe, how about for you when when you think about grace?
What do you think of?
2 (05:40):
Yeah, it's funny because I think I think the same thing.
I feel like Tracy gives itliberally.
And um it's you know,theologically, I remember being
taught in in seminary about thedifference between grace and
mercy.
But my favorite definition isjust undeserved kindness.
(06:00):
Um that that grace is justkindness that's given to you
because, and and there's noreason to it.
And so obviously, when youthink of God giving grace, it's
it's all this goodness that Godgives us that we could never
earn.
But I feel like that's inmarriage, it's such a powerful
thing when your spouse justgives you kindness just because,
(06:21):
um, and not because you earnedit, not because you got the gold
star that day uh on therefrigerator.
Um, I don't have many goldstars on the refrigerator.
I don't know.
Yeah, we we took down thechart, it was empty for too
long.
1 (06:36):
So smart thinking.
2 (06:38):
And yet all this kindness comes in, and that undeserved,
unmerited kindness, that to meis the essence of grace.
It's um, you know, it's it'slittle things, it's it's the
little cup of coffee before workthat you just weren't
expecting.
And it's uh, you know, and itgoes from there.
And but I just think thatunmerited, undeserved kindness
just resonates.
1 (07:00):
Uh, the two of you have a ministry called OnePlus One.
Could you tell us a little bitabout that?
And then maybe how you've usedgrace to um connect with people
in in the context of OnePlusOne.
2 (07:14):
Well, OnePlus OneMarriage.com is the site, and it is an
online community of people whowant to grow their marriages.
Um, I know uh Danny andKimberly, you have such a heart
for people and for couples.
And and one of the things wehave seen is how it seems like
there's a lot of marriages thatare just doing okay.
(07:36):
They're not thriving.
Um maybe a little more thansurviving, but they're not in,
they're not in chaos or they'renot in like danger mode.
And so we want to create aministry where people can
connect about their marriages inthis community.
And I think in it, what you endup finding is how couples can
give grace to each other.
(07:56):
Um, you get ideas of uh like adate night idea that involves uh
a husband going out of his wayfor his wife, and another
husband picks up on that.
And it's cool how those ideasspur on uh connection, spur on
oneness.
But so much of those, so manyof those ideas just flow out of
grace.
They just flow out ofundeserved, unmerited kindness.
(08:19):
Um, my wife wrote a blog um awhile back and it was about uh
sexual grace.
It really was just about how tohow to participate in sex
together as couples and from awife's perspective, um, how to
give this grace to your husband.
Um and it's such a cool thingbecause then other couples are
engaging with these ideas andthen putting them into practice
(08:42):
in their marriages.
And uh and it's a super coolcommunity to see how how that
starts to ripple out.
1 (08:49):
Yeah, and I think is that something we could find on
OnePlus One or is that somewhereelse that blog?
2 (08:55):
Yeah, it's uh it's on the OnePlus OneMarriage.com site.
Um it's a membership site, andand once you join, uh you can
search keywords and all thosethings to access uh any of those
pieces.
Okay.
1 (09:07):
Cool.
Tracy, you were gonna saysomething, sorry.
4 (09:10):
Well, uh, I think what happens too in the site is you
just have awareness.
You know, a lot of times we goalong in our life or people go
along in marriage, and I'm notinvesting anything into it
because I'm just you know, likethe lather, rinse, repeat life.
Kids, work, um hobbies,activities, you know, whatever,
(09:35):
whatever the things are arehappening day in and day out,
and all of a sudden you're like,wow, it's been a year, it's
been five years, it's beenhowever long.
And I haven't done anything onpurpose for my marriage.
And I think when we start doingthings on purpose, that's when
we have an awareness about graceand an opportunity then to
(09:57):
extend grace on a consistentbasis, and that makes a huge
difference.
1 (10:02):
So I'm hearing from you guys kind of a bottom line is being
willing to be intentional andaware and to extend grace and
kindness that you have to do,it's not these big grandiose
things that you're talkingabout.
(10:22):
You're talking about just kindof waking up one day and going,
uh, I'm gonna be intentional.
I'm gonna see are there waysthat I can extend grace by being
kind today to my spouse thatmaybe I didn't do yesterday, or
like maybe the lather rinserepeat is just kind of being
snippy with each other, and it'sjust the norm and and or and
(10:48):
sometimes it's worse than that,and it's name-calling, and you
know, but maybe that's the normand in a relationship that's not
healthy, but it's kind of whatthe the pattern that the couple
may have gotten into.
But you're saying you can wakeup tomorrow and go just choose
to extend grace in the form ofof kindness.
2 (11:09):
It's that it is that intention, and it happens in all
relationships.
Like, um, you know, when youhave a coworker that's super
annoying, but you have to getalong in a project, you you just
choose it.
But I think sometimes it getsharder to choose it in the
marriage relationship because ofthe proximity to this person of
in every part of life.
(11:31):
And so the familiarity of it,um, it it just causes maybe some
of that more pent-up tension.
And and if I lose it at work, Imight lose my job, but I can
come home and and maybe uhshorten the grace and feel like
she has to stay in this becausewe're committed to each other.
Um, but I think that intentionis is so so powerful.
1 (11:56):
Yeah.
Uh would you share your vision?
I and maybe how you you got tothis point in your marriage that
the the vision you guys havefor one plus one marriage um dot
com is just incredible.
But how do you get to thatspace in your marriage from
(12:16):
dating for 250 years?
Uh give or take.
Eight, eight, seven, sevenyears.
Um to the point where you'reyou're at a point now where you
intentionally want to help amillion marriages, is my
understanding.
Uh talk to me about that.
2 (12:38):
From day one, we kind of had marriage figured out.
So I I don't I guess I don't Iguess I don't understand the
question.
1 (12:44):
No, stop right there.
That is the funniest thing I'veever, ever heard.
Day one, we had marriagefigured out.
2 (12:51):
Yeah, it was it was pretty easy to do.
4 (12:53):
I mean, that's maybe what you think on day one, but you know,
day one comes or day two comes,it'll fall over.
2 (13:01):
You know, it's in our when we share our story, it's always
about the 10-year mark for us.
And it seems like when we haveconnected with other couples,
there's a similarity in thateight, nine, ten, eleven year
mark where you you realizeyou're in this rhythm of being
together, but but there's notthe joy, there's not the um
(13:24):
adventure, there's not theintentionality like we're
talking about.
Um, and for us, the one plusone marriage.com uh happened out
of that.
Um it it started, you know, 20years ago when we hit that
10-year mark and things werefine.
We weren't fighting, we weren'tour marriage wasn't in a bad
(13:46):
space, but we we weren'tthriving.
We didn't, you know, I don'tthink either of us would have
said, Man, we love beingmarried.
It's like, yeah, we're we'remarried, we we like it.
4 (13:54):
It's the kids were young at that time too, you know, um
what, like six, four, and one,you know, like little that's a
busy time, yeah.
So ministry was full.
2 (14:08):
And I and I think that was a point at which we realized if we
didn't intentionally invest, umit nothing was going to change.
We were just stuck in thatcycle of just an okay marriage.
And so out of that, we began tohave conversations.
We actually taught a class.
Um, uh I was a youth pastor atthe time, and our our senior
(14:29):
pastor had asked if I wouldteach a parenting class, if we
would teach a parenting class.
And we decided, you know what,let's let's talk marriage
mostly.
And and we decided to kind oflaunch into our story.
And honestly, we thought mostof the people in the room who
were older than we were wouldkind of be like, yeah, duh, you
(14:50):
know, sorry, it took you 10years to figure it out.
And instead, what we found wasa whole room of people who were
blown away by our transparency,and then they're they were in
the same spot, and some of themhad been married 20 years and
were in the same spot.
And so then we started talkingabout, especially about sexual
intimacy in marriage and thechallenges we were facing at the
(15:11):
10-year mark, and we struck anerve, and um, and we just
realized uh what we wereexperiencing wasn't unusual, it
was the norm for a lot ofpeople.
And so I think that's how uhour our passion for marriage
started to grow was to realize,hey, there's something happening
here that we want to figureout, and then we want to help
(15:33):
lead others on that journey.
And uh through all the years ofyouth ministry, we have done a
lot of marriage ministry, andand now moving into the
oneplusone marriage.com is kindof our full-time uh work in this
next season.
Um, we're we're excited aboutthat because it uh it really
flows out of what we discoveredkind of at that 10-year mark.
1 (15:57):
And I mentioned the million.
What's the the vision that wayin terms of uh what you want to
do with one plus one?
4 (16:06):
Well, I'll say my my piece of it um as I think about our
years in youth ministry and theimpact we love to have on
teenagers is that if a millionmarriages were impacted in a
positive way, it would impact amillion teenagers.
Even even if those people don'tmillions of teenagers, um
whether it's their own kids oryou know, their nieces and
(16:28):
nephews or their grandchildrenor whatever.
So so that means a lot to me.
That um side of the impact is apiece of it.
2 (16:36):
Yeah, I was in a pastor's meeting just today, the the day
we recorded this, and um one ofthe pastors said uh the biggest
problem in our community is thisthe marriages.
And he works with children inanother context.
And he said, if we could figureout how to help marriages, um,
we could solve so many problems.
(16:57):
And you know, I was justsitting there thinking, uh
agreed, and let let's let's goafter a million marriages.
Um it's an obscene goal tothink of impacting a million
marriages, but when you when youthrow those things before the
Lord, it maybe it's not bigenough.
And uh maybe that's ourlaunching point is one million
(17:18):
marriages, but that's ourheartbeat is to help these
marriages because we've beenaround teenagers for so long and
seen so many broken homes andthe and the ripple effect on
teenagers.
And if God would give us theability to influence the the
husbands and wives, then maybewe can influence the teenagers
uh in that path.
1 (17:37):
Yeah.
So that means that in everyhousehold, every couple that's
married, well, or even notmarried, they're affecting
whoever whatever kids are in thehousehold, is what you're
saying.
Exactly.
Right.
So that and then those kidshave their own troubles or
whatever, watching becauseeither it's a healthy marriage
or healthy relationship thatthey're watching, and oh,
(17:58):
they're resolving conflict.
I can learn to do this.
5 (18:01):
Yeah.
1 (18:01):
Or they're watching their their parents do avoiding like
the conflict or you know, notworking it out or yelling and
screaming and having a reallypoor way of working through
conflict, or yeah, or not doingit.
Um, so and then that's what youguys see in youth ministry.
You've been seeing the effectsof that.
These these kids have no safeplace to go because the marriage
(18:24):
really is that huge.
I was gonna say anchor,obviously, our anchors in
Christ, but it's still there'sstill a community aspect to that
anchor being in Christ and thebody of Christ and the
connection.
Yeah.
Uh what would you say?
I I'm sure there's somebodylistening that is nodding their
head going, like, we agree withyou.
(18:46):
We're at that point where we welove each other, we're we're
good, you know, like um kids aregood, you know, like there's
nothing wrong.
We're no, we're not reallydating, you know, but we we, you
know, we'll sit down, watch ashow, but there's no
intentionality.
Like, what would you say tothat couple to help them take
(19:07):
either a small step or what itlooks like to get to a place
where you genuinely like andenjoy and you're thriving in
your marriage?
2 (19:17):
I one of the first things is for couples to recognize that
they're in that space.
And it's amazing how we've hadconversations with couples who
we can tell and we're listeningto them, we're like they're in
that space, but it takes them alittle bit to recognize we're in
this rut.
But and when they do, I I thinkour first call to them is that
(19:40):
you have to, just like we'vebeen saying, intentionally do
something to get out of it.
Um often we, and I think weespecially hear this from wives
who say, well, when the kids areout of the house, dot, dot,
dot.
Yeah, the number like it'll getbetter.
Yeah, that that's the magic.
And and of course, we've seenso many, we've had we've had
(20:01):
friends and we've seen so manypeople that when the kids leave,
the marriage dissolves becausethe kids were holding the
relationship together.
And and you got to flip thatscript by choosing something
different.
And so um one of our bigthings, uh, we love date night.
We think date night is kind ofat the heart of so much
connection in marriage.
(20:21):
And so we challenge uh coupleswho are tackling this idea for
the first time to startintentionally figuring out date
night.
Um, that's one of our favoritesites.
Uh one of the favorite aspectsof our OnePlus OneMarriage.com
site is the date night areawhere ideas come in and we're
generating ways to take yourspouse out some creative,
(20:42):
intentional things.
Because just like marriage,your date night gets stuck in
these ruts.
Like we had this, you know, westarted dating them, kind of did
the same thing.
It it's movies, you know, graba dinner, grab dinner out, go to
the movies, come home.
Like we start hitting thisrhythm.
And so how do you shake thatup?
Uh, but it just requiresintention.
And that at the heart of it iswe have to get after this.
(21:04):
And that's where we think, youknow, great podcasts.
Um, this uh we, you know, we dowhatever it takes podcast.
You listen to it and you getinspired.
You do, you get inspired to dosomething different.
Hopefully, people come to theone plus one site and they they
hear an idea, they seeinteractions with other couples,
and it inspires them to go,yeah, I I want more.
(21:25):
And and to value therelationship they have.
4 (21:29):
But the inspiration is only like the tip of it because it
takes an act of courage.
Usually when we're in the rutspace, we're both kind of in it,
whether we're both aware of itor not.
And somebody has to have an actof courage to say, I want more,
or I'm feeling this.
(21:51):
It's it's really what happenedfor us is Joe just you know
stepped out in courage and said,I'm struggling in in the sexual
area of our relationship, andhere's why.
And as he shared that, I I hadno idea, and I felt I felt bad
and almost hurt a little bit,had to process that.
(22:14):
But without that act of courageof being willing to um be
vulnerable enough to say whatwas really going on, what you
was really feeling, then we wewouldn't be here like this today
for sure.
I don't know how long you wouldstay in that rut, how long we
would have stayed in that rutand not even been aware of it
(22:37):
without one of us taking thatact of courage.
1 (22:41):
I love that.
That act of courage.
I was thinking before you evensaid that, like, whose job is it
to get out of the rut, right?
Like, well, is it somebody'sjob specifically?
But you're saying no, it'swhoever's kind of got the
courage in that moment to say,hey, I think this is going on
for me in the marriage, and I Ithink it could be better if I'm
(23:04):
honest with you and shared thatthis is happening or this isn't
happening, or I feel left out attimes, or I feel like I want to
be closer to you, but I don'tknow how, or right, whatever it
is that that we feel like wewant improvements.
4 (23:17):
And I think that's so good how you're saying it too.
Like I I feel this, this is myexperience of what's happening.
It's not about blame oraccusing the other person of
what's happening or nothappening, really, really owning
how I'm experiencing what'sgoing on.
1 (23:38):
Uh, one of the things I I love about yeah, just that whole
thing of being vulnerable isit's a key to relationships, is
that vulnerability and thatcourage.
I you know, one of the thingswe'll tell people is like you're
not in high school anymore.
You can be the first to say,like, hey, I I want this.
(23:59):
You don't have to wait and go,Oh, I was just waiting for them,
you know, like to say like Ilike you.
Um no, like anything.
It could be to say sorry, like,oh, you know, they should come
to me for you know, that it'slike you're not a high school,
you don't have to wait, justgive grace, do it now, be
intentional.
It's going to benefit yourmarriage.
(24:20):
Yeah, one of the things thatyou said that I would love to
hear one from each of you of adate night.
Um, and then uh yeah, so if youhave an idea of a quick idea on
a date night, because I I knowyou you have a lot of them, but
what's one that you wouldrecommend, Joe, and then one
you'd recommend, Tracy?
2 (24:38):
Hey, uh, Danny, on what you just said a second ago, um,
yeah, it was interesting becausein the conversation Tracy's
alluding to, I sat on it for along time.
Uh and and I was I wasterrified.
I was like, how do you havethis conversation about sex and
the the frustration I wasfeeling?
And and it was crazy how oncethe conversation started, uh
(25:01):
grace is the perfect word todescribe what what exchange took
place.
And um, because I think I hadprocessed a little bit, I I
presented, I tried to presentthat feeling that not not not in
the blame.
But then Tracy's response tothat was so gracious.
And and then we started tounderstand the complexity of
that sexual relationship.
(25:23):
Um, and Tracy's like, well,here's what's happening in my
world and and in my mind, andand like, oh, okay.
And then, you know, you findout doing the dishes is like the
sexiest thing you can do.
And right, yeah, I'll do theI'll come home and do the dishes
midday.
I don't care, I'll do thedishes, right?
The house vacuum, I'll vacuumthe house while I'm doing the
(25:43):
dishes.
Just send pictures, please.
1 (25:45):
That's what I asked Danny for.
Send pictures of you vacuuming.
2 (25:51):
But uh but the the courage it takes to do that, uh what what
I found was it was grace wasreturned.
And when you're both committedto the Lord and committed to
each other, there's a pool ofgrace to draw from.
And and then of course, I wishI'd had the conversation sooner,
and I wish we had started, butthat that was our path.
So I appreciate what you weresaying there, Danny.
1 (26:12):
Yeah, no, I would say with that is a lot of people, it it's
an uncomfortable conversationto have, to have a um a sexual
intimacy of things that you wishwere happening or aren't
happening or used to happen.
And and our thing for thoseconversations is we just want to
normalize it for couples, is wetalk about sex and struggles
(26:36):
that way and good things and badthings um all the time.
And we would encourage ifyou're listening to try to have
that conversation and you couldstart small, but there's no
exception, it's vulnerable, youknow.
And so you have to havecourage, like Tracy said.
2 (26:53):
And that to us is the power of date night, is it creates
more opportunities forconversations.
And so maybe your first coupleof date nights, you're not ready
to go there yet.
But the rhythm of date night,and we would find, you know,
sometimes we'd be walking thepark for our date night, and we
could have profoundconversations and we were by
ourselves, we're out walking,and it opened up pathways for
(27:15):
that.
And so full circle back to datenight.
Look at that.
Yeah, you know what?
1 (27:20):
It makes me think though, that with date night, I I'm
picturing some couples justokay, so we're doing it, and
they're checking a box, butyours sounds different than
that.
The call to action here soundsmore like again, back to being
intentional.
5 (27:36):
Intentional, yeah.
1 (27:37):
But what are they being intentional about on their date
night?
4 (27:42):
And it can vary.
Okay, uh you know, if I want tohave a deep emotional
conversation every time we goout, like Joe's gonna be in for
that now and then, but notalways, you know.
So how about we have some funsometimes and we learn something
sometimes, and like that kindof variety, and it's really
(28:05):
about getting to know each otherand connecting and um just
having opportunity to converse.
I remember our first I'll callit our first date night, but it
was like during this that seasonat the 10-year mark where we
decided we're committed to doingthis date night.
We went um to get shoes, youknow, at the we're sitting at
(28:28):
the shoe store, Joe's tryingshoes on.
We had a conversation and likewe finished the conversation.
It took like three minutes.
And I was like, what are wegonna talk about now?
Like, usually I would have beenchasing the kids around while
he's trying on the shoes and youknow, all these interruptions.
And so now I have this time andthere's no interruption to this
(28:49):
conversation.
It's like, oh, I need toremember who you are and who we
are, and that's a greatopportunity to do that.
1 (28:58):
Ah, so we're looking for connection with each other that
we wouldn't get when we're athome, and especially with
littles or animals or whatever'srunning around your house.
By the way, if you've heardsnorting in the background, we
don't have a pig, we do have adog in here.
I'm like, she just sounds like afish.
I'm just like, well, that that'sgonna be in the background.
(29:19):
That's not me to promise.
Are there any resources?
Um, obviously, one plus one uh,you know, marriage.com is a
massive resource for people.
Are there other things thatyou'd recommend or anything that
you want to share about oneplusone as we wrap things up?
2 (29:41):
In in terms of resources, um uh I when you start thinking
about intention, uh I mean, youcan go online and just look up
date night ideas in my area.
Um, like I I think it's lessabout the the thing and more
about the purpose behind it.
Um You know, you asked one ofone of my favorites, uh, one of
(30:02):
our what our favorites are,Danny, and one of mine is I I
love when we just get in the carand we just pick a direction.
Hey, we're going thisdirection, and then we see
something interesting.
Um, and we're in northwestMichigan, so we might drive a
ways before we see somethinginteresting.
Yeah.
1 (30:19):
Some someday you'll have to tell us what even interesting
is, but okay.
2 (30:24):
Uh, you know, but uh a road you haven't been on before.
Uh you know, out here we havethousands of lakes, and to go to
a lake we haven't been to, uh,there's just things like that.
That again, it's not so muchabout what it is we're doing,
but it's about that connectionthat happens.
Um, sometimes Tracy pulls up uhsilly questions to ask or or
(30:46):
trivia.
And I and I think again, it'sall about that connection.
And so resources I think areplentiful for date night kinds
of things.
Um, I love what we do in theOnePlus One community because we
just we spur each other on, wewe're tossing ideas back and
forth, but but connection justhappens when you choose that
intentionally.
The activity won't createconnection.
(31:08):
Um, it's it's choosing itregardless of the activity.
1 (31:12):
I love that.
Yeah, the questions be yeah,and and using resources like one
plus one um to get ideas onwhat to talk about, not just
what to do for the date night.
Yeah, I love that.
You guys are amazing.
Yeah, Joe and Tracy, thank youso much for being on.
We we love you, we're thankfulfor you.
And and if you didn't hear, goto oneplus1marriage.com, check
(31:37):
out the resources.
We're excited for we were partof that community, so say hi to
us on there.
And that is it for we dowhatever it takes.
Thank you so much.
2 (31:46):
Yeah, thanks for having us on the show.
We love your podcast.
Popular Podcasts
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!
The Joe Rogan Experience
The official podcast of comedian Joe Rogan.
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.