003 - We have mom brain.

Send us a text

We're in the whirlwind of pre-holiday weeks, what better time to explore the concept of "mom brain?” In this episode, we discuss the real cognitive changes that occur during and after pregnancy. We share our personal experiences, research findings, and a few coping strategies, and make an ambitious attempt to re-frame mom brain into something reassuring and positive.

We also chat about the somewhat controversial topic of "sharenting” and the implications of sharing children's photos online. 

Support the show

Follow us on Social Media:
Instagram

Episode Transcript

Lindsay (00:00):
you may be asking yourself, what the actual hell
is this?
And why do I still have this?
Do I have too much on my plate?
Why can't I come up with simplewords to say?
Will

Jordan (00:10):
I ever be able to think straight ever again?
Is this forever?
And we're on.
Hi, Lindsay.
What's up, Jordan?
I think I'm going to call youLindsay every time we open this
up.
Get that spelling right.

(00:31):
Yeah.
Get it right.
Hi, everybody.
Welcome.
This is, the We Have Kidspodcast.
Yeah.
We have

Lindsay (00:37):
kids.
We've been gone for a hotminute.

Jordan (00:40):
YEah, it's been a while since

Lindsay (00:41):
we recorded.
You can't tell, I'm sure thelisteners can't tell we've been
gone.
No.
But we have been gone.

Jordan (00:47):
Yeah, it's been a couple of weeks.
A crazy couple of pre holidayseason weeks.
Yeah.
I was on vacation.
Me and my family went to Mexico.
Down to Todos Santos.
Kind of like on the bottom ofBaja California.
It was good.
It was interesting.

Lindsay (01:06):
I've been to Mexico once and that was last March.
My daughter was only threemonths old.
I left her behind.
That was wild, tough, but carryon.
Tell me about your

Jordan (01:18):
Mexico.
I mean, you've got everyone onthe hook now leaving.

Lindsay (01:23):
I'll just add that the first;=night\|that I was there.
Making all of a sudden makingthis all about me, but I swear
I'm not I'll just add one thingbecause it's funny the first
night I was there I Woke up inthe middle of the night looking
for her.
Oh my mom brain was all like inroutine paying, you know, your,

(01:49):
your brain's just payingattention to your child when
yeah.
And yeah, woke up in the middleof the night looking for, I
remember waking up when I waslooking all over the room being
like, where's baby, where's mybaby, where's baby?
And then I remember standing andholding my head and being like.
Wow.
Okay.

(02:09):
And then I slept like a queenthe rest of the time.
Oh,

Jordan (02:14):
That's incredible.
Yeah.
Tell me about your.
I feel like everyone should justreally quickly know also what a
hero you are for having pumpedthe whole time you were in
Mexico

Lindsay (02:25):
because

Jordan (02:25):
Jesus, every three hours.
Yeah.
That's why.
And just like,\bear in mind,everybody, I'm about to talk
about how tricky it was to havea one year old in a country.
Where there isn't like tap waterthat you're supposed to drink.
Lindsay pumped in this countrywhere you're not supposed to
drink the tap water, which meansyou can't wash any of the pump
parts with anything but bottledwater.

(02:46):
I was

Lindsay (02:46):
very, I was very strategic.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Is every three hours.
I will say that beer helped beerhelped me produce more unless I
felt more relaxed too.
I don't know.
Yeah.
It probably was a combination ofboth, but I.
Was asking for bottled water allthe time and I was asking for

(03:11):
ten to ten to a dozen bottles ata time They were like what's
going on?
And I'm like I have they I gavehim the whole Spiel because I
asked for a freezer theconcierge Cafeteria area of the
resort for them to hold and theydid that for me So they
understood why I was asking forso much water.
But yeah, I had I brought myWhat are those little things

(03:34):
that you boil on top of like a,Oh, a kettle.
Yeah.
I brought my,

Jordan (03:37):
normally

Lindsay (03:40):
I don't have something like that, so I bought it just
for this trip and I brought likea, foldable sink.
you know, like a 12 by 12 sinkand it collapsed and collapsed
and then I brought my kettlewith and I boiled all of the
bottled water, did the wholething.
So every three hours, everyone,every three hours got who, who

(04:02):
gets up in the middle of thenight on vacation in Mexico at
12, it was like 1230 I wassetting my alarm.
That's wild.
It's wild.
To pump.

Jordan (04:11):
It doesn't sound very relaxing, but.
I'm glad you had a good time.
I hope you had a good time.
Yeah, I did.
I did.
Yeah, yeah.
Oh, that's wild.
Yeah, I can't imagine.
And yeah, having a one year old,I mean, she did great.
She did really great.
And she loved, the beach, whichwas super fun.
Oh, we don't have a beach superclose by here.
She had been to a Californiabeach.

(04:34):
Oh, sure.
How old was she?
I don't know.
Maybe she was nine or ten monthslong.
But yeah, she loved that.
But for me, like our Airbnb wasnot childproof in any capacity
and I was just chasing heraround with concrete steps just
everywhere.
Yeah.
I, I, I think I held her more inthat week than I have held her

(04:57):
in the last.
Three months combined?

Lindsay (04:59):
Oh

Jordan (04:59):
my gosh.
I imagine.
Yeah, I got some muscles fromthat trip.
Anyway, we can talk more aboutthat when we might do um, a
little travel episode in thenext few.
Yeah.
I'm traveling soon.
Because Lindsay's actuallytaking her kiddo.

Lindsay (05:10):
Mm hmm.
Her and I are going to Detroitsoon.
Yeah.
We're spending the holiday withfamily.
we normally host Christmas outhere in Utah but this year our
family they have a new house andthey're excited to host.
So we're going there.
So my daughter and I are flyingout of here.
Yeah.
Fun.
Yeah.
It'll be interesting becauseshe's a year old.

(05:31):
The last time I flew with herwas, well, I flew with her in
the summer a lot.
She was like six to seven monthsage.
So it was a great age for her totravel because she slept really
well and she didn't need to bestimulated every 30 seconds.
And she wasn't walking.
Yeah, not walking, not asmobile.
I mean.
But this time around I'm alittle nervous she'll be a year

(05:51):
old, but, and

Jordan (05:53):
she just took her first steps.
Yeah.
Yesterday everybody,

Lindsay (05:57):
she turns one years old next week and we borrowed a cute
little shopping cart from youand she practiced and did
wonderful with that all over thehouse.
And then the next day shewalked.
Yeah, that's like clearly sheneeded that.

Jordan (06:14):
Yeah Yeah, so we'll get back to you with some travel
tips and all of the insight.
Yeah, that will be a funepisode.
Yeah, it's a lot.
It is a lot traveling with akid, but it is Like it's I don't
know.
It's not It is hard, but it'salso not so hard.
I mean once you're used to kindof like Corralling your kid just
generally kind of can do itanywhere.

Lindsay (06:36):
I yeah, it's so interesting too because was born
in the 80s and I was not like Inan airport often.
I think the first time I everentered an airport I was 10 to
12.
That was the first time I ever,and we're already exposing our
kids to the airport and travel.
Yeah, isn't

Jordan (06:52):
that crazy to think about?
Yeah, I didn't fly either untilI was probably, yeah, I was
probably around 10.
I didn't go on, I think I wentonce in a plane when I was
little and then didn't go againuntil I was like 18.
Yeah, so it should beinteresting to see.
How that

Lindsay (07:07):
molds them in some way.
Yeah,

Jordan (07:09):
yeah.
Cause we'll definitely do a lotof traveling.
She's, I mean we can talk aboutthis more maybe in the next
episode, but her grandparentslive in the UK.
So we've already been over thereonce and I'm sure we'll continue
to go back.
Cause we love those guys, weYeah.
Yeah.
Cool.
Well, anyway, we'll get into themeat of our podcast.
Lindsay's got a fun topic, uh, arelatable topic for me today.

Lindsay (07:35):
Mind you, I, this, this definitely affects me a handful
of times a day.
I know it affects you a handfulof times a day, It is called
MomBrain.

Jordan (07:45):
Have you heard of it?
Have you guys heard of this?

Lindsay (07:49):
Who here has MomBrain?
Is it just me

Jordan (07:52):
and Jordan?
I hear

Lindsay (07:55):
you.
Somehow I doubt it.
So, who has mom brain?
Don't all raise your hands atthe same time.
Um, but, um, if anyone's heardof mom brain, you may be asking
yourself, what the actual hellis this?
And why do I still have this?
Do I have too much on my plate?
Why can't I come up with simplewords to say?

(08:17):
Will

Jordan (08:18):
I ever be able to think straight ever again?
Is this forever?

Lindsay (08:22):
Why do I still have this a year, like a well into a
year?
After having my child, is thiseven recoverable?
Yeah.
Like what you're saying, um, whydoes my husband look at me like
a deer at the headlights when Ican't?
Like, when I can't, like,respond and he's just waiting

(08:42):
for an answer, I just, like,stare in the blank.
When I talk to you on the phonesometimes, you know, I'm just so
grateful that you totallyunderstand.
Absolutely.
Just, like, a blank

Jordan (08:55):
space.
Yeah, we'll be doing MarcoPolo's and there'll be just,
like, a ten second break wherewe're just sat there staring at
him.
I was going to say somethingelse for sure, so just hang on.

Lindsay (09:07):
So mom brain is a big thing that's in our lives since
having our children.
I'm going to be talking aboutwhat it is.
What the cause of it is There'salso some really cool positive
things that are coming out ofthis mom brain your brain
changes in positive ways as wellWhich is really like reassuring.
It

Jordan (09:25):
is because it's kind of hard to see those positive
changes

Lindsay (09:29):
Yes, so mind you We're just gonna dive right into this.
Oh, and I also have some reallycool like tips and coping ways
too.
Um, but first and foremost, mombrain.
Is a term, well, it's a phrase,it's a phrase, it's, and it's
kind of like a phrase in ajoking way, if you will.

(09:51):
It's unfortunate that it's justout there and like kind of a
negative undertone.
But, um, mom brain is a phraseused to refer to the cognitive
changes that a mother canexperience during pregnancy and
after giving birth.
Um, and obviously when we sayafter giving birth, that means

(10:11):
like an extended time throughpostpartum.
Um, and those are, uh, changesthat are, that like our feelings
of being less focused duringconversations, which I think
laughing laughing, but in allseriousness, it's less sharp

(10:32):
with vocabulary.
Yep.
A general overall decrease inmental energy, of course, and
then also executive functioning,like you're planning and
organizing and maintainingattention during conversations.
Um, all of that's affected Andso obviously these are things
that clearly happened to me in ahandful of times, if not more in

(10:54):
a good 24 hour period of time,and then it's like all week long
too, all month long and then allyear long, it just keeps

Jordan (11:01):
going and going, going, going, yeah.

Lindsay (11:04):
Yep.
So.
Mommy brain or slash mom braindefinitely has kind of like a
negative undertone to it becausewhen you are talking about it
you're like oh you have mombrain or it's like you're
frustrated that you can'tremember things you're
frustrated you can't come upwith like the simplest words
you're frustrated that yourattention span is you know

(11:25):
affected it's frustratingtotally so obviously the brain
goes under some significantchanges during pregnancy in the
postpartum period.
Uh, several areas of your brain,like your hypothalamus, your
amygdala, your hippocampus,they're all impacted.
And then there are, evidenceThat suggests during pregnancy

(11:46):
women experience a decrease inbrain volume in like areas for
verbal memory.
So this is all like an actualthing.
So it's

Jordan (11:54):
not just like I didn't get enough sleep last night.
My mental load is insane and Iliterally can't fill my brain
with any more.

Lindsay (12:01):
It's like all of that.
It's all of what you're sayingand actual brain changes.
Big thing going on here.
And it like, for that, all thatto be happening to like the sole
provider of your child, that'sso hard.
It's intense.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And you just, you wish you'd hadnone of these changes going on,

(12:22):
but there's some good, changestoo.
Yeah.
They're believed to be adaptivesince they aid mothers in
responding to their infant'scues.
So even though you feel likeyou're losing your, your verbal
memory, you feel like you'relosing like attention span, your
brain is also growing in sensethat you're Responding to your
child with their cues, such ascrying, such as, or maybe

(12:45):
fussiness, like you're in tuneso much more to that, which is
kind of a cool way of like, yourbrain is gaining a way of how to
nurture.
Yeah, so basically all theresearch that I found was just
there's less gray matter.
Yeah, okay.
And then there's more, butthere's more Like there's more

(13:06):
research on the positive thingsthat, well, that's

Jordan (13:09):
good.
Cause that's not always thecase.

Lindsay (13:11):
Right.
That's what, when I came acrossthis, I was like, what?
And then I went on further andit was just like, but moms are
gaining this.
Moms are getting this.
Mom's are getting this.
So I was like, this isimpressive because I were out
here in public are talking aboutall like the negative.
Yeah.
But there's like, it's nice tosee that there's a ton of
articles about it going in moreof a positive.
Yeah.
How

Jordan (13:32):
refreshing that the research is actually focusing on
the things that are beneficial.
I feel like that's somethingthat we miss a lot in science.
We're just always looking atlike, The things that are
creating problems.
Yeah, and it's nice to seethings that are adaptive,
positive.

Lindsay (13:46):
All those changes of your brain are speculated from
hormonal like changes.
Oh, wow.
So increased hormonal change inestrogen, oxytocin, and
prolactin right after birth areso significant.
To respond to your baby?
Yeah.
That that becomes more prominentthan anything like That it's
just like
that

Jordan (14:06):
takes over your whole brain, basically.
I mean, not obviously your wholebrain, but

Lindsay (14:12):
Which makes me wonder, like, of all mammals, if it's
like that.

Jordan (14:16):
Probably, I mean, all mammals would have prolactin.
Mm-Hmm.
Yeah.
And I'm assuming they'll allhave oxytocin.
I mean, I know like they've donestudies on like Yeah.
Naked moats or voles orsomething that Mm-Hmm.
have lots of oxytocin.
Yeah.
I don't remember what I'mtalking about.
Nobody quote me on that.
Yeah.
So interesting.
But yeah, I would think likethat would make sense.

(14:37):
Mm-Hmm.
Yeah.
Wild.
It's crazy that hormones canchange our brain that much.
Like it's crazy the effecthormones have on our body
generally.
Yeah, it's wild.
Uh

Lindsay (14:47):
huh.
Yeah, that's cool It's sodifferent too because like when
you put stuff in your mouth andyou like feel those changes
Digestively you actually likecan understand What do you mean?
Like, when you eat, like, say,like, a really spicy, like,
piece of pizza.
Oh, sure.
You feel those changes becauseyou're actually putting that,
like, spicy, you see it.

(15:07):
Yeah, you feel

Jordan (15:08):
the physiological changes in your body, like,
immediately?

Lindsay (15:10):
Yeah.
Is that hormonal?
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't think that's hormonal.
But, like, what I'm saying is,like, it's so interesting
because you see that and you putit in and then you understand
the response, but, like,hormones you don't necessarily
see.
Yeah, yeah.
Totally.
And you're going through thiswhole thing, like, blindly.

Jordan (15:26):
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I totally get what you mean now.
Like, you're comparing it tolike, other physiological
changes that are more abrupt andjust really obvious.
Yeah.
Yeah, no, I get that.
I mean sometimes my hormonalchanges feel, I mean they never
feel abrupt but sometimesthey're sometimes they're
obvious.
You're like, whoa, sorryhusband, sorry about that one.

Lindsay (15:53):
Some of the memes out there are so on

Jordan (15:55):
point too.
Yeah, that's great.
We'll have to find some and postthem.
Yeah, keep your eyes peeled for

Lindsay (16:03):
that.
Okay.
Yeah, so there was this articleI came across, uh, from the
American PsychologicalAssociation.
It was led by neuroscientistsand, uh, they did a study of 19
women.
10 of them who had boys and 9 ofthem who had girls.
Um, just to understand if maybehaving one sex versus the other

(16:23):
had different changes in thebrain of the mom.
but it was speculated that thereweren't significant changes
between boy and girl mom.
They were just changes ingeneral from the mom.
Um, so.
Between the two sexes, there wasnot much difference.
It's speculated that theincreased hormonal change in
estrogen, oxytocin, andprolactin after birth Helped

(16:47):
make the mother's brains moresusceptible to reshaping in the
response to their children Sothis is what motivated them to
take care of their baby It gavethem general traits of like
motherhood in general I wonderwhat that means like general
traits of motherhood.
Yeah, I would imagine maybe like

Jordan (17:07):
Feeding like responsiveness

Lindsay (17:11):
Nurturing yeah that would be a great thing to
ponder.
Like, what does that exactly?

Jordan (17:17):
Yeah.
How do they measure that one?
Yeah.
Yeah.

Lindsay (17:19):
Because there's traits of like fatherhood too.
I mean,

Jordan (17:25):
yeah, I mean, this is a whole different conversation,
but like, uh, yeah, motherhoodand fatherhood shouldn't be too
disparate.
Like they can't, they shouldn'tbe too dissimilar.
I wouldn't think, especially notstraight out the gate.
Like, yeah, I don't know.
Don't come at me, but I, yeah.
I just feel like dads arenurturing

Lindsay (17:45):
too.
Exactly.
Like my husband significantlybecame more nurturing when we
after our daughter arrived.

Jordan (17:52):
Yeah, for sure.
He did my my mind did too.
Yeah.
He's like a total

Lindsay (17:56):
student.
But then it was like a naturalthing too.
Yeah.
It wasn't like a forced uponhim.
Interesting.
It was a natural like change

Jordan (18:02):
that happened to fodder for its own episode maybe.
Yeah.
It'd be

Lindsay (18:06):
a good one.
Yeah.
Stay tuned.
Yes.
So these affected areas thatsupport maternal motivation, um,
the hypothalamus, the reward foremotion processing.
It's from your amygdalaemotions, you know, all the
emotions.
I

Jordan (18:23):
kind of get where this is going.
So this is thinking, this isgoing to be things like, um, the
oxytocin that you get when youhave a letdown and stuff like
that.
Sure.
Yeah.
Like that we talked about in theother episode.

Lindsay (18:34):
Yeah.
Sensory integration would befrom like your parietal lobe
reasoning and judgmentprefrontal cortex, which I
almost could feel that.

Jordan (18:44):
Yeah.
Good.
Yeah.
There are some changes

Lindsay (18:48):
there.
Yeah.
You're reasoning for judgment.
I mean, think about it too.
Like when you have a child yourfirst baby, especially those
Judgments that you're making forthat child.
You've never done in your entirelife No, and all of a sudden
you're kind of like What did younext and what how to help your

(19:09):
baby in whatever they're goingthrough?

Jordan (19:12):
I can see.
It's probably some things like,um, the way your nervous system
reacts when you hear your babycrying, which by the way, like
baffled me.
I had no.
I mean, I'd obviously heard tonsof babies cry in my lifetime,
but until I had my kid, I waslike, I was so unprepared for
just the like jolt.
Yes.
Like my, I feel my nervoussystem like sparking, just like

(19:35):
on fire when she cried.
Yeah.
Yeah.

Lindsay (19:37):
Is.
Yeah.
Yeah, like your sense of nurturejust explodes

Jordan (19:40):
Yeah,

Lindsay (19:41):
Yeah, so there's obviously I think it's rather
than focusing on like thenegative undertone of mom brain
I think it's really good tofocus to and and we should
acknowledge like all thepositive Changes that women are
experiencing to help aid themand caring for their offspring
Absolutely Which is Soreassuring.
Yeah, it is reassuring.

(20:01):
when I came across like thesearticles, I was, you know, I
have researched what is mombrain before because I heard
about it, experiencing it.
Oh, how's this going to affectme the rest of my life?
But coming across these articlesthat have a lot of positive,
information about your brain.
Growing in areas that change youas a, parent is, was very

(20:24):
reassuring.
that's so cool.
Yeah.
But I was still, I'm stillcurious, you know, every once in
a while, figuring out like howto cope, how do I cope with
this?
How do I get this?
Like maybe, Better?
Does this get worse if I havemore children?

Jordan (20:42):
I've heard that.
I had a, I had a lady at workonce tell me that she joked that
she lost 5 percent of her brainwith each kid she had.
And I was like, please don't saythat.
It can't get worse than this forme.
I won't be able to function.
Please.

Lindsay (20:57):
Oh man.
Yeah, we've only had, you and Ihave only had one child, so
we're not, like, we don't knowif it gets worse, but if other
moms are telling us that it getsworse.

Jordan (21:07):
Buckle up.

Lindsay (21:09):
It is true though.
It's true.
You're like strapping to thisrocket.
That's about to go into space,outer

Jordan (21:17):
space of parenthood.
It's a rollercoaster ride.
That's for sure.

Lindsay (21:22):
So yeah, first and foremost, if you are feeling
like you can't Get it undercontrol, you know, if you don't
want to hear tips and figure outhow to cope at all and you just
want to figure it out, there'sobviously help out there.
Seek a therapist, seek, yourhealthcare provider, talk to

(21:43):
them about what's going on.
What you need because youdeserve to thrive totally as
well

Jordan (21:52):
and maybe there's like something Missing like last time
we talked about self care andmaybe you're like feeling
overwhelmed because you'respending too much time at home
or you're not getting enoughhelp or your mental load truly
is like a lot of times when Ifeel like my mom brains just
Like rattling like crazy.
It's because I feel didn't havea clue break maybe.
Yeah, I feel overwhelmed maybewith the load that I'm carrying

(22:14):
whether that's going to work andhaving too many hours at work
or, uh, just You know, havingtoo many house chores, like it
could be the smallest thing.
Um, but yeah, little things likethat probably could be helped
with what you're talking

Lindsay (22:26):
about.
Yeah.
I've noticed that I'm affectedwhen I don't sleep well.

Jordan (22:31):
Yeah.
Do you think?

Lindsay (22:37):
And then I think about like the times, like when she
was like brand, you know, first,like

Jordan (22:42):
a week or two home, like how did I actually go through
the day?
Yeah.
Yeah.
The fuzz.
Yeah.
Dude, the fuzz.
Yeah.
Oh my god.
And then, and like the random,hopefully for you they're
random, for us it was like alittle bit random, like nights
where your kid wakes up everytwo hours or more and you're
like, I literally haven't sleptfor more than an hour and a half

(23:03):
stretch.
Yeah.
I cannot.
Think, like, how am I going tomake breakfast for myself?
Like, I don't even know how togo about that right now.

Lindsay (23:11):
The amount of muffins I went through.
Emergency.
Yeah, I had a lot of emergencymuffins in the freezer.
Smart.
That's smart.
Okay, so let's chat a little bitabout how to cope through this
because.
I don't know about you, but I'mthe type of person that, like,

(23:32):
wants to just figure out, like,what are the things that I can
do, and remind myself when I'mgoing through mom brain episodes
or mom brain days.
we were just talking aboutgiving yourself a break.
It's like the number one thingto do is give yourself a break
if you can.
So being a mom can be a lot ofpressure and if you're feeling

(23:52):
less focused or in that space ofbrain fog and, uh, and whatnot,
it can be really tempting to behard on yourself as well.
Yeah.
Especially when you're like,you're, you're just like, when
you're forgetting, you're like,I don't remember why am I doing
this?
Like that's being hard onyourself.
So.
Try not to criticize yourself.
allow the mom brain to happen,but yet give yourself a break.

(24:15):
Whether that be figuringsomething out with your partner,
family, or friends.
If you have another person thatcan, like, help you with child
care, you have to figure out howto have a break.
remembering that this is likesomewhat of a temporary stage.
It may not feel temporarybecause like I said, Jordan and
I are, you're past a year.
I'm, I'm coming up on a year andit's.

(24:36):
still like doesn't feeltemporary.
Um, but adjusting to motherhoodis the change.
And that's where I feel like youjust always remind yourself to
keep yourself a break.
No matter what I'm keeping anotebook handy to do lists.
I don't know what you remember.

Jordan (24:56):
I have to write down.
Yes.
Like text my husband back, likeeverything.

Lindsay (25:02):
If I come up with a thought, there's no way, this is
not a time to rely on mentallists.
You, I have to write it down.
And that can be anything fromlike groceries or like you
mentioned, like remember to textyour husband.
I definitely am writing thesame, same, similar things down.
Like call Andrew at 1 p.

(25:22):
m.
Setting that alarm as well on myphone.
Yeah.
Focusing on positives andincorporate that into your notes
as well.
Oh, I love that.
Yeah.
So this was kind of a cool onewhere you could almost write
positive affirmations on yournotes.
Like if you're writing a list.
Yeah.

Jordan (25:40):
Something nice.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Like that.
Yeah.

Lindsay (25:43):
Like you're taking care of your future self.
Yeah.
Something, something along thoselines.
GeT extra sleep when you canslash rest.

Jordan (25:52):
Yeah.
I S I'm not great at this one.
I mean, I get, I love sleep andI S and I sleep actually a lot
better than you do at least.
Like, yeah, I don't deal withthe insomnia part, but like,
yeah, the rest thing is hard,but it does feel really good
when I finally just likesurrender to it.
Yeah.
Definitely.

Lindsay (26:12):
It's a fast paced world.
And when you're a mom, it reallyis hard in general to find rest.
Yeah, I do.

Jordan (26:17):
It's like

Lindsay (26:18):
impossible.
They have that thing out therewhere it's like sleep when the
baby sleeps.
I did do that for a while.
Yeah, a long time.
But like, at the same time,there's so much that needs to
get done when your baby issleeping.
Yeah, it's

Jordan (26:34):
the only time I get to myself, period.
Yeah.
So I can either sleep, whichsometimes I do need to do.
But more often, it's like I'mcleaning.

Lindsay (26:42):
Yeah, you're setting yourself up for the rest of your
day.
Yeah, totally.
Or the rest of your week by likemaybe meal prepping too.
You're just trying to helpyourself out.
Yeah.
You're like missing that resttime.

Jordan (26:56):
Totally.
And I'll throw some yoga inthere and like call that my
rest, which isn't really rest.
I mean, it can be restful, butyeah, it's not good enough.
Yeah.

Lindsay (27:06):
Rest to me is like, I have to be like laying down in
my bed.

Jordan (27:10):
Oh yeah.
That sounds good.

Lindsay (27:21):
Let's see, exercising your brain.
This is interesting because youwouldn't think that having
episodes of mom brain.
Obviously, you would maybe needto rest because you're feeling
overstimulated or overworked andwhatever.
And your result is a mob brainwhere you can't function.
Exercising your brain.
The first thing that comes to mymind is like crossword puzzles.

(27:44):
Oh, that's so funny.
And so do Go and like

Jordan (27:45):
memory games.
Yeah, I was thinking memorygames.
Yeah.
For sure.
That's

Lindsay (27:49):
funny.

Jordan (27:50):
So you are talking about like Sudoku and memory games

Lindsay (27:53):
and stuff.
Well, that's where my mind goeswhen I think of exercising your
brain.
Yeah, interesting.
But it doesn't necessarily helpwith like mom brain.
It helps with mom stress and theway where you're just not
thinking about motherhood.
Yeah, no, okay, I totally getthat.
Like you're tuning out of likeall the mom things to do.
Yeah.

(28:13):
And you're just focusing onessentially like the game like
sudoku or crossword or I thinkit's What's that, uh, I used to
play it starts with a t nottetris.
I

Jordan (28:29):
love tetris.

Lindsay (28:30):
Maybe it maybe what's that one with like all the
asians?
Mahjong.
Whoa, I don't know that one.
Do you remember, you don't know,you don't know what mahjong is?
I think I don't even know if I'msaying that right.
I

Jordan (28:40):
like, when you said that, my head went mahjong.
Mahjong.
But I don't have any idea why

Lindsay (28:45):
I've never heard of it.
It's like a tiles game that'slike kind of like a matching and
you like.

Jordan (28:51):
I'm a chess kid.
I love chess.
Yeah.
I used to

Lindsay (28:56):
love checkers.
Checkers is cool.
But I've never, do you want toknow what?
I've never played chess in mylife.
Have you not?
Never.
Not once.
What?
There's this really popular kidschess game on Amazon.
Uh huh.
That is like rated like one ofthe best toys out there and I
wanna get That's'cause chess islike the best game really.
I ever was I wanna get it sothat I can like learn how to

(29:18):
play.

Jordan (29:18):
Oh Lindsay, it's so good.
It's so addicting.
Like I, yeah, we don't need toget into it, but it is like it
fully, fully, it's so immersivefor me.
Like it takes me out of, youshould do that situation.
It kills, you should do this.
My anxiety, unless I get on a.
Tilt, if I go on tilt, then itcreates a lot of problems for my
household.

(29:39):
I actually haven't played chessin a long time.
Because I think my mom brain waskind of affecting my ability to
win games and then if I waslosing a bunch, it was just
ugly.
So I stopped for a bit, but I'mready to get back into it.
So if anyone wants to find me onchess.
com.

Lindsay (29:55):
Come find me.
Of course, there's like awebsite.
So you just play like people allaround the world.

Jordan (30:02):
Oh yeah, Lindsay, I met friends in, like I had a guy in
Germany I was playing withregularly and a guy in France
who I could like text andpractice my French with.
There was a, uh, guy I wasplaying with in, Saudi Arabia,
and we were texting about how hewas going through like, yeah,
all kinds of crazy stuff.
It was cool.
Yeah.
It's really cool.
Yeah.
It was kind of dorky and random.

(30:22):
Is there a checkers.
com?
I

Lindsay (30:24):
don't know.
Probably not.
I

Jordan (30:26):
don't know.
About it.

Lindsay (30:30):
I don't know why I stopped there and did like, try

Jordan (30:34):
chess.
I don't know.
I'm good to go.
That's really cool.
That's good brain exercise for

Lindsay (30:38):
sure.
That one.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Just kind of maybe like.
Set all the mom duties aside andkind of just immerse yourself in
the skills for your brain.
Um,.
Taking time to recharge.
This kind of goes with like therest.
I, I relate that to rest, butI'll get that taking time to
recharge can also be like a wayof like leaving your home.

Jordan (30:59):
Yeah.
Like going to the gym might be arecharging for you.
Going out and socializing withsome girlfriends or guy friends
might be a way to recharge.
Yes.

Lindsay (31:07):
Yeah, recharge listening to like your favorite
band on blast in the car.
We're going

Jordan (31:12):
to a concert Yeah, if you're that kind of person
concerts wear me out.
I love They don't recharge me.
There could

Lindsay (31:19):
be a concert at four o'clock in the afternoon.
I tell

Jordan (31:22):
Adrian all the time Oh my god, we have this
conversation like once a week myhusband loves like techno and he
got really into like live musicin the UK and And I'm all for
that and he thinks that I hateit and I'm a fun hater because I
cannot abide being awake until4am.
Like I can't.

(31:42):
I just can't do it.
I can't do it.
Like, I

Lindsay (31:46):
don't want to take drugs.
It seems like techno is likehours and hours and hours long
if like you go to any, a show.
Yeah.
Here's the thing.
I love res.
I love that bitch.
She's amazing.
I'm

Jordan (32:02):
not

Lindsay (32:02):
familiar.
I'll have to look into it.
I love her.
I don't know what she is, whatshe does about like her, her art
is just incredible.
And I don't know if she like hasa sense for the feminine energy,
but her beats are just sick.
So awesome.
I think she's probably the onlyone I could listen to like for
all night long and hours andhours and hours.

(32:24):
So I love her.
I love that.
Anyways, that's what, yeah, wejust, we talked about recharging
and then we went on to DECMO.
This is like non brain inaction.
Yeah.
Um, moving forward, beingpatient, uh, this is one I
struggle with.
Do you?

Jordan (32:43):
Yeah.
I feel like I'm pretty patient.
But maybe

Lindsay (32:45):
I'm not.
I remind myself a lot to bepatient and it does help me like
in the moment when I'm remindinglike Be patient and honestly
patience has been a huge part ofmotherhood for me Oh, absolutely
in all aspects in all forms, butI do find myself being like I'm
a year into postpartum.

(33:06):
Why?
Why am I still dealing withthis?
Why?
Why?

Jordan (33:10):
Yeah, I get that.
I totally get that.
I do think, like, for me, I feltlike having a baby, like,
boosted my patience quite a bit,and I was wondering, actually,
earlier in the conversation, ifthat was one of the ways that
our brains are reshaped, ifthere's something in there that,
like, helps us to be morepatient.
With at least has to be babies.

(33:32):
Yeah, maybe not

Lindsay (33:33):
husband.
Yeah Yeah, cuz your baby doesn'thave the words right to express
what's going.
Yeah I'm so you're just kind oflike working with them and
trying to figure out what theyneed and like as a

Jordan (33:44):
toddler parent Especially like maybe when my
baby was really little maybe notso much but now that now that my
kids a toddler it feels like uhI feel like I have so much more
patience with her than I wouldhave expected.
Yeah.

Lindsay (33:57):
Yeah, that's something that could look forward to yeah
I love that developing routinesIs another one that can down is
killer.
Yes, that one helps meIncredibly.
I have a routine that Yes, I'mready for it to all blow up in
flames, but I have a routine Wehave a young dog at our home too

(34:22):
that needs care as well.
She has a routine.
I have a routine.
Baby has a routine.
We all like kind of thrive, offof a routine.

Jordan (34:31):
Yeah.
I'm going to add to that one alittle bit.
Yeah.
So we and Adrian also have solidroutines and I love them because
it takes the guesswork out of,Oh, sure.
Yep.
I just take, it's decisionfatigue that it removes, right?
So, like, you don't have to wakeup and think, what are we going
to do?
Or like, what's happening next?
Or what does our night routinelook like?
one of the things that wasreally critical for us was

(34:52):
coming up with a routine withour meal times because I, I'm
kind of like in charge ofbreakfast in the way we
structure our mornings and everymorning I was getting up and
being like, what, okay, what doyou want for breakfast this
morning?
And Adrian was so tired andoverworked and I don't know why
we don't talk about dad brainbecause I think that's also a
thing that he was dealing withand he just could not engage

(35:15):
with what.
I was asking him, like, at all.
He would just get super mad,like, I don't care, just make
anything.
And so, finally, I was like, wecan't do this every morning.
We have to streamline breakfast.
So, we came up with, like, onemega boring, but, like, you
know, covers your basesbreakfast that we could eat
every single day of the weekexcept one.

(35:36):
And on that last day of theweek, that's, like, our Like our
fun, like we call it specialbreakfast.
Oh cool.
And we'll just like do somethinginteresting because we love
cooking Yeah, we just don't havethe capacity to like make those
decisions.
The decision fatigue was runningus both ragged So we kind of
have like, but dinners are alittle bit more like fun and
creative for the most part Butwe do stick to like a couple

(35:57):
batch meals that we can doleftovers with And then do a
couple of creative dinners, buthaving that starting your day,
starting your day with justlike, if you have to do this,
having the same breakfast everysingle morning to just decrease
your decision fatigue by likethat much, that might help your
brain capacity a lot.
Yeah, it did for me.

Lindsay (36:14):
I definitely have the same thing.
And my husband, Andrew, he hasthe same thing every morning
too.
Yeah.
That's interesting, and I'm notsick of it yet.
I'm pretty

Jordan (36:24):
sick of ours, but I've been having it since I was
pregnant.
Oh.
Yeah, because I couldn't, Imean, I was trying to eat eggs
when I was pregnant for thecholine.
Yeah, for the choline.
I mean, yeah, whatever, we don'thave to get into specifics.
But, yeah, I'm kind of sick ofit, but I'm also not ready to
take on the mental load oftrying to figure out something
else.
So, same old breakfast it is.

(36:44):
We should share.
Breakfast ideas with each other.
We should.
I mean, I have one that you canhave.
I've got one idea.
I

Lindsay (36:53):
only have two or three.
That's like it.
Cool.
Cool.
Yeah.
You might like this onegrounding

Jordan (36:59):
yourself.
I do like that one.
Meditation.
Woo woo, everybody.

Lindsay (37:06):
For real though, I do.
Yes, this yogi over here, you'realways a big inspiration to me
for having the mat on the floorand grounding and whether that
be mentally grounding orgrounding your actual body.
Usually

Jordan (37:20):
that was the ladder.
Yeah.
Walking barefoot outside allday.
Yes.
Like a freak.
Yeah.

Lindsay (37:28):
Um, my careers are both like on your feet.
I mean, yours is too, obviously,and there's nothing better than
getting grounded on the likefloor.
Yin yoga.
I'm,

Jordan (37:40):
I love yin yoga so much

Lindsay (37:43):
because I'm like, open my hips and ground me in these
deep positions.
I'm on the floor.
Yeah.
anyways, grounding yourself iswonderful for prepping yourself
for like the day ahead.

Jordan (37:54):
Um, unwinding from the day behind you.

Lindsay (37:56):
Yes.
Unwinding for sure.
And then another, let's see.
Another way to cope too.
Asking for

Jordan (38:03):
help, something we're all bad at.
Mm-Hmm.
Ask for help though.
Yeah.
You got some, like what are someways that you ask for help?
Well, shit, I'm putting me onthe spot.

Lindsay (38:18):
Cause I feel like I'm putting on the spot too when I
see this.
I'm like, ask for help.
I'm like, all right,

Jordan (38:22):
lens.
When, how do you do that?
I think we're good at supportingeach other.
I mean, I don't know if thisqualifies.
So that's one thing, I mean,we're really lucky because we
have each other, and like, ifone of us is going to the store,
we'll often text the otherperson, like, hey, do you need
anything from the store?
Or, like, you know, if one of usis having a particularly bad
day, the other person's bringingover, like, some chocolate or,

(38:42):
like, a little treat.
Maybe a good way to ask for helpis to just find yourself a
friend who can intuit that youneed it.
Yes.
Yeah.
Hopefully you can, because itgoes a long, long way.
It really does.
I don't necessarily know if thatcounts.
honestly can't think of thatmany ways that I ask for help.

(39:03):
Like I.
Definitely ask Adrienne for helpwith all sorts of little menial
things all the time.
Oh, sure.
Yep.
Um, and like my sister liveshere and I ask her for help too.
And it's usually little thingslike can you just like sit with
her while she eats and I can runout to grab the mail or like,
Yeah.
You know, dumb little thingslike that.
And then also asking my mom tocome and babysit every once in a

(39:27):
while.
That's, I guess, a way that Iask for help.
That's like all I can think of.

Lindsay (39:32):
Yeah, I, I don't have many either.

Jordan (39:34):
Yeah.

Lindsay (39:36):
I wonder what that, what this whole thing is, is
asking for, you know, asking forhelp.
Like, what is it?
Is it a

Jordan (39:43):
generational thing?
Is this just like Why is this sodifficult for us?
Yeah.
I don't know.

Lindsay (39:48):
Like when I have family visiting from out of town,
they're here.
I feel like they're wanting meto ask for help maybe more sure
there's really like that much Ienjoy their company too.
And so I'll just say like yeahHey, I'm gonna run these errands
without my daughter Can you donap time can you do feeding
time?
Yeah, that sort of thing.

(40:09):
It's very superficial

Jordan (40:11):
Yeah,

Lindsay (40:11):
I don't I would say asking for help is like When I'm
in therapy asking, likediscussing what I'm going
through,

Jordan (40:22):
asking for feedback.

Lindsay (40:24):
Yeah.
It's more of like atherapeutical session.

Jordan (40:27):
Yeah.
That's so interesting.
I would love to know.
I mean, yeah.
Write to us and tell us how youask for help.
Maybe we could do like a wholeepisode we can be better at
asking for help and what thatspecifically looks like.
I know

Lindsay (40:43):
that you're, it's hard for you to ask for help as it is
for me to ask for help.
So I just anticipate totally thethings that you might need and
you're so

Jordan (40:51):
good at that.
You're so good at that.
And I think that we've like,we've developed a relationship
where we kind of can just likeplay off each other.
And like, you know, one of us iskind of semi always doing
something for the other personor ready to do something.
Yeah.
And you know what's funny too?
Like.
Yeah.
That I've learned and I kind ofhave only learned this like in

(41:13):
the context of being a parentbecause I don't think I ever
really needed help before Ibecame a mother, but there's
something about like beingpregnant and giving birth and
the whole postpartum periodthat, puts you in such a
vulnerable place where you like,not only do you need help, but I
think it's like, at least duringthat time, it's, it's a time

(41:34):
when everyone Yeah.
sort of around you just knowsthat you will need something and
they really show up for you.
Yeah.
And I think that showing upreally showed me like what it's
like to be somebody who can alsohelp others.
So the cool thing about justhelping people in general is
like.
And the weird thing about whyit's difficult for us to ask for

(41:55):
help is when someone asks me forhelp, I'm like stoked about it a
little bit.
Like it feels really nice to beable to feel like valuable to
someone else.

Lindsay (42:04):
I asked you to watch my daughter for an hour once

Jordan (42:11):
in our whole relationship.
I know.
Yeah, what are we doing?

Lindsay (42:17):
I asked, yeah.
And you were

Jordan (42:19):
more than willing.
I was excited.
Yeah.

Lindsay (42:22):
Yeah.
And you gave me update, like acute little picture

Jordan (42:26):
update.
Couldn't help myself.
That was

Lindsay (42:28):
adorable.
Yeah.
That, that felt good.
And you felt good.
And that's nice.
Yeah.
To do those things.
And so.
Yeah.
We, you and I communicate a lot.
I think it's great to havesomebody that, like, you
communicate a lot with.
Like what they're going through,but can also help them before
they

Jordan (42:46):
even kind of think to ask.
Yeah, definitely.

Lindsay (42:51):
Yeah, so those are just some simple ways.
Should I put quote unquote,simple?

Jordan (42:58):
They sound very simple.
They sound

Lindsay (42:59):
simple.
But when it comes down to it, itcan be tough to get to these
ways of coping every single dayof your life.

Jordan (43:05):
Yeah.
Definitely.

Lindsay (43:06):
During pregnancy and during postpartum

Jordan (43:08):
and probably your whole parenting journey.
Yeah.
Altogether.
Yeah.

Lindsay (43:12):
Yeah.
It's definitely going to evolvein all kinds of ways.
Yeah.
So that's mom

Jordan (43:17):
brain.
Yeah.
Well, I've got my fingerscrossed for

Lindsay (43:19):
now.
Yeah.
Not so much as, yeah, not somuch of a negative tone as it
may

Jordan (43:24):
seem.
and reframing it to be somethingthat's positive and adaptive.
Yeah, yeah.

Lindsay (43:29):
Carry on with your mom brain.
Yeah, it is.
It is what it is.
Yeah, it's an embrace it.
A thing that's happening.
Um, Jordan's come acrosssomething that's really
interesting and trending rightnow.
So you take the

Jordan (43:43):
mic, you don't know what it is.
Okay.
I don't think I told you what itis.
That's okay.
Um, so yeah, the thing that Iwas looking into today is
something that's being calledsharenting.
Have you heard of this at all?
Sharenting.
Sharenting.
T I N G?
Yeah, it's like a sillyportmanteau.

(44:03):
Okay.
It's like a combination word.
Got it.
Sharing.
My mind.
Sharing

Lindsay (44:08):
parenting.
Okay, I was just going to say mymind goes to sharing

Jordan (44:13):
Yep.
You got it.
Got it.
Okay.
So elaborate.
Yeah.
Elaborate.
Okay.
So I'm guessing that a lot ofyou can probably guess where
this is going.
Sharing, uh, as in sharingonline.
So sharing team is,, sort oflike the practice of parents or
other caregivers, sharingpictures and information.
About kids online.
Oh yeah.

(44:33):
Kind of without their consent.

Lindsay (44:34):
Yes.
Yeah.
It's kind of like a, okay, Iknow what this is.
Yeah, yeah.
Seen know.
I didn't know how to name to itlike that, I guess.
Yeah.
I learned that today.
Okay.
Yeah.
I know exactly what that'stotally

Jordan (44:44):
is all about.
Yeah.
So it's kind of an interestingthing's, not really something
that our, like previousgenerations have had to really
like deal with or think about atall.
Mm-Hmm.
Um, how much of their kidsinformation and photos, you
know, that they're like puttingin out into public spaces.
And we don't really always thinkabout our social media channels.

(45:04):
As public space?
Like, I don't really think ofmine as a public space much.
Is yours set to private?
It's set to private, yeah.
I mean, it wasn't always.
Like, I had it on public beforeI had a kid.
And I don't, I don't know, Idon't post a ton.
and I'm not like a social mediapresence by any stretch of the
imagination.
Right, no one's out therelooking for, for Yeah, no.
So, I never really thought twiceabout it, right?

(45:27):
Had my kid, I did kind of startto think about it a little bit
more.
And same Z's.
Yeah.
It's something that just startsto kind of creep in a little
bit.
And you see a lot of people whoare totally comfy posting their
kids online.
And I'm like, do your own thing.
Like ultimately as a parent, Ithink that you have full control
and autonomy over like, You knowwhat you want to do as a parent?

(45:49):
I think that it gets a littlebit more into some gray area
when your kids are old enough tovoice their yes their opinions
and their feelings about it andif maybe they asked you to stop
or boundaries with you, thenyou'd have to respect those.
And that's what my argumentwould be.
But yeah, the gray area here isbig just generally.
So because here's the thing,babies can't really consent,

(46:11):
right?
Correct.
So, and they, the stuff that youpost, is then out of your
control., you kind of forfeitownership of that thing.
Yes.
Right?
Right.
Like, from that moment forward.
Uh huh.
And that's something that Ithink we kind of just forget
about when we're scrollingthrough social media.
That, we shouldn't forget aboutmaybe when we're involving our
kids, because we care aboutthem.

(46:33):
Yeah.
Some kind of media experts outthere have given reasons why you
might want to think twice aboutposting your kid to social
media.
Sure.
Those reasons are things likeidentity fraud, oversharing
personal details sometimes bymistake.
So think of like, I don't know,showing a picture of your kid,
like, on the first day of schoolin front of the school sign,
right?
Like,

Lindsay (46:52):
just kind of Or in Mrs.
or Mr.

Jordan (46:55):
Blank's class.
Yeah, totally.
Things like that.
So one of the reasons I wantedto talk about this was because I
read some statistic today thatsaid like 93 percent of kids
under like two, I think it was,have some kind of a presence on
the internet, but through socialmedia.
Yeah, it's pretty big.
Right.
And I was like, dang, that'scrazy.
And then I thought about my kidand I was like, Oh, well shit.

(47:17):
Like, cause here's the thing.
I have some friends who I met inSquamish when Adrian and I were
living up in Canada, who, Had adaughter like just a year or two
before we had ours and they didthis really cute thing where
they made an Instagram for herand it was totally private.
And it was just like a littleplace where they could show like
her videos and her cute photosand stuff like that.

(47:39):
And I loved it.
I loved being able to follow.
Oh, sure.
This cute little kid, you know,and see what their parenting
journey was like and, like, loveand get ideas from them and
inspiration because that's,like, community is so, so
important in parenthood.
It's so important and ourcommunity.
Outreach is happening throughsocial media now.
So it's almost kind of hard tosay like never post Yeah, right,

(48:02):
right.
So there have to be safe andcomfortable ways of going about
it So I put I was like, well, Iwant to do the same thing for my
family and close friends like inYou know, Adrian's family is all
overseas or out of the country.
Yeah, and and we have so manyfriends all over the world who I
would love to share our littlelike cute moments with our kid
with.
So I made a little Instagramyeah.

(48:25):
Um, and I put like one pictureup and then one of my buddies,
kind of gave me a lot of shitfor it.
Really?
Yeah, like he wasn't necessarilytrying to, and in fact I don't
even think he told me that hewas giving me shit for it, but
his wife like let me know thathe thought it was a really bad
idea and thought it was crazythat I had created an account

(48:45):
for her.
And I was like, well, it wasn'tfor anyone except for my family
and like extremely closefriends, but that was enough to
like.
Make me feel like I couldn'tpost to that.
Interesting.
One person's opinion, opinionand thought on it.
Yeah.
I mean, it was like a little momshamey, but not too bad.

(49:07):
Like.
Maybe he was right.
You know, I don't know.
There are some crazy things outthere.
But I do think, like I said,that there are safe ways to go
about it.
And I do think that there'svalue in like sharing your
experience as a parent.
So the way that I've kind ofcontended with my own self about
doing it is just setting mything to private.
I don't post that much anyway,like I said.

(49:28):
and I am comfortable sharingpictures of my daughter on my
private social media.
I don't think I would make thatpublic, but you know, you never
know.
Never say never.
Um, but yeah, some things youcan do.
If this is something you'reconcerned about, maybe you're
not concerned about it and youlove sharing your kid.
That's great.
There's totally no shade.
This is your decision to make.
but if you are interested inkind of being a little bit more.

(49:51):
Considered and you want to becautious.
You can make sure your settingson your social accounts are set
to private

Lindsay (49:58):
I have family that's far away, too.
You still want them to be partof your life.
Yeah.
But, yet, you do want to helpyour child.
In a sense that you're notputting too much out there like
beyond those

Jordan (50:12):
boundaries, right?
Exactly, and I'm glad that yousaid that because the next one
is to create a social mediapolicy And I think that like a
lot of the mom influencers thatwe follow like I followed lots
of moms on social media who aretotally comfortable putting
their kids out there and I stillhave respect for those guys
because I haven't really seenany that do it in a way that
doesn't feel to their Children.

(50:34):
Okay.
I think that these peoplewritten something specific down.
So the next one is to create asocial media policy within your
kind of family.
I love that.
Yes, me too.
And it could be, you know,specific to your own family, but
includes things like what youare comfortable posting, what
you're not comfortable posting.
I'm comfortable posting, maybe apicture of my kids like face or

(50:58):
of the back of their head, butI'm not comfortable posting a
cute little like naked bathpicture for example or
something.
Right.
Yep.
It could be, even for peoplecaregivers, um, like my mom, for
example, I love her to pieces,and she loves my kids to pieces,
and all she wants to do is showthem off, right?
So she loves to post pictures,and she's gotten really good
over the years.

(51:18):
At first, it was like, sort of,The kind of thing where we had
to rein it in a little bit andbe like, Hey, can you please
just ask us before you put, Iwas, I'm a teenager, right?
Like, can you please ask mebefore you post my picture
online?
Cause you're posting things thatyou think are really cute, but
the rest of the world does notthink are cute.
Okay.
Nip that in the butt.
Yeah.
Um, but now that I'm an adultwho has a child, I'm like, well,

(51:41):
So, she's gotten really good atasking me if she can post
something before she posts it,which is great.
But now, with this, like, socialmedia policy thing, what we can
do, and I haven't done this withmy husband yet, but I would like
to.
I would love to do this.
It's a good idea.
What we can do is say, hey, mom,if you want, you can totally
post pictures of my kid to yoursocial media, as long as you,
you know, have your settings setto private.

(52:01):
She has two accounts, and Ithink one of them is public and
one of them is private, and Iwould just ask her to only post
to the one that's private.
To the people I know, who's thisshe knows personally, and I'd be
comfortable with that, for me,like, and maybe people's comfort
is beyond that, maybe that wouldmake other people feel
uncomfortable, and they justdon't want their kid online at
all, and respect either way, butyeah, having that policy in

(52:21):
place helps you to ensure thatyou are doing exactly what you
want with your kid's digitalfootprint.
And then like another thing isif you aren't comfortable
posting to social media at allYou can try things like shared
photo albums on apple or google.
That's something that me andadrian do with his parents You
don't want to invite too manypeople to those because it kind
of can just get messy Oh sure.

(52:42):
I think I don't know in myexperience it can get kind of
messy Um, but that's a great wayto like share photos

Lindsay (52:48):
I make albums on my phone, like when I got married
to my husband, we did like awedding share.
The album was literally calledwedding share.
And that's what we went to inorder to share out and about in
person with people that wantedto see photos of our wedding.
Like that way.
I wasn't like giving them alsolike maybe boring photos either

(53:09):
that they were like that.
But I also didn't want to givethem like.
But then there are pictures of

Jordan (53:14):
those people in the album, too.
So, like, I've been to plenty ofweddings and been like, I wish I
had some more photos from that,but it's not my wedding, so I
don't.
Right, right.

Lindsay (53:23):
also think I have a daughter share.
Yeah.
I have her name and then it saysshare.
Yeah.
No, that's the, what I like.
Cause I'll, I'll seeacquaintances out in public and
they're like,

Jordan (53:31):
Oh, Oh, let me see pictures.
Yeah, totally.
Right.
I do the same thing.
Except I just go to the album,but I just show them from the
album that we share with hisparents.
Yeah.
That's clever.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And then it's something where ifyou're going to make like a
photo album, like a lot ofpeople, like I know you do this,
you take like, you know,Shutterfly or whatever book,
right.
Whatever like place you're goingto go and get the book printed.

(53:55):
You can take right from thatbecause you know that that's
where all the best pictures arecoming.
Yes.
Yeah.
Yeah good idea And that'sanother idea is just doing the
like going fully old school andprinting printing photos I'm
printing them into a book togive to people That's like was
one of the recommendations whenI was doing some research on
this and I thought I was likeridiculous But I guess it's like

(54:15):
it works for some people

Lindsay (54:18):
It's so slow.
My mother-in-Law, definitely.
She wants like an actual book.
Yeah.
She's not on like social asmuch.
I mean, she's on it, but like,she's not seeing like sure she's
not on Snapchat.
But then also

Jordan (54:30):
she's cute.
Like I totally get that.
Like Adrian's mom made us a bookof his baby photos and I cherish
that thing.
Yeah.
I cherish that thing.
I guess when you don't haveaccess to the photos, it, it
becomes really Mm-Hmm.
like really very, very valuable.
Mm-Hmm.
Mm-Hmm.
Yeah.
So yeah, that, that can alsowork for a lot of you who have
time to put them together.

(54:52):
Not me.
Anyway, and then like, uh, theother thing, the last thing, and
this kind of goes with thefamily policy, I think when your
kids get old enough, um, justbeing really conscious of having
consent is It's like really theend all be all to what's
happening, like I mean, like Isaid, maybe there's some gray
area with how much consent theycan consciously give at what

(55:14):
age, like when are theycognizant enough to be totally
congruent with your decision topost.
That's its own question, but Ithink that as a parent you can
navigate that with your child asthey grow up and have those
conversations.
Yeah, totally.
and I think as long as yourespect that yeah, then you're
doing the best you can.

(55:34):
Yeah.
Yeah.
I love, love, love that.
Yeah.

Lindsay (55:37):
You talked about, some social accounts that you do
follow and that you doappreciate and one
recommendation.
Goes in hand with that.

Jordan (55:46):
Yeah, so kind of on that topic, if there are people whose
experiences you would like tofollow, there's one girl in
particular who's like absolutelyknocking it out of the park when
it comes to social media andshe's killed it in every single.
Way possible and Lindsay'snodding her head like the
biggest nod ever.

Lindsay (56:07):
Yeah I'm sure she's single

Jordan (56:10):
handedly helped you.
Oh my god, dude more than Icould possibly say.

Lindsay (56:15):
Yep carrie.
Locker is big on Instagram.
I think that's me, her

Jordan (56:21):
main.
Yeah.
That's our main.
That's our main.
Yeah.
We're millennials.

Lindsay (56:25):
Yeah.
That's our main social mediaplatform.

Jordan (56:30):
You introduced me to

Lindsay (56:30):
her and I started looking at her stuff.
I introduced you to her?
I

Jordan (56:34):
think I'm probably good.
Yeah.
I wonder how I came across herin the first place.
Yeah.
Who knows?

Lindsay (56:40):
She's an RN.
She's a lactation consultant,she has all this fantastic
knowledge when it comes to,Caring for your baby at

Jordan (56:50):
home and how to, I mean, where do you guys, every single
question I have had about likethe journey into motherhood and
parenthood and anything to dowith like adjusting to your kid
or like, you know, sleeping,it's mostly breastfeeding stuff,
but like it also covers sleepingand baby wearing, baby wearing,
baby led weaning, how dealingwith siblings, like.

(57:12):
This stuff to have in the car.
This girl's information isbottomless.
Yes.
Bottomless, like you can scrollthrough her stories that are
saved.
That's where it's at.
Oh my god, it's stupid how muchstuff

Lindsay (57:23):
categorized story, or yeah, her categorized stories
are where it's at.
I learned

Jordan (57:29):
everything.
Truly, if you're not followingher already, you must.
Yeah, she's got this.
She's got merch.
She's got great merch.

Lindsay (57:37):
Yeah.
Yeah.
She has single handedly helpedme through like my troubles of
breastfeeding I do recall when Ilearned about myself having
Deemer through a Facebook momgroup, I, I went to her page
immediately and she does have a

Jordan (57:53):
thing about it.
She's so cool.
And I learned she's so

Lindsay (57:58):
cool.

Jordan (57:59):
Just go have a peek at it and you'll see what we're
talking about.
Like she sells a course that'sprobably incredible.
She sells the breastfeedingcourse.
And I honestly, like.
Bringing home baby courses.
Bringing home baby is good.
Yeah.
Yeah.

Lindsay (58:12):
I, the breastfeeding course

Jordan (58:13):
is amazing.
Bringing home baby would begood.
Yeah.
I forgot she had that.
Yeah.
So she has courses you can buy.
Um, but even if you can't affordcourses, like I couldn't afford
courses, but every single time Ihad a question, her Instagram
page, I wouldn't even Google theanswer.
Lindsay, the first thing I didwas go to Carrie Locker's
Instagram because I knew it wasgoing to be there.
I knew it was going to betotally comprehensive.

(58:34):
I knew it was going to besupportive.
I knew it was going to bewritten by a mom who'd just been
there and she was showing youthat shit.
Yeah, man, she has five

Lindsay (58:42):
kids now and every one of her children have had like a
very different.
Postpartum.
Totally.
Different birth, differentpostpartum.
Everything.
Experience for her.
Yeah.
She's the best.
She's the best.
Yeah.
The best.
There's people in our lives thatare gonna be new moms and I
can't, I recommend

Jordan (59:03):
her every single time.
Every time.
Yep.
Every time.
Oh yeah.
Yeah.
But that's our recommendation.
Yeah.

Lindsay (59:09):
Anyway, that's Yeah, we could go

Jordan (59:11):
on and on and on.
Yeah, all right, well let's wrapit up.
I think that that was likeactually going to be a pretty
long episode.
The mom brain took us in and outof all sorts of little sidebars
and yeah, yeah.
Yeah, another

Lindsay (59:25):
like full episode of topics.
We'll

Jordan (59:28):
come at you with even more.
Yes.
Stick, stick tight for thetravel episode.
Maybe that one will be withinthe next couple and yeah, we're
looking forward to talking withyou guys again.
Yeah.
Cheers.
-Bye.
Thanks for listening to we havekids.