Episode 087: Take A Sick Day

This week Stephanie and Travis discuss how hectic things have been in recent weeks. Are we as a culture addicted to the grind? It always feels like after we complete a task we will finally rest only to start a new unexpected task. Is being busy our norm even if we complain about it all the time? Cause if i ain't one thing it's another right? 

Stephanie discusses walking the line  between celebrating this pregnancy and doing too much influenced by others. Creating life is always worth celebrating, but how do we stop ourselves from celebrating in ways that aren't authentic to who we are? Stephanie and Travis share an amazing gift from a special friend that has allowed them to celebrate this pregnancy in a special way. 

Although everyone is sick of talking about Will and Jada, the latest revelation that they have been separated since 2016 was worth discussing. So much life happens in 8 years, keeping up false narratives during that amount of time must have been exhausting. 

Lastly, they talk a little more in depth about perfect attendance awards in childhood and how they impact our worklife in adulthood. What things do you consider before taking a sick day at work? Has our society’s increased awareness of mental health made it easier for working people to take time to take care of themselves or is it just a facade?

Episode Transcript

Travis (00:01):
Welcome back to we Still Like Each Other.
The podcast.
I'm Travis and I'm Stephanie,and this is the podcast where we
show you that the honeymoonstage can last forever.

Stephanie (00:09):
Forever and ever.

Travis (00:10):
Hey baby.

Stephanie (00:11):
Hey daddy.

Travis (00:12):
We back at it again.

Stephanie (00:13):
Yes and it doesn't feel like we're on a honeymoon.
Why?

Travis (00:18):
You and I are fine.

Stephanie (00:19):
Okay, explain yeah no , it just feels like we're on a
treacherous adventure and nottreacherous and like emotionally
bad, but I just feel physicallydrained the past couple of
weeks.

Travis (00:35):
I'm I'm a mental To that too.
I'm over here thinking likedamn, I really can't wait for
Santi to come.

Stephanie (00:42):
So you could have a month off?

Travis (00:44):
No, not even that.
I just feel like, once she'shere, that's what life is going
to look like and I could shapemy body and mind.
That's my new norm Right now.
It's just like task after taskafter task.

Stephanie (00:59):
You know what?
I think that in a way it mightbe more me than you, but maybe
humans were like masochists tobeing overwhelmed, because every
couple of months I feel likeI'm telling myself that, like,
just a couple more weeks it'llbe done.
Like if I'm reorganizing stuffin the house, oh, I just have a

(01:20):
couple more tasks, and thenthings will be clear.
Or if I'm planning homeschool,once we get into the routine of
things, everything will bebetter.
And then there's another taskand there's something else we're
planning.
Like every time we finish onetask, we finish one event,
there's more.
So will we ever reach thatpoint where it's like, okay, now

(01:43):
, once the baby's here, or willthere be something else that we
got to?

Travis (01:47):
be ready for Maybe that's just me tricking my brain
into.
All right, you have somethingto look forward to, because
that's how I get through lifeLooking forward to breaks.
Or looking forward to thingslike small moments, like oh,
we're going to go to the moviesnext week or we're going to go
do this Like all right, that'show I get through the work week,
because I know there's like alike you know how Eli loves
dessert after every meal.

Stephanie (02:08):
That's my dessert, and I think, since Sanci's still
about, let me see November,December, January holy shit,
she's only three months away.
But that gives you at leastyou're like okay, for three
months I'm going to be busy asfuck.
Ain't nothing I could do, Allright.

Travis (02:27):
We chose this life.

Stephanie (02:28):
We chose this life.
You know what I prefer thisthan to be bored.
You know, and I feel like inbeing busy there's a lot of
sense of accomplishment.
That happens often, Like thosemoments of success and like
feeling proud and being like, oh, I'm so glad we did this.

Travis (02:45):
I'm so glad we did this too, because you know, like even
right after this podcast, I'llkeep it really real with y'all.
We got shit to do.
One of them, which you all canunderstand I got to clean the
kitchen.
All right, if our house lookedlike a art exhibit every day, I
wouldn't have that pride ofcleaning a kitchen Right, like
it's gonna.
It's gonna be a point whereit's done.

(03:06):
I look back like good job,travis.

Stephanie (03:09):
But listen, if we had the means?

Travis (03:11):
but we don't.
Let's not go down there, let'snot go.

Stephanie (03:14):
I don't think we'd miss cleaning the kitchen.
I think that was a bad example.

Travis (03:17):
So there was a time when we were back in the Bronx and
we used to get our apartmentcleaned every other week Some of
the best times of my life.

Stephanie (03:25):
And we still had to upkeep yeah.

Travis (03:27):
But you know that deep clean, like everyone knows.
You know you wipe it, it's allthat you clean.
You're saying that we did thatthroughout the week, but that
deep cleaning where you get inthe grout, thank you to them.

Stephanie (03:37):
Yeah, and it's like, even though I feel like we do
pretty well of keeping up withthe house every couple of weeks,
there's still like a deep cleanthat needs to happen.
Like there's just certainthings that you're like, all
right, I need to really like getunder the couch, get under the
couch cushions.

Travis (03:53):
And we're not.

Stephanie (03:54):
We're not having the cleaning service was taking that
off our plate.
We're not clean freaks by anymeans, but you know we like our
house in order, Definitely moreof a clean creek thing.

Travis (04:06):
We're not a clean freak.
We're not clean freaks what itmeans.

Stephanie (04:09):
No, like I'm not crazy about certain things, but
I do have like certain standardswith certain things.
Like I like my toilet to beclean, I like my floors to be
clean so I could be barefoot.
I wash my sheets like once ortwice a week.

Travis (04:25):
Really quick on toilets.
I saw something the other day.

Stephanie (04:28):
Oh God, I didn't think you were going to bring
that up.

Travis (04:31):
I don't think you'd know where I'm going with this.
I saw a video the other day.
I saw something in the toilet.

Stephanie (04:42):
We have to tell it now.

Travis (04:46):
Oh, I totally forgot about it.
I'll tell it.
The other day I was going towork and I think I was like
about to head out and I took onelast look at myself in the
downstairs bathroom and I wasn'tusing the bathroom, just using
the mirror.
I look at the corner of my eyeand I see something in the
toilet.
It's this big ass spider.

Stephanie (05:04):
A spider in the toilet.

Travis (05:06):
So I didn't freak out, I just went.
It was like right in the center, I flushed it as I'm flushing
it.
It's trying to like get to theside.

Stephanie (05:14):
He recorded it.

Travis (05:15):
But oh yeah, I grabbed my phone first.

Stephanie (05:18):
But why'd you grab your phone To show you?
But why me specifically?
What do I do?
What is my habit?

Travis (05:25):
Her habit is always she lifts the toilet seat, looks and
then she goes to use thebathroom.

Stephanie (05:29):
So anywhere I'm at, before I sit to pee, I have to
lift the seat and look.
And I'm going to get a littlevulnerable here and tell you all
about my childhood.
This one toilet I had inchildhood, so one of my
apartments in the Bronx.
If you're from New York City,you're well aware that there's
like a roach mouse problem.
So my Bronx apartment, nomatter how clean it was, no

(05:53):
matter what we did, for somereason at night there was
roaches in the bathroom.
So if you got up to pee in themiddle of the night you would
have to like literally turn thelight on and kind of wait,
because you're like I need theroaches to like disperse, and
only in the bathroom and only atnight in the dark.
So ever since then I've becomeaccustomed to I need to lift the

(06:15):
seat just in case there's aroach, a bug, something like.
My body would not allow me tosit on a toilet without checking
it, like it's become a habit, Iguess.
And he's like well, this is whyStephanie lives the toilet seat
every time she goes.
Yeah, so if I go over to yourhouse, make sure underneath your
toilet seat is clean, because Iwill be checking it.

Travis (06:37):
So, yeah, I flushed it.

Stephanie (06:38):
It went down, I flushed it twice and then I
showed Stephanie and she wasjust dying on the inside All the
hairs on my legs are likestanding up, like I'm still
freaking out over it, and nowI'm like, okay, this habit is
never going away.
I'm always going to check thetoilet.

Travis (06:53):
Really quick on roaches, oh God.
No, you just remind me of acore memory of mine.
Okay.
My grandmother on my father'sside.
She would take us out, or maybewe go to church with her and we
usually come back and it waslate at night and it was a thing
that like, all right, we'regoing into Grandma's apartment
and we haven't been here all day.
When she opens the door andturns on the light, go run in

(07:14):
and start stomping.

Stephanie (07:18):
Because it'd be roaches, it'd be roaches, it'd
be roaches.

Travis (07:21):
It'd be roach and it was just like a normal thing, like
y'all ready.

Stephanie (07:25):
Go stop the roaches.
That's gross.
That's gross, thank you, shoutout to growing up in the hood
and you know, what Now?
We live in Jersey and I'venever seen a roach here, but we
have spiders, we have freakingbees, we got it.

Travis (07:42):
One day We'll tell you all the bee story.

Stephanie (07:43):
Oh God, yeah, that's a whole nother story.
And then there's mice here,right, but they call them field
mice because we live around alot of farmland.

Travis (07:51):
So they're not actually in the house.

Stephanie (07:53):
No.

Travis (07:53):
So, like when it gets cold, they're looking for warm
places and when it was reallyreally hot.

Stephanie (07:58):
we got one because they also don't do well in the
heat, but anyway, it's funny howthey call them field mice, but
in New York City it's like, oh,you got dirty eyes right there.
They're the same fucking mouse.
Where were we going with this?
You saw a video about a toiletand then we got sidetracked.

Travis (08:12):
Oh, it's about men and women and toilet seats.

Stephanie (08:15):
Okay.

Travis (08:16):
So they say when a man goes to use the bathroom, if you
lift the toilet seat, put itback down when you leave, so
that when you go in all you haveto do for most women who don't
live seats is just sit down.

Stephanie (08:31):
Yeah, but I always check the toilet.

Travis (08:34):
But for me there's an action of lifting and putting
down For you.
You just get to sit down.
Wouldn't it make sense if Ilift, when it's time for you to
go, you put down, so we're bothequal Well?

Stephanie (08:44):
wait what you mean in general, like men and women.

Travis (08:49):
In the toilet situation.

Stephanie (08:50):
But like in general that it's common knowledge.
There's like that doublestandard, quote unquote, that
men have to lift the seat andput it down.

Travis (09:00):
Or else we hear it from our partner but for you, you
just go sit down, but wouldn'tit make sense that you just go
and pull down?

Stephanie (09:08):
No, because then if we have guests over and they see
that all the men in my houseleave the toilet seat up, they
think I don't have the leashtight enough around my neck.
No, I think keeping the seatdown is just a general rule of
life in all cultures.
Keeping it up is a little bitbarbaric.
And then most women who justsit will like fall in the seat

(09:31):
in the toilet.
But imagine that if you go siton a toilet without the seat on
it, it's just cold as hell andwet Ew.

Travis (09:40):
No, Let me know the rules at your house.

Stephanie (09:43):
Yeah, who was it?
Somebody came over the otherday and I've never had an issue
with the toilet seat being up,like with you or with Eli,
anyone.
And then one day my friend waslike, oh, the seat was up.
I was like, really, but it wasme.
I left it up because I was likepouring mop bucket water
underneath.
I was like, oh, it's a flip onyou.

Travis (10:01):
She almost whipped some ass and wouldn't have apologized
.

Stephanie (10:06):
Now I would have said like my bad.

Travis (10:07):
My bad.
This is something for somethingyou're going to do in the
future anyway.

Stephanie (10:12):
All right, we got super side tracks.
How was your week?

Travis (10:17):
It was a good week.
It was a little under theweather so I had taken Friday
off because we had plans.
I guess we'll talk about that.
We went to the Bronx Zoo.
Yes.
And.
But the day before I had totake a sick day because I just
my body couldn't do it anymore.

Stephanie (10:34):
Yeah, definitely we.
I love the Bronx Zoo.
Growing up in the Bronx wewould go on free Wednesdays or
like if we had a school trip.
But the Bronx Zoo is so bigthat if you go as a with a clash
trip, you're not seeing thewhole Bronx Zoo, which is
understandable.
But as I became an adult andwas going with my son, I just

(10:55):
realized how much of a treasureBronx children were not taking
advantage of.
And it's because it's prettyexpensive, because even if you
go on a free Wednesday, most ofthe attractions you need like a
special ticket for that youwould have to pay for anyway.
So that means if you went on afree Wednesday with your little
kids, you can't go into thechildren's who that has the

(11:18):
petting zoo area.
So it's like I'm in the BronxZoo to walk a lot, because a lot
of the major things that arespecifically for children you
need a special ticket.
Eli's favorite attraction thereis the Congo, the Congo forest.
You need a special ticket toget in there.
So if I went on a freeWednesday, eli wouldn't even be

(11:39):
able to see his favorite animal.

Travis (11:42):
But to be fair you haven't done much research as of
late, so you don't know whatthe situation or the
relationship is like with theBronx Zoo and the community now.

Stephanie (11:51):
And you think it's changed?

Travis (11:52):
I don't know.
I'm just saying you're basingit off what you know from your
childhood and then in adulthoodyou would like I'm paying
because I can afford it.

Stephanie (12:03):
I don't know.
I feel like there needs to be abetter relationship, like
Travis said.
I haven't looked into it, but Ialso was a teacher not that
long ago in the Bronx Zoo andthere was no special like
tickets or whatever for kids.
I think they did get.
You could get into the zoo free, like get New York City public
school teachers and students in,but again, if you're going

(12:27):
during a school day, your timeis very limited.
It's not like they give you atour guide.
I don't know.
I just feel like it's such anamazing resource.
People come from all over theworld to go to the Bronx Zoo.

Travis (12:38):
We drove about an hour and a half.

Stephanie (12:41):
And that's just us.
But like it's renowned and thekids from that community don't
even get to like really reap thefull benefits of it, which
makes me sad.

Travis (12:50):
It reminds me when you go to like DR and there's like
beautiful resorts.

Stephanie (12:54):
Yeah, but then you step outside and it's like the
hood.
Exactly, that's a perfectanalogy.
Sometimes your analogy is ashake you, but that one's good,
that one's good, but anyway,yeah, so we, I got a membership
for a year because Eli's homeschool.
Then I just want to takeadvantage of it, because it
doesn't make sense.
If you go for one day, youmight as well like put together

(13:17):
you and another family and justget the membership and then you
could go whenever you want for awhole year.
Like, even if you only end upgoing twice, you get your
money's worth.
But yeah, so if you're aroundand you want to go to the Bronx
Zoo, I have a membership.
We got to go together though, soit got to be a date.

Travis (13:34):
Yeah, so Bronx Zoo, we met up with friends at the Bronx
Zoo.

Stephanie (13:42):
Shout out to half the Poloncos and the fields, the
fields, yeah, totally dopehanging out with other families
with kids.

Travis (13:52):
I mean, I feel like their family at this point.
Yeah, at this point, you know,I love that.

Stephanie (13:57):
It's like we're growing up and just creating our
own family.

Travis (13:59):
Yeah, I was going to say you know, you have those
friends slash family membersthat you can.
You're just okay being aroundthem.
You're not necessarily liketrying to get to the next event
or like if they just want tocome over and watch Netflix with
us, that would be, like a.
Really that would be like ahappy time for me.
There's just some people inyour life that you just feel

(14:22):
comfortable not doing anythingwith.

Stephanie (14:25):
Yeah, usually when the Poloncos come, the most
we'll do is like take a walk, goto the park, very chill, make
sure we do a Trader Joe's runfor snacks.

Travis (14:36):
The other day I hugged Pete and he's like man, y'all,
just y'all, just y'all.
Smell, just makes me feel happy, comfortable, and it's so funny
.

Stephanie (14:45):
I was complaining about hugging people this
weekend.

Travis (14:47):
Oh, you feel like you were a hugged out or something.

Stephanie (14:49):
No, I love, I'm a physical touch person.
The pregnancy hormones have myboobs like really really sore.

Travis (14:56):
Okay.

Stephanie (14:57):
And I'm like I love hugs but they hurt right now,
gotcha, yeah.
And then Saturday I got areally beautiful gift from the
fields.

Travis (15:08):
Do you want to say how it all started?

Stephanie (15:11):
Um, yeah, well, you could say it, because I don't
know what you mean.

Travis (15:13):
Oh, just okay.
So the fields reached out to us.
We got on a FaceTime and theywere looking like they were like
in trouble and didn't know howto tell us something.
Yeah, yeah.
And long story short they were.
They wanted to gift us a photoshoot because Steph has

(15:35):
Something coming up sooncelebrating the pregnancy and
they're not gonna be able tomake it.

Stephanie (15:39):
Yeah, they live in Florida full-time now, so the
schedule just doesn't work forthem.

Travis (15:43):
So they didn't have to do this, but they offered us a
Free photo shoot, like amaternity shoot.
It was a little last minute,but it's free, so we had to make
it work and.
We did a little shopping and wemade it happen.

Stephanie (15:59):
Yeah, it was dope.
Um, I'm in this weird space.
I kind of wanted to talk aboutthis too, but in Capitalism and
in the world, just likeattempting to celebrate these
milestones could be like aburden financially, and then
it's like if you don't do them,you get this FOMO like you're

(16:20):
missing out on something.

Travis (16:22):
Social media doesn't help.

Stephanie (16:23):
Yeah, or you feel like you'll regret it, like, oh
my god, I'm not gonna regret notdoing this, not having that.
Um, and I feel like with myfirst kid I definitely didn't
have the financial means to eventhink about having like a
shower and all that stuff.
I did plan a photo shoot and Iwent into labor the day of the
shoot because I saved it for thelast minute.
Um, I ended up having a littlesurprise shower.

(16:46):
That was so cute.
Um, with river again, like Iwas like financially it just
didn't make sense.
We like got a car.
I was leaving my job.
I'm just do around Christmas.
I was like I'm not planninganything crazy.

Travis (17:01):
We did like an announcement shoot.

Stephanie (17:03):
Yeah, we did an announcement shoot.

Travis (17:05):
You were pushing that stomach out because you barely I
barely had a belly.

Stephanie (17:08):
I did too, um, but you see, when I did announcement
shoots, I didn't know I wasn'tgonna leave my job yet.
That was like earlier on and Iwas like I could put a couple
dollars to this, to the point,um.
But in this you know From whatI'm thinking I believe this will
be our last pregnancy.
So I'm having that, thosethoughts of I need to celebrate,

(17:32):
I need to do something, I needto remember, I remember it, I
need to embrace it.
But even just when she'skicking, I'm like babe, touch
her, like, oh my god, these arethe last times I will feel like
a baby in my belly.
But on top of those smallmoments is also like, should I
have a little shower?
Should I take photos?
Um, maybe I could take pictureshere or there and like doing

(17:54):
all of that and it's been Amental like gymnastics or
olympics, what I've been callingit lately.
I feel like I've said that alot.
But anyway, in trying to findthe balance between celebrating
but it's still being meaningfulAbout me, about my family, and
it not becoming like I'mpleasing other people and, you

(18:15):
know, catering to theexpectations of, like social
media.

Travis (18:18):
Yeah, that happens a lot , and a lot of milestones, um,
the most common one is probablyweddings.
You always see people who likego all out and then they have
regret um, I'm Super gratefulthat we didn't try and like do
anything like that.
Um, and then you know,especially with babies, you have
baby showers for your family,you're spending hundreds of

(18:41):
dollars on food for your family,you're taking pictures, renting
halls and doing all but then Idon't want that to deter People
from wanting to celebrate alsoright.
But I also feel like it matterswhat your current situation is
right, because if you're goingbroke to accomplish this, or if
you're already broke, but that'sI guess that's what I'm trying

(19:02):
to say is like, how do wecelebrate within our budget?

Stephanie (19:05):
and if you're fulfilling right, because even
we're planning a sprinkle forthis baby we're calling it a
sprinkle because we just had ababy, so we don't need as many
of the bigger things, and it'sin our house, it's all.
Women like Travis won't even behere, but even that I get the
questions of like, well, who'sgonna?
Who do I have to invite sothese people don't feel left out

(19:26):
?
Or, um, what should I have?
I'm like it's picnic style.
I don't want like a huge dinner, but it's like you're Dominican
and Jamaican people expectinglike a full meal at this thing.
You know, it's like all thisback and forth of like when the
original idea was I want tocelebrate myself, I want to
celebrate my daughter, andthat's another thing I get so
emotional, this pregnancy in ain ways I never did with my boys

(19:50):
, in like having a daughter andbringing a woman into this world
, and it feels More and morewhich could be toxic as fuck,
and I I'm hoping that I'm doingthe work not to put it on her,
but it feels like I'm gonna behealing myself and like Seeing
myself like little me and like Ireally get emotional.
So I feel like I want tocelebrate her because a lot of

(20:14):
One of the things I've alwayswished in my childhood is that I
felt a little bit morecelebrated and less like a Like
a required task, like you haveto be taken care of afterthought
.
Yeah, so that's part of it, butit's like I'm I'm teetering
between I'm celebrating thisbeautiful, precious moment
that's so important to me andlike I'm accommodating for

(20:37):
people's needs and expectationsof that day.
So like, how do you do thatsuccessfully?

Travis (20:45):
I don't got the answers.
You know I'm over here sayinglike, if you're broke, don't do
things like that.
But also if you have the moneyand it does bring you joy.
I'm not knocking it right Likewe've all.
We've all.
We've all grown up.
That's been a part of ourculture.
One of our early episodes, wewere talking about how we've
been to more baby showers thanweddings.

Stephanie (21:06):
It's just a thing that people do.

Travis (21:08):
Yeah, but it's also shaped who we are Like.
I don't view it in a negativelight.
If we're at a point now whereyou can afford it and you can
celebrate that way, go all out.

Stephanie (21:17):
But I also kind of have a little pushback on you
saying if you broke, don't do it.
Because I feel like at the coreof what it's supposed to be
about is about celebrating aspecial moment that, no matter
how broke you are, should becelebrated in a way.
In some way, some shape or form, it should be memorialized in a

(21:38):
way, and by that I mean likesomething to remember that it
wasn't an afterthought.
Like you just said, no matterhow broke you are, if you have a
small core group of friendsthat come together and find a
way to celebrate you, even ifit's not this Instagram, tiktok,
baby shower.
I agree.

Travis (21:59):
Yeah, I'm thinking back to like I know plenty of family
members probably even my motherwho, like, didn't have it, but
they saved up and made sure likethey did something because it's
just so a part of our culturethat it's like it's a no brainer
.
Like what do you mean?
Like I think it wasn't until Imet you and we were like getting

(22:24):
married and having babies andwe were doing things differently
, that we went against the grainand everyone's like what do you
mean Not having a big wedding?
What do you mean You're nothaving a baby shower?
What do you?
And even now people are like Iknow how y'all go, but can we do
?
Something.
And we have a lunch.
The fact that you've been doingthis sprinkle is a big deal.

(22:45):
It's big.

Stephanie (22:46):
And even this sprinkle I have guilt because
even though it's small, eventhough it's in our house, I need
something to wear, I need tofeed people, I need to have
beverages.
You know, I want all of us tolook nice to take photos.
Even though you're going toleave, it adds up.
Even when you try to dosomething small, it adds up,

(23:07):
especially when you like thingsa certain way.
But yeah, that's been mystruggle.
But all this came up from thefields, gifting us a photo shoot
, and it's something I didn'thave to come out of pocket for.
But it feels great Like youknow how beautiful I felt taking
those photos and like having myfriend be the photographer,

(23:30):
give me the directions and thenknowing that it's a gift from
them, like that's such athoughtful gift.

Travis (23:37):
So Tab usually does her photo shoots out in a park
somewhere.

Stephanie (23:41):
She's just like she prefers to do outdoor like
natural lighting photography,but for the past month every
weekend has been raining.

Travis (23:49):
And unfortunately for her Saturday, it rained for
almost all day.

Stephanie (23:54):
And she was in time for her fall photos.

Travis (23:56):
So last minute she booked the studio and set up the
ambiance to make it still looklike a fall shoot, I think.
For us they removed everything.
And then she had some ideas forsome maternity shoots and I was
just watching.
I was a part of a few of theshots.
There was some nudity.
I got some behind the scenesfootage for, just for me.

Stephanie (24:23):
Unless you want to cash up, a cash out.

Travis (24:27):
But just from the reaction from Tab and her
husband Pete I could tell that,like it's, I'm excited to see it
.

Stephanie (24:35):
Yeah, and again, that's where I come back to
what's a waste and what'ssomething that's worth putting
the money into right, and Iguess it depends on what you can
do, right, Like don't pay formaternity photos instead of
paying a rent.
You know, like that's anextreme.
But even if you can't like dothat.
Nowadays our iPhones are likefreaking professional cameras.

(24:58):
Use your friends to help you,like with direction and lighting
, and take photos Like I thinkthat's something that I've
learned that is so valuable,right?
I think we spoke about howpeople send Christmas cards
every year of their family andyou're like yo, they take photos
every year.
But those are things you couldlook back on like oh my God,

(25:21):
look how small they were.

Travis (25:22):
And times change and nowadays it's so much more cost
effective to do those thingsLike you don't have to go to the
mall and get someone to take a,like you literally can.
White wall at home, iPhone, alittle Amazon support your
friends that are photographers,but if you don't got a friend

(25:42):
it's easy to accomplish, like ifwe wanted to do something, we
can knock it out now, just withwhat's in our home.

Stephanie (25:47):
I totally agree.
Like I've been taking morephotos with my boys.
I never really had my bellyexposed unless it was like at
the beach or the pool and I feellike this time around, like I'm
going to wear outfits that havemy belly out, like because,
like Rihanna does it.
Oh well, I'm not a celebritybut I want to like really
embrace pregnancy in a way thatI never really did.

(26:08):
That never really felt naturalto me.

Travis (26:10):
I think it's a New York thing I've called New York City
thing.
Let me be correct that.
I feel like we all feel likewe're celebrities.
That's why that's why we don'tget.
We don't get pressed the waylike we see celebrities in the
street, like it's just like allright, whatever, that's Drake.

Stephanie (26:27):
I'm a little not me, I'm a little bit more like I
would be like.
Can I have a picture?
Hi, like.

Travis (26:33):
I would be excited as much as I love Drake.
I would just be like, oh,that's crazy.
And then keep it pushing.

Stephanie (26:38):
Even though I did see Drake and he was right in front
of me, but I was so starstruckthat I couldn't say anything.

Travis (26:43):
No, I feel New York people let me know.
I feel like New York City gotto be careful, not Buffalo, new
York.

Stephanie (26:49):
Listen, if I saw him again, it's been like over 10
years I've been practicing.
I'm not going to be toostarstruck to say hello and ask
for a picture.

Travis (26:56):
You're gonna play it cool.

Stephanie (26:58):
Cool, but I'm going to ask for a picture.
How?
You gonna say it Daddy, please,please, let me get a picture
with you.
Poppy, champagne, champagne,poppy.
I'm kidding, I'm kidding.
No, I don't know, but I alwayshave that regret of like I

(27:18):
should have asked he could have.
The worst he would have saidwas no, why was I acting too
cool?
But I don't think I was toocool.
I think I was just like holyfuck.

Travis (27:28):
Okay, you just threw my theory out, but I still think
everyone from New York City wethink we're a celebrity.

Stephanie (27:34):
Yeah, but I don't think the reason I take risk and
wear my belly out and wearthings differently is not
because I think I'm a celebrity.

Travis (27:42):
No, no, no, I'm just like a risk taker with fashion.
That's just who you are.

Stephanie (27:45):
She's always been that way, yeah, even in like
growing up like I remember beinglike in middle school and I had
like pink bangs and I wentthrough like a bohemian phase
with clothes and don't forgetyour God face.
Travis swears I was God, I wasnot God.

Travis (28:00):
She had the lips, the mad piercings millennials from
the hood.

Stephanie (28:06):
We were hood as fuck, but we went through a piercing
phase if we had parents thatabout it, and I didn't really my
mom didn't really allow it, butthen I kind of just did it and
then she was just like whateverat this point, and then I just
wait.
Once I got the whatever, I justpierced everything.
But we were still us like stilllistening to hip hop still
listening to what?
Everything?

(28:26):
No, not everything, but I got alot.
I had a lot of piercings.
The weirdest one was my wristand the back of my neck.

Travis (28:33):
Doesn't that sound, goth ?
It wasn't, though I was stilllike and you were singing like
Avril Lavigne and shit.

Stephanie (28:39):
Only the ones everybody was singing, the ones
that were mainstream, okay.
Okay, I'm so sorry to whoever'slistening to that in the car
right now, but yeah, I feel likewe've been talking a lot about
our week.

Travis (28:57):
Yeah, so before we move on, I didn't give you any
homework last week, but Irealized, like any good teacher,
I have to.

Stephanie (29:05):
What homework?

Travis (29:07):
Yeah, last week we just kept talking.
I didn't stop at all to say ifyou're watching on YouTube leave
a comment.
Like the video share this withyour friend family and say you
got to watch them.
I've been trying to put you onpodcast, apple, spotify.
Leave us a five star rating,anything less.
We will get you back next weekIf you are wanting some extra

(29:28):
content from us.
We're doing interactive recapsevery other week.
We have one coming up this week.
Join us on Patreon, patreoncomforward slash.
We still like each other and Ithink that's it.

Stephanie (29:39):
Yep, all right you ready, so you have a fax, dot
Travis.

Travis (29:43):
Yeah, this is not a.
Did you know?
This is a fax dot Travisbecause we haven't fact checked
it.
And not at all, but it soundsamazing Facts, dot Travis.
Similar personalities are notlikely to last for longer.
Contrary to the common notionthat opposites attract, studies
suggest that having similarpersonalities does not always

(30:04):
serve as a reliable predictorfor longterm partnerships.
Although initial attraction maybe fueled by early
compatibility based on similarfeatures and interests, other
elements such as communication,emotional connection and mutual
support contribute to thedurability of a relationship and
can even lead to a happymarried couple.

Stephanie (30:25):
Okay, so I was going to try to ignore this, but it
doesn't make sense to me becauseit says contrary to the common
notion that opposites attract.
But that is what they're saying, right?
Well, it's the facts thatTravis right, because then it
goes on to talk about howsimilar personalities is not
reliable predictive longtermrelationships, so then the

(30:47):
opposite will probably be trueright, that opposites do attract
, so it's not contrary.

Travis (30:51):
Similar personalities are not likely to last for
longer.

Stephanie (30:56):
Right.
Isn't that what it's saying?

Travis (30:58):
I guess, but you get what it's saying though.

Stephanie (31:01):
I get what it's saying, but I guess what did it
need to be?
There was the contrary to,opposites attract.
So it's basically just sayingthat similar personalities does
not mean a lasting relationship.

Travis (31:15):
And I agree.
I agree too, because.

Stephanie (31:18):
I always think like I wouldn't want to date someone
like me.

Travis (31:21):
So I even think about that in terms of like hobbies
right.
Okay.
So you know, for most of mylife I was a big gamer and stay
at home all day playing videogames on the computer and no
life in it.
And there was a part of methat's like do I want a partner
who is about that life?
Just no life with me and weboth just at the computer

(31:45):
playing all day.

Stephanie (31:45):
Sometimes I used to ask Travis like is that what you
want?
Like would you want someone whojust didn't care that you spent
your days off playing games?
Like is that the life youwanted to live?

Travis (31:54):
And no, I've never dated anyone like that, so it's been
someone who's like outside andthen me.
I'm always, you always knowwhere I'm at.
So I just don't think thatwould be a fun experience.
And I know there's plenty ofcouples who, like they, both
enjoy playing video games.

Stephanie (32:12):
But according to this fact, that you are way too
competitive, that like, if Iliked games too, it'd be like a
thing like we'd be competingwith each other like cause
problems.
I don't think so.
You are very competitiveBecause that's not I like it.

Travis (32:27):
I used to enjoy playing like, like fantasy games where
you like.
Create a character and you'rein this world and like the Sims
and it would be more so likewe're teaming up, more so than
it's going against each other.

Stephanie (32:39):
Gotcha.
Okay, yeah, I don't know, Inever had.
You know how people say who?
People who can't dance havelike two left feet, or like
people who can't keep a plantalive, have a black thumb.
My hands can't do video gamesLike I don't know what it is
like beyond, like basic MarioKart.
Even when I played MortalKombat I didn't know what the

(33:01):
fuck I was doing.
Like I didn't remember the, thethree triggers that led to a
thing I'm just pressing buttonslike and then, once it got even
harder than that, I justcouldn't like.
I just can't get it Like evennow Eli's better than me at
games because I just don't haveit Like I don't know my fingers
just don't do it.

Travis (33:21):
I'm thinking maybe I'm focusing too much on hobbies,
because people can have similarhobbies, but they can also be
different people.

Stephanie (33:29):
I think the opposite could be true, like you could be
similar but then have, but thenhave different hobbies because,
I think what should becompatible and similar in
certain relationships are thingsthat become deal breakers,
right, Like having kids or notwanting to have kids.
Republican or Democrat, youknow your views on the LGBTQ

(33:55):
community.
Those are certain things thatare like deal breakers for me
and we need to kind of align onthose topics.
But then hobbies could bedifferent.

Travis (34:06):
What I was thinking of is shout out to Everly's Her
husband loved dancing.
But I don't know, that they'rethe same in terms of their
personality.

Stephanie (34:15):
I don't think dancing makes them you know, yeah, they
could have common hobbies and,honestly, where more I like than
you might think.

Travis (34:26):
Tell me more.

Stephanie (34:28):
Like we're both comfortable being home, like
we're like homebodies.
We love couch time.
I think we're similar when itcomes to the type of friends we
kind of like, the type offriendships we like Not friends
but friendships, like we likelow maintenance friends that we

(34:50):
could do nothing with.

Travis (34:53):
Yeah, I somewhat, I think, low maintenance.
I don't know.
It sounds like I want an easyfriend, like a no drama friend,
but I also feel like I also wantfriends who I can dig a little
deeper with.

Stephanie (35:09):
No, what I meant with low maintenance is like they're
not like oh, we're taking avacation, or let's go to this
expensive dinner, or like gobold, like expensive dates and
stuff Gotcha.
Like we have like chill friendsLike we could take a walk with
or hang out at home, have aweekend eat breakfast together.
Type of friends.

Travis (35:27):
For sure.

Stephanie (35:30):
But in terms of we don't have Instagram friends.
Yeah, but our differences thatwe have, I feel like our
complimentary like in terms ofyou being more reserved then me
being more of an extrovert, Ifeel like it balances each other
and I like push you to be alittle bit more vocal and you
push me to shut the fuck up alittle bit sometimes.

(35:52):
And I say it just like that,you're right.
Yeah, I feel like I'm a littlebit more on the Like.
If I'm angered, I could be alittle bit more abrasive, but I
can't take it and I feel likewe're a perfect balance, because
it's like you won't ever likepush me in a way that feels like

(36:17):
disrespectful or hurtful, likeyou're very gentle with me in a
way that I need Like gentle butfirm.

Travis (36:25):
Since you brought it up, I will say there are times
where we have a strongdiscussion and I walk away like
maybe something's not resolvedand we're just cooling off.
And I always think to myselflike if I even remotely came at
her the way she just came at me,I'd have to like go sleep at my

(36:46):
mom's house, you agree?

Stephanie (36:51):
I agree, which is why I'm like I couldn't date
someone just like me, becausewe'd just be fighting and I know
that.
But I feel like I'm also at apoint where I know when I'm
gonna get too much and I ask forbreaks and I'm like I need a
minute.
Or I do take a minute andsometimes you're like I know
something's wrong or what'shappening and I've already

(37:12):
talked myself down severallevels before I finally say
something.

Travis (37:17):
I'm still working on finding that happy middle ground
because I can't pretend Like.
I can't pretend likeeverything's okay.
You know, we have a decent sizehouse, but it's not huge.
So we're gonna be around eachother.
Yeah.
So I'm trying to find thatmiddle ground where it's like
give her her space, but also Idon't want to sit in this for

(37:39):
too long because I feel it notonly emotionally but physically.
So, yeah, still working on it.

Stephanie (37:46):
I feel like the easiest thing is like
acknowledging it Like you need aminute.
Okay, I'm here when you'reready.

Travis (37:52):
I'm gonna try that.

Stephanie (37:53):
You know, like just simple, like I know what's
happening, I'm not gonna ignoreit, because I've spoke about
this before I'm not the type ofperson who's like sulking,
waiting for you to be likewhat's wrong, because when I'm
ready to talk, I'm gonna talk.
So when I'm not saying anythingis like I'm in my moment, I
need it, like it's not melooking for you to like baby me.

(38:15):
I got it.
So it's like just you know,give me the space I need and
then we'll be out noted, so howdo I say it again?

Travis (38:25):
You need a minute.

Stephanie (38:26):
Okay, but don't you see now it sounds like you're
ready, about to annoy me withthat shit.

Travis (38:30):
I'm gonna be on some bullshit.
I'm like you need a minute.
I just said good morning.
I hate you.
Oh God.

Stephanie (38:41):
All right, so we have two things we wanna talk about.
I guess we should start withthe one everybody was talking
about all week.

Travis (38:48):
The elephant in the room .

Stephanie (38:49):
Oh my God, there's no elephant in the room and her
name is Jada.

Travis (38:53):
Jada Pickens, fucking Smith.

Stephanie (38:55):
Stop it no.

Travis (38:56):
No, I'm on the side of the world.

Stephanie (38:58):
No, we're not having this energy towards her Because,
whatever you can have your ownopinion, I guess.

Travis (39:06):
I guess no go.

Stephanie (39:08):
No, I didn't look too deep into it.
I remember even a few weeks agoyou kind of mentioned wanting
to talk about something else.
She said and you were like Ithink the way you phrased it was
here's Jada, embarrassing Willagain.

Travis (39:24):
So she was.
I think it was around Tupac andmore pitch.
Oh I know what it was.
She released a video of her andTupac performing Parents just
don't understand.
Obviously prior to her evendating Will Smith.
So it's just like here we go,some more Jada stuff and Will is
the butt of the joke.

Stephanie (39:44):
But why I don't get, because the internet takes it
and wants to make it the butt ofthe joke, doesn't mean she's
intentionally trying toembarrass Will Baby?

Travis (39:53):
It's her life If you had someone, so according to Jada,
they never even dated.
But there was someone,especially a man, in your life
that passed away, and for over30 years I've been having to
hear about this man.
It'd be a problem.

Stephanie (40:10):
I don't think that's true.
I don't believe that you wouldfeel that way.
I think you're more empatheticthan that.

Travis (40:19):
I don't know.

Stephanie (40:21):
It'd be different if they were alive, like someone
that you could actually have alittle bit of an intimidation by
or jealousy, but like and too.
It's not just any dude, it'sfucking too Paku.

Travis (40:34):
The world has remembered and puts into everything and so
if I had a, if I let's just I'mmaking this up let's just say,
prior to meeting you I had, likean ex, so I was madly in love
with him.
The only reason we're nottogether is because she passed
away.
And, like every once in a whileI'm like I remember when
so-and-so used to do that.

Stephanie (40:54):
That's something at grief.
There's no playbook to grief.
Like, even right now, I startedwatching the Golden Bachelor.
So if you're not familiar withBachelor Nation, so it's like
the Bachelor is like this guy hehas.
He dates 20 different women.
At the end he's proposes to oneof them For the first time ever
.
There's a like a 72 year oldman is the Bachelor and his wife

(41:18):
of 42 years died.
Every single conversation hehas had with these women he
talks about his wife.
That's part of life.
Like, it's grief, like I don'tknow.

Travis (41:30):
I think okay.
So I think my example of sayingor imagine there's someone I
did that passed away.
That's not where I want to gowith it.

Stephanie (41:37):
I think so it's your bad analogies.

Travis (41:41):
I think, for the world and myself.
Why it's a problem is becausethey never even dated.

Stephanie (41:47):
But so what?
It's still like a person whohad a major impact on the world,
not even just you.
Tupac died when I was like sixyears old and I know Tupac songs
.
I know about all this history,people, these young rappers who
come out everyone's expectingthem to pay respects to like the

(42:11):
greats, tupac, biggie and theydied before they were even born.
This is a major person and shehas a cool memory of him and
they're singing parents justdon't understand.
Isn't that a Will Smith song?
It is.
Why not share that memory?
Because the world's gonna thinkI'm disrespecting my husband.
Fuck outta here.

Travis (42:32):
Okay, but you have to also understand this isn't an
isolated situation.
It's because of all the othershit with the entanglements that
make it messy.

Stephanie (42:40):
All right, that's the thing, though, like I'm not
gonna tailor made my life andwhat I announced because of what
people might say.

Travis (42:49):
What I've been hearing a lot is please take us out the
group chat.
Do you understand what they'resaying?

Stephanie (42:56):
Yeah, but that's bullshit.
You know why?
Because, like I've said, wecreate the algorithm.
Stop following the accountsthat are always sharing her
business.
Stop commenting on them,because you know what the
algorithm thinks when youcomment.
This is what I wanna see moreof.
People talk all that shit, butthey love it.

Travis (43:13):
What else did Jada do?

Stephanie (43:15):
Anyway, that was old, I guess, and I didn't even
wanna bring it up, becausethat's the narrative.
Like anytime anybody talksabout it, it's like bashing her,
like she's this bigembarrassment and got like
Will's a grown ass man with afree fucking Will and he's there
for a reason.
All right, free Will.
I guess the only reason Iwanted to bring this part up now

(43:41):
is because the new revelationis that they've been separated
since 2016.
Travis and I have been marriedsince 2016.
You know how much life is livedin eight years.
Like so much fucking life.
Like we've had two extra kidsand moved different places,

(44:03):
started a podcast.
You know.
Like have learned and grown somuch in eight years that I think
they did themselves of thisservice being separated this
long, but hiding it and keepingit a secret and pretending to
still be together, like why.

Travis (44:19):
That's the part where I don't agree, because there are
plenty of people who are marriedand-.

Stephanie (44:26):
You don't agree with what?

Travis (44:27):
Where they ran with this facade of still being married.
I don't have a problem withthem being like married but
separated for, however manyyears, but the whole we're still
married.
Like you're keeping upappearances, you're walking red
carpet.

Stephanie (44:43):
I thought you were saying you disagree with what I
said.

Travis (44:45):
No, so I even think back to recently I think this was
maybe it's going on a year nowthat it was announced who was
our back in New York, who wasthe former mayor.

Stephanie (44:57):
De Blasio.

Travis (44:57):
De Blasio.
Him and his wife are separatedbut still married, still living
in the same house, and they'rebasically like we're going to
live our own lives, date otherpeople, but we're still coming
back to this house.
That's so weird and it's weird,but it's also like it's probably
a lot more normal than we knowof right.
It's only an issue.

(45:19):
I think the only issue iskeeping up with the fact that
you're saying you're married,because, if everyone's like,
it's been rumors for years thatthey've been breaking up To the
point where she just revealed Idon't know if you know this that
during one of the times whereeveryone's like, oh, they
separated.
She got a phone call.
You know where I'm going withthis she got a phone call from

(45:40):
Chris Rock saying, hey, I wouldlove to take you out.

Stephanie (45:43):
So that's why Will was really butt hurt that day
Full circle.

Travis (45:46):
I know you're getting separated.
She tells him I don't know whatyou're talking about and he was
just like really apologetic anddropped it.
So she let that out.
I think it might.
She's dropping a book.

Stephanie (45:58):
It's a memoir, right?
That's why everything's comingout.

Travis (46:00):
That's why she's doing interviews with everyone Smart
as fuck.

Stephanie (46:03):
girl shut up.
Y'all be telling y'all businessfor free.
Sure, let her talk.

Travis (46:09):
This is true.

Stephanie (46:10):
She gonna make money, let her be like.
So what?
I don't agree with the wholeseparating.
I think a big part of our wholemessage from the beginning of
this is like we're stilltogether cause we still like
each other.
We don't agree with people whostay together just for the kids
and I even think about theirkids Like this must be the

(46:33):
weirdest thing for them.
Like what are they learningfrom this?
It?

Travis (46:35):
kind of all makes sense now, Like there was even reports
of what's her name, Willow likewriting letters to Tupac saying
I wish you were my dad.

Stephanie (46:44):
What.

Travis (46:45):
Look it up.

Stephanie (46:46):
Well, you got that from factsnet, bro, like what
the fuck is this?
Keep talking, I'll put it up,Travis and his weird ass sources
.
Yo His news sources like theghetto.

Travis (47:02):
It's literally.
I didn't even have to, I justwrote Willow Tupac and then it
finished, writes letter to Tupacand it's double XL Reddit.
She wrote a letter to TupacDouble XL Reddit, uh-huh.
There's a bunch more.

Stephanie (47:15):
Is that New York Times?
That's your only crediblesource, but I know they're
credible.

Travis (47:20):
Anywho.

Stephanie (47:22):
He said Reddit and double XL.
He should have just said theonion in the shade room Like
what the fuck?
Ha ha, ha, ha ha.
I'm crying.

Travis (47:34):
Anywho.
So do you think that people whoare formally married can do
this successfully, where theyjust separate but don't get a
divorce, at least legally?

Stephanie (47:46):
Yeah, why not?
Divorce is all like a wholelegal thing that happens.
I'm sure there's nuances toeverything, but what they did,
it wasn't that.
It was like we're separated butwe're keeping it a secret.
How did that work?
Like were they dating?

Travis (48:02):
Well, yeah, because we know the August Alcina thing
happened during that time period.

Stephanie (48:06):
Yeah, but that's another thing.
She was villainized for thatLike if, oh my God, how dare you
, when they weren't eventogether?

Travis (48:17):
So they went that hard with keeping the lie that they
didn't even like.
That would be the moment likeall right back against the wall.

Stephanie (48:23):
Actually, we weren't together, we're not together, so
she took all the heat for quote, unquote, cheating, even though
they were separated, but she'sstill the villain.

Travis (48:31):
It's weird because, like , even when all that stuff came
out, her and Will did the redtable and still that wasn't.
It almost feels like she'smoving the goalpost for it to
make sense.
You know like, oh yeah, we'vebeen separated since 2016.
When was the August Alcinathing?
Oh, okay, I guess Also.

Stephanie (48:49):
now she's making shit up to you.
Now why do you hate women?
Because that's just made up.
You just made up a scenario tovillainize Jada.

Travis (49:03):
We are on here debating and guessing as to what her
motives are, but no, no, I'm notguessing her motives.

Stephanie (49:10):
Okay, we're not doing that.

Travis (49:12):
I'm gonna clip that.
Why do you hate women?

Stephanie (49:15):
It just seems that, like now, I would be like, wow,
so she let everyone call her acheater, even though they
weren't together.

Travis (49:24):
So now you're flipping it the other way.
She's so brave.

Stephanie (49:27):
How is that?
I'm not flipping it, I'mliterally telling you Everyone
was calling her a cheater andhow terrible she is, but they
were separate.
That's not making anything up.
I'm saying, if anything, peopleshould be like, wow, she took a
lot of heat when she didn'tneed to, and you're saying, oh,
maybe she's moving the goalposts, like she's making it up now.
They weren't separated since2016.

(49:48):
Because she gotta be lying,because women are just liars.

Travis (49:52):
Not all of y'all, but I don't have much more thoughts
for Jada.
I will just say I agree.

Stephanie (50:04):
So I was scared to bring this up because I didn't
want the focus to be about likea grown woman and her choices
and like it was more so, justthat part, like the divorce.

Travis (50:14):
I'll say this what's the he's like on the rise positive
speaking Shetty?

Stephanie (50:24):
Jay Shetty.

Travis (50:24):
Jay Shetty I think she's on his pod and will either
wrote to Jay like a message toher.
He's been nothing butsupportive to her.
So, at the end of the day, myopinion, the world's opinion,
your opinion, doesn't matter Ifher family and her husband are
behind her, whatever, fuck whatI think.
Fuck what the world thinks.

Stephanie (50:45):
Like she's not here, like doing a tell-all and all
her family's like, oh my God, Ican't believe.
She said that, like everybodyknows what she's saying.

Travis (50:53):
Exactly so.
With that being said, itdoesn't matter what I think, it
doesn't matter what the worldthinks.
If the people that she caresabout have her back, then tell
us some more.
I'm here for the tea.

Stephanie (51:04):
Yeah, and if you don't want to be in the group
chat, literally stop fuckingcommenting on it, stop sharing
it, because your algorithm islike, yeah, they pretending they
don't like it, but they do.
I guess final thoughts on thatis just don't keep up
appearances, for people would behappy.
That's seven, eight years oftheir lives, they're never gonna

(51:27):
get back.
They could have just beenliving separate, still loving
each other, still respectingeach other, still having a
family unit bond, because Ithink that I love when I see
that Couples who separate butstill have a family, all of that
could have happened.
Like I don't understand, unless, again, I haven't really looked
into what she's been saying.

(51:48):
Were they afraid of letting gofor real, like were they still
holding onto hope?

Travis (51:54):
that they would fix it, maybe since 2016,.
They've tried to bring it backa couple times.

Stephanie (52:00):
Yeah, and what is separated?
Look like you know, like not.
My nosey part of my brain islike, did they live together?
Do they live in the same housebut separate sides?
Like Did the kids know?
Kids is definitely no andthey're grown their kids now.
It's not like they're littlebabies, but you know, those
little like nosy questions thatI have are coming up.
All right, moving on to thelast thing we're gonna talk

(52:25):
about today.
So last week we briefly spokeabout how I had conflicted
feelings about the whole likeperfect attendance award that
Eli got at Taekwondo and webrought it up about school.
But then we posted a clip aboutit and it kind of brought up
this bigger conversation abouthow we're being Conditioned for

(52:47):
capitalism from childhood, right.
So I'm gonna just read thiscomment from Instagram.
It says perfect attendanceawards were just created to
mimic capitalism.
Workers get compensated withemployee of the month, while
students get awards and medals.
It sends the message of nomatter how you may feel
physically, mentally orspiritually, you show up, no

(53:10):
matter what, which could be verydangerous thinking why you
rolling your eyes?

Travis (53:17):
It's.
It's crazy because I wasliterally having this
conversation earlier this weekwith a close friend of mine and
they were basically telling methat I'm Crazy because I have
the mentality is like I gottaget to work, gotta make it
happen, no matter what yourjob's on the line.
You got a family to support andLiterally none of those things

(53:37):
or at least the part about myjob being on the line is not
true.
I feel very secure with whereI'm at.
I I show up and I feel like Igo above and beyond for my role,
but there's just somethingabout being sick and not Wanting
to take that time because youjust don't want to appear like

(53:57):
You're slacking and he hasunlimited sick days, but he
still just doesn't really liketo use it, even if he's sick
like we.

Stephanie (54:06):
Literally our conversation about this was he
was feeling sick basically allweek last week, yeah.
I was like my throat kind ofhurts.
He got thera flu, he got halls,we had chloro septic, but he
didn't feel sick enough to stayhome, right like in his mind.
And then he kind of asked meand honestly I'm freaking

(54:29):
Conditioned with the samethinking too right.
So I didn't give him a straightlike stay home, you need it.
I more so was like listen,you're the one that's at work
every day.
You know the culture, you knowhow it's gonna be perceived if
you're out.
If you feel like you coulddrink thera flu, have some halls
and make it through the day,and that's what you need to do
to feel secure at work, then doit.

(54:50):
But I do feel like maybe justtaking one day to rest Will
prevent this like weird sickfeeling you have from becoming a
full-blown like sickness.
Like maybe you need to justtake a day, like maybe taking a
day will stop you from having totake a whole week if you get
worse.
But again, and then you knowhow you give advice, but you

(55:12):
like step back.
I'm like, but you're the onethat's there every day, you're
the one that knows how it'sgonna be perceived, what it's
gonna look like.
I'll support your decisionbecause I didn't want to make it
for him.

Travis (55:22):
But what do I know?

Stephanie (55:23):
What do I know?
So, yeah, it's still heavilyConditioned in our minds that,
like you, kind of got to justmake it to work.

Travis (55:31):
Yeah.
So it's funny that Someone madethat correlation between, like,
having a perfect attendance andwork, because it is something
that really does carry over intoyour adulthood.
And once you hit the workforceand you know, especially like
corporate America, and you knownot wanting to let down in your
employer and basically Justdoing everything you can to just
show that you're you're of someworth to this company, yeah,

(55:55):
what I will say is that I I feellike I work in a place where
the culture is very much liketake care of yourself physically
and.
Even more as of recent, in thepast three to four years, it's
like also mentally.
But the problem with that is,even though that's the culture,

(56:15):
you still have people, I guessyou could say like managers, who
are supposed to like be Passingthat information down to the,
to the masses, right?
So like, let's say, you havelike a section over here like oh
yeah, we're all for that.
Take a day, take a month, comeback when you're feeling better,
but then you have anothersection over here.
It was like so what?

Stephanie (56:34):
you gonna do?
You know what it is, becauseit's not really in the culture
yet.
I think that's where you'remiss speaking, or like the word
isn't being used incorrectly,right, because it's like at the
top of the umbrella there arethese principles that make the
company look More progressive,right, and say you know, if you
need a sick days, we haveunlimited sick days.

(56:55):
But do you really?
Because if you use them, how isthat gonna affect how you look?
Right, and it looks good forthe higher managers to say that.
But then they tell their lowermanagers like this is what I
expect, productivity wise, right?
So then those managers need tohold the employees accountable,
because it's like I need toreport to upper managers.

(57:16):
So how am I gonna meet all wasexpected of me if my, if my
employees have mental healthdays, have five sick days?
And you know, since COVID nowanybody gets a little bit of
sick.
Nobody takes medicine and cometo work.
It's like, oh, I gotta stayhome, which in an ideal world is
done, we should, because that'swhy COVID spread the way they

(57:38):
did, or even the common flu.
Or you know your kids are indaycare and you're like pissed
off that everyone's sick all thetime, but it's like because
everyone keeps going to school,going to daycare, sick because
even that if I'm fine, but mydaughter's sick, now I need to
take a.
I don't, there's not even a dayfor that.
Do you take a sick day whenyou're not the one that's sick?

(57:59):
Is your daughter that's sick?
It's like a whole cycle that,although it seems that companies
are more open to like youtaking your sick days, you
taking mental health days,realistically there's no system
where that actually works.
That makes sense it does it's.

Travis (58:17):
It's an internal battle that.
I'm dealing with now.
There's part of me that wantsto say, fuck, yeah, I'm always
gonna put myself first.
But then there's that otherside of me that's just like it's
not only about you yeah so andthen?

Stephanie (58:31):
you got to think like yes, there are probably people
who take advantage yeah there'speople who do take advantage of
it, right, because you haveunlimited sick days for when
you're actually sick.
But then there's some peoplethat have unlimited sick days.
I'll take that vacation, I'lltake an extra day or work from
home days, like I'm gonna workfrom any random ass place by the
.
And I think I'm also not like asuper prude like I do think

(58:55):
like if you work from home andyou get the chance to work from
the beach one day, like do it,but you also have to be like how
productive am I when I workfrom the beach?
Am I gonna do that all summer?
Like am I gonna spend all ofJuly and August at the beach, at
the pool, on vacation, and belike, let's be real, yeah, um
and I think that's what'smissing like I think companies

(59:19):
have to do their part to like belike no, really take your time.
And then employees need to belike all right, and I'm gonna be
responsible with it, I'm notgonna take advantage of it.
And then there's also thatcomparing thing right, because
let's say, you do have aco-worker who's dead as fucking
sick.
The other co-workers be tight.

Travis (59:37):
They were like oh my god , they missed two weeks work and
I don't know what it is aboutme and how I built this mental
fortitude, but I literally thatdoesn't move me, like if
tomorrow I showed up and I wasthe only one there, I'm like all
right, I'm here for eight hours, whatever happens, if I have to
work harder because someone sois not here, whatever, I'm

(59:59):
leaving at this time.

Stephanie (59:59):
But then there's some people who'll be bitching and
throwing you under the bus like,oh, he's sick again this week.

Travis (01:00:04):
Hmm, hmm so people don't know how to mind.

Stephanie (01:00:08):
They got their business.

Travis (01:00:09):
I don't, I don't, I don't know, I'm just not built
that way.
Um, yeah, and I, I, I think,moving forward, I am gonna just
focus on putting myself first,my family first.
Um, it's like unfortunate thatyou feel like you have to like
work for someone that meetscertain criteria for them to be

(01:00:29):
like empathetic.
Like, let's say, you work forsomeone who doesn't have kids.
It's like damn, they will neverunderstand.

Stephanie (01:00:34):
Like, oh, that's what .
Another thing that sucks havinglike co-workers who, like, will
never get it they don't havekids.
Um, you know, it's just like.
Even when I was teaching, Iremember the first time, my
first year as a full timeteacher, one of my co-workers
called out sick.

(01:00:54):
She had a headache.
But she was emailing allmorning saying, oh, my head is
killing me, I won't be in, butthese are the lessons for this
kid, these group and this group,and she was a writing
specialist, so she had literallydifferent level type lessons
for her kids.
You have a headache, why areyou?
The world isn't gonna end ifyou miss a day and your kids

(01:01:16):
don't have your specific lesson.
Don't do it.
And I kind of felt bad.
But then I remember hearingcommentary about like if you're
gonna be out, you gotta leavelessons.
But it's like, how do you knowyou're gonna wake up with a
headache?
I wish I could go in some moreand even myself, like when I had
like, for example, when I wasteaching that writing teacher,

(01:01:37):
even if she had the time toleave me her lessons, since I
had to keep her kids I don'thave the time to teach her
lessons.
I'm gonna have her kids sit inthe corner doing something else
reading, researching, editingsomething but I'm not gonna
teach your lesson.
I just don't have the time.
You know, um, and that's justone field.
And then there's other fieldsthat you think of, like first

(01:02:01):
responders and stuff.
Like it's harder to take a dayif literally other people's
lives are in your hands.
It becomes even more of acomplex issue.

Travis (01:02:13):
But, um, I will say this I I'm getting to the point
where I feel fairly stronglyabout my capabilities and what I
provide for the places that Iwork and then I'm becoming less
afraid to speak up and also dothe thing, like if I feel

(01:02:33):
something's wrong or if I feellike if I'm sick, like I'm gonna
do that shit and that scares meand like I believe it, I
believe it, but this, myprogramming, scares me.

Stephanie (01:02:48):
On that, yeah, literally when I first started
working as a para, I worked inthe same elementary school that
I taught.
No, I worked in the sameelementary school that I went to
as a kid.
So there were people there whowere like still working there
from when I was a kid and theirway of looking out for me was to
tell me don't say anything,agree with everything they tell
you to do and just say okay,even if it's illegal, because

(01:03:12):
you know, sometimes you gottalike.
You know there's certain lawsand expectations about which
titles can be alone with kids orwhat your job role is, and we
have a union and the union issupposed to stick up for you and
make sure you're not being toldto do work you're not supposed
to do.
The people who loved me andcared for me and were like, oh

(01:03:32):
my god, it's so nice to see youhere.
This is my best advice for yougo along with whatever they tell
you shut the fuck up, don'tshut up.
Just yes, mm-hmm.
Don't ask questions.
That shit's crazy and that'sthe what's been programmed in my
brain.
You know, there's been plentyof times when I went to work as
a teacher sick as hell, but Itook a bunch of medicine to hide

(01:03:55):
all the the sickness right, andI always have this regret.
Now, travis and I this is alsojust a mental health thing,
maybe, maybe not.
Maybe this is something thatpeople gonna listen to me like
yeah, bitch, you shouldn't havedone it, but there's this artist
that we really love.
They had a concert on a weekday.
We had the tickets and I toldmyself, like I can't, I can't,

(01:04:16):
like I just know.
Like, forget it, I'm not gonnago because I didn't want to show
up to work tired or I didn'twant to end up having to call
out.
But in hindsight, life is soshort, literally, even if I took
a day, it wouldn't have beenthat into the world and I would
have saw, I would have had likea core memory of an experience

(01:04:39):
with my husband that I wouldhave never forgotten.
And because of this fear oflike work, being so like I'm
being so judged for every littlething that I do, I didn't do it
and I regret it till this day.
I have FOMO and I'm like weshould have went, and again.
That doesn't mean like go tofucking concerts every single
week, but that would have beenthe only one that whole school

(01:05:01):
year and I convinced myself thatlike no, I need to go to work
fully rested tomorrow, when Ishould have took the moment to,
like, enjoy that with you, yeah,but um yeah, it's heavy on me,
but yeah I'm.

Travis (01:05:19):
I'm falling on the side of do what's best for you,
physically, mentally,emotionally, because the wheels
gonna keep on spinning.
I dropped dead.

Stephanie (01:05:30):
Tomorrow, life will go on no, not for me, not that.

Travis (01:05:39):
I think that's a place, good place to call it.
Yeah, my love daddy, do youstill like me?

Stephanie (01:05:44):
I still like you, do you still like me?

Travis (01:05:46):
very much.
Peace y'all peace.