Weasel Tales: The Bobby Heenan Archives - Family Ties and Fierce Loyalties

Text Me, Ya Ham And Egger

Imagine standing toe-to-toe with your mother's boyfriend at 14, fueled by the audacity of youth and a fierce sense of familial loyalty. That's just one of the stories our guest brings to the table, painting a vivid picture of the past with tales that walk the fine line between the unbelievable and the downright amusing. We're riding the rails back in time, reliving encounters at train stations and home-front battles that reveal the enduring bonds and the unforgettable moments that make up the fabric of family life.

This episode is a treasure trove of misadventures and heartfelt moments. Sneak into the mastermind behind a cheeky Coke heist that's equal parts genius and mischief. We're also sharing the front-row seat to an expectant father's journey—complete with the jitters and joy of the unexpected. It's a hearty mix of resilience, resourcefulness, and the raw, often humorous, slices of life that will keep you hooked. Join us as we share these compelling narratives, where every turn is another chapter in a storybook brimming with nostalgia and a spirit of adventure.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
You listen to me, you go to the top.
Bobby, bobby, bobby, bobby,bobby, bobby, bobby, bobby,

(00:42):
Bobby, bobby, bobby, bobby,bobby, bobby, bobby, bobby,
bobby, bobby, bobby, bobby,bobby, bobby, bobby, bobby,
bobby, bobby, bobby, bobby,bobby, bobby, bobby, bobby,
bobby, bobby, bobby, bobby,bobby, bobby, bobby, bobby,
bobby, bobby, bobby, bobby,bobby, bobby, bobby, bobby,
bobby, bobby, bobby, bobby,bobby, bobby.
I might have a boyfriend,boyfriend I presented Because he
had taken some of the attentionaway from me.
Sure, and that's why Not doingmy dad or anything.
He's just kind of like a guy.
Yeah, I remember my aunt wasgoing back to Indianapolis at
one time In those days.

(01:04):
She took the train.
So I walked out the back doorof the hotel, my aunt and Aunt
Nine, friend of my mother's, whowas her boyfriend.
As he walked out the door, hesaid where are you going?
I said I'm going with my Auntto the train station.
He said no, you're not.
I said no, she told me I couldgo and he pie-faced me.
He put his hand on my face andpushed, jumped.

(01:24):
I was 14 years old.
I jumped him and knocked himdown and my aunt was screaming.
My mother came.
I said this is my aunt, this ismy mother.
Who's this guy tell me, and youknow what my mother dumped him
Her eye.
She said he's not going to tellmy kid when he's going to do
something or not.
Wow, I'll never forget that.
So when they were digging onetime, I remember, you know, we

(01:45):
used to go out at night and Ididn't want to do anything when
they were home.
So I knew we'd plug this car sowell the other night and I took
a knife and I cut the valvesoff his tires and as I walked
back to the Don't trust me, ohno, I used to go to this grocery

(02:13):
right next door.
It's called Aves BellContestants and they had these
tanks where you'd open them upand they had Coca-Cola in them
and stuff and you'd have to pullthem through lines to bring
them up, to hit the pier,diamond and nickel to pull them
up, because you couldn't getthem out of there.
Right, and I got figures.
How could I get them out ofthere?
Well, I can't.
So I got a can opener and astraw.

(02:35):
I could open up the bottle andput the straw in.
That's what I would do.
I'd just have to wait and wait.
I was smart enough.
What courses were you in?
Your wife had pregnancy and youwere in the room and all this

(02:56):
shit.
What do you call it?
Mirage or whatever?
I had a work overtime so Ididn't make the classes.
So when my wife came down tothe river, I was like I'm going
to go to the river.
I was like I'm going to go tothe river.
I was like I'm going to go tothe river.
I had to work all the time so Ididn't make the classes.
So when I came down to the river, when the room was back to the
immediate, he said are you readyto put the greens on?
You know the jacket?
I said let me tell yousomething before we go any
further.

(03:16):
I said I've never been here forthe meetings.
He said well, you don't have todo anything, but it could be
Glory, would it bother you?
I said I've seen Chris Taylornaked.
And he looked at me and saidwhat.

(03:37):
I said never mind.
And I went in there and itwasn't bad at all and we'd been
talking boys the whole time.
We didn't know.
We named the kid Jasper Justfor a stupid reason.
So when finally she had mydaughter I'm behind the bed

(03:57):
right with the mask on I said toher.
I said there's no prick.
There's no prick.
My wife said what I said noprick.
The doctor said what I said noprick.
He said girl, take said nopricks.
The doctor said what I said nopricks.
He said, no, take that.
So I'm back to sit behind thebed.
That was the worst I know.
You're looking for a boy, right?
Yeah, yeah, what are youtalking about?
Yeah, it's just Dan, and I wentthrough it too.
We thought it was.
We swore Maddie was a boy andDominic I think that's not in

(04:32):
any business.
I've been in the wrestlingbusiness for 40 years, so I
don't know what mainstream isout there anymore.
I don't even know how much agallon of milk is.
I don't.
I never had to start writingand there's a lot of wrestlers
that always shake your hand andyou knew that if you were in the
main event, they want to be inthe main event.
And there's a lot of rushesthat always shake your hand and

(04:54):
you knew that if you were in themain event, they wanted to be
in the main event, they wantedto be in your position, and a
lot of guys from the main events.
I never sat in the main event.
I really didn't.
I didn't mess with that part oflife I learned a long time ago

(05:14):
in the business, like if you dodo that, you're going to maybe
have to get in a ring with thatguy someday.
An accident can happen.
You know, you can accidentallygo through something and hit you
right between the eyes orsomething.
But you know, when I was at WCWI would see people there in the
office that I'm in charge ofpaperclips.

(05:35):
The person next to me is incharge of pencils.
So I asked them could you handme a rubber band while I'm in
charge of pencils?
They wouldn't do that.
But if you well, I got therubber band.
They'd counsel me.
Someone went to your desk andgot some.
Not really you know what I mean.
Everyone was jealous of me.
Jealous, no one would helpanybody.
So I would see all this phonyhello, how are you?

(05:57):
And this and that.
But I think a cab driver, ifhe's driving around with nobody
in the back, he wants a fare.
He wants a fare the other guyhas.
So I think anybody will stabanybody in the back.
I think everybody has largelyin their body and you just can't
trust anybody.
Now what do you do with it?
Do you let them beat you downlike that.

(06:17):
What I do is I make friendswith them, because at least I
know what my enemy is.
Then If I don't talk to the guy, I don't know what he's up to.
I remember I was in school therewas this kid, his name was
David and he used to beat me upall the time and he was a punk
and I didn't like him.
Well, I couldn't take the guy,but I knew how to get him.

(06:39):
I would take my pencil box orwhatever I had at work and I'd
put it in his desk.
And when a teacher told me todo something, I said I can't
find my pencil box.
Well, let's look and find it.
So they looked and they foundit in his desk.
He's in trouble all day.
It's not nice to mess with theweasel.

(07:00):
So that's how you get back topeople.
You let everybody else.
You just give them enough ropeto hang themselves.
But you never let anybodydefeat you.
You never let anybody.
I told myself that growing upyou beat Nick one more time.
You get to keep him.
Put the word in the streets.