Weasel Tales: The Bobby Heenan Archives - In the Shadow of the Giant

Text Me, Ya Ham And Egger

Step right up and witness the stories of a figure larger than life itself—Andre the Giant. Our episode today is a heartfelt toast to the legend whose personality dwarfed even his own towering frame. We regale you with tales fit for a king, from Andre's epic showdowns in refusing to be out-heighted, to the bar tabs that are the stuff of legends. But it's not just about the grandeur; we peel back the curtain to reveal the tender humanity that connects us all, through the eyes of wrestling's greatest icons. Expect laughter, a touch of nostalgia, and perhaps a new appreciation for the man who was much more than a giant in the ring.

Prepare to be entertained by the chaos that ensued during one man's audacious encounter at a Chinese restaurant—an event that transformed a regular evening into the hot topic on everyone's lips. We recount how a simple act of nonconformity can stir up a whirlwind of reactions, leaving a lasting impression on a community. This isn't just a story about a disrupted dinner; it's a snapshot of the hilarity that life throws our way, and a reminder that sometimes, the most memorable moments are those that catch us completely off guard. So sit back, relax, and let us guide you through these unforgettable slices of life.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Relatives are like fish After three days they stink
.
Bobby, bobby, bobby, bobby,bobby, bobby, bobby, bobby,
bobby, bobby, bobby, bobby.
Oh, bobby, bobby, bobby, bobby,bobby.
Yeah, half a pound of Tappanyrice, half a pound of treacle.

(00:21):
That's the way the money goes.
Pop goes the weasel.
The Andre never wore a coat.
It'd be wintertime.
I don't care if we're inWinnipeg or Montreal.
Have his shoes on, no socks.

(00:42):
His pants Shirt opened,sometimes a sports coat,
sometimes not, that's if hedecided to take off the car that
night or it wasn't covering thepool.
He liked this one Frenchrestaurant in Connecticut and a

(01:06):
guy used to cook for him Frenchwaiter cook, and it kind of was
like his mom used to cook.
So Andre liked to go there andnobody bothered him, and they
had an old guy named Ralph thatplayed the piano.
So you ever been to a Frenchrestaurant?
You know what French food isit's liver, it's lips, tongue,
lungs.
So I used to call the place theautopsy grocery, autopsy grill,

(01:30):
I mean.
So they had this old guy thatplayed the piano there.
His name was Charlie.
I said, charlie, one of thesedays you're going to be on the
menu here, but I'd be like him.
That's what they liked All thatliver and stuff like that.
It's called autopsy grill andAndre could sit there in quiet

(01:50):
and be bothered if he liked that.
I remember he had PrincessBride in the movie.
Rob Reiner told me that I methim at the Comedy Awards in LA.
A friend of mine, a producerthat did Laughing and Real
People, george Slaughter.
We met him at Nappy years agoand he liked me and Okram and we

(02:13):
became real good friends so heinvited my wife and I to Comedy
Awards.
My God, everybody was there.
The Reiners, I mean we satacross from.
We sat at table once withDeGeneres and her family.
I sat with JJ Walker I wasabout 50 feet from a Kel Welch
she is beautiful.
And Phyllis Dillard was acrossthe table.

(02:34):
You know she's about 80.
Had so much plus of surgery andmy wife looked at me.
She said look, she has a dimple.
I said that's her asshole.
I came up so far.
So Rob Reiner was there.
He was a meathead in all thefamily.
He was the producer of themovie Princess Bride.

(02:56):
So I went up and introducedmyself.
He said well, andrew is quite aguy.
I said he certainly was.
He said you know what his billwas at the highest for the month
we shot the movie.
I said he certainly was.
He said you know what his billwas at the highest for the month
we shot the movie?
I said no, he said $40,000.
I said that was.
He said there was no movie onit.
There was no movie on it.

(03:16):
He said of course he never leftthe bar $40,000.
And he told me.
He said at the end of the moviewhere Andre rides away on the
whore, that's not Andre, he wastoo big, they wouldn't SPCA,
they wouldn't let him.
They tatted a guy in a suit,andre.
It was this bar in Atlantacalled it was Wrestling One's

(03:41):
bar, not Charlie Walker 2, itwas Wrestling One, tim Woods and
Andre's in the bar one nightand there's a girl in there and
she's quite well endowed.
So Andre says let me see yourwhat we'll call fun bags.
Yeah, so she took her bra offand gave it to him and said if

(04:04):
you go across the street and putit on that horse, now across
the street there's a bar calledthe Crystal Club and on the roof
of the bar there's a woodenhorse, like you see it outside
of a country western store 3o'clock in the morning here's a
guy, 7'5", and he's got the cookout there with a ladder, take

(04:27):
him up to the rooks, puts theladder up against the horse and
he's putting this bra on a horseAt 3 o'clock in the morning on
Stewart Avenue in Atlanta, getsdown off the thing, goes back in
the bar.
She's gone.
She's gone, but the horseacross the street looked good.

(04:51):
John was a real nice, quiet man.
He loved his son, john, and hisdaughter and his wife and, uh,
he just wanted to be home and he, he always wanted to do the
right thing.
Sometimes I would get upsetwith people on the plane.
They combined bug you trying tosleep, and john would say be

(05:13):
nice, I'll sign the autograph.
Oh really, yeah, he was just areal decent man.
The business was far beyond him.
I mean, yeah, I don't everremember him ever saying damn it
, yeah, yeah, he was just a realnice guy and he wanted to be
the biggest guy in the businessbut he couldn't because of Andre

(05:37):
and Andre didn't like big guys.
Oh really, oh yeah, a prettygirl, another pretty girl.
Oh, okay, yeah.
And I remember Manute Ballwould come to Washington to the
Cap Center.
He was a basketball player fromNigeria.
He was about seven, eight.
Andre would never go out andmeet him Really, because Vince
McMahon Sr, don't ever letanybody see you with someone
bigger than you and take apicture of it.
Wow, You're going to be thebiggest guy in the world.

(05:58):
So Andre always never wentaround big guys.
So when he worked with Stets,andre wanted to bump him around
with Stets Can't Take Bumps.
And then Stets was alwaystalking about he's the real
giant and I think andresometimes believes those

(06:20):
interviews.
And then when he was gettingthe ring with andre just
pulverized him, yeah, andtowards the end, uh, he pulled
some of john's hair out andloosened some teeth and john
couldn't understand why.
It was simple, andre wantedstud to stay on him.
It was simple, andre wanted tostay on him and beat him down
and John didn't want to make himmad.

(06:41):
So that's what happened, wow.
But other than that, no, johnwas a real, real nice man.
He was kind of like a HowardSprague from Mayberry.
Yeah, I'm just sitting in a barwhen I get to a shirt right open

(07:03):
, so I'm boxing.
The place is called theTwilight Club.
All country, western Atlanta.
Bouncer comes by, littlebouncer.
He says hey, got a button inyour shirt.
I'm just says nothing, keepsdrinking Guys.
Hey, I told you to gotta buttonyour shirt.
Andre says nothing.
Keeps drinking Guys.

(07:24):
Hey, I told you to button yourshirt, nothing.
Here's the manager of themanager.
He says you gotta button yourshirt.
Says nothing.
Call the cops.
Here comes Barney.
He comes in all by himself.
Says you gotta button yourshirt.
Andre says nothing.
Calls for backup.
There's 20 cops in the bar.
Sergeant comes over and saysyou got a button in your shirt.
Andre says nothing.
He calls for backup.
There's 20 cops in the bar.

(07:45):
Sergeant goes over and says yougot a button in your shirt.
Andre says nothing.
The cop says okay, stand up.
Well, andre stands up and neverstops.
And the cop watches him get outof that chair and just keeps
watching him and watching himand watching him.
And he turns to the other copsand he says hey, there's rotten
here.
Hey, let them go.

(08:07):
They're gonna be done forTwenty cows, for the fuck.
Oh yeah.
He went to a Chinese restaurantone day and he had a shirt open.
He's a four o'clock, big guy,little Chinese waitress comes.
She says oh, buttoned shirt,buttoned shirt.
I didn't say that button shirt.
He says if I can't show you mychest, then I will show you my

(08:30):
ass and he ruined the wholeChinese restaurant.
Now think of the guy that worksfor H&R Block going in in the
morning.
Hey, freddy, me and Marge lastnight were out at One Phongs and
this guy came in.
And this guy came in.
He was 8 feet 30, weighed 4,000pounds and he mooned us.
Oh yeah, I told him.

(08:55):
I said you beat Nick one moretime.
You get to keep him.
Put the word in the streets.