Weasel Tales: The Bobby Heenan Archives - Sartorial Choices and School Daze

Text Me, Ya Ham And Egger

Step right into the quirky world of our guest's past, which borders on the fantastical. Their story sweeps you into a narrative rich with eccentric characters—a whimsically dressed woman evoking Lucille Ball, and a humorous encounter catalyzed by our guest's mother that will surely tickle your ribs. At the heart of their tale is a profound reflection on the necessity of self-awareness, the revelatory nature of recording oneself, and the undeniable impact of love on personal transformation.

Venture with us to the streets of Chicago, where our guest's education was anything but ordinary. They detail life in a private school that mirrors a detention center, under the thumb of a retired major with a glass eye and methods as unorthodox as his appearance. Here, survival equated to adaptability, lessons were gleaned in surprising ways, and each challenge was a molding force. Explore the unconventional classrooms, the sting of corporal punishment, and how these formative experiences carved out our guest's unique outlook on life.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
You listen to me, you go to the top.
Bobby, bobby, bobby, bobby,bobby.
No-transcript.

(00:43):
She had a pair of socks on withballoons on them and a green
dress and she had red hair.
She looked like a cross betweenLucille Ball and Peggy Davis
and she had a babushka in herhair which was striped and she
had a green dress on with astriped babushka and polka dot

(01:04):
socks.
And this man walked by her whowas about 70, and he had a black
pair of pants on and adifferent jacket.
My mom said get him.
And I told her.
I said hey, hey ho, you don'thave Ronald McDonald's.
Mom, get him.
And that was it.

(01:26):
That was it.
My mom would just See.
Everybody judges people.
They don't judge you.
You have to videotape yourself.
When you play golf, you don'tknow how you swing once you
videotape yourself.
You don't know how you are inlife once you videotape yourself
.
My mother never knew how sillyshe was or funny.
I probably don't either.
Some people don't know how youare in life unless you videotape
yourself.
My mother never knew how sillyshe was or funny.
I probably don't either.

(01:47):
Some people know how mean theyare, how bad they are, how cheap
they are, how rude they areUnless they see themselves.
And unless you have love inyour body, you can't correct it.
A lot of people say that theymake excuses.
Well, he made me, he pissed me.
This guy, no, you do what youwant to do because you do it.

(02:09):
I was mad every time my wifepissed me off.
I mean, who would take thesecharacters off?
You know, I was alwayswondering, because this kind of
came up when I thought aboutlike the book being a movie.
Was there like when you wouldgo to the department stores and
hang out and cause trouble andstuff?
Did you know about that?

(02:31):
No, you know, as a kid I had tokeep it a public school in
Chicago because of my attendancerecord.
So my mother had three choices.
It was to send me to, well,what was called Monte Fiori in
Chicago.
It was an attention school forbad kids, I mean, just like a
day standpoint.

(02:51):
Well, she didn't want me to gothere and I didn't either.
But I couldn't get into aCatholic school or any
Protestant school because youhad to have your father sign.
I had no fun.
So my mother sent me to aprivate school For $65 a month.
The guy was a retired major froma military academy and he had a

(03:18):
glass eye with a flag on it.
He rolled his eye until theflag came up and it felt like I
was being taught by a slotmachine.
And this guy Everything I wasin the room with they were
either criminals or problem kidslike me.
He would have me read a bookand he'd read a room.

(03:42):
It was an apartment building.
It wasn't a school, it was hishouse.
So if you were bad, he wouldmake you go into this one room
that had a radio and a windowopen and a life magazine and
he'd make you stay in there allday so you didn't have to stay
with the guards and thecriminals.
So I would personally show up.
He'd hit me with a ruler rightacross the wrist.
Come on, raymond.

(04:02):
He put me in there.
You have to stay here.
So I kicked the ruler acrossthe wrist but all day long I had
the window open, I could lookout the window, I could read the
magazine and I never had a clueas long as I was out.
I made $65 a month and for onething, you had lunch in the

(04:28):
building.
They had a big hall and they'dmake they'dher kids that would
stay there overnight and sleepin bunkers.
It was like a.
It was like a hand-workingprogram in a prison.
It was like stay in court and Icould leave.
Then they'd take you over toLincoln Park in Chicago from
noon until two You'd play balland then you'd go back to two.
You'd be there till three.
It was just a gimmick Then, tomake money, I think so when

(04:53):
winter would come.
This is how I self-propelled him.
I told him his name was Majorand Be careful with the names.
No, I understand.
So I left him.
I listened to the teacher.
I said Some people are fallingout front.

(05:22):
Do you mind if I sell the walkout front?
No, I got the bus, went home.
He had no idea.
I made five bucks a day.
Silver snow, had lunch, readthe book, sat in the room,
listened to the radio, read alife magazine and passed.
That's my education.
How long were you there?
Eighth grade, and that was thelast school you went to.

(05:48):
Yeah, never graduated.
Never came.
Was the last school you went to?
Yeah, you ever graduated.
You ever came back.
The last couple weeks I toldher.
I said you beat Nick one moretime.
You get the cube.
Put the word in the streets.