Weasel Tales: The Bobby Heenan Archives - Drumstick Finale, Bossman, And A Philosophical Brain

Text Me, Ya Ham And Egger

Ever wondered how a bit of insanity can save the day? Or what it takes to go toe-to-toe with a 300-pound wrestling giant? This week’s episode is a rollercoaster of humor, grit, and unforgettable stories from our charismatic guest, a seasoned performer who’s seen it all. From the unpredictable streets of New York to the electrifying energy of the wrestling ring, he takes us through his journey of navigating life's challenges with a sprinkle of comedy and a whole lot of courage. His recollection of avoiding a confrontation by channeling his inner kung-fu master is as hilarious as it is enlightening, proving that sometimes acting a little crazy is the best way to stay safe.

We also pull back the curtain on the world of professional wrestling, giving you a behind-the-scenes look at a match that pitted our guest against a 300-pound, 6'5" opponent. What does it take to entertain a crowd and negotiate the intricate dynamics of the ring? You'll find out as he shares the strategies, negotiations, and sheer showmanship that go into making wrestling such a captivating spectacle. Whether it’s gifting a Hulk Hogan doll or negotiating the use of a nightstick, our guest’s tales are packed with humor and valuable life lessons. Don't miss this chance to get inside the mind of an entertainer who's truly mastered his craft!

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
You listen to me, you go to the top.
Bobby, bobby, bobby, bobby,bobby no-transcript, thank you.

(00:56):
That wasn't the pianist, but Ialways found and made a living.
There's always ways to do it.
If you know that you're yourbest friend, I will never, never
do anything to hurt you.
Our children may hurt ussomeday and leave us.
Our lives may be divorced or wecould get BOJ'd, but I will

(01:21):
never hurt me.
And if you know that I liveinside of this 180 pound, 6 foot
shell and I look out no one canlook in, and I'm always aware
of people and everything aroundme.
I was walking on the street whenI was in New York.
I had a cold, so I went to afriend of mine on the car that

(01:44):
he drove and he was a little,and so I'm just saying we're
49th and 8th, he's like a 57thand Broadway.
So I walk over there and all Iwant to do is get some good old
Jewish chicken soup and I had abowl of chicken soup.
It was really good.
I felt a little better.
And I'm walking back and I seea bunch of rough-looking guys on

(02:08):
the street there in New York,so I cross the street to avoid
it.
Somebody told me a long timeago if you act nuts, nobody ever
messes with you.
I heard a thing If you everheld up, you know what the best
thing to do Throw up on yourmoney.
No one will take it.
We're walking to a car when Ime and Baron Van Ryski and
Hayman in the end and somebodycame up from the house between

(02:34):
the bushes they lived there orsomething I cut it right away.
Hey, pats, you're the hell outof both of us.
I said I had my heart speeding.
And Ryski says I'm ready tothrow up on my money.
So I'm walking down the streetand I see all these guys and I'm
thinking I'm by myself.
I got beach ball hair.
I'm going to get in trouble.
I bet African nuts.
So as I'm walking I can seethem coming up behind me.

(02:56):
So I start all this Kung Fu,jackie Chan stuff.
Yeah Ha Ha.
I turn around and there'snobody there, people at the
shadow of the street light.
I was scared of my own shadow,but you know that probably would
have saved me.
Yeah, I would have acted nuts.
Yeah, is that okay, sir?

(03:22):
Oh, yeah, that's great.
So Bubba's 300 pounds 6'5".
I only had to go like a coupleminutes with him.
I had to take the place of RickRuth and Rick Ruffers-Alverson,
so Bubba's 300 pounds, 6'5".

(03:47):
There's no way I could have amatch with this guy and make it
work out.
I can beat him, but thatdoesn't matter, because people
want to see me get beat.
So all I want to do isentertain people.
So he had to beat Bossman witha knife stick, yeah.
So what I do is I go into thering and I had a Hulk Hogan doll
I was going to give to him, togive to his mother.
I was not going to be wrestlingbuddy, yeah, yeah, wrestling,

(04:11):
yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,yeah, yeah, throw him in the

(04:33):
ropes if he's come off, going totake his hand off, and he does,
turns around and nails me.
I throw the knife stick up.
He catches it.
I'm off his.
He wouldn't do it.
He said that's my gimmick.
You can't have my knife stick.
He didn't trust me.
A son of mine wouldn't trustyou because he thinks you take
the knife stick and beat him up.
I'm going to give him 90% ofthe match.
I wanted to establish a goodcomeback for him.
Let me get some heat on you.
You're going to get the stickback.

(04:54):
You're going to get your handraised, and I really like him.
He's a nice guy.
He was a little grumpy at thistime.
He didn't understand, but now Ibelieve he said here, take your
stick, use it all you want onme, because he's an up there
worker now.
He never understood that I'mnot here to screw you, I'm here

(05:14):
to make money.
I've seen guys in this businessthat were in the main event last
week and let's say, you did$10,000.
They're not in the main eventthis week.
Somebody else is.
They want the house to do$9,000.
I always want the house to do$12, house to do 12, 15 because

(05:37):
I get paid on the more peoplethat are there, no matter where
I am on the card.
I thought they'd keep yoursalary down and you didn't know.
But sometimes you get a loan.
You gotta make it to get 30bucks.
Sometimes they have to give you50.
Well, they've been around toolong and these guys want
somebody else to fail.
There were guys in this businessthat I knew that were so glory,

(05:59):
hungry.
If I told you, I'm going tobring you in and I'll give you
$1,000 a week and I'm going tomake you my champion.
All I'm going to bring you inand not use you as a champion
that good, that well and I'mgoing to make you my champion.
All I'm going to bring you inand not use you as a champion
not good, not well.
But I'll give you $1,500 a week.

(06:23):
No, you guys wouldn't come infor that.
You want to be the champion soI can roll my suit and tell them
if you're in this business foranything more than money.
You're a fool.
Yeah, I told one.
I said you beat Nick one moretime.
You're a fool.
Yeah, I told one of them.
I said you beat Nick one moretime.
You get to keep him.
Put the word in the streets.