Weasel Tales: The Bobby Heenan Archives - Culinary Con Games & Resilient Road Stories

Text Me, Ya Ham And Egger

What happens when professional wrestlers swap luxury feasts for budget-friendly snacks on the road? Join us as we unravel the myths surrounding wrestlers' dining habits and explore the ingenious, and often hilarious, tactics they use to score free meals. From crafting creative lawsuits to navigating the colorful personalities of the wrestling world, like the cunning Bobby "The Brain" Heenan, this episode is packed with humor and unexpected insights. We promise a hearty serving of laughs with tales of wrestlers swapping fancy dinners for inventive concoctions, showing just how resourceful life on the road can be.

But the fun doesn't stop there. We then turn the spotlight on scam artists, weaving stories of encounters with fast-talking con men and drawing fascinating parallels with wrestling's most charming tricksters. Picture this: using a fake anniversary to score first-class upgrades or dealing with the absurdity of funeral home antics. Between the laughs, we touch on the vulnerability that comes with life's more serious moments, offering a blend of humor and poignant reflection. Listeners will enjoy the wit and cunning that emerge when the stakes are high, sharing in the joy of clever comeuppances and laugh-out-loud misadventures.

In our final segment, we get personal, tackling themes of resilience amidst life's toughest challenges. Hear firsthand accounts of career transitions, health crises, and the power of surrounding oneself with supportive influences. From balancing work and family during a loved one's hospitalization to reliving the joyous chaos of a newborn's homecoming, we cover it all with a mix of humor and heartfelt sincerity. We wrap up with tales of unexpected dining adventures and social escapades, painting a colorful picture of life's ups and downs—one that's sure to resonate with anyone who's ever faced adversity with a smile.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:15):
Ha ha, you bring it all up.
So somebody asked me once whywould a big person marry a
midget wrestler?
Now I said, well, she doesn'tlike to do much ironing.
Why would a big person marry amidget wrestler?
No, actually, well, she doesn'tlike to do much ironing.
It's not like pressing a holelike a pants.
And for dessert they don't likeshortcake.

(00:37):
And the person just looked atme and he didn't understand.
Never mind.
Wow, you didn't understand.
Nevermind, maybe four years oldstill get the kitchen, you know,
at McDonald's.
Yeah, exactly, there's onechapter we really haven't

(01:00):
covered a whole lot.
I haven't really last night.
It's a chapter called again.
It's giving advice.
It's advice on fine dining.
Sure, can we go ahead with thisand remember that.
Oh, do the fine dining first,that's fine.
While you're thinking about it,well, well, well, talking about

(01:36):
helping out by yourself, youknow, sometimes on the road I
remember guys in Tennessee in1965 when I was there, they'd
write five guys in a car andthey had no money.
Everybody had like five bucks anight.
So they would buy a pie rolland put it in tinfoil and carry
it in a taser and put it in themail folder of their car and
they'd drive like 200 miles.
They'd get to where they weregoing and they'd pull up beside
a road and they'd be cooked andthat's how they'd eat.

(01:57):
They just didn't have any money.
And a lot of people think, boy,you know what wrestlers do
after the match, don't you?
They all hang out together andthey smoke cigars and have steak
and beer Usually a lot of Pat's, blue Ribbon and Bologna in the
car.
It's called Bologna Ball.
Wrestlers usually look forbuffets.
Where's all you can eat for somuch?

(02:18):
There was one wrestler, st JoeSonny Myers.
There was an all-you-can-eatchicken place on the way back
from Quincy, illinois to KansasCity and Sonny was stuck there
like they closed at 11,.
He stopped at 10 to 11.
And he'd stay, keep the placeopen until 1.
He'd have piles of bones, soother boys used to call them

(02:38):
bones.
But you know me and the guystayed open.
It was all you can eat.
He was.
You know me and the guy still.
We were like, hey, I got there,it was fun.
That's a myth, that you know.
We don't have steak every night, champagne, this, and that you
know mostly we're going to thenext town.
We're stopping someplace,getting a couple burgers and a
bag and going.
It's just not the way you thinklife is.

(02:59):
After the fight, everybody goesdown to the local restaurant
and the big table pulled outlike for Jack Dempsey or
something like that, and now wego back in the car and put a
second cap on.
We'll get a greasy burger andsome beer and go to the next
place.
Now the brain.
If he went down the road to eat, he'd want to go to the rainbow

(03:27):
room at Waffle House Prices.
Yeah, so he tried some way togo up there and have a full,
complete meal $50 steak, all thetrimmings, the finest bottle of
wine but then he didn't tellanybody.
They knew he was from the hotelhe stayed at, which he told

(03:49):
everybody was the Plaza.
Yeah, he got a cockroach and heput it in a medicine bottle.
After the steak, everything'sgone and there's a bug on the
plate and he starts gagging.
But actually everything isarrest, which you can do to
avoid a lawsuit.
Yeah, but he still sues.
Yeah, yeah, exactly.
He figures he can't get the ADAoff of us.
Yeah, then he sells thecockroach on eBay.

(04:13):
Yeah, so he's out for something.
Oh, I know there were guys inthe business.
One guy used to.
I don't want to mention names.
He might still be alive.
But he went to supermarkets andhe would break a jar of jelly
on the floor and put his shoe onit and it would lay next to him
and yell and they'd come overand sit on it.

(04:35):
So he broke a jar of jelly andhe was walking by and slipped on
it.
Or he'd take a Coke bottle camein bottles, he'd take it out
and he'd bang it on the otherbottle and it would break the
bottle that was sitting in therein half.
So then he put the whole bottleback in there and the bottle

(04:55):
was broken in half.
He'd throw the coke in his faceand then tell him it exploded
and sue him for that.
Oh, he'd actually sue him.
Oh, yes, oh yeah, I'll tell youthe guy that built it.
Remember the guy that's themovie guy, father?
Yeah, remember the guy with theblue city strangle, Winnie
Montana?
Yeah, he was the guy who usedto do that stuff.
Right, bill Miller ran into thesuit once.
About five years later, bill,they never found him again.
Five years later, bill goes toLA and he sees his brother, ed,

(05:18):
and Bill says I, I used to havea suit just like that.
I gave it away to my dad.
So what did you get?
I bought this for my dad.
Yeah, oh, wow, that's what thebrain was doing, you know.
Oh, wow, oh wow.

(05:39):
I think that's what we couldalmost change that chapter to is
dealing with the brains in yourlife, you know, dealing with
people who are, you know.
How do you deal with that?
How would you deal with that?
How should people deal with aBobby Neenah?
Stay away from him, believenothing.
This man says Any man thatbleaches hair and offers a neon

(06:02):
suit, stay away from him.
Anybody that has a nickname, apretty boy with a brain and a
mouth they don't have a thing todo with it.
And does he look honest?
Not really.
He's got that.
He talks too fast and saysnothing.
Yeah, and who knows if he hascancer?
Yeah, who knows if you speakhis word?

(06:22):
Yeah, who knows if you speakhis word?
Yeah, he just may have a papercard in his throat from that
McDonald's.
He beat somebody out ofyesterday.
Who knows?
Like the same thing.
Yeah, yeah, exactly.
This might be just an unscriarypicture.
There's some scan.
He's working.
Yeah, oh, he'd do the thought.
So, yeah, so the brain wouldn'thave cancer.
He'd work it though.
Oh, yeah, there's some scan.
He's working.

(06:42):
Yeah, well, he'd do the thought.
So, yeah, so the brain wouldn'thave cancer.
He'd work it though.
Oh yeah, he's got a disabilitysince he was three.
Yeah, he's been a workman forthree.
So you heard this on theconstruction site.
I never forget Ray Stevens whenhe told me I've tried the
greatest thing.
He did some good ones.
I said, ray, how old were youwhen you first had your first

(07:06):
sexual relation?
He said I was six years old.
I said, raymond, where'd youtake her?
He said I don't know.
I was too drunk to remember her.
What about like people who arelike him but you can't spot them

(07:28):
?
I mean maybe not the extremecharacter, but people who act
like that, who scam people orwho are just on a top and you
have trouble spotting them.
How do you deal with them?
Well, you can't deal with themif you can't spot them.
If you know what they're doing,you either avoid them or play
with them.
Yeah, well, maybe not asextreme as what Bobby Heenan
does, but what I do right now iswhen we have a Now formerly, we

(07:54):
have a lot of police andfiremen We'll call you and beg
for money.
Yeah, and I found out that thepolice and firemen don't do it.
Only 10 or 6% of that moneygoes to the fire department.
So when they call me, I alwaysask them.
I say God, I was just going tocall you.
I said I'm broke this week.
I don't know if you could youknow, let me know what's up in

(08:18):
terms of the month.
And they hang up.
Well, I put them on hold, justhang up.
Well, honestly, I'm reallyinterested.
I got an email from Verizon,talked to me for a half hour,
told me everything.
He said where should I sendthis?
And I told him I was bored.
I said do you want to do aspiel?
That's what he did.

(08:40):
He said are you interested?
I said uh-uh.
He said can I send you someinterested?
I said uh-uh.
He said well, can I send yousome stuff?
I said yeah, hit the stampright in your ass, kiss and
goodbye.
No, all right.

(09:02):
He would get on the plane and aguy would sit down next to me
across the aisle and drop hisnewspaper and go to the bathroom
.
He didn't sit in the newspaper.
That happened to me.
I was on the plane once I putmy newspaper down in the
bathroom, came back and somebodysaid to my table.
Chicago Sun-Times.
I was going to fly from overhere to Hollywood.
I was going to read the wholenewspaper.

(09:23):
It had nothing to do.
I said I'll find the son of abitch.
And it was two hours.
There were 400 people in theplane.
I started walking to the house.
There were 75 people reading atthe same time.
I had no reason to.
I do do this.

(09:46):
When my wife and I get in aplane I always tell the
stewardess it's our anniversaryand she always gets a bottle of
wine.
The other day we were flying towhere are we going?
Vegas and we were telling thegirl at the airport it was our

(10:06):
anniversary and she put us infirst class.
It was all crazy.
It's the first time we got away.
You know, having seven kids andeverything, you know me being a
disability and everything, mywife, we probably scraped up
enough to go on this thing.
We went to first class.
I wanted to go coach but I'msaving the money to get my

(10:40):
child's leg fixed.
I think I kind of forgot abouthis brains.
I think him and two of hisfriends were sitting in an open
casket of our good long-timebuddy Whoever it may be, and I'd
find him.
Two guys, tom and Bill.
Tom says you know, I'm sorryyou died.

(11:03):
Here's that 50 bucks I owe youfrom the Super Bowl.
I forgot to pay.
He puts it in his pocket.
The next guy says you know, Ididn't pay you either for the
Super Bowl.
I bet you $100.
Here's $100.
He puts it in the guy's pocket.
That guy's got $150 in hispocket.

(11:25):
He knuckles up.
He says I did bigger than him.
I did, I did, I did, I did $200with you.
I don't have any change ofanything.
So he writes him on a check,puts it in the pocket and takes
the hundred and a half out.

(11:46):
That's called a great funeralhome.
Crematory, yeah, and a massage,yeah.
Well, they kind of do funeralhomes.
Yeah, and you wonder if you'reany more vulnerable?
Yeah, they can sell youanything.
Don't bury my mother.
I want her to show me this andput me anything.
Don't bury my mother.

(12:07):
I want in, show me this, put medownstairs.
This is the honest to God truth.
The funeral director's name wasRichard A Dye and he looked
exactly like Vincent Price.
He had hair combed back, he hada thin pencil mustache, he had
a red on white shirt with agreen tie, a black suit,

(12:28):
pinstripe, cufflinks, everything.
And when he touched you he waswhite and cold and he smelled
like carnations and hisassistant's name was Mr St
Pierre, like St Peter.
So he takes me downstairs tothe basement to pick out a fat
casket.
You ever done that?

(12:49):
No, it's like a showroom.
Yeah, oh yeah, caskets.
So here's one of our models$540 now.
Well, that doesn't look good.
What's your next one?
Well, the next one's one stepup, it's $12 million.
Yeah, what's your next one?
Well, the next one is one stepup, it's 12 million.
This one is one line ear tight.

(13:11):
So I picked out something niceand he says has a dress?
My mother, because she didn'thave a dress, she wore house
dresses, so I'm going to get hera nice dress.
So he said we had dresses.
So he showed me this.
So he takes it and he puts itin the casket.
I said, yeah, that's fine.
Would you like some pantyhosewith that?

(13:31):
I said, hey, where the fuck yougoing?
He can rip the ass out of thedress.
I don't care.
He's not leaving the box.
The box is real expensive.
Punks too, maybe a purse.
So that was it.
They had you at most vulnerable.
They're still trying to parktheir luggages I mean their

(13:54):
Hawaiian stuff, anyhow dresses.
It's like the hospital you gothere to get fixed.
They ask for a q-tip.
That's $160.
So everybody's got their handup.
So what the Marine does is hetries's got their hand up, yeah.
So what the brain does is hetries to get his hand in there
somewhere, yeah, tries to getsome training following through
the grade.
What do you?
You know that experience withyour mother's funeral.

(14:16):
What do you take from that?
What do you tell people andadvise people about that?
It's all in your heart.
You have to do it.
My mother told me and I believethis, I believe the Jewish
people do this.
They bury you.

(14:37):
The next day when my motherdied, I was taken to a 400-de
Buchanan funeral home inIndianapolis, in Broadville, and
I don't view dead people.
I want to remember them how Ilast saw them.
And when my mother died, it wasin 1979, april 9th.

(15:03):
I was working in Atlanta for theNWA and I would Monday.
I was in Augusta.
I forget my schedule here.
I would come to Atlanta onFridays for Atlanta and I'd be
there Saturday, sunday, mondayand sometimes I'd go home
Tuesday or Wednesday.

(15:24):
So I'd get a day and a halfbecause I just got married and
had a baby.
I was just commuting and theyweren't paying my rent as I was.
But I'll put a lot of money inthose days and I'll get a cheap
ticket.
So I just got back from Augustaon a Monday night my wife
called me.
It's another way to show youhow to cheat and it's a matter
of survival.
Monday night my wife called me.

(15:45):
It's another way to show youhow to cheat and it's a matter
of survival.
I gave a call to my wife at 3o'clock in the morning.
She said I have to take yourmother to the hospital and she
had a heart failure before I wasin the hospital.
And that shows you how theyreally care about you.
She's in the hospital, had aheart failure.
She has gas and pains.
Did they tell her that day forlunch?

(16:09):
Chili, the hospital.
My wife doesn't look like she'seating chili.
I called the nurse and she saidshould a heart patient be
having chili?
Oh no, of course not.
Her mom's mad.
Now she wants the chili.
There's one TB in the room.
She had two beds in the roomfor another woman.
That woman's about 80.
And my mother?
The other one was my motherturning on the channel.
My mother won't do it.

(16:30):
She's got the TV on high so thewoman's arguing.
I was fighting the whole day soI had to get my mother a private
room.
Now she's happy.
She's sitting there with hercritter.
They're happy they can fly, soshe's staying there.
She sent me a little credit.
You don't have to take it away.
She came in but, yeah, theygave her a chile.
So now I've got to get a flighthome.

(16:52):
So I got a 10 o'clock flightit's just me and 11.
But it's full.
And there used to be theselittle stickers and you'd peel
them off, a piece of paper andyou'd put it over your flight
number and you'd write down theflight number of the one you
change it to and it says that'sokay.
Yeah, it says agent, there's anagent number you put there.
So you just make up a number.

(17:13):
Yeah, and I used to find theseon the ticket counters.
They would zip them up and putthem on a ticket.
Yeah, and I would always dropmy keys or a pen and one would
bend down and get it and I'd waxthese things so I could change
my flight, but it was okay.

(17:33):
So then I put it on the ticketand I clumped the ticket up.
You know why.
So they can't read it.
Good, you smear it.
Then I called the airline.
I made a reservation already.
It's a bit full, but I get mytickets.
We're ready for next week.
Come back, I'm using that.
I go to the gate.

(17:54):
I found an emergency at homehospital.
I show them.
I got my ticket to Boom.
I got off the plane.
My wife picked me up to get to.
I went in.
When I was in intensive care Ilooked at the book, the name of
the patient.
I didn't see her name there.
That woman came out.
She said they took me into aspecial room.
She said the doctor will be inand talk to you.
I never thought she had died.

(18:14):
I thought they were coming into ask me permission to operate.
Yeah, and the woman came in.
I didn't even pay attention toher then, but she had a cross on
her pocket and she said theybrought your mother in last
night at so-and-so time andrestabilized her, but then she
gradually deteriorated and sheis expired and they gave me my

(18:37):
mom's belongings to take home.
It was a Seco watch, anightgown and our house covers.
I'm leaving the hospital with apaper bag my mother's
belongings.
This is what you come into thisworld and this is how you leave
.

(18:57):
So I made arrangements to haveher at the funeral home, but I
wouldn't look at her, so Cindyhad to go identify her.
I had to look at her, so Cindyhad to go identify her.
They had to, and Cindy had justgiven her a permit the night
before.
I always wondered if that hadcomplications with her heart

(19:18):
because of the breathing of thefumes and maybe she should have
had that.
I don't know, but we wait now.
So we made arrangements to havethe next day a showing.
And then we're on a barrier andI had some friends of mine that
flew in from Florida.

(19:39):
They were on vacation.
They drove in from Florida onvacation and some friends of
mine in theapolis.
They took off work and I sat inthe back row.
I didn't.
That was my grandmother.
I didn't have a viewing forMother.
I buried her the next day and Ihad a grave sign service.
We had no viewing mygrandmother.

(20:01):
I had a viewing one day and Isat in the back.
I wouldn't sit up front.
I never saw my grandmother.
And then my mother I never saweither.
And we put her in the groundand we all stood there and
everybody said what they had tosay to themselves and we went
home.
I remember my mother telling me.
She said I don't want nofuneral, I don't want fathers, I

(20:25):
don't want anything.
She says what good does it?
Do you Ray, nothing?
What good does it do me Nothing?
But it makes the forest rich.
It makes the funeral directorrich, yeah, exactly.
And it makes everybody elserich.
It makes Hallmark rich.
She said it's over, yeah, and Isaid you know he'll always be

(20:47):
alive in me.
So what does burying your shipmean?
So I go to the cemetery everytime I go to any and I talk to
her and my grandma's buriedright next to her and it doesn't
bother me, I'm not grieving her.
I went home, my daughter wasfour months old.
I said grandma's gone.
I said Grammy's gone.
I said she'll always be with us.

(21:08):
And every day I talk to mymother.
If I trip or something, I sayGod damn it, nellie, quit it.
I know she's up to something.
You don't hear something.
All the time she says Nellie,get it.
Yeah, sometimes in your housesome things happen you can't
explain.
It happens in everybody's home.
We believe it in my mom andthat's how I get through grief

(21:29):
and stuff.
I just make light of it.
I realize there's nothing I cando about it and go on.
For me to sit in a funeral homefor three days and give them
three or four grand which soundscheap on my part, but it won't
do anything.
It just hurts me.
It's over.
Exactly cheap on my part, butit won't do anything.
It just hurts me.
It's over.
Get over it.
Some people well, people haveto make their own decisions.

(21:50):
Some people feel they shouldpay respect, but to me, you go
in the funeral home and sitthere and cry, then you walk
real slowly to the hearse, thenyou drive real slowly to the
funeral home, I mean I think thecemetery Then you walk real
slowly to the grave site.
Then they say something else,then they roll it real slowly.
Well, I go through all thosesteps of grief.

(22:14):
Now the Bobby Hinn funeral home.
That suit would be coming offhim.
He'd be going for an assignmentshot His soap shoes.
The shoes would be off.
He'll bring the watches.
They go on Robert T, with apair of you know handy sticks,
johnson and Johnson pliers.
The glasses would come off.
They'd be sold, recycled.
Oh yeah, that person, Iguarantee you would go onto the

(22:37):
ground the way he came into theearth.
There and there, that's anice-looking suit, bobby.
What?
It's a nice looking ship, bobby.
What'd you get?
Ah, a friend of mine sold it.
A friend of mine sold it.
Why don't you show the backupon it?
Yeah Well, I've never been told.
Chris, what does it smell likeMelvite?
No, no, no, that's Chinese,your English letter.

(22:59):
I've had it since I was four.
Oh no, I guess I go to theparlor every day.
No, I guess I mean we can driveby there you go when my, when
my.

(23:22):
Well, I think you have to talkabout being a jobber in life and
a jobber in wrestling.
Well, it's totally different,because a jobber in wrestling,
wrestling is not real, so he'snot really being beaten by
anybody.
He's playing the part of acharacter that is being beaten.

(23:46):
But some of the guys thataren't, we'll call them jobbers,
they call them jabronis, theycall them now extras, they call
them enhancement matches.
What is this?
This man plays a part of theguy who's going to get beat all
the time.
Why does he play that part?
Probably because he's got apart-time job.
But our job and he does hispart-time on weekends is not to

(24:09):
vote his full career to.
Then there were a lot of guys inthe business that didn't
involve their whole career in itbut didn't make it past that,
and that was because they eitherdidn't have the ability to
raise any higher and I dobelieve you sink to your own
level.
If and I do believe you sink toyour own level If you could
become president, you would.
If you could become the brain,you would.
If you could become a banker,you would.

(24:30):
The reason I'm not president, Icouldn't do it.
I know I don't want to do it.
I don't know how to do it.
I got to wherever I did.
Like I said, what's going tohappen is going to happen.
I'm sure when George Bush wasborn and was a little kid, the
first time he crapped his diaperhe didn't think he was going to
be president.
He was a kid.
He never even would have had akid.

(24:50):
You never know what's going tohappen.
So to be a jumper in wrestling,that's a role you play.
People in the movies alwaysplay parts, like great actor Ned
Beaton.
I don't know how many starringroles he ever had, but he he's a
tremendous actor and probablymade a great living at.

(25:10):
So I look to you like the guyon the TV who's getting beat.
I'll guarantee you, most peoplethat watch wrestling never know
.
See who it is that's gettingbeat.
They're watching the guy that'sgoing over, but in real life,
no, never getting beat.
They're watching the guys goingover, but in real life, no.
Never be a jabroni.
Never be an enhancement matchfor everybody.
Never be a jabber.

(25:31):
Why should you take the bumpand lay on your back when
somebody else can benefit by it?
You got one shot at life.
Take it.
Don't abuse anyone.
Don't hurt anyone Children, oldpeople, your family.
Don't lie, cheat or steal, butdo let the Army be the best you
can be and do it for yourself.

(25:52):
There were times when I had togo do a radio interview and I'm
in another town.
Well, I wasn't home and I'm onthe road and I'm thinking that
was a radio interview.
I was put on a sweatsuit andrunning shoes and go over pan
cut and I think if you walk inand look like the guy that runs

(26:15):
down the street or owns thepopcorn, stand in the corner,
then you're nothing special.
So what's it going to take forme to put on a pair of slacks, a
clean shirt, a nice pair ofshoes, a sports coat, walk into
that place and let them say, wow, this guy makes some money,
this guy's a professional atwhat he does.
Sure, I'm doing a radio show,but in five or ten years that

(26:36):
guy may be running a studio, hemay be in television, he may be
someplace where I need that dooropen.
He'll remember me Not as a slofraud that came in and was very
entertaining, but no, as Bobbythe Brain who came in
professionally.
Sure, it's radio, it's not likebeing on Bueno, but it's still

(26:56):
being in the public.
So don't ever be a jobber.
Walk in that door like you knowwhat you're doing and act like
you know what you're doing,whether you know what you're
doing or not, because if they'regoing to hire you and you don't
know what you're doing, theydon't know what they're doing.
So take advantage of it, do thebest you can for your life and
just always remember don't takesecond place, because like,

(27:21):
who's the first man on the moon?
Neil Armstrong, and what a bikerider he is too.
And who's the second man on themoon?
Nobody knows.
It's that simple Main event getthe money the first match, don't
Top race.

(27:42):
Make the money the bottom guys,don't.
That's just the way it is.
And the people that can and oneof the greatest times in this
world that will get you throughthis and will make sure you're
not a jabroni or a jabber is toget an education, because you
can't go any place without aneducation, and remember this
knowledge is golden.
It means everything, and if Iknow more than the next guy,

(28:06):
I've got to step up on him.
And it's just the way the worldis.
And the girls are cool.
They don't want a guy that's 20years out of school.
They don't want a guy thatcan't make the team.
So you've got to be a winner inlife.
People like winners.
Put yourself in that position.
If you're going to call a guyto come and shampoo your rug,

(28:27):
are you going to call a companythat's going out of business or
a guy that's just smoking moneyinto our business?
Do you know who's going to best?
That's just the way it is.
Don't be a jobber, and peopleknow when you're a jobber and
they know when you're a loser.
Because you act like it, youwork like it.
Remember Mr Hurd on the oldNewhart show when he was a

(28:48):
psychiatrist?
Yeah, mr Hurd would come in andsay I didn't hear you outside
the door.
I hated to knock.
I didn't want to bother anybody.
He was just a.
He had no self-esteem.
He was just a real wimp.
He was a loser in life andthose guys sometimes have to be
slapped around, have some hotcoffee thrown in their face and
maybe wake up to the fact thatyou are a human being with a

(29:09):
brain.
Maybe you don't have a great IQ, maybe you don't need one, but
there's something you can domore than accept that you're
going to be a loser.
If you want to accept it, thenyou are.
Then don't come to me for helpand don't come around and I
don't want to be around losers,because all losers do is bring
you down.
A winner will bring you up.

(29:30):
If you're hanging around a guylike Vince McMahon, who's
successful, or Donald Trump,you'll start dressing like him.
You'll start digging like him.
If you're hanging around withBill of a Bum in some alley
drinking a bottle of Mogan David2020, the next thing all you're
going to do is you get enoughmoney to get some more Movin
David.
That's just the way I feel.
Sleep in the alley with Bill ofAbundance, or come and ride the

(29:52):
big car with Donald Trump.
Be the winner or loser, rightRight.
Were there ever times in yourcareer or your life where you
just wanted to say, just acceptthe fate and like, ah, it's not

(30:17):
worth it?
Yeah, I never gave it my wholelife, except two years ago when

(30:44):
I found out that WCW was notgoing to renew my contract and
some people there all knew itbut betrayed a lot of people and
didn't tell them.
And if they had told us itwouldn't have made a difference.
But just to tell you, so youknow.
And then, realizing my careeras an athlete in the ring is

(31:05):
over, so I planned to stay inthe business in the broadcasting
end until 60 or 70, so Icouldn't do it anymore, didn't
want to do it.
So the board of directorsstayed in it a long time.
You know, as long as you knowwhat you're doing, that's what's
important.
We'll get John Madden, we'llget Pat Summerall, so but and
then, when there was no more jobthere, and then I called WWF

(31:33):
and they didn't return my call,I thought what have I done wrong
?
I was nice to the people at WWF.
I never knocked their productor Vince or them, and I mean
they never called me foremployment.
I was available for work.
And then my speech kept gettingworse and my taste and what was
wrong with me?
My daughter was just aboutready to get married.

(31:55):
I don't have a job anymore.
Now she gets married, I findout I'm diagnosed with cancer.
Now she gets married, I findout I'm diagnosed with cancer.
My wife had just had cancer acouple years earlier.
Now I realize I have cancer,but in a year I'll have no

(32:17):
insurance left because it willrun out what I have left from
Turner.
My wife is diagnosed withcancer for the second time.
When was she diagnosed?
When was she for the secondtime?
When was he diagnosed?
When was he the second time?
A year ago, april, not lastyear, but a year ago, april.
And then, after finding that outand then having surgery in

(32:40):
March on my throat and thenhaving it again last December, I
think after last December, itreally hit me.
It was around January orFebruary that I had this fist on
my hip.
It was like a fatty tissue fromtaking bumps calcium deposit
but it grew to the size of myfist and became black and I had

(33:02):
to go have it removed.
I couldn't attend acare-hunting funeral because I
couldn't fly or sit up.
I had only stitches, have itremoved.
I couldn't attend any funeralbecause I couldn't fly or sit up
.
I had only stitches in my hip.
And I had neck surgery.
I broke my neck.
I had two lymph nodes taken out.
I had my knee surgery done.
I had my arm surgery done.
I had broken my collarbone.
Now I'm in there.
I'm having this cyst taken offmy hip, which was benign.

(33:27):
My daughter just got married.
She's trying to make ends meet.
She's just got a job.
My wife's sick again.
She has to work.
My insurance is going to runout.
There's no wrestlingorganization out there anymore
and the ones that are out therewon't return my call.
My speech is getting worse.
I said to myself you know what?
I'm going to sit here in thisroom.

(33:47):
I'm just going to wait and dieBecause there's nothing out
there to do.
There's nothing out there I cando.
Most of my friends don't livearound me.
My family can't do anything.
I had no visible means ofsupport.
So you know what?
I'm just going to wait here anddie and try to sleep as much as

(34:12):
I can and get this over with.
And then I told my wife and shecame home that day.
I'm trying to eat.
I'm not feeding too.
I don't want to make you feelsorry for me.
I was just telling you how itwas and what I did wrong.
I started feeling sorry formyself.

(34:33):
I told my wife.
I said I'm not going to getbetter, I'm not going to get
better.
And my friend DG Benjamincalled.
And my friend the farmerscalled, put their names so they
can see it the farmers JackGoodwine, jake, benjamin, and

(34:55):
they called me periodically, butright around the same time,
like that day.
They all called me.
I broke down the phone.
I said I can't eat.
I have no job, I have no wife.
My daughter's moved out now.
My wife has to work so we canget insurance.
She's sick.
I don't know how long I'm goingto have her.
I said, vicki, there's no morereason to go on.
He didn't tell me there was,but that's the natural thing he
would do.

(35:19):
And then my wife came home and Itold her.
I said I don't care if I die.
I said all my whole life I'vetried to support my mother, my
grandmother, my aunt, you, mykids, my friends and help
everybody.
And now I'm stuck down withthis.
Why, why me?
She's going to prison Gettingthree-fourths of an A.
They're doing fine.

(35:42):
Then my daughter came over.
She said I'm sick.
I said I'm not going to.
Came over.
She said how do you feel, dad?
I said I'm sick.
I said I'm not going to getbetter.
She said no, you're not.
You're probably going to dietomorrow.
I said what she said, that'sthe way you want to feel, feel
that way.
I don't want to hear it.
I have my life ahead of me andyou're still going to be bad.

(36:02):
You feel, talk shit.
You're going to just get better.
And I said you know, you'redamn right.
Nobody wants to hear this, dothey?
She said no, there's nothingthey can do for you, but you
yourself.
I said well, thank you, honey.
And since that day I cut her outof the will.
That's the truth.

(36:23):
And I said tell her and she'sthe one I know.
I used to tell her.
Yeah, and she was the one thatturned me around.
God, you got me.
You're telling a great story.
I cut her out a little.
I mean I will.
I told you it's a true story.
Yeah, and from then on I justtried to be up about things.
I said, mr Lover, have you saidabout no restaurant office will

(36:46):
hire me?
Well, I just try to be up aboutthings.
I said to myself what am Igoing to be upset about?
No restaurant office will hireme.
Well, I don't want to work forany restaurant office.
I want to do books and I wantto talk and entertain.
And now I've got a great guydoing the writing for me and now
I'm looking forward to thisbook being a good, and that
means bye you, dead beast.
And I'm just looking forward toenjoying my family where I have
left.
Whether I live to be 100 or 59or tomorrow, I'm going to enjoy

(37:10):
today, right now.
The sun's out.
Right now.
I'm fine.
I'm watching Elvis on TV.
He's got all the money in theworld.
He's dead.
He's looking up at the assholewith Daisy Taking a dirt bath.
I'm sitting here in Minneapolisand if you can't call this women
, it's a warm up.
At least it's nice out.
Two days of summer.
I love it here.
I missed it last Thursday.

(37:33):
But no, my daughter, she's theone that you see around here.
Wow, did you know she was right?
Yeah, but they're not the same.
They're the same.
She's the one that just didn'twant to hear it.
Wow, and you know she was right.
Wow, but then her, being BobbyHina's daughter did a natural
thing.
After I complained to her, shesent me on the road straight.

(37:55):
She took my cancer survival kitand sold it to a price on eBay.
No way she's a Hina.
I know what she used to do sheis a Hayden.
When she was like 12, I neverwent to the white place alone
Supermarket, any place.

(38:15):
She didn't even have a baby.
You didn't pick a baby up tospank it.
I told you.
I mean, I was four years old,two years old, right, see?
I told you that the test setyou were going to their car.
I mean that'd be your kid,right?
Yeah, you wouldn't know.
Oh, exactly.
So once she got old enough, Ihad to let her go in the
supermarket to get bread.
I had to get down to the mill.

(38:36):
One night I met Fred at thefront door of the park and she
was 10, 12.
She knew how to do it, so shewent.
She came out.
I gave her five bucks.
She went, wore up her bread.
How much was it?
$1.98.
Where's the change?
She said I go in and get thechange.

(38:59):
I said, what if I don't giveyou a 20?
She said you're winning on yourchange.
So every time she time she goesagainst me.
She keeps the change.
Wow, that was my first time todrive.
We used to go to a country clubI used to belong to called River

(39:19):
Hills and I had a convertibleand I had a bottle of water.
And in this country club theyhad homes but no police there.
Everybody played golf or tennisand during the day all the
mothers were home.
So we would drive, I woulddrive around there.
She was like 14 or 15.

(39:40):
30 miles an hour and I woulddrink more water, sit in the car
, get sun.
She'd drive around, we'd gohome.
My mother would say my mother,her mother, my wife, would say
where were you?
My daughter would say we wererafting.
We went rafting.
So when I told my wife she saidwhat do you mean by that?
I said we were at River Hills,we were drinking water and we

(40:06):
were on intercoups.
So I got out of the car and wehad a little drive up and down
and we were just going back andforth.
She's 10 years old.
I drew a sketch of my housebecause I had a driveway from my
house to our tennis courts inthe back.
So I'm down at the tennis court, turn around, put her in a car
and I said, okay, drive up here.
So she drives up the where I'mat it's always not that far so

(40:28):
she drives up.
I said, okay, stop, stop, shegoes.
Why?
I said, stop, she stopped.
I walk up to her.
She drives, I stop.
She's got me walking around thewhole.
Well's got I get the car, shetakes off.
She's going to be blowing up.
She's like she's got the carback Ten years old, but no,

(40:56):
she's the one that put me in aquick funeral.
That's what people need.
They need maybe somebody togive them that perspective.
You need a kick in the ass.
You need to look at yourselfand add it up.
What have I got?
I've got a book coming out.
The most important thing I'vegot is I am alive to see my
daughter healthy and see myfriends and family and smell air

(41:21):
and birds and look at the blueskies and stuff and enjoy
everything about life.
How rude somebody is, aboutobnoxious.
Play with them.
That guy is a jerk, you know.
I know.
I saw him do something theother day.
Play with them.
Don't get mad, don't ruin yourlife.
Don't want to punch somebody.

(41:42):
They can hit their head and dieyour life's over.
Enjoy yourself, but, boy, whenyou start feeling serious, you
start to feel sorry for yourself.
You know, there's a lot ofsympathy in the dictionary
between a shit and syphilis andno one cares.
That's good, and I got you withthe will.

(42:04):
I like the story about meetingyour parents.
That's good, and I got you withthe will, didn't I?
You did, you did.
I like the story about meetingyour parents, not your parents,
your brothers, your brothers.
So we did it.
Oh yeah, oh yeah.
She told me to do this.
So you know what I did.
You called right.
Yeah, roll around the world,roll around the world.

(42:27):
So that's obviously that's thebiggest obstacle you've ever had
to face in your life.
What was maybe the one youconsidered before that?
The losing midwifery.
Yeah, everybody got me out ofthat.

(42:53):
My family did it again.
You gotta turn back to yourfamily.
Sometimes your family and yourfriends.
Don't call Queen of Ahapa orwhatever her name is, queen of
Atiba, and don't go to.
Don't call Queen Ahapa orwhatever her name is, queen
Latifah, and don't go to thechurch and ask for advice.

(43:13):
Don't forget, none of thosepeople in the Catholic Church
are married.
How can they tell you what todo with a family?
You might go to Richard Simmonsand ask him to give me a date.
I'll let you know where to go.
Be asking my Bobby Heenan tohold your wallet.
You just don't do it.
There are certain things youdon't do.

(43:36):
Could you help sit for me whileI'm going to Europe for the
summer?
Damn, it's so April.
Sure, oh, he has a lot to doevery day.
Imagine he and Bobby Heenanbeing the first cop to grace him
when he had the 9-11 call.
He'd be telling the truck I wasthe first one there.
That was all a big gimmick.

(43:56):
I almost died of pop or nothing.
I wish you could get that bigring with me.
I'd like my name Eddie.
You'd have gold albums underyour arms.
He would have walked out ofthere in that jumpsuit.
Yeah, he wanted to make sure Iwatched Lisa Marie for it.
I know Pearl Parker was agimmick, that whole thing.

(44:18):
He owned 50% of Prisley.
Oh, yeah, half Half.
He got half of everything.
Who's half?
Yeah, yeah, we helped.
Yeah, hey, half half.
You gotta have everything who'swe're half.
Yeah, yeah, we help.
Well, hey, you're gonna haveeverything I ever made.
You can make me what else youhave.
Well, that's the thing I mean.
You put it in perspective andhis half of the money went

(44:40):
towards the drugs that kept himalive.
I mean, they said that at thetime of his death his intestines
or something his digestivetract was like backed up so bad
because of all the drugs he wastaking.
He was barely even alive.
You know what we did?
What If somebody drugs him?

(45:03):
He didn't know what washappening, yeah, and he fell off
the toilet and he smothered.
It was in Shea Carping.
I went to Grayson with him byaccident.
I was doing a TV interview withthe Oakland in Memphis at the
Ramada Inn right there.
Have you been to Grayson?
No, no, it's in a horribleneighborhood.

(45:24):
Nothing but red joint T-shirtshops.
The least I've seen of anairplane is across the street in
a strip mall.
So I asked a guy.
He said Ramirez, can you giveme a ride to the airport in
advance?
He said I've got to go and pickup some people in Graceland.
Do you want to go with?
Sure, I've never been there.
I said, how far is it?
He's not far from the airport,he's right behind the airport

(45:45):
really.
So we moved down the street, outof the traffic boulevard,
pulled in the gates, went up tothe house to pick up some people
from the tour and the guy onthe guards there.
He said to me well, you'reBobby Heenan If you don't take a
look around, sure?
So we went in the house.
Oh my God, it looks like a CD.

(46:08):
Wonder decoration, nothing incolor, no masking, no jank
carpeting on the walls.
I mean just really sexy lookingstuff and small, cut up.
Certain areas you can't go intoare upstairs, but it's
interesting.
Pool room jank carpeting, ohhorrible.
But they say that's whathappened.
He fell off the toilet and fellinto the shed and threw up and

(46:33):
his own vomit and everythingslithered.
And then your heart stops.
It was probably because ofdrugs and he couldn't help
himself.
Yeah, he was the first guythere with the 911.
He couldn't help himself.
Yeah, he was the first guy toever do 9-11.
I would yell take on whoeveranybody in the house and pack a

(46:56):
van up to the back door.
Probably, make sure people knowthat Elvis is down for the work
because, as well, people willthink you, I remember people
that had all these officesightings.
Yeah, there was an officeperson that was walking around.
People were trying to get inthe corner.
Yeah, the hand that would runin your favor like that the ring

(47:16):
?
Yeah, but the ring would be sofar you'd run, it'd be too big.
Yeah, you could see the papersay Charmin on it.
Yeah, oh, I know, we weretalking about fine dining and

(47:42):
what you did and what otherpeople thought you did and that
kind of ties into the financialstuff we were talking about.
Were there guys on the road whodid that Fine dining?
Yeah, the fine dining, thesteak.
Well, I know I'm not assumed.

(48:02):
Oh, we did well, steak andlobster.
My name is an object answer.
He ate a lot of food.
My name was an object answer.
He was a very generous man.
He made a lot of money.
Some guys make a lot of money.
But really, how much is yourhot water with that tea?
Oh, that's nothing.
Oh Well, just give me the hotwater.

(48:24):
Then they have a teabag intheir pocket or ketchup in it
and they make tomato soup.
Or, like some of the guys usedto say, how much does the bread
cost?
How much does the bread cost inthe beef Manhattan?
Nothing.
How much does the gravy cost?
Nothing?
Well then, bring me bread andgravy.
But the reason guys didn't eatlate at night, mostly because

(48:48):
you were in a car.
You wanted to get home to Jakeor somebody the next day, but
you make you sleepy at night andget a drive.
So you never had big meals.
But nowadays some of the guysgo out to restaurants and have a
big spaghetti dinner.
There's places like inBaltimore that have a good
Italian district and in New York, and not most of the guys go
back to the hotel room and theywait till morning or they have

(49:10):
to get a pizza set by.
But there were times when wewent to nice restaurants.
Ultron and I went to nicerestaurants.
In LA we went to the Palms anddifferent places in New York.
Orndorff and I went to thePalms and we were kind of
intrigued.
We treated ourselves.
My wife and I had dinner at thetop of the NBC Rainbow Room

(49:31):
Just to see what we did.
We had dinner at the Tavern onthe Green Just to see what we
did.
But we don't do it every night,you know, and I remember one
night we were in Winnipeg atHigh Steakhouse and there was
Ray Stevens, nick Bockwinkle,myself, roger Kirby and Chris

(49:54):
Marklup, I believe, and Rayordered the.
He ordered a bottle of winefrom the Higley, the Higley
Cedar wine was.
He ordered a $400 bottle ofwine.
Ray don't drink wine.
He poured it in the grass andtook it to his house.
He said I don't drink wine.
You're pouring the glass backto your face.
I don't like it.
Cut it back Just for a rip.
Next time we go.
A single group of us.
Nick says may I see the winesteward please?

(50:15):
No, nick doesn't drink wine.
He's an agent's wife.
Why do you want to see a winesteward?
So the wine steward comes.
Nick says Matt, may I see yourlist?
So Nick's reading up and downthe list.
I know I don't.
I don't know anybody else atthe table, but I may be a line
steward.
He may be at work.
But Nick says let me try thatHorseshoe Green 41 or something

(50:40):
French.
So they bring it to him.
I tell him hey, bring us ourglasses, I want to taste it.
So it's it to me.
I tell them hey, bring us ourglasses, I want to taste it.
So it's a white one.
So I said pour it.
So the guy's pouring all ourglasses and pouring and pouring.
There's Nick, there's me.
So I was in there talking andRoger Kirby says something to

(51:04):
Nick and I switch my water glassfor his wine glass.
So now we're all toast.
Nick takes a drink Water.
I go.
I mean, I go, kind of sore,turns to me and says, rather

(51:27):
mild.
I said you're at home drinkingwater, I couldn't take it, I
went to, I went to, I went tothe water.
He wouldn't know, it was justthat he wasn't thinking or
something, but it was thefunniest thing.
That's why we don't go to bigrestaurants and drink it up.
And why do guys just want tospend the money to get a good

(51:49):
wrap?
Why do?
Guys would rather just get outa machine in a room and get some
Twinkies or something like that, a Coke and crackers out of the
machine, but they just won'tspend the money.
Well, they were about nutrition,eating, right?
Yeah, a lot of guys do eat alot of that.
They eat a lot of chicken, theyeat pasta, they eat salad and

(52:10):
they do watch what they eat.
But that's gotta be tough,though in here.
Well, you can always get aborrowed chicken sandwich and
take it off the bun, and rest ofthe time there's catering.
There's always going to bechicken or a fish or pasta.
When they're home, their wifehas to go out and get it.
Yeah, so it's not as hard as itused to be.

(52:33):
You know, I used to go to thetruck stop.
Usually it's them Do it becauseit's cheap.
You ever hear a truck driverwrite a cookbook?
They know they're good.
My dad was a truck driver.
Sure, they know they're goodtrucks.
My grandfather was a truckdriver.
My father was.
His dad was a truck driver.
They knew every place.
They knew where they could geta lot of food.

(52:53):
Yeah, they don't know the goodrestaurants.
They don't know any goodrestaurants.
They don't know any good trucks.
Yeah, and it's usually because,yeah, that's a little Sure, and
most of those truckers wouldactually like going to a big
steakhouse.
They know the people.
They know I'm their rock.
They always have the same groupof diners.
Sure, my dad goes to Mexican.

(53:14):
He orders the hamburger.
He goes to Mexican restaurants.
And I know a Chinese restaurant.
I was a Mexican restaurant,right, and everybody used to go
to a Chinese restaurant or aSheeper.
Yeah, I was doing that.
That's what it comes for.
Yeah, we did a lot with that.
Yeah, we'd go to truck stops.
We'd go on vacation.
I never knew about Perkins.
I knew truck stops.
That was it.

(53:35):
I was there once with my dad andmy grandpa, who passed away in
78.
I was probably 70 years old andI ordered a Bismarck and a
glass of grapefruit juice.
And a Bismarck is jelly filled.

(53:58):
It's got the white fronting onit.
My grandpa made this face oh,what are you out of your mind, I
said.
He said.
And my grandpa said you don'twant that.
You don't want that.
I said yeah, I do.
He said all right, you're goingto eat every bite.
So I take a big bite of theBismarck and I take a big sliver

(54:20):
of grapefruit juice.
A lot of them go together.
Maybe every single pint wouldlet me go.
Yeah, that's right, we atetruck stuff.
I was the first guy I went to abar to get a drink and my
friend's wife was 18.
She said you can't go, you'renot old enough.
I said watch this.
I went to the bar, sat down.
She said where can I get you?
I said how much is that for aribbon?
He said get the hell out ofhere.

(54:41):
If you drink here, you know howmuch it is.
I don't want to be fat.
Yeah, I knew it all.
Can't fool me.
It's funny and strange howpeople meet people in this life.

(55:10):
I met my wife in 1974.
I left the Indianapolisterritory of the WWA and I came
up here to Minnesota to work forthe AWA and it was around
october 1974 and we had awrestling show here in town and
afterwards it was a place inminneapolis college.

(55:30):
It'd be called a strip and I'm494 and had a bunch of hotels
and bars and everybody went toupscale nice places.
There's one place there calledthe Wrecked Guard the Wrecked
Guard, yeah, and it was owned byFuzzy Thurston and Max McGee.
It was a place we were going tomake that's why they call it
the Wrecked Guard, not FuzzyThurston and I got to know Max

(55:52):
McGee and everything.
It was a real nice place.
You walk in.
It had a room disco, it hadanother room with an Italian
restaurant, had another roomwith a steakhouse, had another
room with Chinese.
There was always one hugebuilding Now we're Chili's 494
Nickel and now it's Chili's butthen it was called the West

(56:16):
Garden.
Well, the guy that ran theplace knew all the boys, so
there was never a cover.
There was always a bunch ofwomen there.
It was just a real.
They talk about a meat house.
This was a meat house and thismade Oscar Mayer look like a
burger king.
So I was in it with SuperstarBilly Graham and Ray Stevens.

(56:38):
We were having a drink after thematches and a friend of mine
who I knew and his wife, who Iknew, were in there on a date.
They were married and they hadtwo people with them another guy
and this woman that was my wifeand they were on a double date.
So these two people Tom andKaren are their names and they
came over and how are you doingtheir names?

(56:59):
And they came over and how youdoing Bobby and how you doing
Ray?
And we all talked and theyintroduced me.
They said this is Cindy andthis is so, and so I didn't know
who the guy was, how you doing,how you doing.
We all talked.
We had some more drinks.
They said what are you going todo?
Afterwards?
I said I don't know.
I ain't got nothing to do.
I'm staying in a hotel.
I had no curfew.
He said what's going on withMama Lou's, which is a rib joint

(57:21):
?
He wanted to go have dinnerwith us.
It's 1 o'clock in the morning,sure.
So I go over there and I'msitting across the table from
Cindy.
I've had a few scotches now,and so has Ray and Superstar.
I don't know what he's got.
And so we started tellingstories, like we're doing now,
having a few pops and havingsome laughs, and I was.

(57:42):
I liked Cindy, I liked the wayshe talked, the way she looked,
everything.
She's a very pretty Italianwoman and we were laughing and
everything.
She's not married and I wasjust coming off of a breakup,

(58:02):
which wasn't really important,but I was glad really I didn't
have to buy a gift thisChristmas.
I feel it's for her to comethrough.
So I just got to talk with herand everything.
And the guy she was with was abodybuilder and his stomach was

(58:23):
upset or somewhere else.
His big was.
So in Minneapolis there was alot of Sunday parties in the
afternoon when the Vikings wouldplay at the hotel.
They had the big screen TVs inthe 70s, so I was invited to
this football party and ChuckForeman used to be in the Viking
.
He was having a party and afriend of mine used to play for

(58:44):
the Vikings.
His name was Stu Boyce and Stuasked me if I wanted to go to
the party.
Sure, so I said do you want togo to the party tomorrow night?
She said where's that?
I said it's over at someapartment here.
She said okay, I'll meet youhere at the left guard.
I said okay, she wouldn't giveme her phone number, she
wouldn't give me her address, soI didn't know if she was going

(59:05):
to show up or not.
I'm glad she did, because Idon't know if I could have found
it.
I got locked in a phone boothso I finally she came.
We went to the party, had somedrinks and everything Came back
to the left guard.
Another couple drinks.
I said would you like to goupstairs to my room and watch a

(59:25):
little TV?
She said no.
I said well, would you like togo out again?
Yes, she gave me her phonenumber and address, kissed, said
goodbye.
Next time I came to town Icalled her.
Would you like to go out fordinner?
She said yes.
So her and I went out fordinner.
We took two people she was withthat night, that Tom and Karen.

(59:45):
We go on Minnetonka Lake towatch Westerns and everything,
and at nighttime we come back tothe garden and he watches.
And would you like to watch alittle TV in my room?
And I said watch a little TV inmy room.
And no, thank you, she'd gohome.
This went on for six months.
Six months Couldn't get her inmy room, but I offered her a
hundred bucks and told her I wasa Shriner, couldn't get her in

(01:00:10):
my room.
I thought about doing theold-fashioned way Take a
doorknob and put her in a woolsock and just knock her out and
take her upstairs.
I said, well, I've gone throughtoo much crying, ripping booze
with her.
She's coming upstairs and I'mgoing.
We were getting along great andshe was nice.

(01:00:30):
So one night I said do you wantto go up the room and watch TV?
She said yes, boy.
I'm thinking, wait a minute,I'm getting double duped here.
So I figure I'm digging her.
I got my money hit.
So I take her upstairs.

(01:00:52):
She goes into the bathroom, Isit down and start watching TV.
She goes out of the bathroom,dressed, just on the edge of the
bed, to start watching TV.
She comes out of the bathroomdressed, sits on the edge of the
bed, I watch TV, and we watchTV.
Then she left after a while andthen later on, after that we
became more intimate and I gother that night Don't watch TV.

(01:01:14):
That's what I told you we weregoing to do.
Yeah, exactly.
And I asked her what made youlike me?
She said I've never met anybodythat could talk like you and
make people laugh.
She said you ought to write abook.
Yeah, that really, that reallyought to.
And then one night she came tovisit me.
I called her and it was GoodyCall Evening and she spent the

(01:01:39):
night and that was like 11o'clock so she was leaving the
hotel to go back home Sundaymorning she had a big coat on,
but at night I was hanging outof it in the back, so she walked
out of the room.
She said I'll see you later.
There's people in the hall.
People got Green Bay Packerhats on, they've got Cougars and

(01:02:02):
everything and she's walkingaway with the nightgown hanging
out.
She says I'll see you later.
I said the hell, you will.
$20 is entirely too much.
I'm not paying that.
I slam the door.
I have no idea why you're stillwith me.
How long did he go out beforeyou made love, before you

(01:02:23):
proposed?
Oh God, I met her in 74.
I proposed to her in 79.
Oh, really, yeah, You've beenin the phone a lot.
Then she moved to Indianapolis.

(01:02:44):
She worked for K-Tel Records.
Here she was in the I worked,she worked at no.
When I met her, oh, inMontessori she worked for K-Tel.
Okay, this is a funny story.
Here's what my daughter thinks.
I mean, I worked for K-Tel yeah, I can't tell you how my
daughter thinks I can't.
My wife works for K-Tel yeah, Ihope everybody knows where
K-Tel is.
All right, oh sure.

(01:03:05):
And then she got transferred toIndianapolis where I live.
So she had an apartment Rightdown the street from me and we
were dating.
I was still working at theMinnesota and all over the day
dating back and forth.
So I'd see her a couple days aweek when I was home and stuff
and she'd go over to see my momand stuff.
And she had a job.
She would drive all over thestate of Indiana for K-Tel

(01:03:26):
records and was a buyer I woulddo things.
So when we did get married Iasked her to marry me and she
said yes.
Then Jessica came along, mydaughter.
So my daughter had to quit, mywife had to quit work but her
insurance paid for Jessica,right.

(01:03:47):
So when Jessica was old enoughI told her the whole story of
mom and where she worked andeverything.
So, jessica, she tellseverybody.
Now if you ask her, how wereyou born?
What happened?
She says I'm a Vegematic $29.95.
I said Jeff, the company'scalled Vegematic $29.95.

(01:04:12):
I got you for nothing.
I'm a Vegematic.
And then is it Mary, in July.
She's so dramatic, she's sodramatic.
And then is it married in July.
Did you?
Did you?
Did you do anything different?
Did you have a proposal Iproposed to her in Denver.
I called her on the phone.
I said would you marry me?

(01:04:34):
She said I'll answer that whenyou get home.
I don't want to see you do itface to face.
I don't believe you.
You're rid of me.
So I got to the point.
I asked you I'm not going toask you to.
We'll go home and pray to yourmother.
So I went home and told mymother I was getting married.
My mother-in-law's dad wassitting on the couch.
I said you're going to be agrandmother too, maybe.
So she went up to therestaurant, cocked her foot,

(01:04:57):
watching TV.
I said what's wrong?
She said usually, when a songets married, they leave.
I thought maybe I could unloadyour dead ass, but she didn't
mean it.
You just have to know how todeal with people.
You have to listen to what theysay and if they want something,

(01:05:19):
do it, because they usuallyreally don't mean something.
You know, like any motherdoesn't want some woman coming
and taking their son away.
So you know it's all my motherhad in her life, her and I.
So after Cindy and I got married, cindy moved in and, cindy, you
know my mom and I pretty simplefood we had, you know meatball,
bologna, pepsi, you know eggs,and as soon as she started

(01:05:43):
buying different kinds ofchicken breast and fish and
caviar, she could cook right off.
So I came home one day and mymother was mad about something.
My mom says you know, I don'twant to hear it.
I want you to kick her out.
Mom, I'm married to her.
She changed my whole kitchenaround.
She's moving this around andthat, and so what she's not?

(01:06:06):
I want to get rid of her.
I said okay, you're right, andthis is what you're wanting to
do with people.
I said I'll never let her askfor a pass and throw her out on
the lawn and I'll pack all herbags and throw them out there
too, and she can just call us upand get home the best way she
can.
She said yeah, do it.
I said I'll just pick her up,throw her on the lawn and tell
her it's over.
She said that's right, you andme.

(01:06:26):
I said no problem, I start toleave her bedroom and she says
wait a minute, let's see whatshe's making for dinner.
She wasn't going to go for it.
She was fine after that.
She was having a bad day, so Ijust go along with them.
I tried to argue with her.

(01:06:47):
It wasn't any good.
She stopped me.
Hey, let's see what you canmake for dinner for her.
So, and then she Jessica wasborn in December and anything
about that.
Oh yeah, when she was born, forsome reason we've been saying

(01:07:15):
we didn't know if we were goingto go aboard.
We didn't check on it, so Icame up with a stupid name.
I said well, name me Kid Jasper.
That's what we always talkabout with your friends, how
Jasper feels.
Instead of naming it, we don'tknow what it is.

(01:07:36):
So when it came time to go infor her present to deliver, well
, I hadn't gone to any of theglasses because I'd been on the
road.
So a doctor it was the samedoctor that used to take the
blood pressure to the matches.
He knew me, but I didn'tremember him.
I'm thinking how apropos thisis.

(01:07:56):
Now I'm going to collect theriver and my kids.
We were at a good hospital, stVincent in Indianapolis, and he
said well, you ready to put yourgreens on?
And we sat there and he said Ididn't go to any classes Because
I was on the road.
He said here's what you have todo you have to stand behind the

(01:08:16):
bed.
You know what greens were?
He said you know what greenswork?
He said to me what greens are.
No, I thought you wanted me todo something for our with our
guy with keys.
Put your greens on.
Yeah, I knew, because she hadher stuff on Her gown.
So I thought yeah.
He said no, how did you standbehind the bed and do this for

(01:08:36):
moral support?
Well, I'm standing behind thebed and I brought a survivor kit
with me so I could get throughthe day.
I had a little suitcase and Ihad a bottle of scotch.
In there I had a roll of dimesand a phone book and a bag of
fake Newtons.
So now my wife's having thisepidural moment.
They call it, oh, epidural.

(01:08:56):
You got to sit and breathe,right and then go back.
And then she went back.
I said you want a Newton, Idon't want a Newton.
She raised up again.
Again she said you want aNewton, I don't want a Newton.
She liked to eat Newton, but Ihad the dimes to call everybody,

(01:09:16):
I had the phone books to callthem.
I had to phone him, I had tostop him.
So finally it was time todeliver and Jessica's starting
to come out and I'm nervous andI see that they bring her out
and actually you look to seewhat it is At the groin area,

(01:09:37):
right Well, each side of hervagina was swollen a bit so it
could have groin area, rightWell, each side of her vagina
was swollen a bit so it couldhave been testicles, right.
So I looked around the bed andI said there's no Peter.
Cindy says what I said there'sno Peter.
She said no Peter.
I said no Peter, and I'mwalking around.
The doctor says hey, get behindthe bed, it's a girl.

(01:10:00):
So I look and I'm walkingaround and the doctor says hey,
get behind the bed, it's a girl.
So I went behind the bed andthen he took her and he put her
on one of these little Frenchfries that she had after birth
in her lungs and she was therefor a couple hours and she got
to go in the nursery.
We were going to see Cindy, so Iwent shopping and bought her
everything she needed Fur, coat,diamond, ring Then I used to

(01:10:24):
buy her designer dresses.
When I read her, cindy said no,go to Walmart.
I said why she was looking atit.
I said yeah, they grow about ahalf inch a week and they throw
up and shit on them.
That's it.
So then we were leaving thehospital.
It's December now, it's it.
So then when we were leavingthe hospital this is December

(01:10:48):
now it's cold December 18th hewas born.
We were in the hospital aroundthe 20th or 21st, first day of
winter and I bought from myfriend, scott Grigline, a 67
Ford Mustang, white top, bluebody, convertible, cold already
in that one December and aconvertible.
So I drive over to the hospitaland I know the guard out front.

(01:11:11):
I said here's my wife.
Can I leave the car runninghere?
I want to turn it off, it'scold.
He said sure, bobby, so I leavethe car running.
So I go in the hospital.
He brings Cindy down in thewheelchair, right, she gets Jess
in her lap.
But I bought Jess what I call atraveling suit.
It was a whole suit.
It was red and white stripeswith a red and white straight

(01:11:32):
hat with a ball.
She was like a clown.
So my mother's home waiting.
I asked what she had deliveredthe baby.
I went to the phone and dialedeverybody.
I couldn't say I had a daughter.
I dialed.
I said Steve, yeah, I had ababy.
What is it?
I started crying.
I was so happy.

(01:11:52):
I started crying To everyone.
I called.
So I called my mother first,then I called her mother, then I
called my mother first, then Icalled her mother, then I called
my friends.
And so there I went and mywoman got the car two days later
and brought it back.
And I go to the hospital andpick her up.
She's got her travel suit onand she's in the wheelchair.

(01:12:13):
And bringing her outside, Isaid let me take the baby first.
It's cold.
So I open the front door and Igot the heater going full blast.
I taped Jessica and I put heron the front seat of the car.
I shut the door, I go around,get in the car and I take off
for home.
I'm about five or six blocksfrom the hospital.
I forgot Cindy.

(01:12:33):
I turn around and go back.
She's sitting in the wheelchair, her coat covers up her hair
and blowing in the wind.
She said forgot me, huh?
I said no, I just wanted to gofor a spin around the parking
lot and I'm done.
Yet she gets in the car.

(01:12:55):
This is two days after having ababy.
We get home, I take the babyfrom her, I go in and hand the
baby to my mother.
She walks in the house, verysore right.
She walks in.
My mom didn't saycongratulations, it's a girl.
How do you feel she says what'sfor dinner?
I haven't had anything for twodays.

(01:13:18):
There was another thing mymother would do.
I never knew this.
I bought my wife a wardenrocker chair, a big one, so she
could rock the baby in.
I didn't know.
You can't sit real well afterhaving a baby, so you had to go
in a tube to die.
So Cindy would put the innertube there.
She'd sit in the inner tube androck the baby.
When she'd get up and go to thebathroom, her mother would get
up and put the air out of theinner tube there.

(01:13:39):
She'd sit in the inner tube androck the baby.
When she'd get up and go to thebathroom, her mother would get
up and put the air out of theinner tube.
Cindy would come back and sitdown.
Pass 1, 2, 3.
Go ahead.
One of my moms says here's ahundred bucks.
Nobody's sending.

(01:14:00):
One of us moms says here's $100.
Nobody's sending you $400.
I said really?
She said yeah, she's like.
Well, thanks.
And then we covered through,passed out.
I said okay, fine, there's $100I bought.
Cindy came home from work.
I gave it to her from themountain.
Oh, she started crying.

(01:14:20):
She wanted a nice thing to doand she loved it.
Next day Cindy went to work in atown and she got to where she
was going and she noticed therewas a hundred bucks missing out
of her wallet.
And when you came into mykitchen there's a counter right.
So I used to throw my keysthere in my wallet.
I didn't see if a purse oranything.

(01:14:41):
My mom said this is my kitchen.
Anything that's left there ismine.
Oh my.
So my mom stole $100.
Had the wallet.
Gave it to me.
I gave it to her.
She wouldn't buy it.
She cried.
My mom left.
She said if you want, you seethat fella, did you steal it?

(01:15:02):
She's a Sir, sir, my Uncle,johnny, a generation, a
generation.
Oh yeah, she's just a practicalcoach.
Still, sure, we didn't get anairport one day, never went to
the airport, never left thehouse that much.
Sure, I did one day See what wedid.
Cindy's coming back from BostonAt the airport.

(01:15:24):
So we go to the airport andCindy gets off the plane.
Her mother is sitting in thechairs.
She's got a hat on and glassesand a newspaper with a hole in
it.
She got a hat on and glassesand a newspaper with a hole in
it.
The woman was born in 1911.
She was actually 79, 78, Idon't know what's going through

(01:15:46):
her mind 67 years old.
She always wanted to be by theheart of the spot.
So I was thinking at some point.
I said, boy, you were lucky youweren't here 10 minutes ago.
She said what happened?
My mother gave me this wholething.
Were you hosting with me?
I said well, they had some guyrunning through the airport here
grabbing women.
She said oh no, did he get them?

(01:16:06):
I said I don't know.
I saw him paging different cops.
Oh my God, well, they'll getthem.
So I walked by where mymother's sitting.
She got a hat on her newspaper.
I walked by by and my mothergets up and puts a newspaper
under her arm.
She walked about ten steps andmy mother, with both hands,
grabbed Cindy's ass.
She comes out of her shoes, ohGod.

(01:16:28):
She turned and looked at mymother and I threw out a hat and
a newspaper, gotcha.
I went to the airport again.
Gotcha, I'm going to do it foryou.
It's going to be better thanthat.
I'm going to do it for you when.

(01:17:05):
I guess, when you talk to yourbrothers and stuff about your
dad, did he have a side to that?
To him?
My dad that we understand itwas a very strict Irish Catholic
.
My dad liked to have a littletaste here and there.
He did everything.
He was a printer.
He worked for the railroad.

(01:17:27):
I'm going to have to somedayjust spend the whole day with my
brothers and have them give meall the stories.
My dad worked in a bar.
If a guy came in and didn'thave anything, my dad would give
him his suit and he'd go homein the bounce clothes.
He had cymbals on his knees anda broomstick he played.
He'd entertain people.
Never sold anything, never kind.
He liked to sing and entertain,do stuff and tell jokes.

(01:17:50):
Out of all the brothers, there'smy brother John, my brother Jim
, there's me and my brother Boband I have a sister.
They only lived, I think, eighthours.
My father and I are the onlyones with blue eyes and a cleft.
Oh, the rest of the family hasno cleft and brown eyes, wow.

(01:18:11):
And he said my dad was a veryhonest man.
Everything had to be this way,if not boom.
But he liked baseball, liked tohave a lot of fun, liked to have
a drink, liked the ladies, buthe wasn't like a practical joker

(01:18:32):
.
Yeah, he was, but I don't knowwhat he did, but I'll find out
sometime.
He just said he had a greatsense of humor.
Was the guy from his Mittenaufamily?
He did, but I'll find outsometime.
Yeah, he just said, yeah, hehad a great sense of humor.
The guy first met my wholefamily.
Yeah, I remember the other kidswould come up to him and say
you're just like Dad.
You're just like Dad.
Yeah, they were pointing at me.
I have a nephew's nieces,because my dad died in 1982, I
think.
So they knew him.

(01:18:53):
I guess he pulled ribs, he did.
But I'll find out.
Wow, that'll be interestingbecause you're talking about
your.
It'll be your uncle, no, yourgreat uncle.
But then your grandfather'sbrother was John Good, and then
your mom and then even yourdaughter, oh yeah, and my

(01:19:17):
grandmother had no sense ofhumor.
She was like what was yours?
My mother would come over witha date when we lived in Chicago
Didn't have many dates, butthey'd sit on the couch, a guy
would bring over a six-pack ofbeer and they'd watch Melvin
Burroughs.
All right, my grandmother wouldsit there right in the room
with him like this She'd sitdown at nine o'clock.
She'd say nine.
She said I'm 9 o'clock.
She said 9 o'clock.
Don't you have something to do?

(01:19:39):
No, guys, you're going to comeback.
Exactly, oh yeah, one thing Iwas thinking about.
We were talking aboutovercoming obstacles and what I
want, kind of no, you know, allaround the subject of family.

(01:19:59):
I want to do that first Anymore.
We ended the book pretty muchwith the story of you getting
back together with your family,meeting your family for the
first time.
Is there any stories from that?
Anything that's happened, anyupdates or interesting things?

(01:20:21):
Or Well, my brother Jim just,uh, there's a law enforcement
there in Vegas to help him.
Yeah, my other brother teachesat Bishop Norman High School.

(01:20:42):
That's pretty as well in themiddle of nothing.
You know, my brother was inFlorida with me.
His health hasn't been thatgreat lately.
He's in his 60s.
His wife's health hasn't beenthat great.
He'll put that in his office.
No, we're put that in.
No, we're just so busy wehaven't talked for some minutes,

(01:21:04):
we've got hours.
Now.
What about the obstacles?
Talk about when, because I dowant to cover what was going on
around the time of the book, butI don't want to get into even

(01:21:24):
mentioning Triumph.
I don't want that to evenappear in the book.
But when, like, wwe called youto do the confidential thing, I
was flattered that I sent to dothat and plus, they let me put

(01:21:46):
up my first book and I thoughtthat was very nice.
Who called you on that, g Lfrom town hall.
So they came out and theyfilmed a couple segments and
spots there.
There was a producer there andthey did it, and they also came
out and did a photo shoot too,and that was it.

(01:22:08):
They aired it and everything.
They let me mention my book acouple times, which I think you
and Mr McMahon are very nice too, but they never called that.
I don't know.
I don't care what they're doingright now I guess I don't want
to work anymore anyway, and itwas.
But what I was thinking there isthat the two of us had never

(01:22:33):
thought that WWE would even helpus promote that part.
No, and I don't know why theydid it because Vince would never
.
He couldn't mention anythingabout another brand or anything,
never even mentioned WCW wasout there or anybody you know.
No, it was just.
There was only one thing it wasWWF, it was our merchandise.
Oh, but maybe it's because ofthe years I've been in the

(01:22:54):
business that I respect youbusiness out of respect for you.
I don't know.
I think one thing that's hard todo with people I found in life
that is really bad is when youcall someone and you leave a
message and they're not thereand they never return your call.
Now I can understand it.

(01:23:17):
If you call the government, theIRS, or you want to check about
your son over in Iraq, youmight have a little bit of tape.
Sure, I'm saying like, if youcall the guy that comes and fix
your toilet or the TV repairmanthis is Eddie Wing TV repairman.

(01:23:42):
Yeah, this is Eddie Wing TVrepairman.
I'm not in right now.
Get back as soon as I can.
We've been messing up the beat.
The TV's on fire, it's smoking.
Two of the kids are dying fromthe smoke inhalation.
Get back to me as soon as youcan.
Never hear from the guy.
If you call again, you neverhear from him.
Does that mean, again, you neverhear from?
Does that mean their businessis that good or they just don't
care about you because they haveto answer the messages?

(01:24:04):
Why wouldn't you do it?
I return my messages.
I'm sure you return yours.
I never can understand whypeople can't do that.
I can understand in right nowthey don't want to talk to you,
or they're busy and gotsomething going, but after a
long period of time it's justtotally unprofessional and rude.

(01:24:31):
So, but that merely happens tome when I deal with businesses
that don't know what they'redoing and they're probably new
in the business or something, orthey're just flim-flam people
that don't work for you.
In fact, if you think you'regoing to ask them to get a
discount or something, I don'tknow, I don't know why.
I just hate it when someonedon't return your call, whether

(01:24:54):
it be business or a relative ora friend or anything.
Thank you.