October 9, 2023 • 42 mins
Imagine planning the happiest day of your life, only to be struck by a personal tragedy. It's a scenario we wouldn't wish on anyone, yet it's a reality some of us have to face. Join me, Kelly McWilliams, and my co-host, Leah, as we wade through this difficult territory together. We aim to equip you with the knowledge and tools to face adversity head on, to make decisions amidst turmoil and to handle any unforeseen circumstances with grace and sensitivity.
Have you ever considered the role of your vendors and wedding insurance during a crisis? Our discussion shines light on the importance of vendor communication, relying on their experience and seeking their advice during testing times. We also touch upon the importance of wedding insurance, a safety net that many couples overlook. Whether it's a family member falling ill or a tragic loss, lean on us as we tackle these difficult decisions and offer guidance every step of the way.
We also talk about communicating wedding cancellations or rescheduling your wedding to your guests and vendors. Whether it's a local ceremony or a destination wedding, the changes can be overwhelming. We provide detailed guidance on delegating this task to your emergency contact, ensuring that the news is delivered with utmost compassion and sincerity.
Share your journey with us, ask questions and remember, we're in this together. In times of adversity, you're not alone - we're here to help you navigate through the storm.
Find Leah on Instagram at:
https://www.instagram.com/theleahweinberg/
https://www.instagram.com/oduberglaw/
https://www.instagram.com/legallyset/
Online at:
https://legallyset.com/
https://www.oduberg.com/
Places to go - People to see:
Kelly's Site: http://www.kellymcwilliams.com
Kelly's Blog: https://www.kellymcwilliams.com/blog
Instagram: @kellyamcwilliams
About Kelly:
Kelly knows how incredible a well planned wedding can be. Every moment counts and every decision plays a part. Wedding planning should be fun and as easy to do as possible. Besides planning weddings, Kelly travels the globe as an industry speaker. Kelly is a Martha Stewart Top Wedding Planner & this podcast won Brides magazine and WeddingWire's best podcast.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:10):
Hello and welcome to this, versus that making wedding
decisions with Kelly McWilliams.
This podcast is for you ifyou're making a wedding decision
and want to know what toconsider before saying I do to
all the things that will makeyour wedding experience a great
one.
I'm your host, kelly McWilliams, and I'm so glad to be a part
(00:30):
of your wedding planning journey.
In each episode, you can counton me and my expert wedding
co-hosts to give you everythingit takes to make the best
decisions for the wedding thatyou're dreaming of.
This is a hard episode, guys,and I toyed with I shouldn't
even use the word toyed like itwas something a topic that I
(00:54):
hesitated on for a little bit,even procrastinated doing
because it's heavy.
But the truth of the matter isthis podcast exists to help you
make decisions and to help youplan your wedding.
So, unfortunately, tragedies dohappen, and so, within this
episode, leah and I try to helpyou navigate, and this is, I
(01:20):
know we said it's moving forwardversus canceling your wedding.
But in this episode, that's notwhere we're going with this.
We're trying to help you, like,if you come into a circumstance
where this you have a tragedywhat you can do.
We're giving you the optionsand we're telling you what's
going to be most helpful inthose situations.
(01:43):
I'm so glad that Leah came tome and she had the courage to
say this needs to happen andI'll do this episode because I
think we need to put the wordout there.
And so, while everyone may avoidthis episode, they see the
title and they're like, yeah, Idon't want to listen to that.
(02:04):
I hope that there are a few.
And if you're one of the peoplelistening and you have friends
or family members who aregetting married and you listen
to this and you're like, yeah,I'm glad I listened, let them
know about it, and I hope thatno one ever has to use anything
(02:25):
you learn in this episode,except for the point of contact,
and we'll tell you all aboutthat right now.
Leah, thank you for coming onagain.
This is your third or fourthtime, third time.
Third time.
I mean I think the only personwho's been on more than you is
(02:47):
Corinne, and that's becauseshe's my bestie and was down the
street and, like every timesomeone cancels, I'm like I need
you to get on the podcast.
Speaker 2 (02:55):
Well, I'm honored and I'm very excited to be back
today.
Speaker 1 (02:58):
Oh, good, good, good, good.
So we're talking aboutsomething a little heavier today
, and when we recorded last time, I was like, oh, I don't want
to talk about this, but Irealized we really should Like
this, should live somewhere.
So let's just rip the bandaidoff and talk about what happens
(03:20):
when there's a tragedy of somesort and you need to make a
decision or you wonder.
You know, I guess, guys, we'rejust trying to prepare you for
if something comes up.
You know what are the things?
I hope you never.
I hope this episode is nevergetting good to all of you, but
(03:41):
I also hope that it gives youpeace of mind and that you've
discussed, like here's maybethings that we would think about
or whatever.
Okay, I think I feel.
I feel like I need to let youstart.
I feel so awkward about this.
Speaker 2 (03:57):
I do Don't feel awkward.
I mean, it's, it is a heavytopic, but it it's, it's a heavy
topic and I think we can bringa lot of compassion and,
hopefully, some beautifulthoughts to what can be a heavy
topic.
Speaker 1 (04:15):
So I was trying to sit back and think like how do
we even approach this?
Should we talk about like threeor four different things that
could like different kinds oftragedies that could happen, and
why we would postpone or cancelor I?
Speaker 2 (04:30):
mean I think what I mean we can, I can speak from my
.
I mean I can start and just sortof speak from my own experience
as to what I encountered as awedding planner.
There were a lot of differentthings that happened, whether it
was somebody's parent passingaway during the wedding planning
process, somebody's parent orsomebody super close to them had
(04:53):
passed away prior to thewedding, and so then it sort of
became about how are we honoringthat person?
I've had parents get diagnosedwith cancer, or even the person
getting married.
I had one bride who wasdiagnosed with breast cancer
during the wedding planningprocess and so when all of this
happened while you're planning awedding number one, it's just
(05:16):
going to feel like it throws agiant wrench and everything.
There's no real way around that.
It's going to feel just reallyheavy and it's just sort of
impossible to navigate.
And so we're here talking tokind of help people navigate
what to do, becauseunfortunately the reality is you
will have to make that choiceof like is this something that's
(05:38):
going to make us want to cancelthe wedding, reschedule the
wedding or move forward with thewedding?
Speaker 1 (05:45):
Right, let's, can we do this, though?
Let's leave it tragedies thataffect us personally and not do
weather related.
Speaker 2 (05:55):
Oh, yes, agreed.
Speaker 1 (05:56):
Yes, I don't want to talk about like what happens
with the hurricane or tornado orfires or any of that.
No, let's let this be aboutthings that happen to us as
people getting married, orwithin our families, our
friendships, that you know it'sgoing to affect the wedding in
(06:16):
one way or another.
Speaker 2 (06:17):
Yeah, that's helpful, that's a good good, a very
helpful clarification.
Speaker 1 (06:21):
And I will say, as you were saying, those things it
was.
I was recalling all of thesesituations that I forgot about
already, like not forgot about,but it just brought to my mind
how many times so many thingshave come up with.
I had a bride who was diagnosedwith breast cancer, a mom who
(06:44):
was diagnosed with cancer.
I've had parents pass away,I've unfortunately had brides
I'm sorry, grooms who wereinjured two days before the
wedding, and you know just aplethora of things.
So let's, I think, let's talkabout things that happened
(07:06):
before a wedding that wouldenable you to cancel with time
or postpone with time, and youknow what we can do in those
instances.
That would be, you know, maybehelpful.
Yeah, I can say and I'm thinkingback to my own experiences with
(07:28):
this as a wedding planner, whatI received, so in, and let's
talk about like I think we bothsaid the same thing where one of
our clients one of you know,one of the people getting
married was diagnosed withsomething.
I've had at least one instancewith this.
(07:48):
It was in the midst of weddingplanning and she came to me and
she said okay, here's the deal.
I've been diagnosed with cancerand I'm going to have to tackle
this first, and my response iswhatever we need to make happen,
(08:09):
we'll make happen.
Let's talk through what theoptions are, and I realize for
everyone listening that noteveryone has the luxury of a
wedding plan, or so it might besomething.
A conversation that you'rehaving with someone else, or
just each vendor individually.
Was yours kind of the samesituations?
Speaker 2 (08:31):
It's similar, but I think they kind of we handle it
a little bit differently.
And so one of my clients wasdiagnosed with breast cancer.
What had happened was the brideand groom kind of went radio
silent on me for a few weeks andI had kept trying to get in
touch with them.
I mean, we were far enough outthat it wasn't really a period
(08:52):
of wedding planning whereanything was urgent.
So I was just kind of likethey're probably busy with work,
like no big deal, but I diddefinitely notice that I wasn't
getting a response for them.
And then one day I was on acall and I saw the groom call in
on the other line and I feellike anytime somebody's calling
you and not emailing you ortexting you, you kind of know
(09:13):
that something's up.
And so the second I hung upwith the other call, I gave him
a call back.
He let me know that the bridehad been diagnosed with breast
cancer.
It was really early and so theyhad sort of they had no idea
about prognosis or treatmentplan or anything like that.
So basically we had decidedlike let's take a beat, give you
(09:34):
guys as much time as you need,because we had the time and the
wedding planning process, sogave them the time and space to
kind of like understand moreabout where she was in the
process and what needed to bedone so that they could then
make a decision.
And in her case they caught itearly enough.
It was very treatable and thedoctor actually thought that it
(09:59):
would be good to have thewedding to look forward to.
So she basically had thewedding in the middle of chemo
treatments and then.
So the big part with that wasshe was.
I was at their apartment acouple of weeks before the
wedding doing like final meetingand stuff like that, and we
(10:20):
were meeting with the DJ andafter he left they said well, we
have something we wanna talk toyou about.
We know it's a little bit outthere.
And they said the bride startedexplaining that she was at the
point in the chemo process whereshe was starting to lose so
much of her natural hair that itwas about time to have to shave
her head.
And she explained that that wasa very kind of scary and
(10:41):
isolating time in the treatmentprocess and that the only thing
that sort of made her lookforward to that moment was if
she could do it at the weddingin front of all of her friends
and family.
And then the groom said, andI'm going to shave my head in
solidarity with her at thewedding, so it was beautiful and
(11:05):
it just I mean, like from avendor perspective, like you
know, I talk through them withwhat they wanted and when in the
day they wanted it to happenand how they wanted it to look,
and I got all the vendors onboard and we made that happen
for them.
But I think kind of the moral ofthat story was, just given
where we were in the planningprocess, given where she was in
(11:26):
the process with her diagnosis,like we just needed some.
They needed some time to figureeverything out and decide what
the best thing was for them.
And just given the veryspecific facts of her case, she
decided that they wanted to havethe wedding.
And she's in remission, she'scancer-free, which is fantastic,
(11:48):
and I say that knowing that noteverybody's going to be in that
same position.
And so it's just about havingjust really open and honest
communications with yourself,with your partner, with the
people around you, with, if youhave a wedding planner, with
your wedding planner.
In that situation it might feelweird, but a good wedding
(12:08):
planner knows like we know howto navigate these things, and so
we want to be part of thatconversation with you when
you're ready.
Speaker 1 (12:15):
Yeah, in my case, what happened?
They reached out pretty muchlike it was right from the
get-go and said, okay, they knewa little bit more than I think
your client did, but theyreached out and they were like
Kel, we want to keep the datethe same, but I am not like I'm
going to be in treatment thiswhole time.
(12:37):
Can you take over from here?
We have the trust in you andwe'll check in six, eight weeks
before the wedding and go fromthere.
And I was like, absolutely so.
Then I took all theresponsibility of getting
everyone on the team up to date.
I knew that I would be leadingthe team moving forward through
(12:59):
all of it and I think you'reright.
It's just a matter of youdeciding when the communication
is best for you, at what stage.
But I think we'll both agreethat the sooner you just pass
along where you're at right nowand what your hope is, the
better, so that the people thatyou have on your team can do
(13:22):
what's best for you.
And I can't think of a singlevendor ever in the history of
weddings that would not be fairabout something like that.
Speaker 2 (13:31):
I was just gonna say that.
I was just gonna say that Iknow because I know that
probably one of people's biggestconcerns of something like that
happens is, well, what happenswith our contracts and our money
and all of that stuff.
And I always say, like thelawyer, as a lawyer, when I'm
talking to my clients who arewedding professionals, I always
(13:52):
say, like your contracts areultimately discretionary.
There are a lot of provisionsin there that protect you.
So if somebody does have toreschedule or cancel the wedding
, it's going to protect thevendor more so than the client.
But I always tell them it iscompletely within your
discretion whether you want toenforce those specific
(14:14):
provisions.
And wedding vendors are humansand I would hope that everybody
would have a lot ofunderstanding in these
situations in terms of, like,being flexible and all that
stuff.
Speaker 1 (14:28):
Yes, if you are fortunate enough to have a
wedding planner on your side,then and you're okay in feeling
comfortable when you do reachout, they may say to you okay,
here's what I suggest that we dofor now.
Let's not cancel your wedding,let's keep based on what you've
told me, let's keep it at thesame date, and you just every
(14:52):
now and again check in and sayso far, so good, or nothing has
changed from the weddingperspective.
And then, if it's the oppositethough, where they feel like
they started with one thing andthen maybe they're feeling like
we do need to cancel becausethings aren't going well, that's
(15:16):
it's obviously very much apersonal decision, or maybe in
it it may be like there's not adecision.
That's an alternative.
It just it is what it is Right.
I think that you and I bothknow that one of the best things
that you, that we, would say toour clients from the get go
(15:38):
with their weddings, is to getwedding insurance.
Yes, they weren't writing itfor a couple of years.
They are now.
During COVID they got rid ofthat, but it is back.
So, for everyone listening andI know this is not an exciting
episode to listen to, but I willsay, and we will make sure to
put this in the show notesGetting wedding insurance is
(15:59):
just such peace of mind forsomething like this.
It's not just for protectingagainst weather related events,
but it's things like this wheresomeone gets sick.
So I think what we kind of wantto drive home is lean into your
vendors to help you with this,but you have to communicate.
There just has to be some levelof communication so that they
(16:23):
can and that you know you canlean into your vendors.
You can lean into your vendorsto ask them, you know what with
their thoughts on?
Do you think we could do this?
Do you think we can not talk toyou for the next five months
and still everything would be OK, right?
Or do you think we need tocancel and restart things later?
Or is it possible?
(16:46):
You can ask is it possible wemove our wedding up so that we
can do this before treatmentstart, or something like that?
Speaker 2 (16:54):
Yeah, communication is always key and there's a lot.
Wedding vendors are veryresourceful people.
We can do a lot of stuff withvery little, on short notice and
with like yeah, and so I think,like Kelly said, leaning into
your vendors, they're going toknow, they're going to have
(17:15):
suggestions for you, they willbe able probably to think of
things, be more creative thanyou would, just because they
know what's possible and exactly.
Yeah, so leaning into yourvendors, we can do a lot.
Speaker 1 (17:27):
Yes, yeah, I think it's probably like the most
important thing is like let usbe the experts for you.
Unfortunately, just like Leahand I said, we've had it happen
in multiple times.
Let's talk about when somethinghappens to someone other than
(17:47):
the bride and groom.
I think one of the hardestthings that we've dealt with is
a parent passing, and there'stimes where I know I've had this
happen more times than I care,more times I can count one hand,
let's put it that way.
So there's, you know you canmove forward with everything and
(18:15):
change how you're doing things.
You know, maybe at your wedding.
I don't know that I've ever hadanyone cancel their wedding
when there was.
I will be on.
I haven't had anyone cancel,have you?
I have no parent died.
Speaker 2 (18:32):
They've moved.
Yeah, they've all moved forwardin some way.
Speaker 1 (18:35):
Yeah, I can see, if it was close to the wedding,
where you might need to see ifwe're scheduling is possible,
like if it was something thatreally was a tragedy.
You know within it, like, let'ssay, a week or something that
you know you didn't see comingor you know something like that.
That might be like a reschedulesituation.
(18:56):
I think a lot of that.
When it comes to something likethat, it's beyond the scope of
just you deciding, unfortunately, don't you.
Or tell me if you disagree withthis, leah, but maybe that
needs to be more of a familyconversation, because there are
other people involved.
If you've got siblings or youknow your parents and uncles and
(19:20):
things like that, you know itaffects more than just the two
of you.
Speaker 2 (19:25):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (19:26):
So where, as with the , if it's just you, the couple,
that's dealing with thesituation, it really is your
decision.
Yeah, but this affects.
Well, even if if you're doingsomething, obviously, if you're
suffering with something, yes,it affects your whole family,
but ultimately decisions on you.
But then when it's a familymember who passes or is injured
(19:52):
or, you know, is diagnosed withsomething, I think that it needs
to be more of a family, atleast talk For sure.
Speaker 2 (20:02):
Yeah, absolutely yeah , you have to get the, you have
to bring more people into thedecision making process.
Then, just because if you domove forward, they're expected
to potentially attend and thenthey may not attend, and then
it's just, and then they alsofeel you know, everybody's got
opinions and feelings on thingsand then that is a really.
(20:23):
I feel like that's a reallyhard decision to have to make.
Probably I don't want to sayit's hard it's a different
decision than if it was one ofthe people getting married who
were sick, but when somebodypassed, but when it's not you
and it's somebody that's sick orpasses away, I feel like, yes,
it's just a very differentdecision with a lot of different
considerations and just atrickier to navigate.
Speaker 1 (20:45):
Yeah, and again, I think the and I think I feel
like we're going to keep goingback to this Lean into your
vendors so they can like be,just because we have the
experiences with this, that atleast we can tell you what your
options are or give you ideasand thoughts that maybe you
(21:05):
aren't thinking of, and you know, who knows what your state of
mind is at that point.
So you already trust us to betaking care of the most
important day of your life.
These are people that you canlean on to.
For more than that, yeah, so,and it's not like you've played
your wedding before Never, youor you know in this situation.
(21:27):
So turn to the people that know.
You know, and I mean also youknow.
Clearly you're going to turn toyour family, to you know,
discuss things, but we can atleast help you from the wedding
perspective to know what youroptions are or things that you
should consider to make thedecision on.
Speaker 2 (21:48):
You know, rescheduling, postponing, moving
the date up or canceling yeah,yeah, I mean, we're going to be
a good, a good vendor, whoeveris sort of.
If you don't have, if you havea wedding planner, that's
probably the main person you'regoing to turn to.
If you don't, then it'spotentially the person at the
venue, your caterer, somebodywho's sort of more in charge of
(22:10):
the day itself, and they'regoing to be able to outline
basically exactly what youroptions are.
You know, or give you ideas.
They're going to say, okay, wecan just cancel the whole thing.
See what money you could getback.
We could make it smaller andintimate.
You could let people know andessentially kind of like this
invite people from the day andjust make it a much smaller day.
(22:31):
If you still want to have somekind of celebration and still
want to legally get married onthat day, we could talk.
We would say, or your option isto postpone, and I'll get on
the phone with all of yourvendors and let them know and
we'll figure out.
We'll figure something out.
But they will hope a goodvendor will be able to make it
easier for you in that momentbecause they will just be able
(22:52):
just to tell you.
They'll tell you the facts,they'll tell you what your
options are, and then that wayyou don't have to worry about it
, you don't have to figure outjust one more thing during that
period of time.
Speaker 1 (23:05):
I think one of the things that I think that is
important to communicate and Idon't know if you did this when
you were planning, leah but weask for emergency contacts in
the beginning of the weddingplanning for both parties, both
couples.
You know what I mean thefiance's so that we know, you
(23:30):
know, should something happen orcome up, we know who that other
person is that they would trustto, because maybe you aren't a
perfect situation.
Last year I had a groom thatwas severely injured when they
were here for the wedding a fewdays beforehand and the bride
(23:55):
was at his side in the emergencyroom, which then turned into
ICU, and I had no contact withthem.
Now, this is two.
I think it was two days beforethe wedding, maybe three, and I
got a call from the emergencycontact and that was the only
(24:16):
person that I could talk to.
So I had to know and trust thatthey gave me her name and she
was the person that the bride atthat time said please call
Kelly.
There's no way that person hadmy phone number unless someone
gave it to her, so I knew.
Moving forward, so that'ssomething to consider in the
beginning stages of planning.
(24:37):
Totally, if something were tohappen, who should our point of
contact be for both of us, orthe bride or the groom, or
whoever?
It is for both people gettingmarried, but you wanna have two
different individuals for thatright?
Yep, that's a very good rule tofollow.
(24:57):
Yeah, absolutely.
I've unfortunately also hadparents that passed away well on
the day of the wedding.
Speaker 2 (25:07):
I have a friend who had that happen.
I did have a week of thewedding situation.
Speaker 1 (25:12):
Yeah, and the day of the wedding everything was
already in play.
They didn't pass away at thewedding, they weren't there In
that situation.
They decided to move forwardbecause in that, in that
incident, there was nothing thatcould be done and we changed a
(25:36):
few things throughout the day tobe cognizant of it.
And again, I think it's more ofa communication and it might be
that if you, as the persongetting married, don't wanna
talk about it, just let someonelike, let you need to have that
(26:00):
person, that same emergencycontact person that's gonna
relay okay, these are thingsthat we don't want to have
happen.
Or let's say you're a bride andyour dad is supposed to walk you
down the aisle andunfortunately he's the one that
has passed away.
So the person that is theemergency point of contact or
the groom in that situation isgonna have to step up and say
(26:26):
here's how we'd like for this tohappen.
Hopefully you've got a planneror coordinator, or at least the
DJ who's pushing, making thingshappen, moving things forward,
that they have that informationso they can make the changes, so
that everything is done as mostappropriately as possible.
(26:49):
And I just wanna say becausethis just is so heavy, but I
want everyone listening torealize that, when it comes to
weddings, yes, they're vendorsand they're running businesses,
but we are such humans and letme tell you that you're not
gonna find more empatheticpeople than people in the
(27:09):
wedding industry.
We'll cry with the best of them.
Speaker 2 (27:14):
I mean I was so the wedding that I had with the
bride and groom who decided toshave their heads.
During the wedding I was soimpressed by the vendors, and
not that I necessarily expectedless of them, but I mean, in
that situation, people asvendors have the right to just
be like, whoa, this is waybeyond my like, this is beyond
(27:36):
my pay grade.
I, you know, like I'm not, Ijust can't be part of this.
And every all the vendors justleaned into it and took such
good care of them and helpedmake the day incredible.
Like the caterer worked withthe bride to find out, like,
what would be helpful, like tohave around for her to eat,
(27:57):
because most likely she's gonnabe nauseous because she's in the
middle of chemo treatments, andso they were thoughtful about,
like having food and drinksaround more so for her, like,
especially pre-wedding thatwould help her feel better.
The DJ helped them pick out funsongs to do the head shaving to.
Like the photographers knewwhat was going on and we're at
(28:18):
like everybody just reallyleaned in and embraced that
moment and it was so beautifuland it was like just struck me,
like so many people could havejust said you know, no, this is
I'm not.
I'm not gonna do this.
This is just too much Like.
This is not what I get paid for, this is not my job, and
everybody just leaned in to makeit a really beautiful day.
Speaker 1 (28:39):
Let's talk about a few things that some of these
vendors can do, just because weknow how, what our vendors are
capable of.
So, if you know, a bride groupcouple reaches out and says you
know, here's where we're at withthis.
My dad is not able to come tomy wedding because he's sick and
(29:01):
there's.
He's just not gonna be able tomake it.
You, for instance, you could goto your DJ and say here's where
we're at with this.
Is there anything that you cando or tell us that's gonna help
the situation for us, becausehe's not gonna be there?
There, that DJ is gonna be likeoh yeah, I understand, you're
(29:22):
not gonna be able to have yourfather daughter dance.
Here's some other options thatare gonna be good for you.
Your wedding planner is gonnagive you a slew of them.
That's easy.
You know things like yourflorist, you know, might say hey
, you know what we can do.
We can, like, have some extra,you know, have flowers on the
(29:42):
seat where your mom was gonna besitting.
You know, so it's.
I know we keep saying lean onyour vendors, but they, we want
you to know that you can come tous with those questions and
that they can give you somethings that are going to be
helpful.
I don't want you to say, sitthere right now listening to
(30:02):
this and like write down thingsthat you need to ask these
vendors now in case these thingshappen.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
We just want you to feel goodand know that we'll help you
through all of these decisionsthat you need to make.
If you would like us to, butalso if you just need us to be
(30:23):
quiet for a while, we can dothat, but you'll want to do, I
think.
I mean, really, is thereanything that you think anyone
could do, other than buyinsurance and giving us point of
contact in case of emergency,that anyone could do in advance?
Speaker 2 (30:42):
I think those are really the only two things, yeah
yeah, it's like and in themoment, right, that's what to do
in advance, and then, just likein the moment, it's just about
whatever communication can becan be.
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (30:54):
Yeah, when it comes to canceling your wedding
because of a tragedy, how do youfind it's best for the couple
to let people know in thatsituation, in terms of vendors
or guests?
Speaker 2 (31:10):
Well, they're guests.
Well, both, let's talk aboutboth.
Yeah, I mean, the vendors arethe first I would say you know
they.
Just they're probably going tobe the first people you let know
.
But I think it's a reasonablerequest in that situation to
find whichever vendor you'vebeen in touch with the most, or
whoever you have the bestrelationship with, and just say,
(31:31):
hey, do you think you could letthe other vendors know for us
and let them know that we'll getback in touch with any kind of
more detail or to settle up anycontract, things like in a few
weeks or something like that.
But I think, again, the vendorswould step up for you and help
you out with that, so thatyou're not having to do that.
And then, with the guestseither, it depends on how you've
(31:54):
been communicating with them,but if you've been sending mass
emails, that might be one way totake care of it.
If that's not how you've beencommunicating, then appointing
like one or two friends to bethe people that handle, to
handle it For you you shouldn'tbe like you, as the people
getting married in yourimmediate family shouldn't be
the ones telling everybody, andso finding somebody that can
(32:18):
help you take that on would begood.
Speaker 1 (32:19):
And I think that's actually a really good thought
is to think the same person thatyou picked as your emergency
contact.
So maybe put that person incharge and say here's my email
or here's the timeline that hasall the vendors on it.
Can you send in a mass email?
Tell them what's going on, tellthem who you are and that, as
(32:43):
of right now, it looks likeyou're going to have to cancel
the wedding.
And that person the emergencycontact, obviously doesn't know
everything about your wedding.
But at least give them theauthority to say we know the
wedding isn't going to happen.
They are going to be in touchwith you at some point, but as
(33:05):
of right now, I'm just lettingyou know it is absolutely not
happening.
We have to cancel at this point.
So at least the vendors are upto date at that point and, if
they can prepare them with, wewill reach out to you by this
date, or this family attorney orsomething will contact you
(33:29):
moving forward about thecancellation process.
That's going to go over a lotbetter than yes, ghosting I hate
to ghosting, but you know, likejust not saying anything to
anybody yeah, just simply.
I think having a point ofcontact, yeah for sure, yeah.
Speaker 2 (33:46):
And having that yeah Go, acknowledging in that email
that there that there is followup communication that will need
to happen after a cancellation,is very incredibly important.
Speaker 1 (33:58):
And if you, when you tell your point of contact to
make this contact out to themand I do suggest that you do
this in an email phone calls aregreat too, but that way you
have written communication thatat least that went out.
And maybe, like that, maybeyour point of contact send the
email, sends even a mass emailto all the vendors, copies you
(34:21):
like in your spot You're soon tobe spouse on it.
So everyone saw everything thatwent out.
Yeah, that's a great thing.
Yeah, and I think in the sameinstance, the two like having
two or three people who areresponsible for letting all of
the guests know, like, clearly,you're dealing with something.
(34:42):
Yeah, you should not beresponsible for everything else
that you're trying to deal withalong with letting 150 people
know, yes, that you arerescheduling or canceling or
whatever.
It is enough is going on.
Yeah, plus, so that that personcan field anything that is
coming in.
If you're having a destinationwedding, it's, unfortunately,
(35:07):
there's just twice as much workbecause all of your guests are
all traveling, so they havetravel plans.
So I will also say this Don'thesitate in wait, thinking,
let's just take a beat for sixweeks to figure this out.
If you're doing a destinationwedding, I think the sooner
(35:29):
you're comfortable letting yourguests know that there could be
a change coming down thepipeline even if it could be so
that they can prepare for maybewe don't buy our airline tickets
now, maybe we wait to makethings easier on everyone across
the country?
Yeah, absolutely.
Anything else that you canthink of?
(35:51):
That we should probably say, Ithink and I know you've said
this in the last two timesyou're on, but I think your book
would be really helpful in thispoint as well.
I'm so glad you wrote that book, leah.
It's a silver lining from COVID, but I think that's again.
(36:12):
We're not trying to make thislike a boohoo episode and I know
it sounds like it is, buthopefully it brings you a sense
of peace and knowing.
Okay, I know what I'm going todo.
I am going to communicate, orI'm going to have not, or you
are going to have a point ofcontact.
Yes, prepared, and now you knowwhy you should, other than just
(36:35):
the groom disappeared and wedon't want you to know.
We don't want you to know andwe need someone to find out
where he's at.
We need these people for thattoo.
Anything else you can think ofLeah that we need to.
I think we've covered it.
Yes, we just want you to feelthese, and we hope that none of
(36:58):
this ever has to happen.
I feel like now I'm going tohave to do another episode on
weather related changes?
Speaker 2 (37:10):
How have you not I feel like that?
Have you not already talkedabout weather related changes?
No, they're like that'severybody's, especially in
Florida.
Speaker 1 (37:19):
Yes, I think it's why I don't want to, because I know
too much.
Yes, it's a scary thing, but Iguess, yes, there's okay,
different episode.
Speaker 2 (37:34):
Different episode I'm going to schedule it, I will.
Speaker 1 (37:36):
I'll have to bring maybe Andrew on, yes.
Speaker 2 (37:39):
I do want to add, because I would imagine some
people who find this episode aresome of the people that are
maybe going through some of thisright now.
We just want to let you knowthat we're sorry this is
happening and that you're havingto navigate this, and just hope
that you can do the best withwhat you have.
As we've said multiple times,if you haven't already, lean in
(38:02):
to your vendors and use them asa resource during this time,
because they'll be able to help.
Speaker 1 (38:06):
I think you're going to find it.
I think you'll have such asense of relief Not that you're
procrastinating about anything,but you know how when you check
something up the list thatyou've just kept pushing to the
side, and you're like it's somuch easier now it's off my
shoulders.
That's how that phone call oremail should feel.
(38:29):
That, okay, it's okay for me tostep away from this.
Or but unfortunately for anyonewho's a seasoned professional
in this industry, we're only twopeople.
And how many times did youthink you've dealt with
tragedies?
Speaker 2 (38:47):
during the wedding planning.
Speaker 1 (38:51):
I can tell you I've got at least 15, at least 15.
The more we're sitting heretalking about them, the more I'm
recalling.
It's not that they happen toevery wedding.
I don't want you to feel thatI've had hundreds and hundreds
of weddings but for there to bethat many, and every wedding has
(39:12):
15 to 40 different vendors, wehave some experience with it, so
we can lean on us, lean on me.
I'm not going to sing anymore.
Leah, thank you so much.
Thank you for doing the hardepisode with me.
Yeah, thank you for having me.
Yeah, I'm so glad that youbrought this topic up.
(39:33):
You were right.
I know that I made it the lastof our topics, of all the ones
that you've ever talked about.
It took courage, but Iappreciate it and thank you.
If you need to reach out toLeah for anything, you can go to
the show notes.
There's links to her there.
(39:53):
We'll put a link to her bookagain, which I think is and did
I ask you about this last time,if it's audible.
Speaker 2 (40:01):
Amazon is not audible yet.
We do not have yet it's onAmazon.
It's called the Wedding RollerCoaster and I do specifically
have a section where I talkabout tragic life events and how
to navigate that so you can getsome more info there.
Speaker 1 (40:14):
Perfect.
I hope again.
We both hope that you neverhave to deal with this, but if
you are dealing with it rightnow, we're so sorry that you are
and hope that we can be of helpto you.
Alrighty Leah, until next time.
Until next time.
Speaker 2 (40:28):
When we talk about something else legal or we
should do a legal one.
Speaker 1 (40:36):
Have we done a legal one?
I mean the pre-nup one, that'sright.
I feel like we should talk anddo a legal one when it comes to
like working with vendors, tolegal situations.
I feel like that could behelpful.
Alrighty, okay, signing off.
Thanks, leah.
Thank you, I'm so glad to beable to share my wedding
(40:59):
experiences and expertise withyou, and that my co-hosts are so
giving it theirs.
We truly do want you to havethe best time at your wedding,
and our hope is that thispodcast is helping you to make
your engagement time whileplanning your wedding that much
easier.
May I ask a favor of you?
If this is the case, would youjust take a moment to leave a
(41:21):
review of this podcast on yourlistening platform?
It helps people just like youto find the podcast and to also
find out their answer so theycan make decisions.
I would also absolutely lovefor you to give this versus that
podcast a shout out on yoursocial media.
You can find us at this versusthat wedding podcast on
(41:43):
Instagram and if you would likeme to help you with a specific
question, a wedding decision,please by all means ask.
Send me a DM.
I would love to hear from youand maybe, just maybe, even have
you as a wedding cast on afuture episode.
How fun.
Here's to another great wedding.
Hello and welcome to this, versus that making wedding
decisions with Kelly McWilliams.
This podcast is for you ifyou're making a wedding decision
and want to know what toconsider before saying I do to
all the things that will makeyour wedding experience a great
one.
I'm your host, kelly McWilliams, and I'm so glad to be a part
(00:30):
of your wedding planning journey.
In each episode, you can counton me and my expert wedding
co-hosts to give you everythingit takes to make the best
decisions for the wedding thatyou're dreaming of.
This is a hard episode, guys,and I toyed with I shouldn't
even use the word toyed like itwas something a topic that I
(00:54):
hesitated on for a little bit,even procrastinated doing
because it's heavy.
But the truth of the matter isthis podcast exists to help you
make decisions and to help youplan your wedding.
So, unfortunately, tragedies dohappen, and so, within this
episode, leah and I try to helpyou navigate, and this is, I
(01:20):
know we said it's moving forwardversus canceling your wedding.
But in this episode, that's notwhere we're going with this.
We're trying to help you, like,if you come into a circumstance
where this you have a tragedywhat you can do.
We're giving you the optionsand we're telling you what's
going to be most helpful inthose situations.
(01:43):
I'm so glad that Leah came tome and she had the courage to
say this needs to happen andI'll do this episode because I
think we need to put the wordout there.
And so, while everyone may avoidthis episode, they see the
title and they're like, yeah, Idon't want to listen to that.
(02:04):
I hope that there are a few.
And if you're one of the peoplelistening and you have friends
or family members who aregetting married and you listen
to this and you're like, yeah,I'm glad I listened, let them
know about it, and I hope thatno one ever has to use anything
(02:25):
you learn in this episode,except for the point of contact,
and we'll tell you all aboutthat right now.
Leah, thank you for coming onagain.
This is your third or fourthtime, third time.
Third time.
I mean I think the only personwho's been on more than you is
(02:47):
Corinne, and that's becauseshe's my bestie and was down the
street and, like every timesomeone cancels, I'm like I need
you to get on the podcast.
Speaker 2 (02:55):
Well, I'm honored and I'm very excited to be back
today.
Speaker 1 (02:58):
Oh, good, good, good, good.
So we're talking aboutsomething a little heavier today
, and when we recorded last time, I was like, oh, I don't want
to talk about this, but Irealized we really should Like
this, should live somewhere.
So let's just rip the bandaidoff and talk about what happens
(03:20):
when there's a tragedy of somesort and you need to make a
decision or you wonder.
You know, I guess, guys, we'rejust trying to prepare you for
if something comes up.
You know what are the things?
I hope you never.
I hope this episode is nevergetting good to all of you, but
(03:41):
I also hope that it gives youpeace of mind and that you've
discussed, like here's maybethings that we would think about
or whatever.
Okay, I think I feel.
I feel like I need to let youstart.
I feel so awkward about this.
Speaker 2 (03:57):
I do Don't feel awkward.
I mean, it's, it is a heavytopic, but it it's, it's a heavy
topic and I think we can bringa lot of compassion and,
hopefully, some beautifulthoughts to what can be a heavy
topic.
Speaker 1 (04:15):
So I was trying to sit back and think like how do
we even approach this?
Should we talk about like threeor four different things that
could like different kinds oftragedies that could happen, and
why we would postpone or cancelor I?
Speaker 2 (04:30):
mean I think what I mean we can, I can speak from my
.
I mean I can start and just sortof speak from my own experience
as to what I encountered as awedding planner.
There were a lot of differentthings that happened, whether it
was somebody's parent passingaway during the wedding planning
process, somebody's parent orsomebody super close to them had
(04:53):
passed away prior to thewedding, and so then it sort of
became about how are we honoringthat person?
I've had parents get diagnosedwith cancer, or even the person
getting married.
I had one bride who wasdiagnosed with breast cancer
during the wedding planningprocess and so when all of this
happened while you're planning awedding number one, it's just
(05:16):
going to feel like it throws agiant wrench and everything.
There's no real way around that.
It's going to feel just reallyheavy and it's just sort of
impossible to navigate.
And so we're here talking tokind of help people navigate
what to do, becauseunfortunately the reality is you
will have to make that choiceof like is this something that's
(05:38):
going to make us want to cancelthe wedding, reschedule the
wedding or move forward with thewedding?
Speaker 1 (05:45):
Right, let's, can we do this, though?
Let's leave it tragedies thataffect us personally and not do
weather related.
Speaker 2 (05:55):
Oh, yes, agreed.
Speaker 1 (05:56):
Yes, I don't want to talk about like what happens
with the hurricane or tornado orfires or any of that.
No, let's let this be aboutthings that happen to us as
people getting married, orwithin our families, our
friendships, that you know it'sgoing to affect the wedding in
(06:16):
one way or another.
Speaker 2 (06:17):
Yeah, that's helpful, that's a good good, a very
helpful clarification.
Speaker 1 (06:21):
And I will say, as you were saying, those things it
was.
I was recalling all of thesesituations that I forgot about
already, like not forgot about,but it just brought to my mind
how many times so many thingshave come up with.
I had a bride who was diagnosedwith breast cancer, a mom who
(06:44):
was diagnosed with cancer.
I've had parents pass away,I've unfortunately had brides
I'm sorry, grooms who wereinjured two days before the
wedding, and you know just aplethora of things.
So let's, I think, let's talkabout things that happened
(07:06):
before a wedding that wouldenable you to cancel with time
or postpone with time, and youknow what we can do in those
instances.
That would be, you know, maybehelpful.
Yeah, I can say and I'm thinkingback to my own experiences with
(07:28):
this as a wedding planner, whatI received, so in, and let's
talk about like I think we bothsaid the same thing where one of
our clients one of you know,one of the people getting
married was diagnosed withsomething.
I've had at least one instancewith this.
(07:48):
It was in the midst of weddingplanning and she came to me and
she said okay, here's the deal.
I've been diagnosed with cancerand I'm going to have to tackle
this first, and my response iswhatever we need to make happen,
(08:09):
we'll make happen.
Let's talk through what theoptions are, and I realize for
everyone listening that noteveryone has the luxury of a
wedding plan, or so it might besomething.
A conversation that you'rehaving with someone else, or
just each vendor individually.
Was yours kind of the samesituations?
Speaker 2 (08:31):
It's similar, but I think they kind of we handle it
a little bit differently.
And so one of my clients wasdiagnosed with breast cancer.
What had happened was the brideand groom kind of went radio
silent on me for a few weeks andI had kept trying to get in
touch with them.
I mean, we were far enough outthat it wasn't really a period
(08:52):
of wedding planning whereanything was urgent.
So I was just kind of likethey're probably busy with work,
like no big deal, but I diddefinitely notice that I wasn't
getting a response for them.
And then one day I was on acall and I saw the groom call in
on the other line and I feellike anytime somebody's calling
you and not emailing you ortexting you, you kind of know
(09:13):
that something's up.
And so the second I hung upwith the other call, I gave him
a call back.
He let me know that the bridehad been diagnosed with breast
cancer.
It was really early and so theyhad sort of they had no idea
about prognosis or treatmentplan or anything like that.
So basically we had decidedlike let's take a beat, give you
(09:34):
guys as much time as you need,because we had the time and the
wedding planning process, sogave them the time and space to
kind of like understand moreabout where she was in the
process and what needed to bedone so that they could then
make a decision.
And in her case they caught itearly enough.
It was very treatable and thedoctor actually thought that it
(09:59):
would be good to have thewedding to look forward to.
So she basically had thewedding in the middle of chemo
treatments and then.
So the big part with that wasshe was.
I was at their apartment acouple of weeks before the
wedding doing like final meetingand stuff like that, and we
(10:20):
were meeting with the DJ andafter he left they said well, we
have something we wanna talk toyou about.
We know it's a little bit outthere.
And they said the bride startedexplaining that she was at the
point in the chemo process whereshe was starting to lose so
much of her natural hair that itwas about time to have to shave
her head.
And she explained that that wasa very kind of scary and
(10:41):
isolating time in the treatmentprocess and that the only thing
that sort of made her lookforward to that moment was if
she could do it at the weddingin front of all of her friends
and family.
And then the groom said, andI'm going to shave my head in
solidarity with her at thewedding, so it was beautiful and
(11:05):
it just I mean, like from avendor perspective, like you
know, I talk through them withwhat they wanted and when in the
day they wanted it to happenand how they wanted it to look,
and I got all the vendors onboard and we made that happen
for them.
But I think kind of the moral ofthat story was, just given
where we were in the planningprocess, given where she was in
(11:26):
the process with her diagnosis,like we just needed some.
They needed some time to figureeverything out and decide what
the best thing was for them.
And just given the veryspecific facts of her case, she
decided that they wanted to havethe wedding.
And she's in remission, she'scancer-free, which is fantastic,
(11:48):
and I say that knowing that noteverybody's going to be in that
same position.
And so it's just about havingjust really open and honest
communications with yourself,with your partner, with the
people around you, with, if youhave a wedding planner, with
your wedding planner.
In that situation it might feelweird, but a good wedding
(12:08):
planner knows like we know howto navigate these things, and so
we want to be part of thatconversation with you when
you're ready.
Speaker 1 (12:15):
Yeah, in my case, what happened?
They reached out pretty muchlike it was right from the
get-go and said, okay, they knewa little bit more than I think
your client did, but theyreached out and they were like
Kel, we want to keep the datethe same, but I am not like I'm
going to be in treatment thiswhole time.
(12:37):
Can you take over from here?
We have the trust in you andwe'll check in six, eight weeks
before the wedding and go fromthere.
And I was like, absolutely so.
Then I took all theresponsibility of getting
everyone on the team up to date.
I knew that I would be leadingthe team moving forward through
(12:59):
all of it and I think you'reright.
It's just a matter of youdeciding when the communication
is best for you, at what stage.
But I think we'll both agreethat the sooner you just pass
along where you're at right nowand what your hope is, the
better, so that the people thatyou have on your team can do
(13:22):
what's best for you.
And I can't think of a singlevendor ever in the history of
weddings that would not be fairabout something like that.
Speaker 2 (13:31):
I was just gonna say that.
I was just gonna say that Iknow because I know that
probably one of people's biggestconcerns of something like that
happens is, well, what happenswith our contracts and our money
and all of that stuff.
And I always say, like thelawyer, as a lawyer, when I'm
talking to my clients who arewedding professionals, I always
(13:52):
say, like your contracts areultimately discretionary.
There are a lot of provisionsin there that protect you.
So if somebody does have toreschedule or cancel the wedding
, it's going to protect thevendor more so than the client.
But I always tell them it iscompletely within your
discretion whether you want toenforce those specific
(14:14):
provisions.
And wedding vendors are humansand I would hope that everybody
would have a lot ofunderstanding in these
situations in terms of, like,being flexible and all that
stuff.
Speaker 1 (14:28):
Yes, if you are fortunate enough to have a
wedding planner on your side,then and you're okay in feeling
comfortable when you do reachout, they may say to you okay,
here's what I suggest that we dofor now.
Let's not cancel your wedding,let's keep based on what you've
told me, let's keep it at thesame date, and you just every
(14:52):
now and again check in and sayso far, so good, or nothing has
changed from the weddingperspective.
And then, if it's the oppositethough, where they feel like
they started with one thing andthen maybe they're feeling like
we do need to cancel becausethings aren't going well, that's
(15:16):
it's obviously very much apersonal decision, or maybe in
it it may be like there's not adecision.
That's an alternative.
It just it is what it is Right.
I think that you and I bothknow that one of the best things
that you, that we, would say toour clients from the get go
(15:38):
with their weddings, is to getwedding insurance.
Yes, they weren't writing itfor a couple of years.
They are now.
During COVID they got rid ofthat, but it is back.
So, for everyone listening andI know this is not an exciting
episode to listen to, but I willsay, and we will make sure to
put this in the show notesGetting wedding insurance is
(15:59):
just such peace of mind forsomething like this.
It's not just for protectingagainst weather related events,
but it's things like this wheresomeone gets sick.
So I think what we kind of wantto drive home is lean into your
vendors to help you with this,but you have to communicate.
There just has to be some levelof communication so that they
(16:23):
can and that you know you canlean into your vendors.
You can lean into your vendorsto ask them, you know what with
their thoughts on?
Do you think we could do this?
Do you think we can not talk toyou for the next five months
and still everything would be OK, right?
Or do you think we need tocancel and restart things later?
Or is it possible?
(16:46):
You can ask is it possible wemove our wedding up so that we
can do this before treatmentstart, or something like that?
Speaker 2 (16:54):
Yeah, communication is always key and there's a lot.
Wedding vendors are veryresourceful people.
We can do a lot of stuff withvery little, on short notice and
with like yeah, and so I think,like Kelly said, leaning into
your vendors, they're going toknow, they're going to have
(17:15):
suggestions for you, they willbe able probably to think of
things, be more creative thanyou would, just because they
know what's possible and exactly.
Yeah, so leaning into yourvendors, we can do a lot.
Speaker 1 (17:27):
Yes, yeah, I think it's probably like the most
important thing is like let usbe the experts for you.
Unfortunately, just like Leahand I said, we've had it happen
in multiple times.
Let's talk about when somethinghappens to someone other than
(17:47):
the bride and groom.
I think one of the hardestthings that we've dealt with is
a parent passing, and there'stimes where I know I've had this
happen more times than I care,more times I can count one hand,
let's put it that way.
So there's, you know you canmove forward with everything and
(18:15):
change how you're doing things.
You know, maybe at your wedding.
I don't know that I've ever hadanyone cancel their wedding
when there was.
I will be on.
I haven't had anyone cancel,have you?
I have no parent died.
Speaker 2 (18:32):
They've moved.
Yeah, they've all moved forwardin some way.
Speaker 1 (18:35):
Yeah, I can see, if it was close to the wedding,
where you might need to see ifwe're scheduling is possible,
like if it was something thatreally was a tragedy.
You know within it, like, let'ssay, a week or something that
you know you didn't see comingor you know something like that.
That might be like a reschedulesituation.
(18:56):
I think a lot of that.
When it comes to something likethat, it's beyond the scope of
just you deciding, unfortunately, don't you.
Or tell me if you disagree withthis, leah, but maybe that
needs to be more of a familyconversation, because there are
other people involved.
If you've got siblings or youknow your parents and uncles and
(19:20):
things like that, you know itaffects more than just the two
of you.
Speaker 2 (19:25):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (19:26):
So where, as with the , if it's just you, the couple,
that's dealing with thesituation, it really is your
decision.
Yeah, but this affects.
Well, even if if you're doingsomething, obviously, if you're
suffering with something, yes,it affects your whole family,
but ultimately decisions on you.
But then when it's a familymember who passes or is injured
(19:52):
or, you know, is diagnosed withsomething, I think that it needs
to be more of a family, atleast talk For sure.
Speaker 2 (20:02):
Yeah, absolutely yeah , you have to get the, you have
to bring more people into thedecision making process.
Then, just because if you domove forward, they're expected
to potentially attend and thenthey may not attend, and then
it's just, and then they alsofeel you know, everybody's got
opinions and feelings on thingsand then that is a really.
(20:23):
I feel like that's a reallyhard decision to have to make.
Probably I don't want to sayit's hard it's a different
decision than if it was one ofthe people getting married who
were sick, but when somebodypassed, but when it's not you
and it's somebody that's sick orpasses away, I feel like, yes,
it's just a very differentdecision with a lot of different
considerations and just atrickier to navigate.
Speaker 1 (20:45):
Yeah, and again, I think the and I think I feel
like we're going to keep goingback to this Lean into your
vendors so they can like be,just because we have the
experiences with this, that atleast we can tell you what your
options are or give you ideasand thoughts that maybe you
(21:05):
aren't thinking of, and you know, who knows what your state of
mind is at that point.
So you already trust us to betaking care of the most
important day of your life.
These are people that you canlean on to.
For more than that, yeah, so,and it's not like you've played
your wedding before Never, youor you know in this situation.
(21:27):
So turn to the people that know.
You know, and I mean also youknow.
Clearly you're going to turn toyour family, to you know,
discuss things, but we can atleast help you from the wedding
perspective to know what youroptions are or things that you
should consider to make thedecision on.
Speaker 2 (21:48):
You know, rescheduling, postponing, moving
the date up or canceling yeah,yeah, I mean, we're going to be
a good, a good vendor, whoeveris sort of.
If you don't have, if you havea wedding planner, that's
probably the main person you'regoing to turn to.
If you don't, then it'spotentially the person at the
venue, your caterer, somebodywho's sort of more in charge of
(22:10):
the day itself, and they'regoing to be able to outline
basically exactly what youroptions are.
You know, or give you ideas.
They're going to say, okay, wecan just cancel the whole thing.
See what money you could getback.
We could make it smaller andintimate.
You could let people know andessentially kind of like this
invite people from the day andjust make it a much smaller day.
(22:31):
If you still want to have somekind of celebration and still
want to legally get married onthat day, we could talk.
We would say, or your option isto postpone, and I'll get on
the phone with all of yourvendors and let them know and
we'll figure out.
We'll figure something out.
But they will hope a goodvendor will be able to make it
easier for you in that momentbecause they will just be able
(22:52):
just to tell you.
They'll tell you the facts,they'll tell you what your
options are, and then that wayyou don't have to worry about it
, you don't have to figure outjust one more thing during that
period of time.
Speaker 1 (23:05):
I think one of the things that I think that is
important to communicate and Idon't know if you did this when
you were planning, leah but weask for emergency contacts in
the beginning of the weddingplanning for both parties, both
couples.
You know what I mean thefiance's so that we know, you
(23:30):
know, should something happen orcome up, we know who that other
person is that they would trustto, because maybe you aren't a
perfect situation.
Last year I had a groom thatwas severely injured when they
were here for the wedding a fewdays beforehand and the bride
(23:55):
was at his side in the emergencyroom, which then turned into
ICU, and I had no contact withthem.
Now, this is two.
I think it was two days beforethe wedding, maybe three, and I
got a call from the emergencycontact and that was the only
(24:16):
person that I could talk to.
So I had to know and trust thatthey gave me her name and she
was the person that the bride atthat time said please call
Kelly.
There's no way that person hadmy phone number unless someone
gave it to her, so I knew.
Moving forward, so that'ssomething to consider in the
beginning stages of planning.
(24:37):
Totally, if something were tohappen, who should our point of
contact be for both of us, orthe bride or the groom, or
whoever?
It is for both people gettingmarried, but you wanna have two
different individuals for thatright?
Yep, that's a very good rule tofollow.
(24:57):
Yeah, absolutely.
I've unfortunately also hadparents that passed away well on
the day of the wedding.
Speaker 2 (25:07):
I have a friend who had that happen.
I did have a week of thewedding situation.
Speaker 1 (25:12):
Yeah, and the day of the wedding everything was
already in play.
They didn't pass away at thewedding, they weren't there In
that situation.
They decided to move forwardbecause in that, in that
incident, there was nothing thatcould be done and we changed a
(25:36):
few things throughout the day tobe cognizant of it.
And again, I think it's more ofa communication and it might be
that if you, as the persongetting married, don't wanna
talk about it, just let someonelike, let you need to have that
(26:00):
person, that same emergencycontact person that's gonna
relay okay, these are thingsthat we don't want to have
happen.
Or let's say you're a bride andyour dad is supposed to walk you
down the aisle andunfortunately he's the one that
has passed away.
So the person that is theemergency point of contact or
the groom in that situation isgonna have to step up and say
(26:26):
here's how we'd like for this tohappen.
Hopefully you've got a planneror coordinator, or at least the
DJ who's pushing, making thingshappen, moving things forward,
that they have that informationso they can make the changes, so
that everything is done as mostappropriately as possible.
(26:49):
And I just wanna say becausethis just is so heavy, but I
want everyone listening torealize that, when it comes to
weddings, yes, they're vendorsand they're running businesses,
but we are such humans and letme tell you that you're not
gonna find more empatheticpeople than people in the
(27:09):
wedding industry.
We'll cry with the best of them.
Speaker 2 (27:14):
I mean I was so the wedding that I had with the
bride and groom who decided toshave their heads.
During the wedding I was soimpressed by the vendors, and
not that I necessarily expectedless of them, but I mean, in
that situation, people asvendors have the right to just
be like, whoa, this is waybeyond my like, this is beyond
(27:36):
my pay grade.
I, you know, like I'm not, Ijust can't be part of this.
And every all the vendors justleaned into it and took such
good care of them and helpedmake the day incredible.
Like the caterer worked withthe bride to find out, like,
what would be helpful, like tohave around for her to eat,
(27:57):
because most likely she's gonnabe nauseous because she's in the
middle of chemo treatments, andso they were thoughtful about,
like having food and drinksaround more so for her, like,
especially pre-wedding thatwould help her feel better.
The DJ helped them pick out funsongs to do the head shaving to.
Like the photographers knewwhat was going on and we're at
(28:18):
like everybody just reallyleaned in and embraced that
moment and it was so beautifuland it was like just struck me,
like so many people could havejust said you know, no, this is
I'm not.
I'm not gonna do this.
This is just too much Like.
This is not what I get paid for, this is not my job, and
everybody just leaned in to makeit a really beautiful day.
Speaker 1 (28:39):
Let's talk about a few things that some of these
vendors can do, just because weknow how, what our vendors are
capable of.
So, if you know, a bride groupcouple reaches out and says you
know, here's where we're at withthis.
My dad is not able to come tomy wedding because he's sick and
(29:01):
there's.
He's just not gonna be able tomake it.
You, for instance, you could goto your DJ and say here's where
we're at with this.
Is there anything that you cando or tell us that's gonna help
the situation for us, becausehe's not gonna be there?
There, that DJ is gonna be likeoh yeah, I understand, you're
(29:22):
not gonna be able to have yourfather daughter dance.
Here's some other options thatare gonna be good for you.
Your wedding planner is gonnagive you a slew of them.
That's easy.
You know things like yourflorist, you know, might say hey
, you know what we can do.
We can, like, have some extra,you know, have flowers on the
(29:42):
seat where your mom was gonna besitting.
You know, so it's.
I know we keep saying lean onyour vendors, but they, we want
you to know that you can come tous with those questions and
that they can give you somethings that are going to be
helpful.
I don't want you to say, sitthere right now listening to
(30:02):
this and like write down thingsthat you need to ask these
vendors now in case these thingshappen.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
We just want you to feel goodand know that we'll help you
through all of these decisionsthat you need to make.
If you would like us to, butalso if you just need us to be
(30:23):
quiet for a while, we can dothat, but you'll want to do, I
think.
I mean, really, is thereanything that you think anyone
could do, other than buyinsurance and giving us point of
contact in case of emergency,that anyone could do in advance?
Speaker 2 (30:42):
I think those are really the only two things, yeah
yeah, it's like and in themoment, right, that's what to do
in advance, and then, just likein the moment, it's just about
whatever communication can becan be.
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (30:54):
Yeah, when it comes to canceling your wedding
because of a tragedy, how do youfind it's best for the couple
to let people know in thatsituation, in terms of vendors
or guests?
Speaker 2 (31:10):
Well, they're guests.
Well, both, let's talk aboutboth.
Yeah, I mean, the vendors arethe first I would say you know
they.
Just they're probably going tobe the first people you let know
.
But I think it's a reasonablerequest in that situation to
find whichever vendor you'vebeen in touch with the most, or
whoever you have the bestrelationship with, and just say,
(31:31):
hey, do you think you could letthe other vendors know for us
and let them know that we'll getback in touch with any kind of
more detail or to settle up anycontract, things like in a few
weeks or something like that.
But I think, again, the vendorswould step up for you and help
you out with that, so thatyou're not having to do that.
And then, with the guestseither, it depends on how you've
(31:54):
been communicating with them,but if you've been sending mass
emails, that might be one way totake care of it.
If that's not how you've beencommunicating, then appointing
like one or two friends to bethe people that handle, to
handle it For you you shouldn'tbe like you, as the people
getting married in yourimmediate family shouldn't be
the ones telling everybody, andso finding somebody that can
(32:18):
help you take that on would begood.
Speaker 1 (32:19):
And I think that's actually a really good thought
is to think the same person thatyou picked as your emergency
contact.
So maybe put that person incharge and say here's my email
or here's the timeline that hasall the vendors on it.
Can you send in a mass email?
Tell them what's going on, tellthem who you are and that, as
(32:43):
of right now, it looks likeyou're going to have to cancel
the wedding.
And that person the emergencycontact, obviously doesn't know
everything about your wedding.
But at least give them theauthority to say we know the
wedding isn't going to happen.
They are going to be in touchwith you at some point, but as
(33:05):
of right now, I'm just lettingyou know it is absolutely not
happening.
We have to cancel at this point.
So at least the vendors are upto date at that point and, if
they can prepare them with, wewill reach out to you by this
date, or this family attorney orsomething will contact you
(33:29):
moving forward about thecancellation process.
That's going to go over a lotbetter than yes, ghosting I hate
to ghosting, but you know, likejust not saying anything to
anybody yeah, just simply.
I think having a point ofcontact, yeah for sure, yeah.
Speaker 2 (33:46):
And having that yeah Go, acknowledging in that email
that there that there is followup communication that will need
to happen after a cancellation,is very incredibly important.
Speaker 1 (33:58):
And if you, when you tell your point of contact to
make this contact out to themand I do suggest that you do
this in an email phone calls aregreat too, but that way you
have written communication thatat least that went out.
And maybe, like that, maybeyour point of contact send the
email, sends even a mass emailto all the vendors, copies you
(34:21):
like in your spot You're soon tobe spouse on it.
So everyone saw everything thatwent out.
Yeah, that's a great thing.
Yeah, and I think in the sameinstance, the two like having
two or three people who areresponsible for letting all of
the guests know, like, clearly,you're dealing with something.
(34:42):
Yeah, you should not beresponsible for everything else
that you're trying to deal withalong with letting 150 people
know, yes, that you arerescheduling or canceling or
whatever.
It is enough is going on.
Yeah, plus, so that that personcan field anything that is
coming in.
If you're having a destinationwedding, it's, unfortunately,
(35:07):
there's just twice as much workbecause all of your guests are
all traveling, so they havetravel plans.
So I will also say this Don'thesitate in wait, thinking,
let's just take a beat for sixweeks to figure this out.
If you're doing a destinationwedding, I think the sooner
(35:29):
you're comfortable letting yourguests know that there could be
a change coming down thepipeline even if it could be so
that they can prepare for maybewe don't buy our airline tickets
now, maybe we wait to makethings easier on everyone across
the country?
Yeah, absolutely.
Anything else that you canthink of?
(35:51):
That we should probably say, Ithink and I know you've said
this in the last two timesyou're on, but I think your book
would be really helpful in thispoint as well.
I'm so glad you wrote that book, leah.
It's a silver lining from COVID, but I think that's again.
(36:12):
We're not trying to make thislike a boohoo episode and I know
it sounds like it is, buthopefully it brings you a sense
of peace and knowing.
Okay, I know what I'm going todo.
I am going to communicate, orI'm going to have not, or you
are going to have a point ofcontact.
Yes, prepared, and now you knowwhy you should, other than just
(36:35):
the groom disappeared and wedon't want you to know.
We don't want you to know andwe need someone to find out
where he's at.
We need these people for thattoo.
Anything else you can think ofLeah that we need to.
I think we've covered it.
Yes, we just want you to feelthese, and we hope that none of
(36:58):
this ever has to happen.
I feel like now I'm going tohave to do another episode on
weather related changes?
Speaker 2 (37:10):
How have you not I feel like that?
Have you not already talkedabout weather related changes?
No, they're like that'severybody's, especially in
Florida.
Speaker 1 (37:19):
Yes, I think it's why I don't want to, because I know
too much.
Yes, it's a scary thing, but Iguess, yes, there's okay,
different episode.
Speaker 2 (37:34):
Different episode I'm going to schedule it, I will.
Speaker 1 (37:36):
I'll have to bring maybe Andrew on, yes.
Speaker 2 (37:39):
I do want to add, because I would imagine some
people who find this episode aresome of the people that are
maybe going through some of thisright now.
We just want to let you knowthat we're sorry this is
happening and that you're havingto navigate this, and just hope
that you can do the best withwhat you have.
As we've said multiple times,if you haven't already, lean in
(38:02):
to your vendors and use them asa resource during this time,
because they'll be able to help.
Speaker 1 (38:06):
I think you're going to find it.
I think you'll have such asense of relief Not that you're
procrastinating about anything,but you know how when you check
something up the list thatyou've just kept pushing to the
side, and you're like it's somuch easier now it's off my
shoulders.
That's how that phone call oremail should feel.
(38:29):
That, okay, it's okay for me tostep away from this.
Or but unfortunately for anyonewho's a seasoned professional
in this industry, we're only twopeople.
And how many times did youthink you've dealt with
tragedies?
Speaker 2 (38:47):
during the wedding planning.
Speaker 1 (38:51):
I can tell you I've got at least 15, at least 15.
The more we're sitting heretalking about them, the more I'm
recalling.
It's not that they happen toevery wedding.
I don't want you to feel thatI've had hundreds and hundreds
of weddings but for there to bethat many, and every wedding has
(39:12):
15 to 40 different vendors, wehave some experience with it, so
we can lean on us, lean on me.
I'm not going to sing anymore.
Leah, thank you so much.
Thank you for doing the hardepisode with me.
Yeah, thank you for having me.
Yeah, I'm so glad that youbrought this topic up.
(39:33):
You were right.
I know that I made it the lastof our topics, of all the ones
that you've ever talked about.
It took courage, but Iappreciate it and thank you.
If you need to reach out toLeah for anything, you can go to
the show notes.
There's links to her there.
(39:53):
We'll put a link to her bookagain, which I think is and did
I ask you about this last time,if it's audible.
Speaker 2 (40:01):
Amazon is not audible yet.
We do not have yet it's onAmazon.
It's called the Wedding RollerCoaster and I do specifically
have a section where I talkabout tragic life events and how
to navigate that so you can getsome more info there.
Speaker 1 (40:14):
Perfect.
I hope again.
We both hope that you neverhave to deal with this, but if
you are dealing with it rightnow, we're so sorry that you are
and hope that we can be of helpto you.
Alrighty Leah, until next time.
Until next time.
Speaker 2 (40:28):
When we talk about something else legal or we
should do a legal one.
Speaker 1 (40:36):
Have we done a legal one?
I mean the pre-nup one, that'sright.
I feel like we should talk anddo a legal one when it comes to
like working with vendors, tolegal situations.
I feel like that could behelpful.
Alrighty, okay, signing off.
Thanks, leah.
Thank you, I'm so glad to beable to share my wedding
(40:59):
experiences and expertise withyou, and that my co-hosts are so
giving it theirs.
We truly do want you to havethe best time at your wedding,
and our hope is that thispodcast is helping you to make
your engagement time whileplanning your wedding that much
easier.
May I ask a favor of you?
If this is the case, would youjust take a moment to leave a
(41:21):
review of this podcast on yourlistening platform?
It helps people just like youto find the podcast and to also
find out their answer so theycan make decisions.
I would also absolutely lovefor you to give this versus that
podcast a shout out on yoursocial media.
You can find us at this versusthat wedding podcast on
(41:43):
Instagram and if you would likeme to help you with a specific
question, a wedding decision,please by all means ask.
Send me a DM.
I would love to hear from youand maybe, just maybe, even have
you as a wedding cast on afuture episode.
How fun.
Here's to another great wedding.
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