May 21, 2025 • 30 mins
What does it mean to truly belong? Why does it matter so much?
In this episode, Pastor Steve Carigon returns to explore the deep connection between love and belonging, especially for kids who have experienced trauma.
Learn how creating spaces of acceptance and hospitality can transform lives, and why feeling seen, safe, and supported is essential at any age of life.
Whether you're a caregiver, parent, or simply someone who wants to love others better, this conversation will inspire you to help others feel like they truly belong.
View the artwork Steve referenced in this episode: Artwork photos
For more information on the podcast, please visit: https://www.wedgwood.org/podcast/
For mental health resources, please vist: https://www.wedgwood.org/self-care
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Unknown (00:00):
Hey, hey, it's Hilary.
Join me for a helpful andhopeful chat about mental health
in our community. So grab a cupof coffee or tea. This is
Wedgwood's Coffee Breakconversation. It's always a good
day to have a coffee break withPastor Steve Kerrigan, welcome
back. Hey, thanks for having me.
So for those who may have missedyour past appearances on the
(00:20):
podcast, can you share a littlebit about who you are and what
you do? I would like to know theanalytics on the last time, were
they higher than everybody else?
Or no, I will look sorry. Wejust I shouldn't do that. That's
fine. That's my fault, Jack. I'msorry. So sorry. Okay, let's try
thatagain. For those who may have
(00:40):
missed your past appearances onour podcast, can you share a
little bit about who you are andwhat you do? My name is Steve
Kerrigan. Did I say thatalready, or did you I said it?
But you say too? My name isSteve Kerrigan. I'm a chaplain
here at Wedgwood, and Iabsolutely love being here and
love what I do. How long haveyou been with Wedgwood? I have
(01:00):
been here this time, five years.
Wow. The first time in the late90s. Also five years. Which
Hillary that equates to 10years? 10 years. Wonderful. So
you pretty often, almost always,are talking about love. I mean,
hence your sweatshirt, your lovesweatshirt, loving others and
(01:20):
feeling and being loved. Buttoday I'd like to chat a little
bit about a love adjacent topic,if that's okay, belonging,
because I feel like love andbelonging can kind of go hand in
hand. So first, talk to me aboutwhat belonging means to you, and
what does it mean to belong.
Belonging means to me. Andyou're right, when I think of
(01:41):
belonging, I think of loved.
That really is if you say one,you're kind of saying the other.
You don't have one without theother, sure, but belonging,
being accepted, being included,being cared for, supported,
being who you are be being in aspace where you can be who you
(02:01):
are without feeling you're lessthan or embarrassed. That's, I'm
trying to think of other words.
No, I think that's, that's whatI would think belonging is okay.
And how has your understandingof belonging evolved over time?
Are you talking ministry wise orjust as a human wise, whatever.
(02:25):
Okay, both, yes,ministry wise, that's much of my
life. Adult life. I've workedwith kids, and I think it was
very good that I started out inkid ministry at a care facility
like this. So right out of thegate, I got the Accepting of
(02:45):
everybody, letting everybody sitaround the table. And then since
then, I've worked in thesuburbs. I've worked in the
city. I've worked in between.
But that that starting reallygave me a good sense of what I
(03:11):
would say, what goes along withbelonging to is hospitality. It
gave me a big sense ofhospitality to whoever being
prepared for whoever comesthrough the door, or whoever you
cross paths with, and doing thatintentionally,
just being hospitable and beingready, mentally, physically,
(03:34):
atmosphere, sorry, I looked inthe room, because I host events
here a lot, Yeah, just beingready to be hospital, being
ready for somebody to come inand feel like they belong there,
just because of the environmentthat's been created. And you
you've seen belonging in allsorts of places. So like, kids
(03:54):
have a desire for belonging herein care facilities, but also in
the suburbs and in nice parts oftown and in the inner city.
Like, that's pretty universal.
Oh, absolutely, I have. Could Iget something right here? I ran
across this the the other day,and it kind of not, kind of, it
really wowed me, and it putwords to
(04:20):
my work with kids, and what Iwhat I attempt to do, check this
out. This is from this is for ateacher's perspective. Okay, so
we need to accept that some kidsare not at school for academics.
They are there to be loved. Oncethey get that love and feel
safe, we can work academics.
(04:40):
I wherever we go. We want to beloved, yeah, and especially if
you're talking about kids,they're going to wherever to be
loved. And I just love the cut,like once they feel that, once
they feel loved, okay, then.
Maybe we can work on abehavioral issue, yeah? Or we
(05:03):
can work on them being motivatedto go to school. We can work on
other things, but the absoluterock bottom foundation needs to
be them, feeling loved them,feeling like they belong. And
then we can do all kinds ofstuff after that. But that has
to be first, yeah? Well, it kindof goes what they need to feel
safe, to be who they are, tojust be safe in general before
(05:24):
they can do anythingelse. So why is belonging so
important to us as people, noteven just kids like you and I as
adults? Why is it so importantthat we feel like we belong?
Because if we don't, if wedon't, we don't become our true
selves. If we don't belong,it's the same I'm gonna enter
(05:45):
intermingle loved and belonginga lot. I realize that, but that
if we don't feel that, there'sno way we reach a potential,
whatever that means. I knowthat's kind of a success driven
thing, but we reach our Godgiven potential if we don't
first feel loved, we feelbelonging. Just
(06:12):
being born into a family you arealready right away. Belonging is
important, obviously, andthey've done studies for years
on kids who have been cuddledand all that, and kids who have
not been and you see whathappens to a kid who had been
loved and felt like they belong,there, been included, being part
(06:32):
of a family unit, all that, anda kid who doesn't,
it's vastly different. So I justI feel like that's all we do,
even as an adult, you go to aparty, or you go to a gathering.
And even as a person who I feellike I can talk to people, I
feel like I'm somewhat wellrounded. I can talk to people.
(06:52):
But when you go into a situationwhere you don't know a lot of
people or anything, it's almostlike you, you feel like a middle
schooler, yeah? Because, oh, isthis person gonna accept me? Is
this person? It's that's allwe're looking for all the time,
is to feel where we belong, tofeel we're loved.
(07:14):
You know, it starts with thefamily thing, and then, you
know, sports start happening.
Band starts happening. Being ina musical or a play, we do all
those things, to feel like webelong to something, to feel
like we're loved. And itexpresses itself in other areas
of our life. Once you have whatyou could feel belong, belong to
(07:35):
something over here, and it'sgoing to affect positively
everything else, yeah, becauseyou have a thing, and it might
be a family, but it also mightbe a sport, it might be jazz
band, it might be whatever. Aslong as you have belonging
somewhere, it affects everythingthat you do. It's like something
you can go back to, yeah, yeah.
(07:57):
So do you think our need forbelonging changes much as we
grow from children's to adults,I think it's if we don't feel
loved and belong belong tosomething when we're younger,
it's it's going to be harder asadults. Yeah, but again, I feel
like at all ages, it is. It'swhy people join churches. It's
(08:17):
why it's so we can feel lovedand belong. That's what we're
supposed to feel. So when wedon't,
it affects who we are. So I knowit's so important as a kid, as a
teenager, to feel like youbelong to stuff, but we do the
(08:39):
same. We are looking for thesame thing as adults all the
time. Yeah.
So how do you see belonging, ormaybe lack of in your ministry
and your work here at Wedgwood,our kids that come here
have, I think they've missedthat piece. They've missed the
(09:03):
piece of belonging to somethingthat is rich and good and
loving. They've missed the pieceof being loved. I always say I
named it loved, andwith the way we go about doing
it is because we're catching upfrom the love that they missed
out on they have. The kids herehave not been loved properly,
(09:25):
and that should make you mad,yeah.
But or it can make you makesomething called loved, and try
to catch up and give them andremind them, as a mutt of how
much they're loved in manydifferent ways. And for those
who missed Steve's pastappearances, we have a podcast
(09:48):
where he explains loved, whichis our on campus youth group,
youth ministry for our kids. Andit's really, really awesome. So
I will make sure that theepisode is linked to so people
can check out what loved is.
But.
I would love to Can I readsomething that's not memorized?
Yes, of course. So our missionstatement, our loved mission
statement. It says this, thepurpose of loved is to show kids
(10:11):
the extravagant love of God byour actions, our fun and our
words and songs. We want kids atWedgwood to identify with these
three statements, I am loved. Weare loved. You are loved. I am
loved. Says I am enough and I amworthy of being loved with my
Creator and the people aroundme, the we are loved part is
(10:31):
really speaks to the belongingpiece. We are loved. This is my
group where I'm accepted just asI am, where I can go with
questions and doubts and havefun, laugh, worship, sing and
hear about who God is and how heloves me. You are loved. God
loves the people around me too,even when it's hard for me to
For God so loved the world andloved and loved people. Love
(10:55):
people. So that'sit's been really cool. And the
interesting thing about loved isit it cycles really quick. As
far as the kids aren't here forit's not like a normal youth
ministry where you get kids forsix years and you follow them
along.
So when we started to and a fewmonths ago, two years and a few
(11:18):
months ago, it was all new andfresh, but it still, to me,
feels new and fresh because lotof kids are experiencing it for
the first time. Yes, so it'skids are here from six months to
a year,and for youth minister, it's
kind of gold, because you canredo stuff,
and it's new to everybody.
That's great, great,but it still feels we're still
(11:42):
becomingbut we still are. It's weird.
Just to have them cycle throughso quickly is a very cool thing,
because you still get kids neverget sick of it, which is great.
Yeah, and they stillask. All the time, when is the
next loved? And they still getmad at me when there's a
(12:06):
Thursday where there's not lovedand they're still, you know,
wearing the T shirts and thebracelets and all that stuff.
But it's new. It's new to them,even though it's been happening
for a couple years and it's afun journey. Hillary, that's
what I'm trying to say. Yeah,and I can attest to that it is,
it is a fun time at loved. Sowhat changes for the for the
(12:27):
kids here at Wedgwood,what changes for them when they
start to understand that theybelong and here at Wedgwood and
even in the world, that theyhave a place here
we we work on thatand it, there is a difficult
piece to that, because kidsdon't want to be here. Yeah,
(12:49):
yeah. I mean, it's that's why. Imean, it's not like the loved
apparel we talked about thiswhen I came out with it. It it
doesn't say Wedgwood on it,because Wedgwood is something
that maybe they didn't have achoice of coming here.
And so it'sthe piece that we want them to
(13:12):
feel belonging at is therelationships with staff and
occupational therapists andtherapists and case managers and
all those people and lovedfolks, volunteers, me, the rest
of the other chaplains, we oftenfeel belonging of a just a
loving community of people. Sothey may not say afterwards that
(13:34):
man, I really felt like Ibelonged at Wedgwood, what they
probably will say, and I'veheard kids say, is, I felt like
I belonged with the girls in myhome, or at loved or at ETP,
where it you know, they may notsay the actual name of the
entire place, but it's the smallcommunities of people where they
(13:57):
felt like they belonged to. Oh,that's cool that even within
Wedgwood, there are like otherpockets for kids to really
connect to. So what doescultivating and fostering and
encouraging belonging look likeout in the community or even
here at Wedgwood? How do wecreate those and those
microcosms of belonging forkids, right?
(14:20):
I know, can I speak from myloved experience, is that okay,
everything that we doin the actual time period of
loved, even though it's kind ofa the whole thing, the
relationships, the the remindersigns, all that is loved, but
the Thursday afternoon, whenwe're here,
(14:42):
everything is intentional forthem to feel like it's their
thing. It's their group. Whenthey come in, there's a red
carpet that says you are lovedon it. There's four to eight
adults in the lobby giving thema high fives, saying, Hello,
smiling.
Amazing. It's amazing what akid's reaction is when you are
(15:03):
excited to see them. These kidsare not used to that if you get
in, let's say you get in troubleat school. A lot of times you
come in and people the adultsare like, Oh, they're here,
yeah, excuse me,that's we. We light up when they
come in the room and they get araffle ticket for the lunch
(15:26):
raffle. They get a sucker thatthey choose. I don't know why
that's so important to me, butit's important because these
kids have gotten their theirchoices taken away years ago.
They've lived in all sorts ofplaces that they didn't choose.
They came here. They didn'tchoose to come here. They're
gonna choose their sucker. Yeah,yeah, whatever flavor they want.
Hillary, sorry, I got it. I gotexcited. I'm not mad at you,
(15:53):
but it's just a it's a smallthing, but it's a big thing.
Yeah, and, and it also, Ilearned this from Jeff Manning
at Ada Bible Church when I wason staff there. There's a reason
why they have coffee. If you'rewalking into a new room with a
bunch of people and you don'tknow what, at least, you can
hide behind your coffee. And thesame thing I do with the sucker.
(16:16):
They get to choose their sucker,and then you have you. You have
a sucker to tend to. You canhide behind a little bit, at
least you have something to dothey come in, the music is all
intentional for them to feellike, oh, I belong here. I know
that song.
Every time a kid comes on stage,we introduce them, and everybody
(16:37):
cheers. And that's again,another thing that a lot of kids
in a normal school situation,they play sports, they're in a
musical, they're whatever. Theyget cheered for. These kids have
not been cheered for. So everytime a kid will come up, they
get cheered for. If you win thelunch raffle, even though it's
completely luck, that is thegreatest thing that's ever
(17:00):
happened and you're going to getcheered for, if it's a sense of
being loved and belonging. Here,I love, I think you can take the
loved model, probably in a toneddown version, into your own life
or into the community. If youthink about it like you give
kids a say in what they want todo. You give them a space where
(17:23):
they can feel comfortable. Youcelebrate them when they should
be celebrated. And those are allthings that we can do in our own
world to make sure that the kidsin our lives feel like they
belong. Could you imagine ifeverybody did that cheered for
everyone all the time? How coolthat I'd love it. Just saying hi
(17:43):
to folks drives my wife crazythat I say hi to people on walks
all the time. But I mean, whynot? And I know it can be
cheesy, but that whole thing ofyou never know what someone's
going through.
And I've heard a saying beforelike you might be the only Jesus
that somebody runs into thatday.
(18:05):
Just if everybody just smiled alittle bit at each other and
said hi to each other andcreated space for each other,
cheered for each other, that'dbe cool. Yeah, it would be. It
would be very cool. Well, Iguess we kind of already talked
about this, but do you haveother practical suggestions for
how people can create spaces forothers to feel like they belong?
(18:31):
It's all about hospitality,being intentional, of
being intentional aboutreceiving whoever you're
receiving that day, whoeveryou're running across.
I i know thatbaristas and clerks and stuff
get a lot of hassle all day, butyou know what I'm going to be
(18:56):
the person who says, Hey, howare you?
Just because probably three outof the five last customers
grunted at them and demandedwhatever and left
it's just being kind to folks.
Is there anything that you do tokind of help prepare you or your
(19:17):
loved team to be that kindhospitable group for people that
you encounter. It'sit's fun, because I don't know
if, if they, they probably don'tread it every time, but every
single time, I always write outan agenda for loved. That's what
we're doing, you know this, andthen we're doing this and that
and this, and this is the songthat goes with that and all
(19:38):
that. But I always put at thetop front door,
which is, you know, out there,and I put smiles, high fives,
raffle tickets. Suckers love Iwrite it every single time to
just remind me and everybodyelse like.
(20:00):
That's the front door. Isextremely important, yeah, how
they come in the door, how theyreceived. And I forgot to
mention there's also a bubblemachine. Bubble machine, there's
bubbles,which, you know, who doesn't
want bubbles? It's hard to besad when there's bubbles.
(20:20):
Yeah, and I love that eventhough loving other people is
such an important thing to you,and you've been doing loved for
two years, plus, you still areintentional about making that
note about how important thehospitality is at the front end
of loved. So to me, that isencouraging that even if it
(20:40):
doesn't come super naturally tome, I can remind myself,
Okay, we're gonna smile atsomebody today. We're gonna say
thank you really nicely to thebarista, and we're going to just
be kind like it's okay that ifwe need to remind ourselves that
sometimes I love that.
So if there is someone who islistening or watching this
(21:02):
podcast and they maybe don'tfeel like they belong. How would
you encourage them?
I would encourage them by sayingthat God's not angry with you.
I think a lot of people have aproblem with that too. They have
(21:24):
there's a mindset, whether it'sthe church they went to or the
lack of church they went to,where it's God's angry at you
all the time and he doesn't likeyou that much, and that is so
far from the truth.
Andthe other thing I would say is
your mind is kind of a jerk,yeah? And don't listen to it,
(21:50):
yeah.
God is out of all creation. AndGod made some cool things,
really colorful things, reallybig things, really tiny things,
things that can fly and swim andall that stuff out of all that,
he loves us more than all that,yeah, and He cares for us more
(22:14):
than all that.
He specifically sent his son forus to get to know Him more and
ultimately die for us. Sothere's something in that. And I
know it's easy to get boggeddown with because people are
right in front of us, the peoplewho are not being kind, the
(22:36):
people who are telling us ourown brain is in our own brain,
telling us. Oh, you did thatwrong. Now, you big dummy. Why'd
you all that?
It's just stuff you gotta throwaway. And know that
God so loved us, all of us, thatHe sent His Son, and then the
(23:01):
one verse that people never,they always skip by John 317
John 316 is the big, famous one,right? Football games and stuff,
but John 317 says that Jesusdidn't come to condemn us, which
I think a lot of people thinkthat God is just here to condemn
us. Yeah, and be like all thetime. But he didn't come to
(23:25):
condemn us. He came to save us.
So I will, can I? Can I readsomething else? Absolutely
great. Every, every kid getsthis when they leave. I have,
actually, in a little bit, a kidthat's been here for like two
years is having his dischargeparty, and I'm really excited,
(23:46):
slash sad, yeah, that he's goingbecause this kid is like Joy
times 15. I mean, he i He hugsso hard and smiles so big,
and he's he's leaving ustomorrow morning, but he has
(24:07):
this goodbye party. He has thisin his little loved water
bottle. ButI'll say this to anybody who
doesn't feel like they belong,who doesn't feel like they're
loved, who feels like God'salways frowning at him.
This poem. I wrote it for kids afew years ago, but I try to
bring it up to kids as muchpossible. The qualification of
you being worth it. Are youbeing exactly you? You're the
(24:31):
only you that has ever existed.
There will never be another you.
You are enough. You are awesome.
So be you just completely andunapologetically you when you do
that, you being you,congratulations. You are
officially worth it. You areofficially enough, because you
are alive, because you are here,because you are you. You are
(24:53):
worth it, you are enough. Youare worthy of being chosen. You.
Belong. You are worthy of beingfought for, listened to and
loved. You are loved. You areworth it. You are enough.
So that's what I'd say. That'sbeautiful. I've we all need to
hear that. I think, Oh, that'sreally beautiful. Steve, thank
(25:16):
you for sharing that you'rewelcome, and thinking about the
kids here at Wedgwood, who haveoften been told that they are
the exact opposite of all ofthose things, and to have people
telling them repeatedly here atWedgwood that you are loved, you
are enough, you are worth it,we're going to help you through
it, when the impact that thatmakes is just incredible. Can I
(25:36):
show you? Can I show you a pieceof art? Absolutely,
so the whole,you know, the the we are loved,
part of that mission statementof, this is our group, and
there'sart now that happens, and kids
give it to me, and this is thisweek's loved flyer, and two
(25:57):
girls from our Balkans home madethat. But for a kid, two kids
who have not necessarily feltthis much in their life,
that's cool that they theyweren't. It's not like they had
a, hey, we're doing a you are.
Loved craft time, right? Theywere just doing arts and crafts,
(26:18):
and they made this, and theywere so happy to give it to me,
and I put it on this week'sflyer, and I also made T shirts
for him. I haven't, I haven'tgiven it to him yet. Oh, that's
so cool.
If Am I, I have more. There's akid that just came here like few
weeks ago. He loves graffiti. Hehasn't even been to a loved yet,
(26:39):
but he already made he alreadymade me cool. His t shirt will
be made tomorrow. There's, Ihave lots of them. I won't show
every one of them, but this isjust another piece of art that a
kid made out of. They justwanted to make it. This one was
actually for sale at one oftheir art bake sales, for fun,
(27:00):
they're at activities. So Ibought it. I paid extra for it.
Good. I love that, yeah? Butjust little things, you know,
for a kid to make something thatsays I am loved, that's kind of
cool. Yeah? That is really cool.
I am fortunate. My office isgetting quite cluttered, but
it's cluttered in a good way.
(27:22):
Yeah. So good messages. And youeven hear kids around campus.
I'll hear a Steve, you know, akid from across campus, and then
you hear you are loved. And I'mlike, stop,
but also Don't stop. Don't stop.
And I just say you are too. Buthow cool is that for kids who
have not experiencedthe whole receiving and giving
(27:43):
of loved a ton that they'rethey're learning that is, is
pretty cool, yeah, well, and I'mthinking about, like, in my own
life, like the things where I'mreally excited to be a part of
that's the things where I'mlike, I'll buy the merch, I'll
do the thing. And that's whatkids here are doing. They are
buying into and feel like theyare part of this loved
(28:05):
community. They get free shirts,but they ask for them, so they
want to show Oh, and onThursdays, it's, it's really fun
around here, because not onlykids, but staff and people in
the office, they all wear theirlove stuff, but watching kids
like a whole home will come in,and they all have so fun their
group. That's when, you know, itfeels like, like it's there,
(28:29):
yeah, and this, actually, thiswas the present this year at
Christmas that some donors werekind enough to let us buy
sweatshirts for all the kids,and they just really like them.
That's, I wouldn't even say,Hillary, that they love them.
That was a plan, okay, yeah,that's good. That's good. I will
(28:53):
do a small plug that we do havea Wedgwood swag store. Yes, yes,
we do the community and lovedapparel is available along with
podcast merch that is a sideplug. But I just had coffee this
morning with a kid who's now 30,who I've known forever, and he
moved back from Chicago, and Igave his mom a love sweatshirt a
(29:19):
few months ago, and he I waswearing this this morning. He
goes, Hey, tell me about thelove thing, because I wear the
sweatshirt all thetime. So I told him about it. It
was really cool. That guy,really cool, Jesus follower guy,
and he heard what it actuallywas, and he's like, Oh man, I'll
wear that more. That's so cool.
(29:39):
I love the community that youhave created here, and how
intentional you are in creatinga space for kids and honestly
staff to feel like they belonghere at Wedgwood, here in the
community, in God's kingdom, inthe world. It's really
beautiful. Thanks, Steve,it was a real gift to talk to
you today. So thanks for beinghere. I appreciate you letting
me be here.
(30:00):
Work well, anytime you're alwayswelcome back. Okay, I'll see you
tomorrow. Is that too soon? Yes,wed is a place where healing and
belonging begins for kids andfamilies. You can learn more
about how you can partner withus in extending God's love by
heading to our website orchecking out the links in the
description, and I'll be surethat we include pictures of all
of the beautiful art if you arean audio listener, so you can
(30:22):
see it too. Stay hopeful, stayhelpful, and let's have another
coffee break soon.
Hey, hey, it's Hilary.
Join me for a helpful andhopeful chat about mental health
in our community. So grab a cupof coffee or tea. This is
Wedgwood's Coffee Breakconversation. It's always a good
day to have a coffee break withPastor Steve Kerrigan, welcome
back. Hey, thanks for having me.
So for those who may have missedyour past appearances on the
(00:20):
podcast, can you share a littlebit about who you are and what
you do? I would like to know theanalytics on the last time, were
they higher than everybody else?
Or no, I will look sorry. Wejust I shouldn't do that. That's
fine. That's my fault, Jack. I'msorry. So sorry. Okay, let's try
thatagain. For those who may have
(00:40):
missed your past appearances onour podcast, can you share a
little bit about who you are andwhat you do? My name is Steve
Kerrigan. Did I say thatalready, or did you I said it?
But you say too? My name isSteve Kerrigan. I'm a chaplain
here at Wedgwood, and Iabsolutely love being here and
love what I do. How long haveyou been with Wedgwood? I have
(01:00):
been here this time, five years.
Wow. The first time in the late90s. Also five years. Which
Hillary that equates to 10years? 10 years. Wonderful. So
you pretty often, almost always,are talking about love. I mean,
hence your sweatshirt, your lovesweatshirt, loving others and
(01:20):
feeling and being loved. Buttoday I'd like to chat a little
bit about a love adjacent topic,if that's okay, belonging,
because I feel like love andbelonging can kind of go hand in
hand. So first, talk to me aboutwhat belonging means to you, and
what does it mean to belong.
Belonging means to me. Andyou're right, when I think of
(01:41):
belonging, I think of loved.
That really is if you say one,you're kind of saying the other.
You don't have one without theother, sure, but belonging,
being accepted, being included,being cared for, supported,
being who you are be being in aspace where you can be who you
(02:01):
are without feeling you're lessthan or embarrassed. That's, I'm
trying to think of other words.
No, I think that's, that's whatI would think belonging is okay.
And how has your understandingof belonging evolved over time?
Are you talking ministry wise orjust as a human wise, whatever.
(02:25):
Okay, both, yes,ministry wise, that's much of my
life. Adult life. I've workedwith kids, and I think it was
very good that I started out inkid ministry at a care facility
like this. So right out of thegate, I got the Accepting of
(02:45):
everybody, letting everybody sitaround the table. And then since
then, I've worked in thesuburbs. I've worked in the
city. I've worked in between.
But that that starting reallygave me a good sense of what I
(03:11):
would say, what goes along withbelonging to is hospitality. It
gave me a big sense ofhospitality to whoever being
prepared for whoever comesthrough the door, or whoever you
cross paths with, and doing thatintentionally,
just being hospitable and beingready, mentally, physically,
(03:34):
atmosphere, sorry, I looked inthe room, because I host events
here a lot, Yeah, just beingready to be hospital, being
ready for somebody to come inand feel like they belong there,
just because of the environmentthat's been created. And you
you've seen belonging in allsorts of places. So like, kids
(03:54):
have a desire for belonging herein care facilities, but also in
the suburbs and in nice parts oftown and in the inner city.
Like, that's pretty universal.
Oh, absolutely, I have. Could Iget something right here? I ran
across this the the other day,and it kind of not, kind of, it
really wowed me, and it putwords to
(04:20):
my work with kids, and what Iwhat I attempt to do, check this
out. This is from this is for ateacher's perspective. Okay, so
we need to accept that some kidsare not at school for academics.
They are there to be loved. Oncethey get that love and feel
safe, we can work academics.
(04:40):
I wherever we go. We want to beloved, yeah, and especially if
you're talking about kids,they're going to wherever to be
loved. And I just love the cut,like once they feel that, once
they feel loved, okay, then.
Maybe we can work on abehavioral issue, yeah? Or we
(05:03):
can work on them being motivatedto go to school. We can work on
other things, but the absoluterock bottom foundation needs to
be them, feeling loved them,feeling like they belong. And
then we can do all kinds ofstuff after that. But that has
to be first, yeah? Well, it kindof goes what they need to feel
safe, to be who they are, tojust be safe in general before
(05:24):
they can do anythingelse. So why is belonging so
important to us as people, noteven just kids like you and I as
adults? Why is it so importantthat we feel like we belong?
Because if we don't, if wedon't, we don't become our true
selves. If we don't belong,it's the same I'm gonna enter
(05:45):
intermingle loved and belonginga lot. I realize that, but that
if we don't feel that, there'sno way we reach a potential,
whatever that means. I knowthat's kind of a success driven
thing, but we reach our Godgiven potential if we don't
first feel loved, we feelbelonging. Just
(06:12):
being born into a family you arealready right away. Belonging is
important, obviously, andthey've done studies for years
on kids who have been cuddledand all that, and kids who have
not been and you see whathappens to a kid who had been
loved and felt like they belong,there, been included, being part
(06:32):
of a family unit, all that, anda kid who doesn't,
it's vastly different. So I justI feel like that's all we do,
even as an adult, you go to aparty, or you go to a gathering.
And even as a person who I feellike I can talk to people, I
feel like I'm somewhat wellrounded. I can talk to people.
(06:52):
But when you go into a situationwhere you don't know a lot of
people or anything, it's almostlike you, you feel like a middle
schooler, yeah? Because, oh, isthis person gonna accept me? Is
this person? It's that's allwe're looking for all the time,
is to feel where we belong, tofeel we're loved.
(07:14):
You know, it starts with thefamily thing, and then, you
know, sports start happening.
Band starts happening. Being ina musical or a play, we do all
those things, to feel like webelong to something, to feel
like we're loved. And itexpresses itself in other areas
of our life. Once you have whatyou could feel belong, belong to
(07:35):
something over here, and it'sgoing to affect positively
everything else, yeah, becauseyou have a thing, and it might
be a family, but it also mightbe a sport, it might be jazz
band, it might be whatever. Aslong as you have belonging
somewhere, it affects everythingthat you do. It's like something
you can go back to, yeah, yeah.
(07:57):
So do you think our need forbelonging changes much as we
grow from children's to adults,I think it's if we don't feel
loved and belong belong tosomething when we're younger,
it's it's going to be harder asadults. Yeah, but again, I feel
like at all ages, it is. It'swhy people join churches. It's
(08:17):
why it's so we can feel lovedand belong. That's what we're
supposed to feel. So when wedon't,
it affects who we are. So I knowit's so important as a kid, as a
teenager, to feel like youbelong to stuff, but we do the
(08:39):
same. We are looking for thesame thing as adults all the
time. Yeah.
So how do you see belonging, ormaybe lack of in your ministry
and your work here at Wedgwood,our kids that come here
have, I think they've missedthat piece. They've missed the
(09:03):
piece of belonging to somethingthat is rich and good and
loving. They've missed the pieceof being loved. I always say I
named it loved, andwith the way we go about doing
it is because we're catching upfrom the love that they missed
out on they have. The kids herehave not been loved properly,
(09:25):
and that should make you mad,yeah.
But or it can make you makesomething called loved, and try
to catch up and give them andremind them, as a mutt of how
much they're loved in manydifferent ways. And for those
who missed Steve's pastappearances, we have a podcast
(09:48):
where he explains loved, whichis our on campus youth group,
youth ministry for our kids. Andit's really, really awesome. So
I will make sure that theepisode is linked to so people
can check out what loved is.
But.
I would love to Can I readsomething that's not memorized?
Yes, of course. So our missionstatement, our loved mission
statement. It says this, thepurpose of loved is to show kids
(10:11):
the extravagant love of God byour actions, our fun and our
words and songs. We want kids atWedgwood to identify with these
three statements, I am loved. Weare loved. You are loved. I am
loved. Says I am enough and I amworthy of being loved with my
Creator and the people aroundme, the we are loved part is
(10:31):
really speaks to the belongingpiece. We are loved. This is my
group where I'm accepted just asI am, where I can go with
questions and doubts and havefun, laugh, worship, sing and
hear about who God is and how heloves me. You are loved. God
loves the people around me too,even when it's hard for me to
For God so loved the world andloved and loved people. Love
(10:55):
people. So that'sit's been really cool. And the
interesting thing about loved isit it cycles really quick. As
far as the kids aren't here forit's not like a normal youth
ministry where you get kids forsix years and you follow them
along.
So when we started to and a fewmonths ago, two years and a few
(11:18):
months ago, it was all new andfresh, but it still, to me,
feels new and fresh because lotof kids are experiencing it for
the first time. Yes, so it'skids are here from six months to
a year,and for youth minister, it's
kind of gold, because you canredo stuff,
and it's new to everybody.
That's great, great,but it still feels we're still
(11:42):
becomingbut we still are. It's weird.
Just to have them cycle throughso quickly is a very cool thing,
because you still get kids neverget sick of it, which is great.
Yeah, and they stillask. All the time, when is the
next loved? And they still getmad at me when there's a
(12:06):
Thursday where there's not lovedand they're still, you know,
wearing the T shirts and thebracelets and all that stuff.
But it's new. It's new to them,even though it's been happening
for a couple years and it's afun journey. Hillary, that's
what I'm trying to say. Yeah,and I can attest to that it is,
it is a fun time at loved. Sowhat changes for the for the
(12:27):
kids here at Wedgwood,what changes for them when they
start to understand that theybelong and here at Wedgwood and
even in the world, that theyhave a place here
we we work on thatand it, there is a difficult
piece to that, because kidsdon't want to be here. Yeah,
(12:49):
yeah. I mean, it's that's why. Imean, it's not like the loved
apparel we talked about thiswhen I came out with it. It it
doesn't say Wedgwood on it,because Wedgwood is something
that maybe they didn't have achoice of coming here.
And so it'sthe piece that we want them to
(13:12):
feel belonging at is therelationships with staff and
occupational therapists andtherapists and case managers and
all those people and lovedfolks, volunteers, me, the rest
of the other chaplains, we oftenfeel belonging of a just a
loving community of people. Sothey may not say afterwards that
(13:34):
man, I really felt like Ibelonged at Wedgwood, what they
probably will say, and I'veheard kids say, is, I felt like
I belonged with the girls in myhome, or at loved or at ETP,
where it you know, they may notsay the actual name of the
entire place, but it's the smallcommunities of people where they
(13:57):
felt like they belonged to. Oh,that's cool that even within
Wedgwood, there are like otherpockets for kids to really
connect to. So what doescultivating and fostering and
encouraging belonging look likeout in the community or even
here at Wedgwood? How do wecreate those and those
microcosms of belonging forkids, right?
(14:20):
I know, can I speak from myloved experience, is that okay,
everything that we doin the actual time period of
loved, even though it's kind ofa the whole thing, the
relationships, the the remindersigns, all that is loved, but
the Thursday afternoon, whenwe're here,
(14:42):
everything is intentional forthem to feel like it's their
thing. It's their group. Whenthey come in, there's a red
carpet that says you are lovedon it. There's four to eight
adults in the lobby giving thema high fives, saying, Hello,
smiling.
Amazing. It's amazing what akid's reaction is when you are
(15:03):
excited to see them. These kidsare not used to that if you get
in, let's say you get in troubleat school. A lot of times you
come in and people the adultsare like, Oh, they're here,
yeah, excuse me,that's we. We light up when they
come in the room and they get araffle ticket for the lunch
(15:26):
raffle. They get a sucker thatthey choose. I don't know why
that's so important to me, butit's important because these
kids have gotten their theirchoices taken away years ago.
They've lived in all sorts ofplaces that they didn't choose.
They came here. They didn'tchoose to come here. They're
gonna choose their sucker. Yeah,yeah, whatever flavor they want.
Hillary, sorry, I got it. I gotexcited. I'm not mad at you,
(15:53):
but it's just a it's a smallthing, but it's a big thing.
Yeah, and, and it also, Ilearned this from Jeff Manning
at Ada Bible Church when I wason staff there. There's a reason
why they have coffee. If you'rewalking into a new room with a
bunch of people and you don'tknow what, at least, you can
hide behind your coffee. And thesame thing I do with the sucker.
(16:16):
They get to choose their sucker,and then you have you. You have
a sucker to tend to. You canhide behind a little bit, at
least you have something to dothey come in, the music is all
intentional for them to feellike, oh, I belong here. I know
that song.
Every time a kid comes on stage,we introduce them, and everybody
(16:37):
cheers. And that's again,another thing that a lot of kids
in a normal school situation,they play sports, they're in a
musical, they're whatever. Theyget cheered for. These kids have
not been cheered for. So everytime a kid will come up, they
get cheered for. If you win thelunch raffle, even though it's
completely luck, that is thegreatest thing that's ever
(17:00):
happened and you're going to getcheered for, if it's a sense of
being loved and belonging. Here,I love, I think you can take the
loved model, probably in a toneddown version, into your own life
or into the community. If youthink about it like you give
kids a say in what they want todo. You give them a space where
(17:23):
they can feel comfortable. Youcelebrate them when they should
be celebrated. And those are allthings that we can do in our own
world to make sure that the kidsin our lives feel like they
belong. Could you imagine ifeverybody did that cheered for
everyone all the time? How coolthat I'd love it. Just saying hi
(17:43):
to folks drives my wife crazythat I say hi to people on walks
all the time. But I mean, whynot? And I know it can be
cheesy, but that whole thing ofyou never know what someone's
going through.
And I've heard a saying beforelike you might be the only Jesus
that somebody runs into thatday.
(18:05):
Just if everybody just smiled alittle bit at each other and
said hi to each other andcreated space for each other,
cheered for each other, that'dbe cool. Yeah, it would be. It
would be very cool. Well, Iguess we kind of already talked
about this, but do you haveother practical suggestions for
how people can create spaces forothers to feel like they belong?
(18:31):
It's all about hospitality,being intentional, of
being intentional aboutreceiving whoever you're
receiving that day, whoeveryou're running across.
I i know thatbaristas and clerks and stuff
get a lot of hassle all day, butyou know what I'm going to be
(18:56):
the person who says, Hey, howare you?
Just because probably three outof the five last customers
grunted at them and demandedwhatever and left
it's just being kind to folks.
Is there anything that you do tokind of help prepare you or your
(19:17):
loved team to be that kindhospitable group for people that
you encounter. It'sit's fun, because I don't know
if, if they, they probably don'tread it every time, but every
single time, I always write outan agenda for loved. That's what
we're doing, you know this, andthen we're doing this and that
and this, and this is the songthat goes with that and all
(19:38):
that. But I always put at thetop front door,
which is, you know, out there,and I put smiles, high fives,
raffle tickets. Suckers love Iwrite it every single time to
just remind me and everybodyelse like.
(20:00):
That's the front door. Isextremely important, yeah, how
they come in the door, how theyreceived. And I forgot to
mention there's also a bubblemachine. Bubble machine, there's
bubbles,which, you know, who doesn't
want bubbles? It's hard to besad when there's bubbles.
(20:20):
Yeah, and I love that eventhough loving other people is
such an important thing to you,and you've been doing loved for
two years, plus, you still areintentional about making that
note about how important thehospitality is at the front end
of loved. So to me, that isencouraging that even if it
(20:40):
doesn't come super naturally tome, I can remind myself,
Okay, we're gonna smile atsomebody today. We're gonna say
thank you really nicely to thebarista, and we're going to just
be kind like it's okay that ifwe need to remind ourselves that
sometimes I love that.
So if there is someone who islistening or watching this
(21:02):
podcast and they maybe don'tfeel like they belong. How would
you encourage them?
I would encourage them by sayingthat God's not angry with you.
I think a lot of people have aproblem with that too. They have
(21:24):
there's a mindset, whether it'sthe church they went to or the
lack of church they went to,where it's God's angry at you
all the time and he doesn't likeyou that much, and that is so
far from the truth.
Andthe other thing I would say is
your mind is kind of a jerk,yeah? And don't listen to it,
(21:50):
yeah.
God is out of all creation. AndGod made some cool things,
really colorful things, reallybig things, really tiny things,
things that can fly and swim andall that stuff out of all that,
he loves us more than all that,yeah, and He cares for us more
(22:14):
than all that.
He specifically sent his son forus to get to know Him more and
ultimately die for us. Sothere's something in that. And I
know it's easy to get boggeddown with because people are
right in front of us, the peoplewho are not being kind, the
(22:36):
people who are telling us ourown brain is in our own brain,
telling us. Oh, you did thatwrong. Now, you big dummy. Why'd
you all that?
It's just stuff you gotta throwaway. And know that
God so loved us, all of us, thatHe sent His Son, and then the
(23:01):
one verse that people never,they always skip by John 317
John 316 is the big, famous one,right? Football games and stuff,
but John 317 says that Jesusdidn't come to condemn us, which
I think a lot of people thinkthat God is just here to condemn
us. Yeah, and be like all thetime. But he didn't come to
(23:25):
condemn us. He came to save us.
So I will, can I? Can I readsomething else? Absolutely
great. Every, every kid getsthis when they leave. I have,
actually, in a little bit, a kidthat's been here for like two
years is having his dischargeparty, and I'm really excited,
(23:46):
slash sad, yeah, that he's goingbecause this kid is like Joy
times 15. I mean, he i He hugsso hard and smiles so big,
and he's he's leaving ustomorrow morning, but he has
(24:07):
this goodbye party. He has thisin his little loved water
bottle. ButI'll say this to anybody who
doesn't feel like they belong,who doesn't feel like they're
loved, who feels like God'salways frowning at him.
This poem. I wrote it for kids afew years ago, but I try to
bring it up to kids as muchpossible. The qualification of
you being worth it. Are youbeing exactly you? You're the
(24:31):
only you that has ever existed.
There will never be another you.
You are enough. You are awesome.
So be you just completely andunapologetically you when you do
that, you being you,congratulations. You are
officially worth it. You areofficially enough, because you
are alive, because you are here,because you are you. You are
(24:53):
worth it, you are enough. Youare worthy of being chosen. You.
Belong. You are worthy of beingfought for, listened to and
loved. You are loved. You areworth it. You are enough.
So that's what I'd say. That'sbeautiful. I've we all need to
hear that. I think, Oh, that'sreally beautiful. Steve, thank
(25:16):
you for sharing that you'rewelcome, and thinking about the
kids here at Wedgwood, who haveoften been told that they are
the exact opposite of all ofthose things, and to have people
telling them repeatedly here atWedgwood that you are loved, you
are enough, you are worth it,we're going to help you through
it, when the impact that thatmakes is just incredible. Can I
(25:36):
show you? Can I show you a pieceof art? Absolutely,
so the whole,you know, the the we are loved,
part of that mission statementof, this is our group, and
there'sart now that happens, and kids
give it to me, and this is thisweek's loved flyer, and two
(25:57):
girls from our Balkans home madethat. But for a kid, two kids
who have not necessarily feltthis much in their life,
that's cool that they theyweren't. It's not like they had
a, hey, we're doing a you are.
Loved craft time, right? Theywere just doing arts and crafts,
(26:18):
and they made this, and theywere so happy to give it to me,
and I put it on this week'sflyer, and I also made T shirts
for him. I haven't, I haven'tgiven it to him yet. Oh, that's
so cool.
If Am I, I have more. There's akid that just came here like few
weeks ago. He loves graffiti. Hehasn't even been to a loved yet,
(26:39):
but he already made he alreadymade me cool. His t shirt will
be made tomorrow. There's, Ihave lots of them. I won't show
every one of them, but this isjust another piece of art that a
kid made out of. They justwanted to make it. This one was
actually for sale at one oftheir art bake sales, for fun,
(27:00):
they're at activities. So Ibought it. I paid extra for it.
Good. I love that, yeah? Butjust little things, you know,
for a kid to make something thatsays I am loved, that's kind of
cool. Yeah? That is really cool.
I am fortunate. My office isgetting quite cluttered, but
it's cluttered in a good way.
(27:22):
Yeah. So good messages. And youeven hear kids around campus.
I'll hear a Steve, you know, akid from across campus, and then
you hear you are loved. And I'mlike, stop,
but also Don't stop. Don't stop.
And I just say you are too. Buthow cool is that for kids who
have not experiencedthe whole receiving and giving
(27:43):
of loved a ton that they'rethey're learning that is, is
pretty cool, yeah, well, and I'mthinking about, like, in my own
life, like the things where I'mreally excited to be a part of
that's the things where I'mlike, I'll buy the merch, I'll
do the thing. And that's whatkids here are doing. They are
buying into and feel like theyare part of this loved
(28:05):
community. They get free shirts,but they ask for them, so they
want to show Oh, and onThursdays, it's, it's really fun
around here, because not onlykids, but staff and people in
the office, they all wear theirlove stuff, but watching kids
like a whole home will come in,and they all have so fun their
group. That's when, you know, itfeels like, like it's there,
(28:29):
yeah, and this, actually, thiswas the present this year at
Christmas that some donors werekind enough to let us buy
sweatshirts for all the kids,and they just really like them.
That's, I wouldn't even say,Hillary, that they love them.
That was a plan, okay, yeah,that's good. That's good. I will
(28:53):
do a small plug that we do havea Wedgwood swag store. Yes, yes,
we do the community and lovedapparel is available along with
podcast merch that is a sideplug. But I just had coffee this
morning with a kid who's now 30,who I've known forever, and he
moved back from Chicago, and Igave his mom a love sweatshirt a
(29:19):
few months ago, and he I waswearing this this morning. He
goes, Hey, tell me about thelove thing, because I wear the
sweatshirt all thetime. So I told him about it. It
was really cool. That guy,really cool, Jesus follower guy,
and he heard what it actuallywas, and he's like, Oh man, I'll
wear that more. That's so cool.
(29:39):
I love the community that youhave created here, and how
intentional you are in creatinga space for kids and honestly
staff to feel like they belonghere at Wedgwood, here in the
community, in God's kingdom, inthe world. It's really
beautiful. Thanks, Steve,it was a real gift to talk to
you today. So thanks for beinghere. I appreciate you letting
me be here.
(30:00):
Work well, anytime you're alwayswelcome back. Okay, I'll see you
tomorrow. Is that too soon? Yes,wed is a place where healing and
belonging begins for kids andfamilies. You can learn more
about how you can partner withus in extending God's love by
heading to our website orchecking out the links in the
description, and I'll be surethat we include pictures of all
of the beautiful art if you arean audio listener, so you can
(30:22):
see it too. Stay hopeful, stayhelpful, and let's have another
coffee break soon.
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