Welcome To The Suburbs

Andy and Greg head back to school… art school, that is. In this episode, Greg shares his wild ride through metal sculpting, finger-welding, and an intro-to-oil-painting class taught by a barely-awake instructor. From making a fish out of scrap metal to navigating toxic paints and art-class chaos, they cover it all—with plenty of laughs (and a few bandages) along the way. Grab your smock (or your mom’s blouse) and join us for anothe...

After 35 years of marriage, Greg has finally learned that guessing gifts before unwrapping them is not a love language. Even when he means well, his psychic present-sleuthing sucks the joy out of the moment. To help, he’s turned to acting classes—because pretending to be surprised is apparently a skill.

Elsewhere in suburbia:

– Greg’s double-shot vaccine appointment turns into a tequila-scented CVS horror show.

– Jennifer pays the HOA...

When Greg’s dad was alive, he was an endless source of rants. Checking in with him was like uncorking a genie of angst—30 minutes of pure frustration directed at everything from junk mail to the cost of mulch to the absurd volume of acorns. In this episode of Welcome to the Suburbs, we start with one of his classic rants—this time about Hulu.

Meanwhile, Andy shares the one minor detail he forgot before his wedding: getting legally d...

Greg and Andy are back in the studio for Episode 57, and things are already off the rails.

Greg and Keely are on Day 3 of a six-day grandparent experiment, babysitting their three-year-old granddaughter—and let’s just say it’s not going smoothly for Greg.

Greg, in an effort to be the fun grandpa, has reduced his granddaughter to tears multiple times—all thanks to a toy cell phone and a deep commitment to realism. He’d pretend to answ...

Here’s a shocker: The wife of a Wisconsin kayaker who faked his own drowning to abandon his family and run off to Eastern Europe is now filing for divorce. Didn’t see that coming, did you? Episode 56 of Welcome to the Suburbs takes a deep dive into Ryan Borgwardt’s ridiculous escape attempt, how authorities tracked him down, and why guys like this make our job easy.

If this is your first time listening, don’t be fooled into thinking...

Greg kicks off the episode with a sigh of relief: "Life is good—no one’s spilled my bodily fluids over any parking lots." But that doesn't mean he’s not stirring up some suburban chaos.

First up, Greg embraces his new role as "trailer guy"—but vows never to be that trailer guy stranded on the roadside without a spare tire. Andy points out that some boat owners don’t even think to bring a spare, leading to Gr...

Are you a Disney family?  NO, was Greg’s answer. Disney apologists say, it’s not an amusement park. You’re right!  It’s not amusing. The sidewalks are narrow, food is bad. The rides suck. Greg’s favorite part? Leaving. How did the kids feel?  Grace liked the Mini ears.  You can buy those online after going to an Amusement park.

Did you know Ruth’s Chris has a dress code?

If you were thinking about wearing “pool attire” think again as...

In Season 2, Episode 53 of Welcome to the Suburbs, Andy kicks things off with a pressing question: “What’s your favorite part of shopping at Costco?” Greg’s response? “Leaving!” It’s crowded, people block aisles chatting like they’re at a dinner party, and he’s convinced Prosecco on tap and a string quartet are next.

So, what did Greg actually buy? Milk, eggs, and… a natural gas generator. Andy chimes in with, “Some people eat lunch...

Welcome to Season 2, Episode 52 of *Welcome to The Suburbs Podcast*! This week, we dive into Greg and Keely’s unforgettable cottage renovation adventure. What some saw as a teardown, Greg and Keely envisioned as a charming retreat with endless potential. Endless being the key word  

The 86-year-old, 600-square-foot cottage sat on an acre of land with lake access. Its charm? Questionable. The roof leaked, the furnace was dead, and th...

Part 1: What happened at the concert, stays at the concert, unless it’s COVID. Then you take it home and share.  Greg was at the John Hiatt show, took a look at the age of the crowd filing in, then said, “based on the age of this crowd I bet everyone sits during the show.”  John Hiatt superfan shot him the stink eye as she parked her walker to take a toke of oxygen. One toke over the line sweet Jesus. 

Part 2:  Greg and Keely were s...

It’s time for the 50th episode of Welcome to The Suburbs Podcast. 50th! Like birthdays and statehood, the 50th episode is a nice benchmark.  Andy asked me to recall some of our reoccurring characters. Ironically we’d just spent Thanksgiving at the lake where my sister reared her ugly head like a nose full of pimples on prom night. We also talked about Joe and Mary and the idea of developing a reality show titled, short legs, big at...

Did you know, if you pay a little extra when you get a ticket, the state won’t report it to you insurance company? That feels a little like payola?  The only thing missing, you’re not paying cash to a guy wearing a pinkie ring at a clandestine location near the river. 

Jennifer had experimental joint surgery on her toe. The joint wasn’t something they fished out of a bowl of chicken knuckle soup. It was actually titanium.  Lesson le...

Part 1:Andy was lead engineer in the Crumbling Down recording sessions with John Mellencamp. He takes me back to those sessions for a peek behind the curtain to understand what it was like making that song with John. From John’s vision of the song to the rough cut. With a surprise appearance by John’s gum guy. 

Ray Combs built a comedy Club in downtown Cincinnati. The green room was upstairs overlooking the show room with a big pict...

Part 1: Horrible bosses, everyone has probable come across one. Greg and Andy met while working for one, Jeff.  His billowing voice would shout commands over the intercom followed by his extension 202!  His extension number became synonymous with an emergency similar to 911. If Greg heard, Andy Symons, 202, he knew Andy was going to the lions. 

High volume profanity, blood pressure checks, and receptionists who quit during lunch of ...

Andy drove to Nashville, Indiana to see April Wine in concert this fall. He noticed that police cars were abundantly sprinkled along the interstate in construction zones. They had to be prop cops. Surely there weren’t really policemen in those cars. The opening act was Sweet. You may remember their hit Love Is Like Oxygen. Ironically, oxygen tanks were worn as concert apparel by concert goers along with walkers and canes. What is t...

Part 1.

You know you’ve made the right career choice with the building is in fire and you’re so caught up in your work, you have no idea. What’s that knocking?  Siren’s?  Do you smell smoke?  Why is it so hot in here?  

Part 2: After nine months of being the personal representative of his dad’s estate, the word beneficiary is cringe worthy. It’s like a game of Monopoly without the rules,  Boardwalk, Park Place and landing on Baltic A...

S2 Episode 44 of Welcome to The Suburbs Podcast. Teenage High Jinks & The Chucky Cheese Band

Part 1: What happens when practicing abundance leads to a plethora or ants and bees. 

Part 2: Driving home from school, a bet, snowballs, left turns, wrong turns and time spent in a policeman’s office culminated in what Greg’s dad referred to as his, Highway to Hell. 

Part 3: when a bike trail through the woods leads to a police pursuit vi...

S2 Episode 43: He Ate What Worm?

Andy is just trying to buy McDonalds for the band when an old Biddy becomes the parking police’s version of a Karen. Do you want fries with that whine?

Getting the driver stung by a bee while navigating traffic is:

A). A video game challenge 

B). Pickle Ball for Bee Keepers

C). Prank on Jackass

D). Andy’s photo shoot story

What do bathroom attendants, IMS Men’s rooms and sex clubs have in common. Andy’s ex...

S 2 Episode 42: Taste the Rainbow!

Andy Googled welcome To The Suburbs and up comes a song, Welcome to the Suburbs by The Kottonmouth Kings. An underground group of Weed Rappers from L.A.  Greg, overlooked the obvious and asked, Cotton Mouth like the snake?  Ridicule ensued. 

Part 2:  What happened to George? I haven’t seen him lately. That was Greg’s question to his ski brother Steve.  Well, no one’s seen him because he was pul...