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April 14, 2021 46 min
We’ve all been in moments when we have to make a Big Ask. As in: it’s 2 a.m. The baby is throwing up and spiking a high fever. Your partner is out of town. Your other kid is asleep upstairs. Who are you going to call in the middle of the night? Making that ask is never easy. But why? Why is it so hard to ask for big help, especially when we’re usually grateful to be able to assist a friend in need? Anyone who’s been a parent long enough has been on both the giving and receiving side of that Big Help ask. And when we’re on the receiving end of that kind of request, from a friend we know is struggling, we’re usually really happy– even grateful– to be able to help.  So how can we become “askable friends” and better helpers? And how can we prepare for the big help times in our own lives before they arrive?  In this episode, we discuss the reasons why asking for help can be so hard, especially for mothers when asking for big help is “justified” (and making asking for small help okay) acute needs vs. chronic needs how to really help a struggling friend, rather than saying “let me know if you need anything” some useful ways to help a friend grieving a loss and how we can make that short list of friends, and offer to BE on that short list of friends, before the time comes. In the end, asking for big help is about showing up for ourselves. Here’s how our listener Jennifer put it:  “I can ask for help, even if I can technically handle it, but I just want, or need a break. I don't need to drive myself to the edge of the cliff before I ask.” Here are links to some of the writing on the topic that we discuss in this episode:  Mayday: Asking For Help In Times Of Need, by Nora Bouchard (@lotsahelpinghands on Twitter) Enjoli fragrance commercial Special thanks to this month's sponsors: is a boutique marketplace featuring the latest in women’s fashion, accessories, home decor, children’s clothing, and more. You will not believe the prices! Visit Zocdoc has you covered! Whether you need a primary care physician, dentist, dermatologist, psychiatrist, eye doctor, or any other specialist, you can find top doctors at Audible has everything you love to listen to, INCLUDING this podcast, all in one app! Try Audible free for 30 days by going to, or by texting FRESH to 500-500. Pharmaca is a source you can trust for herbal and homeopathic formulas, high-quality vitamins, and organic cruelty-free beauty. Go to right now to save 20% off your first order! Workplace Comedy Podcast is a hilarious new improv podcast set in a fictional water bottling company, hosted by Emmy Laybourne and Tracy Vilar and a lineup of amazing comedy guests. Subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts! Betterhelp allows you to connect with a counselor over text, phone, or video — and everything you say is confidential. Start living a happier life today! Get 10% off your first month by visiting KiwiCo projects make science, technology, engineering, art, and math super fun! Get 50% off your first month plus FREE shipping on any crate line at with code MOTHERHOOD. StoryWorth  gives your loved ones the gift of spending time together, wherever you live! Go to to get $10 off.   Bright Cellars is the wine subscription box that pairs you with wine you'll love, delivered to your door. Get 50% off your first 6 bottle order by heading to Prose is the healthy hair regimen with your name all over it!  Get 15% off your first order today! Go to  Barre3’s workouts combine cardio, strength conditioning, and mindfulness in one workout. Go to and enter promo code FRESH to unlock 75% off monthly and annual subscriptions. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit
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