December 28, 2023 • 34 mins
Ever had a friend who seemed to cheer you on but somehow left you feeling drained? That's the heart of our latest episode, where Azaa Khadraj helps us unravel the dark twists of 'frenemies' — those masquerading allies in life's theater. As Azaa dissects her book "Know Thy Frenemies" we navigate the perilous undercurrents of toxic relationships, even within our own families. It's a candid exploration of the veiled competition and resentment that can lurk beneath the surface of what seems like friendship, and the effect of such dynamics on our mental health, especially in the close quarters induced by the pandemic lockdowns.
Tragedy often brings hidden truths to light, and our episode doesn't shy away from recounting the sobering tales of those betrayed by the very people they held close. Like the young woman with entrepreneurial dreams, whose fateful trip to Mexico ended in a nightmare, our discussion serves as a cautionary tale on the importance of knowing who we trust. These stories aren't just heart-wrenching—they're crucial conversations about personal safety and the need for discernment when it comes to the company we keep.
To wrap this thought-provoking session, Azaa's upcoming book takes center stage, promising a deep dive into the art of spotting and understanding these deceptive dynamics. With her book touching down soon, we point you towards Azaa's hub of community interaction for those who can't wait to dissect more about this topic. So, pull up a chair and get ready to listen; because this isn't just another talk—it's a guide to navigating the treacherous waters of relationships with eyes wide open.
Where to purchase the book: "Know Thy Frenemies"
https://www.amazon.com/KNOW-THEY-FRENEMIES-Frenemies-Circles-ebook/dp/B0BPMZ9KW6/ref=sr_1_fkmr0_1?crid=1UHACN6VG269D&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.QL8QcKvI6xIt3Xw5BRMZmGi0GfuXjxZ-ODwh3hd3r2Y.qdEFBfqRVkaHBspSayP4sGlI82HPzWHvzZ_jas_P3R8&dib_tag=se&keywords=know+thy+frenemies+audate&qid=1703695002&s=digital-text&sprefix=know+thy+frenemies+audate%2Cdigital-text%2C64&sr=1-1-fkmr0&ref=d6k_applink_bb_dls&dplnkId=afc4b04a-0a76-4935-b68c-dbac533436df
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Okay, guys, this is your Podhost OG GOAT.
We want to wish everyone aHappy New Year and a belated
Merry Christmas because it'slike a few days after Christmas
and a happy Hanukkah and Kwanzaaand whatever else that you
might be celebrating out there,and today we have a special
(00:23):
guest on board named Aja Khadraj.
Did I pronounce that correctly?
Speaker 2 (00:28):
Yes, Azaa Absolutely.
Speaker 1 (00:30):
Azaa Khadraj.
Yes, outstanding, and tell memore about the history of your
name.
Speaker 2 (00:37):
Actually that is the Arabic language.
It is tribal though.
It dates way back to ancientnortheast Africa, and it turns
out Azaa does mean wings, or tospread one's wings.
And then there's a tribal.
I'm still researching, actually, the bulk or part of my name.
You know language and phonologyright and how deep it gets, but
(01:00):
it's very ancient, it's tribaland it's with leadership and
spreading one's wings.
Speaker 1 (01:05):
Nice, excellent, thank you.
We started this episode todaybecause you brought out you're
the author of a book, right, andthe title of your book is no,
thy Frenemies.
No, thy Frenemies.
(01:25):
I gotta admit, this is thefirst time I've actually come
across that word, frenemies.
So tell me exactly what doesthat mean?
Speaker 2 (01:37):
Frenemies.
Frenemies is not something thatI invented, so to speak.
It's something that wasfloating around the urban world
that caught my ear and I startedto like dig into, not realizing
that I myself had experiencedso much of what this was.
This was the earlier part oflast year and I started to dig
(01:59):
into it and realize that I wasdefining and realizing what a
frenemy was, that I had so muchof that, not only in my life,
but that I was virtually just bydefault of my experiences,
probably an expert on the termInteresting.
Yeah, so a frenemy essentiallyis right.
Any person, right male orfemale, in your life who poses
(02:23):
as a friend, who wears the maskof being a friend, someone who
loves and supports you, when inreality they have a hidden
agenda right, or could actuallybe a rival of yours and you're
not even aware of it.
Speaker 1 (02:38):
So let me see here Can I classify a family member
as a frenemy?
Someone who may, I don't know?
You tell me, can a familymember be classified as a
frenemy?
Speaker 2 (02:54):
Absolutely.
In fact, there's a sectionwhere I talk about the different
types of frenemies, and familymembers are actually top on my
list when it comes to thedifferent frenemy types.
You can have right, it's achapter, literally, types of
frenemies, and I know that, likethe frenemy term you think of,
(03:14):
only friend, like who's myfriend?
I really might be my rival.
It's not just that, it's ingeneral, the people around us
who pose as people who love andsupport you when they really may
not.
I mean, let's be honest, wewere just some of us are still
around our relatives right now.
Right, and we hope that all ofy'all had a happy holiday, right
(03:35):
, like we were saying to eachother before.
But sometimes we go aroundassuming that everyone's
holidays are all that happyright, when in reality, more
than 35% like there's beencountless articles and blogs,
news posts, you know, verifyingthat there's a blank a bulk of
people, excuse me, that actuallyget somewhat depressed around
(03:55):
the holidays, or you knowthey're around people they don't
necessarily want to see.
I know people go toThanksgiving dreading other than
eating in the turkey, which isthe stuff that we like.
We also have to go around ourrelatives and I like the fact
that the conversation hasstarted about frenemies.
I think actually was triggeredprobably around the pandemic,
right Cause we all were stuck.
Remember, we were all stuck inlockdown.
(04:18):
Right, husbands had to spendtime with their wives.
You know, if you had, you wereliving with your man or your
boyfriend.
You started to learn more abouteach other.
Okay, side chick was in trouble, the whole shebang Cause.
Everybody was home and so somuch came out as far as who we
really were with.
You know people.
You know some people got morespiritual when it's a yoga.
(04:41):
Some people went left, somepeople got went nuts.
Speaker 1 (04:44):
Right.
Speaker 2 (04:44):
Some people started businesses right Like yourself
and other individuals.
However, we also had to sort ofget real People that you would
think right would contact you orreach out to you.
During a whole pandemic wefound we're not who you expect,
right Like I.
Literally girlfriends, personalpeople that I know in my life
(05:05):
were saying that sometimes totalstrangers they found reached
out to them more during thepandemic.
Speaker 1 (05:11):
Okay, I've 2020, 2020 .
Yes, I've noticed that that'sright.
Speaker 2 (05:14):
Yeah, yes, sometimes you own, who your own relatives?
Right, and it's such a tabootopic because everyone wants to
be so, you know sugary, right,no one wants to say anything bad
about their family.
But let's be honest, many toxicrelationships they don't just
start with your husband or yourwife Although that's a type two,
we'll get into that in a minuteRight, toxic relationships are
(05:36):
just relationships of people inyour life.
It could be your spouse, itcould be your bestie, it could
be your sister, it could be yourdad.
Who are the people in your lifeon a regular basis that bring
you toxic feelings, who raiseyour blood pressure right On a
daily basis?
And this is so important.
I know you said you knew amental health professional that
you'll be bringing in later downthe line, but one of the
(05:57):
reasons I wanted to focus onwellness and preventing major
health, mental health or regularhealth issues, was just
learning how to be like.
How do we be well, how do weprevent mental health since
we're just finally having aconversation and that is, first
and foremost, by regulating whatwe can control, and that is
ourself, hopefully right.
Control ourself what we consume.
(06:18):
Right Physically, as far aswhat we eat, and you know who we
put around us, right, oursocial environments.
We may not be able to fix theozone layer, or even the people
at work, but we can be choosy asfar as who is in our life.
Right?
Who's my bestie?
Is this person really fillingme?
Right?
Let's?
Let's figure it out.
Who calls who more?
Let's look at the, the, themicros.
Speaker 1 (06:38):
There's this old saying that goes if you can't
change the wind, change thesales change the sales right.
Speaker 2 (06:45):
That's so perfectly describes what's happening,
because you can't control anyoneat all.
That's almost like a hamstabletrying to think about how we can
adjust someone else's behavior.
It's actually pretty dangerousto try to do that, but you can
adjust yourself, right.
I feel like just the fact thatI'm not suggesting that you
replace people with pets, butjust the fact that this was such
(07:08):
a ridiculous spike right ofpeople hanging out more, you
know, with less people.
Social circles I'm hearing Idon't know if it's factual have
gotten smaller.
People are spending time, youknow nature, walking their dogs,
like it's been a major spike.
It's sort of a almost like arevolution of people trying to
get into their self-care, right,but a lot of that has included
making one circle smaller.
Speaker 1 (07:30):
Let me jump in here for a second.
You know, I was listening tothe news this morning and they
actually did suggest getting apet for for for, let's say, the
older generation, absolutely,and it helps, according to their
(07:52):
study, against dementia anddementia.
Speaker 2 (07:56):
Oh, wow.
Speaker 1 (07:57):
And I understand why because that pet is keeping you
occupied, not saying like yousaid the pet is better than
having a human.
Speaker 2 (08:09):
Right.
Speaker 1 (08:09):
You know, I must use a term human, because we're on
the subject of a frenemy, so wedon't know if this person has
your you and your you know yourbest interests Right.
But to keep the mind active,your next best bet would be as
they say, a dog is a man's bestfriend.
Speaker 2 (08:29):
The loyalty, yeah, is unmatched.
Yes, I've seen it myself.
That's actually number likenumber three on my must have of
New Year's list.
Like I don't do resolutions atall, I just have things that I
want to accomplish for myself.
And getting a pet Right, just aperfect pet that I can kind of,
you know, give and receivetotal, reciprocal, unconditional
(08:50):
love you know, and share thatkind of just a feeling of of
certainty.
I think that's why people getpets Right, irregardless of
what's going on, you know, athome, you know, with my family,
there's always that constantthat you can't, it's so hard to
get with humans.
But let's go back to um,frenemies right, essentially.
So that's just one example ofpeople starting to realize that
(09:14):
let's try to like cut this offat the path and deal with
wellness, let's figure out howto really analyze our
relationships and kind of makebetter choices, which
essentially is what I'm I aim todo with no-life frenemies.
It started off last year.
I was actually freaked out whenI kept hearing all those
stories.
Remember, every two months wewere hearing another insane
(09:36):
story about someone's out withtheir friends and all of a
sudden, four girls go missing.
There was a story about somecollege kids, I think in
Wisconsin correct me if I'mwrong about the state who just
went missing.
They all went on like springbreak or something.
Then there was the story withthe young girl, the American.
She was like a cheerleader,beautiful, beautiful African
(09:57):
American girl who goes on aholiday to Mexico.
Right, I believe they werecalling it the Cabo Six.
I'm not sure what the term was,but she goes with these
so-called friends, I believe.
Just the guy was her friend andhe bought other females.
So they're all hanging out, butaccording to the news and the
clips that we saw ourselves,these people clearly did not
(10:19):
like her Right.
Speaker 1 (10:19):
Right.
Speaker 2 (10:20):
Here she was, this beautiful up and coming.
She had her own business.
I don't remember what I thinkit was.
It was the hair beauty industrybusiness Hair or nails.
Speaker 1 (10:27):
I've read about that, right, yeah.
Speaker 2 (10:30):
And she was all on Facebook doing well entrepreneur
, right, she had just graduatedcollege.
I think she did some fashionshows and she pays for these
friends.
Speaker 1 (10:43):
Tickets yeah, she funded them tickets.
It was really a heartfeltsituation, oh my God it was all
over.
Speaker 2 (10:48):
Youtubers couldn't let that go.
I did my own segments on it, Iblogged about it, because we
were just shocked how do you goto Mexico with friends and wind
up in a body bag?
Right, as a young woman, right,and I really personally as a
young woman I had to really takea look at just myself in
general, just who I'm choosingaround me, because it just hit
(11:09):
home so much about how thethreshold for the people we go
and travel with is so low.
Right, sometimes, because I'mlooking at it, I'm like
beautiful girl, but I'm like howlong did you know them?
Speaker 1 (11:20):
Right Of two of them she had never really known.
Speaker 2 (11:23):
She only knew the guy , and so there was like a little
bit of an open door as well.
Now, of course, you don't thinkanyone's going to.
You don't think that you'regoing to wake up and people are
just going to like plot to killyou.
You don't think that way, noneof us think that way and we
shouldn't think that way, right?
So this is not like victimblaming, but I'm looking at how
many open doors we leave open,sometimes in not realizing how
(11:44):
important it is to have theright people around us.
I saw the clips on the news andI'm thinking those are the ones
.
I don't like her, and I'm notsure whether she was unaware of
it or just aware of it anddidn't care.
I was just like ignoring it.
Speaker 1 (11:55):
You know how we feel like Some people are just
desperate to have that, thatfriend.
Speaker 2 (12:01):
Right.
Speaker 1 (12:02):
Not saying it was this type of situation, right.
But bingo, you know, when youclassify someone as a friend it
comes with the certain criteriain my book.
Speaker 2 (12:15):
It should, it should.
Speaker 1 (12:16):
You know, there's certain things that that person
needs to meet in order for me tobe able to say oh yeah, this is
my friend, his, my friend.
Speaker 2 (12:24):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's a great point.
And everyone's like, oh, younggirl goes to Mexico with friends
and you know she comes home orshe doesn't come home.
And this was a constantnarrative.
And the fact is these peopleweren't her friends at all.
Yes, right, even the guy whoshe knew for much longer.
This man had gone to tripsbefore with her family.
(12:44):
They said, right, the younglady's mom had known him.
Right, there was some trustthat the parents put in him to
even, I guess, let her go toMexico with him.
Right, to go outside thecountry like that.
And he was one of the four whocame home and blatantly lied to
their parents.
(13:05):
Right, and excuse us for notmentioning names, we actually
made a conscious decision not toname drop.
But a lot of you listeningmight be fully aware of the
story you know of the youngerwho goes to Mexico.
Last year, exactly around thistime Actually, this would be the
anniversary month of when thathappened and didn't come back.
And these so-called friendsaround her, namely the guy, all
(13:26):
they could come up with is somestop story about being sick,
getting drunk and being sick she.
They just lied to her parents.
And to go further, those of youwho know exactly what we're
speaking of.
You know it was recorded whatactually happened and that was
one of the girls who had somekind of unknown beef to this day
Nobody really knows what thatbeef was about Walks into the
(13:48):
room and starts pounding on herlike a sumo wrestler, like pound
in on her.
Now they want to say, oh well,it's probably just a fight.
It was a fight they had.
No, there was no fight.
They attacked her because theyoung lady she didn't strike one
blow.
We saw this.
This was on tape.
We saw that this woman was justbeing beaten by this one girl.
(14:10):
The gentleman who was herso-called friend musters up.
Aren't you even going to hitback?
Aren't you even going to hitback?
Speaker 1 (14:17):
Wow Video.
I didn't even hear that partyet.
Yeah, he's right on camera.
Speaker 2 (14:22):
So basically he's videotaping and instigating for
her to go ahead and make it areal show.
Hit back.
So he wants a cat fight.
He's thinking he's just goingto go viral, maybe with a cat
fight maybe, and throw it up onInstagram.
Right, this is what I'm alsothinking, like, most of us don't
necessarily think he intendedto kill his friend, which we
(14:43):
don't know.
We hope not, but I knowcertainly that girl did.
You're not coming into a room,swing and like a sumo wrestler,
thinking you're not gonnaseriously injure someone right
or, unfortunately, take theirlife.
Okay, and so the story alsogoes that there's another one of
them have a medical backgroundor some sort.
Yes, I'm glad you asked.
There was one of them who wasone of the three girls who wound
(15:06):
up as they started to dig.
After they all came back fromMexico without the young lady
that she was actually a CNA,yeah, working at a medical
facility at the time.
She's no longer working forthem, thank God.
It was reported that she allegeallegedly was investigated
(15:28):
Several weeks after, when theyfound out where one of the
suspects who went to Mexico withthis lady they found out that
she you know she's an employeeat this medical facility and the
higher-ups found out about theincident.
They saw it all over the newsand obviously they want to cover
themselves.
Right, then I'm gonna havesomebody working with them who's
(15:49):
out there taking people out,right?
So she was fired instantly andbut we've never heard many
updates Since then, and that'swhat brings me to as it brings
me here.
Really, right, this was one ofseveral stories like this.
I couldn't even follow 2022.
After a while.
It was one thing after another,but for some reason, this one
(16:11):
inspired.
No, that front of me is a lot,because that could have been
anyone.
Yes, you know.
All that being said, that'spretty much what brings us here
the fact that here we are almost, or a little over a year in the
anniversary of this mysteriousmurder in Mexico, along with
several other homicides, namelythem asides, which will go into
(16:37):
that next term, after and Inthis particular case, people are
still wondering why therehasn't been an official arrest
of any of these six individualsthat took this young girl to
Mexico.
Speaker 1 (16:52):
Okay, so now I want to ask more about this friend of
me stuff.
How do we Identify it?
Have you Ever come across afrenemy in your life, and what
is your suggestion on to theaudience is to how to deal with
a frenemies or a frenemy.
Speaker 2 (17:15):
Well, it's, it's, it's simple.
I've broken it down to besimple.
I should say, and I justrealized, as you mentioned
before you touched on it, wehave no criteria laid out, right
, what is required, just like wedate and we quote, unquote,
have our list and we have ourcriteria, we don't really have
(17:36):
that for our friends and thepeople we simply hang out with
on a regular basis, especiallyyou know what college age, right
?
So I've already tied even highschool.
There's no criteria.
You just hang out with whoeverwill, I guess, let you or we
feel comfortable with, or whoyou can I don't know rock
matching clothes with and callthem your bestie.
Speaker 1 (17:57):
Remember, through young students and I think it
was Rutgers University and someother universities that
committed suicide had thesepeople around, which was
actually ended up being bulliesor titled as bullies.
Yeah, but these guys they was.
I guess they might haveconsidered them as friends,
that's why they was around,Correct, and then they started
(18:18):
to bully them Right.
So much to the fact that peoplecommitted their students
committed suicide.
Speaker 2 (18:24):
Yeah, and that's something that is more common
than is being talked about,which I always wonder about,
right, that they they're notreally highlighting just that,
those small little areas oftoxicity.
Yeah, bully is a common term,right, but we have bullying
throughout age groups, just likethis quote on quote incident
(18:47):
that I highlight in this bookright, this was not a high
school girl.
These were people who had allgraduated college, as we said,
one of them was a medicalprofessional, so they were like
they were mid twenties, I wouldsay they were young, but they
had gone to college together,but they were all graduates.
So in our society's eyes, theywere adults.
Speaker 1 (19:07):
Wow, such a waste.
Speaker 2 (19:09):
Full blown adults who had gone through the
educational system right, whichis a whole side bar which we
won't go down.
We won't go down that road, butfully college educated
individuals Get together anddecide to come with a plan right
To go viral Attacking this girlor fighting with her.
(19:30):
What have you so?
Never, gets to come home.
Speaker 1 (19:35):
Matt, as you put it, in that aspect, let's uh, let's
try to tighten it up a littlebit.
Are you saying that peerpressure is, and the and the
need to be accepted could bestronger than your goals and
(20:00):
your aspirations of doingsomething positive with your
life?
That peer pressure and the needto be accepted just overwhelms
that and supersedes what, whatyou want for yourself as an
individual?
Yes, I am saying that, I'minsinuating.
Speaker 2 (20:16):
I'm leaning on it.
Um, not only that, but I'mseeing that it's residual.
It's something that, yeah, itstarts when we're, you know, in
high school, quote, unquote, butyou know there's adult peer
pressure Like that's an actualterm.
It continues.
Speaker 1 (20:32):
We're just we're walking yeah.
Speaker 2 (20:35):
Replicas of our former self.
We just like.
It's just a new environment,same trick, new game.
Okay, talking about what?
Speaker 1 (20:43):
part of the game?
Is that part of the game?
Is that?
Speaker 2 (20:46):
What part of the game is that we're part of.
The game, is that where, uh,you know, you can go through
this, literally be a medicalprofessional, someone who's
actually supposed to be a partof a healing team and, and, and
you know, interested in people'swellness, right From Monday
through Friday, and on theweekend, go take someone out and
thank you.
Coming back to work on Monday,I think I'll be okay.
Okay, all in the sake of what,like?
(21:09):
It's so funny becauseeveryone's like well, acceptance
, acceptance, Right peerpressure peer pressure.
Like at what point?
Because they, like I said thesepeople weren't that, they
weren't that tight, they clearlyweren't friends of this girl,
right, but you hear them eggingeach other on.
Okay, everyone, I guess at somepoint agreed.
There was some kind ofagreement, right, it clearly
wasn't to the victim's benefit.
(21:30):
There was an agreement to godown there and do this to her,
and I guess they thought theywere being slick, right, doing
that in Mexico, which ended upworking against them, which I
feel like is one of the reasonswhy it's so quiet.
Why?
Because now Mexico, the Mexicangovernment, can pretty much do
whatever they want With theattacker.
(21:50):
Now, just for the audience'ssake, we do not have this case
still, a year later, does nothave closure, which is the
biggest question mark of themall, because cases that are
similar have been closed.
They have been arrests insimilar cases, right, where
people have gone missing.
You were talking to me aboutthat beach Incident years ago,
which is another example wherepeople had gone missing.
(22:12):
They were people found there.
There were arrests made there.
There were a few arrests made,I believe, with the college kids
right who wound up being takenout by one of their Students,
and we will clarify in linksexactly which news stories we're
referring to, right?
But we are not mentioning namesOn this cast, for you know
(22:32):
professionalism and, of course,legal reasons.
But yeah, the question is, howis it that something that was
caught on camera where you couldclearly see there was a brutal
attack which led to someone'sdeath, there has been no arrest
made it for up to a year later?
Like, what part of the game isthat?
Speaker 1 (22:51):
yeah, that's crazy, and and under the term frenemies
you have Not just people thatappear to be your friends, but,
if I have this correctly, itcould be.
Let's say, could a churchmember be a frenemy?
Speaker 2 (23:16):
Oh, you're hitting on all the areas that I touch on
Specifically, I think, like inthe third or fourth chapter,
when I go into the types offrenemies, churches, community
groups that is where I believethey are born.
Personally I believe they'reborn and because, yeah, see in
church you don't have to go homewith these people that you see
(23:37):
in church, you don't technicallyhave to like them, right, you
just have to sort of smile andyou know, provide that a gap.
Hey, community love.
Right, say cheese forappearances and you know, cook
together Whatever your churchdoes together, um, and then go
home and Be.
You know, take the mask off,right, hang out with who you
(23:58):
really like mom and I personally, like we talked about this
weeks ago on another um vlog, um, on another podcast, just how
you know, churches is prettymuch these days A filler, to
sort of ease people'sconsciousness.
You kind of do what you need todo.
I mean, people have said thatfor years anyway.
You do what you want to do fromlike money through Friday, go
(24:18):
to church, say a few helimarries.
Yeah, I mean, feel better aboutyourself.
It's not something that is whatit used to be, where people
were like devout or you knowreally about their faith, just
with so many, so many changes inour society.
But this isn't that type ofright podcast today.
Right, people's religion, butin general churches become more
of a social circle.
Right, a place to perhapspromote your business.
(24:41):
Okay, get your guilty conscienceSuits right and you kind of
like keep it moving, um, butyeah, so that's a perfect
breeding ground to be surroundedby people who may not
necessarily like you Right or ormay not necessarily support you
as a person.
You know, and there's no way ofyou knowing that.
Speaker 1 (24:59):
I had a movie and I'll watch.
This thing is kicking up somany ideas now and I guess
business partners Could befrenemies.
Hello, this movie.
You know it was interestingbecause a movie.
These guys went into businesstogether and they were doing
(25:22):
great, but one of the partnershad an ulterior motive and he
wanted to eventually take overthe business, sure, and so I
guess the other guy thought thatthis was his friend, he was in
business with.
When the friend's intention thealleged friend's intention was
to eventually kill him and takeover the business.
Speaker 2 (25:43):
Well, you know, all's fair and no love in business,
right?
Business is the one area whereyou're allowed to be cold, right
?
Wow, it's business.
So, even with your partner,even with your partner, yeah,
yeah, you know you, you hopethere's a sense of loyalty.
That's why he's your partner,that's why you trust him.
So you don't want that.
Speaker 1 (26:03):
But there's a few movies that come to mind where
business partners, or businesspartners and friends eventually
butt heads, you know, or at somepoint excuse me, is there a way
that we could, or the audience,we can, give the audience an
idea or a leg up on how to spotor recognize a friend of me
(26:26):
before it's too late?
Speaker 2 (26:28):
Yes, and I don't want to give that away.
But there is, I've broken itdown.
This is so important to me.
You know, it's like a labor oflove, because I feel like you
know we can go about, go onabout this, and I can first you
and let you know by the time youfinish.
Let's just say yes going throughthe pages, you will not only be
a master of what a friend of meis, you'll know how to
(26:49):
recognize a friend of me in yourlife, right, because again, I
mentioned very clearly that your, your friends are either to
recognize your true friends.
They support you, they love you, they're consistent.
Your enemies are also easy torecognize because they don't
like you.
They're haters, right, they'recomplaining about haters, but
hey, guess what?
At least you know who thatperson is.
(27:10):
That's right.
Be my hater, let me know.
Okay, you're not feeling me.
Okay, so when you want to left,I can go to the right.
But it's the friend of me.
That's the dangerous population.
We don't know who they are.
You're putting on a mask.
You've pretended to care or orto be this, that and the third
to me, and years later, I'mfinding out who you are.
We've had spouses, husbands andwives, right, which is also in
(27:34):
the book a few examples of thosefamous couples who ended up
splitting, and you know, yeahwife, that's a friend of me.
Speaker 1 (27:41):
Can you imagine?
Speaker 2 (27:43):
Yes, I can, I can imagine it's unfortunate, but
the story is continued.
You know about just the, the,what happens to break down a
relationship.
Many times it's just.
At some point they lose trustfor each other and start
actually working against eachother or competing at some point
, because one feels hurt or, youknow, one feels betrayed, and
(28:06):
then it becomes this, thisvendetta to avenge him or to
avenge her for betraying you.
Okay, and so you might havestarted off pure and in love,
okay, only to end up with afriend of me on your hands in
your own bed.
Speaker 1 (28:19):
My wife is a friend of me.
What part?
Speaker 2 (28:22):
of the game is that.
Huh, I don't know.
I couldn't even tell you Now,unless you you really are
prepared with a action basedokay System that doesn't allow
(28:44):
you to just pick up any oldfriend, any old person you hang
out with, call any old by yourbestie.
You need a criteria, the sameway, right, ladies and young
ones, a criteria of selection.
Just go around calling anyone afriend Okay, and then like
traveling with them God forbidor allowing people even the
(29:08):
access to you to ever go thatfar with you without vetting
them thoroughly first.
You need a system.
You need to know how to vetwhat I look for.
What are the things that theyshouldn't be saying?
I mean, this book has so muchdetail and I love the fact that
I use real life story.
They use pieces of my own life.
I mean this is wonderful, ohyeah.
We were even, you know, tateringaround with the idea of a part
(29:30):
two, because there's endless Irealize this endless examples we
could use in movies, in themedia, with celebrities of
people who wound up being hurtby someone closest to them.
Okay, so, tale as old as time,and guess what else comes to
mind?
What is that?
The bodyguard with when Houston, who ended up being the killer
(29:54):
or the stalker of WhitneyHouston?
Speaker 1 (29:58):
I remember the more of it, but not in detail.
Speaker 2 (30:02):
Rachel, rachel had a stalker right and remember the
bodyguard, kevin Costner.
Right Was guarding her.
Speaker 1 (30:08):
Remember the actors in the movie, but who was it?
Speaker 2 (30:11):
It winded up being her sister.
Her sister paid someone to sendher those crazy messages.
Her sister was paying thathitman her own sister, and he
finds out at the very end hersister, same blood running
through her veins, but it madesense.
Here she was, rachel Marin wasthe character of the successful
(30:31):
singer, right, beautiful, allthe attention and they were
hello.
They were both adults.
This wasn't even like two kidsfighting for attention.
But her own sister had justdeveloped this, this growing
jealousy, I guess, that shecouldn't control after a while.
And the story goes that she,you know, she hired someone and
then wanted to like call it off,but she couldn't write
something of that nature.
(30:51):
But she said it all in motionfor someone to stalk her own
sister.
That is a relative frenemy.
Classic example of a relativefrenemy.
Yeah, okay, do you get anycloser than sisters?
Do we get any closer thansisters?
No, we can't.
Okay, right and so, and that'sjust one, that's just one movie.
I personally believe, and weall can see that movies, you
(31:14):
know, what do they do?
To sew his life, okay, theytell the stories that we live,
and so it's, it's important.
This is the reason I broke downthe types of frenemies, the
things that they say, becausesometimes people just say things
to you that just don't reallysound right.
You're going to rub you thewrong way.
It's a joke, but it's not ajoke.
Speaker 1 (31:34):
Exactly, I've come across it.
Yeah, I've seen that.
Yeah, there's so many hits andyou feel it.
Speaker 2 (31:40):
You just don't really know because no one has given
it the language to say this is afriend of mine, boo yeah.
They like you but they don'tlike you.
They probably never did.
Okay, they're just gettingclose enough to you and having
enough access to you right Tostrike when they're ready.
Very, very important.
And so, coming into the newyear, my goal for everyone just
(32:01):
to like wrap it up and, ofcourse, the holidays are gonna
probably like officially closearound the 6th of January.
I wanted to just make the bookwhich I'm really I feel like
it's a manual at this pointavailable.
Going into the school here,right Cause I think school,
college, those are the key timeswhere your friends are super
important.
I get it all right.
You've gotta have someone.
(32:22):
You've gotta walk down, yougotta walk to lunch or home room
with someone.
You can have friends.
No one's saying you can't havefriends.
We all need them, we're humanbeings.
But be selective and keep aneye out.
Speaker 1 (32:32):
Keep an eye out.
We need to drill and who is not, who is not?
Speaker 2 (32:35):
Right, that's the essential question here, and I
answer all of that in this book.
Speaker 1 (32:39):
Okay, listen, aza.
Speaker 2 (32:42):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (32:43):
Kadaj.
Speaker 2 (32:44):
Kadraj yes.
Speaker 1 (32:45):
Kadraj, we definitely appreciate having you today on
the show and before we go, Iwant you to give the audience
one more time, a little detailabout where to find your book,
how to find your book, cause itdefinitely sounds like a must
read.
Speaker 2 (33:02):
It is so right now it's available for pre-order on
Amazon.
Right, we can add the links foryou, but the hard copy is
released on the 11th 111.
Speaker 1 (33:14):
Is there a way that you have a blog or a website
that they can connect with youon and, you know, maybe they
might want to ask you questions?
Speaker 2 (33:23):
Yes, yes, they can refer to knowlifefriendaminescom
.
We'll have the link to the bookand, hopefully, an ongoing
conversation for the communityOutstanding.
Speaker 1 (33:33):
Yes, I appreciate that, and well, folks, I guess
that's the end of this episode.
Be on the lookout.
We may have a part two coming,and this is your host, og Goat,
and we're signing off.
Speaker 2 (33:50):
Awesome, happy holiday.
Okay, guys, this is your Podhost OG GOAT.
We want to wish everyone aHappy New Year and a belated
Merry Christmas because it'slike a few days after Christmas
and a happy Hanukkah and Kwanzaaand whatever else that you
might be celebrating out there,and today we have a special
(00:23):
guest on board named Aja Khadraj.
Did I pronounce that correctly?
Speaker 2 (00:28):
Yes, Azaa Absolutely.
Speaker 1 (00:30):
Azaa Khadraj.
Yes, outstanding, and tell memore about the history of your
name.
Speaker 2 (00:37):
Actually that is the Arabic language.
It is tribal though.
It dates way back to ancientnortheast Africa, and it turns
out Azaa does mean wings, or tospread one's wings.
And then there's a tribal.
I'm still researching, actually, the bulk or part of my name.
You know language and phonologyright and how deep it gets, but
(01:00):
it's very ancient, it's tribaland it's with leadership and
spreading one's wings.
Speaker 1 (01:05):
Nice, excellent, thank you.
We started this episode todaybecause you brought out you're
the author of a book, right, andthe title of your book is no,
thy Frenemies.
No, thy Frenemies.
(01:25):
I gotta admit, this is thefirst time I've actually come
across that word, frenemies.
So tell me exactly what doesthat mean?
Speaker 2 (01:37):
Frenemies.
Frenemies is not something thatI invented, so to speak.
It's something that wasfloating around the urban world
that caught my ear and I startedto like dig into, not realizing
that I myself had experiencedso much of what this was.
This was the earlier part oflast year and I started to dig
(01:59):
into it and realize that I wasdefining and realizing what a
frenemy was, that I had so muchof that, not only in my life,
but that I was virtually just bydefault of my experiences,
probably an expert on the termInteresting.
Yeah, so a frenemy essentiallyis right.
Any person, right male orfemale, in your life who poses
(02:23):
as a friend, who wears the maskof being a friend, someone who
loves and supports you, when inreality they have a hidden
agenda right, or could actuallybe a rival of yours and you're
not even aware of it.
Speaker 1 (02:38):
So let me see here Can I classify a family member
as a frenemy?
Someone who may, I don't know?
You tell me, can a familymember be classified as a
frenemy?
Speaker 2 (02:54):
Absolutely.
In fact, there's a sectionwhere I talk about the different
types of frenemies, and familymembers are actually top on my
list when it comes to thedifferent frenemy types.
You can have right, it's achapter, literally, types of
frenemies, and I know that, likethe frenemy term you think of,
(03:14):
only friend, like who's myfriend?
I really might be my rival.
It's not just that, it's ingeneral, the people around us
who pose as people who love andsupport you when they really may
not.
I mean, let's be honest, wewere just some of us are still
around our relatives right now.
Right, and we hope that all ofy'all had a happy holiday, right
(03:35):
, like we were saying to eachother before.
But sometimes we go aroundassuming that everyone's
holidays are all that happyright, when in reality, more
than 35% like there's beencountless articles and blogs,
news posts, you know, verifyingthat there's a blank a bulk of
people, excuse me, that actuallyget somewhat depressed around
(03:55):
the holidays, or you knowthey're around people they don't
necessarily want to see.
I know people go toThanksgiving dreading other than
eating in the turkey, which isthe stuff that we like.
We also have to go around ourrelatives and I like the fact
that the conversation hasstarted about frenemies.
I think actually was triggeredprobably around the pandemic,
right Cause we all were stuck.
Remember, we were all stuck inlockdown.
(04:18):
Right, husbands had to spendtime with their wives.
You know, if you had, you wereliving with your man or your
boyfriend.
You started to learn more abouteach other.
Okay, side chick was in trouble, the whole shebang Cause.
Everybody was home and so somuch came out as far as who we
really were with.
You know people.
You know some people got morespiritual when it's a yoga.
(04:41):
Some people went left, somepeople got went nuts.
Speaker 1 (04:44):
Right.
Speaker 2 (04:44):
Some people started businesses right Like yourself
and other individuals.
However, we also had to sort ofget real People that you would
think right would contact you orreach out to you.
During a whole pandemic wefound we're not who you expect,
right Like I.
Literally girlfriends, personalpeople that I know in my life
(05:05):
were saying that sometimes totalstrangers they found reached
out to them more during thepandemic.
Speaker 1 (05:11):
Okay, I've 2020, 2020 .
Yes, I've noticed that that'sright.
Speaker 2 (05:14):
Yeah, yes, sometimes you own, who your own relatives?
Right, and it's such a tabootopic because everyone wants to
be so, you know sugary, right,no one wants to say anything bad
about their family.
But let's be honest, many toxicrelationships they don't just
start with your husband or yourwife Although that's a type two,
we'll get into that in a minuteRight, toxic relationships are
(05:36):
just relationships of people inyour life.
It could be your spouse, itcould be your bestie, it could
be your sister, it could be yourdad.
Who are the people in your lifeon a regular basis that bring
you toxic feelings, who raiseyour blood pressure right On a
daily basis?
And this is so important.
I know you said you knew amental health professional that
you'll be bringing in later downthe line, but one of the
(05:57):
reasons I wanted to focus onwellness and preventing major
health, mental health or regularhealth issues, was just
learning how to be like.
How do we be well, how do weprevent mental health since
we're just finally having aconversation and that is, first
and foremost, by regulating whatwe can control, and that is
ourself, hopefully right.
Control ourself what we consume.
(06:18):
Right Physically, as far aswhat we eat, and you know who we
put around us, right, oursocial environments.
We may not be able to fix theozone layer, or even the people
at work, but we can be choosy asfar as who is in our life.
Right?
Who's my bestie?
Is this person really fillingme?
Right?
Let's?
Let's figure it out.
Who calls who more?
Let's look at the, the, themicros.
Speaker 1 (06:38):
There's this old saying that goes if you can't
change the wind, change thesales change the sales right.
Speaker 2 (06:45):
That's so perfectly describes what's happening,
because you can't control anyoneat all.
That's almost like a hamstabletrying to think about how we can
adjust someone else's behavior.
It's actually pretty dangerousto try to do that, but you can
adjust yourself, right.
I feel like just the fact thatI'm not suggesting that you
replace people with pets, butjust the fact that this was such
(07:08):
a ridiculous spike right ofpeople hanging out more, you
know, with less people.
Social circles I'm hearing Idon't know if it's factual have
gotten smaller.
People are spending time, youknow nature, walking their dogs,
like it's been a major spike.
It's sort of a almost like arevolution of people trying to
get into their self-care, right,but a lot of that has included
making one circle smaller.
Speaker 1 (07:30):
Let me jump in here for a second.
You know, I was listening tothe news this morning and they
actually did suggest getting apet for for for, let's say, the
older generation, absolutely,and it helps, according to their
(07:52):
study, against dementia anddementia.
Speaker 2 (07:56):
Oh, wow.
Speaker 1 (07:57):
And I understand why because that pet is keeping you
occupied, not saying like yousaid the pet is better than
having a human.
Speaker 2 (08:09):
Right.
Speaker 1 (08:09):
You know, I must use a term human, because we're on
the subject of a frenemy, so wedon't know if this person has
your you and your you know yourbest interests Right.
But to keep the mind active,your next best bet would be as
they say, a dog is a man's bestfriend.
Speaker 2 (08:29):
The loyalty, yeah, is unmatched.
Yes, I've seen it myself.
That's actually number likenumber three on my must have of
New Year's list.
Like I don't do resolutions atall, I just have things that I
want to accomplish for myself.
And getting a pet Right, just aperfect pet that I can kind of,
you know, give and receivetotal, reciprocal, unconditional
(08:50):
love you know, and share thatkind of just a feeling of of
certainty.
I think that's why people getpets Right, irregardless of
what's going on, you know, athome, you know, with my family,
there's always that constantthat you can't, it's so hard to
get with humans.
But let's go back to um,frenemies right, essentially.
So that's just one example ofpeople starting to realize that
(09:14):
let's try to like cut this offat the path and deal with
wellness, let's figure out howto really analyze our
relationships and kind of makebetter choices, which
essentially is what I'm I aim todo with no-life frenemies.
It started off last year.
I was actually freaked out whenI kept hearing all those
stories.
Remember, every two months wewere hearing another insane
(09:36):
story about someone's out withtheir friends and all of a
sudden, four girls go missing.
There was a story about somecollege kids, I think in
Wisconsin correct me if I'mwrong about the state who just
went missing.
They all went on like springbreak or something.
Then there was the story withthe young girl, the American.
She was like a cheerleader,beautiful, beautiful African
(09:57):
American girl who goes on aholiday to Mexico.
Right, I believe they werecalling it the Cabo Six.
I'm not sure what the term was,but she goes with these
so-called friends, I believe.
Just the guy was her friend andhe bought other females.
So they're all hanging out, butaccording to the news and the
clips that we saw ourselves,these people clearly did not
(10:19):
like her Right.
Speaker 1 (10:19):
Right.
Speaker 2 (10:20):
Here she was, this beautiful up and coming.
She had her own business.
I don't remember what I thinkit was.
It was the hair beauty industrybusiness Hair or nails.
Speaker 1 (10:27):
I've read about that, right, yeah.
Speaker 2 (10:30):
And she was all on Facebook doing well entrepreneur
, right, she had just graduatedcollege.
I think she did some fashionshows and she pays for these
friends.
Speaker 1 (10:43):
Tickets yeah, she funded them tickets.
It was really a heartfeltsituation, oh my God it was all
over.
Speaker 2 (10:48):
Youtubers couldn't let that go.
I did my own segments on it, Iblogged about it, because we
were just shocked how do you goto Mexico with friends and wind
up in a body bag?
Right, as a young woman, right,and I really personally as a
young woman I had to really takea look at just myself in
general, just who I'm choosingaround me, because it just hit
(11:09):
home so much about how thethreshold for the people we go
and travel with is so low.
Right, sometimes, because I'mlooking at it, I'm like
beautiful girl, but I'm like howlong did you know them?
Speaker 1 (11:20):
Right Of two of them she had never really known.
Speaker 2 (11:23):
She only knew the guy , and so there was like a little
bit of an open door as well.
Now, of course, you don't thinkanyone's going to.
You don't think that you'regoing to wake up and people are
just going to like plot to killyou.
You don't think that way, noneof us think that way and we
shouldn't think that way, right?
So this is not like victimblaming, but I'm looking at how
many open doors we leave open,sometimes in not realizing how
(11:44):
important it is to have theright people around us.
I saw the clips on the news andI'm thinking those are the ones
.
I don't like her, and I'm notsure whether she was unaware of
it or just aware of it anddidn't care.
I was just like ignoring it.
Speaker 1 (11:55):
You know how we feel like Some people are just
desperate to have that, thatfriend.
Speaker 2 (12:01):
Right.
Speaker 1 (12:02):
Not saying it was this type of situation, right.
But bingo, you know, when youclassify someone as a friend it
comes with the certain criteriain my book.
Speaker 2 (12:15):
It should, it should.
Speaker 1 (12:16):
You know, there's certain things that that person
needs to meet in order for me tobe able to say oh yeah, this is
my friend, his, my friend.
Speaker 2 (12:24):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's a great point.
And everyone's like, oh, younggirl goes to Mexico with friends
and you know she comes home orshe doesn't come home.
And this was a constantnarrative.
And the fact is these peopleweren't her friends at all.
Yes, right, even the guy whoshe knew for much longer.
This man had gone to tripsbefore with her family.
(12:44):
They said, right, the younglady's mom had known him.
Right, there was some trustthat the parents put in him to
even, I guess, let her go toMexico with him.
Right, to go outside thecountry like that.
And he was one of the four whocame home and blatantly lied to
their parents.
(13:05):
Right, and excuse us for notmentioning names, we actually
made a conscious decision not toname drop.
But a lot of you listeningmight be fully aware of the
story you know of the youngerwho goes to Mexico.
Last year, exactly around thistime Actually, this would be the
anniversary month of when thathappened and didn't come back.
And these so-called friendsaround her, namely the guy, all
(13:26):
they could come up with is somestop story about being sick,
getting drunk and being sick she.
They just lied to her parents.
And to go further, those of youwho know exactly what we're
speaking of.
You know it was recorded whatactually happened and that was
one of the girls who had somekind of unknown beef to this day
Nobody really knows what thatbeef was about Walks into the
(13:48):
room and starts pounding on herlike a sumo wrestler, like pound
in on her.
Now they want to say, oh well,it's probably just a fight.
It was a fight they had.
No, there was no fight.
They attacked her because theyoung lady she didn't strike one
blow.
We saw this.
This was on tape.
We saw that this woman was justbeing beaten by this one girl.
(14:10):
The gentleman who was herso-called friend musters up.
Aren't you even going to hitback?
Aren't you even going to hitback?
Speaker 1 (14:17):
Wow Video.
I didn't even hear that partyet.
Yeah, he's right on camera.
Speaker 2 (14:22):
So basically he's videotaping and instigating for
her to go ahead and make it areal show.
Hit back.
So he wants a cat fight.
He's thinking he's just goingto go viral, maybe with a cat
fight maybe, and throw it up onInstagram.
Right, this is what I'm alsothinking, like, most of us don't
necessarily think he intendedto kill his friend, which we
(14:43):
don't know.
We hope not, but I knowcertainly that girl did.
You're not coming into a room,swing and like a sumo wrestler,
thinking you're not gonnaseriously injure someone right
or, unfortunately, take theirlife.
Okay, and so the story alsogoes that there's another one of
them have a medical backgroundor some sort.
Yes, I'm glad you asked.
There was one of them who wasone of the three girls who wound
(15:06):
up as they started to dig.
After they all came back fromMexico without the young lady
that she was actually a CNA,yeah, working at a medical
facility at the time.
She's no longer working forthem, thank God.
It was reported that she allegeallegedly was investigated
(15:28):
Several weeks after, when theyfound out where one of the
suspects who went to Mexico withthis lady they found out that
she you know she's an employeeat this medical facility and the
higher-ups found out about theincident.
They saw it all over the newsand obviously they want to cover
themselves.
Right, then I'm gonna havesomebody working with them who's
(15:49):
out there taking people out,right?
So she was fired instantly andbut we've never heard many
updates Since then, and that'swhat brings me to as it brings
me here.
Really, right, this was one ofseveral stories like this.
I couldn't even follow 2022.
After a while.
It was one thing after another,but for some reason, this one
(16:11):
inspired.
No, that front of me is a lot,because that could have been
anyone.
Yes, you know.
All that being said, that'spretty much what brings us here
the fact that here we are almost, or a little over a year in the
anniversary of this mysteriousmurder in Mexico, along with
several other homicides, namelythem asides, which will go into
(16:37):
that next term, after and Inthis particular case, people are
still wondering why therehasn't been an official arrest
of any of these six individualsthat took this young girl to
Mexico.
Speaker 1 (16:52):
Okay, so now I want to ask more about this friend of
me stuff.
How do we Identify it?
Have you Ever come across afrenemy in your life, and what
is your suggestion on to theaudience is to how to deal with
a frenemies or a frenemy.
Speaker 2 (17:15):
Well, it's, it's, it's simple.
I've broken it down to besimple.
I should say, and I justrealized, as you mentioned
before you touched on it, wehave no criteria laid out, right
, what is required, just like wedate and we quote, unquote,
have our list and we have ourcriteria, we don't really have
(17:36):
that for our friends and thepeople we simply hang out with
on a regular basis, especiallyyou know what college age, right
?
So I've already tied even highschool.
There's no criteria.
You just hang out with whoeverwill, I guess, let you or we
feel comfortable with, or whoyou can I don't know rock
matching clothes with and callthem your bestie.
Speaker 1 (17:57):
Remember, through young students and I think it
was Rutgers University and someother universities that
committed suicide had thesepeople around, which was
actually ended up being bulliesor titled as bullies.
Yeah, but these guys they was.
I guess they might haveconsidered them as friends,
that's why they was around,Correct, and then they started
(18:18):
to bully them Right.
So much to the fact that peoplecommitted their students
committed suicide.
Speaker 2 (18:24):
Yeah, and that's something that is more common
than is being talked about,which I always wonder about,
right, that they they're notreally highlighting just that,
those small little areas oftoxicity.
Yeah, bully is a common term,right, but we have bullying
throughout age groups, just likethis quote on quote incident
(18:47):
that I highlight in this bookright, this was not a high
school girl.
These were people who had allgraduated college, as we said,
one of them was a medicalprofessional, so they were like
they were mid twenties, I wouldsay they were young, but they
had gone to college together,but they were all graduates.
So in our society's eyes, theywere adults.
Speaker 1 (19:07):
Wow, such a waste.
Speaker 2 (19:09):
Full blown adults who had gone through the
educational system right, whichis a whole side bar which we
won't go down.
We won't go down that road, butfully college educated
individuals Get together anddecide to come with a plan right
To go viral Attacking this girlor fighting with her.
(19:30):
What have you so?
Never, gets to come home.
Speaker 1 (19:35):
Matt, as you put it, in that aspect, let's uh, let's
try to tighten it up a littlebit.
Are you saying that peerpressure is, and the and the
need to be accepted could bestronger than your goals and
(20:00):
your aspirations of doingsomething positive with your
life?
That peer pressure and the needto be accepted just overwhelms
that and supersedes what, whatyou want for yourself as an
individual?
Yes, I am saying that, I'minsinuating.
Speaker 2 (20:16):
I'm leaning on it.
Um, not only that, but I'mseeing that it's residual.
It's something that, yeah, itstarts when we're, you know, in
high school, quote, unquote, butyou know there's adult peer
pressure Like that's an actualterm.
It continues.
Speaker 1 (20:32):
We're just we're walking yeah.
Speaker 2 (20:35):
Replicas of our former self.
We just like.
It's just a new environment,same trick, new game.
Okay, talking about what?
Speaker 1 (20:43):
part of the game?
Is that part of the game?
Is that?
Speaker 2 (20:46):
What part of the game is that we're part of.
The game, is that where, uh,you know, you can go through
this, literally be a medicalprofessional, someone who's
actually supposed to be a partof a healing team and, and, and
you know, interested in people'swellness, right From Monday
through Friday, and on theweekend, go take someone out and
thank you.
Coming back to work on Monday,I think I'll be okay.
Okay, all in the sake of what,like?
(21:09):
It's so funny becauseeveryone's like well, acceptance
, acceptance, Right peerpressure peer pressure.
Like at what point?
Because they, like I said thesepeople weren't that, they
weren't that tight, they clearlyweren't friends of this girl,
right, but you hear them eggingeach other on.
Okay, everyone, I guess at somepoint agreed.
There was some kind ofagreement, right, it clearly
wasn't to the victim's benefit.
(21:30):
There was an agreement to godown there and do this to her,
and I guess they thought theywere being slick, right, doing
that in Mexico, which ended upworking against them, which I
feel like is one of the reasonswhy it's so quiet.
Why?
Because now Mexico, the Mexicangovernment, can pretty much do
whatever they want With theattacker.
(21:50):
Now, just for the audience'ssake, we do not have this case
still, a year later, does nothave closure, which is the
biggest question mark of themall, because cases that are
similar have been closed.
They have been arrests insimilar cases, right, where
people have gone missing.
You were talking to me aboutthat beach Incident years ago,
which is another example wherepeople had gone missing.
(22:12):
They were people found there.
There were arrests made there.
There were a few arrests made,I believe, with the college kids
right who wound up being takenout by one of their Students,
and we will clarify in linksexactly which news stories we're
referring to, right?
But we are not mentioning namesOn this cast, for you know
(22:32):
professionalism and, of course,legal reasons.
But yeah, the question is, howis it that something that was
caught on camera where you couldclearly see there was a brutal
attack which led to someone'sdeath, there has been no arrest
made it for up to a year later?
Like, what part of the game isthat?
Speaker 1 (22:51):
yeah, that's crazy, and and under the term frenemies
you have Not just people thatappear to be your friends, but,
if I have this correctly, itcould be.
Let's say, could a churchmember be a frenemy?
Speaker 2 (23:16):
Oh, you're hitting on all the areas that I touch on
Specifically, I think, like inthe third or fourth chapter,
when I go into the types offrenemies, churches, community
groups that is where I believethey are born.
Personally I believe they'reborn and because, yeah, see in
church you don't have to go homewith these people that you see
(23:37):
in church, you don't technicallyhave to like them, right, you
just have to sort of smile andyou know, provide that a gap.
Hey, community love.
Right, say cheese forappearances and you know, cook
together Whatever your churchdoes together, um, and then go
home and Be.
You know, take the mask off,right, hang out with who you
(23:58):
really like mom and I personally, like we talked about this
weeks ago on another um vlog, um, on another podcast, just how
you know, churches is prettymuch these days A filler, to
sort of ease people'sconsciousness.
You kind of do what you need todo.
I mean, people have said thatfor years anyway.
You do what you want to do fromlike money through Friday, go
(24:18):
to church, say a few helimarries.
Yeah, I mean, feel better aboutyourself.
It's not something that is whatit used to be, where people
were like devout or you knowreally about their faith, just
with so many, so many changes inour society.
But this isn't that type ofright podcast today.
Right, people's religion, butin general churches become more
of a social circle.
Right, a place to perhapspromote your business.
(24:41):
Okay, get your guilty conscienceSuits right and you kind of
like keep it moving, um, butyeah, so that's a perfect
breeding ground to be surroundedby people who may not
necessarily like you Right or ormay not necessarily support you
as a person.
You know, and there's no way ofyou knowing that.
Speaker 1 (24:59):
I had a movie and I'll watch.
This thing is kicking up somany ideas now and I guess
business partners Could befrenemies.
Hello, this movie.
You know it was interestingbecause a movie.
These guys went into businesstogether and they were doing
(25:22):
great, but one of the partnershad an ulterior motive and he
wanted to eventually take overthe business, sure, and so I
guess the other guy thought thatthis was his friend, he was in
business with.
When the friend's intention thealleged friend's intention was
to eventually kill him and takeover the business.
Speaker 2 (25:43):
Well, you know, all's fair and no love in business,
right?
Business is the one area whereyou're allowed to be cold, right
?
Wow, it's business.
So, even with your partner,even with your partner, yeah,
yeah, you know you, you hopethere's a sense of loyalty.
That's why he's your partner,that's why you trust him.
So you don't want that.
Speaker 1 (26:03):
But there's a few movies that come to mind where
business partners, or businesspartners and friends eventually
butt heads, you know, or at somepoint excuse me, is there a way
that we could, or the audience,we can, give the audience an
idea or a leg up on how to spotor recognize a friend of me
(26:26):
before it's too late?
Speaker 2 (26:28):
Yes, and I don't want to give that away.
But there is, I've broken itdown.
This is so important to me.
You know, it's like a labor oflove, because I feel like you
know we can go about, go onabout this, and I can first you
and let you know by the time youfinish.
Let's just say yes going throughthe pages, you will not only be
a master of what a friend of meis, you'll know how to
(26:49):
recognize a friend of me in yourlife, right, because again, I
mentioned very clearly that your, your friends are either to
recognize your true friends.
They support you, they love you, they're consistent.
Your enemies are also easy torecognize because they don't
like you.
They're haters, right, they'recomplaining about haters, but
hey, guess what?
At least you know who thatperson is.
(27:10):
That's right.
Be my hater, let me know.
Okay, you're not feeling me.
Okay, so when you want to left,I can go to the right.
But it's the friend of me.
That's the dangerous population.
We don't know who they are.
You're putting on a mask.
You've pretended to care or orto be this, that and the third
to me, and years later, I'mfinding out who you are.
We've had spouses, husbands andwives, right, which is also in
(27:34):
the book a few examples of thosefamous couples who ended up
splitting, and you know, yeahwife, that's a friend of me.
Speaker 1 (27:41):
Can you imagine?
Speaker 2 (27:43):
Yes, I can, I can imagine it's unfortunate, but
the story is continued.
You know about just the, the,what happens to break down a
relationship.
Many times it's just.
At some point they lose trustfor each other and start
actually working against eachother or competing at some point
, because one feels hurt or, youknow, one feels betrayed, and
(28:06):
then it becomes this, thisvendetta to avenge him or to
avenge her for betraying you.
Okay, and so you might havestarted off pure and in love,
okay, only to end up with afriend of me on your hands in
your own bed.
Speaker 1 (28:19):
My wife is a friend of me.
What part?
Speaker 2 (28:22):
of the game is that.
Huh, I don't know.
I couldn't even tell you Now,unless you you really are
prepared with a action basedokay System that doesn't allow
(28:44):
you to just pick up any oldfriend, any old person you hang
out with, call any old by yourbestie.
You need a criteria, the sameway, right, ladies and young
ones, a criteria of selection.
Just go around calling anyone afriend Okay, and then like
traveling with them God forbidor allowing people even the
(29:08):
access to you to ever go thatfar with you without vetting
them thoroughly first.
You need a system.
You need to know how to vetwhat I look for.
What are the things that theyshouldn't be saying?
I mean, this book has so muchdetail and I love the fact that
I use real life story.
They use pieces of my own life.
I mean this is wonderful, ohyeah.
We were even, you know, tateringaround with the idea of a part
(29:30):
two, because there's endless Irealize this endless examples we
could use in movies, in themedia, with celebrities of
people who wound up being hurtby someone closest to them.
Okay, so, tale as old as time,and guess what else comes to
mind?
What is that?
The bodyguard with when Houston, who ended up being the killer
(29:54):
or the stalker of WhitneyHouston?
Speaker 1 (29:58):
I remember the more of it, but not in detail.
Speaker 2 (30:02):
Rachel, rachel had a stalker right and remember the
bodyguard, kevin Costner.
Right Was guarding her.
Speaker 1 (30:08):
Remember the actors in the movie, but who was it?
Speaker 2 (30:11):
It winded up being her sister.
Her sister paid someone to sendher those crazy messages.
Her sister was paying thathitman her own sister, and he
finds out at the very end hersister, same blood running
through her veins, but it madesense.
Here she was, rachel Marin wasthe character of the successful
(30:31):
singer, right, beautiful, allthe attention and they were
hello.
They were both adults.
This wasn't even like two kidsfighting for attention.
But her own sister had justdeveloped this, this growing
jealousy, I guess, that shecouldn't control after a while.
And the story goes that she,you know, she hired someone and
then wanted to like call it off,but she couldn't write
something of that nature.
(30:51):
But she said it all in motionfor someone to stalk her own
sister.
That is a relative frenemy.
Classic example of a relativefrenemy.
Yeah, okay, do you get anycloser than sisters?
Do we get any closer thansisters?
No, we can't.
Okay, right and so, and that'sjust one, that's just one movie.
I personally believe, and weall can see that movies, you
(31:14):
know, what do they do?
To sew his life, okay, theytell the stories that we live,
and so it's, it's important.
This is the reason I broke downthe types of frenemies, the
things that they say, becausesometimes people just say things
to you that just don't reallysound right.
You're going to rub you thewrong way.
It's a joke, but it's not ajoke.
Speaker 1 (31:34):
Exactly, I've come across it.
Yeah, I've seen that.
Yeah, there's so many hits andyou feel it.
Speaker 2 (31:40):
You just don't really know because no one has given
it the language to say this is afriend of mine, boo yeah.
They like you but they don'tlike you.
They probably never did.
Okay, they're just gettingclose enough to you and having
enough access to you right Tostrike when they're ready.
Very, very important.
And so, coming into the newyear, my goal for everyone just
(32:01):
to like wrap it up and, ofcourse, the holidays are gonna
probably like officially closearound the 6th of January.
I wanted to just make the bookwhich I'm really I feel like
it's a manual at this pointavailable.
Going into the school here,right Cause I think school,
college, those are the key timeswhere your friends are super
important.
I get it all right.
You've gotta have someone.
(32:22):
You've gotta walk down, yougotta walk to lunch or home room
with someone.
You can have friends.
No one's saying you can't havefriends.
We all need them, we're humanbeings.
But be selective and keep aneye out.
Speaker 1 (32:32):
Keep an eye out.
We need to drill and who is not, who is not?
Speaker 2 (32:35):
Right, that's the essential question here, and I
answer all of that in this book.
Speaker 1 (32:39):
Okay, listen, aza.
Speaker 2 (32:42):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (32:43):
Kadaj.
Speaker 2 (32:44):
Kadraj yes.
Speaker 1 (32:45):
Kadraj, we definitely appreciate having you today on
the show and before we go, Iwant you to give the audience
one more time, a little detailabout where to find your book,
how to find your book, cause itdefinitely sounds like a must
read.
Speaker 2 (33:02):
It is so right now it's available for pre-order on
Amazon.
Right, we can add the links foryou, but the hard copy is
released on the 11th 111.
Speaker 1 (33:14):
Is there a way that you have a blog or a website
that they can connect with youon and, you know, maybe they
might want to ask you questions?
Speaker 2 (33:23):
Yes, yes, they can refer to knowlifefriendaminescom
.
We'll have the link to the bookand, hopefully, an ongoing
conversation for the communityOutstanding.
Speaker 1 (33:33):
Yes, I appreciate that, and well, folks, I guess
that's the end of this episode.
Be on the lookout.
We may have a part two coming,and this is your host, og Goat,
and we're signing off.
Speaker 2 (33:50):
Awesome, happy holiday.
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