January 16, 2025 • 17 mins
Samantha and Don join forces against me in this fast-paced WTF Counseling Session.
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Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
Fucking bitch. Of course, you know what? I don't do that anymore. I'm such a sweetheart now these days
(00:10):
I'm about to sell this shit on eBay because you know what? I don't give a fuck
No fucks given it's gonna step away real quick to grab me another cup of coffee because while we're waiting on fucking Don to
Get his shit together. I drank the fucking coffee
Hey Don check out this shirt go fuck yourself. I love that
I'm Jake Jacobs and you're listening to what the fuck
(00:39):
So this is the episode where Samantha and Don converge and this is either gonna be a
case of organized chaos a clusterfuck or a train wreck and maybe a combination of all three but
Welcome to the shit show and let's see what happens. Well, yeah
(01:01):
Hey, good night everybody
This is a good night Cleveland dude, we're in Detroit
So Samantha Jake and I've been working together for a long time just kind of the entertainment business and you're very entertaining too
So I I try when I heard you I heard your last show and I was like, holy shit, man
I love this Carol. Let's let's uh, let's get together and see if we can't come up with some just a good conversation
(01:26):
Yeah, especially
Initially, you know, so I got a phone happened this week
and I know the keep our names kind of protected for the you know to protect the innocent but
You know, I started with this new company about three months ago
I got the CEO that I ever portrayed the CEO disguise
He's a sharp guy really is but he's he's had to do this job so long by himself and just challenging his pace and intensity is
(01:49):
Way up there. There's nobody like this guy
But he I basically my 90-day review got worn the fuck out like I didn't know what I was doing. Oh shit
So it was like, alright, here's the thing. I said first off
I need you to get the fuck out of my way
And so it's very micromanagerial it with a little bit of narcissists mixed in I'm listening to this shit
(02:12):
I'm going I don't think he realizes that every word coming out his mouth it falls right in line with
Narcissism and a micro management and so the whole time I'm just listening to the and he likes to test people which is fine
He's like, well, I stopped calling you because I was kind of testing to see when you'd call me. I was like, well, I won't
Be like we ain't in a relationship. Why do I need to call you?
(02:34):
Just ask you to get out of my way so I can do the job you hired me to do
Well, you kind of got to earn that I'm like, do you fucking hear yourself? And so I just kept pushing it
Yeah, I'm pushing it. I'm gonna earn being left alone. I'm like
And by the end of it, I was like, listen, I'll tell you what I'm gonna do
I'm gonna call you every day you want to hear from me malicious compliance
I'll call you you want to know and take a shit. You want to know when I
(02:55):
Yeah, you want to swear you're gonna breathe for the fifth time today like currently wiping my ass back to front
I shook three times instead of two today
Oh
And I was fucking shocked you because I've been I've been an executive in this business for a lot of years
But I was just like listening to this shit going does this guy even know?
What the fuck is coming out of his mouth and that you talk about a what the fuck moment
(03:16):
I was like, dude, you hired me on because you have been in a position for a long long time that it just you needed some relief
So I try to give him relief and he doesn't want it. So I'm like, you know what?
Did he work his way up to the position he's in or was this like a gifted to him kind of job?
There's a long story behind I mean the guy
His family had a business. He ran it for a long long time
(03:36):
He did some good things and and then you know, there were some acquisitions made
Corporate level acquisitions some big companies some some people sold some shits people bought some shit
I don't want to get too, you know specific about it. But he was a good choice for CEO
No doubt about it. The guys earned his way up there
But because I was gonna say if he just was handed the job and didn't go through the ranks understand like
(03:57):
People gotta do what they gotta do the way they gotta do it
So he's earned the right to be a fucking idiot. Is that what you're saying?
Yeah, yeah, I mean
It truly has and
Shout out to you CEO if you listen to this
I don't give a shit. He can listen to it. He's a grown man
He doesn't think personal
We'll get through it. It's only been it's been 90 days
But he I'm pretty sure he expected me to have the world turned around
(04:19):
You know this big ass ship turned around by then and it ain't even close anyway
That was a what the fuck
It's hard to repair a ship when it's actively sinking bro. Yeah
And and it and right now it's actively sinking and uh, I've got some really great ideas to not sink it but
He doesn't really want to sink it
But he doesn't really want to help so he keeps punching holes in it
(04:40):
So Jake and I met in 2010 doing some music shit and at some point in I think was like 2014 I left
They they shot my ass up in Chicago. I went up there and played some music and left there
I got fired because I wasn't one of the in the good old boy club
Which I thought you couldn't have slapped a smile off my face that day
(05:02):
It was the best and my wife and I moved to Arizona and then at some point we moved back to Nashville
So we made the full circle and and now we're back in Florida where we started to begin with
Well, I wouldn't recommend moving to Florida anyways because I like cold weather. I don't like warm weather
I don't like waking up and getting up my ass crack swampy every day
I live in Jacksonville, North Carolina
(05:24):
That is not good. Jay Vegas, North Carolina. I'm literally like less than five miles off the entrance to Camp Lejeune
It's a marine town. I can tell you that. Oh, yeah. Is it? Yeah, that's the best. Yeah
Yeah, there's a lot of so no chance of a husband coming out of that
No, no
So my daughter again, she's 14
(05:44):
I had the last time I dated was probably when she was like two honestly and it's it's been it's not like been a forced
celibacy by any means it's been more of a
as a single parent with
only my close friends and family as a support system and
She's just as freaking ADHD autism as me and she's also got odd. So oppositional defiance disorder
(06:05):
So at a very young age growing up has been a lot for me to handle and a lot for me to deal with
So it's like my priority is not having like a partner per se right now
It's making sure that she's makes it out of teen hood into adulthood alive
Yeah, whether by my hand or something else
I'll say it's so like so it's just been like I I haven't it's been on my back burner to
(06:30):
Need to have a partner but i'm like and I know i'm like i'm sitting there
I'm like, yeah as a single parent, it's difficult
But at the same time it's like having to learn someone new which as we know from last week's episode, uh
Trying to learn someone new is a fucking nightmare and i'm like, I don't have the bandwidth to learn a new person
It hurts to fart. That's the one that got me here
that cracked me i'd listened to your episode on that samatha and
(06:52):
The hurts to fart guy. I cannot fucking fathom
It wasn't even all of it like he edited some of the like stream of consciousness
Conversation out of some of the wild shit he said but like yeah
I'm like to try and have to learn a new person but then also have to have them learn
Eventually my child and like that it just it was a lot and I was like this is too much
(07:15):
Too much going on with me trying to like and then having to move and then all this other shit
So I was like, you know what i'm perfectly content right now being a single parent not having a partner at this point in my life
Like i'm okay with it. I'm not like sitting there like oh my god. I wish I was in a relationship. No
I am not one who's like
(07:35):
Needs to be in a relationship to thrive. I've made it this far and i'm still alive
I have a what the fuck concerning children
Uh, okay
This is a little bit more of a serious one and i'm trying to find the humor in it and the humor is going to be
When my daughter gets better she wants to be on the show because my daughter is a 35 year old female version of me
(07:56):
Personality wise. Yes. Cuss is like a sailor
She speaks her mind and she wants to be on the show
But right now she's having a hard time talking because she has a blood clot
One large blood clot and several small ones in her right lung
damn
A couple days before the new year. She ended up in the er
She couldn't breathe and they ran a whole shit load of tests and that's what they found now
(08:19):
Here's here's a little bit of a backstory almost exactly this same time last year
She was in a car accident and her hip was broken the bonnet has the the ball that goes into the hip socket
That sheared off so they had to go in do emergency surgery. They had to put hardware in to reattach that
So she healed time went on, you know, she's you know, went back to work and everything and then almost exactly a year
(08:44):
To the day she's in the hospital with blood clots
So they're thinking possibly that was part of the cause because blood clots from your legs will travel up and eventually get into your lungs
And the other part is birth control. So double whammy. She almost spent the night in the er
They wanted to keep her but they didn't have any room
So she didn't she didn't get a room until late in the night of that first night
And then she was in a hospital for three or four days sent her home and then two days later
(09:06):
She was back in the er again because she couldn't breathe. This is some scary shit. Yeah scary shit truly
What the fuck? I mean, yeah, it's better shit. Yeah, it doesn't smoke doesn't drink. Well, she drinks but not not like that
She's a fucking problem right there
She's a good girl
Yeah, like almost a year to the day. It's just it was like really but when she gets her voice back
(09:31):
She's gonna be on the show and you will see what I mean when I say she is the female embodiment of jake
Yeah, yeah, and jake i'm glad you introduced us because you could be my sister literally
There was a time I didn't start drinking until I joined the navy
So when I decided when I made a choice to stop drinking because I just recognized that I was irresponsible as fuck
Yeah, you know with a capital af I just stopped drinking. It never bothered me same thing when I was
(09:55):
Smoked and I'm like, yeah
Like what the fuck am I doing this for I stopped that right? I got there
I'm like I probably taste like an ashtray to anybody that kisses me like yeah
And I so yeah, I I don't have an addictive personality. What I do have is an adhd personality and it's bad
Sometimes so I hyper fixate really easy on shit. I get really been out of shape when to your expertise
(10:17):
If I forget my password or if I just put the password in because I have about a half a dozen passwords
I use right? I kind of I keep it mixed up not probably not enough, but it's like, okay
I use this password. They're a variation of each other after three times. I lose my mind and it doesn't matter what it is
I
There was a time though when I lived in Nashville the first time my wife and I lived in this really nice condo
(10:38):
It went downstairs to the garage
So we had this straight stairway when you came up the stairway
The first thing you saw was my desk and and I worked from home
This was back when mac was plastic. Remember the macbook bros were plastic
My brother still has his got the aluminum cases on him. So this is where it started
And I remember just I'd get pissed off at something and I don't like to stay pissed off hurts my heart
(11:01):
I'm generally a happy guy. I'm a nice person generally speaking
I can make you feel like a million bucks
But with the theory of equal opposite reaction, I could also make you feel like a total turd piece of shit
And I don't like that part of me
But there was a time when I would be on my computer working whatever and something wouldn't work and I couldn't figure it out
And my adh do it kicking so badly that I didn't want to ask for help. You know, I mean, you know samantha how it is
(11:23):
Oh, yeah, I would whip that motherfucker down range
Oh, so I had a metal door down at the garage downstairs and I bounced that mac off that metal door down there
I went through about five laptops in one year
Jesus and I recognized that perhaps
That's an expensive anger. It was not cheap. So yeah, I realized I was like man
(11:46):
I maybe I have a problem here
Yeah, I got a couple couple couple g's worth of problems. I went to my wife. I was like, what do you think's wrong?
What do you think's wrong with me? She's like, I don't know you fucked up in the head
So every now and then I would get a text like what's my fucking password?
And the running joke was I came up with this password for all our friends that would send me that text. I said it's capital a
(12:07):
dollar sign the number five
H o one e there's your password
Which by the way, fuck you man, because i'm gonna start using that one
That's gonna be a new variant to my fucking repertoire. I appreciate you jake
You're the man. I got you done. You know what you always have and I love that
(12:30):
This has been more of a counseling session than anything and I love that
We literally just had this conversation about our last episode. We were like these are like therapy sessions
Yeah, man, it is. Yeah, and I need this
You know not for nothing, but my wife who is a doll by the way, jake
Oh, yeah. Yeah, she's a librarian. She's a teacher. She's a servant leader
That's awesome all those things that you ever want out of a good human being right? Yeah, but she also likes
(12:56):
Padrone cigars. She rides a harley road glide special
You know one of these kind of people that you just never saw coming
So she does her very best to keep me aj squared away and I can get very sporty
jake's probably seen it a couple of times I get very very sporty when it comes to certain things
Yeah, and uh and turn into a real special dickhead
(13:16):
And then after I get done with it, it's off my chest, right? My the pressure's gone except. I feel like a douche now
Yeah
To add what uh what don was saying about melissa when don and I did our episode a lot was edited out
When you feed melissa jack honey
Special things happen
(13:38):
I don't know that i've ever done dark liquor before and i'm scared because
I'm gonna tell you i'll tell you the story in short and you could you could you could leave this in the show jake
There was so jake and I were playing a show one night with a musician friend of ours
And when I don't know we had like six fucking guitars on stage. It was just one of those
And uh jake and I were having we were having a blast
(13:58):
I don't know if jake was playing fucking drums or if he was playing a bass and the guitar at the same time
Fucking no
So and this was this was right by his house
This was up on the hill and not too far from us and we lived in we lived in gallatin tennessee at the time
And they had a tray of brown liquor out there. Uh, I think it was jack honey
We're pretty sure it was it wouldn't have mattered and she got fucking hammered and she got hammered to the point where
(14:22):
That like words didn't mean shit to her
And anyway jake and I chased her up and down that goddamn mountain a couple of times
She was fucking driving on the road. I said go back to the bar and pull over
So she she made it back to the bar barely and uh, and so I chewed her ass out
Right, like like like I was her daddy all the way back to gallatin probably a 30 minute drive. I wore
(14:45):
Her the fuck out. I mean just bad
There was a point when she says I need help pulling my boots off. She says I need some hands
She was fucking hammered. I pulled the boot off and handed it to her
But when I handed it to her she grabbed it and fucking hit me in the face with the heel
she
(15:05):
She had had enough of her of her wonderful husband trying to make a point and she fucking cold cocked the shit out of me
And it was and and here's the thing though
You know, you know if there's little moments in life and I was bleeding like a hog
We woke up the next morning looking at each other like the fuck happened last night
What happened though jake and I never told you this that was the day I realized that maybe
(15:26):
I really love this woman, you know, sometimes you have those you have those epiphanies. You're like she just whooped my ass and I loved it
I I know not not that she hit me in the face. Um, I did to to an extent kind of dig that
Um, but because it showed that she she wouldn't I didn't have a yes person. You understand what I mean by that?
(15:46):
Yeah, right, but it scared me so fucking bad at jake
I mean jake saw some emotion come out of me that night that was like, uh, that's pretty fucking rare
But yeah, she hit me in the goddamn face with that boot and I mean, uh like like a pro
So we knocked sense in the end and knocked the dog shit out of me
I was the best so to backtrack just a little bit don was right
(16:07):
I lived like a quarter of a mile from this bar. Like I lived I lived that close, right?
So I actually went home. I was actually home. I had just walked in the fucking door don's blown up my phone jake
I need you back up the bar. I'm like what are we doing a fucking encore? What what he said? No, he said
Melissa is in her fucking truck driving down the fucking mountain
I'm like i'll be right there and literally I was there like in two minutes. So we're we're oh, that was crazy
(16:32):
Yeah, but now at the end of the day
We uh, we made it everybody that in fact, no one even got hurt
So no one went to jail and the only person that got I got popped in the face and I fucking earned it
I deserved it. So let's talk about pit diapers the pit diaper the fucking pit diaper
How could I have forgotten the pit diaper if you find one buy it i'll pay you back
(16:55):
So don on that episode when I said to samantha I said how scary is it that I know two people that would buy that and use it
Um, I will fucking definitely do that
And listen my moshi samantha my mosh pit days were not
metal
Girljam was the greatest mosh pit of all time i'd ever been in and wow it was at that point when I should have said man
(17:16):
If I can only come up with a way for these people to piss
on themselves
And and have a collector's item and maybe even save that I don't know
To keep from having to leave this awesome pit
Go to the head come back
Reestablish
Fucking bitch. Of course, you know what? I don't do that anymore. I'm such a sweetheart now these days
(00:10):
I'm about to sell this shit on eBay because you know what? I don't give a fuck
No fucks given it's gonna step away real quick to grab me another cup of coffee because while we're waiting on fucking Don to
Get his shit together. I drank the fucking coffee
Hey Don check out this shirt go fuck yourself. I love that
I'm Jake Jacobs and you're listening to what the fuck
(00:39):
So this is the episode where Samantha and Don converge and this is either gonna be a
case of organized chaos a clusterfuck or a train wreck and maybe a combination of all three but
Welcome to the shit show and let's see what happens. Well, yeah
(01:01):
Hey, good night everybody
This is a good night Cleveland dude, we're in Detroit
So Samantha Jake and I've been working together for a long time just kind of the entertainment business and you're very entertaining too
So I I try when I heard you I heard your last show and I was like, holy shit, man
I love this Carol. Let's let's uh, let's get together and see if we can't come up with some just a good conversation
(01:26):
Yeah, especially
Initially, you know, so I got a phone happened this week
and I know the keep our names kind of protected for the you know to protect the innocent but
You know, I started with this new company about three months ago
I got the CEO that I ever portrayed the CEO disguise
He's a sharp guy really is but he's he's had to do this job so long by himself and just challenging his pace and intensity is
(01:49):
Way up there. There's nobody like this guy
But he I basically my 90-day review got worn the fuck out like I didn't know what I was doing. Oh shit
So it was like, alright, here's the thing. I said first off
I need you to get the fuck out of my way
And so it's very micromanagerial it with a little bit of narcissists mixed in I'm listening to this shit
(02:12):
I'm going I don't think he realizes that every word coming out his mouth it falls right in line with
Narcissism and a micro management and so the whole time I'm just listening to the and he likes to test people which is fine
He's like, well, I stopped calling you because I was kind of testing to see when you'd call me. I was like, well, I won't
Be like we ain't in a relationship. Why do I need to call you?
(02:34):
Just ask you to get out of my way so I can do the job you hired me to do
Well, you kind of got to earn that I'm like, do you fucking hear yourself? And so I just kept pushing it
Yeah, I'm pushing it. I'm gonna earn being left alone. I'm like
And by the end of it, I was like, listen, I'll tell you what I'm gonna do
I'm gonna call you every day you want to hear from me malicious compliance
I'll call you you want to know and take a shit. You want to know when I
(02:55):
Yeah, you want to swear you're gonna breathe for the fifth time today like currently wiping my ass back to front
I shook three times instead of two today
Oh
And I was fucking shocked you because I've been I've been an executive in this business for a lot of years
But I was just like listening to this shit going does this guy even know?
What the fuck is coming out of his mouth and that you talk about a what the fuck moment
(03:16):
I was like, dude, you hired me on because you have been in a position for a long long time that it just you needed some relief
So I try to give him relief and he doesn't want it. So I'm like, you know what?
Did he work his way up to the position he's in or was this like a gifted to him kind of job?
There's a long story behind I mean the guy
His family had a business. He ran it for a long long time
(03:36):
He did some good things and and then you know, there were some acquisitions made
Corporate level acquisitions some big companies some some people sold some shits people bought some shit
I don't want to get too, you know specific about it. But he was a good choice for CEO
No doubt about it. The guys earned his way up there
But because I was gonna say if he just was handed the job and didn't go through the ranks understand like
(03:57):
People gotta do what they gotta do the way they gotta do it
So he's earned the right to be a fucking idiot. Is that what you're saying?
Yeah, yeah, I mean
It truly has and
Shout out to you CEO if you listen to this
I don't give a shit. He can listen to it. He's a grown man
He doesn't think personal
We'll get through it. It's only been it's been 90 days
But he I'm pretty sure he expected me to have the world turned around
(04:19):
You know this big ass ship turned around by then and it ain't even close anyway
That was a what the fuck
It's hard to repair a ship when it's actively sinking bro. Yeah
And and it and right now it's actively sinking and uh, I've got some really great ideas to not sink it but
He doesn't really want to sink it
But he doesn't really want to help so he keeps punching holes in it
(04:40):
So Jake and I met in 2010 doing some music shit and at some point in I think was like 2014 I left
They they shot my ass up in Chicago. I went up there and played some music and left there
I got fired because I wasn't one of the in the good old boy club
Which I thought you couldn't have slapped a smile off my face that day
(05:02):
It was the best and my wife and I moved to Arizona and then at some point we moved back to Nashville
So we made the full circle and and now we're back in Florida where we started to begin with
Well, I wouldn't recommend moving to Florida anyways because I like cold weather. I don't like warm weather
I don't like waking up and getting up my ass crack swampy every day
I live in Jacksonville, North Carolina
(05:24):
That is not good. Jay Vegas, North Carolina. I'm literally like less than five miles off the entrance to Camp Lejeune
It's a marine town. I can tell you that. Oh, yeah. Is it? Yeah, that's the best. Yeah
Yeah, there's a lot of so no chance of a husband coming out of that
No, no
So my daughter again, she's 14
(05:44):
I had the last time I dated was probably when she was like two honestly and it's it's been it's not like been a forced
celibacy by any means it's been more of a
as a single parent with
only my close friends and family as a support system and
She's just as freaking ADHD autism as me and she's also got odd. So oppositional defiance disorder
(06:05):
So at a very young age growing up has been a lot for me to handle and a lot for me to deal with
So it's like my priority is not having like a partner per se right now
It's making sure that she's makes it out of teen hood into adulthood alive
Yeah, whether by my hand or something else
I'll say it's so like so it's just been like I I haven't it's been on my back burner to
(06:30):
Need to have a partner but i'm like and I know i'm like i'm sitting there
I'm like, yeah as a single parent, it's difficult
But at the same time it's like having to learn someone new which as we know from last week's episode, uh
Trying to learn someone new is a fucking nightmare and i'm like, I don't have the bandwidth to learn a new person
It hurts to fart. That's the one that got me here
that cracked me i'd listened to your episode on that samatha and
(06:52):
The hurts to fart guy. I cannot fucking fathom
It wasn't even all of it like he edited some of the like stream of consciousness
Conversation out of some of the wild shit he said but like yeah
I'm like to try and have to learn a new person but then also have to have them learn
Eventually my child and like that it just it was a lot and I was like this is too much
(07:15):
Too much going on with me trying to like and then having to move and then all this other shit
So I was like, you know what i'm perfectly content right now being a single parent not having a partner at this point in my life
Like i'm okay with it. I'm not like sitting there like oh my god. I wish I was in a relationship. No
I am not one who's like
(07:35):
Needs to be in a relationship to thrive. I've made it this far and i'm still alive
I have a what the fuck concerning children
Uh, okay
This is a little bit more of a serious one and i'm trying to find the humor in it and the humor is going to be
When my daughter gets better she wants to be on the show because my daughter is a 35 year old female version of me
(07:56):
Personality wise. Yes. Cuss is like a sailor
She speaks her mind and she wants to be on the show
But right now she's having a hard time talking because she has a blood clot
One large blood clot and several small ones in her right lung
damn
A couple days before the new year. She ended up in the er
She couldn't breathe and they ran a whole shit load of tests and that's what they found now
(08:19):
Here's here's a little bit of a backstory almost exactly this same time last year
She was in a car accident and her hip was broken the bonnet has the the ball that goes into the hip socket
That sheared off so they had to go in do emergency surgery. They had to put hardware in to reattach that
So she healed time went on, you know, she's you know, went back to work and everything and then almost exactly a year
(08:44):
To the day she's in the hospital with blood clots
So they're thinking possibly that was part of the cause because blood clots from your legs will travel up and eventually get into your lungs
And the other part is birth control. So double whammy. She almost spent the night in the er
They wanted to keep her but they didn't have any room
So she didn't she didn't get a room until late in the night of that first night
And then she was in a hospital for three or four days sent her home and then two days later
(09:06):
She was back in the er again because she couldn't breathe. This is some scary shit. Yeah scary shit truly
What the fuck? I mean, yeah, it's better shit. Yeah, it doesn't smoke doesn't drink. Well, she drinks but not not like that
She's a fucking problem right there
She's a good girl
Yeah, like almost a year to the day. It's just it was like really but when she gets her voice back
(09:31):
She's gonna be on the show and you will see what I mean when I say she is the female embodiment of jake
Yeah, yeah, and jake i'm glad you introduced us because you could be my sister literally
There was a time I didn't start drinking until I joined the navy
So when I decided when I made a choice to stop drinking because I just recognized that I was irresponsible as fuck
Yeah, you know with a capital af I just stopped drinking. It never bothered me same thing when I was
(09:55):
Smoked and I'm like, yeah
Like what the fuck am I doing this for I stopped that right? I got there
I'm like I probably taste like an ashtray to anybody that kisses me like yeah
And I so yeah, I I don't have an addictive personality. What I do have is an adhd personality and it's bad
Sometimes so I hyper fixate really easy on shit. I get really been out of shape when to your expertise
(10:17):
If I forget my password or if I just put the password in because I have about a half a dozen passwords
I use right? I kind of I keep it mixed up not probably not enough, but it's like, okay
I use this password. They're a variation of each other after three times. I lose my mind and it doesn't matter what it is
I
There was a time though when I lived in Nashville the first time my wife and I lived in this really nice condo
(10:38):
It went downstairs to the garage
So we had this straight stairway when you came up the stairway
The first thing you saw was my desk and and I worked from home
This was back when mac was plastic. Remember the macbook bros were plastic
My brother still has his got the aluminum cases on him. So this is where it started
And I remember just I'd get pissed off at something and I don't like to stay pissed off hurts my heart
(11:01):
I'm generally a happy guy. I'm a nice person generally speaking
I can make you feel like a million bucks
But with the theory of equal opposite reaction, I could also make you feel like a total turd piece of shit
And I don't like that part of me
But there was a time when I would be on my computer working whatever and something wouldn't work and I couldn't figure it out
And my adh do it kicking so badly that I didn't want to ask for help. You know, I mean, you know samantha how it is
(11:23):
Oh, yeah, I would whip that motherfucker down range
Oh, so I had a metal door down at the garage downstairs and I bounced that mac off that metal door down there
I went through about five laptops in one year
Jesus and I recognized that perhaps
That's an expensive anger. It was not cheap. So yeah, I realized I was like man
(11:46):
I maybe I have a problem here
Yeah, I got a couple couple couple g's worth of problems. I went to my wife. I was like, what do you think's wrong?
What do you think's wrong with me? She's like, I don't know you fucked up in the head
So every now and then I would get a text like what's my fucking password?
And the running joke was I came up with this password for all our friends that would send me that text. I said it's capital a
(12:07):
dollar sign the number five
H o one e there's your password
Which by the way, fuck you man, because i'm gonna start using that one
That's gonna be a new variant to my fucking repertoire. I appreciate you jake
You're the man. I got you done. You know what you always have and I love that
(12:30):
This has been more of a counseling session than anything and I love that
We literally just had this conversation about our last episode. We were like these are like therapy sessions
Yeah, man, it is. Yeah, and I need this
You know not for nothing, but my wife who is a doll by the way, jake
Oh, yeah. Yeah, she's a librarian. She's a teacher. She's a servant leader
That's awesome all those things that you ever want out of a good human being right? Yeah, but she also likes
(12:56):
Padrone cigars. She rides a harley road glide special
You know one of these kind of people that you just never saw coming
So she does her very best to keep me aj squared away and I can get very sporty
jake's probably seen it a couple of times I get very very sporty when it comes to certain things
Yeah, and uh and turn into a real special dickhead
(13:16):
And then after I get done with it, it's off my chest, right? My the pressure's gone except. I feel like a douche now
Yeah
To add what uh what don was saying about melissa when don and I did our episode a lot was edited out
When you feed melissa jack honey
Special things happen
(13:38):
I don't know that i've ever done dark liquor before and i'm scared because
I'm gonna tell you i'll tell you the story in short and you could you could you could leave this in the show jake
There was so jake and I were playing a show one night with a musician friend of ours
And when I don't know we had like six fucking guitars on stage. It was just one of those
And uh jake and I were having we were having a blast
(13:58):
I don't know if jake was playing fucking drums or if he was playing a bass and the guitar at the same time
Fucking no
So and this was this was right by his house
This was up on the hill and not too far from us and we lived in we lived in gallatin tennessee at the time
And they had a tray of brown liquor out there. Uh, I think it was jack honey
We're pretty sure it was it wouldn't have mattered and she got fucking hammered and she got hammered to the point where
(14:22):
That like words didn't mean shit to her
And anyway jake and I chased her up and down that goddamn mountain a couple of times
She was fucking driving on the road. I said go back to the bar and pull over
So she she made it back to the bar barely and uh, and so I chewed her ass out
Right, like like like I was her daddy all the way back to gallatin probably a 30 minute drive. I wore
(14:45):
Her the fuck out. I mean just bad
There was a point when she says I need help pulling my boots off. She says I need some hands
She was fucking hammered. I pulled the boot off and handed it to her
But when I handed it to her she grabbed it and fucking hit me in the face with the heel
she
(15:05):
She had had enough of her of her wonderful husband trying to make a point and she fucking cold cocked the shit out of me
And it was and and here's the thing though
You know, you know if there's little moments in life and I was bleeding like a hog
We woke up the next morning looking at each other like the fuck happened last night
What happened though jake and I never told you this that was the day I realized that maybe
(15:26):
I really love this woman, you know, sometimes you have those you have those epiphanies. You're like she just whooped my ass and I loved it
I I know not not that she hit me in the face. Um, I did to to an extent kind of dig that
Um, but because it showed that she she wouldn't I didn't have a yes person. You understand what I mean by that?
(15:46):
Yeah, right, but it scared me so fucking bad at jake
I mean jake saw some emotion come out of me that night that was like, uh, that's pretty fucking rare
But yeah, she hit me in the goddamn face with that boot and I mean, uh like like a pro
So we knocked sense in the end and knocked the dog shit out of me
I was the best so to backtrack just a little bit don was right
(16:07):
I lived like a quarter of a mile from this bar. Like I lived I lived that close, right?
So I actually went home. I was actually home. I had just walked in the fucking door don's blown up my phone jake
I need you back up the bar. I'm like what are we doing a fucking encore? What what he said? No, he said
Melissa is in her fucking truck driving down the fucking mountain
I'm like i'll be right there and literally I was there like in two minutes. So we're we're oh, that was crazy
(16:32):
Yeah, but now at the end of the day
We uh, we made it everybody that in fact, no one even got hurt
So no one went to jail and the only person that got I got popped in the face and I fucking earned it
I deserved it. So let's talk about pit diapers the pit diaper the fucking pit diaper
How could I have forgotten the pit diaper if you find one buy it i'll pay you back
(16:55):
So don on that episode when I said to samantha I said how scary is it that I know two people that would buy that and use it
Um, I will fucking definitely do that
And listen my moshi samantha my mosh pit days were not
metal
Girljam was the greatest mosh pit of all time i'd ever been in and wow it was at that point when I should have said man
(17:16):
If I can only come up with a way for these people to piss
on themselves
And and have a collector's item and maybe even save that I don't know
To keep from having to leave this awesome pit
Go to the head come back
Reestablish
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