January 22, 2025 • 31 mins
Dive into the bizarre and mind-boggling world of the weirdest news stories! In this eye-opening video, we explore the most outrageous headlines and strange occurrences that will leave you questioning the very fabric of reality. From unbelievable animal encounters to peculiar human behaviors, these stories are sure to astonish you.
Join us as we break down each story, providing context and insights that highlight just how strange our world can be. Whether you're a fan of the unusual or just looking for a good laugh, this compilation of weird news is perfect for you!
Don't forget to like, subscribe, and hit the notification bell to stay updated on our latest content exploring the weird and wonderful! What story surprised you the most? Let us know in the comments below!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Swear to Jesus
(00:03):
Ain't got nothing to do with this
That's all you all man-made right there. Oh booty right here. There's a man-made booty. Yeah
Poor chair. I
Couldn't do that because you don't have the power of the do
Do not a sponsor
(00:30):
Do do yeah, I don't got the power to do do my ass
My eyes are brown you want to play rocket league no
Why
Does it bring parts of you out that I don't know I am very competitive and I and the whole world
(01:02):
Does it yeah, okay
Ready or PB gets the end of it to when he plays with him Wow F and PB take the ball
Oh
The following program is rated TV MA
(01:22):
What you are about to watch contains explicit language adult themes violence and may not be suitable for viewers under 18
Viewer discretion is strongly advised
What the nuts
(01:43):
Welcome to what the nuts I'm your host the blue-collar Joe, that's it's a mystery and
And I'm such a mystery sure are
and
There's a new episode. This is episode 75 you guys you guys we made it to episode 75 of my bullshit
(02:06):
right here
Right here on the podcast on the what the nuts what the nuts
Yeah, what do you think about that, huh? Did you think we were gonna last 75 episodes I
Think we lost me at 69. Ah, you said the dirty bird right there
(02:46):
I'm curious
I knew he'd always
That's because mr. Rogers are freaking the sheets. I'm tell you that right now
you know, I know and
How about pounding can you pound in the sheets?
(03:09):
I'd be on the trolley train. Oh my god
There's some Muppets there too around you know, oh my Jesus somebody
My god, you're so dirty
(03:33):
All right
You ready to jump in these fucking way and whacked out stories jump it in I got up
What are we what are we trying to fucking get into a gang or something? Yeah shit was that?
I'll fucking know about you. I just can't with you. I just can't with you today
(03:58):
You can never do it to any day. Yeah
New
You're doing great buddy. Awesome
Fantastic. All right. So our first story takes us to
Australia oh
(04:18):
No, no, no
My bad. I forgot is the Australian man on the Gold Coast that's in Africa
Yeah, I don't know geography cuz you know
American schools suck ass I
Used to have a little globe around here I could fucking point to it, but I don't know where it's at
(04:43):
You did?
Yeah
It was supposed to be filled with whiskey
You're on that bullshit you're on that bullshit I think it's up there yet is it's up there
It's on the cabinet in the other side of the room you guys
Good place for it, huh?
(05:08):
If I had something good to look at back here, I wouldn't have a green screen
All right. Hey, let's jump in this shit
Let's jump in this shit. Okay, so the Daily Mail reported that 29 year old
Jake Brown made the fatal decision to jump over the barrier
So there apparently there's a barrier that keeps the sharks out so that folks
Can swim right there because I guess off the coast of Africa
(05:34):
Sharks they get kind of big and they could eat you whole
So it jumps over the barrier
and the last thing onlookers heard was
Hold my beer
Seriously, yeah
(05:54):
Hold my beer. Yeah, he said
He said hold my beer as he jumped over the edge. That's kind of rude. You want to share with the sharks?
Someone said stop but you can see what was going to happen
It was plain painfully obvious and they found his body later on they found his
So the sharks spit him out
Yeah, he must have not he must have not
(06:16):
He must have not fucking tasted very good
The sharks were like this this this is not this is not sushi
No, this is Australian meat
It's kind of gamey
It's kind of gamey
(06:42):
Fucking dumb
It's already good it's really good. All right, uh
This takes us to you England
English vicar stands accused of ruining Christmas for
A class of year six students. So year six. What's that?
(07:04):
Any garden first grade something like that?
First grade, huh? Yeah
So apparently this jackal this priest was like he's a priest yeah, he's a vicar
Okay
You say vicar? I kind of would where'd you think go on tell us, you know
(07:27):
Tell us me my dirty bird my what is a vicar?
a vicar? I don't know
I don't know what a vicar is. What's a fucking vicar? He's a alcoholic. He's a part of the church
What makes him a vicar? I don't know
Okay, I think he's a priest like a like the head guy. I don't know. I don't know. I'm not I'm not Catholic
(07:51):
But he told a whole class
Of kids that there's no fucking Santa Claus, right and they were distraught
These fucking kids were like what?
And so now he has to apologize because he's a fucking prick
You don't you don't you just fucked up a bunch of kids
(08:14):
They've been they've been lied to for six years they've been lied to for six years and now they know it
Right. Yeah
Yep, yeah, pretty sad pretty nightmares
Very sad. All right. This is next story is in Spain
(08:35):
Australia Spain Spanish police use Google Maps images to solve tricky murder case
They have a picture of him
They have a picture of this dude while he's putting shit in the trunk
Does he look like hamburger? No, no
so
(08:58):
The okay, so
Spanish police have credited recent Google Maps update for providing them with evidence of crucial crucial to solving a murder case
That had that they have been involved in a murder case
That had that they have been investigating for over a year. So dude has the body
Fucking he walks out to his car Google Maps car fucking drives by
(09:27):
Smile yeah, hey dummy if you don't want to be on the Google Maps car
I mean you never know when that little bitch is gonna be fucking cruising around your neighborhood though
That's true. You can walk around in your house naked with your windows open. Oh, yeah, but they're they blur you out
Yeah, right. They do
(09:49):
They blur out fucking all kinds of shit. And why didn't he blur out the neck that guy with a dead body?
That's because Google is a snitch
If you didn't know Google snitches on everybody
That's my theory. That's my theory. I think Google and and fucking
Uh Facebook they all snitch on you
(10:09):
um
I forgot where I was going that anyways
Fucking all right. So there's a picture here, right and it shows him with this fucking uh, uh, like sheet drape body
And he's putting it in the car
Well, how they know it's not a dummy
(10:31):
They don't
They don't but it's in the area where the person lived because it could be his playboy
So they have those blow up dolls
I mean i'm trying to be
Devil's advocate. Yeah. Yeah, I know
The rest of this fool he's in jail now
(10:52):
I would tell him lead the fifth that's your oh no. He's uh, uh, no spain. There's no fifth
That was my buddy. That was my friend
That's and there's no fifth over there. That was my friend. I just
They don't have they don't have amendments like us. They don't have that
Oh
(11:12):
They can they beat your ass and tell you fucking tell on yourself
That's how they do it
I tried that's how they do it homie
Tried you tried what?
You know my alibi
No
What was that?
What was that?
(11:32):
Oh my jesus
I don't know what that was but I think
I think jimmy finally decided it was gonna burp. I guess so earlier. I guess so
All right
This one takes us to texas. Remember I told you there was a story in texas
(11:53):
This was the one I fucking forgot forgot
Yeah, that good that you forgot. Yeah, is that good? All right, so
So I don't know if you're allowed to have this kind of animals in texas
All right
but
Earlier this month or last month I should say last month
(12:18):
Yes
um
The spider monkey was running around texas neighborhood just chilling. Oh, I want a spider monkey. No, fuck
No, you know what because spider monkeys if you piss them off, they will fucking eat your face off when you're sleeping
What?
Yes
oh
(12:38):
Fuck I didn't know
Oh animal care officers in texas were summoned to a neighborhood to round up an unusual and
illegal escape pet
a spider monkey
um
(12:58):
They were 13 miles south of the city
Officers arrived and observed the small primate running across rooftops and vaulting
over fences
the officers were able to safely capture the monkey and return it to
To the animals owner the owner who did not live in the area were informed that exotic animals are not legal to keep as pets
(13:25):
in the area
And they received a citation for it
That's it. Yeah. Well, they're gonna give them back their damn monkey
Uh, especially if they're okay so like
Like you live in a state where it's
legal to own a monkey
Uh a monkey like in let's say for new for instance, new york. You have to get a license to own like a monkey or something
(13:53):
But is that what the same true in texas? No
Texas don't have that shit
Texas hates animals can't you tell they fucking raise cows?
I was trying to you know, never mind that story that happened what story like three or four months ago
About the guy it went viral on tik tok. They had the animal
(14:16):
Yeah, but he wasn't in he wasn't in work
Yeah, he was in new york and the reason they fucking took his they took his his animal right was because
his uh
his
permit except for
his permit expired
(14:36):
Okay, and they wouldn't fucking and and they wouldn't give him another one
So they came and fucking killed his animals
All right. I was just trying to yeah. No, no, it's fucking no. No, that was a different fucking story
But what what makes it different if it's a monkey that you're not supposed to have why would they give it back to him?
What are they gonna do with it? What are they gonna do with it?
(14:58):
I'm gonna fucking euthanize it. They did the other guys. That's what i'm trying to figure out. Okay. Okay. All right
texas
They're not gonna fucking take your shit new york gonna fucking steal everything you've got all right
Now do you get it you're you're talking about two different like two different countries
(15:19):
California California fucking take your shit, too
People people in the middle of the country they just like oh, okay. You're not you're not harming this animal
You're you're fucking this animal obviously likes you and
Knows you
Hey, I know you're passing through fucking uh san antonio
(15:43):
With your but you got to take this back where you fucking came from next time don't bring it
Here's a fucking 250 dollar fine
That's the difference
Yeah, new york will fuck you every time so so we'll fucking california
(16:05):
Anyways, so we're gonna do this
New york will fuck you every time so so we'll fucking california anyways
All right
So I know you saw this during the holiday season
Cars with fucking christmas lights on them driving down the road annoying as fuck
(16:28):
Yeah
It's it's um, so guess what the distraction causes accidents. So guess what?
In wyoming
It's against the law they take your car away
Hmm pardon me so police in wyoming are reminding residents to decorate their homes
(16:53):
Instead of their vehicles
Uh driver was pulled over
Uh, the wyoming highway patrol shared the photos showing a ford mustang pulled over by a trooper who?
Who noticed the entire vehicle decked out with colorful lights?
See, that's the other thing is uh, some some states, you know the them lights that go underneath the yeah
(17:18):
That go under some of them. You can't have that
like here where we live oklahoma and
texas
as long as it's not
As long as it's not red or blue lights and they're not flashing
You can have whatever color you want under there
But you just can't you just can't have
emergency lights emergency colors
(17:42):
Uh, let's see here
The statute in question states that no person shall drive or move any vehicle or equipment
upon any high highway
With any lamp or device they're incapable of displaying red or blue lights visible
(18:04):
And therefore
You cannot put christmas lights. Otherwise, you have to pull all the fucking red and blue ones off
And what are you left with green and yellow?
Those are not christmas colors
so
I
Anyhow, I think it's a distraction. Anyways, is it yeah there's I've
(18:29):
He dried around here
there was quite a few like that and it makes people look and
There there it's like having a phone in your hand, right? Oh, yeah, it takes your eyes off the road for sure
Right. So I think it's important that you
You make sure you're well, there's there's two reactions. There's oh my god. Look at that. And then there's what a fucking dumbass
(18:51):
Right. I mean I i've seen one i've seen one, uh after christmas, uh in our neighborhood that did it
And the tape they used their whole fucking car was covered with a little fucking you could tell where the tape was
Yeah
And it's like you just fucked your car off
Now you gotta fucking now you gotta you know
(19:12):
Buff it out or whatever, you know
I just leave it and it's not and it's not like you can just use goof off on it and fucking
Because that'll take your paint off your car too or the clear coat. It'll take the clear coat off your car
right
So it's just like, you know, it's thinking
It makes me think that fucking some people are smart well
(19:37):
I think
I think they're uh, they're in the holiday spirit, but they are misdirected
They need to be like more family more
Instead of fucking let's let's just annoy everybody in the world, right? Yeah
All right, guess what
(19:58):
Guess what
Next segment. I have run out of shit
I'm just kidding
It is time for duh
It is
It's time for florida man you need jesus
(20:21):
Jesus christ, that's jason born. You two motherfuckers need jesus
holy jesus
This first florida man takes us to
You where are we at here where we at here this guy he's a fucking super winner
He is a super winner fort Myers beach florida
(20:45):
All right
so florida man was taken to jail after he allegedly burglarized a mini golf course
Jesus so apparently this dude
Some balls in the hole before I put his balls in a hole. Oh his balls
(21:09):
His balls and a hole so any hole
Many balls in the hole. So the alarm went off, right? This dude busts a window out opens the door fucking right goes inside
Okay
Apparently when he showed up he had all his clothes on
(21:30):
Right what a private showing with his balls and then after like after a little while
Like it shows that
It shows him wandering around with nothing on only freaking underwears definitely a private showing
I think
(21:52):
I think he was on that fucking mess
No, it's the bath salts. I think it was the bath salts. Yeah florida likes to do bath salt
True they do they do
So, uh on the property debbie's observed several broken decorations a broken door
a broken window
(22:14):
um
Along with broken fire extinguishers. So this guy was just like fucking
Running a mutt like what's he doing with the fireworks? I don't know. There's no there's no video footage
I didn't get the chance to watch the video footage, but this guy
This guy is a real fucking wiener. He only did uh
Definitely a wiener. Yeah, he only did approximately 490 dollars in damage
(22:39):
That's it. Yeah, that's like malicious mischief. Yeah, it's like malicious mischief
Or he probably peed on something. I don't know. Oh jeez
Probably did
Yeah, yeah
Okay, okay, here we go
Okay, here we go
(23:00):
Now I did not know that this website was still up. I had I was under the impression that
Craigslist was no longer a thing
It's a thing
Apparently well, you know because after the craigslist killer, I thought maybe they shut the website down because you know
But apparently apparently it's still a thing, right?
(23:20):
So florida man trying to buy crack on craigslist arrested when undercutter were deputies answer the ad
So this fuckhead
In uh, bona fay
Uh, let's see here. So he made an ad he was like new to the area
Looking for some ice or crack
(23:41):
Like like hey cops i'm i'm right here i'm right here apparently
I didn't think the cops thought craigslist
So he thought he'd be safe
Maybe
According to the homes county sheriff office
Investigators responded to the ad posed as sellers and set up a meeting with the individual
(24:05):
Deputies say
Uh the gentleman
Uh the gentleman
Negotiated to buy an eight ball of methamphetamines for 80
That's a cheap ass fucking methamphetamine right there. Yeah, that'd be
Shit, I was getting eight balls for 120
(24:26):
please
First clue there, I guess. Yeah, you know with inflation. Yeah, it should have been a lot more than that
I'm telling you i'm telling you so that would tell me uh, this is a sting because who's gonna give me that that much more
Oh shit, okay, so after finalizing the deal investigators met meta
(24:50):
Uh met met the gentleman
Uh at the agreed location when the pair exchanged the money for drugs
All they got fucking busted
So apparently there was two of them. There was not just one guy. There was two guys
And they both look like methods
They do uh, they were charged for purchase and unlawful use of a two-way communication device
(25:18):
Haha, yeah you fucked up bro
So his companion was also arrested for being a principal to the purchase of methamphetamine
So whatever that fucking means that means that he that means he got fucking
He got there for being fucking uh guilty by association
(25:40):
I'll leave on for the ride
Right. I was just there for moral support. Oh shit. Yeah, no shit
Here we go. Here we go. Here we go. Here we go. Ready?
Ready? Here we go. Ready? Ready. I'm holding on to my underwear. Okay, half naked florida man high on meth breaks into home
(26:01):
grabs residents carpet cleaner
Oh, I was trying to clean his peepee. He was trying to clean something. Yeah, he might have been trying to suck his peepee off. Uh
Florida man told police he doesn't remember breaking into the into the home wearing only his shirt because
He was on drugs. Why would you do that?
(26:24):
Just take the fucking just take the breaking entering right? Don't say you were on drugs because guess what then they're like under the influence
uh possession of drug paraphernalia
More and more and more. Yeah, he's trying to get life
Every oven
I can vacuum all the second he needs
(26:57):
Did you hear the second he needs yes I did I did you need to talk more into the microphone
Well, I was sure if I should say that though
But if you think about it, he broke into the place to get a what was it a carpet machine?
Uh, okay. Yeah, so according to the winter haven police department, uh, the gentleman
(27:18):
The resident yelled
And the man who immediately ran out of the home dropping the carpet cleaner
Well, he got caught getting his peepee. Yeah
Officer said they found him
in the area
And uh, he broke into the home by kicking the door in
Well, someone kicks in my door I think I would know someone's kicking in my door
(27:43):
right
all right, which doesn't make any kind of sense to me because
It must be it must be one of them older doors
And how would he find where the carpet machine was so fast
It was in the living room probably
Don't make any damn sense. Yeah, I know. I know
(28:08):
So all he's being charged with is uh burglary of an occupied well dwelling
Yeah, he's a winner. He's a winner. They got there's a picture of him here. He didn't get the vacuum. No, no
No
Because he didn't steal nothing
I
Wouldn't want the vacuum cleaner back anyway after i've been on there I know right
(28:32):
That's fucking gross. That's called sloppy seconds. You don't know where that shit's been
He might have been putting his wiener in dead fucking possums
Oh, you remember the other floor man, yeah
That was a reference to another episode you guys
Please all right. Anyways, thank you for fucking joining us. That's our show. That's our show
(28:59):
Uh
We
Would like to invite you to go ahead and hit that like button and subscribe
Please do. Oh, yeah
Subscribe subscribe subscribe. All right, and go check out what the nuts.com. Check out what the nuts
In utz
(29:20):
Uh dot com all one word no spaces
No spaces no spaces
All right, you guys have a super fine one
And we're gone
Tss like a fart no end
(30:04):
So
So
(30:36):
So
(31:06):
So
I heard you've been looking for me bitch. Here I go. I heard you've been looking for me bitch. Here I go
I hear that you're looking for me bitch. Here I go
Swear to Jesus
(00:03):
Ain't got nothing to do with this
That's all you all man-made right there. Oh booty right here. There's a man-made booty. Yeah
Poor chair. I
Couldn't do that because you don't have the power of the do
Do not a sponsor
(00:30):
Do do yeah, I don't got the power to do do my ass
My eyes are brown you want to play rocket league no
Why
Does it bring parts of you out that I don't know I am very competitive and I and the whole world
(01:02):
Does it yeah, okay
Ready or PB gets the end of it to when he plays with him Wow F and PB take the ball
Oh
The following program is rated TV MA
(01:22):
What you are about to watch contains explicit language adult themes violence and may not be suitable for viewers under 18
Viewer discretion is strongly advised
What the nuts
(01:43):
Welcome to what the nuts I'm your host the blue-collar Joe, that's it's a mystery and
And I'm such a mystery sure are
and
There's a new episode. This is episode 75 you guys you guys we made it to episode 75 of my bullshit
(02:06):
right here
Right here on the podcast on the what the nuts what the nuts
Yeah, what do you think about that, huh? Did you think we were gonna last 75 episodes I
Think we lost me at 69. Ah, you said the dirty bird right there
(02:46):
I'm curious
I knew he'd always
That's because mr. Rogers are freaking the sheets. I'm tell you that right now
you know, I know and
How about pounding can you pound in the sheets?
(03:09):
I'd be on the trolley train. Oh my god
There's some Muppets there too around you know, oh my Jesus somebody
My god, you're so dirty
(03:33):
All right
You ready to jump in these fucking way and whacked out stories jump it in I got up
What are we what are we trying to fucking get into a gang or something? Yeah shit was that?
I'll fucking know about you. I just can't with you. I just can't with you today
(03:58):
You can never do it to any day. Yeah
New
You're doing great buddy. Awesome
Fantastic. All right. So our first story takes us to
Australia oh
(04:18):
No, no, no
My bad. I forgot is the Australian man on the Gold Coast that's in Africa
Yeah, I don't know geography cuz you know
American schools suck ass I
Used to have a little globe around here I could fucking point to it, but I don't know where it's at
(04:43):
You did?
Yeah
It was supposed to be filled with whiskey
You're on that bullshit you're on that bullshit I think it's up there yet is it's up there
It's on the cabinet in the other side of the room you guys
Good place for it, huh?
(05:08):
If I had something good to look at back here, I wouldn't have a green screen
All right. Hey, let's jump in this shit
Let's jump in this shit. Okay, so the Daily Mail reported that 29 year old
Jake Brown made the fatal decision to jump over the barrier
So there apparently there's a barrier that keeps the sharks out so that folks
Can swim right there because I guess off the coast of Africa
(05:34):
Sharks they get kind of big and they could eat you whole
So it jumps over the barrier
and the last thing onlookers heard was
Hold my beer
Seriously, yeah
(05:54):
Hold my beer. Yeah, he said
He said hold my beer as he jumped over the edge. That's kind of rude. You want to share with the sharks?
Someone said stop but you can see what was going to happen
It was plain painfully obvious and they found his body later on they found his
So the sharks spit him out
Yeah, he must have not he must have not
(06:16):
He must have not fucking tasted very good
The sharks were like this this this is not this is not sushi
No, this is Australian meat
It's kind of gamey
It's kind of gamey
(06:42):
Fucking dumb
It's already good it's really good. All right, uh
This takes us to you England
English vicar stands accused of ruining Christmas for
A class of year six students. So year six. What's that?
(07:04):
Any garden first grade something like that?
First grade, huh? Yeah
So apparently this jackal this priest was like he's a priest yeah, he's a vicar
Okay
You say vicar? I kind of would where'd you think go on tell us, you know
(07:27):
Tell us me my dirty bird my what is a vicar?
a vicar? I don't know
I don't know what a vicar is. What's a fucking vicar? He's a alcoholic. He's a part of the church
What makes him a vicar? I don't know
Okay, I think he's a priest like a like the head guy. I don't know. I don't know. I'm not I'm not Catholic
(07:51):
But he told a whole class
Of kids that there's no fucking Santa Claus, right and they were distraught
These fucking kids were like what?
And so now he has to apologize because he's a fucking prick
You don't you don't you just fucked up a bunch of kids
(08:14):
They've been they've been lied to for six years they've been lied to for six years and now they know it
Right. Yeah
Yep, yeah, pretty sad pretty nightmares
Very sad. All right. This is next story is in Spain
(08:35):
Australia Spain Spanish police use Google Maps images to solve tricky murder case
They have a picture of him
They have a picture of this dude while he's putting shit in the trunk
Does he look like hamburger? No, no
so
(08:58):
The okay, so
Spanish police have credited recent Google Maps update for providing them with evidence of crucial crucial to solving a murder case
That had that they have been involved in a murder case
That had that they have been investigating for over a year. So dude has the body
Fucking he walks out to his car Google Maps car fucking drives by
(09:27):
Smile yeah, hey dummy if you don't want to be on the Google Maps car
I mean you never know when that little bitch is gonna be fucking cruising around your neighborhood though
That's true. You can walk around in your house naked with your windows open. Oh, yeah, but they're they blur you out
Yeah, right. They do
(09:49):
They blur out fucking all kinds of shit. And why didn't he blur out the neck that guy with a dead body?
That's because Google is a snitch
If you didn't know Google snitches on everybody
That's my theory. That's my theory. I think Google and and fucking
Uh Facebook they all snitch on you
(10:09):
um
I forgot where I was going that anyways
Fucking all right. So there's a picture here, right and it shows him with this fucking uh, uh, like sheet drape body
And he's putting it in the car
Well, how they know it's not a dummy
(10:31):
They don't
They don't but it's in the area where the person lived because it could be his playboy
So they have those blow up dolls
I mean i'm trying to be
Devil's advocate. Yeah. Yeah, I know
The rest of this fool he's in jail now
(10:52):
I would tell him lead the fifth that's your oh no. He's uh, uh, no spain. There's no fifth
That was my buddy. That was my friend
That's and there's no fifth over there. That was my friend. I just
They don't have they don't have amendments like us. They don't have that
Oh
(11:12):
They can they beat your ass and tell you fucking tell on yourself
That's how they do it
I tried that's how they do it homie
Tried you tried what?
You know my alibi
No
What was that?
What was that?
(11:32):
Oh my jesus
I don't know what that was but I think
I think jimmy finally decided it was gonna burp. I guess so earlier. I guess so
All right
This one takes us to texas. Remember I told you there was a story in texas
(11:53):
This was the one I fucking forgot forgot
Yeah, that good that you forgot. Yeah, is that good? All right, so
So I don't know if you're allowed to have this kind of animals in texas
All right
but
Earlier this month or last month I should say last month
(12:18):
Yes
um
The spider monkey was running around texas neighborhood just chilling. Oh, I want a spider monkey. No, fuck
No, you know what because spider monkeys if you piss them off, they will fucking eat your face off when you're sleeping
What?
Yes
oh
(12:38):
Fuck I didn't know
Oh animal care officers in texas were summoned to a neighborhood to round up an unusual and
illegal escape pet
a spider monkey
um
(12:58):
They were 13 miles south of the city
Officers arrived and observed the small primate running across rooftops and vaulting
over fences
the officers were able to safely capture the monkey and return it to
To the animals owner the owner who did not live in the area were informed that exotic animals are not legal to keep as pets
(13:25):
in the area
And they received a citation for it
That's it. Yeah. Well, they're gonna give them back their damn monkey
Uh, especially if they're okay so like
Like you live in a state where it's
legal to own a monkey
Uh a monkey like in let's say for new for instance, new york. You have to get a license to own like a monkey or something
(13:53):
But is that what the same true in texas? No
Texas don't have that shit
Texas hates animals can't you tell they fucking raise cows?
I was trying to you know, never mind that story that happened what story like three or four months ago
About the guy it went viral on tik tok. They had the animal
(14:16):
Yeah, but he wasn't in he wasn't in work
Yeah, he was in new york and the reason they fucking took his they took his his animal right was because
his uh
his
permit except for
his permit expired
(14:36):
Okay, and they wouldn't fucking and and they wouldn't give him another one
So they came and fucking killed his animals
All right. I was just trying to yeah. No, no, it's fucking no. No, that was a different fucking story
But what what makes it different if it's a monkey that you're not supposed to have why would they give it back to him?
What are they gonna do with it? What are they gonna do with it?
(14:58):
I'm gonna fucking euthanize it. They did the other guys. That's what i'm trying to figure out. Okay. Okay. All right
texas
They're not gonna fucking take your shit new york gonna fucking steal everything you've got all right
Now do you get it you're you're talking about two different like two different countries
(15:19):
California California fucking take your shit, too
People people in the middle of the country they just like oh, okay. You're not you're not harming this animal
You're you're fucking this animal obviously likes you and
Knows you
Hey, I know you're passing through fucking uh san antonio
(15:43):
With your but you got to take this back where you fucking came from next time don't bring it
Here's a fucking 250 dollar fine
That's the difference
Yeah, new york will fuck you every time so so we'll fucking california
(16:05):
Anyways, so we're gonna do this
New york will fuck you every time so so we'll fucking california anyways
All right
So I know you saw this during the holiday season
Cars with fucking christmas lights on them driving down the road annoying as fuck
(16:28):
Yeah
It's it's um, so guess what the distraction causes accidents. So guess what?
In wyoming
It's against the law they take your car away
Hmm pardon me so police in wyoming are reminding residents to decorate their homes
(16:53):
Instead of their vehicles
Uh driver was pulled over
Uh, the wyoming highway patrol shared the photos showing a ford mustang pulled over by a trooper who?
Who noticed the entire vehicle decked out with colorful lights?
See, that's the other thing is uh, some some states, you know the them lights that go underneath the yeah
(17:18):
That go under some of them. You can't have that
like here where we live oklahoma and
texas
as long as it's not
As long as it's not red or blue lights and they're not flashing
You can have whatever color you want under there
But you just can't you just can't have
emergency lights emergency colors
(17:42):
Uh, let's see here
The statute in question states that no person shall drive or move any vehicle or equipment
upon any high highway
With any lamp or device they're incapable of displaying red or blue lights visible
(18:04):
And therefore
You cannot put christmas lights. Otherwise, you have to pull all the fucking red and blue ones off
And what are you left with green and yellow?
Those are not christmas colors
so
I
Anyhow, I think it's a distraction. Anyways, is it yeah there's I've
(18:29):
He dried around here
there was quite a few like that and it makes people look and
There there it's like having a phone in your hand, right? Oh, yeah, it takes your eyes off the road for sure
Right. So I think it's important that you
You make sure you're well, there's there's two reactions. There's oh my god. Look at that. And then there's what a fucking dumbass
(18:51):
Right. I mean I i've seen one i've seen one, uh after christmas, uh in our neighborhood that did it
And the tape they used their whole fucking car was covered with a little fucking you could tell where the tape was
Yeah
And it's like you just fucked your car off
Now you gotta fucking now you gotta you know
(19:12):
Buff it out or whatever, you know
I just leave it and it's not and it's not like you can just use goof off on it and fucking
Because that'll take your paint off your car too or the clear coat. It'll take the clear coat off your car
right
So it's just like, you know, it's thinking
It makes me think that fucking some people are smart well
(19:37):
I think
I think they're uh, they're in the holiday spirit, but they are misdirected
They need to be like more family more
Instead of fucking let's let's just annoy everybody in the world, right? Yeah
All right, guess what
(19:58):
Guess what
Next segment. I have run out of shit
I'm just kidding
It is time for duh
It is
It's time for florida man you need jesus
(20:21):
Jesus christ, that's jason born. You two motherfuckers need jesus
holy jesus
This first florida man takes us to
You where are we at here where we at here this guy he's a fucking super winner
He is a super winner fort Myers beach florida
(20:45):
All right
so florida man was taken to jail after he allegedly burglarized a mini golf course
Jesus so apparently this dude
Some balls in the hole before I put his balls in a hole. Oh his balls
(21:09):
His balls and a hole so any hole
Many balls in the hole. So the alarm went off, right? This dude busts a window out opens the door fucking right goes inside
Okay
Apparently when he showed up he had all his clothes on
(21:30):
Right what a private showing with his balls and then after like after a little while
Like it shows that
It shows him wandering around with nothing on only freaking underwears definitely a private showing
I think
(21:52):
I think he was on that fucking mess
No, it's the bath salts. I think it was the bath salts. Yeah florida likes to do bath salt
True they do they do
So, uh on the property debbie's observed several broken decorations a broken door
a broken window
(22:14):
um
Along with broken fire extinguishers. So this guy was just like fucking
Running a mutt like what's he doing with the fireworks? I don't know. There's no there's no video footage
I didn't get the chance to watch the video footage, but this guy
This guy is a real fucking wiener. He only did uh
Definitely a wiener. Yeah, he only did approximately 490 dollars in damage
(22:39):
That's it. Yeah, that's like malicious mischief. Yeah, it's like malicious mischief
Or he probably peed on something. I don't know. Oh jeez
Probably did
Yeah, yeah
Okay, okay, here we go
Okay, here we go
(23:00):
Now I did not know that this website was still up. I had I was under the impression that
Craigslist was no longer a thing
It's a thing
Apparently well, you know because after the craigslist killer, I thought maybe they shut the website down because you know
But apparently apparently it's still a thing, right?
(23:20):
So florida man trying to buy crack on craigslist arrested when undercutter were deputies answer the ad
So this fuckhead
In uh, bona fay
Uh, let's see here. So he made an ad he was like new to the area
Looking for some ice or crack
(23:41):
Like like hey cops i'm i'm right here i'm right here apparently
I didn't think the cops thought craigslist
So he thought he'd be safe
Maybe
According to the homes county sheriff office
Investigators responded to the ad posed as sellers and set up a meeting with the individual
(24:05):
Deputies say
Uh the gentleman
Uh the gentleman
Negotiated to buy an eight ball of methamphetamines for 80
That's a cheap ass fucking methamphetamine right there. Yeah, that'd be
Shit, I was getting eight balls for 120
(24:26):
please
First clue there, I guess. Yeah, you know with inflation. Yeah, it should have been a lot more than that
I'm telling you i'm telling you so that would tell me uh, this is a sting because who's gonna give me that that much more
Oh shit, okay, so after finalizing the deal investigators met meta
(24:50):
Uh met met the gentleman
Uh at the agreed location when the pair exchanged the money for drugs
All they got fucking busted
So apparently there was two of them. There was not just one guy. There was two guys
And they both look like methods
They do uh, they were charged for purchase and unlawful use of a two-way communication device
(25:18):
Haha, yeah you fucked up bro
So his companion was also arrested for being a principal to the purchase of methamphetamine
So whatever that fucking means that means that he that means he got fucking
He got there for being fucking uh guilty by association
(25:40):
I'll leave on for the ride
Right. I was just there for moral support. Oh shit. Yeah, no shit
Here we go. Here we go. Here we go. Here we go. Ready?
Ready? Here we go. Ready? Ready. I'm holding on to my underwear. Okay, half naked florida man high on meth breaks into home
(26:01):
grabs residents carpet cleaner
Oh, I was trying to clean his peepee. He was trying to clean something. Yeah, he might have been trying to suck his peepee off. Uh
Florida man told police he doesn't remember breaking into the into the home wearing only his shirt because
He was on drugs. Why would you do that?
(26:24):
Just take the fucking just take the breaking entering right? Don't say you were on drugs because guess what then they're like under the influence
uh possession of drug paraphernalia
More and more and more. Yeah, he's trying to get life
Every oven
I can vacuum all the second he needs
(26:57):
Did you hear the second he needs yes I did I did you need to talk more into the microphone
Well, I was sure if I should say that though
But if you think about it, he broke into the place to get a what was it a carpet machine?
Uh, okay. Yeah, so according to the winter haven police department, uh, the gentleman
(27:18):
The resident yelled
And the man who immediately ran out of the home dropping the carpet cleaner
Well, he got caught getting his peepee. Yeah
Officer said they found him
in the area
And uh, he broke into the home by kicking the door in
Well, someone kicks in my door I think I would know someone's kicking in my door
(27:43):
right
all right, which doesn't make any kind of sense to me because
It must be it must be one of them older doors
And how would he find where the carpet machine was so fast
It was in the living room probably
Don't make any damn sense. Yeah, I know. I know
(28:08):
So all he's being charged with is uh burglary of an occupied well dwelling
Yeah, he's a winner. He's a winner. They got there's a picture of him here. He didn't get the vacuum. No, no
No
Because he didn't steal nothing
I
Wouldn't want the vacuum cleaner back anyway after i've been on there I know right
(28:32):
That's fucking gross. That's called sloppy seconds. You don't know where that shit's been
He might have been putting his wiener in dead fucking possums
Oh, you remember the other floor man, yeah
That was a reference to another episode you guys
Please all right. Anyways, thank you for fucking joining us. That's our show. That's our show
(28:59):
Uh
We
Would like to invite you to go ahead and hit that like button and subscribe
Please do. Oh, yeah
Subscribe subscribe subscribe. All right, and go check out what the nuts.com. Check out what the nuts
In utz
(29:20):
Uh dot com all one word no spaces
No spaces no spaces
All right, you guys have a super fine one
And we're gone
Tss like a fart no end
(30:04):
So
So
(30:36):
So
(31:06):
So
I heard you've been looking for me bitch. Here I go. I heard you've been looking for me bitch. Here I go
I hear that you're looking for me bitch. Here I go
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