January 29, 2025 • 38 mins
Episode 76
Dive into the bizarre and mind-boggling world of the weirdest news stories! In this eye-opening video, we explore the most outrageous headlines and strange occurrences that will leave you questioning the very fabric of reality. From unbelievable animal encounters to peculiar human behaviors, these stories are sure to astonish you.
Join us as we break down each story, providing context and insights that highlight just how strange our world can be. Whether you're a fan of the unusual or just looking for a good laugh, this compilation of weird news is perfect for you!
Don't forget to like, subscribe, and hit the notification bell to stay updated on our latest content exploring the weird and wonderful! What story surprised you the most? Let us know in the comments below!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
facts. That's not facts. Just talking facts. You don't even do that. Whatever. You don't
(00:13):
even strain your neck. You just lay down and let me teabag you. You wish. I know because
I don't have a vagina. That's for sure. Fucking weirdo. Alright. Alright. Just fucking belched
(00:43):
in my hand. I was like here. Well that was better than what I did earlier. It sounded
like the whole incisor is coming out of me. Yeah I know. You're fucking gross. I know.
I like to make myself noise. Alright. That's a beautiful sight of me. Is it? Yeah. So sexy.
(01:07):
The following program is rated TVMA. What you are about to watch contains explicit language,
adult themes, violence, and may not be suitable for viewers under 18. Viewer discretion is
strongly advised. What the nuts. Welcome to What the Nuts. I'm your host the blue color
(01:35):
Joe. That's it's a mystery and we are on episode 76. Episode 76. Yeah. I know we're just like
kicking them out as fast as we can I guess. That's because we're good at what we do. How
dumb. There's not that many stories in the world are there? Especially not in English
(01:55):
because I can't read any other language. What? What? The asshole language you can. Oh. Oh.
Okay. Yeah. Alright. I got you buddy. Yeah. Good looking out. Fucking jerk. Anytime. Alright.
(02:25):
She did finger guns you guys. Finger guns. Finger guns. Put your finger guns away. Might go off.
Want it to go off. Only in the pants. Ew. That's gross nasty. Sticky pants. Fucking dumb. I swear
(02:58):
to god. I swear to god. Is that zesty? That was zesty. What the nuts. I swear to god. What? What?
(03:20):
You're doing great buddy. I'm not that great. Alright you ready to jump in these. Only if Mr.
Rogers wants to help out on that. You know he likes to bang it. I'll keep it in the pants.
I'd like to show you something. Oh Mr. Rogers wants to show me. He said come get on this fucking train.
(03:51):
Get on this trolley. Yeah. Oh is that what you call it? That's what he called it. With all his puppets.
You call it a trolley? He called it his puppet. You call it a trolley. I call it a trolley. Is that
what it looks like? Train tracks? Yeah. Your cooter looks like train tracks? Yeah you gotta
(04:12):
fall in the cave. You're stupid. I swear to god. What is wrong with you? When you got it you got it. I guess.
I guess. Alright so I didn't know this was a thing. Our first story takes us over to England.
(04:38):
But I didn't know this was a thing over there. Alright. I just thought of something. Uh oh. He's scratching his head y'all.
He thought of something. Yeah. It's scary. What? Oh man. What the nuts. What? What the nuts.
(05:01):
I swear to god. Why you got to bring him in this shit all the time? I swear to god. I swear to god.
Well he got to be in my trolley. Okay. So alright so peep this out. So our first story takes us to England.
(05:36):
And I didn't know this. I didn't know this. But they allow cousin marriage over there. Oh I didn't know that.
Yeah apparently. First cousin, second cousin, third cousin. First. Oh. Yeah. I've really got a thing for Cheryl.
(05:58):
Gross. I know she's only 13. I know I'm 16. Oh no. So gross huh. Yeah let's see if her trolley can go in there.
Alright hey. That's nasty. You need to stop. I fucking stopped before we got there.
Get off the train. You're off. I don't want to be thrown off the train. You're about to get thrown off the train.
(06:23):
Alright so anyways. So I just looked it up. I just looked it up you guys. I did not know this.
So what they're trying to do in. I read the article. The article is like okay so right now cousin marriage is illegal.
(06:43):
They're trying to make it illegal over there. Right. Okay. Because apparently that if your first cousins.
Right. There's more you're more likely to make. Maybe they're not well. Yes. Yes. Yes. Okay. It's not a high percentage.
It's like 20 percent. Right. I get it because back in the day a long long time ago you had to get a blood.
(07:12):
Blood work to get married. Right. Yeah I get it. Right. Well that was in that was in that state that we lived in.
Okay. That's not everywhere. So in America there are 18 states that it's absolutely absolutely legal.
It's legal and legal in the states. 18 states. In America. Yes.
(07:38):
There are 32 of them that it is illegal. Oh yeah.
Interesting. Yeah. So. So you can go out and be a cousin fucker and it's legal.
(08:00):
Well that's really gross on my part. So.
Oh because all your cousins are ugly huh.
Huh huh. Yeah that's it.
Somebody hit him with the fucking stick.
I want to hit them with the fucking stick. The fucking stick. All right. So they're trying to get legislation.
(08:25):
And then the new. I don't I think it's a prime minister. I'm not sure.
The new mayor said we should really be focusing on other things. Why are we focusing on this.
It's been like this for hundreds of years. We don't need to we don't need to change anything.
(08:47):
Probably because he's a cousin fucker. Probably. He might be married to his cousin.
I don't know. You don't know. I don't know.
All right. That's a no bomb. That's a cousin fucker.
What's that in the book y'all. Cousin fucker.
(09:15):
You goddamn cousin fucker over there you. Oh Jesus. All right this next one takes us to Manatee County Florida.
All right. So apparently there was this kid 16.
16. Yeah. So he's at this soccer game right. He's on the soccer game. It's not even his school.
(09:39):
He's at the soccer game though. I guess with people. He knows. Just chilling watching the game. Yeah.
So he gets kicked out for being fucking rude right. And then so they go and they go get their car right.
And he has a flare gun. So they drive back past the school and shoot the flare gun onto the field.
(10:05):
Barely missing some of the players. Wow. Yeah that would have fucking dude. That would that
should be attempted murder. That that right there. That's a flare will fuck you off. Yeah.
Because that shit doesn't just go out. Attempted murder and arson. Wouldn't that be arson because he
could have caused the fire. Yeah maybe. Maybe. Yeah. Yeah. Because the. Because that white phosphorus is
(10:30):
fucking it just doesn't stop burning. Yeah. So yeah. So anyway so this guy he's uh he's facing um
What did they charge him with. They charged him with uh.
So the flare caused more than a thousand dollars of damage. So I think it's still. Let's see here.
(10:57):
Oh they charged him with criminal mischief. Yeah. Yeah. Because I don't think they could have fucking.
And he's underage so probably. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They're gonna fucking. They're gonna just be like
you're on probation you fucking deal with. What a dumb shit. Yeah. You need some fucking. You need some help.
(11:21):
You need some help.
Okay. This is also in Florida this one. This is a funny story. I thought it was fucking kind of
hilarious. It made me chuckle. So uh cops right uh the Brevard county sheriff put on their Facebook
(11:44):
page picture of um 25 kilos of cocaine and uh the caption on it reads.
(12:06):
Oh.
Come pick attempting to return lost items.
Oh my god. Someone took the cocaine to the cops and the cops are like hey.
They took a picture and they put it up there and they're like hey look we found this.
You guys uh so whoever's it is can come and pick it up. Now did someone claim it. No I don't think.
(12:29):
Now that would have been hilarious. I don't think so. Um.
Let's see here. There have been some igoramas said oh that's mine. I need to call the sheriff
department. Oh here it is. Brevard county sheriff's office attempting to return lost items. If you
happen to have lost or misplaced. Stupid. Your cocaine. Have you ever lost it and missed it.
(12:53):
And then they show a picture of the cocaine. If this is your container please call and identify
it at the 1-800 number. The sheriff's office uh said that uh it appeared to have fallen from a
boat and possibly while it owner was traveling from Brevard county traveling along the Brevard
(13:13):
county coastline. So if the 25 kilos of coke belonged to you all we need you to do is come
down to our criminal investigation services building and claim your property with absolutely
no streaks of debt. Here I come. I'm coming down. I need to claim my shit. All right that's my shit.
(13:43):
That's a lot of fucking cocaine though. What the hell. A lot of fucking cocaine. And some igoramas
is going to claim that shit. No I don't think they are. Really they answered a craigslist.
Maybe. Maybe. We got some real winners here in America. All right some real winners. Oh I know
(14:04):
our next story our next story takes us to Boston. We marry our cousins and we we claim our drugs.
We marry our cousins. Yeah and we go to golf calls and we get naked. Yeah we got some winners here
in America. Stupid. Here we go. All right Falls River Massachusetts. Here we go. Falls River
(14:24):
Massachusetts. Falls River police say that a man was arrested on drug charges after getting stuck
in chimney while trying to hide from officers. Look just because Santa Claus can go up and down
the chimney y'all. Police were executing a search warrant at a home on Canal Street Tuesday. Oh this
(14:55):
is this is uh this is on December 11th. Uh it was in December? Yeah this is last year. Oh my good.
Tell him he needs to wear his Santa suit next time. The other male later identified invoked the essence
of a seasonal icon and attempted to hide inside the chimney. He quickly became stuck and required
(15:20):
the assistance of the very detectives he was previously free. Oh man I'm stuck.
Due to his Santa antics uh he was transported to a local hospital out of precaution where he was
medically cleared. Uh a woman was also arrested who was at who's at the house because she being
(15:51):
at the house made her uh accessory yeah made her in possession of the drugs so I thought that was
kind of funny. Mr. and Mrs. Santa Claus. You're trying to get some snow shit for sure. All right
this one takes us to China. China? China. All right China. China calls on universities to provide
(16:15):
love education. Apparently what's going on all right like like they don't have enough freaking
Chinese people. Well yeah isn't it a rule you can only have one kid or something? Oh no no no no
they changed that because the population is going down. Oh okay. Yeah they want they want a bunch of
kids now. Oh okay. So China is urging colleges and universities to provide love education to emphasize
(16:40):
positive view on marriage love fertility and family in a bid to boast the country's flagging
birth rate. Beijing has been promoting various measures to make to try to make having children
more attractive to young couples. After China posted a second consecutive year of population
(17:02):
decline in 2023. So it's two years of populations in kind since uh 2021 or 2022 and 2023. Well I
suggest they get rid of the red light district first off. The what? The red light district.
That's not there. Oh see I don't know my geographic I need I need that glass bowl you have that has
(17:25):
the whiskey in it so I can see. All right so so apparently apparently uh
around 57 percent of college students polled by China population news said they did not want
(17:48):
to fall in love mainly because they did not know how to allocate time to balance the relationship
between study and love. Yeah it's it's quite strange over there. The way things are.
(18:13):
All right. Well China isn't that oh I grew up I was always taught that China first off you
you already told me about the children's situation but also I was told that it was all about
learning. They they emphasize on learning so maybe that's why they're in this set still. Yeah.
(18:36):
Because they were raised that it was all about education. Yeah so.
So probably that that's another. Yeah that's kind of crazy well I mean you know because they've got
the population of China is freaking huge. It's like a lot of people but it's declining since 2020.
(18:58):
Yeah so. All right are you ready to take this science quiz?
Huh? All right peep this out peep this out. So you know we like conspiracy theories right here.
Yeah. Okay so here's a conspiracy theory quiz. Test your knowledge of unfounded beliefs
from flat earth to lizard people. Okay. Did you say lizard people? Yes there's such thing as lizard
(19:25):
people. There is? No aliens is that the same thing? Yes. Oh. It's a race of aliens. Okay.
God I'm gonna have to educate you on all kinds of stuff. All right. As is. All right the streams
of vapors here's question number one question number one ready. Okay. The streams of vapors
behind airplanes known as con trails are sometimes referred to as what by conspiracy theorists?
(19:53):
A. Kim trails. B. Crystal trails. C. Mind controlled trails or D. Vapor trails. D. Nope.
I'm gonna say Kim trails. Fuck off. I don't know what a fucking Kim trail is.
It's they think that Pete the airplanes are flying over uh-huh and they're putting out fucking
(20:19):
chemicals on. Oh I get it now. I know you know this shit you're just fucking being silly.
All right in a video circulated widely online what did osteopath Carrie
Madej claim COVID-19 vaccines would do? A. Give superpowers. B. Offer protection against severe
(20:45):
illness. C. Alter DNA or D. Control our minds. It's either C or D. I think it's C.
It's. Was it C? DNA. Yeah it was the DNA one. Okay I wasn't sure if it was C or D.
(21:06):
Was those two kind of. Yeah. Together. Yeah yeah okay I hadn't seen the video but I I guessed and
that that one seemed the most plausible. Question three according to the conspiracy theorists and
former football player David Icke uh who has hijacked earth and controls our world?
(21:27):
A. Bill Gates. B. Reptile like creatures. C. Machines that trap us in a simulated environment
or D. Beyonce. B. I'm gonna say B too. That's right that's correct.
(21:48):
All right all right all right.
Question four in I think yeah there's more okay there's like there's like 10 questions.
In 2021 U.S. survey what percentage of respondents agreed with all three conspiracy claims that the
earth is flat NASA faked the moon landing and COVID-19 vaccinations implant tracking microchips?
(22:11):
A. Around 2%. B. Around 5%. C. Around 10%. Or D. Around 20%. This one I don't know so.
I'm gonna say C. You're gonna say C? That's right that's correct 10%. I was gonna say B.
I was gonna say more like 5%.
Okay so I'm gonna say B.
(22:32):
Okay so I'm gonna say C.
That's right that's correct 10%. I was gonna say B. I was gonna say more like 5%. But I'm wrong.
Wrong on that one. All right question number five. In 2002 what happened when conspiracy theorists
Bart Sibrel called Buzz Aldrin a liar for faking the moon landings?
(22:55):
A. Aldrin ran away. B. Aldrin punched uh Sibrel in the face. C. Sibrel forced Aldrin to watch a film
he had made about the faked moon landings. Or D. Aldrin apologized for faking the moon landings.
(23:17):
I'm gonna say I'm gonna say B.
I'm gonna say B too. Sucked you in his damn face.
Yeah I would have sucked you in your face too if you told me I'm faking the moon landings.
If you told me I'm faking didn't go to the moon. And I had been there.
Where did the myth that vaccines cause autism come from?
Question six. A video on TikTok. A Facebook page created by an immunology research.
(23:45):
A 2001 Washington Post article written by several well-known scientists.
A now redact retracted 1998 paper published in the Lancet Medical Journal.
That's D right? Yeah. I say D.
That's it. That's it. Nice job. Good job. Okay. Which technology? Question seven. Which technology
(24:12):
was believed to be responsible for the COVID-19 pandemic according to one popular conspiracy
theory? A. iPads. B. Samsung phones. C. 5G. Or D. 4G.
(24:37):
What was the question? Which technology was believed to be responsible for the COVID-19
pandemic according to one popular conspiracy theory? I'm gonna say 5G. That seems like it's the right one.
That goes that.
(25:01):
I guess it's right because that shit turned green. Which famous author believed that Queen Elizabeth
I was actually a man because of her academic ability, financial acumen, and leadership skills
because she never married? Arthur Cronen Doyle, Thomas Hardy, Edgar Allan Poe, or Bram Stroker.
(25:27):
I do not know this one at all. I think it's D.
All right. I don't think it's D, but oh fucking I guess it was Bram Stroker.
I don't know. Every one of them we've turned is green. So you gotta be right. Question nine.
CERN. Okay. CERN, the European Organization for Nuclear Research, discovered the Higgs Boson
(25:52):
particle in 2012. According to conspiracy theorists, what did scientists accidentally do?
Created a black hole that absorbed the earth, opened a portal to another universe,
blew up the earth, and opened a gateway to hell.
B. Is it B? Opened a portal to another universe?
(26:14):
No, they created a black hole. We got that one wrong. Wow. Yeah, I thought it was that one too.
Okay. Question 10. What allegedly lies beneath Denver's international airport? A secret bunker
designed to house the global political elite in the event of an apocalypse? An underground city
(26:35):
of lizard-like creatures, a nuclear weapons facility, or a secret virus creation laboratory?
Underground. Nope. A secret bunker designed.
A secret bunker. The one, the first one. Yeah, for the political elite. All right. Which musician
(26:55):
died in a car accident in 1966 and was replaced by a lookalike according to one conspiracy theory?
A. Rod Stewart. B. Elton John. C. Bruce Springsteen. Or D. Paul McCartney. I want to say it was Paul
McCartney because out of all of those, the only one that's fucking.
(27:17):
I say C.
C.
C.
C.
C.
C.
I say C.
You didn't say C? I don't think it was Bruce Springsteen.
It's Paul McCartney. Yeah. Okay. In 2024, question 12. In 2024,
(27:47):
the Pentagon formally denied that a pop star was working for them to influence public opinion.
Who was it? A. Taylor Swift. B. Shakira. C. Lady Gaga. And D. Dua Lipa. I don't know who that is.
So I'm going to say it's Taylor Swift. You're going to say it's D? Taylor Swift.
(28:13):
Taylor Swift.
Taylor Swift. The Bavarian Illuminati, question 13. The Bavarian Illuminati was a secret society
founded by Adam Weishaupt in 1776. What was its purpose? To infiltrate, A, to infiltrate the upper
(28:39):
society, to take over the world, to oppose religious influence on society, or to host
life-drawing classes. C.
Nice. Very good. That was a good one. Okay. Question 14. What do flat earthers think is
(29:00):
at the center of the planet? A. The South Pole. B. The North Pole. C. The Bermuda Triangle.
Or D. The Sahara Desert. C. No, it's the North Pole. Which satirical conspiracy theory, this is
(29:24):
question 15 and the final question. Which satirical conspiracy theory was started by Peter
Macondo in 2017? Birds aren't real. Ted Cruz is the zodiac killer. The Brazilian state
(29:45):
of Acre doesn't exist. A force field repels tropical cyclones away from Hong Kong.
I don't know. C. You gonna say C? It was birds aren't real. Okay. Nope. 11 out of 15. We got
(30:09):
11 out of 15. Not bad. That's not bad. That's not bad. We know a little bit about fucking,
about conspiracy theories. Yeah. All right. Okay. So guess what? Guess what that makes this?
(30:29):
It's time for Florida man.
You need Jesus. Jesus Christ, it's Jason Bourne. You two motherfuckers need Jesus.
Holy Jesus. All right. Our first Florida man takes us to, where the fuck is this? Spring Hills,
(30:53):
Spring Hills. I don't know where that's at. I know it's in Florida. So Florida man shot
own brother in a spat over a car and then killed himself to avoid prison time. Yeah. Yeah. So
Florida man fatally shot his own brother during a heated exchange over a car before turning the gun
(31:18):
on himself to avoid spending the rest of his life behind bars. Their mother who witnessed her son's
violent death told authorities. Wow. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Jesus. Jesus. I don't know what that'd do to me if I
witnessed that. Oh, you'd fucking spiral. That's spiral? Yeah. You'd probably fucking go get
(31:43):
heroin and fucking crack and. Wow. Yeah. And just go on a bender. Okay. Yeah. You just seem like
that kind of person. Thanks. You're welcome. All right. So that jackhole killed his fucking brother.
What a fucking dick. What a dick, huh? Yeah, what a dick. All right. Our second one takes us to
(32:05):
Charlotte County, Florida, Charlotte County. Oh, arrests made after drugs found hidden in man's butt
crack. A traffic stop led to the arrest of two people on numerous drug charges in Charlotte County.
Don't crack. I don't know if I can. Once respect even tried to hide in some drugs, some of the drugs
(32:31):
in his butt crack. So it's a guy and a girl and she's cute, but she's got green hair so that,
you know, you know what that means. You just say she was cute. Yeah. Wow. For a drug addict.
(32:55):
All right. Did she help him put it in his butt? I don't know. So the canine came sniffed,
alerted on his butt crack. How do you know it was dope in his butt crack? His butt crack could have
been dirty and the dogs want to lick it. That's gross. How many dogs do you know want to lick butt?
(33:21):
They just lick each other's butt so I figured that's the thing they do. Yeah. That's gross. All right.
Anyways, let's get moving. So he was arrested for possession of heroin in excess of 10 grams,
(33:43):
possession of cocaine with the intent to sell his butt crack and possession of a controlled substance
methamphetamines, possession of marijuana over 20 grams, possession of controlled substance.
Holy shit, he had all that shit in his butt crack? Yeah. And drug paraphernalia. Holy crap.
Holy Jesus, as you would say. All right. His butt hole must have been loosey goosey.
(34:09):
Oh no. Goosey goosey. That shit would have just fell out when he took his pants off.
Shit. That's a lot of fucking shit up that hole. All right. Our final Florida man takes us to
Lee County. Shocking body cam footage shows bloody aftermath of neighborly dispute.
(34:42):
A neighborly dispute led a Florida man attacking a neighbor with a knife,
according to authorities who responded to the scene. The suspect is accused of attacking his
duplex neighbor after the two got into an argument. The incident happened December 28th.
(35:04):
Who shared body cam footage. Okay. So the Lee County sheriff's shared body cam footage.
Allegedly he went to grab a knife and he was not identified by authorities other than being a woman.
You say woman? Yeah. So his neighbor, the guy, went next door and killed his fucking neighbor.
(35:29):
The lady. Oh wow. Yeah. What were they arguing about? I don't know.
Let's see here.
Let me see here. Doesn't say what they were really arguing about,
(35:51):
but she does look pretty fucked up in the.
They said, Oh, he was charged with, uh, he was charged with armed burglary with assault
and is being held without bond. So maybe she didn't die. Maybe.
(36:16):
Is the soldier. Yeah. He fucking cut the shit out of her. Fucking dumb ass. Anyways,
that's our show. Okay. That's all. Yeah. Fuck that bullshit. That's it.
Got anything fucking smart to say to me? No more butthole stories. No more butthole stories.
All right. I'm good. You sure you're fucking drugs ain't gonna fall out of your ass.
(36:44):
I don't know. Maybe.
I swear to God, you are a damn lunatic woman. It's my pocket. It's my extra pocket.
Is your extra pocket? I have extra pockets.
Oh, you have extra pockets. Is that what you call your cooter? Yeah. It's an extra pocket.
(37:06):
You know, for the trolley to go in. That's stupid. I can't believe you.
I can't believe you. Mr. Rogers. You're on some bullshit. You're on some bullshit today.
Mr. Rogers likes it. All right. That's our show. Yeah. Give us a follow. If you liked,
if you smiled or you fucking thought any of this shit was entertaining or you thought this
(37:26):
shit was fucking boring as shit. Fucking drop me a line. Hit me up on whatthenuts.com.
Whatthenuts.com. I swear to God, you're so rude. Fucking jerk. Anyways,
guys, have a good one. Yeah. Have a super fine one. Fine one. I'm on one. I'm going to fucking,
(37:53):
I'm going to make her eat a bowl of dicks later. Ah, because she's lesbian. She doesn't like dicks.
Ah, that's what makes it funny. It's so funny. All right. You guys have a super fine one. We're
gone. Like a fart in the wind.
facts. That's not facts. Just talking facts. You don't even do that. Whatever. You don't
(00:13):
even strain your neck. You just lay down and let me teabag you. You wish. I know because
I don't have a vagina. That's for sure. Fucking weirdo. Alright. Alright. Just fucking belched
(00:43):
in my hand. I was like here. Well that was better than what I did earlier. It sounded
like the whole incisor is coming out of me. Yeah I know. You're fucking gross. I know.
I like to make myself noise. Alright. That's a beautiful sight of me. Is it? Yeah. So sexy.
(01:07):
The following program is rated TVMA. What you are about to watch contains explicit language,
adult themes, violence, and may not be suitable for viewers under 18. Viewer discretion is
strongly advised. What the nuts. Welcome to What the Nuts. I'm your host the blue color
(01:35):
Joe. That's it's a mystery and we are on episode 76. Episode 76. Yeah. I know we're just like
kicking them out as fast as we can I guess. That's because we're good at what we do. How
dumb. There's not that many stories in the world are there? Especially not in English
(01:55):
because I can't read any other language. What? What? The asshole language you can. Oh. Oh.
Okay. Yeah. Alright. I got you buddy. Yeah. Good looking out. Fucking jerk. Anytime. Alright.
(02:25):
She did finger guns you guys. Finger guns. Finger guns. Put your finger guns away. Might go off.
Want it to go off. Only in the pants. Ew. That's gross nasty. Sticky pants. Fucking dumb. I swear
(02:58):
to god. I swear to god. Is that zesty? That was zesty. What the nuts. I swear to god. What? What?
(03:20):
You're doing great buddy. I'm not that great. Alright you ready to jump in these. Only if Mr.
Rogers wants to help out on that. You know he likes to bang it. I'll keep it in the pants.
I'd like to show you something. Oh Mr. Rogers wants to show me. He said come get on this fucking train.
(03:51):
Get on this trolley. Yeah. Oh is that what you call it? That's what he called it. With all his puppets.
You call it a trolley? He called it his puppet. You call it a trolley. I call it a trolley. Is that
what it looks like? Train tracks? Yeah. Your cooter looks like train tracks? Yeah you gotta
(04:12):
fall in the cave. You're stupid. I swear to god. What is wrong with you? When you got it you got it. I guess.
I guess. Alright so I didn't know this was a thing. Our first story takes us over to England.
(04:38):
But I didn't know this was a thing over there. Alright. I just thought of something. Uh oh. He's scratching his head y'all.
He thought of something. Yeah. It's scary. What? Oh man. What the nuts. What? What the nuts.
(05:01):
I swear to god. Why you got to bring him in this shit all the time? I swear to god. I swear to god.
Well he got to be in my trolley. Okay. So alright so peep this out. So our first story takes us to England.
(05:36):
And I didn't know this. I didn't know this. But they allow cousin marriage over there. Oh I didn't know that.
Yeah apparently. First cousin, second cousin, third cousin. First. Oh. Yeah. I've really got a thing for Cheryl.
(05:58):
Gross. I know she's only 13. I know I'm 16. Oh no. So gross huh. Yeah let's see if her trolley can go in there.
Alright hey. That's nasty. You need to stop. I fucking stopped before we got there.
Get off the train. You're off. I don't want to be thrown off the train. You're about to get thrown off the train.
(06:23):
Alright so anyways. So I just looked it up. I just looked it up you guys. I did not know this.
So what they're trying to do in. I read the article. The article is like okay so right now cousin marriage is illegal.
(06:43):
They're trying to make it illegal over there. Right. Okay. Because apparently that if your first cousins.
Right. There's more you're more likely to make. Maybe they're not well. Yes. Yes. Yes. Okay. It's not a high percentage.
It's like 20 percent. Right. I get it because back in the day a long long time ago you had to get a blood.
(07:12):
Blood work to get married. Right. Yeah I get it. Right. Well that was in that was in that state that we lived in.
Okay. That's not everywhere. So in America there are 18 states that it's absolutely absolutely legal.
It's legal and legal in the states. 18 states. In America. Yes.
(07:38):
There are 32 of them that it is illegal. Oh yeah.
Interesting. Yeah. So. So you can go out and be a cousin fucker and it's legal.
(08:00):
Well that's really gross on my part. So.
Oh because all your cousins are ugly huh.
Huh huh. Yeah that's it.
Somebody hit him with the fucking stick.
I want to hit them with the fucking stick. The fucking stick. All right. So they're trying to get legislation.
(08:25):
And then the new. I don't I think it's a prime minister. I'm not sure.
The new mayor said we should really be focusing on other things. Why are we focusing on this.
It's been like this for hundreds of years. We don't need to we don't need to change anything.
(08:47):
Probably because he's a cousin fucker. Probably. He might be married to his cousin.
I don't know. You don't know. I don't know.
All right. That's a no bomb. That's a cousin fucker.
What's that in the book y'all. Cousin fucker.
(09:15):
You goddamn cousin fucker over there you. Oh Jesus. All right this next one takes us to Manatee County Florida.
All right. So apparently there was this kid 16.
16. Yeah. So he's at this soccer game right. He's on the soccer game. It's not even his school.
(09:39):
He's at the soccer game though. I guess with people. He knows. Just chilling watching the game. Yeah.
So he gets kicked out for being fucking rude right. And then so they go and they go get their car right.
And he has a flare gun. So they drive back past the school and shoot the flare gun onto the field.
(10:05):
Barely missing some of the players. Wow. Yeah that would have fucking dude. That would that
should be attempted murder. That that right there. That's a flare will fuck you off. Yeah.
Because that shit doesn't just go out. Attempted murder and arson. Wouldn't that be arson because he
could have caused the fire. Yeah maybe. Maybe. Yeah. Yeah. Because the. Because that white phosphorus is
(10:30):
fucking it just doesn't stop burning. Yeah. So yeah. So anyway so this guy he's uh he's facing um
What did they charge him with. They charged him with uh.
So the flare caused more than a thousand dollars of damage. So I think it's still. Let's see here.
(10:57):
Oh they charged him with criminal mischief. Yeah. Yeah. Because I don't think they could have fucking.
And he's underage so probably. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They're gonna fucking. They're gonna just be like
you're on probation you fucking deal with. What a dumb shit. Yeah. You need some fucking. You need some help.
(11:21):
You need some help.
Okay. This is also in Florida this one. This is a funny story. I thought it was fucking kind of
hilarious. It made me chuckle. So uh cops right uh the Brevard county sheriff put on their Facebook
(11:44):
page picture of um 25 kilos of cocaine and uh the caption on it reads.
(12:06):
Oh.
Come pick attempting to return lost items.
Oh my god. Someone took the cocaine to the cops and the cops are like hey.
They took a picture and they put it up there and they're like hey look we found this.
You guys uh so whoever's it is can come and pick it up. Now did someone claim it. No I don't think.
(12:29):
Now that would have been hilarious. I don't think so. Um.
Let's see here. There have been some igoramas said oh that's mine. I need to call the sheriff
department. Oh here it is. Brevard county sheriff's office attempting to return lost items. If you
happen to have lost or misplaced. Stupid. Your cocaine. Have you ever lost it and missed it.
(12:53):
And then they show a picture of the cocaine. If this is your container please call and identify
it at the 1-800 number. The sheriff's office uh said that uh it appeared to have fallen from a
boat and possibly while it owner was traveling from Brevard county traveling along the Brevard
(13:13):
county coastline. So if the 25 kilos of coke belonged to you all we need you to do is come
down to our criminal investigation services building and claim your property with absolutely
no streaks of debt. Here I come. I'm coming down. I need to claim my shit. All right that's my shit.
(13:43):
That's a lot of fucking cocaine though. What the hell. A lot of fucking cocaine. And some igoramas
is going to claim that shit. No I don't think they are. Really they answered a craigslist.
Maybe. Maybe. We got some real winners here in America. All right some real winners. Oh I know
(14:04):
our next story our next story takes us to Boston. We marry our cousins and we we claim our drugs.
We marry our cousins. Yeah and we go to golf calls and we get naked. Yeah we got some winners here
in America. Stupid. Here we go. All right Falls River Massachusetts. Here we go. Falls River
(14:24):
Massachusetts. Falls River police say that a man was arrested on drug charges after getting stuck
in chimney while trying to hide from officers. Look just because Santa Claus can go up and down
the chimney y'all. Police were executing a search warrant at a home on Canal Street Tuesday. Oh this
(14:55):
is this is uh this is on December 11th. Uh it was in December? Yeah this is last year. Oh my good.
Tell him he needs to wear his Santa suit next time. The other male later identified invoked the essence
of a seasonal icon and attempted to hide inside the chimney. He quickly became stuck and required
(15:20):
the assistance of the very detectives he was previously free. Oh man I'm stuck.
Due to his Santa antics uh he was transported to a local hospital out of precaution where he was
medically cleared. Uh a woman was also arrested who was at who's at the house because she being
(15:51):
at the house made her uh accessory yeah made her in possession of the drugs so I thought that was
kind of funny. Mr. and Mrs. Santa Claus. You're trying to get some snow shit for sure. All right
this one takes us to China. China? China. All right China. China calls on universities to provide
(16:15):
love education. Apparently what's going on all right like like they don't have enough freaking
Chinese people. Well yeah isn't it a rule you can only have one kid or something? Oh no no no no
they changed that because the population is going down. Oh okay. Yeah they want they want a bunch of
kids now. Oh okay. So China is urging colleges and universities to provide love education to emphasize
(16:40):
positive view on marriage love fertility and family in a bid to boast the country's flagging
birth rate. Beijing has been promoting various measures to make to try to make having children
more attractive to young couples. After China posted a second consecutive year of population
(17:02):
decline in 2023. So it's two years of populations in kind since uh 2021 or 2022 and 2023. Well I
suggest they get rid of the red light district first off. The what? The red light district.
That's not there. Oh see I don't know my geographic I need I need that glass bowl you have that has
(17:25):
the whiskey in it so I can see. All right so so apparently apparently uh
around 57 percent of college students polled by China population news said they did not want
(17:48):
to fall in love mainly because they did not know how to allocate time to balance the relationship
between study and love. Yeah it's it's quite strange over there. The way things are.
(18:13):
All right. Well China isn't that oh I grew up I was always taught that China first off you
you already told me about the children's situation but also I was told that it was all about
learning. They they emphasize on learning so maybe that's why they're in this set still. Yeah.
(18:36):
Because they were raised that it was all about education. Yeah so.
So probably that that's another. Yeah that's kind of crazy well I mean you know because they've got
the population of China is freaking huge. It's like a lot of people but it's declining since 2020.
(18:58):
Yeah so. All right are you ready to take this science quiz?
Huh? All right peep this out peep this out. So you know we like conspiracy theories right here.
Yeah. Okay so here's a conspiracy theory quiz. Test your knowledge of unfounded beliefs
from flat earth to lizard people. Okay. Did you say lizard people? Yes there's such thing as lizard
(19:25):
people. There is? No aliens is that the same thing? Yes. Oh. It's a race of aliens. Okay.
God I'm gonna have to educate you on all kinds of stuff. All right. As is. All right the streams
of vapors here's question number one question number one ready. Okay. The streams of vapors
behind airplanes known as con trails are sometimes referred to as what by conspiracy theorists?
(19:53):
A. Kim trails. B. Crystal trails. C. Mind controlled trails or D. Vapor trails. D. Nope.
I'm gonna say Kim trails. Fuck off. I don't know what a fucking Kim trail is.
It's they think that Pete the airplanes are flying over uh-huh and they're putting out fucking
(20:19):
chemicals on. Oh I get it now. I know you know this shit you're just fucking being silly.
All right in a video circulated widely online what did osteopath Carrie
Madej claim COVID-19 vaccines would do? A. Give superpowers. B. Offer protection against severe
(20:45):
illness. C. Alter DNA or D. Control our minds. It's either C or D. I think it's C.
It's. Was it C? DNA. Yeah it was the DNA one. Okay I wasn't sure if it was C or D.
(21:06):
Was those two kind of. Yeah. Together. Yeah yeah okay I hadn't seen the video but I I guessed and
that that one seemed the most plausible. Question three according to the conspiracy theorists and
former football player David Icke uh who has hijacked earth and controls our world?
(21:27):
A. Bill Gates. B. Reptile like creatures. C. Machines that trap us in a simulated environment
or D. Beyonce. B. I'm gonna say B too. That's right that's correct.
(21:48):
All right all right all right.
Question four in I think yeah there's more okay there's like there's like 10 questions.
In 2021 U.S. survey what percentage of respondents agreed with all three conspiracy claims that the
earth is flat NASA faked the moon landing and COVID-19 vaccinations implant tracking microchips?
(22:11):
A. Around 2%. B. Around 5%. C. Around 10%. Or D. Around 20%. This one I don't know so.
I'm gonna say C. You're gonna say C? That's right that's correct 10%. I was gonna say B.
I was gonna say more like 5%.
Okay so I'm gonna say B.
(22:32):
Okay so I'm gonna say C.
That's right that's correct 10%. I was gonna say B. I was gonna say more like 5%. But I'm wrong.
Wrong on that one. All right question number five. In 2002 what happened when conspiracy theorists
Bart Sibrel called Buzz Aldrin a liar for faking the moon landings?
(22:55):
A. Aldrin ran away. B. Aldrin punched uh Sibrel in the face. C. Sibrel forced Aldrin to watch a film
he had made about the faked moon landings. Or D. Aldrin apologized for faking the moon landings.
(23:17):
I'm gonna say I'm gonna say B.
I'm gonna say B too. Sucked you in his damn face.
Yeah I would have sucked you in your face too if you told me I'm faking the moon landings.
If you told me I'm faking didn't go to the moon. And I had been there.
Where did the myth that vaccines cause autism come from?
Question six. A video on TikTok. A Facebook page created by an immunology research.
(23:45):
A 2001 Washington Post article written by several well-known scientists.
A now redact retracted 1998 paper published in the Lancet Medical Journal.
That's D right? Yeah. I say D.
That's it. That's it. Nice job. Good job. Okay. Which technology? Question seven. Which technology
(24:12):
was believed to be responsible for the COVID-19 pandemic according to one popular conspiracy
theory? A. iPads. B. Samsung phones. C. 5G. Or D. 4G.
(24:37):
What was the question? Which technology was believed to be responsible for the COVID-19
pandemic according to one popular conspiracy theory? I'm gonna say 5G. That seems like it's the right one.
That goes that.
(25:01):
I guess it's right because that shit turned green. Which famous author believed that Queen Elizabeth
I was actually a man because of her academic ability, financial acumen, and leadership skills
because she never married? Arthur Cronen Doyle, Thomas Hardy, Edgar Allan Poe, or Bram Stroker.
(25:27):
I do not know this one at all. I think it's D.
All right. I don't think it's D, but oh fucking I guess it was Bram Stroker.
I don't know. Every one of them we've turned is green. So you gotta be right. Question nine.
CERN. Okay. CERN, the European Organization for Nuclear Research, discovered the Higgs Boson
(25:52):
particle in 2012. According to conspiracy theorists, what did scientists accidentally do?
Created a black hole that absorbed the earth, opened a portal to another universe,
blew up the earth, and opened a gateway to hell.
B. Is it B? Opened a portal to another universe?
(26:14):
No, they created a black hole. We got that one wrong. Wow. Yeah, I thought it was that one too.
Okay. Question 10. What allegedly lies beneath Denver's international airport? A secret bunker
designed to house the global political elite in the event of an apocalypse? An underground city
(26:35):
of lizard-like creatures, a nuclear weapons facility, or a secret virus creation laboratory?
Underground. Nope. A secret bunker designed.
A secret bunker. The one, the first one. Yeah, for the political elite. All right. Which musician
(26:55):
died in a car accident in 1966 and was replaced by a lookalike according to one conspiracy theory?
A. Rod Stewart. B. Elton John. C. Bruce Springsteen. Or D. Paul McCartney. I want to say it was Paul
McCartney because out of all of those, the only one that's fucking.
(27:17):
I say C.
C.
C.
C.
C.
C.
I say C.
You didn't say C? I don't think it was Bruce Springsteen.
It's Paul McCartney. Yeah. Okay. In 2024, question 12. In 2024,
(27:47):
the Pentagon formally denied that a pop star was working for them to influence public opinion.
Who was it? A. Taylor Swift. B. Shakira. C. Lady Gaga. And D. Dua Lipa. I don't know who that is.
So I'm going to say it's Taylor Swift. You're going to say it's D? Taylor Swift.
(28:13):
Taylor Swift.
Taylor Swift. The Bavarian Illuminati, question 13. The Bavarian Illuminati was a secret society
founded by Adam Weishaupt in 1776. What was its purpose? To infiltrate, A, to infiltrate the upper
(28:39):
society, to take over the world, to oppose religious influence on society, or to host
life-drawing classes. C.
Nice. Very good. That was a good one. Okay. Question 14. What do flat earthers think is
(29:00):
at the center of the planet? A. The South Pole. B. The North Pole. C. The Bermuda Triangle.
Or D. The Sahara Desert. C. No, it's the North Pole. Which satirical conspiracy theory, this is
(29:24):
question 15 and the final question. Which satirical conspiracy theory was started by Peter
Macondo in 2017? Birds aren't real. Ted Cruz is the zodiac killer. The Brazilian state
(29:45):
of Acre doesn't exist. A force field repels tropical cyclones away from Hong Kong.
I don't know. C. You gonna say C? It was birds aren't real. Okay. Nope. 11 out of 15. We got
(30:09):
11 out of 15. Not bad. That's not bad. That's not bad. We know a little bit about fucking,
about conspiracy theories. Yeah. All right. Okay. So guess what? Guess what that makes this?
(30:29):
It's time for Florida man.
You need Jesus. Jesus Christ, it's Jason Bourne. You two motherfuckers need Jesus.
Holy Jesus. All right. Our first Florida man takes us to, where the fuck is this? Spring Hills,
(30:53):
Spring Hills. I don't know where that's at. I know it's in Florida. So Florida man shot
own brother in a spat over a car and then killed himself to avoid prison time. Yeah. Yeah. So
Florida man fatally shot his own brother during a heated exchange over a car before turning the gun
(31:18):
on himself to avoid spending the rest of his life behind bars. Their mother who witnessed her son's
violent death told authorities. Wow. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Jesus. Jesus. I don't know what that'd do to me if I
witnessed that. Oh, you'd fucking spiral. That's spiral? Yeah. You'd probably fucking go get
(31:43):
heroin and fucking crack and. Wow. Yeah. And just go on a bender. Okay. Yeah. You just seem like
that kind of person. Thanks. You're welcome. All right. So that jackhole killed his fucking brother.
What a fucking dick. What a dick, huh? Yeah, what a dick. All right. Our second one takes us to
(32:05):
Charlotte County, Florida, Charlotte County. Oh, arrests made after drugs found hidden in man's butt
crack. A traffic stop led to the arrest of two people on numerous drug charges in Charlotte County.
Don't crack. I don't know if I can. Once respect even tried to hide in some drugs, some of the drugs
(32:31):
in his butt crack. So it's a guy and a girl and she's cute, but she's got green hair so that,
you know, you know what that means. You just say she was cute. Yeah. Wow. For a drug addict.
(32:55):
All right. Did she help him put it in his butt? I don't know. So the canine came sniffed,
alerted on his butt crack. How do you know it was dope in his butt crack? His butt crack could have
been dirty and the dogs want to lick it. That's gross. How many dogs do you know want to lick butt?
(33:21):
They just lick each other's butt so I figured that's the thing they do. Yeah. That's gross. All right.
Anyways, let's get moving. So he was arrested for possession of heroin in excess of 10 grams,
(33:43):
possession of cocaine with the intent to sell his butt crack and possession of a controlled substance
methamphetamines, possession of marijuana over 20 grams, possession of controlled substance.
Holy shit, he had all that shit in his butt crack? Yeah. And drug paraphernalia. Holy crap.
Holy Jesus, as you would say. All right. His butt hole must have been loosey goosey.
(34:09):
Oh no. Goosey goosey. That shit would have just fell out when he took his pants off.
Shit. That's a lot of fucking shit up that hole. All right. Our final Florida man takes us to
Lee County. Shocking body cam footage shows bloody aftermath of neighborly dispute.
(34:42):
A neighborly dispute led a Florida man attacking a neighbor with a knife,
according to authorities who responded to the scene. The suspect is accused of attacking his
duplex neighbor after the two got into an argument. The incident happened December 28th.
(35:04):
Who shared body cam footage. Okay. So the Lee County sheriff's shared body cam footage.
Allegedly he went to grab a knife and he was not identified by authorities other than being a woman.
You say woman? Yeah. So his neighbor, the guy, went next door and killed his fucking neighbor.
(35:29):
The lady. Oh wow. Yeah. What were they arguing about? I don't know.
Let's see here.
Let me see here. Doesn't say what they were really arguing about,
(35:51):
but she does look pretty fucked up in the.
They said, Oh, he was charged with, uh, he was charged with armed burglary with assault
and is being held without bond. So maybe she didn't die. Maybe.
(36:16):
Is the soldier. Yeah. He fucking cut the shit out of her. Fucking dumb ass. Anyways,
that's our show. Okay. That's all. Yeah. Fuck that bullshit. That's it.
Got anything fucking smart to say to me? No more butthole stories. No more butthole stories.
All right. I'm good. You sure you're fucking drugs ain't gonna fall out of your ass.
(36:44):
I don't know. Maybe.
I swear to God, you are a damn lunatic woman. It's my pocket. It's my extra pocket.
Is your extra pocket? I have extra pockets.
Oh, you have extra pockets. Is that what you call your cooter? Yeah. It's an extra pocket.
(37:06):
You know, for the trolley to go in. That's stupid. I can't believe you.
I can't believe you. Mr. Rogers. You're on some bullshit. You're on some bullshit today.
Mr. Rogers likes it. All right. That's our show. Yeah. Give us a follow. If you liked,
if you smiled or you fucking thought any of this shit was entertaining or you thought this
(37:26):
shit was fucking boring as shit. Fucking drop me a line. Hit me up on whatthenuts.com.
Whatthenuts.com. I swear to God, you're so rude. Fucking jerk. Anyways,
guys, have a good one. Yeah. Have a super fine one. Fine one. I'm on one. I'm going to fucking,
(37:53):
I'm going to make her eat a bowl of dicks later. Ah, because she's lesbian. She doesn't like dicks.
Ah, that's what makes it funny. It's so funny. All right. You guys have a super fine one. We're
gone. Like a fart in the wind.
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