Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
I'm going to the beach.
(00:07):
We're not going to the beach.
The beach is like fucking 10 hours from here.
Suits optional.
Because I have my own floating devices.
You don't want to see these twig and berries.
So wrinkle and shrivel.
(00:27):
Can't see them anyways.
I just need to get the magnifying glass.
If I do that and I'm on the beach,
then the sun's going to have to raise and burn it off.
Never mind.
(00:48):
I don't know what to do with you.
You know if we go to the beach,
I have no clothing and I need to get the magnifying glass to find the worm.
Well the magnifying glass will make the sun come down
and that will cause a fire because there'll be a bush.
The following program is rated TVMA.
(01:08):
What you are about to watch contains
explicit language, adult themes, violence,
and may not be suitable for viewers under 18.
Viewer discretion is strongly advised.
What the nuts?
Welcome to What the Nuts.
(01:30):
I'm your host, the blue collar Joe.
That's it's a mystery.
And we're back here again with another episode of What the Nuts.
What the nuts?
What the nuts homie?
(01:50):
What the nuts?
I don't know.
I'm talking about trying to find your nuts on the beach,
but you didn't talk about it.
You're on some bullshit right now.
You're on some bullshit right now.
This is episode 78.
78?
What happened to all the other episodes?
They're on the interwebs somewheres.
On there somewheres?
(02:12):
Yeah.
On all your favorite listening apps, just search what the nuts.
What the nuts N-U-T-Z.
N-U-T-Z.
That's right.
N-U-T-Z.
Nuts.
Not the squirrel nuts.
Not squirrel nuts.
No, no, no.
(02:32):
I don't want to know squirrel nuts.
No.
Might be an issue there.
Why?
Do squirrels have nuts?
Some of them.
Really?
Really big nuts too.
I try to find them and I can't find them.
I'll have to show you.
They're on the interwebs.
Well, we have squirrels in our yard.
Why can't I see their nuts?
(02:53):
Well, because those are girl squirrels.
Those are girl squirrels.
What?
What are the men hiding?
Yes.
They're taking care of the babies.
That's weird.
I don't know.
This is all conjecture.
I don't know shit.
Don't listen to me.
Okay.
I was like, that's really weird.
Oh shit.
(03:15):
Anything to gripe about this week?
Anything that's bothering you?
Anything that you want to talk about?
Not this week.
You had any good sponge brushes lately?
Any good sponge baths?
Yeah.
Oh, I gave a few.
Yeah.
(03:36):
You get really happy.
You're like, yes, I got to see cooters.
I got to feel cooters too.
Oh, it's so gross.
You have a cooter.
Well, it's not fun touching my own cooter.
Oh, well, I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't have a cooter or something.
I couldn't do it.
(03:56):
Yeah.
Well, yeah, I did a couple of sponge baths.
Yeah.
Only a couple?
Just a couple.
We'll do more now that we got a leg thingy.
What?
Wait, wait.
Is a strap on like thingy?
(04:17):
That's not a strap.
It's not like a kickstand.
No.
It's like a condom for her leg.
Is it like that dude we saw on that fucking show
the other night?
Fucking nine inch dong.
Fucking Jesus Christ.
I guess it was 20 inches.
26 inches.
That's what we measured.
Oh, I'm sorry.
(04:38):
29.
I was correct.
Oh, double headed.
Or scissoring.
That's right.
But now that we got her 29 inch cover, we'll do a lot more.
(05:03):
29 inches.
You can take all of that.
Oh, I can and then some.
Where they got?
You're on some bullshit today for sure.
All right.
Let's jump into the.
Let's jump into the fucking stories.
You fucking crack.
(05:29):
I don't know.
I just can't with you sometimes.
Oh, you enjoy it.
I do.
All right.
This comes out of this is from Fox 10, Fox 10 in.
Michigan.
Michigan.
Yeah.
(05:49):
So this this kid, right?
Teenager, right?
He made threats against his school, right?
OK.
So this kid, like 14 year old boy, was arrested on Thursday for allegedly making a series of
violent threats against Jonesville School.
(06:10):
The teenager threaded threatening to shoot up the school, right?
Right.
Apparently is.
Let's see here.
It says.
Police determined that the threat was valid and that they had enough evidence for a warrant.
(06:33):
The suspect's home was searched and multiple guns were seized.
So, dude, he I guess he had got gun a gun for Christmas this year.
Wow.
And was like, I'm going to come fucking get you.
Geez.
That's insane.
Yeah.
What is that fortunate old getting a gun for Christmas from?
(06:56):
Why?
When?
How?
Why not?
Why not?
Yeah.
If you live in the sticks, why wouldn't you have a gun?
Fucking bears and you know, there's mountain lions here, right?
OK.
OK.
That's all well and good, but that's not what he was going to use it for.
No, because he's a kid.
He doesn't know shit.
(07:17):
So then he shouldn't have a gun.
Whatever.
Not whatever.
It is whatever.
No.
Well, then you shouldn't have a gun because you don't know shit either.
I don't have a fucking gun.
Fucking stupid.
Yeah.
(07:43):
Yeah, probably because you fucking shoot your foot off, you big old goofball.
Possibly.
I ain't going to deny it.
I'm not very smart about that.
I don't know.
No, no.
I don't know.
I might drop it on my foot.
Oh, yeah.
That's more likely.
That's probably what I would do.
(08:05):
Yeah.
I would try to figure out how to load it or unload it or clean it or something.
And like, oops, on the floor on my foot.
Yeah.
Honest.
That's honest.
No bullshit asides.
No bullshit asides.
(08:26):
All bullshit asides.
Oh, is it all bullshit asides?
Oops.
Yes.
Yes.
That's it.
Yes.
It's all bullshit asides.
Okay.
All right.
So, uh, this was in Brisbane.
This one comes from the Daily Mail.
Uh, an Aussie was eating a kebab, right?
(08:51):
Standing on the street, eating a kebab.
Yeah.
Cause that's what they do.
You know, they just wander around with fucking kebabs and eating it.
I mean, that's what I heard.
I don't know.
I could be wrong.
When, uh, he was by a liquor store.
It's a liquor store.
They call it, guess what they, guess what they call it over there.
They call it, uh, oh, they call it something else.
(09:17):
Not a convenience store?
No.
They called it something else.
What the hell is it?
Uh, bottle shop.
They call it a bottle shop.
Okay.
Yeah.
All right.
But it's a really a liquor store.
I had to actually read the whole article and figure that shit out
that it was a liquor store.
So these kids went in this liquor store, right?
(09:39):
17, 18, whatever.
And, uh, they're fucking putting, uh, with backpacks and they were putting
fucking bottles of, right?
And there's, and there's this bystander, right?
He was like, Hey, we don't, we don't fucking do that.
Homie snatched them up, right.
And started putting the bottles back on the shelf.
(10:00):
Oh, wow.
Yeah.
And there was only one, one shopkeeper working.
So there was not multiple shop people.
So they probably got robbed a lot like that because them kids were like, you
know, there was three of them.
So it's three again, against one shopkeeper, you know, it shows, uh, it shows them.
(10:21):
I have a question.
Yeah.
Where'd the shish kebab guy go?
Hold on.
We're holding.
All right.
So the shish kebab guy was whooping ass and taking names.
And, uh, he, um, he, um, he stopped them and then he fucking barred the
(10:52):
door and then, um, so he, he took their backpacks from him.
And, uh, so let's see here.
He barricaded the door and demanded the group pay for the booze or put it back.
Okay.
(11:13):
So that was the shish kebab guy you talked about in the beginning.
Yeah.
Oh, he was standing there on the street with shish kebab, looking at the fucking,
right?
Watch them do this.
Watch him fucking start stealing from the store.
Right.
This kebab in his hand, put shish kebab down on the little tray that they give
you for the shit kebab and took care of business and fucking, yeah, he, uh, he
(11:36):
was quoted as saying that, um, so that's the way I was raised, uh, from my parents
in Sydney, so we don't put up with that stuff.
Right.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So, so yeah.
So that was, you know, that was pretty cool.
(11:58):
So, uh, this one, this one takes us to China.
China.
Guess what?
So the Chinese government was like, Hey, look, uh, check it out.
Uh, we're going to give you a lot of money.
Right.
How much is a lot of money?
Move out of your house.
(12:18):
It's China.
Okay.
Like 10 million is or 10, 10 yen is a lot of money.
Um, just kidding.
I don't know.
I don't know.
The article wasn't really like, okay.
They offered him 1.6 million yen, which is equivalent to 220,000 more than he
(12:42):
would have actually got for the property.
Okay.
Okay.
House, right.
So he says Chinese government pound sand.
Fuck off.
Makes sense.
Okay.
My home.
No.
Yeah.
So they built the fucking freeway around him.
What they fucking built right up to his fucking property line and put the
(13:06):
fucking freeway around around his house.
That's insane.
They that fucking China, China.
China, they did put a bridge and a way to get in and out of his house.
So he can get in and out.
No, that would be funny if they didn't do that.
Yeah.
(13:26):
Well, you know, but there's pictures.
The picture here is, is pretty fucking insane.
So it was in the Hunan problem.
Did the Hunan province be doing all kinds of way out shit to their fucking people?
We've talked about the Hunan province multiple times.
Yeah.
The Hunan.
Yeah.
(13:47):
So this is a Malaysia, right?
This next story is in Malaysia.
Man launches villain for hire service.
Check this out.
So dude is like, look, bro, you're on a date, right?
Check it out.
Right.
Check it out.
Check it out.
Check it out.
Check it out.
Check it out.
Check it out.
(14:07):
Check it out.
Check it out.
Check it out.
Check it out.
Check it out.
Check it out.
And the guy just-
Just bills out masked in the public eye and the column没人 Sergio-
Double-check the Brian, it says yeah, think about the plot, and he says,
I think about yourvolleyball a lot anyway.
(14:27):
And it-
Yeah, I mean, this guy does this all the time, you say probably, of course,
I was on some other show that I really like and we were-
You say sometimes I would go back and sit down and you-
�
Sometimes, okay, thank you.
And then-
week for a reasonable fee, I can help you prove them wrong.
I need those digits.
(14:49):
Sula man Sula man wrote in social media posts designed to attract attention to
his service, just tell me the time and place and I will show up and disturb
your partner, giving you the chance to step in as the hero and take me down.
Interesting.
(15:12):
Um, so it's a hundred ringgits.
He's doing this for $22.
I'm fucking down.
Come here, buddy.
I'll fucking bring him.
Here's 150, 150 on the weekend.
So, you know, price went up a little bit on the weekend.
35, $35 inflation on the weekend.
(15:40):
Yeah.
So yeah.
That's so dude was catching backlash.
You know, he posted that shit on social media.
I was like, Hey, I'm fucking odd.
And here's my service fucking.
What's up.
Get at your boy.
Cause it's a, it's a double edged sword.
Cause some women are like that.
Some women are not like for me instance, if that would make me mad, like,
(16:04):
what are you doing fighting?
Like a stupid walk away.
No.
Yeah.
I'm not that kind of person.
That whoop on you.
All right.
So you, you know, they've been having all them fires out in California, right?
Yes.
Okay.
So, uh, eaten fire, evacuee finds bear in his crawl space upon returning home.
(16:33):
So this bear, of course they, you know, the fire is burning up the fucking forest.
So there's gotta find.
So he found somewhere to hide underneath this house.
Oh, wow.
Right.
Uh, but they didn't want to harm the bear.
(16:53):
Cause the bear, this bear is known through the neighborhood.
Okay.
They've, they've, uh, lovingly call it, um, Barry or what was the other one?
There was two names.
Barry or Victor.
So certain, certain, Hey, have you seen Victor?
(17:14):
I seen Victor up there on the Hill yesterday or Hey, have you guys seen Barry?
Yeah.
He was down rooting in my trash last night.
Right.
Okay.
So basically they know he's there.
They're just saying, he doesn't care.
He doesn't, he's like not trying to kill people, you know, he just
rooting around in your trash and like some people, you know, like he takes
(17:34):
fuck, he probably takes fucking dog food that's been left outside or something
like that.
So like, he's not really, so, um, they went to a state of brothers, right?
Cause you know, that's what they do in California.
State or brother.
I miss state of brothers.
I do too.
They bought, uh, rotisserie chicken, sardines, tomatoes, apples, peanut
(17:57):
butter, and all kinds of other stuff.
They made a feast for this bear.
Cause they wanted to get them out from underneath the house.
Right.
So they got him out from underneath the house and they called, uh, they
called, uh, animal control, right?
How sad.
No, no, no, no.
They didn't euthanize him.
Oh, okay.
So they tranquilized him.
(18:18):
Right.
Yeah.
They shot him with a trunk gun, fucking put him down.
I, Hey, come here.
Big guy.
Get over here in the cage, took his ass and rehomed him in another part of the
Los Angeles mountains.
Yeah.
So, you know, so that was a, you know, pretty cool story.
(18:42):
I mean, he had, you know, yeah, he had to find somewhere to fucking to, uh,
to hide during the fire.
Okay.
This one takes us to Florida.
I 95.
It's a bunch of milk cartons.
Milk truck had an utterly unfortunate crash.
(19:11):
Utterly.
I know the play on words there.
Yeah.
All right.
So, uh, this is an I 95.
This was a couple of weeks ago.
Uh, no, it was a couple of days ago.
Um, in Palm beach on I 95.
Uh, board and a board and truck.
(19:32):
So it was, uh, like a high end milk producer production.
Okay.
Yeah.
They were utterly surprised.
Yep.
Thankfully they were uninjured and none of them needed to be moved to the hospital.
(19:53):
I'm just quoting the fucking article.
Cause that's it.
Right.
Right.
Right.
Right.
Let's see here.
All right.
Okay.
(20:13):
Am I going to be utterly surprised with the next?
I don't know.
Maybe.
Maybe.
Okay.
So I've got a string of Florida.
I don't know.
I've got a string of Florida man's string of them.
Yeah.
So,
(20:41):
let's get rid of that one.
Let's get rid of it.
Okay.
Let's move this one up here.
All right.
So car abandoned at the scene of a crash with an unusual driver, still in the front seat.
(21:03):
Somebody crashed.
Um, what kind of car is that?
That's one of those little ones, but it's a, it's a four door version of the little ones.
It's like, um, what kind of car is that?
It doesn't say what kind of car it is.
It's called a Clash of Clans.
It's called a clown car, a souped up clown car.
(21:28):
That have two doors.
It has four doors.
So more clones can fit in it.
To where to God, where to?
But they left it with a, they left it, they abandoned the car.
They crashed the car through a sign into a ditch and they left a blowup doll in the
(21:52):
driver's seat. Yep.
Was a clown car.
Yep.
The clowns escaped.
Go to the nearest circus.
You'll find them.
Yep.
Was it a nudie?
A nudie one?
Yeah.
It was a nudie.
A nudie.
Yeah.
It has a mouth like this.
(22:13):
I can see the picture of it.
All right.
All right.
There's our final story.
You know, you ready?
And then we're going to jump into our Fort LaMette.
Son reported his father for child porn.
(22:36):
Nice.
Yeah.
So, you know how like some, some people are just, uh, they're not tech savvy at all.
What whatsoever.
Like me.
Yeah.
So this guy, he got locked out of his phone and I believe it was an iPhone.
That's easy to do.
Yeah.
(22:56):
So, um, let's see here.
I think your dad has done that multiple times.
A Florida man was who asked his son to help when he got locked out of his, oh,
he got locked out of his email account.
Oh, okay.
And is now facing 20 felony charges after the younger man contacted police to
(23:20):
report discovering child pornography on his dad's phone.
Yeah.
So the investigation, which turned up that he had 952 files containing child
(23:41):
pornography and child erotica.
Wow.
Yeah.
He's, uh, he's, he's being held on a hundred thousand dollars bond.
Each of the two files, uh, he's, uh, he's, uh, he's being held on a hundred
thousand dollars bond.
So the 22nd degree felony charges carries a maximum of 15 years.
(24:09):
So if he gets them all run together, you know, concurrently, right.
He'll do like 15 years, but if you get some consecutive, which some, some.
Uh, judges like to do.
Right.
They're like here.
I have a lot of time home, um, he will never see the light of day.
(24:31):
So there's no telling, um,
how old is the resulting investigation, which included subpoena search warrants
and cyber tips from the national center of missing and exploited children
resulted in Tuesday's arrest.
So he, he not only, like he knew where some fucking missing kids were too.
(24:54):
Oh, wow.
That's crazy.
Um, how old is he?
63.
Oh yeah.
He's going to be gone for life.
Yeah.
15 years.
He's done.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That makes you wonder what he did actually did.
Cause he must've been fucking, he must've been a trafficker.
Yeah.
Like, I mean, allegedly, allegedly, he's a don't know, but normally.
(25:18):
So let do that actually physically.
It right.
That is sad.
That, um, he's in Florida, man.
No, see Florida has all the fucking good guys.
Yeah.
(25:41):
Wonder why I don't want to go to Florida.
You lie.
You love Florida to visit.
I don't want to go live there.
There's people that want to go live there.
Yeah, this is true.
This is true.
Why would you want to go live there?
All right.
Guess what?
Another school, another principal, another we're going to, there's some
Florida men's Florida ladies.
(26:02):
Yep.
Yep.
Here we go.
Here we go.
I'm screwing up again.
Wrong one.
He's got to go to ticket y'all.
Oh shit.
Jesus Christ.
That's Jason Bourne.
YouTube motherfuckers need Jesus.
(26:23):
Holy Jesus.
All right.
This weekend, the Florida man stories, the Florida man stories, Florida
principal hosts underage house party, alcohol marijuana and fights and gun
found affidavit said that's recent.
(26:47):
Yeah.
Coco beach, Florida, Florida elementary school principal is accused of hosting
a large underage party at her house where some a hundred kids or so were using
alcohol marijuana, which led to the alcohol field fights and gun fights.
And at least one student being charged with DUI, according to an arrest affidavit.
(27:14):
Uh, Elizabeth Hill, the principal of Theodore Roosevelt elementary high school.
Uh, it's been placed on administrative leave and arrested and booked into jail
for charges of child neglect and contributing to the delinquency of a minor.
Holy crap.
(27:35):
Carly Anderson, a teacher at the same elementary school was also arrested with
similar charges, according to the online jail records has been there partying up too.
Geez.
Okay.
So that's crazy.
According to the arrest affidavit, a white lie party was hosted at, uh,
(27:57):
Hill's home.
It was advertised on Snapchat and kids from multiple schools attended, though
the affidavit does not detail which schools nor the ages of who attended.
Yeah.
Students claim these parties happened at least twice a month.
(28:21):
Holy shit.
According to the report.
Yeah.
So the principal allegedly helped set up the party.
Um, let's see here.
Yeah.
She was the one who was on that bottle of alcohol and shit.
(28:44):
Yeah.
She, uh, she was having students help make preparations for the party.
She was having students help make preparations for the party.
So like they were, they were, you know, sent to go get stuff like food and whatnot
and like non-alcoholic drinks.
And then she bought all the alcohol and all the weed.
(29:05):
Well, they probably had the students bring some of the weed cause you know,
them guys can get weed up some good weed too.
So, uh, the student driver was two times over the legal limit.
Another officer who responded to the house party found a boy in the front yard,
vomiting and shaking.
So that motherfucker had a poison, uh, alcohol poison.
(29:35):
As paramedics were treating the boy, the teacher allegedly began yelling at the
paramedics for putting the boy in a machine.
The teacher was yelling at the paramedics for putting the boy in a machine.
Referring to the patrol vehicle.
According to the report, the teacher appeared intoxicated and she said she was
aware of the party and that there were several kids there.
(30:00):
Whoa.
Yeah.
Get it done.
That's crazy.
Yes.
You know, back in the day, like in the seventies and eighties, they did that a lot.
What?
You would think they do it nowadays.
Wait, what?
They have parties like that.
With teachers?
No.
Oh yeah.
I knew about parties.
(30:21):
With teachers.
Those are pedophiles.
It's like the thing they do.
Those are pedophiles.
They weren't doing things with the students.
It's a party.
Things happen.
Oh my.
Yeah.
You didn't think that did you?
No.
This'll be our little secret.
(30:42):
You think I'm joking?
That shit's fucking true.
Uh, Florida man admitted to police that he fatally shot his and wounded his mother.
Fatally shot his father, father and wounded his mother.
Allegedly over comments his parent made about, about him spending too much time
(31:06):
playing video games and not having a job.
You obviously had enough money to buy a fucking handgun, I guess.
That's the most men in this country.
They play video games.
When police arrived, uh, the dad was found with an apparent gunshot wound
(31:34):
and was lying dead in the driveway.
Dead?
Yep.
The woman was located inside the home with a serious gunshot wound.
Uh, she told the officers that her son.
And shot both of them and then fled.
They put a Bolo out beyond the lookout and, uh, you know, Orlando police
(32:00):
conducted a traffic stop and took him into custody.
So he was caught right afterwards.
He was charged with murder.
Murder.
Just bringing Grand Theft Auto to life.
That's all.
No, that's not what you do in Grand Theft Auto.
You don't kill your parents in Grand Theft Auto.
But I've seen you play it and you killing people as you're driving by.
(32:25):
That's a drive-by.
That's different.
Not the same.
Not the same.
Remember technology brain, technology brain.
I don't have it.
I know it's not the same though.
All right.
You ready?
Florida Chipotle worker installed tracking device on his ex fling's
car in hopes he would run into her again.
(32:50):
What the hell?
Florida Chipotle worker was arrested after he allegedly used
a tracking device from Best Buy.
Keep dabs on an ex fling from years ago in hopes he could run into her again.
According to authorities, this guy's only 22 Pinellas County Sheriff's after
(33:11):
strat.
This guy's only 22 Pinellas County Sheriff's after the woman found the cube
the woman found the cube tracker attached to her vehicle last August.
According to the criminal complaint obtained by the post, investigators
tracker attached to her vehicle last August.
According to the criminal complaint obtained by the post, investigators were
were able to figure out that stat.
(33:32):
able to figure out that stat that strat.
Oh, that the guy.
The name is track you guys.
He got the gadget from a chain store when his email address was linked to the
purchase.
The woman told authorities that she and him had a brief sexual relationship
(33:57):
several years ago before it ended with no further substantial contact in recent
years.
According to the complaint she first reported on by this morning.
Okay, this is this is a story from the smoking gun.
You guys can go fight it.
All right.
That's a creeper.
Yeah.
(34:18):
Yeah.
Yeah.
So what I do.
So apparently the sex wasn't that good because she didn't want it again, but he
thought the sex was good.
So he wanted to track her so he can get some more.
Really?
Yeah.
I would say so.
Okay.
(34:39):
All right.
Yeah.
Because it said they only dated once or twice or whatever.
Yeah.
They had a brief sexual relationship.
So that's like, you know, she was like, you're not good.
Yeah, probably.
And he was like, I want more.
Isn't that how it always works?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
All right.
(35:05):
That's our show.
We got anything else to add?
Fucking wise ass you.
Hey, do you have anything else to add?
No, I said.
She was like this.
You guys don't act like that.
No.
All right.
I said, no, I'll put this right here.
Talk louder.
(35:26):
I'm talking louder.
Use your big girl voice.
Speak.
Speak from your diaphragm.
All right.
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(35:50):
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So have a good one.
Yes.
A good one.
And we're out of here.
Like a fart in the wind.