February 19, 2025 • 35 mins
Episode 79
Dive into the bizarre and mind-boggling world of the weirdest news stories! In this eye-opening video, we explore the most outrageous headlines and strange occurrences that will leave you questioning the very fabric of reality. From unbelievable animal encounters to peculiar human behaviors, these stories are sure to astonish you.
Join us as we break down each story, providing context and insights that highlight just how strange our world can be. Whether you're a fan of the unusual or just looking for a good laugh, this compilation of weird news is perfect for you!
Don't forget to like, subscribe, and hit the notification bell to stay updated on our latest content exploring the weird and wonderful! What story surprised you the most? Let us know in the comments below!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
You got anything to bitch about?
(00:02):
No?
All right.
No, let's go.
He's talking to the microphone.
I am.
No, it was his mouthful, nasty.
Nobody wants to hear your mouthful.
Nobody wants to hear your mouthful.
I thought you liked my mouthful.
What are you talking about?
Full of these nuts.
(00:24):
Full of these nuts, yo.
Yeah.
You're on some bullshit.
I'm always on some bullshit.
Yeah, that's for sure.
Gotta put it in a can and suck that up.
The following program is rated TVMA.
What you are about to watch contains
explicit language, adult themes, violence,
and may not be suitable for viewers under 18.
(00:45):
Viewer discretion is strongly advised.
What the nuts?
Welcome to What the Nuts.
I'm your host, our blue collar Joe.
That's it's a mystery.
(01:05):
And here we are again for another episode.
What episode number is this shit?
Are we on like 79, I think?
79.
79.
Episode 79?
Seven nine.
Oh, 79.
Seven nine.
What's that mean?
I don't know that joke.
Is that some kind of?
Isn't there a joke about seven nine?
(01:26):
No.
Oh.
I don't know what it was.
Yeah, why is seven afraid of nine?
Why is nine afraid of seven?
Because seven, eight, nine.
Something like that.
Or 10, or I don't know.
Why is six afraid?
Wait, 10?
It's stupid, it's a dumb joke.
(01:47):
It's a dad joke.
Fucking dumb.
Wait a minute, you like dumb jokes.
Yeah, but not that one.
Why, you have to pick, you're picky?
When it comes to jokes, you're picky.
Like picking a nose.
Like picking your boho.
My boho?
Why does my boho have to be in this?
You know why?
My boho has nothing to do with your nose.
(02:09):
Oh wait, maybe.
Holy Jesus.
Yeah, yeah, I can take your head and you know.
You too, motherfuckers, Jesus.
You need to stop.
You need to fucking bullshit right there.
Well, you know, you visited my butt
(02:31):
more than once with that nose, so.
No, I haven't.
Oh yes, you have.
That's gross.
Well.
That's where the turts.
I didn't say, I didn't say you, that you wanted to.
I made you.
Yeah.
You're so funny.
I'm, I'm, I'm gorgeous.
(02:52):
I know you're gorgeous.
You're so funny.
All right.
Hello.
How you doing?
Everybody just heard you from way the fuck over there.
All right.
All right.
So I found a strange story on the AP.
(03:13):
On the AP.
Yeah, the Associated Press.
Okay.
Okay, remember, you can't be whispering.
I'm not whispering.
You did whisper.
I was just at AP.
Yeah, I know.
Okay, so check this shit out.
(03:34):
Okay.
Researchers discover ancient Egyptian remains smell good.
What the?
Popery?
Raw.
Popery.
Yeah.
That's not no ancient shit.
This is flowers.
So, so you know, you know, in the,
(03:57):
in ancient times, that's what they did.
Flowers.
No, they fucking, they jam you full of fucking
frankincense and smell good stuff.
They jammed you?
Yeah.
What kind of jamming are we talking about?
You know.
Oh.
You know, that kind.
What?
(04:17):
I don't know.
I don't know.
I'm kidding.
Oh.
All right, so at first whiff,
and I know it sounds repulsive,
but the essence of an ancient corpse
to these researchers smells good.
If you see the fucking,
(04:39):
you see the look I'm getting.
So, wait, is it a mummy corpse?
Yes.
Okay, so that kind of makes sense kind of,
cause it's like taking perfume and going in,
in some cotton and letting it sit for a long time, right?
Yeah.
I guess.
Something like that.
Yeah, cause they, they hook them up.
Like the more, the more wealthy you are,
(05:01):
back in the day, they, they did more like.
Made you smell better.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Oh, God dang it.
Every fucking time.
But what if you've got lots of farts?
I don't know.
You know, when people die,
some people pass lots of, lots of gas.
Yeah, I do know that.
So.
(05:21):
You're doing great, buddy.
I don't know.
I don't know about you.
You don't need egg, you need Jesus.
Cause you know what?
If I passed, I would probably shit myself.
(05:42):
Yeah, that's for sure.
Right?
That's for sure.
They'd have to use a lot of damn papery
to get that smell out.
Probably.
Yeah.
Probably.
Yeah.
All right.
So you know how like in films and, and books and stuff,
and they, it's like a myth that they say that
if you sniff a body, a mummy,
then you become a mummy or some shit.
(06:04):
There's like some crazy shit like that.
Well, this researcher says that,
the body smell kind of a woody, spicy and sweet.
So it sounds to me like they were eating fucking.
(06:24):
Wood.
Lots of wood.
Like wood.
Wood.
I was thinking kebab, but all right.
She just made the, you know, the,
(06:47):
the motion for sucking something.
It's a family show, so I can't tell you.
Weiner.
I swear to God, you are so nasty.
I swear.
(07:08):
I can't, I cracked myself up.
I was thinking kebab and you fucking went straight
for the fucking jugular.
You were like, yes, I, yeah.
Don't sugar coat it.
No.
No sugar coating.
So anyway, so they detected like pine and juniper.
(07:32):
These are resins used in embalming.
So like they smell like pine trees.
Oh, okay.
Yeah.
Okay, so when I do my will.
No.
I would smell like roti.
What I'm doing with you is I'm fucking gonna flush
your ass down the toilet and feed you to the alligators.
(07:55):
I want to smell like roses.
I'm fucking feed you to the rolligators.
Fuck that shit.
Stupid, I swear to God.
I swear to God, okay.
I didn't know when I die I get to pick a scent.
(08:17):
Because you know I love smells.
You know I have smelly candles.
I got smelly body sprays.
So you know what, when I die, I want to smell good, okay.
You're on your bullshit.
Love this story.
I'm so excited right now to die.
You're on this bullshit, all right.
So check this out.
(08:38):
You know how like they say like,
oh there's a nuclear power plant and,
oh the fucking, the waste from the nuclear power plant
is gonna make all the fucking fish and shit.
Yeah, like on the Simpsons.
Yeah, have three eyes and shit.
Yeah, yeah, I saw the episode.
Okay, so.
(09:00):
American crocodiles are thriving in Florida's
nuclear power plant cooling canals.
Oh shit, we're gonna have three headed crocodiles.
Nope, these motherfuckers, okay,
so they were on the endangered species list.
So they multiplied them.
Yeah.
Oh my gosh.
(09:22):
They did some cloning.
No, apparently being in these cooling ponds,
the ponds are nice and warm, right.
So the crocodiles, they move to the warm water, right.
And I guess warm water makes you wanna fucking do it,
because the population is starting to go up.
So they did multiply.
(09:45):
With all the little baby sperms.
So they found a bunch of nests in the cooling,
like in that area, like near that area.
Wow, that's pretty cool.
So.
But they don't have three eyeballs or nothing, right?
No.
Okay.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
No, no, no.
I thought you'd go and tell me they had like three heads,
(10:07):
three eyeballs, three penises, something.
What is it with you and penis today?
Yeah.
Hmm, hmm.
Yeah.
You're, you're.
I don't.
I don't.
I don't.
I.
Ah.
(10:28):
Wow.
I know.
Just don't know what to do with you.
Anyway, since 1978, they found like,
they found, there has been,
let me get my words right.
There has been about 7,000 crocodile hatchlings.
(10:49):
Damn.
Yeah.
So, these crocodiles,
they're starting to get their numbers back.
So that's a good thing.
That is a good thing.
Yeah.
I would get it on too if I had a bubble bath.
Warm bubble bath.
I'd be like, yeah, let's get it on.
(11:09):
Oh, let's get it on.
So this one, this one takes us to the Czech Republic.
All right, ready?
I'm ready.
Okay.
Beavers take two days to build dam
the government has been planning for seven years.
Wait, wait.
Beavers built a dam.
That's right.
For the government?
All down the payroll?
(11:30):
No.
Oh.
I would go on strike if I was a beaver.
You have a beaver.
Yeah, I know.
I've been calling a trash though.
Okay, so.
(11:51):
A project to restore water areas in a birdie nature park
began in 2018,
but authorities had taken years to get all the right permits
and finally get construction of the necessary dam underway.
The cost of the dam needed to restore the wetlands
(12:12):
to the area and to their original condition
was estimated to be about 30 million Czech crowns.
I guess that's what they call their fucking money.
But thanks to a family of diligent beavers,
the government doesn't have to spend a single dime anymore.
Environmentalists monitoring the birdie area
(12:35):
recently reported that a few beavers
took just two days to build functional dams
in the right areas, sparing humans of the trouble.
Wow, that's pretty nice of them.
Yeah.
So.
(12:56):
I'm gonna get them all payroll around here too.
Yeah.
You're on some bullshit.
I know.
Fucking shit.
All right, this one takes us to Chile.
Chile.
You know where that's at?
(13:18):
No.
All right, just so you guys know,
Mystery does not know geography.
I do not.
It is in South America, Chile.
And we're in North America.
A 24-year-old kayaker was briefly swallowed
and subsequently regurgitated by a humpback whale
(13:42):
in an unusual encounter his father caught on camera.
What the nut?
I don't know if we can watch this.
That's crazy shit right there.
Oh, listen to that.
(14:03):
Oh shit.
Oh wow.
Okay, so what happened was the whale came up,
got him, took him down, and brought him back.
Like he just came up.
And the whale is like, I don't know, he's still there.
You might have thought it was like, that's crazy.
(14:25):
Oh my.
Like literally he sucked him in.
He saw him.
He came up like that, you see the mouth.
And then he fucking fell over backwards.
See, this is why I don't go in the ocean.
Well, you go in the ocean.
No.
Not me, bro.
You sure?
(14:46):
I got land lakes.
I'm not a mermaid.
Mm-mm.
No whale's gonna swallow me.
No.
They would choke.
No shit, I'm a fat ass.
I didn't say that.
I didn't say that.
I said they would choke
because of all the perfume they were wearing.
Yeah, yeah, nice try to cover up.
(15:07):
Y'all hear that?
He tried to cover that shit up.
Really, brah.
That's not what I said.
You just put words in my mouth.
Yeah, I put the words in his mouth.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah. Yeah.
All right.
All right. All right.
Yeah, let's go to the next story.
(15:28):
Let's move on.
Let's move on.
Choke on that shit.
All right, Mississippi police seek
escaped emu or felony fleeing.
And disorderly conduct.
Do you know emus are dangerous?
Can you say that again?
Emu.
(15:49):
No.
They gave him a ticket.
No, they've had him in jail.
He had disorderly conduct.
An emu?
Yeah.
I wish you guys could see her fucking face.
So creepy.
Okay, it's a fucking big bird that stands like fucking
(16:11):
five feet tall.
But they put him in jail?
Yes.
Bird jail.
What's up?
Oh my God.
He's a jail bird.
Oh my God, I'm so fucking...
Police in Mississippi are seeking residents
(16:32):
to be on the lookout for an unusual suspect
wanted for felony fleeing and disorderly conduct.
An emu.
As in Batesville, Mississippi.
Apparently, apparently...
Please use caution.
They're like telling you to be careful.
(16:57):
Oh, the owners are trying to get him back.
So I guess this emu was like,
hey look, check it out.
I can jump this fence.
Oh shit.
So emus have like, they have like two short claws
and one long claw, okay?
Okay.
That one long claw is what they do.
They jump up and they use their one claw
(17:19):
and they cut your throat.
What the hell?
That's how they fucking, that's how they get down.
How they defend themselves.
Shit.
Yeah.
They're prehistoric.
What are you talking about, Wolf?
I don't know.
(17:41):
Anyways, the police say that the escaped emu
was last seen on the highway near a Hyundai dealership.
Hyundai dealership.
He went car shopping.
Yeah, yeah.
He said, I'm out.
I'm out, fool.
(18:02):
Oh lord.
All right.
You ready?
Ready for this next one.
This next one takes us to,
shit.
Okay.
(18:22):
I had the place, oh India.
India?
What part of India?
I swear to God, wake up over there.
What part of India?
Cause I have a friend from India.
I'm excited now.
Where, where, where?
I don't know, probably not where she's from.
(18:44):
It's Kerala.
Oh, I don't know.
I don't know where that's at.
I'm calm, but I'm now.
That's dumb.
It's not dumb.
All right, so you know we talked a week or so ago
or a couple of episodes ago, I don't know, fucking,
about monkeys.
Yeah.
In India.
And Florida.
(19:05):
And Texas.
Okay.
So these are a boar.
You know what a boar is?
No.
It's a fucking giant pig.
How do we go from monkey?
It's got, it's got two heads.
It's got tusks like this and then we'll fucking, yeah.
All right.
It'll, it'll.
Oh, like, like Pumba.
(19:26):
Yeah, it's a moanin' Pumba.
Oh, okay, okay, okay.
And he farts.
Okay.
Okay.
Fucking don't know about you.
Well, he does.
I don't know about you.
Anyways, anyways, somebody, somebody.
Somebody left the fucking door open
(19:52):
on the, on the grocery store.
Yeah.
And the fucking giant boar fucking came in there
and was tearing up the place.
Eating stuff and tearing up the.
Well, he was hungry.
Oh, yeah.
All right.
That confused me,
so I thought boars ate bugs.
(20:16):
No?
They're omnivores.
Well.
Okay, okay, look.
Well, on Lion King, he ate bugs.
Check it out, check it out.
You know what pigs, you know what pigs eat, right?
Yeah.
What do they eat?
Everything.
Okay.
And boar is?
A pig.
Okay.
I'm glad you made that connection.
(20:38):
That's where it.
Sometimes I think I'm dealing with a blonde lady
who has no idea how the world works.
Well, the drapes are not the same color, okay?
They aren't?
No.
Are you sure?
Yeah.
You're gonna fool me.
I've seen you down there with some just for men.
(21:01):
For the greats.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You're gonna fool me.
I'm not.
You're gonna fool me.
Yeah.
I pluck them actually.
Gotta get your, gotta get your beard right.
It's kinda like your goatee, you kinda braid it.
(21:24):
No.
All right, so.
Let's see here.
Eventually the animals spotted a way out and ran outside.
So they just tore up the place.
It was fuckin' super cold.
You know, people were like, oh look.
And they were hiding in the bathroom.
(21:45):
Nobody wants to get killed by a boar.
Yeah.
So what's up?
That's, what's up?
Okay, yeah.
Keep doing dumb shit that people can't see.
I don't know what's up.
All right, all right.
You need Jesus.
(22:07):
Yeah, I guess I do.
Jesus Christ, it's Jason Bourne.
YouTube motherfuckers need Jesus.
Holy Jesus.
It's time for the Florida man, Joe.
I was trying to get you to fuckin' say it
like you do every fuckin' week.
Is it time?
Is it time?
Is it time?
Is it time, is it time?
(22:27):
You're so excited for the Florida man.
I don't know what's fuckin' going on with you half the time.
All right.
Is it time?
Our first story takes us to...
(22:49):
Florida?
How'd you guess?
Claremont, Florida.
Claremont.
Claremont.
Claremont.
Claremont.
We're going to Claremont, Florida, y'all.
All right, so apparently, apparently this guy, yeah, yeah.
(23:09):
He was naked.
Uh-uh.
Oh.
Spoke his bath salts.
Close, close.
Know what he was doing?
Wrestling a...
He was on the road.
He's driving down the road being an asshole.
Oh, wow.
Yeah.
So, uh, I guess they were driving down the road.
(23:33):
One guy stopped for another,
like a big truck going through an intersection,
and the other guy ran up on him
and then fuckin' swerved around him and got in front of him
and then fuckin' brake checked him a couple of times
and then drove off
And then they come up to another light, right?
And the guy that was in the back gets around front
(23:55):
and comes out and pulls a gun on him.
Oh shit.
Right, so when I read this story, I was like,
I was like, dude.
That's the kind of shit.
This is the kind of shit that happens in Florida.
I think it happens everywhere actually.
(24:17):
It's kind of scary.
So this guy, Robert Bloweybomb.
Blow bomb?
Blow bomb.
Blowy, blowy bomb.
He blowed on his bum?
Bum, bum, blowed his bum.
Wait, Robert Blow bomb, blow, bum.
He was the one I identified.
(24:41):
That's right, guys.
That's right, guys.
I swear to God.
So this guy, he was arrested for
two counts of aggravated assault with a deadly weapon.
Well, I'll let you guys know right now.
If my name was Blowbomb, I'd be angry too.
(25:06):
His name is Bob Blowbomb.
Yeah, Bobby Blowbomb.
Bring it on, baby.
Blow me some bum, Bobby.
Hey, Bobby.
You want some blowbomb, baby.
Oh my God.
So fucking funny.
(25:29):
All right, so this guy, he's being a jackass.
So they caught him.
The one car, they finally got away.
The one car called the police, right?
And described the car.
And then they found him at a auto parts store.
(25:49):
I guess he was trying to fix it.
Whatever fucking damage he did to his car, I don't know.
Dumbass.
Some people are just fucking really stupid.
Yeah.
All right, so this next one, this next one
takes us to Pasco.
(26:17):
How did you know?
We're talking about Florida man here, you fucking crackhead.
He's on some bullshit, you guys.
He's on some bullshit.
Pasco County, Florida.
Florida man was recently arrested
after leading authorities on wild chase
(26:39):
while wearing a Dalmatian onesie.
Oh, that's a wild chase.
He was pretending he was a fire truck, y'all.
What we know, what we know is Devereaux, he's 36,
he's charged with fleeing to elude,
escaping reckless driving and leaving the scene
(27:01):
involving property damage.
Battery on law enforcement officer,
assault on a law enforcement officer
and resisting an officer with violence.
Resisting an officer without violence.
Depriving law enforcement officer of equipment,
drug equipment possession, possession of a new legend drug,
(27:22):
possession of methamphetamines, petty larceny,
and according, that's just according to court records.
Jesus.
All because he wanted to be a Dalmatian
for the fire department.
Oh.
How sad.
So here's the backstory, all right?
(27:45):
Troopers attempted to pull this guy over, right?
And then he fucking took off.
Bam, see you later.
I'm out.
Jack Rabbit, okay?
After initiating chase, he crashed into a tree
and took off running according to an arrest warrant.
He was shot with a stun gun and fell to the ground.
(28:08):
He looked like, he looked like a stun fucking Dalmatian.
Oh, oh.
I don't know, I think he was making those kind of noises.
I think he was making those kind of noises.
So troops were handcuffing him,
a fight ensued, Devereaux was shot with a stun gun again.
(28:30):
So not once, but twice.
And they are so lucky he did not pee on them.
Hold on.
Oh shit.
Ha ha ha ha ha.
According to, Devereaux escaped once more
and took off running towards the woods
with one handcuff on.
He's like, fucking, ah, you guys, I can't get right.
(28:53):
Oh my God.
Additional officers arrived at the scene
and a three year old canine tracked Devereaux
to his nearby home.
Of course.
That's hilarious.
So a dog actually found another dog.
Oh, he was a real dog, but.
No.
The suspect's girlfriend told troopers
she did not want them near her home
(29:14):
since she had drugs inside
and did not wanna go to jail according to the report.
Jesus.
Authority allegedly found drugs inside the home
and arrested both of them.
I've come to the conclusion
that there's really smart people in Florida.
So smart.
(29:35):
That's fucking hilarious right there.
That is hilarious.
All right, our final Florida man.
So, Vero Beach, Vero Beach, Florida.
We're still in Florida.
Okay.
Sorry.
So, you know, like sometimes around here
(29:58):
we have those guys on the little motorcycles
and they're fucking zipping up and down the roads.
Yeah.
All right, well this is happening right here
by this lady's house.
And she don't like it.
No.
So she gets a pellet gun.
Right, she gets a pellet gun
and she gets out on the fucking,
on the front yard and she's like,
get out of here, go home.
(30:20):
Don't be fucking running whatever,
you know, she's cursing them, right?
So, the fucking bikers say
that they heard loud pops.
But all they, all she had was a pellet gun.
So this is a part of the story where I was kind of like,
(30:41):
hmm.
Anyways, this lady's name is Victoria Loon.
Anyways, this lady's name is Victoria Looned.
Looned.
Looned.
Okay.
I want you to know, when you started telling me this story,
for some reason I pictured this lady
at like a carnival with a pellet gun
(31:04):
shooting a little thing going by,
you know, the little, I don't know.
The little bird?
Yeah, I don't know why.
So weird.
I know.
All right, so she said they were recklessly
driving back and forth in front of her house.
Deputies then entered her home
where they, where he retrieved a BB gun
(31:25):
with pellets inside of it.
Deputies charged her with two counts of aggravated assault
with a daily weapon and two counts of child abuse.
Oh damn.
Yeah, because they're kids, I mean, they're kids.
All right, that's our show.
Sorry, Victoria Looned.
Stupid.
(31:49):
That's our show.
You want to say anything to the nice people,
you fucking crackhead?
I'm nice people.
I'm a crackhead.
Not really though, not really.
He just thinks I am.
Why are you just repeating what I say?
You're like, yes, I am exactly.
All right.
(32:11):
All right.
What's up?
I can't hear you.
I'm not talking.
I said what's up?
What's up?
Talking to the microphone.
Hi everybody, how you guys doing?
My name is Mystery and apparently
I can't get swallowed by a whale.
And you're a fucking, you're a fucking recovering addict.
(32:32):
And I can't get swallowed by a whale because it will choke.
I'm not talking.
Because it will choke.
On?
Yes.
I didn't say on what though?
On?
On you.
Apparently my hair eat something.
Oh, what the fuck?
(32:55):
So gross.
All right, if you fucking,
if you thought this shit was kind of entertaining
or whatever.
I am entertaining, all right?
Go ahead and drop us a follow.
Drop us a follow.
Just smoked out.
Subscribe to the channel if you're watching this
on the YouTubes.
The YouTubes and the Tiki Takis.
(33:16):
Yeah, if you're watching this on the,
they don't watch it on the TikTok.
Oh fine, whatever.
I don't post anything fucking on the TikTok.
Well I'm not on there anyway, so.
Pfft.
Fucking, what the hell is wrong with you?
Anyways, go to my website, whatthenuts.com.
What the nuts?
(33:36):
N-U-T-Z.
All one word.
Dot com.
You can support the show.
You can watch the videos.
You can find us on your favorite listening app.
Send us a message.
Oh yeah, you can send us a message
and tell us what horrible people we are
and how we should, I don't know,
(33:58):
take more showers or something,
because we're so dirty.
Dirty minded.
Oh man.
All right you guys.
Yes.
We're out.
We're gone.
We're gone.
We're gone.
Yeah.
We're out?
Yeah.
We're gone?
(34:19):
Like two farts in the wind?
Or maybe three.
How did two farts?
Smelly ones.
Really?
Yeah.
All right, we're gone, like two farts in the wind.
Well what have you been in Sweden this year for?
Think it's been in Sweden.
I think it's been in Sweden the past two years,
from the beginning till now.
(34:39):
Since a few weeks ago,
I don't think anyone has been there on a year
let alone the second time.
Lehop again?
Yeah.
Like how many Grand robocalls you can do during a year?
You make new plans.
Oh yeah.
You got anything to bitch about?
(00:02):
No?
All right.
No, let's go.
He's talking to the microphone.
I am.
No, it was his mouthful, nasty.
Nobody wants to hear your mouthful.
Nobody wants to hear your mouthful.
I thought you liked my mouthful.
What are you talking about?
Full of these nuts.
(00:24):
Full of these nuts, yo.
Yeah.
You're on some bullshit.
I'm always on some bullshit.
Yeah, that's for sure.
Gotta put it in a can and suck that up.
The following program is rated TVMA.
What you are about to watch contains
explicit language, adult themes, violence,
and may not be suitable for viewers under 18.
(00:45):
Viewer discretion is strongly advised.
What the nuts?
Welcome to What the Nuts.
I'm your host, our blue collar Joe.
That's it's a mystery.
(01:05):
And here we are again for another episode.
What episode number is this shit?
Are we on like 79, I think?
79.
79.
Episode 79?
Seven nine.
Oh, 79.
Seven nine.
What's that mean?
I don't know that joke.
Is that some kind of?
Isn't there a joke about seven nine?
(01:26):
No.
Oh.
I don't know what it was.
Yeah, why is seven afraid of nine?
Why is nine afraid of seven?
Because seven, eight, nine.
Something like that.
Or 10, or I don't know.
Why is six afraid?
Wait, 10?
It's stupid, it's a dumb joke.
(01:47):
It's a dad joke.
Fucking dumb.
Wait a minute, you like dumb jokes.
Yeah, but not that one.
Why, you have to pick, you're picky?
When it comes to jokes, you're picky.
Like picking a nose.
Like picking your boho.
My boho?
Why does my boho have to be in this?
You know why?
My boho has nothing to do with your nose.
(02:09):
Oh wait, maybe.
Holy Jesus.
Yeah, yeah, I can take your head and you know.
You too, motherfuckers, Jesus.
You need to stop.
You need to fucking bullshit right there.
Well, you know, you visited my butt
(02:31):
more than once with that nose, so.
No, I haven't.
Oh yes, you have.
That's gross.
Well.
That's where the turts.
I didn't say, I didn't say you, that you wanted to.
I made you.
Yeah.
You're so funny.
I'm, I'm, I'm gorgeous.
(02:52):
I know you're gorgeous.
You're so funny.
All right.
Hello.
How you doing?
Everybody just heard you from way the fuck over there.
All right.
All right.
So I found a strange story on the AP.
(03:13):
On the AP.
Yeah, the Associated Press.
Okay.
Okay, remember, you can't be whispering.
I'm not whispering.
You did whisper.
I was just at AP.
Yeah, I know.
Okay, so check this shit out.
(03:34):
Okay.
Researchers discover ancient Egyptian remains smell good.
What the?
Popery?
Raw.
Popery.
Yeah.
That's not no ancient shit.
This is flowers.
So, so you know, you know, in the,
(03:57):
in ancient times, that's what they did.
Flowers.
No, they fucking, they jam you full of fucking
frankincense and smell good stuff.
They jammed you?
Yeah.
What kind of jamming are we talking about?
You know.
Oh.
You know, that kind.
What?
(04:17):
I don't know.
I don't know.
I'm kidding.
Oh.
All right, so at first whiff,
and I know it sounds repulsive,
but the essence of an ancient corpse
to these researchers smells good.
If you see the fucking,
(04:39):
you see the look I'm getting.
So, wait, is it a mummy corpse?
Yes.
Okay, so that kind of makes sense kind of,
cause it's like taking perfume and going in,
in some cotton and letting it sit for a long time, right?
Yeah.
I guess.
Something like that.
Yeah, cause they, they hook them up.
Like the more, the more wealthy you are,
(05:01):
back in the day, they, they did more like.
Made you smell better.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Oh, God dang it.
Every fucking time.
But what if you've got lots of farts?
I don't know.
You know, when people die,
some people pass lots of, lots of gas.
Yeah, I do know that.
So.
(05:21):
You're doing great, buddy.
I don't know.
I don't know about you.
You don't need egg, you need Jesus.
Cause you know what?
If I passed, I would probably shit myself.
(05:42):
Yeah, that's for sure.
Right?
That's for sure.
They'd have to use a lot of damn papery
to get that smell out.
Probably.
Yeah.
Probably.
Yeah.
All right.
So you know how like in films and, and books and stuff,
and they, it's like a myth that they say that
if you sniff a body, a mummy,
then you become a mummy or some shit.
(06:04):
There's like some crazy shit like that.
Well, this researcher says that,
the body smell kind of a woody, spicy and sweet.
So it sounds to me like they were eating fucking.
(06:24):
Wood.
Lots of wood.
Like wood.
Wood.
I was thinking kebab, but all right.
She just made the, you know, the,
(06:47):
the motion for sucking something.
It's a family show, so I can't tell you.
Weiner.
I swear to God, you are so nasty.
I swear.
(07:08):
I can't, I cracked myself up.
I was thinking kebab and you fucking went straight
for the fucking jugular.
You were like, yes, I, yeah.
Don't sugar coat it.
No.
No sugar coating.
So anyway, so they detected like pine and juniper.
(07:32):
These are resins used in embalming.
So like they smell like pine trees.
Oh, okay.
Yeah.
Okay, so when I do my will.
No.
I would smell like roti.
What I'm doing with you is I'm fucking gonna flush
your ass down the toilet and feed you to the alligators.
(07:55):
I want to smell like roses.
I'm fucking feed you to the rolligators.
Fuck that shit.
Stupid, I swear to God.
I swear to God, okay.
I didn't know when I die I get to pick a scent.
(08:17):
Because you know I love smells.
You know I have smelly candles.
I got smelly body sprays.
So you know what, when I die, I want to smell good, okay.
You're on your bullshit.
Love this story.
I'm so excited right now to die.
You're on this bullshit, all right.
So check this out.
(08:38):
You know how like they say like,
oh there's a nuclear power plant and,
oh the fucking, the waste from the nuclear power plant
is gonna make all the fucking fish and shit.
Yeah, like on the Simpsons.
Yeah, have three eyes and shit.
Yeah, yeah, I saw the episode.
Okay, so.
(09:00):
American crocodiles are thriving in Florida's
nuclear power plant cooling canals.
Oh shit, we're gonna have three headed crocodiles.
Nope, these motherfuckers, okay,
so they were on the endangered species list.
So they multiplied them.
Yeah.
Oh my gosh.
(09:22):
They did some cloning.
No, apparently being in these cooling ponds,
the ponds are nice and warm, right.
So the crocodiles, they move to the warm water, right.
And I guess warm water makes you wanna fucking do it,
because the population is starting to go up.
So they did multiply.
(09:45):
With all the little baby sperms.
So they found a bunch of nests in the cooling,
like in that area, like near that area.
Wow, that's pretty cool.
So.
But they don't have three eyeballs or nothing, right?
No.
Okay.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
No, no, no.
I thought you'd go and tell me they had like three heads,
(10:07):
three eyeballs, three penises, something.
What is it with you and penis today?
Yeah.
Hmm, hmm.
Yeah.
You're, you're.
I don't.
I don't.
I don't.
I.
Ah.
(10:28):
Wow.
I know.
Just don't know what to do with you.
Anyway, since 1978, they found like,
they found, there has been,
let me get my words right.
There has been about 7,000 crocodile hatchlings.
(10:49):
Damn.
Yeah.
So, these crocodiles,
they're starting to get their numbers back.
So that's a good thing.
That is a good thing.
Yeah.
I would get it on too if I had a bubble bath.
Warm bubble bath.
I'd be like, yeah, let's get it on.
(11:09):
Oh, let's get it on.
So this one, this one takes us to the Czech Republic.
All right, ready?
I'm ready.
Okay.
Beavers take two days to build dam
the government has been planning for seven years.
Wait, wait.
Beavers built a dam.
That's right.
For the government?
All down the payroll?
(11:30):
No.
Oh.
I would go on strike if I was a beaver.
You have a beaver.
Yeah, I know.
I've been calling a trash though.
Okay, so.
(11:51):
A project to restore water areas in a birdie nature park
began in 2018,
but authorities had taken years to get all the right permits
and finally get construction of the necessary dam underway.
The cost of the dam needed to restore the wetlands
(12:12):
to the area and to their original condition
was estimated to be about 30 million Czech crowns.
I guess that's what they call their fucking money.
But thanks to a family of diligent beavers,
the government doesn't have to spend a single dime anymore.
Environmentalists monitoring the birdie area
(12:35):
recently reported that a few beavers
took just two days to build functional dams
in the right areas, sparing humans of the trouble.
Wow, that's pretty nice of them.
Yeah.
So.
(12:56):
I'm gonna get them all payroll around here too.
Yeah.
You're on some bullshit.
I know.
Fucking shit.
All right, this one takes us to Chile.
Chile.
You know where that's at?
(13:18):
No.
All right, just so you guys know,
Mystery does not know geography.
I do not.
It is in South America, Chile.
And we're in North America.
A 24-year-old kayaker was briefly swallowed
and subsequently regurgitated by a humpback whale
(13:42):
in an unusual encounter his father caught on camera.
What the nut?
I don't know if we can watch this.
That's crazy shit right there.
Oh, listen to that.
(14:03):
Oh shit.
Oh wow.
Okay, so what happened was the whale came up,
got him, took him down, and brought him back.
Like he just came up.
And the whale is like, I don't know, he's still there.
You might have thought it was like, that's crazy.
(14:25):
Oh my.
Like literally he sucked him in.
He saw him.
He came up like that, you see the mouth.
And then he fucking fell over backwards.
See, this is why I don't go in the ocean.
Well, you go in the ocean.
No.
Not me, bro.
You sure?
(14:46):
I got land lakes.
I'm not a mermaid.
Mm-mm.
No whale's gonna swallow me.
No.
They would choke.
No shit, I'm a fat ass.
I didn't say that.
I didn't say that.
I said they would choke
because of all the perfume they were wearing.
Yeah, yeah, nice try to cover up.
(15:07):
Y'all hear that?
He tried to cover that shit up.
Really, brah.
That's not what I said.
You just put words in my mouth.
Yeah, I put the words in his mouth.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah. Yeah.
All right.
All right. All right.
Yeah, let's go to the next story.
(15:28):
Let's move on.
Let's move on.
Choke on that shit.
All right, Mississippi police seek
escaped emu or felony fleeing.
And disorderly conduct.
Do you know emus are dangerous?
Can you say that again?
Emu.
(15:49):
No.
They gave him a ticket.
No, they've had him in jail.
He had disorderly conduct.
An emu?
Yeah.
I wish you guys could see her fucking face.
So creepy.
Okay, it's a fucking big bird that stands like fucking
(16:11):
five feet tall.
But they put him in jail?
Yes.
Bird jail.
What's up?
Oh my God.
He's a jail bird.
Oh my God, I'm so fucking...
Police in Mississippi are seeking residents
(16:32):
to be on the lookout for an unusual suspect
wanted for felony fleeing and disorderly conduct.
An emu.
As in Batesville, Mississippi.
Apparently, apparently...
Please use caution.
They're like telling you to be careful.
(16:57):
Oh, the owners are trying to get him back.
So I guess this emu was like,
hey look, check it out.
I can jump this fence.
Oh shit.
So emus have like, they have like two short claws
and one long claw, okay?
Okay.
That one long claw is what they do.
They jump up and they use their one claw
(17:19):
and they cut your throat.
What the hell?
That's how they fucking, that's how they get down.
How they defend themselves.
Shit.
Yeah.
They're prehistoric.
What are you talking about, Wolf?
I don't know.
(17:41):
Anyways, the police say that the escaped emu
was last seen on the highway near a Hyundai dealership.
Hyundai dealership.
He went car shopping.
Yeah, yeah.
He said, I'm out.
I'm out, fool.
(18:02):
Oh lord.
All right.
You ready?
Ready for this next one.
This next one takes us to,
shit.
Okay.
(18:22):
I had the place, oh India.
India?
What part of India?
I swear to God, wake up over there.
What part of India?
Cause I have a friend from India.
I'm excited now.
Where, where, where?
I don't know, probably not where she's from.
(18:44):
It's Kerala.
Oh, I don't know.
I don't know where that's at.
I'm calm, but I'm now.
That's dumb.
It's not dumb.
All right, so you know we talked a week or so ago
or a couple of episodes ago, I don't know, fucking,
about monkeys.
Yeah.
In India.
And Florida.
(19:05):
And Texas.
Okay.
So these are a boar.
You know what a boar is?
No.
It's a fucking giant pig.
How do we go from monkey?
It's got, it's got two heads.
It's got tusks like this and then we'll fucking, yeah.
All right.
It'll, it'll.
Oh, like, like Pumba.
(19:26):
Yeah, it's a moanin' Pumba.
Oh, okay, okay, okay.
And he farts.
Okay.
Okay.
Fucking don't know about you.
Well, he does.
I don't know about you.
Anyways, anyways, somebody, somebody.
Somebody left the fucking door open
(19:52):
on the, on the grocery store.
Yeah.
And the fucking giant boar fucking came in there
and was tearing up the place.
Eating stuff and tearing up the.
Well, he was hungry.
Oh, yeah.
All right.
That confused me,
so I thought boars ate bugs.
(20:16):
No?
They're omnivores.
Well.
Okay, okay, look.
Well, on Lion King, he ate bugs.
Check it out, check it out.
You know what pigs, you know what pigs eat, right?
Yeah.
What do they eat?
Everything.
Okay.
And boar is?
A pig.
Okay.
I'm glad you made that connection.
(20:38):
That's where it.
Sometimes I think I'm dealing with a blonde lady
who has no idea how the world works.
Well, the drapes are not the same color, okay?
They aren't?
No.
Are you sure?
Yeah.
You're gonna fool me.
I've seen you down there with some just for men.
(21:01):
For the greats.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You're gonna fool me.
I'm not.
You're gonna fool me.
Yeah.
I pluck them actually.
Gotta get your, gotta get your beard right.
It's kinda like your goatee, you kinda braid it.
(21:24):
No.
All right, so.
Let's see here.
Eventually the animals spotted a way out and ran outside.
So they just tore up the place.
It was fuckin' super cold.
You know, people were like, oh look.
And they were hiding in the bathroom.
(21:45):
Nobody wants to get killed by a boar.
Yeah.
So what's up?
That's, what's up?
Okay, yeah.
Keep doing dumb shit that people can't see.
I don't know what's up.
All right, all right.
You need Jesus.
(22:07):
Yeah, I guess I do.
Jesus Christ, it's Jason Bourne.
YouTube motherfuckers need Jesus.
Holy Jesus.
It's time for the Florida man, Joe.
I was trying to get you to fuckin' say it
like you do every fuckin' week.
Is it time?
Is it time?
Is it time?
Is it time, is it time?
(22:27):
You're so excited for the Florida man.
I don't know what's fuckin' going on with you half the time.
All right.
Is it time?
Our first story takes us to...
(22:49):
Florida?
How'd you guess?
Claremont, Florida.
Claremont.
Claremont.
Claremont.
Claremont.
We're going to Claremont, Florida, y'all.
All right, so apparently, apparently this guy, yeah, yeah.
(23:09):
He was naked.
Uh-uh.
Oh.
Spoke his bath salts.
Close, close.
Know what he was doing?
Wrestling a...
He was on the road.
He's driving down the road being an asshole.
Oh, wow.
Yeah.
So, uh, I guess they were driving down the road.
(23:33):
One guy stopped for another,
like a big truck going through an intersection,
and the other guy ran up on him
and then fuckin' swerved around him and got in front of him
and then fuckin' brake checked him a couple of times
and then drove off
And then they come up to another light, right?
And the guy that was in the back gets around front
(23:55):
and comes out and pulls a gun on him.
Oh shit.
Right, so when I read this story, I was like,
I was like, dude.
That's the kind of shit.
This is the kind of shit that happens in Florida.
I think it happens everywhere actually.
(24:17):
It's kind of scary.
So this guy, Robert Bloweybomb.
Blow bomb?
Blow bomb.
Blowy, blowy bomb.
He blowed on his bum?
Bum, bum, blowed his bum.
Wait, Robert Blow bomb, blow, bum.
He was the one I identified.
(24:41):
That's right, guys.
That's right, guys.
I swear to God.
So this guy, he was arrested for
two counts of aggravated assault with a deadly weapon.
Well, I'll let you guys know right now.
If my name was Blowbomb, I'd be angry too.
(25:06):
His name is Bob Blowbomb.
Yeah, Bobby Blowbomb.
Bring it on, baby.
Blow me some bum, Bobby.
Hey, Bobby.
You want some blowbomb, baby.
Oh my God.
So fucking funny.
(25:29):
All right, so this guy, he's being a jackass.
So they caught him.
The one car, they finally got away.
The one car called the police, right?
And described the car.
And then they found him at a auto parts store.
(25:49):
I guess he was trying to fix it.
Whatever fucking damage he did to his car, I don't know.
Dumbass.
Some people are just fucking really stupid.
Yeah.
All right, so this next one, this next one
takes us to Pasco.
(26:17):
How did you know?
We're talking about Florida man here, you fucking crackhead.
He's on some bullshit, you guys.
He's on some bullshit.
Pasco County, Florida.
Florida man was recently arrested
after leading authorities on wild chase
(26:39):
while wearing a Dalmatian onesie.
Oh, that's a wild chase.
He was pretending he was a fire truck, y'all.
What we know, what we know is Devereaux, he's 36,
he's charged with fleeing to elude,
escaping reckless driving and leaving the scene
(27:01):
involving property damage.
Battery on law enforcement officer,
assault on a law enforcement officer
and resisting an officer with violence.
Resisting an officer without violence.
Depriving law enforcement officer of equipment,
drug equipment possession, possession of a new legend drug,
(27:22):
possession of methamphetamines, petty larceny,
and according, that's just according to court records.
Jesus.
All because he wanted to be a Dalmatian
for the fire department.
Oh.
How sad.
So here's the backstory, all right?
(27:45):
Troopers attempted to pull this guy over, right?
And then he fucking took off.
Bam, see you later.
I'm out.
Jack Rabbit, okay?
After initiating chase, he crashed into a tree
and took off running according to an arrest warrant.
He was shot with a stun gun and fell to the ground.
(28:08):
He looked like, he looked like a stun fucking Dalmatian.
Oh, oh.
I don't know, I think he was making those kind of noises.
I think he was making those kind of noises.
So troops were handcuffing him,
a fight ensued, Devereaux was shot with a stun gun again.
(28:30):
So not once, but twice.
And they are so lucky he did not pee on them.
Hold on.
Oh shit.
Ha ha ha ha ha.
According to, Devereaux escaped once more
and took off running towards the woods
with one handcuff on.
He's like, fucking, ah, you guys, I can't get right.
(28:53):
Oh my God.
Additional officers arrived at the scene
and a three year old canine tracked Devereaux
to his nearby home.
Of course.
That's hilarious.
So a dog actually found another dog.
Oh, he was a real dog, but.
No.
The suspect's girlfriend told troopers
she did not want them near her home
(29:14):
since she had drugs inside
and did not wanna go to jail according to the report.
Jesus.
Authority allegedly found drugs inside the home
and arrested both of them.
I've come to the conclusion
that there's really smart people in Florida.
So smart.
(29:35):
That's fucking hilarious right there.
That is hilarious.
All right, our final Florida man.
So, Vero Beach, Vero Beach, Florida.
We're still in Florida.
Okay.
Sorry.
So, you know, like sometimes around here
(29:58):
we have those guys on the little motorcycles
and they're fucking zipping up and down the roads.
Yeah.
All right, well this is happening right here
by this lady's house.
And she don't like it.
No.
So she gets a pellet gun.
Right, she gets a pellet gun
and she gets out on the fucking,
on the front yard and she's like,
get out of here, go home.
(30:20):
Don't be fucking running whatever,
you know, she's cursing them, right?
So, the fucking bikers say
that they heard loud pops.
But all they, all she had was a pellet gun.
So this is a part of the story where I was kind of like,
(30:41):
hmm.
Anyways, this lady's name is Victoria Loon.
Anyways, this lady's name is Victoria Looned.
Looned.
Looned.
Okay.
I want you to know, when you started telling me this story,
for some reason I pictured this lady
at like a carnival with a pellet gun
(31:04):
shooting a little thing going by,
you know, the little, I don't know.
The little bird?
Yeah, I don't know why.
So weird.
I know.
All right, so she said they were recklessly
driving back and forth in front of her house.
Deputies then entered her home
where they, where he retrieved a BB gun
(31:25):
with pellets inside of it.
Deputies charged her with two counts of aggravated assault
with a daily weapon and two counts of child abuse.
Oh damn.
Yeah, because they're kids, I mean, they're kids.
All right, that's our show.
Sorry, Victoria Looned.
Stupid.
(31:49):
That's our show.
You want to say anything to the nice people,
you fucking crackhead?
I'm nice people.
I'm a crackhead.
Not really though, not really.
He just thinks I am.
Why are you just repeating what I say?
You're like, yes, I am exactly.
All right.
(32:11):
All right.
What's up?
I can't hear you.
I'm not talking.
I said what's up?
What's up?
Talking to the microphone.
Hi everybody, how you guys doing?
My name is Mystery and apparently
I can't get swallowed by a whale.
And you're a fucking, you're a fucking recovering addict.
(32:32):
And I can't get swallowed by a whale because it will choke.
I'm not talking.
Because it will choke.
On?
Yes.
I didn't say on what though?
On?
On you.
Apparently my hair eat something.
Oh, what the fuck?
(32:55):
So gross.
All right, if you fucking,
if you thought this shit was kind of entertaining
or whatever.
I am entertaining, all right?
Go ahead and drop us a follow.
Drop us a follow.
Just smoked out.
Subscribe to the channel if you're watching this
on the YouTubes.
The YouTubes and the Tiki Takis.
(33:16):
Yeah, if you're watching this on the,
they don't watch it on the TikTok.
Oh fine, whatever.
I don't post anything fucking on the TikTok.
Well I'm not on there anyway, so.
Pfft.
Fucking, what the hell is wrong with you?
Anyways, go to my website, whatthenuts.com.
What the nuts?
(33:36):
N-U-T-Z.
All one word.
Dot com.
You can support the show.
You can watch the videos.
You can find us on your favorite listening app.
Send us a message.
Oh yeah, you can send us a message
and tell us what horrible people we are
and how we should, I don't know,
(33:58):
take more showers or something,
because we're so dirty.
Dirty minded.
Oh man.
All right you guys.
Yes.
We're out.
We're gone.
We're gone.
We're gone.
Yeah.
We're out?
Yeah.
We're gone?
(34:19):
Like two farts in the wind?
Or maybe three.
How did two farts?
Smelly ones.
Really?
Yeah.
All right, we're gone, like two farts in the wind.
Well what have you been in Sweden this year for?
Think it's been in Sweden.
I think it's been in Sweden the past two years,
from the beginning till now.
(34:39):
Since a few weeks ago,
I don't think anyone has been there on a year
let alone the second time.
Lehop again?
Yeah.
Like how many Grand robocalls you can do during a year?
You make new plans.
Oh yeah.
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