March 5, 2025 • 42 mins
Episode 81
Dive into the bizarre and mind-boggling world of the weirdest news stories! In this eye-opening video, we explore the most outrageous headlines and strange occurrences that will leave you questioning the very fabric of reality. From unbelievable animal encounters to peculiar human behaviors, these stories are sure to astonish you.
Join us as we break down each story, providing context and insights that highlight just how strange our world can be. Whether you're a fan of the unusual or just looking for a good laugh, this compilation of weird news is perfect for you!
Don't forget to like, subscribe, and hit the notification bell to stay updated on our latest content exploring the weird and wonderful! What story surprised you the most? Let us know in the comments below!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
I'm curious.
(00:02):
Yep, you are curious.
About your penis.
Oh!
It's about two inches.
Hey, the one that made you pee out of the toilet this morning.
That was this morning.
That was last week.
How come my pants are wet?
(00:23):
Yeah, I didn't understand.
I guess I had a...
Because you were pushing too hard.
Bad or I had a hard on, I didn't know.
Is that you guys call pee-pee boner?
I guess you did have a pee-pee boner.
I guess so, and I peed outside the toilet.
(00:44):
That's nasty.
I've never done that.
Right.
Small dick problems.
I know.
I have that, unfortunately.
You have small penis problems?
Yeah.
Yeah.
I have.
The following program is rated TVMA.
What you are about to watch contains explicit language, adult themes, violence, and may
(01:07):
not be suitable for viewers under 18.
Viewer discretion is strongly advised.
What the nuts?
Welcome to What the Nuts?
I'm your host, the blue-collar Joe.
(01:30):
That's It's a Mystery, and she's on her bullshit again this week.
So, Mystery.
Yes, darling.
Darling.
Fucking on your bullshit.
All right, so what do you have to bitch about this week?
(01:53):
Dogs are in freaking heat.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, we got two dogs that are not fixed, and it's been a challenge.
A challenge.
Been a challenge.
Frickin whining and yelping all hours of the night.
(02:14):
It wouldn't be so bad if the one wasn't one-eyed and like 60 years old and doesn't know how
to get it up when the one is real tiny and she's trying to show him how to do it.
First of all, how does she know how to do it?
I don't know, but she was showing him.
She was humping him like, look, motherfucker, this is how you do it.
(02:35):
Hump, hump, hump.
They'll lick it.
She put herself right in front of him and said, lick it.
You have to lick it before you stick it.
Yeah.
I don't know dog language, but if you watch, that's what it sounded like to me too.
I was like, oh.
That's what it looked like.
I said, you know, she can do some doggies, education.
(02:58):
That's some doggie style right there.
That's doggie style for sure.
Yeah, for sure.
All right.
All right.
I'm going to get some stuff rolling around here.
Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun.
(03:19):
All right.
I learned some stuff this week.
You learned some stuff?
Yeah.
That's funny.
Yeah.
Jesus Christ.
You're on your bullshit.
So I learned, I learned that there are, you know, you make fun of, I have like a cyst
(03:44):
on the back of my neck.
It's on this side.
Your little brother.
Right.
And I call it my little brother, my parasitic little brother.
Right.
And he shares food with it because nevermind.
You're stupid.
Fucking dumbass.
So I found this story earlier this week.
Right.
I was fucking reading this story.
(04:05):
Someone else has a little brother too?
Brawl.
I did not know this was a thing.
I thought it was something I made up and have been fucking saying for years.
Write this out.
Teenager has 16 kilogram parasitic twin removed after a life change in surgery.
(04:29):
So a person, a twin.
So apparently what happens, right?
Uh, what happens allegedly is that, uh, when the sperm hits the egg and the egg splits
into two eggs, right?
And, um, you know, to make identical twins, right?
Sometimes the one twin is like, right?
(04:54):
But instead of like eating it all the way, like it lets it grow with it.
Oh, right.
Parasitic twin.
So you got this thing like taking, like you eat food and it takes the food and you don't,
you don't fucking have no energy.
So you feel like shit all the fucking time or I told you, yeah.
(05:18):
Yeah.
Brawl.
And when I read this story, I was like, Oh, I gotta stop fucking playing around.
Cause you know what they say?
You make fun of somebody in a wheelchair.
Guess what's going to happen?
You're in a wheelchair next time.
Yeah.
Karma.
Yeah.
So yeah, I'm not trying to have that happen.
(05:39):
Might have to call Dr. Pimple bumper.
Get that thing off my neck.
I think you should.
I told you that a long time ago.
Yeah.
But anyways, so, uh, so it was a two and a half hour, um, surgery where they excise this,
uh, lump or this mass or was it at on his body?
(06:00):
Okay.
So when doctors first carried out the scans, I revealed the parasitic twin was attached
to the teenager's breast bone.
Oh, so he had an extra nipple.
Had an extra person on his, on his chest.
Um, but did not have a significant connection with other major organs such as a liver or
(06:25):
kidney.
So it was just a, like a mass growing there.
Yeah.
Like what's on your neck.
Yeah.
So from there, they carried out the surgery two hours.
The first part in which they involve removing the parasitic limbs.
So this sucker had fucking, uh, arm and legs and shit.
Oh shit.
(06:48):
Um, but it did not.
Okay.
So see arms and legs.
The second, the second part was to remove the large cyst from the teenager's abdomen.
(07:08):
So it was like the breast bone, like from here to the year.
Oh, that was pretty big.
Yeah.
That was fucking huge.
Well, it's 16 kilograms, right?
How much is 16 kilograms?
It's very bigger than your, on your neck.
So I wouldn't worry about yours on the neck then.
How much is 16 kilograms?
I don't know.
Oh, you want to, okay.
Look, I don't know geographic.
(07:29):
A kilo is 3.3.
So 16 of them is like a lot.
I kind of figured his chest is taken over his whole, right?
Unless he's a small boy.
I doubt that he's a small boy.
No, it doesn't seem like he is.
Pretty big.
(07:50):
Um, let's see here.
It's about 35 pounds.
Damn.
That's like a baby.
That is a baby.
Yeah.
It's a two year old.
Yeah.
Shit.
Poor kid.
I saw a lot of weight lifted off his chest.
(08:14):
So does me.
A lot of weight lifted.
Off his shoulders.
It's off his shoulders.
I was in his breast.
I know.
I know.
Off his chest.
Frickin' wise guy.
Anyway, so two hours was successful.
(08:35):
Um, so the odds of this happening, right?
The odds of this happening, there have only been 50 cases since they've been keeping track.
Wow.
And you know, that's like 1900's or something.
That's crazy.
So the odds affect one and one hundred thousand people.
(08:58):
Who knows, there might be more cases out there.
There's people who are ashamed to go to the doctor
because they don't know what it is.
Oh, I know, probably because it has a big penis.
Probably.
People like you that have this thing on the side of their
neck, call it their big brother or their baby brother,
and say, oh no, I'm not going to get it removed.
There's probably more like you out there.
All right, so our next story takes us to Bogota.
(09:21):
Do you know where that's at?
Nope, but I will be purchasing me a map.
Oh, I want it.
It's in South America, it's where the cocaine comes from.
Columbia.
Are you sure?
Yeah, they grow cocaine and they grow coffee there.
Cause to be honest with you, I thought-
(09:41):
Actually, I think they grow the coffee
and the cocaine together.
Like your donut shop.
Oh, I want it.
Anyways, don't get side-tracked, don't get side-tracked.
What were you going to say?
Well, when you said Bogota, I thought it was Washington,
(10:02):
but I wasn't going to say Washington because I'm a dumb ass
when it comes to a map of the United States.
Where in the world?
Not just the United States.
So I'm going to have to go to the local.
What does it go to, like places and find me a world.
(10:27):
What's it called?
A world that spins.
What's that thing called?
That's called a globe?
Yes, that.
I'm going to sit it right here next to me
the next time you ask me and I'm going to figure that shit out.
You're going to figure that shit out?
All right, so this story is the Colombian police apprehended
(10:48):
a 40-year-old man attempting to smuggle cocaine.
Where?
In his butt crack?
Under his toupee.
How much can you?
Hey, your toupee's looking kind of lumpy today, bro.
What's up?
Oh, God.
(11:08):
Was he wearing the Afro toupee?
No.
No?
Well, how much can you really smuggle under a toupee?
I don't know.
This dude was doing it.
I don't think it was that much.
Oh, maybe it was a wig.
It's called a narco wig.
Oh, it's only 222 grams.
(11:29):
Oh.
You know how much that is?
No.
Here we go again.
Ah.
Ah.
Ah.
Ah.
I'm guessing it's only a little bit
because only a little bit can fit underneath his wiggy toupee.
(11:50):
Unless he had a small head.
Because if he had a big head, he had a small toupee.
It's only seven ounces.
That's pretty much a lot.
Yeah, because my kid was eight pounds, eight ounces.
Seven ounces, not pounds.
(12:10):
I know.
So I'm thinking,
it's still a lot for a toupee to hold underneath it.
It's like seven baggies, one ounce each.
He must have taped it to it, the bottom.
It looks like it.
There's a picture.
It looks like they're all tied together like in,
I don't know, it's weird.
(12:31):
It's weird to explain, but reports say
that this is how they smuggle it around the,
around Bogota.
My question is how they know it was a toupee.
It must have been one piece of shitty toupee.
It's supposed to look normal.
(12:52):
Like it's supposed to look like a normal haircut.
It doesn't.
I'm gonna go with the head, because I would be like,
look motherfucker, look at your head.
What's wrong with your head?
It's like extensions, it's like extensions.
Extensions, okay.
Clip on, he doesn't have no hair anyways.
He doesn't have no hair.
Oh, oh.
(13:16):
Wow, he must look really funny looking.
So if he didn't get a toupee to match his face or his head,
yeah, it's pretty obvious.
You got some drugs in your therabro.
You got some issues?
Issues, yeah.
Issues.
All right, all right, all right.
(13:38):
So that's enough making fun of that guy.
I feel bad for him.
Mr. D, Mr. Clean.
I feel bad for that guy.
All right, so let's see here.
(14:00):
New Zealand.
This is New Zealand, I wanna say.
So do you know that in New Zealand,
do you know that in New Zealand they still have Woolworths?
Do you remember Woolworths?
No.
Oh, Woolworths was the fucking place to go
when I was a kid.
(14:20):
What is that?
It's a department store.
Is it really?
Yeah.
What they sell there?
Like grochies and clothes and different stuff.
So it was like a Walmart back in the day.
But it wasn't as big as Walmart.
It was. Back in the day.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So like you could go there and get panties.
(14:42):
No, I not know about this place
and you're not as old as, you're just.
Bro, I used to go to Woolworths with my grandma
and she would take us there and get ice cream.
You had this in California?
Yeah.
At the Riverside Plaza.
Don't remember.
Because you didn't grow up in Riverside.
I did.
(15:03):
This is like in the 80s.
I grew up.
In the 80s, there was a Woolworths there.
Anyways, they still have Woolworths.
Just like they don't have fucking Kmart here,
they have Kmart in Australia.
Yeah.
Yeah, same thing.
Okay.
All right, so
woman was.
(15:26):
Auckland woman sentenced for bizarre shoplift scheme.
So she set the fucking store on fire
just so she could steal stuff out of the store.
Yeah, yeah.
So she's 29 years old and
she was arrested
(15:48):
eight months after the incident
because they saw her on video
setting fire to the fucking place.
She set fire to the,
it looks like the toilet paper aisle.
Oh, jeez.
What'd she steal?
What, she needed food or something?
In a bid to steal a trolley full,
(16:09):
yeah, trolley full of groceries.
So she was like, you know,
oh, for those of you guys who don't know,
in Australia and in New Zealand,
they call them trolleys instead of buggies.
They call them trolleys instead of buggies.
Or baskets or,
we call them so many different things here, it's crazy.
Look, I didn't call it no damn fricking buggy
(16:31):
until I came here.
I was like, what the hell's a fricking buggy?
Yeah.
Buggy.
All right, so
um,
she stated that she was aware that people
were in the building at the time of the lighting of the fire.
She explained that she stole the goods for her children
as she was not receiving support at the time.
(16:54):
Oh wow.
So.
It's for managers, I guess.
Yeah.
You know, you know how it is.
You know how it is.
Now she's gonna go to,
now she's gonna go to jail for 18 months.
Mm-hmm.
With a $600 fine.
Or whatever it is over there, I don't know.
(17:16):
And then she'll have arson on her, what's it called?
It's not like here.
Oh.
Not like here.
You don't know the rules from there?
Sheesh.
Not like here.
Okay.
Not like here.
Whatever.
All right, this next one takes us to Africa.
Africa.
Wait until you hear about this man.
(17:36):
This man, his name is Mzee Ernesto Muchiri Kapinga.
That's his name.
That's his name.
He's a man from a small village in Tanzania.
Okay, he's a man.
He's a man.
Okay.
He has married to 16 women.
Huh?
Oh.
(17:57):
He has over 100 children and 144 grandchildren.
Holy shit.
That means his kids are making kids
and their kids are making kids.
Oh Lord have mercy.
These days many men struggle with the idea
of starting a family and having children.
Even one extra mouth to feed feels like so much pressure.
(18:25):
Even in Africa?
No, here fool.
Oh.
Now we're talking about him in Africa.
Yeah, he's in Africa.
Taking care of more than two or three children
is unthinkable.
Right.
Right?
Yeah.
Here.
(18:46):
Here.
Imagine taking care of 100 kids.
Uh-uh.
Not me.
You need a fucking army.
I can really take care of the ones I have
let alone 100 of them.
Hey, how old is this dude?
Unless he is, uh,
doesn't say how old he is.
(19:09):
Well he must be old because he had to start that young
to make that many.
He don't look that old though.
But he has to get grandkids already.
Yeah.
So he has to be old.
He's probably our age.
And he's old.
He only remembers about 50 of their names.
Are you serious right now?
I'm so pissed.
(19:30):
Wow.
That's what it says.
That's funny.
Yeah, it doesn't sound,
that's a disturbing that doesn't say how old he is.
But yeah, he's probably,
I'm gonna say he's probably in his 50s or 60s.
He looks that old.
(19:50):
I mean, he's still getting it.
I guess.
He married his first wife in 1961.
And we were born,
oh yeah, he's way older than us.
Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He's way older than us.
So anyways, there's a picture of him
and like all of his family back behind him.
(20:13):
That's more than a tribe.
It's a lot.
Like it's a whole,
yeah, it's the whole like.
He can make multiple, multiple baseball teams,
football teams.
They probably play against each other.
Oh.
They probably have a tournament.
That he has enough.
He has enough to make a big tournament.
Yeah.
(20:33):
Jesus.
I couldn't imagine.
I'm surprised his thing hasn't fall off.
Whoa.
That's enough.
You're always talking about Wiener.
Why are you always talking about Wiener?
Because Wiener is associated with having 100 kids.
Wiener is associated with having 100 kids.
(20:54):
Oh, is it?
Yes, I'm surprised he doesn't draw blanks.
How many times has he had that many times?
Jesus.
It's on YouTube.
There's a video about him.
It's on YouTube.
Yeah, there's a video about him on YouTube.
And it's the thumbnail is him
and all his kids and grandkids behind him.
(21:18):
Yeah, very good.
He has his own nation.
Very good, huh?
Yeah, I guess.
All right, here we go.
China.
China.
China.
I gotta have at least one China story every fucking episode.
You know why?
(21:39):
Why?
Because some crazy shit be happening in the Hunan province.
You think so?
So, there's this fad going on in China, right?
Where men are being,
like, I guess, empathetic to their pregnant wives.
(22:03):
And so they strap something onto their stomach
and it makes them feel the pain of giving birth.
Yeah, I've heard about that before.
So, they did it to this guy.
He volunteered, obviously, right?
That says it's unclear why the man accepted the test,
(22:23):
but he had,
he had,
or if he had any idea what he was getting into,
but clearly didn't expect to develop intestine necrosis.
What the hell?
Yep.
So, he had to have emergency surgery
(22:45):
to fix the damage that was done to his intestines
because men are not designed to have kids.
Or,
look, hook up electrodes to your nuts,
or whatever the fuck they did to him.
(23:07):
It's not the same.
It's not the same.
Oh, wah wah.
Not the same.
I'm trying to figure that out because, as far as I know,
it's just a belly that they put on you, strap onto you,
and it sends, like, pain to your stomach
so you can feel the pain,
(23:28):
is what I would feel as if I was giving birth.
So, I don't understand.
Did they put little things down to his ball sack
and air time?
No.
Oh.
Yeah, I'm injecting her.
Oh, okay.
I'm making shit up.
I'm making shit up.
Holy Jesus.
(23:49):
So, anyways, they strap this shit onto him
and it fucks his insides up.
That's crazy.
Right?
The woman wrote on Chinese social media
that her mother and sister suggested
that she make her fiance experience the pain of birth
(24:10):
before getting married to ensure he would be more considerate
of his wife.
Wow.
So, that's what happens when you listen to your crazy mom
and your sister.
You fuck your fiance up.
I would not be surprised
if he doesn't fucking leave her right now.
(24:32):
It was his choice.
Yeah, but she talked him into it.
No, you can't talk anybody into anything.
Everyone is their own person.
Yeah, she talking him to it.
She said, hey, you do this or we're not getting married.
Okay, then he could have said,
oh, guess what?
I have grown up panties on.
And guess what?
I guess you don't love me
(24:53):
if you're gonna put me in that situation.
It's China.
It doesn't work that way.
China.
China.
So, she said her boyfriend started to feel miserable
around level eight and couldn't help cursing by level 10.
(25:16):
At level 12, he was sweating and breathing rapidly
due to the severe pain.
By the end of the experience, he was completely exhausted
and his stomach was hard as a board.
That means they fucked his muscles up.
They fucked his muscles up.
So that's just not right.
(25:39):
So.
But then again, he had a choice.
According to Chinese legal experts,
if the man or his family file a complaint,
the guilty party faces up to three years in prison.
That's a crime.
That's a crime.
(25:59):
You can't fucking, I don't care if he fucking,
if he agreed to it or not, it's still a crime.
Okay.
That's like saying, oh yeah,
I agree to fucking steal from stores.
That's a big difference.
No.
(26:20):
Okay.
So I agree to fucking take you to stores
so you can steal, right?
Yeah.
Way different situation.
Is it?
Yes.
He knew this.
Is it?
And you shoot somebody inside the store
and I get fucking.
Any medical thing that happens,
they tell you what could happen.
(26:40):
Just like when I have my surgeries,
they tell you the if, the ands, what could happen.
This is what's gonna happen if you do this.
Okay.
That's in America.
You don't think they told him anything?
Oh fuck no, they didn't tell him shit.
They were like, ha ha ha ha ha.
Well, I'm gonna fucking fuck this dude up.
Yeah.
Okay.
They're evil over there.
China's evil.
(27:02):
You don't believe me?
Look at the Hunan province.
They built a fucking road around the guy's house.
They are evil.
All right.
Are you ready for.
Let's do it.
This next story.
US woman is suing IVF clinic
(27:27):
because woman gave birth to black baby.
White woman gave birth to black baby.
And she got it.
From the IVF clinic.
Okay.
Instead of her own eggs, they fucked up
(27:48):
and they gave her somebody else's eggs
and somebody else's sperm.
Despite being white and having chosen white sperm donor,
they gave her,
they gave birth to a black boy.
She didn't allow her family or friends to see the baby.
(28:11):
And in January last year,
a DNA test confirmed that she and the baby
were not genetically related.
So they didn't even use her eggs or, right?
So they didn't use her eggs.
And they didn't give her a white sperm.
(28:33):
Like she wanted.
She wanted.
You don't think that's a bad thing?
Well, I mean, if you're going to IBS,
when you go and you open the fucking manual
and you say, hey, look, I want this kind of child.
I want this kind of hair.
I want this kind of, right?
Yeah.
You expect, you know, it's like going to the store.
Going to a restaurant and ordering it off the menu.
(28:54):
Right, right, right, right.
Yeah.
And you don't get it.
You send it back.
How do you send a baby back?
How do you send it back?
(29:14):
If I order it off the menu,
it's not what I ordered, I sent it back.
Oh my God.
You're like, this baby don't look like me.
Take it back.
Return the cinder.
I mean, where do you fucking return babies?
(29:35):
Wait, no, really, where do you return babies to?
You can't take them back to the vagina.
Okay, so the way I see it,
this is the way I see it.
If you're not able to have a baby on your own
and you have to go to a menu and menu size your baby,
be grateful that you're able to carry that baby
and have baby regardless of what race it is
(29:58):
and what nationality it is
and be grateful and love that child, period.
That's just how I feel.
There's people out there that cannot have babies
are not able to even carry a baby.
So it shouldn't be a joke about it.
I shouldn't have joked about it,
but basically that's ridiculous.
Oh no, it's funny.
It is funny.
(30:19):
It's ridiculous.
It's like drive-through fucking,
let me get my baby right here at the drive-through.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.
She needs to take that fucking baby to a safe place.
Yeah, because it comes down to it.
If she's gonna cause a riot about it,
she's not gonna give that baby the love it deserves.
Oh, I don't know about riot.
(30:40):
I don't know.
She's not showing the baby to her family?
Come on, bro.
No.
That baby, no matter if that baby,
that baby came out of you for nine months.
You bonded with that baby.
That baby, you love that baby.
Well, now they show her.
I now understand why.
She's a butter face.
(31:04):
She's cute.
She's so cute.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.
Wait, I can't be, I can't be, I can't be.
I gotta be PC about this.
I can't.
I just can't.
Just can't.
It's not okay.
Well, that's because why should it go to the menu then?
That's why it should go to the menu.
(31:27):
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.
Oh my God.
All right.
You ready?
Yes.
Are you sure?
So ready, bring it on.
Okay.
(31:48):
Dun dun dun dun dun dun.
You need Jesus.
Jesus Christ, it's Jason Bourne.
You two motherfuckers need Jesus.
Holy Jesus.
All right, we're here at Florida, man.
You didn't ask about it one time.
Not one time.
Not one time.
(32:11):
I was like, what the hell's wrong with her?
I said it like a bunch of times.
I said it like a bunch of times.
I was like, uh, she hasn't said nothing.
What's going on here?
What's going on here?
We're gonna talk about Florida, man.
All right.
We're gonna get naked.
So, so one of the things that we,
Gators.
Yeah, one of the things that we,
(32:33):
we like to follow around here is the Florida man, right?
Well, their Florida man games are going on right now.
This weekend.
What the hell is a Florida man game?
So the Florida man games are where they do
all kinds of stuff.
I mean, they're, you know, cops chasing,
(32:57):
mud wrestling, jelly wrestling.
Bath salts?
You know, there might be some bath salts going on there.
Some naked bath salts.
Yep.
Having sex on Saturday road.
Yeah, stuff like that.
All right.
Stuff like that.
They do lawn mower racing.
(33:18):
Like Tim Allen.
No way.
Yeah, like Tim Allen.
I have to research that shit.
Yeah.
Are they naked?
Why are you always wanting to see some shrivel up peener?
Well, you know.
Nasty.
So nasty.
So nasty.
(33:38):
I don't know what to do with you sometimes.
Well, if it's not naked, it's not Florida man, right?
It's not Florida man for sure.
Okay.
All right.
So anyways, this, the Florida man games,
this weekend, they're going to be doing
this Florida man games, this happens,
what is it?
(33:58):
Around this time every year.
They've been doing it.
It doesn't say how long they've been doing it.
But they participate in
a weaponized pool noodle competition.
There's tattoos.
(34:20):
Did you say pool noodle?
Yeah.
No comment.
So they're, you know, they're fucking,
they're having a good time down there
in Florida this weekend.
With pooh noodles.
With pooh noodles.
Pooh noodles.
I know what they're doing with the pooh noodles.
I know.
(34:41):
Cracked out.
I know what I do when I'm in the pool with the pooh noodle.
All right.
I swear to God.
(35:01):
You are fucking nasty.
That's how come I have to clean the pool a lot.
Fucking gross.
Fucking so gross.
I just blow on it.
Ugh.
So nasty.
You can't even reach down there to touch it?
I pull it out and go.
(35:23):
What the fuck is wrong with this woman?
This woman's crazy.
You don't need egg, you need Jesus.
I don't think he can even help me.
You need Jesus.
All right.
Two arrested months after trying to break
into a Florida gun shop during Hurricane Milton.
Ooh.
Yeah.
So these guys are fucking.
(35:43):
Weeners.
Weeners.
Brevard County.
Brevard County.
Two men arrested.
Let's see here.
Oh, these guys are like fucking kids, man.
They're 18 and 22.
Were arrested on warrants.
Attempted burglary.
Shooting into a building and criminal mischief
with property damage.
(36:05):
What we know.
On October 10th, shortly before 5 a.m.
during Hurricane Milton, a red Nissan Sentra
entered the parking lot of the red dot shooting.
Three people got out of the car
and that's when a suspect, later identified,
(36:29):
pulled out a rifle and fired shots
into a window of the business in an attempt to break in.
Oh.
Yeah.
His eyes are too close together.
Yeah, another one of those Florida mans.
So they got the video footage right here
and they fucking arrested this fool,
(36:49):
you know, arrested this other fool.
And what we don't know is
how long, how come it took them so long to find the guys?
How come it took them so long to find the guys?
Well, it's during a hurricane.
(37:11):
Yeah.
There's so many cyclopses out there,
you just don't know which one to find.
Okay, so the third suspect also faces charges
but they don't know who he is.
I think he's an underage kid.
That's why they haven't released his name.
That makes sense.
Oh, they don't have probable cause to arrest
(37:32):
the third subject.
Cause he was just there.
He was just watching.
Yeah.
He was entertained.
I guess so.
All right.
And our final Florida man.
Ready?
Yeah, let's do it.
Ready?
I'm ready.
Ready?
Ready, ready, ready, I'm holding on to my boobs.
Okay, hold on to your boobs.
Florida man poses as immigration officer
(37:54):
at Orlando Apartments to check for undocumented residents.
What the hell?
He's knocking on doors.
Dude, dude, dude, can I see your papers?
What the fuck?
I'm from the Department of Homeland Security.
What the hell was he doing when he found people
(38:15):
that were undocumented?
This guy, Steven Donovan 47, was booked
in the Orange County jail on a felony charge
of impersonating a police officer.
Shit.
So this is what he did.
Deputies responded to the apartments,
(38:35):
Lake Buena Vista Apartments,
and, cause there was a suspicious, suspicious, suspicious.
That person.
That person.
That word.
That word.
Words are hard for him, y'all.
A man working at the complex called deputies
after Donovan riding a bicycle approach to him
and claimed to be working with the police,
(38:57):
investigating illegal immigrants.
This fool riding a bike.
I mean, I know they have cops on bikes,
but usually they're like downtown.
They're like, they use them during festivals and shit.
That's fucking hilarious.
Probably on his little Tommy Hawk bike.
Tony Hawk bike?
(39:18):
You said tomahawk.
With a little helmet.
Oh my God.
Oh my God.
Oh my God.
Workers went to the,
the worker went to the complex front office
to call law enforcement.
Donovan went to the office too,
knocking on doors and windows
and shouting that he was the police.
(39:40):
La migra.
When deputies arrived,
presented them with a blue card
from the Florida Department of Agriculture.
It confused them.
Claiming it proved he was an officer.
However, deputy said the card indicated Donovan
had only applied for a class D security license.
(40:00):
Oh my God, it's a security guard?
Donovan told deputies that he was making Mexicans,
who he was making sure Mexicans
were not illegally residing at the complex.
Oh my God.
Wow.
That's crazy.
(40:21):
That's not okay.
Sounds to me like he's a little,
Unhinged.
Raged.
Oh no, he's a mall cop.
He's a mall cop.
Yeah, yeah.
Mall cop.
Could make the force.
So he made his own force.
His little bicycle and his little helmet.
Yep, yep, yep.
(40:42):
All right, that's our show.
That's our show.
Remember kids, not be mall cops.
Do not trust anybody knocking on your door
with a bike and a helmet.
Don't trust them.
Nope, don't trust them.
All right, have you guys enjoyed
whatever we are doing here?
(41:04):
Whatever we are doing here.
We don't know what we're doing.
We don't ever know.
We don't fucking know shit.
Hey, so hit us up on whatthenuts.com.
That's whatthenuts, N-U-T-Z.com.
Send us an email because I need a map.
Yes.
Surely.
Send us an email.
(41:26):
Send us a note.
A note.
With a map on it.
With a map.
All right.
You guys have a super fine one.
A fine one.
I swear to God.
And we're gone.
Like a fart in the wind.
We're gone, like a fart in the wind.
(42:16):
We're gone, like a fart in the wind.
I'm curious.
(00:02):
Yep, you are curious.
About your penis.
Oh!
It's about two inches.
Hey, the one that made you pee out of the toilet this morning.
That was this morning.
That was last week.
How come my pants are wet?
(00:23):
Yeah, I didn't understand.
I guess I had a...
Because you were pushing too hard.
Bad or I had a hard on, I didn't know.
Is that you guys call pee-pee boner?
I guess you did have a pee-pee boner.
I guess so, and I peed outside the toilet.
(00:44):
That's nasty.
I've never done that.
Right.
Small dick problems.
I know.
I have that, unfortunately.
You have small penis problems?
Yeah.
Yeah.
I have.
The following program is rated TVMA.
What you are about to watch contains explicit language, adult themes, violence, and may
(01:07):
not be suitable for viewers under 18.
Viewer discretion is strongly advised.
What the nuts?
Welcome to What the Nuts?
I'm your host, the blue-collar Joe.
(01:30):
That's It's a Mystery, and she's on her bullshit again this week.
So, Mystery.
Yes, darling.
Darling.
Fucking on your bullshit.
All right, so what do you have to bitch about this week?
(01:53):
Dogs are in freaking heat.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, we got two dogs that are not fixed, and it's been a challenge.
A challenge.
Been a challenge.
Frickin whining and yelping all hours of the night.
(02:14):
It wouldn't be so bad if the one wasn't one-eyed and like 60 years old and doesn't know how
to get it up when the one is real tiny and she's trying to show him how to do it.
First of all, how does she know how to do it?
I don't know, but she was showing him.
She was humping him like, look, motherfucker, this is how you do it.
(02:35):
Hump, hump, hump.
They'll lick it.
She put herself right in front of him and said, lick it.
You have to lick it before you stick it.
Yeah.
I don't know dog language, but if you watch, that's what it sounded like to me too.
I was like, oh.
That's what it looked like.
I said, you know, she can do some doggies, education.
(02:58):
That's some doggie style right there.
That's doggie style for sure.
Yeah, for sure.
All right.
All right.
I'm going to get some stuff rolling around here.
Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun.
(03:19):
All right.
I learned some stuff this week.
You learned some stuff?
Yeah.
That's funny.
Yeah.
Jesus Christ.
You're on your bullshit.
So I learned, I learned that there are, you know, you make fun of, I have like a cyst
(03:44):
on the back of my neck.
It's on this side.
Your little brother.
Right.
And I call it my little brother, my parasitic little brother.
Right.
And he shares food with it because nevermind.
You're stupid.
Fucking dumbass.
So I found this story earlier this week.
Right.
I was fucking reading this story.
(04:05):
Someone else has a little brother too?
Brawl.
I did not know this was a thing.
I thought it was something I made up and have been fucking saying for years.
Write this out.
Teenager has 16 kilogram parasitic twin removed after a life change in surgery.
(04:29):
So a person, a twin.
So apparently what happens, right?
Uh, what happens allegedly is that, uh, when the sperm hits the egg and the egg splits
into two eggs, right?
And, um, you know, to make identical twins, right?
Sometimes the one twin is like, right?
(04:54):
But instead of like eating it all the way, like it lets it grow with it.
Oh, right.
Parasitic twin.
So you got this thing like taking, like you eat food and it takes the food and you don't,
you don't fucking have no energy.
So you feel like shit all the fucking time or I told you, yeah.
(05:18):
Yeah.
Brawl.
And when I read this story, I was like, Oh, I gotta stop fucking playing around.
Cause you know what they say?
You make fun of somebody in a wheelchair.
Guess what's going to happen?
You're in a wheelchair next time.
Yeah.
Karma.
Yeah.
So yeah, I'm not trying to have that happen.
(05:39):
Might have to call Dr. Pimple bumper.
Get that thing off my neck.
I think you should.
I told you that a long time ago.
Yeah.
But anyways, so, uh, so it was a two and a half hour, um, surgery where they excise this,
uh, lump or this mass or was it at on his body?
(06:00):
Okay.
So when doctors first carried out the scans, I revealed the parasitic twin was attached
to the teenager's breast bone.
Oh, so he had an extra nipple.
Had an extra person on his, on his chest.
Um, but did not have a significant connection with other major organs such as a liver or
(06:25):
kidney.
So it was just a, like a mass growing there.
Yeah.
Like what's on your neck.
Yeah.
So from there, they carried out the surgery two hours.
The first part in which they involve removing the parasitic limbs.
So this sucker had fucking, uh, arm and legs and shit.
Oh shit.
(06:48):
Um, but it did not.
Okay.
So see arms and legs.
The second, the second part was to remove the large cyst from the teenager's abdomen.
(07:08):
So it was like the breast bone, like from here to the year.
Oh, that was pretty big.
Yeah.
That was fucking huge.
Well, it's 16 kilograms, right?
How much is 16 kilograms?
It's very bigger than your, on your neck.
So I wouldn't worry about yours on the neck then.
How much is 16 kilograms?
I don't know.
Oh, you want to, okay.
Look, I don't know geographic.
(07:29):
A kilo is 3.3.
So 16 of them is like a lot.
I kind of figured his chest is taken over his whole, right?
Unless he's a small boy.
I doubt that he's a small boy.
No, it doesn't seem like he is.
Pretty big.
(07:50):
Um, let's see here.
It's about 35 pounds.
Damn.
That's like a baby.
That is a baby.
Yeah.
It's a two year old.
Yeah.
Shit.
Poor kid.
I saw a lot of weight lifted off his chest.
(08:14):
So does me.
A lot of weight lifted.
Off his shoulders.
It's off his shoulders.
I was in his breast.
I know.
I know.
Off his chest.
Frickin' wise guy.
Anyway, so two hours was successful.
(08:35):
Um, so the odds of this happening, right?
The odds of this happening, there have only been 50 cases since they've been keeping track.
Wow.
And you know, that's like 1900's or something.
That's crazy.
So the odds affect one and one hundred thousand people.
(08:58):
Who knows, there might be more cases out there.
There's people who are ashamed to go to the doctor
because they don't know what it is.
Oh, I know, probably because it has a big penis.
Probably.
People like you that have this thing on the side of their
neck, call it their big brother or their baby brother,
and say, oh no, I'm not going to get it removed.
There's probably more like you out there.
All right, so our next story takes us to Bogota.
(09:21):
Do you know where that's at?
Nope, but I will be purchasing me a map.
Oh, I want it.
It's in South America, it's where the cocaine comes from.
Columbia.
Are you sure?
Yeah, they grow cocaine and they grow coffee there.
Cause to be honest with you, I thought-
(09:41):
Actually, I think they grow the coffee
and the cocaine together.
Like your donut shop.
Oh, I want it.
Anyways, don't get side-tracked, don't get side-tracked.
What were you going to say?
Well, when you said Bogota, I thought it was Washington,
(10:02):
but I wasn't going to say Washington because I'm a dumb ass
when it comes to a map of the United States.
Where in the world?
Not just the United States.
So I'm going to have to go to the local.
What does it go to, like places and find me a world.
(10:27):
What's it called?
A world that spins.
What's that thing called?
That's called a globe?
Yes, that.
I'm going to sit it right here next to me
the next time you ask me and I'm going to figure that shit out.
You're going to figure that shit out?
All right, so this story is the Colombian police apprehended
(10:48):
a 40-year-old man attempting to smuggle cocaine.
Where?
In his butt crack?
Under his toupee.
How much can you?
Hey, your toupee's looking kind of lumpy today, bro.
What's up?
Oh, God.
(11:08):
Was he wearing the Afro toupee?
No.
No?
Well, how much can you really smuggle under a toupee?
I don't know.
This dude was doing it.
I don't think it was that much.
Oh, maybe it was a wig.
It's called a narco wig.
Oh, it's only 222 grams.
(11:29):
Oh.
You know how much that is?
No.
Here we go again.
Ah.
Ah.
Ah.
Ah.
I'm guessing it's only a little bit
because only a little bit can fit underneath his wiggy toupee.
(11:50):
Unless he had a small head.
Because if he had a big head, he had a small toupee.
It's only seven ounces.
That's pretty much a lot.
Yeah, because my kid was eight pounds, eight ounces.
Seven ounces, not pounds.
(12:10):
I know.
So I'm thinking,
it's still a lot for a toupee to hold underneath it.
It's like seven baggies, one ounce each.
He must have taped it to it, the bottom.
It looks like it.
There's a picture.
It looks like they're all tied together like in,
I don't know, it's weird.
(12:31):
It's weird to explain, but reports say
that this is how they smuggle it around the,
around Bogota.
My question is how they know it was a toupee.
It must have been one piece of shitty toupee.
It's supposed to look normal.
(12:52):
Like it's supposed to look like a normal haircut.
It doesn't.
I'm gonna go with the head, because I would be like,
look motherfucker, look at your head.
What's wrong with your head?
It's like extensions, it's like extensions.
Extensions, okay.
Clip on, he doesn't have no hair anyways.
He doesn't have no hair.
Oh, oh.
(13:16):
Wow, he must look really funny looking.
So if he didn't get a toupee to match his face or his head,
yeah, it's pretty obvious.
You got some drugs in your therabro.
You got some issues?
Issues, yeah.
Issues.
All right, all right, all right.
(13:38):
So that's enough making fun of that guy.
I feel bad for him.
Mr. D, Mr. Clean.
I feel bad for that guy.
All right, so let's see here.
(14:00):
New Zealand.
This is New Zealand, I wanna say.
So do you know that in New Zealand,
do you know that in New Zealand they still have Woolworths?
Do you remember Woolworths?
No.
Oh, Woolworths was the fucking place to go
when I was a kid.
(14:20):
What is that?
It's a department store.
Is it really?
Yeah.
What they sell there?
Like grochies and clothes and different stuff.
So it was like a Walmart back in the day.
But it wasn't as big as Walmart.
It was. Back in the day.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So like you could go there and get panties.
(14:42):
No, I not know about this place
and you're not as old as, you're just.
Bro, I used to go to Woolworths with my grandma
and she would take us there and get ice cream.
You had this in California?
Yeah.
At the Riverside Plaza.
Don't remember.
Because you didn't grow up in Riverside.
I did.
(15:03):
This is like in the 80s.
I grew up.
In the 80s, there was a Woolworths there.
Anyways, they still have Woolworths.
Just like they don't have fucking Kmart here,
they have Kmart in Australia.
Yeah.
Yeah, same thing.
Okay.
All right, so
woman was.
(15:26):
Auckland woman sentenced for bizarre shoplift scheme.
So she set the fucking store on fire
just so she could steal stuff out of the store.
Yeah, yeah.
So she's 29 years old and
she was arrested
(15:48):
eight months after the incident
because they saw her on video
setting fire to the fucking place.
She set fire to the,
it looks like the toilet paper aisle.
Oh, jeez.
What'd she steal?
What, she needed food or something?
In a bid to steal a trolley full,
(16:09):
yeah, trolley full of groceries.
So she was like, you know,
oh, for those of you guys who don't know,
in Australia and in New Zealand,
they call them trolleys instead of buggies.
They call them trolleys instead of buggies.
Or baskets or,
we call them so many different things here, it's crazy.
Look, I didn't call it no damn fricking buggy
(16:31):
until I came here.
I was like, what the hell's a fricking buggy?
Yeah.
Buggy.
All right, so
um,
she stated that she was aware that people
were in the building at the time of the lighting of the fire.
She explained that she stole the goods for her children
as she was not receiving support at the time.
(16:54):
Oh wow.
So.
It's for managers, I guess.
Yeah.
You know, you know how it is.
You know how it is.
Now she's gonna go to,
now she's gonna go to jail for 18 months.
Mm-hmm.
With a $600 fine.
Or whatever it is over there, I don't know.
(17:16):
And then she'll have arson on her, what's it called?
It's not like here.
Oh.
Not like here.
You don't know the rules from there?
Sheesh.
Not like here.
Okay.
Not like here.
Whatever.
All right, this next one takes us to Africa.
Africa.
Wait until you hear about this man.
(17:36):
This man, his name is Mzee Ernesto Muchiri Kapinga.
That's his name.
That's his name.
He's a man from a small village in Tanzania.
Okay, he's a man.
He's a man.
Okay.
He has married to 16 women.
Huh?
Oh.
(17:57):
He has over 100 children and 144 grandchildren.
Holy shit.
That means his kids are making kids
and their kids are making kids.
Oh Lord have mercy.
These days many men struggle with the idea
of starting a family and having children.
Even one extra mouth to feed feels like so much pressure.
(18:25):
Even in Africa?
No, here fool.
Oh.
Now we're talking about him in Africa.
Yeah, he's in Africa.
Taking care of more than two or three children
is unthinkable.
Right.
Right?
Yeah.
Here.
(18:46):
Here.
Imagine taking care of 100 kids.
Uh-uh.
Not me.
You need a fucking army.
I can really take care of the ones I have
let alone 100 of them.
Hey, how old is this dude?
Unless he is, uh,
doesn't say how old he is.
(19:09):
Well he must be old because he had to start that young
to make that many.
He don't look that old though.
But he has to get grandkids already.
Yeah.
So he has to be old.
He's probably our age.
And he's old.
He only remembers about 50 of their names.
Are you serious right now?
I'm so pissed.
(19:30):
Wow.
That's what it says.
That's funny.
Yeah, it doesn't sound,
that's a disturbing that doesn't say how old he is.
But yeah, he's probably,
I'm gonna say he's probably in his 50s or 60s.
He looks that old.
(19:50):
I mean, he's still getting it.
I guess.
He married his first wife in 1961.
And we were born,
oh yeah, he's way older than us.
Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He's way older than us.
So anyways, there's a picture of him
and like all of his family back behind him.
(20:13):
That's more than a tribe.
It's a lot.
Like it's a whole,
yeah, it's the whole like.
He can make multiple, multiple baseball teams,
football teams.
They probably play against each other.
Oh.
They probably have a tournament.
That he has enough.
He has enough to make a big tournament.
Yeah.
(20:33):
Jesus.
I couldn't imagine.
I'm surprised his thing hasn't fall off.
Whoa.
That's enough.
You're always talking about Wiener.
Why are you always talking about Wiener?
Because Wiener is associated with having 100 kids.
Wiener is associated with having 100 kids.
(20:54):
Oh, is it?
Yes, I'm surprised he doesn't draw blanks.
How many times has he had that many times?
Jesus.
It's on YouTube.
There's a video about him.
It's on YouTube.
Yeah, there's a video about him on YouTube.
And it's the thumbnail is him
and all his kids and grandkids behind him.
(21:18):
Yeah, very good.
He has his own nation.
Very good, huh?
Yeah, I guess.
All right, here we go.
China.
China.
China.
I gotta have at least one China story every fucking episode.
You know why?
(21:39):
Why?
Because some crazy shit be happening in the Hunan province.
You think so?
So, there's this fad going on in China, right?
Where men are being,
like, I guess, empathetic to their pregnant wives.
(22:03):
And so they strap something onto their stomach
and it makes them feel the pain of giving birth.
Yeah, I've heard about that before.
So, they did it to this guy.
He volunteered, obviously, right?
That says it's unclear why the man accepted the test,
(22:23):
but he had,
he had,
or if he had any idea what he was getting into,
but clearly didn't expect to develop intestine necrosis.
What the hell?
Yep.
So, he had to have emergency surgery
(22:45):
to fix the damage that was done to his intestines
because men are not designed to have kids.
Or,
look, hook up electrodes to your nuts,
or whatever the fuck they did to him.
(23:07):
It's not the same.
It's not the same.
Oh, wah wah.
Not the same.
I'm trying to figure that out because, as far as I know,
it's just a belly that they put on you, strap onto you,
and it sends, like, pain to your stomach
so you can feel the pain,
(23:28):
is what I would feel as if I was giving birth.
So, I don't understand.
Did they put little things down to his ball sack
and air time?
No.
Oh.
Yeah, I'm injecting her.
Oh, okay.
I'm making shit up.
I'm making shit up.
Holy Jesus.
(23:49):
So, anyways, they strap this shit onto him
and it fucks his insides up.
That's crazy.
Right?
The woman wrote on Chinese social media
that her mother and sister suggested
that she make her fiance experience the pain of birth
(24:10):
before getting married to ensure he would be more considerate
of his wife.
Wow.
So, that's what happens when you listen to your crazy mom
and your sister.
You fuck your fiance up.
I would not be surprised
if he doesn't fucking leave her right now.
(24:32):
It was his choice.
Yeah, but she talked him into it.
No, you can't talk anybody into anything.
Everyone is their own person.
Yeah, she talking him to it.
She said, hey, you do this or we're not getting married.
Okay, then he could have said,
oh, guess what?
I have grown up panties on.
And guess what?
I guess you don't love me
(24:53):
if you're gonna put me in that situation.
It's China.
It doesn't work that way.
China.
China.
So, she said her boyfriend started to feel miserable
around level eight and couldn't help cursing by level 10.
(25:16):
At level 12, he was sweating and breathing rapidly
due to the severe pain.
By the end of the experience, he was completely exhausted
and his stomach was hard as a board.
That means they fucked his muscles up.
They fucked his muscles up.
So that's just not right.
(25:39):
So.
But then again, he had a choice.
According to Chinese legal experts,
if the man or his family file a complaint,
the guilty party faces up to three years in prison.
That's a crime.
That's a crime.
(25:59):
You can't fucking, I don't care if he fucking,
if he agreed to it or not, it's still a crime.
Okay.
That's like saying, oh yeah,
I agree to fucking steal from stores.
That's a big difference.
No.
(26:20):
Okay.
So I agree to fucking take you to stores
so you can steal, right?
Yeah.
Way different situation.
Is it?
Yes.
He knew this.
Is it?
And you shoot somebody inside the store
and I get fucking.
Any medical thing that happens,
they tell you what could happen.
(26:40):
Just like when I have my surgeries,
they tell you the if, the ands, what could happen.
This is what's gonna happen if you do this.
Okay.
That's in America.
You don't think they told him anything?
Oh fuck no, they didn't tell him shit.
They were like, ha ha ha ha ha.
Well, I'm gonna fucking fuck this dude up.
Yeah.
Okay.
They're evil over there.
China's evil.
(27:02):
You don't believe me?
Look at the Hunan province.
They built a fucking road around the guy's house.
They are evil.
All right.
Are you ready for.
Let's do it.
This next story.
US woman is suing IVF clinic
(27:27):
because woman gave birth to black baby.
White woman gave birth to black baby.
And she got it.
From the IVF clinic.
Okay.
Instead of her own eggs, they fucked up
(27:48):
and they gave her somebody else's eggs
and somebody else's sperm.
Despite being white and having chosen white sperm donor,
they gave her,
they gave birth to a black boy.
She didn't allow her family or friends to see the baby.
(28:11):
And in January last year,
a DNA test confirmed that she and the baby
were not genetically related.
So they didn't even use her eggs or, right?
So they didn't use her eggs.
And they didn't give her a white sperm.
(28:33):
Like she wanted.
She wanted.
You don't think that's a bad thing?
Well, I mean, if you're going to IBS,
when you go and you open the fucking manual
and you say, hey, look, I want this kind of child.
I want this kind of hair.
I want this kind of, right?
Yeah.
You expect, you know, it's like going to the store.
Going to a restaurant and ordering it off the menu.
(28:54):
Right, right, right, right.
Yeah.
And you don't get it.
You send it back.
How do you send a baby back?
How do you send it back?
(29:14):
If I order it off the menu,
it's not what I ordered, I sent it back.
Oh my God.
You're like, this baby don't look like me.
Take it back.
Return the cinder.
I mean, where do you fucking return babies?
(29:35):
Wait, no, really, where do you return babies to?
You can't take them back to the vagina.
Okay, so the way I see it,
this is the way I see it.
If you're not able to have a baby on your own
and you have to go to a menu and menu size your baby,
be grateful that you're able to carry that baby
and have baby regardless of what race it is
(29:58):
and what nationality it is
and be grateful and love that child, period.
That's just how I feel.
There's people out there that cannot have babies
are not able to even carry a baby.
So it shouldn't be a joke about it.
I shouldn't have joked about it,
but basically that's ridiculous.
Oh no, it's funny.
It is funny.
(30:19):
It's ridiculous.
It's like drive-through fucking,
let me get my baby right here at the drive-through.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.
She needs to take that fucking baby to a safe place.
Yeah, because it comes down to it.
If she's gonna cause a riot about it,
she's not gonna give that baby the love it deserves.
Oh, I don't know about riot.
(30:40):
I don't know.
She's not showing the baby to her family?
Come on, bro.
No.
That baby, no matter if that baby,
that baby came out of you for nine months.
You bonded with that baby.
That baby, you love that baby.
Well, now they show her.
I now understand why.
She's a butter face.
(31:04):
She's cute.
She's so cute.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.
Wait, I can't be, I can't be, I can't be.
I gotta be PC about this.
I can't.
I just can't.
Just can't.
It's not okay.
Well, that's because why should it go to the menu then?
That's why it should go to the menu.
(31:27):
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.
Oh my God.
All right.
You ready?
Yes.
Are you sure?
So ready, bring it on.
Okay.
(31:48):
Dun dun dun dun dun dun.
You need Jesus.
Jesus Christ, it's Jason Bourne.
You two motherfuckers need Jesus.
Holy Jesus.
All right, we're here at Florida, man.
You didn't ask about it one time.
Not one time.
Not one time.
(32:11):
I was like, what the hell's wrong with her?
I said it like a bunch of times.
I said it like a bunch of times.
I was like, uh, she hasn't said nothing.
What's going on here?
What's going on here?
We're gonna talk about Florida, man.
All right.
We're gonna get naked.
So, so one of the things that we,
Gators.
Yeah, one of the things that we,
(32:33):
we like to follow around here is the Florida man, right?
Well, their Florida man games are going on right now.
This weekend.
What the hell is a Florida man game?
So the Florida man games are where they do
all kinds of stuff.
I mean, they're, you know, cops chasing,
(32:57):
mud wrestling, jelly wrestling.
Bath salts?
You know, there might be some bath salts going on there.
Some naked bath salts.
Yep.
Having sex on Saturday road.
Yeah, stuff like that.
All right.
Stuff like that.
They do lawn mower racing.
(33:18):
Like Tim Allen.
No way.
Yeah, like Tim Allen.
I have to research that shit.
Yeah.
Are they naked?
Why are you always wanting to see some shrivel up peener?
Well, you know.
Nasty.
So nasty.
So nasty.
(33:38):
I don't know what to do with you sometimes.
Well, if it's not naked, it's not Florida man, right?
It's not Florida man for sure.
Okay.
All right.
So anyways, this, the Florida man games,
this weekend, they're going to be doing
this Florida man games, this happens,
what is it?
(33:58):
Around this time every year.
They've been doing it.
It doesn't say how long they've been doing it.
But they participate in
a weaponized pool noodle competition.
There's tattoos.
(34:20):
Did you say pool noodle?
Yeah.
No comment.
So they're, you know, they're fucking,
they're having a good time down there
in Florida this weekend.
With pooh noodles.
With pooh noodles.
Pooh noodles.
I know what they're doing with the pooh noodles.
I know.
(34:41):
Cracked out.
I know what I do when I'm in the pool with the pooh noodle.
All right.
I swear to God.
(35:01):
You are fucking nasty.
That's how come I have to clean the pool a lot.
Fucking gross.
Fucking so gross.
I just blow on it.
Ugh.
So nasty.
You can't even reach down there to touch it?
I pull it out and go.
(35:23):
What the fuck is wrong with this woman?
This woman's crazy.
You don't need egg, you need Jesus.
I don't think he can even help me.
You need Jesus.
All right.
Two arrested months after trying to break
into a Florida gun shop during Hurricane Milton.
Ooh.
Yeah.
So these guys are fucking.
(35:43):
Weeners.
Weeners.
Brevard County.
Brevard County.
Two men arrested.
Let's see here.
Oh, these guys are like fucking kids, man.
They're 18 and 22.
Were arrested on warrants.
Attempted burglary.
Shooting into a building and criminal mischief
with property damage.
(36:05):
What we know.
On October 10th, shortly before 5 a.m.
during Hurricane Milton, a red Nissan Sentra
entered the parking lot of the red dot shooting.
Three people got out of the car
and that's when a suspect, later identified,
(36:29):
pulled out a rifle and fired shots
into a window of the business in an attempt to break in.
Oh.
Yeah.
His eyes are too close together.
Yeah, another one of those Florida mans.
So they got the video footage right here
and they fucking arrested this fool,
(36:49):
you know, arrested this other fool.
And what we don't know is
how long, how come it took them so long to find the guys?
How come it took them so long to find the guys?
Well, it's during a hurricane.
(37:11):
Yeah.
There's so many cyclopses out there,
you just don't know which one to find.
Okay, so the third suspect also faces charges
but they don't know who he is.
I think he's an underage kid.
That's why they haven't released his name.
That makes sense.
Oh, they don't have probable cause to arrest
(37:32):
the third subject.
Cause he was just there.
He was just watching.
Yeah.
He was entertained.
I guess so.
All right.
And our final Florida man.
Ready?
Yeah, let's do it.
Ready?
I'm ready.
Ready?
Ready, ready, ready, I'm holding on to my boobs.
Okay, hold on to your boobs.
Florida man poses as immigration officer
(37:54):
at Orlando Apartments to check for undocumented residents.
What the hell?
He's knocking on doors.
Dude, dude, dude, can I see your papers?
What the fuck?
I'm from the Department of Homeland Security.
What the hell was he doing when he found people
(38:15):
that were undocumented?
This guy, Steven Donovan 47, was booked
in the Orange County jail on a felony charge
of impersonating a police officer.
Shit.
So this is what he did.
Deputies responded to the apartments,
(38:35):
Lake Buena Vista Apartments,
and, cause there was a suspicious, suspicious, suspicious.
That person.
That person.
That word.
That word.
Words are hard for him, y'all.
A man working at the complex called deputies
after Donovan riding a bicycle approach to him
and claimed to be working with the police,
(38:57):
investigating illegal immigrants.
This fool riding a bike.
I mean, I know they have cops on bikes,
but usually they're like downtown.
They're like, they use them during festivals and shit.
That's fucking hilarious.
Probably on his little Tommy Hawk bike.
Tony Hawk bike?
(39:18):
You said tomahawk.
With a little helmet.
Oh my God.
Oh my God.
Oh my God.
Workers went to the,
the worker went to the complex front office
to call law enforcement.
Donovan went to the office too,
knocking on doors and windows
and shouting that he was the police.
(39:40):
La migra.
When deputies arrived,
presented them with a blue card
from the Florida Department of Agriculture.
It confused them.
Claiming it proved he was an officer.
However, deputy said the card indicated Donovan
had only applied for a class D security license.
(40:00):
Oh my God, it's a security guard?
Donovan told deputies that he was making Mexicans,
who he was making sure Mexicans
were not illegally residing at the complex.
Oh my God.
Wow.
That's crazy.
(40:21):
That's not okay.
Sounds to me like he's a little,
Unhinged.
Raged.
Oh no, he's a mall cop.
He's a mall cop.
Yeah, yeah.
Mall cop.
Could make the force.
So he made his own force.
His little bicycle and his little helmet.
Yep, yep, yep.
(40:42):
All right, that's our show.
That's our show.
Remember kids, not be mall cops.
Do not trust anybody knocking on your door
with a bike and a helmet.
Don't trust them.
Nope, don't trust them.
All right, have you guys enjoyed
whatever we are doing here?
(41:04):
Whatever we are doing here.
We don't know what we're doing.
We don't ever know.
We don't fucking know shit.
Hey, so hit us up on whatthenuts.com.
That's whatthenuts, N-U-T-Z.com.
Send us an email because I need a map.
Yes.
Surely.
Send us an email.
(41:26):
Send us a note.
A note.
With a map on it.
With a map.
All right.
You guys have a super fine one.
A fine one.
I swear to God.
And we're gone.
Like a fart in the wind.
We're gone, like a fart in the wind.
(42:16):
We're gone, like a fart in the wind.
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